FBombAndy!!!

Slowly

2008-03-26T01:41:00.002-05:00

I've been too neglectful.

Things have been rather hectic. I'm trying to get everything together for my big move. I've already picked out the apartment, signed a lease agreement, and packed my stuff. I move in on the 1st, which is less than a week away. The electricity should be turned on that day, and so should all of the other utilities. But, there's some things I need to decide on.

Work is work. I'm comfortable, and it's getting easy. Usually, I'm the middle-relief guy. (I really hate baseball, but that's the only way I can describe it.) However, they're fine with me being the closer as well. (Stupid baseball.) Basically, I punch in sometime in the afternoon, tell whomever opened to take their lunch, and take care of anything that's going on. It's always a 7-hour shift. Well, until next week. Then I'll be getting a more stable 8-hour shift.

I can't believe this is all I have to show for the past two hours.

I really am out of it.

(I'll give you a call Wednesday, man. Sorry I missed it earlier today.)

Decisions again...

2008-03-15T00:41:00.002-05:00

About a month ago, I left our [electronics] department to work with the [computer technicians.] Things have been going well. Not great, but definitely not bad. I'm picking things up fairly quick, and I feel comfortable.

I found out yesterday that my old supervisor is transferring to another store. That means that his position is available. One person asked if I was going to apply. Another person from that department said I should apply. These are comments from my peers, and it shows that I've proven myself.

But I don't know. It'd be nice just to apply. I just feel like it would be awkward since I would be watching over people I was on the same level with. I don't mean that I'm better. Just that they would have to take orders from me on occasion, and that wasn't the case about a month ago.

If the pay is tons better, why not? That's why I say, 'I dunno.' If a manager asks me about it, I'd be more comfortable. Otherwise, I'll just sit back and be happy.

I really am happy right now. I just feel like a little bonus in my pocket would be nice too.

With What?

2008-03-05T23:59:00.003-06:00

Nothing going on my life. If you asked me about my day, I'd just say, "meh." It would be the lamest answer, ever.

Yet, my best friend, and my dad, are going through extremely rough times. Love, and death. Physical and emotional pain. In the most basic and general sense, loss.

If there's anything I fear, it's loss. Trust me, there are other fears that concern me, but loss might be number one. Whether it's losing a loved one, or just losing a game of poker, it hurts. When I get into something, or someone, I tend to put everything I have into it. If it's there, I immerse myself fully and expect nothing but the positive. I feel it, and I know it.

So when that 0.1% catches me off guard, it hurts. Even the best don't recover instantly.

But there's a reason I generally finish in the top 10% of any poker tournament. There's a reason why I feel like I could take the best from Daniel Negreanu, and give it right back to him with 2 blanks in my hand.

I can disconnect from anything, when I want. Whether it's the heartbreak that another causes, or the loss of a hand when the stakes are high, I can push it to the back of my mind and isolate it. It becomes my trump card. My opponent thinks that I'm on tilt. He expects a radical play. But I don't.

It's a blessing, and a curse. On one hand, my pain doesn't last longer than a brief moment. But it makes me emotionally inconsistent. Unstable. Unreliable.

But it's this unique ability that provides a basis for my martyr-complex. I think, "Pile it on me. Let it loose. I can handle it. If I can take your pain and help you the smallest bit, go for it."

And I guess it makes me less human. Emotions guide us, give us something to search for, and give us something to avoid. Just like when you touch a hot piece of metal and you jerk your hand away, emotions let you know who to get away from. And it's your emotions that keep you attracted to someone. They keep you coming back for more.

I'm rambling. There's no message here.

Cuatro Anos

2008-02-29T23:22:00.003-06:00

Wouldn't want to leave a month off. How about an update?

Not much has changed. Still with the same company, but I'm finally in the computer technician area. Mostly. I spend 20 hours there, and 10 on the floor. But that's just until they find someone to replace me. They've had a few interviews, but nothing yet.

Still single, but I'm fine with that. The chics are lookin', but I'm not biting yet. I don't think I could ever date someone I worked with. I wouldn't feel awkward if things didn't work out, but there would be some tension of course.

Need to finish my apartment search. Now that I know how much I'll be making, I know what I can afford.

I'm going to try to update more often, but I dunno. I'm kinda boring.

Kinda Maybe

2008-01-23T02:03:00.000-06:00

Ugh, I've actually been busy. But not with anything too interesting.

I picked up Rock Band for my XBox 360. It's fun enough, but sometimes I get bored with it. Or I just get frustrated. I already ripped through the guitar parts, and now I'm working on drums. I already hit my first obstacle, and I'm only on medium. I also picked up Assassin's Creed and Burnout: Paradise. It passes time when I'm not working.

Speaking of work, I think there's some change coming soon. I had my 3-month review, and everything was positive. I'm a go-to guy, and I'm trustworthy. Well, I found out that on that same day, one of the people from [our computer technician department] put in his notice. It sucks because the guy was really cool, and I was looking forward to working with him. On the bright side, a position is going to open up. And soon. It's what I wanted, but not the way I wanted.

Meh.

1.16.08

2008-01-16T01:11:00.000-06:00

There was something I really wanted to write, but then I forgot what it was.

I was thinking about getting a new screen name. I've had this one for over 5 years, and it might be time for a change. When I got my new Xbox 360 and signed up for Xbox Live, I decided to get away from "FBombAndy." Mostly because I don't want my co-workers to find this. Or anything with that screen name attached to it.

Speaking of work, I'm in a phase where I just go through the motions. It's gotten easy, and I feel like it just doesn't challenge me anymore. It's been over 3 months, and I said I would send out my resume again if I didn't notice any improvement. So, I've been thinking about talking to my supervisor and seeing about doing something new. I've been waiting on moving up to being a [computer technician.] I'm going to find out if there are going to be any openings soon, or possibly at another store location. I'd rather not leave my current location, just because I've really gotten used to the people I work with.

It's just one of those flaws that I can't really fix. I pick things up quickly, and then I get bored. Once I meet my goal, I don't think about pushing myself further. I just look for the next challenge. So, even if I do get promoted, will I just get bored again in 3 months?

Either way, I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to do once the lease runs up in March. And I'm working on consolidating my loans.

Something's gotta happen.

Don't Mess

2008-01-08T23:52:00.000-06:00

Warning: The following post will have adult language. It is rated 'M,' for Mature.

Some asshole decided to come into my store today. After asking him if I could help him with anything, he muttered something like, "I know what I'm doing." He went straight to the monitors and started messing with them. One of my co-workers went back and just kind stood around. THe customer asked him if he would get an extra discount on an open item that was marked for clearance.

It was a $584 monitor. It was on clearance for $298. It was below the manufacturer's cost.

He was told by my co-worker, "It's already half off, what else do you want me to do?" Well, something along those lines.

The guy said he was given attitude, and asked if he could speak to a manager. I hesitated, and walked away for 3 seconds so I could let him cool down if only a bit. I came back, and he asked if I had one new in the box. I told him I would check. My inventory said that I had a new one, so I told him I would try to find it. I checked the normal places and the warehouse, but I couldn't find it. I told him the display model was the only one left, and he asked again to speak to a manager.

I called him over and quickly briefed him. When we got back, he immediately started ranting about, "professionalism and respect." He mentioned how he was a manager for a competitor of ours. My manager calmed him down, and again backed us up on the price. He wanted to check it out with a different computer, so he asked if I could remove it from the display location. I did, because I thought he was going to buy the monitor. Might as well disconnect it, right?

I set it up, and it wasn't getting a picture. He then said, "Well, just hook it up to this computer." He then started undoing the cables. I told him to let me do it. He mentioned that he had done this plenty of times. I told him that I was the employee, and he was the customer. (Well, something like that.) He kept going anyway. I turned my back.

He then complained that the text was blurry, but still wanted it anyway. He asked if another store would have new one in the box. I checked my inventory, again, and told him that his best shot was a store 30 minutes away. He asked if I could call and verify that they had one. I informed him that to my knowledge, I cannot make that call. I can only give him the number. I explained to him why, and he started walking away mid-sentence. He made some gesture to the chic he was with, and walked off.

He complained one last time to my manager. Something about how he came in to buy something, but he didn't receive enough help.

My manager wasn't angry, but he was mildly upset. When he heard my coworker's side of the story, and my confirmation of that story, he understood the situation. In his words, "No matter how rude a customer is, we still have to be respectful. After they leave, then we can label them an asshole."

The guy was nearly 6'3, and probably 190lbs. I don't care. If we were out on the street, I'd still do some damage to him. Everyone that witnessed it would have taught the guy a lesson had we not been in our work clothes.

If you come into my store and disrespect me, I won't help you. I'll do the opposite of helping you. If I have the item you're looking for, and there's one left, I'm not selling it to you. If I'm off the clock and doing some shopping, and I notice you're being rude to one of my co-workers, I'll have security watch every move you make.

I said words today that I haven't said in years. I'm hoping it will years more before I say them again.

2008.1

2008-01-08T02:04:00.000-06:00

Sunday sucked. I went in at 1PM, and nothing was going on. Barely any customers. I worked on setting up computers and fixing things up.

This one guy came in. He wanted some computers, exactly like in the ad. And he didn't want anything to be done to them. It all sounded like an order. "May I have a number one with no lettuce? And can you make that drink a Sprite?" Once I got to the register, he basically said, "Oh, this burger is medium well. Could I have it well done instead?"

After I rung them out, they stood there for a few minutes more making sure the price was right. And it was. But his wife kept asking dumb questions.

Once they realized that they weren't going to get any money back, they walked off. I was a good 50 feet away from my department, so I took advantage by staying where I was. I leaned against the counter, and just stared at nothing. One of the computer tech guys teased and asked if I needed someone to talk to. I just smirked and kept staring.

I don't work on commission, so I really don't care how much a customer spends. I never try to sell someone more than they need. I show them some options, ask for they're opinion, and inform them of other features they could have. If I hear the word 'no,' I immediately back off. And this is what people like. I would know, because I've shopped before.

It was just odd, because that's the first time I was genuinely frustrated. I didn't want to go back to my department. I just wanted 2 minutes to clear my head. Once I had, I was fine.

I still like where I am. It's easy, and my co-workers are easy to get along with. It's a good time, each time.

New Year Soon

2007-12-26T23:47:00.000-06:00

I have to go to beed soon because I have to open tomorrow. That's been the routine for the past two weeks.

Almost. Two weeks ago, I came down with some food poisoning. I ate at a fast food restaurant that I really enjoy. Well, I guess they didn't cook the burger very well, and it finally kicked my ass the night after. I ate it Tuesday night, right after I got off of work. Wednesday morning was filled with shakes, chills, dry heaves, and back spasms. I went to a clinic, but I couldn't keep waiting. So I went to the local ER. They said it was a mixture of dehydration and food poisoning.

They hooked me up to two IVs and let me pass out. Before the IVs were successfully inserted, they had to try three times. The first was at the usual spot, on the inside of my elbow. The second was a little higher, but that didn't work very well either. So, they put it in the back of my hand. Fairly painful, but nothing I couldn't handle.

When I got home from the ER, I laid down on my bed. I drifted in and out of sleep for 6 hours. In the middle of the night, I woke up, grabbed my trash can, and started hurling. I carried it to the bathroom, where I finished the deed. Just to put it in perspective, I hadn't thrown up in over 6 years. It was a good streak.

I only missed a day of work, but the medication made my first day back really fuzzy. I was extremely light-headed and couldn't focus on anything. So I sat in the back and worked on computers.

A few days later, I accidentally bumped my arm where they had missed the IV. The vein opened a bit, and blood started collecting in my arm. It bubbled a bit, and I had to put ice on it. It was very similar to what happened on my right hand when I punched the floor. But now there's a green spot where it happened, and it's been like that for over a week now.

There's more, but I want to sleep. I'm back though, and that's what matters.

One More Go

2007-12-05T00:14:00.000-06:00

Nothing new. It's just the usual "go to work, go home and sleep" routine. But even then, I don't have to work hard. Like tonight, there weren't many customers. So, I floated between my department and the computer repair department. Helped out with the computers and anyone who had questions.

More of the coworkers are warming up to me. The conversations are getting longer, and their censorship is disappearing. It makes it easier on me because then I don't have to censor myself as much. Every sentence I speak ends in "sir" or "ma'am." But when things are quiet, the talk is much more casual.

It is kind of nice working in a major retail store. So many cute chics...(One came in and played our Rock Band demo. She was really good. But a coworker and I couldn't determine how old she was.)

I've gotta work tomorrow. So, I can't stay up too late. In fact, I should probably get ready for bed.

Asking What?

2007-12-02T21:37:00.000-06:00

So, when approaching a female, is it ok to ask for age? Or is it one of those things where if you have to ask, the answer isn't going to be favorable? I'm assuming the latter.

There's another major retail store in the same shopping center as where I work. There's a cute chic who works in that store. I'm into legs, and she has seriously nice legs. Very womanly.

So, I think the plan is to send one of my younger co-workers over to that store to scout. If she's closer to his age, then I consider her off-limits. And he can call dibs. Otherwise, well, I'll look into it.

Going to be fun tomorrow. There should be a good closing crew, and I get to watch Heroes without commercial interruptions once I get home. For now, I'm going to grab some Doritos and watch TV. Maybe I'll pop in the new Futurama movie. I haven't watched it yet.

Not A Cougar

2007-12-02T01:18:00.000-06:00

This was a good night. We had a really good crew working tonight.

Something really interesting happened. Before I begin, I should mention that we have a different way of helping customers. First, each one of us is required to know the products we are talking about. If you ask me about an iPod, a computer, a digital camera, whichever, I need to know everything about it. Not only do we need to know the product, we are 'encouraged' to get to know the customer. Not just the question "what are they buying," but also, "why are they buying it?"

I was helping a woman pick out an iPod. For her son. She wan't bad-looking. I bet she looked great in her early 20s. Either way, while I gave her information on the iPod Touch, she slowly moved closer to me. And she started to joke with me. I carried her items to customer service, and things were bought. Two of the other things she bought weren't heavy, but were in weird boxes, so I offered to get her a cart to make it easier. Instead, she suggested I carry it to her car.

The guys that guard the doors to prevent theft give me that smirk as I walked outside. I think they chuckled a bit once I was out of listening range. She pointed our her car and popped the trunk. I helped her pack it in, and that was that.

Still, it was just a bit awkward. Then again, it was the first time that I carried anything for a customer outside of the store. Maybe that's why I felt uneasy. But once I was back inside, of course I was joking with my co-workers.

It was a really fun night. Watched Fight Club for a little bit, and I got to watch Red Eye. I'll probably snack on something and then pass out. I'm off tomorrow. And I don't go in until 5PM on Monday.

Hump Night

2007-11-28T22:45:00.000-06:00

It was just another slow day. In fact, it's supposed to be a slow week. Everyone blew their paycheck last Friday, so no one is spending a dime this week. It means that I do more standing around, and that let's my mind wander.

The first thing I did was help one of my coworkers. I hadn't really talker to her before, but I've noticed her. She's a bit taller than me, and very slender. She's cute. She name-dropped a particular video game, and mentioned a laptop. So, she get's bonus points in my book. Besides, taller chics have longer legs.

Other than that, there wasn't anything memorable. I came home, watched some TV, and ate a pizza. Now I'm in my room and listening to Radiohead. Real original, I know.

Still, I just have to make it through tomorrow. Then I'm going to DoubleDave's to watch the Cowboys game. I'll be able to stay up since I'm off Friday. Fun nights.

By the which, I'm thinking about rewaring my 'fans' out there. Still thinking of how though...

Almost Wednesday

2007-11-27T22:56:00.001-06:00

It was really slow today, and that's odd considering that all of the new movies and music came out today. Usually there's a good flow towards the media department, and then it trickles to my department. But there wasn't much.

There were plenty of funny things going on though. I helped this one lady, and she wasn't bad looking. In fact, I'd rate her a seven, which is pretty high on my scale. As soon as I walked away from her, one of my coworkers walked up to her and tried to play it smooth. I cracked up just a bit. And then some chic that works with us came in on her day off. Another coworker walked right up to her and mentioned something about a phone number and a hookup.

I don't think there's anyone at work that I would consider dating. Either they're taken, or they're too young. Besides, things get awkward if it doesn't work out.

My voice isn't back yet either. It's getting close, but people still ask if I'm feeling better.

Tomorrow is another long day. And Thursday. But I do get Friday off, which is a big plus. I have crap to take care of. By the which, I don't know when exactly, but I'm going to start using Google Talk again. I think. Unless there's a better IM out there.

Back Again

2007-11-26T23:16:00.000-06:00

I figure it's time to start posting on a regular basis again. The holidays are almost over, and there's nothing else for me to do while everyone else does their thing.

These past few weeks have been hectic. My hours have been soaring, and it's spilling over into the only time I have free - the time that I am asleep. I'll have dreams where I'm at work, helping people or answering questions. It sucks. I'll wake up three time a night before my alarm goes off, and it isn't until the last dream that I finally escape. By then, the alarm is only five minutes away. I really only get 5 minutes of rest.

But my mind isn't working nearly as hard. It feels like my brain has been off for weeks. I mean, I haven't been required to do any critical thinking in a while. I'm not even motivated to analyze people, or their actions. Usually when I make new friends, I mark out every detail of the conversation. Not anymore. I'm too lazy.

I feel so comfortable now at [the place I work at.] The first week was weird becasue everyone kinda just kept walking. Now, they all stop and start talking to me. I know who likes what, and what to mention to each person. I know who the Cowboy fans are, and I know who doesn't like sports.

Either way, I need to be asleep in an hour I think. Better start winding down.

Quickly

2007-11-23T23:43:00.000-06:00

So, I haven't written in a while. I figure I'll do at least a brief update.

Upper Respiratory Infection set in on Tuesday, and I had to call in sick on Wednesday. Thursday was ok, except that I yelled at my dad and left early in the afternoon. I went into work at 10:30AM today, even though the infection invaded my sinuses. I got out at 9PM, and my voice is nearly 100% gone.

Now I'm really tired. Going to sleep and see if my voice comes back in the morning.

Watch and Learn

2007-11-19T00:54:00.000-06:00

I have a special list of movies. If I'm flipping through the channels, and one of those movies is on, I'll watch it. No matter what. Eurotrip is one such movie. It's hilarious, and it's always entertaining. Another is SuperTroopers. At this moment, it is on Comedy Central. Every time I watch it, I tell myself that I need to just buy the DVD. And I really should, because I don't think my dad has seen it.

I was checking out iTunes for new music. I forgot how much I miss Jazz Band. Well, I miss playing music in general. But my favorite songs are so laid back, and I still have the solos memorized. Miles, Coltrane, and Clifford Brown.

I'm feeling good again. With the 'smirk.' I know what's up. When my hair is freshly cut, and I'm wearing new shirts, I become a different person. Even in my work clothes, it doesn't matter. And I really think that it's easier for me to approach people now.

I still hate waking up in the morning. No matter how much sleep I get, my stomach still hates me. But I'll start taking my meds regularly to see if it helps. Before, I was taking them once a week, but it's supposed to be once a day. Meh.

Where to?

2007-11-15T01:30:00.000-06:00

I had a purpose tonight. I logged onto blogger with the intention of writing a nice, long post.

But then I got distracted. And once that happened, I forgot my inspiration. I don't have the luxury of focusing on my 'muse.' I can't pinpoint a specific time in my life no matter what. There are no stories in my head that need to be typed.

So, I know exactly what any new reader is thinking. "Is this guy being forced to do anything? Why is he complaining about a hobby?"

I've been doing this since August of 2003. There were weeks when I didn't write one word. There were days that had multiple posts. I've hit my peaks, and I've reached some lows. But no matter what, I do my best to provide something intelligent, thought-provoking, or just entertaining.

Here's the problem. I've used up every last thing I can remember. I don't talk about people in my life, so that they may have their privacy as well. What's left? Do I reinvent myself? Do I create an alternate personality to liven up the place?

The only thing that's been on my mind lately is what I'm going to do in the future. I'll be sending out my resume again next month. The lease on this apartment runs up in March. Will I have a legitimate job by then? Should I move in with my parents until I'm financially stable? And if so, for how long? Could I really live like that?

So, first answer. I better damn well have a legit job by March. I'll be too pissed off at myself if I don't.

Second, moving in with my parents would help out in the long run. I could pay off my student loans in two years, possibly less. I could also build my credit and reduce my overall stress. However, I don't think that I could make it that long. After one month of living there, I would surely explode and lash out at all members of this family. The more I am with them, the more I realize that I am the different one. I guess that also answers the third question. And fourth question.

There are five people in my immediate family. 40% are the emotional type. The slightest, most trivial thing can set them off. They have no self-control, and they don't believe it's their fault. Another 40% are forced to retreat into the background. No one knows what's really going on.

And then there's me. I can be emotional, but I can control it. I can also be quiet enough to where no one knows I'm even there. I am a combination of both sides of this family. But that means I see the flaws in both sides. I hate it when people get emotional. And I hate it when I don't really know what's going on. That's why I really need to consider living elsewhere. Maybe in a different city. Maybe in a different state. I don't know.

Now I'm just rambling. That's enough. Better get some sleep so I can forget it all for nine hours.

Nowhere

2007-11-14T02:25:00.001-06:00

I would write something, but I'm still living a boring life. I wake up, kill time, and go to work. That's the routine for most of the week. When I do have a day off, I don't do anything interesting. I just lay around and relax.

For example, I woke up around noon today. Then I sat down and played Guitar Hero 3 for an hour or two. I finally beat this one song on expert, and it had been frustrating me for quite a while. Then I got ready for work and left. Nothing happened at work, mainly because I was reorganizing the shelves and setting up new computers. I didn't help anyone that was remotely interesting. No cute girls. Nothing. No one.

I got home and watched TV for a bit. Then I started checking my usual sites. Now I'm here at my desk, just trying to think of something that made today unique. But there was nothing. I won't remember a thing about today.

I'm so tired of this warm weather. The high for tomorrow is 89. It's mid-November. Come on.

In a few posts, I've written about the one thing that keeps me superstitious. Tuesday the 13th. Everything bad happened to me on a Tuesday. And it was always the 13th day of the month. But today wasn't like that. Nothing bad happened. I kept waiting for it, and then the clock struck midnight. I was overly cautious for no reason.

But now my waiting is something different. I'm waiting for that one opportunity. Just standing by the door, listening, and waiting.

Meh.

Bor-ing

2007-11-09T01:22:00.001-06:00

On the Fox Sports Network, they are airing the Hooter's Pageant. I'm really disappointed. Some of those girls look like they've spent too much time in the sun. Others look shiny...like plastic.

I finally get some time off. I've been going non-stop since last Friday. And nothing significant has been going on. I got quizzed by a supervisor the other night. It just focused on presentation and knowledge of items. Apparently I did fairly well. But I don't think it means much.

One of the chics that works there changed her hair. Looks really good.

I don't want to go to bed yet, but I'm feeling pretty tired. And I'm kinda boring right now. I'm limited to work, and sleep. Even my days off are uneventful. I went shopping the other day and picked up some shirts. But I didn't do anything else. I already mentioned the new phone. I have a few albums on it now. I had to buy a 1GB MicroSD card, and then set that up.

Oh well. Time to dream. Maybe I should talk about those more?

Upper

2007-11-07T00:33:00.000-06:00

Just killing time until Friday. I get two days off in a row, and it's the better part of the weekend.

It was really quiet tonight. In fact, they decided that 2 of us could go home early. I volunteered since I was already feeling tired. I was also bored. So, I started checking the employee discount on some stuff. I used the general code, since I wasn't sure if my discount had kicked in. Yesterday still showed me as ineligible. Fortunately, I'm eligible now. So I picked up some stuff for my new phone.

Also did a little clothes shopping today. Bought a couple of shirts and some pants. I couldn't find a belt my size though. That's the most important thing that I'm missing, and I think I'm going to visit a more specialized store.

Meh. Boring.

Not Too Bad

2007-11-04T23:39:00.000-06:00

I just put in 10 hours today. I woke up at 5:45AM, went to a 2-hour training session (that was well worth it), went home for an hour, and then went to work from noon to 8PM. I have to open tomorrow morning, so I really need to go to bed.

I've been venting about my frustration with my cell phone carrier. Well, I don't know how to explain it, but it was taken care of today, and all I had to do was answer 2 questions.

Some of our training sessions involve speeches from representatives of a particular brand. It can be anything, so long as it's electronic. Or just new. Well, I went to the cell phone speeches and looked for my carrier. I listened for the 30 minutes, and then they quizzed us. That's when I put it all together concerning the boxes on the table. Boxes that contained new cell phones. Those were for winners. And I'm a winner. They let me pick one out, so I got the new RAZR2 V9 from Motorola. I really lucked out this morning.

In fact, that really made the rest of my day. I had to deal with long-winded customers, but I was still happy. I had to deal with a flood of people in the afternoon because our weekly ad just came out, but I was still happy.

So, that's one problem I don't have to worry about now. And it means I'll be taking more pictures soon.

Rebirth of the Fool

2007-11-03T02:54:00.000-05:00

I don't know what my deal is. Sometimes my thoughts don't match up with who I am.

I read another's blog, and I couldn't help but think to myself, "Really? Are you sure? Because I remember something much different. In fact, quite the opposite." I almost want to laugh at the 360 they pulled.

I'll try to put it as delicately as possible. I have respect for any person of faith. I understand how important religion can be. If it can influence someone to do the right thing, then I'm all for it. In my case, 13+ years of church developed my sense of right or wrong. If I were to start going again, I would just hear the same lesson. I get it already. Help those in need, and give freely.

I truly want to believe in the idea of a "born-again" individual. If it's possible for a person of corrupt ways to repent and change their lifestyle for the benefit of all, then why not encourage it? But then I think it would be a lie if one were to change over night. Or even in a week.

I tend to not give the benefit of the doubt to a person who claims to be "born-again." I don't like second chances. And I don't like the idea that a murderer can change his ways while waiting for an execution. I don't like the idea that simply asking for forgiveness is enough. There should be more involved.

Then again, I'm not much for apologies. I don't find much worth in the words, "I'm sorry." Less than half of the time, it's not sincere. How much effort does it really take?

So when I read about someone I knew, and how they've found their purpose in life, I tend to question their mental health. Life isn't a movie. Things don't get better instantly. Waiting for a sign is the best way to waste your time.

If you really believe that things are going to be handed to you simply because you're a good person now, then there's no reason to believe you are deserving. If you really want to be a decent human being, then that's reason enough for me to give my time. But if you're just trying to do good so you'll be rewarded, then I won't help your cause.

It's almost like I get this 'holier-than-thou' approach to things like this. It's not that I feel I'm better though. I just feel that the other person isn't worthy. Same thing? I hope not. Otherwise, it's another flaw to fix.

Returning

2007-11-02T02:23:00.000-05:00

It's been a long time. But even in these past 8 days, nothing surprising or interesting has happened. It's been the same old story, and it's too boring.

Things are going well at [where I work.] My hours have been increasing each week, and that's a good thing. I'm still waiting for the [computer repair team] to get an opening. I've been doing small tasks for them, such as RAM upgrades and what-not. The biggest transition would involve the uniform.

I've written a few paragraphs about one particular female co-worker. Well, she left. Last week was her last. I guess it's better in the long run, since I don't really have to think about whether or not I should say something. I can just focus on how single I am, and weigh the pros and cons of it all. When I look at it that way, I feel content.

I was having a discussion with another co-worker, and I couldn't really remember why I hated some punk kid in high school. I mean, I knew why I disliked him, but I couldn't remember why I 'hated' him. It might have been because he was a teacher's pet, or a suck-up, or a liar. Maybe he tried to make fun of me once, and I put him in his place. I just remember that if no one were around, I would have kicked his ass.

It sucks that I didn't start blogging until my second year of college. I wish I could go back and write about high school. In my old age, I've forgotten too much. It consumed 4 years of my life, and I can remember a week's worth of events at most. If I had written more down, I would be able to answer questions that constantly bother me.

It's an odd thing. If you know what to search for, you'll find over 700 results that refer to me. But if you go just by my name, you won't find anything. I like that kind of privacy.

I'm almost done with my cell phone service provider. I'm probably going to switch. I'm ready for a new phone, and they want me to call to order it. I can't even use their stupid website. It doesn't make sense at all.

Still Not There

2007-10-23T00:17:00.000-05:00

It was really odd last night. About one hour after I posted, I wanted to write more. There was something on my mind, but now I can't remember. I should have written a draft...

The weather was phenomenal today. The high was barely in the 60s. There was a north wind coming in at 15 mph. It felt like a warm winter day. We get plenty of those here in Austin.

I do remember one thing I wanted to write down. At work yesterday, the "cute chic" gave me a long stare. Well, longer than what I would expect. And with a smile. She was coming in through the store entrance, and the sun was shining through. If I were a movie director, it would have been a nice shot. But I'm not a director, so it didn't hold the same significance. Still, she's cute. So there's that...

I don't know. I can't remember much else. I just did some 'research,' and I'm surprised with what I found out. It's too bad that MySpace isn't cooperating with me on deleting my account. Maybe I should just add everyone back? Or just the people I want back?

And at some point, this blog is going to have some downtime. I want to put a new design up. I've been working on some templates, and it's a project to pass some time.