Everlasting Know It All

Blutengel

2008-03-24T12:07:00.000-07:00

Always dug this song. Gotta love youtube! I really really really want to see them live now.

Web 2.0

2008-03-13T16:06:00.001-07:00

I am sooooooooooo sick of hearing this little buzzword. I was going to write about it, but stumbled across this gem of a rant. Spells out my thoughts exactly.

http://caustictech.typepad.com/caustictech/2006/04/so_its_a_been_a.html (have to scroll down a little)

Needless to say, I swear I'm going to fucking punch the next person that says Web 2.0 to me.

Did Somebody Say Boobs?

2008-03-10T10:24:00.001-07:00

Indeed!

I Suck

2008-03-06T17:11:00.000-08:00

Oh how I really really suck. :(

miss you

Crazy Humor

2008-02-27T10:37:00.000-08:00

Garfield Minus Garfield

Awesome stuff right there.

Justification?

2008-02-25T12:07:00.000-08:00

I've been giving some thought to Karma lately. Not that I really need to, but it has just been popping in my head. Anyway, I've come to the conclusion that I do indeed believe in Karma. However, I also believe that whenever I do something that Karma might want to get back at me about, I'm actually being Karma's tool and getting back at somebody that already needed getting back at, thereby actually doing something good in the Karma sense. I mean, somebody's got to do it, right?

I like it, makes perfect sense to me.

Fix0red

2008-02-25T12:03:00.000-08:00

My old image *ahem* "host" recently went away. Finally got unlazy and moved the images to my own server. Sorry for the few weeks worth of shitty looking site. :)

As Seen On My Beer Calendar

2008-02-22T15:25:00.000-08:00

Beer Fact:

Cock ale is a beer libation once featured in 17th- and 18th-century British and American cookbooks. One recipe calls for raisins, mace, cloves, 12 gallons of ale, and one large elderly cock.

*snicker*

Quote of the Week

2008-02-11T10:19:00.001-08:00

"Nice truck! Sorry about your penis though."
--Unknown

Quote of the Week

2008-01-29T10:49:00.000-08:00

Beer has long been the prime lubricant in our social intercourse and the sacred throat-anointing fluid that accompanies the ritual of mateship.

-- Rennie Ellis, Australian Photographer

Seriously?

2007-11-25T15:23:00.000-08:00

Y'all are fucking idiots.

You too.

Suck It Up

2007-11-13T15:42:00.000-08:00

http://www.tvweek.com/blogs/james-hibberd/2007/11/strikers_gain_fan_support.php

I sure wish I could go "On Strike" every time I wanted something. Sorry writers, I don't feel bad for you in the slightest. Just thinking how much money my company makes on my work every year...last year I supported over $6 million in revenue. How much of that do you suppose I saw? Hardly a fraction.

As for my favorite TV shows going away? Boo hoo, whatever shall I do???

I can't believe people are so worked up about this. If your biggest problem in life is that you're going to have to watch some re-runs this winter...

R.I.P.

2007-09-06T02:06:00.000-07:00

Sad day for classical music. I always wanted to see him live. :(

The Day The Laughter Died

2007-08-31T09:47:00.000-07:00

Yeah, it's a bit long and I'm not creative enough today to properly alter the lyrics. But I think those concerned can figure out the appropriate changes.

A long, long time ago...
I can still remember
How that music used to make me smile.
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could make those people dance
And, maybe, they’d be happy for a while.

But february made me shiver
With every paper I’d deliver.
Bad news on the doorstep;
I couldn’t take one more step.

I can’t remember if I cried
When I read about his widowed bride,
But something touched me deep inside
The day the music died.

So bye-bye, miss american pie.
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
And them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

Did you write the book of love,
And do you have faith in God above,
If the Bible tells you so?
Do you believe in rock ’n roll,
Can music save your mortal soul,
And can you teach me how to dance real slow?

Well, I know that you’re in love with him
`cause I saw you dancin’ in the gym.
You both kicked off your shoes.
Man, I dig those rhythm and blues.

I was a lonely teenage broncin’ buck
With a pink carnation and a pickup truck,
But I knew I was out of luck
The day the music died.

I started singin’,
"bye-bye, miss american pie."
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
And singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

Now for ten years we’ve been on our own
And moss grows fat on a rollin’ stone,
But that’s not how it used to be.
When the jester sang for the king and queen,
In a coat he borrowed from james dean
And a voice that came from you and me,

Oh, and while the king was looking down,
The jester stole his thorny crown.
The courtroom was adjourned;
No verdict was returned.
And while lennon read a book of marx,
The quartet practiced in the park,
And we sang dirges in the dark
The day the music died.

We were singing,
"bye-bye, miss american pie."
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
And singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

Helter skelter in a summer swelter.
The birds flew off with a fallout shelter,
Eight miles high and falling fast.
It landed foul on the grass.
The players tried for a forward pass,
With the jester on the sidelines in a cast.

Now the half-time air was sweet perfume
While the sergeants played a marching tune.
We all got up to dance,
Oh, but we never got the chance!
`cause the players tried to take the field;
The marching band refused to yield.
Do you recall what was revealed
The day the music died?

We started singing,
"bye-bye, miss american pie."
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
And singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

Oh, and there we were all in one place,
A generation lost in space
With no time left to start again.
So come on: jack be nimble, jack be quick!
Jack flash sat on a candlestick
Cause fire is the devil’s only friend.

Oh, and as I watched him on the stage
My hands were clenched in fists of rage.
No angel born in hell
Could break that satan’s spell.
And as the flames climbed high into the night
To light the sacrificial rite,
I saw satan laughing with delight
The day the music died

He was singing,
"bye-bye, miss american pie."
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
And singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

I met a girl who sang the blues
And I asked her for some happy news,
But she just smiled and turned away.
I went down to the sacred store
Where I’d heard the music years before,
But the man there said the music wouldn’t play.

And in the streets: the children screamed,
The lovers cried, and the poets dreamed.
But not a word was spoken;
The church bells all were broken.
And the three men I admire most:
The father, son, and the holy ghost,
They caught the last train for the coast
The day the music died.

And they were singing,
"bye-bye, miss american pie."
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
And them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

They were singing,
"bye-bye, miss american pie."
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die."

Wishful Thinking

2007-08-20T13:14:00.000-07:00

Local Idiot Has Balls Stomped By Elephant
SEATTLE (AP) - A local man was treated and released yesterday for injuries sustained when an elephant stomped on his balls.

An eyewitness at the scene said the victim was walking through a parking lot with some friends when an African Bull Elephant came out of nowhere, knocked him over and "stomped on his balls". "Craziest thing I've ever seen!" said Dave, a local grocery store employee, "I've been working here for years and I've never even seen a deer in our parking lot, let alone an elephant. It just came out of nowhere."

According to the victim's friends, he is a bit of a show-off and had recently taken to keying cars. "We always teased him because he had such small balls, maybe that's why he acts the way he does", said one friend. Doctors say he won't have to worry about that for a while though, "they look a bit like coconuts right now; painful, very painful." They expect him to make a full recovery, except for his voice, which they say appears to have been permanently altered to sound like, "well, like someone who just had their balls stomped on by an elephant."

The victim couldn't be reached for comment at press time. We spoke with his girlfriend over the phone and she said she had no comment other than "I hope his [penis] wasn't involved in the accident as well. He can't stand to have that get any smaller, I can barely feel it as it is", quickly adding, "But I don't blame the elephant though. If I didn't know better, I'd think he had a peanut in his pants too."

-----

Okay, so I made all that up. But if any of you happen to see a news story similar to that, PLEASE let me know. I'd really like to go have a good laugh at the fuckwad that keyed my car over the weekend. Seriously, what is it with you people out here?

My boyfriend's pecker keeps slipping out

2007-08-10T12:02:00.000-07:00

Best SPAM I've had show up in my Junkmail folder in quite some time.

And as if the subject line alone wasn't enough to make me laugh for 10 minutes...wait, no, still laughing about it...15 minutes...the message body sealed its fate as best SPAM of the month.

Chicks always whooped at me and even gentlemans did in the open toilet!
Well, now I hee-haw at them, because I took Me_ga. d_ik.
for 5 months and now my peter is much preponderant than usual.
take up <phishing site removed />

Seriously, do people actually respond to these things? I'm guessing you have to be dumber than the spammer to fall for their shenanigans. And if I'm correct in that assumption, man is this guy scraping the bottom of the ocean...

Sleep mailing?

2007-07-31T11:08:00.001-07:00

If I didn't know any better, I'd think I sent this secret in my sleep or something. So good to see I'm not alone in this. Almost everything I say has been already practiced in my head. So much so, I have a really hard time separating things I've thought about saying and things I've actually said. Often times I'll choose not to say something simply because I can't remember if I already said it or not. So if I ever repeat myself, now you know why...

I'm sure this is also why I'm so much better at "talking" over text-based mediums. Long pauses while I argue with myself about what to say don't seem so weird that way. Unfortunately, the pauses are exaserbated by my compulsion to make sure I've spelled things correctly as well. :)

Curse You

2007-07-16T10:54:00.000-07:00

To the fucktard that was incapable of judging the distance between their car and mine and thereby left a huge dent to remember them by when they opened their door:

May The Poop of 1,000 Houseflies Land on Your Toothbrush.

Psychology Experiment

2007-07-13T12:25:00.000-07:00

This is really really cool. Be sure to watch the whole thing.

http://www.educatedearth.net/video.php?id=3577

Friday Five

2007-07-13T12:20:00.000-07:00

Funny this is about fish this week...

1. Have you ever gone fishing?
I used to go all the time when I was a kid. Any time we went camping and any time we went to our lake cabin. But it's been many years since I did either of those.

2. Do you have an aquarium?
Not personally, no. But there is one in my house.

3. Do you eat fish?
Not very often, I don't like it much at all. I have found that I eat a lot more since moving to Washington though. Night and day difference in quality over what is served in Colorado.

4. Have you ever seen Finding Nemo?
More times than I really care to think. Dorrie is still hilarious every time though.

5. What do you think of Sushi?
I think it is food which isn't done. I don't eat uncooked meat, that's just gross. I do so want to enjoy the vegetarian kind, I love sushi rice and it sounds good with the fresh veggies, but sorry folks, seaweed tastes exactly as good as it sounds. But...given the opportunity to eat that crazy Fugu stuff...I would totally try that.

Office Rule #356

2007-07-12T14:12:00.001-07:00

Bringing in left over fish and reheating it for lunch is NOT okay.

Addendum A: Ignoring rule #356 and also carrying said reheated lunch into an elevator shall be punished with a swift kick to the crotch.

Things

2007-07-09T12:44:00.000-07:00

Things that aren't awesome:
1. Shitty drivers
2. Tourists
3. Num-Lock keys that don't stay "locked"

Things that are:
1. Cool neighbors
2. Absolut Vodka
3. Clean garages

I Dunno

2007-07-09T12:35:00.000-07:00

Think I'm going to have to call shenanigans on this. Seems to me this just wouldn't work, but then, I don't have a cell phone, so maybe I just don't understand.

Don't Blow Yer Fingers Off

2007-07-04T11:27:00.001-07:00

Happy 4th of July! Hopefully I'll have some pictures to post tonight, not sure if I'm going to go see fireworks or not. Nothing close by, not sure how badly I want to drive.

Extreme Photoshop

2007-07-03T10:50:00.000-07:00

Now if only this person would use their powers for evil!