Evil Slutopia

Cosmo Gives Us the Guy Truth

2010-03-18T21:20:00.001-04:00

As usual, Cosmo is here to solve all of our relationship problems. Check out this piece of advice from the April 2010 issue - it's from a piece called Guy Truth, apparently written by a guy, on a page titled The Guy Report in a section called Man Manual. So there's no way that this advice could possibly go wrong.

Q: I had a great date, but the guy said he doesn't want kids. Should I tell him that's unacceptable?

A: Um, no - just move on. But do you really want to ignore potential due to an offhand comment?

In only two short sentences, Cosmo manages to give two contradictory pieces of advice, both of them bad. It's almost impressive.

I will say that I laughed at the way the question was worded. It's not 'should I tell him that I do want kids?' or 'is it too early to talk to him about the fact that we don't agree on something this important?' or something like that. No, it's 'should I tell him that I will not accept the fact that he doesn't want kids?' But let's overlook that minor issue with the question so we can move on to the real fun in the answer.

Our advice in sentence one of the answer is to "just move on" without telling him that the reason is his "unacceptable" comment about having kids. Why bother with any of that pesky honesty or communication stuff, right? Just leave him hanging! Let him wonder what went wrong. It's the fun and fearless thing to do.

The totally different advice in sentence two is to think about not moving on because after all, this guy might have "potential", which shouldn't be ignored because of an "offhand comment". First of all, does 'I don't want kids' really qualify as an offhand comment? I mean, 'I don't like guacamole' is an offhand comment. 'I'm not a big hockey fan' is an offhand comment. 'I think Avatar kinda sucked' is an offhand comment. 'I don't want to have children' is a different story.

Oh, but wait. I left out the best part. The inset photo with this piece is of a male lion with a cub, and the caption says, "He's not wild about kids...yet." So that brings us full-on into 'hang in there girl, you can totally change his mind!' territory, and we all know that always works out for the best. Sure, it's possible that this particular guy might change his mind - we're not told his age or anything else about him that might help us determine how likely that is - but it's not that smart to advise Ms. Unacceptable to bank on Mr. Potential having a change of heart in the future.

So, let's review this advice. You shouldn't tell this guy that you won't accept the fact that he doesn't want kids. You should just move on. But you shouldn't just move on because he has potential, and potential apparently means the vague hope that someday he'll change his mind and decide that he's "wild" about the idea of having kids. At no time should you ever consider having an actual conversation with him about any of this. And all of this after only one date. Cosmo is truly amazing. I can't wait to read the follow-up article with the photos from the Unacceptable/Potential wedding.

As a bonus, here are the other two questions and answers from this article.

Q: Why does he invite me over and then just play video games?

A: You keep tolerating it, so he keeps doing it.

This is an easy one. Obviously the true answer to this question can be found through careful study of I Read While He Plays Video Games.

Q: I told my man I had dinner with my ex, and he got mad. He knows we're friends, so why the big deal?

A: One, dinner sounds like a date. Two, you told him after the fact.

For this one, I'm just going to share our actual conversation.

Jezebel: I have to laugh at 'dinner sounds like a date'. Like, you should have met your ex for brunch, that's less threatening.

Lilith: Uh oh. Dinner is a date? I have a lot of explaining to do to you. And Eve. And Mary. And my parents.

Jezebel: Seriously. Who knew?

Lilith: OMG I'm such a dinner slut!

Jezebel: If only we had learned to speak Cosmo sooner.

Based on this Cosmo dinner-is-just-like-a-date formula, Lilith and I are practically common law spouses at this point. We're thinking of registering at Target and Pottery Barn.

Who is iamamiwhoami?

2010-03-16T18:00:00.000-04:00

I've been following this iamamiwhoami viral campaign for awhile now thanks to Oh No They Didn't, so I thought I'd share the creeptastic goodness with all of you. If you're not familiar with it, basically a mystery artist calling herself iamamiwhoami has been uploading these videos to YouTube and sending them to some music blogs for the last couple of months, and there's been a big guessing game about who she might be. The videos are...well, no summary that I do is going to be better than just watching them. Here are the first six videos in the order that they were released (if you're the type of person who's really easily creeped out, don't watch these alone/in the dark/before bed/whatever):

There's a great summary and analysis of the mandragora imagery in the videos at Necessary Voodoo, so it's a good place to start if you find this whole thing interesting:

These videos are based on the myth of mandragora as an anthropomorphic figure: For more information, read about the myth in it's entirety here. The gist of these video clips are the life of a mandragora: It's conception, it's womb-state, it's birth, it's life after birth, it's coming of age. The animals in each video are allegories for the video it's self...in video one, you have footage of a goat in the throes of labor. In video one, you also have our little mandragora, in the throes of labor, albeit from the baby's point of view. In video four, you have a carpenter bee, an animal who creats it's nest by drilling holes into trees. In video four, you also have our mandragora 'nesting' by drilling and fucking up some trees. Video five, a llama spits at it's aggressors. Video five, again, mandragora spits at it's aggressors (dogs)--which of course, goes along with the mandragora mythos and their interconnection with black dogs.

The 'serious' guesses about who iamamiwhoami might be ranged from Christina Aguilera (some of her fans really really wanted it to be her) to The Knife to Goldfrapp to Lykke Li. The totally unserious guesses were hilarious: Paris Hilton, Heidi Montag, Ke$ha, Justin Bieber, Celine Dion, Avril Lavigne, and so on. But the recently released seventh video has produced the best theory so far about the identity of iamamiwhoami:

After this video was released, several ONTD members did some detective work and concluded that iamamiwhoami is Swedish singer Jonna Lee. The investigation really gets going in this post and then continues into this one. (You have to be an ONTD member to see the second one but you can get the idea from the first, or you can just take my word for it.) It's pretty convincing, so some music blogs quickly ran with it and even MTV got involved, which is only shocking in the sense that it's MTV bothering to care about a music-related story.

Here's Jonna:

She's performing at SXSW this week, so if she is iamamiwhoami that may be when some kind of reveal happens. Personally, I like the music and I appreciate someone trying to do something kinda weird and creative and different, so I'll keep following to see what's next. What do you all think? Is it Jonna, or someone else? Do you care? Do you like the music? Are viral campaigns like this cool, or a waste of time? Are you hungry for one of those strawberry cake things now?

We haven't been slacking...

2010-03-16T11:30:00.000-04:00

Well okay, we have been. We are always slacking. But the reason for our brief 'hiatus' has actually been Mother Nature herself. For those of you not in the area, this (and this) happened in New York this weekend.

In addition to the general annoying stuff (trees falling, fences breaking, aluminum siding flying off of houses) there was also the stuff that keeps us from Evil Slutopia (power lines falls, loss of electricity, and gasp loss of Internet service!)

These pics aren't of our actual neighborhoods, but it's a close enough approximation. You get the idea.

So please excuse our brief, temporary SUCKING while we wait for our Internet service to be repaired, etc. (We're sneaking Internet at work right now. Shhh!)

Is it too early to start obsessing over our summer conferences?

2010-03-10T23:10:00.004-05:00

Linda Lowen jokingly called March "Women's Conference Month" earlier this week because there are so many events going on this month. In fact, the WAM! conference would typically be in March as well... but they're taking a year off to transform Women, Action and the Media into an independent national organization.

However, for the ESC... it's all about the summer! This July and August, we actually have two conferences scheduled back-to-back: The International Women's Writing Guild and BlogHer.

This year, the IWWG's annual "Remember the Magic" summer conference moves to Brown University in Providence, R.I. from July 30-August 6, 2010. Then we have to hop on the train back for BlogHer '10 in New York City August 6 and 7, 2010 at the Hilton. It's going to be an exhausting-but-awesome week to say the least!

BlogHer '10 is already sold-out so if you were planning on going, here's hoping you already registered. (Even if you can't make it to the conference, any NYC-bloggers should still keep your eyes open for off-site BlogHer parties that weekend - more info to come later.)

It's NOT too late to secure your spot at Brown with the IWWG... (You can register for a weekend, 5-day week, or full 7-day week. For those of you in the Providence area, there is also a commuter rate.) A little extra bonus...If you register and pay by April 15, you will be automatically entered into a special drawing: The winner will be reimbursed for the full cost of her conference attendance. Also EVERYONE who pays in full for their weekend, 5-day, or 7-day stay at Brown by April 15 will receive a membership for a full year in the IWWG (a $55 value). Mention this offer at registration. More info here.

In case you're wondering why you would want to go to BlogHer or the IWWG... here are some reasons:

IWWG "Remember the Magic":

BlogHer:

You know you want to be a part of this year's write-ups... don't ya? And just so we can bring this blog post full-circle and end on the same note on which we began: Last summer at BlogHer '09 we got to meet... Linda Lowen! Oh yes. Here's hoping Summer 2010 is just as good as (or even better than) Summer 2009. See you there!

Kathryn Bigelow: Queen of the World

2010-03-08T21:42:00.001-05:00

SHE DID IT!!!!!!!

Kathryn Bigelow made history last night when she won Best Director - the first woman ever to receive the honor.

Her film, The Hurt Locker, also took home Oscars for Best Picture, Best Original Screenplay, Best Editing, Best Sound Editing and Best Sound Mixing (winning a total of six of its nine nominations).

Congrats to Bigelow! The media has been going wild over the fact that she won, which is great because she deserves the attention, but also sad... that it has taken so long. In fact, in the past 82 years there have only been three other women nominated for this award (Lina Wertmüller for Seven Beauties in 1975, Jane Campion for The Piano in 1993, and Sofia Coppola for Lost in Translation in 2003) so yeah, it's about damn time.

"I hope I'm the first of many, and of course, I'd love to just think of myself as a filmmaker. And I long for the day when that modifier can be a moot point. But I'm very grateful if I can inspire some young, intrepid, tenacious male or female filmmaker and have them feel that the impossible is possible, and never give up on your dream." -- Kathryn Bigelow [Washington Examiner]

Of course, as with any groundbreaking or glass-ceiling shattering incident involving women... some of the stories tend to lean toward the sexist. (We all remember how the media obsessed over Diablo Cody being a "former stripper" after her win for Best Screenplay for Juno.) So what has the media decided to obsess over when it comes to Bigelow? Her ex and her looks. Of course. Who cares about the movies... when it comes to women, all anyone really cares about is her physical appearance and who she is or isn't fucking.

For those of you who don't know (although how could you not, the way the media has been shoving it down our throats for so long) Kathryn Bigelow and Avatar's James Cameron used to be married. And they both happened to have movies in the running for Best Picture. OMG! It's a battle of the sexes and a battle of the exes! Only... not so much. If you only read gossip blogs and entertainment websites, you'd think that The Hurt Locker and Avatar were the only films nominated for any awards all year and the Oscars would be the culmination of the biggest showdown in movie history!!!!!! (Even "bigger" than the uneventful Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie/Jennifer Aniston Oscar Ex-Plosion! from last year.)

Check out some actual story titles and quotes from this year's pre-Oscar award season coverage...

Kathryn Bigelow Looks Younger, Wins More Awards Than Ex, James Cameron

Bigelow beats her ex in a second category, her oddly youthful appearance. Believe it or not, Bigelow is 58. Cameron is 55. [Huffington Post]

Best-picture Oscar race is pure drama

James Cameron's Avatar was named best drama at Sunday's Golden Globe Awards. But Kathryn Bigelow, his ex-wife, picked up the best-film prize for Hurt Locker from the Broadcast Film Critics Association on Friday. The directors and their films are likely to square off at the Oscars. [USA Today]

James Cameron and Kathryn Bigelow: Exes go from divorce contention to Oscar contention

This year's Oscars are being billed as the "battle of the exes," with flamboyant tech wizard James Cameron on one side, and Kathryn Bigelow, his thoughtful, shrinking violet of a former wife, on the other. [...]

But is this mutual "play nice" policy only to be expected in a town built on posture and artifice? Some within the industry suspect Bigelow would relish the opportunity to wipe the floor with her ex. [NY Daily News]

It's James Cameron vs. Kathryn Bigelow!

Forget saving the Navis. James Cameron's biggest mission these days should be to beat his ex-wife, Kathryn Bigelow, for a slew of awards! [...]

Even if there's not much animosity between these two anymore, it must be galling to compete with your ex spouse for a Golden Globe (and then there'll be the DGA and the Oscar and God knows what else).No matter how much affection might linger, it has to be the most awful thing on earth to risk losing an important trophy to the life partner you dumped! It's like having someone run you over, then take your limb 20 years later!

I mean, if an old boyfriend of mine beat me for the Oscar, I'd beat him WITH the Oscar. [Village Voice]

The Bigelow/Cameron Oscar Face-Off Is a Battle of Good vs. Evil

Kathryn Bigelow, Cameron's ex-wife and the director of The Hurt Locker, has a good shot at beating him for both the best director and best picture Oscars this year gives me a sense of anticipatory schadenfreude like you would not believe. For all I know, James and Kathryn speak on the phone every day and wish each other's movies nothing but good fortune, but anyone who's ever watched as a smug ex goes on to enormous success has to place him- or herself squarely in Bigelow's camp. It's almost a good-vs.-evil thing. [Slate]

Avatar Owes Hurt Locker Alimony

What really added the sting to Cameron’s second victory was Kathryn Bigelow in the audience, who directed the Iraq war drama TheHurt Locker. Seven critics' groups named Bigelow the year’s best director, while five called her film best picture. No critical circle gave Cameron a best director nod for Avatar. [The XX Factor]

Well, Kathryn Bigelow is hotter than James Cameron

While The Hurt Locker isn't exactly my favorite film of last year, it's the perfect "I'm okay with _____ winning so long as ______ and _______ doesn't." [Fin de Cinema]

James Cameron And Kathryn Bigelow Oscar Rivalry Is Just One Of Many Feuds Between Famous Former Flames

While vengeful grudges are more often seen in Hollywood's fictional output, there is the occasional awkward scrap between the industry's creative minds — and it only gets more awkward when former flames are involved.

At this year's Academy Awards, filmmakers James Cameron and Kathryn Bigelow will go head-to-head in the Best Director category. It's a tight showdown between two deserving nominees to be sure, but it's made all the more interesting by the fact that Cameron and Bigelow were once married to one another. [MTV]

James Cameron and ex-wife Kathryn Bigelow vie for awards glory

Now, as the nominations for the Bafta awards appear to confirm, he faces one final adversary in the run-up to an apparently inevitable haul of Oscars: his former wife. [Times Online]

Kathryn Bigelow Vs. James Cameron: An Oscar-Themed Battle Of The Exes

Kathryn Bigelow, nominated for The Hurt Locker, is leading the pack of Vegas odds makers with her closest rival none other than her ex-husband, James Cameron. Don't you hate it when an ex spoils the party?

[...] This time, it's head to head. This time, it's personal. Why wouldn't Bigelow want to best her ex, especially when he reportedly left her for his lead actress in The Terminator? [Forbes]

Divorced Couple James Cameron & Kathryn Bigelow Make Oscar History -- Will Compete Against Each Other

Bigelow was Cameron’s third of five wives and she never re-married. Ironically it took him 15 years to release his sci-fi spectacular Avatar, yet it came-out in the same year as his former wife’s movie. [Radar Online]

And our personal "favorite" from The XX Factor:

James Cameron Is More "Feminine" Than Kathryn Bigelow

Kathryn Bigelow's The Hurt Locker has earned as many Oscar nominations as her ex-husband James Cameron's Avatar, meaning that the media narrative of this Oscar season will surely constellate around the "Battle of the Sexes"—or "Battle of the Exes." A tiresome narrative, perhaps, but there is a way that their films do represent polar extremes.

No, really. Of course, then when you click on the 'Read More' link, it brings you to the full article that has a different title...

James Cameron is More Sentimental Than Kathryn Bigelow

Cameron has a lavish feel for the tenderness (and violence) that springs up between men and aliens, whether the "aliens" be robotic machines or acid-blooded creatures who want to lay eggs in your throat. The dialogue in a Cameron movie is usually, as Hanna put it to me the other day, aggressively bad; Cameron is interested in dialogue only insofar as it positions the characters in his films for disaster. His characters are archetypes, always rushing onto the next archetypal moment, whether DiCaprio's Jack screaming "I'm on top of the world" from a boat, or Sigourney Weaver's Ripley growling "Get away from her, bitch!" as the queen alien menaces poor orphaned Newt.

Bigelow, by contrast, has a great directorial feel for the way dialogue creates texture and drama, and an eerie feel for the kinds of male relationships Cameron seems to care less about; you can see the evidence in The Hurt Locker and in Point Break. While Bigelow didn't write The Hurt Locker (Mark Boal did) or Point Break, she knows how to establish charged masculine space, and the dialogue between men in her films is at once natural and poignant. Perhaps that could seem like another version of men-are-action, women-are-talk, but it's not that simple, somehow. Cameron is, I think, the more sentimental filmmaker of the two; Bigelow may understand words, but it's the nonverbal energy between men she most memorably evokes.

Yep, because Sentimental = Feminine. And apparently Shitty Dialogue = Feminine.

The post-Oscar coverage hasn't been any less annoying...

And the Oscar for sweetest revenge on the ex? James Cameron won the divorce... but Kathryn Bigelow got the top prize

It was the night when the ex-wife finally had her revenge - and more than 80 years of Oscar history was overturned. [...]

Meanwhile, 58-year-old Bigelow - director of the Iraq war thriller The Hurt Locker - had slightly different motives for wanting the Oscar. Even if she is too polite to say it, what could be better than beating a former husband at his own game (particularly when the consensus is that he won hands- down in the divorce courts)? [Daily Mail]

Happiness Is The Best Revenge

James Cameron mimes choking his ex-wife Kathryn Bigelow after she beat him out for Best Director and Best Picture last night at the 82nd Annual Academy Awards. [Guanabee]

How about Yahoo Movie's Oscar Red Carpet Fashion Report Card? We confess, we do love to look at the red carpet fashion.... but it's annoying that the women of the Oscars are still "judged" by what they wear - and "how well" they wear it, while the men get high scores for all wearing practically the exact same thing.

Kathryn Bigelow - Grade: D

Although she looked a tad uncomfortable in her taupe gown, the night belonged to “The Hurt Locker’s” Bigelow, who became the first woman ever to win an Oscar for Best Director. Can you believe James Cameron’s Amazonian ex is 58?!

And of course, leave it to Perez Hilton to always get right to the heart of the issue:

Kathryn Bigelow Got Better Seat At he Oscars Than Ex James Cameron!

But we don't want to dwell on the negative. Oh who are we kidding, we live to dwell on the negative! But we're not going to anymore. No matter how stupid the press coverage might be, this is still a momentous occasion. After 82 years of Academy Awards, we finally have the first female Best Director.

And it makes it all the more special that the award for Best Picture was announced at just about midnight last night/this morning... on International Women's Day. That timing also reminds us that there are lots of talented women around the world making films and being artistic and creative, and we've got to pay attention and be supportive of them so that we'll have more Kathryn Bigelow moments to look forward to in the future.

Related: Can Oscar ever really be gender neutral?

Fantasy website creation

2010-03-08T05:36:00.001-05:00

So we were slacking off on our blogging for a couple of weeks there. We blame the current political climate for burning us out and the Olympics for distracting us. We're coming out of it now though. But we have noticed something about ourselves - when we start to feel motivated again after a down period, we always get motivated about the 'wrong' things and usually end up going off and starting up a million new projects in the process.

This time, we've been playing around with some different blog templates and also some of the different 'create your own free website in five minutes!' services that are out there. We've messed around with Wix a little bit and we like it so far. Obviously we always like the word free, but we also like sites that make it pretty easy for anyone to build a site, especially when it comes to our consulting work. Some of the clients that we work with are really great writers, artists, etc., but they aren't always super web savvy, so we're always happy when we're able to involve them in the basic process of designing a site and show them that it doesn't have to be some big crazy intimidating project. And the more tools we have to do that, the better.

Has anyone else tried Wix, or a similar site? What did you think? Did you find it easy to use, and were the results good? Let's hear it.

*Website fantasies brought to you by Wix.com.

Deep Thoughts on the Academy Awards

2010-03-07T21:44:00.002-05:00

We're not really watching the Oscars - obviously - but we're still checking in on a few of the happenings thanks to a few brave people live-blogging, posting pics and videos. Even if we don't want to support ABC right now, we do need to know if Kathryn Bigelow wins Best Director or not! But we just had to comment on a few even more pressing concerns...

Why is Zac Efron at the Oscars?

I mean, why not I guess, but that's random. Was 17 Again nominated for Oh wait... Nicole Richie is there too. My apologies to Zac Efron. He's like an honored guest compared to her. At least he's been in a movie.

Why is Miley Cyrus at the Oscars?

Good God. Not only is Miley Cyrus there, she's fucking presenting an award with Amanda Seyfried. And of course Miley fucks up reading the teleprompter and goes "Oh, we're both nervous". And Amanda Seyfried looks at her like Bitch, don't bring me into your fuckup, I read my part. Do they think they're going to pull in the tween audience to the Oscars by having her present? Get a real musical artist. I mean, was Taylor Swift busy? Ke$ha? Anyone?

Who thought it would be a good idea to let Ben Stiller wear that?

Ben Stiller is dressed like one of the blue Avatar people. Good God. Seriously, what the fuck? Words fail me on this one.

Can Oscar ever really be gender neutral?

2010-03-07T20:51:00.002-05:00

Even though we're not going to be watching the Academy Awards this year - and we don't think you should either - we have been giving them a lot of thought. Kim Elsesser wrote a recent opinion piece for the New York Times that has everybody talking about whether a gender-neutral Oscars is really possible.

She proposed that having separate categories for best actor and best actress is the equivalent of segregating actors by race and while we can't help but agree with her... we're still torn on this issue. Mainly because we fear that if there was one Best Acting category for men and women together, men would likely dominate it - the same as they do almost every other category of the Oscars. Elsesser did address this concern:

While it is certainly acceptable for sports competitions like the Olympics to have separate events for male and female athletes, the biological differences do not affect acting performances. The divided Oscar categories merely insult women, because they suggest that women would not be victorious if the categories were combined. In addition, this segregation helps perpetuate the stereotype that the differences between men and women are so great that the two sexes cannot be evaluated as equals in their professions.

I do worry that women would not be victorious against men, but not because I think that female actors are less capable than male actors... but because I think that the Academy does not give women the respect and accolades they deserve. Although there are more and more good roles for women every year, there are still more good roles for men. Hollywood is still a man's world.

Just look at the nominees for the already "gender-neutral" Best Director: Only one woman - Kathryn Bigelow for The Hurt Locker - is nominated. If she wins, she will be the first woman to ever win Best Director. Clearly gender neutrality isn't working out for women too well so far. Also, it's worth noting that a lot of people have praised The Hurt Locker for not seeming like it was made by a woman:

"No one without advance knowledge would look at The Hurt Locker and say, 'Oh, a woman made that film.'"

"... made a great film that is more a 'guy movie' than a 'chick-flick'"

"Much has been made (way too much if you ask me) of Bigelow’s handling of manly action-oriented The Hurt Locker"

"...she has directed a film that seems to not be a typical 'woman directed' film"

"The Hurt Locker is so rigorously masculine, with action and tension to spare"

Let's look at the nominees for Best Picture too... Only a handful of the ten films have a center on strong female characters (The Blind Side, Precious, An Education). And don't even get me started on the fact that the sexist, racist and ableist - and with the exception of the visual effects, ultimately worthless - Avatar was nominated in so many categories.

We'd love to live in a world where a gender-neutral Oscars not only existed but worked but sadly, we don't live in that world yet. The movie industry is still biased towards men, the Academy Awards still snub women for the most part, and the awards coverage typically focuses more heavily on what women are wearing than what they're directing or how they're acting. Even the statuette itself is a man. The Guerrilla Girls put it best via their Oscar billboard:

Turn off ABC!!!!

2010-03-07T18:26:00.001-05:00

Anyone outside of New York (or maybe New Jersey or Connecticut) might not know what's going on between Cablevision and ABC. And if you do know, you might not care because it doesn't affect you. But since most of the Evil Slut Clique resides in a Cablevision area, we do care about what's going on... and we think you should too.

For those of you who don't know the situation, basically ABC Broadcasting and parent company, Walt Disney Co., wanted Cablevision to pay an addition $40 million a year. (Now maybe that doesn't seem like a lot, but they already pay Disney over $200 million a year.) Cablevision thought that was way too much money... so Disney-ABC threatened to pull WABC.

Now I don't know if a $40 million increase is fair or not. I don't know who the greedy bastards are in this situation, but I'd guess it was both Disney-ABC and Cablevision. But according to Cablevision, they're still willing to negotiate to come to a fair agreement but Disney-ABC isn't having it. As of last night, WABC went dark, basically making sure that Cablevision's 3.1 million customers won't be watching the Oscars tonight.

Senator John Kerry, chairman of the Senate Commerce Subcommittee on Communications, Technology, and the Internet, asked both sides to negotiate a deal without the need to pull the channel off the air and even asked FCC Chairman Julius Genachowski to help resolve the issue. In a recent press release Kerry said:

When pulling a signal becomes the nuclear option in negotiation, it inflicts collateral damage on consumers who pay their bills and have done nothing wrong. Someone needs to be speaking up for them in this dispute and those like them, and make no mistake, this is the latest example of consumers getting caught in the middle because the high stakes incentives created in these negotiations are not working for the average customer who just expects their programming to be there when they want it. [WSJ]

A lot of customers are now going to be switching to other cable companies, like Verizon Fios, but that only punishes Cablevision for not paying the new fees instead of Disney-ABC for demanding them. I won't claim that Cablevision is totally an innocent victim in this one, but I definitely don't think it's fair that Disney-ABC is basically holding them - or that is, us (the viewers) - hostage. And in the end the only company that will suffer is Cablevision. It's not the Cablevision big-wigs we're worried about... but all the little employees who will possibly lose their jobs if Cablevision loses a ton of money from this dispute. Cablevision is a local comany; I can't even count how many people I know who directly or indirectly make their living through Cablevision and believe me, they have no say in whether WABC stays on the TV or not. (Plus you know that the same customers who are switching from Cablevision over this would be complaining even more if Cablevision did give into ABC's demands and then their cable bills went up as a result.)

By the way, Cablevision is offering all of their pay-per-view On Demand movies tonight for free, so even though you can't watch the Oscars, you can watch some Oscar-nominated movies instead. And you can always catch most of ABC's show online for free anyway.

So I propose that we give the Disney-ABC Cable Networks Group a piece of our minds. Boycott all of The Walt Disney Company's channels and assets - all of them, not just ABC - whether you have Cablevision or not. That includes (among others): A&E, ABC, ABC Family, Disney Channel, Disney XD, all the ESPNs, all the Lifetime channels, SOAPnet, etc.

Call 1-877-NO-TV-TAX and tell Disney-ABC that you want them to come up with a fair agreement with Cablevision. You can find more information on how to contact ABC via email at Cablevision.com.

Ode to Johnny Weir

2010-03-07T13:37:00.004-05:00

Okay, so I promise to cool it with the Johnny Weir blogging eventually, but I had to share this video because it's literally an ode to Johnny and it's hilarious. Take it away, Nervous but Excited:

[via ontd_skating]

And one bonus quote - Jennifer Beals on Johnny Weir:

Jess: Living in Vancouver, I’m sure you were following the Winter Olympics. Do you have any thoughts on the Johnny Weir controversy? [The 2010 Olympic figure skater widely believed to have been underscored because he’s flamboyant. Broadcast commentators were also called out for their thinly veiled homophobic comments.]

J. Beals: I think it’s absolutely appalling. You know, I saw him skate for the first time this year, I didn’t know of him before that, and I watched him skate and he was so fantastic and so accomplished and I really don’t think his scores were commensurate with his ability. And I feel in some ways he’s penalized for his presentation, and I feel he continues to present himself as authentically as possible, and frankly I believe he’s unbelievably fabulous and I would love to meet him one day! The way he was treated was appalling and almost from another era. They should really be ashamed of themselves.

Jess: The best was when he skated to Poker Face.

J. Beals: I love it. He’s amazing… I have a little crush on him.

Giovanni's Room

2010-03-05T21:00:00.003-05:00

Cleofaye of Sex etc... wrote us a guest blog! Enjoy-

I moved to Philadelphia about two and a half years ago. I had grown up in a small, conservative town, and one of the things driving me towards the city was the hopes of finding an LGBT community. There was none that I could find in my town, but I moved knowing there were gay bars, gay clubs,and for me - a geek to the core - the ultimate, a gay book store.

The town I left had a small used bookstore, full of Danielle Steel novels, Tom Clancy books, and other mass market beach reads that the tourists bought and swapped all summer. To find anything beyond the best sellers list, you had to venture to Borders, 30 minutes away. I would huddle in the Gay and Lesbian section (I've since checked and it's still not trans-inclusive), tucked in the corner, occupying half of a small book case, being constantly pushed out by the Shakespeare section next to it. I would hold a copy of MacBeth in my hand looking at the rows of mostly gay men romance novels, constantly on the lookout for someone I knew, and preparing to sing the praises of Shakespearean tragedy should anyone question my motives (because I believed that anyone actually cared what section of the bookstore I was hanging out in). I was too scared to buy anything - scared the cashier would look at me funny, scared that people would notice the book I carried was about *gasp* gay people, scared that people would know.

It took me a few attempts to actually make it into Giovanni's Room. I had been in the city for a few months before finding an ad for Reading Queerly, a book group for women and genderqueers, gave me the courage to go in. After spending about 2 hours with the group I felt like I had found the smart, interesting, articulate queer community I had been searching for. From that moment on, I've been in love.

Giovanni's Room was founded in 1973 and became the oldest LGBT bookstore in the country when the famous Oscar Wilde bookstore in NYC closed in March 2009. It served as a meeting place during the onset of the gay rights movement. It has a huge collection of LGBT books, and prides itself on being able to get any book you request. Over the summer, the owner, Ed Hermance was informed that one of the walls was structurally unsound and had to be replaced, to the tune of just over $50,000.

Since then, the community has rallied around Giovanni's Room. Authors such as Terry Galloway (MEAN Little deaf Queer) and Kate Bornstein (Gender Outlaws) have volunteered their time to give readings. Ms. Bornstein revealed that Giovanni's had been where she had bought her first feminist books when she was first having inklings of thoughts that would lead to her transition. During Philly Pride's Outfest event in October, the committee moved the entire event down two blocks to be sure Giovanni's storefront (covered completely in a black tarp for renovations at the time) was included in the event. Between a bake sale, purchases, and straight donations, the community raised over $3,700 for the store in one day.

Over $35,000 has since been raised in the effort. It has been heartwarming to see what has occasionally been a indifferent LGBT community in the city rally around our cause. There is still a decent way to go to completely pay off the reconstruction, but watching people find money to support a store that has supported them since well before it was safe and accepted to do so has been an incredible experience.

The easiest way to support the fundraising efforts at Giovanni's Room is simply to shop there or visit www.queerbooks.com. If you'd rather make a straight donation, you can do so by purchasing a gift certificate and noting that it is a donation in the order. They have a huge selection of LGBT books, but are always more than happy to order any book, LGBT or not. There are also a number of store events such as author readings and book club meetings lined up, and the page is updated often when new appearances are booked. You can also find Giovanni's Room on Facebook and Twitter.

Cleofaye grew up in a small town in Jersey. She went off to college to study sex, feminism, LGBT rights and rugby. She now spends her days as a slave to a desk, and spends her nights tweeting about inappropriate topics and discussing all forms of sex at her blog Sex etc...

Heartwarming Fan Email of the Day

2010-03-04T17:25:00.005-05:00

Our devoted readers really mean so much to us. Take this lovely email that we received a few days ago.

Subject: You are the sexiest!
From: Diego [last name and email redacted even though he doesn't deserve it]
To: info@escforevermedia.com

Or so could I say if you dared to have photo of you anywhere?

But I guess I could do as anyone else and just think that you are a
couple of fat angry feminists who use the internet to get the attention
that you don't get IRL.

Have a great day!

We confess that this email brought us to tears...of laughter. From the photo dare to the tired old 'fat angry feminist' routine to the huge burn of suggesting that we of all people would be attention whores.

This is the kind of love and support that really keeps us going. You have a great day too, Diego!

Hey Look It's A Johnny Weir Post!

2010-03-03T00:42:00.002-05:00

You know you love them. To start this one off I'm going to provide you with the best 30 seconds of your day, courtesy of Johnny's appearance on Larry King Barely Live:

Larry: Another question from facebook. Johnny, the question is 'how does it feel to be so fierce?'

Johnny: [laughs and laughs] Larry, I never thought I'd hear you call something "fierce", even if -

Larry: I didn't, the facebook did.

Johnny: I know, but still you said fierce. Kathy Griffin would be very excited for you right now. But I suppose being "fierce" is a very good thing and a very cool thing, but more than being fierce I think I'm a strong person and a strong individual and that's what I take with me every day.

The funniest thing about this, besides the pure awesome of the question itself, was Larry referring to "the facebook", like "the internet machine" or "a series of tubes". Oh Larry.

Johnny is the Gay of the Week over at After Elton:

...He may be coy about coming out explicitly (possibly for fear of being punished by the skating powers that be), but he's never denied being gay and if anything he's invited people to assume he's gay and not straight. And there is absolutely nothing about his coyness that reads as shameful or embarrassed. To us, he seems like a pretty good role model for kids, regardless of orientation or gender, who feel like they don't fit into traditional gender norms.

Johnny the good role model is on full display in this quote from an interview that he did with NBC Philadelphia:

If I have to go through some hard times, I’m completely fine with that as long as it’s beneficial to the next crop of skaters, the next generation of young people who are individual people.

I think that the only thing that people take away from me is to be unique and to be yourself and to feel powerful enough as a human being to be yourself no matter who is trying to knock you down or push you down or keep you down. You always have the power within yourself to stand up and fight and be yourself...That’s something that I hope all my fans and all the young people who watch the Olympic Games can learn from me.
...I think that ultimate happiness in my life would be to be great, really, at everything that I do. To be somebody that can’t be compared to anyone else. That’s something that I’ll strive for in any realm of my life whether it’s a love life, a fashion line or raising kids. Whatever it has to be it has to be great.

He also got a mention on the Yahoo music blog for the karaoke version of Carrie Underwood's "Before He Cheats" that he did as part of NBC's random Olympics fluff:

But here's some good news: Be Good Johnny Weir, the Sundance Channel reality series chronicling the glittery life of magical snow angel Johnny Weir, is still awesomely airing. And a video of the skating sensation occasionally known as "Adam Lambert On Ice," singing a song by another genuinely talented, non-season 9 American Idol, still exists on the Interweb. And thus, my television-hardened heart is thawed.
Johnny certainly deserves an honorary gold medal of some kind for this karaoke cover of Carrie Underwood's "Before He Cheats." Enjoy:

Andrew Sharp from SB Nation has a proposition for Johnny to consider:

This gives me an opportunity to unveil a little thing I like to call the "Best Idea Ever." When all the hype from the Olympics dies down, Johnny Weir should marry Lady Gaga, giving us the weirdest, most awesomely flamboyant couple in the history of sexually ambiguous celebrity couples. Plus, it'd keep Johnny in the spotlight, which I think everyone can abide by. More Johnny Weir is always a good thing.

Let's all take a moment to thank Vanity Fair for realizing that Johnny Weir + body paint = fabulous.

What are your post-Vancouver plans?

After the Olympics I have the world championships in Italy and then I’m going to take a vacation to Mongolia because I want to ride a yak. And after that, I’ll go to Moscow and see some friends, and after that I’m going to go lay on a beach for a little while, and then maybe continue skating, but if not, I want a career in fashion.

Because who doesn't have Mongolian yak riding penciled in somewhere on their calendars, right? I'm totally going this weekend.

Johnny was on Regis & Kelly this morning, and Kelly Ripa was so excited and fangirl giddy that it made me like her a whole lot more. She even busted out her false eyelashes for the occasion.

~The J.Weir media tour continued with an appearance on Extra. I thought this Q&A moment was the highlight:

Random Extra Dude Whose Name I Don't Know Because I Don't Watch Extra Unless Johnny Weir Is On: Now is it true that you feel that the costumes are taking away from the skating and you're gonna start dressing more conservatively?

Johnny Weir: Never in my life. Conservative is the dirtiest word to me.

Finally, Johnny went on The Joy Behar Show to talk about some of the controversy that surrounds him, including the idiotic notion that he's somehow "too gay" for figure skating. Here's the preview clip.

Between "it's figure skating, hello" and "I think Jesus was a woman", what more could you ask for from an interview? And on that note, I think we should end this post with a blessing from St. Weirsus himself. We'll return to regularly scheduled posting about various topics...um, eventually.

[The gif is from the ontd_skating LJ community, which I highly recommend to all fans of Johnny in particular and the wacky hijinks of figure skating in general. You will LOL and OMG and UNF and probably do many other combinations of letters as well. I found it while I was researching Johnny Weir: Evil Slut and I'm addicted now. I don't know exactly who made this particular gif, but if someone lets me know in comments I'll add the well-deserved credit.]

I'm just going to write about Johnny Weir every day now

2010-02-26T15:11:00.005-05:00

Okay, maybe not. Although it is tempting. I can't help it if he's the most interesting (and most sparkly) thing about these Olympics.

I have to share the new edition of That's Gay, because Bryan Safi perfectly skewers all of the stupid coverage of Johnny that's been floating around and the goofy debate about masculinity in men's figure skating.

I wonder if they let straight allies participate in competitive flower arranging. That might finally be my shot at glory.

Bonus quote about Johnny:

The [judging] system cuts both ways. It certainly doesn't reward artistic performers such as American Johnny Weir. Weir is graceful and fluid, his programs are clean and his music complements his choreography instead of serving as background Muzak. His flamboyance also may work against him, which is ridiculous. Of course rhinestones sparkle a little brighter when Weir wears them. They know they are home. [Tracee Hamilton, Washington Post]

Bonus Johnny video:

I'm going to walk around all week saying "Johnny, very beautiful cod" in a Russian accent. The rest of the ESC will be thrilled.

Johnny Weir: Evil Slut

2010-02-25T10:53:00.000-05:00

So we haven't written anything about these Olympics yet. That's not because we haven't been watching. It's because, at least for me, I'm too obsessed with the fabulous American figure skater (and reality TV star) Johnny Weir to write about anything else. I've decided it's about time for me to declare him an honorary member of the Evil Slut Clique.

Of course I love his skating - he's talented, artistic, and beautiful on the ice. I also love the crazy, creative costumes that he designs himself. He's smart and articulate - well-spoken in multiple languages, including the Russian that he taught himself. He's hilarious. But beyond all of that, what really makes him ESC material is the fact that he's totally confident in who he is, he's outspoken and honest, he does what's right for him and he doesn't care what anyone else thinks. He's just generally awesome and yeah, okay, I'm going total fangirl now so I'll just shut up and get to some quotes and pictures and videos and other fun stuff.

Johnny Weir On Pushing Boundaries and Being Yourself

"I want to be remembered as somebody who pushed the boundaries of my sport. I want people to remember that I was a great talent on the ice and that I did everything a little bit different than everybody else. But at the same time, I want people to remember that I was able to speak my mind. I was able to voice my opinions about things and had no problems with that. In my own way, I've brought a lot of people into figure skating. Maybe it's not the way that my federation or most mainstream people would want it to be, but that's how I've done it. And I hope that more young athletes, not just figure skaters, but especially figure skaters, will be able to be themselves, or say what they want and never be afraid of anything, or anyone. I hope that's my mark." [Seattle Times via Sunfiltered]

Your killer attitude and costumes have raised some eyebrows in the skating community. Why do you think you’re so controversial?
Figure skating is very old fashioned and staid. The people in power are several decades older than the people they are judging, which makes things tense when somebody like me comes along. I respect my elders, but I don’t feel a need to appease them. I don’t play by anyone’s rules but my own. That’s why it’s controversial when I say and wear things that are deemed inappropriate. I hope in my own way that I’ve helped the next generation of athletes to feel comfortable being themselves and flying their freak flags high. [VanityFair.com]

"You have to be powerful in yourself and make your own decisions and make your own mistakes and fall down and climb back up by yourself. No one's gonna be there when you're down, they only want you when you're up. So you have to learn everything by yourself and do everything by yourself...the only thing I can control is the way I skate." [ESPN Outside the Lines]

"It's not me to stuff myself behind a wall and speak only when spoken to. If I have an opinion, I'll say it. If I don't like something, I'll definitely tell you I don't like it. And that's from the way I was brought up. My mother's very outspoken. She and my father both taught me, you know, you have to be yourself. You live one time. Be yourself, do what makes you happy, have fun, and enjoy your life. Don't be afraid of anybody. I mean, nobody is gonna kill me for saying what I want, just, you know, they may have an issue with it. And I'm strong enough to deal with being myself 100% of the time." [WEBN]

"I think I was just born Johnny Weir, and I like to show people that. I've never been one to follow in someone else's footsteps or try to mimic somebody, or believe really in role models. Of course people that I admire, but not so much a role model. I think it's important for everyone to live their life as themselves and be happy with the choices that they make, what they wear, what image they project. Just be yourself. And that's what inspires me, I want to be myself until the day I die, and I never want to change anything for somebody that doesn't really matter in my life." [Yahoo! Sports]

"I want to be judged by who I am, not what I am...I am Johnny Weir. Judge me the way you see me, love me the way you see me, hate me the way you see me." [ESPN Outside the Lines]

"I walk on water. Well, frozen water."

Johnny Weir On Masculinity

"I don't think it's unfair to say that I take the best of masculinity and femininity and put it together in some kind of Johnny Weir mixture." [Be Good Johnny Weir, Ep. 104]

With our toenails cut and polished and our feet wrapped in bags of liquid wax so warm and pleasant that, Weir assures me, I will pee my pants (fortunately, this proves to be an exaggeration), we move to the other side of the salon for manicures. What, Weir asks, would be wrong with joining my wife for a pedicure or manicure? In truth, there are many reasons, the primary ones being that I'm a slob and that I'm cheap.
I respond, however, with the first thought that comes to mind: "Well, it's never seemed very manly."
"There is nothing not manly about taking care of your appearance," Weir insists as the manicurists begin work on his fingernails. "Taking care of your skin, shaving, smelling good. Making sure your nails are nice. You don't need to get them polished, but getting them cut, getting them filed, soaking them, getting them soft. Not like manly, gross, dry, callused hands." [ESPN Outside the Lines]

"For me, I'm lucky that I've traveled so much of the world and seen so many things and for me, masculinity is completely subjective. Here, a male ballet dancer would get beat up and left on the side of the road. But in Russia, he is No. 1, he is what a man is. That kind of passion and control. In Japan, masculinity is making sure your hair is completely gelled and coiffed and that you're dressed and decked to the nines. Masculinity is what you make it out to be. Here in the U.S., not everyone feels the same way...
...Most people…would say masculinity is a football player or, you know, the hotheaded, strong-minded businessman. Something like that," Weir says. "That's masculine here, but around the world, it changes, depending as far as where you are or what the culture is. For me, I skate as masculine as I can. I'm not a big strong guy. I'm not interested in fighting or throwing punches or balling my hands in fists all day. I'm not interested in guns, I'm not interested in football or stereotypically masculine things, so I'm going to skate in a fashion that is manly for Johnny Weir.
"That's kind of a strange answer, but that's my opinion. Masculinity is exactly what you make it." [ESPN Outside the Lines]

What makeup item should every self-respecting man own?
Blot powder or concealer. I don’t consider looking like a shiny mess manly. Men need to understand the importance of their skin and beauty regime; there’s nothing not-masculine about taking care of yourself. The face you present to the world is the most important one. [BellaSugar]

OS: What are your thoughts on Skate Canada’s efforts to “butch up” figure skating? Will more people watch if the face of figure skating suddenly becomes more masculine?

Johnny: I don’t think any facelift for my sport will change the viewers who are watching. I don’t think turning figure skating into some kind of X-Games event will promote figure skating to the male population of especially North America, but also the world. This kind of talk has been going around for some time, about making the men more masculine and the women more feminine. But it’s not figure skating if you don’t have the freedom to express yourself and make something beautiful. That’s my goal every time I get new music and get new costumes: to tell a story and to put on a show. To butch up figure skating is a ridiculous idea, because there’s no putting me in some two-piece pants suit to skate in. [Laughs.] I love my glitter, I love my prettiness, I love getting my hair done before the events, I love putting on makeup because I’m going to be on TV. I know Elvis Stojko was a big proponent for butching up men’s skating, but I have a hard time taking suggestions from a man who rocked purple pajamas in the Olympic Games and World championships. In my opinion, anyone who wants to change the actual people who are doing the figure skating can suck it. [OutSports.com]

You're right at the heart of this, Johnny. Men's skating should be more "butch".

I don't agree. I think everyone is their own individual self. I am an effeminate person. I like sparkly things, I like the theater of figure skating. But in no way does that make me less macho than somebody that gets out there in a muscle shirt and tattoos with grease stains or whatever.

Do you think the fact that some people dismiss figure skating as gay hurts the sport?

I know for the men's population of the United States, figure skating is a "gay sport", and that's a misconception. There are so many straight athletes in figure skating. But I think it's the music and costumes that turn most men off, because they want to see...well they want to see spandex-ed men hitting each others' ass and throwing a ball. It's very different. [HBO Real Sports]

Johnny Weir on Being a Good American and Citizen of the World

I am a firm believer that being a good American and being a good ambassador means being a citizen of the world and appreciating all cultures. I happen to love Russia and I happen to love America. I see no issue in that. [VanityFair.com]

I can say that since I've started traveling when I was 13 to countries around the world, I've always had a very open mind. I've been very culturally aware of the countries that I go to. I research every country that I go to before I go to it, so I'm prepared, and I know what's up, I know what people are like, I learn a few words in their language. I think people can appreciate that and they understand that I'm there because I want to be there, I love being in their country. Having the support come from them is something that's amazing to me when I'm just doing something that I enjoy. I'm a figure skater, I'm traveling around the world, it's a great life in that sense.

When you go to these countries and you're closed-minded, and you stay in the hotel room, I mean, people can sense that. People can feel that you're uncomfortable there. But I try to be as comfortable as I can with fans, with everyone as I can be...And especially with how America is viewed throughout the world at this moment, nobody is expecting anything less than an "ugly American." when the American shows up at a competition. And that's just from news and propaganda, but still, it goes deep even to figure skating, so if I can give back in any way I can, I do it, and I think that that speaks volumes. [LifeSkate.com]

You consider that to be a good American is to be sort of a citizen of the world. What have you gained from your travels?

I've seen so many things in this world that the average person doesn't get to see. I mean, I've danced on the Great Wall of China, and spun around decked out in full fur in Red Square, and, you know, gone on the lift wearing a beret in the Eiffel Tower. I mean, I've done all of these things, and I'm only 25, and it really brings to my mind what the world is all about. And for me to be a good American is to appreciate the world that we live in and the fact that, unless you're an Apache or a Navajo or something, you're not really an American. You come from all these places. And people forget that, and I like knowing where I've come from and knowing where the rest of the people in my country have come from. I mean, we're built on other countries, on the backs of other countries.

So for me, being a good American is appreciating the world, not just your country. I love my country to death, and that's something that people often mistake, because I am very pro-world and pro-Russia and pro-Korea, pro-Japan. I'm pro-everything, just because I realize that, you know, the world is the world because of all these places that make it up. And America's wonderful and beautiful because we're made up of the world - it's like a tiny Earth inside the Earth. That's my country, and I'm proud of it. I'm proud when I represent my country, and I go into competitions and I see my flag, and that it's 'Johnny Weir from the United States of America'. I'm very proud of that, but at the same time for me, to be a proud American is to be a proud citizen of the world. [ESPN Outside the Lines]

Johnny Weir On His Critics

"I've never seen a point in pleasing other people. I know that a lot of people, especially the more Republican style people, are very afraid of what I mean to the sport and what I'm going to say, what kind of revolutionary crazy thing is going to come out of my mouth. And, you know, good for them. They should be scared.

...I'm not for everybody. There are going to be people that like you and people that hate you, and there's nothing that I can do...My harshest critic would probably just say that I'm full of air and fluff and I don't mean things that I say, but for now, my critics can eat it. I want people to remember me as someone that pushed the envelope, pushed the boundaries of the United States figure skating establishment. I can't change anyone's mind about me except my own, and I'm happy with who Johnny Weir is." [video]

What do you say to your critics?
Suck it. [VanityFair.com]

In an interview with Dorothy Hamill on Access Hollywood earlier this week, Johnny responded to some idiotic homophobic comments made by a couple of Canadian broadcasters:

The same flamboyance that makes many fans adore the skater also often makes him a target. Two Canadian broadcasters even went after Johnny on the air. Dorothy read him their quotes.

“They think all the boys that skate will end up like him,” a visibly upset Dorothy said. "It sets a bad example...We should make him pass a gender test at this point,” Dorothy read, getting very choked up at the broadcasters’ homophobic comments. “What do you think of that?”
“Every little boy should be so lucky as to turn into me,” Johnny said without batting an eyelash. “And that’s all I have to say.”

This afternoon, Johnny held a press conference to address the stupid comments in more detail:

"I grew my beard out today to show that I am a man, at the end of the day," said the 25 year old USA competitor...Weir opened the press conference by thanking his fans for their outpouring of love and support. He also said that when he heard the derogatory comments made by the two reporters, he felt "pissed off" and defiant. He admitted to feeling that way because the criticisms were directed at him personally and not at him as an athlete and Olympic contender.
He said he chose to speak out about this issue not because he wants an apology, he believes, he said, in freedom of speech and that people have the right to voice their opinions, but he said that he felt it was important to set a strong example for the boys and girls who will follow.
No one should be made to feel like a freak or a weirdo," he said. "I just hope that more boys and girls have parents like me who allow their children to be an individual. It's definitely the time for freedom. Time to be unique and to believe in themselves," he said expressing that this is the message he feels is most important to impart to the younger generations.

"Out of ugly, the most important thing in life is to make something beautiful," said Weir. "The only thing I ever wanted from this figure skating craziness was to perform, to perform my art." [Green Blog Network]

"I want them to think before they speak. I want them to think about not only the person they're talking about, but also other people like that person," he said. "What people as a majority need to do is think, and think about who they're affecting. ... I don't want, 50 years from now, more boys and girls to go through this same thing." [Washington Post]

And on another very serious topic, check out this clip from Johnny's reality show, Be Good Johnny Weir, in which Johnny corrects best friend Paris's cheese-eating technique:

Miscellaneous Awesome

"I want everyone to taste cotton candy when they see me skate." [WEBN]

"I hope I’m wine. I may not be as reliable as steak or as easy as vegetables, but I’ll mess you up if you’ve had enough of me." [OregonLive.com]

OS: How many sequins are too many?
Johnny: What kind of question is that? There are never too many. [OutSports.com]

At a benefit for Figure Skating in Harlem, a program that provides young girls with free figure skating lessons and academic tutoring, Johnny was asked what he thinks figure skating teaches to the girls:

"It definitely teaches discipline. It teaches finding a way deep down inside yourself to achieve a goal. And figure skating builds you a thick skin, and I think for anybody, and especially women, you have to have a thick skin to go out into this world. Men, it's documented that we have it easier in some ways, and women need that thick skin, and in general they end up doing their jobs much better than any man could ever do it. And that's from learning at an early age to be strong and independent, and understanding you." [LifeSkate.com]

Johnny's roommate in the athlete's village in Vancouver is ice dancer Tanith Belbin, and he pretty much sounds like the best roommate ever:

"I definitely can make any village work now," Weir said. "I'm in a place where every room can work - especially if you have a giant Lady Gaga picture, anywhere can work...She needs to be there watching over us, protecting us." [Washington Post]

"I was only in there five minutes but it smelled so nice, there were Audrey Hepburn posters up for inspiration, motivational quotes on the wall, and all my clothes had been put away," Belbin said. [IceNetwork.com]

A few years ago Johnny appeared on My Life on the D List with Kathy Griffin, and hilarity obviously ensued.

And in a recent Details profile, Johnny described his reputation as "diva bitch whore from hell". Enough said.

Johnny Weir Does Lady Gaga

If you haven't seen this yet, your life is incomplete. If you have, you know that it never gets old. Either way, make with the clicking now please.

Want More Johnny?

~Follow Johnny on Twitter.

~Become a fan on facebook.

~Check out the official sites for his documentary, Pop Star on Ice, and for his reality show, Be Good Johnny Weir, which airs on the Sundance Channel.

~Some wonderful person has created a Fuck Yeah! Johnny Weir tumblr.

~Of course there's a 'Lady Gaga or Johnny Weir?' costume quiz.

~Last but not least, Johnny's official site.

I Do.......?

2010-02-19T14:30:00.001-05:00

So we've noticed that a lot of couples got engaged over the holidays... especially since New Year's and Valentine's Day. While we're still pretty pissed off that so many people still can't legally marry the ones they love, we decided that in the meantime, we should still celebrate the love and happiness of those who can.

We thought about designing some elegant wedding gifts and a line of beautiful, classy bridal lingerie... but then we realized that's really really boring. So here is our contribution to wedded bliss.... anal sex! When you say "I do"... say "I do... anal!"

Yes, that's right. "I do... anal." What better way to say I love you than with your butt? Nothing makes a honeymoon more romantic that getting it up the ass! No, but seriously... these products will make hilarious gag gifts for the bride and groom (or grooms!) or anyone who just loves anal sex. Great for bachelor and bachelorette parties too!

I do.......... anal!

Click here for more items!

And since we know that not everyone actually does do anal (or necessarily wants to advertise that they do) we've designed some PG-rated clean versions that just say "I do..." that would make a very cute gift for the entire wedding party.

Click here for more items!

And while we're here... don't forget that same-sex couples still can't legally marry in most of the U.S. So please show your support for same-sex marriage as well! Check out all of our gay rights/marriage equality items as well!

Enjoy and congratulations!

Is Your Fetus More Important Than You Are?

2010-02-16T00:30:00.003-05:00

This news is a bit late. Well, okay it's very late, but we let our intern take this story and... well, as you can guess that didn't work out too great. (The intern ultimately quit to devote more time to their "demanding schedule" at school.) We considered just scrapping it altogether - but it is an important issue. So we apologize for the lateness and the fact that this clearly isn't our best work.

While we're here, did we mention that we're looking for new interns? Apply now.

Back in March of 2009, Samantha Burton, a woman in her 25th week of pregnancy, went to Tallahassee Memorial Hospital to get checked out for what she thought was premature labor. She was advised by Dr. Jana Bures-Forsthoefel, an attending physician at Tallahassee Memorial Hospital, to stay on bed rest for up to 15 weeks. Burton (who had two toddlers at home) refused to stay in the hospital and wanted to go elsewhere for care. Instead, Circuit Court Judge John C. Cooper of Leon County granted the hospital an injunction to prevent her from leaving. She was not permitted to choose an alternate setting for her bedrest, nor was she given the opportunity to seek a second opinion. She was discharged a few days later, after she delivered a stillborn fetus via an emergency Caesarian section.
Earlier this year, the 1st District Court of Appeals heard arguments on the case Burton v. Florida. The American Civil Liberties Union, the ACLU of Florida and the American Medical Women's Association have collectively filed an amici curiae brief in support of Burton's legal appeal. (It is worth noting that Burton is not seeking any monetary damages and only wishes to protect other women from the injustices she suffered.)

The Florida Department of Health lists, among other things, the right of a patient to refuse any medical advice or treatment and the right to express concerns about his or her treatment. So, what compelled the State of Florida to override Samantha Burton's very basic patient rights? It appears that it had very little to do with Burton's health and everything to do with the way that two individuals, Dr. Forsthoefel and Judge Cooper, perceived the status of her gestating fetus.

Now obviously Ms. Burton's mistreatment sets a pretty dangerous precedent and brings up some pressing concerns about the evolution of the anti-choice movement, particularly the way that it has been able to slowly chip away at Roe v. Wade through the backdoor. For one, the line of logic followed by the hospital and the courts grants personhood status to the fetus. Note the disturbing language used in the court proceedings:

"the unborn child's attending physician"

"preserve the life and health of Samantha Burton's unborn child"

"the child’s best interest at this time” [emphasis mine]

Even though abortion was never an issue in Burton's case, this language has everything to do with reproductive freedom. The debate over the concept of fetus as patient, brings to mind Janet Gallagher’s "geography of pregnancy". For those unfamiliar, the basic concept is that by viewing the fetus as a separate person and patient, its medical treatment ultimately requires invading the body of its mother. Samantha Burton's attorney, David Abrams, put it well: "Does the state own the inside of a woman's womb, that it can kind of intervene at will?" Granting a fetus personhood is inherently contradictory to maintaining the rights and dignity of the person carrying it.

Although this concept may seem fair and understandable, the push for fetal personhood is gaining new fuel in the face of contemporary anti-choice politics. Fetal personhood initiatives have somehow squirmed their way back into the constant legal and cultural war waged on female bodies. There also currently exist state laws that require an ultrasound be performed prior to an abortion, a 24-hour waiting period, or pre-abortion "counseling" (which, in some areas includes providing information on the unproven link between abortion and breast cancer). "Conscience clause" laws allow individuals - and institutions - to refuse to dispense prescriptions or perform procedures based on religious objection. Laws like these not only corner patients in difficult positions but also shame women out of their body autonomy.

The Florida courts took this one step further when they granted a medical practitioner the privilege of determining where and for how long Samantha Burton would receive medical services against her will. At this point, one can no longer make the "well, a woman can choose to go to a different hospital or doctor" argument. The stakes are much higher. Consider some of the main principles of medical ethics: Autonomy (a patient has the right to choose or refuse treatment); Beneficence (a practioner should act in the best interest of the patient); Non-maleficence (a practioner must consider the possible harm that any intervention might do, i.e. "first, do no harm"); Dignity (a patient has the right to human dignity and respect)...

Now consider how Burton's doctor disregarded these ethics...

There is a difference of opinion among medical experts about how effective bed rest really is in cases like this. Whereas it is commonly agreed that high levels of stress can be detrimental to a gestating fetus. It's safe to assume that being locked in a hospital against her wishes would not only be upsetting, but potentially a danger to Burton's pregnancy and overall health. If she felt that she was receiving insufficient or inappropriate care from a medical practitioner that did not have her best interests in mind, she should have been entitled to seek out a second opinion or go to another facility.

State attorney Willie Meggs, who represented the hospital in obtaining the original court order, apparently disagreed:

"Sometimes there is not time for two doctors. It's not time for a committee."

"This is good people trying to do things in a right fashion to save lives, whether some people want them saved or not."

To that, we say Fuck you Willie Meggs. When it comes to my body, I'm willing to take the time for a second opinion, especially when I outright disagree with the first one. But the second quote really just takes the cake. There's never been any indication that Samantha Burton - or anyone else for that matter - didn't want the life of her fetus "saved". She just didn't believe that forced bedrest was the best way to do it. When a hospital can treat a pregnant women like a prisoner, utterly disregarding her rights and dignity, on the basis of "protecting" her fetus... what does that say about our society?

We have got to give women the right and responsibility to control their own bodies. Incidents like what happened at Tallahassee Memorial Hospital threaten not only the most basic patient rights, but also a woman's reproductive rights. We can't let that happen. Maybe the pro-choice movement needs to step up our efforts in protecting body autonomy rights, even when they don't explicity involve abortion. Spreading the word about what Samantha Burton went through is one small step towards that goal.

Happy Half-Price Candy Day!

2010-02-15T13:40:00.002-05:00

Happy Anna Howard Shaw Day!

2010-02-14T03:00:00.008-05:00

We all know what day this is... but instead of saying Happy Valentine's Day, today we're going to take inspiration from 30 Rock and celebrate the birthdate of Anna Howard Shaw, a leader of the women's suffrage movement in the U.S.

A physician and the first ordained female Methodist minister in the United States, Shaw lead the National American Woman Suffrage Association from 1904 to 1915. During her tenure as president, the organization renewed efforts to lobby for a national constitutional amendment granting women the right to vote. During World War I, Shaw was head of the Women's Committee of the United States Council of National Defense, for which she became the first woman to earn the Distinguished Service Medal.

A Happy Anna Howard Shaw Day to us all!

And now for a little musical interlude...

2010-02-12T16:16:00.005-05:00

Are you tired of all the sappy, romantic love songs that they play non-stop in February? Yeah, me too. Valentine's Month (yes, I know it's just one Day... but the way they market the hell out of it, you'd think it was a whole month) makes everyone feel like shit sometimes - whether you're in love or not. If you're single, all the love love love love love shoved down your throats make you feel like being single is always a bad thing. If you're in a relationship, all the pressure of "omgthemostperfectvalentinesdayever" makes you doubt your partner and yourself.

So we thought instead of more of a love fest or broken hearts, we'd offer you a different kind of V-day musical interlude. This playlist is more about "girl power" than boyfriends (not to be sexist... but, you know, we're girls so this is what gets us going). Instead of "I'm so lucky I found 'The One'" or "Wah! Why won't he love me?" this is more "I don't want or need my stupid ex!"

Even if you are in love right now, it's important to remember that while it's okay to be happy with another person you don't need another person to be happy. So enjoy...

So What - P!nk

Bad Romance - Lady Gaga

Kiss N Tell - Ke$ha

Shut Up and Let Me Go - the Ting Tings

Don't Want You - Lunachicks

Bye Bye Boyfriend - Fefe Dobson

I Don't Care (So There) - The Donnas

Smile - Lily Allen

Tango Shoes - Bif Naked

The Wreckoning - Boomkat

Best of Me - Morningwood

Hell Yes - Alkaline Trio (see, it's not all "girl power")

End It On This - No Doubt

Get your Valentine's Day (and ANTI-Vday) Gifts NOW!

2010-02-07T22:00:00.000-05:00

Since Valentine's Day is just around the corner... we wanted to let you all know about our brand new Cafepress store... Love Sucks. (If you order by midnight on February 8th, Cafepress will give you a FREE shipping upgrade to ensure delivery by Valentine's Day!)

This design will appeal to Valentine's Day haters and vampire lovers alike. For other vampy goodness... don't forget to check out our other similar shops:

Vamp Love

I Love Eric

And of course... for that special bitch in your life...

Maenad

It's important to remember, that regardless of whether or not you have a 'special someone' you can be with them... that a lot of people still can't legally marry the person they love. So this Valentine's Day send a message that means something... (click on images to view entire stores):





And of course... this VD, you can always give the gift of Chlamydia:

Let that ex boyfriend or girlfriend know that there's a chance they Got Chlamydia...

Or let the person you love know that you are Now 100% More Chlamydia Free...



Or maybe you just want to send the message that you'd like to add another person into the mix?

And well, nothing says true love like "Evil Slut"... give the gift of the clique!



BUY NOW in order to get your items by Valentine's Day! Although really... ESC merchandise is the gift that keeps on giving... You don't need a special occasion because these gifts make any occasion special! Happy VD... or whatever.

When Mirena Meets Mommybloggers

2010-02-07T11:29:00.000-05:00

There are Tupperware parties, Passion Parties, Pampered Chef parties, and...Mirena IUD parties? Yes, apparently these events popped up early last year and were a joint effort from Bayer Pharmaceuticals and the mom marketing site Mom Central.

Here's one mom blogger's description of the Mirena party that she hosted:

Then tonight I hosted a party at my house with Mom Central. Mom Central had found me through this blog and asked me if I would be interested in hosting an event sponsored by Mirena. As I welcome any opportunity to sit down with some girlfriends with some free food and drink, I was happy to accept. Before the party started, I walked around nervously, terrified that only a couple of people would show up. We're all so busy, and I worried that people would end up skipping a strange commercial-sounding event. But one by one, they rolled in and I began to relax.

We had an amazing evening, talking about sex, fashion, and living a simpler life. I realized that we don't actually spend a lot of time talking about sex and relationships. We laughed a lot but also went home with some great tips.

If you're thinking that "strange commercial-sounding event" sounds like an accurate description for a party like this, you won't be surprised by what comes next. What this mom didn't mention, possibly because she wasn't aware, was the fact that the script used at these parties didn't comply with FDA implementing regulations or the Federal Food, Drug, and Cosmetic Act, prompting the FDA to send a warning letter to Bayer at the end of last year. (Bayer is no stranger to FDA warnings - they recently had to "correct" ads for their Yaz/Yasmin birth control pills, which are also the subject of several lawsuits, after the FDA said they were unclear and misleading.)

Before I get into the specifics of the FDA violations in this case, let's take a look at some more details about these events. First, let's look at Mom Central. The main Mom Central site has forums, blogs, parenting tips, a product testing panel, giveaways, and so on, but it's the Mom Central Consulting site that we're really interested in. Here are some quotes from the site about what they do:

Companies eager to tap the powerful, abundant, dominant women’s market are often challenged to target and reach Moms simply through their own internal “experts.” We at Mom Central Consulting are Mom Experts currently engaged in crafting messaging, marketing to mothers and reaching millions of Moms nationwide every month.

TODAY'S MOMS REQUIRE TARGETED, HOLISTIC MARKETING APPROACHES that reach them where they are in their lives today. At Mom Central Consulting we create customer loyalty and word of mouth programs that: foster credibility, drive evangelism and engage Moms in irresistible brand experiences that drive sales and fuel profits.

Our two-pronged targeted approach connects clients with our vast proprietary network of leading Mom Experts and Opinion Leaders and then activates Moms to become trusting, loyal advocates and consumers of your brand, product or service, making us experts at marketing to women.

CORPORATE SPOKESPERSON BUREAU: We can draw from our pool of hundreds of talented media savvy spokespeople to create a customized corporate press campaign featuring credible experts within your product category.

So maybe the goal of the hosts and attendees at these parties was to have a fun night eating free food and talking about sex and relationships, but it's important to keep in mind that that's not the main goal of Mom Central or the product that they've been hired to represent. What they want to do is "activate" some Mirena evangelists.

In the case of these Mirena parties, the expert spokesperson that Mom Central used was Barb Dehn, Nurse Practitioner and member of the Mom Central Advisory Board. Barb is the author of a series of Blue Orchid Guides on women's health topics like breastfeeding and menopause. In addition to those guides, Blue Orchid Press also has a Partner Program:

Blue Orchid Press provides partners with a non-biased, highly credible communication tool that physicians perceive as a true value-add to their practice and that patients actually use, enabling partners to deliver their messages directly to patients via the most trusted channel there is: the doctor. Physicians who see the value of the Blue Orchid Guides give them to all their patients, thus potentially expanding the target audience for partner products and services, and patients who receive the Guides from their physicians actually use them on a regular basis.

Benefits of an accessible reference
Unlike a typical sales brochure, the Guides serve as a constant, easily accessible reference; with increased usage comes increased exposure to the partner's service/product without a "hard sell" - the products and services gain credibility from both the sponsorship of the Guides and from association with the perceived value of the content. Blue Orchid Guides are all fully endorsed and approved by leaders in their field.

So it's sort of a targeted, holistic marketing approach that fosters credibility and activates women to become trusting, loyal advocates and consumers of your brand, product or service? That sounds familiar.

The Blue Orchid Press site has a list of Barb's speaking engagements, including this one:

February & March, 2009: 3 City tour speaking with Moms about intimacy concerns

Based on the timing and the description, it seems likely that this is referencing the Mirena parties. So why doesn't it say "speaking at Mom Central marketing events sponsored by Mirena"? I guess "intimacy concerns" sounds better.

Nurse Barb also has a blog, Barb's Daily Dose, and last March she wrote a post called Contraceptive Convenience:

Have you ever forgotten to take your birth control pill? What about trying to track down a condom and squinting in the dark to make sure it hasn’t expired? What about not having enough time to stop at the drug store to pick up a new pack of pills? And how many times, have you tried to remember the first day of your period so you can try to guestimate if you’re fertile?
Wouldn’t it be nice if we didn’t have to worry about birth control?
You know what? There are 2 options out there that can eliminate the day to day, month to month scrambling.
Mirena IUD– This is method that is great for women who’ve already had a baby. It’s good for 5 years and is over 99% effective. If a woman wants to get pregnant, once the Mirena is removed, she can start trying right away. There’s no delay.
This is a small, flexible plastic device that releases a tiny amount of a non-estrogen hormone into the uterus every day. They are easily inserted into the uterus during an office visit. I’ve been inserting Mirena for years right in my office. They’re safe and reliable, and best of all don’t interfere with your spontaneity. Breastfeeding moms can use them too, because there’s no effect on milk supply and it doesn’t transmit any hormones to the baby.
To find out more on the Mirena IUD, please click on the following link: http://www.mirena-us.com

This was posted right around the time that she was speaking at the Mom Central parties. I think it would have been nice of Nurse Barb to disclose to her readers that she was promoting Mirena at sponsored events so that they could take that information into consideration while reading her enthusiastic endorsement, especially considering the similarities between this blog post and the script from the sponsored parties. She probably also could have added a sentence in there about how this "safe and reliable" birth control method does actually have some risks and side effects.

That brings us back to the FDA and the specifics about what was wrong with the Mirena/Mom Central party script. The problems were spelled out in a letter that the FDA's Division of Drug Marketing, Advertising, and Communications recently sent to Bayer Pharmaceuticals. The letter identifies four different types of violations: "The program overstates the efficacy of Mirena, presents unsubstantiated claims, minimizes the risks of using Mirena, and includes false or misleading presentations regarding Mirena." Before detailing the violations, there's some background info from the product labeling information (PI):

...The PI for Mirena also includes numerous contraindications, including “[u]ntreated acute cervicitis or vaginitis, including bacterial vaginosis or other lower genital tract infections until infection is controlled,” and “[c]onditions associated with increased susceptibility to pelvic infections.”

The use of Mirena is associated with a number of risks, including warnings regarding the increased risk of pelvic inflammatory disease (PID), ovarian cysts, and irregular bleeding and amenorrhea. Additional warnings include the risk of Mirena embedding in, perforating, or being expelled from the uterus, as well as the increased risk of ectopic pregnancy, and the risks to an intrauterine pregnancy that occurs with Mirena in place. Should a woman become pregnant while using Mirena, serious risks include pregnancy loss and a permanent loss of fertility.

In addition to the warnings noted above, the PI details the common adverse reactions that were observed during the clinical trials for Mirena. According to the PI, “Very common adverse reactions” (>10% of clinical trial patients) included “uterine/vaginal bleeding (including spotting, irregular bleeding, heavy bleeding, oligomenorrhea and amenorrhea), and ovarian cysts.” Adverse reactions that were reported by 5% or more of clinical trial patients include, among others, abdominal/pelvic pain, nausea, headache, nervousness, back pain, weight increase, breast pain/tenderness, acne, decreased libido, and depressed mood.

The PI also includes precautions that patients should be counseled that Mirena does not protect against HIV infection (AIDS) or other sexually transmitted diseases, and that patients should be instructed to check that the threads attached to Mirena are still in place after each menstrual period, as there is no contraceptive protection if Mirena is displaced or expelled.

Additionally, in regards to patient follow-up following the insertion of Mirena, the DOSAGE AND ADMINISTRATION, Patient Follow-up section of the PI states (in pertinent part):

• Patients should be reexamined and evaluated 4 to 12 weeks after insertion and once a year thereafter, or more frequently if clinically indicated.

Apparently it's kinda hard to work some of that stuff into an "amazing evening talking about sex, fashion, and living a simpler life". From here the letter breaks up into three sections to tackle the main problems with the script, so I'll break it down the same way.

Overstatement of Efficacy/Unsubstantiated Claims

In other words, the script exaggerates the awesomeness of Mirena without sufficient evidence to back it up. I'm going to quote extensively from this section of the letter for two reasons. First, it gives us a clearer picture of exactly what the Mirena sales pitch was at these parties.

The Mirena program is a live presentation designed for a consumer audience of “busy moms.” The program is presented in a consumer’s home or other private setting (e.g. private restaurant party) by a representative from Mom Central (a social networking internet site) and a nurse practitioner (Ms. Barb Dehn). The script of this program submitted to FDA includes an introduction from the Mom Central representative, a presentation given by Ms. Dehn regarding the use of Mirena, and a “post-party” questionnaire for the audience.

The script includes the following statements to be delivered by the Mom Central representative (emphasis added):

• “This party was brought to you by Mom Central in partnership with Bayer HealthCare Pharmaceuticals' Mirena which may help couples keep life simple!"

• “Barb Dehn is a practicing Women’s Health Nurse Practitioner, award-winning author and nationally recognized health expert from San Francisco. Barb is going to kick things off with a discussion about romance and how to find simple ways to reconnect with our partners.”

After the Mom Central intro, Nurse Barb gives her own intro, which reinforces the "romance" and "simple ways to reconnect" themes. Then it's on to the sales pitch.

Following the introduction of the program, the script states that “Barb [Dehn] will begin presentation with an icebreaker - an interactive Q&A - which will touch upon issues such as busy schedules, barriers to intimacy and contraception” (emphasis added). The “icebreaker” questions include the following (in pertinent part; emphasis added):

•“How many of you feel so busy that you often can’t find time to take care of yourself? And do you think this impacts your level of intimacy?”
•“Do you ever feel so overwhelmed by your schedule that intimacy is much more of a “to do” on a list than a desire?”
•“If you didn’t have to worry about contraception, do you think you would be more likely to be intimate with your partner?”
•“Do you think if you didn’t have to worry about taking your birth control everyday, it would help you be more intimate?”

Immediately following the “icebreaker” questions, the script for Ms. Dehn states (emphasis added):

• “So you mentioned that convenience and reliability are among the most important benefits of your birth control method. One strategy that I recommend for busy couples is choosing a birth control method that allows for spontaneous intimacy and which you don’t have to think about every day, such as the intrauterine contraceptive Mirena®.”

I understand the pitch that Mirena is better for a busy mom because she won't have to think about taking a birth control pill everyday, but I think the "spontaneous intimacy" thing is a bit of a stretch. It's not like you need to take a birth control pill or insert a NuvaRing right before sex either.

The FDA felt that the claims went too far:

The above statements clearly indicate that the use of Mirena instead of other means of contraception will result in increased levels of intimacy, romance, and by implication, emotional satisfaction. These claims misleadingly overstate the proven efficacy of Mirena. Mirena has been proven to be an effective intrauterine contraceptive device. While we note that Mirena does not involve a daily routine and is not a barrier method of contraception, FDA is not aware of any evidence that suggests that women using Mirena for birth control experience an increase in reconnection, romance, or intimacy with their partners. Claims that state or suggest such quality of life outcomes, such as those described above, must be supported by substantial evidence, as demonstrated through adequate and well-controlled trials using validated patient assessment instruments to measure the outcomes of interest. If you do, in fact, have data to support these claims, you should submit them to FDA for review.

Now we come to my second reason for quoting so much from this one section. After reading this next part, I heard Kathy Griffin's voice in my head saying "Jessica, send her a muffin basket!" There's not too much I can add because this is basically pre-snarked for me:

We note that, according to the Mirena PI, at least 5% of clinical trial patients reported decreased libido as a side effect of Mirena use. Patients also experienced abdominal/pelvic pain, nausea, headache, nervousness, and depressed mood, which could adversely affect a woman’s feelings relating to romance or intimacy.

The script also includes the following statements, to be presented by Ms. Dehn (emphasis added):

• “But what this party is really about is looking at the whole picture and figuring out steps to take to simplify your lifestyle while still looking and feeling great. One of those ways is finding a birth control that is compatible with your busy lifestyle.”

The above statement goes beyond the suggestion of increased intimacy to suggest that Mirena can help patients “look and feel great.” Again, FDA is not aware of any evidence suggesting that women who are using Mirena for birth control look great or feel great. Patients using Mirena may experience various side effects, such as irregular bleeding, ovarian cysts, back pain, weight increase, breast pain/tenderness, and acne, in addition to the side effects indicated above. The experience of these side effects can prevent patients from “looking and feeling great.” Such claims of improved patient-reported outcomes must be supported by substantial evidence, as demonstrated through adequate and well-controlled trials using validated instruments to measure these outcomes of interest. If you do, in fact, have data to support these claims, you should submit them to FDA for review.

First of all, I'm really looking forward to Bayer's upcoming study on Mirena as magical pathway to intimacy. Secondly, I think it's sad that this FDA letter more accurately reflects the likely reality for many of the women who attended these parties simply by being honest about the fact that birth control has a lot of side effects that have the potential to interfere with "spontaneous intimacy" or the desire for any kind of intimacy at all. That doesn't mean that every woman is going to experience bad side effects or that Mirena won't help some women to be more intimate more often. It just means that the script says the party is about "looking at the whole picture", and the whole picture is exactly what the women in attendance deserved, but it's not what they got.

Another blogger who is also a doctor recently wrote a post about these parties. Her opinion boiled down to this: "Using moms to sell pharmaceutucals? Bayer has gone too far." I noticed that Nurse Barb Dehn actually found the post and added this comment:

HI, I'm Nurse Barb, a practicing Women's Health Nurse Practitioner and I'm the person who presented at the party you wrote about. I'm very careful in all my presentations to talk about the entire range of birth control options because of the legal and regulatory laws from the FDA.

It was question and answer get together and as inevitably happens, lots of moms had questions about sex. I'm a health educator and saw this as an opportunity to answer their questions.

I thought the wording of this comment was interesting, beyond the obvious disconnect between her claim that she's careful to comply with FDA regulations and the FDA's opinion to the contrary. She says that she talks about the range of birth control options, but that's not really the issue. The FDA's warning doesn't say that the script should have had more information about other birth control options, it says that the script should have had more and better information about the one birth control option that it was designed to promote. That brings us to the next issue raised in the letter.

Omission and Minimization of Risk Information

Here's the risk presentation from the party script:

Only you and your healthcare professional can decide if Mirena is right for you. Mirena does not protect against HIV or STDs. Candidates for Mirena have had a child, and do not have certain cancers or acute pelvic inflammatory disease. In rare cases, perforation or embedment may occur. Mirena may become completely or partially dislodged. In the uncommon event you think you're pregnant, contact your healthcare professional without delay. Ovarian cysts may occur and typically disappear. Changes in bleeding are common in the first few months followed by shorter, lighter periods. Periods, however, may remain irregular.

And here's what that script left out, according to the FDA (emphasis mine):

The risk presentation omits the contraindications regarding untreated lower genital tract infections and conditions associated with increased susceptibility to pelvic infections, and does not adequately convey that should a woman become pregnant while using Mirena, she may lose her baby or her fertility.

The letter goes on to say that by focusing on themes like "intimacy" and "look and feel great" and downplaying or omitting information about the side effects and how common they are, the script minimizes the risks and the reality of Mirena. For example, there is a really big difference between 'if you think you're pregnant, contact your doctor without delay' and 'if you think you're pregnant, contact your doctor without delay because your pregnancy is at risk and so is your future fertility'. There's an even bigger difference between the FDA's summary and the full explanation that's in the Mirena PI (emphasis mine):

What if I become pregnant while using Mirena?
Call your healthcare provider right away if you think you are pregnant. If you get pregnant while using Mirena, you may have an ectopic pregnancy. This means that the pregnancy is not in the uterus. Unusual vaginal bleeding or abdominal pain may be a sign of ectopic pregnancy. Ectopic pregnancy is a medical emergency that often requires surgery. Ectopic pregnancy can cause internal bleeding, infertility, and even death.

There are also risks if you get pregnant while using Mirena and the pregnancy is in the uterus. Severe infection, miscarriage, premature delivery, and even death can occur with pregnancies that continue with an intrauterine device (IUD). Because of this, your healthcare provider may try to remove Mirena, even though removing it may cause a miscarriage. If Mirena cannot be removed, talk with your healthcare provider about the benefits and risks of continuing the pregnancy.

If you continue your pregnancy, see your healthcare provider regularly. Call your healthcare provider right away if you get flu-like symptoms, fever, chills, cramping,
pain, bleeding, vaginal discharge, or fluid leaking from your vagina. These may be signs of infection. It is not known if Mirena can cause long-term effects on the fetus if it stays in place during a pregnancy.

Now, the risk of this happening is low because the chances of getting pregnant on Mirena are very low. But it can happen, it's extremely serious, and it's something that women need to know, especially because it might not be obvious to all of the women at these parties since it's not necessarily true of other forms of non-IUD hormonal birth control. It's also not something that gets left out of a script by accident, in my opinion.

Again, I know that stuff like 'you may lose your baby or your fertility' doesn't really fit in with the whole vision of a fun party where moms and mom bloggers talk about sex and relationships and how to look and feel great, but maybe that's because a party like that is not the right venue for the promotion of pharmaceuticals in the first place.

False/Misleading Statements

Finally, the FDA takes issue with a claim in the script that "Mirena has no daily, weekly, or monthly routines to comply with as compared to the negatives associated with other birth control methods." Actually, women are supposed to evaluated by their doctors four to 12 weeks after Mirena is inserted and then once a year (or more in some cases) after that. Also, you're supposed to check the threads that are attached to the IUD every month after your period to make sure that they're still in place, because it's possible for Mirena to "become displaced or expelled, which would result in a loss of contraceptive efficacy". Apparently the thread-checking is mentioned in a separate part of the script, but this particular claim is still inaccurate.

This error seems really avoidable to me. Would the 'best birth control for spontaneous intimacy!' sales pitch really have been hurt that much by being truthful about this? I think the women at these Mirena parties would have had no problem evaluating different birth control "routines" and concluding for themselves that Mirena's is the easiest and least time-consuming.

That brings me to my main problem with this whole thing. I want to be clear about the fact that I'm not insulting the intelligence of the women who attended these parties or implying that they're gullible or easily swayed by an obvious sales pitch, especially about something this important. A woman might decide to try a new Swiffer or a different brand of orange juice based solely on a sponsored party like this one, but she's probably not going to get a hormone-filled foreign object inserted into her uterus without any further research just because you treated her to some free chips and dip.

I'm also aware that mom bloggers have been having intelligent discussions about how best to blog with integrity and navigate the world of "sponsored conversations" for awhile now. So I know that moms/mom bloggers/women in general are smart, perfectly capable of making the best choices for themselves and their families, and savvy when it comes to these kinds of marketing attempts. I'm just not sure that Bayer and Mom Central agree with me. If they did, wouldn't they have written a script that was FDA-compliant and honest about the real benefits and risks of Mirena, and trusted women to weigh the pros and cons and make up their own minds? Giving women a free party is no substitute for respecting them enough to give them the truth.

Best Road Trip Ever!

2010-02-05T13:11:00.000-05:00

Yes, we know we've been neglecting the comic... but there were more important things to do! But we've got a few comics lined up for February so enjoy!

Cosmo's 99 Recycled Sex Moves

2010-02-02T12:30:00.002-05:00

Every month Cosmo offers so many sex tips that they're bound to run out of them eventually. (We already know that they recycled that dumb vibrator-on-the-side-of-the-mouth trick twice in a three-month period.) But we really think that they've just completely run out of ideas by now. Their past covers have tempted us with these sex-obsessed headlines:

"100% Hotter Sex" (01/10) ... "His #1 Sex Move" (12/09)

"Foreplay Men Crave" (11/09) ... "Bad Girl Sex" (10/09)

"50 Sex Tricks" (09/09) ... "Guys Rate 125 Sex Moves" (08/09)
"The Orgasm Whisperer: Every Woman Needs One!" (08/09) ... "Sex Extras" (08/09)

"100 Sex Questions" (07/09) ... "Best. Sex. Ever." (06/09)

"Sex He Craves" (05/09) ... "Sex That Brings You Closer" (04/09)

"His Biggest Sex Secrets" (03/09) ... "What Sex Feels Like For Guys" (02/09)

"Get More Pleasure" (02/09) ... "Have An Orgasm Every Time" (01/09)

"Men & Sex: All New All Hot" (01/09) ... "Sex Secrets: Arouse Him Like Crazy" (12/08)

"The Most Satisfying Sex Position" (12/08) ... "Bad Girl Sex" (11/08)

"How Long Guys Want Sex To Last" (10/08) ... "Outrageous Things Chicks Do In Bed" (10/08)

"100 Sex Truths" (09/08) ... "The Sex Position They Lust For" (09/08)

"Cosmo's Big Juicy Sex Poll" (08/08) ... "Sex Extras" (08/08)

"The Hottest Words To Say To A Man During Sex" (07/08)

"Taboo Sex" (07/08) ... "His In-Bed Body Language" (07/08)

"His G-Spot" (06/08) ... "The Hottest Things To Do To A Man" (06/08)

"Our Naughtiest Sex Q&A" (05/08) ... "67 New Sex Tricks" (05/08)

"Be a Sex Genius" (04/08) ... "Little Mouth Moves That Make Sex Hotter" (04/08)

"21 Naughty Sex Tips" (03/08) ... "Arouse Him Like Crazy" (02/08)

"The Most Satisfying Sex Position" (02/08) ... "Dirty Sexy Sex" (01/08)

I could keep going backwards in time, but I think you get the point.

As you can see, Cosmo is all about the sex, but they're bound to be running out of tips by now. (I almost have to hand it to them for selling essentially the exact same magazine every month.) I'm sorry, but there just aren't that many ways to say "touch him on the penis!" It's reasonable to expect some repetition over two years of sex tips. But what about within, say, six months of issues? Do you think Cosmo could go six months without regurgitating the exact same sex tips? We think not. And we can prove it.

The cover of the February 2010 issue of Cosmopolitan magazine promises 99 SEX MOVES! And these aren't supposed to be the same old boring sex moves from every other issue of Cosmo. Nope! When you turn to page 94-97 for the article, it says:

"99 Hot New Sex Tips... in 20 Words of Less" [emphasis ours].

Yes, that's right. They're claiming that these sex tips are new (and apparently designed to be Twitter updates?) but sorry, they're not new at all. Not only are most of these "moves" not that interesting or exciting or different, but Cosmo has given the same advice time and time again. Either that or they've completely contradicted the advice in the past. (There may be two or three that we haven't seen 100 times, but that's mainly because they're really dumb and ridiculous, not because they're hot and new.)

1. Drop by his place unexpectedly wearing knee high boots, a trench... and nothing else.

Well if that's how they've decided to start off this amazing list, it doesn't give me much hope for the other 98 "moves". This is so tired and cliched that probably everyone on earth has thought of this idea before. I'm not saying it's necessarily a bad idea, but it's certainly not brand new. If you don't believe me just google "trench coat heels naked" and see how many people have thought of it before. (By the way, even if they want to claim one of the oldest ideas on earth is "new", Marie Claire still beat them to it.)

2. En route to meet him, text your guy dirty stuff you want him to do to you once you're there.

Do I really need to explain why there's nothing "new" about sending sexy texts? How bout the fact that Cosmo gave almost the same advice in the past (including in the same issue as these 99 new moves):

...discreetly text him while you're having dinner at his parents' house and let him know what you're going to do to him when you get home. [February 2010]

To figure out if your guy would be into phone sex, send him a graphic text first. If he responds with something naughty, there's a good chance he'll be into it. [August 2009]

What can she do to ensure that she's on your mind all day?
Send me a dirty text.....33.2% [The Cosmo Sex Poll, August 2009]

What sexy text should a girl send to let you know she wants action tonight?
"Busy this evening? You can do whatever you want to me.".....45.3%
"I want you inside me tonight.".....27.9%
"Tonight you're my sex slave, and I'm calling the shots".....18.7%
"Let's get dirty later.".....8% [The Cosmo Sex Poll, August 2009]

Sending him a naughty midday message will get you both fired up for quitting time. Try texting something like "Warning: I'm gonna rip your clothes off when I get home." [Cosmopolitan.com]

Although wait... last month Cosmo warned us that we shouldn't send sexy texts because our guys are likely to share them:

If his friends pass around their GF's latest sexy texts for everyone to see, he may be dying to show them yours so he can be part of the club. [January 2010]

Also, we sure hope that the women taking this advice are "en route" via public transportation... because we all know how dangerous it is to text and drive. We know this because Cosmo told us so:

A major new study reveals that texting increases your risk of crashing by a terrifying 2,300 percent. [November 2009]

3. Rub his nerve-packed frenulum (where the head of the penis meets the shaft) with your thumb using medium pressure.

...place the pads of both thumbs on the underside (at the frenulum). Press firmly, massaging dime-size circles into his sweet spot [September 2009]

4. Lube up his shaft, get on top, and slide up and down against him - never letting him actually enter you.

My old girlfriend would have me pull out so she could rub my shaft against her external wetness. - Spence 22 [Cosmopolitan.com]

5. While he's kissing you, suck on his tongue seductively, imitating what you do to his penis.

As he focuses on thrusting, take his tongue into your mouth, and very lightly suck on it so your lip action mimics the rhythm of his hips. [Cosmopolitan.com]

6. Try Skype sex. Keep your camera pointed above your shoulders, so he sees just your O face.

For the evenings when you're not with your guy, bring your laptop into bed with you and use Skype [Cosmopolitan.com]

7. Lick your lips before heading downtown. It lets him know you enjoy it, making it even more pleasurable for him.

Is it even possible that Cosmo thinks they invented the idea of licking your lips? I mean, really? Can you even call licking your lips a sex move?

Wet your lips and moan that you can't wait to taste me - Sam, 22 [Cosmopolitan.com]

8. On the ride home, touch his knee. The closer to home you get, the closer you move toward his package.

This one just seems so tame and boring to be a "sex tip". It makes me think of that moment from the Brady Bunch Movie: "Your hand is on my shoulder. That's third base."

9. Ask him over for dessert. Lie naked with a few pieces of chocolate on you that he can nibble off.

Toss candy into a bowl, and take turns choosing a piece. Come up with ways to eat the treats off each other's body, like licking one off his penis or having him nibble it off your chest. [August 2009]

Not only did they repeat the tip - they even repeated the word "nibble". C'mon Cosmo, get a thesaurus or something.

10. Take his testicles into your mouth and hum. The vibration will feel amazing.

Take one or both of his testicles into your mouth ... light pressure is best. [September 2009]

Vocalize your enthusiasm with aahs and oohs while you have him in your mouth ... the vibrations will skyrocket his bliss. [September 2009]

11. In missionary, put your ankles over his shoulders. This will lift your butt and allow him to hit your G-spot.

...lift your legs and rest your ankles on his shoulders. Putting a small pillow under your hips will help position you at just the right angle. [Cosmopolitan.com]

12. Go reverse-cowgirl, then lie down so your head is near his feet - giving him an awesome booty view.

Face his legs instead of his face when you're on top. (Hold onto his feet for balance.) He'll get a great view of your backside - a surefire turn-on [Cosmopolitan.com]

My ex used to totally thrill me by riding me reverse cowgirl-style and pining my ankles to the bed - Dominick, 24 [Cosmopolitan.com]

13. Wear boy shorts during sex (just have him pull them aside). The friction will create phenomenal friction against his shaft.

This tip was originally given with a thong:

As things get going, pull your thong aside for him to enter you. [Cosmopolitan.com]

But now Cosmo is anti-thong. They wrote an entire feature on it "The Thong is Dead!" raving about boyshorts as the thong's replacement. They must be getting a lot of boyshorts advertising revenue:

"...women have told us guys absolutely love it." [February 2010]

What type of lingerie makes you want to pick her up and carry her to bed?
Cotton boy shorts and a little tank top.....38.4% [The Cosmo Sex Poll, August 2009]

14. While he's down south, have him trace sexy words with his tongue to mix things up and introduce new sensations.

Have him use the tip of his tongue to trace circles or figure eights. [Cosmopolitan.com]

15. Intensify his orgasm: As he's climaxing, firmly grab his ass and pull him into you as deep as possible.

While in missionary, this chick grabbed my butt, pulled me in... -Andy, 24 [Cosmopolitan.com]

I can tell what my lady’s craving during sex by the way she handles my ass. She grips tighter for deeper penetration... - Ryan, 21 [Cosmopolitan.com]

16. While he's pleasuring you, have him put his finger inside you in a come-hither motion to hit your G-spot.

...by having your man slide two well-lubed fingers inside and making come-hither motions against your front vaginal wall [Cosmopolitan.com]

17. Have him sit cross-legged. Then wrap your legs around his waist to take in all of him.

She and I will sit cross-legged, wrap your arms around each other tightly, and gently rock our way to orgasm. - Xavier, 24 [Cosmpolitan.com]

Wrap your legs around his waist while he crosses his legs Indian-style, then put your arms around his neck as he holds you under your hips. [Cosmopolitan.com]

18. Pucker your lips, and make him fight to get his tongue in while he's kissing you.

My girl pretended not to want to kiss me. I had to use my tongue to pry her mouth open passionately. - Ron, 25 [Cosmopolitan.com]

19. Stick out your tongue so it's flat and broad. Lightly pat his penis against it while you're giving him oral.

Gently but confidently tap the head of his penis against your tongue [September 2009]

20. Using a silky tie, gently bind his hands behind his back. Then torture him with a slow striptease.

It's so Cosmo to not only act like binding your guy's hands as soooo naughty, but to not even recommend doing anything more exciting than a slow striptease while you've got him tied up. Boring.

Have your guy at your mercy by binding his wrists. ... Use something soft but substantial, like a thin scarf, a necktie, or the belt from a trench coat. [November 2009]

What's the absolute sexiest sight she can treat you to?
Doing a slow striptease.....19.1% [The Cosmo Sex Poll, August 2009]

Tie your guys hands together with a scarf, and ever so slowly strip off your clothes in front of ihm, giving him a show he will never forget.[August 2009]

Tell your guy to lie down, then use handcuffs, scarves, or a necktie to tether his hands together so he can’t touch you. Next, you want to torture him playfully with your teasing. [Cosmopolitan.com]

21. When he's on top, lift your butt and clench your thighs right before you climax to make it more intense.

In missionary, raise your legs... and close them together. The angle lets him go deeper and makes you feel tighter. —Tina, 30

22. While out, lick the neck of a beer bottle the way you plan on licking him later.

Seeing a woman's lips glide over the neck of a beer bottle always makes me think of her mouth on me. - Ty, 21 [Cosmopolitan.com]

23. Have him suck your nipples and then slowly blow a stream of air on them for a cool, shivery effect.

Try licking ... and then blowing ... This will cause the moisture to evaporate and give chills[September 2009]

24. Stay silent until you're about to orgasm... then let yourself go. Your animalistic noises will drive him wild.

Hm, they suggested this "silent sex" tip a few month ago...

Have silent sex with a competitive twist: You each have to try your best to make the other person moan first. [August 2009]

But it seems that Cosmo is torn on the silent/noisy issue. Much more often they advise against beign too quiet:

A girl who makes a lot of noise is the best. It lets me know when I'm doing something right and makes me feel like a total rock star [November 2009]

Verbal communication is crucial. If she likes what I am doing, then she should tell me that. If she has suggestions, she should tell me those too. [November 2009]

If she's really loud about her orgasm, it reassures me that I have the green light to finish whenever I want. [November 2009]

Telling him you're about to orgasm is the ultimate accolade [October 2009]

What's something a woman may do in bed that totally turns you off?
Stay totally silent.....41.8% [The Cosmo Sex Poll, August 2009]

When it comes to sex, you shouldn't be the strong, silent type. "Just like you rely on her moans to clue you in to what she likes, she needs to hear your approval to know what gets you going" [August 2009]

25. Make him "stir" by swiveling his hips in a circle. He'll hit every part of you.

Get your guy to skip the in-and-out thrusts and ask him to "stir" with his penis. He'll stimulate every steamy inch of you. [Cosmopolitan.com]

Moving in circles like a belly dancer makes you feel extra seductive, and you'll get totally tingly with his shaft rubbing against your vaginal walls. [Cosmopolitan.com]

26. Take as much of his package as you can in your mouth, and suck firmly - he'll absolutely love the pressure.

..suck on the head like you're using a straw to suck up a milk shake. Most guys aren't used to this kind of suction, so it will be a pleasant surprise. [September 2009]

....my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard...

27. Lie facedown with him on top, keeping your legs closed tight. This creates the ultimate friction as he thrusts.

She lay flat on her stomach with her legs together and told me to straddle her, then enter her between her closed legs. It took me a minute to realize this would work. It was a tight squeeze, but that's what was so cool about it. [Cosmopolitan.com]

Or, try man-on-top nooky by keeping your legs straight and squeezing your thighs together as he thrusts. [Cosmopolitan.com]

28. Try role-playing. Every guy has a teacher/student fantasy, so grab a ruler and make him call you Miss.

Every guy is hot for teacher!

Role-play that one of you is unexperienced and needs sex lessons. .... Then get together for the very X-rated tutorial. [October 2009]

Write on strips of paper the role-playing scenarios you both want to try: teacher/student... [August 2009]

29. Ask him to kiss your V zone instead of licking it. The gentler pressure of his lips won't overstimulate you.

Next time he's lavishing your breasts or belly with kisses, tell him, in your most sensuous voice, how amazing it would feel if he did that to you below the belt. [Cosmopolitan.com]

30. Anytime he does something you like, dig your nails into his back. It lets him know you love it.

Guys tend to be tougher than us, so feel free to manhandle. ...scratch your nails down his back [Cosmopolitan.com]

31. Rub some mint lip balm on your finger, and put it on his nipples. It'll make them tingle.

Adding minty concoctions to your mattress moves is another way to give him some spine-tingly thrills he won't soon forget. [Cosmopolitan.com]

32. Bounce while you're on top. The sight of your breasts jiggling like crazy will be superarousing for him.

Is bouncing while you're on top really a sex move? It seems a little obvious... like half of the time while you're on top bouncing is sort of inevitable.

If she has a nice rack, I'm thinking about getting her on top so I can watch them bounce. [November 2009]

33. Why you're ready, tell him that you need him inside you. That word expresses much more urgency than want does.

The hottest thing a woman can say when she sees you naked is:
"I want you inside me".....56.7%" [The Cosmo Sex Poll, August 2009]

Be direct by saying something like "I want to have sex with you." [Cosmopolitan.com]

34. Spread a few drops of massage oil on your breasts before getting busy. This way, you'll slide against him sexily.

Just watch what happens to foreplay when he drizzles some over your breasts and lets his hands glide all over you. [August 2009]

35. Place your tongue on the roof of your mouth, and take the tip of him in. It's a new sensation.

We didn't understand this move the first time. We still don't.

Press the tip of your tongue to the roof of your mouth to protect the back of your throat. Bring his penis into your mouth; when his head hits the back of your tongue, it will give him a feeling similar to when you deep-throat. [September 2009]

36. Postshower, let him bend you over the sink and take you from behind. Make eye contact in the mirror.

... he'll be totally shocked if you jump him when he gets out of the shower. Slip into the bathroom, and position yourself naked on the sink [October 2009]

37. Have him lick the underside of your breasts - the skin there is almost as sensitive as your nipples are.

I need our readers to comment on this one. My totally non-scientific research on the subject (I asked a few friends) say that this is absolutley untrue. I'm afraid I have to agree with them... but we don't want another situation like the handjob controversy with people telling us we criticized the licking-of-the-underside-of-the-breasts move so please someone convince us that we're wrong?

38. Start the action with your hair pulled up. While on top of him, shake it loose and whip it around.

Yep, Cosmo invented shaking your hair loose. Well, Cosmo and naughty librarian/teacher fantasies... (which reminds us, see #28).

39. Let him use his tongue against your clitoris over your underwear. The indirect stimulation is perfect for that sensitive spot.

Touching through successively thinner layers will raise the intensity, so when you finally reach actual skin, it will feel amazing. - Colleen, 31 [Cosmopolitan.com]

40. Midsex, clench your puboccoccygeus (PC) muscles for five seconds.

Squeeze your PC muscles for a count of five [October 2009]

Apparently five seconds is the ideal amount of time to squeeze your PC muscles. Cosmo must have tested this.

41. Hold his penis in one hand, and flick your tongue quickly - like a snake - around the perimeter of the tip.

Flick your tongue around the base of his penis - it's typically a neglected spot. [September 2009]

Flick just the tip of my penis with your tongue. Do it over and over. - Keith, 22 [Cosmopolitan.com]

42. Keep two wet washcloths in the fridge. Postsex whip them out to give each other a refreshing cooldown.

For a real treat, pop those silky numbers in the freezer a day before you're ready for action.[Cosmopolitan.com]

43. Gently run your fingers over every part of his body... except his package.

Okay, how many times are they going to tell us to run our fingers up and down a various body part? See #45 and 68...

44. With the lights on, sprawl out on the bed before the action begins to give him the full awesome view.

Stay naked until he shows up, and let him see the flush that naturally spreads over your body [October 2009]

45. While you're on top, graze your fingers over the area where his abs meet his hips. It's supersensitive.

Snaking from the bottom of the rib cage to the hips is a powerful nerve [November 2009]

46. Have him massage your booty while giving you oral. Stress is stored there, so the combination feels really intense.

A back massage is good, but a nice, firm butt massage — that's even better [Cosmopolitan.com]

At least they reversed the genders on this one:

Take oral sex to a whole new level by caressing his butt cheeks as you're going down on him. Double his pleasure with the synchronized motions that let you control the pacing. [Cosmopolitan.com]

47. Postorgasm, gently squeeze his testicles. It'll give him a sexy aftershock.

Sexy? Maybe. Shock? Probably...

At the moment he climaxes, that sensitivity is at its highest, and for the next few minutes even the most gentle stroke may leave him reciling in pain [February 2010]

48. Sway your hips from side to side during doggie-style instead of back and forth in order to hit new nerves.

...stick to gyrating back and forth or in circles [Cosmopolitan.com]

49. Ask him to bind your hands with your underwear. Tell him he has 10 minutes to torture you with pleasure.

More being tied up...

Telling your guy that you can't wait to get him home because you want him to bind your hands with his necktie will make his head explode (in a good way). [February 2010]

Lie on the bed with your hands tied together, and let him devour you. [October 2009]

(You'll notice that the first repetition of this "tip" was from the February 2010 issue. The same one that move #49 is in. Go Cosmo!)

50. Place one hand at the base of his shaft, and twist the tip with the other - like you're opening a jar.

Put one hand at the base of his shaft and the other right on top of it. Then firmly grip him as you move your hands in opposite directions, twisting at the same time. [October 2009]

Grasp the lower shaft of his penis with one fisted hand and the upper part of his penis with your other fisted hand ... Then lightly twist your hands in opposite directions, as though you're wringing a towel dry. [September 2009]

Make two fists around my shaft and twist them in opposite directions as fast as you can. - Jaime, 30 [Cosmopolitan.com]

51. Rub your hands together for a few seconds before touching his junk. Your warm hands will make things much hotter.

Wait, is Cosmo trying to tell us that warm hands feel better on a naked penis than cold hands? They're really scraping the bottom of the barrel for "sex tips".

52. When you think he's about to blow, pinch his nipples. This sends lots of guys over the edge.

News flash: Guys have nipples too, and they're a lot more sensitive than you'd think. [Cosmopolitan.com]

My girlfriend and I grabbed each other’s nipples during sex and squeezed them in sync with every thrust. The mix of pain and pleasure took me over the top. —Ronaldo, 24 [Cosmopolitan.com]

53. Keep your lips tense when using them on his member - the firmer, the better.

Just remember not to keep them too firm:

Cover your teeth with your lips [Cosmopolitan.com]

54. During missionary sex, place your feet on his chest with your legs crossed to create an extra snug grip.

Spice up missionary style and feel superdeep penetration by drawing your knees toward your chest and grasping the back of your thighs. You can also place the soles of your feet on his chest [Cosmopolitan.com]

55. Lightly wrap a cheap beaded necklace around his package, and then move it back and forth.

For another surprising texture, try looping a faux pearl necklace around his well-lubed penis and lightly rolling it back and forth... [September 2009]

56. Try no-hands foreplay. Your only allowed to touch each other using other body parts: lips, breasts, hair, feet...

Press his penis against surprising parts of your body. Ideas: Hold it against your inner thigh to teach him like crazy; touch the tip of his penis against your breast, and rub his frenulum against your nipple; or bring the side of his against the outisde of one of your cheeks [September 2009]

Tell him to keep his hands to himself. You can explore each other's bodies with your lips, tongues, and breath. [Cosmopolitan.com]

If your hair is long enough, lightly drag it over his penis and testicles, all the way up his chest, and back down. [September 2009]

57. Hold some sparkling water in your mouth while giving him oral. The bubbles plus warmth will make him quiver.

I had a girl take a sip of champagne and then pop a mint into her mouth before going down on me. The bubbles dissolved the mint faster and made it so tingly that I almost exploded! —Eric, 25 [Cosmopolitan.com]

58. Try lube ice cubes (sold at drugstores). Your body heat melts them, making sex slippery and steamy.

...freezable lubes (try Durex Quiver) work like an ice cube at first, then melt - perfect for summer nights. [August 2009]

59. Lean over the arm of the couch, and let him give you oral from behind - the position exposes different spots.

There's something so taboo about giving a girl oral from behind - Ian, 18 [Cosmopolitan.com]

60. Lick his shaft, then breath hot air onto it. The warming combo of your tongue and breath is killer.

...breathe on it with your mouth wide open, like you would blow on your hands to warm them on a cold day. The sexy heat will be intense. [September 2009]

61. Try an arousal oil, like Zestra or Intrigue, to make your lady parts more sensitive.

Warming lubes (try KY Intense) can boost arousal by increasing blood flow to your clitoris [August 2009]

62. Have sex in an empty bathtub. The confined space keeps you close and forces you to get creative.

Okay, I will give this one to Cosmo. I have never heard of this particular tip before. Maybe that's because it... seems pretty unsexy? So you get the cold, hard surface of bath sex without all the fun of being in water? If you want to get fucked somewhere very uncomfortable, just do it in the back of a volkswagon.

63. Lift your hips a bit while riding him so he can see himself moving in and out of you.

With him in a seated position, straddle him, then place his hands on your hips to keep you secure, and lean all the way back ...Your body will be completely exposed to him, giving him an incredible 'Oh, my God' erotic view as he moves in and out. [October 2009]

64. Sit in a chair while he gives you oral. It opens you up more and is easier for him.

Chair... couch... bed... table... it's all the same idea. See #87.

65. Try 69, but instead of lying on top, lie side by side.

...try the side-by-side configuration: Lie on your sides, with your mouths directly in front of each other's genitals. Bend your top legs at the knee and put your feet flat on the mattress. Then you can rest your heads on the lower thigh. [Cosmopolitan.com]

66. Put two pillows under your butt when he's on top to help him hit your G-spot.

I had a fling with a girl who would prop her hips up with stack of pillows... - Jeremy, 25 [Cosmopolitan.com]

Putting a small pillow under your hips will help position you at just the right angle. [Cosmopolitan.com]

67. When he's about to finish, switch positions. Go from doggie-style to spooning or girl-on-top to reverse-cowgirl.

...change positions or tweak the one you're already in. If you're on top, for example, switch so you're facing way from him. [August 2009]

Oh my god? We can change positions mid-sex? I didn't know that was allowed! Scandalous!

68. Sit behind him, press your breasts against his back, and run your fingers up and down his chest.

...press your bare breasts against his back. Reach around to the front of him, and trail your fingers down his chest until you reach his boxers. [January 2010]

...press your chest into his back so it looks like you're just giving him a playful hug from behind. Then subtly rub your breasts and pelvis against him for several lingering seconds. [December 2009]

Approach him from behind and rub your breasts against his sudsy back [September 2009]

69. Keep on a blingly necklace during sex. It'll draw extra attention to your girls.

My girl changes her look when we have sex, like by keeping her jewelry on... —Vin, 27 [Cosmopolitan.com]

70. Before he becomes hard (and gets too big), take his whole penis in your mouth.

ZZZZZZZZZZZ.

71. Set your cell-phone alarm for 3 a.m., and then wake him up for a quickie.

I don't know about this one... it just smacks of that "planned spontaneity" that Cosmo loves. W]e're all for the middle-of-the-night quickie but why not let it happen naturally?

72. Have him place a finger inside you, and put one of yours in too. Doing it together feels totally erotic.

Another hands-on advantage: You take charge of your orgasmic destiny. "When a guy can't find my G-spot, I'll gently take his fingers and guide them ... He still gets to be the source of my pleasure, but I'm the one exploding with ecstasy." [Cosmopolitan.com]

When I put a finger in my girl, she inserted one of her digits so I could feel our fingers together. - Sandy 29 [Cosmopolitan.com]

73. Wear a leather belt around your naked waist during doggie style. He can pull on it to create more bounce.

This is like Cosmo's vanilla-version of wearing a collar or bondage harness?

My girlfriend once left on a leather belt while I took her from behind. The image of leather jostling back and forth with each thrust... wow - Rich, 27 [Cosmopolitan.com]

74. Let him finish on your naked breasts.

You know what... fuck that. I'm not even going to go looking or an issue where Cosmo repeated this tip. Anyone who has ever watched porn knows about this move.

75. Suck his tip while lightly running your nails up and down his shaft.

I go wild when a girl sucks the head of my penis while running her nails up and down my shaft - Karl, 23 [Cosmopolitan.com]

76. Write him a graphic note, and slip it in his pocket when he's leaving to turn him on.

...slip one of these cards into his pocket in the morning so he'll find it at work... and then fantasize about you for the rest of the day. [February 2010]

77. Have him fold his tongue like a taco and put it inside you. Then have him flatten it out.

Hm. Well first of all, using the word "taco" for anything related to sex automatically turns me off. But... I'm confused how exactly one folds his tongue like a taco anyway. Are we talking about a horizontal or vertical fold? Isn't that one of those things that only certain people can do? Please advise.

78. Rub the tip of his penis against your lips, like you're applying lipstick.

Honestly, we thought they were making this one up... until we saw this:

Rub my penis against your lips like you're applying lipstick - Henry 23

79. Keep him inside you post-sex. Wait a bit, then clench your PC muscles to get him hard for round two.

Hm, that doesn't seem like a good idea, especially not if he's wearing a condom. Because all you really need is for the condom to slip off and get lost inside you.

After climax, it's uncomfortable to wilt inside a condom. Your guy will love it if you remove his condom right away... - Justin, 29 [Cosmopolitan.com]

80. Tweak your own nipples, and let him watch.

...fondle your breasts and nipples with your hands. Tell him that he's turning you on so much, you just can't help but touch yourself. [December 2009]

Start by touching your own nipples with one hand [October 2009]

...slowly trace each nipple with your fingers... The sight of your hands anywhere on your own body will drive him crazy. [August 2009]

81. Straddle him and pull your knees up so he gets a carnal view during sex.

Straddle me, then bring your knees up to your breasts, so I can see and feel you at the same time." --Gregory, 34 [Cosmopolitan.com]

82. Kiss him, then lean in and say "You make me so wet" to get things going.

The final physical response your guy should interpret cautiously: the amount of lubrication you produce. Experts say that how wet you are doesn't necessarily reflect how turned on you are, just as it's also true that sometimes your body effortlessly produces motion lotion when you're not ready to rumble. [Cosmopolitan.com]

83. Take him in at an angle so his tip hits your cheek - the softness feels great on that sensitive spot.

Guide his penis at an angle inside your mouth so that it hits the inside of one cheek ... The soft texture of your cheek will feel good on his tip. [September 2009]

84. Turn your vibrator on low, and place it against the underside of his shaft.

If she pulls out a vibrator, part of me feels like Johnny Boy isn't getting the job done. On the other hand, I feel like it's going to be an interesting night. [November 2009]

Share your girlie toys -- wrap your hands around a vibrator and his shaft as you suck on the head, press a vibe against the base of his penis between his testicles [September 2009]

What kind of sexy prop would you love to bring into bed?
A vibrator or vibrating ring.....26.1% [The Cosmo Sex Poll, August 2009]

85. Skip the whipped cream and try pudding. It is less sticky and feels cool on your skin.

What kind of sexy prop would you love to bring into bed?
Whipped cream or chocolate sauce.....22.7% [The Cosmo Sex Poll, August 2009]

86. Dim the lights, prop your back against the headboard, and give him a solo-sex show.

...let him watch you masturbate [October 2009]

...slowly touch yourself in front of him [September 2009]

What the absolute sexiest sight she can treat you to?
Touching herself in front of me.....34% [The Cosmo Sex Poll, August 2009]

87. Try lying spread-eagle while receiving oral - many chicks close their body (like by crossing their arms).

My fiance will lean back on the bed and use her fingers to spread herself wide, as if she's inviting me to explore her body. - Art, 29 [Cosmopolitan.com]

88. Hop in the shower with him while wearing nothing but a white tee.

An ex once came to bed in a soaking wet white tee shirt. The sight was jaw-dropping. - Nick, 30 [Cosmopolitan.com]

89. Put your hand at the base of his penis. Move it to meet your mouth as you bob your head.

Okay, please read that one again. They just described... a blow job. A simple blowjob with no frills or extras. Why is a blowjob on the list of hot new sex moves!?

90. Self-conscious about being loud? Turn your stereo up to full blast, then moan as loudly as you desire.

I love having sex while blasting loud music. It makes it easier to let loose. - Casper, 23 [Cosmopolitan.com]

91. Lick his fingers before he touches your nipples. The wetness eases movement and increases sensation

Here's a fun little experiment. Count how many times Cosmo says the word "nipples". I'm sorry, but I can't give them credit for this one. They told you to touch the nipples, tweak the nipples, lick the nipples, suck the nipples... They even told you to put mint lip balm on the nipples. But the fact that they can repackage wetting your fingers before touching any body part as abrand new sex tip is hilarious.

92. Have him touch either side of your clitoris, where there are loads of nerves.

Apparently women have this thing called a clitoris and it has loads of nerves. Thank you Cosmo for letting us know.

Have him start with a tease by holding his first and second fingers in a V, placing them on either side of your clitoris, and massaging in a scissoring motion. [October 2009]

93. Lie next to him on the bed, with your head by his feet. Then manually stimulate each other.

While lying side by side, grab one of his hands, and use it to stimulate your clitoris. - Samantha, 25 [Cosmopolitan.com]

94. Wait in his car when he's leaving for work. Give him a quick BJ before he drives off.

Talk about a crazy new move - I bet no one has ever thought of giving oral sex in the car before!

...pull him into the car and go at it [October 2009]

95. Ask him to tug your lips (down there!) gently while he's thrusting inside you.

Um... no thank you.

96. Keep ice water on your nightstand. Dip your fingers in it, and flick it on his nipples.

...ice and water. The sensation of cold ice on hot skin can be extremely arousing. [September 2009]

Switch off the AC, and take turns running an ice cube all over each other's body. [August 2009]

97. Drop lube in the tip of a condom presex - it'll boost sensations for him.

Cosmo also apparently thinks they invented the concept of putting lube in a condom. I guess, since they think they discovered the brand new amazing invention that is personal lubricant, then why not extend those delusions?

Using a condom? Put a small amount inside the tip before rolling it over his shaft. 'Many guys complain that a condom diminishes the sensation ... Adding a little lube ups the sensitivity he feels inside the latex. [August 2009]

98. During oral, gently knead his testicles with the heel of your hand.

Encircle his testicles at the base, massaging them lightly between your thumb and index finger [September 2009]

99. Pull his hair as he finishes. His scalp has tons of nerve endings, so it'll feel amazing.

....run your fingers through his hair (there are lots of nerve endings in the scalp, so it feels tingly). [August 2009]

After climax, a guy's head can feel overheated and tingly. If you gently pull his hair and massage his scalp, it will quickly relax him. - Chris, 29 [Cosmopolitan.com]

Hair pulling is pretty hot - unless she's pulling so hard that I'm afraid some might come out. [November 2009]

After 99 of these tips, I'm about to pull my hair out.