The Evil Called Love

When Emotional Unavailability Is NOT About You

Ruby — Mon, 11 Aug 2025 05:52:25 +0000

A while ago, I reconnected with an old friend from childhood. It felt serendipitous—like the universe had handed me a second chance at something special. We had a great first date. The conversation flowed easily, the laughter came naturally, and the comfort of shared history made everything feel warm and familiar. Then, a few days later, my phone lit up with a series of messages from him. They were charged, almost defensive, as if he had to get them out before I got any ideas. He told me he didn’t want a relationship. He said he wasn’t emotionally available. It was jarring. Not because he didn’t want to pursue anything, but because the shift was so sudden—from connection to a full stop. In the past, I might have taken this personally. I might have wondered if I said something wrong, or if I had read the date entirely wrong. I might have replayed every detail in my head, trying to spot the moment when things went sideways. But here’s what I’ve learned: emotional unavailability isn’t always about you. When someone says they’re emotionally unavailable, it usually means they have difficulty connecting on a deeper emotional level—possibly with anyone. That difficulty could stem from fear, past trauma, unresolved heartbreak, or simply a desire to avoid vulnerability. In other words, it’s about their internal walls, not your worth. Yes, it’s disappointing—especially when there was real chemistry. But taking it personally adds unnecessary weight to something that isn’t yours to carry. His emotional readiness (or lack thereof) is not a reflection of your value. It helped me to remember that someone can find you interesting, attractive, and enjoyable to be around—and still be incapable of building something lasting with you. That doesn’t make you any less. It just means the timing, or the person, isn’t right. So instead of spiraling into self-doubt, I took his message at face value and let it be. I appreciated the honesty, even if it was abrupt. I recognized that trying to “convince” someone to be emotionally available is like trying to open a locked door without the key—you’ll just exhaust yourself and possibly hurt your own heart in the process. If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of this kind of message, remember: it’s not about fixing them, and it’s certainly not about fixing yourself. The healthiest thing you can do is step back, keep your dignity, and make space for someone who is capable of showing up fully. Because you deserve a relationship where you don’t have to wonder if they’re capable of loving you. You deserve someone who is ready, willing, and able to connect—not someone you have to wait for or rescue from their own walls. Don’t take it personally. Walk away with your head high. The right person won’t just be emotionally available—they’ll be emotionally present, too. Looking for direction in the chaos? Finding My Purpose: A Soul Searching Workbook by Ruby Galvez is your gentle yet powerful companion on the path to clarity. Through reflective exercises, thought-provoking prompts, and practical steps, it helps you honor your past, uncover your deepest desires, and design a life aligned with your true self. If you’re ready to move from confusion to confidence, this workbook is for you. Check it out on Amazon. https://www.amazon.com/Finding-My-Purpose-Searching-Workbook/dp/B0D3LX41GP/

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When Love Turns into a Cage — Releasing the Guilt of Outgrowing a Toxic Relationship

Ruby — Sun, 10 Aug 2025 05:21:00 +0000

Success and self-growth change you — and, inevitably, they change your relationship, especially when the person you share your life with liked you better before you dared to want more. At first, the signs are small. They dismiss your new goals. They make jokes about you “thinking you’re better.” They roll their eyes when you talk about the future you’re working toward. And you start to wonder: Am I pushing too far? Am I being unfair? Here’s the hard truth: sometimes, their resistance isn’t about your dreams being unrealistic. It’s about your growth making them face the ways they’ve stopped growing. When you start improving — emotionally, financially, spiritually — it can be threatening to someone who’s stuck. You’re not rubbing it in; you’re simply living differently. But to them, that difference feels like a reminder of their own inaction. Instead of admitting, I’m scared you’ll outgrow me or I don’t believe I can change like you have, they’ll say: It’s not really about you. It’s about the mirror you’ve become. And the hardest part? This is someone you love. Someone you’ve built history with. Someone who may have supported you once, but now feels like an anchor. The temptation is strong to slow down, to shrink your dreams, to keep the peace. But don’t. Outgrowing a relationship isn’t betrayal — it’s survival. It’s choosing not to live at someone else’s limit when your soul knows it’s capable of more. You are not obligated to make yourself small so they can feel big. You can acknowledge the good memories and still walk away from the harm. You can love someone and still accept that the healthiest choice is distance. Release the guilt. Release the idea that your growth should be comfortable for everyone — even for the person you once thought you’d spend forever with. Your path isn’t theirs. And that’s okay. One day, they might understand. They might even ask how you found the courage to break free. Until then, be kind to yourself. Be clear in your decisions. And keep moving toward the life you know you’re meant to live. Looking for direction in the chaos? Finding My Purpose: A Soul Searching Workbook by Ruby Galvez is your gentle yet powerful companion on the path to clarity. Through reflective exercises, thought-provoking prompts, and practical steps, it helps you honor your past, uncover your deepest desires, and design a life aligned with your true self. If you’re ready to move from confusion to confidence, this workbook is for you. Check it out on Amazon. https://www.amazon.com/Finding-My-Purpose-Searching-Workbook/dp/B0D3LX41GP/

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You Call It Single, I Call It Peace

Ruby — Tue, 05 Aug 2025 11:39:17 +0000

Ah yes—the classic insult thrown when someone runs out of clever arguments:“No wonder you’re single.” As if that’s supposed to burn. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t. If anything, it reveals more about their mindset than your marital status. Let’s be honest. Being single is often the result of high standards, not low value. It’s the reward for not settling, not a punishment handed down by society. People like to act like being single is some lonely cave you’re banished to. In reality, it’s a spacious house with snacks, silence, and nobody’s dirty laundry but your own. When someone tries to weaponize your relationship status, it’s usually because they think being partnered gives them moral or social superiority. They forget that being with someone isn’t an achievement in itself. Being with the right someone, now that’s worth celebrating. Otherwise, you’re just two people arguing about dishes and pretending it’s romance. I’ve seen people stay in hollow relationships just to avoid the label “single.” I’ve seen people marry fear instead of love. If you’re single because you chose truth over performance, or healing over hiding in someone else’s shadow—you’re already ahead. Here’s the trick: wear your singlehood like a tailored coat. Let it say, “I know who I am. I like my own company. I’m not afraid to wait—or walk away.” Let them say what they want. You have better things to do than explain your life choices to people who use romantic status as a scoreboard. Because while they’re measuring your worth by the presence of another person, you’re out here becoming whole. And that? That’s a win. Looking for direction in the chaos? Finding My Purpose: A Soul Searching Workbook by Ruby Galvez is your gentle yet powerful companion on the path to clarity. Through reflective exercises, thought-provoking prompts, and practical steps, it helps you honor your past, uncover your deepest desires, and design a life aligned with your true self. If you’re ready to move from confusion to confidence, this workbook is for you. Check it out on Amazon. https://www.amazon.com/Finding-My-Purpose-Searching-Workbook/dp/B0D3LX41GP/

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He Bought Me Whitening Cream. Should I Be Offended… or Grateful?

Ruby — Wed, 23 Jul 2025 19:27:54 +0000

There’s a certain moment in modern dating when a man hands you something—nicely boxed, maybe expensive, maybe even imported from Korea—and says, “I got this for you.” You open it and there it is: a whitening cream. Or a slimming tea. Or some collagen powder meant to “help your glow.” And for a brief moment—after the forced thank-you and the slightly fake smile—you’re left sitting there thinking:Wait… do I need this? This, dear reader, is the modern equivalent of a slap disguised as a gift. A beauty product—especially one that’s targeted to “fix” you in some way—comes laced with layers of meaning. Is it a compliment? A suggestion? A subtle hint that you are not yet girlfriend-shaped enough? Let’s break it down. 1. Sometimes a Gift is Just a Gift (But Rarely) Let’s be fair: not every man is fluent in the politics of skincare. Some just buy what the salesperson recommends. If you once mentioned you liked a certain serum or tried a slimming drink, he might genuinely think he’s doing something sweet. But let’s not pretend this is the usual case. Most men who buy beauty products—especially the kind that promise transformation—are either: If a guy buys you a whitening cream and you never once said you wanted to be lighter-skinned, it’s not a thoughtful gift. It’s a beauty directive with a ribbon on it. 2. When a Gift Says More About Him Than About You Sometimes, his gift says nothing about what you need, but speaks volumes about what he believes a girlfriend should look like.Slimmer. Lighter. Glowier. “More feminine.” That doesn’t mean he’s evil. It means he’s been trained—by society, by media, by a lifetime of commercials—that certain kinds of beauty are more worthy of praise, affection, and yes, financial investment. When he gives you whitening soap, he’s not always saying “You need this.”He might be saying, “I like girls who look like this. Can you be one of them?” And that’s… not romantic. It’s transactional. Like a Build-a-Girlfriend kit. 3. How This Affects Your Self-Esteem (Spoiler: It Will) Even if you’re confident—even if you were having a great skin day—that jar of whitening cream will sit on your shelf like a quiet accusation. Every time you see it, you’ll wonder if he thinks you’re not enough yet. And when you start using it “just to try,” you may wonder if you’re doing it for you, or for him.That’s a slippery slope to walk in slippery lotion. 4. What to Say (If You Want to Say Anything at All) If you’re feeling generous, you can say: “Thanks, but I’m pretty happy with the way I take care of myself now.” Or the more direct route: “Hey, this kind of gift makes me feel like there’s something wrong with how I look. Is that what you meant?” His reaction will tell you what you need to know. 5. Final Thoughts: Beauty Products Are Fine. But So Are Boundaries. It’s okay to enjoy skincare. It’s okay to want to look good. But if someone is picking out “improvements” for you without your consent, that’s not love. That’s quality control. A man who loves you won’t try to redesign you. He’ll love the version of you that exists right now—dark elbows, hip dips, uneven skin tone, and all. Because those things? They’re not flaws. They’re just… you. And if someone can’t see that? Maybe what he really needs is a bit of soul whitening. Looking for direction in the chaos? Finding My Purpose: A Soul Searching Workbook by Ruby Galvez is your gentle yet powerful companion on the path to clarity. Through reflective exercises, thought-provoking prompts, and practical steps, it helps you honor your past, uncover your deepest desires, and design a life aligned with your true self. If you’re ready to move from confusion to confidence, this workbook is for you. Check it out on Amazon. https://www.amazon.com/Finding-My-Purpose-Searching-Workbook/dp/B0D3LX41GP/

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You Weren’t Meant to Be His Stepping Stone

Ruby — Sun, 06 Jul 2025 13:33:18 +0000

You supported him. You paid for things. You were there through every job hunt, every failed plan, every excuse. And he said, “Just give me time. When I get on my feet, I’ll marry you.” That was years and years (and years!) ago. Here’s the truth: You were acting like a partner, but he was treating you like a placeholder. Let’s not romanticize one-sided loyalty. There’s a big difference between being supportive and being used. If you’ve invested your time, money, and energy into a man who can’t even give you a date—not even a rough one—for when he’ll propose, it’s time to stop asking what more you can give and start asking why he hasn’t given anything back. You are not a stepping stone. You are not a scholarship. You are not a personal assistant for his life goals. Marriage is not some magical prize you earn by being endlessly patient. It’s a mutual decision. If he sees it as something to delay forever—ask yourself why. Because deep down, you already know: If someone wants to be with you forever, they won’t risk losing you. They’ll do something about it. If he’s not doing anything, he’s either not ready or not serious. Either way, you deserve better. Don’t wait around hoping he’ll change his mind. You’re not here to audition for the role of “wife someday.” You’re here to be loved, now. And respected, now. And chosen—not “once he gets his act together”—but today. Choose yourself. He’s had more than enough time to choose you, but didn’t. Looking for direction in the chaos? Finding My Purpose: A Soul Searching Workbook by Ruby Galvez is your gentle yet powerful companion on the path to clarity. Through reflective exercises, thought-provoking prompts, and practical steps, it helps you honor your past, uncover your deepest desires, and design a life aligned with your true self. If you’re ready to move from confusion to confidence, this workbook is for you. Check it out on Amazon. https://www.amazon.com/Finding-My-Purpose-Searching-Workbook/dp/B0D3LX41GP/

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If You’re Always Waiting, You’re Not in a Relationship — You’re in a Queue

Ruby — Thu, 03 Jul 2025 13:21:54 +0000

There’s a painful truth many don’t want to hear: If you’re always waiting, you’re not building a future. You’re being stalled. It starts with love. Then comes sacrifice. You say yes to supporting his studies, covering the bills, cheering him on while he “figures things out.” You believe in his dreams. You plan your life together. But then, the months turn into years. He still doesn’t have a stable job. Still no ring. And yet—he always has an excuse. “Next year.” “After this exam.” “When things settle down.” You keep waiting. You wait while your friends get engaged. You wait while your younger cousin walks down the aisle. You smile at baby showers and pretend it doesn’t sting when people ask, “When is it your turn?” You wait through birthdays, anniversaries, holidays—telling yourself, “Maybe this year he’ll finally see how much I’ve done for him.” You quiet the ache every time he shrugs off the conversation. You rewrite his promises in your head to make them sound more convincing. You defend him when others raise their eyebrows. You tell yourself, “He’s just struggling. He’ll change. I just have to hold on a bit longer.” But how long is long enough? How many sacrifices do you make before you realize you’re the only one making them? Waiting becomes your lifestyle. Hope becomes your only strategy. And slowly, you begin to lose the version of yourself who once dreamed without delay. Let’s get honest. Some people never intend to follow through. They just need someone to hold them up while they sit comfortably in indecision. And if you’re the one investing—emotionally, financially, mentally—while he’s coasting on “someday,” it’s time to ask: What are you actually waiting for? A promise with no action is not love. It’s a leash. You are not selfish for wanting clarity. You’re not “pressuring” him if you ask for plans after years of sacrifice. You are not wrong for wanting marriage—but you will be wrong for continuing to wait without boundaries. If he wanted to, he would have. Maybe he does love you in his own way—but love without commitment is just comfort. And comfort without effort becomes entitlement. Stop hoping next year will be the year. Ask yourself: Is this relationship still growing—or are you just too tired to leave? You deserve someone who wants to build with you, not someone who lets you build while they nap. Looking for direction in the chaos? Finding My Purpose: A Soul Searching Workbook by Ruby Galvez is your gentle yet powerful companion on the path to clarity. Through reflective exercises, thought-provoking prompts, and practical steps, it helps you honor your past, uncover your deepest desires, and design a life aligned with your true self. If you’re ready to move from confusion to confidence, this workbook is for you. Check it out on Amazon. https://www.amazon.com/Finding-My-Purpose-Searching-Workbook/dp/B0D3LX41GP/

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Single, Not Sorry – A Love Letter to the Unpartnered

Ruby — Mon, 23 Jun 2025 08:08:40 +0000

“No wonder you’re still single.” There’s a strange kind of pity reserved for single people, especially those of us who’ve been single long enough to appear comfortable. It’s not always spoken outright. Sometimes it’s wrapped in concern: “Don’t you want someone?” Other times, it’s offered like a curse: “No wonder you’re still single.” As if solitude were a punishment instead of a path. Let me say this clearly: being single is not a failure. It is not a shortcoming. It is not a hole in your life waiting for someone else to fill. When people try to use singlehood as an insult, what they’re really saying is: “I don’t know how to exist without someone else validating me.” That’s not your burden to carry. That’s not a reflection of your worth. It’s a projection of their fear. Singlehood can be a time of powerful becoming. It can mean choosing peace over chaos, solitude over a shallow match, or simply that your life is too full of meaning to settle for someone who doesn’t add to it. You don’t owe anyone a performance of longing. You don’t have to make excuses. You don’t have to explain why you haven’t “found someone,” as if love were a pair of keys misplaced under a cushion. Sometimes love finds you. Sometimes it doesn’t. And sometimes, the love that matters most is the kind you build with yourself—slowly, day by day, by choosing to treat your own soul with dignity and care. If anyone tries to make you feel small for standing alone, let that reveal more about them than about you. People who weaponize singleness are often scared of their own silence. They’re uncomfortable with stillness. But you? You’ve made a home in it. To anyone who’s ever felt the sting of those words: “No wonder you’re still single,” as though it were the final, fatal blow—know this: your worth is not attached to a relationship status. You are not lacking. You are not waiting. You are living. Single isn’t something you “end up” as a punishment. It’s something you live as a person—with agency, joy, mess, strength, and choice. Looking for direction in the chaos? Finding My Purpose: A Soul Searching Workbook by Ruby Galvez is your gentle yet powerful companion on the path to clarity. Through reflective exercises, thought-provoking prompts, and practical steps, it helps you honor your past, uncover your deepest desires, and design a life aligned with your true self. If you’re ready to move from confusion to confidence, this workbook is for you. Check it out on Amazon. https://www.amazon.com/Finding-My-Purpose-Searching-Workbook/dp/B0D3LX41GP/

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Quiet Quitting: Finally, a Term for What I Do to Situationships

Ruby — Thu, 12 Jun 2025 07:09:08 +0000

I didn’t know what to call it before. I just knew I had this recurring pattern—where I’d slowly, methodically, and almost politely start backing out of whatever messy half-thing I’d gotten myself into. Now, thanks to workplace jargon leaking into real life, I’ve found the term: quiet quitting. And I’ve been doing it in situationships for years. You know the type. The almost-relationship. The “we’re just seeing where this goes” connection that somehow always goes in circles. No real commitment, but just enough emotional investment to keep you checking your phone, interpreting text tone, and editing your feelings for readability. At first, I’d give it my best—showing up emotionally, being the understanding one, listening more than I spoke. I’d make space in my life. I’d lower expectations out of politeness. I’d convince myself that emotional crumbs were a kind of affection. But then, inevitably, something in me would shift. Slowly. Quietly. I’d stop initiating. My replies would become… efficient. I wouldn’t ask how his day went. I wouldn’t laugh at jokes that weren’t funny. I stopped explaining myself. I stopped waiting for him to notice I was trying. And honestly, it was glorious. I didn’t ghost. I didn’t rage-quit. I just quietly… left. I was still there technically, but my heart had clocked out. Like a tired employee on a Friday afternoon, I was doing the bare minimum—showing up so it wouldn’t look like I’d quit, but emotionally, I was already in my slippers, watching reruns of my dignity. Some people say this is cold. But tell me, is it colder than dragging someone into another “what are we” conversation just to hear, again, that they’re not ready? Is it colder than hoping someone will change when they’ve shown you, very clearly, that they won’t? Quiet quitting a situationship isn’t cowardly. It’s what happens when you finally realize you don’t need to over-function to keep a barely functioning connection alive. It’s choosing yourself, not with fireworks or ultimatums, but with a whisper and a gentle disengagement. So yes, I’m a quiet quitter. Not because I’m passive—but because I’m done performing for affection that always asks me to do too much for too little. The exit may be silent, but the peace afterward? Loud and clear. Looking for direction in the chaos? Finding My Purpose: A Soul Searching Workbook by Ruby Galvez is your gentle yet powerful companion on the path to clarity. Through reflective exercises, thought-provoking prompts, and practical steps, it helps you honor your past, uncover your deepest desires, and design a life aligned with your true self. If you’re ready to move from confusion to confidence, this workbook is for you. Check it out on Amazon. https://www.amazon.com/Finding-My-Purpose-Searching-Workbook/dp/B0D3LX41GP/

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The Deep Wound of Betrayal: Why It Hurts So Much

Ruby — Mon, 02 Jun 2025 06:58:53 +0000

Betrayal cuts deeper than most emotional wounds, not because the act itself is always dramatic, but because it strikes at something sacred—trust. When someone you leaned on, believed in, or loved turns around and shatters that connection, it’s not just the relationship that breaks. It’s your sense of safety, stability, and self. You may feel foolish for not seeing it coming. Or angry for giving someone the key to your inner world. Or numb, as if everything you once believed has evaporated. Betrayal is a quiet kind of violence. It doesn’t leave bruises you can point to, but it changes how you see people—and how you see yourself. And let’s be honest: this isn’t just about “moving on.” The impact of betrayal runs deep. It can affect how you connect with others, how you interpret affection, and whether or not you let your guard down again. You might start assuming the worst in people or even question your own judgment. This is normal. But it’s also exhausting. What makes betrayal different from other forms of trauma is how personal it feels. It’s not the work of a stranger. It’s often done by someone you let in—sometimes deeply. And that’s what makes healing feel so complicated. But even within this pain lies a strange, uncomfortable opportunity. You are not the same person you were before the betrayal. That version of you was trusting, maybe too much so. But this new version? If you let yourself do the work of healing, of examining what happened without blaming yourself endlessly, you’ll find that your boundaries grow stronger. Your intuition sharpens. You become a little less naive, yes, but far more powerful. You don’t have to let betrayal be the last word. It doesn’t get to define you. But it can become the chapter where you reclaimed your self-respect, rewrote the rules of connection, and finally—quietly—came back to yourself. Looking for direction in the chaos? Finding My Purpose: A Soul Searching Workbook by Ruby Galvez is your gentle yet powerful companion on the path to clarity. Through reflective exercises, thought-provoking prompts, and practical steps, it helps you honor your past, uncover your deepest desires, and design a life aligned with your true self. If you’re ready to move from confusion to confidence, this workbook is for you. Check it out on Amazon. https://www.amazon.com/Finding-My-Purpose-Searching-Workbook/dp/B0D3LX41GP/

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For Those Tired of Writing Love Letters to Ghosts

Ruby — Fri, 23 May 2025 13:36:22 +0000

There’s something suspiciously enchanting about someone who isn’t around. When they’re not texting back, not showing up, or not in the room, they become saints, poets, and misunderstood geniuses in our minds. We replay their half-smiles like sacred relics. We assign meaning to silences. We say, “They must be thinking about me too.” (They’re not. They’re probably thinking about pizza. Or nothing. Or someone else.) This is the trap of absence: it creates a vacuum, and like all well-meaning romantics, we fill it with fantasy. The Psychology of the Vanishing Act When someone is no longer around—physically or emotionally—they stop contradicting our ideal version of them. We don’t see the dishes they didn’t wash or hear the boring stories they repeat. We don’t feel the small daily rejections. In absence, their flaws are conveniently deleted from memory, like an embarrassing status update we deleted in 2009. They become a highlight reel of best moments, backed by a soft indie soundtrack only you can hear. Meanwhile, their real, complicated, often mediocre self fades into the background. You Fell in Love With a Ghost Not the spooky kind. The kind who’s very much alive but emotionally unavailable, noncommittal, or just flat-out gone. You’re not in love with them, you’re in love with what their absence lets you imagine. You are the screenwriter, director, and star of your own psychological romcom—complete with longing stares at your phone and tragic sighs on public transport. It’s not love. It’s projection with better lighting. Why Do We Do This? Because presence is messy. Real love shows up, argues, misunderstands, and occasionally farts under the covers. It requires patience, humility, and the willingness to see someone as they are, not as you wish they were. Absence doesn’t ask for any of that. It gives us full creative control over a fantasy that will never disappoint us—because it never has to do anything at all. And let’s face it, disappointment is exhausting. Fantasies don’t disappoint us. People do. Stop Writing Their Story The next time you catch yourself saying, “Maybe they’ll come back,” or “They probably miss me too,” pause. Ask yourself:Are you remembering a person, or are you remembering a possibility? If they were so magical, where are they now? Why are you the one doing the emotional heavy lifting while they lounge around in your mind like a vacationing Greek god? They’re not perfect. They’re just not here. And in their absence, maybe it’s finally time to show up for yourself. Looking for direction in the chaos? Finding My Purpose: A Soul Searching Workbook by Ruby Galvez is your gentle yet powerful companion on the path to clarity. Through reflective exercises, thought-provoking prompts, and practical steps, it helps you honor your past, uncover your deepest desires, and design a life aligned with your true self. If you’re ready to move from confusion to confidence, this workbook is for you. Check it out on Amazon. https://www.amazon.com/Finding-My-Purpose-Searching-Workbook/dp/B0D3LX41GP/

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