every third thought

New Gap logo is yikes&LOL (offer included)

2010-10-09T13:05:00.000-07:00

New Gap logo is yikes&LOL (offer included)

The Saturday, Oct 9th Only 40% off @ Ricki’s*

2010-10-09T01:46:00.001-07:00

I just spotted that Ricki's is offering 40% off one regularly priced item both in stores and online.
This coupon is only valid on Saturday, October 9, 2010.
Buying online: simply enough, there is no need of using a coupon code when purchasing online, it will automatically take 40% off on the highest priced regular priced item in your shopping cart. To make the deal even sweater, you can put the coupon code FIVESHIP to get $5 ground shipping.

Click HERE to shop Rickis online
Visiting the store: you will need to bring in a printable coupon to get 40% off on a regular on item in store.
Click Here to print 40% off coupon
Here for store location across Canada

I saw bargain moose posted the same shout-out for the fashion that works.

count my Thursday blessings

2010-09-27T13:33:00.000-07:00

count my Thursday blessings

The LBD store on main summer clearance sale

2010-09-27T13:30:00.001-07:00

: my purchase, C Lace top from LBD store

: bling it up with my handmade brooch

Today, my neighborhood, main street was blocked for one of the street fairs again. I just LOVE it when that happens. The idea of being able to roam, chalk, salsa or just sit in the middle of the street is just liberating. One of the best things is that the vendor on main will take advantage of having a sale; I was lucky to score this C Lace one shoulder top from the LBD store for $10 bucks. What also caught my eyes was this pair of funky sandal; it is very comfortable but damn it! damn it! it was sold out in my size. I want someone to have it so I took a picture for all my friends for the remaining sizes (6/7/7.5/8). People! run out now to get it and enjoy it for what's left of Vancouver summer.

: $10

count my Wednesday blessings

2010-09-17T01:02:00.000-07:00

count my Wednesday blessings

Trends you love to hate

2010-09-17T01:00:00.000-07:00

I embrace a lot of trend
1. Flower & Stripes trend:
I love colour, patterns, prints and it probably would not seem fair that I sourced out the worst example of clashing patters here to demonstrate how easily you would seem obnoxious and look like a fresh roadkill.
if stripe is done with a bolder patterned flower print, it look uber chic tho.

2. Leggings and a denim mini skirt:
ok now, another trend that I did not like the first time in 2006 but it seemed to be lingering like a bad case of flu. If you are older than 8 and are not Hannah Montana fans, please please do not pari legging and denim together. The deadly combo is the finest of frenemies. You know that old saying, "Take one before you leave the house", it should be the legging in this case. Ew. EWW. EWWW. Seriously, you do the math!

3. Jegging:

It is gross like Cheetos; I don't get comprehend it like I don't get 'That's what she said' joke. I have seen it everywhere and it has been described as HOT items. It is this weird hybrid of super tight jeans and legging. This new denimology bugs me, for reals. So TopShop began in late 2009 by calling them knitted jeans, Urban Outfitters went with the 'pull on jean', but Asos.com came up with the jegging. So, Asos is to blame. I think my mom has a pair when I was like 5 and she dug it out from the bottom of her closet, wanting me to try it on. no thanks. I wouldn't wear legging as pants and this is it in that sense. please, take them off if you have a pair on now. go now, don't at me like that. GO.

count my Tuesday blessings

2010-08-25T12:54:00.001-07:00

After my Counting Monday blessings last week, I have decided to make this a regular post except I am counting blessings on a Tuesday this week, then Wednesday the following week...etc. Got the idea?

I am grateful:

1. as my salsa partner blew a breath into my face after I complained about the heat; his breath did not stink.

2. I got Kettle Chip, Honey Dijon at sale price of $1.99 at my local grocery shop East West Market.

3. Moo brought over hot pot ingredients, vegetarian style; I can't wait to try it.

4. armless pianist for inspiration, Marc Monday email for comfort, Clara's smile for warmth and this picture for laughter.

5. I am making contacts in great companies like Vision Critical, Arc`teryx and Obakki.

6. for 72 followers on twitter and 2 recommendations on 'My Salsa Week in Vancouver' post on NowPublic.

7. my daily phone call with my parents oversea; I had a heartfelt conversation today.

8. free, accessible, present and not-so-guilty simple pleasure of the almost full moon tonight; I stood underneath in awe.

9. for Aldo gold oxford shoes to help my double salsa turns; oh dr. Scholl's is hidden inside.

10. Another power outage did not hit my hood; I was lucky to have been stricken twice already.

Shout Out – Marc Cenedella, Founder & CEO, TheLadders.com

2010-08-23T14:02:00.000-07:00

I have been reading and following Marc's blog and newsletters for the past few months now; Today's post has resonated with me. "Everything's going to be all right" brought a sense of calm even though I have heard it all the time from friends and family. I do believe that it is just temporary but it is easy to fall prey to momentary lapses of insanity. Last few days for me, I thought it is never going to end. Today, I woke up to this email, reminding that I have to once again manage my expectation and pace myself.

Big Thumbs Up!

***

Good Monday morning,
Today marks seven years that I've been writing this newsletter to you all. If I had to summarize my advice from all those years, it would be this:

Everything's going to be all right.

Look, I know. I've read the anxiety in your e-mails; I've seen the worry in your faces; I've been through countless job searches with you, Readers.
There's no doubt about it, the job hunt is stressful, straining, and tedious. The lack of certainty over what's going to happen to you, your family, and your career creates so much worry that it's easy to fall prey to periods of despair.

But I can also tell you that everything is going to be all right.

We'll make it through, together.
We've helped literally millions of people through their job searches over these past seven years. It's rarely easy, but those millions have landed successfully on the other side in a new role. And you, too, will find your way through.

It will take longer than you want; it will be more of an emotional rollercoaster than you were hoping for; and there will be days when you think it is never going to end.
But end it does. The call will come, the offer will be made, you will find your next great gig. Barring major medical problems, professionals like you do land in a new role. I've seen it happen, literally, thousands upon thousands upon thousands of times.

And to get through the job hunt challenge, let me elaborate a bit further on what I've learned over these past seven years. My best tactical advice is this:

Pace yourself.

The job search can take anywhere from 6 to 8 months, sometimes longer. It may happen sooner, but you shouldn't get your hopes up lest you wind up disappointed. Be sure that you're mentally ready for that long of a search. Set your expectations and think through how you'll handle a half-year or longer of looking.

You'll need to work at it, steadily and consistently. And you'll also need to take breaks. Just like "real" work, job search work is exhausting, and you'll perform better if you keep yourself mentally, spiritually, and physically fit and well-rested.

Get your resume professionally written.

A great product needs great advertising. You are a great product, with a price point that's measured in six figures per year. Please have a professional write your "ad copy." The competition (i.e., other job-seekers) has done it, and it enables them to stand out in a stack of resumes. And while it typically costs less than 1% of your annual earnings to get your product well advertised, it will be the most productive money you spend in a job search.

Apply to one job per day.

If you're applying to dozens of jobs per week, you're not doing yourself any favors. The "spray and pray" method doesn't work. Because recruiters and HR departments receive so many resumes these days, if your application is not on target, it goes in the bucket.

All that wasted effort not only does you no good, it does you actual harm. Because you're sending out so many applications, you don't have the time to follow up on the right ones. And when your response rate turns out to be very low, you too may get very low as you inaccurately perceive there to be no demand for your talents.

Do this instead: apply to one job each day. And then use the extra time you have from not applying to so many jobs to follow up. Call your college buddy who works there. Seek out the company's executives at the trade show. Get yourself noticed by the hiring manager by blogging about your work.
Slow and steady wins the race, not the flash in the pan.

Well, folks, those are my best bits of advice, gleaned from 365 weeks of writing, 365 weeks of reading your replies, comments, and questions, and 365 weeks of research into making your job hunt more successful.

I enjoy being your guide, and I hope to continue doing so for 7, or 70!, years more.
Thanks and have a great week in your search.
Warmest regards,

Marc Cenedella, Founder & CEO, TheLadders.co

Follow me on Twitter here. I've been writing these newsletters weekly for almost a decade in order to provide you with the advice, encouragement, and assistance you need in your professional job hunt. I'll take what we've learned at TheLadders during the week, or experiences I've had with job-seekers all over the country, and try to find a usable lesson, a valuable insight, or a helpful tip to share with you on Monday morning (my writing deadline is 3 p.m. every Sunday afternoon).
I do read every one of your replies to this newsletter. Because of the volume of replies — typically over 1,000 per week — I'm unable to answer you personally, but one of our very qualified staff from our Job Search Support team will get back to you — most of the time within three hours or less.
As I am interested in every reply I get, I'll also occasionally reach out directly by phone or by email to say thanks, or ask a question, or to see how we can solve your problem better. Thanks for reading!

Clearance Sale Officially On – Breathe Yoga Wear

2010-08-20T17:32:00.000-07:00

: 2008 Manitoba Street, Vancouver (@ 4th Avenue)

Pants $10 | Shorts $10 | Tops $10 | Jackets $15 | Mats 2 for $20

M-F noon-5pm @ 2008 Manitoba Street Vancouver BC Canada

I have been to the 'Breath Sample Sale' about 3 times in the past 1.5 years; I have worn their stuff so it's easy for me to endorse. It is no lululemon so it doesn't come with that kind of price tags, designs or selections.

The FIT:
I usually try every single piece on before I make a purchase. Their fit is on the loose side. My friend and I are usually a size apart but with dry fit, she gets a size smaller so it fit her just right and looser on me. Their Yoga pants on the other hand are very fitted so please be sure to try multiple ones on even if they are the same colour; each may very well mould to your body differently.

What I have Purchased:
I have purchased their short sleeve dry fit in xs, every single colour in the selection so white, black, red, light purple, blue and dark blue.
Yoga pants: for summer months, I have purchased the Capri style in brown and green. It has a drawstring waistband and the leg is cropped to the calf with a back slits. This style is a little lower rise than I would have liked, finding myself doing the annoying and graceless pull- it-up while I workout. As for the colder times, I would go with the Roll Down Pant in full length which I find very versatile if I wanted more warmth around my tummy with the rise up when I leave gym into the coldest winter night.

I love their mats and have got them in purple and red. After washing them a couple of time, I find them softer than ever. Big thumbs up for the price I spent. (maybe I don't know any better since this is the first and only mat I have ever purchased; maybe there are ones with some crazy thread counts)

: Breath Yoga Wear on display

What to order at MuiGarden Restaurant before Salsa at the Forum

2010-08-19T14:53:00.000-07:00

Born in Taiwan, my parents have parachuted me down for school and I have been in Vancouver, the most livable city in the world on and off ever since. Currently residing around main street, one of the trendiest and up-coming neighbourhoods is my hood. Being single and all (plus laziness), I have been doing a lot of eating-outs this year. I used to enjoy cooking and cooking but that's behind me now (I do hope it's just a phase; I can still remember the pleasure of searching for recipes, shopping for ingredients, cleaning, dicing and finally patting myself on the back for a job well done)

It was Wednesday yesterday. You guessed it; It's the Wednesday Salsa at the Forum. We had some VIP passes left (FREE tickets can be pick up at Don Guacamoles at 1333 Robson St.) and my new salsa friends are royal followers and devoted students of Alfonzo Caldera, lead instructor at Bravo Dance Company. He was giving a free beginning lesson and put together a performance so I decided to look into what the hype was about (Mehhh..Alfonzo is alright; I am just a part of Rogerism, to each its own)

I digress. (this is my most repeated term, hence the name of my blog; I can not keep my thoughts still)

A party of 5 in MuiGarden Restaurant at 7:34 pm on the dot, this is the third time this month I have frequented, partly because ofthe New Fish Soup Noodle Combo for $7.75 (after the evil HST, it is under $10).

SOUP BASE + TOPPINGS + NOODLES

1. SOUP BASE: you have selection of 4-5 different kind of fish soup bases.

2. TOPPINGS: then you pick 2 toppings out of 8-12 different kinds of ingredients.

3. NOODLES: to complete the dish, you have choice of the types of noodles you like.

OHHH..It's not over yet, it comes with a drink, my personal favourite is HK lemon tea (my faithful pick-me-up)

Usually, I go with pumpkin and tomato soup base; my toppings would be beef balls, fish puff and thick rice noodles. YUM!

Four of us went with this special except an unwise man ordered dried curry with noodles before salsa; On top of that, he was re-inventing the way Asians pick up noodles, twirling the noodles with his chopsticks and making a small nest like how Italians do it. He should be so thankful that he didn't reek of all the spices combined with sweat, not sexy.

When Did I...

2010-08-18T18:49:00.000-07:00

***

"They all run full-fledged into failure but they do it so wholeheartedly.

When did I stop running wholeheartedly into what I desired?"

***

I remembered vividly as a child sitting on the dirty curb beside a street vender eating a Candied Fruit Stick (it’s all covered with a delicious red candied topping) and watching the crowd without a worry in the world; A minute ago, I was holding my dad's hand entering Taiwan's version of Playland and the next thing I know, I was lost in the crowd. I did not know fear then; I was so sure that my parents would come back and find me or I would just discover my way back to our car (my dad apparently freaked out tho and burst into tears; this incident scarred him for life. That's what I tell myself when he constantly checks in). Now, if the history were to reinvent itself, I would very likely pace around like a madwoman. I would not be calm. I would not be able to find simple pleasure like the little candied fruit stick. I would not have the patience to see the world goes by. As an 8-year-old child, I did so much better than the 3- year old woman I am now. A wise man once said: 'The two most significant events in our lives are the first and the last. When we are born, we take our first gasping breath of air, a noisy inhalation that immediately turns the body pink. At the end of our life, we ride out our last breath, and die on the exhalation." Don't waste your breath. So now, run wholeheartedly into what you desire. (pretty please?)

FREE HUGS in Vancouver!

2010-08-17T13:13:00.000-07:00

I GOT 2! I am not greedy but I really really needed them.

Sometimes, a hug is all what we need.

HUGS made my day. They are just what I needed: not sunshine, vitamin B12 complex nor Salsa.

PLEASE COME GET YOUR FREE HUGS!

ps. I have applied a filter to rotate my video already. It opened up right side up on my new Macbook using QuickTime Pro. I apologize if you have to TILT your head side ways to view my video. if you have trouble viewing, please view it from HERE.

Salsa in Vancouver!

2010-08-16T22:42:00.000-07:00

YUP, I SALSA.

Once a week lesson for couple of months now, I have since moved up to intermediate 1.

Roger is my instructor whom I repeatedly refuse when he asks me to dance. I always lose; the next scene would be him picking me up and placing me in the middle of the dance floor. (Of course, I would bust my moves after that)

It has been a busy past week for me: I have made a point to want to get more practice so I attended some of the events offered by the Vancouver Salsa Scene. (Believe it or not, there is an event every day of the week in Vancouver)

1. Salsa At The Forum WEDNESDAYS /August 11th, 2010/1163 Granville St./

After a massive opening nght of housing 300 guests the week before, I arrived at the Forum catching the last few minutes of the complementary lesson by Roger and his gang. Without a habit of drinking when salsa-ing (hmmmmm, the obvious reasons of not wanting to create an unconventional scented perfume and my not so-sure-surefooted moves), mojitos, the classic refreshing summer drink in HUGE jam glass jar did catch my attention (temptation, I resist).

Letting her voice roll with a sultry rough edge, an exotic lady whose name I didn't manage to catch was performing live. Added Bonus.

2. Salsa Duello DOES THE 70s/August 14th, 2010/412 West Hastings St/

Since it is a themed event, my belief has always been: if you got it, flaunt it; if you don't think you do, at least try it with moderation. With jumpsuit making its comeback, I cheated by wearing one of my newly acquired jumpsuit pieces by 'Twice Shy, Organic wear with an attitude. It is made out of a jersey cotton material with the cutest peephole back and strappy shoulder design. I love it! almost like a sporty yoga wear with a twist, perfect for salsa with wide leg swaying when I move.

But, I digress.

Brave of me, I usually go to these types of events alone (anyone? want to join?). I did have a few run-ins of questionable behaviuor but it has not dampened my enthusiasm. It has just lessened my guilt of saying NO to 'do you want to dance?'

3. Dancing in the street/August 15th, 2010/Granville Street between Robson and Georgia/

I had missed the previous 'Dancing in the street' on July 18th and 25th so I made sure I marked my calendar, set my alarm and there I was without fail in the hottest day of Vancouver Summer on Granville Street between Robson and Georgia where it is closed to traffic. (you really did not have to move, trust me, I was dripping just standing there) At 2pm with sun blazing from a cloudless sky, there was a FREE intro salsa lesson offered by Roger in his usual tight tight TIGHT shirt. FUN.

I am in need of...

2010-05-06T12:09:00.001-07:00

a life-GPS. I missed having that smooth utters of 'recalculating' whenever I detour.

I seemed to have misplaced my inner voice. I could have sworn that by 30, everything would fall into places for me but they didn't. And instead, I had the biggest 30 minutes (one minute for every year of my life, coincidence, I think not) phenomenon melt-down in front of my parents the day before my birthday.

In my mid-twenties, I was really enjoying becoming my own person, looking forward to the journey, exploration and maturity. I used to have this 'I am fresh, alive and out of control. I can not wait to take over.' attitude about life. Now I read articles like this, advising me to get married and have kids before thirty. Instead of shrugs and chuckles, now I would experience that little unknown panic: am I really running out of time? Better yet, where has my inner strength gone?

Plus, it is kind of impossible now to meet that plan. Does that mean by some standard, I have somehow screwed up royally ? Or I really should learn how to understand the gifts from the universe better, appreciating the upside of events.

When planning, you need to have a strong concept but being flexible is key. There will be a lot challenges and curve balls that restrict you. Much like the game of life, I guess I just need to:

1) Focus on the now.

2) Like plans, love change.

3) Take risks.

4) Repeat.

easier said than done? "you can’t plan love. And you can’t plan for your career any better"

you seem to attract a lot of weirdos

2010-05-05T16:48:00.000-07:00

That seemed to be the common comment after sharing some of my stories: this, this and that (still writing this one). Or, I get: you also seem to reject a lot of guys, maybe you are being too picky! (scream. I need an upgrade on wordpress to give you a sound, a real life experience. Soon, I promise!) Maybe, that's why I blog.

I wish my modern life is drama queen and frenemy free.

I don't mean to. (I really hate it when I have to apologize for the way I am but I have learned that it is come with being a grown-up)

I do not considered myself to be a hottie (don't get me wrong, I have a healthy and humble self-esteem) But, lately I wish I were born male: all I have to worry about in the morning is whether to go with light blue or dark blue dress shirt with dark denim or dark khaki and brown or black belt and shoes. And, I do not have to (I should but not forced) care about the challenges (12 in this case) that women face in any generation. I do not have to walk that narrow line, in that box, category, stereotype...etc the list can go on.

I particularly have hard time dealing with my blushing syndrome and maybe at times, it just sends out the wrong message in my professional or well, any life circumstances. Maybe I should never touch my hair or be within anyone's personal comfort zone or any body language clues that people are writing about.

Also the whole: should I give out my number to this person (none gender specific) always seem to concern me. I am trying so hard to have an open mind; cultivate and expand my withering social circle but a lot of times, I am the receiving end of text/call terrorism. Now as a decoy, I can try to direct them to facebook/twitter so they can add/remove, follow/unfollow me as a friend whenever their ADD decides to kick in.

um...Live and learn?

sorry! my heart is closed for the time being

2010-05-04T17:09:00.000-07:00

inspiration: working it out vs tossing it out

It has been more than 8 months since my last relationship.

After sending my closure mail to him expressing my disappointment and gratitude, I made sure I only focus on myself and myself only. I was nurturing my wound in the way I know how, shutting all contacts from him. I was slowing piecing my life together. It is not much of a struggle anymore however, his recent missed call did set me back a few steps in my attempt to evolve and untangle life.

There are guys that expressed interests after the knowledge of my breakup. I have always believed that time alone after an intense relationship is much required. It is almost the foundation to the next potential one. I do not want to explore ahead; all I wanted to do is time for myself, figuring what I want, who I want and how I want to move forward.

In the midst of moving forward, I have encountered this:

Out of blue, one of my old colleagues confessed on msn that he had a soft spot for me and I remained one of his beautiful possibilities. As flattering as it is, I did not interrupt him because I thought he was just going through a stage and wanting to unburden so he is able to move forward, much like what I am doing. (never assume people, never assume)

we hardly talk if we do, it’s mostly professional/work stuff since he had been a great reference. Much to my surprise, it did not just end there. We met up for tea to catch up and it is probably the third time in 4 years since we saw each other. In my mind, I thought it is only the professional thing to do because I am going after a job that requires references. During tea, he interrupted the flow of our conversation and asked how I feel about what his confession.

My reply was: nothing!

I could sense his shock so I went on to explain that I assumed he just wanted to let it out without any expectation. He was surprised that I said I felt nothing since he thought there was definitely some chemistry and how he is almost never wrong about this. (well) He even went on to describe some proof and his perception of how things were. I explained to him that I have no desire in participating in this. I can not and I will not:

He is a person that I trusted professionally. I felt betrayed. Unbeknownst to me, he has a different story built up in his head, choosing to believe that I was reciprocating. I was not serving him any extra attention or giving him the wrong impression. We never spent anytime outside of work when I was at that company. I was particularly unimpressed by one of his comments: ‘I would like to have someone who is passionate, curious, and ambitious about life and I see that all in you. I know after what you told me I should feel sh*tty but I do not. I still feel hopeful because whoever I want, it would always work out’ (WOW! good for him for being so confident but really?!)

He is involved with someone else. Seriously! I really do not have respect for people that are looking and exploring ahead while providing someone else with a false sense of security. I was enraged when I expressed my view on his behaviour. It is cowardly. I do not buy his reasoning nor do I understand his action. I know I should not judge because he is much closer to the matter than I am. All I can do is to exit gracefully from his pathetic attempt to include me in this drama.

I am upset with how vulnerable people are and how fragile a relationship is. Nothing lasts.

I guess the worst would be where he is trapped himself in: the forever limbo.

Blessed!

2010-05-02T21:59:00.000-07:00

For the past week, I have made great strides in turns of job hunt front. Even though I do not have final good news to share yet, I have got a great feelings about this potential new opportunity. A recruiter sought me out and after speaking to her, it led to HR recruiter interview then a face to face with the hiring manager. I have my fingers, toes and even my eyes crossed for this. It moved rather quickly and I LOVE that because all job seekers can all agree that waiting is the toughest part.

I feel blessed! I have my great friends and family cheering me on. I am reassured when I am second guessing. I am encouraged when I am agonizing over ..well life itself but I know the only way to go is up :)

also, I am inspired by this: Simple Living

really, keep it simple

My Rejection Letter Trumps Yours

2010-04-15T15:25:00.000-07:00

I thought all my fellow jobseekers out there would enjoy this humorous example of a rejection letter that I stumbled across .......

A DIFFERENT KIND OF “EMPLOYMENT REJECTION” LETTER (Something To Lighten Up Your Job Search!!!)

999 Likely Lane LUCKSVILLE WA 6060

20 October 2009

Professor Reid Iculus Department of Opportunity University of Absolute Nonsense 123 Jobsearch Junction PERTH WA 6000

RE: Assistant Professor

Dear Professor Iculus

Thank you for your letter dated 12 October 2009.

After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me an assistant professor position in your department.

This year, I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite the University Of Nonsense’s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professor in your department in November.

I look forward to seeing you then.

I wish you luck in rejecting future applicants.

Yours sincerely

A Jobseeker

Reinvention for Sanity During Job Search

2010-04-12T14:48:00.000-07:00

At around the six-month mark after losing my job, I realized that I’d started branding myself as an unemployed person. That was starting to feel depressing. So I repositioned myself in my own mind.

I started doing online certifications to strengthen my resume. At social settings, when people asked me what I do, I start answering, “I’m a Internet marketer.” Even though I still have not yet seen the light at the end of the tunnel, answering the question that way made a big difference to my mental health.

I find that the only way to get successful at a new plan is through optimistic self-labeling: telling the world that you’re already doing the thing you want to do.

It’s exuberant to change how you label yourself, especially if the new label is aspirational: something that you want to be, rather than something you already are.

Maybe that's why 'The Secret' has sold 500,000 copies in 6 months.

Pick Your Brain for Free In A Job Interview?

2010-04-08T16:57:00.000-07:00

update: different point of view on giving your work away

I came across this article and I have a semi-related TINY thought about this; TINY in caps: Don't work for free in a job interview

Going through perpetual interviews is the story of my life right now. The process requires hours of preparation, putting on my best smile, clever answers, active follow ups and wait! the toughest part yet is to wait for the reply(or the lack of).

But, let's zoom in on the interview:

Sometimes, some companies (mostly start-ups) would ask interviewees to give feedback on how to better their situation, website, products...etc.

I have been in a couple of situations where a business decision can not be made THEN, the CEO would say: 'let's run an job ad and get people to come and see what they say'. Most of the time, the ad would read: 'contract work but potential to full time employment due to rapid growth of company' (I am not saying that contract work isn't the way to get your foot into the door; it is but some situations are a little trickier than others)

Most recently, I find myself in an interview where the CEO spilled his guts about his business conundrum. He started his interview racing through the thought process of running this type of job post:

1. He needs a warm body to answer the phone while his project manager is on a 2-weeks vacation.
2. He has decided that whoever that he hired for this short period of time will only be able to twirl fingers when the phone isn't ringing.
3. He CAN have whoever he hires to work on 1. design 2. SEO or 3. case study but he went ahead and said but I don't need people doing them later so I don't see the money well spent.
4. Then, he talked about how he wanted the company to remain small and cost driven. (I could appreciate that) He could have hired an intern for 3-6 months without paying but he does not trust the quality of the intern.

Result, he met with 10 qualifying candidates for interview out of 50 resumes and asked them to go back and think about what WE can contribute and solve this for him.

I left the interview with mixed feelings; I am frustrated with the job market and needless to say that I will not be able to help. I am walking away not because this contract is beneath me (I very much enjoy the social media product this company presents) but I just do not agree with this type of business conduct. Even if it leads to a full term job, I would keep wondering: is this where I want to position myself?

Moral of the story? I have learned to stick to my professional boundaries. I know what I want. (universe, do you hear me?)

"I am firmly against people giving away something for nothing,"said Beck, who likens such requests from hiring managers as robbery. I give thumbs up to this!

331 Miles: Getting Two Job Offers During the Recession

2010-03-17T15:05:00.000-07:00

331 Miles: Getting Two Job Offers During the Recession

I found this blog very helpful! ESPECIALLY...

Turned Down Inferior Positions

I wasn't scared to tell potential employers that I wasn't interested. It's a key part of building your career, even if you're hungry for employment. I told two different employers, Eaton and Scott Fertilizer, that I was not interested in pursuing the opportunity they presented. It scared me to do it, but I knew that the jobs were not right for my career. If I had accepted one, I would have missed out on two very good offers.

I have been on the job search for a while now! since (gulp) the "restructure of the company". I have had numerous information interviews, phone interviews, first interviews, second interviews and FINALLY, just as I thought that my effort was about to be paid off: It led to a disappointing offer and I just HAD TO walk away.(trust me, I did negotiate that offer)IT HURT, really and that was months ago! I still have second thoughts about the decision, not only because it was a great company but also that I think I am leading towards more to job hop theory now (not then, but now I think to myself: THAT is a decent idea)

BIG oh well! Just had to focus and move on with more certainty! I hope my phone interview tomorrow will lead to a face to face interview then second interview, then 'let's close the deal, baby!'

MOMENTUM, now I can only: Be Bold, Play, Keep at it!

Vows - Aretha Davis and Angelo Volandes

2010-02-07T17:37:00.000-08:00

AS far as destination weddings go, having one at an orphanage near Calcutta is no doubt unusual. But so was the 20-year odyssey that brought Aretha Davis and Dr. Angelo Volandes to that location.

They met in 1989 in a freshman ethics class at Harvard. He was a handsome philosophy major from Brooklyn with black turtlenecks, slicked-back hair and compelling rhetoric.

Ms. Davis was soft-voiced and strong-willed. She wore her father’s fedora “with the feather,” she said, along with leather high-tops and Coke-bottle-thick eyeglasses.

It was her impassioned empathy for those less fortunate that mesmerized Dr. Volandes, now 38. “Aretha has boundless love,” he said.

They bonded over their shared perspective as first-generation Americans; her parents came from Guyana and his from Greece. Dr. Volandes, who bused tables at his father’s Greek diner, said they both grew up in families that prioritized hard work and helping others.

They started doing volunteer work together and engaged in endless hours of ardent debates — on every topic other than romance.

“We were two nerdy people,” said Ms. Davis, 37.

The relationship remained platonic. But in their junior year, Ms. Davis, who describes herself as a late bloomer, “developed some curves,” she said, recalling with amusement that “Angelo looked at me differently.”

Gone were her thick prescription glasses and fedora. Instead, she had contact lenses and cascading cornrows. “All the sudden she was this voluptuous woman,” said Dr. Volandes, now a medical ethicist at Harvard who specializes in end-of-life decision-making.

As one who spent Saturday nights in the library, he wasn’t sure how to proceed. It took him until their senior year in 1993 to send her a Valentine’s Day card, albeit an ambiguous one. “As soon as she read it, she ran back to my dorm room livid,” he said, remembering the interrogation that followed. Cornered, he admitted his feelings, and they tearfully embraced.

After graduating that spring, they received fellowships; she did nutrition research at a Guyanese orphanage, and he studied healing traditions in Greece and Egypt.

Deeply in love, Ms. Davis looked forward to taking their relationship to the next level when they returned for grad school.

Dr. Volandes, contemplative by nature, felt pressured. “At 21, she was ready to get married,” he said. “I wasn’t.” He abruptly broke up with her in 1994, insisting it was prudent for them to stay focused on their studies, law for her and medicine for him.

She was shattered, she said, and they didn’t speak for six years.

“There wasn’t a day when I didn’t think about Aretha,” Dr. Volandes said. Yet he never told her, even when his medical residency took him to Philadelphia, where she was working as a lawyer. “I imagined some other lucky guy was already married to her.”

But while Christmas shopping in 2000, Ms. Davis spotted him post-call, unshaven and bleary-eyed. “I had practiced all these things I was going to say to him for years, but I felt nothing but love when I saw him,” she said.

He responded in kind. “To meet the love of your life randomly for a second time, you don’t mess up on that,” Dr. Volandes said.

But this time, marriage was not her priority, having decided to switch careers and become a doctor.

So it wasn’t until 2008, with her fourth year at Harvard Medical School on the horizon, that he proposed, quoting from C. P. Cavafy’s poem, “Ithaka” about Odysseus and his epic journey to Penelope: “As you set out for Ithaka, hope your road is a long one, full of adventure, full of discovery.”

On Nov. 18, they had a brief civil ceremony in Easton, Mass., where Michael Marram, a justice of the peace, officiated in his home. Then on Dec. 13, the Rev. Andrew P. K. Mondal led a Greek Orthodox ceremony at a girls’ orphanage in India run by the Philanthropic Society of the Orthodox Church, where the bridegroom’s mother had volunteered in 2000.

“Instead of a big fat Greek wedding, we donated funds and asked our family and friends to donate funds,” Dr. Volandes said. The money will go toward college scholarships for the orphans. The couple plans to return to the orphanage each year for community service vacations, Ms. Davis said. “Our children will hopefully see the girls as their sisters.”

The 95 girls, ranging in age from 3 to 18, were both hosts and honored guests. They helped the bride prepare, wrapping her in an embroidered lehenga, painting her with henna and giving her costume jewelry.

“They have so little, but what they have they will offer,” Ms. Davis said. “The only difference between us and these girls is their parents didn’t emigrate.”

A dozen of the girls in colorful saris escorted them through a verdant courtyard and into a simple white chapel. There, the couple was joined by the rest of their 95 bridesmaids, who showered them with rose petals after they exchanged their vows.

“Our relationship has been more of a marathon than a sprint,” Ms. Davis said, sounding jubilant about where their journey had led.

“The destination is a beautiful thing,” her husband said, “but arguably the richer story is what it took to get there.”

A. Sharma contributed from Bakeswar, India.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/20/fashion/weddings/20VOWS.html

A Short Course in Releasing

2009-12-25T07:08:00.000-08:00

Releasing is a fantastic tool for unleashing freedom in your life! It allows you to let go of sadness and limitation, and embrace freedom and happiness. It enables you to drop negative emotion and increase positive emotion. Releasing allows you to control your feelings, rather than letting your feelings control you. In fact, I’d consider releasing to be perhaps the most important self-development technique on the planet. Sound interesting? Well, let’s start from the beginning. Emotions are how we feel.
We feel grief after the death of a family member. We feel anger when somebody rubs us up the wrong way. We feel pride when we do a great job. Emotions are useful, and help make us human. But sometimes emotions hold us back. They cause us to freeze in fear when about to deliver our speech. They cause us to continue being angry toward someone we should’ve forgiven long ago. They cause us to carry on being addicted to gambling, or bad relationships. Yes, emotions have a lot to answer for! But the good thing is that you can control your emotions just as simply as you’d control a light switch. Turning them off is as simple as . You see, the secret you must realise is this:
You are not your emotions. That’s right. You are not your emotions. And your emotions
are not you. Emotions are just things that you experience. Rather than “I am angry,” a more accurate description might be “I am experiencing anger.” And rather than “I am courageous,” a more lucid version may be “I am feeling courageous.” So, emotions are just things you experience. Sometimes they feel good, sometimes they run riot. And you can switch them off as easily as you’d switch off a plug socket.
How? Through the process of releasing. Now, releasing is all about letting go of your negative emotions. When you let go of negative emotions, you’ll feel
lighter and more stress-free. You’ll enjoy greater freedom and feel more at peace with the world. Releasing is always a great idea. (You can let go of positive emotions too, and you’ll typically feel even more positive as a result.)
How can you release? Firstly, you need to recognize that we’re each desperately
holding onto our emotions – even those emotions that aren’t serving us. We’re clenching them, like we’d clench our hands around a pencil or a small ball. We’re holding on to that fear, that grief, that apathy – because we somehow think that it is us, and that we need it. But when we realise that we are not our emotions, and that
we don’t need it, we can simply choose to let it go. That is, we can unclench our fist – and allow that emotion to simply be free, or even drop out of our hands altogether. Let’s try it together. Think of something right now that you know is a concern for
you. It might be a situation at work, or a particular person you dislike, or just some general worry that you have. Make it a simple issue for now, just for starters.
Think of that thing, and notice the resistance that builds up in your stomach.
Then simply ask yourself the question: “Can I let this go?” Which is another way of saying: Can you unclench the grip you have around this feeling right now? Can you release the grip? Can you let go of the resistance? Can you just drop the
emotion attached to this issue? As you ask yourself “Can I let this go?” – breathe out, and answer honestly with “Yes” or “No” out loud. It doesn’t matter which you answer with, it’ll all provide you with an emotional release on some level. While exhaling, feel the release happening. Feel yourself unclenching that grip. Feel yourself just letting go of that emotion. Notice the difference? Remember, we are the ones that are holding on to our emotions. We are the ones that are causing them to continue living inside our minds. Would you prefer to hold on to your negative emotions even more, allowing them to bubble away inside your mind – or would you prefer to just let them go? Remember, by letting go, we’re not agreeing with it, or letting somebody off the hook. We’re simply releasing the emotion attached to it. We’re granting ourselves greater peace and serenity. Then, when you’re ready, connect to see whether that issuestill has any charge. If it does, repeat the process once more: connect with the issue, ask yourself “Can I let this go?”, answer “Yes” or “No” while breathing out, and feel the release. Loop on this entire process a few more times. You’ll soon begin to really feel very different about the whole issue. Within minutes, you’ll notice the emotion has drastically reduced in size – and may just have disappeared altogether. Right? Finished? How did that feel? Let’s try it once more. This time, make sure you follow through the entire process. Out loud, too, if you can. Again, think of a situation which brings up some resistance in your tummy. It might be an annoying person, or a small worry that you have right now. Get in touch with that sensation, that energy, that feeling. Then ask yourself: “Can I let this go?”
Answer the question out loud, with a “Yes” or “No,” while breathing out. Remember, any answer is fine, they both work the same magic. Just be honest.
As you answer, loosen your clutch on the emotion. Relax into the comfort. Release.
Feel yourself unclenching. Feel yourself letting go. Releasing feels great. It’s like the feeling you get when the doctors call you, after those worrying tests – and say you’ve got the all clear. It’s total relief. That’s releasing. To help you feel the release even further, imagine two doors in front of your stomach opening, allowing all of the negative emotion just to flow out – as you let go. Really feel it happening. Great! Finished? Now check how you feel. If there’s still any emotional charge left, no worries. That’s fine! Repeat the process until you feel better about the issue,
or want to finish. If you don’t feel any progress at all, don’t worry either. Just let go of trying to get results. Sometimes you’re too busy “watching” to really experience.
And if you answer “No” during the process and don’t feel yourself able to let go, don’tworry about that either. Every step, no matter how redundant it may feel, helps take you closer to emotional freedom. Just release on it and move on.
And that’s it, really. Releasing is the quickest and easiest method for letting go of
troublesome emotions. It’s the hidden process behind almost every therapy out there
– from psychotherapy to tribal drum therapy. Except here we’re just releasing the emotions directly, rather than fluffing up the process.
There’s no need to spend years sitting on a couch, going into your “back story” and analyzing precisely why things happened that way. Here, we just release – and move on.
It really is as simple as that.

Just connect with the emotion and ask yourself: “Can I let this
go?” – then breathe out, answer “Yes” or “No,” and feel
yourself letting go. Easy! Further Releasing Methods There are other ways of releasing, too – all based on the same core “letting go” principle.
One of the most popular is the three questions method. This was popularized by the late Lester Levenson, and is now taught in the Abundance Course
(www.releasetechnique.com) and The Sedona Method (www.sedona.com). This technique is based on the following premises:

1. We don’t know that we can let emotions go
2. We don’t want to let go of emotions
3. We always put off letting go until later
So, this method of releasing works by addressing each of
these questions – allowing us to cycle through, and slowly let go of the emotions that are holding us back.

Here are the steps:
1. Think of the situation, and connect with the emotion
you’d like to release.
2. Ask yourself: “Could I let this go?” (yes/no - answer out
loud, honestly)
3. Move on to ask: “Would I let this go?” (again, yes/no)
4. And then: “When?” (now/later)
5. Feel that release – then check to see how the situation feels. If there’s still some emotional charge, go back to step one and loop again: you’ll find some issues are
layered like onions, and are released over multiple passes. Or if you feel stuck in the actual process itself, let go of wanting to feel stuck, and start again – or rest for a while.

Another popular releasing method is the welcoming
technique, popularized by many releasing teachers,
including Chris Payne with his Effort-Free Life System
(www.effortfree.com).

Here are the steps to follow for this technique:
1. Lower your head and place your hand on your chest or
stomach. Get in touch with an emotion, or a situation
that has an emotional charge for you.
2. Notice the intensity of the feeling in your body, and rate
the intensity from 0 to 10.
3. Welcome the emotion, much as you’d welcome a friend
into your home. Welcoming doesn’t mean you agree or
forgive the emotion, just embrace it, accept it, welcome it.
Allow it to be there, instead of pretending it doesn’t exist.
Feel the welcoming.
4. Now get in touch with the emotion again. How does it feel?
5. Rate the intensity again, from 0 to 10. Keep going until it comes down to 0. If you feel stuck, ask yourself if you could let go of trying to change being stuck – or simply continue later. Releasing teacher Lester Levenson (whose work is now continued through The Abundance Course and The Sedona Method) also used to suggest that individuals try letting go of wanting control, approval and security too. These are general terms that can help you release on emotions right across the board. You know, releasing is about letting go of emotions. It’s about detachment. It’s what the Eastern world calls letting go of our attachments and aversions.
In the Western world, this releasing process is essentially the equivalent of saying:
“F**k it!”
(A wonderful argument set forth by John C. Parkin in his book of the same name.) Try each of these techniques yourself, and start using whichever suits you best. But remember to try them. Releasing isn’t just for reading about. It’s experiential.
Conclusion Releasing is a powerful method for gaining greater emotional freedom. It helps you realise that you are not your emotions – and thereby allows you to release all of the limiting thoughts, emotions and feelings that have held you back in the past. You’ll become happier, enjoy more self-empowerment, and simply be more free when you discover releasing for yourself.
Take time out to go through all of your issues, negative emotions, and the people in your life – releasing on each in turn. You’ll feel the benefits immediately. Just keep asking yourself “Can I let this go?” Practice it as often as you can – and do it all the time. Even when you’re talking to somebody, you can release there and then, in that moment. It’s simple and it’s easy.

Day 29: A World of New Encounters

2009-12-25T07:04:00.001-08:00

from how to heal a broken heart in 30 days

You are finally learning to define yourself as just who you are, not as mate who is tied to another. when you can take joy in that fact, your future opportunists will of course become greater. As you heal and begin to look around once again, here's a checklist to help afford you some guidance. give all of these ideas time to take hold:

1. how do you feel? people can read a lack of self-confidence in your eyes. here's cruel fact: it's a turnoff. don't amble among strangers until you're easily able to step out with a smile and keep your head held high. if you project a sense of vulnerability, you may attract a rescuer. that someone may give you emotional support in exchange for your love. but beware, basing your dealings on this kind of dependency may stunt your emotional evolution.

2. how do you look? do you look your best? have you let yourself go? do you need to get back in shape or restyle your hair?

3. where do you look? how do you meet people? what kind of places make you feel comfortable about talking to strangers? do you have a list of places you can go with friends? do you use a dating services?

4. how are your social skills? were you once a good flirt? are you still? can you laugh easily and make other people laugh with you? do you see yourself as someone who you'd want to spend time with? or are you showing even the least little bit of desperation?

5. practice making new friends and acquaintances every day of the week. the best loves are often born of genuine friendships.

6.when you want to develop any relationships in depth, seek to meet your own emotional need first rather than satisfying the expressed expectation of others.

7. don't be a 'pleasure pig' stay away from high speed fantasy flings. don't simply seek the visceral thrill of making a conquest. if you keep falling and flailing your way into and out of what you may somehow call love, you'll end up running in circles rather than growing. recognize where your true satisfaction comes from and work patiently towards that end.

8. before you even consider falling in love with anyone again at some time in the future, get a sense of where they may take you. seek out their hearts and the beauty within them before you seek to do anything else.

9. look for love in a lot of new places and ways. perhaps the reason you've got a track record for hunting is that you've made the same mistakes with each new relationship. and just because someone responds to your overtures doesn't mean that they will be suitable for you. romance may be magic but its spells are by no means easy to master.

10. don't make any new lover pay for your old traumas. don't look for new love to cure your old ills. that's your job, not theirs.

11. learn how to cut your losses more quickly. keep your emotional bags packed and parked by the door, until you're absolutely sure this one's for you. if you do not have a good feeling about someone, move on quickly but as graciously as possible. otherwise, you'll pay the price of dealing with more pain.

12. don't show off the scars from you past relationships. new prospects may only conclude you're a professional victims and head for the hills.

13. take stock of who you are privately, when you're relaxed with your guard down. that's the real you, the person you should project when you are ready to openly pursue a compatible mate.

14. give people a chance, but don't ignore your instincts. be a good interior detective, especially regarding your own needs. acknowledge it early if there are ultimately going to be irreconcilable difference. even if the love seems strong at the time, these unresolved issues will eventually undermine that foundation.

go ahead. mix with the world. even if you're far from ready to fall back in love, just find new interactions that you genuinely enjoy.

take small, safe steps of a child if you must, in order to get yourself back out there again. meet new people by mixing in familiar groups and in casual circumstances at first. the small positive social steps you take can pay off in friendships almost immediately. you may someday choose to take romantic chances again, but only after getting your feet back on the ground. that's when you'll be able to make wiser choices.

the form your future happiness takes is completely up to you. you are the artist that will colour the rest of your life. give yourself the freedom you need to find your own beauty.

-- love, loss, injury and recovery are some of the most powerful teaching tools given to us by life's designers. embrace their cycle: renew your own meanings. now's the time to relieve your heart of the weight of your loss so you may once again rise to the healing powers of love. it surrounds you always.

The Three Stages of Intimacy

2009-12-25T07:03:00.001-08:00

Adapted from Intimate Communion By David Deida.

How do you respond to the extreme expressions of Masculine and Feminine energy? Your response to the exaggerated play of sexual polarity can give you a clue to the stage of relationship for which you are most ready.

Imagine you happen to discover a videotape beneath a tree while taking a walk through the woods. Curious about it, you bring it home and pop it into your VCR. There on the screen are a naked man and woman having sex beneath the very tree under which you found the videotape. You feel strange about watching it. The woman makes a high-pitched screaming sound. The man pulls back her head by her hair, exposing her neck which he licks and kisses. The woman seems to be struggling--or is she writhing in ecstasy? Just then, your child walks into the room so you quickly turn off the TV and remove the videotape.

You think about what you have just witnessed for the rest of the day. Were you watching a videotaped rape, or a passionate couple at the peak of sexual rapture? That night, as you are lying in bed trying to sleep, images of the videotaped sex scene dance through your head.

Part of you may want to make love in such an abandoned and passionate fashion. Another part of you may be queasy, wondering if the "passion" was actually forced against the woman's will. Or was it just the couple's ravishing sexual play with one another? You decide to watch the rest of the tape in the morning and then either show it to your intimate partner in the hopes that it will evoke deeply passionate lovemaking between you, or show it to the police so they can get started on the case.

You wake up in the morning and as soon as you are alone in the house, you pop the videotape back into the VCR and turn on the TV.

The woman seems to be resisting, but it's hard to tell. Suddenly her back arches and a long moan slides from her throat. She begins to claw the man's back, her fingernails digging deeply into his skin and muscles, dragging and scratching their way down to his buttocks. He kisses her neck, her breasts, and her nipples, at first gently nipping and then biting. The videotape ends.

How you respond to this videotape depends on which stage of intimacy you are ready for.

THE THREE STYLES OF INTIMACY

By understanding your current style of intimate relationship, you can understand the next step you need to take. Which of the three styles is most like your current, or recent, relationship: Dependence, 50/50, or Intimate Communion? Each of these three styles is also a stage that you can grow through, if you are willing to be lovingly humorous about your own patterns in intimacy.

1. Dependence Relationship

"Men are men and women are women."

In the imaginary video, were you viewing a man and a woman in the abandoned throes of sexual ecstasy, or was the man subjugating, biting, and penetrating the woman against her will? In a Dependence Relationship, sex and power are often painfully mixed up; partners often confused some version of the master/slave relationship with real love. They are engaged in some kind of power play. In a Dependence Relationship, one partner often needs to feel in control while the other partner often gives up his or her authentic power in order to feel loved and accepted.

A Dependence Relationship involves partners who become dependent on each other for money, emotional support, parenting, or sex. Although the sex is sometimes good in this style of relationship (especially during the making-up period after a fight), partners often end up feeling limited by old-style gender roles or by an imbalance of financial or physical power. So they attempt to transition to the next style of relationship. To do so they learn to build personal boundaries and take care of themselves, rather than always catering to the needs of their partners.

2. 50/50 Relationship

"Safe boundaries and equal expectations for men and women."

Partners in a 50/50 Relationship want to feel safe, so the videotape might seem harsh and violent to them. On the surface, they might seem completely turned off and react as if any form of forceful and passionate sexual ravishment is an act of rape. Deep down, however, they might be wistfully turned on, reminded of the depth of sexual loving that may be missing from their safe but lukewarm love life.

The 50/50 Relationship is the "modern" style of relationship which is based on two independent people coming together and working out an equitable partnership. Each partner is expected to shoulder half the responsibilities, more or less, right down the middle. Each often has their own source of income, and together they negotiate a 50/50 plan to divide household duties, parenting, and financial obligations. To accomplish this, they attempt to strike their own inner balance between Masculine and Feminine qualities, both at home and at the workplace.

However, as many of us have discovered, there is a potential problem with this ideal of a 50/50 Relationship. We begin to lose our aliveness. Sexuality loses its passion. Our inner fire begins to fade. And we feel an incompleteness at our center. Why? Because many of us have a sexual essence that is naturally more Masculine or Feminine than it is equally balanced or Neutral. Thus, a side-effect of this effort toward 50/50 is the suppression or starvation of our naturally more Masculine or Feminine sexual essence.

For some of us, a cooperative partnership which emphasizes communication and shared responsibilities is sufficient. Others in this situation eventually suffer a feeling of incompleteness and develop a yearning to touch and be touched far more deeply and more passionately than a 50/50 Relationship often allows.

3. Intimate Communion

"I relax into oneness and spontaneously give my deepest gift."

If we have grown beyond a 50/50 Relationship, we are no longer cautious about giving our love to our intimate partner. At moments we might beg and whimper; at other moments we might aggressively ravish our partner in love. Still at other times our loving is serene and sweet. But whether shouting, screaming, pleading, pushing, pulling, biting, or hugging, we are gifting our partner with our uninhibited and free love, flowing directly from our sexual essence without fear or doubt.

If we have grown into the practice of Intimate Communion, the imaginary videotape does not pose a dilemma since we understand that the fundamental difference between rape and ravishment is simple: love. Is love the motive of every squeeze, shriek, and nibble, regardless of how forceful, aggressive, or passionate? Or is it a motive of need--the need for sex, the need for power, the need for control?

Most importantly, in the practice of Intimate Communion we learn that love is something you do, not something you fall into or out of. Love is something that you practice, like playing tennis or the violin, not something you happen to feel or not. If you are waiting to feel love, in passionate sex or safe conversation, you are making a mistake. Love is an action that you do--and when you do it, you feel it. When you are loving, others find you lovable. Love is an action you can practice.

Therefore, in Intimate Communion we learn to practice loving, even when we feel hurt, rejected, or resistant. First we practice love, and then our native sexual essence blooms, naturally, inevitably, because we are learning to give from our core, which includes the root of our sexuality.