Exile in Myville

The Nikki Story part 3

2012-09-26T02:02:00.006-07:00

You can read Part 1 here and Part 2 here
On the drive home from the beach, after they had both calmed down about one trying to rip off the other, Vinnie started asking what we were going to do that night. Well he didn't so much ask as he mentioned what we were going to do and then added a question mark at the end. He didn't seem happy when we confirmed that we were getting a room after we dropped him off at home.
At Vinnie's house Nikki asked if he had an extra syringe she could have. She said I was going to smoke but she wanted a shot.
I waited uncomfortably in the car for a few minutes for Nikki to come back out. She came out the front door, gave Vinnie a hug and got back in the car. We knew we were going to get a room but we didn't know where, so we headed downtown. Nikki said we needed to stop at a grocery store to get foil and cottons so we stopped at a Safeway before finding a cheap motel.
"Just so you know, I get real horny when I'm on dope."
"I'm OK with that." I said with a smile.
Nikki set me up with a foil and a rolled up postcard from the nightstand and showed me/ helped me smoke some before she did a shot. We smoked a piece and then for the first time ever I watched someone cook up a shot.
I was terrified and fascinated at the same time. I watched her cook the heroin in the bottom of a cut off soda can and then rip a piece of cotton off a q-tip and placed it in the solution. Slowly she stuck the needle into the cotton and slowly pulled the dark solution up into the syringe. She pushed a little out the top and tapped the syringe with her finger to get all the air bubbles out. She was using a shoelace as a tourniquet tied tightly around her arm while holding it tight with her mouth. It took her a couple tries to find a vein and then when she died she pulled out on the plunger just a little and I saw blood enter the syringe. She took a breath and then slowly pushed the drugs into her arm.
She quickly undid the shoelace and laid flat on her back on the bed.
That was pretty intense. I didn't say anything for a minute or so and then I got up and tried smoking from the foil again. Nikki sat up and I handed the tube to her for a hit and rolled myself a cigarette. As I finished my cigarette she started to cook up another shot.
"Are you sure that's OK? You just did one a few minutes ago."
"It was just a small one, it's OK."
I watched her go through the rituals again, much smoother on the second time around.
I turned on my computer and put on Portishead. Nikki looked like she was in heaven. I laid down on the bed beside her and asked her how she was felt.
"Amazing."She purred. Then she rolled partway towards me and threw one of her legs over mine and put her head on my chest.
We started kissing and as I began to touch her she started moaning quietly, she was clearly feeling especially sensitive and aroused over every inch of her body. Woody Allen would call her polymorphously perverse. A short time after she asked a question that I'll never forget. - "Why am I the only one naked?"
The next 12 hours were spent getting high in between long sex sessions.
I'd always heard that Heroin would kill your sex drive and I would later learn that daily use would definitely hurt libido but it certainly didn't affect us that night with regards to drive. However over the entire night with hours and hours of sex I wasn't able to climax once. Nikki told me not to worry it happened often and a lot of men couldn't even get hard while on Heroin - at least I had that.
9 A.M. came really quickly. We were still high, hadn't slept, desperately needed a shower, and had to check out by 11.
We were about to shower when I saw a condom on the nightstand.
"We used all the drugs, might as well use all the condoms right?" She smiled, threw me on the bed, put the condom on me and jumped on top for a few minutes. Then we took a shower.
After the shower we realized that there was no way that I could take her home like this. We looked like we'd been up all night doing drugs and fucking.
So I called a good friend of mine that had a spare room to ask if we could go sleep there for a few hours, but she didn't answer. After the second attempt I called her boyfriend who said it was no problem, he was at work but, "Come on over."
When we got there my friend ( who was sleeping when I called ) offered to make us breakfast but we weren't hungry. I just said we're gonna take a nap if that's OK. She had no problem with that, said she had to go to work in a couple hours but if we were still asleep just lock the door and drop the keys in the mail slot.
We woke up about 3:30 and nobody was home at the house. We actually were hungry this time so we stopped to get a sandwich on the drive back to her house.
To be continued...

The Nikki Story Part 2

2012-09-24T12:30:00.002-07:00

Part 1 can be found here

A few minutes later Vinnie called to make sure the coast was clear. Nikki told him it was and he appeared out of the bushes a few seconds later, hopped in the car and we left. Once we got back on the freeway Vinnie casually mentioned that it was nice to have a lookout because he had been arrested at that same spot twice in three days just a few weeks ago.
What the fuck.
Nikki asked to see the dope which was supposed to be a gram and Vinnie handed it to her. She thought that it was light and began questioning Vinnie, saying that he pinched some for himself. They argued back and forth and Nikki demanded to see his bag to compare the two. They were bitching back and forth and at one point Nikki asked why his bag was open. When I say bag it was actually a small piece of a plastic shopping bag wrapped tightly around a piece of tar and tied closed. Nikki thought that his open bag was indicative of him somehow screwing her. Vinnie said that it wasn't open when he handed it to her and she must have opened it herself. I honestly don't remember how the conversation went, but I remember that it ended with her giving back the open one and keeping the other one for herself. Vinnie then accused Nikki of pinching hisbag claiming it was sealed when he gave it to her. Later after we dropped Vinnie off she admitted to stealing some of his.
I had met Darling Nikki a little more than a month before this in an outpatient psychiatric hospital. While I was in the program I was considered a "dual diagnosis" patient as I had a mood disorder and smoked weed on a daily basis. I won't get into my personal thoughts on cannabis right now but suffice it to say I disagreed with the "substance abuse" diagnosis. Nevertheless to complete the program I was in I was to refrain from smoking for the duration. Almost 6 weeks I didn't smoke but that would end tonight.
Nikki was a "tri-diagnosis" patient. She had a mood disorder, an eating disorder, and she was a heroin addict and alcoholic all at the lovely age of 22. She had been clean for the program which started a week before me and the 30 days of rehab that she was in prior to that. But that too, would end tonight.
The first time we "went out" was to one of the twice weekly support groups that we were forced to attend as participants in the "program.' A few days after that we decided to go to a movie together, our first real social interaction. We had coffee on a Sunday and then saw the Banksy film - we had a good time.
A few nights after that we went out to dinner after the program at some pizza place downtown. After dinner we were going to get frozen yogurt when we walked past a bar and she suggested we have a drink instead. I asked if she thought that was a good idea and she said, "Well you don't have a drinking problem, and it's not heroin."
I guess that was true, but she did have a drinking problem, and I was aware of this, and even though I didn't have one myself, neither one of us were supposed to be drinking while in the program. But she was hot, I was into her, and what the fuck?
An hour and three drinks later, three drinks being my three pints and her three double vodka tonics, we realized she needed to be home. While we both lived with our parents, she lived in near lockdown with hers. She had been in and out of rehab ever since leaving her Ivy League school because she was strung out. They kept her on a tight leash and we both knew that her coming home drunk would not be good. Somehow she was able to sober up a little and decided she could go home without a problem and we left.
The next night we went out again but this time didn't mess around with dinner and just went straight to a bar.
It's important to note that Nikki was anorexic and bulimic and even when she did eat it was just picking at things, when we were at the program during lunch she and the other women with eating disorders had to eat their lunches away from everyone else and it was all chosen by a nutritionist and nearly force fed to them. So she rarely ate even when we went to eat.
The next night we had a meeting, I was going to go and we were bringing another friend of ours from the program who was going to bring Nikki. They never showed up so I called Nikki after the meeting a little worried that something may have happened. Nikki said they were Ok,it was a long story but the other girl had gotten sick and they couldn't make it. She said she'd tell me everything if I could come pick her up and take her home.
The story was that Nikki and the other girl, who we'll call Jaime, were hanging out at Jamie's house before the meeting, watching TV or something I don't know. Nikki got a call from a friend and fellow junky that needed a favor. This friend knew that Nikki had been clean for months and therefore had clean pee. I don't know the specifics but Nikki's friend needed clean pee to pass some drug test and in return the friend would give her two Suboxone. Suboxone, if you don't know ( and I'm not a doctor or chemist) is in essence an opiate blocker. It's used for both acute withdrawal as well as maintenance in a manner similar to methadone (again I'm not a doctor). Junkys love to have these around in case they are going through withdrawals or can't score for whatever reason but won't get anyone that has a heroin dependence high. It can though get you high with no tolerance of opiates. And that's what happened. Nikki and Jaime split one which is a tablet that dissolves under your tongue. Nikki was hoping that her time sober was good enough for her to get a buzz from the sub. Jaimeappeared interested, so Nikki, the darling that she is, offered her half.
Half an hour later Jaime was spinning, nauseous, and unable to handle heavy machinery so they weren't able to drive to the meeting. Jaime actually was so sick that she woke up sick and had to call in to say that she couldn't make it to the program the next day. She was encouraged strongly to sleep for an hour and then come in. An hour later she called back saying she still couldn't come in but maybe after lunch. I guess the counselor that was taking these calls had some idea that she wasn't sick "naturally" or something and asked her point blank if she had taken drugs the night before. Jaime copped to it and they told her to come in when she could.
She came in looking sick and visible uncomfortable. She was embarrassed thinking she had let down the doctors and counselors. When she went in to talk to the counselors she told them that she had done it with Nikki and they were both told that if they hung out together again before the end of the program they would both be kicked out.
Nikki wasn't happy that her name came up but she didn't seem to hold it against Jaime either.
Nikki and my last day was about a week and a half after that and we continued to hang out a lot and continued to drink but we weren't really dating per se' just spending a lot of time together, it was clearit was headed in that direction though.
We found out a few days before that Nikki wasn't going to complete the program the day she was told and needed to stay another week. She was pissed. On Thursday night we decided we were going to get a hotel room Friday night and celebrate or something. It was just a reason to get a room. She made it clear that she wanted to party but had gotten sick the last time we went out drinking so she didn't want to drink.
"Well we could get some weed I guess, but this is the longest I've ever gone without smoking weed I was kinda thinking I'd see how long I could ride it out."
"I don't really like weed anyway" she said. "I talked to Vinnie the other day he said he has a connection in Santa Cruz."
"Heroin?"
"Yea"
"I don't know, how bout some pills, can you get me some pills?"
She said she didn't think so. Again I don't remember the exact conversation but it ended with "Well I mean I could smoke it right? I'm not really down with the whole needle idea."
"Oh yea you can smoke it, it's nice"
"Fuck it then, let's do it."

To be continued...

The Nikki Story

2012-09-23T02:41:00.001-07:00

it was a Friday evening, a little before five, and we were in my car at the top of a hill off highway 1 keeping lookout with Nikki while her junky ex-boyfriend headed down the train tracks to score dope.

"So what are we supposed to do if someone comes?" "Like a cop or a neighbor or something. '

"If it's a cop we leave. If it's a neighbor we call Vinnie and then leave."

I guess I was expecting her to have a different response. What response I was expecting I don't really know, but I do know that my first instinct would be to leave at the sight of a cop and call Vinnie to leave if it was a nosy neighbor - I guess I thought her years as a heroin addict would give her some sort of junky protocol for dealing with situations like this, I was wrong. What I soon learned was as smart as she was, her craftiness and all her energy went in to getting heroin. There was simply no time or energy left to think about anything else.
We'd been there about 15 minutes and I was starting to get a bit antsy. This was an entirely new experience to me, though it was one that I had thought about for a long time. I'm not sure at what point in my life my initial fascination with heroin began but I feel it's fair to assume it started sometime in High School, around the same time I started with the pills.
When I was 16 I blew my shoulder out playing baseball. I had been a baseball player all my life and it had always been a huge part of my identity. What started out as misdiagnosed tendinitis ended up requiring six separate surgeries over the course of about 2 years and hundreds of hours of physical therapy before I was finally forced to give it up. During those two years I did what I could for the team, DH'ing, pinch-hitting and the like. But my passion and my strengths had always been with my defense and eventually I found it too hard to watch my friends compete without me and had to give it up.
These were not good years for me. I was depressed, in hindsight i was very depressed but I'm not sure I was very aware of it at the time. Ever since surgery number four I had been taking a lot of painkillers, (Vicodin, Lortab, Codeine) on a daily basis and it was getting pretty bad. A couple months into my junior year at high school I got into a dumb fight with my friends and started isolating myself and taking more pills. Early December of that year I dropped out of school. I say dropped out because it's the easiest way to describe it but technically I went on kind of a weird combination of independent studies and a homeschooling program where I met with a tutor a couple hours a week and was supposed to be following a curriculum that one of my teachers helped us design. That didn't really work out for some reason and i received 0 credits for that whole semester. The following semester I went on the standard independent studies program in my district. I did all the reading but never showed up for my meetings and eventually just stopped participating altogether.
So at this point I was a 17 year old who didn't speak to his friends. took too many pills and was now a full year behind my former classmates as i received no credits my junior year.
Instead of school I worked at a video store full time and quickly became very interested in movies and film and began watching videos like a mad man. Over the previous few months I had found out that it was pretty awesome to take a handful of Vicodin and just lie in bed watching a triple feature and sometimes nodding in and out. Like many people my age I was very into the twisted, complicated crime films that had come out over the past 5-6 years. Reservoir Dogs, The Usual Suspects, Fargo, etc. I'd pop a bunch of pills. Finish a movie and pop in another, and of course more pills. I was watching 3 movies a day, slowly adding more genres into the mix, but I've always kept my love for 90's crime films. I don't know exactly when my interest in Heroin first actually became clear to me, but another film of that time, Roger Avary's brilliant low budget Killing Zoe was a film I watched many times. The story is rather cliche but it follows a down on his luck American safe-cracker played by Eric Stoltz who goes to Paris to pull a bank heist with his old friend. Upon arriving, he finds his friend and his gang all addicted to Heroin. The first time he chases the dragon they go out to a night club where Stoltz begins to hallucinate cartoon music notes over the piano being played. Looked like fun to me...

To be continued...

fuck you lucy

2011-09-15T23:20:00.000-07:00

So I get it now it's about control. this thing you do where you look for some retarded reason to get angry at me just so that you can cut me off and retain control is how you feel comfortable, strong, unable to get hurt. you are, by nature, a control freak. It goes back along way and there's nothing wrong with that. However, you're living in a world where you don't have control atm. Unanswered questions surround you. And as much as you claim you really want to change your life you are, for many reasons obv unable to do that right now. There are some legitimate reasons for you to have gotten held up, but on some level you're afraid of leaving this fake comfort that you have. The ironic part about it is that the only thing you don't - and will never have 100% control over is a real inter-personal relationship. Not a real friendship, not an actual healthy relationship- that's not how that shit works. While you sit there and make up one excuse after another about why you can't gtfo of town every week for the last six months, the people you have met, connected with, shared feelings with, have changed. Their thoughts, opinions and feelings about you and life itself are not the same as they were 6 months ago. What is the same as was six months ago is you. At first I thought that I had gotten to know the real you over the last few months, we shared some pretty personal and intimate details that at least I have never shared with others before. And because I have such an understanding of your behavior, through both observation, being your make shift midnight therapist and actual hands on experience due to the rollercoaster of emotions and feelings you and I experienced to know that you have many degrees of crazy. Do you think there's a reason that you've done nothing but bitch and moan and have someone fall in love with you only until the point when it was real and then make up some bogus excuse that it cant work?
How about the fact that the moment you feel threatened yur first instinct is to write a fuming life tilt email and then block me from 3 separate messengers? Not so mature way of getting the last word in imo. Felt like you were losing control of something and that was your only course of action you could take to feel in control of something? Is that why you keep sabotaging yourself for 6 months instead of moving like you keep saying? Is it because as soon as that happens you have nobody to blame but yourself? Nobody to bitch to since of course at that point you'll have cut your internet life out of the equation since youve been meaning to do that also....Again....which you've done three times "completely" and at least a dozen in other degress, Because of course there can't be any ties because of stalkers.....yes, stalkers....this stalker you speak of lives in fucking costa rica making 100ks a year and busting online poker cheating websites and you think he gives a fuck if you move to vegas? jesus christ how self absorbed are you to think that just because you led him on and then dropped him also that he would spend years looking for you?? and reading your aim conversations?? do you honestly think that he asks people to find out information about you? I'll tell you the answer to that, he doesn't. You're a pycho bitch and he doesn't give a fuck, if he did half of the things you accuse him of he would know how much of a fuckng lunatic you actually are and would never speak to you again let alone track you half way around the world and have friends spy on you for him?....... holy shit, I'm not even done but listen to just that part right there. Read it again, the part about him stalking you. Who are you fucking Lindsay Lohan? You're a 31 year old, twice married mother of four with a fucked up knee and a chip on your shoulder - nobody is fucking stalking you, you psycho bitch.

um, so yea, thats the first rant we've seen, good for variety, I'll explain this more later. For now let's call her Lucy.

What I've been watching lately

2009-10-31T20:19:00.000-07:00

I've been watching a ton of movies both on netflix streaming and dvd, so many that I'm gonna forget some. But I'll try and list them and maybe tommorrow get a short writeup about at least some of them.

Sweet and Lowdown

Everyone Says I Love you- Had already seen this, but I enjoy it anyway.

Criminal

Jarhead

Somewhere in the City

Brick

Antz

Edmond

Siberia

Naked - A Mike Leigh film

A Hole In My Heart (Ett hål i mitt hjärta ) directed by Lukas Moodysson

Also as another note all the Hal Hartley films that I uploaded to youtube have been taken down at his request.

Hal Hartley Heads Up

2009-06-25T22:44:00.001-07:00

Most of his early stuff is relatively hard to find but Netflix currently has 5 of his films available to watch instantly. Henry Fool and its sequel along with earlier stuff such as Simple Men and my favorite, Trust.

As far as upcoming projects IMDB lists him as working on a film Moving the Arts, a collaboration with Atom Egoyan and others.

Leave it to Hal Hartley...

2009-05-12T19:58:00.000-07:00

To create a dialogue driven science fiction film, The Girl From Monday stars Hartley regular Bill Sage and Sabrina LLoyd!! I fuckin love Sabrina LLoyd as she was a key character in my favorite TV series of all time Sports Night. Hartley personally scored the film as he often does but then doesn't score with the film that should have been another 30 minute short film which he does so well. It's worth watching but I didn't think it was anywhere near on par with Hartley's other stuff.

The Nines

2009-05-11T15:58:00.000-07:00

The Nines is a great film that I just watched on Netflix streaming combining aspects of Charlie Kaufman, digital video, science fiction and metaphysical questions all rolled up into one well wrapped package. The Nines stars Ryan Reynolds and Hope Davis and directed by the screenwriter John August. Watch it now on Netflix The Nines.

A Perfect Sonnet

2009-04-17T14:32:00.000-07:00

This video is practically perfect. Meet Conor Oberst and Bright Eyes with some of the best love story clips of recent movie history.

Urban Dictionary

2009-03-23T10:01:00.000-07:00

I submitted this to UD for my friend, please visit and "thumbs up" it http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=WANFA.
I'm also trying to fix dead links today so if something has been down it should come back up later (music mostly). I was asked by Mr Hal Hartley himself to remove his videos so I respectfully obliged.

Top 5 Songs I want played at my funeral

2009-03-04T15:17:00.001-08:00

5. Seeing Other People - Belle & Sebastian (My favorite song ever) But I want the non original "slow version" Featuring Isobel singing one of the verses.
4. Landslide- Billy Corgan covering Fleetwood Mac
3. It Could Have Been A Brilliant Career - Belle & Sebastian
2. Needle In The Hey - Elliot Smith
1. I Don't Blame You - Cat Power

DVD Ideas

2009-03-01T16:00:00.000-08:00

Saved!, Good dark comedy, the director went on to do a few episodes of Weeds which is arguably the best thing on TV at the moment if you ask me. Saved is similar in tone to The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys which I also recommend. Not too much else to say other than the highly underrated Jacob's Ladder starring Tim Robbins.

Jon Luke

Blog is back bitches

2009-01-26T22:09:00.000-08:00

May have a new theme, will still have many of the same shit, will start updating regularly, with the intention of being much, much more personal about what has happened since the last post as well as keeping up with the movie stuff as to the best of my abilities.

Look for regular content beginning late this week, monday for sure, 3+ posts a week. I'm sorry if anyone actually checked this blog more than twice since July and I'll make i up to you.

J.L.

Takashi Miike's Sukiyaki Western Django

2008-07-03T18:39:00.000-07:00

Just got a call from a friend of mine that I used to work with who gave me the heads up about a press screening tomorrow for the new Takashi Miike film, Sukiyaki Western Django featuring Quentin Tarantino.

My friend actually has the exact same job that I used to have and one of the duties is to run private screenings for the members of the local press so that the movies get reviewed before opening day, which in this case is not anytime soon that I know of. Luckily for me she knows how much I love Miike and has offered to sneak me in, pretty excited actually.

From what I understand, and I've avoided reading too much about it, is that it's either a samurai influenced spaghetti western or a spaghetti western influenced samurai film, which may or may not (I've heard both) be influenced by both Django and Django's own inspiration Yojimbo.

I just have a few thoughts before watching it and then I'll write more after I see the film tomorrow...

Firstly, Takashi Miike is,without a doubt, the busiest filmmaker in the world. He has directed upwards of five films a year for the last 5 years, and averaged around 3 a year for more than a decade prior to that. Production of that volume is unheard of, and for it to come out not only watchable but captivating and original each time is nothing short of amazing. If you're unfamiliar with his work you should check him out. I mentioned him in an earlier post Takashi Miike and the best trailer ever? Audition is probably his most well known film in the states.

The Spaghetti Western is an interesting genre that doesn't get as much respect from most as I feel it should. Loosely, a Spaghetti Western is a western film shot by an Italian Studio / Production Team in Italy with sets, themes, and influences, all mimicking the America Southwest western films made during the American Studio system.

The qualities that separate Spaghetti Westerns and their mostly American counterparts, were however, quite significant. Probably the most defining characteristics of the Spaghetti Western are the fact that they often replaced the typical American Hero with a more 'modernized' almost existentialist anti-hero.
When we think of typical western films we think of films like Rio Bravo, High Noon, or the masterpieces of John Ford. Each of these films, as per standard of the genres had a hero who was 'good at heart.' Usually ranchers or otherwise 'common folk' who, through no fault of their own, are forced to take matters into their own hands in often extreme circumstances. Icon of the genre, John Wayne obviously.

Alternately, when we think about or discuss the biggest names of the Spaghetti Western genre we realize those same things aren't always the case. Using the "Man with no name" trilogy as an example, the "heroes" of the new style of western were far more jaded and conflicted than the simple men of the past. Eastwood's man with no name character, or "Blondie" as he's sometimes referred to is the ultimate example of the movement. Blondie is not here to rescue a helpless village from thieves or to attempt to save the yearly crop for the townspeople. Blondie is out for money, he's a bounty hunter, a gunman for hire, and a man very obviously struggling with some sort of personal demons and angst not present in the more classical westerns.
In some circles ALL Spaghetti's would be considered "B-Films," according to others only the Sergio Leone films, (Fistful of Dollars, The Good the bad and the Ugly) were worthy of being referred to as anything other than cheap imitations. To others still, and I count myself in this group, the Spaghetti was the true precursor to the postmodern gangster film.

In the same way that the classical films of John Ford influenced the classical gangster films of The Godfather series, or even to a lesser degree, The Untouchables. The films of Leone and Sergio Corbucci ushered in and influenced everything we take for granted in gangster film today, most importantly Hong Kong action films which would probably be considered the biggest influence to the action and gangster films of today....

Ok, I'm rambling so going to stop now. I'll write more tomorrow.

What I've been watching part deux:

2008-06-22T19:24:00.000-07:00

I was on a bit of a documentary binge last week and saw a couple that I had put off seeing for one reason or another.

Cocaine Cowboys was good, but not quite as good as its hype.

Feast of Death follows crime novelist James Ellroy (L.A. Confidential, The Black Dahlia) as he investigates the unsolved murder of his mother from his childhood. I found it very interesting but really only because Ellroy is a very charismatic speaker and subject, the film itself was mediocre at best.

Serial Killers: The Real Life Hannibal Lecters profiles multiple serial killers including Jeffrey Dahmer, John Wayne Gacy, Ted Fisher and others, all in all it was nothing special.

Another movie I watched which wasn't exactly a documentary but may as well have been. Downtown 81 (a.k.a New York Beat Movie.) A 'non-documentary' starring young New York street/pop culture artist Jean-Michel Basquiat. The film is a day in the life of Jean-Michel, played by himself, as he walks the streets trying to sell a painting of his to avoid being evicted. The film was considered lost sometime during the 80's, presumably before it was ever finished. It was then returned to in 1999 and completed after Michel's death, the soundtrack and the vocal track however, were never recovered. Vincent Gallo, friend of Basquiat composed original music for the new soundrtack, as did a few others, and spoken word performer/poet/MC/ actor Saul Williams looped Jean-Michels dialogue and voice-over narration. It works as a documentary, a biopic and both an art film and a film about artists. Anyone interested in Basquiat or the New York art scene of the 80s and early 90's should really enjoy it.

Weekend DVD ideas again

2008-06-22T01:24:00.001-07:00

By genre (which is a term I use rather loosely)

Hong Kong Action- The Killer, John Woo's hitman with a conscience masterpiece is, as far as I'm concerned the best action film ever made. I know a lot of people would argue that Woo's Hard Boiled is a better action film, well more action does not a better action film make. The Killer has everything an action film should have, bad ass lead, highly choreographed action sequences, beautiful camerawork, and doves- lots of doves, and of course, Chow Yun-Fat. Possibly the most influential action film ever and the seminal film of the Hong Kong Action genre.

Coming of Age- Igby Goes Down, Kieran Culkin stars as Igby in a rough but sharply written modernization of The Catcher in the Rye.

Screwball Comedy- Flirting With Disaster, David O. Russell followed up his brilliant debut film Spanking the Monkey, with this gem starring Ben Stiller. Stiller's character Mel was adopted and many years later he has decided to track down his birth family. Awesomeness ensues. With Patricia Arquette, Tea Leoni, Alan Alda and Lily Tomlin.

Dark Comedy - Henry Fool, Hal Hartley's 1997 award winning script is probably his most realized film to date. Simon Grim works as a garbageman in Long Island and lives with his mentally ill mother and slutty sister. When mysterious stranger Henry Fools rolls into town with his 'life's work in 14 notepads' he inspires Simon to begin writing poetry of his own. On the run from something, Henry hides out at the Grims home while attempting to complete his 'confessions.'

Meetin' WA : A documentary by Jean-Luc Godard on Woody Allen

2008-06-16T18:39:00.000-07:00

Woody Allen is a world class paranoid, claustraphobe, hypochondriac and filmmaker. Very little exists on his life apart from his films, which despite being quite autobiographical don't delve too deeply into his personal life which he does his best to keep private. I've only seen two documentaries based on Woody's life, the first, Wild Man Blues chronicles Woody as he tours with his jazz band through Europe. The second, Meetin' WA. Is an intimate video interview by one of the greatest filmic minds in history, Jean-Luc Godard.

Considered lost for years, this is a pretty good print, er well copy I guess, it was video so there was no print, but whatever.

The first worry when approaching someone who is known for being extremely neurotic is the idea that maybe they won't be comfortable enough to tell their real story. It's not an easy thing to divulge your thoughts knowing that thousands of people will be watching it later. This fear is unwarranted though as the film is in the hands of one of the most skilled directors of all time and more importantly, a friend of Allen's whom he trusts and is comfortable being candid with.
Check it out.

Meetin' WA (1986)

Independent voices, the auteurs of today: Lodge Kerrigan

2008-06-16T15:12:00.000-07:00

Sometimes a filmmaker comes along with such a powerful and thorough understanding of their craft that it really makes me upset that more people are unable to experience their work. One such director, Irish-American Lodge Kerrigan, is someone I've had on this unofficial list for some time but I had yet to see his latest film. Well I just finished watching Keane, his most recent film from 2004 my appreciation of him has been slightly rekindled.

A few thoughts on how I came upon the filmmakers work originally, which is actually a rather interesting story. About 7 or 8 years ago, when I was 17 I was working in a video rental chain. It was not Blockbuster, but I won't give anymore details. Anyway this was a time when I was just discovering a lot of new stuff with regards to movies. Like many guys my age, I was thoroughly entranced by the return of the ultra-cool crime movie genre that had resurrected itself after the success of Pulp Fiction.

During a conversation with a coworker we began discussing some of the character actors that has shown up in a number of these films during this period, the most obvious is Buscemi, but for this post we'll concentrate on Mr. Peter Greene, best known to most as Zed, the torture rapist from Pulp Fiction and keeper of the gimp.
I thought the actor was awesome, and we discussed a few of his other, more memorable roles such as Redfoot from the Usual Suspects and Gus the drug dealer from the Nick Stahl biopic Permanent Midnight. It was at this time I was recommended a film called Clean, Shaven. A low-key, small budget psychological drama staring Peter Greene as a schizophrenic father desperately trying to regain custody of his daughter from her new adopted family.
Recently released from an institution, we follow Peter's character on his quest while his hallucinations begin to take over his life.

The film is dark. Well, not so much dark as cold. The palette was drab, dull greens and blues colored the frame. Auditory hallucinations begin to torment Peter as he becomes less and less able to handle the symptoms of his illness or discern between his versions of reality. A powerful and disturbing portrait of mental illness and the attempt to deal with something that we, both as viewers and as a society don't quite understand.

His second feature, Claire Dolan was released a few years later - after Kerrigan had received some acclaim for his rarely seen but strong debut. Starring English actress
Katrin Cartlidge (RIP), Claire Dolan relates the story of Claire, an Irish American immigrant paying her bills (and her debts ) as a high class call girl in Manhattan.
Going through life on auto-pilot is probably a great way for Claire to distance herself from her work. Though unhappy with her life she gets something out of each of her Johns as well. Using as she's being used, she gets a feeling of importance, a sense of control when with the men, if only for a few minutes. Like Clean, Shaven, our protagonist is desperately searching for something to give her life meaning but she's not sure what she's looking for.

His latest film, Keane, is his most polished film to date. Exploring similar feelings of loneliness, loss and mental illness it revolves around a man named William Keane, a thirtyish single father who's daughter was abducted from the train station in NY. Haunted by his regrets and second guesses of how he could have allowed this to happen he spends his days retracing steps and interviewing strangers in the station in an attempt to find his daughter.

Staying in a weekly motel he meets a mother and daughter staying in the room below them. Overhearing a discussion of money problems William takes the opportunity to introduce himself to the woman and offer her some cash to help her out of her quandary. At first apprehensive of his charity he insists she take the money. His strangely detached, calm demeanor seems to comfort the woman Lynn and the two become friends.

The next day, Lynn asks William if he could pick up her daughter Kira from school the next day and watch her for a few hours while she takes care of some things. She's very secretive but it seems important and William quickly agrees. The next night, a few hours after school had let out the a phone message is delivered to William from the front desk explaining that Lynn wouldn't be back that night and she would see him tomorrow.

During their two days together William bonds with the child as she's about the same age that his own daughter would be. They go ice skating, have dinner and overall have a good day until a sudden paranoid episode prompts William to scream "Stop looking at me!! Stop!, Stop Looking at me, why are you looking at me?" While all the people in the ice rink turn to him and look terrified, Kira walks across the room to him, asks him if he's OK and holds his hand when he explains that he's sorry and doesn't feel well.

Up until this point we feel that William is suffering from some form of mental illness. He seems out of touch with reality, he's unsure of the order of certain events, he has trouble interacting socially and is on disability with no apparent physical injury. This breaking point that we witness puts a new spin on the mutual relationship that Kira and William create for themselves.

We also begin to question some of he things we know of William. Did his daughter really disappear? Did he ever have a daughter? How out of touch with reality is he? Does he realize that he's sick? All these questions are implied through a spectacular introverted performance by Damien Lewis as William Keane.

I don't believe its a stretch to speculate that someone close to Kerrigan has had issues with mental illness and schizophrenia, or that he'll continue to make daring character studies that most filmmakers wouldn't touch. While this film is much less 'in your face' than Clean, Shaven, it follows a lot of the same structure points down to the very synopsis of a suffering man trying to rescue his daughter. This is a theme very personal to Kerrigan and one that he will almost surely continue to explore.

His films show maturity as well as social responsibility. It seems clear that he is unhappy with the societal stigma related to schizophrenia and seeks to change peoples perceptions of it. Confident and aware of what he wants, Lodge Kerrigan is emerging as one of the more important, 'unheard of' filmmakers in America or overseas.

Human Rights PSA: Inhuman Traffic

2008-06-13T00:44:00.000-07:00

So after watching the films I did recently, Lilja 4-Ever, Not Angels, But Angels

and Body Without Soul, and learning more of the young woman Dangoule Rasalaite, who Lilja was loosely based on, and of whom has little (from what I could find) written of her, I was driven to read up a bit more on some of the problems faced in Europe with regards to child prostitution, exploitation, and human trafficking, all of which have become more and more of a problem worldwide.

I landed on this blog discussing the problem of trafficking along with the MTV and Angelina Jolie backed documentary Inhuman Traffic. After that I found another MTV documentary featuring Lucy Liu simply called Traffic. They're both only about thirty minutes long and are quite eye opening. Please take a look at them and encourage your friends to do the same

Inhuman Traffic

Traffic: An MTV EXIT Special

The Early documentaries of Wiktor Grodecki

2008-06-08T18:34:00.000-07:00

On the recommendation of a friend I watched two documentaries by Wiktor Grodecki the other day. The first, called Not Angels, But Angels followed by it's unofficial sequel/followup Body Without Soul both deal with teenage male prostitutes/street hustlers in Prague in the early nineties. The first Not Angels, But Angels interviews a group of boys aged 15-17 who make their living selling themselves in the gay discos and train stations in the former communist state for around 35$ U.S. a pop.

The stories of how they ended up doing what they did varied slightly,(one boys parents had been killed in a car accident and he had nowhere to go, others were kicked out of their house or chose to leave an abusive home life) as did their places of origin, (Slovakia, Estonia among other nearby countries.) But their temperament, at least by now was pretty consistent. They were depressed, they were unhealthy and naive to many of the real dangers of their profession. Some were homosexual, others straight and many were bi-sexual; but they all survive by sleeping with men for money.

Some of their friends are dead from aids, some from overdoses. Others just disappeared one day; possibly kidnapped or killed. Most of them claim to want to get out of the life, but being under 18 with no permanent residence makes it hard for them to find work. Interesting stories from a life and culture and industry that I know very little about.

The second film Body Without Soul picks up basically where the first one left off- focusing on a group of hustlers who have begun work in the underground gay porn world in Prague. We're told that the gay porn industry of the time was very very popular particularly in the Czech Republic, Germany and the former countries of Yugoslavia.

Two men produced nearly every gay porn film in Prague and in the film we focus on one of them, a Mr. Pavel Rousek, who recruits young male hookers from the streets to star in his films. Rousek, who writes, photographs, and directs all his own films shoots many of the interior scenes in his own home after asking his wife and child to leave the house for the afternoon.

Weekend drinking binges with his underage actors often featured 'rehearsals' wherein the boys would be ask to perform any myriad of sexual acts on each other or on Rousek himself. At the end of these binge rehearsals would come a short shoot where a roughly 75-90 minute film would be shot in around 2.5 days.
It's hard to find any redeeming qualities in a man who exploits children for profit, but none of the kids had anything particularly bad to say of Rousek other than their dislike for the whole process. We're told the reasons that they aren't allowed to wear condoms in most films, which countries are drawn to which fetishes and where the bulk of their videos are sold.

While also intriguing the movie is handled with less gentleness than the first film. We spend less time getting to know about the characters individually and more time viewing them as cattle, or pawns in the career of Rousek or even Wiktor Grodecki, the films director himself. Of course that could be the whole point of the film. The boys are being exploited, there's no reason for him to portray it differently, they're not being treated as humans, why pretend they are? To me it felt a little bit like the film was made to be easily marketed as the followup to Not Angels, and less like it was meant to get the story out, as was the feeling I got from the Not Angels.

Weekend dvd ideas

2008-06-08T03:01:00.001-07:00

Films to rent when you're feeling:

Nostalgic- Reality Bites. The quinessential generation X comedy. Not even a whole lot to say about it really. Good dialogue, great characters, enough quotes to drive your friends nuts and it made Lisa Loeb a star, so yea.

Like you had too much coffee/drugs- Dead or Alive trailer Takashi Miike and the best trailer ever? all I have to say about that.

Pretentious- Amateur. I certainly don't mean to discredit Hal Hartley or his strange mystery/ black comedy 'thing', afterall he's probably my favorite filmmaker, top five at least. B this film is not for everyone. An amnesia sufferer tries to uncover his past while staying in the home of a virgin, nymphomaniacal ex-nun. Quirky and self conscious and I mean that with the utmost respect.

Conflicted- Crimes and Misdemeanors. One of Woody Allen's masterpieces of the 80's deftly deals with love, loss, infidelity, murder, and betayal in a way only Woody can.

thoughts on "our song" and how it relates to the magic of the movies edit: that was the third title I had to make after this thing changed four times

2008-06-06T00:26:00.000-07:00

I often wonder to myself what sets me off on a particular train of thought. What is it that ensures another sleepless night? Why is it that the viewing of a film or listening to a song can change so much more than just my mood? I've been thinking about this a lot lately and I couldn't quite put my finger on it until just now when a particular song, played at random, gave me a glimpse of what it was.
This song, the title of which is irrelevant, means a lot to me and immediately brings up memories of a special person from my past.This friend and I bonded over a song and in whatever way it is that songs become "my song" or "your song" this one did and it will always be remembered by me as our song.
I think the phenomenon of this comes down to the same principle that says children learn better after hearing AND seeing the information in a textbook. I have a knack for bonding images and sounds in my head. The times and the things I was dealing with along with this friend are the only things that come to mind while hearing the song. The meaning, even the original lyrics took a back seat as soon as it became our song.
I've mentioned before to people how I tend to imagine things. My dreams, my hopes, my romanticised (for better and for worse) views of the world, of people, of pain and happiness play out as a movie in my mind. My memories are smoothly edited and beautifully shot while my plans for the future are self-conscious and loosely structured.
I will never, ever, be able to hear the classic "Stuck in the middle with you" again without visualizing and cringing at the thought of Michael Madsen mercilessly torturing and ear-adicating a poor police officer from Reservoir Dogs. I beleive this idea, the one where I will never again be able to dissociate the ear from the song is the single most important factor in the popularity of film.
Film means many things to many people. To Godard, "Cinema was truth - 24 times per second." To a documentarian like Nick Broomfield film is simply a filter to be able to see the world as he sees it. To my mother, film is nothing more than an excuse to get my dad to watch something other than the Giants game.
It's long been said, and I would agree, that film is not the most efficient medium to tell a story. Prose or even casual conversation can usually portray a story with more detail than a film could. Not to mention of course the actual financial hardship that a film would pose as opposed to a novel. The one thing that only film can produce is that extra interpretive step that the viewer must make themselves.
In the early 1920's a Russian filmmaker named Sergei Eisenstein and his colleague Lev Kuleshov began theorizing and experimenting on different aspects of film editing, primarily montage, and the effect that the actual "collision of images" could have on the viewer. Among other breakthroughs the most important idea that they came up with is officially credited to Kuleshov and is called "the theory of dialectical montage", sometimes also referred to as the Kuleshov Effect.
In broad terms the theory states that when shown two images one after another the viewers natural reaction is to assume a final idea or image to succeed the first two. To demonstrate this theory he filmed an experiment where a stone faced actor stared straight ahead for several seconds. This shot was then intercut with the image of a bowl of soup, a coffin, and a child playing. After each image the audience claimed to have seen a slight look of satisfaction after the soup bowl., sadness after the coffin and happiness after the child.
This natural reaction that we as an audience have, to take it one step further, is one of the many things that makes the medium what it is. So I guess what it comes down to is that I'm captivated by movies because of my natural tendency to take things one step further
and I'm doomed to a life of disappointment and dissatisfaction for the same reasons.

Lilja, I'm sorry but I'm going to have to be that guy

2008-06-05T20:35:00.000-07:00

I hate the guy that walks out of every movie saying it's the best movie he's ever seen, or that constantly raves how the last movie he saw is always the best film of the year etc. But holy shit I just saw an incredible film that makes me have to be that guy. Lilja 4-Ever, which I just finished has me practically speechless. I think I'll have to come back to this in a bit because I'm still going over a lot of it in my head but I had to take a few minutes to talk about this.
Swedish director Lukas Moodyson (Together) tells the story of Lilja, a 16 year old, recently orphaned girl living in the former Soviet Union whose desperate need for something more coupled with her naivety leads her to begin a life of prostitution. Originally appalled by her friend Natascha's willingness to sleep with men for money she eventually runs out of other options and sets up shop in the nightclubs surrounding her dilapidated apartment.
After a particularly brutal encounter with a client Lilja meets a young man who offers her a ride home. At first weary of the stranger, Lilja eventually accepts the ride and begins a romance with the mysterious businessman from Sweden despite her best friends insistence that all he wanted was to sleep with her. Eventually the man convinces her to go back to Sweden with him under the guise that he would set her up with a new agricultural job. Lilja is too sweet and naive to realize the siginificance of her new passport- complete with new name and birthdate, but we as viewers can sense what she is getting herself into.
After doing a bit of light research I found that the film was loosely inspired by the events of the life of Dangoule Rasalaite "a 16-year-old from Lithuania who threw herself from a Swedish apartment block, has been used in campaigns to warn young women in Eastern Europe of the dangers of a sex trade which the United Nations reports involves 700,000 women and children." Source

I'll likely write more about this after I've had some time to think about it a little bit more, but it hit me pretty hard and it's becoming increasingly rare when a movie has such a strong and sudden effect on me, all the way down to physical feelings of nausea at some points I was blown away from both an artistic standpoint and a social issue angle. I'm sorry I took so long to see this and I hope others take the time to watch it as well.

What I've been watching

2008-06-05T18:15:00.000-07:00

So I'll add to this every once in a while when I can. Watched two movies this week that I hadn't seen before. The first, Be Kind Rewind, I don't really even know what to say about. Somewhere in a super ambitious, super quirky script writer/director Michel Gondry forgot that the point wasn't to be super quirky and super ambitious, but to make films for a purpose. Uneven doesn't begin to describe it, I had high expectations for the film due to Gondry's prior work but with the exception of a dynamite performance by Mos Def I was extremely disappointed and will be lowering my expectations for his next venture unless he wises up and again enlists the help of Hollywood wunderkind Charlie Kaufman to help turn his fractured eccentric ideas into a workable script.
The second film I watched, the Scottish production Morvern Callar, was fucking amazing. Celebrated young British filmmaker Lynne Ramsey follows up her acclaimed film Ratcatcher with an even more personal film in Morvern Callar. Samantha Morton stars as the title character who after awakening Christmas morning to find her boyfriend dead of a suicide, embarks on a literal and metaphorical journey full of self discovery.
Anyone familiar with my taste will not be surprised at all at how much I loved this film. Beautifully bleak atmosphere and surroundings lead way to powerful, understated performances in this story of self identity as Morvern replaces the authors name on her boyfriends manuscript with her own and sets off to publish "her" first novel.
After lying to her best friend Lanna and claiming that her boyfriend had left her with no explanation, the two set off on an impromptu holiday in Spain filled with ecstasy pills and short lived love affairs as Morvern tries to push the thoughts of her recent past out of her mind.
Whatever star or thumb-scale you use, Morvern Callar aces it, seriously, see it soon.

DVD Ideas for a Saturday Night

2008-05-31T17:41:00.000-07:00

Back to the 90's indies. Films to rent with your:

Boys- Red Rock West. Nic Cage, Dennis Hopper and the late great J.T. Walsh star in John Dahl's second feature. A dark, small town film-noir posing as a modern western is true to it's roots while still being unique and unexpected.

Significant Other- Before Sunrise. Richard Linklater's (Slacker, Dazed and Confused) witty and beautiful story of love at first sight stars Julie Delpy and gen-x's James Dean Ethan Hawke.

Girlfriends- Walking and Talking. The film debut of writer/director Nicole Holofcener who would go on to direct much of the first season of Sex and the City. Story of life-long best friends, played by Catherine Keener and Anne Heche and the effect that ones upcoming wedding has on the stability of the other. Witty and intelligent - if the Sex and the City movie turns out half this good I'll be very impressed.