Congratulations to the WINNER of the Color NOOK in January! Scotty Pinter referred the most people for a Complimentary Strategy Session!   Sorry for the delay in announcing our winner and thank you again to everyone who referred a friend.

Your next chance to win another Color NOOK is February 29th!  

Sign up for my FREE “Mastering Your Emotions” 5-Day e-Course to be automatically entered for a chance to win a Free Color NOOK (valued at $199) on February 29th!

Thank you as always for your support. Your referrals are the greatest compliment I can receive.

To your continued success,

James

Throughout time there have always been stories of knights, damsels in distress, Kings & Queens, Dragons and Magicians. One of the greatest magicians of lore was Merlin. And for the younger generation, I guess we have to include Dumbledore!

And inevitably, the magician always seems to fade into obscurity as humankind moves from the age of creativity, possibility and imagination to logic, reason and commerce. Did you ever stop to see how the story parallels the human condition?

As a child, anything is possible. Building castles in the sky, creating something from nothing and turning lead into gold. When I started coaching full time in 1999 with Tony Robbins Companies, my wife gave me a small Hallmark ornament of a magician, arms outstretched, in the clouds and a rainbow behind him. I have it on my desk and see it every day to remind me of certain things.

The magician is in all of us, you have talents and skills to create something bigger of yourself and your impact in life.

What is it and how can you reconnect to it? By looking through your experiences of life and seeing what no one else sees! Then asking, “where are my opportunities to create?”

My neighbor is an engineer and he is always looking at things like a simple light switch and is amazed how it works, but more importantly, he naturally sees even deeper than that. He asks, “Who was the person who was able to dream it, create it and make it work?” That is what he naturally wants to know and apply. That is how he creates his own magic.

I see people every day who tell me their problems. As they speak, somehow I am able to see the expressions, gestures, thoughts inside their mind; I can see their goals, challenges, emotions, and more importantly for my clients I can see the patterns of how it all connects. From there, I see the pathway of possibility and infinite potential for them to overcome it all. Somehow, that is how I create magic. And yet, I walk past a light switch every day without naturally noticing the magic there. But when I see it through my neighbor’s eyes, the light switch comes on and I see the magic he creates!

Being a magician and creating magic comes from being curious, learning, growing, and seeing the infinite potentiality in you, others, places and/or things in a way no one else does. It is noticing it in a way that is unique to you! Most of us shut down our internal magician with the thoughts that come right after these magic moments of awareness. Those poor questions come out like, “But how could I do that, what will people think, I don’t have the money, I don’t have the time, I’m not good enough” With those thoughts, your magician slips away and becomes a thing of the past.

Ask yourself this, “Where is the magic in your business, relationships, finances, physical health? What do you see that others don’t?”

Magic comes from knowing yourself and working what you have inside. Increase your awareness of your environment and take notice of what is important to you.

Be the magician, connect with your creativity, imagination and appreciate your special view of the world. Through that gift, work your magic. You will see a path that others don’t, be able to lead them down it, and bring out the infinite potential of yourself and them.

There are still dragons to slay, damsels to rescue, sunsets to ride off into and magic to work! And, if you look in the right place and work your magical gifts, you will find that Merlin is still very much alive.

I just read a great article in Success Magazine last month which was based on the principle that increasingly our most scarce resource is not our time but our attention.

These days phones, apps, tablets, computers, texts, and emails not only compete for our time, but almost more importantly, they compete for our attention.  It is great to set an appointment reminder on your phone, but when you start getting reminders, texts, and calls while you are working to achieve your goal, these things become distractions.

Clearly, there is no going backward. So, in our technologically advanced world, what is the one word to implement to increase your chance of succeeding?

Immersion. 

Immersion to me, means putting 100% of your focus into your goal.  Immersion means to put all of your Attention, Time, Learning, Action, or Reflection towards the successful completion of a single item that will move you towards your goal.

What are the areas you can Immerse yourself in to achieve your goals?   Here are four general areas for Immersion.

• Your Mind: Immerse your mind in your goal constantly. Turn off the radio and start to listen audiobooks about information regarding your goal. Change your passwords to reflect your goal, my old one was Run100inApril. I read books and autobiographies of ultramarathon runners, browsed websites, and in every free moment immersed myself in learning and staying motivated about my goal.
• People: As Tony Robbins says, “you will rise or fall to the level of your peer group.” If you need an upgrade on your friends, find some new ones with whom you share common interests and goals. Find a mentor who has achieved what you want and befriend him or her. The idea is to always play chess with someone better than you!
• Places: If you are working to become sober, the last place you should hang out on weekends is at the bar! Seems obvious when talking about alcohol, but it’s just as valid with other goals.  Your environment has beliefs and norms associated with it and you will unconsciously conform and become a part of the environment you put yourself in consistently. Change your environment to change yourself. You might also kill two birds with one stone by also finding new people there!
• Material Items: One of the tenets of Feng Shui, is that every item has an emotional association. That is why that little Teddy Bear you received on Valentine’s might have seemed great, yet once you break up it gets the stuffing ripped out and thrown in the trash! And don’t worry, nature does not like a vacuum, so anything you toss out while “clearing your clutter” will eventually be replaced by something better. Get rid of the junk in your life that no longer serves you; old clothes, pictures, books, anything that does not support your goals!

Giving your goals Consistent Time and Attention by Immersing your mind in learning as well as making sure the people, places and things in your life reflect your goals will greatly increase your chances of succeeding.  It’s hard to fail when you eat, sleep, think, live and breathe your goal!

The next time you are sick and need to go to the doctor, try this miracle pill.  Although it is not yet approved by the FDA and not covered by insurance, it is still an amazing drug.

This miracle drug:

• Releases endorphins in your body which are natural pain killers, they also boost your bodies’ natural immune system
• Improves your blood circulation by naturally elevating your heart rate and blood pressure, which in turn, help to stimulate your heart and lungs
• Improves oxygen flow into the bloodstream causing an natural increase in energy, mental clarity, and focus
• And while you’re on it, it burns 78 times more calories than when you’re sitting at your normal resting heart rate

So, how much would you pay for an over the counter drug that provides all of that? Well, good news, it is FREE! Yes, FREE!

And NO, I’m not talking about exercise!

You know the old saying, “Laughter is the best medicine?” Literally, it is! The magic pill is laughter.

If you want to break the ice at work, learn a new joke. If you want to bring the family together, watch America’s Funniest Home Videos together. If you need to impress that special someone, nothing makes a date better than sharing a good laugh. If you want to increase the quality of your life, especially in these times, lighten up and laugh more.

Just to illustrate my point, when was the last time you had a really hard belly laugh? Can you even remember? Finding, telling, and mastering the art of telling good, honest, clean jokes can be learned by anyone! You will naturally become the hit of the party, improve your relationships and attract people to you while having FUN doing it!

“By the way, did you see the church bulletin last week? It read, “Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Memorial Church. Come tonight and hear Berth Belch all the way from Africa.”

 ~OR~

“A student was asked if he knew what Roe vs. Wade was all about. He answered that he thought it was the decision George Washington had to make when he decided to cross the Delaware.”

~Jokes taken from “Healing through Humor,” by Charles Francis Hunter

Do you have some favorite jokes you’d like to share?  Post them below, we want to hear them!

Have you ever been out networking, meeting and greeting, and towards the end of your conversation with someone, they ask you, “So, how can I help you?”  What’s worse, have you been asking that question to people that you meet?

That is a dangerous question to ask for a couple of reasons.

One, it might be a clue that you may have been making the conversation all about you. The general rule of thumb is that a good networking meeting will consist of discussing yourself thirty percent of the time and engaging the other person to talk seventy percent of the time. If a conversation has been going great and that question pops out, perhaps you have been talking more than listening.

Two, if that’s not the case and they have shared a good bit of information about themselves or their business, it indicates that you either don’t truly understand what problems they face, or you don’t have a clue as to how you can help them.  Either way, it’s not good.

In the first instance, not only can it totally breaks rapport, but it puts the person on the spot and places them in a situation where they’re supposed to figure if and how they fit in your business model, instead of you focusing on the problems they encounter, understanding their needs, and showing them how you might be able to help.

Alternatively, if you do understand the problems they face, but still ask them how you can help them, you run the risk of appearing like you don’t know how to tackle their issues which is not likely to foster trust and ruin your credibility as an expert in your field.

The reality is, if you have been asking questions, getting the other person to speak to you and been engaged, you should be able to get a pretty good idea of their problems and challenges. People more often than not, will tell you at least a couple of areas where they can improve something in their business.  From there, you can pretty easily determine whether or not you can help that person.

If it’s a good fit, fantastic, forge ahead, but if you see that you cannot or do not know how to solve their problems, add value by connecting them with someone who can.  After all, that’s what networking is all about!

Do you have some networking tips?  Share the wealth!  Comment below!

What is missing from every New Year’s resolution that fails?

I’ll give you a hint…

It is not immersion. Many people are more than willing to immerse themselves in an endeavor and really embrace it. You have seen the person with the New year’s Resolution that starts going to the gym everyday and working out for hours on end. Immersion is important to success because where your focus goes, your energy flows.

It is not learning. Many people will go out and get every book, audio cd, and podcast they can on a subject in order to learn everything they can about their new goal. Continuing to learn is also a critical component for success in achieving any goal.

It is not a positive and supportive peer group. Finding a mastermind group, set of peers, or meetup group that will support you in the high of highs and the low of lows is important, but it is not the key for total success.

So, what is it? 

It is long term commitment! When it comes to building success, wealth, and a better life for yourself and those you love there IS NO QUICK FIX!  So many people think the road to success is paved with if I just jump out of the gate and give it all NOW, I can have it all NOW! Then, when it doesn’t happen, they get frustrated and give up!

If you ask anyone who is successful in any sport, most say that they just stayed longer on the field practicing everyday than others did, day after day after day. It was a pattern they reproduced week after week, month after month, and year after year.

The reason that most people fail in their New Year’s Resolutions is simply a lack of long term commitment.  So, what are you willing to commit to every single day in 2012?  Most people overestimate what they can do in the short term and underestimate what they can do in the long term.

Lead for the Long Term, Act for the Long Term and Stay Committed to your goal for the Long Term, and you will be in a better place by the end of 2012!

What do YOU think is the essential ingredient to achieve your New Year’s Resolution?  Comment below and let me know your thoughts!

Ask any small business owner what they would most like to have in their business and they more than likely will respond with, “more business!”

We all want clients calling and walking in the door with orders in hand. That’s why we engage in the game of sales and marketing.

So, the question is:  Are your sales and marketing efforts working? Have you dumped thousands into a website, social media, and print advertising over the years with little return on investment? If so, what caused the sales and marketing failure?

You might be focusing too much effort on sales and marketing and too little on prospecting. Prospecting has to come before sales and marketing. It is a small distinction that will make your company money.

Here are some examples of marketing versus prospecting.

Some activities that define marketing in your business might be sending out email offers, writing e-books, posting on social media sites, writing a newsletter, creating video or audio podcasts, attending networking events, reviewing and updating your website, distributing fliers, handing out business cards or other print advertising and doing some public speaking.

Prospecting by comparison is about making a personal contact with someone. Cold calling, email solicitating with a follow up phone call the next day, following warm leads from client referrals, calling previous clients asking for referrals, and stopping by businesses in person to solicit  business.

Prospecting is being face to face (or phone to phone) with someone to see if they are a good prospect to start and market/sell.

Prospecting needs to come first because having qualified prospects will allow you to get the most out of your sales and marketing budget. 

You can work all day on creating a kick ass website, writing phenomenal content, and having an online presence, but at the end of the day if the phone doesn’t ring with a sale, there is no new business.

That small distinction between marketing and prospecting may seem trivial but it’s not.  Often success comes from a small distinction that creates a massive shift in results.

Making sure that prospecting is part of your daily routine will shift your sales and marketing’s effectiveness. It is the critical step to getting every small business where it wants to be:  having clients and customers walking in the door with orders in hand.

Since 2012 is right around the corner, here are a few thoughts to make sure that no matter what you goals, dreams and aspirations are, you can fail to achieve them all.

1.  Stop Learning & Being Curious

Success comes from being curious and resourceful. There are three types of learning a person can experience. There is educational learning which gives theoretical understanding of concepts, ideas and ideologies. Take some formal classes at your local university or learning facility. Second, is experiential learning. This happens in seminars, events, and trainings that require practice scenarios, role-playing and simulations. Third, is the actual application of the concepts, theories and ideas in real-life situations. You can read a book on sales, role play scenarios and then eventually you just have to pick up the phone and start to cold call. Experience is the greatest teacher. Understanding theory and role playing helps to build the confidence to immerse yourself in the real world experience. Learn, be curious and take action to apply what you learn.

 2.  Keep distracting yourself with TV & Internet

In 2009, Neilson ratings came out with a statistic that the average American watches 153 hours a month watching television. That is almost an entire week a month with nothing to show for it! The study also revealed that Americans spend an average of 29 hours per month on the internet. If you are what you eat, then isn’t your mindset influenced by what you put into it?

 3.  Keep up the “I’ll start tomorrow” thinking

Keep thinking that all of the little changes you could make today are not worth anything and you will start tomorrow. Many people start towards their goals and as soon as they experience an obstacle, get off track, and lose momentum or motivation, think that it is no use continuing. They sabotage their success with perfectionism. Success lies not in whether or not you fall off track, because you will, but how soon you can change, re-commit to your goal and get back on track. Nothing is too small to celebrate when creating change.

4.  Keep the Negative Messages Coming into your Brain

Are you surrounded by friends, colleagues, social media or environments that are negative and unsupportive? Upgrade your external influences by changing to more supportive people, places and things in your life. As they say in Feng Shui, clear the clutter in all the areas of your life that don’t support you and your goal. Clear the clutter in your mind by practicing to “say it the way you want it to be” in your life. Stop watching the new and feed your mind some uplifting, motivational, and supportive material.

5.  Stay Comfortable, Do the Same Thing You Are Doing Now

Most people don’t achieve something because they never stop and ask themselves, “What do I need to give up in order to make a space for this new goal in my life?” For example, if you want a relationship, are you stepping out and going different places, trying new experiences, and meeting new people? In an extreme, if you want a new car, are you selling the one you have now, have you test driven cars at the dealership and talked to your bank about a new loan? Are you willing to “burn your ship?” If the answer is no, how bad do you really want to experience your dreams, aspirations and goals? You have to make space for what you want to have.

So there you have it, five dynamic ways to ensure that you will be a total failure with your goals in 2012. My sincerest wish is for you to be a contrarian and “be all you can be” in this next year. I wish you continued success in all of your endeavors.

Thank you to everyone who sent out their warm wishes for Thanksgiving. It is important to stop at times and remember all of the things in life that we are thankful for; friends, family, job, career, health, etc.

I was thinking about the holiday and wondered what it would be like if, in order to balance out Thanksgiving, we had a Receiving Day?

Some people have a hard time receiving the gifts offered to them and it costs them their self-confidence, personal power and self-worth.

It reminded me of the story of the little girl who was so excited and grateful that she and her daddy went out for ice cream. She got a big scoop of vanilla on a sugar cone and it was looking so good. As she stepped outside of the ice cream shop, she tripped forward and “SPLAT” went the ball of ice cream on the ground. Tears welled up in her eyes as she looked up at her daddy. But then, she noticed the sign in the window behind her daddy of a sugar cone with two and three scoops of ice cream. So, she started begging daddy to get the two and three scoop ice cream cones to replace the one she had just tipped off the cone. Did Dad go for it and get her the two or three scoop cone? No. If you can’t handle one scoop of ice cream, why would someone turn around and give you even more than you can handle?

The same principle applies with receiving.

When someone pays you a compliment, do you feel uncomfortable and do you feel automatically compelled to give that person a compliment in return? If someone offers to buy you lunch, do you start playing the “see who can sneak the credit card to the waiter first” game? If someone gives you a gift, do you feel compelled to get them a gift in return?

If the answer is yes, you might want to ask yourself whether or not it’s because you place less value and worth in yourself than the person giving you a gift. You send a signal to yourself that you are somehow a little “less than” or not as deserving as others might think. Talk about an undermining belief pattern!

In order to handle a second and third scoop, master the phrase, “Thank you.” And let it go.

That can be tricky since reciprocating is also a form of politeness, but then again, so is accepting a compliment graciously.

As often as you can, practice graciously accepting what your friends, co-workers, clients and life are offering you. Don’t be too quick to dismiss someone’s appreciation of you in an effort to appear humble.

Be a thankful and a gracious receiver.

Nothing is too small to be grateful for. Practice receiving compliments, money, and gifts this season with a simple and sincere, “Thank you.”

It may seem odd at first, but what you receive in return will be a real gift!

Thank you!!!

Last night, my wife asked that dreaded question, “What should we get the kids for Christmas this year?” My mind immediately flashed to pictures of sitting on the couch with my daughter flipping through endless pages of American Girl, Target, and Toys-R-Us ads, and I groaned.

You have heard the Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Well, that does NOT work when it comes to gift giving.

It is actually much better to, “Do unto others as they want you to do unto them.” But what do they really want?

Do they really want what is on their list or are they in love with the idea of having what is on the list? For example, we still have that Easy Bake oven in the pantry that was used once, the Lego kit still that has had more interaction with the vacuum cleaner than my kids or the cool flashlights that are still encased in plastic in the bottom of the junk drawer.

How many times have thought of the perfect gift and in the moment of giving, the moment of love, joy and connection you hoped for never came?

So, how can you give a gift this Holiday Season that your loved one truly wants, would really use, and be meaningful to both of you?

It comes down to understanding how they “love to be loved.”

I have covered this psychology previously but it bears repeating this holiday season because we typically: buy what we think is great for them (and they don’t love it) or we buy what they “think” they want on an emotional impulse or idea (like flipping through the American Girl catalogue) but when they get it, the idea was greater than the gift itself.

According to Gary Chapman, people can be loved in 5 different patterns and everyone has their natural hierarchy of preference. They are

• Spending Time,
• Physical Touch,
• Verbal or Written Tell,
• Doing Things (acts of service) or
• Buying Things (material gifts).

To find a persons’ love preference just ask, “Give me a few examples of when you have known you were loved the most?”

I asked my son that when he was 6 and he said, “When you snuggle and cuddle with me and watch movies.” (Time & Touch) The next Easter, with tremendous insight, the Easter Bunny brought him a new kind of Easter basket filled with coupons for Time together (tickle time, extra reading time, cuddle time), movie coupons, money for popcorn at the movies, books for reading time, and trip to the book store. (and much to his parents’ delight, hardly any candy and other junk) He said, “It was the best Bunny-Visit ever!”

We have a friend who has made a habit of giving his wife “experiences” for her birthday or for the holidays.  She has been the happy recipient of “girlfriends getaway weekends”, “tennis lessons”, “rowing lessons” as well as “romantic weekend” trips.  Year after year, she feels cherished and love by these acts of service in a way jewelry could never do.

So, as we move into this Holiday season, “When have you felt most loved?” And more importantly, before you whip out your wallet, “When has your loved one felt most loved?” Give the gift that will make them the happiest.  Find a gift that speaks to their love language. You will be surprised how it can ease the financial strain, create more loving moments with those you love, and it too, could be the most meaningful “Santa-visit” ever.

How do you determine if your goal is worthy of your focus and hard work?

Would you like to reach your goals faster?  Here are 2 steps that are critical to achieving them much quicker!  I’ll give you a hint: the key to success lies in your emotions.

Napoleon Hill wrote one of the most classic books ever written on success and achievement, “Think & Grow Rich.” One of the reasons this is such a classic book is that he used the principle of modeling. Modeling is the process of studying how an outcome is repeatedly achieved.

Hill found that the successful achievement of any goal was based on the following four steps.

1. Connect with your Purpose or Burning Desire

2. Believe and Trust in yourself and the value of your actions

3. Organize a plan of action and even more importantly take action

4. Never Give Up! Perseverance does pay off!

To make this process effective, it’s crucial to do all of the steps in order and be absolutely consistent.

When most people see someone achieve something they themselves want to achieve, many times the temptation is to ask, “How did you do that?” But steps number one and two are 100% emotional.

Until you figure out why you want to achieve that specific goal; what it means to you; what it will add to your life and what it will cost you to not achieve it, knowing how to do it will not significantly increase your chance of reaching it. Connecting emotionally with your drive is essential.

Once you are emotionally connected with the “WHY” of your goal, it’s time to put some focus on your faith and belief in yourself as well as your belief in your strategy. Trusting in your plan doesn’t mean not being open to evaluating its effectiveness periodically. Quite the opposite: you need to make adjustments as needed which is what step 3 is all about. But it does mean that you have to truly believe that your actions can and will lead to the results you want. Self-doubt is distracting at best and has the potential of being crippling.

It takes time to stop and reconnect to the emotions associated with your goals. It’s a step we often skip in our hurry to get to the end goal. But it’s precisely what will help you achieve your goals much quicker. That initial step will ward off self-sabotage. It will help you stay motivated when the initial burst of energy is long gone and you are left with the hard work of persevering.

The key is to reaching your goals faster is to address the emotional component of goal setting before you move to the logical and practical aspect of reaching them.

Would you like to make more money? Would you like to get a raise at work this year? Here is the solution.

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king’s wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.

Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway.

Most unsuccessful people do not act because they cannot see the reward. They hold back from putting in extra effort because “it’s not their job, it’s not in their job description, or the last time they did it the success did not come.”

However, if you act for the betterment of others, because you know it is the right thing to do, every good deed must be reciprocated. It may not be in that moment, but it will eventually. If the peasant had not started kicking small rocks off the road that hurt when you stepped on them, then moved on to larger stones and then larger rocks, he never would have attempted to move the boulder all by himself.

The key is to overcome the obstacles at your workplace that most others are walking around. What are the things that everyone is avoiding in the office? Sometimes you have to stop what you are doing, assess the situation from a new perspective, act just because it is the right thing to do, put your effort into something for the betterment of others and have faith that there will be a reward at the end.

The peasant learned what many of us never understand! Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition and no good deed ever goes unrewarded.

There are some great apps out there like Evernote, Dropbox, Pages, and Kindle that I use all the time. Here are a few others I’m really liking right now.

1- Instapaper

This is a fantastic app! Found an article you want to read, but don’t have time right now?  This app saves web pages for later off line reading! $4.99

2- Splashtop Remote Desktop

Gives you the ability to access and control your computer from your iPad (or iPhone).   You can work on your documents directly from there, access photos, videos, Quicken…  Love it! $1.99 (on sale right now I believe)

3- Noteshelf

Beautiful handwriting notebook app!  I also have a few others, but I keep coming back to this one:  You can personalize notebooks, group them, or add password protection.  Lots of colors/paper options and smooth handwriting. $4.99

4- Genius Scan by Grizzly Labs

Turns your iPhone or iPad into a pocket scanner.  Love the ability to scan receipts, photos, recipes, and make copies where you are nowhere near a copier. FREE

Scanner Pro by Readdle is even better but it’s $6.99

5- My Fitness Pal

Just a great weight management tool!  Makes it easy to keep track of your calories, carbs, activities, etc.  Love the added accountability I get from keeping track of my intake. FREE

There you have it, 5  of my current favorites to make your life easier.  What are some apps you love?  Jump in with a comment and let me know!

Some studies have “fear of public speaking” ranking up there with “fear of death”.  In fact, if you’re one of those people who would rather get a root canal than stand in front of a group of people to make a presentation, you are not alone.  It’s the #1 fear reported by people in the US.

While the anxiety can be debilitating, it doesn’t have to be that way.  There are some steps you can take to manage your fear.  Here is what I’ve learned along the way.

1. Remember to Breathe. Deep breathing —from deep down in your diaphragm (below your navel)— increases the blood flow and oxygen to your body. This helps keep your energy high, voice volume up, and your body relaxed. As simple as it sounds, it’s a powerful first step.
2. It is NOT about you. Most speakers get nervous because they focus on what the audience is thinking of them, their proficiency, and what they “should” be doing.  The reality is that most audiences are very forgiving and don’t spend a lot of time thinking about your performance as a speaker. They came to listen to you because of your content.  Most people don’t care if you look at your notes or lose your place for a minute.  Take the pressure off yourself and place it on your material. Remember that you have a message to share; some specific knowledge to transfer or teach to your audience. That’s why they are here.  It’s about your message and how it will improve their life.
3. Know your material inside and out. Because it’s entirely about your message, you need to truly know your material. When you give a presentation, confidence comes from genuine knowledge of your topic and thorough preparation.  That’s what will allow you to think on your feet and carry out an intelligent conversation about your subject.
4. Interact with your audience. When all eyes are on you, it’s easy to feel a bit isolated.  The pressure is all on you.  Divert some of that attention back to your audience by interacting with them. Draw them into your presentation by asking them questions and encouraging discussions. Not only will it help you relax, but you’ll be a more dynamic and engaging speaker to boot!
5. Some butterflies are healthy! In fact, getting a little keyed up can help you focus and enhance your performance.  By the same token, keep in mind that sometimes excitement is mistaken for anxiety. Billy Joel once said that the minute he stopped getting butterflies before he went on stage, it would be his last performance. You should feel some level of excitement and put it to good use!
6. Trust in yourself and your message. Be clear on the key points you want to get across in your presentation and trust in your preparation.  Remember why your message is important and how it adds value.  And remember that your audience wants and needs to hear it.  That’s why they asked you there.

You may never love speaking to groups, but you don’t have to feel crippled or limited by your fear of public speaking.  The worse thing you can do is ignore your fear or shy away from giving presentations.  Instead, face your fear, work at managing your anxiety, and get some practice to boost your confidence!

It’s starting already… there are Holiday decorations at the local stores!!! Fall is here and the change of seasons marks the beginning of a four month stretch of holidays and stress. Here are five solid tips on reducing your stress between Halloween and New Year’s.

1- Get Solid Sleep in Terms of Quantity & Quality

Your body needs proper sleep so that it can rejuvenate itself every night. Since a normal sleep cycle lasts about 90 minutes, keep your sleep in 90 minute intervals (6, 7.5 or 9 hours) so you can wake more refreshed every day.

Almost as important, give yourself a consistent bedtime. Your body has a natural rhythm. The more consistent you are at going to bed, the more rested you will be.

If falling asleep is an issue for you, there are other steps you can take to help. Beyond the obvious advice to avoid caffeine 4 to 6 hrs before bedtime, create a sleep routine for yourself, and give yourself some quiet time 20-30 minutes before bed. What you focus on during that time is what you will unconsciously think of all night. Similarly, don’t eat a large, heavy meal before bed and keep your bedroom relatively cool and well ventilated. On the nutrition side, you might want to try to have a light snack with protein (a glass of milk, sliced turkey on a rice cake) or a cup of chamomile tea to induce sleep.

2- Always take the healthiest eating choice

Stay away from telling yourself, “I can’t have that sweet,” it creates scarcity. An easier way to handle all of the treats, desserts, and drinks is to always take the healthiest choice. Instead of the double layer chocolate cake, take the chocolate chip cookie. Watch out for too much caffeine and sugars.

Keep your sanity and don’t diet during the holidays. Make it your goal to stay the same weight! There are so many treats, desserts, parties, and temptations. Eat and drink in moderation. Incidentally, there is a connection between overeating and being tired, so make sure you do get enough sleep, it’ll help you be in the frame of mind to make better choices.

3- Find a way to exercise, no excuses

Not only will it help you burn those extra calories you are bound to take in, but the body is made to move so we can feel better. Look for a way to physically move every day. You can find a 4-minute workout on YouTube at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dXy3NjHtBSc&NR=1 It will boost your metabolism and help you feel better. Remember, where there is a will, there is a way. If you don’t make time for your body, your body will make you make time for it, in the way of colds, flu, and no energy.

4- Give yourself a Time-Out

Take a yoga class, learn to meditate, or put on that relaxing music for 5 minutes. When things get too crazy give yourself a time-out. There are many ways to do it. For some, taking a breather could mean taking a 15 minute walk around the block, giving yourself permission to sit and watch a specific TV show, or sneaking in 5-minutes of quiet time in your car in the parking lot. For others, it could mean making the commitment to “unplug” from all electronics for a night each week.

5- Plan ahead but stay flexible

Schedule your sleep, exercise, and time-outs for the next four months in your calendar right now, and make the commitment to stick to them. But, when things start to go crazy-busy, stay flexible in prioritizing the day. Don’t just let the scheduled de- stress time disappear. Immediately reschedule it. Stay proactive and flexible.

If you start feeling overwhelmed, “brain dump” everything that you need to do on a piece of paper and put a “label” on each line item. Decide if it’s “important and urgent”, “important but not urgent”, “urgent but not important” or “not urgent and not important”.

Classifying your to-dos, will help you decide what needs to be tackled right away or left on the schedule, and what can be pushed back or eliminated entirely.

The whole period around the holidays can be stressful, but it doesn’t have to be something you dread. Stress is best managed by being proactive. It’s often a response to overwhelm and a general sense of lack of control –too many things coming at you and too little time to complete them.

So choose to take back that control and manage the holiday stress by being proactive in your planning and setting yourself up with the coping skills you need to enjoy the holiday season.

For more tips and strategies about increasing your motivation and personal effectiveness, boosting your self-confidence and developing a clearer focus go to http://www.evolutionforsuccess.com. James Murphy is a personal development expert and executive coach. He can be reached directly at 919-745-7569.

Tune in to overhear a deep and meaningful conversation between Elaine & Roger. You will laugh out loud as you hear the differences between the male and female perspectives.

Finding humor in your relationships will add many happy years to it!

Feeling good about yourself is a wonderful feeling. So why don’t we do it more often?

True and lasting self-esteem is a combination of feeling good at about yourself for something specific you have done and a more permanent deep-seated feeling of self-worth. That deep-rooted belief is based on the conclusions you draw about yourself over time. It’s something that can be developed and fostered.

Here are 9 simple tips to feel better about yourself and grow your self-esteem.

 1. Focus on your character, not simply your achievements. Challenge yourself! Take on project you find a bit intimidating and give yourself a chance to astonish yourself! Give yourself a chance to prove to yourself that you are in fact quite remarkable in many ways. You may not conquer every challenge, but each time you tackle something and overcome obstacles it provides another opportunity to reinforce and acknowledge positive aspects of yourself. And when you do overcome those challenges, resist the temptation to minimize the effort and strength it took to overcome them. For example, praise the perseverance it took to finally get that new job or the commitment it took to follow through and make that sale or stick to your exercise plan. Achieving is never an All-or-Nothing experience: you will make mistakes along the way and fall off the wagon from time to time. Those setbacks don’t define you, the character you show and develop along the way does.

2. Be wary of expectations. Once you have achieved a goal, it’s natural to automatically take it for granted and raise the bar. That’s a good thing! We are programmed to want more. Yet, make sure you “go for more” in a realistic way. It is more feasible to go from running a 5K race to a 10K race, instead of from a 5K race to a marathon. So, give yourself plenty of opportunities to succeed by making your goals realistic.

3. Acknowledge your successes. Take a moment and pat yourself on the back for what you have done –now and in the past. If you have not listed all the successes in your life to date, you will probably forget them. Stop and take stock once in a while. Recognize your past successes. Try something different and write them down. It’s called positive stacking. Just as we sometimes stack negatively and start focusing only on the negative, you can consciously direct your mind to focus on the long list of things you have accomplished that show your character. And don’t fall in the comparison trap. Being competitive can be a great motivator, but don’t let comparisons define your worth.

4. Stop the negative self-talk. Stand guard at the doorway of your mind, for what you let in is what you become! People who feel good about themselves, talk and think good about themselves. Watch out for negative thought patterns like jumping to negative conclusions about other people’s actions for instance and assuming they are judging you negatively (most of the time, their behavior is not about you!). Challenge your negative or flawed thinking. Just because you feel incompetent doesn’t mean that you are. Refrain from –even jokingly– putting yourself down; over time, you will start believing your self put-downs. When you realize you are engaging in negative self talk, systematically interrupting your pattern will pay off! And for goodness sake, stop saying, “I’m Sorry!

5. Master a skill, pastime, sport, or other life interest. Become good at something that you love and are interested in. Mastery of anything is a key ingredient in maintaining a high opinion of yourself. So master something, anything that makes you feel special!

6. Pay attention to the image your project. Although it may sound simplistic, by acting as if you have self-esteem, you are sending positive messages about your self-image to the subconscious. This is a form of self-respect and positive self talk that become who you are –just like habitual negative self talk became ingrained. So, don’t neglect the way you look and what you do with your body. Dress nicely, pay attention to your personal grooming, work out so you have some physical energy and pep. Be mindful of your physiology so that you walk, stand, and sit as if you felt sure of yourself. Smile. Act the part until it becomes habitual.

7. Focus on what you can control and influence, not what you can’t. Many things in life are out of our control and influence. However, focusing on what is within your control and influence allows you to feel more in control of your life. Always look to take positive action on what is within your control and influence and let go of the rest.

8. Develop a supportive social network. We all rise and fall to the level of our peer group. If you are not involved in a positive and non judgmental peer group, get a new one! Don’t be a stepping stone for someone else’s self-esteem. You don’t need to let yourself be made less of so that someone else can feel good about themselves. Surround yourself with a peer group that has the mindset, the values, and the interests that you do.

9. Help others. Stop thinking about yourself so much! Focus your mind outside of yourself. It is always worthwhile to make others aware of their worth. In fact, make it a habit to notice the positive in others so it becomes more natural to notice the positive traits in yourself. But more importantly, when you make a difference in someone else’s life, it is easy to feel great about yourself. Allow yourself the satisfaction that giving brings. And as a bonus, when they thank you for being part of their life, don’t be too quick to push it off or minimize it for the sake of humility. Accept their compliment as an extra affirmation of you with a simple, “Thank You!”

Whatever a person believes about themselves is true. Self-esteem is not something you are born with. It is a muscle that is built with time, consistency and conditioning! It takes time to integrate new practices into your life but eventually they become what you do, then show up in what you have, and eventually they become your identity as who you are.

For more tips and strategies about increasing your self-esteem, confidence, motivation and personal effectiveness, go to http://www.evolutionforsuccess.com. James Murphy is a personal development expert as well as an executive and life coach. He can be reached directly at 919-745-7569.

Adversity causes some men to break, others to break records. William A. Ward

We all have challenges that crop up, we all hit roadblocks or situations that seem overwhelming or even hopeless.  And in each instance, we have a choice. We can give in to the fear, the frustration, the sense of hopelessness or we can use each difficult situation as a springboard to rebound and come out stronger.

One of my favorite parables is the one of the farmer and the wise old mule… It’s been told and retold countless times, but it’s a great reminder that often the problems we face also have the potential to benefit us.

A parable is told of a farmer who owned an old mule. The mule fell into the farmer’s well. The farmer heard the mule ‘braying’ — or whatever mules do when they fall into wells. After carefully assessing the situation, the farmer felt sorry for the mule, but decided that neither the mule nor the well was worth saving. Instead, he called his neighbors together and told them what had happened and asked them to help haul dirt to bury the old mule in the well and put him out of his misery. 

Initially, the old mule was hysterical! But as the farmer and his neighbors continued shoveling and the dirt hit his back, a thought struck him. It suddenly dawned on him that every time a shovel load of dirt landed on his back: he should shake it off and step up! This is what the old mule did, blow after blow. “Shake it off and step up… shake it off and step up… shake it off and step up!” he repeated to encourage himself. 

No matter how painful the blows, or distressing the situation seemed, the old mule fought “panic” and just kept right on shaking it off and stepping up! You guessed it! It wasn’t long before the old mule, battered and exhausted, stepped triumphantly over the wall of that well! What seemed like it would bury him, actually end up blessing him. – Author Unknown

And how often does it hold true in our own lives? Sometimes, it’s not easy to see that silver lining.  And often, to see it, you need to look at the adversities you face from a completely different angle.  So next time you feel discouraged, ask yourself how you can use adversity as a stepping stone to success.

Do you have a parable or story you love or that inspire you?  I’d love to hear your thoughts!

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