eyes on both sides

New Year, New Room

2011-09-28T08:17:00.000+01:00

It's weird to think that the last time I blogged was back in May. A lot took place in that space of almost four months of not blogging. Let's just say life was hectic with this and that I wouldn't know where to start and end with it all so I decide to just remain in the present and tell things as they are happening.

So new year (academic year! I'm now a fourth year medical student!) brings me into a new room! It's always my favourite part to decorate the new room at the beginning of the year because given the possible stress I'm likely to be under given the degree I'm doing, I like a comfortable and cozy room to come back to. Nothing heals a tired mind and soul better than a good and relaxing sleep and a good bedroom is crucial for that.

So here goes:

yup, I live in Buckingham Palace =p!

welcome to Rainbow land!

photos of family, friends and cats

bookshelf with lotsa unread books...hopefully I'll have more time to read this year

motto to live by for the year - live well, love much, laugh often

oslo, porky, fluffy, monty and hoppy

loving my spongebob duvet cover...and the new mattress...and the bolster pillow =p

Oxford Medical Dictionary and the BNF on the bedside table

the other bedside table

fairy lights around the attic window - I've always wanted an attic room, yay!

work station that will never be used

The room is certainly a lot smaller than the previous ones I have had (I had an entire studio flat all to myself last year) but I love the cozy new room and its new mattress. Really springy and bouncy I tell you!

I also have an extra bedroom this year. Since I gets the smallest attic room with no wardrobe, I get to use the extra bedroom that has a walk-in wardrobe. The house has six bedrooms but due to some city council rules about one washbasin and whatnot, only 5 people are allowed to live in the house so I get to use the spare room as my parlour.

At the moment, BFF Java is living in the room before she heads down to London to complete her degree.

Here goes the spare room:

the bed full of Java's stuff

dressing table full of Java's stuff...and my fedoras

love my beanies

the wardrobe

And here goes the other areas in the house:

the living room plus the 40" LCD TV!

the kitchen

the spices I brought all the way from home!

So that's it. Another new (academic) year starts with another new room and many other exciting and interesting things to look forward to.

So far, almost 4 weeks into my 4th year, things seem to be going pretty well with all the spare times in the timetable plus a day off every Wednesday! Comparing that to 3rd year when we were made to work like crazy every day what with on-calls and presentations every 2 weeks and assessment every month or so, 4th year seems like a honeymoon year indeed! I'm lovin' it so far!

Till next time =p!

Crossing the Lines

2011-05-28T08:19:00.002+01:00

Two friends were walking up a narrow path in the middle of a green field. It was such a lovely day; the sun was out. In Newcastle such a day was a rarity even in the summer. There were many cows dotted here and there among the grass grazing or just sitting on the ground looking at passers-by. Among the usual brown, black, white, black-and-white cows, there were around three that were grey in colour. That was a shocking thing to see. Grey cows were rare, abnormal even. The grey cows were grazing far from the herd and the two friends joked that the three cows were being discriminated against because of their weird coat. These friends should be able to detect a display of discrimination; they made up the small proportion of international students in Newcastle University.

‘Abang, I’m so jealous! Are you really going to see your boys in London?’ Claire said in a voice that suggested disbelief. There was a note of surprised admiration in her tone for this guy she called ‘Abang’. It literally meant ‘brother’ in Malay, and girls normally used the word as a term of endearment for their boyfriends. In Claire’s case, the use was purely platonic; Adzim was gay.

‘Yeah,’ Adzim responded. ‘Imagine, lots and lots of hot boys.’ Adzim ended his sentence with a laugh.

‘Are you gonna get jiggy-jiggy with them all?’ Claire shot another question.

‘Maybe,’ Adzim replied, flashing a somewhat naughty and gleeful smile.

‘Abang, you’re so cheap –’

‘What cheap? I’m an adult,’ Adzim said. ‘I want to go to London and I’m trying to save some money so they offer me to sleep in their places and if we’re having fun while I’m there,’ Adzim gestured the inverted coma sign with his fingers at the word ‘fun’, ‘that’s because we have consented to it. It’s not like I’m offering them sex in exchange for a place to stay. I’m not cheap like some other gays in Malaysia.’

‘There are gays in Malaysia?’

‘Yeah,’ Adzim said. ‘I’m one.’

‘Yeah lah, but you only come out here. How do the gay people meet each other? I thought it was not allowed? I thought gay people would be stoned or something.’

‘Of course it’s not allowed lah but you can’t really stop people doing what they want.’

‘So have you ever been with any gay guys back in KL? How did you find them?’

‘Yeah, KL is like the capital of gay. You just go online on any gay websites. There are lots. That’s why tourists like to go to KL. There are many students who would have sex just to get money and their customers are normally old guys.’

‘No way! Really?’

‘Yeah, that’s how they can afford all the nice clothes and shoes. And they change their handphones like every three months. Seriously, their student allowance can’t pay for all of that. They can get around RM 300 for just a one night stand and that is just around 50 pound. Those old guys probably don’t mind paying that much as long as they get to fuck some tight smooth ass. I’d never do that.’

‘Have any old guys ever offered you?’

‘Yeah, they were super disgusting. Fat and old and bald. And they had lots of hair on their chest. Eurrghh! If I’m going to have sex with anyone, it would be because I’m attracted to them. I know it’s shallow and all but at least I’m not getting paid for it.’

‘But you don’t even know them,’ said Claire. ‘How do you know that they’re not some crazy murderers? Later I’ll be reading the news on the front page: Malaysian student found chopped into pieces in the heart of London.’

‘Fuck you! I know how to look after myself lah. That’s why I chat with them first.’

‘But did you see their faces? Did you see them on cam?’

‘Yeah –’

‘Oh my god, are they cute? Are they hot?’ Claire cut in. She was clearly excited. ‘Abang, did you guys have jiggy-jiggy on cam? Did you guys wank? Can I see?’ Her curiosity was at its peak.

‘See what? Us wanking?’

‘No lah. Their faces lah.’

‘I’m not gonna show you. They’re my boys.’

‘Abang, I wanna see…’

The remainder of the conversation was of Claire begging Adzim to let her see the people he had been chatting with as the two friends continued walking up the path with the sun still shining gloriously way up in the sky.

There was a knock on the door.

‘Come in,’ Adzim said while his eyes were still on the screen of his laptop. He and Claire were on the bed in his bedroom. They were both looking at something on his laptop.

‘Oh my god,’ Kathryn pretended to squeal in a girly voice. ‘Are you guys making babies again? Can I join?

‘Go away lah, we’re busy –’

‘Oh my god, Kathryn,’ started Claire, ‘have you seen Abang’s boys? They are all so cute and hot!’

‘Boys? How many do you have?’ Kathryn asked Adzim.

‘He has like five of them,’ Claire answered, ‘and they all have nice, hot bodies. I’m so heartbroken.’

‘Really? Have you seen them? Dude, why didn’t you ever show me?’ Kathryn rounded on Adzim. She tried to take a peek at the laptop but Adzim managed to shut the screen.

‘Why should I show you? Stop being jealous lah.’

‘He was on cam with two of them and they were both, like, really really buff!’ Claire said. ‘God is so unfair. Abang is not even good looking. I don’t know how he could get those guys.’

‘Oh please, you’re just jealous,’ said Adzim. He put the laptop aside and walked out of the room to sit on the couch in the living area. Claire and Kathryn followed Adzim like two paparazzi.

The living room was messy with open boxes and luggage strewn all over the place. It was summer break and the inhabitants of 9 Belle Grove West were busy packing to go home to enjoy it.

‘So when are you going to London?’ Kathryn asked as she resumed her place in front one of the boxes wrapping plates and bowls and putting them into the box.

‘Early July,’ Adzim responded while wrapping the couch runner around his skinny body. Although it was pretty warm outside, the inside of the house was still chilly for Adzim. For someone who had spent the first twenty years of his life in the tropical country of Malaysia, Newcastle’s cold weather was something he was still not used to, even after two years. The heating in the house was not switched on. They were just students and the UK was the island of rip-offs, especially for international ones.

‘How long are you going to be there?’

‘Probably like two to three weeks. I’m gonna explore London. I’ve seen the touristy part of London so this time I’m gonna check out the city itself, taking the underground and stopping at some random stations with weird names. And then I’m gonna go shopping. I can’t wait for the summer sale. And yeah, I’ll probably go watch a play or two.’

‘I want to watch Phantom again,’ Kathryn said. ‘And I want to watch Love Never Dies. Who are you staying with?’

‘I’m staying at a friend’s place. An actual friend,’ Adzim added defensively in response to Kathryn’s ‘yeah-right’ stare. ‘I do have friends in London. And even if I do sleep at some other guys’ houses, it’s well within my right. You two are just jealous because I have all the hot guys.’

‘It’s so unfair,’ Claire said. ‘Why is it all the cute and hot guys are gay?’

‘That is so true,’ Kathryn agreed. ‘If a guy is hot and cute, he’s probably gay. If a guy is nice and sweet, he’s probably gay too.’

‘Yeah, and they are always the ones who are most successful,’ Claire added. ‘And rich. All the straight ones are jerks. And chavs!’

‘But seriously, people were born gay right?’ Kathryn asked.

‘How should I know?’ Adzim responded.

‘What about you, Abang?’ asked Claire. ‘When did you realise that you like guys?’

‘I was watching porn and then I realised I got turned on by looking at the guy more than the girl,’ said Adzim while sniggering.

‘Did you ever like girls?’

‘Yeah, when I was like twelve.’

‘But that doesn’t really count,’ said Kathryn. ‘Do you ever look at a pretty girl and start thinking: “Damn, she’s hot!”’

‘Nah. When I see a pretty girl I will go like “Oooh, she’s pretty” but I never feel like asking them out. I think in my case it was more like a choice. I do like girls but I don’t think it’s fair for them that I have feelings for guys. So I just choose to be completely gay lah.’

‘But then that proves the point that being gay is innate,’ Kathryn said, ‘because you somehow don’t feel that you’re being unfair enough to the guys for liking girls to cause you to choose being straight completely.’

‘I guess. Whatever. I know I like cocks.’

‘Yeah,’ Kathryn said gleefully. ‘We know you like it big, and hard.’

A rush of footsteps was heard from the landing of the staircase before Ali came down from upstairs dragging with him a heavy suitcase.

‘Can you girls please stop talking about cocks?’

‘Oh, I’m sorry if the topic is sensitive for you,’ said Kathryn.

‘Yeah, I forgot you don’t have one,’ Claire added to a smattering of laughter.

‘Oh please, you two lesbians,’ said Ali taking a seat on one of the steps of the stairs.

‘Ali, who’s coming to pick you up?’ asked Claire.

‘My parents are on their way. What were you guys chatting about?’

‘Abang and his gay-ness. Abang, how was your childhood?’ Claire asked. ‘Did you get bullied a lot?’

‘No. I was the one doing the bullying.’

‘Seriously, what is wrong with everyone in this house?’ said Kathryn. ‘Ali was such a bully as well.’

‘What? It’s not my fault that boy was fat,’ Ali said in defence of pranks he had played on a boy when he was in school. ‘And it’s not like you never bitch about your friends.’

‘Yeah, don’t complain lah,’ Adzim said. ‘That’s how we all got here. It’s either because we’re bullies or bitches. It’s all about survival of the fittest. The fact that we bully or bitch about people suggest a degree of competitiveness that gives us the edge for success. That’s why we are here. Cool Asians studying in a world class university.’

‘But that is just horrible,’ said Kathryn.

‘Nah. It’s part and parcel of growing up,’ said Claire. ‘If you can’t fight back or come up with a good comeback, then you’ll lose lah. And yeah, if you can’t beat them you join them.’

‘Yeah, I was lucky at school,’ Adzim said. ‘It helped to be clever lah because the teacher favoured me and they made me a prefect. So in a way, I was in a position of power and I got to be in the in-crowd. I was not exactly abusing my power.’

After more discussions on how each four of them survived the competitive nature of their high school years, someone knocked on the door. Ali got up and walked towards the door to open it. The other three became quiet like young people normally do when they know their friend’s parents are about to invade their comfort zone.

Mr Tanvir walked into the living area smiling genially to everyone in the room. Adzim got up from the couch to shake hands with Mr Tanvir. As Claire got up to shake hands with the man, he retracted his hands.

‘Oh, I’m sorry. We cannot shake hands. In Islam, we’re not allowed to shake hands with people from different gender.’

As Clair uttered a barely audible ‘Owh’, Adzim managed to exchange a glance with Kathryn that screamed ‘Awkward!’.

Of Chinese and Filipino parentage, Claire had been exposed to a variety of cultures while growing up in the Philippines, Hong Kong and Singapore. While she had encountered many Muslim friends in Singapore, the idea of a practising Muslim family living in the UK was something she did not think possible.

‘So,’ Mr Tanvir said to break the uncomfortable silence, ‘when will you all be flying home?’

Adzim was last to reply. ‘I’m not going home. I’ll be staying here. My parents are going to Mecca in July so there’s no one at home. Plus, we’ll be starting clinical year end of August so I thought it’s better just to stay here to sort things out.’

After some polite exchanges of goodbye, the Tanvirs left 9 Belle Grove West.

‘Abang,’ Claire started ‘I didn’t know guys and girls can’t touch hands in Islam. I seriously didn’t.’

‘Yeah, you can’t.’

‘But I’ve touched all my Muslim guy friends in Singapore. I’ve touched you before.’

‘Well, I choose to be gay,’ Adzim retorted. ‘Supposedly you can’t but people make their own choices.’

The sturdy island table in the middle of the white-themed kitchen shook as three guys brought to life one of the wild sexual fantasies one of them had always wanted to experience. As a slim twenty-one-year-old Malay boy laid on the table with his legs spread wide to allow a hunky thirty-nine-year-old Caucasian, who was standing at the edge of the table, to slide his penis in and out, a thirty-three-year-old Chinese, just as hung, gave the boy a blowjob while he him in the ‘69’ position. After much sucking and blowing and licking, the young boy said:

‘I’m gonna cum.’

As the boy squirmed and moaned with pleasure on the table, he ejaculated to a loud cheer from the two guys.

‘Yeah, that’s my good boy,’ the Caucasian said as he slapped the boy’s right butt-cheek. He was so turned on he started to moan louder and rock faster before he took his penis out to remove the condom and sprayed his cum all over. As the Chinese guy kissed his partner, he began to squirm fervently before ejaculating with a loud moan that signified the height of pleasure he was experiencing. After a brief pause that allowed all three pleasure-seekers, huffing and puffing, to catch their breaths, the young boy got up and kissed both guys.

‘Thanks baby,’ said the Chinese guy flashing his cute smile that got the boy attracted in the first place.

‘You’re very good,’ the Caucasian guy said as he hugged the boy slapping his butt-cheeks for the umpteenth time.

Somewhere on the floor, a can of whipped-cream lay empty along with two jars that had previously contained honey and chocolate spread.

Adzim was in the bed leaning against Lee’s broad chest with Lee’s huge arms hugging Adzim’s slim body. Naked, both had the kind of freshness one would normally have after showering. They had in fact just showered after a raunchy threesome in the kitchen. Lee’s hair was still damp.

‘So how do you like threesome?’ said Lee. ‘Did Ant and I live up to your fantasy?’

‘Yeah,’ answered Adzim. He caressed Lee’s arm as he said, ‘It was the best.’ He reached up to kiss Lee’s lips most passionately before resting his head back on Lee’s chest. There was a look of satiety, fleeting and momentary, on his face. The silence was broken a second later when Ant came out of the bathroom, drying his naked muscular torso, saying:

‘Aww, you guys are making me really jealous getting all lovey-dovey in my bed while I was showering.’

‘We’re waiting for you,’ Adzim said apologetically. ‘Get in the bed quick. What took you so long?’

‘Well, sweetheart,’ Ant said as he crawled onto the bed on all four limbs, ‘It took a while to rub off all the honey and chocolate. Damn, the thing we do to fulfill your fantasy! I think I deserve a good kiss.’

Adzim released himself from Lee’s hug to make out with Ant. The passion he had had when kissing Lee was not present.

‘I’m sure it was worth all the trouble.’

‘Definitely,’ Ant said before planting another kiss on Adzim’s forehead. ‘So which part of Malaysia are you from? Is it the same as Lee?’

‘Nah, I’m from KL.’

‘It’s like five to six hours driving from Penang,’ Lee added.

‘So, you’ve had fun tonight?’ Ant asked Adzim. ‘I bet you now regret not trying threesome sooner.’

‘He said it was the best sex he’s ever had,’ said Lee.

‘Yeah, it was good,’ said Adzim, ‘but I’m not regretting anything. I’m glad that my first threesome was with you two.’

‘You’ve had lots of sex in Malaysia?’ Ant asked.

‘Not really. Not everyone is open about it. Plus, I only accepted my sexuality like a year before I came here so there wasn’t much time to explore.’

‘So you’ve had lots of sex in the UK then?’ Ant pressed further. ‘I bet there are many hot jocks in your University who’d love to have you ride their cocks.’

‘Not really. I’m always busy with assignments and revision. Medicine fucks my life! But at least life has been easier lah. I can at least come out to my friends here.’

‘Yeah, I know what you mean,’ Lee said. ‘It’s harder in Malaysia. You have to keep it secret because you can never tell who’d be willing to accept the fact that you’re gay. There’s always a chance that the person you trust might blab about it to some other people you don’t want to know. It’s riskier if you and your siblings have the same circle of friends.’

‘So no one in your family know?’ Ant asked.

‘Nope,’ Adzim answered, ‘except maybe my brother. I think he once saw me looking at the gay website I used to look for other gays. He didn’t talk to me at all for like a week. But he just kept it quiet. We’re okay now.’

‘Lucky you,’ Lee said. ‘My brother told my mother straight away. And here I am. I haven’t gone back to the country for a few years now.’

‘Aww, I’m so sorry,’ Adzim said. He then took the chance to kiss Lee’s forehead. He thought it was best not to ask too many personal questions on the first night of his stay.

‘So you’ll start your clinical year soon?’ Lee changed the subject.

‘Yeah, end of August. It’s going to be one hell of a long year. But it’s ok lah. We’ll be in hospitals all year round doing some actual medicine. I’m tired of going to lectures nine to five every single day. It’d be a good change. And who knows, there might be some hot gay doctors in the hospitals.’

‘Well, you are always welcome here, in this bed, whenever you’re in London,’ Ant said.

‘That’s good to know. It’s going to be a very stressful year so I might come down here to relax.’

‘Do come,’ Lee said. ‘We know how to help you relax.’

‘The tuition fee for the year is expensive though,’ Adzim changed the topic. ‘The fee for international students is like eight times more than home students’. I know some guys from my college who did not get the minimum qualifications but still got accepted after appeal. I’m pretty sure the University just wanted more international students for the money to come in.’

‘That might actually be true,’ Ant responded. ‘This country is really going down the drain. The money is being spent all over the places.’

‘I know,’ Adzim agreed quickly. ‘I really don’t know why the chavs are even allowed to live. They spend their whole day hanging out at the park. Don’t they go to school? Don’t they have homework to do? They’re such racist bastards. And they live on benefits and their parents don’t even go to work. My neighbour spends her whole day sitting at the front door smoking in the same ugly bathrobe every single day.’

Ant laughed heartily. ‘That might be a stretch but it’s true.’

‘Yeah, but who cares?’ Lee said. ‘Why are we wasting our times discussing chavs? Three horny guys in a big bed and we’re talking about chavs?’

‘Oooh,’ Ant cooed, ‘I think Lee has something else in mind.’

‘Really?’ Adzim said. ‘What do you have in mind, hottie?’

‘Just you,’ Lee said before he rolled on top of Adzim to kiss him sensually.

‘I’ll switch the light off,’ Ant said as he reached for the switch on the wall.

‘Abang, how was it?’ asked Claire. It was September and the new term started with the usual recollections of sunbathing at exotic beaches and backpacking through tropical countries and interning for magazine and many other thrilling escapades.

‘How was what?’ Adzim responded. ‘The sex? They were good!’

‘They? How many did you have?’

‘I was in London for more than two weeks. And I stayed at different places.’

‘Abang, what do you get from all that?’ Claire asked. ‘Just sex? Or have you chosen one of those guys to be your boyfriend?’

‘Just sex.’

‘But I thought you wanted more.’

‘Yeah, but you can’t start a relationship just by chatting online for a few times. They’re in London. Too far for anything serious. So we all agree that we’re just friends. I still chat with them’

‘But you can have sex just by chatting online for a few times?’ Claire argued cynically.

‘The thing is it’s hard to find love, many gays have given up looking for relationships. What’s the point of having a relationship when we can’t go out together holding hands? Or kiss each other in public without being judged and condemned as freaks? We have to do it in secret and in the end, it feels like having a secret affair just the way many straight people do. It might have been easier in this country but people still look at us like we’re some weirdos. Sex is easy. We just stay in bed to show how much we love each other.’

‘But, it’s not really love. Is it?’

‘Maybe not. At least we like each other well enough we’re willing to share the same bed. That’s why I don’t mind doing it because at least I can be honest about my own feelings and desires. If I were to walk into a coffee shop with another guy we would have to deal with everyone staring at us as if we are disgusting or smell really bad. And that’s not the worst that can happen. In public, I’ll have to behave in certain ways and act in certain manners and talk about certain topics.’

‘So you would rather just be in bed with gay guys you don’t know,’ Claire asked, ‘than to be in public because people might recognise you?’

‘You see, I don’t like those guys because I can have sex with them. They make me feel comfortable in my own skin. I don’t have to pretend I’m somebody else with those guys. That is really funny because they’re strangers but at least they don’t judge. What’s ironic is that I have to pretend among my friends and family when they should love me and accept me unconditionally.’

P.S.: This is the short story I wrote for the UK International Students Short Story Competition 2010. It won the first runner-up prize and has been published in the anthology: Crossing the Lines: New Writing by International Students.

when being 'tougher' means being 'unfair'

2011-05-15T12:18:00.000+01:00

I read with disbelief the news report 'Tougher entry for med students' that appeared in The Star, Thursday, 12 March 2011.

According to the report, the new requirements include the need for applicants to declare '...if they had been found guilty of any criminal offence or suffered from any serious physical or mental illness or serious communicable diseases. If found to contravene any…they would be disqualified from entry into a medical programme.’ There were some other requirements pertaining examination but ignored that bit. I read the lines several times to make sure I got the meaning right and when I thought I had got the right message those two lines were suppossed to imply, I felt horrible.

As I did not want to appear to be jumping to conclusion, I followed the link at the end of the report to get more details. I was not satisfied with the limited information given in the news about the new requirements. What does the Council mean by 'criminal offence'? Road traffic summonses? And what constitutes 'serious physical or mental illness'? How serious is serious? And who decides the degree of the seriousness? And what scale are they using to quantify the so-called seriousness? Seriously, Malaysians have been screaming for transparency for years!

My decision to give the Council the benefit of my doubt ended up in disappointment. I was taken to a five-page document called 'Minimun Criteria & Qualification for Entry into a Medical Programme' that did not shed any light to my questions. The new guideline offers no details whatsoever as to what they mean by 'any criminal offence(s)'. Nor does it specify what constitutes 'serious physical or mental illness'. The new guideline offers no provisions with regards to applicants who are already undergoing treatment for their illnesses and are already deemed stable nor do they mention whether they will take into accounts opinion from a doctor, be it the applicants’ own doctor or the one working on behalf of the Council, with regards to the applicants’ capability to undertake the course. Surely those sitting in the Council (who are doctors themselves) are aware that the care of most chronic physical and mental illnesses involve managing the symptoms rather than curing the diseases. In fact, the guideline offers no justification at all why the Council would directly disqualify those with criminal offences, serious physical or mental illnesses, or a communicable disease. Talk about being prejudiced.

I found it unacceptable that a national guideline, one that not only has the bearing on the quality of candidates accepted into one of the most (if not the most) important and critical academic programme (and later profession) but would also affect the future of some of the country's brightest individuals, fails to include those important details. The lack of such defining details would be disastrous as it would allow the guideline to be misinterpreted and abused. As it is, our country has already more than enough legal documents and national guidelines being misinterpreted and misconstrued to suit one's needs.

Having said that, my grouses towards the new requirements extend beyond its lack of details and definitions. I found the Council's demand that all entrants should declare their criminal and health statuses a breach of an individual's privacy and their temerity to say that they are going to disqualify from entry those who contravene the requirements an act of serious discrimination.

Under the UK Equality Act 2010, any parties i.e. schools, universities, employers, insurance companies, etc., are not allowed to discriminate applicants based on nine protected characteristics and they are age, disability, gender reassignment, marriage and civil partnership, maternity and pregnancy, race, religion or belief, sex, and sexual orientation.

Under the same act, a person ‘has a disability if he or she (a) has a physical or mental impairment; and (b) the impairment has a substantial and long-term adverse effect on his or her ability to carry out normal day-to-day activities.' Given the definition, the term ‘disability’ also covers those with serious communicable disease(s). The Act stipulates that any employer or higher education institution (I’m focusing on work and education here as the Council is the umbrella body that governs both medical students and doctors in Malaysia) could not and should not discriminate applicants based on the nine protected characteristics.

In a specific section covering education in a higher learning institution, the Act stipulates that ‘the responsible body of an institution must not discriminate against a person (a) in the arrangements it makes for deciding who is offered admission as a student; (b) as to the terms on which it offers to admit the person as a student; (c) by not admitting the person as a student.’ By using an entrant’s health status to disqualify him or her from entry into a medical programme, the Council is committing a serious form of discrimination.

In fact, the Act itself prevents any party from even asking about applicants’ health statuses to begin with. In a specific section related to work recruitment, the Act stipulates that ‘A person (A) to whom an application for work is made (in this case the Council) must not ask about the health of the applicant (B) (a) before offering work to B, or (b) where A is not in a position to offer work to B, before including B in a pool of applicants from whom A intends (when in a position to do so) to select a person to whom to offer work.' Following what is said in (b), this means that the Council has no right to enquire about applicants’ health statuses as they are not yet accepted into a medical programme, the pool in which the Council can offer a job.

The only provision in the Act that allows any party to ask about one’s health status is to see if there are any specific needs for the responsible body to prepare and make ready in order to allow their employees or students to carry out their job or study effectively despite the disability. They cannot, however, upon receiving knowledge of an applicant’s health status, use it as a reason to deny him or her from being offered a job or a place to study, as what is being said in the Council’s new guideline. In fact, it is the responsibility of both employers and higher education institutions to make sure there will be reasonable adjustments to accommodate employees or students with disability and that their failure to comply with their duty to make adjustments is considered as a form of discrimination.

According to the British Medical Association in its publication ‘Becoming a doctor: Entry in 2011’, ‘Freedom from infection with a serious communicable disease is therefore not an absolute requirement for those wishing to train as doctors; however, a student with such a disease may be restricted in their final career choice.’ Yes, every student who has been accepted into a medical programme will have to inform about their current health status to ensure that the school can take appropriate action, when needed, when it comes to certain part of the course works that would increase risk of exposure either to the students or the patients they come into contact with. Just because an applicant is HIV positive, he should not be denied his chance to study whatever he wants given necessary precaution is taken. As of now, students and doctors with communicable diseases are not allowed to take part in exposure-prone procedures (EPP) to prevent cross infection and there are various branches of medicine that do not require one to take part in EPP. Being a general practitioner does not involve cutting open people’s gut and this might be suitable for the student to consider as his future career. Yes, the Council has the duty to the public to make sure their doctors will not become major health risks themselves but their capacity should be in the advisory aspect with regards to what the student or doctor can or cannot do. To simply use the criterion of having a communicable disease for reason to disqualify is irresponsible and unfair.

The same principles can be found in the UK General Medical Council (GMC) publication ‘Medical students: professional values and fitness to practice’. The section ‘Health and fitness to practice’ stresses the point that ‘health conditions and disabilities will not raise fitness to practise concerns, provided the student receives the appropriate care and reasonable adjustments necessary…’ and these reasonable adjustments are, by and large, shared responsibility of both the student and the institution. It is true that another GMC publication ‘Tomorrow’s Doctors’ states, in ‘Student selection’ section, that ‘students admitted will pass any health and other checks (such as criminal record checks) required by the medical school's fitness to practise policy’. However, the health checks are to make sure that students have the necessary immunization level to various communicable diseases to protect them in their course work, not as a criterion for disqualification.

I am no medico-legal expert and I admit that going through the Equality Act 2010 gave me a throbbing headache but I am also speaking from the point of view of a third year medical student who has had the privileges to come into contact with patients with various disabilities (physical, mental and those with communicable diseases) in the UK where the Act is practised and uphold.

I have worked with a community mental health nurse who happens to be dyslexic. His learning disability has not stopped him from his passion to help other people going through some rough times dealing with mental illnesses and his job is made easy by the fact that his employer has accommodated to his special need by providing him with a special keyboard and as such.

I have also worked with general practitioners whose pool of patients largely includes those with depression and anxiety disorder and they are at risk of being fired for their health statuses. It is shocking that, while doctors here use the Equality Act to advocate on behalf of their patients, some doctors sitting in the Council are taking the opportunity in which that we lack an act that protect one’s equality, to discriminate against those with illnesses from becoming doctors themselves. It is sad that our Constitution only protect its citizens’ right to equality only from the fronts of religion, race, descent, gender and place of birth. And even that is not upheld in its entirety.

I cannot believe that the Council consider the new guideline as an ‘improved set’ when the core changes done only prove how backward the Council is. Rather than calling for a major improvement to look after and protect the welfare of medical students and doctors, the Council has chosen an easy way to escape at the expense of those unfortunate enough to suffer with illnesses by denying them their rights. It is irresponsible for a recognised medical council to impose restrictions on those with mental illness or a communicable diseases simply based on old prejudices when it should know those prejudices are generally public misconceptions and that there are measures that can be taken to resolve the issues. At the time when our country is suffering the worst level of brain drain, how can the Council come up with such a discriminatory guideline that will result in more medical practitioners leaving the country because of it intolerant and unfair policies?

According to the report, higher education institutions, local and abroad, are to adhere strictly to the requirements or the Council will withdraw their recognition of the medical programmes offered at those institutions. The Council president, Datuk Dr Hassan Abdul Rahman, also says that applicants have to abide by the new regulation if they want to be eligible for registration with the Council once they have graduated. Talk about subtle threatening here. I wonder how the council is going to find common grounds with most UK institutions that do not follow such criteria for disqualification. I am not sure where I am standing now. I will be graduating from an institution that is not following the guideline and I wonder if that means that I will not be eligible for registration with the Council. If I cannot register that means I cannot practise in the country and I will have to drag my stethoscope and doctor’s bag to some other country that does not discriminate. Wait, there is the UK for that. If the MMC doesn not want to accept me, the GMC will probably more than willing to accept me indiscriminately. I guess that is not so bad a deal now!

Alas, my grouses will remain grouses. I have been putting my arguments using legislations and national guidelines used in the UK (and it is not entirely because I think they bear more prestige and validity; it is because those are what I am using for my study purposes) and those hardly have any equivalent documents in Malaysia. So I guess not much will change unless there will be a major shift in our legislation to promote for greater protection of human rights and equality.

It was such a shame that I could not be in London yesterday when Dato Sri Liow Tiong Lai was giving a talk about the future of Malaysia's healthcare system to medical students. It would be great to hear what the Health Minister himself thinks of the unfair policy but alas.

P.S.: Speaking about ‘tougher’ requirements, getting grade B in SPM requires one to simply skip all the lessons and memorise the previous exam marking schemes. Now that applicants know that they only need to get at least B, I guess we’ll be seeing a lot of our students getting just 20 Bs rather than 20 As in the future!

30-Day Song Challenge Pt. 1

2011-05-02T13:46:00.000+01:00

I have been doing this 30-Day Song Challenge on my Twitter account (idzwan88) and now that I'm on my Easter Break, I thought I'd share the list here.

Day 1 - My Favourite Song: The Fray - How To Save A Life

I first heard this song through my favourite TV show Grey's Anatomy. I love this song not simply on the basis that it's the soundtrack to a TV show that I could relate to because I'm a medical student and as such. I love the song because it talks, or what I perceive it to be, of fallouts in friendship and about regrets of two people not trying hard to make the friendship works.

Day 2 - My Least Favourite Song: Mariah Carey - We Belong Together

I just found this entire song annoying!
Day 3 - A Song That Makes Me Happy: Nat King Cole - L-O-V-E

I first heard this song when I was probably 10 or 11. The song was played during the opening credit of 'Parent Trap' starring the still-innocent, pre-pubescent Lindsay Lohan. The sweet and catchy song always gives me a somewhat warm feeling as it is about two flirtatious people finding love. Isn't that a good thing?

Day 4 - A Song That Makes Me Sad: Mariah Carey - Angels Cry

This song is a total opposite of the previous one. I found it just sad that two people who used to be madly in love with each other had to end the relationship because neither wants to work at it anymore. It's such a shame for people to take for granted the people they love and not appreciate the abundance of love they have in their lives only to regret it later. Yup, I am a sucker for romance!

Day 5 - A Song That Reminds Me Of Someone: Lady Antebellum - Need You Now

This one reminds me of an old crush.

Day 6 - A Song That Reminds Me Of Somewhere: Sudirman - Balik Kampung

This song reminds me of my alma mater, MRSM Beseri. My boarding school was 7-hour bus ride from my hometown. Whenever it's a school holiday and it's time to balik kampung (go back to our respective hometowns), the school would provide chartered buses and we'd all look forward to the trip. Since it was a long journey, we would sing songs or watch movies or exchange horror stories at the back of the bus (the cool people will always seat at the back). One of the song we would always sing was this song so it really reminds of all the good moment I've had at the school, not just the trip.

Day 7 - A Song That Reminds Me Of A Certain Event: Wouldn't It Be Loverly from My Fair Lady

When I was doing my IB diploma, we had this inter-class musical competition as part of our English syllabus and my class was assigned to do My Fair Lady. I was co-director apart from taking part as one of the extras dancing to the song. It was my first time being on stage dancing (or trying to) in front of the entire school. And when our performance was announced as the overall winner for the night, we all ran to the middle of the hall, hugging and congratulating each other, and started singing the song on top of our lungs.

Day 8 - A Song I Know All The Words To: Kelly Clarkson - Because Of You

I'm bad at memorising song lyrics and I tend to replace words that I can't remember with some random words that sound similar to the actual lyrics but this song is one of the few that I actually know word by word.

Day 9 - A Song That I Can Dance To: Jai Ho from Slumdog Millionaire

I probably wouldn't be able to dance to this song anymore. I chose this song because I had to dance to it in our Malaysian Night back in March we did a pretty good job. Let's just say I've forgotten all the steps now.

Day 10 - A Song That Helps Me Relax: Clementine from Spring Waltz

This song was featured in my favourite Korean TV drama calld Spring Waltz. The original challenge was to find a song that I fall asleep to but I can't think of one so I changed to a song that would help me relax. This version of the classic Clementine is just so relaxing to me.

Day 11 - A Song By My Favourite Band: One Republic - All This Time

This is one of my favourite song from One Republic. Again, songs about two people trying to find love always hits a spot in my heart and in the hands of One Republic, it's bound to be just amazing.

Day 12 - A Favourite Song From A Movie: Bennie And The Jets from 27 Dresses

I first heard this song from the movie 27 dresses starring Katherine Heigl. I'm no big fan of Elton John but I somehow really like this funky song.

Day 13 - A Song That Is A Guilty Pleasure: Rihanna - S&M

Nothing says 'guilty pleasure' more that Rihanna's S&M. Even the music video is a guilty pleasure in itself it is banned in more than 10 countries. As for wether I personally love S&M (sado-masochism, that is), I believe what happens in the dark should remain in the dark =)!

Day 14 - A Song That No One Would Expect Me To Love: Paul Westerberg - Here Comes A Regular

Now, Paul Westerberg and The Replacement really are before my time. The only reason I know the song because it was featured in One Tree Hill.

Day 15 - A Song That Describes Me: Chris Colfer - Defying Gravity

I nust say nothing describes me more than the lyrics of 'Defying Gravity' It's all about breaking free and being true to oneself and nothing is more important than that really.

Well, that's the first fifteen of my 30-Day Song Challenge. I'll post about the remaining fifteen soon. And apparently there are also 30-Day Movie Challenge and 30-Day Book Challenge. I'm definitely doing those. It's good to be in holiday and to have time to do trivial things =P.

Newcastle University Malaysian Night 2011

2011-04-30T23:18:00.000+01:00

Okay I'm doing this in a rush because I just realised that it's less than two hours before May arrives and I've not published any post for April. It's kinda unbelievable because the last time I published anything was over a month ago!

Blogging has been taking a backseat really ever since the year started thanks to my EJR (essential junior rotation) and while I'm now on Easter Break, I'm somehow taking a break from everything (I'm still doing a lil' amount of revision now and again but that story is for some other entry). I'm pretty much enjoying doing nothing or as Elizabeth Gilbert put it in her 'Eat, Pray, Love', bel far niente. That is Italian meaning 'the beauty of doing nothing' which I'm loving at the moment.

Having said that, this entry is about the annual Malaysian Night that took place some time in March. It was my third year joining in the preparation and taking part in the performance and just like previous two years, I had enjoyed every aspect of it immensely. I'll let the photo do the talking.

I was in charge of making the Kolam this year and I was helped by a group of dedicated people..

unlike the previous two years, I decided to take part in the Indian dance instead of the Malay dance in the spirit of 1Malaysia (or whatever fake slogans they're using these days!)

the Malay dance crew doing some last minute practice...

finally...

the wristband we gave out as door gift...

the posters for the performing casts and crews..

doing some final preparation before the night started..

ticket girls at the ready..

the Chinese calligraphy team..

Dr Bradley giving his speech..

Phey Feng, MalSoc president, recorded speech because she couldn't be there on the night..

and the night began..

first dance for the night...

Azeem and Ainun took the stage as the lead characters..

my favourite for the night..

the Malay dance crew...

dinner time during the intermission..

performers eating backstage on the floor, kinda sad =(

Ali and Nawal belting out Taylor Swift's 'Mine'

my part of the performance...we practised for well over a month for a 2-minute stage time...

and the post-show camwhoring began...

with Maggie and Jeevan...

the Chinese dance crew..

group camwhoring as per usual..

with Faizal, Cecilia and Pina..

my dance partner Chean Yuen....my contact lense decided to pop out

Pina, Surein and I camwhoring with the poster and the Kolam...

with Jamie who helped massively with the Kolam...we took this photo before we had to clean it up...

such a shame to have to clear away a magnificent work of art..

The night was not without its hiccups and mishaps (food arriving late, hall technicians coming late, video not playing properly - at least it was good to know being late wasn't the disease of Malaysians only!) along the way but we managed to deliver a good show. People who came was satisfied with the selection of delicious food (something that I'm always proud of with regards to our country although I didn't get to try them all =( ) served during the event.

I'm still waiting for the proper recording for the performances to be out. The videos here were from my digital camera so they weren't the best. I also don't have a video of our last performance where we all came together to sing 'Satu Suara' in which I was suppossed to be rapping. (Un)fortunately, the microphone chose that moment to not function so the audience didn't really know I was mumbling through the words. At least, the whole hand movements were there I believe.

The annual Malaysian Night has always been one of the highlight for every academic year and I must say I really enjoyed it tremendously. I'm kinda looking forward for next year's already!

All England Badminton Championships 2011 - day trip to Birmingham =)

2011-03-26T10:02:00.001Z

We started the journey like around 6 in the morning. From Surein and Pina's place, we picked up Jamie, Kelvin, Yuen Han and Sharon before we hit the motorway all the way down south to Birmingham (it's a silent 'H'). I was the co-pilot and it really wasn't that easy. It was too early in the morning (not to mention it's the weekend when I'd normally leave my brain at home) and my once-good sense of direction was failing me despite the use of sat-nav. By the time we got back later at around midnight, we all felt like smashing the sat-nav!

Anyway, there was nothing uneventful on our way down. Some of us talked just to keep Surein awake and fresh while some (read Sharon =p) just ate and slept in the backseat! We went around for a while because we knew we wouldn't have time to check out the city later in the evening. It was such a shame really because Birmingham was the UK's second most populous metropolitan and it looked like there was lots to see and visit. I'll definitely come back again.

the annoying sat-nav...felt like putting my foot all the way through the windshield but the fact that it was a rented car stopped me...

first view upon entering Birmingham City Centre!

We arrived in Birmingham at around 10am so we went to the city centre to get some breakfast first as the game were starting at 12pm.

not yet opened...wonder what a shop called 'The Sexy Shop' would be selling?

After a quick breakfast, we headed back to the National Indoor Arena just in time and this was when the games began!

yours truly in front of the entrance..

The first game of the day was women's singles between Eriko Hirose and Wang Shixian. I was rooting for Hirose just for the sake of hoping that the Japanese would get some good news following the horrible tsunami the Friday before. She really put up a good fight against Wang Shixian and it really was a good game to start the day.

Eriko Hirose putting up a good fight...

The second game of the day was men's doubles and I was rooting, of course, for our boys. I was beyond happy when they managed to beat China's Cai Yun - Fu Haifeng duo in the semi-final and I was convinced they could nail the game easily. They started brilliantly amazing and I cheered like I've never cheered before believing that my searing throat will be worth it. My elation went down by the time they started the second set. The boys from Denmark were doing their best to level up and our boys appeared to be very complacent they made some very pricey mistakes. They clearly went through the classic 'first-set-win-complacence' syndrome they ended up in the psycholohical trap of rubber set.

our boys entering the court...

I took this video somewhat near the end of the second set hoping to capture the boys' winning stroke but I stopped halfway through...you know what happened...

The boys went into the rubber set and my heart deflated like a baloon being pricked by a needle. Not to sound discouraging but I always see rubber set as the bane of any player who has won the first set but lost the second set. The way I see it, the player who won the first set but lost the second set would be under great pressure of having to get back in the game to prove his or her mettle and would end up doing more mistakes while the player who lost the first set and won the second set would have this new-found fighting spirit to keep doing better and better following his or her previous win that player would eventually come out victorious. And this was what exactly happened to our boys. They were only this tiny group of spectators supporting Denmark's duo so their cheering was nothing compared to the cheering and screaming by Malaysian supporters, who practically filled one third of the arena, but I guess our screaming ended up being disasterous to the boys.

the Danes victorious...

our boys doing their lap of honour...

Tan Boon Heong

Koo Kien Keat

I didn't really pay much attention to the next two games which were women's doubles and mixed doubles. The women's doubles title clearly belonged to China's duo since Japan's duo played as if they just couldn't care less. Either they were discouraged by Hirose's loss or just stricken by the tsunami on Friday, I didn't know but I used the time to go to the loo to relieve myself. Mixed doubles was a lot more entertaining and kudos to the duo from Thailand. They may have lost but they sure put up a very good, if not entertaining, fight. I wasn't cheering or screaming at all during the two games as I was saving my energy for later.

Yuen Han, Jamie, Kelvin, Sharon & Pina..

Then came the much-awaited moment of men's singles between our evry own Lee Chong Wei and the legendary Lin Dan.

Chong Wei making his grand entry into the court...

So I went back to screaming and cheering again. And there was a very good reason to keep on cheering and sceaming. There might be some glitch at Chong Wei's start but he managed to pick up the pace and remained in control of the game I was surprised to see how helpless Lin Dan looked as it was usually the other way around. Not that I was complaining. The minute he won the first set, it was euphoric in the arena as all Malaysian supporters cheered on top of their lungs to drown whatever sound China's supporters were trying to make.

I was apprehensive when the second set started. I was afraid if Chong Wei would be affected by the disasterous 'first-set-win-complacence' syndrome like Kien Keat and Boon Heong. History has shown that he has tendencies to fall for it and Lin Dan was his one arch-enemy that could always push his button. Lucky for all of us, Chong Wei had it in control and Lin Dan really looked defeated half-way through the set. By the time, Chong Wei got his game point, Surein and I got up from our seats to run all the way down knowing that Chong Wei had had the cup in his bag already.

sorry for the poor photo quality...was jumping and shaking and screaming like crazy!

Chong Wei doing his champion's lap of honour...didn't manage to get him to sign my ticket =(

The rest was, as they say it, history. The cheered that erupted as the shuttlecock fell outside the line rang with elation and jubilation like I had never heard before. Every Malaysian got on their feet to jump and hug each other with joy of tears to celebrate Chong Wei's victory. This one moment made me realise the uniting power of sports for during that time, irregardless of our race, colour and ethnicity, we were there simply as Malaysians, cheering and rallying our support behind a Malaysian and waving that one and only Malaysia flag. It kinda gave me a warm fuzzy feeling to see caucasians smiled and shook their heads in amusement as they watched us, all different skin colours, cheering as one for one single reason.

Malaysians from all around the UK coming to support...

It was a very great moment indeed to see Chong Wei not only managing to defend his title but at the same time succeeding to conquer his arch-enemy. In between games, there will be adverts shown from sponsors on the white screen and one said: 'Courage is not the absence of fear. It's being afraid but being able to control that fear. That's what makes a champion.' and that couldn't be any truer when it comes to Chong Wei.

We headed back home right after the game ended. Tired as we were (we arrived back in Newcastle at 11pm) along with our burning throats and stiff legs and knees, the whole day was worth it!

Congratulations, Lee Chong Wei!

P.S.: I shook hands with Koo Kien Keat, Tan Bong Heong, Lin Dan and Lee Chong Wei. Woohoo!!!! =p

Rasa Nusantara - Malay kitchen in Newcastle

2011-03-02T15:55:00.000Z

After almost 3 years in Newcastle, two things that I miss most (apart from my family and the cats) are the almost all-year-round sunny spell and authentic Malay food. Being way up in the north east region of England, Newcastle lacks the relatively warm and temperate weather of the more southern areas, e.g London, and being relatively small in terms of size and touristic value, it's kinda hard to find that many authentic Asian, let alone Malaysian, restaurants in the area. The Chinatown is practically a mere 'Chinastreet'.

So imagine my excitement when I saw a couple of friends checking in on Facebook Places into this new place called 'Rasa Nusantara' roughly a few weeks ago. For someone who hates bland and tasteless English food, the mere name of the restaurant sort of invokes this hot and spicy feeling around my tongue. Yes, Asian restaurants do exist here in Newcastle but most of the food served in these restaurants (there are some few exceptions - Little Asia, St. Sushi) are way too westernised, on the account of trying tempt the western palate, I find that even their most spicy food (usually coded on the menu with the small drawing of three chilies next to the name of the food) could barely tickle my Malaysian tongue.

My friends and I planned that we would go on Saturday for lunch and I was beyond excited that the lunch was the one thing that I had in my mind all week. In fact, the lunch was the one thing that helped me go through the week; it was the last week of my Mental Health rotation and I could come off as one of the patient myself! (I'm SO glad the rotation is over!)

Since it was still relatively new, there was not much to see from the outside, In fact, the sign outside still showed the name of the previous restaurant that use the premise before. Walking inside, you could see all the mismatched tables and chairs from the previous restaurant but I somehow liked it.

The decor aside, the food really was amazing. Yes, good food and bad food are all a matter of relativity and you'd need something to compare them to so it's kinda hard to say if they're really the bsst because there was no other Malaysian restaurat serving day-to-day Malay cuisines. Suffice to say that most of the food served are authentic enough when it comes to the richness of the flavour I got this sudden urge to get the first flight back home!

karipap - seeing them after sooo many years was like seeing a long-lost childhood lover...

nom nom nom...

awesome mee goreng mamak!!!

nasi dagang

nasi lemak...the sambal was spicy but I have to admit it was no match to the nasi lemak in Little Asia.

they even have the classic beverage of all food stalls and restaurants in Malaysia - sirap! how cool is that?

my sirap bandung - couldn't get any more Malaysian than this!

the amazing rendang ayam, YUM-MY!

Another reason that I really enjoyed being there was the friendly, chill and relaxing atmostphere the restaurant had. Suffice to say that it really was typical of hawker-style eating-out experience we Asians so love. My friends and I spent almost three hours sitting and chatting and bantering as we went through our meals (We ordered several dishes for all of us to share) before ordering more and more once we're done eating them. It was just so Mamak-ish! The food was also very cheap for the sizeable portion they served, not to mention the cheaper prices they had for student.

after almost three hours...

I just soooo loved the place I went again the next day for dinner. And their day-special was Lontong! It could have been spicier but hey, I'm not complaining really because it was pretty good nevertheless. I hadn't eaten Lontong for a very long time and I doubt I could find it anywhere else here in Newcastle.

Lontong - averagely good, could be spicier...

spicy prawn chilies - I ain't complaining!

I'm not, by any means, trying to promote the restaurant (although I see no harm in helping my fellow Malaysians kicking up the business). I'm merely expressing how happy I am that there's now a pretty authentic Malaysian restaurant serving Malay cuisines that are so spicy they would trigger my irritable bowel syndrome right away. As bad as it sounds, I don't really care!

Love and other crap

2011-02-17T22:54:00.000Z

Year in year out, the idea of Valentine's Day would split my heart into two. Yes, I've been brought up with the mentality that Muslim shouldn't be celebrating the day for its purported connection to a Christian saint said to have brought down a Muslim civilisation but over the years, I've looked past such an association to see 14 February, by whatever name it goes, as the day to celebrate Love, the one thing that every culture and religion shares a great esteem of.

On one spectrum, I question as to why people have to go to extreme length to prove their love on just one particular day when they should be doing it every single day by even the simplest of gestures. On another, I just couldn't help smiling when I see couples walk around in town holding hands while the other hands were holding flowers or boxes of chocolates. Yes, I'm a sucker for romantic moments so it gave me great pleasure when I saw men walking around on Valentine's Day hand-in-hand with their partners while holding heart-shaped, ruby red baloons.
Much has been said about the day with regards to Malaysian Muslim authority and while I believe blaming the day as the cause of increased immoral activities and associating it with Christianity as a very shortsighted, if not foolishly immature, opinion, I do acknolwledge that Muslims should know the lines they can or cannot cross and that crossing them would result in some serious repercussions if caught. I, however, don't see the need for the whole moral policing shiz.

Having said that, I was utterly surprised when two of my coursemates, both of whom are British and Christian, said they didn't like the idea of Valentine's Day themselves. Both quoted commercialisation and the 'just-on-one-day' argument as the reasons why.

Yes, the most common secular arguments about Valentine's Day is that it has been way too commercialised but in all honesty, what celebration has not been? Most shopping malls would start putting up Christmas decorations as early as October and I wouldn't be surprised if I were to start seeing Easter rabbits and eggs by next week! In Malaysia, commercialisation happens during Eid, Deepavali, Chinese New Year, Christmas and pretty much everything else. Bazaar Ramadhan has no religious connotation to it but the way people (moi included) throng the food stalls every evening without fail despite the huge crowds and the congested traffic, you'd think they've forgotten that the whole idea of the month was to practice self-control! The crux is, if there's no demand, then there's not gonna be a market for it.

But seriously, who cares? I'm always single the last 22 Valentine's Days so I never have to worry much about spending excessively for just a day. If, and when, I finally find my other half, I'd expect that person to splurge on that day only if the person fails to prove the love on every other day even by the smallest of gestures. Then again, if that person is not showing the love on the other 364 days, there's no way I'd call that person my other half (I guess that's why I'm still single) because my future other half can expect me to do the simple gestures (saying 'I Love You', saying 'Thank You', occassional kisses, tiny box of chocolate, a single stem of the person's favourite flower, a small gift, calling just to ask 'How's your day?') occassionally and I might just do something a lil' special on 14 February to keep the flame burning. I guess it's easier said than done but we'll see.

So yeah, there was nothing special happening for me on 14 February apart from the 'singles-only dinner' I had with my friends. I might not have found the love of my life yet but hey, my life is still full of love so I guess I'll forever be thankful for that.

Having said that, Love does make my world goes round. My attempts at Love have so far been pretty challenging for it's the kind of Love that dare not speak its name and that makes me a sucker for love songs and poems and stories and quotes (not so much for romantic comedies though).

When it comes to love songs, one that really defines it is Andrew Lloyd Webber's Love Never Dies for which I've blogged about here. Another song, I would say, is Haven't Met You Yet by Michael Buble' which I blogged about here. Of course, there are many other love songs that would ring true to my story but another one would be Kelly Clarkson's The Trouble with Love is:

And then there's Ceritera Cinta by Jaclyn Victor and Rio Febrian:

The list of love songs that I can relate to would go on and on. Just take a look at my iPod playlist and you'll see how 70% of the songs I have are related to 'Love'. Then again, most songs are about Love anyway. That said, the one song that really describes the kind of Love I'm looking for is Pink's Glitter in the Air:

Then there are love quotes - empowering one-liner that gives hope to those who are still looking right, left and centre. Either taken from a song or a movie or intentionally made up by the likes of Hallmarks, these quotes work by either cajoling the lonely to believe that they're not alone in the lonely department or to delude the broken-hearted that there's someone out there who'd be more than suitable to mend and look after their fragile hearts. Snooping around online, here are some of the quotes I found that made me roll my eyes but still feel hopeful at the same time:

The only people you need in your life are those who prove that they need you in theirs - I guess this makes sense.

We are given two hands to hold, two legs to walk, to eyes to see, and two ears to listen but why only one heart? Because the other was given to someone else for us to find - Roll eyes but still looking around.

No man is worth your tears and the one who is won’t make you cry - The irony of it!

Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk by again - Or are you just blind?

Some people come into our lives and leave quickly, other stay awhile and leave footprints in our hearts forever - Footprints? Bruises, you mean?

If you love something set it free, if it comes back, it’s yours…if it doesn’t it never was - Yeah, right!

Looking for love doesn’t work…it tends to find you - Well, I'm here!

Sarcasm aside, the one quote on Love that I really like comes from 'Inception':

Mal: I'll tell you a riddle: you're waiting for a train, a train that will take you far away. You know where you hope this train will take you, but you don't know for sure. But it doesn't matter. How can it not matter to you where the train will take you?

Cobb: Because you'll be together.

Sweet, right?

Oh well. Enough with my crap!

'little' Egyptians sure got some bite

2011-02-16T00:10:00.000Z

In 2009, I visited Musee du Louvre in Paris and that gave me the opportunity to view La liberte guidant le peuple (Liberty Leading the People) up close and personal. I was no art enthusiast so I knew nothing of Eugene Delacroix. In fact, the only reason I knew about the painting was because it was used as Coldplay's Viva La Vida album cover!

I know very little about the July Revolution (that's what they call the revolution in 1830 because the French has had one too many revolution and I don't say that in a bad way). The only perspective I know about the revolution came from the musical Les Miserables. I have yet to watch the musical but I did get to watch the concert celebrating the musical's 25th anniversary so whatever view of the revolution I have is incomplete and not whole. Having said that, the story was certainly an uplifting one as it portrayed the uprising of the oppressed lower class against the establishment. And centuries later, I'm thrilled to be the witness of an uprising that finally succeeded to put an end to one of the longest oppressive dictatorship.

As the revolution progressed, one song that came to my mind was 'Do You Hear the People Sing' taken from Les Miserables.

As the lyrics go:

Do you hear the people sing?
Singing the song of angry men?
It is the music of a people
Who will not be slaves again!
When the beating of your heart
Echoes the beating of the drums
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes!

'Tomorrow' finally came for the Egyption on 11 February and as I browsed through the many newsreports from TIME to BBC to CNN to Huffington Post on Egyptian celebrating in jubilation, this one photo was what reminded me of how similar the Egyption revolution was to the French July Revolution.

The photo might not have a bare-breasted lady representing 'Liberty' but never forget that 'Tahrir' in Tahrir Square means 'Liberty' and the square was the centrestage for every thing related to the revolution from where it all started right to the ending of Mubarak's regime that marked Egypt's new beginnning so, in essence, Liberty was and always will be there with the Egyptians in spirit.

Most importantly, both the painting and the photo had a little boy joining the adults in the revolution. In the musical, Gavroche, the character of a little boy said to be inspired from the boy in Delacroix's painting, might have been killed but the Egyptian boy in the photo, among many other children, lived to witness the energy and the dynamic of the freedom and how good it felt on that day. They bore witness to the fighting spirit and the unity among their people in fighting the oppressive regime. They bore witness to see, right in front of their very eyes, how protesters were attacked and beaten by thugs hired by Mubarak and they will live on to remember and recount the violence and the blood of the martyrs on the street of Egypt to generations after theirs. They will remember the price of freedom and the value of resilience and determination in fighting to be free
.

The boy in the photo reminded me of another song from Les Miserables called 'Little People.

Be careful where you go

'Cos little people grow...

And little people know
When little people fight
We may look easy pickings but we got some bite!
So never kick a dog because he's just a pup
You better run for cover when the pup grows up!

And we'll fight like twenty armies
And we won't give up

How apt? Little people do grow and that little boy in the photo will hopefully keep an eye on the new Egyptian government to make sure that what the adults of his father and grandfather's generation have been fighting for will not go in vain. That little boy will hopefully be at the ready to rally his own generation for a new revolution (peaceful.ly, of course!) if the new government proves to be less than what it should be.

Much has been said and argued about the entire revolution. Some talk about the need to push for democracy while some talk abou maintaining the so-called stability. What the revolution has proven to us stability wouldn't exist without democracy or else the Egyptians wouldn't be going out on their streets to demand for one. The revolution is a strong stark evidence of people power, that it's the people on the street that should have a say as to how a country should run. Witnessing the revolution means seeing hope that all of us, the citizens of whatever country we are from, could bring the changes we yearn for as long as we stand together to unite our otherwise small and ingnificant individual voices. The revolution serves as a reminder to every government around the world that any form of oppression on their behalf will not go unchallenged and that 'little' people do grow to fight for what's rightfully theirs. As the lyrics of 'Little People' say: The world is big, but little people turn it around!

I'm leaving you guys with this video of the finale of Les Miserables 25th anniversary concert. It's reprise of 'Do You Hear the People Sing' and I like the lyrics better because it's more on the peaceful side and it's kinda a happy ending. I'm a pacifist, yes!

Do you hear the people sing

Lost in the valley of the night?
It is the music of a people
Who are climbing to the light.

For the wretched of the earth
There is a flame that never dies.
Even the darkest night will end
And the sun will rise.

They will live again in freedom
In the garden of the Lord.
They will walk behind the plough-share,
They will put away the sword.
The chain will be broken
And all men will have their reward.

Will you join in our crusade?
Who will be strong and stand with me?
Somewhere beyond the barricade
Is there a world you long to see?

Do you hear the people sing?
Say, do you hear the distant drums?
It is the future that they bring
When tomorrow comes!

Life in Lyrics: Smile

2011-02-11T13:13:00.000Z

Life in Lyrics is back with Charlie Chaplin's 'Smile'. Originally sung by Nat King Cole, this 1954 song went on to become one of the most monumental classics covered by many celebrated singers like Barbra Streisand, Diana Ross, Judy Garland, Josh Groban, Michael Jackson and, take a guess, Westlife (trust them to not miss out on this one!).

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrows
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

In the light of the recent suicide of a 17-year-old Malaysian teenager, Sally Lee Qian Chun, jumping off her school building while her class was still going on after posting several Facebook status updates persistently beginning mid-January, I thought the simple messsage in this song rings truer now more than ever. According to the article, the whole intention came from '...a failed relationship and broken promises...'.

When I was 17, I was pretty nerdy. Love and relationship didn't cross my mind at all. All I cared about was my study and putting in effort to get good grades so I'd get the scholarship to study where I am at the moment. Lucky to be pretty brainy, I didn't struggle much and I managed to juggle my study with some extra-curricular activities and fun. The dynamic in my family improved in many ways because I finally got some space to spread my wings as I was in a boarding school. I used to be very rebellious and pretty sulky ever so often because I thought my parents were too condescending and patronising so getting the chance to be independent was a nice change (I saw going off to a boarding school as a way of running away from home without having to worry about not having enough money). I spent almost every moment with teenagers around my age doing things teenagers around my age would occasionally be doing (within reasons, of course, because I'd like to think myself as a pretty responsible person) without any parental restrictions (although we'd still get the wardens and the disciplinary boards breathing down our necks!). I had some very awesome gang of friends for almost every activities - from geeky group studying in the library to a hungry bunch of monsters eating at the school's only cafe when we thought the food served at the hall was not enough to satisfy our tastebuds to naughty conspirators of prank-playing in the dormitary to great chums for weekend outings around the tiny town of Kangar. Life was good at 17!

Whenever I reflect back on my time when I was in boarding school (16-17), I would smile to myself thinking about all the silly things and good moments my friends and I did and went through. Even when I think of some of the bad times in friendship, I could still smile because we managed to sail through most of the frictions without any blood on our hands. Yes, there were bridges burnt along the way but all of us graduated a lil' wiser and a lot more mature. The experience really has helped me (and hopefully, all of us) to continue living my life in ways that would be enriching rather than limiting and I would say that period of two years was one of the best in my life.

I'm not trying to compare my life at 17 with Sally's. I knew nothing about what she went through and to speculate based on a news report would be rude and downright insulting to her memory so I apologise if this were to appear so.

I think what saddened me most was the fact that her suppossedly 'friends', rather than taking her seriously and getting her the help she should be getting, the went on taunting and daring her to do it! I found that just plain appalling and the dark side of me somehow wishes that those 'friends' would feel really guilty for they now have the blood of their friend on their conscience and ignorance but I don't think that's inappropriate because strong guilty conscience would in itself leads to depression if not addressed at the soonest. I hope we won't be hearing of any news of teenagers committing suicide for this!

I might not have the whole love and relationship shitzo bothering me when I was 17 but my adolescent wasn't an easy one either. Having said that, the one thing that really helped me during that time, and is still helping me now, is my group of friends that would always be there. Then and now, my friends would always be the first group of people I turn to for any and every problem that I have. Even if they can't solve the problems, they would still be able to put a smile on my face and lift my spirit. If you've been reading this blog, you'd know how integral my friends are in my life that some misconstrue myself as loving them more than I love my family. Let's just say I see my closest friends as family and they're all important to me.

At some point at some level, all of us would go through some sort of low mood or mild depression. It takes guts to deal with all the problems we are going through to snap out of the depressive mood and to get back to being our relatively cheerful and normal self. However, it takes greater courage and bravery to admit that the depressive mood you are going through is detrimental and dangerous and that you'd need professional help in dealing with it. Either way, strong support from family and/or friends would always be an important protective factor in preventing one from jumping off the edge and resorting to dangerous and posibbly fatal ways of dealing with the depression.

To finish, I'll leave you guys with Glee's version of the song. I've been putting this version on repeat these past few days. Doing the Mental Health rotation can be overwhelming (mor on that in another entry) so the song helps put things into perspective for me. And yeah, do smile even if you don't feel like it (althougt not unnecessarily or people will think you have some sort of mental disorder). You'll look better, you'll feel better, you'll make others feel better and they'll smile back and they will look better! And it's free!

Coniston Water, Lake District

2011-02-06T13:46:00.000Z

The trip took place last Saturday and after a very hectic and busy start of the year (I've never had a more tiring January in my entire life but then again, I'm only 22), I thought the trip would be a nice weekend getaway.

Coniston Water located in Cumbria is the third largest lake in Lake District, the largest being Windermere. One of the thing an uncle of mine said before I first flew to the UK was to make sure that I'd visit Windermere (I'm thinking of doing that for my Easter break now). A ribbon lake (shaped like a finger or a strip of ribbon rather than the usual circular shape one would think a lake would be like), Coniston Water measures 8 km long, 800 m wide, a maximum depth of 56 m, and covers an area of 4.9 km square.

It took roughly 3 hours to reach from Newcastle so we left early at about 7:30 am. The journey itself was uneventful except when people started to get nausea and car sick due to the winding road when we were about to arrive.

baking carrot cake in the middle of the night for the picnic...the frosting was made like at 5 in the morning!

Java posing next to the bus at a stop where she bought Costa, the new monkey

view out of the window as we appoached Coniston...

people sleeping in the bus...

Upon arrval, my friends and I started to walk around the village on our own while the rest of the society (the trip was organised by the university Malaysian Society) went to visit the Ruskin Museum. We thought it was such a lovely and sunny day (albeit still a lil' too cold at 1-2 degree Celcius) to be wasted spending the time in a building reading about a dead man's contribution. And people who went into the museum said there was nothing interesting in the museum. We walked around until we came by a stream so we decided to have our picnic and eat the food we brought.

the main street in the village...

gotta love this one...would be amazing to live in a house with a verandah overseeing a flowing small stream...

moi and Pina with Costa in the middle...

the gang...

this house was called 'Old Man's Rest'...very cute =p

Surein and Java...

the food we packed for our picnic lunch...Costa looked sooo cute =)

the small stream we decided to have our picnic by...

nope, he's not doing what you guys think he's doing!

Java and Costa playing hide and seek...

Pina taking photos as we waited for our lunch...

cute!

Java pinching my fedora...

After lunch, we met up with the rest to go on the boat cruise along Coniston Water before going on the nature trail around the village. Unfotunately, my phone ran out of battery and since I didn't bring my camera (stupid, I know!), I missed out on the chance to capture the pretty scenery around the lake. Coniston Water is famous for several waterspeed record especially involving father and son, Malcolm and Donald Campbell. I'm not quite sure what motivated these two to intentionally speed up along the water when everything could go wrong but Donald Campbell managed to break his father's and his own records five or six times over before meeting his death in 1967, when he lost control of his Bluebird K7, speeding at 515 km/h, to cause it to summersault, crash and sink down under. Both his an his boat bodies were recovered later in 2001. Along the lake, we could also see the Old Man of Coniston standing at 803 m. According to the boat tour guide, it was the highest fell (they use the world 'fell' (Old Norse) rather than 'mountain' to refer to 'an area of uncultivated high ground used as common grazing') but the fact has been disputed several times. Not that I realy care to be honest!

the stream opened up to the lake...

the lake with duck and swans...

The rest of the photos down below were taken by Pina. Thanks, sexy =P!

Costa hanging onto my shoulder...I got lotsa weird stare from all around!!

we're a bit crazeee...

I wanna eat them all!!!

the Old Man (I think!)

it would be beyond amazing to be spending some time with you other half by the lake...

errrmm, I'm not quite sure what happened here...

Java, Pina nad Surein a lil' hyper after the Lambrini...tsk tsk tsk...

this part of the trail reminded me of 'The Lord of The Rings'

After walking around for a lil' over an hour and getting lost several times, we managed to find our way back to the main street. After people bought some souveniers and went to relieve themselves, we boarded the bus back to Newcastle. I really had a great time (despite the IBS no thanks to the spicy Nasi Lemak I had the night before) and I'm so going to visit the other parts of Lake District. Farewell, Coniston!

group photo by the lake

Camden Town

2011-02-03T20:30:00.005Z

This entry is kinda long due since more than a month has passed since I visited London during my winter break. I was surprised that I somehow managed to miss out on this gem of London when I've been down several times already.

What I really liked about Camden Town was the ecletic mix of random things you could find around here. If you're in Malaysia, Camden Town is like Petaling Street the way Oxford Street is to Bukit Bintang. According to Java, it was a lot like Singapore's infamous Ochard Road. I can't testify to that since I've never set foot in Singapore (can you believe that???) but if you're in Penang, it's a lot similar to Chowrasta Bazaar which I haven't been to for a long while myself!

Anyway, let's just say I loved the place despite the fact that there was no ZARA, Uniqlo, River Island or H&M. No branded stuff but it was still amazing because you could find a lot of stuff from printed t-shirts to wide variety of bags to hats to leather stuff to shades of all kinds and many other things (to be honest, I can't really remember what else >_

located next to a small river...good scenery to add to your shopping experience

Aslan escaped from Narnia...

one of the coolest thing...you could buy meals from wide range of international cuisines and sit on the vespa seats to eat by the river...

yours truly camwhoring, just ignore him...

the Horse Tunnel Market where selling mostly antiques stuff...

lotsa printed t-shirts with amazing designs...

that was what I got - a new satchel bag with newspaper design which I thought was cool =p

Camden Town is a must-see if you're in London and I'm soooo coming back the next time I'm going down. Even if you're not big on shopping, do visit the food stalls for you could find a variety of authentic international cuisines from Mexican to Spanish to Malaysian to Chinese to Indian to Japanese and many others!!!

I wanna have a baby...

2011-01-17T13:25:00.000Z

I received a shocking news from my younger sister about a friend of mine back in my primary school. Her tweet read: ‘ur ex-schoolmate has already become a mother...(my friend’s name) dh dpt baby girl (just gave birth to a baby gir)...hehe!!!’. As shock as I was with the news, I was more surprised that I was somewhat jealous of the happy news.

Back in my primary school days where I was pretty known for being relatively clever, some competitions stood out among the entire year to give me a run for my money (or rather, my parents’) and she was one of them. In fact, for a small school in a small village on the outskirt of Kajang, our two families were like, secretly, having this silent competition of outdoing each other. Both families had several children in the school at varying years (my older brother, sister, I are a year apart while my younger sister are two years younger than me and my friend has two brothers, one the same age as my brother and another a year younger than her). The obvious battles were between my friend and I and our brothers because we were in the same years. All four of us were chosen to be prefects as well. Back then, being chosen to be a school prefect and being on top of the class (or the year even) were like the one ambition every kiasu parent had for their children. Despite our parents’ kiasu-ness, we all maintained a very amicable friendship with each other because the 90s wasn’t the decade for back-stabbing and high-school dramas.

By the time primary school came to an end, my friend got 5As in UPSR and went off to a well-known boarding school in Alor Setar while I, with only 4As and a B (in English), settled for a daily school in a nearby town. One would say I lost my battle of the war because both our brothers got 5As and went off to good boarding schools themselves.

After that, I picked up my pieces of shattered ego to rise out of the ashes, as a phoenix would do, (that explains my moniker) to be where I am now and in the long journey, my friend and I were rarely in contact with each other. When I was home for summer 2009, we got back in touch for a sombre reason but we still managed to ask about each other’s lives. When my family and relative knew of my encounter with her, they quickly asked what she was studying then. She was then studying Psychology at a local college. In their eyes and in their less-than-subtle snide remarks, I could sense that they were still comparing us and were happy to gloat over the fact that I am doing Medicine in the UK. To them, the idea of a once-clever daughter of a pilot studying at a college that didn’t receive university status was like a fall from grace. Adults do stop growing up at some point and tend to revert back to being childish. Only God knows when our society will stop viewing those who are not doing Medicine or not studying overseas as less than successful or promising.

Yes, I admit that I did feel a lil’ victorious of my achievement but I’ve experienced enough to know that degree and pedigree were not an indication of personal happiness. While I couldn’t account for my friend’s happiness, I could safely say that if she was satisfied and happy with the state she was in at that moment, then no one should assume anything about her. No one exists to live up to others’ expectation.

After my holiday end, I went back to the UK and life went on as usual like any other students. For me, at least, because the next time I heard about her was of her marriage to a person I know from my primary school days. The man happened to be a year older than us and he was in my sister’s class. That generated a lot of sensationalisation from both my sisters because, ladies being ladies, they just can’t wrap their head around the idea of both falling in love and marrying each other. I’d admit I was surprise of both the marriage and my friend’s choice of husband because if his personality back in his younger days was of any indication, the two weren’t really a perfect match.

I, however, chose not to share my sisters’ sentiment. People grow up and change over time and a ‘perfect couple’, according to Desperate Housewives, only exists on the top of a wedding cake. Having said that, I was only surprised because I didn’t think she would get married that early. Among my primary circle friends, she was the last I would imagine to settle down for I always saw her as a go-getter who would some day bring some good changes to the country. Then again, I chose not to assume because who said she was settling down and who says women married at a young age can’t bring good changes to the country?

Again, I rarely stay in touch with her and I don’t use Facebook to such extent for such purposes so I really don’t know what’s happening in her life. And the only reason I was jealous of her having a baby because somehow I see having a baby as a joyous thing that I couldn’t get where I’m standing now. Not that I want to lie on a bed with my legs spread as women in white scream ‘push push’ again and again. At a superficial basis (because I really don’t know what’s happening in her life for real), I’m just jealous at the fact that she has completed her study and that she has found the person she views as worthy of being the father of her child. In a sense, she has finished a chapter of his life, the student chapter, to move on to become a grown woman and a mother and I somehow think that it a joy in itself; the chance to build a family. Not that I want to get married and have a baby now.

Yes, I’m doing a degree at a place that would make most people dropped their jaws when told and I’d graduate with a career that promises respect and good money and somehow people think that should make me happy. Not that I’m not happy. I enjoy every bit of my student life but I do feel jealous of my friends who have already graduated, got a job, got married and have families of their own and I’m jealous at the fact that their happiness is not based on the prospect of their careers but that it comes from the satisfaction of enjoying what they’re doing and living with and caring for their loved ones. Happiness should never be about the monetary gains one could get from one’s career.

In the competition between me and my friend, one would say that my friend has lost because she now has a child and whatever she’s planning to do has to be limited in accordance to the welfare of both the child and the family. One would also say that I’m winning because I’m doing this degree that promises me a good career with a high-paying salary and that, if I were to play my cards right, I would in the future be able to bring some good changes to the country, the world even, because I have yet to settle down to become a family man. I hope those people were wrong.

I know my friend still has the chance, and I’m sure she desires it much, to bring good things to both the country and the world. Just because she now has a baby that doesn’t mean she can’t continue with her career. There’s no reason for her to not be able to touch and influence the lives of others the way I still have the chance to do. I’m pretty sure she would be a good mother and that she would raise the lil’ girl to the best of her ability, passing on her wise words and graceful charm, so that when she grows up, she would be a good citizen of the country in which stereotypes and racism and discrimination and intolerance will have no room to grow and that would be my friend’s greatest contribution.

As for me, I’ll just go back to my revision while hoping that both my older brother and sister would get married soon so that I could have some little nieces and nephews for me to splurge my suppossedly high future salary on!

of Tucson and tolerance

2011-01-15T13:36:00.000Z

What with dead birds falling from the skies of various cities across the globe and fishes and crabs floated ashore, to the murder of a liberal Pakistani governor who was a strong opponent of Pakistan's blasphemy law to the Tunisian coup that forces the dictatorial president to flee, 2011 sure made its entrance with a bang. And the loudest bang of it all was certainly none other than the mass shooting at a Safeway store in Tucson, Arizona, killing six American and wounding fourteen others including the congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords who was shot point-blank through the head!

It has been only two weeks into 2011 and it really hasn't given me the good starts I was hoping but looking through all the events that have been taking place so far, I have yet to get the worst and really, that is something to be thankful for.

Much has been said about the shooting from Barack Obama's powerful empowering speech during the memorial to Sarah Palin's 'blood libel' joke but one that I really like is Michelle Obama's 'Open Letter to Parents Following the Tragedy in Tucson'. Here's an excerpt of the part that I really like:

'In the days and weeks ahead, as we struggle with these issues ourselves, many of us will find that our children are struggling with them as well. The questions my daughters have asked are the same ones that many of your children will have – and they don’t lend themselves to easy answers. But they will provide an opportunity for us as parents to teach some valuable lessons – about the character of our country, about the values we hold dear, and about finding hope at a time when it seems far away.

We can teach our children that here in America, we embrace each other, and support each other, in times of crisis. And we can help them do that in their own small way – whether it’s by sending a letter, or saying a prayer, or just keeping the victims and their families in their thoughts.

We can teach them the value of tolerance – the practice of assuming the best, rather than the worst, about those around us. We can teach them to give others the benefit of the doubt, particularly those with whom they disagree.'

Having just finished my Public Health rotation, one thing that I learnt (if any) was that any attempts at changing whatever inequalities we have now for the future is by starting them at earlier age.

With regards to health inequalities, families with lower socio-economic status tend to live in a deprived area lack in facilities and amenities like schools, libraries, healthcare centres, sports centres and shopping malls, thus limiting them from getting access to resources (fresh food, exercise, health treatment, education) that could improve their health and life expectancy. This happens because they don't have enough money because they don't have good jobs due to no or low qualifications and more often than not, the children tend to not get the necessary basic education to help them move out of their poor living standard due to lack of access to schools or libraries and the children will simply end up like their parents. If anyone were to intervene, it should really start at making sure that every child gets equal form of education so that they would all start at pretty level playing field (it's impossible, yes, but we can all try to reduce the disparity) in their adulthood to get equal chance of acquiring competitive careers with the minimum income that will allow them to get equal access to healthy lifestyle.

The crux of all this shiz is that parents need to play their role and, to quote Michelle's letter, 'teach them the value of tolerance – the practice of assuming the best, rather than the worst, about those around us. We can teach them to give others the benefit of the doubt, particularly those with whom they disagree.'

The tragedy in Tucson was the result of a young man, so disturbed and so caught up in his own political beliefs, he failed to tolerate the congresswoman representing his state whose political belief was different from that of his, he chose to assasinate her.

While things have yet to go to such extreme in Malaysia, intolerance has always manifested deep in our society that, now and again, we would see its ugly head rearing, eager to start getting violent. Back in December last year, a man received death threats for admitting publicly that he was gay and he was okay with it in his attempt to support young, vulnerable and distraught LGBT teenagers and give comfort that things will eventually get better and that should never be an option. Yes, he was a Muslim and it was understandable that he was bound by the religious obligation he was born in but the idea that he should be killed for a choice he had made for himself was unacceptable. Religion and faith are not some sort of organisations in which a member should be punished for not following in the rules. Faith is personal and should only remain between the believer and the one he or she chooses to believe in and fellow believers can only advise if he or she chooses to deviate from the faith. To simply punish on the fear that his deviation would lead others to deviate as well would be barbaric. The man didn't publicly admit he was gay to encourage straight people to follow in his footsteps and change their sexuality because it's okay to do so. He did it to tell other gay youths to simply hang in there because their lives would eventually get better, which doesn't seem to be the case now because apparently that put a price on their heads!

In a competition of sports, you don't go around injuring or killing members from other teams to sabotage their chance of winning because they pose a threat to your own chance. You train and work hard within your own team to make sure that once the competition starts, your team are putting out the best effort and performance that will not be shaken by other teams' equally unshakeable effort. That is only fair and square.

And this brings us all back to teaching tolerance in our younger generations for things difference from what they, or what they're influenced to, believe in. Tolerance is not compromising. To tolerate people by choosing to understand their their different choices does not mean choosing to compromise the belief that we've chosen to hold on to. To accept that other people have different sexualities, either by nature or nurture, does not mean giving up your own sexuality to become like them. And just because people are different, that is no valid reason to shun them away to the point of depression and suicide for that is no better than buying a gun to shoot dead people whose belief are different from that of yours.

To finish, I'm leaving you guys with a video of Barack Obama's speech during the memorial service in Tucson:

You can read the full text here and this are some of the lines that I really like:

'These men and women remind us that heroism is found not only on the fields of battle. They remind us that heroism does not require special training or physical strength. Heroism is here, in the hearts of so many of our fellow citizens, all around us, just waiting to be summoned -– as it was on Saturday morning. Their actions, their selflessness poses a challenge to each of us. It raises a question of what, beyond prayers and expressions of concern, is required of us going forward.'

'But at a time when our discourse has become so sharply polarized -– at a time when we are far too eager to lay the blame for all that ails the world at the feet of those who happen to think differently than we do -– it’s important for us to pause for a moment and make sure that we’re talking with each other in a way that heals, not in a way that wounds.'

'As we discuss these issues, let each of us do so with a good dose of humility. Rather than pointing fingers or assigning blame, let’s use this occasion to expand our moral imaginations, to listen to each other more carefully, to sharpen our instincts for empathy and remind ourselves of all the ways that our hopes and dreams are bound together.'

'And I believe that for all our imperfections, we are full of decency and goodness, and that the forces that divide us are not as strong as those that unite us.'

Differences do not spell bad!

walking down memory lane - the age of innocence

2011-01-12T01:23:00.000Z

I'm not one for walking down memory lane. I kinda like to focus on what I have right in front of me and strive for those things I dream for my future so I rarely look back. And it's not because there were lotsa bad memories I associated with my younger days since I'm not that old to begin with.

If I were to look back, I would say I had great fun back in my primary school and my secondary schools. I guess I'm lucky in the sense that my experience in whichever schools I went to as I grew up, primary to lower secondary to high school, had all been better compared to the previous one. And now that I'm in the university, I am having the best years of my life. So, in a sense, I never really have to look back and long for the days when my life in the past was so much better because, somehow, my life in the present is always so much better compared to the past.

Yes, it was simpler back then but there's so much to life than simplicity (not that I like too much complications) and growing up does mean shedding some simpleness to assume some role of responsibility. And yeah, people always say it's easier to be a kid because you don't have to worry about the world crumbling right, left and centre but I kinda like being an adult and having a full control on my own life. Plus, you're as old as you feel and if people were to ask my age, I would say I am 22 years young.

Having said that, one of the easiest way to evoke all the memories of your younger days is to listen back to those old songs that used to be your life soundtracks ten years ago and god bless YouTube, we can all now watch those music videos of singers we used to like back in the 90s when tape and VHS casettes were like the most ingenious inventions ever!

One song that really defined the 90s was this cheesy song called Fiona (it was kinda and 'in' thing back then for male singers to have at least one song named after a woman in their entire musical career) by 4U2C, an old Malaysian boy band of sort.

I apologise if some of you can't understand what the song was all about. Suffice to say that the song was one of the cheesiest love song ever to exalt a woman. Whatever language your mother tongue is, I'm pretty sure there would be a boy band that sings about the same thing in your language. I ain't gonna try translating it into English or I would be puking out the lamb curry I had for dinner just now. And the extremely cheesy and delicious Lasagne I had for dinner yesterday.

It's kinda funny how one video could bring back random memories because one thing would always lead to another. Watching that video, looking at how young and ridiculous AC Mizal was, I was reminded of this once famous Malay TV show called Gerak Khas in which he starred in. Centered around the lives of a group of policemen and detectives, the show really made wave in Malaysian film industry (I remember my grandmother insisting on wanting to watch the show when I wanted to watch somthing else. She would remind at like ten o'clock in the morning when the show only aired at nine o'clock at night!) thanks to the acclaimed director Yusof Haslam and speaking about him, who could ever forget the whole Sembilu and Sembilu 2? I could still remember the times when my siblings and I would go to our neighbour's house (who happened to be our relatives) to watch the movie because our house didn't have the VHS player. Back then Awie and Erra Fazira were like Malaysian version of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston. Of course, neither couples are together anymore.

Now, if you have the boy band, it would be only natural to have the female counterpart of it and one of the famous girl groups back then was this group called Feminin (how apt, right?). There was one time when they were gonna perform in a mall nearby and I asked my uncle to take me to watch them. My uncle said he would take me only if I sang the song below to prove that I really liked them. Let's just say I didn't get to see them.

One good (maybe bad in this case because I ended up wasting a good two hours on YouTube) thing about YouTube is that it has the 'Suggestions' column where it lists down videos similar to the video you are watching. I guess it's the one reason that led me to keep on watching one cheesy video after another. Here are some of them:

This song was like the national anthem for Malaysian youth in the 90s. You have to know the song and you have to revere it even if you don't think much of it! Pretty much every aspiring guitarists learnt to play the guitar for the first time by learning the cords for the song.

A pretty typical theme for sad songs in the 90s.

I have to admit that this was my all-time favourite. How can people not fall for the line 'hidup tanpa mu, bak pungguk rindukan bulan' which translates into 'living without you is like an owl longing for the moon'? I wasn't even really longing for someone. Maybe the Power Rangers pencil box, yeah!

Back in the 90s, Malaysia did have its own share of cheesy pop songs with funky dance choreography to match to give Backstreet Boys, 'N Sync and Spice Girls a run for their money!

More cheesy, lovey-dovey songs. I seriously don't know why I liked them because back in the 90s, love and breakups were not the themes of my daily life. I was just a scrawny kid who barely crossed my precious one-digit age into the two-digit age group and all I had in mind was whether I would hold any position on the school prefect board or whether my Digimon would win the fight during recess or if my Tamagotchi pet would live through the night as I slept because I couldn't clean the shit!

I couldn't quite recall what's allowed back in the 90s but I don't remember flashy and shining and sparkly vests being in fashion. In Hong Kong, maybe!

Now fashion really is one way to see how much things have transformed over the years. There was once upon a time when baggy t-shirts and pants were like the 'in' thing but these days, everyone wants to wear some tight-fitting clothes that fit just nice with the shape of their body.

This was kinda like the cutest song back in the 90s

There you go. I hogged YouTube for a good two hours I forgot what I was intending to watch in the first place! It was fun recalling those moments of innocence but hey, I kinda like being not-so-innocent =P!

Life in Lyrics: Firework

2011-01-07T10:10:00.000Z

Ney year mood still buzzing, I figured the most appropriate song to start 2011's Life in Lyrics would be none other than Katy Perry's 'Firework'.

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag,

Drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?
Do you ever feel, feel so paper-thin
Like a house of cards, then blow from caving in?

Do you ever feel already buried deep?
Six feet under screams, but no one seems to hear a thing
Do you know that there's still a chance for you?
'Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light, and let it shine
Just own the night like the Fourth of July

'Cause baby, you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "ah, ah, ah!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go boom boom boom, make em brighter then the moon moon moon

You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane, comes a rainbow

Maybe the reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow
And when it's time you know

You just gotta ignite the light, and let it shine
Just own the night like the Fourth of July

'Cause baby, you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "ah, ah, ah!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go boom boom boom, make em brighter then the moon moon moon

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time you let it flew

'Cause baby, you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "ah, ah, ah!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go boom boom boom, make em brighter then the moon moon moon

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

No, I didn't choose the song simply because the title 'Firework' fits so nicely with the way we customarily usher in the new year with blast of firework display as we cross the midnight. I thought the song was appropriate because the lyrics are all about loving, appreciating and believing in oneself enough to have the courage to take the chance and start over in one's life which I personally think what a new year is all about.

The lyrics are all about changes and moving forward. They tell us to stop feeling sorry with our so-called pathetic lives or wallowing in self-pity because our lives seem to be less than perfect when compared to those of our peers. The lyrics encourage use to believe that we're special in our own way and to start believing that we could make our lives better, that the we have the secrets all along in our own spirits and determination, only if we dare to take the chance.

The lyrics aside, I have to admit the music video, in itself, bears a great message that matches the lyrics prefectly. From the hopeless cancer patient who sees the worth of living as he saw a mother giving birth, through an insecure chubby girl taking off her robe before jumping into a swimming pool in front of her entire friends only in her bikini, to the quite boy who takes his chance to kiss the boy he has a major crush on in a crowded club, the music video clearly portrays the meaning of bravery and courage in facing the difficult moments we have to go through in our lives.

So yeah, may 2011 be the year of courage and bravery for all of us and may none us be too cowardly to held our heads up high in facing all the trials and tribulations 2011 are sure to bring. Happy 2011 and may it be a good year to all of us =P!!!

the good, the bad, and the awful

2011-01-06T09:00:00.001Z

The Good

What’s good was that I was back in the good olde’ London, even for just three days. The trip was in plan for quite a while. FoCP was one hectic business there was hardly any time to chill and relax, let alone to sneak in a short trip even to a nearby city I thought I deserved a treat down to my favourite city.

I haven’t travelled that far and wide and while I’ve had the chance to visit big cities like Amsterdam, Paris, Geneve, and Montreux, there really was no place like London (start singing ‘No Place Like London’). Being in London makes me feel like I’m back in KL in the sense that despite some of the things that I’m not familiar with, I could still explore and enjoy the city without much worrying, although, of course, London is a lot cooler than KL =p.

I had a great time spending time with Java and Mog, who moved down to London after he graduated, walking around the town shopping (I, mostly) and exploring Oxford Street, Regent Street, Carnaby Street, Camden Town and the Chinatown where we had our all our meals. I also went to the river bank where the London Eye stood on new year’s eve to see the fireworks, apart from catching Andrew Lloyd Webber’s continuation of The phantom of the Opera, Love Never Dies.

Mog and Java in Oxford Street

yours truly in Carnaby Street

us three =p

Mog and Java waited while I was shopping =p

Piccadilly Circus

the unique satchel bag I got from Camden Town

the new coat I got from ZARA =) the best buy...

a cardigan from Uniqlo

the stage from where I was sitting...got the tickets at half-price =p

eating the red bean bun =p

Dim sum time, the first meal eaten in 2011 =p

pretending to eat char siu bao

a lady preparing dumpling right in front of the window so people could see

some pseudo-Hong Kong mall with instant photo machines..

this lady was doing a demonstration of some ancient chinese dessert...

King's Cross station looking busy when we're taking our train back up north...

playing Deal on the train

Java took a video of me reading...

It was a short trip but it was a good one, definitely =p!

The Bad

The bad was that my winter break is coming to an end. Beginning Tuesday, term starts again with my Essential Junior Rotation (EJR). I’m glad I’d be starting with the public health rotation which is said to be relatively mild and not too hectic because I’m still in the holiday buzz.

Gahh, why do good things have to come to an end? =(

The Awful

What’s awful was the experience I had in the restaurants in London Chinatown!

On the first night, Java, a Malaysian friend she was meeting up, and I decided to went to the Rasa Sayang restaurant because it served some very good Malaysian delicacies and I was craving for some good homey food. While we’re ordering the food (I ordered the spicy beef rendang), we were told of the ridiculously stupid policy of minimum 6 pound order per person and since our orders didn’t amount to 18 pound (Java and her friend were not ordering a full meal as they had eaten earlier before), we were not gonna be served. Not only the policy was a clear denial of the patron’s autonomy to what he or she wanted to order, which I was sure was against every consumerism ethics, the manner in which it was revealed to us was also rude. There was no sign of it at the door or outside the restaurant and the waitress was plain arrogant. I was just plain shocked with the ridiculousness of it all I just decided to leave! There went my craving for some spicy beef rendang =(

And that was not the only awful experience. The restaurant we went to on our second night had its own ugly side. I couldn’t remember the name of the restaurant but we decided to try it because Java said they served good foor having tried it before with her family. Yup, the food was good but the waiters were just as rude. While I appreciate the fact that it was dinner time and there were lots of customers to attend to, I couldn’t accept the brisk manner they were showing as if they didn’t have the time to answer questions. When we asked for the bill, we decided not to leave any tips because we believed they didn’t deserve it (I’m a big believer of giving credit only when it’s due). Sellotaped on the small dish they placed the bill on was a strip of paper saying ‘Service charge is not included in the bill’ and looking at it, the voice in my head said ‘F**k you. You don’t have the right to charge anyone for that poor service you give!’ What do they expect, some generous tip for the unfriendly manner? And seriously, what kind of Chinese restaurant didn’t serve tong lai cha?!

As I was leaving, I said thank you to the old man who came to pick up the small dish, I couldn’t quite catch his reply because he said it softly. It was either ‘Thanks for nothing’ or ‘Thanks for coming’. Let’s just say I gave him the benefit of my doubt.

My experience on the third day was slightly better although I was still annoyed that the waiter shooed us away after we just paid. We didn’t even ask for the bill but they put it right after they cleared the table as a sign that they wanted us to leave. Again, I could appreciate that it was lunch time and there were many customers coming in but they could do with some Politeness101. The waiter could at least pretend to be apologetic that they had to ask us to leave but I didn’t remember any of the waiters saying ‘I’m sorry but…’ in all the three restaurants I was in.

I know my disapproval means nothing to those restaurants. Their business will continue to thrive for people will continue to come in but seriously, whatever has happened to the polite and gentle manner we eastern people were once proud of? Those waiters and waitresses, whatever country they came from, project the image of the oriental and south east Asian community but they seemed to be attesting only to the western belief that most Asians were uncultured and uncivilised neanderthals! Unless of course these waiters and waitresses were trained to be polite only to Caucasians and Europeans and ignore the sensitivity of their own fellow brothers and sisters. Hypocrite much?!

Maybe the weight of their eastern manner and politeness was too heavy they couldn’t put it inside their luggages so they just left it wherever they came from. Or maybe they just couldn’t handle London’s big city arrogance because the last time I check, the waiters and waitresses in Newcastle Chinatown are all generally friendly.

2011: 17 changes to make

2011-01-05T09:00:00.014Z

As I sat in the train on the night of January 1st, I decided to write down some of tha changes I'm planning to make in 2011. Many call it resolutions. Some call it aspirations. Whatever this thing we'd usually do at the beginning of every year is called, I thought it was better to consider them as changes I want to make and bring into my year rather than just changes I'm hoping would happen in the year or one that the year would bring to me. The way I see, you make changes happen. Waiting for them to take place by miracle or chance is something close to ridiculousness.

So, here are some changes I'm planing to make:

try grow facial hair =)

This is just some crazy idea I feel like trying although all my friends don't seem to like the idea. I'd usually shave when the hair started to grow and friends would quickly notice and say I look younger =P clean-shaven but I thought this would be a nice try. I'm giving myself until end of January to see how well I can carry the look. I last shaved on the 30th before I went down to London so we'll see what's gonna happen when January ends =p!

go home for summer!!

I didn't go back to Malaysia last summer so I'm gonna go home this year, by hook or by crook (I'll seduce the pilot if needs be =p!), to see my beloved family. Plus, my summer break, which is one month short compared to the usual two month and a half, coincides well with fasting month and Eid. I'm not gonna be missing scelebrating Eid with my family and relatives two years in a row!

pass 3rd year medicine!

Well, there's no explaining this. I ain't repeating a year!
gain weight...hmmm...

Hmmm, pretty unlikely to happen. Aside from eating non-stop, I don't see going to the gym as a viable option to me because I really just lack discipline! Might be a good start for a change but I ain't gonna delude myself. Plus, I'll always have my huge workload as an easy excuse to not stick to the routine.

control and manage finance...

Not my favourite part. Nor is it my strong point. There have been numerous occasions where I caught myself in sticky situations (the gravity of those situations will not be mentioned, nor will the extent of the effect of them) so this has to be done. Although having just got back from London fresh from shopping at Oxford Street and Regent Street and Camden Town, I am now in one of those sticky situations.

travel???

I guess this will only happen if the above change works out.
take part in more writing competitions

Pumped up from my win last September, I had sent one or two entries for some other competitions and we'll see what happen of them soon. As for now, I'm already looking for other competitions to take part in.
exercise (meh...)/sports

Yeah, this need to be done also. The last time I properly sweat was probably some time in October last year. I haven't been to the sport centre either for badminton or squash. While I'm good at neither, it was good to just run around to sweat a little. I should really get back to doing this although I still haven't renewed my membership for the academic year. And this term is supposed to be more hectic. One thing I hate about exercising is that it make me lost weight which is not what I need!
make more friends =P

Not that I don't have any. I'm pretty close with all my friends but every year, tehre would always be new people to meet and befriend so that would be an interesting prospect to look forward to. And I'm increasing my Facebook 'friends' cap to 200. I've managed to maintained my 175 cap for 2010 (having had to remove a couple few =P) but I'm bound to meet more people in 2011. I decided, back in 2009, that it would strictly be for actual friends I've met and got close to. I don't even have any of my siblings on my Facebook. They peek their noses in my life through this blog =p.

Fireworks at London Eye - Hello 2011!!!

2011-01-04T12:30:00.001Z

As part of of the plan for my trip to London was to catch the fireworks on new year's eve, Java, Mog and I took the underground to the London Eye right after dinner at around eight o'clock. Yup, it was four hours before midnight but the crowd thronging the underground heading to that place was unbeliavable. By the time we got off Westminster underground station, only one exit remained open as others were closed because the viewing areas the exits led to were already packed with people

people making an exit onto the street...

Once outside, people seemed to be pouring from all directions trying to make their way to the river bank to get a good view. Somewhere along the way, I got separated from Java and Mog (I'm a fast walker) and with no idea what to do and no means of contacting them (my phone has a habit of dying on me in the most crucial of time!), I made my way, slipping and brushing against thousands of people to try get a good spot.

people who came earlier...some even showed sign that tehy've been waiting a lot earlier judging from bottles of drinks and packets of food...

settled for a spot right in front on London Eye!

As people waited for midnight to come, we were entertained by songs played by the deejay from BBC Radio 1 as they were showing live broadcast of the display. Some people, either out of boredom or a pure desire for attention-seeking, climbed the tree to a cheering crowd.

this guy climbed up, wrapped his legs around a branch, dangled upside down and start swaying to the rhythm as people took videos and snapped photos of him...

this guy tried to beat the first guy by climbing up to the topmost branch and stayed there for a while...there's nothing like cheap fame =p

By the time it was almost midnight, we started counting down. Enjoy the videos:

So, there goes my experience watching the fireworks at London Eye. Happy 2011!!!

2010 - a good year to friendship

2011-01-02T12:00:00.261Z

Just like how 2010 marks the crossing of the decade from the noughties (2000-2009) to the tens (2010-2019), the year also sees me crossing several lines, for better or for worse, in my life. At the end of 2009, I wrote a post listing nine significant moments in my life that occurred in the year. While it seems natural that I should be listing 10 significant moments that has occurred in 2010 by way of reflecting the year, I think I'm gonna re-examine the year by writing about the changes that have happened, either by fate or choice, during the year.

To say that 2010 has been a stagnant year would be inaccurate because it sure has gone by in a blink of an eye. Back when I was young, there was this fear among my friends and I that time moves faster when we're nearing the end of the world but there are also those who say time moves a lot faster when you're enjoying yourselves. 2012 is coming nearer and despite whatever people are saying, if indeed the end is gonna come, that gives us all even more reason to enjoy our lives.

Have I enjoyed 2010? I would say yes. It has not been without its own trials and challenges but it does have its good moments that I'd never want it to be different in most ways.

The first half proved to be slightly monotonic and stagnant with me just continuing life as a second year medical student and winter term was one hell of a hectic period with the deadlines on both my Patient Study and my Student Selected Component assignments. While I almost failed to hand in my Patient Study in time (thanks to the printer who chose to go bonkers), I managed to earn satisfactory grades accordingly to the effort I put in enough to make me feel happy.

My Easter holiday was spent moderately with no extravagant trips involving any cruise crossing any borders to any foreign lands using foreign languages. While I was kinda sad with the idea, I did travel up to Edinburgh and that marked my first foray into Scotland, the land of bagpipes and quilts. I also went down to Leeds for a day to hang out with OB the housemate.

Having 'educational' fun at the Thackray Medical Museum

with one of the canons in Edinburgh Castle

fooling around in Camera Obscura

One change I did early March was that I cut my hair so short it was the shortest I've ever had ever since I can to the UK. After almost over a year sporting shoulder-length and straightened hair, I decided to revert back to my short curly hair which shocked most of my friends because they've never seen me that way. I'm now back to my shoulder-length style and I'm thinking of trying out some new style but I don't think it'd bode well with the professionalism code of conduct in a hospital setting.

I doubt I'll go that short again anytime sooner

April was the time for the annual Newcastle Malaysian Night and being the good member of the society that I was, I took part in two performances like I did back in 2009. Again, I took part in the customary opening performance of Dikir Barat and the Malay dance for which we did the Joget. I was never a committed performer but I have never shied away from any challenges and having co-produced and 'My Fair Lady' back when I was doing my IB and performed in Malaysian Night 2009, I actually enjoyed being on stage. You can read more about the night here and here.

May came in with the usual buzz of exam and the not-so-usual IBS. Irritable bowel syndrome, that is. Few days before the exam, as I burnt the midnight oil to finish my revision, I had to go through a very excruciating colicky stomach pain and it persisted for a day to a point I was so scared I went to the hospital after the usual dose of pain-killers proved not to be working. You can read abou my experience here. Being ill certainly wasn't the best thing especially when it was during exam time. Having said that, I successfully managed to pass my final exam despite not finishing my revision and the fact that I only went to bed at around 5 in the morning on the night (morning) of the exam which was why I was extremely happy about it because one of he first thing I heard about the second year final exam was that it was the toughest of all the five years and if one were to fail a year in the medical school, most would experience it in their second year. I was glad I was not part of that statistic and passing the second year marked my crossing from the theoretical world of medicine into the realm of clinical practice. Yay!

Summer holiday brought the relatively mild summer and I for the first time decided, involuntarily, to not go home. It was recession and tickets during summer time were exorbitantly expensive and that made 2010 the first year in which I didn’t get to see my family at all.

As sad as it was, I would say I had a great summer spending it with Java and Surein every single day baking cakes and cupcakes as if I was on a mission to get diabetes in thirty days or having barbecues by the lake or watching the World Cup at home or at the pub when they were England’s matches.

Watching the matches at the bar, taking in all the excitement emanating from the raucus and avid fans of England’s supporters as they cheered at England’s attempts at scoring or booed and swore at the blunders made by the players was certainly a joy in itself. We naturally didn’t support England but we pretended to cheer along just to make sure we wouldn’t get in any trouble =p.

2010 also saw me going to my first fun fair ever! I know it sounds really sad but hey, I'm really happy to say that the first fun fair I went to was the Hoppings, Europe's largest travelling fun fair. Wasn't one for a coward, I went on the 'Bomber Mark 2' Booster Maxx Ride, the tallest and fastest in the entire world, standing at 55metres tall and moving at 83mph fast. Let's just say I had the most thrilling 5 minutes of my life!

the 'Bomber Mark 2; Booster Maxx Ride

the crew - Insi, Surein, Moi, Java, Chie =p

July saw me going down to London for the third time and it was my longest stay ever down in London. While I did the usual touristy endeavours of visiting famous places of attractions like St Paul's Cathedral, the British Museum, Tate Modern and as such, I also went to see the 2010 London Gay Pride where I was asked to be a model for a photoshoot. Errr, no thanks! Click on the links if you're interested to read more about my visits but what I really like about the trip was how I spent every afternoon going to St Paul's Cathedral to join many Londoners just sitting and lying on the grass as we had our lunch while reading magazines or novels with the sun shining brightly above us. It was a good way to relax during the summer after one hell of a hectic academic year!

Autum came with a flurry of things all happening at pretty much about the same time going through them all made me feel like time flew soooo much faster. August saw me turning 22 on its first day and Surein gathered some of the Malaysians who were not going back home and still in Newcastle to come knocking on my house door with a cake by way of a surprise. While I loved the effort for the surprise, I was just glad of growing up a year older. Birthday was more of a personal reflective time rather than celebratory for me.

I also fasted for the entire month in the UK for the first time. Many assumed it would be hard because of the longer summer days and while challenging as it was, I sailed through just fine even when I started my FoCP in the middle of the fasting month.

My FoCP, or Foundation of Clinical Practice, started as Malaysians celebrated the country's 53rd Independence Day. I'd say I really enjoyed my FoCP as it marked my transition from plain theoretical textbook medicine to real clinical practice and patient care. You can read about my FoCP experience here as I wrote about them weekly according to the different medical specialties and fields.

One defining moment in 2010 was when I won the second prize for the 2010 UK International Students Short Story Prize. It really was a milestone for me because I've never won any writing competitions despite having entered several ever since high school. Apart from medicine, I've always wanted to be a writer (novelist, columnist, etc.) and since I've chosen medicine as my career path, I turn to blogging for my writing dream. I view the win as the starting point that marks my foray into more serious involvement in writing. The winning was an encouragement for me to turn what I've always considered as a mere dream into something more real. I now can't wait for my short story to be published as part of the prize was that the shortlisted entries would be published in an anthology. As for the £500, let's just say they've all been transformed into clothes and food and shoes =P!

Autums also saw me experiencing a new chapter in my life in which I started to live on my own in a studio flat. For many young men, this seems like a dream come true in which there were no nagging mothers who kept telling to clean up the mess while they were playing video games like in movies. As for me, I just love having a space for myself where I can come back to rest after a long day at the hospital. Some friends asked if I wasn't bored at all but given the nature of my schedule, there was no time to feel bored. After spending 9-5 at the hospital meeting patients and learning from the registrars and consultants, there was just plain tiredness I'm glad I could have the night to myself quietly as I blog or surf the net or watch some TV series or do some reading before going to bed around eleven. The whole cycle would start again the next day as I wake up at half-past six to get ready. Weekends are the only times I get to hang out with my friends.

Winter came with an unbelievable amount of snow. It was soooo bad, touted as the worst in 120 years, there was a time when I didn't go to the hospital for the entire week due to travel disruption.

December arrived with the sad news of my uncle's death after succumbing to lung cancer. While I've been told about his illness around late september/early october, his death hit me pretty hard because I couldn't see him in his final moment. Having said that, I'm glad he's suffering was over and may he rest in peace.

What's with all the horrible weather and the sad news and the disasterous exam, I was glad that it was winter holiday and I began to cheer up again as I took in the joyous Christmas season. I decorated my very first Christmas tree apart from spending the Christmas eve spending time with great company eating great delicious food!

I ended 2010 with a trip down to London for the fourth time on the pure desire to watch the fireworks, to do some shopping and to watch 'Love Never Dies'. Posts on the trip will follow soon but I'm glad 2010 has come to an end to make way for 2011.

2010 saw me go through some bad and some good stuff but then again, that's pretty much how every year is. 2011 will bring both good and bad things but what really matters is surviving those challenges to come out wiser and appreciating the good moments to be eternally grateful, and most importantly, loving those people who've been with me the entire time through thick and thin and for that, I'd say 2010 was brilliant thanks to a group of friends I've come to regard as my brothers and sisters.

Goodbye 2010!

P.S.: I know it's kinda late but I was in London from 30th to 1st so there wasn't enough time to finish and publish this post. Have a good 2011!

the prayer at the crossing

2011-01-01T11:00:00.000Z

God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

As the clock strikes twelve times,
Let me be reminded of the twelve months,
Twelve promises, twelve challenges,
Heading my way, as sure as the black night

Grant me eagerness for all things new,
And readiness to leave what’s old behind

Grant me thirst for bottomless knowledge,
And never satiety from mere drops of ignorance

Grant me light to help me see the truth,
And don’t let the dark clouds of doubt engulf me

Grant me the trust of kind and loyal friends,
Along with humility to respect all foes

Grant me the will to strive for successes,
And spare me the regrets of failures unforeseen

Grant me the bravery of facing those unknown,
And not the cowardice that only brings retreat

Grant me compassion for what’s dear to me,
But not hatred towards what’s unfamiliar

Grant me patience in my pursuit of love,
But spare me the haste of harbouring indifference

Grant me liberty as my pair of white wings,
But not hesitancy that chains me from soaring

Grant me strength to keep working for peace,
But spare me sorrow in the victory of violence

Grant me tolerance for all views opposing,
But not despair when faced with uncompromising stands

Grant me the grace to only appreciate the past,
And stop me not from dreaming of the future

As I cross this ending and step into the beginning,
Whisper in me the grace of living,
Protect me from the mediocrity of mere existence,
Treasure in me the gift of present.

Life in Lyrics: Seasons of Love

2010-12-30T12:00:00.001Z

Being the last week of the year, I guess it's appropriate to put a song that really sums up the entire year than just the week and on that note, nothing is more appropriate than 'Seasons of Love', the signature song of the musical RENT. Here's the clip from the movie adaptation of the musical by Christopher Columbus boasting some of my favourite actors on TV and on stage like Taye Diggs, Idina Menzel, Rosario Dawson and Adam Pascal (well, they became my favourites after I watched RENT). Diggs, Menzel and Pascal were also part of the original Broadway cast of the musical.

525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear.
525,600 minutes - how do you measure, measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee.
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.
In 525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year in the life?
How about love? How about love? How
about love? Measure in love.
Seasons of love.

525,600 minutes! 525,000 journeys to plan.
525,600 minutes - how can you measure the life of a woman or man?

In truths that she learned,
Or in times that he cried.
In bridges he burned,
Or the way that she died....

It's time now to sing out,
the story never ends
let's celebrate remember a year in the life of friends.
How about love!
How about love! How about love!
Measure in love.
Seasons of love! Seasons of love.

It seems like a common practice for many to become sort of reflective when a new year approaches and I think the song puts the whole idea nicely and succintly. Just like everyone else, I would start pondering how good the year has been and how much I've achieved and whether I've fared better in my year compared to the person next to me and since each and everyone uses a variety of measuring standards (study, career, financial status etc.), it's kinda hard to know which one man is better than the rest which brings me to why I really like the song.

It encourages us all to measure our year based on our relationships, with strangers on the street or virtually, our friends we hang out with most of the time, our family we fight with half of our lives, and most importantly, with our own selves all the time. It reminds us all to judge the minutes in our lives, all 525,600 of it, based on how much we've touched someone's lives, either with genuine compassionate gestures or simple plain smiles, directly or indirectly, to people we personally know or random strangers we become acquainted with. The song also serves as a reminder of the moments that we've offended and hurt someone so that we wouldn't, hopefully, repeat such similar actions.

In 2010, I've learned truths, my own truths, and while others deem that some of them are blasphemies, I've decided to give them the benefit of my doubt to explore them. In 2010, I've cried for many reasons, both sad and happy. In 2010, I've burnt bridges and while it wasn't something that I am really proud of, I have my reasons to justify my action. In 2010, I've dealt with death together with the idea and the journey leading to it and just like in the lyrics, the story doesn't end and will never come to an end just because a year comes to and end.

The same will continue to go on in my life and while I'm happy for all the good moments to keep on coming, I'm not really scared about the persisting bad moments that will always follow like a darkening shadow because I know the people I love will always be with my. In 2010, in both happy and sad moments, I always have my family and friends to rely on and share everything. 2010 might have passed without me seeing any of my family physically the entire year, never a day passes without me thinking about them. On the other hand, I go through 2010 with my other family, my friends I've come to consider as brothers and sisters.

2010 saw me surviving another stint in medical school to become one year closer to my childhood ambition. 2010 saw me achieving my second dream to become a writer when I won a short story competition with the promise of getting published. 2010 saw me coming out and being honest to my friends in accepting who I am. 2010 saw me practising medicine in its actual state of meeting patients and doing practical stuff. 2010 saw me being in and out of love, thrived in hopes of the possibility of happiness and struggled under pressure of having those hopes being shattered to pieces.

2010 saw me going through all those things I mentioned above with my friends all around me and I couldn't be more grateful than how my year has turned out to be!

So yeah, I hope 2010 has been a meaningful year to all of you. Fret not if the year was stagnant without any significant achievement for 2011 will soon come to bring a whole load of promise of something better. Just celebrate the fact that you all have your family and friends who will never be unchanging even if the year seems to change at a rate faster than you'd like. Wallow not in the misery of what we don't have but be grateful for the pleasure of the things we do have.

Good luck in 2011!

the good, the bad, and the resolute

2010-12-28T11:45:00.008Z

The Good

What's good was the Christmas dinner my friends and I had on Christmas eve. It was sorta my second time enjoying Christmas with my friends (although I've gone through three December 25th in the UK, I remember just sleeping off the first one back in my first year). Like 2009, my friends and I decided to do a cook-out and spend the time together because we happened to be without or families on the festive season.

So yeah, on Christmas eve, we all gathered together and started cooking and I'd say the chaotic moment in the kitchen was a lot more fun than what happened later during dinner (although it was just as much fun). Despite the minor glitched involving a tripped fuse causing the entire first floor (including the kitchen) to be out of electricity, we managed to pull it off and enjoyed the night with some great food, great company and cheap alcohol (although I just settled for my pineapple juice lah)

stuffing Java and I made...took forever for Mami to make the breadcrumbs, bless her!

David getting putting his final touch on the amazing cheesecake =p

chickens ready to roast...we had one last year but it was not enough so we got two and we had enough for lunch the next day

after the fuse tripped, we had to put the roast, which was almost done luckily, in the microwave oven

that's Mami, anothe sample of crazy Japanese =p

Sharon, Pina, Mami, David sitting and Moi and Java at the back...cool people always hang out the back =p

toasting to great food, great company, and cheap wine and pineapple juice =p

and we later played Mahjong and Monopoly Deal and cards

The Bad

The bad was that I woke up one day with and eye infection or stye or 'ketumbit' as it's more commonly known among the Malay community. I first felt it on the edge of my right eye few days before Christmas day but my eye only started to get swollen on Christmas eve. I just hated the idea of having it because the last time I had stye (more info about it on Wikipedia - yes, I regard Wikipedia as biblical!) was back when I was 17 and somehow the idea of getting it again after 5 years really worried me.

woke up with a swollen eye on Christmas morning...Santa must have hated me for some reason =(

got worse on Boxing day and I can't go out shopping, bummer =(

got slightly better yesterday...

Lucky for me, the swelling went down like two days after it started (technically just yesterday) and I didn't feel the pain I'd usually feel so I felt really good because I was already planning to see my GP and I don't like the idea of it because I'd only go see a doctor only when something is really bad. The last time I went to see a doctor was in May after dealing with excruciating colicky pain for two days thanks to my IBS.

The Resolute

The Resolute was me, of course =p. Being the second last week of the year, I've sort of started thinking about 2011 and what I hope it's gonna bring me, or rather, what sort of changes I myself am gonna bring into my life.

I'm not much of a new-year-resolution kind of person so I rarely have any and this time around I'm still a little vague. However, over the years that I've lived (just 22 =P), I've learnt not to dream too big, or get lost in big dreams but to focus on little things more achievable and practical so one of the thing I'm planning to do in 2011 is to subscribe to TIME magazine. I picked up the edition featuring Mark Zuckerberg and reading it, it sort of opened me to an entirely different world I seem to know very little of (politics, sociology, economy, human rights, etc.) and I hate not knowing so I thought subscribing it would broaden my horizon a lil' bit and I think it would be a good escapade from the world of medicine now and again. Back when I was doing my IB, I used to subscribe to Reader's Digest and Discovery Channel magazine and I found reading something non-medical was a good way to de-stress so I'm gonna start the habit again. I'm also thinking of subscribing to RD again although I found the UK edition less interesting than the Asia edition. I guess it feels a lil' less homey.

Another thing I'm planning to do was to keep a diary-planner sort of thing. I'm not the most disorganised person on earth (I always manage to keep up with my assignment deadlines with minimal effort) but I thought it would be nice to have something to check regularly to keep me up to date with everything. As it is, I've already filled my planner (which I got free when I bought RD January publication) with dates of my rotations beginning January next year. I'm sure, just like how my three-month FoCP flew like a gust of wind, my EJR is gonna passed by like a bullet train it'lls be July in the blink of an eye. Medicine sure keeps my life hectic and fast!

Other than that, I'm not very sure about other resolutions yet but at least I'm starting somewhere. After all, a year of 365 days starts with just that one 1st January =P!!!

Life in Lyrics: We Need A Little Christmas

2010-12-24T12:15:00.003Z

Life in Lyrics this week will be about Christmas, naturally. I'm on my Christmas holiday and what with the snow that comes down to disrupt everyone's travel plans and the pretty lights and decorations all around town with shoppers wrapped in their thickest jumpers and scarves, it's hard not to get in the mood.

I'm not very familiar with any Christmas carols or songs but when I watched Glee Christmas episode I fell in love with some and after I managed to get my hands on Glee Christmas album (the manner of which shall not be revealed =p), I've been playing them all every single morning of my Christmas break. Here's 'We Need A Little Christmas':

Haul out the holly

Put up the tree
Before my spirit falls again
Fill up the stocking
I may be rushing things
But deck the halls again now.
For we need a little Christmas
Right this very minute
Candles in the window
Carols at the spinet.

Yes, we need a little Christmas
Right this very minute
It hasn't snowed a single flurry
But Santa, dear, we're in a hurry!

So, climb down the chimney
Turn on the brightest string of light
I've ever seen
Slice up the fruitcake
It's time we hung some tinsel
On that evergreen bough.

For I've grown a little leaner
Grown a little colder
Grown a little sadder
Grown a little older
And I need a little angel
Sitting on my shoulder
Need a little Christmas now!

For we need a little music
Need a little laughter
Need a little singing
Ringing through the rafter
And we need a little snappy
Happy ever after
Need a little Christmas now

There's not much to be said about the lyrics except for the fact that I'm really enjoying my Christmas break. The weeks running up to my break were a little hectic, if not horrible, what with completing the logbook for the FoCP, revising for OSCE and exams, and dealing with the sudden death in the family, so I'm a lot cheerful now to be in a very festive mood.

I don't feel any affinity towards the celebration per se (seeing I'm not Christian) but some of my friends are so I'm just happy to join in the celebration with them. We just got our own tree (it's sooooooo pretty!!!) and we're gonna have a very big dinner on Christmas eve (like 6-7 hours from now and we haven't even started cooking =/).

decorated my first Christmas tree!

So yeah, have a very merry Christmas!!!

P.S.: It's soooo gonna be a White Christmas this year =P!

my first ever Christmas tree!!!

2010-12-23T12:09:00.000Z

Christmas was never a big thing in my life, naturally so because I'm not a Christian, but three years in the UK I really am enjoying the mood and atmosphere the season always brings year in year out.

In many ways (religious perspectives aside), Christmas is a lot similar to Eid in which both are about being with family and friends, spending times after together after not seeing each other for a very long time, seeking forgiveness and mending burnt bridges, enjoying good meal together, and exchanging gifts and presents.

In my first year, I just couldn't be bothered with Christmas. Back then, all I cared about was the whole post-Christmas sale following it. In my second year, a couple of friends and I decided to sort of celebrate Christmas by playing secret santa and having a huge dinner together where we have roast chicken and potatoes and the likes just to get in the mood. This year, we decided to go a lil' further by getting our own Christmas tree.

One of my favourite thing to do during Eid time is lighting the 'pelita' or oil lamps all around the house. It gives me great pleasure to see the flames (tiny one) dancing on the wicks around the house. It really puts me into the festive mood of Eid. I guess putting up a Christmas tree with the lights would be the Christmas equivalent of the oil lamps/pelita so I was really excited that we decided to get our own tree. It was my first time decorating my very first Christmas tree in my entire life!!!

looked a lil' daunting out of the box...

workin out the branches to give the tree the right shape...

started to decorate with garlands and bells...Java at the back trying to be the Grinch!

putting up the baubles and stars

with the lights

Java and me behind our Christmas tree =)

And that's my first ever Christmas tree. Childish as this might sound, I had a great pleasure putting it up with, hanging all the garlands and baubles and bell and stars all around the tree as we sang to Christmas carols and songs, especially when it was snowing outside. It really put me right into the Christmas mood!!

Here's one of the song we sang called O Christmas Tree. It is a German traditional Christmas song but this version has been given a modern twist sang by Mr Schue aka Matthew Morrison of Glee =)

O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
Much pleasure do you bring me!
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
Much pleasure do you bring me!

For every year the Christmas tree,
Brings to us all both joy and glee.
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
Much pleasure do you bring me!