EvilBabes

Exit to Eden - Iman as a S&M / Apsyxia fixated criminal

2011-08-06T08:45:00.000-07:00

Roger Ebert noted that this movie is a bit of a mess - not quite sure whether it's an earnest kinky romance, a leering comedy, or a serious crime flick (it also features Rosie O'Donnel in BDSM outfit, a sight which you'll thank me for sparing you). However, Iman benefits from the mixup, playing a serious yet sensual criminal, who enjoys wearing disguises

And choking people out while doing so.

She works as a stylish and efficient henchwoman for an international thief / smuggler.

And when a luggage mixup causes her loot to end up in a BDSM resort...

She has no choise but to go in undercover

And beat the items location out of people who may or may not enjoy it

So while everyone are run around in "wacky adventures" mode or having the most awkward domination scenes imaginable, she's quite natural when she steps out of the shower, after having been serviced by two hunks,

but feels the interruption was worthwhile because she now has a chance to choke Rosie's ass.

Wait, that came out wrong. Any and all "Iman in a sexy BDSM catfight" associations are kinda extinguished by Rosie's presence.

And... that's Exit to Eden for you. A film rife with promise, that only delivers in spots, including the evil babe department.

Desert of Blood - Seductive vampire femme fatal

2011-04-06T06:21:00.000-07:00

Amazon Link

Desert of Blood is a half-baked muddled film about a moody conflicted vampire hanging out in Mexico, alternately chomping and lusting after American co-eds. It's a bland mish-mash that ruins what few interesting ideas it has...

Like this hot blond vamp girl. She's into seducing poor morons in bars and snacking on them

And given the vamp protagonists ambivalence towards actually snacking on people, she may have served as a proper unambiguous threat...

Except she's dealt with via a series of slapstick pokes and badly edited cutaways from the action before the film is halfway done, completely removing any interest I may have had in the action.

The fight scenes are also choreographed in that insufferably bad (yet convenient for bad directors) style where only one character acts at one time, while the rest just stand around and look at the action until their "turn" to act comes along. Bah

It's not the worst of vamp flicks, and you could spend an hour and half goggling at the pretty people... if you don't bother to think about how good the movie could have been had it been halfway coherent.

Tekken (2010) - fighting sistas Nina and Anna Willaims

2011-03-18T09:18:00.000-07:00

Amazon Link

I wonder about tournament movies as well as movies based on tournament games. Mortal Kombat has cracked the "secret" to a good tournament B-movie way back in 1995 - rip off "Enter the Dragon" (which has served as the inspiration to tournament games). Opening narration, fight scene, character development, backstory, fight scene, character development, comic relief, fight scene, continue until climax. I'm not the only one who thinks that is the case:See the Jabootu review of Mortal Kombat for more details
Fast pace, likeable (or not completely annoying) characters, decent fight scene choreography... in theory, it's hard to mess up. Unless, of course, your characters are retarded, you have no idea how to stage a fight scene, and your plot is an overstuffed mixture of 6 different games and your own stupid ideas.

Which brings us to Tekken. A bad movie for all of the above reasons, it really earns my ire for the treatment of the two bad girls. Now, Anna and Nina are rival siblings, one good, one bad (or one mercenary while the other psychotically sadistic, whatever) who's beauty and fighting skills have been using to great effect in the games, and to a greater effect in the anime and... to a far lesser extent here.

Let us review. (I'm skipping a scene where the two, dressed as ninjas, attack the protagonist, since the flickering lighting and atrocious choreography of the scene combine to give me a seizure and a rage apoplexy at once)

The two are the lovers and enforcers of the films secondary villain (grandson of the main villain on whose machinations too much time is spent). No trace of their traditional Caine/Abel rivalry remains

And they have a threesome with him. Even that, the movie can't get right. If it shows us anything beyond vague lingerie glimpses, it would forfeit the age-rating that would get the most butts in the seats, so it merely teases in the most frustrating and pointless way.

For much of the rest of the movie, they just stand around, glowering.

Skipping the ninja attack scene for the above-mentioned reasons...

The most action either sees if a fight with the heroine for Nina

As I mentioned above, the movie really can't do fight choreography, so their contest is neither visually interesting, villainously vicious or exploitationally sexy.

As for Anna? She just disappears from the film, having fulfilled her lack of purpose. No tournament fights, no attacks on the hero.

Tekken was disappointing for a lot of reasons, and you can add poor utilization of excellent evil babe material to the list.

Chanbara Striptease - Bare breasted ninja leader

2011-03-07T03:05:00.000-08:00

Amazon Link

I've learned of this movie thanks to the (vaguely connected?) incredibly stupid game with a similar title . The game is bad (and doesn't feature enough bad girls for my liking :P) but the movie... well, it's also bad, but it features an excellent bad girl. In fact, that's a consistent trend in cinema entertainment - if your movie is good overall, the chances that you'll turn to evil babe fanservice is unfortunately much lower.

In this case exploitation of the recent "ninja + boobs + bad costumes and worse fight choreography trend" combined with a weird time travel plot creates a mindless and pointless film... but it gets right to the point with the bad girl - played by a busty AV idol, she wants nothing more than to have sex, exploit the villagers (for money and sex slaves) and occasionally use her bare-boobed fighting powers to discipline villagers who try to resist. What's not to like?

She shows up when the heroine tries to help the simple villagers defend themselves from bandits (thankfully, this doesn't devolve into a Seven Samurai ripoff)

She's here to figure out who's boobs are stronger

Yep, both heroine and villainess practice a martial arts technique that requires them to fight bare-breasted (something that should be taught to as many an aspiring heroine/baddie as possible, IMO)

Of course, after the first confrontation she retreats, offering the villagers reprieve in return for handing the heroine over

This really only serves to pad out the movies running time and sex scene count.

Since now the heroine must battle her way past the ninja coterie while the bad girl entertains herself with a sex-slave.

You know, I bad on bad fight choreography and all that (neither girl has even a days worth of stage-fighting instructions)

But I have to give the movie props for both the bare breasted action

And for going all out with the sexual-style fanservicey fighting techniques.

Too many movie go only halfway with the silliness or the sexiness - not this one. Fighting tactics that including locking the blade down with your boobs and shooting it at the enemy? Hell yes.

Logic seems to dictate the bustier baddie would win in a breast-powered face-off... but we know that logic isn't necessarily what motivates film conclusions, right?

Bitten - Hot innocent (?) vamp girl

2011-02-26T10:49:00.000-08:00

Amazon link

Ah, vampire flicks. I simultaneously get the fascination and am baffled by it - in theory, any sort of mythological monster could have been re-worked into an expression of psychological/sexual issues, and have been as prevalent (imagine a world where we would have had Bram Stocker's Werewolf-cula. And eventually a twilight saga with the focus shifted to team Jacob)

Anyways, I'm pretty sure that we, as a culture, have exhausted the subject so much, that's all the really left are subversions (sparkly sparkly subversions) and cheap exploitations of the vamp as a sexual/lesbian creature (I think there have been at least 5 vampire stripper flicks a year coming out since the 90's).

Or a combination of both, like this film about Silent Bob's partner discovering that the straggler he picked up really weird and taking stupidly long to figure out she's a vamp.

Maybe because he's too busy macking on her (for very good reasons)

He does figure it out when his bitchy ex

Runs into his new sort-girlfriend

And is quickly transformed into a corpse

The confrontation between the two

Quickly turns into a sex scene. 0_0

It's a really creepy scene, that works quite well.

Anyways, at the bodies start piling up, they have to be disposed of...

Only to suddenly spring back to unlife, craving blood!

Vamp girl is forced to show of her ass... err, perform an impromptu staking.

Things settle down when she promises she'll only feed on blood packs... but look at that. That's a shifty eyed traitor shot.

So we're not too surprised when a hot

(if slightly underlit) threesome

which seems to end peacefully

Turns out to be a feeding ground.

Jay has had enough, and decides it's time to put a stake to work

But vamp girl isn't going down so easily.

It's an interesting movie concept with a fairly good script and the right amount of nudity, sunk only by...

The two main actors. Vamp girl has got a rocking body, but that's pretty much it, and Jay should stick to Kevin Smith movie. I didn't mind so much when I started watching, due to comparing the flick to generic vampsploitation stuff, but ones is started doing relatively smart things, the two really weighed it down. Still, vamp girl has got (in an Al Pacino impression) "A GREAT EVERYTHING" and there's plenty of vamping action, complete with a bloody threesome, so you may check it out for the decent script or for the fangy stuff.

Sleeping Dogs - Sexy android Kiara Hunter

2011-02-20T23:09:00.000-08:00

Amazon link

I swear the roughly chronological order is entirely unintentional - the reviews are chosen purely at random.

Anyways. This guy used to make cheap B-movies which incorporated his favorite fetishes (lesbian bad girls, white slavery and white camisoles). Then he moved on to pure fetish productions focusing on nothing but the above. A more disturbing take on the Ed Wood story, if you will. But, boring and uncomfortable as his latter offerings are, there are some pearls amongst his earlier flicks (for a given definition of pearl, naturally)

This particular flick is basically Die Hard in space. Psychotic criminal mastermind (C. Thomas Howell, very far from his days of playing romantic comedy leads) is released on board a ship carrying cold-sleep prisoners, releases them, takes over the ship and waits for the hero and love interest to kill his henchmen one by one until the final confrontation.

Fortunately, one of these prisoners is the lovely Kiara Hunter (who you may or may not remember as the vampire dominatrix from that Tales from the Crypt movie with Dennis Miller)

We need to find a way to pick up the viewers interest between the nude white slaves in the intro (yes, that happens) and the love interests sex scene, so...

Insert obvious joke about Kiara displaying the talents that got her this far here

One of the other cold sleep criminals is a sex offender that takes an interest in Kara

And is soundly punished for it.

Kiara really bring a bit of extra (rocking body, good attitude) to a fairly generic henchwoman role

So the bad guy crew goes out and takes over the ship

Rose kills some guys

And subdues one guy with her android strength

Die Hard on a spaceship = walkie talkies

With the ship under the bad guys control

Kiara takes the time to perv on the helpless captive women

For a fairly specific definition of "perv". Something for the asphyxia fans, I suppose.

Then the bad guys discover that the heroes love interest is present, and SHIT GETS REAL.

They ask the sex offender from earlier to get some info out of her, but he gets too far into psycho mode...

Giving Kiara the perfect excuse to execute him.

She's just about to deal with the heroine...

When the hero calls in, and asks for a final showdown

Kiara finds a clever hiding spot

But it's not quite clever enough

It takes an electrocution scene for the film to properly show off her killer abs. Meh - not everyone has a belly fetish, I guess.

As far as I know, this film (and Tales from the Crypt) is Kiara's only bad girl role (she plays a reformed antagonist in Dangerous Prey), which is a shame, because she's shown a talent for it. If and when this movie shows up on DVD, I'll update this post so you guys can have a chance to watch it (and fast forward)

Penerotic's "Agent Silver" comics - great combination of bad girls, sex, and violence.

2011-02-16T13:17:00.000-08:00

Agent Silver

Though I fear of blowing my load early (the comic totally takes my mind in the filthy metaphor direction), I can't help but use the very first post dealing with drawn art to give props to the comic that captures the bad girl essentials perfectly, second only to the illustrious Templar (who will get a post dedicated to him soon enough). A bunch of evil babes are having sex when they come up with a plan to steal the presidents oragsmatron. Agent Silver is sent to dispatch the bad girls in the most graphic way.

What can I say? Both setup and delivery are absolutely perfect. Other artists touch on certain bad girl points of interest, but barring one, none succeed in capturing them all quite so well. Horny, unbelievably voluptuous bad girls who alternate between half dressed and undressed, fucking and fighting in a single page. Mmmmm.

Here are some samples:

And if you found the comic as impressive as I have, you should know that penerotic does commissions (this comic is just one example), so... you should have him illustrate your particular interest (and send me a link when he's done)

Julie Strain the Amazonian henchwoman in Enemy Gold

2011-02-15T11:34:00.000-08:00

Amazon link for Julie lovers

Yes, we skip from the spy flicks of the 60's to Andy Sidaris' Guns and Babes action flicks of the 90's. Don't let anyone tell you this blog is not diverse. I've loved Julie for the longest time - this Penthouse pet inhabits the amazonian bad girl persona so naturally, coupling an imposing height with a mild bodybuilding physique and a lot of hammy snarling attitude. She also seems like a fun person IRL, and is married to the original creator of the Ninja Turtles. I appreciate the bad girl performances she gave in Sidaris flicks, but I can only imagine what would have happened if she started collaborating with Troma before their uber-lame period... think about Troma's war or the Toxic Avenger with Julie as the leading bad girl?

Oh well. Wasn't meant to be, I guess. And Enemy Gold really isn't bad, by Sidaris standards. Hell, Julie's very first scene involves parking her cool car in a strip-joint (an actual joint in Dallas that got a lot of free publicity in various Sidaris films), storming out (clad in a nice leather outfit) and breaking the fingers of a random sleaze bag trying to hit on her. Mmm.

When she does meet the club owner / big bad guy, she takes off the jacket to reveal... uumph.

That's basically all she does for a while, pose in a badass way and spout lines like

"We will hunt them down like small animals, and no one will be able to hear their cries of pain and sorrow!"

Andy Sidaris wrote the best damn lines.

When the bad guys finally do hunt down the good guy agents, Julie strips down to a bikini in order to... well, so that the audience can see Julie in a bikini really.

Note the difference in cinematography - Sidaris is really a pedestrian director at best, so Julie's body (just as good and/or superior to that of the Elke / Sylva double team from the last post) doesn't look quite as alluring.

She does display just as much a ruthless attitude about killing all those in her way as the spy girls.

As she and her employer make a camp stop, she performs a sword dance by the fire. Mmm. Literally amazonian (another missed opportunity - she really should have been a swords and sandals baddie at some point)

When the good guys are captured she double-wields and AK and the good guy crossbow (spoilers: ironically to be the instrument of her demise) and looks quite badass while doing so

Julie has no patience for Mexican standoffs

So she settles them quickly and decisively (I think that she racks up the only bad guy kills in the movie, actually)

Are you wondering whether the bad guys escape will lead them to some sort of vehicle that could be easily blown up by the good guys? Then you may have watched a Sidaris movie before

Sidaris movies are actually fairly formulaic, despite the fact that the bafflingly insane plots are completely different each time. And yet... it's a forumla that appeals to me. Guns, babes, bombs. I'm the odd male for whom explosions do nothing, but I do love me some sex and violence, as well as hot bad girls with attitude that combine both. And Sidaris movies provide that (complete with padding, cheesy jokes, shilling for local products and all that) . A lot of them will be reviewed here in the future, but if you want to check them out yourself, this pack offers the most bang for your buck:
Andy Sidaris 10 DVD movie pack

Deadlier than the male - Classic 60's bad girl duo Elke Sommers and Sylva Koscina

2011-02-14T03:43:00.000-08:00

Amazon Link

I kinda envy the people who are old enough to say their fascination with bad girls started with 60's flicks. Imagine going from the fairly straight-laced bad girls of the 50's, who can barely spout a bit of suggestive innuendo to this:

Yup, two incredibly gorgeous henchwomen walk out of the surf in their bikinis, armed with a spear-gun, and use that spear-gun to penetrate one surprised and happy spy. Urusla Ander's similar Bond scene has got nothing on this. Their bodies, their non-chalant attitude towards seduction and murder, their borderline lesbian chemistry... mmph.

And that seduction is taken up a notch when the duo abducts a junior agent, strips him half-naked, and does an incredibly erotic (and disturbing) take on the Rosa Klepp in From Russia with love. Alternatingly motherly, Mrs Robinsonian and plan sadistic, you can be sure the kid can't really decide whether he should jizz himself with lust or piss himself with fear.

I'm omitting most of the rest of the film, since it's essentially a generic spy knock-off, of the dime a dozen kinda. Bulldog Drummond is a really shitty protagonist in general, and is only mildly interesting when examined in full racist/fascist mode (see Alan Moore). The main villain is a snooze-fest, and whenever our two baddies aren't given a chance to do some seductive murder (and they don't for the rest of the movie) you might as well be doing your taxes.

I do appreciate their send-off though. For one reason or another, a bombs ends up planted in a wig. It seems as though the murderous pair have ditched both their employer and the heroes, and are sailing off into the Adriatic... when Sylva's kleptomaniac habits come back to haunt her.

The looks on their faces is classic.

On the same note, the follow up "Some Girls Do" is somewhat disappointing, but uses the same bad girl duo aesthetic and is sold in a single pack with "Deadlier than the Male":

Deadlier than the Male / Some Girls Do DVD compilation on amazon

This a fertile blog, and we shall thrive.

2011-02-14T03:02:00.000-08:00

This post commemorates the festive opening of a brand new blog, celebrating the bad girl figure in all sorts of media. 60's spy film femme fatals, action-flick henchwomen, arrogant cheerleaders humiliated in teen comedies, super-villainesses planning to take over the world and deviantart "bad girl with sword" posers - all are on topic here.

This blog is affiliated with but not identical to the Evil Babes Runboard

Hope all y'all will enjoy this.