Everyone wants to be a Roste

Oh Me. (AKA Craft FAIL)

2012-02-13T05:00:00.000-08:00

It was only a few days ago I was feeling all proud of myself and, you know, industrious and creative. I even blogged about it.

Well, that's all gone now. A distant, silly memory.

My purpose in craftiness was to create a funky Valentine's Day craft for the Used Everywhere blog, which I accomplished sort of. The craft was kind of a fail but I did learn something.

And they posted it.

Unfortunately, the result of my fail craft was I plugged up my sink. Except it didn't quite connect that said sink was plugged. And then I ran the dishwasher. And I knew something was wrong. And I considered turning off the dishwasher.

But then I deemed myself paranoid and stepped out for a couple hours.

Well, we all know where this is going.

Except this little "mistake" also impacted the person living below me. And now I have to pay.

Thankfully I have insurance, and even though I didn't know for sure if it would cover utter stupidity, apparently it does. My mistake falls into the "water escape" category, which is good to know just in case there's a next time.

But it won't because I will give into my paranoia from now on.

When I called my insurance guy to, you know, take responsibility for what happened and learn what I had to do and what will happen next (this is my first time ever using my insurance), he couldn't stop laughing. In a nice way. I think he was trying to calm me down and also let me know this is a regular situation and this is what insurance is for.

Anyway, so we chatted for a while and once I'm finished reeling from shame and embarrassment I've decided I would like to hear the recording of that conversation. Because it must have been really funny, you know, for everyone else but me. I remember uncontrollably sobbing and telling the insurance guy how my strata manager told me I was going to have to pay "big bucks" and I didn't know what that meant and why do I ever try to do crafts anyway because I'm so bad at them…and unfortunately so much more.

But in the meantime, I've also decided I would like to turn this extreme negative into a positive. First of all, I have insurance. And so I will only be responsible for my deductible. It could have been so much worse.

Secondly, I have savings, and well, this is what savings is for.

Except, what if I get even more creative (in a NON crafty way) and try to raise the $500 by doing random tasks or extra work or by doing certain things I'm afraid of like contacting local businesses to sell my toques or entering writing contests?

Thinking in this way doesn't make me feel better or anything, but it is a distraction. And perhaps something really amazing can come out of this situation.

Any suggestions?

Fall Lineup Five Revisited

2012-02-09T05:00:00.000-08:00

Since we're at mid-season in the television world, this seems like an appropriate time to revisit my Fall Lineup Five from this summer. You know, the post wherin I shared the television shows I was most looking forward to this season.

This is not to say I spend a lot of time in front of the TV. Unfortunately I spend most of my time working a day job and, lately, crafting, freelance writing, and trying to do some sort of daily athletic activity.

But these shows have made it into my couch time and here is my report.

Once Upon a Time. I said I was most looking forward to this show and so far it hasn't disappointed. It's got an interesting concept, although as the series goes on I think the writing is actually getting weaker. So I hope they step it up a notch moving forward.

Also I find it interesting how I don't mind watching it live. Since I'm getting so used to watching on demand I have little patience for commercials let alone waiting an entire week to see the next episode. So there must be some power in this show. To bring me outside my watching habits so smoothly.

New Girl. I had high hopes for this one and I thought the first six episodes were horrible. But since I had such high hopes, I was optimistic the actors would get comfortable with their characters (especially since it seems like the show will be sticking around so maybe they'll feel some job security) and kept watching. And I'm glad I did. Beginning around the Thanksgiving episode right before Christmas, I've enjoyed New Girl quite a bit. And my husband even laughed at the one with the towels. And he's a tough nut to crack.

Parks and Recreation. This show has lived up to my expectations. And even though I hate to admit it, when Ben lost his job I even cried a little.

This season has been creative and humorous and unexpected. Great job.

The Big Bang Theory. This one has been kind of up and down. I think they have a lot to live up to, which is difficult. It's tough to stay on top. But I like the direction the show is going. I'm glad they're developing more characters than just Sheldon (sorry, but too much of a good thing…) and I find myself anticipating the new episodes.

Community. Well this show may not make it past Season 3. Which is unfortunate. But actually, I kind of get it. These people are in Community College and it's about them, the seven in the study group. So what happens when they graduate? I know the writers have been addressing this problem by taking many of the scenes off campus but honestly they're not as good. It's the quirky college and the weird students and of course the dean who really give the show colour.

My husband was their biggest fan and he's only really enjoyed a few episodes from this season. I've enjoyed most or all of them, but I'm perhaps a little easier to please entertainment-wise.

All I'm trying to say is I think he has a good sense of comedy and so if he says the show is lagging…and then the network puts the show on a lengthy hiatus…well, even I can do that math.

And in the meantime I've added a couple new shows to my repertoire. Ever since my brush with vampires I've been watching Castle. As well I—by chance—caught an episode of Fringe and haven't been able to stop thinking about it. So I borrowed the first season and am planning a marathon in front of the fireplace at my next opportunity. So…June perhaps. No, July.

Time to Care About Hearts Again!

2012-02-07T05:00:00.000-08:00

Isn't it interesting how we could care less about some things for 355 days of the year, and then for 10 we—suddenly—will pay $4.99 for something we will probably only use once?

Case-in-point this muffin (?) pan, slightly used…contains a one-time use MAX, now jacked up to special holiday pricing for a limited time only. Surely.

Case-in-point number two, these cake (?) pans from Michaels…a special feature this week even. Unfortunately they don't list the price but I can assure you, it's more than I would pay for something I would, again, only use once.

So what's a girl to do for Valentine's Day?

Oh right, I don't have to do anything. But isn't it interesting how much attention this random non-event receives commercially?

That said, I still want to do some sort of Valentine's project, but I don't want to be over-charged for it. So while I searched and searched for regular-priced used goods at the local thrift and dollar stores, I finally decided to purchase a ton of red candles and wax crayons.

I spent maybe $6 and I've already thought of three different projects I can use these items for.

Plus I went searching around my junk drawers and found all sorts of interesting and potentially great shapes for my projects.

Like this weird egg-thing I was given for Christmas as a joke. I don't even know where to put it let alone know what to do with. Maybe now is the time?

And what project would be complete without a random boat and fish cookie cutter?

What fun I say!

And I was feeling pretty good about my resourcefulness and my refusal to buy into the commercialism of holidays (especially since I also remember my mom baking square cookies and cakes and then cutting them into the interesting shapes once they cooled—genius!).

But, of course, in the midst of my self-congratulations I ran across this delicious Valentine-y post. And now all my self-righteousness is out the window. I have to make these cookies.

I even Pinned it. And I don't do that for just any cookies.

My Press Card Brings all the Boys to the Yard

2012-02-02T05:00:00.000-08:00

A couple days ago I received my very own press card from PWAC—Professional Writers Association of Canada.

A few months back I heard about the organization, and after a bit of thinking and research I decided I liked what they're about and applied to be a part of it.

You know, a member.

The process began a while ago and I was mostly sure I qualified to become a professional member but when you're only starting to become comfortable telling people you're "a writer" verses "a journalism grad," sometimes you doubt a bit.

Anyway, I got in!

And that's all I know for now. I will know more once I start getting more involved in this community, but for now, I am quite looking forward to meeting other professional writers who live and work around me!

Amazing concept hey?

So now that my press card has arrived I pretty much have street cred. So watch out.

Oh, and before you ask I've already been informed by my helpful journalism friends that this type of press card will not get me into Canucks games.

But I'm still going to try.

Quests, Gnomes, and #EqualCanada

2012-01-31T05:00:00.000-08:00

I would like to begin this tale with the end. I went to Wal-Mart to find some Equal sweetener on Rollback and I got it. Eventually.

Now let's get to the rest of the story.

The Quest: To shop for the brand new yellow-packed baking sweetener, Equal, at Wal-Mart.

So far, so good.

My husband joined me for this mini-adventure, which is good because the biggest part of the adventure went down in the parking lot and I would never have had the guts to take it to the next step if he wasn't there.

Because.

We saw a guy.

With.

A GNOME!

So awesome.

And unexpected.

And awesome.

Here's how the conversation went.

Husband: "You have a gnome!

Guy with Gnome (GWG): "Yeah it's amazing!"

Me: "Can I take a photo?"

GWG: "Yeah!"

Husband: "How much did you pay for that?"

GWG: "Does it matter? It's priceless now!

Pft. Priceless? We'll see about that.

Keeping our original intention in mind we managed to immediately locate the last gnome in the store.

My husband did a price check. Sixty bucks. Yikes.

GWG was right. Priceless. We had to get it.

But now, let's get to the task at hand. We walked over to the baking section (with the gnome in tow of course), which is where I expected to pick up said sweetener and hightail it to our next appointment (it was a busy night). But alas, there was no trace of it alongside the sugar, sweeteners, or otherwise.

So we continued searching throughout the middle aisles where the Rollback items were in bins…we searched in all the food aisles…and then started searching in more creative places.

And, since I already ruined the ending, we did find the yellow baking bin—in the vitamin section, over by the pharmacy.

So random!

Any idea why it would be there?

But I chose not to dwell on it for too much longer. After checking out the health info (there don't seem to be any effects, good, bad, or otherwise) we departed our neighbourhood corner store and our new gnome waved goodbye, one last time.

Then we buckled him in for the long drive home.

What a random night.

This shop has been compensated as part of a social shopper insights study for Collective Bias. #CBias
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The Cat Came Back

2012-01-25T05:00:00.000-08:00

For the past couple months in my building in general and on my floor in particular there has been this garland cat showing up in various places.

How exciting! There's a prankster in our midst!

My husband and I have taken great delight in discovering where the cat had moved to from day to day. We didn't have too look very hard. I mean, it's a sparkly purple cat.

However, then around Christmastime the cat got stuck. He was placed in the "gym" window and just kind of stayed there. I understand why—due to our "security" you can't just walk into the "gym." You need a key. And I'm not sure everyone has a key. I have one, but it's not on my key chain as I don't used said "gym" except for showing first timers.

So the cat got stuck in the "gym."

Which was OK. I enjoyed having it greet me every morning and evening.

But now, suddenly and inexplicably, I can't find the cat! It has disappeared!

Gone!

Say it isn't so!

I looked in all the usual places and nothing. Not even a trace of his ever being there.

It's such a mystery…what has happened to our floor mascot?

My New Notebook (Gilt-Edged Edition)

2012-01-23T05:00:00.000-08:00

Like I mentioned last week, my birthday was recently and I was paid some attention for which I was/am grateful.

Now I would like to talk about one of my gifts—a notebook. And not just any notebook, a "gilt-edged" notebook.

I know that means the edges are a gold colour, but I don't know why it's so special. The dictionary just says it means the paper is high quality.

OK, so I got a nice notebook for my birthday.

I don't particularly care for the cover though…I mean flowers are nice and stuff but…

Maybe I'll use Mandy's tutorial again and just cover the notebook with scrapbooking expertise, which I picked up thanks to the 30 Day Challenge (thank you 30 Day Challenge).

But the reason I'm talking about this gift today is because I didn't even know I was longing for a notebook. Didn't even realize it. The last time I had a notebook I used it for wedding planning. We had all our notes in there, our hopes and dreams and plans and guest list and to-do lists and on and on. It was great. We made all sorts of computerized lists and appointments and notes and such but the old notebook came in more handy and useful than all the modern technology combined.

And I haven't had a notebook since.

That's, like, a while!

When I was more of a journaller I would carry a notebook with me everywhere. I actually looked forward to times of waiting so I could jot down blog or article ideas, book ideas, musings, goals, or whatever else. I loved travelling by bus or train so I would have extra time to sit and think. For some reason there's always something to do at home but in those moments of travelling…well they're special. I've worked out a lot of stuff sitting on the bus. And I have a box of notebooks to prove it.

Now that I drive myself around most of the time I don't jot notes down so much, which is probably why I haven't noticed my lack of notebook. But I have some travel time with work coming up in the next bit so this is excellent timing to get back into it.

I have the distinct impression using my notebook will quick start my creativity in a way typing items into my smartphone never can.

Weird right? It has got to be something psychological in my brain…respect for the act of writing and knowing how to use a pen or something.

What do you call a writer who only knows how to type?

Oh, and I'm OK with the blank page thing (lack of lines). I feel it allows me to be a bit more "out of the box." Yet still constrained to the page.

Limits people.

Want to be an Aveda Stylist? Win Your Tuition!

2012-01-19T05:00:00.000-08:00

Source: Flikr

I'm going to level with you—until my wedding I was never entirely sure what those Aveda signs in the windows of hair and makeup salons meant. Was it a special shampoo? A brand name? A technique? Something else entirely?

My wedding planner recommended I bring in a couple Aveda stylists to make us up on my wedding day. And when I asked what that meant she said it means they're trained by Aveda, which has five hair schools in Canada: Victoria, Vancouver, Calgary, Winnipeg, and Toronto.

A hair school, which boasts to turn out rock star hair stylists…not your average barber. This made me a little nervous, as I didn't wish to be a rock star bride. But I also didn't want to be a plain jane. My worries were vanquished once I met my stylist and I not only loved my hair and make up, I felt like a rock star the whole day.

If you've ever thought about becoming a stylist, here's a great opportunity to win your tuition to the Aveda Canada hair school of your choice.

Born to Style Video Contest

Win One of Five FULL Scholarships to an Aveda Canada Hair School!

How to enter: Create and submit a video showing why you are born to style.

Your challenge, should you choose to accept it, is for your entry to be so edgy it compels the celebrity judges to choose you (over everyone else) to win the full-ride scholarship, worth up to $12,500.

Entries will be judged on:

Boldness and clarity of artistic vision
Originality and creativity
Demonstration of understanding the Aveda mission
Demonstration of being "fashion forward"
Overall impression

Visit the contest page for more information, for full contest rules and details, and to enter.

Details:

Contest closes March 31, 2012 at 11:59:59 pm ET (the website says "am" but the official rules say "pm")
Open to residents of Canada (except Quebec) who have reached the age of 16 at the time of entry
Online entries only

I should also mention Aveda has its own line of beauty supplies. What I'm most impressed by is right on the About page it state products are not only high-performing, but created from organic and natural ingredients (well, they say derivatives but that sounds hoity toity). In this day where the consumer wants to trace their products all the way to the original source…this is a good sign.

Source: Flikr

Vive Magazine Shoot
A Lazy Sunday
Models: Samantha, Chelcie, Franky
Creative Directors: Skye Kelton, Nicola St. george-Hyslop
Assistant Stylists: Jennifer Peters, Seo CHo, Elle Miller
Hair and Makeup: Aveda Institute Toronto
Photographer: Nick Merzetti

What Are YOU Doing on My Birthday?

2012-01-17T05:00:00.000-08:00

Today is my birthday.

Yes, it's true. It happens at this time every year. Just far enough from Christmas to avoid the "dual gifts," and still far enough away from tax season that people feel, you know, slightly generous.

Well, not really, but it should be that way.

And actually I've been paid a generous amount of attention this year for my birthday, for which I am surprised and grateful.

Anyway, I don't have any big or small feelings about my birthday, but I figure since I'm posting on this day I should at least acknowledge it.

So that's done.

Here are the other things happening this day.

We have a lot of snow. Well, for where I live. A few centimetres, which causes havoc 'round these parts. And I'm OK driving in it, but lots of things have been cancelled as a result. Maybe my birthday dinner, who knows. I'm OK with that.
I've, for some reason (am a glutton for punishment?), taken on a new 30 Day Challenge (thanks to Sarah) having a little to do with Jillian Michaels, a little more to do with a very challenging workout DVD, and a lot to do with my incomprehensible fear of said DVD. Sarah has challenged anyone who wishes to join the group and take on the challenge. So yeah. Today is Day 3. Oh my triceps!
There's this phrase in my head, and I'm starting to put it into practice with vigour. It's from from leadership guru slash book publisher extraordinaire Michael Hyatt who says simply: Do it now. If you can do it in two minutes or less, do it now. Don't put it off. Apparently this is someone else's rule, and I'm sure that guy got it from someone else but the idea is sticking with me and…well it's a lot easier to put something off than to do it now. But I see real value in this attitude/practice.
OK why didn't anyone tell me about Words With Friends before a couple weeks ago? Waaaay too much of my time has been spent on this app (although, if anyone has known me for a while, this shouldn't come as a surprise). It takes a lot of strength not to cheat when I'm getting spanked by someone who's awesome at Scrabble. But I don't. Honest!

Oh, and please check out my latest contribution to the Used Everywhere blog…wherein I discover TRIVETS! Don't worry, I didn't know what they were either. But actually you know. You just don't know the name.

Hey…"trivets" is a pretty good Scrabble word.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Some Ways You Could Become a Vampire

If you're a baby born with teeth
If you're a corpse and a bat flies over you or a cat jumps over you…but you might not become a vampire if a cat jumps over you, the cat may just steal your soul and become a vampire cat. I didn't think animals could turn into vampires but, look at that. Apparently you know when a cat is a vampire because it has two tails (who writes this stuff?)
If you're a wizard or a witch (?)
If you 1) renounce the Orthodox Church or 2) are excommunicated by the Orthodox Church (harsh!)
If you're the seventh son of the seventh son
If you aren't buried properly
If you have red hair…and you live in Greece

There are so many more but they just get crazier. I think we can stop here.

Oh, and I posted a photo of ye olde Count from Sesame Street way back when and I found out an interesting tid bit about the character since then: Count von Count is based on actual vampire myth. If you're looking to deter a vampire your best bet is to throw seeds (usually mustard) around. Vampires are compelled to count the seeds, so you should throw enough to delay them outdoors until the sun comes up.

Tricky!

I got that great story from the website Random History and the article called 40 Interesting Facts about Vampires. And you know what, they are interesting!

I only wish I found it sooner because I think this month of vampire blogs wouldn't have been so difficult to write.

How to Choose the Right Vampire Name

2011-12-29T14:51:00.000-08:00

I've given this a lot of thought.

And I did a lot of searching.

It's funny you know, the "best" tips I found out there for choosing a vampire name are these:

Use a vampire name generator
Pick one from a book
Make it up

Are these not the worst, most unhelpful tips ever?

Just saying.

So no, I don't know how to choose the "right" vampire name. The one, which defines your inner vampire and all that.

But I did find some vampire name generators I actually liked. And one I did not. It called me lonesome.

So without further ado, here are three slightly funny and fun vampire name generators for your entertainment.

Because copying someone else's name is just lame.

What is Your Vampire Name Quiz
The Vampire Name Generator (it uses your name and gender to "generate" your vampire name)
Vampire Name Generator (this is a completely random list of names)

Hope this is as fun for you as it was for me. Also a good time passer.

I Watched Dracula and Lived to Tell the Story

2011-12-27T05:00:00.000-08:00

Well, I've already told you of how I found Dracula on Netflix. It was a story, which (let's be honest) wasn't super. I just punched "Drac" into the Search bar and there it was.

But I'm trying to make it interesting.

And I'm milking (sucking?) it for all it's worth.

So, like I said before I was pulling a near-nighter to finish a sweet pair of special order knitted sleeves in time for my Christmas deadline.

And I was watching vampire movies while I raced the clock.

Here's my Dracula story. Part two.

So I found Dracula.

And I thought…I can stomach this. I've already watched one vampire movie and it wasn't so bad. What's the harm in watching another?

I'm tough.

I'm not afraid of Dracula.

And so, I pressed “play.”

The movie. Was. Fascinating.

I really enjoyed it.

Well, first of all we have a star-packed lineup with Anthony Hopkins, Wynona Ryder, Keanu Reeves, and Gary Oldman (I watched the 1992 version).

And then the story!

No wonder people are obsessed with vampires.

I see it.

Even though I had to watch the end with my hands over my eyes, I found the Dracula character completely fascinating.

This movie really captured the lure of a vampire…there is passion, obsession, lust, seduction…it's all very exciting.

I think I get it.

But I still have a lot to think about.

But I'm sure many of you have seen this film and aren't surprised (although I'm kind of surprised more of you haven't encouraged me to watch it).

Later in the day I was raving about the movie to my husband and he said, sounding confused, “You know I have Bram Stoker's Dracula on our DVD shelf.”

What now?

Hmm…a slight oversight.

Anyway, I finished the special order arm warmers (more like sleeves actually) right around the time the second movie ended. Good timing, good films.

And I only had one nightmare.

I Found Dracula on Netflix!

2011-12-26T16:19:00.000-08:00

So, apparently when I said Dracula wasn't on Netflix I was either lying or something worse. Like not spelling it correctly.

Here's how it played out.

If you look carefully at the screen shot you'll see I was watching Bram Stoker's Dracula on December 24. And that's true, but it was at 1:00 a.m. December 24.

And the reason I was up so late?

Because I had a special arm warmer order and was really on a deadline.

And I had to pull a near-nighter to finish.

So, to stay entertained while I knit like a mad person (although actually this description isn't really limited to this one experience) I browsed around to see what was on. New Releases…hmm…what's this? Vampires? Hmm…no…oh, wait. The blog. I have to watch it for the blog. And I'm awake…and it says it's a faux-documentary. And I can always turn it off.

OK. Fine.

Here's what I saw.

Now, I know this is a different show than Dracula but it's part of the story.

So, I thought I could handle a light mockumenatry about a vampire family in Belgium. But once I started watching I wasn't so sure. It was so dumb. But then I stuck with it (too lazy to find the remote) and it started getting awesome. So funny.

Like, so funny.

And when the family got exiled to Canada well, I was engaged.

I really think they captured the French Canadian culture really well. And there's one scene where they talk about the Quebecois French vs. Belgian French and I was practically rolling off the couch laughing.

Oh, it's all in French. I should mention that too. English subtitles though, which is good.

So yes, this was a fake documentary about a family of vampires and a little look into every day vampire culture. I was skeptical but you know what? It was a very entertaining way to spend a couple hours in the middle of the night by myself.

Stay tuned for the rest of the story.

The Evolution of the Vampire Film

2011-12-22T14:59:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone,

I'm Almost Famous Kiwi (Check out my blog here) and today I'm going to do a guest blog combining two things I love: film and vampires. In 2008 the world was subjected to a new torture device: the Twilight films. They took the vampire genre and ruined it. What were once things to be feared suddenly became sparkly, sappy stalkers and young girls and cougars went crazy for it. But I want to talk about film and vampires, two things the Twilight series knows nothing about. So today I thought we could take a look at the evolution of vampires in film.

Nosferatu 1922

A film by the legendary F.W Muranau shot in 1921. It is the unauthorized adaptation of Bram Stoker's "Dracula". Nosferatu is a frightening vampire who could eat Edward Cullen for breakfast.

Dracula 1931

There are many Dracula films out there. This 1931 version is based on the stage play by Hamilton Deane and John L. Balderston, which is based on Bram Stoker's "Dracula". Never forget that Dracula "vants to suck your blood".

The Lost Boys 1987

A classic '80s films starring Kiefer Sutherland as the leader of a gang of bikers/vampires. Jason Patrick and Corey Haim play two brothers who move to a small town in California that happens to be a hot spot for vampires. The film combines horror and comedy and shouldn't be missed by any vampire lover.

Buffy The Vampire Slayer 1992

Before Sarah Michelle Gellar graced our screens as Buffy there was Kristy Swanson. This '90s film follows Buffy as she becomes the slayer and is pursued by the vampire Lothos. These are your classic vampires: can't go out in the sun, can be staked through the heart, hate garlic etc. The film is worth watching just to enjoy the excellent '90s fashion.

Interview with the Vampire 1994

This film is based on the book by Anne Rice, who is arguably one of the greatest writers of vampire literature. It stars Brad Pitt as a vampire with a conscience, and Tom Cruise as the enigmatic and deadly Lestat.

Blade 1998

At the end of the 20th century the vampire film started to change focus. What was once an enemy suddenly became a hero. In Blade Wesley Snipes plays a half-vampire half-mortal who kills vampires in order to protect humans. I had to put that picture in because let's be honest, it would have made a much more interesting film.

Underworld 2003

Like Blade, Selene is a vampire who is also a hero. She is in the middle of a war between vampires and werewolves and happens to fall in love with Michael, a lycan. Vampires tend to be dominated by men so it's nice to see a film that looks at it from a female perspective.

30 Days of Night 2007

The vampires in this film freaked me out. They were a whole new species. They have their own language and are much more predatory than the vampires I've seen in earlier films. The story follows a small Alaskan town that is plunged into darkness for 30 days each year and a gang of vampires arrives.

I Am Legend 2007

What happens when you cross a zombie with a vampire? You get the monsters from I Am Legend. I really enjoyed this film for it's subtly. The vampire/monsters are pretty horrific. They are not sired like most vampires are in film, rather they are the result of a virus, thus making them part zombie.

Let the Right One In 2008

This is a Norwegian film that was remade in 2010 by the US (Let Me In). The film follows a young boy who is bullied. He meets a young girl who happens to be a vampire and she allows him the revenge he seeks. I think it's interesting to look at the vampire genre through the eyes of a child, it certainly adds to the horror of it all.

Fright Night 2011

This is a remake of the 1985 film. It follows Charley who suspects that his neighbour is a vampire. Colin Farrell stars as Jerry, the vampire. It's a classic story of mortal vs. immortal.

So there you have it, a brief history in the evolution of the vampire film. There are many more out there, and many more to come. It seems that the vampire film genre is as immortal as the vampires themselves. As you can see from 1922 to today vampires are things to be feared. They feed on blood, we are full of it. So if you happen to come across a sparkly vamp giving you googly eyes outside your bedroom then give Blade a call. He knows what to do.

Vampire Poetry

2011-12-21T05:00:00.000-08:00

Much to my surprise, there is a lot of vampire poetry out there.

A lot.

From the many, many poems I have vaguely skimmed over in recent days I've chosen one to share—for two reasons. 1) Because it's short and so many of them are not, and 2) Because I suspect it's copyright-free based on, you know, being published hundreds of years ago.

Written by Rudyard Kipling in 1897, this is The Vampire.

A fool there was and he made his prayer
(Even as you or I!)
To a rag and a bone and a hank of hair,
(We called her the woman who did not care),
But the fool he called her his lady fair—
(Even as you or I!)

Oh, the years we waste and the tears we waste,
And the work of our head and hand
Belong to the woman who did not know
(And now we know that she never could know)
And did not understand!

A fool there was and his goods he spent,
(Even as you or I!)
Honour and faith and a sure intent
(And it wasn't the least what the lady meant),
But a fool must follow his natural bent
(Even as you or I!)

Oh, the toil we lost and the spoil we lost
And the excellent things we planned
Belong to the woman who didn't know why
(And now we know that she never knew why)
And did not understand!

The fool was stripped to his foolish hide,
(Even as you or I!)
Which she might have seen when she threw him aside—
(But it isn't on record the lady tried)
So some of him lived but the most of him died—
(Even as you or I!)

“And it isn't the shame and it isn't the blame
That stings like a white-hot brand—
It's coming to know that she never knew why
(Seeing, at last, she could never know why)
And never could understand!”

OK I'm going to be honest, I'm not really sure what just happened up there.

However, this website tells me it's about a gold digging vampire lady.

Well, I'm sure it is. I just really enjoyed all the brackets and punctuation. It was a bit of fun.

Actually, I'm horrible with poetry. It's like conceptual art…I just don't "get" it. Or, actually I guess I mean it's difficult for me to think in that space. What is that, right brain or something?

I don't know. Lots of times I wonder why I can seem to write so much but I can't grasp certain elements of the craft like fiction.

Maybe I'm just afraid of it.

Yes, that's it. I'm afraid of poetry. And conceptual art. And fiction.

And VAMPIRES!

Can Animals be Vampires?

2011-12-20T05:00:00.000-08:00

OK I really wanted to post a photo of a vampire cat, because they're pretty funny pictures. But on the Internet they all come with really stupid captions (who writes these things?!) and I couldn't bear repeating them.

I'm pretty lame, but even these were a step down for me.

Then I thought maybe I'd draw a quick vampire kitty, and then I remembered the whole "bunny" incident and instead opted to ask my husband for a picture.

Except he doesn't do what I tell him to.

So basically my intro is ruined.

The question today: can animals be vampires?

Strictly speaking, no. But yes.

What I mean is no, animals cannot be bitten and catch some weird "undead" virus and become souless beings wandering the globe looking for blood to drink.

However, in nature there are real bloodsuckers.

But they're just born that way.

Which is somehow more palatable.

Here's a quick list of common blood-thirsty animals for you to file up in the memory banks.

Leeches. I remember my first leech. It was pretty nasty. I was a kid and I didn't know they were on me, I was just minding my own business, having a nice swim in a lake I didn't know. And then all of a sudden my parents are pushing me around pouring salt on me like I'm a french fry. Actually this is probably why I have such an aversion to water nowadays. Hmm…the things this blog has taught me…
Female mosquito. I'm sure we're all very familiar with this one…if you didn't know it, only the female mosquitoes bite you and drink your blood to get protein and other good stuff to their unborn. That's why you should kill them!
Ticks. If you grew up near where I grew up, or have spent any amount of time playing or walking through forests, you've likely encountered these thirsty guys. Not only can they drink way more than their body size thanks to an elasticy shell, these suckers burrow into your skin making it difficult to remove said tick once s/he has embedded him/herself into your skin headfirst. We were always taught to burn 'em out by holding a match really close to your skin until the tick comes out on it's own, but it seems like the Internet doesn't recommend this method. Suppose I did grow up an unknowing redneck. That's OK.
Bedbugs! AKA the bug of the hour, not only putting hotels out of business all over North America, but increasing mattress sales by hundreds of per cents! They hide out in carpet, mattresses, in walls, etc. and then come out at night to feed. Awesome. Also they actually can be killed by pesticides, but since we're all "green" now we kind of have to put up with this consequence of just saying "No!" to DDT. How about just a good vacuum? Will that do it?
Fleas. Bor-ing. Everyone has fleas—dogs, cats, rats, even humans. They spread the Black Plague and are basically responsible for population control. They pick a host, suck its blood, and more or less hang out there for as long as possible. Good times for the fleas.
Lice. Or is it louse? Anyway, these things are a bit like fleas but they live in human hair, and believe it or not there are different species of louse based on the body region it prefers. Yech. Also I learned they frequent people who don't bathe regularly, but it's weird because in school we were always taught lice liked clean hair. Wait a second…is that what they told us so we wouldn't tease the other kids or feel bad about ourselves when we got sent home from school after lice checks? Oh no…
And last but not least, vampire bats. These aren't really in North America, but I think we've all heard about them. They don't eat humans (unless they're Dracula?) they mostly stick to livestock and spread rabies.

Consider yourself informed. Now go! Get your salt and vacuum! And buy a new mattress!

I Avoided Vampires this Weekend

2011-12-19T05:00:00.000-08:00

I know I said I would probably stay in and watch Dracula or at least skim the book. Well it wasn't on Netflix, wouldn't you know.

Instead I watched to the end of season two of Life. Oh man I wish there was a season three!

WHY!?!

I mean, it ended but did it really?

Anyway, so fail.

Here's what else I did whilst avoiding vampires.

Had an afternoon of "fun with borax" making crystal ornaments with my niece and nephew. (More on that later)

Attempted self-portraits to document a new toque pattern I'm writing.

Also in knitting, I made a stuffed toy, a giraffe. It's actually finished but I haven't taken any more photos or stuffed it. It's awesome.

Watched my 80s revival sister slave over her stale gingerbread house. The design wasn't stale, the candy was. Buyer beware.

All in all I stayed busy, but unproductive in the vampire area. I'm sure you understand.

Oh, I also wrapped all my Christmas gifts and thought about writing more thank you cards from my wedding…but then we started up a game of Roste dominoes and, well, you really have to give it your full attention. Those Roste's are ruthless!

Before it was a Movie, it was Book. But who is Dracula?

2011-12-16T05:00:00.000-08:00

I will be honest—I don't know the story of Dracula.

I mean, of course I've imitated the Romanian accent (?) and goofed around saying "I vant to suk your bloooooood," along with all the other kids at school.

But that's as far as my knowledge goes.

Hmm…well I guess I also know he slept in a coffin and lived in a creepy castle.

Oh, and I know Bram Stoker's Dracula is regarded as the quintessential vampire novel, the one which brought the whole craze into the Western world.

Thanks buddy.

Anyway, I've also never seen the movie (scary!) but I'm 60 per cent certain this image is from it. Maybe it's on Netflix—that sounds like a good way to spend a rainy day. Because I'm allowed to cover my eyes when I watch movies at home. (scary!)

Anyway, but I would much rather know a bit about Dracula before tracking down the movie.

Recently I found a bunch of free e-books for my mobile device and was pleased to happen upon Dracula. So I downloaded it. Haven't touched it yet, but I downloaded it.

I'm thinking it's a good weekend skim.

Come on! It's from 1897!

Have any of you ever read it?

Worst. Movie. EVER!

2011-12-15T05:00:00.000-08:00

OK, so even though I previously stated I wasn't going to bother seeing the newest Twilight movie (what was it called again?) I actually thought I might go see it.

Even though I knew I would hate it. (And I love that you can't even tell what's going on in the photo and of course my husband only took one and then blamed it's poor quality on his phone all in an attempt to plug his need for a 4S.)

Simply because…well, I realized it could be fun to watch a stupid show about vampires. Not just dumb. Not just scary.

So my doting and quite accommodating husband took me to a matinee showing at the local ~~crap~~ older theatre and I bought popcorn that cost more than my movie ticket.

Anyway, it was total crap. It was horrible. What a waste of time.

That's the short version.

The longer version is even though there were some “vampire” characters in the movie, it wasn't at all about vampires. That ship has sailed methinks.

It was more about nothing. There was a wedding, a quick trip to some island, and then there was a mutant baby.

Fini.

Oh right, it was called Breaking Dawn.

Probably my favourite part of the film was when my husband turned to me and said with a grin (you could say things in this movie because we were two of six people in the entire place), “Wow. This movie is terrible!” Which made me giggle.

And then there was lots of blood for a really long time (Hello! Mutant baby!) and I didn't like that. Which made my husband giggle.

“OK, this movie just got awesome for me. Just for your reactions to everything.”

Apparently I had been making subconscious faces and comments throughout the film and had some particularly amusing reactions to the last part of the movie.

Whoops. I usually save that for Mystery Science Theater and the other D Films we, for whatever reason, tend towards.

Oh wait, no I don't. Nevermind.

In my opinion, they didn't even try in this movie. They know people are going to see it and so they will just keep cranking the poorly written, acted, and produced films out until we stop being suckers.

So, forever then.

Vampires are the New Blook

2011-12-14T05:00:00.000-08:00

It's so funny. I was just browsing my blog history (I do that…is that weird?) and came across this post, which isn't about vampires, but about blogs.

However, I mention vampires.

I wrote the post May 25, 2010. Which is weird because I swear I wasn't really aware of vampires back then.

TOLD by my own blog.

I was talking about how people were saying blogs are so over and I was glad they weren't so hot right now anymore but thought they would hold on for a while longer.

Then I mentioned how I'm glad the whole blog-to-book thing was ending (blook) and said vampires were the new blooks.

Looks like I was right.

Who knew!?

I didn't.

Well, I did, but I forgot.

Vampires Make Music Too

2011-12-13T07:00:00.000-08:00

There's an indy band I enjoy called Vampire Weekend and I hope you like them too.

This song is called Oxford Comma from their first album (self-titled) and I enjoy it very much for three reasons:

They sing about grammar
They sing about UK grammar
I find the musical arrangement interesting and they use piano/keys, which is awesome

Oh, there is an f-bomb so buyer beware.

Here are some other interesting things about Vampire Weekend.

The band has two albums Vampire Weekend (2008) and Contra (2010)
In November 2011 the band announced they're in the studios again, preparing for a third album
They're from New York, but are more popular in Europe (although growing in popularity in North America now that indy music is mainstream)
You may have heard VW songs in the following movies: Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, I Love You, Man and Eclipse (interesting!?)
The band met while all attending Columbia University
Their name comes from the title of a short film project one of the band members worked on

How to Make Your Own Vampire Fangs

2011-12-12T05:00:00.000-08:00

If for whatever reason you're curious about how this works, I've looked into it.

Basically you have to make a mould of your teeth, which is some sort of weird mixture of seaweed and cement.

Once you have the mould then you add some space for the incisors so they're, you know, bigger.

Then you do the plaster mould thing.

That's the DIY method.

And quite honestly, it doesn't make any sense to me. So just watch the video.

As for me? Well, I think I'll just see if my benefits will cover a dentist mould. You know, a "night guard."

Get it?

Cause vampires go out at night?

Here's a song about vampires. And fangs