Notice the difference in sanity between the first part and the second part of this quote:

“Since we’re big Michael Jackson fans, we want Michael to continue to rock and ‘ROLL’ forever,” said Jack Mason, spokesperson for OnlineGamblingPal.com. “We therefore intend to have a professional roulette ball made which will contain his hair.”

For me, the strangest part of the news release is the beginning, where they state that the site “is proud to announce it has purchased some of the King of Pop’s hair for $10,871.”

Also, there’s the use of the word “Thriller” and the implication that Michael Jackson was a “rock and roll” artist, proving what big fans they are…

Would real fans turn Michael Jackson’s hair into a roulette ball? I don’t know, but no matter what, I think it’s a hell of a strange thing to do.

Have a great weekend, and remember, like Courtney Love’s landlady said, “The walls that had been hand-painted and glazed were ruined, covered in damask wallpaper and ice-blue paint.”

Along with the record’s name and release date, there are the words “Population 2,753,609,” and the name of the rapper’s hometown in the style of the official city logo.

Apparently, city officials “are reviewing the matter” of whether or not the billboard constitutes a “possible misuse of the Toronto logo,” as it, “in conjunction with other creative elements used for the billboard, may cause some confusion about the source of the information.”

I hope that they let Drake get away with this.

I mean, Toronto’s a pretty big city, and as big as Drake is, would anyone really think that our official “welcome to the city” sign would primarily serve as an ad for Drake’s new album? Seriously, we didn’t do that for Snow, and he name-dropped Toronto in his biggest song—granted, it would have been weird to advertised 12 Inches of Snow on an official city sign so soon after city officials had arrested Snow.

Back to my point, while Drake is so huge that music fans might immediately think of him when they think of Toronto—this due in no small part to the rapper frequently giving props—I doubt many people would see the sign and assume that Drake owns the place.

I think Drake’s use of the logo is cool, and I’m as proud now as when I first heard Snow say, “where me born in the one Toronto”—that was sometime after I first heard him say, “you know say daddy me Snow me a-gon blame.”

Have a great weekend, and remember, as Lindsay Lohan’s rep said, while Lindsay is “grateful for her friendship, Courtney Love is not her sobriety coach.”

For example, I had no idea that The Black Keys were a pop duo/group. Truthfully, I always considered their music to be a bluesy sort of rock.

Also, I can’t wait to find out whether Best Rock Album goes to Coldplay, Jeff Beck, the Chili Peppers, Kings of Leon, or Wilco (because all those bands play in the same genre), and as for Best Hard Rock/Metal Performance… oh boy. Megadeth, Mastodon, and Dream Theater have strong entries, but Sum 41 was also nominated. In the same category as those other bands. Sum 41.

Not content with just enlightening people, the folks behind the Grammy noms event also confused music fans with the lack of any Van Halen reunion announcement.

You see, organizers had promised that the event would feature “a special live announcement from a truly iconic group regarding their historic reunion set to take place on the Grammy stage on February 12 2012″ and followed that up with Tweeted hints that included the names of Van Halen songs.

As for why the promised announcement didn’t take place, Recording Academy President Neil Portnow says, “In the world of creativity, everything is fluid … there was the expectation that the artist involved and we would be ready to announce, but the artist was not quite ready. We were genuine about the intention and discussion (but) the time frame has moved.”

Okay, so they promised to broadcast something that they hadn’t confirmed would actually happen, but what really confuses me is the comment about the artist not being ready yet, when Sammy Hagar said a few weeks ago that he and Michael Anthony were not reuniting with VH, and he seemingly hadn’t even been engaged in any discussions about doing so.

I guess they were just hoping that the band would reunite and then crash the Grammy nominees concert to make the announcement. At least they “were genuine about the intention and discussion.”

Well, I’m certainly excited for the 2012 Grammys, because anything can happen at the Grammys, if the organizers just wish it hard enough… wait, no, that doesn’t work. I’m confused.

Have a great weekend, and remember, as Bret McKenzie said, “If Miss Piggy goes too high, she sounds all squeaky. Too squeaky. And if she goes too low, she sounds like the man who’s doing her part…”

You’d think that the fans’ disappointment would be crushing to the artists, but members of Metallica don’t appear to be the least bit concerned.

Regarding the scathing reviews, Lars Ulrich told the Hindustan Times, “We have read a lot of reviews. They were quite interesting, as people haven’t focused on what the album really is.”

Ah, so it’s just a matter of us not “getting” it. Say no more.

Also good to know that certain members of Metallica apparently couldn’t care less what anyone thinks of the music they put out, as is evident in James Hetfield’s contribution of the following to the discussion: “Anyway the album is very special to us and we had a fantastic experience recording it.”

Good thing that the effort wasn’t wasted on fans, since four or five people like the album (or at least enjoyed making it).

Have a great weekend, and remember, as Perry Farrell Tweeted, “Just finished another day of press, realized some people are angry with me. I DID NOT say that about Brazil Music Education.”

Russell Simmons has defended Hova, saying “What’s wrong with selling goodness? There’s nothing wrong with it. Jay-Z didn’t make a T-shirt (that said) ‘F**k the Bums on the Street.’ He wrote a T-shirt ‘Occupy All Streets’ – I’m happy, it furthers the movement, it inspires the movement.”

I agree, but money would probably also further and inspire the movement. In this case, money could be goodness.

Why complain, though? You could bitch about Jay-Z’s decisions, but he’s got 99 problems and your… well, you know.

Have a great weekend, and remember, as Twilight Star Nikki Reed said, “I’m not the lead rapper. I layer the rapping.”

Glenn pointed the finger at everyone but himself, even though it looks like he’s to blame for the short set from his band… well, the death bug may be partly responsible.

Along similar lines, Axl Rose has finally come up with an explanation for why he’s always so late starting shows, and it’s not, as you might have suspected, his fault.

“A lot of this goes back to ’91, and when we were super-late going onstage. And that really has more to do with… I should not have been on that tour… I should have not agreed to do that tour, but didn’t know how to get out of it,” he told “That Metal Show,” without really explaining anything.

Refreshingly, Perry Farrell is trying to create solutions instead of problems.

“If music was run like the sports industries, the NBA or the NFL, we would have a healthy school system,” he recently offered, making little sense. “We could put together Super Bowls. We don’t have anything like this in music (but could) if we could organize ourselves. Jerry Jones has a stadium and he entertains with a football team.”

I can’t end this piece before mentioning that BLACK SABBATH ARE BACK!!!

Have a great weekend, and remember, as Noel Gallagher said, “I can’t sack myself — although that day will come, believe you me!”

I’d be a little late to the party if I wrote my own review, so instead, I want to point you to Chuck Klosterman’s brilliant article. Some of the highest praise he gives the music reads as follows: “There’s also a track called “The View” that’s pretty mind-expanding if you pretend the lyrics are literally about watching The View.”

Some hardcore Metallica fans have been laying the blame at Lou’s feet. As Lou says, “(They) are threatening to shoot me, and that’s only because I showed up. They haven’t even heard the record yet, and they’re recommending various forms of torture and death.”

Weird, because if those Metallica fans made death threats against those responsible for every poorly-received outing that Metallica’s been involved in, then they’ve surely already threatened Metallica on several occasions in the past. Let’s not pretend like Lou brainwashed them.

At this point, the crazy hardcore Metallica fans should have gotten used to saying either “I love this album! Metallica’s back!” or “hey, as long as Metallica’s happy with this. Next album should be good” after every release.

I’d just like to mention again that I have the flu.

Have a great weekend, and rmember, as is stated in this review of She & Him’s A Very She & Him Christmas, “If you ever have the opportunity to train a pit bull to rip someone’s throat out merely by your uttering a ‘code word, do make that code word ‘adorkable.’ “

This story is one of those.

To summarize/recap: a violinist named Martin Stoner was allowed to compete in the first round of the Young Concert Artists competition, even though the competition is focused on musicians that are no older than one third his age, but he did not advance in the competition. He then files a lawsuit, claiming ageism. The reportedly competent judge threw the case out due to mistakes that Mr. Stoner made in the court briefs. Stoner then claimed that the judge was bias against him (for representing himself) and that the 88-year-old judge couldn’t hear well enough or see well enough to preside over the case.

Stoner said, “I know it sounds kind of like hypocrisy,” but I don’t think it sounds kind of like hypocrisy… I think it sounds a lot like idiocy.

“I asked the judge to recuse himself on the grounds that he’s too old,” Stoner continued. “Isn’t that ironic?”

Wrong again! I think it’s actually what can best be described as “idiocy.”

Seriously, this real life court case should be on TV. Judge Judy could play the part of the judge, and get all “Do you think IO’m an idiot, sir?” on him.

In other news, I’ve decided what I want for Halloween. It’s Justin Bieber’s batmobile car. I’ll give a shout out in a podcast to whoever gets it for me.

Have a great weekend, and remember, as Jim Ward said, “Dealing with myself the last few years, I was going, ‘God, this dude…’ “

I understand the desire to own a part of music history, but the desire to literally own a part of a musician is a bit weird to me.

On the creepiness scale, owning a musician’s tooth is somewhere in between owning a lock of a musician’s hair and owning a musician’s skeleton—all things that were present during the creation of the music, but pretty weird to keep around the house.

Something else that’s beyond me is Lil Wayne’s apparent fondness for being in trouble with the law.

The rapper, who is currently serving three years probation for drug charges, said in an interview, “I drank syrup and smoked a lot of weed. I wish I could be back on it… I cannot wait until I get off probation.”

Yeah, now there’s no way police will do any searches of his vehicles once his probation ends. Such searches have only led to the discovery of drugs and the subsequent arrest of Weezy twice.

Have a great weekend, and remember, as DJ Flula said, “Right now [my favorite idiom] is ‘one bird in the hand is worth two in the bushes,’ Really? Who do believe this? The bird in your hand will just bite your hand many times with the bird beak. So to me, it is obvious: I prefer birds in the bushes.”

However, there’s a new LB-related project that you will certainly be very interested in—I am being sarcastic now: a sitcom starring Fred Durst.

The CBS comedy has the working title of “Douchebag,” and it will reportedly be about an aging rock star attempting to find a balance between his family life and his life as a celebrity.

Couldn’t CBS save money by not bothering with a script, and just following Fred around with cameras?

My guess is that this show will be as good as “2 Broke Girls…” exactly as good as “2 Broke Girls”—not sarcastic, just nasty.

Have a great weekend, and remember, as Hollywood Undead’s J-Dog said, “Who would have thought that someone you grew up listening to would one day remix your song. Me…Bitch!”