The other day, I was talking to someone and I told them to be good to their wife on Mother’s Day.  He then replied “it is just a Hallmark holiday” and walked away.

Of course, I couldn’t let this go.  I had to explain that it indeed was an important day, and not just because I am a mom myself.

This comment made me think of the whole concept of “Hallmark Holidays”.

On the surface, it is easy to say that Mother’s Day/Father’s Day/Valentine’s Day/etc have all been created to support the card and gift-giving industry.  But, all these holidays honor someone that is very special in our lives, people that quite often are taken for granted the other 364 days of the year.

Mother’s Day

Think about it:  the typical mom (or dad) would lay down their life for their children.  Many give up their careers, and even much of themselves, in order to raise productive, happy, kind human beings.   Many moms work and still find time to feed everyone, keep all the schedules in order, sign permission slips, pack snacks, clean wounds, heal hearts (or try to), and so much more year after year.   Anyone who does all that deserves one day a year to feel special, whether it is with a Hallmark card or a hand-written note.  (Personally, I think our family’s way of celebrating Mother’s Day should spread nation-wide.  If I want anything done around the house, I just state what it is, say “Mother’s Day”, and someone has to do it- no questions asked.  It just may be my favorite day of the year.  Just FYI, the same is true for Father’s Day, and all birthdays too.)

Father’s Day

Think of all the dads out there that coach, that leave work early to go to games, that stress about making enough money to make sure the kids are fed well and can go to college, that help teach the kids how to drive, and that are there to pat their kids on the back and tell them things will be OK.  Dads everywhere sacrifice themselves (and some their careers) for the sake of their children, and they too deserve a day to just relax,  be treated special, and be recognized with a card or a note.

Valentine’s Day

I think this holiday is the easiest one to accuse of existing solely for the benefit of Hallmark, florists, and chocolatiers.  However, how often do people take their significant other for granted?  Day after day, many of us share our joys, our fears, our hopes, and our dreams with that special someone in our lives, be it a spouse or even a best friend.  Is it really so bad to have that one day a year where you say “thank you” to that person for sharing their life with you?  So what if it benefits an “industry”, it is never a bad idea to make someone feel special.  (Plus, I like cards, and I like chocolate… )

Sweetest Day

OK, I never understood this holiday, and I couldn’t really justify it’s existence as it seems to just be a watered-down version of Valentine’s Day.  However, after a little research, I found out that Sweetest Day has changed over the years.  Sweetest Day was created by Herbert Birch Kingston way back in 1922.  The intent of Sweetest Day was to try to spread cheer to those who were less fortunate, and Mr. Kingston distributed chocolates to orphans and the indigent in Cleveland on the third Saturday of each month.  Word of his kindness spread and more people got involved, including some movie stars.  Over time, the holiday became national, and has since settled on the third Saturday in October, with the focus seeming to shift from caring for the needy to being more romantic in nature. That doesn’t mean though that you cannot still celebrate Sweetest Day in the manner it was first intended.  Maybe take that day to make a pot of soup for someone who is sick, or reach out to someone you know has hit hard times and could use a friend.  In other words, it doesn’t have to be a “Hallmark Holiday”.  It could actually become one of your most rewarding days of the year.

Remember the Meaning of A Holiday

It is easy to just cop out of a holiday and say “well, this day is really just intended to benefit Hallmark” and then absolve yourself of recognizing the intended person/event.  I want you to stop though and really think about this.  Most of our major holidays are observed for a very good reason.  Yes, commercialism may have tainted consumers somewhat, but that doesn’t mean a holiday should not be recognized.  Life moves so fast, and sometimes it is easy to take someone for granted.  So, take these holidays to say thank you to those in your life that have given you so much, because you can never go wrong with showing someone you care.

I could make you read through this whole post before you got to my exciting conclusion as to why people often struggle financially.

I will end your suspense though and say it here:  Mindset.

How Mindset Affects Your Financial Life

So often, people will complain about not having enough money.  In some cases, it is totally true.  Some people do live under the poverty line.  I am not addressing that subset of the population.

I am speaking of those that have decent jobs, but still never seem to have enough money.

On the surface, it may seem people don’t have enough money accumulated because they don’t budget properly, or the housing market turned south.  Some of that may be true.  But there also may be an underlying cause beneath the circumstances…

How many times have you seen someone that has a beautiful home, nice cars, a few kids and thought “How do they afford all that?”.  Quite often, unless they were born into or inherited money, they aren’t affording it.  They are just willing to take on a boatload of debt.  To many, that may seem financially irresponsible, but the amount of debt anyone is willing to take on is an individual decision.  (That hopefully does not spill out to the rest of us in the form of foreclosure and such.)

I think that many people find themselves in high debt or low savings is because what they have just ‘is not enough’.  We all channel our thoughts or behaviors in a certain manner, and for some, happiness is derived from accumulating more.  Thing is, many do not even realize the pattern.

Think about it, if people stayed in their first or even second homes and were satisfied with what they had, would we have even come close to being in the housing mess we were in?  Of course, it didn’t help that prospective homeowners were approved for ridiculous loans that resulted in foreclosures.  However, banks did not make people take a look around at their friends and see that they too should be buying a huge house.

Does Expensive Make It Worth It?

Even take vacations for instance.  I have never traveled overseas, nor gone to Hawaii.  (I have been to Tijuana though, and unlike my brother, I was smart enough to not eat a burrito.)  I do hear from a lot of people how great many far-off destinations are, and I will say it sounds fun.  However, I just can’t afford to spend that amount of money on something discretionary like a vacation right now.  (I am too busy spending money on siding for my house that is being attacked by woodpeckers.)   That is OK though as I don’t mind going on inexpensive trips.  As a matter of fact, one of my favorite vacations ever was a camping trip my husband and I took to the Smokey Mountains when we were first married.  Excluding gas, I think that trip cost us less than a couple hundred dollars, and I still look so fondly back on that trip 20+ years later.  Of course, I am sure I would look fondly back on a trip taken to the Greek Isles too…

Regardless though, I have seen people take trips I could only imagine, even though they already were saddled with a ridiculous amount of credit card debt.  Could they have had just as good of a time renting a cottage for a week as they did on their excursion?  I don’t know, but I would think the pain of seeing the resulting credit card bill would have greatly affected my overall view of the trip.  Much like how someone has a bad day and decides to go shopping to ease their pain. Sure that new  wardrobe might feel great when you first wear it, but that feeling always wears off and the reality of actually paying for it all eventually sets in.

Take A Deep Breath, and Think About Why…

Many people say they are ‘impulse buyers’ or can’t stick to a budget, but don’t really think past that assessment of themselves.  Maybe they can’t stick to a budget because in their mind, they can truly justify buying the Ipad 2 right when it comes out on the market when they already own a fully functioning Ipad.  Not having the ability to adhere to a budget may just be a symptom and not the overall problem.  (Assuming this is about more discretionary items.  I am not suggesting people freeze to death during an unusually cold winter just so they don’t exceed their budgeted heating bill.)  As stated earlier, quite often the underlying cause is that people get dissatisfied with what they have over time, so they have to get more.  One day a 1600 square foot house may be just fine, but the next week, it is suddenly too small.  Why?  What suddenly changed?  Did mom just give birth to triplets, or did a house just come on the market that seems too good a deal to pass up?

My point is, people strive and strive for that next thing, when what they already have is good enough.  It may just be people get caught up in what society as a whole is doing, which we saw during the housing boom.  Overall, the people that are content with what they have seem to have the easiest time managing their money.  Traditional methods to control spending such as budgeting may not even be necessary for this subset of people.   They don’t need to set up a strict budget and cut up their credit cards.   They just don’t have the need to spend or accumulate.

So, before you head out the door to shop or are sitting there bored on the computer scrolling through Amazon sales, stop yourself.  Think about what you already have and if you truly need anything else.  When someone tells you about their great new house/car/trip/purse/etc, try NOT to think about how you too would enjoy something like that.  Think instead of how you have gotten by this long without whatever the item is, and just move on.  Changing a mindset isn’t something that happens overnight, it is a process, and in the case of spending, you have the opportunity to work on it almost every single day.  If you can just change the way you think about spending, you may just find yourself in a much better position financially over time, and you will probably be a whole lot happier overall, even though you may have ‘less’.

Life has been busy here in our household.  It has been a crazy year with starting our own business, sending a child off to college, and managing all the other things that come along in life.

Whereas I have spoken previously about the lessons learned from starting a business, I wanted to share some of the things I have learned about life in general over the past year, such as:

Mere Mortals Cannot Control Life

I love control.  I crave control.  The unfortunate thing for someone like me is that I really do not have much control over anything.  No matter how much I want to create a perfect outcome, I just cannot.  Not only is it exhausting to formulate elaborate plans to ensure the world will all work according to plan, but it is an exercise in futility.  Many things in life will happen as they do, regardless of my or anyone elses wishes.  Of course, planning is a very good thing, I am not saying that everyone should toss aside all responsibility.   What should be tossed aside is the need to control things you don’t have any real influence over.

You Don’t Have To Go It Alone

I have always had an independent streak, and tackling problems single-handedly was just how life was done.  Problem is, facing the world alone can lead to burnout, regardless of what the task is.  Chances are, we all have people around us who are willing to help, if only we would let them.   I learned that asking for or allowing others to help does not have to equate with weakness.  After all, most often the giver receives just as much as the receiver, if not more…

Today Is A Gift In Itself

At this moment, I have the ability to do so much, and share my day with people I care so deeply about.  That is a wonderful thing.  Quite often though, people ‘live’ in the future or the past, and the present just passes them by.  In reality, why would anyone want to squander the precious moments that are occuring right now to spend time in some ‘future’ that may or may not come to pass- or in a past time that is just a compilation of perceptions about some previous event?  The desire to control/predict the future can rob people of these moments if they are not careful.  (Disclaimer- I need some work in this area…  )

Enjoy Those You Are With

One thing that I have realized is that interacting with others is incredibly important to me (even more so that I thought).  When I worked from home and the kids were at school, I think I just stagnated.  Once I started working out of the house and ‘getting out’ there again, I realized how much I truly missed people.   Whereas I have always enjoyed my relationships with others, I see that quite often I was rushed because of my tight time constraints.   I have prioritized things differently now though so I can spend real time with people without worrying about where I need to be next (not perfect here…).  If I could give advice to others in this area, it would be to truly focus on the people you are with.  When talking with someone really listen, don’t just look for a break in the conversation so you can get your story in.  Enjoy those you spend time with, whether it is your child or your next door neighbor.  In other words, don’t waste your time worrying about everything else that should be getting done while you are in conversation.  Life will always be full of endless tasks that need to be done, so you don’t really accomplish much by tuning out and planning for some other event.  However, you could really be missing out on something great if you don’t pay attention to what is right in front of you.

Live!

We are all on this earth for a short period of time.  Make the most of what you have!  Create dreams for your future but enjoy what you are doing at this very moment.  Don’t worry about all the things you could or should be doing, but think about what you ARE doing instead.  Find a balance between being a responsible adult and following your own passions.  Life does not have to just be about work and tasks.  It is also about caring for yourself and others.  Try not to get caught up in only the problems of the day, but also focus on the opportunities in front of you.  There really is so much to life, we just have to open our eyes and see all that the world has to offer!

In case you have been wondering when I have been (or if you haven’t), I can now share what has been going on.

Early in the summer, funding was cut where I worked, and I found myself laid off.  At around the same time, my husband found himself disgruntled with his job.

So, since I was in the position of having a clean slate, and my husband had been contemplating a change for awhile, we decided to embark on creating our own consulting and employee placement company.  (We are up to 6 employees now!)

10 Things I Have Learned About Creating A Company

1. It is a LOT of work.
2. Possibilities can be overwhelming.  For example, finding office space can take awhile.  There is so much available office space where we live, which means there are a lot of choices.  Finding the ‘best’ option is difficult. Also, what is best at start up may be totally different than what is best 6 months down the road!
3. Finding the right health/dental insurance can be a daunting task.  (Especially when finding the right plan for a whole company.)
4. Networking is incredibly important!  In addition, it has proven that maintaining relationships throughout your career can be one of the best ways to invest your time.  You just never know when a person you worked with 10 years ago might need your help down the road.  It can be a very small world in some industries.
5. ALWAYS consult professionals for things outside your area of expertise.  We have had to hire a  lawyer and a CPA, as one uninformed decision can have huge consequences.  (Especially when it comes to taxes!)
6. Details matter, and can really take up your time.  (See point 4.)
7. Each decision has a personal impact.  I have always been a conscientious employee, but I never felt like I had a direct impact on financials.  When it is your own equity though, it is totally different.
8. I spend a lot of time researching.  Trying to locate the correct software, laptops and more at a great price takes time.
9. You have to listen to the people that use the tools.  Functionality can matter a lot more than price!
10. It is a lot more fun than working for someone else!

When I was a kid, my brothers and I loved fruit cocktail. The can would be divided into three bowls, and then the fighting would begin. Why did we fight? Well each of us wanted the bowl with the most cherries!

What is funny is that I didn’t even like the cherries- they always tasted like plastic that was bathed in chemicals to me. However, because they were so rare, I wanted the bowl that appeared to have the most cherries. How dumb is that?

Now there is a new type of fruit cocktail called “Very Cherry”. I wonder how popular it is. Does anyone like those cherries? Does anyone buy “Very Cherry”? Am I the only one that wanted the bowl with the most cherries because I could somehow claim a victory by possessing it?

So what is the lesson here?

How often is scarcity a factor in your decision making?

In essence, a Coach bag or a 3 carat ring is no different than the fruit cocktail bowl with a few extra cherries. (I am guessing some may disagree with me here…) None of the three bowls of fruit cocktail mentioned earlier were any different from each other except for a couple of small pieces of fruit. However, the perceived value was greater because of the scarcity of the item (the cherries). When someone pays a premium for an item that is not truly differentiated by quality or some other benefit, then the consumer is essentially paying for an image. It is up to each person to put a value on the image/pleasure received from any item they buy, and people all have different threshholds for what they are willing to pay for something. Those with unlimited resources might not blink an eye on spending $400 on a purse. The funny thing is, some people with very limited resources feel the same way, and so having credit card debt is worth the good feeling they get from owning a particular item.

I am not here to judge how people spend their money. I just want you to think next time you do go out to buy a “discretionary” item. Is it really worth it to spend extra money for a certain label? Does the happiness gained from owning that item last, or does regret start to creep in when the bill shows up?

Out of curiosity, is there a certain product or brand you are very loyal to, even though there are comparable, less expensive options available? I don’t mean Kroger brand green beans versus Del Monte. I am referring to more expensive items. Also, do you like the cherries in fruit cocktail?

Do you ever visit a friend or relative and end up with house envy?  When you get home, do you notice all the things about YOUR house that you do not like?

I have to admit that has happened to me in the past.

Then I realized how dumb it is to feel this envy.

There are a couple of different choices in life: you can choose to love what you have, or you can choose to love what other people have.  Which choice results in the most happiness?

There will always be people in the world that have it better than you. On the other hand, there will always be people that have it worse than you.  If you feel you must compare your situation, why not look to those that struggle more than you do?  Counting your blessings and maybe reaching out to help those that are less fortunate is way more productive than being angry about what you feel you don’t have (and possibly feel like you should).  You could strive for more and more, and chances are, you are still going to encounter people that live in greater luxury in the future.

So, my ultimate advice is this: when it comes to making any major purchase, think about what you really need.  Also consider the future too, especially if you are buying a home or a car and you plan on expanding your family.  Make the best decision you can, and move on.  Don’t get frustrated when a friend gets a great deal on a huge home because your home is considered modest.  Who cares?  Make your home your own by decorating it to your tastes and enjoy Life there.  You can be happy for your friend, but really, do you need another two thousand square feet in addition to what you already have?   Always striving can be like chasing a moving target.  When you think you have finally ‘arrived’, you may just come across what you feel is the next best thing.  Next thing you know, you are focused on that next item, and you never took the time to appreciate what you already had.

Do you ever feel like life is a constant race to the next thing down the line?  Or, have you found contentment?

A woodpecker is ruining my quality of life…

Last year, a woodpecker was busily pecking away at a house in my neighborhood.  That didn’t surprise me too much, because this particular house was not the best ‘kept’ home in the area, and I just figured the woodpecker had found some great bugs in the wood.

Flash forward a few months, and I find myself being woken up to the sound of a woodpecker, and he was very busy pecking on the outside of our house- just above the wall where the bed is.  Great, so either woodpeckers can find food anywhere, or  my house now fell into the ‘unkempt’ category.

The end result of the woodpecker’s effort was a nice 4 inch in diameter hole in the stucco of our house.

We knew we wanted to replace the stucco with siding anyway, so we didn’t address the problem immediately.  BIG MISTAKE.

Guess what happens when you leave a four inch hole in the side of your house?

Birds will make a nest, that is what.  (This nest is located between the stucco  and the outside wall, the birds cannot get inside our house, thank God.)

We had animal control come out to see if they could somehow get these birds out.  Turns out the bird not only made a nest, but laid eggs.  Animal control said the bird was ‘protected’, so they couldn’t do anything to help us.  They said we needed to wait until the birds all grew up and moved out on their own.

That was pure hell.  Every morning at sunrise, all the babies started squawking endlessly, and you could hear mom taking off constantly to get food for her brood.  These birds were right by my head, so sleep was impossible.  It was like I had my own personal rooster.  However, after a few weeks, the whole bird family packed their bags and moved out.  Finally, I could sleep.

Guess what happens when one bird family moves out and you don’t instantly block up the hole?

A new bird family moves in.  (In our defense, the hole is so high up that we do not have a ladder that reaches high enough to repair it ourselves.)  So, we are back to square one, except this time, it is just one bird that has taken up residence.  He seems pretty comfortable too, and I don’t think he will ever leave.

We are in the process of getting siding estimates, but it is a lengthy process.  I am so mad at myself for not calling someone out immediately to cover up that hole when we first saw it.  However, we never thought about birds nesting.  Then after they left, I didn’t want to cover it too soon in case there were still some birds in there and I didn’t want to trap them.  Unfortunately, I waited too long and I am now suffering from sleep deprivation.  (Why do birds have to chirp non-stop by the way?  Can’t they be more succinct??)

Better To Fix A Small Problem Than To Desperately Try To Fix A Large, Expensive Problem

In synopsis, if you notice even what you think is a small problem with your house, get it fixed immediately.  You just never know what one small issue will lead to.  Sure, you might have to pay a little money to have a minor repair fixed.  However, that is a lot better than having to pay a lot of money down the road.  Actually, in our case, the loss of sleep bothers me even more than the money aspect!

Have you ever had a small problem with your home snowball into a much bigger concern?

Newsflash: Having 2 ‘X’ chromosomes does not prevent someone from having the authority, or the ability, to make decisions.

Now that I have educated everyone, let me explain why I need to share this information:

Not too long ago, a vinyl siding salesman came to our door. Our house is stucco on the upper level, and we have actually been contemplating siding, so I talked to the guy for a bit.

After about ten minutes of trying to “sell” me on his product, he wanted to set up an appointment for his crew to come do an estimate. I said I was pretty flexible since I am home most days, and he said “but when is your husband home?”. I said that didn’t matter, and that I was allowed to be involved in home renovations. (I had almost single-handedly managed the renovation of most of our first floor. I think that shocked him.)

The salesman kept pushing me to set up appointment for the weekend and I said no, I could manage it alone during the week. Our weekends are so busy that I would rather not worry about having to be home during a range of time when people may or may not show up. He refused to have an estimate done without my husband’s involvement. I was so insulted, so I told him to forget it and told him we were just not interested. (I then promptly got back to preparing dinner and making sure my husband’s newspaper was waiting for him at the table with his gin and tonic. HA!)

Incidents like these are not isolated. I cannot tell you how many phone calls I get for my husband during the day. When I tell the caller he is not available, they always ask if I am his spouse. When I say yes, they always ask me if I am “authorized” to make decisions regarding this or that. I always tell them that my husband does not allow me to think for myself and hang up. There is no way I am going to give any business to anyone that treats me like a second class citizen. I am sure that if my husband answered the phone that they would not ask if he had his wife’s permission to make decisions independently.

Previously, I had written a post that provided some tips for sales people. I am going to reiterate here that possibly the most important thing a sales person should do is make sure they treat each and every customer with the utmost respect, regardless of who they are, how they dress, the car they drive, etc. If I find a sales person offensive, I will not give their product a chance, no matter how great the price or terms of service are. Maybe my ego will prevent me from saving money, but at least I know that I am not financially contributing to a company that hasn’t realized yet that women actually can think for themselves, and are capable of making many decisions in life! (Even Wilma Flintstone had a charge card and went on shopping sprees! Although Fred didn’t handle that very well. But really, who was the smarter one in that relationship? It wasn’t Wilma who was getting caught up in some nonsense in every single episode.)

Have you ever been totally insulted by a sales person?

As some of you know, my job was recently eliminated.  All funding was cut  to our project, and many people were let go.  Most of the people had 20+ years experience, so it was very sad for many.  I have made many friends at that company since I started working there 21 years ago.  Even though I worked on and off (stayed home to raise the kids for many years), I still kept in touch with a lot of these great people.  So, even though I didn’t really enjoy the job I did, I did enjoy working with my friends.  Although I have left this job in the past, this time it is different.  Previously, I always knew I might be rehired as new projects always seemed to pop up.  This time, it appears funding has been cut permanently.  When I turn in my laptop shortly, it will be for good.

I am now at a crossroads as to what to do next.  My kids are all teenagers, so it isn’t like they need their mom around constantly.   However, I do want to continue to have the flexibility of being available at 3:30 so I can watch their games and attend school events.  That is something I am not willing to give up.  (Along with going out to lunch!  )  I am sure not many bosses appreciate employees that run out the door at 3:00 all the time though.

So, over the coming weeks I will be doing a lot of thinking.  Thinking about where to go from here.  Thinking about how my oldest child is leaving for college soon.  Change can be very difficult, but it can also be exciting.  In my case, I am excited to contemplate what my next step will be.  However, I know dropping my son off at college is going to be tough…

Have any of you ever ‘remade’ yourself after a job change?  Thoughts?

Hello everyone,

For those that follow my blog, I apologize for my absense.  Between my son’s graduation and crazy hours for work, I have not had time to devote to writing.

However, my job will be eliminated soon (our group lost funding…), so the time devoted to work will greatly decrease!  I look forward to having the time to write and interact with all the great readers real soon. 

Happy Summer!

Kris