I’ve been checking out www.Scarleteen.com since I was only a wee teenager.  It may sound like exaggeration, but I have no doubt that Scarleteen contributed to saving my life, my sexual soul, and really helped me into the field of sexuality.  Please help them if you have the ability, even $5. A letter from the executive director (a wonderful woman I was even lucky enough to meet in my travels) is below.

-Essin’ Em

You probably know Scarleteen has been the premier online sexuality resource for young people worldwide since 1998. We have consistently provided free inclusive, comprehensive and positive sex education, information and support to millions for longer than anyone else online. We built the online model for teen and young adult sex education and have remained online for nearly eleven years to sustain, refine and expand it.

What you might not  know is that Scarleteen is the highest ranked online young adult sexuality resource but also the least funded and that the youth who need us most are also the least able to donate. You might not know that we have done all we have with a budget lower than the median annual household income in the U.S. You might not know we have provided the services we have to millions without any federal, state or local funding and that we are fully independent media which depends on public support to survive and grow. 

You also might not know Scarleteen is primarily funded by people who care deeply about teens having this kind of vital and valuable service; individuals like you who want better for young people than what they get in schools, on the street or from initiatives whose aim is to intentionally use fearmongering, bias and misinformation about sexuality to try to scare or intimidate young people into serving their own personal, political or religious agendas.

To try and reach our goal, we’re asking supporters to consider a donation of $100 or greater. If that isn’t possible for you, whatever you give will still help and will still be strongly appreciated. To donate now (or to view or link to the rest of this email online), click here. If you’d first like more information on why we’re setting the goal we are, what Scarleteen has done in the last year and during the whole of our tenure, our plans for 2010, and what the scoop is with our budget and expenses, keep reading. 

 So far, in 2009 Scarleteen has:

• Had around 1 million overall hits to the site each day from an average of 25,000 unique users daily. Scarleteen has a very high page-load rate as compared to other websites: on average, our users load 3.5 pages each when visiting Scarleteen. Since 2006 alone, our site has had over one billion overall hits and nearly 70 million page loads.

Currently, Scarleteen is the #1 ranked site by Alexa for teen sexuality education/information and for general sexuality advice for users of all ages. It is ranked 27,823 of all websites internationally, and is ranked 11,210th in the United States (on 10/12/2009). Our core users are international, 15-24 and diverse in their race, gender and sexual orientation. To see some of our user testimonials, click here.

To find out more about our educational philosophies and model, take a look at our general about page. If you’ve never taken the time to just look around the site as a whole, please do!

Engaged in over 4,000 conversations with young people on our message boards, providing them factual and friendly answers on contraception, sexual anatomy, safer sex, sexual health, masturbation, interpersonal relationships and other related topics; helping them through struggles like pregnancy scares or unplanned pregnancies, STIs, sexual harassment, rape and intimate partner violence or abuse; talking them through relationships and breakups, family conflicts, gender, sexual identity or body image issues and their sexual decision-making; discussing political issues pertinent to sexuality and youth rights. Most posts at the boards are answered within a few hours, some within minutes. Many of our board users return to the boards again and again for more help, to engage in deeper discussions or to talk with or support other users.

In total our boards have over 43,000 registered users who have posted over 60,000 topics: all have been answered by one or more of Scarleteen’s staff and volunteers. Our boards are fully moderated and a safe space for young people. To help protect our users from potential harassment, they may not share personal information like full names, e-mail addresses, messenger or social networking handles or personal webpages. Managing and moderating the message boards often requires the bulk of our staff and volunteer time.

Answered nearly 100 column-length young adult questions in our Sexpert Advice section, also syndicated weekly at RH Reality Check. There are around 900 Sexpert Advice columns in total published at the site. However, our advice queue typically has over 500 questions waiting for answers. In order to catch up with this backlog, we need the funds to acquire more staff to handle the high demand for the longer, in-depth answers our advice column provides and our users are seeking there.

Generated fresh static content. So far this year, we have posted 42 blog entries, half of which were penned by young adult volunteers, and have added more than ten new full articles to the site. Some of our most recent articles include Positively Informed: An HIV/AIDS Roundup, Boys Do Cry: How To Deal With a Breakup Like a Man, An Immodest Proposal, Chicken Soup for the Pregnancy Symptom Freakout’s Soul, Let’s Get Metaphysical: The Etiquette of Entry, Give’em Some Lip: Labia That Clearly Ain’t Minor and Love Letter. We have also added several new youth-written articles this year, and updated several existing articles to be sure our information is accurate and timely.  

Excluding the message boards (where there are tens of thousands of pages), Scarleteen currently contains around 1500 pages of content: articles, advice answers, blogs, external resource listings, polls and more. We are not able to pay authors for articles, though we often are queried by authors we’d love to hire who have great ideas. An increase in our budget would allow us to provide more new articles and to further diversify Scarleteen’s editorial voice.

Received media coverage: In the last year, Scarleteen was mentioned by/in Salon, Glamour, BUST magazine, Medill Reports, TIME Magazine, City on a Hill Press, The San Francisco Chronicle, The Philadelphia Inquirer, The New York Times, Utne Reader, CBS News and other outlets. To see some of this and more media coverage for Scarleteen in previous years, click here.

Provided direct community education and outreach: In the last year, Scarleteen director Heather Corinna gave talks to sex education students, sex educators and sexologists, youth and/or their allies via presentations at or for the University of Texas (NSRC Regional Training), the sex::tech conference, the American Medical Students Association, Harvard College, the NARAL Youth Summit and Garfield High School directly reaching around 350 total participants. In addition, through the CONNECT program for Washington Corinna currently directs through Cedar River Clinics, direct to-youth sex education was provided on an ongoing basis both to Cedar River young adult clients and homeless teens in Seattle at Spruce Street SCRC, a secure residential shelter. In 2010, Scarleteen will inherit the CONNECT program and continue Seattle-based direct outreach. We also have plans to continue providing information and education both to youth and other educators via conferences, summits and other public outreach opportunities nationally. In addition, with the help of a student intern, Scarleteen is preparing four informative pamphlets for print and distribution to clinics, schools and other groups which serve young people on sexual readiness, consent, managing sexuality after rape or abuse and on how to be queer and trans friendly.

New at Scarleteen in 2009

In 2009 we ran a pilot program to train young adult peer sex educators online. To find out about that program and see what trainees had to say about their experience click here. We want to provide two more sessions of the training for 60 trainees in 2010. We have also just debuted a new SMS service for young people to text sexuality, sexual health and relationship questions to us and have them answered on their mobile phones. For more information on the text-in service, click here. As with all of our services, both of these new services are provided at no cost to youth. 

Goals for 2010

On top of continuing the existing services we provide, we would like to continue to grow, adding new sections, functions and levels of service.  

• Find-a-Doc is a user-fueled database we’d like to build to help young people find the in-person sexual and reproductive healthcare, counseling, LGBTQ support, rape and sexual abuse survivor support and other services related to sexuality they need. Unlike many adults, young people often lack the ability to get a recommendation from a friend: many of their peers and partners do not often yet use or know where to get these services, either. Some do, but are reluctant to disclose they have used them. This database would allow a user to enter one of these services they have used and would reccomend to another young person. Scarleteen staff will validate the service/provider by phone before publishing the listing. Our users in need of these services will be able to search for these services by choosing the type of service they are looking for and entering a zip code.  They will also be able to read comments from others who have used these providers/services to help them make their best choices in care. Find-a-Doc has been on our list of to-do’s for two years now, but the budget has not yet allowed us to pay a tech developer what would be needed to build it.

• Improved Mobile Performance: More and more users are accessing the web via their mobile phones.  While Scarleteen is currently browsable via mobile, it is not optimized for that use.  Site enhancements for mobile use can help us expand our reach and the ability of users to get to us exactly when and where they need us.

• Volunteer stipends: Our volunteers are an integral part of Scarleteen. Most of them are young adults themselves, and having peer or near-peer voices and perspectives on the site is crucial to keeping Scarleteen youth-centered and accessible in tone for young people. Not only do our volunteers have their own valuable experiences in working as volunteers, they help keep parts of the site running smoothly and assure our users who are asking for one-on-one interaction get it from caring, compassionate and informed people. And the longer we can sustain a volunteer, the more skilled they become. Beyond slathering them in thanks and providing them skills and training, having some reasonable stipends is one way we can help retain the volunteers we value so much.  For more about our volunteers, as well as more about our executive director, Sexpert Advice authors and guest authors, click here.

• Scarleteen would like to increase our traffic and our reach. Increased reach not only means more young people getting the sex information they want and need, it also can help support Scarleteen by creating greater opportunities for fiscal sponsorships and advertisers. Scarleteen has never purchased any kind of advertising to let young people know about our services. Given that all of our traffic has been via direct referrals and word-of-mouth, just imagine how many youth we might be able to reach with other means of promoting the site. We would also like to serve our global reach better by adding more sexual health resources specifically tailored to our users in India, Sri Lanka, Pakistan and the South Pacific.

What We’ve Got & What We Need (AKA, The Money Part)

As of November 1st, 2009, Scarleteen has received approximately $42,000 in grants and donations, the bulk of which has come from a single private grant. Only around $8,000 of that total has come from individual donations, $3,000 of which was from a single donor. To meet our needs for 2009 and the start of 2010, we need $70,000 in total financial support. Our goal now is to raise at least $24,000 in the next two months to meet our needs and cover the costs of 2009, as well as to walk into 2010 on financially healthy footing. 

Beginning next year, we will require a minimum annual operating budget of $75,000 and the revenue to support it. While that is a substantial increase from our existing budget, it is essential: our existing budget cannot adequately sustain our staff or the organization as a whole. That new minimum budget is also still incredibly low: it accounts for the site running at a total of around $200 a day to provide all of the services we do to all of the young people and their allies who use them.

75K is exceptionally cost-effective and reasonable for the level of service we provide, especially compared to other organizations and initiatives, including those which do not match our reach and our level of direct-service. To find out details about our budget and expenses, and to compare them to other budgets and expenses of both similar and opposing sex education initiatives, click here.

As you can see, we need your help.

Please make a donation if you are able, and consider the value and level of the services we provide to young people in doing so. A $100 donation can pay a major chunk of our server bill for a month, or half the monthly cost of the SMS service, or, can fund any kind of use of the site, including one-on-one counsel and care, for around 10,000 of our daily users. However, we would very much appreciate your a donation at any level.

We’d also be grateful if you’d forward our appeal around your own networks to broaden ours, and let the people who care about you know why you care so much about us. 

If you would like to support us in some other way, such as through advertising, sponsorship or by volunteering your time or if you have any questions about donating, we’d love to hear from you.  You can contact us via e-mail here.

In advance, we thank you for all you can give us and all you do or have done in support of Scarleteen.  We fully intend to keep doing all we can to give just as much back.

Best,

Heather Corinna

Executive Director, Scartleteen.com

http://www.scarleteen.com

Q is the first partner who has been really good about this.  I have days I cannot get out of bed. She brings me ice packs and painkillers, and lies with me until I fall back asleep, or we watch movies together.  When we’re out, and the pain sets in, she’ll drive my car home for me.  She usually is really good thinking about accessibility, parking, etc.

Until recently, when we both got really stressed due to the move. She chose a beautiful condo for us…but it happens to have five stairs to get down to it.  Now, on a “good” day, that’s not bad. I take it slowly, use the hand rails, and not much to it.  But on a bad day, it seems like having to cross the Grand Canyon, and I almost want to cry just looking at them, either direction.  We had talked about stairs – she told me it was just one or two, and I figured it was the best place, so I was ok with it.  But because of her able bodied privilege, it never occurred to her that the difference between one stair and five was a huge deal.

When we were still in Denver, the night before our move, I had come over for a little. She drove, and we couldn’t find parking at her place. My pain level was high, and I was already on my narcotics, so I asked her if she could drop me off at her building, and I’d wait for her to find parking far away. her answer was that she was too tired, and we both wound up walking a very long distance back to her place.

It was this, and her asking me if I could try to drive 2-3 hour stretches on the way down from Colorado…when I had already explained that my knees tended to seize up after an hour or ninety minutes, and would need a rest break.  Not only painful, but pure and simply dangerous.

Now, we’ve talked about this since then. And things are better. None of this makes Q a bad person or less amazing partner, not at all.  But it is so important to recognize our privilege. We talk about white privilege, and hetero privilege, and class privilege, but we rarely talk about able bodies priviledge.  And if someone who is usually so good about checking in with me (see if bondage is hurting my knees, going to get me a drink at the dungeon so I can put my legs up, etc) gets stressed and suddenly forgets about the privilege part, then we all can. I know I forget about much of my privilege at times. It’s not something to beat ourselves up about, but rather, to look at, and think about, and see how we can change our actions to account for said privilege.

And last night, we came home, and she got me ice packs and water for my pills, and just cuddled with me in bed until the drugs kicked in. If she isn’t just the most amazing partner, I can’t image what would make her any better.

-Essin’ Em

This happens to be one of the toys I’ve been craving for quite a while.  Like, since back in 2007.  Lucky for me, one day, someone from HotMoviesForHer.com tweeted about it, so then I had to say something on my twitter about how much I wanted it, and the rockstar company that they are, JimmyJane sent me one to review.

What is IT? Why it’s a Form 6!

This is a brilliant piece of work.  It’s all phthalate free (obviously!) silicone and stainless steel, which can be cleaned with soap and water, or sterilized with a 10% bleach solution for sharing. It’s a dual vibrator (one in each end), and it’s got 6 different types of vibration, with 5 level of intensity.  Oh, did I mention that it’s waterproof?  Yeah.

After my last experience with a much promoted “luxury” vibrator (the Sasi, sent from Babeland), which turned out to be epic fail in my book, you can imagine why I was a little apprehensive.  I waited until most of my recovery from my tonsil/adenoid removal was complete, and then Q and I hopped into bed with it.

Like.  Like a LOT.  We put some water based lube on it first (stay away from silicone lube on silicone toys – it can make them all melty like…which while good with delicious cheese, is not so good with delicious sex toys).  The small side was perfect for clitoral stimulation, and then for placing inside Q’s cunt (she made lots and lots of good noises). Then we decided to switch sides.  The bigger side needed a little more turn on time to slip into her (it’s a fairly good size…but then again, she can take my whole hand, so I wasn’t worried).  Again, excellent noises from my very hot, and by this point, fairly flustered partner.

It took a little to figure out the controls, but once we did, it was smooth sailing. I was happy to find that my one beef with Lelo, that the buttons were too easy to turn off during sex, was NOT a problem with the Form 6. When you got the program and intensity you wanted, it stayed on it, and more importantly, it stayed ON.

I did have (as did Q) a slight problem with actually holding on to the frakking toy.  Once both sides had been in her, it was, obviously, all kinds of slippery, and there wasn’t really any where to grab it. At one point, we wiped it down to get a better grip. However, I’m just going to assume this is a problem with most double ended toys (I’ve had the same issue with my Pure Wand), and chalk it down to that.

Otherwise, we both (shockingly) LOVED the Form 6.  I did better with it inside me, and the Hitachi on my clit (but we already knew I was going to say that), and she liked having my fingers in her, and the Form 6 rocking out on her clit. It’s a really great, versatile toy, and I loved getting to try it. It’s definitely going in the nightstand drawer (as compared to my awesome rolling sex toy trunk). I also really appreciate it coming in four amazing colors – burgundy, pink, black (yes!) and turquoise (as seen above).  What a great color selection.

Thanks JimmyJane…if you need anything else reviewed, I’d be happy to check out the Form 2, Little Chroma or any of your ceramic massagers for you! (hey, a girl can hope, right?)

-Essin’ Em

I tend to wear a LOT of black. And I own even more black than I wear. Granted, I own a fair amount of red too, and some sassy leopard and zebra prints, but black is the dominating color (no pun intended) in my house.

However, I happen to have an amazing pair of leopard print underwear (one of many, actually), and one day, while getting dressed, I realized the they would look pretty stellar with the brown sexy bra I happened to be wearing that day. I am willing to bet that Q believed me regarding my thoughts of the sassiness and sexiness of the outfit, as she had just had her brains fucked out by, well, yours truly.  While she was in orgasm recovery, she snapped a couple of awesome pictures for me, cause she’s a sweet partner like that.

While I will never give up my black and red, perhaps I should work on adding a little more brown into my wardrobe. What do YOU think?

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday!

-Essin’ Em

However, I’ve realized I have a lot of other fetishes.  I mean, take cooking supplies. Me-OW.  As we unpack, I realize I have a cheese cutting set, a pasta maker, a mortar and pestle, a fajita set, a food processor, blender, fondue pot, banboo cutting boards, etc. Things I don’t need ever day, but make me feel all warm and fuzzy just having them, and even more warm and fuzzy when I use them. God, how I want a shiny, red kitchen aid. If that’s not lust, I don’t know what is! The Bed Bath and Beyond catalog is like porn to me, and don’t get me started on walking through IKEA.

And then there are office supplies.  Multi-colored sharpies and highlighters, filing folders, color-coordinated paper clips, interesting paper, animal print sticky notes…the list goes on. Just walking into an office depot or staples can really get me going.

Some people feel this way about cars, or tools, or clothes.  I do collect books like no other (even Q is shaking her head at me as we unpack box after box of vintage Agatha Christie, Anne McCaffery and Rex Stout).  So what makes something a fetish versus a like?  I mean, pumpkin scented things can get me just as revved up as an exciting new vibe in the mail?  Is a fetish something that turns us on as in we want to fuck right now, or is it something that arouses us in SOME manner, possibly sexually, but more in a mental, feeling butterflies inside kind of sense?

-Essin’ Em

via looklook

Pleasurists is a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days from bloggers all around the sex blogosphere. Did you miss Pleasurists #51? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #53? Submit it here before Sunday November 1st at 11:59pm PDT. Please re-post this list on your own blog if listed.

Note: Apologies for being late yet again, I was so hoping not to be this week. In case you don’t follow Pleasursts on twitter I was in the hospital for a few days and sans laptop. Sorry!

Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

• Feedback Contest Deadline: November 6th.
• They say it’s your birthday! Deadline: November 8th @ midnight Central.
• Welcome Kevin of XHale Glass to the Community Interview! Deadline: November 9th.
• Happy Blogiversary to Me Contest! Deadline: November 18th.
• Gender Carnival! Deadline: November 21st @ midnight Eastern.
• The S Spot Sexy Short Story Contest! Deadline: November 30th.
• Luxury Sex Toy Scavenger Hunt Deadline: December 12th @ midnight Pacific.

Madame Editrix

Scarlet Lotus St. Syr

Editor’s Pick

• Tantus Vamp by Amber from Scarlet’s Letter

I love this toy! The color is rather unique to most other realistic dildos. The subtle sparkle of the silicone makes it pretty without being too loud and obnoxious. The ridges and texture of the shaft of the toy feels marvelous, and the slightly curved prominent head of the toy feels fantastic.

Note: I am endlessly amused by the Tantus Vamp, plus it was just Halloween, and Amber’s great review was too good to pass up as an editor’s pick. I just wish Tantus would make a sparkly red one, I’d be all about it.

On to the reviews…

Vibrators

• Little Chroma Birds and Bees by Carnivalesq
• Alumination by Carnivalesq
• Vibratex Japanese Butterfly by Joan Price
• Iconic Pocket Rocket by Sleeping Dreamer
• Vibratex Thumblina by Dani Darling
• Death By Orgasm by Shay
• Vibratex Rabbit Pearl by Red
• Symphony Rhapsody by Sommer Marsden
• Acuvibe Mini by HotMoviesForHer Sex Toy Crew

Dildos

• Tantus Alumina Motion by Essin’ Em
• Kong the Realistic by Eliot Bodem
• Tantus Alumina Motion by Lady Evyl

Anal Toys

• Tantus Ryder by Saraid
• Treeze Teardrop Plug by Eden Cafe

Toys for Cocks

• Waterproof Wall Banger by Dragon Mage

Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.

• Hathor Aphrodisia Lubricant Likeurs, 1 by Beautiful Dreamer
• Hathor Aphrodisia Lubricant Likeurs, 2 by Beautiful Dreamer
• Pink Silicone by Ginger Leigh
• Kama Sutra Bedside Box by Sarah
• Jimmyjane Afterglow Candle by Sex Kitten
• Earthly Body Suntouched Massage Candle by Sexorcism

BDSM/Fetish

• Slut Paddle by Kyle Jones

Adult Books/Games

• Truth or Dare: A Game of Passion by Undressed Reviews
• 3D Kink by Nadia West
• 52 Sex Positions Flashcards by Luna Orignaux
• Best of the Best Women’s Erotica by Lady Evyl

Adult Movies/Porn

• Seven Minutes in Heaven: Coming Out! by Undressed Reviews
• Post-Apocalyptic Cowgirls by Sinclair Sexsmith
• Abby Winters by Mystyfi
• Seven Minutes in Heaven by Shanna Germain
• Zombie Nation 2 by J.D. Bauchery
• The Killer Hot Robot by The Porn Librarian
• The Inquisition Volume 8 – Dungeon Of Pain by FrzKey

Miscellaneous

• Just In Case by Sexorcism

I know I’m posting it kind of early, but my birthday is December 9th (see, holiday and birthday season double up for me), and I celebrate Channukah, so I thought I’d get it done early.

-Essin’ Em

Holiday givng-type meme: I’m all for it. Here’s the cut and paste:

Step One
- Make a post (public, friendslocked, filtered…whatever you’re comfortable with) to your LJ or Myspace or Blog. The important thing is to make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want.
- If you wish for real possible things, make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it’s your address or just an email address at which you can be contacted by potential wish-grantors, real or imaginary.
- Also, make sure you post some version of these guidelines in your post, so that the holiday joy will spread.

Step Two
- Surf around your friends list/blogroll/RSS feeds (or friendsfriends, or just random journals) to see who has posted their list.
- If you see a wish you can grant, and it’s in your heart to do so, make someone’s wish come true. Sometimes someone’s trash is another’s treasure, and if you have a leather jacket you don’t want or a gift certificate you won’t use–or even know where you could get someone’s dream purebred Basset Hound for free–do it.

You needn’t spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn’t to put people out, it’s to provide everyone a chance to spread the joy. Gifts can be made anonymously or not–it’s your call.

There are no rules with this project, no guarantees, and no strings attached. Just…wish, and it might come true. Give, and you might receive. And you’ll have the joy of knowing you made someone’s holiday special.

Wishlist If you happen to want to send me any of this gifts, please email me at EssinEm at gmail dot com or comment on here. Thanks in advance

1. Size 6g ear jewelry in metal, glass, stone, or wood.  I don’t have any pretty ones at all, only what I used to stretch to 6g.  Since I’m planning on staying this size, I’d love some nice plugs, or dangly ones as well.

2. A flight to Canada, Seattle, San Francisco, Mexico, Italy, Germany, Portland, etc.  Basically, if you somehow have a ton of extra miles, I’d love love love them.

3. Total knee replacements on both knees. I can’t afford them, I don’t have insurance, I really need them badly. I can’t really even walk up stairs anymore, and have mega trouble getting in and out of my car.  I don’t know how the hell someone could give these to me, but if you could (I need them in both knees), you would make my life. Literally. It would give me back part of my life.

4. A nice cat tree/condo thingy. Something fairly big (our three cats are 10lbs, 14lbs  and 15 lbs…so they don’t fit in the cute kitten ones, and knock down the unstable ones).  I really want to give them something nice, but I can’t afford it.

5. A violet wand (with or without fancy attachments). Yup. That’s self explanatory.

6. A new-er car which is higher off the ground than my 2003 Dodge Stratus. I need to to be at least a 2003, and would be willing to trade Titania (my car) for it.  I just have issues getting in and out of a car so low.  Plus, my A/C isn’t working, which will kill me next spring in AZ.

7. A weekend get away to the mountains, somewhere, sometime. I just need to get away (preferably with Q or a friend) and relax and process and remember to start loving life again.

8. A way to get some of the tattoos I want. The spiral tree of life on my right calf, and the one that combines the feminist symbol and the gender spectrum symbol on my other calf, and a elemental chest piece.

9. A way to go to the AVNs in Jan 2010. I’d need transportation from Phoenix, a hotel and a pass (I could probably afford the tickets, but that’s it). As always, the AVNs are in Vegas in January.

10. Sexy fuck me boots/platform boots/knee high boots/thigh high boots…in a size 10. With big calves, cause I have ballet dancer/figure skater/derby girl calves that pretty much never fit into boots. And most “wide calf boots” that I do find are fucking ugly, and/or have no heels/height. Preferably LOW heels, or a wedge, given my knee issues.

11. A good cupping set (used is fine!).  Prefer glass for fire cupping, but pressure cupping set would be awesome too!

12. Pretty eye make up.  Esp MAC and Urban Decay.  I also need a good, long last bright red lipstick. And Estee Lauder Beyond Paradise perfume.

13. My apartment is a mess, and needs to be organized.  I haven’t even finished unpacking my boxes. I need someone to help me cull things, and straighten up so everything has a place.

14. Any DVD from Pink and White. I want them all. I have only Champion and Crash Pad 4.

15. Leopard print floor mats and rear bench cover for my car.  It’s a Stratus.

16. People to come visit me in Arizona! I miss my friends, and I want my sex blogger friends to come meet me and hang out!

17. Tickets to the symphony. Tickets to an NHL hockey game. Tickets to a play – I miss seeing shows.

18. A genius marketing plan so that I can make money talking about things I care about and am passionate for.  A way to get out my name and get hired more. A magical PR person of amazingness.

19. A red, single breasted wool coat, size XL.

20. Leopard or zebra print ANYTHING

21. Black or red solid color waist cincher (I’m a size 16/18 if that helps)

22. A recumbent bike (stationary OR mobile)

23. A set of two or three matching canes, preferably in Red/Black/White color combos

24. An NJoy Eleven…you know, that amazing steel dildo I used in my scene for GoodDykePorn

25. Gift certificates for food, clothing and/or places like Target.

Also, any thing from my wishlists on the right side bar.  As always :)

Thank you a caboodle in advance. Please don’t forget to post your list too, so I can try and grants some wishes too!

-Essin’ Em

Tristan Taormino, Photo Source

Tristan Taormino is a rockstar of sex positivity, and a personal idol of mine.  I am hoping to be lucky enough to go hear her speak at the new Fascination in Scottsdale, AZ this Thursday, and finally meet her in person. Her book Opening Up is a brilliant look at the various types of non-monogamy, and her other book Down and Dirty Sex Secrets is a great all encompassing sex book for everyone.  Moreover, she has great videos that bridge the gap between educational and pleasurable/porn, from The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women to her Guide to Rough Sex, and of course, her awesome series Chemistry . She even has her own rocking butt plug! She was also the editor of Best Lesbian Erotica for many years – check out BLE 2009 for a sexy story about me written by Sinclair Sexsmith. If you live in one of the following places, I HIGHLY recommend getting out to see her! (And if you come to Scottsdale, make sure you say hi to me as well). For more info on Tristan, check out www.PuckerUp.com

That’s all for now,

Essin’ Em

Sunday, November 8, 5:00 pm potluck, 6:00 pm workshop
Santa Fe, NM
KINKY POSSIBILITIES: OPEN RELATIONSHIPS IN THE SCENE
People who practice BDSM and those who are in Dominant/submissive relationships face unique challenges in both designing their open relationships and making them work. Relationship expert and bestselling author Tristan Taormino offers practical advice and strategies for dealing with specific issues related to being open and kinky. We’ll cover: common open relationship styles within BDSM communities and how they can work best; creative ways for giving everyone a voice in the negotiation process; dealing with jealousy and other intense feelings; and practical conflict resolution skills. In the interactive facilitated portion of this workshop, participants will be encouraged to share their stories, issues, and solutions.
RSVP: see the Fetlife event page or email for details!
Location: see FetLife event page for location & directions, not on FetLife? email me!
Info: tristan (at) puckerup dot com

Monday, November 9, 7:30 pm
Albuquerque, NM
ANAL PLEASURE 101
In her most popular workshop, one she has taught around the world for over 9 years, Tristan introduces you to the world of anal pleasure. In this funny, education class, she covers a wide variety of topics, including: myths about anal sex; anal anatomy, the G-spot, and the prostate; basic preparation and hygiene; lubes, anal toys, and safer sex; anal penetration for beginners, and much more!
Location: Self Serve, 3904B Central Ave SE, Albuquerque, NM 87108
Admission: $30, register now to reserve your spot
Info: 505-265-5815
URL: www.selfservetoys.com 

Thursday, November 12, 7:00 pm
Scottsdale, AZ
“LET’S TALK SEX” with Tristan Taormino
Sex expert, author, and adult filmmaker Tristan Taormino will share her top ten ways to use toys and other accessories to take your sex life to the next level! She’ll tell you her picks for the best lube, vibrators, dildos, butt plugs, men’s toys, and more! She’ll talk about creative ways to use toys and other sexy goodies to transform your bedroom into an erotic playground. Plus, you’ll be able to ask her all your burning questions in a supportive, non-judgmental environment. Join Tristan as she takes you on a tour of all you need to know to have sensational, mind-blowing sex!
Location: Fascinations, 14747 Northsight Blvd., Scottsdale, AZ 85260
Admission: free and open to the public
Info: tristan (at) puckerup dot com

Saturday, November 14, 7:00 pm
Minneapolis, MN
ANAL PLEASURE 101
In her most popular workshop, one she has taught around the world for over 9 years, Tristan introduces you to the world of anal pleasure. In this funny, education class, she covers a wide variety of topics, including: myths about anal sex; anal anatomy, the G-spot, and the prostate; basic preparation and hygiene; lubes, anal toys, and safer sex; anal penetration for beginners, and much more!
Location: Smitten Kitten, 3010 Lyndale Avenue, South Minneapolis MN
Admission: $30, pre-registration is required
Save on tickets: sign up for multiple of Tristan’s in-store events and save!! Just $50 for 2 workshops, $60 for ALL THREE!
Info: 612-721-6088
Email: info (at) smittenkittenonline.com
URL: www.smittenkittenonline.com 

Sunday, November 15, 7:00 pm
Minneapolis, MN
G-SPOT & FEMALE EJACULATION
Whether you don’t know how to find your G-spot or you’re an experienced G-spotter looking for some new techniques, find out all there is to know about G-spot anatomy, how to find your or someone else’s G-spot and orgasmic G-spot sex. Also learn about myths and truths about female ejaculation-what it is and isn’t and tips and techniques to try out at home.
Location: Smitten Kitten, 3010 Lyndale Avenue, South Minneapolis MN
Admission: $30, pre-registration is required
Save on tickets: sign up for multiple of Tristan’s in-store events and save!! Just $50 for 2 workshops, $60 for ALL THREE!
Info: 612-721-6088
Email: info (at) smittenkittenonline.com
URL: www.smittenkittenonline.com 

Monday, November 16, 7:00 pm
Minneapolis, MN
DESIGNING YOUR OPEN RELATIONSHIP
Are you considering an open relationship? Does your current open relationship need some tweaking? In this interactive workshop, relationship expert and author of Opening Up, Tristan Taormino will explore common myths, real-life benefits and challenges, and how to decide if an open relationship is right for you.
You’ll learn to articulate what you want, identify and negotiate limits and boundaries, communicate with your partner(s) in productive ways, and create relationships that work for you.
Admission: $30, pre-registration is required
Save on tickets: sign up for multiple of Tristan’s in-store events and save!! Just $50 for 2 workshops, $60 for ALL THREE!
Info: 612-721-6088
Email: info (at) smittenkittenonline.com 
URL: www.smittenkittenonline.com 

Tuesday, November 17, 8;00 pm
Princeton University, NJ
Beyond Monogamy: The Case for Open Relationships
A Book Talk with Tristan Taormino
Relationship and sex expert Tristan Taormino offers a bold new strategy for creating loving, lasting relationships. Drawing on in-depth research, interviews with over a hundred women and men, and her own personal experiences, Tristan explores the real-life benefits and challenges of open relationships in her new book. With her refreshingly down-to-earth style and sharp wit, Taormino argues that we must question the fairy tales and challenge the myths we’ve been taught about love, sex, intimacy, and commitment- only then can we create relationships that are honest, fulfilling, and really work.
Sponsored by LeTS.
Location: TBA
URL: www.princeton.edu/lgbt/events
Info: tristan (at) puckerup dot com

Wednesday, November 18, Noon
Princeton University, NJ
Queer Sexualities
Lunch Talk with Tristan Taormino
What does it mean to be queer, sex positive, and sexually empowered? Join Tristan Taormino for an intimate discussion about queer sexuality. Society bombards us all with mixed messages about sex that are often confusing and contradictory. LGBTQ people are especially vulnerable to stereotypes and negative representations of our sexuality. How do we come to terms with feelings of shame, guilt, and anxiety about our desires? How can we learn to embrace and cultivate our erotic power in order to build confidence and create fulfilling relationships?
Sponsored by the LGBT Center and Women’s Center
Location: LGBT Center Rainbow Lounge (Frist 247), Princeton University
URL: www.princeton.edu/lgbt/events
Info: tristan (at) puckerup dot com

November 20-22, 2009
Worcester, MA
TRANSCENDING BOUNDARIES
6th Annual Conference
The Transcending Boundaries conference for bisexual/pansexual, trans/genderqueer, intersex, and polyamorous people and our allies. We are pleased to announce that this year’s keynote speaker will be renowned alternative sexualities speaker Tristan Taormino. 
The conference strives to foster community, provide safe space, educate ourselves, and overcome societal sex, gender, and sexuality boundaries! Join us for open mic and Transgender Day of Remembrance reception, dynamic workshops, parties and entertainment, and a keynote luncheon with Tristan Taormino. We welcome everyone, from local, regional and national leaders in the bi, trans, intersex and poly communities to newcomers and allies. TBC works hard to make our conference safe, affordable and accessible for all.
Location: DCU Center and the Hilton Garden Inn in Worcester, MA
Admission: Register online at www.transcendingboundaries.org

And while things with Q and I are still good (despite a couple of miscommunications, which have since been resolved), everything else has fallen apart.  

The cats are getting on fairly well, but Jasper decided to “mark his territory” all over my nice, synthetic down Eddie Bauer comforter…which now needs to be dry cleaned.

My cell phone charger broke en transit…right before what was supposed to be my interview, making me have to buy another $30 one last minute.

My MacBook charger decided to start sparking, making me have to order another one. For $45.  No computer = no possibility of freelance work, which is the only work I am looking at right now.

The ReloCube place was supposed to be open on Sunday to call for pick up.  No answer. I called Monday, and they told me the cubes would then get here Thursday instead of Wednesday. Fine. We told Q’s new co-workers to come on Thursday, instead of Wednesday. Then, Thursday afternoon, I hadn’t heard from them, and called. Apparently, there was some mix up, and the cubes were still in Albuquerque, New Mexico. And would now be delivered at 6am on Friday. Yeah.

My interview on Wednesday got rescheduled last minute to Friday. However, I didn’t have internet at home (still don’t!) due to the ineptness of both Cox and Qwest (the two local providers), so I didn’t get the email, and spent half an hour anxiously panicking that they chose not to call.  Then, with the rescheduling of both the interview and the cubes, I have to get up at 6am the same morning as my interview.

The internet and cable/phone companies have been sucking my ova filled ovaries.

Because we had to change our insurance since Q’s temp plates expired this weekend, and she needed to register her car, we had to change mine too (joint plan, for the discount). However, that means I need to register my car here, even though I JUST paid the cost in Colorado in August. It also means I need to get new handicap permits…which means finding a GP to refer me to an Orthopedic Surgeon, and then paying for all those visits. And I have to get an emissions test.

I broke a 6g plug on my left ear. I don’t want to have to restretch them, but I can’t really afford new plugs either.

The complex’s hot tub heating system is broken, and it isn’t hot. So we can’t even soak to de-stress.

My car’s AC is still broken (it would have cost $1544 to fix). Which is fine for driving at night. However, driving in 90+ degree weather during the day? Not so bueno.

I haven’t really been able go to places to drop resumes, as I had neither interview clothes, nor a printer (both were in the cubes).

Her couch got a GIANT rip in it during moving…and we gave mine away in CO.

On the positive side,  I DO have my driver’s license here. It’s good through 2050. Yeah. 41 years.  No wonder my auto insurance went up.

So now we’re both COMPLETELY broke, I have no idea when or if I’ll be making any money, I still need to pay off my tonsil surgery. Q starts work the 16th, so she won’t be getting a paycheck for a while, and I won’t for even longer.

Hopefully, things figure themselves out, and soon. Otherwise, we’re not going to have food money in a few weeks.

And that is where things stand. When exciting, happy things happen, I will post them. Until then, this is how things are.  Sorry.

-Essin’ Em

Liberator was kind enough to send me a smaller item to review this time…you know, until Q and I move in together and have more room for the items I’m dying for, like the Esse or the Buckaroo (hint hint, nudge nudge).

What did I get? A set of beautiful crimson silk binding sashes — two sashes of 14 feet a piece.  You can also get a set of two 7 foot sashes, OR a deluxe set of all four sashes.

I was a little apprehensive. I mean, the sashes are absolutely stunning.  I didn’t want to play too rough with them, for fear for breaking them, or lighting them on fire, or getting wax/bodily fluids on them, etc. I held off using them until I could show them off for everyone. You know, my Femme side coming out and all.

So I waited until Spanktrum (Denver’s new women and trans play party) that I hosted back in October.  Q and I went, and before I did a fabulous and fun fire scene, I tried tying her up in a variety of pretty ways.  Some worked better than others, but always, in the end, the silk wound up sliding down her arms, and the knots/bows tightened too quickly.

Then I was lucky.  A certain feisty Femme friend of mine wanted to be tied to the St. Andrews cross and have everyone in the party come kiss, lick, suck, hit and play with her.  Since she’s not into super tight/serious bounds, and she is into pretty things like I am, I decided to use the beautiful sashes to wrap around her arms and tie her into place. Let me just tell you, she looked even more stunning than she already did in her vintage style garter belt.

These are her arms:

Only problem?  After a while, the sashes tightened a bit, and I had to let her down earlier than planned. On that note, they’re not good for any serious bondage, weight bearing bondage, or long term bondage.  On the other hand, if you’re just getting into tying each other up, these would be a really great, and beautiful option for a new bondage lover, or someone just wanting to lightly tie up their lover. I do enjoy the variety of sizes and colors, and look forward for using this to help out newbies, while still being beautiful and classy.

Also, you can keep the sashes in the package that they came in, which is really nice. You wash them in cold water, and iron as needed.  They also can attach well to Black Label liberator furniture — in my case, I tried on the Black Label Scoop.  I’d say 4 stars overall (out of 5).

To get your own set of these stunning sashes (in any of three colors; black, red or “champagne”), click here.

-Essin’ Em