Comics – Eviscerati.Org

We Hope It’s Not A Wake-Up Call

C. B. Wright — Fri, 02 May 2025 12:00:00 +0000

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CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 License.

Comic Transcript

ELON MUSK (WITH FAN CLUB): So if you’re not here to serve me a subpoena, who exactly is this message from?

ADALAI FOULE: Azathoth.

ELON MUSK (WITH FAN CLUB): Azathoth? Cthulhu mythos Azathoth?

ADALAI FOULE: The same.

ELON MUSK (WITH FAN CLUB): The blind, mad god that sits at the center of the cosmos, the source of ultimate chaos, who thrashes about uncontrollably in its sleep unleashing unthinking horror on everything crossing its wake?

ADALAI FOULE: Yes, that one.

(Silence.)

ELON MUSK (WITH FAN CLUB): So what’s the message?

ADALAI FOULE: “Calm down.”

Petitio Principii

C. B. Wright — Thu, 01 May 2025 12:00:00 +0000

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CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 License.

Comic Transcript

ELON MUSK (WITH FAN CLUB): Look, I usually do all my social interaction through X. It’s social media, after all. But you’re here, I’m here, so what the heck. What did you want to tell me?

ADALAI FOULE: My client has instructed me to deliver a message.

ELON MUSK (WITH FAN CLUB): It’s not a subpoena, is it? I’m kind of immune to them now.

ADALAI FOULE: … thereis no such thing as being immune to subpoenas.

ELON MUSK (WITH FAN CLUB): Technically, I guess not, but practically if someone tried to subpoena me I’d just have the judge arrested.

ADALAI FOULE: What judge?

ELON MUSK (WITH FAN CLUB): The djudge that signed the subpoena.

ADALAI FOULE: Judges don’t sign subpoenas.

ELON MUSK (WITH FAN CLUB): Not when my name’s on it, they don’t!

Cross-Disciplinary Terminology

C. B. Wright — Fri, 25 Apr 2025 12:00:00 +0000

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CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 License.

Comic Transcript

ADALAI FOULE: I assume I have the pleasure of speaking to Elon Musk.

ELON MUSK (WITH FAN CLUB): Who are you, exactly?

ADALAI FOULE: I am Doctor Adalai Foule, D.D.S., at your service.

ELON MUSK (WITH FAN CLUB): … a dentist?

ALEX: He’s a specialist. He’s done some work for Ubersoft in the past.

ELON MUSK (WITH FAN CLUB): Doing what? Pulling teeth?

ADALAI FOULE: It can feel that way from time to time.

DOGE !Hunt

C. B. Wright — Thu, 24 Apr 2025 12:00:00 +0000

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CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 License.

Comic Transcript

ALEX: What are you doing here?

ADALAI FOULE: Ah, Alex. I trust you’re doing well.

ALEX: Are you here to see the Boss? I haven’t seen much of him lately.

ADALAI FOULE: No, actually, I’m here to see your sister. I’m hoping she can put me in contact with one “Elon Musk.”

ALEX: … Musk?

ADALAI FOULE: Yes, well, I understand Ubersoft has done some work for him lately, and trying to get in touch with him through normal channels hasn’t been effective. So I’m reduced to calling in favors…

ALEX: Well if you wait here long enough you’re bound to run into him eventually.

ADALAI FOULE: Oh?

ALEX: Yeah, he likes to use us for tech support. He asks us a lot of annoying and pointless questions.

ELON MUSK (CARRYING FAN CLUB): Do any of your programmers know COBOL?

ALEX: Case in point…

Understanding Your Customer Base

C. B. Wright — Fri, 31 Jan 2025 18:00:00 +0000

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Comic Transcript

YELLOW-ROBED GOOGLE EMPLOYEE: Google isn’t interested in monetizing user data, Scott. Of course we do it, but that’s not our interest. It’s an industry standard. Google adheres to industry standards.

SCOTT: What is Google interested in, then?

YELLOW-ROBED GOOGLE EMPLOYEE: Google is interested in making it possible for our customers to understand and effectively respond to large sets of data.

SCOTT: What does “effectively respond to” mean?

YELLOW-ROBED GOOGLE EMPLOYEE: It depends on the customer.

YELLOW-ROBED GOOGLE EMPLOYEE: For our smaller customers–large businesses mostly–it means building markets for their products.

YELLOW-ROBED GOOGLE EMPLOYEE: For our larger customers it means either preserving or disrupting infrastructure.

SCOTT: That sounds like a polite way of saying “keeping what they have” and “taking away what someone else has.”

YELLOW-ROBED GOOGLE EMPLOYEE: Thank you so much!

A Very Specific Focus

C. B. Wright — Wed, 29 Jan 2025 13:00:00 +0000

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CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 License.

Comic Transcript

NARRATOR: MEANWHILE AT GOOGLE

SCOTT: What are we even doing???

YELLOW-ROBED GOOGLE EMPLOYEE: Scott! It’s great to see you. You’ve been doing fantastic work.

SCOTT: Don’t distract me with praise! I hear Google Maps is actually going to comply with the US Government’s decision to rename the Gulf of Mexico to the “Gulf of America?”

YELLOW-ROBED GOOGLE EMPLOYEE: Yep. We’re going to update Google Maps in a bit. Pretty easy, actually. Just a simple database update.

SCOTT: First of all, this is ridiculous! And second of all, there is no second of all! This is ridiculous!

YELLOW-ROBED GOOGLE EMPLOYEE: I think you’re overreacting. A very important customer made a decision and it takes very little effort on our part to comply with it. It hurts no one, and generates goodwill.

SCOTT: What goodwill? Nobody I know thinks this is anything but stupid.

YELLOW-ROBED GOOGLE EMPLOYEE: Ah, yes, I see the confusion. It generates goodwill with a customer.

SCOTT: Google has a lot of customers!

YELLOW-ROBED GOOGLE EMPLOYEE: I know it looks that way, but our actual customer base is much smaller than you might think.

SCOTT: So what do you call all those people who use Gmail and Google and Google Meet and YouTube and everything else?

YELLOW-ROBED GOOGLE EMPLOYEE: “The tech demo.”

Orwellian Technology

C. B. Wright — Tue, 29 Oct 2024 11:00:00 +0000

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CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 License.

Comic Transcript

NARRATOR: The Green Dome.

MARK: (Standing in front of a closed door.) Well, this is “Number Two.” I guess I just ring the doorbell?

(The door opens automatically, revealing a room beyond.)

SOUND: FWISHHH

MARK: Or I wait for the Orwellian technology to open the door like the dystopian cliché this is.

Try Again Tomorrow

C. B. Wright — Tue, 08 Oct 2024 21:30:00 +0000

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CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 License.

Comic Transcript

(MARK exits “his apartment” and sees his new surroundings for the first time.)

MARK: Okay, so I just need to find the building with the green… whoah.

MARK: Green dome, green dome, green dome… I see a turquoise dome…

MARK: …and pretty much every other roof is gray or red or brown. So turquoise is probably the one I want.

MARK: Looks like a pretty long walk though.

(Silence.)

(MARK is back in his bed, trying to sleep, as his phone rings persistently.)

Mysterious Phone Call

C. B. Wright — Mon, 07 Oct 2024 18:00:00 +0000

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CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 License.

Comic Transcript

(Phone ringing)

MARK: (Shouting) OK, FINE!

MARK: What?

MYSTERIOUS CALLER: Is this number 33?

MARK: What are you talking about?

MYSTERIOUS CALLER: Look at your phone. There should be a number at the base.

MARK: It says 21.

MYSTERIOUS CALLER: Excellent. Good morning 33! I think it’s time we had a little chat.

MARK: Are we having it Base 10, or Base 16?

MYSTERIOUS CALLER: Clever. Now I know you have questions. I’m willing to answer a few. Go to Number 2, at the Green Dome. Shall we say sixty minutes from now?

MARK: Hour and a half. Got it.

MYSTERIOUS CALLER: No, I was using base te-

(Phone hangs up)

Not Quite There

C. B. Wright — Fri, 04 Oct 2024 17:35:00 +0000

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CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 License.

Comic Transcript

(Phone ringing.)

MARK: Shut up.

(Phone ringing.)

MARK: Shut up!

(Phone ringing.)

MARK: I hate landlines. I hate them so much.

(Phone ringing.)

MARK: This is exactly why I got rid of mine. I haven’t had one since… 2007…

(Phone ringing.)

MARK: Wait a minute…

(Phone ringing.)

MARK: Shut uuuuuuuuuuuuup!