Gwyneth Frankson

Renovations. Brand new, clean, freshly painted spaces designed and custom made to suit our current needs and our creaking knees. What excitement!

The excitement did not last long. Shortly after employing a General Contractor, I realized that I had unwittingly joined the Association of SEEKERS OF QUALITY WORKMANSHIP, as I fell prey to the:
Seemingly-Experienced, Enthusiastic, Kindhearted, Energetic (verbally), Rascals. Shamefacedly Offering For a to-be-announced fee. Questionable, Unreliable Artisanship Lacking Integrity To Young and not so young Women, Owners of homes in need of Renovation. Kindling Meanness, Aggression, Nasty tastes in the mouth. Stressful, sleepless nights. Heartburn, Irritability and Parsimonious behaviour.

With each dollar that I deposited into their accounts, Cortisol was deposited on my waistline. This could not be allowed to continue. So, of course, I had to ask the Great Architect what lesson I was supposed to learn from this harrowing experience. That I had done nothing to earn this life lesson was confirmed as soon as I mentioned to anyone that I was renovating my home. The rant just poured like a river. Yet, I still wanted to learn this particular lesson… and quickly. Rainy season was fast approaching. The experience offered many opportunities for reflection.

As the trenches were dug to lay the new foundation, it became evident how far the roots of the cherry and plum trees had spread. When the trench was being dug where the kitchen used to be, the contractor commented on the quality of the old foundation and was surprised that the building had remained standing for these past 55 years.

What I saw was that 55 years ago, my parents and the builders had used to the best of their ability, the resources and the materials that were available to them. The building had withstood the test of time. I felt a depth of gratitude for my parents and the foundation that they had laid for me and my siblings. A foundation that has as well, withstood the test of time.

Today, when I reflect on the foundation of the old house, I feel gratitude for my parents. What had struck me seven months ago was how a few small, seemingly insignificant events that occur in childhood (the quality of the old foundation) could colour one’s entire life.

So what had happened in the past seven months to cause me to focus on gratitude to my parents and to shift my focus away from childhood based issues?

It is the new foundation that has been laid. One in which I feel deeply rooted. One in which there is: courage to stand my ground and speak up for what I want, boldness to dream, determination to stick to the vision and create a space designed to meet our needs, endurance, patience, faith, love, constantly falling on the knees, forgiveness … I should be a saint!

The truth is that through this harrowing experience of renovating my home, I have come to realize that even as The Great Architect has been preparing for me a dwelling place, He has been preparing me to be His dwelling place. What excitement!

Joanne Johnson

On considering the many social mores and religious rules, I have found that nothing gives marriage a bad name more than bad marriage. Marital union, the hotbed of sex and money issues, cannot withstand a ‘fake-it-to-make-it’ approach. There is something in this context then, to be said for divorce and common law relationships.

A greater truth seems evident however; few of us may feel innately wired for a lifetime of flying solo, but I’m pretty sure no one I know consciously aspires to one day disavow their forever love. It would be disingenuous therefore to suggest throwing out even our infantile hopes for lifelong monogamy with the bath water. Yet in the absence of everyday examples there is little evidence that ‘happily ever after’ is even possible.

Alfred Korzybski, the late American scientist and philosopher is quoted as saying: “The map is not the territory.” So true! And when it comes to a lifetime of failed adult relationships I feel I could, having covered a lot of ground, draw a map of universal error in that regard. Over the past seven years of choosing celibacy I have spent much time contemplating the many disappointments into perspective. Even so, I claim only to speak for myself.

In a book on relationships, Kevin Keyes Jr. (20th century Living Love self-help author, who gathered his wisdom through four marriages) shared an insight that serves my own understanding. He points to the folly of choosing a partner based solely on love. After all, we do not buy a car because it has a steering wheel, he chides; and in his benevolent and inclusive world view, Love, like a car’s steering wheel, is a given.

Keyes is putting emphasis on the value of choosing a partner. He is not simply saying love itself is not enough. As we grow self aware the beauty of Life awakens a loving spirit more and more often, and maturity will seek to moderate this urge for expansion with discipline and wisdom. So if love is steering everyone’s course, how do we choose and find contentment with just one? Keyes points to a value even more essential than compatibility: mutuality.

At a school’s sports day I saw a six year old paired with a buddy twice his weight for Body Ball. I watched them try to control an over sized ball between their bodies without using their hands. Nothing illustrated “unequally yoked” like that picture of them huddling and waddling their way up the 50 yard line to the finish. The competitor in me cringed. I fantasized that a false start would be announced and the injustice of the incompatibility corrected. But the game was well underway.

I agonized as one struggled with the other to pick up the pace. They knew that a fallen ball would disqualify them and they would lose any chance of completing, far less placing. Amidst the parental passions and politics of school sports days I witnessed one of those grace filled moments when mind gives way to heart. In a moment of enlightenment, I watched as the children made an inner decision; one deliberately slowing to keep step with his partner, the other pushing himself against his limitations. Once the wobbling sphere between them was comfortably secured, the apparently mismatched duo tottered their way to a bronze! No time for therapy, no room for blame and shame arguments, these First Graders accomplished in seconds what I could barely conceive through decades of voluptuous effort. With eyes fixed on a shared goal, they completed the course with a medal victory and a growing friendship to boot.

And I got to witness a living metaphor of mutuality in action. Admittedly, I am still dealing with the map here; haven’t traversed the territory in an intimate relationship – yet. Nearing a half-century of experience, in this life (smile), I remain unconvinced that truth and its off spring, true love, can be inherited through a belief system superimposed upon all manner of back draft and understory. I know by now too, that reality follows belief. And the reliability of our beliefs depends on an ownership honestly earned through sincere investigation… “Know thyself”.

By reconciling my essential need for love with an equally legitimate desire for the restoration of feminine dignity, I have come to know that our impulses for union and a healthy individuality are not mutually exclusive. The former rests upon the well being and security of the latter which any mature partner would willingly support. Founded on the individual’s divinely endowed sovereignty, Love and Freedom are synergistic. So, putting all grief stories aside, these personal recognitions pave for me, a renewed faith in the possibility and pleasure of life long love and fidelity with one partner.

Joanne is a published children’s author and Series Editor of Macmillan’s Island Fiction “tween”
http://livingmetaphors.blogspot.com

You are a very precious jewel, more priceless than the most expensive and exquisite work of art. You alone determine the value to your existence. There is only one person like you in this entire world, because of this fact
you are unique.

You have no conscious memory of asking to be born, but you being born into this world was and is your parents gift to you. The gift of life and existence; possessing a strong body, a sound mind and a warm heart. There is no doubt that from time to time you questioned it all, that is good.

All life is an adventure. You write your own script and perform just for the fun of it. If you are not having any fun in this adventure it is because you are taking life too seriously and being hard on yourself. You are your own best audience. Every one of your performances are flawless even if from time to time you may feel pain, discomfort and discouragement. Even though you may have friends or love ones deserting you. If they desert you it is only showing you that they were not worthy of you. And saying this is not to put any one down because they too are playing at their own adventure as well.

We are all still like children even though we may grow older physiologically. Like a child let your mind and focus be only in the moment. This moment is the moment in which your life is lived. No other moment exists. Like children
we play with the friends we get along with most (best) and when we lose one or more friends it is only giving ourselves an opportunity to make new friends. New friends mean exploring different interests, expanding your horizon, like a breath of fresh air.

Sometimes we get so attached to old things, we don’t even realize that we are being stifled and suffocated. When we lose friends lets be thankful for this new opportunity to expand our lives in unexpected ways. It’s like a gift you didn’t expect. Treat yourself with eagerness. Like a child, we all are excited to receive gifts and full of eagerness to do something new.

We grow up and forget that this world is magical. Every sunset is a miracle, every flower, every drop of rain. Science seeks to tame these wonders with dry definitions, but you must always remember that the wonder is in the simple
acceptance of whatever the way it is.

In this world there are two types of people: Selfish and Unselfish. The selfish person operates on the principle of greed. Doing everything without considering the other person or the other thing (we are all guilty of this from time to time). The selfless person honors themselves by considering the other person or the other thing also; they operate on the principle of love (sharing, support, goodwill).

Every relationship that produces pain exposes a stifling attachment that had formed. Sometimes both parties can sit down and rewrite the script together and move on together or sometimes the weaker one flees (just to make all the same old mistakes again). The stronger one who wants to work it out feels as though s/he has been abandoned, betrayed, cheated on etc. is in a better position, because now finding yourself alone you can see how you had been attached (given away so much of your power). With the attachment broken, be thankful; recoup all of your power and move on wiser and happier because of the lessons learnt.

This is not to say that you will not form other happy relationships. This is not saying that you will now form relationships and do to someone else what had just been done to you. If you form other relationships and become
dependently attached you would be making all the same old mistakes over again.

At the core of all happy relationships is UNDERSTANDING, open communication, trust and SELF RESPECT. If any of these are lacking, not only in the other person but in yourself also, be courageous and let in whatever was missing. Trust yourself and your partner. Speak your mind freely and tactfully, in truth. Express your preferences, these are your truths. Respect yourself to live by and with your truth, until you have discovered other truths to add to or to modify your own.

Let your journey through life be guided by the principles of honoring yourself first, and by the second law which modifies the first. If what ever you choose to honor yourself with you consciously perceives will bring pain, harm or discomfort to you or someone (something) else, then don’t do that thing. Change your mind.

Lyndon Andrew Allicock is the author of “Human Operations Manual”.

Lyndon is available for consultations and can be reached in Trinidad and Tobago at: 868-645-7532/8532

To purchase “Human Operations Manual” in Trinidad and Tobago call: 868-645-7532/8532.
For more insights visit: www.nucomsystems.com