Fadz's blog

lazy days

2013-03-14T02:19:00.000-09:00

the weather has not been good for me. either it is too hot or too cold for me to do anything. lately it has been raining. oh what to do what to do! and then i get an fb message about my national id which i lost more than two years ago. my thanks to tafadzwa marashe who took the time to find me and tell me where i could get my identification card (now i do not have to tell tales each time i get to a road block) and those who thought being on fb was a waste of time - see facebook is not a complete waste of time!

the weather is too depressing

peace, (oh please grant me some!)

fadz

Family outings

2013-03-03T05:52:00.000-09:00

Family outings are in the African context not very popular. If your parents take you to town to do their monthly shopping they make it seem like a big deal. I never understood why my parents insisted on taking us on family holidays when we were younger. I always wanted to know if where we were going there was a television. I could not understand why they insisted. As we grew older the outings became less and less because there were so many of us, but by then I finally understood. My childhood memories are of those outings sharply juxtaposed with the mundane daily life. Of note was the visit to Victoria Falls when I was seven. On that trip, my sister, then two years old gave a caucasian child - maybe four or five years old - a thorough beating by the baby pool be fore shoving the girl - who incidentally could not swim- into the pool. The parents screamed at my parents and it was a big mess. It culminated with my parents apologising and my little sister still defiant because she insisted she was right. The couple wanted my sister on a leash because she had dared lay a hand on a caucasian child despite the fact that my father had saved the girl. This was just after independence and race issues were a big deal. This brief unpleasantness was just a blimp on an entirely fun adventure; the amazing train ride from Bulawayo, the visit to the crocodile farm and the stupefyingly beautiful falls, and visiting our Mbedzi cousins who hosted us during our entire stay in Victoria Falls. I learnt a lot about living with other people in the community, I learnt to appreciate my family and the beauty of nature. or the visit to Buchwa Mine to our cousins the Mushoriwas. Or the Great Zimbabwe ruins visit.

Lately I started taking my kids on outings ; Lake Chivero, Lion and Cheetah Park, Snake Park, and the national heroes acre. I have become extremely busy and when i make a commitment to take my kids anywhere it means I have time to spend with my kids. Its not easy to say I will stay home today and play with my kids and actually spend time with them. You always get caught up in other issues and forget why you stayed in the first place.

You do not need to spend pots of money or spend the whole year saving for the dream holiday and building up resentments because of things forgone.

I am writing this under the shade of some tree I cannot name at Macdonald's pool watching my kids alternately swim and come to the tree for food. I am a terrible swimmer and can only manage a monstrous version of the doggy paddle which is excrutiating to watch so I stay out of the water and watch those who are able to, do. My son has beaten a le chinois boy because he dared take his beach ball ( I fortunately do not have to intervene like my mother because Zimbabwe is different now), my eldest keeps shouting for me to watch each time she takes a dive, and the middle one keeps coming to me to report on her brother's transgressions in the baby pool. Life is all good!

Take your kids out, their memories of those outings will stand you in good stead when they feel like hurting your feelings when the roaring hormones of teenagedom threaten to take over their lives. They will learn about the world around them; remember the minefield that is school is not everything. And remember kids grow up really fast and before you know it, they are opinionated adults who won't give you the time of day. Enjoy them whilst you still can.

peace,

fadz

tradition and our culture

2012-04-13T06:29:00.000-09:00

I am from Chirumanzu and I speak Karanga. I am proud of who I am and where I come from. After almost eight years in Harare, I still speak Chikaranga. I have friends and colleagues who laugh at the way I speak but this is inherently who I am. It is not necessarily a bad thing but only a reflection of lack of understanding. This is the same way we have been treating aspects of our culture and tradition.

With colonialism came urbanisation and with urbanisation came the fracturing of the very fabric of our society. Some went to towns never to return to the rural homesteads. They adopted a different kind of culture and brought forth a different breed of children. But these same people when they got married wanted to get married the traditional way. When the women got pregnant, they observed traditional rites for pregnant women. When babies were born, they wanted them welcomed into the world the traditional way. When they got sick, they consulted the traditional healers as well as the doctors. After a few generations some traditional practises lost meaning and relevance. They are performed because it is expected but there is no understanding of the purpose of the said rituals. Some even shun traditional ceremonies because they associate them with evil.

What I find annoying is the way we have trivialised our own culture. Some of us associate traditional practises with devil worship and satanic rituals. These same people point out the evils of our culture as if modernity itself is devoid of evil. Traditional practises like the killing of twins and albinos lost relevance and died off by themselves. This was because they did not benefit anyone other than the champions of the said practises and saw a way of keeping people in subjection. Modernity itself is fraught with evil; prostitution, abandoned babies, promiscuity and greed. There has been no concerted effort to curb these evils.

I urge those people who demonise our culture to understand it first before they make a decision to say bad things about it.

peace,

fadz

What your mother never told you

2012-04-03T06:24:00.000-09:00

So up to now my experiences in life have mostly been accidents, mistakes and everything in between. Each time when i think that I cannot be surprised anymore, some fresh little horror (or not) smacks me right between my eyes and I am surprised all over again. Mothers instead of telling and showing you what life is really like, spend most of their time shielding you. They never tell you what to expect and you spend your life making new discoveries everyday, and here are some of the things your mother never told you.

1. Life is insane
The pressures of life will eventually get you down if you are not strong. You will eat and drink yourself into an early grave to deal with those pressures. You will become a victim of other people who see every opportunity to exploit you. If you feel inadequate you will become a slave of prophets (false and real). If your mother mollycoddled you, you are up the creek without a paddle!

2. You cannot always have your own way
So to get my own way I always threw a tantrum and I eventually got my way. Mother to shut me up always let me have my way. But life is not always so giving. You can not throw a tantrum and get away with it; you might end up in a mental hospital if people feel a bit cruel! And not everyone feels inclined to listen to your whining. And no amount of stamping your feet or thrashing in the sand will make them feel otherwise.

3. People are not trustworthy
When I grew up I had a rude awakening; I discovered that people are not always trustworthy. If you do not want anything repeated to anyone else, better not say anything to anyone at all. A secret is only kept by one person. A secret shared is a public secret and you just might get into fist fights and verbal lashings because of it. So treat everyone with a large dose of distrust because you do not know what they do once they have left you. And in - laws do not really like you you know, they always take care of their own. If you tell them your problems your are just giving them fodder to laugh about you. They rejoice in your misery.

4. There are other people much cleverer than you
There was a time when my grandmother thought I was a bright spark and talked about me with pride and joy. I felt I was the cleverest person on earth. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that I was not the only one who was clever and that there were other cleverer people! The shock of disappointment can put a strong man to bed with chills. So get a grip don't expect to be the centre of the universe all the time.

5. You are all alone
I never could understand why my mother said I should have plenty of kids because they are my real relatives. Mothers never tell you that life is a lonely affair, you come out alone and go out alone after encounters with other lone people. Funny how the natural laws always surprise you. As a child you rely on your parents and as you grow older, you rely on your children but never your other relatives (well most of the time). It's a vertical affair. And in this insane world this is a scary affair.

6. How to survive marriage
Marriage is hard enough with it not being demystified. You are just told you have to be strong and fight for you relationship. You have to be like a soldier. They never tell you that you have to fight constant battles of wills not just with you partner but with everyone around and the exercise is tiring.

7. Puberty
Puberty was a surprise for most people my generation. If you did not hear your cheeky friends talking about it, then it was a shameful embarrassing secret that scarred you for life. This might explain all those body issues you still have. I am sure there are still some of us who do not know how their bodies work and are not even sure what is normal and what is not. There are some who still believe you cannot get pregnant the first time!

8. High school is never over!
So you think that since you have completed your A' levels the pains and pressures of high school are over. Wrong. Think again. High school is never over. The bullies follow you to the workplace and everywhere else in life. The dull, insensitive and gossip mongers follow you everywhere. And they have more experience. However you survived high school, you are going to keep honing those survival skills

9. Keeping secrets
Secrets have a way of ruining lives and dreams. Keeping them is even harder. you are told that it is unseemly to tell other people your secrets, that you should deal with them on your own or pray (no one ever admits that it is really difficult to pray on your own when you feel that you are being swamped). Dealing on your own is responsible for all the deaths attributed to hypertension, and stroke. There are family secrets which are only known by the elders; you are told you should not associate with certain relatives but are never told why. Always remember there are family secrets that you might not be privy to.

Life is full of surprises if you are not equipped for it, so make sure that those you are responsible for are not caught unawares like we were.

peace,

fadz

why we are not progressing

2012-02-28T02:04:00.000-09:00

My A' Level literature class this year is studying Half of a yellow sun by Chimamanda Ngozie Adichie a Nigerian writer who brings to the page a kind of lyricism which is reminiscent of Ngugi wa Thiongo and Chinua Achebe. I was enthralled right up to the last page; she wove the story so intricately in idiomatic English that I could relate to. The story brought to the fore the reasons why as Africans we have failed to progress and eradicate poverty.

1. Tribalism
Whichever country on the continent you go to, the country is always divided along tribal lines. The massacre in Rwanda in 1994 was because of failure to understand each other as tribes of one country, the call for a separate state of Matebeleland in Zimbabwe is because of suspicion and failure to get along as one nation. Tribal polarisation is the root of all the ills in our country.

2. Jealousy
The green - eyed monster has been at the centre of the hoarding, defrauding and sabotaging of local infrastructure, personal injury and fatalities when we are faced with the senseless behaviour which we occasionally engaged in in the past but which of late has been a regular alarming occurrence.

3. Religious polarisation
Whilst we talk of religious tolerance, we still have a long way to go. We need to start practising what we preach and our church leaders need to be tolerant and considerate people. We need to live together in harmony with no prejudice.

4. Selfishness
I have noticed that Zimbabweans behave like crabs, always pulling each other down (although this is also true of other parts of the world). The moment we start thinking about how our actions affect the person next to us and how we can make the world a better place, we will become less selfish.

peace,

fadz

what you should do if you are planning a wedding

2012-02-07T01:41:00.002-09:00

I am not a wedding planner but I have gone to enough weddings to know just how to cut those corners and ensure you do not have a raging headache on your wedding day.

1. Plan well in advance.
It is never a good idea to do a rush job. You will end up missing the most essential bits of your plan. Chances are you will end up spoiling everything. Remember a wedding is a show and you want to put on a good show.

2. Buy your wedding gown online.
China offers the cheapest wedding gowns all over. In stead of splashing pockets of money on a dress you will only wear once which you can get elsewhere at a fraction of the price why not visit Aliexpress and associated websites to get the best deal on the wedding gown. Do not settle for a dress which is ill fitting and outdated because you cannot afford to buy it new.

3. Have a guest list and stick to it.
It is all very well to invite everyone to share your happiness on your day of bliss but there has to be some plan. Know the estimated number of attendees, insist on RSVPs and plan the seating so there is no confusion. Plan that the relatives who might cause each other gbh are as far away from each other as possible. Little place cards which you can make yourself will lend a personal touch to your wedding.

4. Shop for the best but cheapest cake.
Individual cake makers offer the best deals as you only have to deal with the one person. You can negotiate the price and still get the best deal. Do not settle for the cheap inferior cake. Find one that is affordable but still the best. And remember everyone wants to take a piece of cake home, not the tiny melt-on-your-tongue pieces that are sometimes given at weddings. So make a plan about lots of cake for parcels.

5. Find a venue which has a bar area as well as a play area.
Most people want a drink at a wedding (not the non alcoholic variety) and a dry bar will chase away most people early. Have a bar area where those who want to drink can do so freely. And do not stipulate a no children rule. With the help the way it is right now it is not possible to go a wedding where there are no children allowed. So a play area with the necessary equipment to keep the totfans busy is essential.

6. Have an evening wedding.
This is by far the best idea; you entertain people for a short specific time and save yourself the headache of getting ready for the wedding. You can look your best and not worry about the mascara running well before time. and face it, you only have to feed people two meals and entertain them for a short period. How cool is that?

peace,

fadz

Recycle, make a difference

2012-01-24T12:30:00.000-09:00

Many people do not understand that going green is for the benefit of everyone. Zimbabweans are sceptical about recycling. We mostly want to know how it will translate into a personal benefit. And we think wasting shows we have accumulated the necessary bit of wealth to show that we are no longer needy. Following the 3 Rs (reduce, reuse, recycle) will benefit everyone individually and communally.

Recycling has a lot of benefits inclusive of the fact that it will save you pockets of money.

1 saves energy
Imagine cutting you energy bill in half! Use energy savers for lighting (they are pricey; ranging from $2 for the cheapest and around $8 for the most expensive but the cost is offset by the longer lifespan as compared to the standard light bulbs which do not last at all!) and switch off unnecessary lighting, geysers and pool pumps when not in use.

2. Reduces the need for landfills and incineration
Our streets have become eyesores because the refuse collectors do not collect the waste, or when they do they do so in an unsatisfactory manner leaving debris from the waste in their wake. A visit by the refuse collector leaves the streets looking at times as if a whirlwind has just passed through. Now if we recycle, reuse and reduce, we will no longer need to pinch our noses when we pass by dumpsters or the sanitary lanes. Everything we use will be used over and over again. We do away with non recycle able plastics and take away the need of incineration which pollutes the air.

3 Increases the protection and expansion of manufacturing jobs and increases competitiveness.
More jobs and more competitive products in the market. Need I say more?

4. Decreases emissions of greenhouse gases.
Has anyone noticed how hot it has been of late? Cripplingly tiring hot? It is because of those greenhouse gases we have been talking about for years. Global warming has become an environmental problematic event that is both worrying and debilitating. And it is sad that global warming affects the poorest people hardest.

5. Prevents pollution from virgin materials and conserves natural resources
Virgin materials often lend to a certain extent of pollution of the environment and recycling means the pollution is reduced and we also conserve the environment for future generations. Planting 3 trees to replaces one cut down will ensure that we keep at bay desertification and ensure our forests are not depleted.

There are things you can do to help in your own small way to ensure that we conserve the environment.

a) The car
Replace your petrol-guzzling car with one that is more fuel efficient or one that uses less fuel. A Toyota March is a good example of a fuel efficient car. Whilst you might love showing off in that powerful monster engine, you are not doing anyone any good least of all yourself. When cleaning the said car, find a green option to hosing your car down.

b) The home
Use less energy, if you can afford it install a solar energy system in your home. Reuse water; plant a herb or vegetable garden to ensure that you do not waste used water. Do not do laundry, brush teeth or clean dishes under a running tap. Find a suitable receptacle to store the water. Find a reusable shopping bag (cloth bags are best or paper bags) and ditch the plastic bags which cost you money and harm the environment.

c) The workplace
Recycle paper, reuse. collect all paper that is no longer needed for recycling. Reduce the paper trail. Print only the much needed documentation, digitise everything else. You save space, and you reduce your stationary bill!

Visit the iWARM website for the individual waste reduction model and earth911 and the recycling guide on tips how to recycle.

Waste not, want not.

peace,

fadz

why men get caught most of the time

2012-01-18T04:55:00.000-09:00

When women decide to cheat, they do so for various reasons. It could be out of revenge, to find love, sex, attention, money or appreciation. This might seem to the emotionally uneducated, nonsensical even stupid but it could be the reason why a woman strays. It takes a while for a woman to be found out and this is mainly because women when they do decide to keep a secret they can keep it. Men on the other hand cannot. Yes there are some who think they are very good at keeping a secret but really you are not. The moment that secret is kept by three people it is no longer a secret (you, the woman and your best friend).

Men have a pack mentality and constantly need to show off to other males and in doing so, also show their partners that something is amiss. This will manifest in an attitude that i-have-something-good-going-on-these-days. Afoot. They start behaving out of character: buying new shoes, new clothes, new cologne to impress, becoming violent and lying for no reason. Some even go to the extent of being paranoid about their phones: if they are in the bath they either take the phone with, or they switch it off and you can not switch it on because there is a security code you do not know.

I know of men who take their phones into the car or the garage or away from the house. One guy once ran naked out of the bathroom with rivulets of soap and water streaming down his body because his phone rang and his wife answered. If it had not been so sad, it would have been hilarious.

Men cannot help it. They longer they 'keep' the deception, the more reckless they become. and if they are not caught they think they are very clever. Women know when their men are cheating and they turn a blind eye because they do not want to rock the boat.

Like I said before, cheating is never good. Tell the other person that you have bigamist tendencies so they know what they are in for. No heartbreak, no pressure.

peace,

fadz

Why women will not leave.

2012-01-07T00:29:00.003-09:00

Women are totally demented? Sometimes but there is a logic to the madness.

A man cheats, fornicates, abuses the woman and children, lacks appreciation, take the woman for granted or gamble but a woman in most cases does not leave. If a woman cheats, the man will promptly give her her marching orders. There are some men who will leave or kick out a woman for being boring (after 20 years of marriage).

What makes it impossible for Zimbabwean woman to leave unhealthy unfulfilled relationships?

The answer lies in the way our culture has constantly sought to bring a woman down. Until recently most families chose to send only the boy children to school. It was believed that sending a girl to school would only enrich the family which she was going to be married into. Never mind that the same said family would take pains to take care of them should their daughter be a satisfactory wife.

When my father (a very progressive man) send me for A' Level the village was in an uproar. Everyone thought my father was acting in the most stupid manner possible. Some predicted I would get pregnant by the end of my fifth year. Sadly everyone was disappointed.

It is that kind of mentality which has seen women become dependent and lack financial independence to stand on their own. With too little or no education it has become impossible for women to get well paying jobs. As a result women do not leave their unsatisfactory partners because they are afraid of failing to take care of themselves and their children. Some know that with what they earn they will not be able to maintain the lifestyle that they are used to.

There is also a stigma that is attached to women who do not have partners. All married women view them as a threat. Single mothers also become the target of lechers and all sorts because all men think they are easy and begging for it. The failure that is synonymous with dissolution of a marriage follows a woman everywhere and some women would rather deal with an abusive husband than face the loaded looks and condescending smiles that society gives them. Mostly from other women.

So it becomes easier to just grin and bear through the heartache.

It is sad that women are objectified because they were not equipped with the necessary skills to survive in the jungle that our lives have become.

So make a difference; send a girl (even one who is not related to you) to school and make a difference in her life.

peace,

fadz.

'driving miss daisy'

2011-12-03T06:08:00.001-09:00

Today's post was going to be about random confessions but somehow did not know where to start. The confessional escaped me somehow. So. I. Decided. To. Write. About. My. Pet topic. Driving.

It has been raining sporadically for the past few weeks. Sometimes it rains, sometimes it doesn't. Like now it is pouring buckets outside. Now the kind of rain in which you can wear a raincoat or you can shield yourself from with an umbrella. No. The kind where if you are herding cattle you have no hope of escaping. Not even hiding under a tree will save you.

Anyway, driving now is an absolute nightmare. The roads are bad. Super bad. And the drivers, freaking awesomely horrendous. Like I said before; something happens to the psyche of the Harare driver the moment it looks like rain. Add to that, passenger drivers. And it just about makes my day.

I have a friend Nyarie who loves driving from the back. Oh she is precious! Directs me if I am backing out of the parking lot (she must have had a nasty experience because that girl is AFRAID of crashing! she is even afraid of crossing busy roads). She does her backseat driving with charm and in an endearing way. So I do not get annoyed.

Then there are others who say, "can't you go any faster?" like I freaking can in downtown traffic! Others who tell you to change the lane because "it will be easier to turn into such and such road". Or that you are not shifting fast enough. Or grinding the gears. Or you are not stepping on the clutch hard enough. Then they tell you to watch out for that blue truck with the crazy looking driver. Like I have no eyes! Like they even have driver's licences!

Driving my mom is never easy. She will be tense the whole trip looking suspiciously at me until I feel I am growing a second head. It ruins my concentration and I become a bad driver once I notice that I am being watched. I had problems concentrating and focusing on anything for a long time as a child (probably what they now call ADHD) so mom is justified in her fear of me behind the wheel.

There are several people who terrify me if I am driving and if they (the frighteners) start any backseat driving, I simply unravel. Which is NOT a good thing in downtown traffic. We will be lucky to get where ever we are going in one piece!

So if you are going to do any backseat driving and I am the driver, have mercy and love your life. Tell me nicely that there is a kombi which is about to ram into me. I am a basket of nerves before you shout. What do you think I will be after you have shouted at me?

Be nice like Nyarie.

peace,

fadz

our merry faces on, ok lets get into it

2011-12-02T04:14:00.001-09:00

Expectations and reality never meet. they are not good friends at all. reality spends half his time bursting expectations' bubble. heck reality spends so much time in our faces that I sometimes wonder that we have expectations at all.

relationships are hard work without adding the stress of whether the other people in your sphere are behaving the way you expect them to, saying what is expected of them.

familial relationship are not hard; you grew up with your sloppy cousins, your terrifying aunt, and your pervert of a cousin. you know what to expect and there are no surprises there. you can choose to ignore the annoying cousin with the 'sticky' fingers and keep your purse close to your person. there might be someone who will take offence but hey who cares, we are all one big family.

relationships with people at work are harder than the family stuff. you get the in your face colleagues who do not let up if you do let them have their own way. the feds who spy on others and tell tales to the big bosses (I really hate these; I really freaking do! cant get anywhere stepping on other people - becomes messy when you fall from grace), the goody two shoes who think the sun shines out of their **** they being the righteous ones and all.

intimate relationships are rather difficult and are the sole cause of poor performance at work. you swear to love one another until death does you part. these are the people we have chosen to spend the rest of our lives with. we did not grow up with these people and it is going to take us years to know them enough so you are not totally mystified when they act out of character. we feel fated to be in these relationships. there is no such thing as fate. there are no miracles. no great cosmic plan that is going to be revealed to you.

so with the holidays knocking insistently on our doors, the time has come for the panic attacks, the summoning of fountains of patience and the bottomless supply of smiles because with Christmas parties at work (or not), family gatherings if you do not psyche yourself into having fun, you are going to have a miserable time of it.

peace,

fadz

countdown to christmas

2011-11-30T00:18:00.001-09:00

We are almost there; that time of the year when we celebrate the birth of Christ (if you are christian that is). Christmas was a big deal when we were growing up. When we celebrated the occasion at the rural homestead it was an even bigger deal. It meant two sets of new clothes and new shoes for Christmas and new year. Mountains of bread (slathered with sun jam [no marmalade or some such spreads - we had not acquired the taste]), gallons of tea, lots of soft drinks, vetkoeks, balloons, sweets, rice and sometimes lots of beef or goat meat. Oh it was fun! We would wake up in the morning, have tea, then the rest of the food around lunch time. The gramophone (the kind which always looked like a briefcase, came in funny colours and was battery operated [my parents still have one]) would be brought out and we would dance to some music before going visiting. We would get more food at each of the homestead we visited. Then we would end up at the growth point dancing to music.

There was a sense of community which was gratifying and amazing. I knew almost all my relatives and was close to most of my cousins. Now it is a different story; our kids do not know all their relatives. Christmas is spent where it is convenient and we no longer spend Christmas as the huge extended families like we used to. it is almost an ordinary day.

There are those who argue that Christmas like valentine and Easter are machinations of the retailers who want to strip us of our hard earned money. It might be true which is why it is never a good idea to do your shopping in December. But I still feel that we have neglected Christmas. It is not the food, or the new clothes but the coming together as families and having a roaring good time that is important.

And this year things do not look promising either. People are buried in debt [what with the loans the banks were giving left right and centre], prices have gone up and we have grown selfish. I know there is no disposable income but how about pooling resources as families and celebrate Christmas together? I have not felt christmassy for a long time and I really miss it. Forget the family bickering and trauma that this holiday brings and just enjoy it!

peace,

fadz

giving with joy

2011-11-22T23:58:00.001-09:00

Our lives have become so frenetic that we find it very difficult to pause and take stock of what is going on around us. We have become engrossed in taking care of number 1 and our own forgetting that there are others who might really need our help. Now most people think help is only given in the form of money but a friendly gesture, a smile goes a long way. Just pausing in your rush for the elusive dollar to shake someones hand will reaffirm their belief in the existence of God. It takes nothing from you and you get a lot of blessings in return.

I was humbled by the students at Speciss College Chitepo High School who led by Larnce Paulser and accompanied by four tutors (I was one of the four) and the Director of studies Mrs Mutepfa, went to Streets Ahead and Mashambanzou Care Trust to donate clothes and foodstuffs. The students had rallied and collected clothes, food and hygiene products. It was really interesting to see how willing children are to give. But this really works if there is support from home. Larnce's parents really got into and collected donations from their workplaces. Premier milling represented on the day by Fiona Evershed the sales and marketing manager, deserves a special mention here for the support they gave towards the venture.

The visit to Streets Ahead was short as we did not get to meet any of the beneficiaries of the donations. The one to Mashambanzou though was an eye opener; interesting, educational and slightly disturbing. But not in a bad way.

The Care Centre was established in 1989 by Sr Noleen Nolan of the LCM sisters. At present it is located at 40 Sandown Road in the tranquil neighbourhood of Waterfalls Harare. It provides holistic care for people living with HIV/AIDS.

We were welcomed by Mr Basikiti the donations coordinator. I had the idea that we would hand over the donations greet the patients and then be on our way. 40 minutes tops. But Mr Basikiti and his colleagues had a different plan and we ended up staying for more than 2 hours; the most educational 2 hours I have ever spent.

In the shed before the slideshow

We were shown a slide-show of people suffering from STI's and HIV/AIDS. The images which we were warned were not for those with a nervous disposition were unsettling and reminded us of the 1990s when the same said images were the order of the day and we ran for the hills. The slide show reminded me of the documentary Aids in the tropics which used to shown to college students a long time ago. Whilst we were watching the slide show a patient died.With the advent of ARVs those sights are a thing of the past. Or so I thought. It is clear that the people are still careless and irresponsible with their lives and the lives of the innocent. We no longer run for the hills because we do not see people dying from the virus that much anymore. Everyone looks healthy and we have forgotten the most immediate past. The sufferers are now the ones disappearing to fight the disease in solitude and it is places like Mashambanzou which grant sufferers a place to heal and regain their dignity.

We were not allowed to take pictures of the patients and understandably so. It would violate the need for privacy of the patients and subject them to unwarranted attention; there is still a lot of stigma attached to the disease. I was rudely made aware that people's behaviour has not changed at all and there is need for some drastic action to curb the spread of the disease.

The children were disappointed that they never got to see any kids but that was not necessarily a bad thing; children always suffer more in the clutches of HIV/AIDS.

The handing over of donations

The donations were handed over and we went on our way. I left with mixed feelings; happy about the change the students had made in their lives and those of others and sad and angry at the same time because people are still unaware of the implications of their behaviour. There is serious need for behaviour change and I strongly believe the National AIDS Council is not doing its job properly. Companies should also fulfil their social responsibility by making the public aware of the implications of their behaviour as well as take a leaf from Premier Milling and give with joy.

The journey meant only to give the donations became a learning experience for everyone who was on that bus. Giving with joy is stronger than prayer sometimes!

Mrs Mutepfa handing over the donations

Fiona Evershed, Mrs Paulser, Mrs Mutepfa and the Mashambanzou rep


A fruitful partnership!

The donations

Mrs Mavhengere, Mrs Paulser and yours truly

Mrs Mavhengere and Mrs Mutepfa

The students who made it possible

Larnce Paulser, F Muchemwa and Mrs Mavhengere

A photo opportunity

When you have done something wonderful there is cause for celebration.

The party at school the next day.

Even the tutors enjoyed the juice and biscuits!

Mrs Mavhengere and Mrs Mutepfa

Eric Gumbie, S Gumbo, Nyari Huchu, Mr Masvosva

democratic parenting?

2011-11-22T21:34:00.001-09:00

The most difficult job you can ever have is becoming a parent. You become responsible for most part for another human being who will depend solely on you for a time. Children are the easiest when they are tiny tots. They turn 5 and all hell breaks loose. They become little individuals with minds of their own and refuse to listen to you. It becomes an uphill struggle from then on, which becomes one that might require the relief of medication when they become teenagers.

This is compounded by the fact that today children have an arsenal at their disposal to torture you with. The technology is just dumbfounding and frightening. The other day my students were talking about chat rooms which they deemed unsafe for youngsters and I decided to check them out. I was alarmed by what I discovered: there is no protection of minors from preying perverts. There are chat rooms where you have to be 18 to enter but there is no strict streaming of participants to ensure that they really are 18 and over. There is a warning given before entering any chat room on mxit that participants should not give out personal information but I discovered that they rarely take heed of the warning. On 2go anyone can enter any chat room; there are no restrictions.

Children do what their friends are doing and it is essential to ensure that your children do not keep with the wrong crowd. Which begs the question: should you choose who your kids play and hang out with and monitor what they do? There are parents who let their kids run wild; doing what they want, picking up nasty habits and language. You children become what you let them be. If you let them hang around arsonists, no good losers, addicts of all sorts then you shouldn't be surprised if they turn out to be little parasites you can never get rid of.

peace,

fadz

Fear, batty and beyond

2011-11-20T23:57:00.001-09:00

Fear.

A four letter word with a lot of connotations.

Fear is what drives us as adults. We finish school, leave home and become responsible for ourselves. It is not especially hard or fearful then. There is the option of going back home to stay if we fail to get our act together. Which is why some cling to the bachelorhood/spinisterhood state with such tenacity. We are afraid of failure and want to keep our options open.

There are some of us who are fearless and take the plunge as soon as we can. Once you have done this you have burned your bridges and the fear of failure is a palpable thing. Going back home after a failed starter marriage is never an option; you just need to move on without going back to the family home. Once you have gone back, you will be labelled a failure and most parents are not too keen on return soldiers (women who have divorced). For men it is better but you lose the status you earned the moment you got married; noone does anything special for you and they ingore you at family functions unless someone takes pity on you. You will need to re earn the priviledges that come with marriage.

People fear change as it is unpredictable and might upset their lives. They fear anything new which they do not understand. It is easy to disciminate and persecute anything new because its existance might upset the chain of being. People are afraid of failure.

It is that fear that keeps people in unhealthy relationships, unsatisfactory jobs and unfulfilling lives. It is that fear which keeps everyone firmly entrenched in their illogical views. It is especially so for christians. There are times when my fellows christians shame me and make me so mad I want to climb walls. The emergence of multi-belief societies is frightening to christians and give rise to bigotry. It is interesting that while the Bible mentions money and in particular the exploitation of the poor far more than sex, christians concentrate more on the sex and sexuality. Why not concentrate on alleviating poverty and ensuring that every child gets a basic education?

Perhaps it is because that christianity, in particular its conventional sects, is on the decline. What with its ultra right views and blatant bigotry, christianity is no longer the drug of choice. And it is no longer the only available opium of the masses. There are other religions and new emerging sects of christianity which are more appealing and accepting of the shortcomings of the people. Perhaps it is the fear of extinction that has christians ranting about the "gaystapo' and forgetting that in persecuting others when they believe that they are in the right, they are further alienating the few followers that they have.

Human beings are social animals and we mostly want to belong. We are inherently afraid of being alone and we strive a lot to belong. Do not be ruled by that fear.

peace,

fadz

Things you should never say or do in public.

2011-11-14T04:04:00.001-09:00

There really should be a boundary to what you can say or do in public especially in the workplace.

1. That you do not have a partner
So you have been failing to get yourself attached to someone. Who cares? Do not tell us of your desperation. Its not as if we can help you in any way. Join a dating website; it works better.

2. Tell us about your sexual life
So you really got down to the dirty basics last night. You finally got some action after months of drought. So what?! There are some who might not want to hear of your sexual exploits. And this is not something you can say in public. Here is a hint: tell your friends!

3. Tell us your household problems
OKAY so last night you had a fight with your neighbour, your partner. Tell your friends. (I do suppose you have some). Washing dirty linen in public never does anyone any good. We do it from time to time, but it is just not on.

4. Come on to someone
It is advisable to come on to someone in private or where there is no obvious audience. If you are rejected and there is an audience, the mortification might just bury you. And it is never advisable to try dating someone at work, if it does not work out... You know the kind of drama you get from soured relations in the work place.

5. Dance if you are a less than competent dancer
The gyrations of incompetent dancers are just sad. And the suggestive scandaluous dancing is just not on. It will give us a wrong impression of the kind of person you are. We will laugh and clap not because you are good, but because of the spectacle you will be making of yourself.

I understand most people did communication skills at O'level (registers for those who have forgotten). Why not use those skills so you do not annoy others?

peace,

fadz

Why you might think you are in a relationship when you are not

2011-11-14T01:46:00.001-09:00

People have an inherent need to belong and feel loved. This need is fulfilled by strong intimate relationship we forge as adults. As young adults, we look for Mr/Miss Right. We look and look until we realise that what we are looking for is akin to the holy grail. Then we settle for Mr/Miss right now. It is when we become desperate and are tired of looking that we might end up thinking we are in a relationship when we are not. You might think you are in a relationship when you are not for mainly two reasons.

1. You are desperate
You will believe anything and will see anything you want to see. You ignore signs which show that the other person is not really interested. You view their disinterest as if they are busy with other 'stuff'. All your friends are married with kids and you feel left out. They have schedules which involve partners when you do not even have one. Your relatives keep hinting that you are over the hill and feel pressured to just get someone. Anyone who shows a bit of interest and is passable will do. Which means you might end up with someone totally unsuited to your temperament and you will regret for the rest of your life.

2. You are not communicating
When someone says they are not ready to have a relationship then do not force them as you will end up having a relationship with yourself. When they introduce you to their friends (when they finally do) you are just a friend. That should tell you. You want commitment and they just want to fool around. You keep turning up at their place but they never come to visit you, not even when you pretend to be ill. If you do not call or text them, then there will be no communication. They never reply your emails, not even the hilarious ones. If you do not do any pushing nothing happens. You think you have a relationship and they think you are just friends.

It is best to sit down and really assess whether you are with someone or you are just clinging to them like a limpet. There is never a timeline to finding the one to spend the rest of your life with.

peace,

fadz

women who want drama

2011-11-09T23:14:00.000-09:00

There must be something which happens the moment a woman gets married that messes up her psyche. Most women I know totally lose it when they get married, especially after a first baby. They condone what should not be condoned. They act like demented idiots. They seem to have a permanent psychotic mood shift. The things they do defy explanation. They break bread with dead events all the time, psychoanalysing events which they have no hope of changing.

I have three friends who shall serve to illustrate the insanity of women.

Gladys
Gladys' husband cheats on her regularly. She fights with him and then occasionally beats up the women. She works herself into a frenzy calling everyone inviting us to accompany her on her missions of justice. She is never happy unless there is some drama going on in her life. I think her husband does all her does just to get her goat. There was a time you know when Gladys used to think logically. When she never went down into the mud to fight with the fools. It is sad and pathetic and is not as if she is going to change the situation. She lost her bargaining power the first day she raised her fists. Crazy. But not as crazy as Ruvimbo and Sindi.

Ruvimbo
Ruvimbo grew up in a loving home secure and stable. She got married to a bounder really. He treats her badly and makes no secret of the fact. Her injuries which were regular he just explains them away as her punishment for not minding him. Everyone can see that she is on her way to the grave. She makes excuses for Patrick's bad behaviour and even sits in judgement of women who leave abusive husbands. I remember she refused to speak or acknowledge the presence of Tariro another friend who left her husband of seven years because she was tired of being a punching bag. Her reasoning is if she leaves, she is a failure. And will be a failure for the rest of her life. Mad. She might not even have that rest of the life that she thinks of. She spends most of her time talking about what happened in the past and how nice it was. Because our perspective of the past alters and the most recent past is dead ground, her periodic forays into the past changes with each visit.

Sindi
Sindi is the craziest of the lot. She has a great husband who panders her every whim within reason. She of late has become a tyrant, her husband is a virtual prisoner. She refuses to let him out of her sight and he has to give an audit of his movements if they are not together. If he says something out of turn then he gets a verbal lashing. She is unreasonable verging on madness. The husband appears whipped but he is just trying to keep the peace. There used to be a time when she was the most promiscuous person I knew and it might be she fears her husband will behave the way she used to.

It is not all women who are like my three friends. There are some who defy logic; who are much worse and are difficult to live with. Is there something which happens to women the moment they get married that we should be aware of? Is there a course of treatment?

peace,

fadz

what type of parent are you?

2011-11-09T02:02:00.000-09:00

The feelings of inadequacy that we have, the constant need for validation might stem from the way we were raised. If you find yourself in a relationship where you constantly need to be told how lovely you are and that you are loved, then you might not have have gotten enough love as a child or there were too many of you in your family for your parents' love to go around adequately. WE constantly need validation for our actions seeking approval for what we do and the decisions we make because we never got them in the first place. Our parents' relationships account for the failure or success we make of our own relationships. We more often than not learn from our parents how we should or should not conduct ourselves and their relationships affect our lives profoundly.

That is why some of us find ourselves in the same toxic relationship that our parents had. There are different types of relationships which affect children and determine how they are going to turn out.

1. Loving and loyal
Some parents provide a balance in their children's lives and love them equally. There are no known favourites. The parents themselves are loving and loyal to each other and as a result their children love others without reserve. Children brought up this way are least likely to become insufferable adults and are tolerant of others who are different. It helps also if the parents are knowledgeable about the world and promote diversity.

2. Judgemental
It does not matter how hard a child tries to excel, the effort will never be enough. The children are constantly compared to friend's and relative's children. If there are high achievers in other families, then the children will be in constant trouble. There is constant need for validation and the love is grudgingly given. It costs to get any love from the parents. Children brought up this way will most likely equate love with monetary and material gain. They constantly monetise their attention and affection.

3. Cold and distant
Parents who do not know how to relate with their children and are also usually judgemental too. The chidren are emotionally retarded and do not know how to love. As adults they constantly sabotage their relationships because they find it difficult to show what they feel.

4. Abusive
This is inclusive of all verbal, sexual, financial and physical abuse. When a family is poor children are often aware that there is no money and do not trouble the parents unnecessarily. it is when there are delusions of grandeur that children grow up with unrealistic expectations.

5. Mollycodling
Children brought up this way grow up to be irritating adults; little tyrants - Hitlers and Stalins in the making, little wimps who cannot function without their parents. These children are also emotionally crippled and are incapable of becoming parents on their own without a support structure.

Of course there are some who are an exception to the rule. Those who are throwback to their upbringing. Some who become better inspite of their upbringing, some who are little monsters despite being brought up in a positively nurturing environment.

We are who we are because of how we were brought up. Our scars or lack of are a constant reminder of what we should be thankful of. So ask your self what type of parent you are or you want to be. How do you want your children to turn out? Will you be able to live with them? Will others be able to live with them?

peace,

fadz

The rains have descended

2011-11-04T02:42:00.004-09:00

It is that time again; the time which farmers especially love and the lazy ones hate. If you do not like working in the fields, now is not a good time to visit the rural areas as you will be roped into helping in the ploughing. This is the time when the lazy ones suddenly become ill and the illnesses last until the end of the farming season. I do not like working in the fields at all. Anything to do with working with the soil is anathema to me.

After the intense heat of last week and part of this week, we were offered a respite on Tuesday. The heavens opened and we were awash with blessings. Soul sistas danced in the rain while those who are not cursed and ran for cover. Those who use soap as moisturiser had a hard time with soap in their eyes.

It is strange though how the moment there is a dense cloud cover or an indication that it is going to rain, Harare motorists just lose it and become animals. The congestion becomes a nightmare. And with the rains here, the roads which have for long been in a state of dis repair are going to deteriorate further. The potholes are enough to sink ships and people are going to have to set aside a bit of money to the repair of the axle and the replacement of the tyres.

So enjoy the rain and be wary of those suspicious pools of water on the roads.

peace,

fadz

'driving' in Harare

2011-11-03T22:28:00.001-09:00

I am not a really 'green' and will only walk to work if I am too broke to fill up my tank. I live a 10 minute walk away from work and I am sure by not walking to work I am increasing my carbon footprint and worsening my unfit state. I complained a few months ago about how reckless Harare drivers are, and what a nightmare it is to drive in Harare. It used to be just specific parts of the city but now its freaking everywhere! I am over any road rage that I might have harboured still. Fuel is freaking expensive! Time is freaking expensive! And you spend two hours in traffic with your foot firmly on the clutch (or the brake pedal if you drive an automatic) for so long that by the time you get home you need a full body massage.

Yesterday I dropped my kids off at home and promptly backed into a stationary car which had parked behind me as the kids got out of the car. I had been thinking about the mountains of marking waiting for me at work and curtains I needed to make for a friend's house. I was tired, emotional and absentminded. Never looked to check there was noone or nothing behind me.

Talk about reckless! Not the person who parked behind me. No. Me! I was shocked. I had joined the rank of the faceless hundreds who regularly persecute others on the roads! I was so shaken that I almost left the car to walk back to work. But I like my sedentary lifestyle (although not the body that comes with it) and I gave in to the urge and drove back to work shaking all the way. Although there was no damage to my car or the one I backed into, the incident showed me that I need to rethink the way I relate with my surroundings and people on the road.

Driving is almost the same as life, negotiating (meandering through relations which are fraught with land mines), compromising (lowering your standards for the greater good), giving way (letting others have their way for the sake of peace), hitting a speed bump (those moments in life when your life just literary stops; loss, retrenchment, death, heartbreak or an event which makes take stock of your life), getting stopped to let others by (those times when we selfishly pursue our own agendas and someone gives us a reality check), and sometimes taking the favoured road (when you life is going just right). As with the traffic lights you stop, you are cautioned and you are free to go.

I will try not to shout at fellow motorists who up to now seemed to make stupid mistakes. My speed bump showed me that I too can make those mistakes I previously thought lame and stupid. Reality check.

peace,

fadz

when we cheat

2011-11-03T02:36:00.002-09:00

A couple of years ago a friend (whom we shall call Yvonne) got pregnant by a man (Lovemore) she did not want to get married to for a number of reasons, the topmost being that he had no potential of becoming a good provider. Another friend (Tesla) advised her that she could tell one of her on/off/ on again boyfriends who had lots of money that they were responsible. I found it morally reprehensible and told Yvonne as much. Yvonne did not listen and ended up marrying Gift (one of the moneyed boyfriends). Two years into her marriage to Gift, Yvonne started seeing Lovemore on the sly.

It has become normal for men and women to cheat on their partners. There are some people who actually think it is quite normal and the in thing to fornicate left right and centre. Whilst some people find it disgusting to have more than one sexual/emotional partners, the human being is programmed to love over and over again. Which is the reason why it is easy for us to move on when we lose or are ditched by our loved ones. Which is why some of us are capable of being in love with more than one person at the same time. There is nothing wrong right?

Right.

It becomes wrong when other people in the relationship do not know that there are other players in the play. When we get into relationships, we have expectations. If one knows that the person they are 'dating' is also seeing other people when they are not with one, then one can make plans accordingly. If one is into a group thing or a polygamous set up; it would be beneficial for their partner to be aware of the fact. Once one is aware of the situation, it is highly likely there won't be fists flying and lots of tears on the encounter of a partner with one of their bit on the side.

People frown on open relationships but they are the healthiest when we get to the basics. If you know what your partner is doing and with whom, the fear and uncertainty that pervades most relationships is removed. It is when people lie and try to hurt each other that you end up with blood and stains on the floor.

If full disclosure is difficult and there is a pressing need to lie, then you might be in the wrong relationship. When you find yourself sneaking into the bathroom or sitting in your car in the dark to answer a call, the possibility is you want to have your cake and eat it too. In the end you end up with just too much drama. So when you decide to cheat, think if it is worth it. Incidentally, Yvonne and Gift are divorcing.

peace,

fadz

of gay people in zimbabwe

2011-11-01T00:47:00.001-09:00

So the other day the Prime minister of Zimbabwe Morgan Tsvangirai said something in support of gay people in Zimbabwe. That there should be something in the constitution to protect gay rights. There was an uproar and the debate is still ongoing on the permissibility of a man of his stature saying such on national television.

The debate is christian based with the root in Genesis 18 where the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed because of fornication and iniquity. The ones who are gay will be punished according to Deuteronomy 28. In my opinion people should just worry about their own salvation and stop worrying about what other people do in their beds or out of with their bodies.Whether you have committed a 'small' sin or a 'big' one, a sin is still a sin.

Whilst being gay is a choice (or not) that someone makes, it does not figure that they want everyone to be gay. Just as a woman can turn down a proposition from a man in the street, so can anyone turn down overtures from anyone who is gay. I have always been of the opinion that those who are actively anti gay are closet gays themselves. It is unchristian to judge and persecute. Unchristian to hate. Hating gay people because homosexuality is a sin is as bad as committing any other sin. Will you really disown your own child if they turned out to be gay? As a nation we have developed a culture of intolerance that is frightening. For a nation that is extremely anti gay the men seem to love the skinny jeans and metro sexual fashions that have gay origins. Think on it!

Love your neighbour. Love yourself.

peace,

fadz

Freedom of worship?

2011-10-26T23:25:00.001-09:00

A long time ago when I was still wet behind the ears, my sister once wrote,

"Sometimes I think there is a devil in this house on a Sunday".

The reason was our mother got into a really nasty mood before we got to go to church owing to the fact that we dragged our feet and generally did not want to go. I was in secondary school then at a catholic school and had a surfeit of church going. The holidays were a respite from dancing to the tune of the bell and relief for my knees from the constant kneeling and standing up. I just wanted to lie in and chill. Mother never let us and our reluctance turned her nasty.

For a long time I could not get it. Church for me was torture and I especially hated the procession masses at Easter and such. My parents never let up until I had left home. Then I was free to do what I wanted. I had all the time to chill and lie in but habit saw me gravitating towards the church. I found solace in religion that in my fight with my parents I had not been too blind to see.

As a parent I was faced with the same problem that my parents had; to make sure that my kids got religion. My kids do like going to church and I do not have to force them. And the oldest once said she could not stand the way the pentecostal churches pray when I took them to one and I decided never to take them to another church. They will decide on that when they are old enough to make sound decisions. For now they will continue to be catholic like I am.

We talk of freedom of worship but do we practise what we preach? Do we let people who stay with us worship what they want or we force them to worship what we do?

peace,

fadz

dreams, fantasies,and rude awakening

2011-10-24T23:10:00.000-09:00

So Dave won the South African Idols by a fine margin. He won. Proves that dreams do come true. The raw masculinity will be around for sale for sometime to come, God willing. And that I was right. (Okay it was a really good guess).

My husband's cousin was retrenched and started a chicken rearing business. Contract farming I think they call it. I was impressed with what he is doing. Not only does he not behave like other indigenous operators in the country, he has got more business sense than most people I know. He is salaried like his partner and employees and the profits made are geared towards expanding the business. He has a vision of owning a national business which rivals that of the giants Irvine's. I am sure he will do it if he keeps up the discipline that he has now. Maybe he will lose his way once he has pockets of money but I bet he wont.

It is often sad that we lose our way and fail to distinguish dreams from reality. As kids we have fantastic dreams; we dream of being truck drivers because we like the sound of the horn, we dream of being teachers because we want to beat up kids like we were beaten up by our teachers, we want to drive the garbage truck because we like the way other cars just make way for the big truck full of rubbish. We dream and dream and then we grow up and like they say, reality bites.

Dreams are achievable but there are fantasies. Very few of us can distinguish reality from the fantasies. We yearn for the forbidden, the unachievable because like little children we want to play with fire. When we fantasise, we do it because it makes us feel good. We take flights of fancy because reality is all so unfulfilling. But there should be boundaries. fantasies should stay like that. It is when we act on our fantasies that all hell breaks loose. That is when we hurt others and ourselves in the long run.

So ask yourself if the fantasy you have is really worth the risk.

Peace,

fadz