MARIPOSA'S THRONE

Trenton Duckett update

2021-03-15T01:24:00.006-07:00

It's been two years since I last wrote in my blog! Can you believe I lost my password and it became almost irretrievable?

Anyway, the news in the past few years is the Trenton Ducket has never been found, and I have heard nothing more of the case. If I do, I will write. Such a heart breaking story.

Dec 2009

Death Of A Valley Part 1

2021-03-15T01:21:00.002-07:00

Created 2009.

Deaths from drug overdoses have plaqued American's of all social class for as long as can be remembered. Celebrities I recently read an article on Forbes.com astonished to know that this small town I live in called Espanola Valley was one of the major topics of conversation. Locally though, it is rarely mentioned on the forcast. In fact Forbes being one of my favorite financial magazine's is known for its list of

Though Espanola sits next to three very significant cities in New Mexico Santa Fe, Los Alamos, and Albuquerque , it rarely gets any attention. To actually read and article in one of my favorite financial resoures was in a word astonishing. Unfortunetely the article about Espanola was not a flattering one. The article was titled "The Drug Capitals Of America".

Jodi Ann Arias & Travis Alexander: A Fatal Affair

2021-03-15T01:16:00.002-07:00

Created May 2013

On a beautiful fall day in 2006 in Las Vegas, Nevada -Jodi Ann Arias, 26 was attending a business seminar. A networking place for business minded folks and those seeking to expand thier career knowledge, thier life hopes and dreams and thoughts in refreshing new ways. A place for self-improvement.It was possibly a place for those looking to meet some new personal and business connections. A seminar Travis spoke at.
Jodi was also such a person. She was a talented young Photographer, who likened herself to be a self-improvement nut, a create your own destiny type of persona, peaceful and zen like quiet and reserved person. She was articulate,seemingly was intelligent, soft spoken, a pretty bottled blonde with a dimpled smile and haunting brown eyes. A mesmerizing creature for sure.
Travis Alexander, 29 was at the same seminar for the company he worked for, Prepaid Legal. A motivational speaker, successful, funny, sweet, with round green eyes, stalky wide shoulders, and a boyish grin. Travis was single, successful and living a bachelor's life. The young bachelor made the first moves on the attractive California native introducing himself enthusiastically. It was quite a cute introduction. He held out his hand, and in a child like manner said, " Hi, I'm Travis!". Jodi smiled. The two took a picture together. In an instant from across the room, the two young people met in a twist a fate that would change one of thier lives, and leave one of them dead.
It wasn't hard to imagine the two together. Some friends thought she was so nice, that she might be too good to be true. The two had an instant sexual and mental attraction to one another, and a long distant relationship took hold.However, Travis lived in Mesa Arizona, and Jodi lived in Yreka, California, which made seeing eachother difficult. For two young single and seemingly free sprited souls, this was not such a big hurdle. The two were so attracted to one another, they made special effort in doing so. Travis had a good friend in fellow colleaque Chris Hughes, and his wife Sky that the two often met to have dinner and have fun together and met together there often.
Jodi and Travis seemed like they were the cutest if not a strangely matched of couple, introduced by the brother of Chris Hughes to Travis' as a really nice and cute girl who worked in his office as a sales woman at Prepaid Legal. Strange because, Jodi was a sultry, come hither type of girl. Beautiful long bottled blonde mane, a beautiful smile and deep dark almost black sensual dark eyes.
A woman not a good match seemingly for a morman boy, with whom wanted to meet a woman of marriage material and not a sex charged beauty.

Though Travis longed for both a beautiful and intelligent wife, with morals and a good moral compass, and a sexual attraction. Travis himself had struggled in his church to stay true in his past to obey the no sex with woman you werent married to rule, his manlyhood had once before given into sexual urges with his Previous serious young girlfriend, Deanna

Travis, not lacking for female attention and woman , flirted alot and was really a very social person. This wasnt the only way to get the best out of Travis. He had many many friends, male and female. His Mormon faith meant alot to him, too. He was a man much conflicted with his faith and sex like most young men in his position. ..
You see, I first came upon this case of Travis and Jodi thru watching old 2009 online 48 Hours Mystery episode, called,"Picture Perfect". I was haunted by the look in Travis' seemingly sweet demeanored love/lust interests dark eyes in the documentary of thier endless attachment and eventual tragic story. Her eyes were black. There was nothing there and as I personally, unbiasedly watched the video, I became incredibly afraid of the cold doll like eyes, glassy and still. I had watched it and her mentality on the interview was so spooky, I decided to write about it in January 2010, not realizing that in 2013, five years after the headlines became all I saw on TV. It would become this tabloid frenzy over lust, love, jealousy, and obsession that Jodi was Travis "worst nightmare "come true as he stated in one of his last Text messages to the pretty sweet yet eccentric love interest.

Alone and Pregnant: THE BLACK HEARTED MECHANIC

2014-04-12T14:10:00.003-07:00

First created December 2009:

Being pregnant is difficult to begin with, but being alone and pregnant is even tougher. Let me explain my situation.
I am not exactly all alone. I am in a relationship with someone who I have had a difficult journey with for 10 years. We already have a ten year old son who be both love very much, but because of his deceptive ways I've wanted to end it and just have him and I be good friends. I live him, but I feel like he doesn't love us the way a father and spouse should.

Being alone has a different definition for me. My spouse has never been one of those men to tell the truth or to communicate openly. We fight constantly because of this.

Our relationship has consisted of dishonesty, fighting and arguing, and just utter neglect, and I'll admit because of the stressors I can be down right moody and difficult to deal with. The difference is I have a pure heart and good intentions.

My spouse works all day and night at his business, and I believe he does it because he has other things there that interest him. He doesn't do it to avoid fighting with me, but to avoid answering to me. Our relationship is full of turmoil& to be pregnant right now has been utter misery.
When i first found out I was pregnant I was working and began to realize that I was becoming more moody than usual. I was throwing up again and experiencing depression just like my last full term pregnancy. My relationship with my spouse was on rocky ground due to his secrecy & I had begun to realize the aspect of it being forever with this pain. Cheating and neglecting and abandonment would be my life forever if I didn't get the hell away from him and soon. He had even admitted he got me pregnant purposefully which it takes two people but one person can be the one to want it& he admitted to wanting that. Why? God only knows. He probably wasn't intending to raise him...
My heart breaks. I wish I could have been stronger but This type of man is never satisfied. He was the man I didn't listen to my intuition with. You know this if you have read my article about the young woman's journey of listening to her MIND and NOT HER HEART SO MUCH.

Seeing the level of his wanting to be out with his friends and have his own self employment and not a regular job made security hard on us and I also did not want that anymore either. We decided that we'd break up, because of all the ways I couldn't keep dealing with & he said he never did anything wrong. I couldnt take his denials anymore, but now I was pregnant, and deciding to break up required thought & my family was not happy for me about the pregnancy because of his prior neglect to say the least. They knew as well as I, that he would have more control over me if I had another child from him. More lies to deal with, maybe even more deception and years lost.
We never really said we would not break up, but we stayed together, slept together, lived together and ate together, until he got involved with an older man who offered him a deal in his shop. He was running a shop and asked my spouse if he would help him do this. This man and his millions of associates he called his buddies and friends, most of them jerks was wierdos, pervs, older men and strange. In his early 50's, this man dated 19 year olds with drug addictions and yes, I can say that's how he took advantage of them. I saw my spouse change to an even more deviant man. He would hit on a particular married woman who would come in and complain about their relationships together and she would tell me all about this happening See, this man always called upon vulnerable woman married or not to feel sorry for him& never ever put his self as the bad guy. I felt super betrayed. He always was looking outside of his family for validation, happiness and I was the person he shit on and threw under the bus to make himself look good & instead of making serious efforts to get his little family help, he made it deteriorate worse. After losing the home I financed and paid for for 8 years (,he only helped the last year I had it), we struggled with homelessness until I got us out of it because he refused to provide his kids a real home. He forced us to live in an rv for a year from 2012 to 2013. After that I had it with him & forced him to give me half the incone tax as agreed and we would sign for an apartment for the boys and I since he didn't want to help with anything else. Of course he stayed there when he wanted to. Revolving door syndrome. Going back to the fact that We do have an older son. He was selfish in that he felt that if I didn't allow him to do what he wanted when he wanted to do it in his mechanic life and social life, but family life should have been a priority right? Theres times I tried to move on with a new person because I wanted peace and he'd try to destroy the guys car and belongings just to keep me around & when things got boring he'd come back. I know by the way it's my fault I shouldn't have allowed him in so much after showing how evil he was but that's how trauma bonded I was to him. He always split when action arose again while I was pregnant or not!

Here is where I tell young woman, Don't give up your job. I had a career. I worked at my job for six years at a hospital as a supervisor for three of those six years and the toxicity of the relationship took it's toll. I ended up taking medical leave for depression and anxiety not realizing it was the Narcissistic abuse that was dragging me to feel in a fog and even college at that time in my twenties was falling by the way side.

I don't care if your job is stressing you out and he says he will provide for you in the end he won't..because my toxic person didn't and we lost so much.

He did try to help save the home I financed at age 25 that I had for 8 years while I was at home with the kids, but his rental shop that never lasted was all too important for his status to other woman and friends-- so he paid that first all the time and we ended up losing our place and being homeless. I can't blame it all on him. Ladies never let a man be the responsible party for your car or home. He never tried himself to finance us any home or provide us a home. We struggled with homeless or he made me struggle alone while he lived in his own bubble and had sex with his friends girlfriend half his age named Dawna Rassum at his shoppe.

I was asked to care for the shop paper work , money collection, warranties and developed his business plan to submit to the city but I never got respect or thanks for it so he started having his friends wife do stupid filing and busy work all do they could sleep together. He ruined my son's perception of family because of his ways.

Further into my pregnancy, I became I'll with graves disease and after having my baby I couldn't walk well. I would fall, have mini seizures, couldn't breathe, my eyes were bulgy. I went from a size 8/9 to a 3 in no time flat. He didn't come to the labor of my baby with decency. He had been out all the night before with once again...a younger man he partied with that was 19. (My spouse was already 39). His immaturity knew no respectful bounds. He was out to get what he never got in life and more at any cost even my sanity. During my labor he didn't hold my hand or be there for me. BEWARE of the effects on your children. My older son was highly hurt by this man and hurt by the effects of mental abuse and he experienced severe bullying and sorrow. He was experiencing my codependancy as well. Im so ashamed I put up with this for years. I write this out of caution. Trauma bonds are real. Soul ties to a bad soul is real and hard to break .You're a thing to him & THEVERY THING holding him back because "you"just had to have a baby with him didn't you?? Yes, that's how these types of men thin even after purposefully making you pregnant as he admits. It's your fault for holding him back always. NEVER HIS. Stay tuned...I have so much more. #narcabusesyndrome

UPDATED APRIL 8th 2014

I want my life back: A Young Women's Lesson on Not Listening to Her Mind and Her Intuitions.

2012-03-23T23:01:00.001-07:00

Blog on My Birthday
Began:
March 24, 2012 Part 1

Thirteen years is a long time to be with someone isn't it? And not be married or at least half assed committed and be happy right?

I met Him in 1999. He was a sweet boy who walked in the small neighborhood bar. I was having a good time after being in a car accident just a month before and had just left a long term relationship followed by a six month relationship. I surely wasn't ready for this journey I was about to embark on, but there he walked in and there I embarked.

It was a scary ride. I wouldn't have gotten on it, but it seemed like destiny would push me there.

Being the confident young woman I am, I say to my now brother in law who was just a friend at the time to my sister, "Hey, do you know the guy who just walked in?" He looked over casually, "Yea, yea I know that guy. He used to throw all those parties you wanted to go to, but I wouldn't take you because you're too girly!" He teased.

I laughed it off. Then he got a smirk on his face, "Why, do you want a one night stand?" I said, "Yea, sure, why not." I WAS joking. I wasn't a one night stand type of person. I laughed.

He called him over, he bought me a beer, and as the night let on, I really liked this kid. He was really nice. Nothing like the macho assholes from the past. How refreshing. Still,I thought, " he seemed too naive, not experienced at all with girls, even though he was older by four to five years."

I had a bad habit of getting involved with young men easily, wanting comfort, searching thru each relationship trying to find someone to love me. I was quite insecure having an insecure childhood. My father was always in and out of my life, and I had a mother full of nerves. I grew up to be nerve racked too. If it wasn't for my grandparents whom I lived with on and off and having been close with my cousins my aunts and uncles, my life might have turned worse.

Anyway, I was 22 years old and here was the rest of my life standing right in front of me. Michael. A common name, a common guy, nice and a little bit eccentric, just my type, a lost artist nice guy type, but he wasn't what I thought AT ALL, my readers.

My brother in law who was not yet married to my sister called him over. He was very sweet looking. He seemed nice and we had a few drinks together and my mom automatic did not like him. She literally told him"we have a dog named Mikey", and shot him a warning stare. I glared at my mother. Mom didn't often go out with us and play pool, but tonight she had, and the end of the night ,I just wanted to go home and rest say goodbye to him. I was tired, in a lot of pain and had to work the next day.

I said goodbye, but had he not turned back around from walking to his car, I might have a different life today, but he turned around, faced me and asked me out for dinner. I obliged, but I didn't think of him again until one night two weeks later we were going out to The Cowgirl in Santa fe's down town area and I invited him to hang out with us. He seemed awkwardly nervous as we chatted on our way to Santa Fe. When we reached the music fueled bar, me being the A type leadership personality, took his hand and lead him to sit with me and order a beer. HE refused almost to participate in hanging out. 'WTF is this?' I thought. It felt like he felt out of place and he so obviously showed it. My sadness lies in the fact that, this man showed deep seeded signs of feelings if inadequacy that EVEN though I read it, felt it, and knew it, I couldn't help him, and being ill equipped and young, i took this as a sign, he did not like me. I didn't know this mans feelings about himself and my longing need to make things work, would affect me negatively for the rest of my life all the way until now. I read the signs. I ignored the message. I ignored my intuition. I didnt know how he really felt for years to come...

We decided to call St. Patricks day our anniversary, because we were now officially a couple and that was a date we both thoroughly enjoyed. At first we sort of just hung out at a bar here and there, and went out to have drinks with friends, but I felt something really strange about him. I had feelings for him, but I felt a feeling so strong that I would never be protected by this guy. He would not be by my side, defend me, and even had strong dreams insinuating deception, lies and hurt even when he wasn't doing wrong and was still viewed by my family as a good guy. I couldn't put my finger on it,but I felt bad for him. Did he not like me? Maybe it was me. I was so used to Men being drawn to me and telling me I was beautiful. He didn't do that, except when prompted. Like telling me I was sexually desirable, that's it. I admit, I couldn't read him for anything. Maybe that was a sort of draw. How unhealthy. I liked him, Still I broke up with him in May 1999, two months after I met him. He didn't care, hesitate to not call me. Did not pursue me. Even though he said he loved me and was very much in love with me, he didn't even ask WHY? My sister said, "Good, Don't go back to him. You need to be single for awhile. I am tired of seeing you with a guy. I wanna see you single and free and independant!" My sister, Linda was always right. I am sad I didn't listen to what I listen to now.

She was right but really, how could I have known at all what would happen from that year on.I felt sorry for him and thought well 'I truly like him, so i am going to call him back'. I did, and he was very happy. He said he doesn't like to pursue people and get hurt. That he was not a jealous guy. I begged to differ, but anyway that is for further on into the saga of my cautionary tale.

Every evening, he would come and be with me at the casino where I worked in the promotional booth where I worked. I worked two jobs, at a government scientific laboratory as a student and as a promotional customer service rep at this casino. He would show every evening after my day job and hang out with me for my dinner break pretty late at night too.
I was getting a little nervous around him being there all the time, and he just didn't care or mind driving far to see me, since he lived a town away. I felt how awful it would be to be so mean to this guy when a coworker and a friend told me that she told him he should dress it up a little for me because "your girl would so love it if you cared more about yourself image, like clean it up a little" Just because he wasn’t dressy or cared much how he dressed or looked, it didn’t mean he couldn’t change a little bit. Like clean up his long pretty straight hair, and take a shower before work and make effort even if he couldn't go home and shower. I didn't understand why he was like this. He barely shaved and it seemed he didn't have much experience with girls. So I started buying him clothes that he wore once, said he liked because he picked them and then didn’t wear them again. It was aweful, but I didn't realize I was pushing things on him he didn't want, and that I was trying to change him and it wasn't right.
I blew off his oddities and my disdain for them as being really cool and he was an individual. He would tell me he 'almost got this expensive car', and how it was disappointing how he never really got anything he really wanted in his life, except now, a pretty girl whom he loved.He would tell me about the movie stars he’s met out in California where he is originally from and all kinds of interesting things he did, like bungee jump, and the car racing he loved so much and the auto mechanics life he led.

When we went on our first date, he treated me out to a nice little town restaurant. He also said he was paying a lot of debt off and that was why he was always so broke. He didn't treat me much. For our first date, he took me to a restaurant near my house and I had jumbo shrimp and steak. He paid. He started paying less and less as time went by and I resented the fact that I, as a woman, was paying most of everything. There was nothing wrong with that because at least he was paying off bad debts, but I would tell him, “Why do I always have to pay?” I’d get angry, and then sad for being angry and then angry for being sad and then angry and sad that I couldn't let him off the hook and leave the relationship and write if off as the fact that we are just not compatible for life. One day we were having lunch at a pond, and I paid for our food. My distaste and hurt showed right thru me and I pushed him away from me when I got no response from him as to why I was paying for his lunches all the time. I was so sad because to me he was a nice guy. He stayed quiet and his eyes were sad and shy, so I always felt bad for him. I let it go and said to myself this is the price I would have to pay if I wanted to be with him. I also didn't think I deserved better.

My bad habit was forming again. Here I was forming an attachment to someone who was clearly not for me.He was shy and not a person who took much charge in a relationship, not even 50/50 at first. As great a guy as he was in the sense that he did kind gestures like hold my hand, tell me how happy he was with me and cook great meals, I knew somehow, this guy felt inadequate in all aspects of life and also had a diminished trust of woman and his mother. He often said how badly his mother had treated him for all of his life and that he didn't have a relationship with her. I saw all the signs of a man I didn't want: one that didn't like his mother, wouldn't like woman all that much, especially a strong A type take charge of shit woman like myself, and oneday, I felt a palpable but quiet undercurrent of rage inside of Michael. You couldn't see it early on, you couldn't feel it, but he was an angry man. I also started to question him about things he would tell me about where he was going, what he was doing and he's ourright lie to my face. It was aweful. I began to see a liar, a secretive man, a hurt and disturbed man who thought felt if he didn't get his way or whom he wanted in life, people would get hurt. I would be hurt the most by this relationship than any other relationship I had ever experienced, even with my own Dad I'd never experience this pain....To be continued. Revised April 12, 2014.

Stay Tuned:

Part 2

Life in An Uncertain Time

2010-01-18T15:37:00.000-08:00

The Uncertainty of Income
The Uncertainty of Home,
The Uncertaintly of Family, yes more than ever, we are living in Life in An Uncertain Time..

The Uncertainty of relations,
The Uncertainty of love,
The Uncertainty of Tomarrow, yes, this year, last year..more than ever, we are living Life in an Uncertain Time.

Pick me up where I left off.
It was 2002, When I bought my own loft...
Take me back to 2001, when I bought a new car,
Now it's all done..
Life in this day, I do not want to be,
where families are tired, and jobs are nowhere you see.

The Uncertainty of tomarrow,
The Uncertaintly of today,
Tomarrow will my child have a place for his little head to lay.

Don't matter your education, don't matter you're state of mind, because none of us can change that we are living, Life in An Uncertain Time..

The End...

Brittany Murphy: The Death Of a Doll

2009-12-28T17:02:00.000-08:00

BRITTANY IN EARLY DECEMBER THIS YEAR. HER LATEST PICTURE FOR HER PREMIERE OF THE MOVIE "ACROSS THE HALL"

To look into the large saucer shaped eyes of Brittany Murphy, the 32 year old actress who died, suddenly on December 20th, just five days before Christmas day, you couldn't help but see a vulnerability, a sensitivity and a happy kind and loving person. She seemed to be a very normal girl, with a unique spin, and a very normal girl in a very abnormal culture: Hollywood.
If you really looked at an image of Brittany, you could see that there was a sort of desperation in her eyes. The kind of desperation that comes with the pressures of being a hollywood actress. She wanted to be a perfect little doll.
THE TRAILOR FOR THE MOVIE CLUELESS, STARRING, ALICIA SILVERSTONE, STACEY DASH, BRITTANY MURPHY ( 1995 )

BRITTANY CHANGED IN A MASSIVE WAY OVER THE YEARS. BRITTANY WENT FROM A BUBBLY ADORABLE TALKATIVE GIRL, TO A SOLEMN QUIET AND LOST PERSON IN THE LAST DAYS OF HER LIFE, WHO SEEMED VERY UNFOCUSED IN HER LAST INTERVIEW:

BRITANNY PLAYS A SOCIAL LITE WHO MUST GET A JOB AND LIVE LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, WHEN HER RICHES GO MISSING, AND ENDS UP LOOKING AFTER A KNOW IT ALL TEN YEAR OLD WITH A BOSSY ATTITUDE.

Brittany first came to my attention, on a summer afternoon in a local movie theatre. My ex-friend, D , had mentioned it, and since she had been fair enough to actually pay for herself for once, I figured at least maybe the actresses wardrobe would be awsome, and a little humor would do me good after my last break up. Just out of high school, I could feel the that life was open wide to me. I was on the cusp of freedom and womanhood. Much like Brittany Murphy, and her costar Alicia Silverstone, we grew up in the same generation.
The actors in Clueless, Stacey Dash and Alicia Silverstone were favorites of mine, so I thought this had to be at the very least a mildly funny teen flick. Was I wrong? Yes! It was hilarious!
The movie was full of tongue in cheek humor, about a beautiful rich blonde high school student, Cher, who's idea of charity is helping an ugly duckling girl, named Ty,( Brittany Murphy) become apart of the in crowd, and help her move up in the social ladder, only to see her newly cute friend, steal some of her glory.
The awkward teen with a nervously shaky-voice and thick eyebrows, made so many of us young woman feel her embarrassing need to be accepted by any actions or means necessary. Ty was the funniest, and most sweetly and expertly played geek of all time in my book. Her role proved that the best actors in Hollywood, don't come in a perfect skinny packages. Brittany stole our hearts, and in many of her movies, big budget and small, she played each charector with professional natural emotion, as if it was as natural as breathing for her.

Brittany, a sometimes quirky and naturally sensitive human being, didn't seem to need much method acting. She may have researched her roles, but she drew out her stories from a source that we may never know. It could be speculated, that emotionally, and physically these roles and the amount of work she was doing recently took it's toll on her fragile state. The recent pictures above show Brittany beyond thin, and in her last interview she struggled to answer questions about her latest Movie Across The Hall. It was painful for me to watch. It made me cry.
There are many speculations of how and why she died.Being extremely exhausted, having diabetes, and most controversial being on many different prescription drugs and then being possibly anorexic. The pressure and the media's obsession on weight and body fat woman and girls have are openly published with no shame. We as consumers buy it. As I read the issue of In Touch week ending December 21st issue, Brittany was only a few days away from her untimely death. I saw her pictured in a black beautiful dress, collarbone sticking out and arms like a child. Her eyes seemed sad, startled, expressionless almost, when Brittany's eyes were her expression to the world. Those large round sensual eyes were how we could see if Brittany was ok...
Brittany pressed on. She gave one hundred percent to every film she had been in, and her energy and emotion in many of them were enough to make a person cry, laugh out loud, become shocked, be warmly and fully satisfied with her work. I know this is how I felt. Where Brittany got her stregnth from working such a grueling schedule, I have no idea.
God and Brittany only know what she pulled out of herself to play the many multifacated woman which made the roles all so seriously fragile, and somehow tragic, and many all so hilariously funny with a delicate charm. Brittany seemingly cared, loved and appreciated her craft, like Heath Ledger, she did not take her roles lightly. Both had recently seemed to come into thier own as actors, and people. Talent didn't make Brittany valuable. Her value as a human being and her unique spirit made her the most valuable of all, though there is no excaping the talent.

With all of life's fragility, it seems our lesson to be learned is that the creative and artistic individuals are the most vulnerable and infectious among us, in my eyes. They create beauty thru art, film, music and writings. That takes alot of human energy and emotion. This is what Brittany brought. She stole everyone's heart, and Brittany worked hard for her roles, created them, and never cared whether they were the largest big screen roles or not. She simply was a gift from God, a shiny happy, loving little thing, and you could get the sense of that from just looking into her eyes on screen or in photo's or hearing her speak.
Britney became someone who Hollywood could use up and spit out, in other words she'd gotten the stamp of approval that she could enter the Hollywood players club if only on a small level and only for a moment in time.... She lost tons of weight from her less than skinny body, in other words, her very normal sized body. She straigtened her brown curly hair, and dyed it blonde, and posed for Maxim at the age of 23, in her new sexy petite frame. No more Clueless dork. Brittany had arrived.

Thru all of it, she was still the cute happy and hyper Brittany Murphy. She soon came out in Movies like Girl Interrupted, DOn't Say A Word, 8 Mile, LITTLE BLACK BOOK, ALMOST MARRIED, with Ashton Kutcher ( That 70's Show), another person, who liked to live life on the cusp of hilarity and spontinaity, and the host of MTV's Punked for many years, and the sweet and warm Uptown Girls in which she played the role of an Heirass who has her fortune ripped off from her only to become a slave and then a big sister figure to Dakata Fanning's charector. On this movie she even worked opposite her Clueless co-star, Donald Faison who played a hip hop loving boyfriend to Alicia Silverstone's charactor, Cher's best friend.
Countless other movies such as Ramen Girl, Love and Other Disasters, The Dead Girl, Sidewalks of New York, Deadline, are also awsome movies starring Brittany Murphy.

Brittany's romantic life consisted of the fame and publicity seeking Ashton Kutcher. The two soon began to date. Ashton this tall, handsome yet silly and funny guy was already a success in That 70s Show, and Punk'd. Brittany was this tiny beautiful little ball of practical jokes, and the tow were so fun and happy together. The two were young and taking advantage of thier successes, in the most positive way, laughter and happiness. This was a seemingly dreamlike time in her life. Living life Hollywood style had made Brittany want to keep up, so she could stay in Hollywood's inner circle, it so seemed.
BRITTANY ON THE COVER OF HER MOVIE, LITTLE BLACKBOOK:

I remember seeing a photo of Brittany and Ashton on MTV. His mouth wide open with a burst of laughter and arms around Brittany, with her tiny petite body in the air, as her animated large eyes bulged delicately and her smile large and beautiful lit the glossy page.I remember thinking that she must be bipolar. Nobody is that damn happy, lol!
Ashton was carrying her in the air. She had the little girlness still inside her. She had joy that I rarely see in people. A joyful energy, that is both extreme, and delicate, both full of happy life, and also frail.

Although Brittany and Ashton didn't last, Brittany's light kept shining incredibly bright. She had been featured in major movies, but soon began doing her Indi films. She wasn't doing large films, or what Hollywood would consider a succession of Blockbusters or female leads in Blockbusters, but she sure was the lead in the many wonderful Indi films she was in.
Britney made more than 30 films, grasping on maybe fifty, and she didn't require the large blockbuster films to advance herself, because she made her own career. I don't believe Britney could have failed even if she wanted to. She was just a go getter, someone who made herself. She was a girl I always considered unique. I had never seen anyone like her. In the Movie Love and Other Disasters, she reminded me of the tiny and fragile Edie Segdewick of Andy Worhol fame. Her unique beauty stuck in time, never to age. It was an eery feeling that Brittany would not live to be old. She was too special, forever young in her heart.
Nobody else could make or break this young woman professionally despite reports of recent firings from a film, and every Indi film I have of her, I keep like they are treasures, because as an Indi film lover, I truly would rather watch her many small budget treasures than her large bugdet commercial films. There is just so much magic and freedom that Brittany gave back to those films. She had so much more freedom. She was a British temptress in Love and other Disasters, and a 39 year old married man's 19 year old mistress in Edward Burns Sidewalks of New York, and for living only 32 years, A chubby dork with literally NO CLUE, in Clueless, and a sexy news reporter in Sin City. She was a singer with a deep throaty voice. In 2006, the beautiful young starlet released her club hit Faster Kill Pussycat. A sexy sensual soul stirring dance tune. She had A voice that deserved a music contract, and plenty of respect. Her music video courtesy youtube below, show's the sexy and diverse Brittany working her multi talented skills.

FASTER KILL PUSSYCAT, OAKENFOLD, BRITTANY MURPHY VOCALS, 2006
(feat. Brittany Murphy)

Brittany achieved more than many actresses twice her age. Like Elvis would say, Brittany did it her way!

whatever took that shining light from her dearest mother and husband and her many other family, friends and fans, Brittany was too strong a light to just fade. Look at a star tonight, and you just might see one flicker from our little darling......REST IN PEACE BEATIFUL DOLL.

The End

The Recession: In A Woman's World, Taking Almost Any Job Is Imperative to Survival.

2009-10-29T14:28:00.000-07:00

MUST BE FRIENDLY, GOOD WITH CASH, CREDIT CARDS, CHECKS, HAVE NO ATTITUDE, AND BE NEAT AND TIDY. CAN YOU HANDLE IT?

Ahhhhhhh! The good ole' recession! It has many on the unemployment track thinking that maybe they should take any job, even one that is not in thier field. The receptionist job, the cashier, the waitress...anything to stay above water, because nothing is gauranteed even if you do get that second interview, which I have had two off in the past few weeks. I was hoping to upgrade my current position to a better one, but looks like I may have to work two jobs just to maintain. Wheeewww!

Those on unemployment may have a temporary cushion to break thier fall after losing a job, but that cushion may not be enough to get them thru the expenses they were able to afford before, and may also last alot shorter than you initially planned if you don't watch your ever so ferocious addiction to shopping! Yes, I am speaking to you my fellow fashionista's So the question is, if you've been job hunting as if it is a full time job, are unemployed or underemployed, should you just settle on taking any full time job? If you are desperate, and it provided your children with a roof over thier head, or if the latter, your self with a roof, food, and clothing, would you, could you, stop having the attitude that "you are too good for say, a waitress, a bartender, a cashier, A STRIPPER...lol, just kidding about the last one, unless you think you can handle men ogling at you and trying to grab your bootie, but anyhow, Could you swallow your self-inflicted-over-qualified for-this-job pride, if worse came to worse??

My experience with taking "any job" went something like this, I left my job in 2006 that had been my first major career experience in hopes of getting higher education. I was out to be the boss and in this field, the only one's getting the high positions were those who had degree's. I was merely a lower level supervisor.

I soon started attending college again after two years of taking "a break" and maintaining a pretty good grade point average.

I was loving spending time with my son. I had a financial cushion for about six months and was happy that I could concentrate on getting that degree that would allow me to be that quintessential alpha girl in a sharp sexy business suit looking out a big bay window in a smart and hot marketing firm, nails done, couture hand bags, sexy hot heels, and a lucrative salary and gym membership!

While still in school, I applied for a temp position as an Administrative Secretary. Although the job was a short term job, I looked at it as a way to move forward in obtaining more office experience in a professional field. I worked with a lot of scientists, radiological workers, and geologists.

It was not marketing, writing, or advertising, but they weren't offering internships for those areas in my area of the world. It was all very educational, but I found the job to be somewhat stressful in a way that I had to work with a very "Bipolaresque" woman with a ferocious alcohol habit, and a pension for throwing shoe's at people she was mad at. I'd smell the booze on her breath, and hear all her phone calls about how she was getting some from this guy, and having intimacies with that guy, but he was "the boss" and she weakly admitted that she didn't think it was a great idea to be chasing the boss.

Her switched up and down personality could only mean that there was not one voice but many others telling her that everyone was against her, and that another woman was on her turf. It was all very strange. I really liked the people, bosses, and customers I worked with. She was the one piece of work I wasn't expecting. I tried to do as she asked me to, and get projects finished in a timely manner. I tried to ask her about herself and how she liked her job, but she was perpetually angry, jealous, and having an affair with the boss too.

I left that job but not before I was being offered a field technician position there. I refused it. I just didn't think that this temp position turned permanant was the job I wanted experience in.
After all, I took the job to learn the ins and outs of a professional corporate atmosphere, and to master the task of the inner works of big business, since that was my major in college. I didn't sign up for working out in a field. It was cold. I had allergies. I was too girly. The list of excuses as to why I didn't take the job were endless. Being out in the field taking samples was just not me, especially if it entailed danger in the forest.

To me, LIMITING WHAT I DID OR DIDN'T "SIGN" UP FOR was a mistake in the end, though. I now KNOW you must suck it up, be a professional even when others are not, and work outside in the cold if it helps you to achieve LONG TERM GOALS, and get glowing recommendation letters, and certainly keep your own problems at home.

After leaving said Temp job, I continued to attend college and not work, but the money was getting tight, and I was in a Bachelor program that required me to be working some kind of intern job. I had been an intern for two years at an engineering company and had learned many basics of running an office, being a gofer, making travel arrangements and even going and taking the company vehicles for maintanance. This was me, going backward to what I stopped doing when I became pregnant at twenty two with my son and worked full time to support my new family.

I applied, and got an internship in the summer of 2007. All the paperwork was done, and I was to start in July. This was a paid internship and was a contract for a year. This was an excellent way to get my body and mind readjusted to the way the world worked in business and Administrative work. I was to be hired as a Administrative Secretary II, and I was excited. When going to finish my paperwork, I was told that funding had ceased for the position and the offer was retracted. I was broke, desperate, alone with my son since his father and I had seperated, and thanks to small miracles, I recieved some help from family and friends financially, some help I regret because it required me to be indebted to a man that was not someone who I was too serious about. I then got an intern position paying minimal pay writing for the college paper. When that ended because I felt I had to concentrate on my studies, I then began the tedious work of working in a new doctors office.

Today, I have had three successful interviews with a respectable company, where I have most of my leadership and other wonderful skills from, as well as my customer service skills, but I am playing the waiting game, waiting to upgrade to a full time professional job, going back to finish my degree, and am nowhere near that posh high end, fashionable marketing or publishing job I thought I'd attain by now. I am working two jobs. I am working helping my spouse with his legal documents, and his business, I am a mother,a patient advocate, and a....well, I clench my teeth ever so nervously, punch in some keys, a drawer pops out, and I say, " Ten dollars and seventy two cents is your change, sir. Have a nice day." So the answer is, should you take any job if you are struggling, even if you are overqualified from your years of experience? That's a personal decision and should not be taken lightly. In these difficult times,even educated and experienced people are having it rough.
You should take that less than lucrative job if you need the money. You should if you have children, and a family. I believe that you should try to take a reasonable job. One you are capable of doing. It will boost the economy, you will not starve, and maybe you will not be able to buy those pricey studded black ankle boots you've been eyeing, or the brand new dining room set you've been dreaming about, but you'll get to survive...you'll get to live, and when that job offer comes along that you interviewed for and thought you'd been rejected for is offered to you after months of waiting, you can thank that Never in a million years job for holding your head above water...

Peace and love, my Pretty's...

Fall/Winter Fashion Finds For Fruggle Folks!

2009-10-19T14:11:00.000-07:00

Depending on your budget, you can get the best leggings, skinny jeans, and leather jackets for your Fall/Winter personal collection. Everyone has a different spending budget and even still, some woman have next to nothing. So here is are the trends I recommend at all different price ranges.

The 80's style is back in a big way! Leather jackets, acid washed jeans,all styles of leggings, high boots,bright colored lipstick, rock star ankle studded boots, thigh high boots, colorful tights, and all believe it or not, all of these hot items can be affordable and wearable.

One of my favorite fall 2009 trends are leggings! There are many style's of leggings and some designers like Lindsay Lohan are making the classiest one's around! Her brand 6216 Leggings titled after Lindsay's idol, Marilyn Monroe's birthday, are sold in high end boutique's and shops. Unfortunately, those of us on a serious budget cannot afford to get these fabulous high end finds. Here I offer a few of some awsome leggings I've tested myself and love.
Miley Cyrus and Max Azria: Liquid Black Leggings; $6 at Wal-Mart.
These sleek leggings look fabulous with an off the shoulder tunic blouse, and ankle boots, or for a more conservative look, a long dark colored short dress, with ankle or thigh high boots and a black button up jacket or a vintage leather jacket. Max Azria leggings also come in jean zip ups $10, and black leggings with strip side holes for a more rock and roll look, also $10. Simple ballerina flats from Miley's collection look great and can be mixed with any of these pair of leggings for a casual or a dressed up look. Ballerina flats $10

Miley and Max Azria's creation for the cash strapped diva! Liquid Leggings. $10. Remember leggings can be a great piece for all ages to wear. Figure out your taste and style for yourself. Never wear a trend, be your own trend.

Ankle Boots are the next big thing! They look great on all ages of fashion consious woman of all ages. As long as it suits who you are, you can wear just about anything you choose. Ankle boots at a great price can be tricky to find, but I have found some great buys. Payless Shoe Source has always been a good friend to me, and I am proud to say that they also have great shoe sales, styles and quality footware all year long. This fall a very victorian type of boot is on many of the fall runways, and the prices are unbeatable. Starting at 24.99 and up, these boots look great with skinny jeans, office pantsuits, going out for dinner or going on a date with your special someone. They are also very comfortable and and warm!

www.payless.com
These ankle boots are so beautiful, I bought two pairs,black and brown.HA HA, no kidding. I did! Payless often has sales where you can buy two pairs of shoes and get the next pair free!Check out the website to check it out. They also have many beautiful tailored for the office Mary Jane's, Oxyfords, and Slingbacks that look great with so many trends this fall!Check out some other beautifully awsome pairs of shoe's that will keep you stylish looking like your spent a million!

Mason Button Booties (Fiona). 24.99

Parker tailored peeptoe booties
29.99

Check Prices online.
www.wetseal.com
A great pair of jeans goes a long way, and doesnt have to be high end, couture runway designer label to look great, fit great and last a long time! Everywhere I have bought jeans, has either been from a discount store, a mall walk in store, or a major sales rack from a high end store. I rarely pay full price for anything. Isn't that the fun of shopping? Wet seal offers some awesome skinny jeans. The brand is called Fashionista skinny jeans, and I love the way the bottom hem is long and I can either tuck it into my ballerina shoes, or by boots for a better fit, or fold them up with a pair of high heals and button up white dress shirt. Here is an example of some great fall/winter jeans.
Fashionista Skinny Jean - Long 24.50
Silk Faded Skinny Denim 29.50
see website for all sales on excellent denim items!
Again, walmart has some great skinny jeans as well! I know you're probably thinking ill fitting, cheap quality jeans! No way. Not on my watch when I shop! These jeans, Metro7 - Women's Skinny Jeans 16.00, are a sexy fit, stretchy material, so you can sit down in them, and the quality is strong and fantastic. Here are the details straight from www.walmart.com website on these fabulous skinny's!
In a sleek, dark wash and flirty, coquettish shape, these skinny jeans will rule your wardrobe. With zippered vents, adjust these jeans so that they break properly over your favorite ankle boots, flats or wedges, to further accentuate the long, lean lines that the slim cut creates.

16.00

Product Details:

* A Metro7 garment
* Women's jeans
* Dark denim wash
* Narrow, tapered legs with hidden-zipper vents along the inside seams
* Five-pocket styling with coin pocket on the left side
* Back pockets are designed and placed high for a flattering lift
* Bezel-set rhinestones in place of rivets
* Rhinestone-button closure with zipper fly
* Color: Indigo
* Fabric: cotton, spandex
* Care: machine wash cold; tumble dry low
* Available in most Wal-Mart stores
Follow the link for more great walmart style's!

www.metrostyle.com has some fabulous multi-colored leggings and skinny's from great and reasonable prices, each looking fabulous with tunic tops, leather jackets, long off the shoulder tops. Dress these fabulous finds your way!

Skinny Demin and twill leggings 24.99
Dresses
Walmarts All in one Jersey goes great with tights, and boots, so you're warm and also stylish!
Norma Kamali - Women's All-in-One Jersey Dress 24.99

If you're also looking for a cheaper way to get stylish this fall/winter, have a Trade Party. Get all your girlfriends together, have everyone bring some clothing they would like to trade, have snacks, drinks and all your favorite happy music playing and go shopping. Swap what you like and donate the rest! There are so many ways to get the items you want without sacrificing a whole paycheck on it. There is no sense in that! The only time I would truly recommend buying a piece of clothing to go with your wordrobe is if you've thought about it for 48 hours and it's an absolute one of a kind then I'd slurge away, but for anything else, simply be frugal.There are vintage and second hand stores in almost everytown across the globe and you're sure to find fantastic retro yet contemporary items! I have! My next fashion post, next Monday will feature some of my own items from my own closet. Maybe you all can give me some advice on how to piece them together this fall! Thanks for stopping by my Pretty's. Lot's of Fuschia Love!

Why Curly Haired Gals Fight With Their Hair: The Envy of Straight Hair Versatility

2009-09-28T12:11:00.001-07:00

Created 2009

Why Curly Haired Gals Fight With Their Hair: The Envy of Straight Hair Versatility

Better with curly hair or a hard black long wig?

Why Annalynne Mccord’s favorite look is not her own.

Anna Lynn McCord, the 21 year old star of the new 90210, according to people magazine, stated that she collects wigs to change up her style, and what would life be with no creativity or change, right? I agree that we woman are the most creative innovative creatures on Earth. We absolutely love detail in clothing, hair, shoes and make-up.
As a matter of fact, If we are really fashion fanatical, we even know every high end label out there and the up to the minute trends, on cloths, make-up, shoes and especially HAIR!
Take Anna Lynn McCord. She knows style. She’s got great taste. Every time I see her in magazine article’s or fashion editorials, she is pulled together and has that mix of the sexy “pink girl” vibe of Olivia Newton John on Grease, and girl next door casual couture thing going on, if you can imagine that scenario. She’s beautiful; she’s sexy and has everything in the looks category.
Anna Lynn, like many women, also seems to have hair envy. She says, her fav’ is style is “a long black one because that’s the cut I would love, but it’s too hard to do with curly hair.” according to a People magazine article, but not everyone in the world feels this way about her new straight cut. A Celeb blogger from a website called thelustandenvy.com, wrote,
“The fact that she would not only STRAIGHTEN but - rubbing salt in the fucking wound! - CUT her hair without talking to me first is just too much to bear. I feel like the wind has been knocked out of me, the room is spinning, I smell sulfur..AnnaLynn, you have Aunt Becky hair. Yes, Aunt Becky from fucking Full House. I hate it.”
Strong words, but I have gotten similar reactions from people with unapologetic responses of despise for my lost curls, as if it’s their business or decision right? I’ve gotten, “I loved your hair! It looked better curly. To, “You’re curls are gone. I hope to God it’s not permanent!” Opinions are like Twitter, in this day and age everybody and their dogs have one!
And what about those stylists who think that curly hair is unmanageable and that woman should straighten it to look more pulled together? It’s that fear that got us started burning our hair in the first place.

TMZ.COM commented in this photo that, Anna Lynn MCcord and her hair were born in 1987 with a picture of White Snake Frontman David Coverdale right next to her.

2008, Author, Eva Butterfly, with a new cut and style, straight from the beauty shop, but did it last?

Oh, the many times I’ve tortured my naturally curly roots myself and straightened it like a stick, to portray the every-woman in Hollywood and seemingly the world, hair-do. To my suprise, not all people were in favor of this straight hair look. For awhile, after hearing people’s less than restrained comments about my lost curls, I kept my hair straight, thinking it gave me a more trendy and up to date edge. Even different kinds of men looked my way! Some of them were the kind I never thought would! Looks, like styles, are a matter of taste. I would keep it like this, only washing it every few days, because it was what I needed to try, and it was and is still essential to me to try different things with the permanent part of me that never seems to update itself, my hair. I often daydreamed about being born with the strands of Pretty’s like Jessica Simpson, or Jennifer Aniston.

It’s a factual worry that many woman with curly hair often feel they have to epitomize these modern day lovely lookers, with their silky straight long strands, and lustrous soft bounce. With all the mainstream media representation of curly hair, which is portrayed as fuzzy, frizzy, out of control, and on the worst hair of the week polls, how can you not feel a little insecure and unfretted? A girl with curly hair looks at magazines on hair cuts and see’s almost the same thing all the time! It can be daunting.

(Above)This is Mariah Carey back in 1993. Gorgeous as the day God sent her
and Bottom, blown straight to Songstress perfection.

2009, Author, Eva Butterfly LOL! My natural texture fought me tooth and nail!

Mariah Carey for instance, was not a classic beauty of her era in the early 1990’s. She was a multi-racial exotic creature who in fact was the image of a different kind of beauty than America was not used to seeing on television. Mariah had naturally curly hair, a deep sexy voice, and Marilyn Monroe curves, and she still does. It was stars like Mariah Carey that changed America’s popular vote and perception of beautiful, as not just straight glossy hair, not an ounce of frizz in site, but shiny wild sexy wide ringlets with a bit of frizz! Who cared? This woman blew people’s minds in the looks department, her hair being a big part of that at the time. It made a little girl with curly hair, like me become more in tune with my God given individual beauty, not to mention, my sister hinted that I resembled Miss. Mariah! Mariah Carey has many of the same ancestry I have. We are both Aries, and we are both deep voiced unconventional ladies who swear to love our race and our hair! So why do we love to torture it straight? Mariah has changed an awful lot. As the years go on we see Mariah go from these ringlets of wavy golden brown, to nearly platinum stick straight blonde, and has only recently been spotted with her naturally curly hair .

Did she decide it was now okay to be her natural curly self, or is she consciously deciding she’ll do whatever the hell she wants with her hair, no pressure from the media anymore?!? Whatever. Even a diva like Mariah can be pressured into an “image” and, in her field, her looks are her product.

I think it is a little like growing up. It takes experimentation with our selves as girls and woman to either love what we naturally have or create the look that we want to see in the mirror, despite the opinions or tastes of others. I am not going to write to you, my fellow Pretty’s, to tell you to stop fighting with your hair and run out in the streets, product free, wild curls and all, like a peace loving frizzy hippie chic, but if that’s what you decide to be, than that’s lovely too. I am saying, be who you want to be. Our curls are a symbol of individualism, and unique beauty. Something that separates us from the majority and makes us special and exotic in our own curly girlie way, but if that’s not your cup of tea, go buy yourself a butt load of sexy long straight wigs, and change it up all you want. Just make sure you’re changing it up for yourself, Pretty’s.

The Evil Plague of Drugs

2009-09-11T15:36:00.001-07:00

Famous People Who Have Died From Drug Usage:
The handsome and always quietly sensitive Heath Ledger

In February 2007, Heath died from a combination of opiates (oxycontin, percocet, hydrocodone) and barbiturates ( Xanax, Valium, Klopin.
Michael Jackson-The Mesmerizing Mystery Himself died of cardiac arrest allegedly drugs were the culprit. Michael died in June 2009.

DJ AM, found in is NYC apartment, his room was barricaded, and rumors of a possible suicide by overdose have persisted. DJ AM, aka, Adam Goldstein, was a famous DJ, who made it big after getting clean from drugs, and recently hosted an MTV generation show called, "Gone Too Far". No word on whether it will even be aired, due to the relapse and death of Goldstein. Death by drugs.

NOW WHAT ABOUT OUR CULTURE? OUR PEOPLE? OUR COMMUNITY, AND ESPECIALLY OUR LITTLE ONE'S? IF HOLLYWOOD CAN BE KILLED OFF WITH DRUGS, WHICH ISN'T ALL THAT NEW. THINK ABOUT ALL THE PEOPLE THAT ARE DYING ON OUR STREETS.

Gazing into a cup of coffee getting colder by the minute, I sip it and decide to warm it up before I start my angry rampage. I figure I'll need it after all I've got to say. That's the ambitions of writer. We'll drink "java" all night and day just to crank out the thoughts and juicy words that flow thru our over active brains. Filled with information beyond our own realm, we decide to torture our readers with it.

Listen, I am going to be straight forward. You came here to read what I had to say, right?
Let's talk Drug addiction. It runs in my family. If I start drugs, I am a goner. I have an addictive personality. Predisposed to fuck up chemically if I touch anything close to controlled.
However, alcohol isn't a thing I drink three times a year,and other illicit street drugs I have never ever tried. No, it's not because I am better. It's because I have seen with my own child-hood eyes and now my grown up eyes, what the hell a fix of heroin can do to a person, or a snort of coke can make a sweet person angry as all hell.
Every week I browse threw my town's newspaper. It should be called The Small Minded Gazette, but it chooses a prettier name? A name associating itself with light and beauty. I don't see it here in this town. I only see it in the eyes of our children. In the eyes of the elderly, and the eyes of those still strong enough to stay passionate about who we are as a people. The landscape of the main road in our town is shroud with litter, cluttered old buildings that many people who are trying to rebuild and make into business' of their own and are being refused by repressive City Managers, and they wonder why our community doesn't thrive!
We have here, corrupt cops, drug addled street walkers who are on drugs, some are teens who've already lost their way, yet It's a beautiful community for those that still keep it up.
There are middle to upper class people living here, with little higher learning education. These people, not all of them but many of them, succeeded by the sweet of their brow, the breaking of thier parents backs to ensure land for thier children, to send them to local private schools.
I was in my spiritual place of worship one morning, and my spiritual leader said that there was a special guest to come talk to us. He spoke passionately about the beautiful people of our town. He spoke with conviction and passion. My heart skipped a million beats, as a tear rolled down my cheek, because as I looked around I realized that these people were beautiful, but a quarter of them had to be recovering from some kind of drug, or some of them had to come and be spiritual while being high.
I constantly read about things that are corrupt, violent, the scores of fatalities due to violence, drugs, and DWI accidents.
I constantly see the headlines of corrupt vile, stomach churning school officials stealing funds from our schools and namely from our children with special needs. This is all very bad things to read about in the "town tabloid", but what's worse is the exploitation of drug overdoses, the Hispanic culture being dragged all over the mud because somehow, and disgustingly so, it is the drug dealers and corrupt cops who run this town. I choose to embrace sobriety.

March 2009

Michael Jackson: The Human Being WE Didn't See.

2009-08-19T17:30:00.000-07:00

By Evangeline Houston

ABOVE PICTURE:
Michael and oldest children, Paris Michael Katherine, and Michael Joseph Jr )
( I do not own these photos ). Credits: AP, NYdailynews.com.
Family photo November 2008 credited to Mohamed Hadid.

BOTTOM PICTURE:
Michael's close family friend and real estate developer Mohamed Hadid, and his family Michael Joseph Jr I, far left, Paris Michael Katherine middle, and Blanket-aka Prince Michael II on bottom, long dark brown hair, are pictured here on Novemeber 27th during the holidays at his home. Mr Hadid says that he spent alot of time with MJ during his final moments in life and intends on opening up about MJ's state of Mind and his life in those final days.

As I sit here in my small adobe living room drinking a glass of wine, I am thinking of what millions of other people around the world are STILL thinking about; the passing of Michael Jackson. The King of Pop music, the eccentric and fragile man who often seemed like a boy rather than a man. We all knew what made him the star he was. It was what he could exude. When he was on stage or in a video, he exuded a kind of sexuality and sensuality he didn't off stage. It was like he was two different people.

I think to myself now, as I savor a sip of my Cabernet, how lucky I am, even if I am not rich, to have the freedoms to meet new people, have lunch and go shopping with friends without my every movie being judged.

One hot summer, as a child, I wasn't thinking of Michael Jackson in terms of the Legend. I remember that summer listening to "Smooth Criminal" in the back of my Dad's 65 Chevy car in Albuquerque, New Mexico. We were visiting relatives, and the car ride over was always long and boring. Michael Jackson had come out with a new jam and I can remember how badass this one was. It was "Smooth Criminal". It had a core beat that was and MJ was sexy.
I was just a kid, but I remember enjoying a few moments on that hot summer day singing, "Annie are you okay, are you okay Annie....!!!! You've been hit by, you've been struck by a smooth criminal!" In the back seat of the car of my Dad's favorite toy of the moment. And as the heat sweltered and it turned to night in the city , I wanted nothing more than to be a grown up going out on the Albuquerque town, and dancing to the very bad ass Mr. Jackson, with me dressed like those beautiful woman lucky enough to be in his videos!

The up tempo, the suave white suit he wore, the machismo white hat, and the gravity defying tilt he and his dancers looked liquidized on the video itself as if he was held by strings in the air! ( Maybe he was,but who cared?)

Michael Jackson was like no other human I'd ever or will ever know of again. He was the personification of dreams and childhood fantasies. I didn't know much about the Jackson 5, or that Michael Jackson was crazy handsome and rich at the tender young age of 10, and a glorified child prodigy. I didn't know he was just a little boy singing about love and romance who just wanted to play and have friends. I also didn't know that it was all a painful somewhat surreal life he was living, and allegedly began taking prescription pain medication after his hair caught on fire in the mid 1980's after the explosive infamous Pepsi commercial. I just knew Michael Jackson's life must be magical, and from afar it was. From my point of view, he was an unreachable star. I was just a poor kid down the block. He had all the money in the world, a house better than Disneyland, and everyone loved him.....and then I grew up.

The Smooth Criminal Lean that Made my heart skip a beat as a kid.

Within my own adult life, the presence of music continues to influence my perception of a time and a place of ghost like people from the past, and of memories and feelings of family drama, and childhood fears.
It was then, and it is now a coping mechanism, a feeling, a moment, and more than anything an escape. I could get lost in the lyrics to a song. I had gone through so much adult human pain in my childhood and in my life and writing, creating thoughts on paper was my solace, something I didn't know I had in common with someone like Michael Jackson.
I used my writing to create a warm blanket around my heart, to sooth the demons I had as a child, seeing drugs tear those around me I loved apart. It pained the very core of me, but always music was a switch away. These people who sing couldn't possibly know what real pain is, I'd think, and I'd ponder how people like Michael Jackson could sing to my heart without supposedly knowing my pain.

Of course, 1993 came about and I was in high school then. That's when the humanity of a superstar known for setting the world on fire, came crumbling down in the media. He'd been accused of child molestation. This was a nightmare. He'd been tortured and his world and career came crumbling down never to be the same again. He "paid off" the family of the boy who accused him so that charges were dropped. It didn't matter that it wasn't true. What mattered was that a child told it, and we now know that child lied. Michael's name was tarnished forever, and the ghostly whispers of his angelic voice from then on were of fragile, and seemingly abnormally he kept himself in isolation. In the song, "You are not alone" and "Childhood", Michael seems to almost be comforting the public while also begging for someone to love him and not judge him. Interviews with reporters like Diane Sawyer, showed her almost in an attacking and accusatory tone asking Michael how he explains the lyrics to the song and how they are anti-Semitic and racist.
This interview was done with with Lisa Marie in 1995. The attack on his song "They don't really care about us", was a misunderstanding and closely shows Michael's distaste for prejudice and societies labels.
This reporter brought up the lyric, "Jew me, Screw Me", as putting down the Jewish community, and in all reality the song clearly is not a song about that, but about being a racial and human outcast, and as the song says, " Some things in life they just don't want to see, but if Martin Luther was living, he wouldn't let this be"....Anything was done to harm Micheal's reputation, and calling him out on his oddities in public was not just the norm, but was a required part of pseudo-journalism and tabloid standard operating procedure. " Here in the video hosted by a youtube user is the banned version of "They don't really care about us"
If you notice Jew Me, Sue Me" is missing from the song, the on the below video, is the video that was played in the states, where Jew Me, Sue Me was left in:

Jew Me Sue ME! on the news...

Michael said, " By the way, I love Jews!" Only very little people listened. (It was get on the Michael Jackson Bashing Bandwagon once again!!!)

Michael Begs American's especially not to Listen To The Tabloids

Michael begged people to dismiss the tabloids. He gave interviews, but then began to deny access to his world. In the interview, Lisa Marie tried defending Michael as much as a person in her position could, but clearly, she wasn't and couldn't be the one to save him from the very world in which he was meant to be center stage like a GOD, one day-and then a circus freak the next. This was something all too much for his wife, and even more traumatizing to the now obviously fragile person Michael turned out to be to the public. He from then on was both loved and hated. Divorce seemed inevitable, and Micheal's hopes for children and a family fell to pieces. Lisa left.

Diane Sawyer's Bitchy Interview..

It didn't take long for Michael to re-marry the very plain and asexual looking Debbie Rowe. Michael himself seemed asexual, and comparing him to leading men of the time, he just didnt seem to have any real relationships. This oddity, though not a crime, made an already brutal public believe that just because he was different, he must be bad. Debbie Rowe had known Michael from his Thriller days and was a nurse on set for his skin ailment. She supposedly helped treat his skin disease that discolored his skin tone, and made patches of white appear all over. She says she offered to have his babies. "Let me do this for you." She allegedly said. She gave birth to Paris Michael Katherine, a pretty blue eyed little girl with golden brown hair and golden skin, then to Michael Joseph Jr, a blonde little baby with pouty lips and full red cheeks.

The couple divorced later on, and Michael soon had another mystery child that aptly named Blanket, Prince Michael. Why Michael named all his kids the same name as he over and over again, must have been the quirky and eccentric individual he was, then again lots of parents do it. I can already hear Michael saying, " Why not? Why not give them all the same name. They are brothers and sister." In his silly tone of dismissal, Michael made us believe that his plastic surgeries ,the amounts he had, were ALL fabricated lies by the press, even though our beloved King of Pop started to look sickly and skeletal. Why did we choose to look the other way? As sometimes enablers do, well, it's because we all gave him so much admiration and didnt really treat him as a human being. Many still and always will think if of him to be a kind human being. He gave so much to children charities, and believed in the eyes of a child that's where there lay hope and innocence.

Back to Michael and his children. When the mother of Blanket never surfaced, it was a big controversy when Michael put baby Blanket out the window for the press and his fans to see in 2003, and for a split second the world was horrified. Where were these mothers? Why would Michael do that? Cher, the singer he once shared a stage with on a variety show in the 1970's voiced her opinion on the matter, that if it was up to her, he wouldn't have these kids. Everyone had an opinion!

Michael admitted his guilt, but was not stupid enough to know that he had made a human mistake. He hadn't meant to put Blanket in harms way. Elizabeth Taylor stood by him and said that MJ had a tight grasp on his baby and that he would never have intentionally hurt the little one. It still didn't matter. For all of Michael's beautiful gifts of song, dance and entertainment that he gave to all of us, it seemed the world was ready to override every accomplishment he had ever had, with the past decades human failure's and his trusting soul invited "strangers with a mission" into his life. A mission to take down the worlds most celebrated entertainer besides The Beatles and Elvis, and even above them in some ways, away from us for good would soon be a reality.

When Micheal's chance to vindicate himself and to show the world who he really was came to mind, a sort of PR boost, and he chose Martin Brashir, a well known journalist who is credited for Princess Diana's infamous interview. MJ believed he was the one who he could trust to bring out the truth; Micheal's truth.
All that could be said is that the documentary aired with speculation from Brashir that Neverland was a scary place for children and that Michael shouldn't be trusted with small and vulnerable ailing children.

Footage of Michael with a sick child holding hands with him lovingly, while the boy put his head on Micheal's shoulder stated that sharing one's bed is the most loving thing someone could do was the final nail in MJ's coffin. Michael was then investigated for child abuse when the child came out and stated Michael had given him "Jesus Juice", and molested him, and had been inappropriate with him. This was an emotional crush in Micheal's life. He could no longer afford to pay off another lying child, or another parent ready to take down his throne. He had to go to trial, and this time, Michael health was failing and faltering worse by the day. Michael, as most know was acquitted on all charges, but his life would remain a closed and strange world. It was likely the most humiliating time of his life, both spiritually and physically.

He had children to care for, and his money and flamboyant spending spree's could be perhaps have been his worst vice along with the speculated long term drug use, and now MJ was losing Neverland. Maybe Neverland was a source of bad and terrible memories for him, and had become not a dream world of delight and childlike innocence but of human pain and misery. MJ was already living a painful nightmare that took hold.Michael was no longer the fully adored, can-do-no-wrong person and because of the tabloid lies, MJ would never be the same.
Those of us who don't believe Michael hurt any children such as myself, are left to wonder where MJ went wrong. To myself, it was his unwavering love for those in need, and his open door policy for families and children who had nothing.
Michael s own childhood had been filled with torment and emotional and physical abuse inflicted by his controlling yet intelligent and diligent father. In the days where MTV and VH-1 didn't exist, the Jackson five boys had to work every single night and tour everywhere, fly everywhere, be everywhere. It was child slavery at its worst! His lack of childhood "wonderment" as Michael often used in words, and the fact that he never got to be that boy who plays at the park, and has a best friend, may have all contributed to his failure later in life, and his success as well.
The safety Michael felt on stage, where nobody could hurt him, and his imminent fate, the isolation and feelings of betrayal stayed with him. The bigger the star the the farther it falls, but to many people who always loved Michael, including myself, he will always remain a star forever and his contribution to my life, and to others will remain. He challenged us. "If you want to make the world a better place take a look at yourself and then make that change.."
Death might have been the only peace Michael Jackson was meant to have in this world. In another world, Michael may fit in perfectly, a child eternally in a real Neverland called Heaven, where there is no such thing as hurt and human pain.

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I'm Back ! Get Ready For More "The World In My Eyes"

2009-06-09T16:10:00.001-07:00

Fashion, Celebs, News, Controversy, "What's Real In your World?" , A new portion of my blog about what's up in , culture, get-aways, sex, love, news, local music, and art, anything that can be thought of that makes cities and towns go round! Stay Tuned!

2009 Registered To MarposasThrone

MELINDA AND TRENTON DUCKETT: WHAT WENT ON BEHIND CLOSED DOORS?

2006-11-21T13:57:00.000-08:00

Melinda and baby Trenton: What went on behind closed doors? An Article by: ButterflyDreams... This blog is about Melinda Duckett and missing child Trenton Duckett. If you don't already know of the case of Melinda and Trenton, let me give you a run of the events which took place more than two months ago. On a hot September night, a young mother had two male friends over at her home. She was tweny-one, a single mother, supposedly struggling in her life. That night, she had two male friends over.What they were doing there, nobody in the public eye knows. Maybe they were just high school friends, maybe a boyfriend and his friend over to watch a movie, maybe they were there for something else, something like...SEX. Speculation rose that Melinda's private life may have more to do with little 2 year old Trentons disappearance than once thought. This young Florida mother, Melinda called police stating her son had been abducted thru a sliced screen window that same night. Police came to the scene of the "crime: and investigated her claims that her baby, 2 year old Trenton had been abducted from thier home. Police already had a strange feeling that Melinda may have something to do with her son being missing shortly after thier visit. His pictures, baby items, and a sonogram were all thrown in the backyard trash can. Police felt something was fishy about the circumstances. News stations interviewed Melinda and asked her questions about her son and where she and Trenton were that day, and she made statements saying that she was told not to discuss this matter and that matter, constantly being evasive and showing obvious nervousness and withdrawl. She said she could understand why people would think she was the prime suspect, but constantly showed signs of pulling away, losing eye contact, and putting her head downward. She refused to take a lie detector test. She failed a stress test, and all the while the father of the child, Joshua Duckett, 21 passed these tests. Nancy Grace of CNN was granted an interview with Melinda. She questioned Melinda on where she was that day when Trenton went missing. Melinda gave the same statements that she knew exactly where she went but she was told not to discuss it. Nancy, angrily asked Melinda why she wasn't cooperating if she didn't have anything to do with Trenton being missing. Nancy invterviewed Melinda harshly, but only after Melinda constantly avoided question after question. The interview fueled rage from people that believed Melinda's innocence or didnt' agree with Nancy style of questioning. Many people made Nancy Grace out to be a blood thirsty journalist, acting as if she was the prosecuter in this case. The reason people were angry: Melinda Duckett shot herself just a day after the interview. While some grieved for Melinda, others believed it was a sign of guilt and now feared for Trenton's wellbeing even more. Police were the more important group of people, who believed Melinda was not who she seemed outwardly. Recently, it is reported, Melinda's family is sueing CNN's Nancy Grace for her aggressive "interrogation style" questioning of Melinda. They blame her for the suicide of Melinda Duckett. Nancy Grace has replied that these claims are "ridiculous" and "hateful". The relationship between Melinda and Josh, according wesh.com news stories was very tumultuous. They often argued with eachother over custody issues, the treatment of Joshua, and other issues. Josh at one point, said he was afraid for Trenton's welfare and wanted custody of his son. He later recanted that, saying he didn't believe Melinda would really harm thier child. Later when he went for custody of his son again, the judge declined his request stating something to the effect that Joshua Duckett was unreliable and inconsistant with his statements. This judgement would seem to be a grave mistake. Trenton was now missing a mere few months later, and Melinda was the prime suspect. Now, mere months after Trenton went missing and Melinda died, stories accross the net and news stations say that Melinda led a double life. One that had Trenton in an unsafe atmosphere. It has been reported by several news reports that Melinda Duckett was involved in sexual videos and pictures which appears to be "amatuer porn". One video shows Melinda duckett straddling a babies crib, another one shows Melinda involved in sexual activities while a baby cries in the background. Another picture, which apprears to be a baby who looks so much like Trenton in the background being bottle fed, and a young woman who looks like Melinda involved in acts of fellatio (excuse my misspelling). There is a picture of this on a less than tasteful website that I refuse to pass along, because to me it is obviously Melinda and Trenton in the photo and for the respect of baby Trenton and his father, it would be very unsavory to leave that link here. This is my opinion. The photo states something along the lines of "Now this is a mother who knows how to multi-task." The male is unknown and Melinda and Trenton have not been officially identified in this photo. As the story unfolds, my hopes for baby Trenton coming home will never be diminished. Where ever Trenton is, his situation is not a safe one, and he needs to be found. Please help everyone find baby Trenton. See this link for more on the story. Video Footage from local6 news, and wesh.com news. Excellent full story information on the Trenton Duckett case. http://www.local6.com/family/10322224/detail.html http://www.wesh.com/news/10369564/detail.html It is now November, nearing Thanksgiving day when we all say our thanks for the family we do have. Let's say a prayer for baby Trenton's safe return. Let this be one miracle that does come true. Let him come home to his Daddy, where he belongs. Just a side note, I enjoy writing about important issues such as this, because it brings another voice to an important issue. Children. Children are our innocent members of society. They are defenseless little angels who need our help to bring justice thier way, when it seems justice isn't with them when they need it the most. Love to all my friends, ButterflyDreams...

Discovering My Inner Happines

2006-11-12T11:56:00.000-08:00

In times of such mass confusion, how can one find true reflection, true realization of what we are really here for in this world anyway?

I am in a painful, yet exciting stage in my life. I am contemplating whether I should make a big change and make it a FOR GOOD one.

I need this change so much. I am trying to seek truth, honesty, and a good life for my child (featured above left with me in the photo). God is who everyone says I should seek help from, and I most definitely do. I believe in him. I speak to him. I cry to him. I ask him daily, "Where should I be, because Lord, it sure isn't here. "

I try not to "party like it's "1999" anymore, haha, excuse the cheesy pun. I try not to drink much. I really can't do that anymore because I have my son to think about,plus I don't like the way I feel the next day. I try not cause unneeded chaos in my life. I work hard at my relationship with my "boyfriend, spouse, hubby, love interest" haha, whatever...but I feel I am wasting time away on someone who can't see a "future" in us anymore. (That' s for another time and entry..).

I am in this transitional state. In it, I have rediscovered what makes me truly content, and it's my writing.

I have rediscovered it like some kind of strange awakening. I am a writer by birth, a writer by choice, and a writer at heart. :). Since I was little, my family would read my stories and be completely in Awww of this little girl writing them. They'd wonder how a kid could think up such adult like thoughts. Here's a funny scenerio, and this sure isn't an "adult like thought". Imagine this. When I was five years old, I'd play in my room with a box of crayons and colored copy paper. My mother would bring a pile of it from her job at a paper manufacturing company. She'd bring reams of colored paper, piles of it every week, and from these notebooks of colored copy paper, I'd create, draw and romantisize what I really wanted from my little world.

I'd think up little stories with so much color and vibrancy , you knew only a child could be the author.

"There once was a little girl. She had long hair of gold, and eyes of deep green. She was a princess who had everything she ever wanted. Her Daddy was the king and he loved his little girl with all his heart and gave her all that she desired. She rarely cried, and was always comforted if she did with the loving strong arms of Daddy. She lived with a beautiful horse who was purple, had magical powers, and loved her like nobody else in the world." This was seriously one of my stories, and more in drawing than actual writing, after all, I was just around five years old. These were how my stories started out. They were out of dreams that I wanted so badly to be true, and out of dreams that came out of a hurtful childhood.

Since I don't go out much anymore, and I am a student in college, I have made that my occupation. I write for mental health reasons. I write for love, for distaste of something, for fun, for fear, for comfort and releas. I also write for many other reasons.

I first initiated my writing again, when my life began to unravel. My relationship had me in a tight and painful grasp with no content or happiness left inside me. I felt unloved, lonely, sad and somewhat reminiscent the college newspaper editor looking for writers a month ago. First I am a mother, then, if I can get the permission to access my spouses time I am a "wife", next comes my writing, my pursuit of making it more real than ever before, more a serious career rather than a petty hobby or a dream. As i said, I don't go out much anymore. I miss that. I miss the dressing up, the friends, the guys who flirt with thier eyes, the way I feel when I am dancing, the strobe light tingling in my eyes, the music pulsating in my veins, my body moving from left to right with my eyes closed in a dark and translike state. I miss the red-sparkly lipgloss, the big beautiful curly do's, the sexy outfit, socializing, and the trendy club setting. I miss having my old self. I want something that is missing, but God what is it? I am currently starting to write for my college Newspaper. I am just putting out the first article this month! I am trying to perfect my less than perfect writing skills. I am trying to live my dream to become a published writer. I am trying to be a faithful in a tumultuous and sometimes unpredictable relationship. I am trying to be loving companion, but find myself very lonely at times. I am trying to be a good mom. I am trying to find a part time job and finish college because that's what needs to be done. I am trying to keep up my home, pay my bills, get healthy and not go insane in panic and anxiety like I have suffered through in the past. The question is, Am I trying to do all this without the help of God? Even though I do seek him, speak to him and cry to him, does he really hear me? Is my life stressful and painful because I don't go to church every Sunday?

Well, Today is Sunday. No, I did not go to church to ask God to help me in my current painful personal struggles and stresses. I did not show my son a good example today by dressing him in his Sunday best and hauling him off to hear the Lord's scriptures on how "we should all be living for God every minute, hour, and day", but I do live for him. I do pray with my son most nights asking the Lord for help and guidance. I do pray with my son and thank God for what we do have. I feel the Lord's presence right now as I write, but I feel sad for not going to church, and letting the sadness and stress overtake me. I feel lost. I often feel totally hypocritical going to church knowing that on some deep level, I am going out of obligation, not out of wanting to be there. I feel bad because I don't understant thier scripture and how we are all still going to hell, even if we do go to church and praise God. I hate hearing that. Before everyone starts thinking of me horribly, I do love God wholeheartedly, but my spouse doesn't hold any that in his heart as I do. Not in his life or in his actions. He doesn't teach my son about him, and he lives life everyday with no reason, no ryme. He just lives robotically, stressfully thinking about money, bills, me not getting off his back, work and even though I try to be supportive, affectionate and loving, I get the reject ticket on the bus to "Get the Hell Outta here, NM. He's like this on some but not all occassions. He is mostly a nice person, but not always so with me. I don't feel I can trust many people in my life either. I trust my two good friends. I trust my family, but sometimes I do find it hard to trust the one I should trust the most. What am I to do? I want to discover my inner happiness, my purpose in this life, the reason I am supposed to be here besides being a Mommy, (which I love being). I am trying to bring God into my life more. I am trying hard to live life on a healthy and honest scale. My health issues are another thing, but that's more private than public. I am just so desperate to know what I need to do. I can look into myself and ask myself what I really want and need, and I can give a few mundane answers, but attaining that level of peace and stability is going to be a rough road ahead. It's going to take more out of me than I could ever hope to endure, and I hope God will know I haven't abandoned hope in him. ButterflyDreams...

November 2006

The Dead Beat Of America Gets Dumped..Not Punk'd

2006-11-11T20:39:00.000-08:00

I recieved the news late yesterday evening through a myspace friend that Britney Spears and Kevin Federline were getting divorced. A classy looking Britney Spears made a surprise appearance on November 6th telling Letterman that she was just stopping in to say hello, or something redundant like that. Letterman was very flattered, blushing in her presence. The decent looking Spears, sportñed toned bronze legs, a sexy black short dress, and a short healty looking blonde mane. She seemed exuberant and happy. She seemed almost like she had been released from the State Pen. Like she'd finally woken from a horrible, horrible dream and came alive again when she realized the nightmare was over. Now, this is my first post, and I don't want to waste too much time talking about this, but I just wonder. Why is everyone so obssessed with Britney's divorce? I mean Rosie O'Donnell of the day time show The View even had confetti thrown down from the tops of the studio all over the audience as well as the panel at the announcement of Britney's file for divorce from "K-Fed" or as he is now being called FED-EX. OMG, I cannot believe the stupid, but extremely catchy names these people come up with. Maybe everyone is so fascinated by this because Britney was obviously being treated like crap and being used so obviously. I think that most of us saw the Matt Lauer interview with Britney in her mid to late stages of pregnancy and she looked absolutely horrible. She looked like a messy, sloppy, tearful and tastelessly dressed disaster. Who could blame her? She at times, seemed to need serious help. I did feel bad for her. I have been treated like crap by a man before and it hurts like hell. I let myself go. It brings out the worst in a person. It is harder especially when you're pregnant. She must have been in serious pain, crying out for help. I think people were probably sad for her because the loser who now has four children from two different mothers, one whom he left while she was still pregnant, was out and about most likely cheating on her with "Ladies of the Night", or with Video Ho's. How embarassing for anyone to have to deal with this "alleged" philaderer. I mean, he was with the Pop Princess for God's sake. Loved by many, (not by myself all that much), but by many others. I do in some way, sympathize with her. I mean so many less trashy men would be willing to do anything to keep her happy. They'd probably walk on eggshells for her. Do what she pleased, be on thier knee's. Not K-FED. He wasn't going out like that. He was showing her, "Look, you may have the money, the fame, the talent, but I am not allowing you to feel that you have any kind of power over me. I'm the man of THIS house." That is just what kind of person he reminded me of. A manipulator. He wanted to keep her soooo down. Anyone could tell. She is, seemingly a very sweet girl. I think she did truly love this man, and he took advantage of her like till the very end. I hear he's even staying in cheap motels and shopping at Wal-Mart these past few days. He better get used to it. He spent alot of her money, smoked like a freakin' train, looked like poor white trash even though he had HER money to spend to look decent, and even constantly partied all night without his wife and the mother of his children. What'd he think? She's be fat all her life? No, buddy. Lot's of Woman have thier babies, and start looking hot again fool. He is not a family man. He is a wanna-be rapper, a deadbeat dad, poor assed idiot that Britney so young and so blinded by love, could not realize what he truly was. Maybe in a sense, karma kicked her in the ass too because she knew what he did to poor Shar Jackson. On the flipside, Britney saw that he could leave a pregnant woman to be with her. What made her think that just because she was rich and famous that he would change for her? Shar was famous at one point. He didn't care. A dog like that cannot change his ways. He belongs in a DOG POUND. Sorry for the Cliche, but Brit, this is on the FEDEX side of it...."OOPs, HE did it again! (Cheated, took advantage of, and screwed over his woman and kids. Should've seen that one coming. You did make one good choice: He's now, "So fresh and So clean" out of your life! America's Mosted Hated and now America's Most Screwed. I hear the shavers are on sale at the dollar store Kev' baby. Peace, Butterfly Dreams..