Out of the shoe box with The Wonderer!

The Joys of Second Calls

2013-07-29T12:54:00.001-06:00

Observing my dogs last late afternoon, I amused how they only came after the second call. Usually being a bit annoyed by this and not really understanding why they did it, or why I was annoyed.. As I called for them this time I watched their actions just after I called the first time. They would perk up and hear me, and then begin to sniff where they were. I realized they were taking till the next call to take in whatever adventure they were just on, whatever experience they were having that moment. As if to take in the joy and smells of that moment.

On second call, as always, they came running, with faces full of joy.

Clearly this only being my perception of what is going on, I enjoy this. As a child I remember always waiting second call, not to lolly gag, but to recall the joy of that moment. With this, I find why I would be annoyed by it, I have forgotten the joy of second calls.

This flooded me with all the joys I found before second call, and reminds me to enjoy second calls.

Remember the joy of second call...

Those Dark hallways

2012-08-27T10:24:00.000-06:00

Admittedly, Up until my last blog post I was feeling completely stuck and like I have been wasting precious time doing nothing in NC. However, after typing that and reflecting on other things I have learned since I returned to my home town here in NC. I felt as if I had put myself in situation for no reason other than to feel stuck. Have been feeling like a fool for doing so. In fact, I have realized it takes more for me to stay stationary than the move around and travel. How ridiculous is that?

I have been pressured over and over to get a job, have been ridiculed for being a hippie and called a bum. Every time I’ve turned around I am being called a witch for having a way with animals and getting anything to grow from nothing. I have realized how much money it takes to truly get off of the grid… Am I the only one who thinks that is the dumbest thing? It takes a lot of money to be free from money. And then in this society you’re never truly free from money. There are still property taxes, and a few odds and ends that you need. Still haven’t found a suitable toilet paper solution lol.

Anyways, the point being, I have let my fears over whelm my desires. I have become stuck in ways of thought and fear. I have allowed myself to begin to be sucked into other people’s ways of thought of fear of my own ways. I have lost track of something, and I am not sure what. I am determined still to have my dreams become my reality, however I have closed many doors to those dreams myself in the recent months passed. I know that they are still there and waiting for me. But, I am afraid. For a while I felt like I had lost those dreams to my own fear, I realized after my last blog that they hadn’t gone anywhere. I was learning many lessons here and healing wounds I have caused.

I saw the hallway I have been standing in light up, it was no longer dark, I could see I was not alone. In fact I can now see all the people in my life and can see their true feelings and desires, not the egoic responses I get. I can see I am being rooted on to take life by the balls and hold on for a wild ride. And I can see all of those doorways. My fear showed me the wild ride to be the angry bull I was climbing on, but now I see that it’s not at all! It’s a raft in my river of life. I know there will be bumps and turns, and I know I will fall out in to the rapids on occasion. But my raft buddies, They will never let me drown, picking and teasing me ensue once lives are rescued from the rapids, But it’s in all good fun.

I maybe the Crazy Aunt!!

2012-08-24T19:20:00.000-06:00

So it has been a while since I have updated this. As most of you know I have been stationary in NC for a while, on the family farm. Of which I would love to get up and going again and build a self sufficient spiritual community. This would be a place for people to be able to come and live simply and become in touch with their inner selves, however that maybe for them, or however long. As of now, everything seems to be on hold. I realize this really is of my own doing and my own fears. I am scared of what the family will think when it’s actually going, and if it will truly take off. Lol, I love deep rooted feelings and such, they tend to make random appearances. No matter much you work on them and think you have removed them they pop back up, Like the aunt that wears to much perfume and pinches your cheeks (let’s be honest though, few people have that aunt, but many know her)

… Come to think of it I am kind of that Aunt, Except usually more natural body smell and instead of pinching your cheeks I tickle you and knock you in the head in a impromptu pillow fight… with couch cushions… So maybe I’m the crazy fun uncle who is married to the dreaded aunt… Though I feel I over though that entire thing, and plan to leave the whole babble intact… Good luck deciphering! Though Plans seem to be on hold, the plans I’ve had are refining themselves into legit working plans and aren’t half cocked retarded crap I guess. So instead of taking a canoe down a rocky hill side, I am taking a canoe down a rocky hillside, WITH a helmet. So, I have begun to realize other potentials of the land and such that I plan to use. Ways in which to generate money. Let’s be honest, going off grid costs quite a bit of money… Yes I know… That sounds retarded… because it is… Yet Sadly, the truth. On a brighter note, I, along with my sister, have grown and harvested our first successful garden this year. And I, Zachary W. Adams, your very own Wonderer and mastermind philosopher, slash, awesomest man alive, has learned the art of canning foods.

I have never in my life been so excited to read a manual as I was my pressure cooker manual.. But Alas, I raved to anyone who would listen for days about the recipes and how easy this stuff sounded. Apparently canning isn’t a big topic of conversation, who knew? Also, I am Building a green house to be able to grow foods in the winter! I am so excited about that, I have the land cleared for it and I am just waiting for.. well I am not really sure what I am waiting for. But I am! On top on that, This guy right here knows how, now, to not wreck a tractor.

And to not run over invisibly hornet’s nest with them. I got lucky I ran over that beast and didn’t get stung once. According to the family I must be a witch for that. As well as, being able to harvest nearly 100 ears of corn from two rows of struggling corn stalks, getting dogs to do what I say and not catching colds I say I refuse to catch. I guess I’m a magical beast too! Besides learning to grown and harvest my own foods now, I am about to venture, with the family , into raising cattle and chickens. I want a milk cow, which apparently is funny to them, I guess I will find out why. As well as going to be going on an adventure with my grandfather and dad to learn about about local medicinal herbs and plants. As well as gather them for use.. I recently tried a couple for a sinus infection and a stomach yuck. Two teas two days. Each tea only took a few minutes to clear the problems.. So when I get a chance, I will be putting up a list of herbs and plants and what they are good for. I am excited. How awesome is this. I feel so much more connected to Mother earth… Oh and western Medicine….So you do work I will give you that, But until the day you can clear a sinus infection in 15 minutes, eat it. :-)

It seems so long now, that the tears ran like rivers

2012-02-14T21:51:00.001-07:00

Seems many years ago now, but I guess not so many. Maybe because since then though life yes has been a whirl wind, it has been full and adventurous. A life time of amazement, in a short period of time. I laid in an apartment floor on a cold winter evening. Crying. Another panic attack taken a hold of me. Fighting for meditation I had been learning to control this problem. I had came across the idea only days, maybe weeks, who knows, before from my roommate who so bluntly offered me the advice to learn the art of meditation, or said more like this, "Dude, you need to learn to meditate." Was left just like that, like a major cliff hanger to a movie, no advice on how to do it or where to start. To just start.

This at the time seemed cruel and more of a joke than anything, but alas what did I have to Lose? My sanity? HAHA, well yes, that is gone. But was going anyways from the tormented nights of tears and the days of chewing over every detail of my life until that moment. Beating myself up for all the wrongs I had done and judging the wrong other had. I was mad at my roommate for a couple of days honestly. I felt like I had been handed an amazing option, locked in a glass case. So I researched it, Learned what I could about it. Finally Tried it. Anyways, back on topic. I hadn't became strong n the art, and was not sure how to get into a calm meditative state to calm this attack yet.

I lay there shaking, begging for this to just stop. I just wanted it to end, to be better, to not have to go any further. I begged a god I had stopped believing in long before. Ironic where we turn when we are at our supposed weakest huh? I didn't want to believe in this god who created me the way I was to HATE me, to PUNISH me with a life I felt then was terrible. I did not want to believe in such a cruel god, and awful vengeful man who treated us like ants under a magnifying glass! But I turn to beg his help in my weakest hour.

The tears stream down, my mind racing with all of my wrongs, the hate and contempt for myself that filled me. The floor at this point had became my friend in these moments, its aged carpet and worn out padding held me, cushioned me and did not offer the potential of falling like my bed did. The floor helped slowly sooth me back to calmness, the coolness from his lack of insulation calmed my body into comatose and allowed me to rest my head for a nap once the shaking retreated for a few more hours, or a day with luck. I lay here on my old friend, ungrateful of his sacrifice to my aid, finally calming and not effected by the coldness of the floor or the air surrounding me. Almost as if I have had a blanket laid over me to protect me from the bitter cold.

An invisible blanket placed upon my being by an unseen force. It brought me into a state of peace. Relaxation. I no longer feel alone at this point, for I am no longer alone. The need to judge my past is subsided, and the future feels unimportant. I close my eyes, and feel the words to calm, for I am safe. That it will be alright, because I am protected and taken care of. A feeling of pure unconditional love pours over me like a warm bath. I know god in this moment. And this IS NOT the god I was told about. This MY god. I have, since then held onto this peace. But not the story. Not until of recent. A singer we all know, and that I enjoy very much. Taylor Swift, has sang the words so perfectly that I felt this day, the one that feels so long ago now. Safe and sound.

Hello.

2012-01-15T22:06:00.000-07:00

My mind is enwrapped in many thoughts tonight, my emotions are stable. The silence is peaceful and intoxicating, yet maddening and loud at the same moment. All the seconds seem like minutes and the minutes hours. But when I look down for the time, I can only wonder where it has gone. Where does it go? The conclusion is the light ache from my side or swimming of thoughts through my mind to my eyes. Thoughts of the farm, the work I need to accomplish, my travels (or lack there of), the twin bed that calls my name as it taunts at the fact the single is the state I am meant for now. The peace that brings and the desire for otherwise. A deep sigh, a slight ache and a smile. Time for sleep, Time for meditation. Here is my God, In the fabric of every detail. Hello.

It's time for a revolution

2011-10-03T17:31:00.000-06:00

Ya know friends, I have been sort of following the protests of recent. I am rather amused by it to be honest. Yes great cause I believe, but we are buying the supplies to picket them from them. Kind of defeats the purpose. Though, oddly enough I want to go join in this. It would be amazing experience. There are tons of groups up there and all over the country. It is about time people are tired enough of the system to stand up and say it as whole. It is past time that we all stop just complaining and DO something about it. Amazingness. People are finally taking action, what a beautiful thing. Who all is tired of being broke? Of fighting for these things they say we need, but we can't seem to reach? Tired of worrying about what they will crash next? Tired of feeling to small to have your way? Well peeps here is the chance. GO FOR IT!

Excitement builds for my projects, and people reaching out!

2011-10-01T16:53:00.000-06:00

Today Is awesome! I have been in contact with many people today, almost everyone of them is either A wanting to be part of a self sustaining community, has great ideas and are up to trade or a mixture of the two. How awesome is this for me? This is laying our for me as well. Great things. People all over the country working on the same things in different ways and different ideas to be self sustaining. This has renewed my excitement that had not even began to fade in the slightest.

With the built excitement for this project I already have I have millions of ideas flowing through me. With what i have in my mind and with the proper resources this could easily get off the ground and going in no time! How amazing is that! I am so excited about this. I want to start posting ideas that I have, but I want to work with them and prefect them before I do that. I know they will work and I have no doubt in the success of this project. I am in love with all of this. I really am. Thank you Universe for entrusting with this amazingness!

Stepping into the next chapter with the new season and new month!

2011-09-30T11:22:00.000-06:00

It is now the end of September, October rolling in will full force and willingness to bring the beautiful leaves with it. Perfect time to travel cross country. Seeing the scenery all the way across. I am the perfect state of mind to remove more of the clutter in my mind and let it fall away. I am in the mood to travel across country and to see the beauty out east a while. To see family and finally let them in completely. I am also ready to start my new projects while my travels are on hold for a while. There is plenty to keep me occupied a while. Which is perfection. I love it.

I have been putting thought in to the idea of stepping back into life the way in which I was living. But I do not seeing that being possible. Working the way I was, the way I was living. I cant even imagine it. Which is okay, it was not fitting of who I was and this is the season of release. So instead trying to imagine it I am going to release it with love of the knowledge that I know It served me perfectly for what i was supposed to to. I leave it with gratitude and appreciation. I am stepping into a new chapter of my own life, a new experience. I am excited for it!!

Attached Cycles will be removed!

2011-09-29T21:12:00.000-06:00

I've got some funny things today. Today I have had my mind wrapped around going back east for a while. Completely ignoring the attachment I had to getting there I have been saying for a long time now I am not attached to the outcome to everyone, and for a long time I have not been attached to the outcome of anything. So for me to realize my attachment to this was completely amusing to me. I revealed in this, laugh at this, and could not help but grin from ridiculous amounts of time about this. I had to tell everyone around me. Which got me some funny looks, but that is okay. This moment was amazing to have, I love it. I love the fact that I got to experience it and realize I have been. The feeling is slight annoyance, but a lot of confused thoughts. ( That is because I have a lot on my mind I still need to sort through).So put the two together and you have the average mind. At least what I remember when I used to be like that years ago. Has been ridiculous and awesomeness. Man I love when I get to experience those things.

When one gets to experience moments they don't enjoy so much, it makes the great ones that much more appreciated and memorable. Though I have not removed the attachment, I am learning from it. I know , I know what makes sense is to remove that and move on. However, this way I can learn the ins and outs of it. Learn how I allow the pattern to overcome me and my symptoms of it. Basically through this I can learn to cure this. That way later down the road I wont have it happen, at least sneak up on me haha!

There it is, I have my moments. Though I have learned how to enjoy them rather than be upset with them. I <3 me.

What does Living Off The Grid mean to You

2011-09-29T10:33:00.000-06:00

What does Living Off The Grid mean to You

A cluttered Mind is a sign of Satan!

2011-09-28T21:20:00.000-06:00

My mind is full, Overly full tonight. There are so many thoughts floating around and much more to sort through. I feel lost in all of it right now. It feels like I am in an unfamiliar jungle of my own mind. A place I have sorted through and sorted through and put into files and cabinets. Labeled perfectly so I could find what I was looking for. This is another layer of my own mind I have picked through and looked at, played with and was amused by. But now I have plunged head first into the muck. Not sure which way to start going, which direction to submerge myself to begin ordering. See what i have thrown into this room and left undiscovered for this long.

I am at this moment in a mess in my mind and not very sure what to look for or where to look. I could start tossing things. However, I know in this process if you just toss with out looking you can easily invite it back in without knowing you are. So I must carefully and patiently look through all the leaves and paper with scribbles read whats on the trunks of the jungle trees and see what I have tacked to the sky. I must look at it all and know weather I need it or not. If I plan to hold on to it, how does it fit? Where must this go? What tree did this leaf of scribbles come off of?

Yes, you're reading this all confused and perfectly right if this is the case. For you're imagining a room that is a jungle with a sky filing cabinets standing open leaves and papers every where, including tacked to the sky. Now add a few more layers of papers and leaves, at least to your neck. Throw in a few animals looking at you neck deep in this mess with a look that says, "Dude, this is a mess... You gonna get to cleaning or are you gonna hang out neck deep in shit?" Haha. This is not a bad place. Actually quite the opposite, this is an amazing place. Overwhelming a bit, but amazing. This means I am another level deeper into myself. Once I am not overwhelmed I will be able to knock through this quickly. I am excited to be here, I am sure I will learn way cool things about me I long since buried down here. A tactic to convince myself it is to difficult to know me. But It wont win! I will get through this :-)

Ready to take a rest out east.

2011-09-28T10:52:00.001-06:00

I am ready to take a break. It isn't because I am over traveling. But I would like to settle in for winter for one and for two I would like to just take a break and start working on my projects. The meditation guides to start with and the big one, the conscious community. I am looking to raise money to get back east or a ride out there. Another words I am manifesting my opportunity to head back for a while. Also I would love to get to go to Salem, Mass for Halloween. That would be amazing. I love Salem, last time I was there was a few years back and it felt to me like a very powerful area. I would enjoy going and seeing it again.

Anyways, So any viewers. If you know of an extremely cheap way to get from Idaho to Maryland let me know. If you would like to help raise the money to get me home, I say please and thank you. Or if youre coming from the west coast to the east and want a hitch hiker... I am here.

If you're interested in helping there is a donation button located in a couple places in the blog its is a picture of earth from space with a big tree and a blue guy, Thank you for the help.

Annoying People!

2011-09-27T20:06:00.001-06:00

Have you ever been around one of those people who annoy to no end?

Yeah, that's all I got...

Release of fall!

2011-09-27T11:57:00.000-06:00

This is my favorite season! It is so beautiful, the colors and the the brisk autumn air. The Peace that comes with it. The apples and cider, pumpkin pie and the harvesting. the smell It creates is something amazing to me. It makes me feel brand new every time it comes around. I love riding up into the mountains and looking off into the leaves and knowing no matter where I am, I am home in that beauty. It makes me so happy. I love being able to pull out my scarf and coat. Opening the windows and airing every thing out. Halloween! The idea of the worlds ports being open to one another clearly for travel between. And naturally the tons of candy lol.

What I love most of all is fall is for letting go of the old ways that no longer fit who you are. Allowing the release of the old thoughts that pull us backwards. I love to release old habits that do not fit me. This is why ( in my belief) fall most of us had sinus drainage. Stuffy noses and lots of "lung Butter" from our head releasing all these things we have been holding on to in a physical way. I love being able to blow my nose. Each time I know I am getting rid of something I was holding onto inside of me that had the potential to make me more sick if i had held onto it.

So don't be upset when your sinus's are dumping all it's contents, it is all part of the natural release of fall to let go of the old. So that the new and better for you can come in in the spring.

Consciousness

2011-09-27T10:36:00.000-06:00

"To be conscious of ones self is to be conscious of everything in the universe"-Zachy Adams, aka The Wonderer

Conscious Community!

2011-09-26T21:59:00.000-06:00

Soon I will be heading back out east. Without making it to Shasta. But, that is perfectly fine to me. For I know before this project I am about to talk about I will make it out there! There is something for me at Shasta, but if I were meant to make it out there now, I would make it. So I am cool with it :-). So besides wanting to spend a year living in a Teepee (which will be an awesome experience!) I have realized more of my dreams, things I have dreamed of many times and actually been jealous of when I see other people doing something similar. There Is something called a conscious community. The idea is of a group of people with similar beliefs and ideas coming together to live self sufficient as possible ( off the land, without money ( close to )) Raising your own food and producing your own energy and your own water. But, with the idea of nature being alive and being conscious of it, of the effect our every action has to the land and of the resources we are using. RE-learning to me grateful for it and taking care of it, giving appreciation and providing it with what I needs to continue to provide for us.

That's my friends, You're figuring out that I want to be part of this. Not only part of one, I aspire to found one. Get it up and going and attracting the people to it. I have done much research on this and have a million idea for it in my mind. As they come up I write them down. But at times I can barely keep up with myself. Which is nothing unusual for me lol. I already know where I want this to be and its basically built in my mind. I have ideas from water wheels for power and to pump water, to hobbit housing. I have created my own idea for a Compost toilet system to take care of a small community. Really all I need is the okay from the people who own the land at the moment to do such a thing, to build the man power to begin this and to get myself more balanced and more controlled lol. I have built a holding pond in my mind an entire water system. multiple organic houses so on and so on.

This excited me very much.

Opening up!

2011-09-26T21:35:00.002-06:00

Hi all!

Last I checked in with all of you I was feeling really alone. When I realized that not all people in my life had left, I had forgotten to open up to them.. Which means my Blood family, I had forgotten to really let them in, in a long time. From my own fears I recognized quickly. I was terrified of them not accepting me or getting it. I was afraid of many things in there. So all this time instead of letting them in to allow them the opportunity to decide for themselves how they felt about me, I was choosing for them. This wasn't a fear I was still holding on to, this was something long ago I had released, just forgot to take the steps to move forward with it. Like bringing it to their attention I had been afraid, but wasn't. That I had forgotten to tell them my thoughts and such. It's like I finally stopped judging myself long ago and forgot I was mirroring that off of them. So when I was setting here wondering why they weren't getting me and I was feeling like they had left me I had a glorious revelation that I had forgot to bring them along on the journey of my crazy life.
So being who I am, ya know amazing with words and all (

Amazing morning after a difficult day :-)

2011-09-22T10:15:00.000-06:00

After a day and a night of tears and seeing things I had been seeing for a while. Today is something amazing. I see my future laying out for me and I am ready to embrace it. I am ready to see it all and grasp it. I am not alone. I am never alone. I am going to start telling my truths completely!

I love you all!

From moment one.

2011-09-21T23:22:00.000-06:00

Not to many years ago, I feel, I used to take the time to get dressed nice, kept myself cleaned up and acted in the manner I felt I was supposed to. There were many years before I had started the journey to know me. I thought, "I can know me, and just pretend to be what I am supposed to be to please everyone."< How ridiculous. You know the whole time I was "secretively" studied me I was granted less miserable than before I started. Back in the days when I set around awaiting the day I could just die and forget it all, because at the time, that's what I wanted. Not that I was going to go it myself. I wasn't no where close to being the pansy ass who offed myself. Yes, that is how I felt. I was to unhappy to want life, but to afraid of the judgment to cause me own death. so I will admit in this moment, I did not want life anymore. I was tired of the game already. This bullshit of playing a game I could not win and still being angry and depressed. At the ripe age of 19 I set in my apartment begging for my own death. I was on a path to it. Like we all see. Slowly dieing, that's what we all set around and await most of our lives. Pay taxes and die. What a beautiful reality.

So here I was begging to die, but terrified to cause it. Having these fucking panic attacks, that only caused me to feel worse, for I knew somehow it was my own goddamn fault that I was having them. Believing in nothing, nothing more than the impending death I begged a god I honestly didn't even believe in. It was simple words that turned it around for me, from someone who seemingly was always high with out ever actually doing a drug to get there. I lay on the floor in tears, CAUGHT by my roommate at the time, in another panic attack that were growing worse and becoming harder for a person so worn down at this point to handle. She looks at me and says, "Dude, you need to learn to meditate" and walks off. At this point in my life I hold onto this story easily. She could have never even been standing there, but I needed her to be standing there and to say those words. This now was 4 or 5 years ago, not remember exactly my age or when this took place. Though the details are vibrant in my mind still to this moment, and ring through fully in my mind daily. That is where that journey truly started. However, out of fear of people knowing this and thinking I am crazy for digging into myself and getting to know myself, I hid this more many years. Up until This past year around this time, when I met a pretty cool guy named Jeremy. We met on a sketchy gay site and decided after a lot of talking that lead into facebook. (I am sure he was just facebook crawling, looking for me. Joking) After meeting and getting to know other people meditated and had spiritual views similar to my own. I felt like I could finally start opening about my beliefs and my feeling. About simply meditating. It had been a huge secret for a long time and at the time I met him I was struggling financially and mentally with all of this. I was beating myself up for stepping into a lease that I knew I couldn't afford, because it is what I felt was expected of me. So here I was, setting at my apartment crying over all of this thinking, "stupid, if you would just be true to you and allow your life to unfold the way everything has told it will then you wouldn't be fitting all of this and struggling and going hungry and being miserable once again." Here he was Mr. Jeremy. the Spiritual new friend who didn't see me as crazy, and led a simple life sorta like what I yearned for so dearly. Seemingly without a care in the world and happy as he could be. And Me a bumbling mess again, in knots, knowing who I am but not accepting it for that is not what I am SUPPOSED to do. Since that moment of me realizing I was not the only one in this path and that I could accept it and speak it because it was me it was my truth, it has been a whirl wind. The growth I have made is amazing to me, all from just allowing my truth to flow out of me.

I have been speaking this truth for a long time now, it feels great to speak my truth and be who I truly am. But Now I find myself in a place where I feel like it has put my in a position of feeling alienated from what I have known and built into the false me. I am in the prime position to find my soul family. To find the group I connect with on a deeper level and I don't receive blank stares of what I say 95 % of the time. But right now I just feel this loneliness. I know I will find them and I will feel that I truly am not alone. And I know the people who have been in my life for a long time now still love me and will always love me. But to be able to express all of me with out the blank stare will be the most amazing feeling ever.

One Republic Secrets

2011-09-21T21:31:00.002-06:00

The Pain of true Loneliness.

2011-09-21T21:22:00.000-06:00

So here I set, wondering what I am supposed to do. I have came so far, and for what? To know me on a deeper level than I have ever known, pealed away layer upon layer of falsehood I had built to please others view of me. To try and share what I have discovered and be answered with a blank stare and obvious judgments of craziness. To not even be able to walk through a mall without getting those stares, and people avoiding being near me. That is without even talking to them, just simply minding my business and wandering through the stores with a void of human thought. To be left feeling alienated from everything I have ever known and even from new things in my life. To feel alone for that first time in a long time. To physically be almost completely alone. Unable to share the depth of thought I have now with people, the tap into the understanding I have of many things. Only a small group of people can I actually speak with and them understand what I am saying. As if I am speaking a different language to people than I have ever spoken to them.

I can tell you knowing me as deeply as I do is the most amazing and worth while gift I have ever given myself. The peace I find on the inside is something that I could never trade. Trust me, I have considered giving away my gift willingly to try and live the existence everyone expects of me. I have thought about just giving it all up and acting as if it does not exist and pretend to be like everyone else. I can't even fathom the idea of doing such. I think these thoughts and I am consumed with this misery that I could never willingly put upon myself and survive it. So I know just playing "human" would not work for me in the slightest at this point. Though it doesn't seem it from above knowing me is a feeling that removes loneliness most experience daily within themselves that is not satisfied by friends and lovers. The Loneliness I am experiencing is of the thought of ignoring the things I know, and of realizing that I do not fit into my old life anymore and not knowing where to go from here.

For I know with each layer of false bullshit I have built upon myself I remove, I will be one step farther away from that and still not knowing where I am going or where I fit in, in this world. If I fit in, in this world at all, at least with out being called crazy, stupid, insane, having add or another one of the millions excuses people will find to label me with to feel comfortable around me for more than a few minutes at a time.

I could just drop my travels and go "home", where ever that is anymore. Stop working on me and forget about all that I know now. I could write a book with the knowledge I have acquired, and reach millions of people. I could continue to travel reaching my destination of Mt. Shasta, Ca. Find out what pulls me there so ridiculously and be more than I am now and that much farther from acceptance into this world. I could lose myself in myself just to escape the judgments and ridicule for being different and crazy. I could choose to check out like so my ascended masters before. Feeling as if it is not worth the time anymore to try. To be labeled as a fool with fool dreams and crazy ideas on how life works. Though they are for my life and not others. I could be like Noah, who just keeps building my ark, knowing in the end that shits hitting the fan and this is how I save myself from this. I want the full enlightenment of knowing me to the deepest part of me, which is to know the deepest part of everything in the universe. But what cost does this bring me? At what cost does it bring me to not reach for what we are all set to reach towards? Which one truly hurts more?

In this moment...the feeling of being completely alone in the world hurts, it bring me to tears. It hurts more than any hurt I have ever felt. More than lonely this worlds has defined, More than the "broken heart", more than any physical injury I have ever had. This make me truly run cold, it cuts through me like a knife with no mercy. Hitting the deepest part of my soul and being twisted. I know I want to know me to the deepest part of me, and I know this pain wont last. But I can tell you in this moment, I only know this pain.

Building a Waterwheel - Hydro

2011-09-17T17:30:00.000-06:00

Building a Waterwheel - Hydro: "If you are fortunate enough to have a stream running through your land then you are blessed with a source of clean green renewable energy. In this article we will follow the construction of a complete DIY waterwheel power generation system.
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Out of the shoe box with The Wonderer!: They Great Bee Proverbs By The Wonderer

2011-09-16T15:57:00.000-06:00

Out of the shoe box with The Wonderer!: They Great Bee Proverbs By The Wonderer: The symbologism I speak of the this, there were three bee's fly in the window in hopes of getting something that smelled sweet and delicious to them. Quickly realizing the situation was not what they had wanted and wanting out as fast at their little wings could fly them in. Instead of any of them taking the time to realize they had to backtrack to get out, they all began to fly into the window beating their tiny heads against it in a panic for survival. They all three continued to cause the same pattern for quite a while. Finally one of them stopped and realized that to go just a little backwards they could come past the window frame and fly out. This they did and was free from death. One down two to go!

Low Tech - High Impact Solar Bottle Light Bulb

2011-09-15T10:25:00.001-06:00

this is really really neat.

the idea to take things we take for granted here and use them to make a very bright and effective lighting system that cost you the simple price of the materials. Genius, absolutely genius

Low Tech - High Impact Solar Bottle Light Bulb:

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Low Tech - High Impact Solar Bottle Light Bulb

2011-09-15T10:25:00.000-06:00

this is really really neat.

the idea to take things we take for granted here and use them to make a very bright and effective lighting system that cost you the simple price of the materials. Genius, absolutely genius

Low Tech - High Impact Solar Bottle Light Bulb:

'via Blog this'