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I didn’t grow up desiring to someday be a mentor.  I “fell” into it when a colleague suggested I interview for a Resident Director (R.D.) position.  I was looking for a new job and it seemed like an adventure — especially since the university was in Southern California!!!

After over 20 years of R.D. life and serving with over 170 Resident Assistants (R.A.s), I can truly say that I am a different person from interacting and walking with many wonderful college students.

Meeting one-on-one with a R.A. was an expectation listed in the job description.  I remember during my first year anxiously wondering what I would do with the time!  What began as a “requirement” became an amazingly significant opportunity to invest and challenge these young leaders to develop their potential.

It was during these weekly intentional times that I came to learn a lot about myself.

I soon realized I was not listening…my brain was jumping ahead and trying to form the next question.  I remember I had to work hard to be present with each one and listen to their words and not my brain!  My thoughts were centered on my performance, rather than meeting the R.A. in their story.

I also remember being awkward with silence.  I somehow thought that the best R.D.s knew how to fill the minutes.  The silence seemed to reveal a weakness in my leadership.  With time, the silence became the space to reflect and ponder before rushing on to the next “paragraph” of discussion.  The ministry of presence became very valuable.  I didn’t need to be “productive” with every minute — silence seemed to create its own fruitfulness!

I eventually realized these weekly conversations were opportunities to join God in His work in the student’s lives.  They were a rare privilege.  These times were an opportunity to listen to God AND to the student…a coming together of the Body of Christ (where two or more are gathered)…no longer a mandated job expectation, but sacred space.

Did these times change the lives of R.A.s? You will need to explore that possibility with them.  However, I do know that these intentional times with them changed me.  I am more than I ever thought I was created to be because of being with them.

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Mentors are just ordinary people, who avail themselves to being used by God — in the life of another — in extraordinary ways. Check out the #iMentor page and consider how God might want to intentionally use you in the life of another. I bet you’ve got a story to share! And if you’re looking for a resource to help you in this important work, consider my new book: Shaping Their Future: Mentoring Students Through Their Formative College Years.

It’s May!

And I hope your school year and ministry season is coming to a good conclusion.

April was another great month at FaithONCampus.com! But with all that the end of the academic year entails, it’s likely that you’ve missed some of these great posts!

So here are the Best of the Best — the Top Posts for the month of April!

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10. My #iMentor Story | Jamie Johnson

Sometime around the age of 13 a friend entered my life. This individual intentionally chose me, though at the time I did not know it. His name was Bruce.

Bruce’s investment in my life seemed inconspicuous. He was, after all, the Youth Superintendent for the Friends churches in the Pacific Northwest. He was paid to do this!

Bruce and I began meeting regularly as I was just entering high school. It seemed to me he had the ability to discern one’s entire life story by simply looking them in the eye. (Read more…)

9. The Makings of a Great Conversation

We all know that conversations — of a wide variety — are what make up the life and work of those in ministry. Much more so than programs.

And we also know that conversations are the bread and butter of mentoring relationships.

While some things will be learned through shared experience, much of what we share with students comes in the form of conversation — over meals, coffee, and number of places across campus.

Conversations are key.

But do we really know what goes into a good conversation?

How about a great one. (Read more…)

8. The Hyper-Connected Life

Just saw this new infographic and wanted to share it with you.

With a high percentage of our student population being described within these stats, what do you think about what you see here?

What are you most troubled by?

For me, it’s the section describing the impact of being hyper-connected. I’m not sure how you look at the two set of possibilities and not believe that the negative far outweighs the positive — but maybe that just me.

Where, within all of these stats, do you see opportunity for ministry and/or meaningful conversation? (Read more…)

7. On Helping Seniors Discern “What’s Next?”

It’s that time of the year again…

We’re getting ready to say good-bye to our students — some for the summer, others for the foreseeable future.

And you’ve likely noticed over the course of the spring term a shift in conversations with your graduating seniors towards more future-oriented topics.

If your seniors are like most — they are struggling to know what’s next. Some are fearful. Some are anxiety-riddled. And some are down right paralyzed.

Why?

Because there is a lot up in the air regarding “what’s next.” (Read more…)

6. #iMentor

What is #iMentor?

Well, it’s an initiative designed to honor the investment of mentors all over the world, and to encourage potential mentors to take the initiative in starting an intentional relationship with a college student today.

My new book, Shaping Their Future: Mentoring Students Through Their Formative College Years, is now available at Seedbed.com — but I believe that a book is only as good as it serves to bring about change in the world.

A lofty task — no doubt!

And that’s precisely what I hope the #iMentor initiative will inspire us to do — change the world! (Read more…)

5. The Naked Truth About Sex in College | Chad Logan

The primary reason that college students leave their faith in college is their personal desire for sexual freedom and its incompatibility with religious morality.

Approximately 65% of all college students have had sex.

25% of college women’s first encounter with sex was unwanted or forced.

Less than 30% of college students have had a healthy conversation with their parents about the “birds and the bees” (Read more…)

4. FOCSI13 >> POSTPONED

That’s right. The Faith ON Campus Summer Institute has officially been postponed.

Apparently I picked the absolute worst week of the summer to try to host an event like this — so, after talking with Tim’s people and the great sponsors that had already signed on for the summer event, we’re now zeroing in on a couple of days in mid to late October.

I still believe in this event — and hope that you do to! (Read more…)

3. How Far is Too Far? | Hanna Easley

“If God was looking down on you, would it look any different to Him?”

I was in college and struggling with setting physical boundaries with my current boyfriend. I knew that God intended sex for within the confines of marriage and believed there were consequences if I disobeyed, but I wasn’t sure where the line was. How far is too far? I knew I felt shame and guilt for some of the behavior I had engaged in, but was it really wrong or was I over re-acting?

I shared these thoughts with my friend and mentor, Jenn. (Read more…)

2. My #iMentor Story | Gus Hernandez Jr.

Why do I mentor? Because my life is a result of mentoring.

A few godly men took the time to intentionally invest in me during my formative college years, and they each helped mold and shape my life.

One of my professors, Doug Hodges, took a special interest in me my freshman year in college. We started off having casual conversations after class about general things in life, but soon I found myself eating lunch with him almost on a weekly basis. I’m not quite sure how it happened. All I know is that he made himself available to me; he was always willing to listen and offer wise counsel. (Read more…)

1. The Lost Art of Mentoring

I’ve found myself wondering lately if mentoring — as an intentional form of raising up the next generation — is lost?

In our fast-paced, keep your nose out of my business, anxiety riddled culture — have we lost the know-how to be with people in intentional, honest, and life-giving ways? And just as importantly, has the value of this kind of relationship been lost on this generation of students?

Without faithful examples, and our focus drawn away from mentoring — towards other things — have we forgotten how to do this? Or what it looks like? Or what it can yield in another’s life? (Read more…)

And there you have it!

(*) This list excludes posts found on the Top Posts of All-Time list — in order to highlight other great posts.

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If you like the kinds of conversations you’ve found here at FaithONCampus.com, then I highly encourage you to check out The 2013 Faith ON Campus FALL FORUM! This year I will be joined by author and leadership guru Tim Elmore for a two-day conversation about the unique challenges and opportunities that exist in mentoring this generation of college students! Find out more here. And check out my book on mentoring college students entitled Shaping Their Future here.

We met at a set time each week and I told them that we would spend the first half talking about them personally and the second half talking about their ministry responsibilities. Our 50 students filling out the 1 to 17 list rated it as the number one most helpful and needed thing we did!

Through the years, we had many students go into ministry. People would ask what we did to promote that. I had no answer except, we did not promote it and it must just be the Lord. I have come to believe the vehicle that God most used to lead students into the ministry were those individual one on one mentoring sessions we did each week.

It takes a lot of time, but God uses it in big ways and it multiplies your ministry by building up your student leaders…..it also caused more of our students to want to be Team Leaders.

What is Chick-fil-A Leadercast?

Chick-fil-A Leadercast is a one-day leadership event broadcast LIVE from Atlanta, GA to hundreds of locations around the world on May 10, 2013. Strengthen your leadership by simplifying your life. SIMPLY LEAD.

Full. Our lives are full of things that we think will grow our businesses and increase our influence. We are busy – and that may, unknowingly, be holding us back. What if there was potential impact in simplifying our lives so our leadership could thrive? Leading in a complex world requires simplicity to cut through the clutter. Saying NO to what may seem good could help increase your capacity to live your life to the fullest. Join us at Chick-fil-A Leadercast as we learn to Simply Lead.

Speakers for this year’s event include:

> Jack Welch, Former Chairman and CEO of General Electric
> Andy Stanley, Best-selling leadership author and communicator
> Mike Krzyzewski, Head men’s basketball coach, Duke University and Team USA
> John Maxwell, Best-selling author and leadership expert
> Dr. Henry Cloud, Best-selling author and leadership consultant
> LCDR Rorke Denver, Navy SEAL and star of the 2012 movie Act of Valor
> Sanya Richards-Ross, 2012 London Olympic gold medalist, track & field
> David Allen, Best-selling author of Getting Things Done and productivity expert
> Condoleezza Rice, Secretary of State (2005-2009), via exclusive Simply Lead video interview

In the Chick-fil-A Leadercast App below you can:

> Take the “What’s Your Leadership Style” Quiz! Everyone is born with the power to influence and although it may not always feel like it – we are ALL LEADERS in our own way! The question is… what type of leader are you?
> Learn the 7 Tips to Lead Simply! Simplicity enables leaders to cut through the clutter and make the best decisions possible. Read these 7 tips to simplify your life… and remember, it’s the decisions you make that define the leader you become!
> Find a Location! Chick-fil-A Leadercast will be broadcasted to hundreds of locations around the world! Enter your zip code to find a broadcast location near you – or join us at the LIVE site in Atlanta May 10, 2013!

You could also have a chance to win one of the prizes from the Chick-fil-A Leadercast Prize Pack!

> 1 Copy of John C. Maxwell’s new book: The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth
> 1 Chick-fil-A Leadercast Exclusive Audio Download Card, which includes access to audio segments from past and present events!
> 1 of 3 Chick-fil-A Digital offer cards for a free Chick-fil-A Sandwich Entrée of your choice.

In order to be eligible to win, you must do at least one of the following:

> Post your results from the What’s Your Leadership Style Quiz! in the comment section below, and/or
> Share their favorite or personal Lead Simply Tips! in the comment section below.

That’s it!

Make plans to attend (or tune in for) the Chick-fil-A Leadercast happening on May 10th!

The contest will be open through May 10th and winners will be announced on May 13th!

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I mentor because I’m convinced that being mentored was the single most impactful component for my spiritual growth in college.

Living in a world of helicopter parents who essentially make decisions for their children, collegians need mentors more than ever to grow spiritually and encounter life responsibly.

Helicopter parents tend to believe their child can do no wrong. This sentiment oftentimes positions adolescents for failure. In college, my mentor asked me the tough questions that no one wants to answer; these were questions that I intentionally avoided for the sake of spiritual sloth. However, without these questions, I would not have discovered the spiritual journey that I’m trekking today.

Allowing admonishment to enter your life is a tough pill to swallow, but the appropriate prescription for spiritual and common sensical growth. However, it’s one of the most important components of being mentored.

I meet with a number of students weekly and it’s difficult to admonish them, but God blesses those moments and reminds me time and time again that difficult conversations handled appropriately are moments of exponential spiritual growth.

Mentoring is messy, but the payoff is much bigger than you could ever expect.

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Mentors are just ordinary people, who avail themselves to being used by God — in the life of another — in extraordinary ways. Check out the #iMentor page and consider how God might want to intentionally use you in the life of another. I bet you’ve got a story to share!

Friends!

I’m excited to announce The 2013 Faith ON Campus FALL FORUM.

This two-day event will be held on the campus of Belmont University, in Nashville, TN on October 23rd & 24th, 2013.

This year’s event will feature extended conversations with author and leadership guru, Dr. Tim Elmore.

Those of us who work closely with today’s college students know that they are in the midst of some of the most formative years in life — and yet many are struggling to take advantage of the incredible opportunities that lay before them.

They need help.

They need you — and me.

They need mentors who are trained and equipped to come alongside them and help them better navigate this critical season of life.

That’s why I’m dedicated to seeing this brand new event be a SUCCESS!

During our two days together in Nashville, pastors, parents, professors, coaches, directors, and mentors will come together to consider the unique challenges and opportunities present with regards to leading this current generation of college students, and hopefully leave with some practical solutions tailored to their unique setting.

You can read more about the event here: http://faithoncampus.com/fall-forum/

You can read more about our featured guest, Dr. Tim Elmore, here: http://faithoncampus.com/Tim-Elmore/

I also want you to know that I am offering a significantly reduced rate of $79 from now through May 31st!

And since I know how precious “conference dollars” can be in a lean budget, I’m going to offer you a FULL money back guarantee — because I’m SO convinced in how God is leading for this event!

That’s right! A money back guarantee.

If you attend and don’t find our two days together to be meaningful to your work and ministry with students, I’ll give you your money back — no questions asked.

SO, would you do me a favor and go over to the Facebook Event Page for the Faith ON Campus FALL FORUM and — at the very least — mark yourself as a “Maybe Attending.”

And then would you click on the “Invite Friends” button and invite any friends or colleagues that you think might benefit from this event.

It’s hard to get the word out for new events like this one — so I’m relying on you to help spread the word throughout your circles.

God is up to some great things!

And I’m excited to see how He will use our two days together in October to further our reach on campus — and overall imprint on the world.

We’re getting ready to say good-bye to our students — some for the summer, others for the foreseeable future.

And you’ve likely noticed over the course of the spring term a shift in conversations with your graduating seniors towards more future-oriented topics.

If your seniors are like most — they are struggling to know what’s next. Some are fearful. Some are anxiety-riddled. And some are down right paralyzed.

Why?

Because there is a lot up in the air regarding “what’s next.”

They feel like they should have it all figured out by now.

Or if they have had a “plan” all along, they may be struggling because things are not happening according to script.

As I’ve talked with students who find themselves in this place, I often start with the simple (yet oft overlooked) call of God to love Him and others.

Most students know about this call — and love the romanticized notions of it — but struggle to know what it means (in concrete form) for their lives. And what they mean by this is that they can conceive of ways of actively loving God and others — but aren’t quite sure how that’s going to help them pay their bills.

And I get their concern — but I often make them sit with this primary sense of calling before we move on to anything else. I firmly believe that if they fail to grasp this call on their lives — and all that it embodies — then it won’t matter where they end up earning a pay check.

Eventually we do move on, and we consider together that popular quote:

“The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.”
― Frederick Buechner, Wishful Thinking: A Theological ABC

I’ve found that students often struggle with this idea — because it evokes two seemingly contradictory emotions within.

On one hand they want to love the fact that their deep gladness matters. That they can use their gifts, talents, and passions to make a difference in the world.

But that’s often tempered by an overwhelming sense of selfishness — that somehow to be “happy” with our work, or doing something with our lives that brings us “great joy,” is somehow not doing what God would want. Translation = God does not want us to be happy.

I don’t think a student has ever come out and voiced such a thing — but their words often communicate this very message.

So we sit with this idea for a while — and together attempt to process all that God would want us to learn.

And for some, there comes more of a sense of hope — and even excitement — for the future.

But others still struggle.

So I’ve started to help them look for the fingerprints of God on their past four (or so) years on campus.

I ask them questions like:

What has been meaningful? Significant?

What has made you feel most fully alive? Who were you with? What were you doing?

When have you felt like you were making a difference? Where were you? What were you doing?

Where have you seen your gifts, talents, and passions blossom? What were you doing?

From where they stand, on the cusp of graduation, we begin to plot dots on the four-year overlay of their campus experience — and begin to look for noticeable patterns.

We attempt to understand the larger picture that God had been working on all along.

And then we attempt to discern — looking forward — what might be next.

But we’re not aiming in the dark. We’re not looking at everything as a viable possibility.

Instead, we’re working off the trajectory — the direction — that God has been working and moving in for the past several years.

Believing that God is not likely going to place a 90* turn in front of this student, we begin to imagine what God might have out in the future for this student — based on what He’s been up to in the past.

And it’s been amazing to see students come alive during this process — better recognizing God’s activity over the course of their college years — such that a direction, and even the discernible “next steps,” become much more obvious.

We won’t be able to figure it all out — no matter how long we work at it.

But hopefully your students will be encouraged by the obvious work of God in their past — and the direction it seems to be pointing them towards for their future.

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I met the Rev. Jack Fogleman when I was eighteen years old and a freshman in college.  In United Methodist organizational nomenclature, Jack was a district superintendent. That meant he had supervisory oversight for roughly sixty congregations in a particular section of the State (Kansas). Another responsibility that district superintendents have is to keep track of young ministerial candidates. At the point of our first contact, I was not one of them, but Jack was paying attention.

Jack had heard about me through the church grapevine. Kansas is a rural state and I lived in one of the “ruralest” parts. At the time, my last year of high school, I was in an area-wide singing group that gave programs combining contemporary choral music and brief testimonies. (I could tell you about Betty Jo Banks, another mentor, who led this group, but I’ll stick with Jack.) Three of us senior boys had been pegged to give brief devotional messages beyond the testimonies. Somewhere along the way, Jack saw something in me that needed nurturing.

So, one day I got a call from Jack, asking me to come to his office to talk. When I arrived, he asked me about considering pastoral ministry and entering the denominational candidacy process. His approach was direct, friendly and understated all at the same time. At the end of a rather brief, but compelling conversation, he prayed with me and that was that.

That conversation began a twelve-year relationship during which Jack maintained a steady, supportive, calm presence as I grew up, struggled with my call, and fussed about the problems that frustrated me about my denomination. He listened to me, mostly, only occasionally offering perspectives about church problems that helped to quell my ire. He gave me chances to preach, calling me to supply pulpits when pastors in his district took their vacations. He helped me keep track of logistical requirements for candidacy and movement toward ordination. Always, he prayed with me.

Even after a hiatus in our relationship (my wife and I lived in Italy for three years while I served an expatriate nondenominational congregation), Jack made contact and, when the time was right for a second season of mentoring, picked up where he had left off previously.

In several ways, perhaps, my relationship with Jack Fogleman was not a typical mentoring relationship. His influence in my life, however, was huge. He provided steady support. He let me talk out my issues and he listened carefully. He gave me room to say what was on my mind, unvarnished as those thoughts often were. (I’m sure I said some really stupid, immature things.)

But most importantly, he guided, with real purpose, while not over-controlling. He took the grist of my life and helped me, over time, gain clarity about and make sense of my calling. In today’s jargon, he “did life” with me, though not in the way that campus ministers often use that term. We never went out to eat together, never played golf together, none of those more relational things. But every time I met with Jack I left feeling affirmed, challenged and focused.

Jack went to be with the Lord many years ago, but in some ways his influence continues. I have always felt like a particular part of my calling is to spend time with students, helping them sort out their vocational direction. I find myself operating with my young charges much like Jack did with me. As long as I live, I will give thanks to God for Jack Fogleman’s legacy.

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Mentors are just ordinary people, who avail themselves to being used by God — in the life of another — in extraordinary ways. Check out the #iMentor page and consider how God might want to intentionally use you in the life of another. I bet you’ve got a story to share!