38. Exile in New Zealand

A kiwi bach

2012-01-01T09:46:00.010+13:00

Many people in NZ own a bach like the one shown here above. It can be a small one bedroom holiday home near the beach or it can be an elaborate 5 brm mansion.

The main attraction is the beach; not the house.

For some people, just a walk on the beach is enough. Others prefer to swim, surf or fish, like this lone surf caster:

I have been told that it is not important to get a fish when you go fishing in NZ. In fact many Kiwis practise catch and release and they don't even like eating fish!

Others go for short walks, enjoying nature and the scenery along the way:

At Whangamata, a popular surf beach, Coromandel, the attractions are the surf and sandy beaches. With temperatures in the low 20's (degrees C); swimming in the sea is one of the many Christmas holiday past-times. Many others enjoy tramping on well maintained tracks all over NZ. On our way out, we stopped at the Kerangahake Gorge for a picnic lunch and walked on a short one hour track through the old gold mine, tunnels and suspension bridges. Tramping is a very popular activity in NZ because it is healthy, free and full of fun for the whole family.

gold mine

An old gold mine on the side of the Kerangahake gorge, near Waihi, easily reached by road from Hamilton.

Garvan Byrne

2011-12-12T14:05:00.001+13:00

The maturity of the message from this 11 year old boy is way beyond his age. He must be inspired by God. His faith is so strong and his message very clear. For example he said that his body was his reflection so that people could recognise him …. the real him would go to heaven when he died and he did not need this reflection anymore! Wow! We can all take a lesson from this young boy who truly must be touched by God. There's so much truth, love, inspiration, depth and maturity in ONE so young as he.

May we all learn from this...

The boot is on the other foot!

2011-12-10T09:40:00.002+13:00

"Spare a thought for Uncle Tony Fernandez, Chief Executive of 'Air Asia"...... Arriving in a hotel in KL Sentral he went to the bar and asked for a pint of draught Guinness. The barman nodded and said, "That will be one Ringgit please, Uncle Tony." Somewhat taken aback, Uncle Tony replied, "That's very cheap," and handed over his money.

"Well, we try to stay ahead of the competition", said the barman. "And we are serving free pints every Wednesday evening from 6 until 8. We have the cheapest draught in Asia " "That is remarkable value" Uncle Tony comments "I see you don't seem to have a glass, so you'll probably need one of ours. That will be 3 Ringgit please." Uncle Tony scowled, but paid up.

He took his drink and walked towards a seat. "Ah, you want to sit down?" said the barman. "That'll be an extra 2 Ringgit. You could have pre-book the seat, and it would have only cost you a Ringgit" "I think you may to be too big for the seat sir, can I ask you to sit in this frame please" Uncle Tony attempts to sit down but the frame is too small and when he can't squeeze in he complains "Nobody would fit in that little frame". "I'm afraid if you can't fit in the frame you'll have to pay an extra surcharge of RM 4 for your seat sir" Tony swore to himself, but paid up.

"I see that you have brought your laptop with you" added the barman. "And since that wasn't pre-booked either, that will be another 3 Ringgit" Uncle Tony was so annoyed that he walked back to the bar, slammed his drink on the counter, and yelled, "This is ridiculous, I want to speak to the manager".

"Ah, I see you want to use the counter," says the barman, "that will be 2 Ringgit please." Uncle's face was red with rage. "Do you know who I am?" "Of course I do Mr Fernandes "I've had enough, What sort of Hotel is this? I come in for a quiet drink and you treat me like this. I insist on speaking to a manager!" "Here is his E mail address, or if you wish, you can contact him between 9 and 9.10 every morning, Monday to Tuesday at this free phone number. Calls are free, until they are answered, then there is a talking charge of only 10 sen per second provided you use Tune Talk using other mobile carriers would incur our normal charges of 30 Sen per second "I will never use this bar again" "OK Uncle , but remember, we are the only bar in Asia selling pints for one Ringgit...so that Now everyone can drink "

(contributed by LH)

North to Alaska

2011-11-19T15:45:00.000+13:00

Little Hodiaki

2011-11-16T07:10:00.004+13:00

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?"
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Little Hodiaki, a bright foreign exchange student from Japan, who had his hand up.

“Patrick Henry, 1775.” he said.
“Very good!”

“Who said, 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?'”
Again, no response except from Little Hodiaki. “Abraham Lincoln, 1863.”

“Excellent!” said the teacher continuing, “Let's try one a bit more difficult...”
“Who said, 'Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country?'”
Once again, Hodiaki's was the only hand in the air and he said: “John F. Kennedy, 1961.”

The teacher snapped at the class,
“Class, you should be ashamed of yourselves, Little Hodiaki isn't from this country and he knows more about our history than you do.”

She heard a loud whisper: “Fuck the Japs.”
“Who said that? I want to know right now!” she angrily demanded.
Little Hodiaki put his hand up, “General MacArthur, 1945.”

At that point, a student in the back said, “I'm gonna puke.”
The teacher glared around and asked, “All right! Now who said that?!”
Again,Little Hodiaki said, “George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.”

Now furious, another student yelled, “Oh yeah? Suck this!”
Little Hodiaki jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouted to the teacher,“Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!”

Now with almost mob hysteria someone said, “You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.”
Little Hodiaki frantically yelled at the top of his voice, “Michael Jackson to the child witness testifying against him, 2004.”

The teacher fainted.
As the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, “Oh shit, we're screwed!”
Little Hodiaki said quietly, “The Australian people, 2011.”

(contributed by George)

Mario Lanza & Luciano Pavarotti

2011-11-15T05:46:00.004+13:00

1950: The boy singing with Mario Lanza is Luciano Pavarotti!

This Video is a rare jewel

For those of you who remember Mario Lanza (who died very prematurely) this recording is a rare recording - it's probably not a video as those were not in existence in those days - must have been taken off a film. IT'S A RARE, RARE RECORDING THOUGH AND WORTH KEEPING IN YOUR ARCHIVES IF YOU HAVE ONE.

THOUGHT YOU MIGHT ALL ENJOY HEARING THE YOUNG PAVAROTTI WHO SOUNDS LIKE AN ABSOLUTE ANGEL!!

(contributed by Mabel)

鬼妹唱廣東話歌唱得非常之犀利

2011-11-02T19:00:00.003+13:00

(contributed by George Liew)

A new yachtie!

2011-10-22T07:04:00.024+13:00

Gabriel on my Nanook

Gabriel Phang contacted me while I was on holidays in Kuantan. He was a Singaporean, migrated to Auckland more than 20 years ago. He had sailed a catamaran and owns a 10 ft. dinghy. He was thinking of upgrading to a trailer yacht and while researching for a suitable yacht to buy, he googled Noelex 22 and found my blog!

I invited him to come to Hamilton to test drive my Nanook. He quickly accepted and we fixed a date. The conditions on Lake Ngaroto were just perfect, with winds of 12 knots from the NW. He said that he will wait until next year before buying. He needs to complete the NZ boating courses for boat masters before venturing out into the Huraki Gulf. My advice was for him to get a 25 footer, a 6.7M Joker or an Elliot 7.4 because they are bigger and safer for him in the open sea. Basically he has 4 choices depending on his available budget:

19 ft. Kestrel, a good robust and stable trailer yacht suitable for a small family. It is in fact a floating caravan but cost much less. Mobile homes are getting really too expensive to own.

Noelex 22, which looks fast and sleek, is only slightly faster than a Kestrel. Both these boats are suitable for a single hander, either for racing or for cruising the freshwater lakes of NZ. Erecting a boom tent, (after dropping anchor), will convert the large cockpit area into more useful space for family cruising.

This 6.7M Joker sails much flatter than most trailer yachts because it has built-in ballast tanks. The hull is made of wood, glassed over to save weight. It is therefore faster than most yachts of this class. All Jokers were made from kit sets by its first owner. It is not found on Trademe for sale, as often as other factory produced boats.

The Elliot 7.4M is the largest size of the trail-able yachts. It has a winged keel controlled by a hydraulic jack. It is a very powerful boat. Ideally you need a 3 men crew for rigging up, launching and raising the spinnaker. You may also need a more powerful towing vehicle than the family car. Beyond this size, you exceed the maximum width, permitted for NZ highways. It is time to consider a yacht with a permanent fixed keel. These keelers are normally stored at a marina. So, size is no longer a limiting factor.

Just look at this luxury yacht berthed at the Cup Village in Auckland. It is every man's dream boat. You can actually sell your house and live on board (if your wife agrees!) Imagine, no more phones ringing, no utility bills to pay, no lawns to mow or trees to prune. To change the scenery, simply cast off, raise the main and sail into the unknown for a week or two.

Long lost cousin

2011-10-21T07:03:00.007+13:00

Annie Chin's father and my father were brothers. I met her for the very first time in Kuching last month. She is 74 years old and I am 67.

standing: Eunice, Christine, Rose
David, Annie

It all started when I was waiting for my tour to Shanghai last year. I took a side trip to Sabah to trace my roots. I made many contacts in Sabah. One of these was Teresa, Mrs Steven Chin, to whom I gave Rose's phone number in Kuching. She called Rose a few months later, informing her that she was visiting Annie Chin (her sister in-law) in Kuching!

My own family had always thought that Annie's mother has taken her to live in England. It was not true. She was left as a baby in Kuching with an auntie and has been living there all this time without us being aware of it. It took her 74 years to find us! Suddenly, I have so many relatives in Sarawak. I always thought that they were all in Sabah.

Restaurant owner

2011-10-16T18:51:00.002+13:00

A successful restaurant owner died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the restaurant, but knew very little about running one, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a helping hand. Two chefs applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.

She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about running an eatery. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the restaurant was doing very brisk business as before.

Then one day, the widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the restaurant looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night. One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand.

Finally he returned a round two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the widow sitting by the TV place with a glass of wine, waiting for him. She quietly called him over to her.

"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed.
"Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever so slowly.
"Now take off my stockings." He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
"Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the dim light.
"Now take off my bra.." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

Then she looked at him and said,
"If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."

The wedding song (Ave Maria) by Julie Rogers

2011-10-12T21:28:00.000+13:00

The bird feeder

2011-09-16T11:19:00.002+12:00

Written by a Britsh Citizen after the London Riots....

The Bird Feeder

I bought a bird feeder.. I hung it on my patio and filled it lovingly with seed... It was indeed a beautiful bird feeder. Within a week we had hundreds of birds taking advantage of the Continuous flow of free and easily accessible food. But then the birds started building nests in the boards of the patio, above the table, and next to the barbecue..
Then came the bird sh * t. It was everywhere; on the patio tiles, the chairs, the table ...everywhere!
Then some of the birds turned mean. They would dive bomb me and try to peck me even though I had fed them out of my own pocket.

And other birds were boisterous and loud. They sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed at all hours of the day and night and demanded that I fill it when it got low on food. After a while, I couldn't even sit on my own back porch anymore. So I took down the bird feeder and in three days the birds were gone. I cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they had built all over the patio.

Soon, the back yard was like it used to be ... quiet, serene and no one demanding their rights to a free meal... Now let's see ....... our government give outfree food, subsidised housing, free medical care, and free education and allows anyoneborn here to be an automatic citizen.

Then the illegals came by the millions. Suddenly our taxes went up to pay for the free services; small flats are housing 5 or more families; you have to wait 6 hours to be seenby a doctor in an emergency surgery because it is filled with illegal non tax payers; your child's year 12 class is behind other schools because over half the class doesn't speak English.

Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box; I have to 'press one' to hear my bank talk to me in English, and people waving flags other than 'The Union Jack' are squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding more rights and free liberties.
Its just my opinion but:

maybe, just maybe, it's time for the government to take down the damn bird feeder, Or take down the government that bought the bird feeder. If you agree, pass it on; if not, continue cleaning up the sh*t!

(contributed by Jeffrey)

Amazing!

2011-09-06T05:36:00.001+12:00

More Brain Stuff. . . From Cambridge University.

Olny srmat poelpe can raed tihs.
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! If you can raed tihs psas it on !!

(contributed by Uki)

Door to door salesman

2011-09-02T02:41:00.001+12:00

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

'Good morning,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners...

' 'Go away!' said the old lady. ''I'm broke and haven't got any money!'' and she proceeded to close the door..

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open...
''Don't be too hasty!'' he said. ''Not until you have at least seen my demonstration..''

And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.

''Now, if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.''

The old lady stepped back and said, ''Well let me get you a fork, 'cause they cut off my electricity this morning."

Viagra

2011-09-01T08:34:00.002+12:00

At around breakfast time, Mrs Smith asked Mr Smith if he would like hot pancakes and sausages for breakfast.

"No, I think the Viagra I have been taking depressed my appetite for food." answered Mr Smith

At noon, Mrs Smith asked Mr Smith if he would like a seafood chowder soup and a tuna fish sandwich for lunch.

"No, thank you. I am still not hungry." Mr. Smith replied.

Around dinner time, Mrs. Smith asked him again if he would like a juicy New York steak and mashed potato for dinner.

"Not yet dear, maybe later. I will tell you when I'm hungry." answered Mr. Smith

Mrs. Smith then yelled back at Mr. Smith "If that's the case, get off me, I am starved"

(contributed by Larry in Canada)

Feeding fish in China

2011-08-29T05:45:00.002+12:00

You have to take your hat off to the Chinese. They cross breed Koi with some Amazon fish and produce this feeding bottle sucking fish. They start training them to take bottle feedings at 1 year old. By 2 they are on exhibition in places like parks etc. Each feeding bottle is sold for RMB 10. Most parents and young couples are happy to pay to feed the fish. It is claimed that they suckle like babies and are very cute.

(contributed by Paul)

Curry

2011-08-24T18:35:00.000+12:00

Riots in Britain

2011-08-24T11:11:00.000+12:00

The cab ride

2011-08-11T15:19:00.016+12:00

I arrived at the address and honked the horn. After waiting a few minutes I walked to the door and knocked. 'Just a minute', answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor.

After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940's movie.

By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets. There were no clocks on the walls, no knick knacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.

'Would you carry my bag out to the car?' she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman. She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb. She kept thanking me for my kindness. 'It's nothing', I told her.. 'I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother to be treated.'

I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. 'I don't have any family left,' she continued in a soft voice.. 'The doctor says I don't have very long.' I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.

'What route would you like me to take?' I asked. For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator.

We drove through the neighbourhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newly weds. She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl. Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.

As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, 'I'm tired. Let's go now'. We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico. Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move.

They must have been expecting her. I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.

'How much do I owe you?' She asked, reaching into her purse.

'Nothing,' I said

'You have to make a living,' she answered.

'There are other passengers,' I responded.

Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly.

'You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,' she said.

'Thank you.'

I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light.. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life. I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away? On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life.

We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one. People may not remember exactly what you did, or what you said; but they will always remember how you made them feel.

You won't get any big surprise in 10 days if you send this to ten people. But, you might help make the world a little kinder and more compassionate by sending it on and reminding us that often it is the random acts of kindness that most benefit all of us. Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well be kind to everyone, and enjoy every moment of it.

(contributed by Tim)

Greg Pike and his amazing animals.

2011-08-10T16:37:00.009+12:00

(contributed by Sam)

Legal term

2011-08-07T10:09:00.008+12:00

IS THIS STATUETORY RAPE?

OR IS IT JUST A MOOSEDEMEANOR ?

(contributed by Paul)

Julie Bass of Oak Park

2011-08-06T19:42:00.003+12:00

Julie Bass

That lady, Julie Bass of Oak Park in America who turned her front lawn into a vegetable garden won her case against the city council. They dropped all charges against her. They had no other choice because her story made national headlines. She had a lot of supporters on FaceBook, Radio talk shows, blogs and TV stations throughout the USA. Most people think that she has done nothing wrong

and so tax payers' money should not be wasted on prosecuting her at all. In the end common sense won the day. If she has lost her case and gone to jail, the USA would have become the laughing stock of the whole world.

Thinking outside the box

2011-08-06T09:17:00.002+12:00

An old Italian gentleman lived alone in New Jersey . He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love,
Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Papa,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.
Love,
Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.
That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Papa,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now.
That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love you,
Vinnie

(contributed by Paul who is now world famous in Canada)

Flowers and food

2011-08-03T16:04:00.000+12:00

There were two neighbours - one family was Christian (Joshua and Mary), and the other Buddhist (Xian and Shu). The couples were very good friends. Mary and Shu passed on, leaving Joshua and Xian widowed. The men missed their wives a lot, and were visiting the grave sites very regularly. On each visit, Joshua would place Mary's favorite flowers by the headstone, and Xian would leave Shu's favorite dishes. This went on for a long time, when one day Joshua and Xian had the following conversation:

J: Xian, why do you leave food?

X: Shu liked them.

J: But she is gone, and the food would just go to waste.

X: Oh no, she ate what I brought.

J: You are kidding.

X: I am not.

J: OK, but tell me when exactly did she come and eat the food.

X: She came at the same time Mary came to smell her flowers.

J: Now you are talking crazy.

X: I am not, and in fact Mary also ate the food.

J: You know this, how?

X: Shu told me, and she also told me that Mary did not like my cooking.

J: What else did Shu tell you?

X: Nothing much, except that she and Mary live in the same beautiful apartment in heaven.

Keep leaving flowers; but don't forget the food.

(contributed by Sam)

US postal service

2011-07-27T16:04:00.000+12:00

This is one of the kindest things you may ever see and read...

It is not known who replied, but there is a beautiful soul working in the dead letter office of the US Postal Service.

Our 14 year old dog, Abbey, died last month. The day after she died, my 4 year old daughter Meredith was crying and talking about how much she missed Abbey.. She asked if we could write a letter to God so that when Abbey got to heaven, God would recognize her. I told her that I thought we could so she dictated these words:

Dear God,
Will you please take care of my dog? She died yesterday and is with you in heaven. I miss her very much. I am happy that you let me have her as my dog even though she got sick.
I hope you will play with her.. She likes to play with balls and to swim. I am sending a picture of her so when you see her You will know that she is my dog. I really miss her.
Love, Meredith

We put the letter in an envelope with a picture of Abbey and Meredith and addressed it to God/Heaven. We put our return address on it.. Then Meredith pasted several stamps on the front of the envelope because she said it would take lots of stamps to get the letter all the way to heaven. That afternoon she dropped it into the letter box at the post office. A few days later, she asked if God had gotten the letter yet. I told her that I thought He had.

Yesterday, there was a package wrapped in gold paper on our front porch addressed, 'To Meredith' in an unfamiliar hand.. Meredith opened it. Inside was a book by Mr. Rogers called, 'When a Pet Dies..' Taped to the inside front cover was the letter we had written to God in its opened envelope. On the opposite page was the picture of Abbey & Meredith and this note:

Dear Meredith:

Abbey arrive safely in heaven. Having the picture was a big help. I recognized Abbey right away.
Abbey isn't sick anymore. Her spirit is here with me just like it stays in your heart. Abbey loved being your dog. Since we don't need our bodies in heaven, I don't have any pockets to keep your picture in, so I am sending it back to you in this little book for you to keep and have something to remember Abbey by..

Thank you for the beautiful letter and thank your mother for helping you write it and sending it to me. What a wonderful mother you have. I picked her especially for you. I send my blessings every day and remember that I love you very much. By the way, I'm easy to find, I am wherever there is love.

Love,
God

(contributed by Paul)