Every Choice Matters

The Wisdom of Seventh Grade

2011-10-25T15:05:00.000-07:00

Seventh graders are such a mix of amazing maturity and naïve-innocence at the same time. They keep me, as an instructor, totally on the tip of my toes. They can exhibit such maturity and depth of understanding and wisdom and then a split second later ask a question that makes you wonder if they have heard a word that has been said.

I was introducing the day’s topic recently and explaining that we would be talking about STD’s. A young lady quickly raised her hand and with a wise look around the room announced that she knew what that meant. She proudly informed the room that STD’s stood for “Stop The Dramas.”

Oh how I wish that were true. The sad reality is that it is closer to meaning “Start the Dramas.”

Just think how the drama stops when a person understands the importance of choosing sexual integrity, and saves their sex for their committed marriage relationship where faithfulness is practiced. The rate of STD’s would radically decline, so would the cases of cervical cancer, prostate cancer, throat and lung cancer, and according to recent studies, breast cancer. There would be a sharp decline in infertility, ectopic pregnancies, and babies with preventable health complication. Depression and its accompanying health issues would decrease. Guilt and self-reproach would not be the rolling tape in the brain that causes one to seek relief in drugs or alcohol, plunging one into a ever deepening downward spiral. In fact, if sexual integrity were practiced, many of our social ailments would cease to exist or exist only in the small minority.

Can we dare to think sexual integrity might be the choice of this generation? Absolutely. This generation, armed with the whole truth about the power and importance of guarding their sexual and emotional health by guarding their sexual integrity, will bring about social change. Go Generation @. We believe you can “Stop The Drama”.

Reality Checked

2011-05-11T13:46:00.000-07:00

Dark eyes glistening with tears, he stands, and his chin quivers. He shuffles his feet, uncomfortable, and says, “Um, Mrs. Bryant, those symptoms for a girl, do guys have the same symptoms for that STD?”

My heart starts beating a little faster, dreading what might come next, I say, “You know, bud, we’ll talk about that tomorrow. We’ll get there. Tomorrow when you come to class we’ll discuss the impact of that STD on a male’s reproductive system… tomorrow.”

“But, Mrs. Bryant, I need to know, like now. Would the symptoms be…” and He begins to list them one after another. My heart sinks to the floor and I think; I want to pick him up and I just want to run with him. I want to run back in time to when he was a little boy and he needed someone to stand with him and say, “You are loved. You are so valuable. Your future is so important. I know you can make the right choices because you are too important not to.” I want to take him back in time to a place before he began looking for his value, significance or acceptance through his sex. I want to take him back in time to a place before his life was touched with this choice.

He goes home and thoughts of this STD dominate his whole mind. He prays all night, “God show me a sign I don’t have this. God give me a sign I’m okay.” It may be the first time he’s prayed in years. He begs, “Please, God, let me know I don’t have this.”

The next morning, he’s not in class. I’m wondering, “Where are you. Where are you… you needed this information.” He got into a fight. Because anger and pain, those are emotions he understands. He knows how to deal with those. He started dealing with those years ago when his dad walked out on him. He’s dealt with that for so long that it’s become his comfort area. When you’re fighting, that’s something tangible. This new fear, this unknown “What if…” that dominates him, is an enemy he is not comfortable with. And so, he fights.

They allow him to stay so I can talk with him after class. He is waiting, expectantly. I ask him, “Do you really want to go over this information?” He says, “Yeah, please, I need to know. What did you teach today?” I went line by line through information on a few more STDs and I watch as fear just sweeps his face. I began talking about one particular STD and he says, “Mrs. Bryant, are the symptoms this, and this, and this…” and I say, “Yes they are.” And again, I know in my heart, this young boy isn’t dealing with one, he is dealing with multiple sexually transmitted diseases. This is made more difficult because he’s also dealing with a whole host of emotional baggage that has been building because of the hopelessness of his perception that he has no one in his life he can talk to. He’s 14, he’s a little boy and yet he has man size issues and no man in the home to help him deal with that.

“But, Mrs. Bryant, I used a condom.” “I know. I know, I’m sorry.” HPV doesn’t care when it lives outside the area a condom covers. What does it matter if you don’t get it in one specific place, if you have it everywhere else?

He’s going to the doctor, going to find out for sure. He sits in class, that confidence, that swagger he had when he walked into class that first day, gone… in its place, sits a wiser but wounded child. Where are the adults who will help him walk through this? Who will step up and help him move forward? Who will make sure that we are there to talk to him again next year to encourage him in his walk? Because that’s part of what Reality Check does; gives kids that support, gives them that encouragement, gives them someone on their team that says, “I believe in you, I know you can make the wise decisions.” And then holds them to that standard, and encourages them when they fall down to get back up and move forward.

Does he live next door to you? Is that the boy you’ve seen outside throwing or kicking the ball against the house because there is no one opposite him to throw, or kick to? Will you walk across your yard and put your arm around him and let him know you care about him? You believe he matters. Will you be Jesus with skin on?

Changing Generations

2011-04-12T06:35:00.000-07:00

Friday, Reality Check, Inc. finished a 10 day program with the Rogers Heritage High School. It was a pleasure to spend that time with about 90 students.

A young lady stopped me after class on Friday, as I was transitioning to another location, and shared a little about her life and the impact this program has had on her. She has been in the program for the past 6 years and credits it for helping her make and keep boundaries that have given her confidence and skills she had needed to succeed. She said she wanted to help in any way she could so this program remains available for other teens like herself who had been through past child abuse. She wants to go to college and then help provide programs like this in the future. While she was talking, a young man passed us and then stopped and said, “I was looking for you. I want to see if I can have your contact information. I have some friends that I really want to help and I wanted to give them your information.”

It is humbling to see the passion and desire of these teens to reach out to a hurting, confused generation with truth without regard to what might be required of them or how others might see them.

Why does that passion and desire to help someone just because you care become cold, or why is it seen as “suspect” in the adult world of “budgets and finance”, “what’s in it for me”, and “who gets the credit”?

I am so proud to work with a group of people who carry that fresh youthful passion to share truth and impact lives, just because it is the right thing to do. The reward of that kind passion is the knowledge you are changing generations.

· This gave me knowledge to live my life to the fullest, but not make decisions I will regret.

· These last two weeks have shown me that to be successful, I have to make decisions and set boundaries that reflect my values. I choose my future.

· The impact Reality Check left on me was strengthening the core values I already had. I’ve had Reality Check previously, but for some reason everything opened my eyes a lot more this time-maybe it’s because I’m older? Thanks you guys, maybe I’ll see myself on the future example video’s like the couples.

· It made me think about what lots of people go through because they made wrong decisions. I pretty sure that if they’d heard about this they wouldn’t have made some of those mistakes.

· I now view sex with more understanding and open eyes. I now want to help others by passing on this knowledge because I have made many mistakes with my choices and I don’t want others to.

· The impact that it made on me was I need to really respect myself. I never say NO to people and that hurts me cuz it gets me into the trouble I don’t need to be in. Especially say NO to my BF because he is the main reason I probably get in trouble like having sex, and I’ve learned about diseases.

· After the last 2 weeks, I have realized that I need to plan my future for exactly what I want. Without goals and boundaries, life is not going to pan out like I want. I already made a commitment to not have sex until marriage, but I need to set more boundaries. PS thank you!

· I have no other way to gain this information. Thank you so much. In my life I do not have good examples. I did not know what is needed in a successful relationship. Thanks to you I now know. I do not want to carry my family’s baggage of life around anymore.

You can’t put a price on that kind of impact, but since we have to, $32.50 is a small investment with huge returns. What are you investing?

GOODBYE

2011-03-31T15:36:00.000-07:00

March 31, 2011

My earliest memories of You are you sitting in training, usually cracking a joke, making people around you laugh, getting me laughing and off my train of thought, but always eager to learn. One training day in particular, I don’t even remember what we were studying, but in an instant your hand slammed down on the table shocking everyone silent. Your face blood red you said something about how unfair it was that the information we were learning had not been given to teens before now. Your passion for sharing healthy truths and your love for teens was evident from the beginning.

You have given three years to Reality Check, Inc. but more importantly, you have given time, healthy principles, knowledge, and unconditional love and support to teens across Northwest Arkansas and beyond. The impact you have made on their lives will be lasting. Much of it will have eternal significance.

You have changed generations. Future generations will experience being raised in a stronger family because of the time you took to share with their parents - today’s teens. You have given many teens Hope. What a powerful gift. Your family, your children, will reap the benefits of your faithfulness to your calling, and it is a sure calling. That level of care for others comes from a desire or obedience deeper than most people care or dare to go.

This week we said goodbye to you dear friend. We wish you well as you go to the next adventure that lays before you knowing that your love for others, passion for your family, and obedience to God go before you. We will not only miss you in the office but you will be missed in the classrooms as well.

Thank you again for your years of service.

Your Reality Check Family

Lives Changed

2011-03-17T15:02:00.000-07:00

It is exciting to begin a program at a new school, but it is more exciting to finish the program. I love the day the Instructors come back into the office and share their “stories of lives changed.” I asked Chad today about a particular student impact card he was sharing with Cassie, here is his story:

“This student sat in the corner all week. Quiet. Hood on his head. Earbuds in, IPod on. Dozing on and off. I would have told you that he had heard nothing that I or the class had discussed all week. It even got to the point that I had to remove the earbud from his ear. He said that he wasn’t listening to it, but he turned it off when the teacher took the IPod. Kind of funny, actually.

When I read his card, I was shocked.

“It made me think Saturday what I was doing and the risks I was taking, so I said ‘NO’.”

I am reminded to never take any student, or their attitude for granted. You may never know the true impact that your words, your presence, or your simply taking the time to say hello is having or will have in a person’s life.

Who’s life are you changing without even being aware and is it a positive change?

Butterfly Effect

2011-03-10T13:30:00.000-08:00

I have been at the computer most of the day. My eyes are strained and my back is aching but my heart is full and hopeful. Two cards in particular stood out to me today. One was from a 6^th grade girl and the other from an 8^th grade boy.

The girl’s card read-

“I always wanted a baby but having this class really changed that. I don’t want one right now. I know it is healthier for me, the baby, and the people around me if I wait.”

Just in time… How would this girl’s life been different if she had not received the critical information Reality Check, Inc. was able to share with her? What if she would have chased that desire for a baby like several young girls I’ve met? How would her parents’, the boy’s, his parents’, their siblings’, our community’s lives been impacted by this one choice?

Like ripples on a lake or like the butterfly effect the choices of one are profound on all.

The boy’s card read-

“Reality Check, Inc. showed me about integrity. Many people think integrity has to do with big things like stealing, but it also comes in place during everyday life. I think these small times of integrity are the ones that really show if you are honest.”

What will his impact be on your life and mine? It will affect us as a whole. Reading his card, reading both cards, I am hopeful.

I am hopeful, one, because God’s timing is impeccable and two, because there are young people out there who are grabbing hold of truth and letting it sink deep into the fabric of who they are and will be. It is building discernment that is so often lacking.

Reality Check, Inc. is a vital part of any teen’s education. What choice will you make to ensure this program continues in your school? Call your administration or school board members. Let them know how important this program is to you and your family. Start a ripple…

Empowering GIRLS!

2011-02-23T10:03:00.000-08:00

We have finished our eight days at J O Kelly Middle School. The 7th grade girls I taught were wonderful young ladies. They have a desire to succeed and change not only their life but the lives of those around them. I want to share some of what they had to say:

"This had a lot of impact on me because I was going through some of these things. I had a person pressuring me to have sex with them and I was going to because everything wasn't going right at home. But my family is a very religious family and we believe in Abstinence but from this class I am not ever going to think about having sexual activity."

"I'm going to set boundaries so I don't mess up my core values in life. I do hang out with the wrong crowd so I am going to try to change that. Especially for my friend who has cancer. Thank you for showing me I've been doing wrong. I liked that you were really real. You spoke the truth."

"I learned about how many mistakes I made in just about 4 months. I lost trust and respect. You made me realize that I need to change. Thank you. You changed my life."

"I learned to set boundaries. I always say I will save my sex but I didn't have any boundaries and I realized that if you don't set boundaries its pushing me to break my promise. My grandmother and my mom got pregnant during high school and so I am ready to break that cycle, So thank you Reality Check."

"This class has impacted my life so much. I always thought about drinking because my parents did. I tried one sip once, looking back on it, I regret it, because I've seen what it has done to my family and friends. Now, I am not going to try it even when I'm 21 or above, but I will control myself if I do. Because my dad doesn't. I wish he got to be in this class. I can't thank you enough!!! I won't forget when I was in Reality Check, Thanks to you!

Wish everyone could catch a glimpse of what happens when simple life truth is taught and hearts open to hear that truth. We have a generation thirsting for truth, love, and someone to care that they exist. Go tell a teen today that you are thankful for them.

What is Love?

2011-02-14T15:05:00.000-08:00

I walked into an all girls class today, February 14, Valentine’s Day. The room was buzzing with giggles, about who got flowers or candy from whom and who didn’t. They were all excited to talk about “Love”. I even heard a girl quote the line from the old song, “Love is all there is.” I was just as excited to talk about “love”. But I was excited about the opportunity to give them the truth, not the mush and mixed up message they receive through today’s media, peers, and society in general. We are going on a journey of discovery that will end with these young women holding their heads up with confidence, empowered by the knowledge that:

I have value and worth. I am here for a purpose. I can make decisions to reduce and even eliminate negative risk. I have skills to take positive risk for a successful future. I understand true love, honorable character and genuine integrity. I will not be manipulated or taken advantage of because I didn’t understand my unique design both emotionally and physically. I will dream and I will be empowered with skills to make those dreams reality. I can’t change the past, but I can take charge and change my future, and that future is bright.

For me it is going to be a great two weeks. But for many of those girls, it is the beginning of a great new life.

Sustaining Passion

2011-01-14T12:47:00.000-08:00

The other day my husband, Randy and I were visiting about life and work, and having a passion for what you do and how to sustain that passion over time, and is it personality or is it choice, or what is it that continues to drive passion, etc.
We were each quietly thinking our own thoughts when Randy looked at me and said, “You know, back before we got married, when I used to work at the furniture store…” I love those stories…He had my full attention.
Randy worked for a furniture store delivering furniture. The owner of the store would tell him all about a piece of furniture when it came in, especially the large dining room sets. They would examine the wood, the structure, and the craftsmanship. They would discuss its beauty. They would talk about what it meant to the customer who would purchase it. Randy said he remembered the first time he put one of those dining room sets on the delivery truck and how careful he was not to bump or nick the wood, how carefully he handled each chair and how carefully he placed the pieces into its new owner’s home. He remembered the sense of awe and relief when it had been delivered safely. His boss said, “I want you to remember how that feels, because there will come a day when you have delivered a hundred of these sets and if you are not careful, you will loose that awe. When that happens, something will get broken. You will start banging the pieces around and bumping into doorframes and walls. “ He would say, “To you it may become just another heavy set of furniture, but to that customer, it is something precious, something that will be where memories center around. It will see birthdays, Holiday gatherings, etc. They deserve your best.” So each time a new set of dining room furniture went out, he was reminded anew to take some time, examine the beauty of the piece before he begin the job of delivering it.
Maybe that is the key to sustaining a passion for what you have been called to do. Maybe it is as simple as examining the beauty of what you get to do each day. Realizing that while at times it may feel mundane or familiar to you, it may be an important part of someone else’s day, or life.
Thanks Reality Check, Inc. staff for always remembering to examine the beauty of what you get to do in delivering truth to young people every day. Thank you for being careful on how you deliver those programs. Thank you for making each presentation special because you understand that each student is receiving important truths and skills for their lives that will help them build beautiful memories.
Thank you Randy for reminding me.

THE WOUND

2010-12-20T12:01:00.001-08:00

It’s not the big conversations we have as parents, but the little phrases spoken, the glances, or the refusal to make eye contact that carry the most power. Today I took a call from a young lady that is hurting. The physical pain a parent inflicts on a child is understood as out of control and devastating to that child. Most parents would never cross that line. However, the blows landed by the power of a phrase or a look is many times even more devastating. Those are the hidden blows that don’t show in colors of black and blue. But they leave a wound deep in the heart and soul that may fester long after bruises heal. That wound left untended, and ignored begins to show its destruction in the choices that child makes and will continue to make until that wound in finally cleansed and allowed to heal.

A month ago I sat in my office and visited with a woman, dying of cancer, who’s biggest wound(and her wounds were great,) was caused by a short phrase uttered by her mom and reechoed in that woman’s heart for 29 years, “You are worthless.” This week I sat in the home of a 12 year old girl and watched that cycle repeat it self. Careless words that come fast and slip weightless from the mouth of an embarrassed or angry parent fall like the weight of a building on fragile spirits.

Parents, our teens can and will frustrate us. Lets remember, please weigh carefully the weight of words spoken, or affection with held. Chose to bless and not tear down your teens. Make your words of discipline a gift to help them succeed, not a wound of destruction.

FOR $16.25 per student…

2010-10-14T09:40:00.000-07:00

FOR $16.25 per student…

Your son will understand and have a new respect for himself, his potential and abilities.

Your son will have the skills to succeed because he understands and applies the disciplines of delayed gratification, boundary setting, and establishing goals.

Your son will have an understanding that his choices today impact his choices or ability to choose tomorrow.

Your son will walk with confidence because he understands the true measure of being a man is not in the number of women he can conquer, but in the ability to conquer himself and love one woman for a life-time.

Your son will have a respect for women of all ages.

Your son will understand and establish his core values. Those values will define the direction of his life.

Your son will have the courage to stand tall and defend his values.

Your son will understand how to be a husband and a father that truly lead his family in safety, power, faithfulness and love.

Your son will not be deceived or pressured into accepting less out of life and love than the very best.
Your daughter will understand that beauty is about the whole person not just the external package.

Your daughter will have the confidence in her abilities that gives her the permission to dream extravagantly.

Your daughter will blossom into womanhood without the scars that many moms carry.

Your daughter will have the confidence to say no to the pressure of the crowd.

Your daughter will hear your heart louder than the voices of media, peers, or hormones.

Your daughter will understand that her value and worth does not lie in her sex.

Your daughter will understand that past choices don’t define her future. Mercy is new each morning.

You daughter will not experience the difficulty of being a teenage mom.
Your child will have the courage to open the closet and face their past and deal with their most frightening secrets.

Your child will learn the importance of forgiveness.

Your child will have a renewed passion for their present and their future.

Your child will be empowered to teach others.

Your child will have the ability to give you healthy grandchildren at the appropriate time.

Your child will realize that being different from the crowd will not make them weaker but stronger.

Your child will understand that their choices matter because they matter.

Your child will understand they have value and worth that no choice and no person can take from them.

You're Still "IT"

2010-10-05T13:03:00.000-07:00

With Halloween coming up I have been thinking about the funny little outfits that kids wear or in some case what we MAKE our kids wear. That lead me to think about just dressing up as a kid. (I know my thoughts jump around pretty quickly!) I remember trying on my Mom's shoes, her scarfs, or anything else I could get a hold of at the time. I always thought the item fit me just right!

I even remember sneaking into my Granny's bathroom and trying on ALL of her make-up (even that crazy shade of orange lipstick, which I will always be impressed she wore). That escapade I certainly got in trouble for though.

As I got a bit older, I still borrowed my Mom's shoes (just my size) but took an interest in politics. My Dad was in the state legislature during the time and I swore up and down I was going to be governor one day. I got plugged into everything my Dad was into because I just knew I would end up in the political scene.

Well, I can STILL fit into my Mom's shoes, which now has been flipped because SHE likes fitting into mine as well! Isn't it funny how we have such an esteem for our parents as we grow up. We want to dress like them, perhaps have a similar job. They are the "IT" grown-up!

I think as parents we forget that about our kids. They may look older, talk older, and be bigger than you, but deep inside you're still "IT" for them. Maybe somewhere along the road, for some, peers have told them differently about you. That you're out of touch, can't relate, or too busy to care.

This is what I LOVE LOVE LOVE about Reality Check Inc! We flip that on it's ugly head! We are seeing kids talking to their parents again. Kids excited about being around YOU! Reality Check Inc. programs are there to usher in that respect and redeem that esteem for you as a parent. Listen to these kids:

"I became closer to my mom because of the homework. I learned how to ask my mom personal questions. I also made the decision to stay abstinent until marriage. This class made me realize a lot of important things about life!"

"Knowing the facts on std's, this class has impacted me to tell my mom what's going on in my life. My boyfriend and I have had sex and we promised to slow things down. I've taken a lot from this class and it's helped me think about my future and my decisions."

"This class has lightened my path for the future. It has shown me that my life it's my choice and if I live it with integrity, then it will turn out the best choices ever. Along with my parents, Reality Check is a supportive organization that pushes me to be a great person."

"Reality Check impacted me because I knew some of the risks that could happen if I have sex before marriage but I didn't know there were SO many things that could happen. I promised my mom not to have sex before marriage and after learning all of this stuff I am going to keep my promise to my mom and myself."

Now the question is...Will you live up to the esteem they'll bring?

$16.50

2010-09-24T14:47:00.001-07:00

So, recently I sat down and perused the internet with one price-point in mind...$16.50. What could I (or any of YOU) purchase? Let's see....

I could purchase 2 reserved tickets @ $8.00 a piece to see the Northwest Arkansas Naturals....I know it's 50 cents off, but let's count tax.

How about 2 movie tickets to see...a chick flick? $9.00 a piece, so yah, I little over $16.50.

Ok, here's where it's at!! Lunch at Olive Garden! (Soup, Salad, & Breadsticks....yum) $6.95 x 2 because you can't eat Olive Garden alone. That's about $16.50 with tax and tip!

But let's get REAL accurate.....

A boy's Gap polo, $16.50.

Because EVERYONE needs a $16.50 Toy Story Alien plush toy.

Breadstick again...yah. Little Ceasar's special.

Let's not forget the car...$16.50 will get me the basic oil change service at Sears.

Now, some of these were clearly a joke! Some of them we purchase every weekend or more! (Gotta love the plush toy.)

What if you could take $16.50 and change a LIFE? That's the cost for ONE student to get Reality Check Inc. programming. THAT'S ALL!!

"That I am important! That made me feel committed to me. This class told me things I need to know before I give away my sex. Told me the consequences I might have." - Middle School Students

"It completely changed my mind about everything. I was confused before, but now its all clear to me. I know where Im going and I know what my boundaries are going to be. Reality Check really did a lot for me." - Middle School Student

"I'm glad I got the chance to take this class. Taking this class made me want to talk to my mom about everything, so I did! We are a lot closer now because of this class :). Thanks." - Middle School Student

Check out the student comment cards from EVERY year and EVERY school Reality Check Inc. has had the pleasure of serving in.

$16.50...hmm...

LIVE from Coast to Coast

2010-09-16T12:57:00.000-07:00

Reality Check Inc. got the opportunity to be heard from coast-to-coast this past Sunday! Beth Bryant, executive director, was asked to speak on the issue of bonding and how the brain creates a "bonding" experience through even a 20-second hug! This was televised LIVE on the internet.

Below is a sample video of what she spoke on. For the complete video, log on to www.brandnewchurch.com and click on "past messages".

POWERFUL!!!!!!!!

Bonding from Shannon O'Dell on Vimeo.

Marriage Wards off Craziness!

2010-09-07T14:35:00.000-07:00

Recently I ran across this article about a study that finished in Dec. 09. The title was "Marriage Good News for Mental Health...". Naturally I was intrigued and I'm sure you are. :D I decided to post it here so you could see what they had to say. Great article.

According to a major international study across 15 countries and 34,493 people, getting married is positive for the mental health of both men and women, resulting in reduced risks of the likelihood of most mental disorders such as depression, anxiety and substance abuse.

By contrast, ending marriage through separation, divorce or being widowed, is associated with substantially increased risk of mental health disorders in both genders; particularly substance abuse for women and depression for men.

The wide-ranging study led by clinical psychologist Dr Kate Scott from the University of Otago Wellington is based on the WHO World Mental Health (WMH) surveys across developing and developed countries in the past decade. This world first study has been recently published in the UK journal Psychological Medicine.

“There have been a number of international studies about the impact of marriage on the mental health of men and women and this is quite a controversial area because of the gender politics involved,” says Dr Scott.

“But what makes this investigation unique and more robust is the sample is so large and across so many countries and the fact that we have data not only on depression, which has been much studied in the past, but also on anxiety and substance use disorders. In addition we were able to look at what happens to mental health in marriage, both in comparison with never getting married, and with ending marriage.”

She says this allows much better contextualization of gender differences in the relationship between marital status and mental health than has been previously possible, and more sophisticated and detailed conclusions.

“One of the more important findings is that in recent years it has been asserted that marriage is better for men than for women in terms of mental health. This study does not agree with that position.

“We found that compared to never getting married, getting married is good for both men and women in terms of most mental health disorders.”

However the study did find that men are less likely to become depressed in their first marriage than women. The study comments that this may be linked to traditional gender roles in the home. Dr Scott says significant gender role differences in the home can have an effect on mental health problems for married women.

Other studies based on the WMH surveys have shown that as gender roles have become less traditional over time, for example as women have worked more and become better educated, female depression tends to fall.

The other gender difference the study found is that getting married reduces risk of substance use disorders more for women than for men. Dr Scott says that this may be explained by the fact that women are usually the primary caregiver for young children. A number of international studies have shown that women’s consumption of alcohol drops sharply when they become pregnant, and this restraint often continues into early child care.

On the downside, the University of Otago, Wellington’s new study shows that ending marriage can increase the risk of mental health problems. Being previously married (i.e. being separated, divorced, and widowed) is associated with increased risk of all mental health disorders in both men and women; particularly with depression in men and substance abuse (drugs and alcohol) in women.

“What our study points to is that the marital relationship offers a lot of mental health benefits for both men and women, and that the distress and disruption associated with ending marriage can make people vulnerable to developing mental disorders”.

This study has been funded in New Zealand by the Ministry of Health, the Health Research Council and the Alcohol Advisory Council and carried out in association with the WHO, Harvard University and a number of other organizations internationally. http://www.otago.ac.nz/news/news/otago006366.html

Dancing w/the NWA Stars

2010-08-23T12:33:00.000-07:00

The competition has officially begun!!

Check out all of our fantastic candidates that are going to "BRING IT" on Nov. 6th!!!

(Don't forget to log on to www.realitycheckinc.org to VOTE for your favorite STAR. Someone is already in the lead but I'm NOT going to tell you. You'll have to check out the front runners yourself. Hehehe.)

Our first STAR:

MARCUS ALEXANDER

Marcus is the Golf Coach for Rogers High School as well as the P.E. teacher for Kirksey Middle School. He's a busy man with (self-proclaimed) "two left feet"...or does he?

Next....

ASHLEY KETZ

Ashley is an anchor for local news station KFSM and in a competition twist, the WIFE of our next STAR! May the BEST NOLAN win?

AARON NOLAN

Aaron is a reporter for local news station KNWA and the HUSBAND of our previous STAR. May the BEST NOLAN win?

Next we have....

MELODY MORRIS

Melody is the Vice-Principal for Elmwood Middle School. So beware, she has the authority to school all of the competition. :)

Our final male is....

MIKE POWER

Mike is the Boy's Head Track Coach and the Assistant Cross Country Coach for Bentonville High School. Yah, he runs a lot!! Competition might not have the ENDURANCE to keep up!

Our final STAR...

KELLY STAMPS

Kelly is a super blogger! Her blog www.kellyskornerblog.com is all about her southern life and adorable daughter Harper. LOOK OUT, she's also pregnant, so WHO KNOWS what could happen!

And last but MOST CERTAINLY not least is...

THE CROSSROADS STUDENTS

(Note: These are not the picture of the actual students that will dance.)

Look out STARS there's some unexpected competition. I cannot WAIT for you to see what dance abilities you are going to see from these students. YAY!

Now you know who's competing, place YOUR VOTE TODAY!!!

VOTE

She's Pushing Me, Aunt Kiki!

2010-08-09T10:59:00.000-07:00

Isn't perception a funny thing...

Recently, my daughter (17-months old, "L") and my niece (3 yrs old)

were playing together at a baby shower I was attending. Everything seemed to be going okay between the two of them, until my niece came out of the room and told me that "L" was pushing her. Of course I felt awful and told my niece I was sorry that she had pushed her.

We brought the girls back out into the front room so my sister and I could keep an eye on them. Shortly afterward, the girls were standing by the food table and suddenly my niece looks at me and says "She's pushing me!"

As I saw what was happening, I started to chuckle and bent down to explain to my niece what was happening. "L" loves to gives her Daddy and I "massages". If our backs are within reach, she will pat our backs and we usually say "Ah, thanks for the massage!" She LOVES to do it to people she's close too (i.e. her Daddy, me, her Nana, her Poppi). Apparently, she thought that my niece was needing a good back massage! She was all grins as she was giving her cousin pats on the back.

After I explained to my niece what a massage was and that "L" wasn't trying to push her, I asked if she minded if "L" gave her a massage. My niece looked up at me, with "L" patting her back, and said "Of course not! It actually feels really good."

(really old pic)

Again, isn't perception funny?! Once my niece realized what was going on, it wasn't so bad after all.

Makes me think, "What's in my life that I have a wrong perception about?" What about you? Is it the image or reputation that your student is trying to give off? Is it in the comparison you draw between yourself and someone else? Strip away the perceptions and get to the root. Seek the truth!! Don't just settle for your perception of the situation.

What are some perceptions you have?

Get Nosey

2010-08-03T12:03:00.000-07:00

I don't know about you, but every time I hear a siren I want to follow it so badly! I think I got it from my mother. Growing up in a household of a mother and two older sisters that were equally as nosey, I didn't stand a chance to NOT be nosey.

Well, if you suffer from that unforgivable urge just be "in the know", then Reality Check Inc. is giving you permission (when it comes to US of course). Check out our August E-Newsletter.

You'll get to find out where we are taking programming in August, 8 easy ways we need your help, and EVEN the results from our long-term study! The last one is actually WAY more interesting and fascinating then it sounds. :) You'll get to see how Reality Check Inc. is moving at-risk students to succeed and have KEPT them moving forward!! I struggle with getting my 17-month old to move forward, literally. :D

Have fun and go ahead...be nosey.

TRUTH: Do They Want It?

2010-07-23T12:36:00.000-07:00

What a great day. Yesterday I had the honor to share important life information with some young women. I wasn’t really sure how they took the information when we finished. It was hard to judge where they were at emotionally and mentally.

Intimacy is a sensitive topic to discuss and when you are sharing STD information as well it can be a heavy topic. I was going to say a “heavy conversation” or “heavy discussion” instead of topic but there really wasn’t any discussion or conversation yesterday. There was silence and wide eyed looks. So it was really more of a monologue.

I was headed to meet with them again this morning with a little bit of nervousness. Were they hearing, did they feel this was helpful information, do they really care, or do they just wish we would go away and allow them to do something else with their time? How many times have I heard that teens don’t care, they’re going to have sex anyway, don’t waste your time, just teach them how to use a condom? So, needless to say I had almost psyched myself out before I got out of the car.

When I walked in and saw those amazing girls, I thought how can we not share this powerful, life changing information with them. They deserve to have the complete, liberating truth so they can reach their dreams, understand their value, their potential, and have a successful future.

Amazingly enough, and I don’t know why I am surprised, but the girls greeted all of us with a totally different attitude than in previous days. The attitude of defensiveness and suspicion were gone and replaced by an attitude of grateful friendship, respect and trust. They were amazing in their recall of all they learned yesterday and a true discussion or conversation began to take place.

We see this time and time again, I don’t know why I let the “mantra” of a liberal bias place doubt on what the power of truth does to the human heart and soul. I saw young women walk out of class today more confident, powerful, thoughtful, and prepared to set strong boundaries to achieve their dreams.

I will never forget the feeling and emotions of one young lady’s hug and whispered, “Thank you so much for telling us the truth. You don’t know how much the information you’ve shared has helped me.” Truth! Amazing, Uniting, Liberating, Truth! Got to love it!

- Guest Writer/Reality Check Inc. Instructor

It's NOT too late!! Come out & GOLF!!

2010-07-15T18:35:00.000-07:00

If you are reading this blog and it's BEFORE 11:00 a.m. on Friday, July 16th....it's not to LATE!! Come on out to Reality Check Inc.'s 2nd Annual Golf Tournament.

It will be held at the Creeks Golf Course in Cave Springs, AR.

Activities include: 4 person Scramble with Shotgun start at Noon, Prizes for Longest Drive & Closest to the Hole, Lunch, as well as Goodie Bags for Every Player!

You could win a set of Callaway Irons from Golf USA in Fayetteville, AR!!

All donations from the tournament will assist in continuing Reality Check Inc. funding in our local schools.

Click here http://realitycheckinc.org/id321.html to learn more details and sign UP!!!

Debunking HPV Myths

2010-06-27T20:17:00.000-07:00

Summer time is nice because I actually get to have time to watch things that people email to me. I recently got an email regarding a June 16, 2010 CBS Morning News segment called “Debunking HPV Myths.” It was Dr. Jennifer Ashton visiting with four young women about HPV myths. She made the statement that HPV (Human Papillomavirus) is one of the most common sexually transmitted infections but is also the least understood.

Watch CBS News Videos Online

Finally, I thought, maybe she will share some medical information regarding this misunderstood STD or STI (whichever term may apply to the situation.) I was encouraged when one of the young women featured said she thought it was important to start talking about it (HPV) and start being honest. Another young lady chimed in, “This is something we need to know because,

in the end, 80% of us are going to get it.” I was ready for the doctor to provide truth, debunk that myth, wait for it…wait for it…

That’s when the disappointment set in, once again, political correctness takes over. Why didn't the Dr. let her know that those percentages are projections? She and for that matter, anyone else, doesn’t have to be part of that statistic. HPV is a Sexually Transmitted Disease or Infection. If you don’t engage in sexual activity (or any skin to skin genital contact) with an infected person, you won’t get it.

How do you know if someone is infected? Look at their sexual history. According to Dr. Meg Meeker, author of Epidemic, "if a person has had sexual activity with someone who has had more than two previous sexual partners, it is almost certain that person has HPV."

When teens and young adults are given the truth, when they have people they respect setting sexual health standards high, based on that truth, they rise to that standard and make wise choices. We see it year round as we work with teens and young adults.

The opposite is also true. When they have role models in their lives that have bought into the politically correct mantra that “all teens and young adults are going to have sex anyway, just tell

them that “sex + condom = little to no consequences”, we will continue to see the negative health and emotional consequences that we complain about and say we want to fix. We, as a society, continue to set the standard low, and then act shocked, or say, I told you so, when our youth trip over it.

The Dr. then went on to ask pertinent medical questions such as, “Does it make you feel better now knowing that HPV is so common?” and “Do you think it lessens the social stigma.” To which a female responded “I think it does because it made me feel less embarrassed?”

What?! Are you serious? This is the important truth we need to hear about this disease that one out of every two females gets the first time they engage in sexual activity with an infected person? Since when is how you feel about a disease more important than real prevention information?

(If you are reaching this through our newsletter, this is where we left off… Don’t want you to think I am repeating myself although some of this information bears repeating…)

The Dr. asked one female who had HPV pre cancerous cells in her cervix, “How did you feel emotionally?” This would have been a very relevant question if she had talked about the effects of premarital sexual activity, std’s and depression. Sexually active young women are four times more likely to have symptoms of depression than young ladies who choose to save their sex for a faithful marriage relationship. The fear, questioning, uncertainty, etc. that this young lady experienced upon hearing from her physician that she had precancerous cells in her cervix, may very well speak to why we see those different rates.

To give her the benefit of the doubt, and having done interviews myself, there may have been relevant content that was left out of the final cut for this news segment.

The young females did gain information that 90% of females will clear the HPV on their own (according to the strength of their immune system) but it might take up to three years. They were not cautioned however that during the time the body is trying to clear this virus, they are contagious to anyone they engage in sexual activity with. They could also be contagious to their

child should they become pregnant during that time. The emotional and physical impact that both a mother and baby experience when this virus, especially the genital wart type, is transmitted, is devastating.

I have personally met multiple youth, infected at birth, who’s throats and larynxs have been damaged by genital warts that grow there and threaten to close their airway at any point. While some medical studies show this to be rare (10%), (other studies show it to be quite common, 40%-80%) when it is your baby, rare is not a comfort word.

There were also questions regarding HPV’s impact on fertility. A small discussion took place that touched on the impact to fertility “in extreme cases”, if you got cervical cancer. Again, making it seem like a small risk. She went on to say there were not really any “known” impact on fertility

down the road. I think the word “known” is the issue, as we have seen so many changes in what is “known” and “unknown.”

Isn’t it amazing how we will take such precautions with things that don’t really matter because of

a “possibility” that something might happen, but when it comes to STD’s or sexual choices, the politically correct thing to do is either wring our hands, stick our head in the sand, or shoot the messenger?

I have had a young girl (13) sobbing her heart out on my shoulder because she was afraid that

her baby had HPV. She had gone to the Dr. for her first month post delivery visit and had precancerous cells in her cervix. She had had her cervix scraped multiple times and her baby was only six months old. Talk to her about HPV and fertility.

A friend of our staff shared that her friend is having to come to grips with the fact that she may not experience the joy of being a grandmother because her daughter’s fertility has been destroyed by HPV.

The young woman in the news segment who was told that she had HPV and needed to wait for three years to see if it had cleared asked the question, “But what if it’s been three years and it comes back?” The response was “When you are talking about something microscopic, that can

have no symptoms-that is so common, then you see how easy people get it.”

Did I miss the answer to her question in that response? Maybe it was an editing issue?

Hopefully, if it were an editing issue, the Dr. explained to them that if they find out they have it, and they decide to protect their reproductive system in the future, they should choose to be abstinent and not expose themselves to future infection from HPV or other STD’s that compromise the strength of their immune system. Then, when their body clears the HPV, they might not have to worry about it coming back. Some physicians and studies say, the majority of the time, the body fights it off, however, other physicians and studies say the virus can stay latent or dormant in the body to reactivate later in life. This is again one of those “unknown” items. Is it a reactivation, or the product of a re-infection, because risk behavior didn’t change?

The Dr. made the statement that gynecologists don’t test women in their 20’s because it is “assumed or presumed” that they will have HPV. Again, there is that PC theory that all young people will have sex with multiple partners. This is totally insulting to a generation who can and do make wise decisions when they are told the complete truth.

The news clip returns to studio where the anchor and the Dr. discuss the visit with the four females. The anchor asks if HPV can be prevented. The Dr. says this is the Million Dollar Question. She is shooting a little low, as prevention is more like a $16 Billion annual health care cost savings. She does says to prevent HPV you should choose complete abstinence, delaying sexual activity until older, minimizing number of sexual partners, using condoms is important, and getting the vaccine.

She did an excellent job describing complete abstinence as no sexual contact with an infected

person. She could have added to prevention, to be in a monogamous faithful relationship with an uninfected person. The rest of the list however is only lessening of risk and certainly not Prevention. A condom only provides limited (less than 50%) protection and only if the infection is located exactly where a condom covers … outside that area, no protection. She also didn’t

share that the vaccine only protects against 4 of the 40 types of HPV that affect the genital area.

Dr. Ashton did a good job in talking about treatment for HPV and listing treatment and need for gynecology visits, etc.

Then the anchor wanted to branch out so she said, “Obviously, men get it too, because aren’t they the one’s spreading it?” As a mom of a son and Nana to five, possibly six (one on the way) grandsons, I find this very offensive. Why do we make the males the villains? The man that is a carrier got it from an infected female. It is kind of like the, “What came first, the chicken or the egg?” question. And to be blunt, a female can get it from an infected female as well. To the anchor’s question/statement of gender bias, the Dr. includes in her answer that “men are the vectors.” Come on, really. I thought we were going to deal with Myths regarding HPV.

Truth is, if you are sexually active with multiple people or with an infected person you are at risk, female or male. That is exactly why our young men need to be encouraged to not only protect their reproductive system but also their reputation.

The Dr. then went on to briefly mention the different cancers that HPV has been linked to, such as, throat, lung, penile, anal, and other cancers of the reproductive system. She summed up by talking about the vaccine now being approved for boys. You might want to do some research yourself regarding this. You may be surprised by the lack of real research on this, but then again maybe not.

The last statement was “It’s a real significant Health Issue.” Finally the whole truth. It is a real and significant health issue not to mention an expensive issue. America, it is up to us to get educated, do the study, talk to others about this. Mom’s, Nana’s, talk to not only your daughters

and granddaughters, talk to your sons and grandsons as well. Dads, get in on the conversation too. If you know someone who needs more information or if you want more information, you can contact us through www.realitycheckinc.org. You can also get information from the website.

Send this blog to others you know that need real and direct truth about making wise and healthy sexual choices or anyone who is just had a belly full of politically correct Pregnancy/STI prevention propaganda.

Take Your Laundry Basket Mistakes & Make Them Beautiful

2010-06-14T08:22:00.000-07:00

When I was younger than 3 years old, I decided to try to fly. Yes, I was that type of child. Standing on the piano bench, I "flew" off into the laundry basket with clothes in it. Sounds like a good idea, but it wasn't. The laundry basket was like most of my baskets now, cracked, or at least a little broken on one side.

As you can expect, once I made my landing, my lips came in contact with the broken side of the basket. OUCH. I split my top and bottom lip open enough for stitches. To this day, I still have a scar on both of my lips.

Now, here's my question...want if my little girl wanted to jump off our piano bench into a broken laundry basket? I would stop her! I know what might happen and it's painful. She might cut her lip open and have a scar for the rest of her life. Plus, if I can avoid an emergency room bill, I will!

Why then do we have a problem teaching our kids about healthy sexual discipline when maybe we didn't practice it ourselves? This is like saying, I busted my lip so I can't tell her not to jump off the piano bench and bust her lip either.

You have a past, everyone does. There are great things about it, there are lousy things about it. The wonderful thing is that you are able to learn from those experiences and guide your kids, grandkids, students, and friends toward a BETTER outcome. Just because you suffered consequences of bad choices, doesn't mean you have to allow them to do the same. That's the beauty of learning! Take all those experiences and turn them into something beautiful for those you care about.

According to the CDC, there are 19 million NEW STD infections EVERY YEAR, making

STDs the most commonly reported infections diseases in the U.S. STDs are estimated to cost the U.S. health care system about $16 BILLION ANNUALLY, and can cause serious long-term health consequences. Left untreated, some STDs (such as chlamydia & gonorrhea) can lead to infertility, and many STDs increase the risk of HIV infection.

http://www.cdc.gov/nchhstp/Newsroom/stdconferencepressrelease.html

Wow, we aren't talking about a scar on their lip or a emergency room hospital bill. These consequences are life-long! Their consequences could be emotional damage and/or physical damage (infertility).

Let's STAND UP!!! Take courage and know that you have the RIGHT to tell your kids, students, friends, and loved ones to WAIT.

Reality Check Inc. Golf Tournament

2010-06-08T09:30:00.000-07:00

Reality Check Inc.'s 2nd Annual Golf Tournament will be coming to the Creeks Golf Course in Cave Springs, AR.

Activities include: 4 person Scramble with Shotgun start at Noon, Prizes for Longest Drive & Closest to the Hole, Lunch, as well as Goodie Bags for Every Player!

All donations from the tournament will assist in continuing Reality Check Inc. funding in our local schools.

Click here http://realitycheckinc.org/id321.html to learn more details and sign UP!!!

The Girl in the Silver Shoe

2010-06-01T11:14:00.000-07:00

My daughter is 15 months. She has a style of her own. She loves sparkles, shoes and jewelry. Rather than stacking the rings on the play cone, she wears the rings as bracelets for her wrist and ankles. She looks fabulous!

Her favorite thing though is a pair of silver dress shoes that are two sizes too big. The only catch is that she prefers to wear only one of them at a time. She looks so stylish with bed-head, a diaper, and one silver dress shoe popping on and off her foot as she walks.

You may be thinking "Cute, but what does that have to do with me?"

Here's the deal. Just like her, we all have the opportunity to "live outside the box", to live differently than the "norm" that society pushes onto us. Kids are great at this. Spend time with a little one and they'll show you how unique and creative that they are. I encourage each one of you to spend time thinking about how YOU can think differently about your relationships. Don't get me wrong, some people may look at you like you're wearing one dress shoe in Very casual attire, but it's worth it! We need to set ourselves apart from negative behaviors so that we can focus on the positive ones. Be who YOU know YOU need to be, to get to the FUTURE YOU want for YOURSELF!!

Parents, encourage your students to THINK outside the box, to not conform but be uniquely different.

We ALL started out as little creative kids with BIG dreams, UNIQUE vision, and CRAZY ideas of clothes!!

Southwest Health Fair

2010-05-24T10:08:00.000-07:00

Reality Check Inc. recently finished the a health fair at the Southwest Jr. High in Springdale, AR. Check it out!