Goin’ Crazy

by Mary Welker

I’m going crazy, ain’t it great?
No time for insanity, I’m running late.
I shuttle kids to and fro,
Get in the car, we’ve got to go.
What do you mean you’ve lost your shoes?
I don’t have time for distressing news.
Run a brush through that hair,
Oh no, the baby’s bottom’s bare.
Found the shoes, the hair is neat,
Hurry now, get into your seat.
Yes, the baby is diaper clad,
Hurry now, I’m going mad.
Sit down stop fighting,
Tempers are igniting.
Wait! Don’t hit your sister,
Watch out she’ll get YOU, Mister.
My, things are getting loud,
You know this behavior is not allowed.
That’s better, two minutes of calm,
For my soul that is needed balm.
Two little ones asleep in their seat,
The older ones finally quiet and neat
Though at times they make me weep,
These children are mine and them I’ll keep.

Copyright 2008 Mary Welker. Used by permission. All rights reserved. (Unlike other articles on this site you do not have permission to reproduce this poem)

It seems sometimes that we can’t see the forest for the trees. Not because we aren’t looking, but because of deforestation. While the debate on environmental issues and global warming continues, you can enjoy family fun time by going on a nature walk.

The first thing is to choose clothes that are appropriate. Comfortable shoes, sneakers or hiking boots would be fine, as would light clothing in layers (depending upon the weather), and a slicker to carry just in case of rain. Bring binoculars as well because you never can tell what wonderful sights may await you and your family.

Much has been advertised and written about the importance of preserving nature and all living things. In fact, Jane Goodall has sponsored a program for children that allows them to create backyard habitats for all sorts of birds and other animals that need a place to visit or call home.

Teaching our children about nature and animals who inhabit our planet is not only a necessary exercise, but one from which children can learn all about specific habitats, the creatures who live in them, and the need to preserve them for their generation as well as the generation to come.

While most kids can learn about nature from textbooks, it is walking among the different trees and flowers, discovering different species of birds and insects that makes it real for them and easier to relate to and understand.

Whether you are taking your family to the zoo, or to a reserve where extinct birds can be found, now is the time to do it. Our earth’s natural resources are dissipating as the population continues to grow. While there are still parks which preserve the beauty of our land and its wildlife, no one knows how much longer conservation will continue.

Begin with a family nature walk, a fun time yet a time of learning and appreciating nature and the magnificent treasures it holds.

About the Author:

You have to go through it to know what a world of difference a spa treatment can do to you. Once in a while you need to pamper yourself with some such luxury that leaves you feeling good and looking beautiful. May be the pace of life leaves with no time for an all-day spa treatment, but you can, and must take time out for at least a facial and a massage. A certificate to a spa is one of the most thoughtful gifts you can give to your mom on Mother’s Day or any other day for that matter. Let her know how much you care for her. She will never forget this experience, and you will get all the credit for it.

A facial leaves you with a feeling that is hard to duplicate. Afterwards you will feel completely clean and refreshed. When you also get a massage, it makes the whole world seem like a better place. You can close your eyes and listen to beautiful music in a softly lit room as you enjoy your escape.

A few things you should know if this is your first visit to the spa. It is recommended that you enjoy the hot tubs, steam rooms and saunas before your massage in order to start the relaxation process. If you are also getting a facial, it will also help to make your skin softer and speed the exfoliation process.

But, once you go to a spa, it is best to take advantage of both facial and massage. Don’t hesitate to remove your clothes for the massage; you don’t know what you are missing because of this shyness. In any case, they provide you with enough sheets to cover your entire body. You must know that the people who service you are professionals, and are aware of your first-time jitters. Listen to the recommendations of the professionals and drink plenty of water before you go for a sauna otherwise you can become dehydrated during the sauna. It also helps in the cleansing process.

This is time to relax and enjoy a pampering. If you do have concerns, talk to the people at the spa before you start, so you can get them out of the way. This way you will free your mind of concerns and be able to enjoy the massage. Let yourself go, and let the masseuse do their job, and you will feel better than you have in a long time.

So get up and get going.

About the Author:

After a fully-packed day looking after the children, you long for bedtime. But, your child just doesn’t like the idea of going to bed before his parents. This is a common experience of most parents. You want a bit of peace and quiet at the end of a day spent in feeding them, washing clothes, clearing their mess, putting up with temper tantrums, and many other things. You ask them to go to bed, but that’s exactly what they don’t like to do.

One out of three children just refuses to go to bed before their parents!

So, if your child belongs to that category, here are some pointers that might help:

First, you need to establish how much sleep they actually need. Most children under 12 need about 10 to 12 hours sleep (the younger they are, the more they need). However, some kids just seem to need very little. If that is the case with yours, ie, they genuinely function well on, say, 6 or 8 hours sleep, there is just no point fighting with them to go to bed 4 hours before they need to – all that will happen is they get up four hours earlier and wake you up then, instead!

Once you have established a reasonably bedtime, you then need to decide that you are going to stick to it! Kids will exploit any weakness. If they see a chance to manipulate you into giving them an extra hour they will use any and every tactic they can think of to wrangle that from you: they will ask for a drink, say they are scared, need to pee, ask a question, anything, in fact, that might get you to feel guilty or sorry for them so that they can either stay up later, get more attention, or get to sleep in your bed. Don’t give in.

Once you have established the rules, you must implement them. Make a bedtime routine. It is very important, especially for the younger ones. As I said earlier, you cannot force sleep, but you can create a situation when sleep comes automatically. Follow the same bedtime routine day after day, and start well before the target bedtime leading them through the various steps, such as getting changed, doing teeth and bathroom, reading a story and switching off the lights. It pays to give them your full attention during this routine; they feel comfortable and secure.

Then, when it comes to lights out, be firm and calm. Make it clear that you expect them to stay in bed. Leave the door open or a night-light on if they need that. You could also put on some gentle, soothing music if they respond well to that.

The real challenge for parents is when the child gets out of bed after all that or calls for your attention. If the reason is genuine, attend to it without giving much attention otherwise he will use this excuse more often.

You could use a timer and tell your child that you will be up to check on them after five or ten minutes only if he stays in bed. Start with five minutes and gradually increase to ten minutes. Make sure you go up to check on him and praise him for staying in bed quietly. But don’t linger on. Just tuck him up quietly, give a kiss, and leave.

If necessary you can repeat this procedure, at gradually lengthening intervals, until they are asleep. Yes, it sounds like lot of work at first, but do this consistently and they will learn to stay in bed for longer and longer periods of time. Eventually they will learn to fall asleep before you next come to check on them.

Remember to be positive by praising your child for staying quietly in bed. Also, be very particular about keeping your promise by going to check exactly at the time fixed. This is where the timer comes in handy.

If they get up before your next check, do the following:

First, send them firmly back to bed. Don’t shout; just make it clear you mean business. Then remind them that you WILL be up to tuck them in again, but it won’t be until the timer says so, and now you are going to have to restart the timer as they got out of bed. Having done that, ignore them until the time for your next check.

Remember to reward your child for staying nicely in bed. Make a star chart or something similar to encourage him.

About the Author:

Q. “I am a single mother with three children; Caitlin 7, Tom 9, and Liam 11. While Cait is fine, the two boys are causing me problems. Tom behaves well in school, but has learning difficulties. After school though, he turns into a monster, and throws temper tantrums. Liam is rude, not affectionate and just generally hates me. His dad never visits, and Tom’s dad died when he was a baby. I’m going crazy and want to know what I’m doing wrong.”

A. I’m so sorry you’re having a hard time. We all expect parenting to be mostly fun.

First of all, blaming yourself will get you nowhere. Like the rest of us, you have probably made loads of bad decisions in the past. So what? The question is where do you go from here to make the best of what you have at present.

Remember too that your daughter is fine, so your mothering skills must be on the right track.

It is also good news that your younger son is doing well at school. If he is able to settle down and work, even though he has learning difficulties, that is very encouraging. However, you might want to check with the school about how much he is struggling there, as it may be that he is bringing his frustrations home.

It’s most likely that both boys miss having their dads around. This is a hard problem to tackle. The youngest probably finds life easier since “a dead dad is better than a non-caring one”. That’s because he isn’t actually being rejected. You can’t do anything about the other dad except to be honest with your son. It isn’t a good idea to either defend or criticize him. If you make excuses for him your boy will take it as you being on the dad’s side. If you say negative things about him then the child will want to defend him, since he is his dad.

Remember that you cannot change the children. You can only change yourself. So, in what ways could you be different that would make life more peaceful for yourself? Surprisingly, if you can find ways to be more positive yourself, it will probably result in the kids also being more positive. Conversely, if you always do what you’ve always done, you will always get what you’ve always got.

Above all, believe in yourself and your children. Look to the future instead of the past, and decide how you want to be. Think only of the positive, rather than of what you don’t want. Instead of worrying, think about the happy outcomes to come. You won’t get there in a day, but watch those baby steps. They will add up and take you to your destination. Improvement will take some effort, but so does your present life. You will get there if you remain determined.

About the Author:

Q. “My 7 year old son suffers with extreme shyness, in fact he will hardly talk to anyone outside of the family. What can I do to encourage him?”

A. Some children are naturally slower than others to warm to people. Still, they can usually learn to overcome their fears and become less anxious. You have to take one step at a time, starting from where they are, and building on each success.

Look for things he likes to do and is good at. This will build self- confidence. He will also have more things to talk about. If you can find things for him to do, involving others, better still. Don’t force him to do anything, but also don’t make it easy for him to get out of it. A lot of time children will say they don’t want to do something, even when they know inside that they’ll have a great time.

Deliberately set up some social situations as learning experiences for him. Start with easy ones and then build up. For example, going to the movies with a friend is dead easy – they sit in the dark and don’t have to talk to each other at all! Yet they can have fun together.

Start with familiar structured activities with few people. As he gains confidence in being and interacting with people, then set up more challenging situations. Always set them at a level at which he will succeed, and quit while it is going well! The everyone will want to do it again.

Make the social situations revolve around things he likes to do. For example if he enjoys computer games, invite a friend over. Start with one and the next time invite two or three. The kids will like talking about and playing the games together.

When it’s time to visit adults, tell them about your son’s latest adventures playing the computer game. Let him be the one to correct you about any details. Hopefully, he’ll become engaged and start talking about some of the high points for him. You can even clue the adults in ahead of time about things to ask him.

If he doesn’t respond, don’t force him and don’t make excuses for him. It is his decision to talk or not. He will have to live with the consequences. It will be easier on him if you try to draw him into conversations. You might ask him a specific, open-ended question about the game. It might be something like: “How did Mario get lost in the Mansion in the first place?” Don’t put him on the spot by asking a yes or no question and don’t talk about difficult things or subjects he doesn’t like.

It will take time, but your son will find confidence in talking and being around people. Gradually, he’ll take more chances and talk about things he isn’t so sure of. If you help him to make talking fun, then he’ll do it more. Conversely, if it’s hard or embarrasses him, then he’ll do it less.

Finally, don’t call him “shy”. The more he hears you say this, the more convinced he will be that that is just how he is and that he cannot change. In time he might even use this as an excuse: “I can’t do that – I’m too shy!” Instead, emphasise his positive qualities – his gentleness, kindness, politeness etc.

It may all take some time, but if you keep it all positive and affirming, he should get there.

About the Author:

AND I am not repeating myself….that was a biggie

- Darlene Shapiro

Stage 1: Me, have kids? Really?

“Shall we start a family, darling?” The biological clock ticks, the maternal instinct weighs heavy. Seeing babies everywhere prompts a sigh, “isn’t she so cute?”. All helped of course by the tiresome chore called “making babies”.

Stage 2: Blue line pregnant or no line?

You check your calendar to see that your period is late. Oh my. This really could be happening. Your heart beats faster at the thought of having a baby on the way. Your bladder pushes you to go to the bathroom as you feel a kick in your stomach.

Flash forward a few months. The kicks, elbows, backaches, and swollen ankles are part of your daily routine. Gross! Varicose veins. What happened to your body?

Here she comes. Your baby pushes and pushes making you have the mouth of a sailor. During labor you decide to never make babies ever again. But wait, she has ten fingers, ten toes, and a sweet smile.

Phase 3: Creating a “first” for every occasion.

You have lost your precious sleep time. Your nipples are beyond sore and you are going delirious from dieting. However, your precious bundle of joy can harm no one. She is perfect with a perfect smile. She just found her little toes. She tastes them. Maybe she is hungry you laugh.

First time: sitting, crawling, standing, walking. First word, First solid food. First potty. First full blown, lie-on-the-floor-and-kick-the-feet tantrum. Each a major achievement to celebrate.

You sing nursery rhymes that give way to watching TV instead.

Your baby heads off to school. You are thrilled, but will miss her at the same time.

Stage 4: Her social world expands.

How fast they change from being cuddly babies to young, independent, school kids. In some English private schools they even wear a uniform with cap and tie (for the boys)!

Toilet jokes – everything and anything to do with pooping and peepee is absolutely hilarious!

Their first best friend, and first rejection. Scraped knees in the playground. And, of course, their first “it’s not fair!”

You want them to be independent, but it is hard. Why can’t you have the ability to protect them from the world?

Phase 5: Time for academics

Time to put the play aside for a moment. There’s letters and sums to learn. For some, it is just a walk in the park, for others it is climbing Everest. It is at this time that the differences between children become apparent. Those with easy kids can’t see what all the fuss is about, yet for others it is the beginnings of years of stress, worry, tears and heartache.

Even so, there are always the little events to remember – All she wants for Christmas is her two front teeth (along with Barbie and a puppy dog!)

The temptation to baby her strong, but you remember she needs to do her chores.

Phase 6: Almost a teenager

Girls will be girls and boys will be boys – and never the two shall mix. Well, why would they? The girls are all into pink and giggle too much – and the boys are just too cool for such silliness.

Your personal style will not be cool no matter what. No one wears the clothes you have in your wardrobe and your daughter will tell you this every day.

Lingo changes from what you said when you were her age.

The training bra and makeup come on. Puberty wreaks havoc on voices.

Phase 7: They hit the social scene.

Boys and girls discover the attraction to each other. They wonder if anyone has a crush on them.

Your daughter gives you her advice and opinions whether you ask for them or not.

Parents are out, friends are everything. So is music and fashion. And late nights. “Aw mum, why do I have to be back so early – everyone else is staying until 3 am!” Oh yeah? Are they really?

On special occasions your teenager will open up to you. Just listen, don’t preach.

Then, one day, the fireworks settle. The grunts turn into English again and like a phoenix from the ashes, and new (adult) human emerges – full of ideals and dreams and visions, but perhaps a bit short on confidence and wisdom.

Stage 8: (The rest of your lives.)

So they’ve left home – but they are still your little darlings. Your worries and hopes for them continue.

You will always love your children no matter what.

Time flies. Take a moment to enjoy the specialness of each and every day with your children.

About the Author:

A time comes in every marriage when the spark of romance seems to have died down. If you see the romance going out of your marriage, it is time to go on a date with your husband.

It doesn’t take much to remember how it used to be. Small efforts can help you both recall what it was like when you were that cute couple, walking hand in hand and appreciating the romance of starry nights.

Take action to rekindle the spark and fire of your relationship. Go on a date just like you did so many years ago. Kids in the way of a romantic night out? No problem. Hire a babysitter and escape on a date both of you will remember forever. Picture this:

Your husband sets up a room at a hotel you love then calls you at work to tell you what time to be ready to leave the house on Friday evening, and that you need to pack a bag for the weekend. He says his bag is already packed. When the time arrives, he arrives in a rental car, possibly one like the hot rod he had when you first started your romance. You should feel what it was like to be a young dating woman again. You check in at the hotel. When you arrive at the room he opens the door, and you see the honeymoon suite in front of you. Waiting in the room are red roses and a bottle of wine. In the air, your favorite music is playing throughout the room. The romantic weekend is underway.

Do you think this is unrealistic? Think again. You need this kind of escape. You need time together with no one bothering you, no household duties, and no kids asking for something every few minutes. If you think about it, it sounds like the perfect thing for a relationship. It’s the kind of scene you would expect in a romantic movie.

You don’t have to make big plans; simple things in life can rekindle a romance. All you need to do is find exclusive time for the both of you. Once in a while you need to break the routine and get out. Family responsibilities, work, and kids come in the way of romance. Take care of them by all means, but spare some time for romance also.

Even if it’s just a few stolen moments, you should make a regular date time to spend time with your mate. You can use this time to have a nice quiet meal, take walks in the park, and just talk to each other to enjoy that time together.

There’s no time like the present to rekindle that romance.

It seems odd that, until a few weeks ago, I had never replied to any of your e-mails; but here I am sending my second reply just a few weeks after the first one!

But I just had to tell you that this is perhaps MY FAVORITE e-mail of any you’ve sent so far!!! Not because any of my children have Asperger’s, but because your explanation of how to deal with it could apply to any behavior-related “disorder.” I especially appreciated your positive take on the concept of putting a “label” on a child; this is normally painted in a very negative light, but your suggestion to use it as a “tool” is so right on target!

Thank you, and may God bless you for the great work you continue to do!

Theresa McDonald
Boone Hospital Center
Spiritual Care Services