Everything Happened for Many Reasons

I understand

noreply@blogger.com (Menoedh) — Sat, 11 Mar 2017 18:18:00 +0000

"Stefan, Please call me. Please. I need to you to know that I understand. I love you. I'll love you forever. I understand" - Caroline Forbes, TVD, 8x16

That moment when a fictional couple you ship so hard, broke you down because you relate so much . Fuck you Julie Plec. I don't hate you because I understand what Kevin Williamson is saying about Stelena (and YES I'd approve that) but fuck you still. Stefan Salvatore is a better person than Damon Salvatore have been and he deserves happiness.

Grenade related

noreply@blogger.com (Menoedh) — Wed, 14 Dec 2016 16:29:00 +0000

I'd die for you. I even told you I'd wipe your shit in case you've become a useless vegetables. But I guess you'd do this for anyone who would love you

The Last Star (The 5th Wave, #3) by Rick Yancey (Book review)

noreply@blogger.com (Menoedh) — Sun, 04 Sep 2016 15:55:00 +0000

The Last Star by Rick Yancey
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

This book is a roller coaster. Not in a good way unfortunately. It's a hit and miss along the journey. I have to be honest that I don't have a good memory for the dozens of fictions I've read/watched, so I actually had to go to The Infinite Sea's Wikipedia and read the plot summary lol I also re-read my own review of that book because I only remember that The Infinite Sea isn't as great as The 5th Wave and things got weird.

I picked up some disappointment here and there too about the writing style of this book. And I have to agree with these people. What made me so into the 5th wave is the beautiful prose and writing style of Yancey. Somehow it changes in this book. I try to rationalize that the characters are changing too because after all they are teens and now they are huddled up together and teens do what teens do when they feel like their "normal" pre-Arrival life. But the humor are still excessive. That's why I said it's a hit and miss. Sometimes I can appreciate the humor but then Yancey just doesn't know when to stop.

Or how every single character keeps questioning their thinking. Repeatedly. In an unnecessary way. Or the way Cassie keeps thinking (writing in her diary in this case) what the readers are thinking. And at the same time keeps saying no one will read her diary anyway. This is my biggest annoyance of this book.

I slowly dislike Sam, Cassie, Ben and oh my god I completely don't care about Evan anymore when he's going all "I love you and nothing else matters" but then keeps doing that solo soldier thing. I grow to like Ringer more though. I had problems with her enhancement from the last book but at least I can see her purpose on the plot.

The ending saved it from me giving it an okay. There are some glimpse of Yance's original writing style as he wrote how heart-breaking (but beautiful) the conclusion of this series. I was holding my breath hoping that Ringer or Cassie don't die (by halfway of the book, they are the only two characters I care to survive) and almost cried because it was an emotional ending.

I'd recommend people to read the 5th Wave but the rest of the series is very optional.

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Well that's new..

noreply@blogger.com (Menoedh) — Wed, 31 Aug 2016 19:23:00 +0000

Drunk blogging ex instead of drunk calling ex. What the hell, brain?

Fading

noreply@blogger.com (Menoedh) — Tue, 30 Aug 2016 19:39:00 +0000

cock it

noreply@blogger.com (Menoedh) — Tue, 23 Aug 2016 16:24:00 +0000

To love is a curse. To break from it is not in a form of hate because to hate is just loving the opposite of what you formerly love. To break the curse of love is to seek the non-existence of love. To feel nothing.

~

noreply@blogger.com (Menoedh) — Sun, 21 Aug 2016 15:33:00 +0000

I'm not healing. Not even close.

Alien: Out of the Shadows By Tim Lebbon

noreply@blogger.com (Menoedh) — Sat, 20 Aug 2016 15:56:00 +0000

Alien: Out of the Shadows by Tim Lebbon
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

At first I was going to give this book a 4 star because it means it's a already great book for me but I was being a book snob. I thought why would I give a sci-fi monster thriller story a perfect score. But then I thought fuck it. It deserves a 5 star.

Lebbon did everything (almost) right, as much as he could for a book about Xenomorph and filling in between the first and second movie. Not to mention Ripley is a part of it too. I wonder if this is his personal choice or Ridley had some input. Lebbon didn't waste time by making prolonged intro and we are greeted by the xenomorph instantly. After that, there is no dull moment because everyone is being put on the edge of not knowing what's on their corner, constantly being attacked and damnit he made me like each and every characters. Because you want them to survive and it's disappointing when they die.

I do have a tiny problem with how Lebbon made Ripley fit in in this story and not ruining the continuity of Aliens, but I can easily ignore it. I'd recommend the book to anyone who is a fan of the Alien franchise.

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Alien: Sea of Sorrows (Novel #2) by James A. Moore

noreply@blogger.com (Menoedh) — Sat, 20 Aug 2016 15:54:00 +0000

Alien: Sea of Sorrows by James A. Moore
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I lowered my expectation because I really liked the second book. And this one got a lower star not because that it's not as good, I just don't have a really good ability to try to memorize every single characters and this book has dozens of names. Especially because this is the kind of book that doesn't really try to give specific looks of the characters (who are mostly mercenaries).

The story is still interesting and still action packed. It's even more crazy because with these mercs separating themselves into groups and go to separate places, the encounters with the Xenomorphs are even more frequent. But mercs being mercs, they don't really have much of personalities than just being a soldier with an objective. So compared to the first book that makes us stick with a small group and get to know them better, this one is more sterile.

I do have a tiny personal problem with Decker's job. I won't spoil it even though it's pretty much revealed in the first few pages and people probably would think "you have a problem with that, while you are reading a story about alien infestation in a planet?" Well yea..I admit the weirdness. Of course I understand that this new thing is something that helps with the story and understanding a little bit more about the Xenomorph race. I hope this kind of thing never show up in the movies because I think it will ruin it for me.

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Alien: River of Pain (Novel #3) Alien: River of Pain by Christopher Golden

noreply@blogger.com (Menoedh) — Sat, 20 Aug 2016 15:51:00 +0000

Alien: River of Pain by Christopher Golden
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

It's sad that I'm finally finishing this Alien novel trilogy because I really enjoyed them all. But this is the weakest of the three. I'm sure a lot of people have said the same thing over and over what this book's problem is. There are too damn much of unimportant background story but too shallow at the same time. I understand that it's gotta be a difficult job to make people empathize to even a small group of people in the colony, but Golden should've focused more on the ones he would like to make heroes or villains instead of some side missions and extra characters that I don't care if they die in the Alien attack.

I mean, we all know what happened to this colony already from The Aliens movie.

Lebbon really set the standard really high on the first book that I'm pretty sure people are expecting we'll get Xenomorphs on our face as soon as possible but still loving the characters that didn't survive.

Another problem that bugs me (and please correct me if I'm wrong), there are some parts where Golden was almost lazy in writing when he makes Anne just out of the blue can guess that the Xenomorph are a hive kind of alien. And then the scientists (also some other people?) used the term "Xenomorph" to call the aliens. I understand the definition of Xenomorph itself, but the word is not even introduced in an organic way. Were they already called Xenomorph by Weiland-Yutani? I don't know. It was just suddenly thrown in the paragraph as a name.

In the end, I still like the book, still enjoy reading it, still getting my heart tugged on some death scenes, but I wish Golden would write half the books about how the colony defended themselves. That's what we would really want to know.

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I wish I can turn it off like normal people do

noreply@blogger.com (Menoedh) — Thu, 28 Jul 2016 19:28:00 +0000

I've cried to sleep, I've cried until I can't breathe, I've cried until I have an unpleasant headache.

6 years

noreply@blogger.com (Menoedh) — Wed, 15 Jun 2016 18:07:00 +0000

Mind. Fuck.

noreply@blogger.com (Menoedh) — Tue, 31 May 2016 17:45:00 +0000

This little pig is already weak and wild as fuck, and the wolf is relentlessly chasing. Blowing, huffing, puffing, scratching, biting the house down.

I knew it

noreply@blogger.com (Menoedh) — Sat, 26 Mar 2016 06:29:00 +0000

It was some kind of version of a deal breaker. There's a lifeline still hanging. It's like that last nerve in 127 hours where Franco had to cut off. So painful beyond anything even just to touch it. It was still the highlight of my day, just with a short footnote saying *I knew it

Fish out of the bowl

noreply@blogger.com (Menoedh) — Mon, 02 Nov 2015 05:55:00 +0000

It felt like being shoved into your favorite chocolate factory, but your taste bud is currently damaged and you can't taste shit

Major MO

noreply@blogger.com (Menoedh) — Sat, 12 Sep 2015 07:26:00 +0000

So..it's been a difficult couple of month for me. The worse part is I'm not even capable of writing how I feel. Like something is blocking my thoughts and what's left is just this really empty and painful feeling. I don't know how many times I've sat in front of the laptop and try to write how I feel but I just can't. How do you explain a mixed of pain in your chest?

So here I am, taking a time to sit in front of my laptop again and just force myself to write anything. I've separate myself from the crowd that drove me crazy for the past 24 hours.

For a starter, I do recognize that it's the feeling of lost. I lost a lot of things, people and eventually I'm just lost myself. I wish I can talk it through, but the people I believe can help are the people I've lost and the rest are just...incompetent. Sometimes it's difficult to keep track of things and just be THERE because most of the times the emotion is taking over everything. My head, my chest and I'm not able to connect to anything anymore. Every ounce of energy I have is all used up just to keep myself not having a breakdown right then and there. I do cry at night. Every now and then if I allow myself. maybe for five minutes and then I just can't feel anymore and I'd stop. Because it's just so useless. Everything is so useless. What's the point of crying when it doesn't do literally anything?

What's the point of writing this down too?

Fight

noreply@blogger.com (Menoedh) — Tue, 01 Sep 2015 17:51:00 +0000

I'm fighting all the bad things in my head right now. It's just so easy to get back on track and ruining a lot of things at the same time. Choices are easy. That's what I've learned. It's the consequences that are dire. Why it has to be easier to destroy things than building things up? Everything feels like a game and I've been a player. What kind of player though?

Not a day

noreply@blogger.com (Menoedh) — Tue, 25 Aug 2015 18:55:00 +0000

I dont want to sleep because waking up without you is so painful. Staying awake is exhausting because what energy I have left is to lie to myself that I'm okay. How do you fill a black hole where my world was?

69 days

noreply@blogger.com (Menoedh) — Wed, 12 Aug 2015 19:36:00 +0000

There will be no one else. It's not a promise. It's just psychologically impossible.

Dead Men Talking: The World's Worst Killers in Their Own Words by Christopher Berry-Dee (Book review)

noreply@blogger.com (Menoedh) — Sat, 20 Jun 2015 07:10:00 +0000

Dead Men Talking: The World's Worst Killers in Their Own Words by Christopher Berry-Dee
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

As someone who felt like she knows enough about sociopaths, both from my psychology major education and my special interest in the fiction world about them, this book does give me more insight of what and who the sociopaths are. All these times, sociopaths has been romanticize by the media. Makes people get interested with them but not in an appropriate way. They ARE fascinating human beings, but not one you would actually like to know personally. Admit it, of all those stories in TV, books or movies there is a part of you that wonder how does it feel to talk with one. Well, this book does give you one perspective of one author that did all that.

To be perfectly honest when I found this book in a used books bin, I was ecstatic. It was cheap and with topic that I'm very interested in. I did check Goodreads ratings (without reading the comments) and 3 stars seems like it's an okay book to read. But soon after I was reading the first few pages, I already found how he called these sociopaths names put me off a bit. I agree that these people are quite disgusting and have done a lot of terrible things, but professionalism in writing a book is still very important. I brushed it off because I do want to keep reading and I excused my annoyance to being used to reading scientific journals instead of popular books with these subjects. I thought I'm just not used to writers putting their own subjective thoughts to the people they're interviewing.

But soon I found out more things that I don't like from the writer. Especially the way he put together the story and subtle self indulgence praising here and there for being able to make these sociopaths talk. Yea, okay, it needs skill sometimes but sociopaths are basically braggers and as the writer mention it himself, he couldn't really get the truths from some of them and I guess everyone can get them talking.

Other than these annoyance of the writer's writing style, the book is good enough if anyone new to the sociopath world wants to read a biography (be it actually probably filled with lies) of several killers and how they do the killing. It does have several shock values and the reason of my insight of how actually terrible these people are. In short, shit got real.

I wouldn't particularly recommend this book because I'm afraid there are better books (author) out there with these topic and theme.

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The thing about loving so long...

noreply@blogger.com (Menoedh) — Fri, 19 Jun 2015 22:33:00 +0000

The thing about loving someone for so long is, you'd feel like you've said everything you wanted to say. You'd feel like you've told them everything you have to say. But the fact is it will never be enough. You will never feel like you want to stop and there are still so many things left unsaid. Especially when you're not allowed anymore. It will never be enough.

Watching some family movies and..

noreply@blogger.com (Menoedh) — Tue, 26 May 2015 14:08:00 +0000

Isn't weird how married couples say that their relationship doesn't work while the respective parent can try to keep on working on their relationship with the children?

I think it's bullshit.

It's not about "not working out" if you're already in the marriage that was started with genuine love. It's all about would you give enough shit to keep working on it.

We're basically just humans with different personalities and needs. Blood doesn't make it magically easier or given for a relationship to work.

Whats the point

noreply@blogger.com (Menoedh) — Thu, 14 May 2015 05:34:00 +0000

I see the irony of "I put my heart on my sleeve" today. What's seen on the outside turns out a mirror of everything inside. I don't need to speak anymore, my hands know what they need to do now. And if they slip, please know that I'm sorry because all I've been trying to do all my life is to make people happy. I don't know how anymore.

The ghosts

noreply@blogger.com (Menoedh) — Mon, 27 Apr 2015 09:12:00 +0000

The ghosts are scary. I can still taste them, touch them, smell them, as if it's happening right now and not in a distant past. Every words and emotions. Sometimes they come rushing back and my fingers can trace them as if they're solid. Everything just clash into one memory, like a single timeline.

What? What do they want?

It was only about making them feel good. To tremble under my hand and begged.

Dont stop..

Where's your pride now?

noreply@blogger.com (Menoedh) — Wed, 22 Apr 2015 22:10:00 +0000

LOL that's the thing. She's already feeling like shit for days and turns out she needs a "real" reason to buy comfort. Oh well..jokes on her for being a spoiled pathetic little useless cunt.

It's just a cold and I need my sleep