Exotic Hadron

Getting Creative - Week 38

madison1964@gmail.com — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 05:39:00 +0000

As expected, I did not work on last week's card. Too busy trying to put my life back in some kind of livable order to work on my issues.

This week's card:

Know Your Rhythm

In the same way that individuals have different circadian rhythms (the physiological schedules that make some individuals morning people and others night owls), they also have optimum times for creativity. For some, picking up a paintbrush at the end of the day when their minds are relaxed results in colors flowing, while for others a midday break may be their creative high point. Identifying when you have felt the most creative and what elements contributed to that feeling will make you aware of your won rhythms. This self-awareness will aid you in creating the most favorable setting for inspiration and productivity.

I tend to get ideas while I sleep. I sometimes have to get out of bed in the middle of the night to get to the computer to write what's peculating in my head. Keeping a pen and paper by my bed doesn't work for me. By the time I'm awake enough to hold a pen and move it in a way that produces readable script I might as well get up and turn on the computer.

On the other hand I tend to write my blog posts at night. That might be a hold over from when I worked in an office all day and wrote for a few online magazines at night. I will say that spending 16 hours a day at a computer is not a very good idea.

Creativity Resources

Respecting Your Weird-Ass Rhythms - Be sure to read the comments too.

Creative Rhythms & Their Cyclic Nature - Creative cycles are natural.

Repost: I Really Have to Talk to Bono, Fin

madison1964@gmail.com — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 08:00:00 +0000

Here’s and idea most Americans understand: “no taxation without representation.” What would happen if that sentiment changed to read “not intervention without representation?” (p.381) I found it really amazing that for all the years aid agencies have been working with the world’s poor no one has every done a survey to ask the poor if they were any better off after the intervention of the aid agency. Lack of feedback and accountability are the main problems Easterly sees in the current aid system. Things would improve greatly with the addition of those two things.

Throughout White Man’s Burden Easterly provides examples of “Searchers” who have done little things to make people’s lives better. He thinks aid agency should work with more “Searchers” to find solutions that work on the ground instead of in the boardroom. He knows that changing the way aid agencies work is not going to be easy.

There are good reasons why these solutions are not happening already. It is partly because of the social complexity of making even simple interventions work…. It is partly because the rich countries don’t care enough about making aid work for the poor and are willing to settle for grand utopian Plans that don’t work. It is partly because nobody is actually held accountable for making this intervention work inthis place at this time. My suggestion here could be ludicrously misguided; they should be subject to skeptical examination and ex post facto evaluation just like anything else. (p. 369 emphasis his)

Accountability is Easterly’s number one gripe. Currently there’s no one outside the aid agencies making sure that the aid agencies get results. He does have a couple of ideas for how to fix the problem:

Fix the incentive system of collective responsibility for multiple goals. Have individual accountability for individual tasks. Let aid agencies specialize in the sectors and countries they are best at helping. Then hold the agencies accountable for their results by having truly independent evaluations of their efforts.
Perhaps the aid agencies should set aside a portion of their budgets (such as the part now wasted on self-evaluation) to contribute to an international independent evaluation group made up of staff trained in the scientific method from the rich and poor countries, who will evaluate radon samples of each aid agency’s efforts. Evaluation will involve randomized controlled trials where feasible, less pure statistical analysis if not, and will at least be truly independent, even when randomized trials and statistical analysis are not feasible. Experiment with different methods of simply asking the poor if they are better off. Mobilize the altruistic people in rich countries to put heat on the agencies to make their money actually reach the poor, and get angry when the aid does not reach the poor. (p. 370 emphasis his)

One of the ideas I like is the “Development Voucher”

Suppose we issue development vouchers to target groups of the extreme poor, which the poor could redeem at any NGO or aid agency for any development good they wanted – for example, vaccinations, life-saving drugs, a health worker’s visit, an improved cookstove, textbooks, seeds, fertilizer, or food supplements. The official aid agencies would set aside some of their money for an independent “voucher fund” separate from the agencies. The poor would choose both the goods they wanted and the agency they wanted to deliver the goods and would give their vouchers to that agency. The agency could then turn in the vouchers to the voucher fund for real money to cover the costs of providing the development services. (p.378-379)

The explanation goes on for a few more paragraphs. The idea also includes “village vouchers” for things like roads, schools, health clinics etc. Easterly admits that the voucher idea might be the stupidest idea ever but so many ideas have already failed. A crazy plan might just be the way to go. With a voucher, system aid agencies would be forced to actually meet the needs of the poor and they would have to provide good service or the people would take their vouchers elsewhere. Just like in any other market place. The idea needs testing to see whether it would really work.

Here’s Easterly’s basic plan for aid reform:

Agents of assistance have to have incentive to search for what works to help the poor. If you want to aid the poor then:
1) Have aid agents individually accountable for individual, feasible areas of action that help poor people lift themselves up.
2) Let those agents search for what works, based on past experience in their area.
3) Experiment, based on the results of the search.
4) Evaluate, based on feedback from the intended beneficiaries and scientific testing.
5) Reward success and penalize failure. Get more money to interventions that are working, and take money away from interventions that are not working. Each aid agent should explore and specialize further in the direction of what they prove good at doing.
6) Make sure the incentives in 5) are strong enough to do more of what works, then repeat step 4). If action fails, make sure the incentive in 5) are strong enough to send the agent back to step 1). If the agent keeps failing, get a new one.

Easterly has one piece of advice for the activist: “you can change your issue from raising more aid money to making sure that the aid money reaches the poor.” (p.384)

As you can probably tell, Easterly has convinced me that things cannot go on the way they have been. Bono has made much of pointing out that what he’s advocating is a different kind of aid then the aid that has come before. My recent communication from the Global Fund has proved to me that nothing has changed.

Easterly has a “compare and contrast” chart early in his book that looks at something written in 1857 by socialist Robert Owen. Easterly compares various passages from his work to various passages in Jeffery Sachs’ The End of Poverty. The similarities are spooky. Owen’s big plan didn’t work then so why should we believe that Sachs’ similar plans will work now?

Alright. I’m done. If you want to know more you’ll just have to read the damn book.

Reposts are posts written for previous journals or other places online that no longer exist.

Getting Creative - Week 37

madison1964@gmail.com — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 04:13:00 +0000

Image by meerar via Flickr

Last week I took a mental health week and did absolutely nothing. The saga of the Great Flood of 2012 continues. No work has been done for two weeks. Not that the landlord let us know that no work would be done. What has happened is multiple groups of strange men have demanded access to my apartment so they can look at the damage, take pictures and make notes.

Having people come into my apartment is stressful. I like to be comfortable when I'm lounging around at home. That means I wear my PJs. Having to get dressed and sit around my apartment all day so people can come and look at the damage for five minutes is a pain in the neck. Being left to wonder how long this is going to go on is also stressful.

So last week I just shut down. Needless to say I did not make it to the pool.

This week's card:

Emotional Hotspots

Although you probably avoid emotional hotspots, recalling and experiencing them can provide fuel for creative expression. Coming face-to-face with the most real and raw issues and feelings and then channeling that energy through a creative medium may produce not only intense work but also emotional catharsis. Instead of reburying a recurring memory, put on your spelunking garb and start exploring. Hard had suggested.

I'm going to be honest. I doubt I'll do this one. I read to escape. I writer for the same reason. To say that I have issues would be an understatement. Years of therapy haven't gotten me to a point where I can even think about my "hotspots" without having a meltdown. I am currently stressed out enough. I'm not going to go poking around without a boatload of antidepressants.

Creativity Resources:

Find Your Emotional Triggers - An interesting list of potential triggers.

Therapy Worksheets - A blog with links to all kinds of worksheets for psychological issues.

Getting Creative is a 52 week project where I will try to work my way through 52 Ways to Nurture Your Creativity by Lynn Gordon. You're welcome to come along as I do a card a week for a year.

Repost: I Really Have to Talk to Bono, Part Deux

madison1964@gmail.com — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 08:00:00 +0000

This is the second part to my "review" of White Man’s Burden by William Easterly. According to this book, everything Jeffery Sachs and Bono have told you is wrong. Well maybe not everything. Dropping the debt is a very good idea.

There is no poverty trap. In most cases, bad governance or internal strife (ethnic cleansing, civil wars, racism etc) causes poverty. Poverty cannot be “made history” with a “big push.” Top down solutions created by “planners” have never worked in the Third World. People who understand the culture and social relationships of a community are in a better position to help than bureaucrats are. Easterly calls these people “searchers.” He thinks we need more searchers and fewer planners.

Easterly’s book is filled with anecdotes and stories that illustrate the points he’s trying to make. For example, planners decided that everyone needed a bed net. Good idea but they didn’t ask if the people actually wanted, or would use, bed nets. Many bed nets got used as fishing nets or veils. When searchers gave the bed nets to a nurse in a clinic to sell, they told the nurse she could keep a portion of every net she sold. She made sure the nets were in stock. She made sure that the people knew what they were for and how to use them. Patients were more likely to use them for their intended purpose because they paid for them. Deaths from Malaria declined in the area the nurse was working in.

The other problem with foreign aid is that there is very little accountability. If the bed nets didn’t work the nurse would hear about it right away. The patients would want a new net or their money back. Aid agencies are not accountable to anyone when their programs do not produce results. The only time aid agencies have to justify their existence is when they are trying to get more money from donor countries. Aid agencies must appear to be at least trying to do something in order to keep the aid money flowing in. This leads to an abundance of what Orwell might recognize as DoubleSpeak.

Since Donors understandably don’t want to admit they are dealing with bad governments, diplomatic language in aid agencies becomes an art form. A war is a “conflict-related reallocation of resources.” Aid efforts to deal with homicidal warlords are “difficult partnerships.” Countries whose presidents loot the treasury experience “governance issues.” Miserable performance is “progress [that] has not been as fast and comprehensive as envisioned….” When government officials want to steal while the aid agency wants development, there are “differences in priorities and approaches [that]… need to be reconciled.” If debt-relief dollars disappear before reaching the poor, then “continued progress on the Expenditure Management and Control Program will be needed…”

Diplomatic donors also put a positive spin on awful recipient governments by asserting that while things are bad, they are getting better. The use of gerunds indicating progress is ubiquitous in aid documents such as “developing,” “emerging,” and “improving.” – p. 137-138

The aid agencies are beginning to believe the DoubleSpeak. The Millennium Project 2005 report was a very positive document but…

The report lists sixty-three poor countries that are “potentially well governed,” and thus potentially eligible for a massive increase in foreign aid. The list includes five out of seven countries singled out by Transparency International in October 2004 as the most corrupt in the world: Azerbaijan, Bangladesh, Chad, Nigeria, and Paraguay. The list of “potentially well-governed” countries also includes fifteen governments that Freedom House classifies as “not free.” – p. 154

Reading this book was hard. It was often very depressing. What’s the point of getting AIDS drugs to people if they’re only going to die of malnutrition/starvation? What’s the point of trying to help people rise above poverty if the society they live in does not consider them to be worthwhile people (of the wrong class or race or religion)?

Easterly makes a point of saying that the things the aid agencies want are not always what the governments have an interest in providing. Some governments have no interest in raising the country’s population out of poverty. In some cases it might be politically expedient to keep a part of the population in abject poverty. People who have to spend all their time scraping out a living have no time to join political parties. They have no interest in maintaining the infrastructure needed to help those living in poverty improve their lives (roads, hospitals, schools etc.)

The tragedy of poverty is that the poorest people in the world have no money or political power to motivate Searchers to address their desperate needs, while the rich can use their money and power through well-developed markets and accountable bureaucracies to address theirs. The foreign aid bureaucracy has never quite gotten it – its central problem is that the poor are orphans: they have no money or political voice to communicate their needs or motivates others to meet those needs. (p. 167)

Easterly thinks aid agencies would just stop trying to work with governments and resign themselves to not only providing aid but maintaining the infrastructure needed to put the aid to good use. He talks about one country where an aid agency built a road but then government did not maintain it so in a few years the road was unusable and the people it was meant to help were no better off.

…aid bureaucrats have incentives to satisfy the rich countries doing the funding as well as (or instead of) the poor. One oversight in the quest to help the poor was the failure to study the incentives of its appointed helpers. The bureaucratic managers have the incentive to satisfy rich-country vanity with promises of transforming the Rest rather than simply helping poor individuals. International bureaucratic incentives also favour grand global schemes over getting the little guy what he wants. (p. 167)

Easterly tells the story of a village where the smoke from cook stoves was causing a lot of respiratory disease. An aid agency spent a lot of money to replace all the stoves with safer models. What they did not stop to do is ask if anyone wanted the new stoves, what kind of stoves they needed or if they would use new stoves. Turns out no one wanted the stoves and nobody used them. They went back to the old stoves the moment the aid agency left. Meanwhile the aid agency listed the replacement of “deadly” stoves in its “win” column.

I take getting my needs met for granted. If someone came into my house and said “we’re going to do this and this and give you this,” without asking me what I wanted and needed you know I would have something to say about it. I can write letters and emails and make phone calls until I get my needs met. If all that fails, I can call my local television station and get the media involved. The poor don’t have that ability. They have to take what the aid agencies want give them. The solution is easy: the aid agencies ask the people what they need and then they give it to them. Simple.

I had always thought that aid agencies asked the poor what they wanted and then provided that. Easterly showed me any examples of how that is not so. This has gotten quite long and I didn’t even get around to the IMF or the World Bank.

10,000 Days

madison1964@gmail.com — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 08:00:00 +0000

Some of you know that I don't have a television. I watch all my TV online. In addition to what broadcast TV, I have become addicted to various web series. A new one started last Friday. It's called 10,000 Days. Here's the official description:

10,000 days ago Comet 23 struck the Pacific Ocean with the magnitude of all the nuclear weapons in the world. The Beck Family was among the lucky few who survived the heat blast and fire storms. And then the freezing began. The comet had knocked Earth away from the sun; encasing the planet in snow and ice. For those who survived, life was violent and dangerous. The daily battle wasn’t just against the punishing climate but against each other for the basic necessities that meant life or death. Still, the weather was growing colder and the ice was expanding. Villages were being crushed by violent tremors. And then the Becks found an object from the past, buried deep in the ice. And with it came a choice. A choice that could either save them or destroy them.

Normally I would stay away from anything that takes place in ice and snow. I had to check this out because one of my favorite actors, Peter Wingfield, is in it. I've been waiting a long time for this series to get online. I think it has the makings of a good series. Hopefully they'll be releasing new episodes each week.

The first trailer:

Repost: I Really Have to Talk to Bono

madison1964@gmail.com — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 08:00:00 +0000

I am just about finished White Man’s Burden: Why The West’s Efforts to Aid the Rest Have Done So Much Ill and So Little Good by William Easterly. It has taken me a long time to read this book for two reasons: 1) there is a lot of detailed information and 2) I did not want to believe what he was saying. Easterly writes in a clear manner and provides many notes. He states his sources. I now have yet another list of books I want to look at.
In a chapter called “The Healers: Triumph and Tragedy” Easterly talks about AIDS. I found this to be one of the most depressing chapters. Before reading this chapter, I thought that (Project) Red was a good idea. Now I am not so sure. Bono has constantly made the point that the antiviral drugs needed to help AIDS patients are cheap and available at any chemist’s shop. These drugs cost “$304 per person per year” (p. 250) which sounds good until you add in all the other costs:

Three hundred and four dollars is just the price of the first-line therapy drugs per year. The population first needs to be tested to see who is HIV-positive. Patients need to have their viral load tested to see if they should start taking drugs and, after taking them, if the drugs are working to decrease the viral load. The drugs are toxic with potentially severe side effects. Health workers need to adjust the combination of drugs when side effects are too extreme. Patients need counseling and monitoring to make sure they are taking the medicine (if there is less than full adherence to treatment, the virus builds up resistance to the drugs.) Patients also need treatment for the opportunistic infections that afflict AIDS sufferers. So treatment is more expensive than just the cost of the drugs. The World Health Organization is working with the figure of $1.500 per year per patient for delivering treatment to prolong the life of an AIDS patient by one year. (Page 250)

$1,500 still does not sound like a lot. Multiply that by the 29 million plus (p.239) people currently infected. Then add the new cases everyday. It adds up to a whole whack of cash to keep people alive for one year. What about all the people who will die of other diseases?

According to Easterly, “the total amount of foreign aid for the world’s approximately three billion poor people is only about twenty dollars per person per year.” (p.251) Easterly asks where the money for AIDS treatment will come from.

President Bush’s 2005 budget proposal increased funding for American AIDS program (especially treatment), but cut money for child health and other global health priorities by nearly a hundred million dollars (later reversed after protests.)

Bush’s cut in other health spending was particularly unfortunate when two and a half times as many Africans die from other preventable diseases as die from AIDS. These diseases include measles and other childhood illnesses, respiratory infections, malaria, tuberculosis, diarrhea, and others. Worldwide in 2002 there were 15.6 million deaths from these causes, as opposed to 2.8 million deaths from AIDS. (p.251)

When stated like that it doesn’t make sense to spend so much money on treatment of AIDS when cures and prevention for these other diseases (the cure for tuberculosis costs $10) are available. The money should be spent where it will do the most good. Thanks to people like Bono, AIDS is currently sexy and Western donors are anxious to be seen giving to the right (sexy?) causes. Easterly calls the current push for AIDS treatment SIBD Syndrome (p. 254). SIBD stands for “something is being done.” Rich country voters need to be convinced that SIBD to keep them donating. “A political campaigner giving a graphic description of AIDS patients dying without life-saving drugs is hard to resist…. But money should not be spent according to what the West considers the most dramatic kind of suffering.” (p. 257)

Easterly also makes an argument for prevention of AIDS verses treatment. “A years supply of condoms… costs about fourteen dollars.” (p.251) Treatment is not a cure and the first-line drugs do not work for long.

The United Nations Population Division in 2005… estimated that the added years of life from antiretroviral treatment to be a median of 3.5 years. After that, resistance to the first-line treatment (the one with the cheap drugs, which is all that is on the table in Africa, outside South Africa) builds up and full-blown AIDS sets in. (p. 253)

Can we really justify spending millions of dollars to keep people alive for another four years when others are dying of curable diseases? If you asked the people of Africa, would they want so much money spent on AIDS treatment? Consider this:

If money spent on treatment went instead to effective prevention, between three and seventy-five new HIV infections could be averted for every extra year of life given to an AIDS patient. Spending AIDS money on treatment rather than on prevention makes the AIDS crisis worse, not better…. For the same money spent giving one more year of life to and AIDS patient, you could give 75 to 1,500 years of additional life (say fifteen extra years for each of five to one hundred people) to the rest of the population through AIDS prevention. (p. 255 emphasis his)

Easterly also talks about how AIDS prevention programs have been scuttled by religious groups. These people feel that giving people condoms will lead to promiscuity. Hmmm. I’m not going to go there. All I know is that condoms would help. These people stopping prevention programs in the name of some deity of other are causing a lot of pain.

So all this brings me to my current crisis about Bono, (Product)Red, and The Global Fund. Last week I spent some time reading things on the GF website. I was trying to find out how much of the money goes to AIDS prevention and what kinds of preventions the GF supports. Easterly has a long, very long and hard to read chapter in his book about aid bureaucratic language. I can honestly say I tried to read the reports and papers on the GF site. But I soon got frustrated because they seemed to use a lot of words to say very little. If I had not read Easterly’s book I might not have noticed. I never did find the answer to my question although I did find the statement that the GF was committed to a balance of prevention and treatment. I found descriptions of prevention activities for malaria and TB but nothing for AIDS prevention. The only mention of AIDS prevention was on their main AIDS page: “Components of successful prevention efforts include clear and accurate communication about HIV/AIDS and methods to prevent infection, HIV counseling and testing, and treatment of sexually transmitted infections.” Nothing specific (besides talking to people). So I emailed them and asked for specifics. I’m still waiting for a reply.

Until I get an answer I can’t support The Global Fund. I now know that I cannot support any AIDS aid agency that doesn’t spend the bulk of its money on prevention.

Sorry Bono.

I’ll be posting more about Easterly’s book. One post cannot cover the many important points.

End of part one. See part two next Saturday.

Reposts are posts written for previous journals or other places online that no longer exist.

Getting Creative - Week 36

madison1964@gmail.com — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 03:19:00 +0000

Image via Wikipedia

You do have to celebrate the little successes.

Sometimes that's all you have. But that's okay because they can add up. This week, I got all my blog posts done - on time. I managed to get 8 hours of sleep for the first time in months. I also managed not to blow a fuse at the restoration crew that told me they were done in my apartment for the day and then came back five times.

Small successes. Works for me.

This week's card:

Stretch Yourself

Loosen your limbs and reap the benefits of a loosened flow of creativity. Well, no guarantees, but it's certainly a way to keep your neck, legs and back from cramping up every time you grip that paintbrush till your knuckles turn white. If you don't have time for a yoga class, stretch by yourself slowly and gently. Lie on the floor and tense and then relax different muscle groups. Don't forget to breathe regularly as you do this.

I've been really bad. I haven't been to the pool in ages. I used to go to an aquafit class every Tuesday and Thursday. I've been meaning to go back. I just haven't gotten there yet. Now that I'm thinking about it I'm going to shoot for next Tuesday. I'll let you know.

Creativity Resources

A Workout For Geeks - Suggestions for making your workout less boring.

Geek Into Shape - A weekly workout for Twitter junkies.

Getting Creative is a 52 week project where I will try to work my way through 52 Ways to Nurture Your Creativity by Lynn Gordon. You're welcome to come along as I do a card a week for a year.

Repost: I Had A Dream

madison1964@gmail.com — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 08:00:00 +0000

I have weird dreams. I'm sort of used to them. Last night's was really weird. I very rarely dream about celebrities. And those dreams are never sexual. At all. That I had a dream about Bono is not strange. I'm a big fan. Many people I know are big fans. Even so this dream had me saying, "What the fuck?!!!"

In my dream, Bono was a werewolf. I can see Bono as a vampire (above?) but a werewolf?

Anyway...

It was a full moon and Bono escaped. I had to call animal control to tell them that my wolf cross dog was loose. I also said that he'd been abused by a previous owner so people should not get near him and they should use a tranquillizer gun.

Next I'm at the pound with a training collar and leash. Wolf Bono is still a bit groggy when I slip the collar (with his id tags - one a dog shaped tag with the name "Button" on it.) over his head. I then begin to treat him the way I treat PADS puppies. He has to "heel" (sit at my right side), "let's go" (walk at my side) and then sit. At one point he tried to go after something on the floor and I growled, "leave it" and gave him a major leash correction. I listen to the animal control officer lecture me about getting my dog neutered.

We were leaving the pound when dream ended.

I woke up shaking my head. Bono's wolf name is Button? Okay. I actually do know where that came from. I have a tendency to say that some guys are "cute as a button." Still, it's a very odd name for a wolf.

Some dream definitions

From Dream Moods:

Wolf

To see a wolf in your dream, symbolizes beauty, solitude, mystery, self-confidence and pride. You are able to keep your composure in a variety of social situations and can blend in with any situation with ease and grace. You are a loner by choice. Negatively, it represents hostility and aggression. It may also reflect an uncontrollable force or situation in your life. In particular, if the wolf is white, then it signifies valor and victory. You have the ability to see the light even in your darkest hours.

Werewolf

To see a werewolf in your dream, indicates that something in your life is not what it seems.

From the now defunct Predictions: Dream Dictionary:

Celebrities

Dreaming of any particular celebrity often reveals a fantasy for friendship or romance. These dreams may also show a sense of being a peer or equal to that celebrity as if to say, "I can do that, too." A second aspect of this phenomenon is living vicariously through a celebrity. In this instance, people will assume a peculiar sense of participation with a public figure's success and notoriety.

Of course, because today's media completely inundates the public with images and rumors of celebrities, they may appear in your dream simply as extraneous static.

Ya Think?!

So I'm no further along at figuring out what that dream was trying to tell me. At least it was more interesting than my last "celebrity" dream.

Reposts are posts written for previous journals or other places online that no longer exist.

Getting Creative - Week 35

madison1964@gmail.com — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 04:19:00 +0000

That old cliché about the best laid plans bit me in the ass this week. Friday morning I was woken up by a fire alarm. As I stumbled my way down the stairs and out of the building I noticed water flowing where it shouldn't be. A contractor, working on the building's heating system, broke the sprinkler system sending gallons of water through the building.

I got lucky. The damage wasn't too bad. Still, I had to have a dehumidifier and two industrial fans installed. One was placed in my tiny bathroom. For the next three days I had the unique experience of doing my business in a wind tunnel. I was tempted to hang a sign saying “Gentlemen calls must remain seated during the entire performance.” Goddess knows some of them have bad aim at the best of times. The novelty wore off on the third morning when I got toothpaste in my eye. That stuff STINGS.

I was insanely happy when they took the fans out on Monday. With the noise and the workmen coming in and out I haven't spent a lot of time writing. I'm hoping that everything in my apartment will be done by this time next week. Fingers crossed.

This week's Card:

Celebrate Small Successes

Although you may already have picked out something to wear to the Academy Awards or decided how you will spend your MacArthur Genius Award grant money, it's well worth celebrating the little successes that happen on the way. Since Carnegie Hall is already booked for many years out, you should celebrate the smaller milestones you have earned the hard way. From mastery that really difficult sonata to completing that book proposal, there are many accomplishments to be celebrated.

The week wasn't a total loss. I did write something other than blog posts. A friend sent me a short story... really just one scene, as a Christmas present. I decided to write another scene for his birthday. That gave me only two weeks to come up with an idea and get it done. True to my usual MO, I didn't even get it started until the day before his birthday. I did get it done so Yay Me!

Creativity Resources

30 Ways to Celebrate Your Successes – Some simple ideas for any size success.

40 Everyday Successes – There are things to celebrate every day.

Getting Creative is a 52 week project where I will try to work my way through 52 Ways to Nurture Your Creativity by Lynn Gordon. You're welcome to come along as I do a card a week for a year.

Nothing I Can Say

madison1964@gmail.com — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 04:40:00 +0000

Repost: I Lied

madison1964@gmail.com — Sat, 07 Jan 2012 08:00:00 +0000

In the bunch of questions I posted a few days ago there was one about my first celebrity crush. Now that I've had time to think about it I realize that before Shaun Cassidy there was this man:

I think I fell in love with Matt Helm (America's answer to James Bond) at a very young age. Then I fell in love with Dean Martin's voice. I used to have a nightgown with a rabbit on it that said, "You're No Bunny Until Some Bunny Loves You."

To this day every time I hear "That's Amore" I get a craving for Pasta Fazool. I've got one right now. And that's bad because I don't have the makings.

Madison's Pasta Fazool

Ingredients

1 cup dried white beans, such as cannellini or Great Northern, soaked overnight, or use canned and rinse well

4 TBSP extra-virgin olive oil, plus more for serving

1/2 medium onion, coarsely chopped

1/2 medium carrot, peeled and coarsely chopped

1/2 celery rib, coarsely chopped

1 -2 garlic cloves to taste, minced

1/2 cup finely chopped ripe plum tomatoes or canned whole plum tomatoes, drained

1 fresh rosemary sprig, finely chopped

3 1/2 cups boiling water

1/3 package (lb) fusilli, small pasta shells, small ziti, or fettuccine or tagliatelle broken into roughly 2-inch lengths

salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste

1/4 cup minced flat-leaf parsley

freshly grated Parmigiano cheese for garnish

Instructions

Drain the beans and set aside.

Heat the oil in a large heavy saucepan over medium heat and gently sauté the onion, carrots, celery, and garlic until the vegetables are soft but not brown, about 10 minutes.

Add the beans to the vegetables along with the tomatoes, rosemary, and about 3 cups boiling water.

Bring back to a boil, reduce the heat, and simmer, covered, until the beans are tender - 1 to 1 1/2 hours, depending on the age and size of the beans. Add more boiling water from time to time as necessary: the beans should always be covered with simmering liquid. (You can skip this step if using canned beans.)

When the beans are very tender, transfer about 2 cups beans and their liquid to a food processor and process to a thick puree. Or put them through the medium disk of a food mill.

Stir the puree back into the beans.

Add the pasta and another cup of boiling water to the beans in the pot. Cook, stirring constantly, until the pasta is tender, about 10 minutes. Remove from the heat. Taste and add salt and lots of black pepper.

Serve in a warm soup tureen or in individual warm bowls, garnished with a drizzle of olive oil, a sprinkle of parsley, and some Parmigiano.

Pass more cheese and olive oil with the soup.

I think I can trace my attraction to dark haired, dark eyed men to my grandmother's funeral. That was the first time I saw all of my mother's brothers in one place. Years later, when looking at pictures from the event, I discovered that they looked like a mafia convention. At the time I thought they were rather attractive. It's an image I've carried in my head all these years.

Being attracted to men who look like my uncles might seem icky to some. At least I'm not attracted to men who look like my father. I've met plenty of those women even when they don't admit it, all you have to do is look at their boyfriends/husbands.

I don't know how my post about Dean Martin Lust turned into an examination of my psyche but there it is.

Reposts are posts written for previous journals or other places online that no longer exist.

Getting Creative -- Week 34

madison1964@gmail.com — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 02:41:00 +0000

Image via Wikipedia

The last card was about listening to your inner voices. I often have trouble when I write fiction. In the back of my mind is the idea that you have to write what people will read. You can't write for yourself because it's just a kind of literary masturbation. On the other hand if you're not writing what you like then why are you bothering? This debate goes on every time I start a project. The most common result is that I drop whatever it is I was working on.

This week's card:

Be Open To Adventure

What do scaling a cliff, starting a painting, parachuting out of a plane, buying a kiln, and running a marathon have in common? They all take courage as well as commitment. Summoning the courage to try something new in the physical realm – something exciting and a little scary – helps strengthen the same muscles that boosts us to new creative heights. Dreaming of rafting down a river or trekking up a mountain? Say “yes” to that fantasy. Prove to yourself you can do it. You'll have the exhilaration of that success to draw on later, when you're gathering the confidence to write a screenplay that'll knock Spielberg’s socks off.

I live mostly in my head. I'm not really a very “physical” person at all. I never have been. I don't have a lot of fantasies in the “physical realm.” I'd like to travel someday but I have a very sedate idea of that too. I've been slowly gathering materials to paint with. Maybe this week I will give some thought as to what I would like to paint.

Creative Resources

How to be Adventurous – 9 easy steps to becoming more adventurous.

The Spirit of Adventure – A look at the psychology of adventure.

Getting Creative is a 52 week project where I will try to work my way through 52 Ways to Nurture Your Creativity by Lynn Gordon. You're welcome to come along as I do a card a week for a year.

What is real? Is it art?

madison1964@gmail.com — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 08:00:00 +0000

On the last day of 2011 I had an interesting Facebook conversation with a Canadian musician who is currently on tour. I'd asked him what he thought of this:

His answer was quite passionate. The term "bullshit" was front and center. Did I mention he was the singer in a punk band? His feeling was that it was manipulative. While he eventually conceded that it is a form of creativity, he believes that there is no substitute for real interaction between the band and the audience.

I agree with him. Like I am with a lot of things, I'm of two minds. The geek in me says, "Cool!" I want to see just how far the technology can go. There's another side of me that thinks Hatsune Miku is souless.

"Real" musicians have made digital forays. Michael Buble currently has an avatar in CityVille. In 2008 U2 played a concert in Second Life. But that's different from a computer program creating a voice and another program creating visuals.

Sometime in the night my subconscious reminded me that one member of the Japanese girl group AKB48, Aimi Eguchi, is a computer-generated avatar made from features of six of the other girls.

At first she was presented as just another new member of the band. Fans started getting suspicious when she was getting too much publicity. Eventually the band's management came clean. Were the fans upset? I couldn't find anything that said they were. Once the perfect pop singer was explained everything quieted down. Did I mention that AKB48 has multiple #1s in Japan?
Do people really care if it is real or not? Are music fans in Japan that different from the rest of the world? Thousands of people in LA paid around $50 a head to see the synthetic singer "live." I'm not sure I would. Maybe if Queen created a synthetic Freddie Mercury. He'd have to be damn good but my curiosity might make me shell out the dough.

Large Hadron Collider in Lego

madison1964@gmail.com — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 21:25:00 +0000

Physicist Sascha Mehlhase spent 81 hours making a Large Hadron Collider out of Lego. Check it out at the University of Copenhagen

Repost: Getting To Know... Me

madison1964@gmail.com — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 08:00:00 +0000

1. You and Jesus go out to dinner -- who pays?

Are you telling me that the Son of God can't get comped somewhere?

2. You suddenly have to flee the country and adopt a new name. Where would you go and what would it be?

Probably England/Scotland/Ireland since I pretty much speak the language. Name: Machara Drake.

3. Pick one state in the U.S. to get rid of permanently?

I really don't know enough about the states to choose. I could have done without my trip to Minot ND. That was kind of like hell.

4. You wake up as the opposite gender what's the one thing you wanna do?

There's a Steve Martin movie where he says that if he woke up as a woman he'd just stay at home and play with his tits all day. I've always been curious about what intercourse feels like for the other gender.

5. Luke Skywalker or Han Solo?

Han Solo all the way. Harrison Ford's hands featured in some of my earliest sexual fantasies.

6. Toy you always wanted but never got as a child?

I can't really think of any toy I wanted and didn't get. I didn't have dolls but I don't remember ever wanting one.

7. Top three celebrities you wanna do.

Just three? You have no idea how long my list is. It resides in that alternate universe where all my chosen are single and willing.... Okay, top 3 at this particular moment Eddie Izzard, Bono, Angelina Jolie. Ask me again tomorrow that might all change.

8. What's an automatic deal breaker in a potential significant other?

Homophobic; drug, alcohol or gambling addiction; no sense of humor

9. What is the last movie you saw that actually scared you?

I can't remember any. I don't go to "scary" movies.

10. Stupidest thing you've ever said out loud?

There's way too many to choose from. Sometimes my mouth is in gear before my brain's engaged.

11. You're sentenced to death and its the morning of your execution. What do you want to eat?

Steak and eggs. Toast. A mimosa or five dozen - if ever there was a time to be elegantly wasted...

12. What's something that most people do that you don't?

Drive. I've never had a license. I have classic migraines with aura which means I can lose up to 80% of my vision at any time without warning. I don't feel that behind the wheel is not somewhere I should be.

13. Before you die you want to ...?

Travel overseas. That would require that I save money which I don't seem to be able to do at the moment.

14. Something you'd really like to do but probably won't ever be able to do?

Go up to the International Space Station.

15. A wild animal you'd like to have as a pet?

A tiger would be fun. If I had a huge backyard.

16. A drug you'll never try?

Coke or heroin. I think I might like them too much.

17. If you were an animal, what would you be?

A dragon of course.

18. If you had to marry someone you knew at the age of 12 who would it have been?

I don't remember anyone I knew back then.

19. What's something a lot of people don't know about you?

I have an extra rib. I'm not kidding.

20. First celebrity crush?

Sad to say it was Shaun Cassidy (Joe Hardy). I grew up!

21. What's a weapon to suit your personality, habits and abilities?

A stiletto

22. Favorite breakfast bread style (pancakes, waffles, toast etc...)?

Bagels with cream cheese and lox

23. Favorite parody movie?

Galaxy Quest or Spinal Tap

24. Worst way to die?

I think being drawn and quartered would hurt a lot.

25. Grossest injury you've ever seen?

Do the ones on CSI count? There have been a few "ick" moments on that show.

26. The worst injury you've ever had?

I cut my head open when I was a child. 44 stitches and a jagged scar.

27. Favorite thing about Thanksgiving?

It only comes once a year.

28. Sport you hate the most?

It's got to be a tie between golf and curling.

29. What state in the US do you want to visit?

I'd love to go to Hawaii this December...

30. What's something you think would be sweet to know everything about?

How to dismantle an atomic bomb. How to survive in a post-apocalyptic world.

31. What's one phrase you absolutely detest?

Have a nice day!

32. What makes an awesome party?

I have no idea. I've only had one. I still don't know what happened during it. All I know is that someone almost died.

33. What's your material obsession?

Music. I've gotten quite the iTunes habit.

34. What's something most would consider an insult but you enjoy having said about you?

When I was in high school one of the guys on the football team yelled "Freak" at me as I walked down the hall. I smiled, bowed to him and said "Thanks, you just made my day." No one ever did that again. My friend's little brother once said he thought I was "neat". I was quite upset. I'd put a lot of work into being a freak.

35. Favorite type of dog?

Akita

36. Favorite carnival food?

Candy Floss

37. Morning or night person?

Somehow I've morphed into a morning person. I don't know how or why that happened.

38. Worst drunken/drugged up habit?

I've never been drunk. I've only taken "recreational" drugs 3 times and that was over 20 years ago.

39. Weirdest ebay purchase?

I've only ever purchased a video tape.

40. Favorite food to eat when you're wasted?

Never been wasted. Never saw much point.

41. It's Saturday at 3am where are you?

Dead to the world in my cozy bed. Unless of course I have company...

42. Who's your favorite friend to go out with?

Ever? I'd have to say Terry. We had the same taste in men. We'd fight over guys on the street "I saw him first". Freak people out. But it really depends what I'm going out to do. Colleen is great to go to movies with because she usually has something to say afterwards.

43. Worst job you've ever had?

Attendant in a laundry mat. Use your imagination.

44. What's something your friends make fun of you for?

R-boy used to bug me about being a "Trekkie".

45. Favorite cereal?

Currently: Special K Red Berry

46. Book that you could read over and over?

One Fine Day In The Middle Of The Night.

47. What's the meanest thing you've ever done?

I told my friend Johnny to be really nice and polite to this guy named Gary for a week. At the end of the week Gary came to me and said that she'd been really nice to him. I said that she's at her most dangerous when she's being nice. He turned pale and looked like he was going to faint. He went home early and we didn't see him for 5 days. I told Johnny what I'd done and we laughed. Of course this was in high school and Gary was a dweeb who'd been making snide comments about us for 3 years. I think he deserved ever ounce of torture we could get out of him.

48. If you were drafted into a war, would you survive?
I'd be a draft dodger. If the question is could I kill or be killed then the answer is yes. I could kill to save my own life or the lives of others.

Reposts are posts written for previous journals or other places online that no longer exist.

Repost: Must See Movies

madison1964@gmail.com — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 08:00:00 +0000

A bunch of movie critics have put together a list of films to see before you die:

1 Apocalypse Now 2 The Apartment 3 City of God 4 Chinatown 5 Sexy Beast 6 2001: A Space Odyssey 7 North by Northwest 8 A Bout de Souffle 9 Donnie Darko 10 Manhattan 11 Alien 12 Lost in Translation 13 The Shawshank Redemption 14 Lagaan: Once Upon A Time in India 15 Pulp Fiction 16 Touch of Evil 17 Walkabout 18 Black Narcissus 19 Boyz n the Hood 20 The Player 21 Come and See 22 Heavenly Creatures 23 A Night at the Opera 2 4 Erin Brockovich 25 Trainspotting 26 The Breakfast Club 27 Hero 28 Fanny and Alexander 29 Pink Flamingos 30 All About Eve 31 Scarface 32 Terminator 2 33 Three Colours: Blue 34 The Royal Tenenbaums 35 The Ladykillers 36 Fight Club 37 The Searchers 38 Mulholland Drive 39 The Ipcress File 40 The King of Comedy 41 Manhunter 42 Dawn of the Dead 43 Princess Mononoke 44 Raising Arizona 45 Cabaret 46 This Sporting Life 47 Brazil 48 Aguirre: The Wrath of God 49 Secrets and Lies 50 Badlands.

Hmmm. I'm really not sure about this list. There's no explanation as to why must we see these films. I've seen a few of them. Hated Apocalypse Now. The Apartment was okay. Chinatown was good. Hated Sexy Beast. Don't remember North By Northwest though I know I've seen it. Loved Shawshank Redemption. The Player was boring. Loved Heavenly Creatures. The Breakfast Club was cute. Blue was really boring. Ten out of the 50 isn't very good.

What films would you have on the list?

I'd add The Usual Suspects and The Sixth Sense because they're good examples of movies with trick endings. After seeing The Usual Suspects I sat in the theatre and said, "Wow." I've loved this film more every time I've seen it. The Sixth Sense I actually figured out before the end. While watching the film I was bugged by what I thought was a timeline/plot problem. Bruce Willis' character always seemed to be getting home at the same time, no matter when the previous scene took place. Then I noticed that he was always wearing the same clothes and a light went on.

I'd also add a couple of dystopia films like Blade Runner and Total Recall. Or what many consider the first dystopia film: Logan's Run

The rush to Y2K brought out a bunch of weird movies. Some are near future sci-fiction like Strange Days but most of them were what I call "end of the millennium devil movies." End of Days and Stigmata are the first to come to mind (both staring Gabriel Byrne for some reason). With the release of a The Omen remake I hope that this was one film trend that is on the way out.

There have been a lot of other film trends over the years (buddy films, hip hop films etc.). I think at least one example from each should be on everyone's "must see" list. How do you know what you like if you don't try some of everything?

How like life.

Reposts are posts written for previous journals or other places online that no longer exist.

Happy Holidays

madison1964@gmail.com — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 23:01:00 +0000

Donate To Pacific Assistance Dog Society

Happy Holidays!

As you can tell, I haven't been posting this month. I've been dealing with a medical issue. I've decided not to stress about blogging for the rest of the year. There will be another repost because I scheduled it ages ago. I will be back going full tilt boogie in January of 2012.

See you then.

Mad

Repost: Get A (Spiritual) Life

madison1964@gmail.com — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 08:00:00 +0000

Morgan La Fey by Fredrick Sandys

Warning: New Age stuff ahead.

I've been on a strange journey today. It started out in the usual way, reading the news at IMDb.com when I came to a piece about Ghost Whisperer. It seems that the set has been visited by ghosts who show up in a single frame of film. The ghostly shots are supposed to be available at the show's official site but I couldn't find them.

I'm not really a big fan of GW. The husband is kind of cute. I'm kind of bored with the whole "I see dead people" thing. Living with a ghost will do that. I also don't agree with the show's assertion that people are haunted, places aren't. My last apartment had a ghost. S/he kept stealing spoons. Go ahead and laugh. When you have to go out and buy 8 spoons every 4 or 5 months for 11 years it gets to be a bit much. I moved to my current apartment 5 years ago and no more missing spoons.

I believe people and places are "haunted". I've had another ghostly hanger on since 1997. He saved my life. I had a space heater that caught fire. I was woken up by someone grabbing my ankle. I looked down to the end of the bed and there was a man standing there. Right beside him was the burning heater. If I hadn't woken up I'd be a ghost now. Since then he's made himself known occasionally by touching me.

My first PADS puppy, Chinook, came with an invisible brother or sister. I would often feel something brush against my leg. I'd look down expecting to see Chinook there but there wouldn't be anything. Eventually, as Chinook and the ghost got bigger, I started feeling something at the end of my bed at night when Chinook was in his kennel. I would say "off" (the command to get off the furniture) and whatever it was would leave. I had meant to ask about the litter Chinook came from but I never did. That particular ghost left with Chinook. I'm happy to report that, the next dog, Nickelback arrived without baggage of any sort.

I didn't start this post intending to recount the ghosts of my life. Looking at the GW site got me thinking about spirit guides. I have one. He's been with me since I was a child. His name is Bon. He's a dragon. He tags along whenever I do a meditation for a specific reason. He's quite funny and snarky and full of advice (some useful... some not so much). My meditations aren't always productive. I often end up laughing. Bon got a lot more talky when I started exploring the Celtic version of Shamanism. Bon went with me when I tried to find my "wild woman" or the irrational side of my brain. She wasn't in. Instead we found a rather buttoned-down young man named Jack. Jack has hang-ups. Bon loves pushing his buttons. My spiritual journeys are quite a bit like Crosby and Hope road movies.

If you're interested in looking into Celtic Shamanism I suggest reading By Oak, Ash, & Thorn by DJ Conway. It's got a lot of fun meditations to do. I go back and do them every now and then. Especially the one where you go inside a piece of fruit. Pineapples have the best parties. LOL. As you might have guessed I don't take my spirituality all that seriously. I mean no disrespect. I think each person has to make his or her own peace with the spiritual world.

While looking up stuff about animal totems I came across a couple of interesting articles. One was about the character of Chakotay from Star Trek Voyager being just a stereotypical Hollywood native along the lines of Tonto. The other was about new age gurus raping and pillaging Native spirituality to make a buck. I agree with both articles.

I can only point out that shamanism is not exclusive to "native" cultures. The Celts were a shamanistic culture. I'm part Scottish and very attracted to many aspects of Celtic culture so I think my interest in Celtic spirituality is quite natural. Of course many Scottish people are quite bored of the offspring of the Celtic diaspora trying to reconnect with their roots but that's another post altogether.

Reposts are posts written for previous journals or other places online that no longer exist.

Feliz Navidad

madison1964@gmail.com — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 21:04:00 +0000

Feliz Navidad | Playing For Change from Playing For Change on Vimeo.

Getting Creative - Week 33

madison1964@gmail.com — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 03:02:00 +0000

Last week's card was a bout demons. We all have them. Some times we don't even realize it until we sit down and look for ourselves. As they say, naming them is the first step to recovery. I've spent some time this week looking over my writing career, such as it is at the moment, and I've found some very strong demons hovering. Fear of Success and Fear of Failure are front and center. Perfectionism is also a big one. It's going to take a lot of work before I can put my demons behind me. I think they'll always be around but I'm hoping for a day when I can ignore them and just get back to writing .

This week's card:

Recipe Book

If you're like most creative people, you thrive on a steady diet of stimuli. So keep the ingredients close at hand -- make yourself a cookbook of inspiration. attach to its pages newspaper articles, postcards, quotations and song lyrics that summon your muse out of hiding. don't forget the lock of hair you saved from your highly productive, magenta Mohawk era, and the photo of the admired one whose accomplishments encourage your own. Then, the next time your imagination gauge is hovering near empty, pull out your special recipe book and fill up on a rich and enriching feast of images and ideas.

This sounds like a fun project. I can see myself getting carried away by the possibilities and not doing anything else for the whole week. That would be different wouldn't it? We'll just have to see how it goes.

Creativity Resources

Inspiration Box - make your own box to keep things that inspire you together.

Andy Warhol's Inspiration Box - a cute kit with an Andy Warhol action figure and stickers.

About the image: Mr. Dressup's "Tickle Trunk" now at the CBC Museum in Toronto. It contained everything needed to have fun and adventures on a kid's television show.

Getting Creative is a 52 week project where I will try to work my way through 52 Ways to Nurture Your Creativity by Lynn Gordon. You're welcome to come along as I do a card a week for a year.

Repost: All that Is Wilde

madison1964@gmail.com — Sat, 10 Dec 2011 08:00:00 +0000

...the real tragedy of the poor is that they can afford nothing but self-denial. Beautiful sins, like beautiful things, are the privilege of the rich." -Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

Last night I watched a video called Happy Birthday Oscar Wilde. The ever fabulous c over at Scatter O'light turned me on to it beause it features Bono, Larry Mullen and Gavin Friday.

The whole video was people quoting Oscar Wilde or wishing him happy 150th birthday (rather self-consciously in some cases.) Over a hundred personalities stood in front of a blue screen and delivered some fairly famous lines.

Here's a sample of some of the quotes used:

The books that the world calls immoral are books that show the world its own shame. - Quoted by Larry Mullen

There's only one thing in the world that's worse than being talked about and that's not being talked about. - Quoted by Larry Mullen

Yet each man kills the thing he loves,
By each let this be heard,
Some do it with a bitter look,
Some with a flattering word,
The coward does it with a kiss,
The brave man with a sword!

Some kill their love when they are young,
And some when they are old;
Some strangle with the hands of Lust,
Some with the hands of Gold:
The kindest use a knife, because
The dead so soon grow cold.
Some love too little, some too long,
Some sell, and others buy;
Some do the deed with many tears,
And some without a sigh:
For each man kills the thing he loves,
Yet each man does not die.

- Quoted by Bono & Gavin Friday

The project was done in support of Amnesty International and all the people appearing in the film gave their time freely. The "making of" documentary on the DVD was interesting. It seems that once Bono and Larry put their hats into the ring everything got going. The documentary had a few funny scenes, mostly of people flubbing their lines or missing cues or just fooling around. I like the shots of Bono getting his chest hair fixed by the makeup artist. He makes a comment about a Tom Jones problem. Also cute is the director telling Larry to smile. He says that after 25 years of not smiling it's a hard habit to break.

There were a lot of British and Irish actors that I've never heard of in the film. I'm sure some of you out there know a fair lot more than I. I did manage to recognize, Barry Bostwick, Ed Begley Jr., Stuart Copeland, Tyne Daly, Martin Sheen, Rene Auberjonois and Rosie Perez.

After watching the film I realized that I haven't read any Oscar Wilde for a long time. I think I'll have to go find myself some this summer.

Reposts are posts written for previous journals or other places online that no longer exist.

T.G.I.F. - Vocal Improv

madison1964@gmail.com — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 22:59:00 +0000

Some people say that their favorite part of a Queen concert was when Freddie played his "game" with the audience.

Getting Creative - Week 32

madison1964@gmail.com — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 14:01:00 +0000

I've done it again. I could have sworn that yesterday was Tuesday. It think it might be a side effect of my migraines. I seem to lose a day or so with each one. It's really weird because I can look directly at a calendar and not register the proper day. I will look at it and see what I think I should see. ::shrug::

Anyway.

I've always had a lot of voices in my head. You might even say I spend way too much time in my head listening to the stories those voices have to tell. My problem is that the voices do not wait their turn. There are always multiple stories competing for attention. I will get so far with one story and then I have to start a new one because I've got a new voice. I can't put them off. If I don't get things down right away I'll lose them. I wish there was some way to organize them. Maybe I could post times in my brain: new stories Mondays from 6pm to 8pm; new chapters Tuesdays from 4pm to 6pm; extraneous background information Wednesdays from 2pm to 4pm; etc.

That would be lovely.

This week's card:

When facing the blank canvas, the blank screen, or the shapeless lump of clay, there are endless, potentially debilitating ways to convince yourself that it makes more sense to get up and wash the dishes instead. There's that old standby, Fear of Failure: “What if I don't get on Oprah/get a gallery/get a life?” and its paradoxical cousin, Fear of Success: “What if I do get on Oprah and I'm still not rich/thin/happy?” There's the need to surpass, or bypass, your parents' expectations: the desire to do better than that successful younger brother, just this once. Exorcising one's demons is a lifelong process that begins with one simple step: identify them. Then you can face them down as you go.

I think my biggest demon is Fear of Success. I've always thought that “potential” was the scariest word in the English language. I've always been told that I had great potential. I've been told by many writing teachers, including a best selling author, that I'm a great writer. This has been immediately followed by a long period of me being incapable of writing anything at all.

Many years ago I wrote a feature length script. I let a screenwriter read it. He said it was great. He even sent it to his agent to read. The agent had a few minor suggestions that would have been easy to incorporate into the script. He even suggested a film company he thought might buy the script. I never sent the script to anyone else. I never re-wrote it. It sits in my files exactly the same as it was the day I finished it. I can't even look at it any more. It's a useless waste of paper.

Fear of Success? Check.

Creativity Resources

Are These 2 Creativity Myths Holding You Back? Meet the “Creative Genius” and the “Tortured Artist.”

Mental Illness and the Creative Process – Reviews of two books that look at mental illness and creativity.

The Inner Demon That Trumps Them All – Perfectionism is the worst of all demons.

About the image: Lorne was a singing demon from the television show Angel. If all my demons were like him I'd be having a lot more fun.

Getting Creative is a 52 week project where I will try to work my way through 52 Ways to Nurture Your Creativity by Lynn Gordon. You're welcome to come along as I do a card a week for a year.

Repost: X-Men: The Last Stand Review

madison1964@gmail.com — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 08:00:00 +0000

I finally went to see X-MEN: The Last Stand. I wanted to wait until the crowds died down. I went to a matinee. I think there were about 15 people in the theatre. Not seeing the film right away meant that I had to avoid spoilers. I'm happy to say that the only thing I knew about the movie was that the next movie was going to be a Wolverine movie. Now I know why.

I'm not going to give out any big spoilers just a small one or two...

They killed off the X-Man I disliked most in the first few minutes of the film.(YAY) Then a short while later they killed off my second favorite X-Man.(BOO)

If you haven't seen the film yet, make sure you stay through the end credits. There's a little surprise at the end.

Anyway...

While I enjoyed the film I don't think it was a good as the other two. For some strange reason it felt like a "contractual obligation" film. It's as if the cast had signed on for 3 so they had to do 3. I know that's not what happened but it sure felt like it. I know that Halle Berry has said she will not do another movie but her character is still alive at the end.

I also have a little nitpick. In the first movie, Wolverine skewers Mystique and she survives. In this movie he skewers another female mutant in the same way but she dies. What gives? Okay. It's a comic book world. Things don't have to make sense but really! LOL.

My other observation is that Patrick Stewart has now been in two films where a main character is killed but his "consciousness" is transferred into another body. Is this a trend in movie making? Are we now so afraid of death our "art" needs to find extraordinary ways to beat it? I'm just askin'.

One of the people I went to the movie with commented on how Magnito spouts a lot of pseudo-Nazi rhetoric in this film. I think that fanaticism twists itself so much that it becomes worse than whatever it started out being against (or for). Fear and hatred are two of the strongest (and most destructive) emotions humans have. I'm sure Magnito doesn't see himself as a mutant Nazi.

There are interesting questions posed by this movie. If you were a mutant and there was a "cure" would you take it? Would you force your children to take it? Should the government force everyone to take the cure? At what point does a "cure" become one more weapon for society to use against those who are different?

While watching the movie I kept thinking about homosexuality and how some people still believe it is an illness that can be cured. I know people who have been subjected to all sorts of things including, in one case, an exorcism because parents were sure that there was a cure for their child's sexual orientation. I'm sure none of those parents thought of themselves as Nazies.

Huh. This has turned into a much longer entery than I thought it would. Maybe that means the movie was better than I thought. Maybe. Maybe not. I really just went to look at Wolverine anyway. Prrrrrrr!

Reposts are posts written for previous journals or other places online that no longer exist.

T.G.I.F. - We Are The Champions

madison1964@gmail.com — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 23:27:00 +0000

It's pretty rare to find a video of We Are The Champions that doesn't turn into We Will Rock You but I kind of like it on its own. I'm always surprised by how many Freddie fans I have among my internet friends. Thanks to everyone who, like me, couldn't believe Freddie has been gone for 20 years. There will never be another one like him.

Exotic Hadron

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