In the ‘old’ days Black Friday wasn’t called Black Friday although that was the day (the day after Thanksgiving) when the stores officially kicked off the Christmas shopping season.  There was a time when it was considered very early for a store to open their doors at 7:00 a.m. or 8:00 a.m.  As retailers compete with one another, they are now to the point where some stores will open as early as midnight on the evening of Thanksgiving!  Most others will be open by 3:00 a.m. or 4:00 a.m. on Black Friday. 

Retailers continue to come up with new ways to get shoppers into their stores, offering deeper discounts and special sales.  In the past their sales ads would appear in the newspapers a day or two before Black Friday.  Now one can go online and find ads for a most stores weeks in advance of Black Friday.  One website www.bfads.net is exactly that, Black Friday Ads!

All this has me wondering where it is all headed.  Thanksgiving was once the special day…now it seems as if all the focus is on the day after — Black Friday!  How far might the marketing tactics go?  The stores can’t open any earlier than midnight unless they open right on Thanksgiving Day.  Is that what’s next?  Hmmm, I wonder if they might  even decide to partner with restaurants in the malls and offer a “Thanksgiving Day Dinner and Shopping Spree”????

It would certainly be sad if someday the purpose and meaning of Thanksgiving Day is completely lost amidst all the marketing hype! 

Julie  

This is what is particularly interesting—what criteria did the voters base their decision on?

An online dictionary defines “idol” as:

“an image of a god, used as an object or instrument of worship”

Is this what voters based their decision on?  Or was it something else?  It was reported on several newscasts that Kris’s Christianity and the mystery surrounding Adam’s sexual orientation were factors.  Another speculation is that the majority of voters are young girls who would be drawn to Kris who is viewed as “cute”.  Some stated that the bias of the judges caused voters to sway in Kris’s direction—a vote for the underdog.  Others claimed that the voting system is flawed—there were reports that phone lines for Adam were down and voters could not get through.   

So getting back to the voters…what factors did people base their vote on—some of the above and perhaps others?  In a competition of singing ability and performance, would the ability of the contestant be the main factor—or not?   How much does or doesn’t prejudice show up?  In general what criteria do people use when choosing—whether they are voting for an American Idol or choosing a friend, hiring an employee, etc.  For instance, in the hiring process of an employee how often is the interviewer making a decision based on the applicant’s abilities rather the applicant’s appearance and whether or not she/he would “fit in”? 

Your choices in life have a major impact on you and others.  So, how do you choose?  Do you look for someone who is “like” you or “different”?  Are you drawn to someone whose values and opinions mirror yours or differ from yours?  How open-minded are you?  How objective are you when you choose?   Think about it!

This afternoon I was driving along and listening to If Today Was Your Last Day by Nickelback.  Since it is one of my favorites, I listen to the song frequently but for some reason today as I listened I felt a desire to write about it.  Now as I sit here typing, I’ve decided that rather than writing about the song’s message, I will list some of the lyrics.  They say it all very well.  If you aren’t familiar with the song you can visit Nickelback’s website, www.nickelback.com.  It is worth a few minutes to watch their video and listen to the song. 

Here are some of the lyrics so you get the idea of what it’s about.

If today was your last day
Would you make it up by mending a broken heart
You know it’s never too late
To shoot for the stars
Regardless of who you are
So do whatever it takes
‘Cause you can’t rewind
A moment in this life
Let nothing stand in your way

So what if today was your last day?  Think about it—you won’t necessarily know when it is your last day.  Perhaps there are some changes you might start making right now!

Julie

And by the way…Feliz Cinco de Mayo!

WHO IS YOUR MOTHER?

Mother’s Day is approaching though it takes place at different times in different countries.  For those living in the UK it is in March; for those in the US it comes in May.  Still it is not too soon to be thinking about this special day for mothers and we asked ourselves how might Mother’s Day this year be different for those whose children – young or old – choose to make it so?  What will help women who want to make changes get into action and make them?  We start by asking a very straightforward question:  

Have you recently taken a careful, non-judgmental look at your mother?  If not, we invite you to do so.  As you prepare to look at your mother, we want you to take off the ‘spectacles’ you have been wearing every time you see her.  The spectacles represent your particular perspective of your mother—although true for you—it is not necessarily the full truth of who she. By removing them you will be able to see her more fully as the woman she truly is.

She cannot cease to be your mother, but we know there is more of her for you to see – of the person she is and the potential she has.  There is always untapped potential – even in the most ancient of us.  Perhaps you have a mother who sacrificed something in order to have you?

Most parents believe they give up a lot of money power in order to have kids, yet this is not where we are pointing you right now.

Many mothers give up a career, reject opportunities to travel, even deny their innate talents in order to take up what is probably the most honorable occupation of all.  Then, when she is no longer needed as the chief care-giver, what happens?  The children have grown and left the family home, how does she move into the next phase of her life.  A phase that reflects who she is, that helps her follow and fulfill any dreams she may have.

Does your mother have a stated or implied belief that what she gave up is now firmly in the past?  That it is way too late and that this is the price you have to pay when you have kids?  Yet you know she continues to live with her yearnings or dreams.

So we ask you to look beyond the emerging evidence of age, beyond the woman who brought you into the world and who cared for you in your needy years; beyond the woman you may even consider as your best friend.  You have a lot to offer your mother.   And we ask you to ponder, what is the best gift you could give her on Mother’s Day so that she can give herself permission – even face the fear – of doing or being what she believes has been lost for ever?

When asking you to think about your Mother’s Day gift, we are not necessarily meaning material things.  This is why we are asking you to take this non-judgmental look at your mother.  Notice your own judgments.  Are thoughts entering your head such as ‘Mother would never do that now’ or ‘If Mom does that what about our baby-sitting routine’ – or indeed any other similar thoughts that are either about you or your views about your mother?  If so, then you are sitting in judgment and we ask that you fully let go of such thoughts.  See her truly as the woman she is at her core.  That core or essence may be very near the surface, or it may have been pushed deep down with the passing of the years.  Wherever it is, it is still there.

If your mother is to find a way to allow herself to tap into that potential that has been hidden for years, then she will need unmitigated support.  Are you prepared to give a Mother’s Day gift of discomfort or inconvenience to yourself so that your mother can step out into new realms?

Ask yourself as you look at your mother ‘What is the gift of words I could offer that will make this Mother’s Day a springboard to new adventures for my mother?’

Yes, you can leave behind the ‘thanks for being a great Mother’ and find something different to offer.  It may take a little time and careful thought but this sort of Mother’s Day present is much longer lasting and is far more heartfelt.

Running a front-of-room leaders’ program this week I was reminded of the simple, yet multi-layered book called “Who Moved My Cheese?”  It’s been around for a while now yet provides us with both a metaphor and microcosm of what surrounds us day-in, day-out.

Life is an unfathomable maze and if we dare to step out of our comfort zone into the maze, there’s lots more “cheese” available to us.  We can voluntarily choose to step out and leave behind old cheese (the rut, the cosiness, the lack of fulfilment) and set out for pastures new.

Or, as many people are facing in the aftermath of the economic downturn, their particular “cheese” has been taken away.  Yet some still feel they have no choice but to hang around, waiting to see if new cheese arrives, bemoaning the loss of their good familiar cheese.

It’s quite likely that the expression “there’s no cheese at the end of that tunnel” came into usage as a result of the popularity of this book.  It perhaps needs a little contextualizing.  Put simply it means there is no point wasting energy searching or waiting for something that is no longer there or that does not serve you.  Some examples are:

o   Going over and over the old ground of a particular situation – nothing will change by simply repeating the story.

o   Trying to change someone else using a variety of tactics

o   Making excuses for yourself as to why something has not happened or has not been done

o   Remaining in a rut and blaming others for it.

So, the message is to be like Haw, the character in the book who is fearful and yet is prepared to let go of the past, realizing that things have to change and the only person that can change them is himself.  

If you are hanging around waiting for cheese to be put in front of you, consider what you might do to take action.  If you can find the courage to venture out, you raise the chances of finding cheese that is even more delicious and plentiful somewhere else in the wonderful maze that we call life.

LYNN

A few years ago I felt a strong “calling” to attend workshops conducted by The Four Winds Society, www.thefourwinds.com. This organization teaches shamanic energy healing practices and traditions that the founder Alberto Villoldo learned from elder shamans in Peru.  Once into the training I was sidetracked by major surgery that resulted in a long recovery period; I was not able to continue the training for well over a year.  By that time my interest diminished and I found that I was not, and still am not, drawn to do energy healing work for others.

However, late last year the desire to revisit the training for my own personal healing and growth surfaced.  Instead of traveling to the Four Winds, I am able to do the training here in my area with Thane and Ellen Ostroth of Stone Wisdom, www.stonewisdom.net.  The Ostroths were trained by the Four Winds some years ago and devote much of their lives to researching and expanding their knowledge of ancient and current healing and energy practices.

In January I attended their one-day Journey workshop and last month I attended an intensive three-day workshop.  This most recent workshop was somewhat of a refresher course for me and it also provided me with a great deal of new learning.  One of the learnings is what I want to share with you; that’s where meat, malt and mattress come in.

Meat, malt and mattress represent three basic areas of our lives that we can monitor to improve and maintain balance in our lives.  Meat represents food.  Malt represents liquor as well as any kind of drug (illegal, prescription and over the counter).  Mattress represents intimate relationships and sex.  Money is separate—it is such a powerful energy, it stands alone (no surprise). 

Getting back to meat, malt and mattress…when life isn’t flowing smoothly, when things are not going well and we feel unsettled, it may very well mean that one or more of these three areas are out of balance.  Sometimes we are very clear which area needs adjustment, but many times we are not.  Taking time to seriously reflect can help us recognize what is truly going on.    

Practice looking at these areas of your life and be totally honest.  Below is a sampling of the type of questions you can ask yourself. 

Meat

Am I eating too much, especially unhealthy foods?

Is food on my mind a great deal; is it a major focus in my life?

Am I at a healthy weight? 

Malt

Am I drinking too much alcohol?

Do I turn to alcohol when I’m stressed?

How many prescription drugs do I take?  Am I quick to take a pill (prescription or over-the-counter)?

Mattress

Is my intimate relationship a healthy one?

How is my sex life (really)?

If you uncover an imbalance, think about the cause—what’s the driving force?  Let’s say you recognize that you are eating too much and that you think about food a great deal, it’s possible “meat” is filling in for some lack in your life.  It’s also possible this addiction to food is keeping you distracted from something you do not want to deal with.  There could be many reasons—you are the one who knows the truth. 

As an example, I’ll share one that I uncovered for myself…it has been common for me to pop an antacid into my mouth rather quickly.  I could justify this by telling myself that I need it because of painful acid reflux.  Then again, I could also tell myself to sit up straight (posture does effect stomach ailments), take a few deep breaths and wait…the pain may subside on its own.  So why do I need a quick fix?  My answer is that my automatic reaction is a long-time habit of trying to control what I experience.  Obviously I have not trusted my body to take care of itself or at least I have not believed it would do so fast enough!

Okay, do you “get” where I am pointing you?  Bottom line, all thoughts, physical activity and behaviors are motivated by our mental state and much of the time it is our unconscious that is in the driver’s seat.  Questions like those above and other ones can help surface some of those unconscious patterns so you will then be able to consciously get into that driver’s seat. 

Try it and see what you discover! 

Julie

Susan Boyle has become famous overnight.  And what is so special about that?  Susan is a contestant in the Britain’s Got Talent show and when she appeared on the first round it is probably true to say that she was the not exactly what the audience and the panel expected.  If you haven’t already watched it [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY], please do.  At worst it will awaken you; at best it will bring tears to your eyes.

First of all she is 47 – something for which she needed to apologise, and the reaction of Simon Cowell probably confirmed the need, for his face seemed to say:  “So, if you haven’t managed to make it by that age, why are you bothering at all?”

Next her presentation and looks bore no resemblance to what we have come to expect of a ‘successful singer’.  I’m pretty certain she wouldn’t be upset if I were to describe her as a frumpy spinster.  Because that is all I am describing – her outer appearance.  And it is important to remember that this outer layer does nothing to confirm or otherwise who the true person is inside.

So, here we have a woman who, to all intents and purposes, has been singing and competing since she was 12 years old.  Stop and think – before she opens her mouth – how would you judge her?  What would you think?  Probably exactly the same as the audience and the panel.

Here’s the next big question – and the most important one of all:  Did it stop Susan from standing up there and performing?  No, it did not.  She was able to ride the derision, the smirks, the obvious skepticism . . . and all because she KNEW deep in her core that she had a gift, a gift that gives her particular pleasure and then others.  In other words, she enjoys her own talent more than seeking the approbation of others.  That’s the piece that is inspirational and what has kept her going for 35 years.

So, if you are in Susan’s age bracket, or thereabouts, and know that you have untapped talent or potential, don’t let other people’s views stop you.  Take your inspiration from this woman who knows she has inner beauty, who knows that what she has to offer as her gift gives her pleasure as well as others.  That is all that matters.

I thought I was doing quite well at respecting Cianna as an individual by not assuming I knew what she wanted and by not imposing my desires on her.  To give you an idea of what I am talking about, when Cianna stays overnight at our house I always ask her if she wants to eat, I have her choose what she eats (within reason), etc.  In the morning I ask her if she wants me to brush her hair and if she wants to change from her pajamas into her clothes.  In the last few months, every morning her response has been “No!”.  She has been very emphatic about not wanting her hair brushed and sometimes not wanting to change out of her pajamas!  The first time she said no, I waited and asked again, then waited longer and asked again.  Finally I accepted how serious she was and thought, “What the heck!” and I let it go.  Why not?  What’s the harm in letting her look a bit comical with her hair standing out all over?  What difference does it make if she is in her pajamas if we aren’t going outside in the cold?  If she is comfortable and happy, why shouldn’t I be?  Unless, of course, I am too attached to how “I” want her to look!  

Okay, so I was doing pretty well, or so I thought!  Then one day Cianna was eating ice cream (her favorite food) along with a very small piece of cake that was more like a crumb.  She does not get cake and ice cream often so when I saw that she ate the tiny piece of cake so quickly, I thought she’d like more.  I then placed another tiny piece on her plate with the ice cream.  Oh, my.  That was a mistake.  She put her hand out to me as if to push me away and yelled an angry “No!”  Instantly I realized that I had not asked her if she wanted another piece of cake—I assumed she did.  It was so evident to me that I was not respecting her like I would an adult.  If I had been serving an adult, I would never have assumed she/he wanted another piece—I would never place an extra piece of cake on an adult’s plate without asking.  Yet I had done this with Cianna.  She deserves as much consideration as any adult.  What an eye-opener!

This incident got me to start looking more closely at how I was treating Cianna and if I was truly giving her choices as much as I thought.  Cianna is not quite two and I don’t understand everything she says but just because her language skills are not fully developed it doesn’t mean she doesn’t know what she wants or doesn’t want.  Children “act out” many times because we adults are not showing them respect—we are assuming we know what they want.  By observing Cianna, I can understand how she can become very frustrated and sometimes downright angry when she isn’t getting what she wants or when she is being forced into something she does not want.  I’m not talking about the times she tests boundaries by throwing a temper tantrum to get her way.  That is a totally different set of circumstances from what I am referring to. 

There is no doubt that most choices need to be made by parents/grandparents/care-givers for the safety and well being of a child.  Children do need guidance and direction; however, it is so easy for us to continue treating a child the same as when she/he was an infant and completely dependent.  As time passes we do not always realize that a child may be perfectly capable of doing for self and making simple decisions.  Children, teens and even young toddlers are capable of making many choices that pop up day-to-day.  Unfortunately some adults are totally unaware especially when they have a mindset of how things “should” be and how a child “should” behave, look, etc. Although in their own mind, these adults are well intentioned, they are focusing on what they want rather than what the child as an individual desires and needs. 

Allowing a child to choose for her/himself is crucial so the child can develop a sense of self and a healthy level of self-esteem.  We all know that childhood experiences play a major role in shaping one’s life.  It is extremely frustrating to have no choice…and that is what happens many times with children.  They have so little control over their lives—giving them options in as many areas as possible can make a real difference.  I’m not saying this is all simple.  It is very complex and for that reason it is of great importance that we all be very conscious of how we interface with children.  After all, we as humans are all equal regardless of age or anything else for that matter.

(As a side note…..I have to toss this in J….in spite of my childrearing errors, my children are very responsible, caring and likable adults!  That is, of course, of their doing, not mine.)

Julie 

Last week my husband and I, along with another married couple, visited the Dominican Republic, mainly the city of Santo Domingo.  The purpose of the trip was for the guys to revisit the place where they lived and patrolled in 1966 when they were young military police in the army.  Both had been drafted so they were not there by choice the first time around—this time it was their choice.

To me, as a first-time visitor, the attitude of the people stood out. All the Dominicans we met exhibited pride for their country.  It was clear they were happy to have us visit and wanted us to experience as much as we could of their beautiful country.  I have a true respect for them and the country is truly very beautiful.  I thoroughly enjoyed being there.  I must say that although beautiful, much of what we have in the United States is lacking in the Dominican Republic.  So it is interesting to me that we are the ones who do not always show pride in our country.  In fact, we tend to complain more often than not.  Many of those complaints are understandable—meanwhile; the good is still here but is overlooked, taken for granted and forgotten. 

I’ll give some examples.  For instance, we don’t think twice about the fact we can drink the water from our faucets.  We do accept and understand that when we visit some countries we can not drink their water.  Sadly, for the Dominicans it is different—those I spoke with do not drink the water in their own country, or in their own homes.  They drink bottled water which is a big expense for people who earn minimal salaries!  Then there is the issue with their sewer system and trash disposal.  In the United States we do not think twice when we use toilet tissue in a commode.  It’s a different story there—even in the five star hotel where we stayed it is prohibited to place toilet tissue in the toilets.  Another noticeable problem is the trash that is seen all along the coastline in Santo Domingo.  In another city we visited, the shoreline is clean; however, trash is piled up in various fields that are right alongside the city streets. 

So what is my point?  My intent certainly is not to bash the Dominican Republic or its people.  As I’ve said, I found the people to be genuinely warm and welcoming and the country beautiful.  My point is that we in the United States need to wake up and appreciate how much we do have and how good our lives are in our country.  Right now we are all touched in one way or another with the downturn in the economy.  What if we started focusing on all the positives that still exist and started giving less attention to all the negatives? 

There is a lesson we can learn from the Dominicans—we can still be proud even though our country has its problems and flaws.  Perfection, after all, does not exist.  Worrying and complaining will not make it all better.  However, setting a sincere intention to express our gratitude and appreciation for all the positive aspects in our country and in our lives can make us and those around us feel much better.  I invite you to do so—wouldn’t you like to feel better?

Julie

The fascination of having a new grandchild in the family has had me thinking about how much we change our expectations of ourselves as we get older. 

We are all marveling at the developments day on day of baby Camille.  The fact that she can focus on her own hand is the subject of comment and celebration, as indeed is the fact that she is finding her voice and making different sounds virtually every day.  The joy of childhood development is totally natural.

What happens then when we get older and suddenly the expectations of ourselves are so much greater?  Do we cease to notice the small incremental changes that we are making?  Are we truly only capable of assessing our educational progress by tests and examinations?  Society would have us believe that this is so.  Yet we can learn how to be reflective learners, considering where we are on our learning path and assessing our own progress and what needs to happen next. To some extent this is easier when the pathway, such as following a particular curriculum or course, is clear.

What about when we are looking to create something different in our lives – something that will give us a greater sense of fulfillment.  For the one thing we do know is that when we want to see change in us and around us, the only person we can change is ourselves.

Often making this change can be daunting.  If it were easy, wouldn’t we have done it a long time ago?   So, let’s look at recognizing and celebrating the small steps we achieve along the way, rather than waiting until the ‘big change’ has been made.  With this type of encouragement – self-created or with the help of allies – successful change will be easier and much more prevalent.  Remember the joy of celebrating the tiny steps of baby development!

Lynn