Everything I've Never Done

Jim's Monologue

2013-05-10T12:18:00.004-04:00

If you know me, you should know that I am obsessed with 'The Office.' And as it winds down to its final episodes, Jim had one of the best monologues of the series last night. I have to post so that I don't ever forget it:

Jim to Dwight:

"I don't know what you want me to tell you man. All I know is that every time I've been faced with a tough decision, there's only one thing that outweighs every other concern. One thing that will make you give up on everything you thought you knew; every instinct, every rational calculation...love.

No matter what happens you gotta forget about all the other stuff. You gotta forget about logic and fear and doubt. You just gotta do everything you can to get to the one woman that's gonna make all of this worth it. At the end of the day you gotta jump."

Single Girl Update: My Adventures in Speed Dating and More

2013-05-01T22:14:00.000-04:00

In an effort to make my own luck, I’m trying new approaches to my love life which is why I found myself sitting at a table across from a guy I had never met before.

Six minutes went by and ‘ding’. Next guy.

Yup, I went to my first speed dating event.

Before I go on, I have to shamelessly plug this book I read over the weekend. It’s called ‘Get The Guy: Use the Secrets of the Male Mind to Find,Attract and Keep Your Ideal Man’ and it’s so awesome. For a more in depth review on the book check out my other blog www.heartspace1111.com. I understand men so much more now.

After reading the book, I decided to try out the advice from the author. Coincidentally, I had already signed up for the speed dating event prior to discovering the book. So I figured that it would be a great opportunity to put some of the advice to action.

The author points out how most of us say we’ll meet the right person when it’s the right time, but how many new men do we meet in a week? Or a month? My number has been pretty low lately.

So instead of leaving it up to whatever comes my way, I’ve decided to actually make a true effort in meeting new guys. And boy did I do that last night. After speed dating, I went out and by the end of the night I had met a total of 15 new guys.

It was the first time I’ve ever approached guys like that- just going up, introducing myself, and seeing what happens. I’ve always thought of it as the man’s task to approach a woman, but, honestly, the type of guy I want to be with may not be someone who is all that comfortable with doing that. Usually the guys that have no problem approaching random women aren’t really my type.

So you may be wondering what the outcome of the night was? Out of the 15 guys I met there are two that I’m going to go out with. Those odds aren’t bad.

But the best part of all this is that I had a lot of fun!

So while all it takes is one, to find ‘THE one’ I’ve got to be willing to meet all the other ones first.

Now I’m looking at my single life in a whole new way and totally embracing the journey. From now on I’m not taking things so seriously and simply enjoying the ride!

An Affirmative Prayer

2013-04-12T17:01:00.001-04:00

Deep at the center of my being there is an infinite well of love.

I now allow this love to flow to the surface. It fills my heart, my body, my mind, my consciousness, my very being, and radiates out from me in all directions and returns to me multiplied.

The more love I use and give, the more I have to give, the supply is endless.

The use of love makes me feel good, it is an expression of my inner joy.

I love myself therefore, I take loving care of my body. I lovingly feed it nourishing food and beverages.

I lovingly groom it and dress it, and my body lovingly responds to me with vibrant health and energy.

I love myself therefore I provide for myself a comfortable home, one that fills all my needs and is a pleasure to be in. I fill the rooms with the vibration of love so that all who enter, myself included, will feel this love and be nourished by it.

I love myself, therefore I work at a job that I truly enjoy doing, one that uses my creative talents and abilities, working with and for people that I love and that love me, and earning a good income.

I love myself therefore I behave and think in a loving way to all people, for I know that that which I give out returns to me multiplied. I only attract loving people into my world for they are a mirror of what I am.

I love myself therefore, I forgive and totally release the past and all past experiences and I am free.

I love myself therefore, I live totally in the now, experiencing each moment as good and knowing that my future is bright and joyous, and secure for I am a beloved child of the universe and the universe lovingly takes care of me now and forever more.

Amen.

This was written by Louise Hay. It pretty much touches on everything- from relationships, to work, to health so I love it. (I wonder how many times the word 'love' is in this post!?) I recently discovered it. I am now reading it every morning to start my day.

What's the Big Deal About GMOs?

2013-04-12T16:37:00.002-04:00

I already lean toward the natural side when it comes to anything I'm ingesting into my body or putting onto my body. Within the past year I have switched to all natural soap, deodorant, lotion, face wash, and I do my best to eat only organic non-GMO items. On an intuitive level it simply seems like the best thing to do for myself. I don't want my body to be constantly working overtime to detox. And I have done my own research to read up on the information that is out there on GMOs. Going all natural is work, and I still have a a ways to go, but I have made major progress.

After everything I have looked into I strongly believe that GMOs are not good for the body. However, time will certainly reveal the truth. In the meantime, I'm not willing to put my health on the line with the possibility that GMOS are okay. I urge you to do your own investigation to decide for yourself.

There are tons of articles on the topic of GMOs, and here is one for thought.

Too Bad I Know Better

2013-04-10T00:59:00.000-04:00

Thanks for all the admiration
but I don't want it from you
why does it have to be so ironic
I don't want the attention
I don't need the admiration
I know what I want and
unfortunately it's not the same
thing that you do

So Ironic
I guess this is how it's supposed to be
but why oh, why?
It's got to be so much fun
Wishing I was one of those girls
that didn't know what she wanted
But it's too bad I do.

Laughing at My Love Life

2013-04-08T22:19:00.000-04:00

I read something the other day that reminded me to see the humor in difficult situations. And I must have taken it to heart because I am sitting here, laughing at what has been the most frustrating aspect of my life for seven years...my love life!

I'm setting my ego aside here, because a part of me would love for everyone to think that I don't have any issues with relationships. But, um, we know that would be bullshit because who doesn't? I mean, relationships are mirrors of ourselves. They bring out the best in us and bring to light what we need to work on.

So, after all this self work I've done in the past year and a half of taking responsibility of my own issues (basically choosing not to take on a victim role) now it's time to not take myself so seriously; to sit back and enjoy the journey.

I think that I used to be enticed by drama in my life, for different reasons. But now, I don't have time or energy to waste on that. I have things to accomplish and love to give! Not just to a partner, but to the world.

I'm ready for a family and kids and the whole nine yards. This is the first time in my life that I've felt ready. It used to always seem like a far off goal.

Putting this out into the universe, so we will see what and when this happens. In the meantime, I'm focusing on having fun and enjoying the present. Because, why worry? What will be, will be! Sometimes that's easier said than done, but I'm getting better everyday.

Highlights From 'A Return to Love'

2013-04-06T23:33:00.004-04:00

I don't think I've ever highlighted a book as much as I did in 'A Return to Love'. Here are some of my favorite quotes that spoke to me. Maybe you will appreciate them too. And if they do resonate with you, I strongly encourage you to read the book. :)

"Until your knees finally hit the floor, you're just playing at life, and on some level you're scared because you know you're just playing. The moment of surrender is not when life is over. It's when it begins.

And whether we love, or close our hearts to love, is a mental choice we make, every moment of everyday.

Love in your mind produces love in your life. This is the meaning of Heaven.

Closing our hearts destroys our peace because it's alien to our nature. It warps us and turns us into people we are not meant to be.

Most of us are so sick of ourselves, in one way or another. It's unbelievable how tenaciously we cling to what we've prayed to be released from.

Surrender means, by definition, giving up an attachment to results. When we surrender to God, we let go of our attachment to how things happen on the outside and we become more concerned with what happens on the inside.

Our internal state determines our experience of our lives; our experiences do not determine our internal state.

The question is not, "What kind of God would let children starve?" but rather, "What kind of people would let children starve?"

At the last moment, when things look the worst, God does tend to appear. Not because he has a sadistic sense of humor, waiting until we're totally desperate before showing us his muscle. He takes so long because it's not until then that we bother to think about Him. All this time, we thought we were waiting for Him. Little did we know, He was waiting for us.

We think there are different categories of life, such as money, health, relationships, and then, for some of us, another category called 'spiritual life'. But only the ego categorizes. There is really only one drama going on in life: our walk away from God, and our walk back. We simply reenact the one drama in different ways.

Relationships exist to hasten our walk to God.

Relationships are assignments. They are part of a vast plan for our enlightenment, the Holy Spirit's blueprint by which each individual soul is led to greater awareness and expanded love. Relationships are the Holy Spirit's laboratories in which He brings together people who have the maximal opportunity for mutual growth. He appraises who can learn most from whom at any given time, and then assigns them to each other.

People who have the most to teach us are often the ones who reflect back to us the limits to our own capacity to love, those who consciously or unconsciously challenge our fearful positions. They show us our walls. Our walls are our wounds-- the places where we feel we can't love any more, can't connect any more deeply, can't forgive past a certain point. We are in each other's lives in order to help us see where we most need healing, and in order to help us heal."

Music That Speaks to My Soul

2013-04-06T22:00:00.001-04:00

I'm so happy that two of my favorite bands have released awesome new music this year. Feel like sharing what I love.

You felt the weight of the world
fall off your shoulder
And to your favorite song
we sang along to the start of forever
And after all this time, I'm still into you

[All-Mother:]
You fought to withdraw from a location which has,
inside of it, severe quantifiable pain. I nearly terminated
the mission. Nearly terminated your life.
Yet, you desire to set a course back to it.
I am not equipped to comprehend human rational.
Sirius, is this what love is?

[Sirius Amory:]
...Yes.

She gave her heart, to a falling star
The news filtered through of his tragedy
All the walls went up,
Around the world she climbs
As the tears from her eyes fall
No one understands and no one will
All she has lost

Bootsey & Dempsey

2013-04-03T19:24:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I like to tease my cats... :) They're the cutest.

Read This

2013-04-02T23:34:00.000-04:00

This book is so beautiful! Transforming. Healing. If you're ready for a new life, read this! I've never highlighted a book so much because so many sentences correspond with my heart and jump off the page to where I'm saying 'Yes! That totally makes sense!'

Pole Dancing is Not for P*ssies

2013-03-28T21:59:00.000-04:00

     Okay, so literally it is. But figuratively speaking, pole dancing is not for p*ssies. Let me tell you my experience.

Thanks to Groupon, I decided to explore my sensual side and try some pole dancing classes. A dancer once told me it's the best workout for abs and arms, and she had some killer arms. So I wasn't going to contest. But the closest I've come to trying pole dancing was one time in college when a few of my girlfriends and I did some of the Carmen Elektra DVDs at home. I think it was chair dancing. It wasn't much of a workout from what I remember.

     So my friend Heather and I, who is much more adept as she is a few classes ahead of me, decided to try out this groupon for a bargain on 3 pole dancing classes. The teacher makes every move look like the most graceful and easiest move you'll ever do. But then when I get on the pole it's quite the juxtaposition. I know I most likely resemble Kristen Wiig doing an SNL skit. Or Molly Shannon. Either one. It would be a really great skit.

     Pole dancing is the most brutal sport I have ever participated in. You wake up the next day with bruises in places that make it look like you've been raped. I'm sorry, that is really graphic, but it's the truth. The girls who do it professionally better be making good money.

   Overall, it is a fantastic workout. It works the entire body so that you see results within two sessions, but you have to weigh your options. Is being bruised and battered worth it for something that I'm paying to do??? No.

     Moral of the story: I'm going back to yoga.

Freedom is Learning to Let Go

2013-03-27T20:13:00.000-04:00

My concept of freedom has expanded over the past year. I used to think of freedom as something provided by an outside source. For example, the United States provides us freedom under the constitution. I saw freedom as a right.

It is a right. But what I didn’t realize is the power I hold. Instead of looking outside of myself for the permission to be free, I now give myself that permission.

Freedom to me is not being attached to any person, substance, object, ect. It is freeing my mind from obsession over the past, the present, and future.

My freedom has come from letting go of control. I’ve stopped outlining how I think a situation should go. Outlining is when you want a certain outcome in a situation so you try and will it into existence. But by doing so it makes everyone in the situation, including yourself, miserable because there’s no room to breathe!

I’ve learned that to get what you want you have to be willing to lose it. If you’re not open to that possibility then you will cling too tightly to it and depend on it.

When I’m at my best, I look at things from a detached perspective. Once I’ve done my part in a relationship (friendship, romantic, or family) I have to let it go and let the chips fall where they may.

The best relationships bring out our shadow side, forcing us to deal with our shit. We’ll meet certain people throughout our lives who act as mirrors to show us what we don’t want to see. If you’re not willing to see your dark side, then most likely you’ll run away from the relationship, but if you choose to show up then you can work through it and deal with your demons. We all have them, and they certainly don’t go away by ignoring them. They’ll only get louder and louDER and LOUDER until you hit your bottom.

We all have a bottom. My bottom was an accumulation of losing a friendship that was extremely important to me, finding myself in a repeat situation with a romantic relationship…and both of these situations were screaming at me and urging me to let go of a false belief I held.

Most of us have negative beliefs in our heads that replay over and over and over. And we act them out over and over and over. For example, maybe your father wasn’t emotionally available to you as a child, so you internalized the belief “I’m not loveable”. That belief stays with you and then manifests in your life as you become an adult; usually in your closest relationships.

The good news is you can undo these false beliefs. The biggest and first step is recognizing your false beliefs. This is the part that I would recommend therapy for. Although, when I went through this last year, I did it myself because I was pretty broke at the time so I didn’t see therapy as an option. I read books that asked the right questions so that I was able to uncover some of my false beliefs and realize where they originated from. However, I recommend therapy because the process will probably be much faster and therapy really is an investment in yourself and many people (especially LCSW-licensed clinical social workers) operate on a sliding scale so you can afford it! I am finally going to therapy and intend to keep up with it on a regular basis. I’m doing it for myself, and also for my clients because having my shit together will make me a better therapist.

Point being, I encourage you to do what you need to do to find out if you have false beliefs that you’re carting around. Once you discover false beliefs you realize how they have so much power and how they are coloring your perspective. And once you recognize them, you can take the steps to letting them go. And letting them go leads to your own freedom!

That’s probably a lot to digest so I’ll leave it at that for now. Happy healing!

Love for TSwift

2013-03-10T21:37:00.001-04:00

This is a quote from Taylor Swift that I came across from a recent magazine interview, and I think it's right on.

“For a female to write about her feelings, and then be portrayed as some clingy, insane, desperate girlfriend in need of making you marry her and have kids with her, I think that’s taking something that potentially should be celebrated—a woman writing about her feelings in a confessional way—that’s taking it and turning it and twisting it into something that is frankly a little sexist.”

Quote to Remember

2013-03-07T11:25:00.001-05:00

There is neither happiness nor unhappiness in this world; there is only the comparison of one state with another. Only someone who has felt ultimate despair is capable of feeling ultimate bliss. It is necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live.” – The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas

This quote is true for me, but I do hope that the last line is not true for everyone. Do you think that it is necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live?

My Reaction to The Perks of Being A Wallflower

2013-02-22T23:48:00.002-05:00

I haven't watched a movie in months. I finally decided to pay a visit to Redbox and chose The Perks of Being A Wallflower. For the first time in probably a year I was happy with the movie I rented. I cried. Multiple times. And I couldn't really tell you why I cried at the points I cried at, but suddenly a chord was struck and boom, the tears were rolling.

But there was one part I cried at that I know what and why it was triggered. It was this line:

"We accept the love we think we deserve."

This is a statement that is so true it can hurt. A statement that urges us to hold ourselves accountable for what we may feel is lacking in our lives.

I now own my power and realize my worth, but I don't know why for so many years I accepted less than my worth. Why did I give my power away to others when the power was mine in the first place? There are many different reasons for that, but I look back now and see that it was a way to displace the pain that I had buried. I was recreating a painful experience because that is what was familiar to me. Once I had left the toxic environment I grew up in, the only thing I knew was heartache; so that's what I recreated in my life.

We get stuck in these ruts of the familiar. And until we know better, we don't know how to do better. It takes a lot to get out of the rut. It's much easier for life to continue on with the feeling of a void when that's what you mostly know and are comfortable with.

Part of my process of overcoming my continuous heartache was being willing to let it all go. There was an odd comfort to it because I knew the feeling so well. When I watched that movie tonight, my 'pain body', if you will, came back and for a second I found comfort in those old familiar feelings, but now I recognize that the comfort does not come from the feelings but from the familiarity. It's like when an ex-boyfriend shows up and at first those feelings you had for him are reactivated, but then you realize that it's not the same because you have learned your lessons and have outgrown the relationship. That's how I view my past. It had a purpose. The healed wounds are battle scars that now equip me for my present and future.

I am not here for myself and I am not here to continue to experience heartache. I am here to learn and grow and disseminate the lessons I have learned to those that also want to grow. If I never let go of the pain, then I would never fulfill my purpose.

A Dream

2013-02-18T07:50:00.000-05:00

Last night I dreamt something I have never dreamt before, or at least not that I recall. I died in my dream. I can’t ever recall having a violent dream, but this was extremely violent. I was in some kind of public place, a museum or something with a bunch of other innocent people. Then, out of nowhere, these men with machine guns came in and began shooting. I watched as innocent people fell to the ground and became bathed in their own blood. But it was quick and there was only so much time for me to think. As their aim came closer to me, I realized I was about to die. One, two, three, and four bullets penetrated my body. I saw flashes of red. Everything slowed down and became quiet. It wasn’t at all painful. I knew this story was over, but that there was a much bigger picture than the life I was leaving behind. Everything was peaceful.

And then I woke up.

Post Birthday!

2013-02-17T19:14:00.001-05:00

I had a fantastic birthday. I believe it's my favorite to date. I had so much fun and it seemed that everyone else did too! The lavender martinis were a hit! I said I would post pictures but on second thought I am not going to post pics because my friends may not want pictures posted on the internet that everyone can see!

But here are some before and after pics of my place all decorated! Still a few things to do, but almost there!

Before:

After:

Before:

After: Just have to add some Ivy to the area between the wall and ceiling

There's more but that's enough for now. Gotta keep some mystique.

Party Time!

2013-02-15T09:49:00.002-05:00

Tonight is my birthday party. It is sure to be a lot of fun. I hope everyone has a blast! We’re having a cocktail hour at my place; a limo is picking us up and then taking us to a restaurant downtown. Usually I’m not great at getting pictures but tonight I’m going to make sure I capture some memories!

My Valentine’s was actually really enjoyable. I think it’s the first Valentine’s day in a long time that I haven’t felt disappointed that I didn’t have a Valentine. I was my own Valentine! I bought myself something nice. In fact, I’ve been spending a lot of money on myself lately for decorating my condo and stuff for the party (i.e. alcohol, dress, shoes, ear rings, etc.) so I should probably cool it for a while.

My friend Heather came over, and we did a taste test of the martinis for tonight’s party. I have to say, I am not a fan of vanilla vodka, but my lavender martini recipe called for it so I hope that everyone else will enjoy it.

Also, my condo is finally decorated! There are still a few things to do, but it looks great! When my Aunt was here last weekend we went on a shopping spree. I knew the color scheme I wanted and an overall vision but she makes money from decorating so her help made it a lot easier and less overwhelming.

Pictures to come!

Watch This

2013-02-03T21:25:00.001-05:00

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

World of Class Warfare - The Poor's Free Ride Is Over

www.thedailyshow.com

Daily Show Full Episodes

Political Humor & Satire Blog

The Daily Show on Facebook

Already Over It

2013-02-02T22:44:00.001-05:00

I'm already over trial #2 of internet dating. Now I remember why I stopped the first time.

It's too much work! I'm only 25...well, 26 in a couple weeks. But the point is that I'm still young! Why am I putting myself in the trenches when I can still enjoy the ride?

In all honesty all of the prospects look lackluster to me. Even the Brazilian neurosurgeon. He wrote too many lols and just seems like friend material. If I'm thirty, and single, then maybe I'll try internet dating but right now it's just not my thing.

I prefer getting to know a person without any expectations. Going to meet someone to see if there is a connection makes things feel inauthentic, rushed, and unnatural. I realize it works for some people, but I would at least like to meet the person in a natural setting rather than meeting for the first time knowing that we are sizing each other up to see whether or not we're a good fit. It feels like an interview. And of course each of us is going to put our best foot forward, so even if you are a great judge of character, it could be really hard to cut through the bullshit when you're not seeing the way the person interacts with people outside of your little bubble.

Oh, well. My life is super busy right now and I don't want to spend my free time trying to coordinate meet ups with people who could be crazies.

Guess I'm more old fashioned than I thought!

Sorting Through the Fish

2013-01-31T16:12:00.000-05:00

Here are just a few of the fantastic messages I have received since last night.

Hi ! How are u :) ! ? My name is juan and I'm. 31 years old ! I was wondering what's your name ?

The problem here is that my username is Heather4444.

Hi Am Kevin.You seem like someone that i would like too get too known.I hope you see something in my profile that you like and maybe we can start too get too known eachother.I hope too hear back from you soon

The problem here is, well, pretty obvious.

im genuine .. but i just dont seem to have luck meeting a genuine girl ... everyone on this site seems to have hella issues

The main problem here is the use of the word 'hella'.

Then you get a a ton that are simply 'hey, how are you?', so boring.

Out of 55 messages there have been 5 that were decently written or worth writing back. Not the greatest odds, but then again, all it takes is one.

Internet Dating is Already Laughing in My Face

2013-01-31T00:23:00.001-05:00

Oh, the irony.

Three hours in and this internet dating web site is trying to be all ironic on me.

To understand the irony you need to know that the last guy I dated was a gentleman named Matt. And a few years before that there was a different Matt. Both wonderful people, I might add.

So I'm messaging back and forth with this guy, and we plan to meet up for coffee. Then I realize he doesn't have his name on his profile, so I ask him what his name is.

Yup, his name is Matt.

Real funny, universe. Real funny.

Online Dating, Trial #2

2013-01-30T22:13:00.001-05:00

So I'm finally doing it. I'm plunging into the world of internet dating... and it's time consuming! At least initially.

I did this one time before, and went on a couple dates. It was a mediocre experience, but now I'm back and am willing to give it another try.

So tonight I filled out all my information and then once I was finally set up, I became overwhelmed with the messages in my inbox.(I almost puked a little when typing that because it sounds so egocentric, but I think internet dating is like that for just about every girl.)

The time consuming part is weeding through them all. And it's such a judgmental process! But you have to be. All you have to go off of are pictures and some words.

It made me wonder what profiles of the people I've dated would look like...would I have wanted to get to know them from their online profile? I think so, but I can't be sure.

Anyway, we'll see what happens. Right now one of my prospects is a neurosurgeon from Brazil, so not too bad!

What I'm Reading

2013-01-21T19:56:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I began reading this:

...and today I finished it. I wouldn't recommend reading it that quickly because it's a lot to take in, but the concepts in this book are things I've been studying for the past year. I was reading it to strengthen my foundation and also to become familiar with the author.

These concepts are life changing. You have to be ready for it though.

Diet Coke Won't Make You Skinny, It Will Make You Sick

2013-01-20T22:52:00.001-05:00

I used to drink Diet Coke like it was water. And a lot of it was to fill myself up with empty calories so that I wouldn't consume actual calories. Now that I've done some research, I know how backwards that is. Diet Coke, or anything with aspartame, is not good for you. My intuition told me this many times, and I even did some research during my Diet Coke drinking days, but I wasn't ready to give it up. I FINALLY gave it up last year. And I can tell you I don't miss it. Drinking Diet Coke gave me headaches and made me feel weird. But it is addictive so it took a while for me to give it up for good.

Over the past three years I've had a major makeover in what I consume. I avoid any chemical ridden foods and opt to eat as natural as I can. Out of nostalgia and curiosity, I tasted Diet Coke a few months back and I couldn't believe I used to like it. It tastes exactly like what it is...liquid chemicals!

Some people may think that it has to be okay since aspartame is approved by the FDA, but here is an article that exposes the corrupt way aspartame was approved.

To health and happiness!