Extra (Hour)dinary Parenting

Notes from Your Nanny #5: What’s in the Name Nanny?

Dena — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 21:58:36 +0000

: Image via Wikipedia

During an interview not too long ago for a “nanny” position, it came to my attention that the woman interviewing me was having a hard time calling me a “nanny”. Eventually, she came right out and bluntly asked me what she should call me. I looked at her with a somewhat blank face for a moment, trying to understand what she was asking me. Apparently to further clarify her question, she said that she always thought nannies were older women and that she considered someone my age as a “babysitter”. I thought about this for a moment, having an image in my mind of Mary Poppins floating around with an umbrella.

I had never been in a situation where I was asked to define what a nanny is, or more importantly, who a nanny is, and I simply replied to the woman with reassurance that I was, indeed, a nanny.

After that interview, I began to think about what defines being a nanny in comparison to being a babysitter.

I sought the opinions from fellow nannies, my own employer, and the internet, and here is what I came up with:

A babysitter is considered someone who provides childcare – from watching a sleeping child to feeding and playing with the child – for a family on occasion and is usually contracted for one day/night at a time. A babysitter may have a regular schedule with the family, but usually provides care on a weekly to monthly basis. A babysitter can have extensive experience and education, but this is not usually expected or required.

A nanny is considered someone who provides childcare on a daily basis and is usually contracted for a year or more. A nanny provides learning, fun, nutrition, physical activity and structure for their charge. Nannies are generally expected and in some cases required to have extensive experience and education relating to children and childcare.

So yes, traditionally, babysitters tend to be of the teenage persuasion and nannies of the 40-50 year old persuasion, but times have changed, people! The distinctions between babysitter and nanny are based on the amount of time spent with the children and the level of involvement in their development and home life.

Why does this matter? Because defining the job correctly is a large part of defining expectations. If you want your nanny to approach the job like a professional, call her a nanny. If you want her to view the job as a casual, once a week or once in a while thing, call her a babysitter. Chances are, she knows the difference between the terms and will respond subconsciously to the expectations implicit in them. If you aren’t sure, ask them what they consider themselves to be. The fact that I was asked certainly got me thinking, and I know the next time someone wants to know what they should call me I won’t be caught with a blank look on my face thinking of Mary Poppins!

Monday Morning Memo #17: The Real Scoop on Early Language Learning

admin — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 17:51:45 +0000

: Image via Wikipedia

Parenting is an area that is subject to all sorts of fads and trends, and education is as well. When you combine the emotions and personal insecurities that adults bring to both activities – and anything that involves how to raise young children – it makes for some volatile conversations and strong opinions.

For instance, I can remember when I was in (a private) elementary school, the school did not require teachers to have a teaching degree, but it did use the incredibly rigorous aBeka teaching curriculum, still considered an excellent teaching foundation. So while the teachers were often a grab bag of awful and awesome – some had natural teaching gifts and just had never had the opportunity to be formally educated; some didn’t have the formal teaching education for a reason – the curriculum was fantastic. It was also phonetics-based and put a heavy emphasis on grammar, writing structure, and syntax.

In second grade.

Yes, in second grade I had lessons on English syntax. By fourth grade all assignments in writing and social science classes were in an essay format, and we were regularly required to write everything from creative short fiction and formal non-fiction to multi-page narratives (with proper grammar, sentence structure, and syntax – of course).

It was a strict and excellent curriculum for the humanities and math, but quite weak on science. Three decades later, a career in science remains my “what I want to do in my next life” ambition, and I now make a living as a writer. Writing is so easy for me it is almost like breathing. But I won’t ever be a marine mammal biologist or an audio-lingual specialist. I know: I’ve tried to take the advanced physics and biology classes I would need to start over again in those fields. When pondering a decade of paying to struggle through work I find interesting but extremely difficult, or a decade making a living doing something fun that takes me mere minutes, the choice wasn’t exactly hard. Science is my hobby; writing is my profession.

By the time my younger brother went through (a top) public elementary school, things had swung the other way. Creative writing was all the rage, seen as a “learn by doing” method to helps kids to master English and enjoy writing at the same time. Writing and English had a bad rep; the idea was to make students “like” the subjects again. As a result, science and chemistry got a lot more face time. And… while my younger brother is a witty and succinct writer when he chooses to be, it is not as natural for him. He loathed graduate school with a special passion, and now has a career in business management where he excels.

I’m not arguing that elementary school curricula are the sole determinants of our future selves, but I do think what is emphasized in elementary school can have a powerful impact on what skills become *easy* for us. And considering the amount of things people have to keep up with today, the number of pressures and standards that have to be met, it is hard to resist a profession that requires a skill you find easy. In fact, much of the educational system and “find your perfect career” orientation pushes young adults to pursue their “natural” talents. You know, the ones that were heavily cultivated in elementary school.

These outcomes are why educational trends are so important to watch and monitor. And there are many of them: kids should sit still in class. Kids should allowed to move and run around. Less recess. More recess. Optional recess. Teaching civic education. Abandoning civic education. Local history vs. national history. Teaching humanities as a combined and integrated subject. Teaching subjects individually.

The list goes on and on and on.

The length of that list is why the current obsession with having young children learn a second language amazes me. It is one of the newest trends in elementary education – in Los Angeles there were even schools devoted to complete bilingual immersion in either English and Spanish and English and Japanese. For first graders.

What I never read about in any school board meeting minutes there, nor in many of the arguments for or against so many of these trends, is the full story behind these developmental decisions. We are fortunate enough to live in an age where there is a lot of information available to us, and much of that information – on the surface – can seem complete.

Complete.

As in – wow – this is so amazing – we have to start doing this right now.

But as in all things, the real story behind something is usually long, complex, full of gray areas and unknowns, and not necessarily so persuasive as the 20-second CNN headline version.

Language learning in young children is no exception. Is learning a second language for native speakers of English a good thing?

Yes.

For several reasons.

Is learning a second language all day in first grade a good thing? Well…

How about third grade? Fifth grade? Where can the time and attention given to writing, English grammar, science, history, and math be cut so that another language can be inserted? What does the child gain by adding a new language that outweighs what they lose from other humanities and social science instruction? Education is not completely zero-sum, but the time and attention a fourth grader can give to formal learning each day often is. A curriculum is a set of choices, and carefully crafted ones at that.

And for those schools that try to avoid the zero-sum problem by teaching, for instance, U.S. history in Japanese and earth science in Spanish – what impact does the language choice itself have on the student? English has more than 300,000 words, making nuance and tiny differences easy to articulate. Spanish has about 35,000 words. Can Spanish give the same depth to earth science that English can at the first-grade level? Probably. At the fifth-grade level? Hard to say.

So how to make the right choice for your child in the midst of this trend towards early language instruction?

Go to the full, messy truth about brains. And the use yours to decide for yourself.

Qlubb Giveaway Winner!!!

ACMJ — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 16:13:59 +0000

: Image by ecstaticist via Flickr

The randomizer has spoken, and produced the number…. two!!!

Shao is the lunchbox winner! Congratulations Shao. One awesome lunchbox coming your way very very soon!

Stay tuned for more giveaways and freebies in the future. And be sure to check out Qlubb.com!

Notes from Your Nanny #4: Be the Best Nanny You Can Be

Dena — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 09:14:14 +0000

: Image by McNamara Images via Flickr

In my opinion, being a nanny has a lot of perks! Being silly, playing outside, and building a meaningful relationship with the people I work with are just naming a few. While it can involve tears and temper tantrums, it is easy to forget that being a nanny is my job. However, one thing I do not forget is that just like other aspects of my life and other jobs that I have had, learning, processing, and growing is vital to being the best I can be at anything.

Being a nanny is a job, whether full-time or part-time, and you should treat it as such. It is your responsibility to learn, absorb and put into practice as much as you can about child development, childcare, and being a nanny. Many nannies have a degree in Early Childhood Education or a degree that is similar, but there is a lot you can learn on your own, and even if you do have a degree, learning is on-going!

Here are some suggestions to help you be the best nanny you can be!

Get your read on!

Reading a book is one of the fastest ways to learn new information and reading can be enjoyable, honest! The best way to find some good books about child development, childcare or even to find new books to read to children is to head to the library. This way you can take your time looking through books, check them out to take home, and if you find some books that are worth keep permanently, you can then purchase them online or at a bookstore. Browsing at a bookstore is not a bad either, but you do not get the chance to read them before deciding whether they are keepers or not. In any case, taking the time to read and absorb new information will undoubtedly provide you with more tools and confidence. Knowledge is power!

Join a group!

Talking and interacting with other nannies will definitely provide you with new perspectives, new games, and maybe even a new play date or two. Check to see if there are local nanny groups in your area and if not, there are definitely national and international groups that you can become a member of. It is also likely that you have some friends who are also nannies and they are valuable resources; they are people you trust and value the opinions of and most importantly, like to spend time with. It is not a bad idea to get together with them once a week and just “talk shop”, exchanging experiences, books, or ideas.

Hopefully these suggestions will help you continue being the best nanny you can be! If you have any others, share them here!

Awesome Lunchbox Giveaway (and Event Management Product Review) from Qlubb

ACMJ — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 09:34:53 +0000

: Image via CrunchBase

Finally, a new giveaway! And this one is really fun for several reasons:

First, the prize is a super deluxe lunchbox filled with its own matching silverware, cloth napkins, an insulated mug, bpa-free plastic containers, and other goodies. I love the bright orange and green colors as well as the jazzy design. All of the items are intended to help you pack a lunch that doesn’t waste materials while also makes your kids lunch as cool as it can me.

Second, the prize giver is pretty nifty too! Qlubb – pronounced Club – is an online management tool website that can best be described as a combination fo Evite, Google Calendar, and a web forum. Any group – be it your playgroup or your PTA or your local collection of neighborhood moms – can (for free!) set up a private website for the group off the Qlubb system that has a group calendar, messaging system, and photo and notes board. You can schedule events and automate the sending of invites, track responses, update those events – basically everything you need to do to run a casual – but still structured – organization. I gave it a test run and loved it, and my local moms group is adopting it too after giving it a try. It eliminates the need for paper mailing and mass emails, while still giving everyone a central, easy-to-access place to find out what is going on. Considering the number of emails I get in a day, and how hard it is to go searching through them all for the exact date and time of whatever event I wanted to attend – this is a nice change.

GIve Qlubb a try and see what you think – and enter the drawing for the awesome lunchbox by telling me what you like best about Qlubb in the comments below! You can add an extra entry/comment for subscribing to my RSS feed for updates by email or following me on Twitter. I’ll draw a winner next week using the randomizer! Good luck!

Notes from Your Nanny #3: Change It Up

Dena — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 09:10:14 +0000

: Image via Wikipedia

In the years that I have been nannying I have seen the families who are very structured in their way of life, I’ve seen the families who try to be structured, but do not quite succeed, and I have seen the families who are happy as pie having little to no structure. As the family I currently nanny for knows, I love structure and lucky for me, that fits well into their way of doing things. However, I do realize and fully appreciate that changing things up, like activities and location, are important to stimulation, socialization, and fun! Because I am currently a part-time nanny, I am limited in time, therefore limited somewhat in my options for activities and location change, but with a little creativity, it’s possible!

Here a few things we do to change things up:

A Change of Scenery
Location change does not have to be drastic to make a difference. I generally nanny for only four hours at a time so leaving the house all together is usually limited to the playground, or a trip to the store, but there are plenty of other options. Aside from the child’s bedroom and playroom (which alone provides hours of entertainment) we have explored the rest of the house for fun adventures. We throw balls up and down the stairs, make caves on the couch in the living room, chase the child’s “blankie” all around the downstairs, and play with laundry baskets in the basement.

Going outside literally provides a whole new world! Everyone has a different level of comfort with being outdoors, but having a degree in Adventure Education, outside, rain or shine, is where I like to be the most and therefore encourage it as often as possible. There are all kinds of activities you can do outside and some of our favorites include playing with the hose, drawing with chalk, walking through the woods looking for sticks and bugs, and taking walks around the neighborhood.

There are not too many places we do not find something fun and interactive to do, but we do stay clear of a few areas. Unless we have a specific purpose like washing hands, we do not play in the bathroom. I do not know if it is every two-year-old’s obsession to stuff as much toilet paper in the toilet and then try to flush it, but the plumbing is grateful we do not indulge in such activities too often. We do play on the stairs (and this is a judgement call you are going to have to make yourself), but there is an extra level of caution taken into consideration when we do this, as I am fairly certain most toddlers are part monkey and also lack any sense of rational fear. We often play in the kitchen, taking out pots and such, but there are safety locks on everything not meant for a wee one.

A Change of Toys

I would love to take credit for this one, but all of the credit has to go to my brilliant employer! Partly from super smart yard sale finds and generous relatives, the child I nanny for is blessed with more toys than any two-year-old could wish for. Now, instead of filling the toy room to the brim with toys, we have a system! All the toys have been divided into three groups with each group containing toys that promote different skills – fine motor skills, numbers and colors, music, etc. Every week on the same day, with a bit of sneakiness, the toys are rotated and the set up of the playroom is moved around. By the time the child sees the same toys again, it has been two weeks, making the toys feel like new ones all over again! This works quite well and is what provides hours and hours of entertainment in the playroom.

A Change of Activities

Loving structure so much, it is easy for me to get into the routine of doing the same activities everyday. Although all of the things I have already mentioned do provide variation in our daily activities, I still need to put a little extra effort into coming up with new and different activities. Obviously life does not always allow for consistency, but dedicating each day to doing at least one particular activity – like colors on Monday, music on Tuesday, numbers on Wednesday, outdoor education on Thursday, and reading on Friday – will force you to think of new ones each week. This may sound like a lot of work, but when you get into it, it is a lot of fun for both you and the children, and believe me, your employer will be very happy with your effort!

Hopefully these ideas will encourage you to come up with new activities and go on new adventures!

Remember – variety is the spice of life!

Gifts for Mom Product Review: Light Up Your Child’s Mind

ACMJ — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 09:17:39 +0000

I recommend reading Light Up Your Child’s Mind – I do – but at the same time, I have to admit that the book raised a lot of questions for me. It seemed to be a fairly obvious collection of sound advice: many children are gifted in some way or another, often in ways that the structure of education and schooling do not directly reward or recognize. The book provides tips on how to identify and encourage that giftedness, while still helping the child succeed within the education system, since, obviously, that system is such a gatekeeper to success as an adult.

What disturbed me about this book is that it needed to be written: are we as parents and as a society really so misguided that we don’t pay attention to the details of our children’s interests? Do we as parents really only value “A”s on the report cards and look for the weaknesses and deficiencies in our kids? Do people really assume that school is all the education a child needs and that the responsibility to educate and teach ends with the school day? Does anyone really think in a world full of diverse careers, subjects, and hobbies that there is only one kind of giftedness?

The nature of media reporting and even writing is to focus on what is odd, what is the outlying case, what is the sensational story – and this trend skews our perceptions of how statistically normal (or not) many of these situations are. i tend to believe that most people use common sense more than we think they do, and that most people raise their kids with love and empathy. However, this book, written by two educational psychologists of great standing, almost suggests by its very subject matter that no one is parenting with a critical mind or with common sense, or at least very few of us.

I do not mean to suggest here that the book has nothing to offer: in fact, it has a lot of good resource suggestions on where to go to help your child develop constructive and interesting projects that will further whatever area of giftedness he or she might have. But the bottom line premise of the book: that raising a gifted child and developing those gifts requires an attentive ear, an open mind, flexibility, and time and interest on the part of the parent – is still disturbingly obvious to me – suggesting that common sense in parenting is not as common as I might think.

A Single Parent, A Hero

ACMJ — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 13:10:01 +0000

: Image by drinksmachine via Flickr

Single parents, especially full-time single parents, are my new heros. After two weeks of single parenting, with a husband on a business trip and a childcare provider on leave, with work piling up and both my son and I struck by the flu, I emerged with a whole new appreciation for the challenges and stamina of single parents. What a tremendous undertaking: to be the sole provider of financial support, emotional support, physical nourishment, intellectual guidance and development is an unbelievable undertaking. I didn’t realize how much even something like taking a shower is made easier when another adult is around.

If you know a single parent, here is my request: babysit. Cook for them. Talk for an hour to their child about his or her interests and passions. Time and effort are the two most precious commodities in single parenting, and having someone else contribute those things is a real gift. I have a new respect and – frankly – awe – for single parents and their enormous journey. If you are a single parent, know that I am raising a glass in your honor today. Thanks for doing all – all – that you do.

Notes from Your Nanny #2: Transitions

Dena — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 09:19:39 +0000

: Image by Getty Images via Daylife

Ah transitions; they are not always an easy experience in life, regardless of the situation. When it comes to being a nanny, I have experienced all kinds of transitions when starting a position with a new family; some I would not like to relive and others which were seamless. There are certain things to be expected, others you will never be able to prepare for, pleasant surprises, and most certainly tough times. My biggest piece of advice is to be patient, but there are a few other suggestions I have that will ease your transition.

Be Prepared…as much as you can
When starting a position with a new family, there are certain things to consider and prepare for. There are two likely situations that you will be going into…either the children have had a nanny before, sometimes more than one, or they have never had a nanny.
With the children that have had a nanny or nannies before, you should expect there was an established relationship and a certain level of attachment. In a way, you will be competing with this. in some cases there will not be much resistance to a new nanny and a new way of doing certain things, but I personally have experienced some serious, “Well, our oooooother nanny did it this way” or “I like the way our other nanny made cookies”. What I have found to be the most successful in the later situation is to address the children as soon as possible and explain to them that no, you are not their previous nanny, and yes, some things will be different. You can ask the children what their favorite and least favorite things were about their previous nanny and you and the children can come up with a new middle ground. (Never forget that you are in charge, however, and that certain things like safety *always* come first.) Not only will this provide you with a bonding experience to make the transition easier, but you will set a new standard to which you can refer to in the future.
In the situation of the children never having a nanny before, you will not have much competition in the way of nannies, but the children will be used to how their parents run the show. A similar approach to the last scenario can be taken, but be aware that there might be more resistance due to the fact that the children have never had the show run by anyone else.
I provide a seemingly obvious piece of advice…every child is different and situations will most definitely change depending on age.

Patience or Change?
Once you have embarked on your new transition, there is no definite length of time it will last for and there may be a lot of ups and downs. Generally speaking, as I advised earlier, patience is what you will need to rely on most. It may take a while, but the children will adjust to new ways. However, there are things to keep an eye out for that may make the transition harder. During my most recent nanny transition, it was discovered that the child was having a negative response to my arrival in the morning. At first, the mother and I summed it up to me being the new nanny and that the child had recently experienced a lot of other transitions. So we kept on going with the usual schedule and waited patiently to see if things became easier. After weeks of the same not-so-welcoming welcome in the morning, we started to analyze the situation a little closer, and what we discovered had nothing to personally do with me. The child is allowed to watch a very beloved hour of t.v. in the morning, and we realized that the shutting off of the t.v. right before I got there was associated with my arrival, hence making me appear to be the reason for the beloved t.v. being shut off. Solution: turn the t.v. off after I arrive. So now I watch t.v. with the wee one for a little while, then the t.v. goes off with very little protest, and off we go to play.

Although there are likely to be other issues and coping strategies with making the transition into a new family, I feel the ones I have addressed are the most likely and most important. Just remember….patience, patience, patience.

Grandparents, Grandchildren #7: Storytime on Skype

SSM — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 09:45:53 +0000

: Image via CrunchBase

Despite our best efforts and wishes, grandparents often live far from their grandchildren and do not get to see them as often as we might like. However, fortunately for our generation, technology has found a way to bridge the gap. If you have put off getting on the computer, this is a reason to get one and learn. There is a program called Skype that lets you have a free online video conference anytime you want to talk to your grandchild. You can read them stories, tell stories together, play games, and even do pretend/imagination play with your grandchild, all for free. That’s right – free. All you have to do is 1) have a computer; 2) turn it on; 3) have an internet connection; 4) get onto your internet browser 5) log on to Skype.Com and 6) follow the instructions to set up an account. That’s it. The picture is actually quite clear, and you can really see their expressions and hear the voices – which is a lot more fun for grandparents and grandchildren than just talking on the phone. So what are you waiting for? Go get online!

Extra (Hour)dinary Parenting

Notes from Your Nanny #5: What’s in the Name Nanny?

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Monday Morning Memo #17: The Real Scoop on Early Language Learning

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Qlubb Giveaway Winner!!!

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Notes from Your Nanny #4: Be the Best Nanny You Can Be

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Awesome Lunchbox Giveaway (and Event Management Product Review) from Qlubb

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Notes from Your Nanny #3: Change It Up

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Gifts for Mom Product Review: Light Up Your Child’s Mind

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A Single Parent, A Hero

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Notes from Your Nanny #2: Transitions

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Grandparents, Grandchildren #7: Storytime on Skype

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