Falling On A Bruise

Special Guest Blogger: Irving Berlin

2026-04-14T00:30:00.008+01:00

Ladies and gentlemen, may I have the honor of your attention as I regale you with the tale of my illustrious career, my untimely demise and why I’m still not over the time I accidentally invented Christmas.
I was born Israel Beilin which is a name as cumbersome as a Brussel sprout soufflé. My parents, humble German-Jewish immigrants, arrived in the United States with precisely two things, a trunk full of secondhand coats and a deep, abiding distrust of sausages made by anyone else.
We settled in New York, where I quickly learned that if you want to make it in America, you must first shed your accent, your last name, and any hope of pronouncing your own surname without a yawn. Thus, Israel became Irving and Beilin became Berlin. Classy.
The golden days of Tin Pan Alley! A time when composing a hit song was as simple as scribbling a melody on a napkin, tripping over a piano bench, and accidentally creating the next standard.
My early years were a whirlwind of renting a room in Yonkers for $2.50 a week and scribbling lyrics by gaslight. Or kerosene. Or whatever passed for light before electricity decided to show up.
Then came Alexander’s Ragtime Band, and suddenly I wasn’t just a man with a questionable moustache, I was a man with a musical career. And let me tell you, nothing solidifies your place in society like a song that makes every person in America tap their feet while pretending they’ve never heard it.
White Christmas. Yes, that one. The song that has made me eternally wealthy, I was making money off a song about snow for the rest of my life.
The truth? I wrote it on a dare. I was in Hollywood, visiting my son, and the weather was so disgustingly sunny it hurt my soul. I muttered something about missing the snow and the cold, and lo! Bing Crosby turned to me and said, 'Write a song about it.' And so I did. But here’s the kicker: I had never seen a white Christmas in my life. I was winging it.
By the time I shuffled off this mortal coil at 101, I’d written over 900 songs and outlived Cole Porter, George Gershwin, and about five of my own nieces.
My death? Quiet, dignified, and mercifully free of dramatic last words. I was napping, as one does when you’re 101 and your joints and other body parts have given up the fight.

Even Erdogan Thinks You Suck Benji

2026-04-13T00:30:00.001+01:00

Shortly after the United States and Iran agreed to a ceasefire earlier this week, Turkish President, Recep Tayyip Erdogan Erdogan, warned Donald Trump in a telephone conversation of possible Israel provocations and sabotage to undermine the agreement to which the Warmongering Israeli Prime Minister responded that: 'Israel under my leadership will continue to fight Iran’s terror regime and its proxies, unlike Erdogan who accommodates them and massacred his own Kurdish citizens'.
Not one to take criticism, Erdogan took off his gloves, told his Government to hold his beer and called Netanyahu the 'Hitler of our time' and pointed out the proceedings at international courts and an arrest warrant issued against him by the International Criminal Court at The Hague for genocide and how he faces being tried in his own country and is likely to be sentenced to imprisonment.
The rest of the Turkish Government joined in and said they stood by innocent civilians and would make added efforts to see Netanyahu held accountable for the war crimes he has committed and called Netanyahu the ringleader terrorist of the 21st century's massacre and terror network.
'The brazen remarks by Netanyahu directed at our esteemed President, are a clear manifestation of a guilt complex' wrote the Turkish Foreign Minister on X. 'The audacity of someone whose hands are stained with children's blood, someone pursued by international law, to presume to lecture Turkey on morality is merely an indicator of his efforts to cover up his own crimes against humanity, and it holds no validity whatsoever' and then went on to threaten to invade Israel: 'Just as we entered Karabakh, just as we entered Libya, we will do the same to them. There is nothing to prevent us from doing it'.
Not a nation to take too kindly for having their war crimes and ongoing genocide repeatedly mentioned, Israeli Heritage Minister Amichai Eliyahu said that Erdogan doesn't impress anyone with this circus and described the Turkish president as a megalomaniacal dictator who sees himself as an Ottoman Sultan while being no more than a pathetic tyrant of a country with a collapsing economy and a dead democracy and Minister of National Security, Ben-Gvir, posted: 'Erdogan, do you understand English? F*ck you.'
When you are being accused of being a tosspot by Erdogan of all people, you know you are on the wrong side of history.

EU's Problem Child Could Be Problem Solved

2026-04-12T19:20:00.002+01:00

When your closest political allies are Vladimir Putin, Benjamin Netanyahu and Donald Trump, then you really should be worried when the elections come around and quite rightly Viktor Orban is facing a very real threat to his 16-year leadership of Hungary.
Polling leading up to today's election has seen Orban far behind Peter Magyar's centre-right Tisza party leading 57%/43% and the arrival of American Vice President JD Vance recently in support of Orban probably didn't help in a nation which has faced protests for a change and against his support for Israel committing War Crimes in Gaza.
Orban has been described as the leader of a mafia state and running an autocracy and according to Transparency International, Hungary is the most corrupt country in the European Union and have dropped 69 places in the Press Freedom Index, between Benin and Malaysia and the European Parliament stated that Hungary can no longer be considered a full democracy and that the country has become an electoral autocracy.
When asked by a BBC reporter if he was worried he could lose, he replied that: 'We always win. We always win' but if the polls are correct, Orban is on his way out and the EU's problem child may soon be a problem solved.

No Peace Deal Yet

2026-04-12T18:39:00.006+01:00

After 21 hours of negotiations, the Americans and the Iranians swept back home with nothing to show for it and each blaming each other for the failure.
Iran said that they never heard anything to make them think that America would stick to any deal made and the Americans said that Iran refused to budge on accepting the American terms on the Nuclear issue so now we wait to see what happens next, hopefully more negotiations and not a return to war but already the Mango Moron in the White House has escalated things by saying that the US Navy will blockade the Strait of Hormuz immediately with the help of NATO who he stated are willing to help although nobody in NATO has said this and were against joining in the Trump folly and which the British Prime Minister wasted no time to announce that they will be doing it on their own as the UK will not be involved in it.
Obviously, as is usually the case with the man known for saying something and then chickening out and who was saying he would destroy a civilisation only a few weeks ago, he is already watering down his proposal saying that any blockade might take some time to implement rather than immediately and which Iran said the only way to open the Strait would be through negotiations and if America escalate, they will respond.
It may be worth remembering that before Trump launched the war, negotiations were ongoing and when America and Israel started the war, Iran were offering to blend down their stockpiles of highly enriched uranium, allow full verification by the International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA) and repeated that they had no desire to build a nuclear weapon and the facilitator at the talks, Oman's Foreign Minister said that the agreement could be reached within days, and then Trump and Netanyahu blundered in amidst a war cry of eliminating Iran's nuclear threat.
The talk is that War Criminal Netanyahu, who has been trying to persuade American Presidents to go to war with Iran for 40 odd years, finally found one simple enough to go along with it although now he is desperate to end it as his poll numbers sink and even his own side are questioning the wisdom of what he has done.
The Peace Agreement was for 10 days so we still have time to bring the negotiators back and try again because the alternative is a return to war and if America and Israel could not reach their war aims, whatever they were, in the past 40 days, it is highly unlikely another 40 days will but the already tragic death toll will certainly increase.

Special Guest Blogger: Steve Marriott

2026-04-12T00:30:00.012+01:00

Alright, settle down, settle down. Turns out, the afterlife isn’t all harps and halos. It’s more like a celestial waiting room with slightly dodgy wallpaper and a right poncy bloke in a robe who looks a bit like a roadie I once knew.
I never really thought about things when i was in Small Faces, I was too busy trying to remember the words to 'All or Nothing', avoiding getting my head kicked in by jealous boyfriends and figuring out how to spend the three quid I had in my pocket.
I was always a titchy Mod. The pint-sized geezer with the voice like a foghorn and a haircut that could take your eye out. Blimey, we looked a sight. All those brilliant, ridiculous clothes. Italian suits, tailor-made, but still looking like I’d been dressed by a blind man in a rush. I was five-foot-four, but on stage? On stage, I was ten-foot-tall and built of pure, unadulterated noise. Me, Ronnie, Mac and Kenney… four cheeky bastards from London, crammed into a van, causing chaos wherever we went.
We had a laugh, didn't we? We’d write a song like 'Lazy Sunday' in ten minutes, a bit of a daft piss-take, and it would shoot to number one while the serious-minded muso types were chewing their beards in confusion. That was the joy of it. We weren't trying to be Beethoven. We were trying to get out of our council flats and have a good time.
Of course, a good time costs money. And we were seeing about tuppence of it. I still wake up in a cold sweat thinking about Don Arden. The ‘Al Capone of Pop’. A lovely man, I’m sure. If your idea of lovely is being rooked blind while he’s calling you a genius and pocketing your entire publishing. That was a lesson in never, ever sign anything without your mum reading it first.
Then came the Pie. Humble Pie. What a racket. We decided to get ‘heavy’, we did. Grew our hair, put on the denims, and turned the amps up to eleven. People called us a ‘supergroup’. A supergroup? It felt more like a super-headache most days. Me, Peter Frampton, Greg Ridley and poor old Jerry Shirley, who had the monumental task of keeping us all in time and out of jail.
We went to America. Oh, they loved us over there. All that noise and sweat. They didn't care that I looked like a garden gnome who’d swallowed a trumpet. They just wanted to be hit over the head with a wall of sound. So we hit them. And it was a blast. A proper, messy, glorious, rock and roll blast. I bought a 16th-century pub in the country, filled it with dogs and kids, and pretended I was a sensible country gent. What does a rock star do with his first big cheque? Buy a Rolls Royce? Snort Colombian? Nah. Buy a pub. Logical, innit?
I like to think a few of those tunes hold up. If you can put on 'Tin Soldier' or 'Itychoo Park' and not want to wiggle a bit, then you’re probably dead.
They say I influenced a whole generation of punk rockers. The punk rockers! All that spitting and safety pins. A bunch of surly oiks telling me I was alright. Well, I’ll be. At least they had the decency to nick good chords.
I wasn't a saint. Far from it. I was a nightmare to work with and had a temper like a firecracker and an ego the size of a small planet. I loved a drink, a smoke, and a proper row. I made mistakes. Bankrupted myself more times than I can count. Lost friends. Let people down. I was a human being, not a bleeding monument.
Cor blimey, what a way to go. There I am, back at the old gaff, having a smoke and listening to a tape. Next thing I know, I’m waking up with a stinking headache and St. Peter is giving me a right telling-off for smoking indoors. The papers called it tragic but the only tragic thing about it, apart from the obvious, is that it was started by a cigarette. How bloody typical! All that effort, all that noise, all that life… snuffed out by a bleedin’ Woodbine. You couldn't write it.

Melania Getting Ahead Of The Story?

2026-04-10T15:27:00.001+01:00

That Melania Trump address was a bit strange yesterday, especially as her husbands disastrous war in the Middle East has knocked the Trumpstien files off the front pages for a while so the question is why say anything and why now?
In her statement, Melania said she never had a relationship' with the late pedophile or with his associate Ghislaine Maxwell, saying they only had a casual correspondence and criticised what she called the lies which were defaming her reputation.
There was that 2002 email she sent to Maxwell where she wrote: 'Dear G! How are you? Nice story about JE in NY mag. You look great on the picture. I know you are very busy flying all over the world. How was Palm Beach? I cannot wait to go down. Give me a call when you are back in NY. Have a great time! Love, Melania' which seems a bit more than a casual correspondence.
The first lady also said Epstein did not introduce her to her husband, President Donald Trump, and that she is not one of Epstein's victims, nor had she flown on his plane or visited his island and she she have any knowledge of his actions.
Some are saying that she is trying to distance herself from her husband who was the pedophiles best bud for decades as well as a growing pile of evidence that he was involved in sex assaults and pedophilia himself and is named at least 38,000 times in the files that we have seen so far and with more releases imminent, could be trying to get ahead of whatever is coming down the track in the next few weeks.
I assume also that she knows what is coming down the track and is desperate to get her 'Wasn't me' in first but I know a couple of ex-Daily Mail journalists who will be paying all this very close attention.

Special Guest Blogger: Greek Demigod Arcas

2026-04-10T00:30:00.004+01:00

Ah, the sweet serenity of eternity. What a delightful way to spend forever. If you’re reading this, I assume you’ve heard of me, Arcas, the slightly confused mortal who accidentally tried to club his mother (who in my defence happened to be a very large bear at the time). Yes, that story. The one where Zeus, in his infinite wisdom, yanked us both into the sky to become constellations.
Let me tell you as charming as the afterlife is, it’s a bit cold. And static. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Allow me to regale you with the most hilariously awkward chapter of my life, before I became a permanent fixture in Ursa Major, forever frozen mid-swing with a stick.
I was born in ancient Arcadia, which, let me tell you, is a place of breathtaking beauty if you don’t mind the shepherding, the goats and the fact that your mother is a hunting goddess named Callisto.
Mum had the misfortune of catching Zeus’s eye but Hera did not appreciate the situation so, in a fit of divine pique, Hera transformed my mother into a bear and here’s where things got awkward.
One day, while out on a hunt I came face-to-paw with my own mother. She didn’t recognize me, obviously, because 1. She was a bear, and 2. Hera’s curse made her forget her mortal life.
But still! I was just about to swing my club and end her existence when Zeus froze us both in place and mumbling that we had potential as constellations, here am i forever mid-lunge, my stick forever mid-swing, while my mother, now Ursa Minor, glowers at me from the tip of my club.
So, here’s the thing about becoming a constellation. It’s not all poetry, sailors using you for navigation or romantic stargazers whispering your name because where most people know Orion, Perseus, or even that twinkling twerp, Sagittarius but Arcas? I’m a mythological footnote but being a constellation my main role is to forever point people in the direction of Polaris.
So always check if your mother’s been turned into a bear. And if you ever find yourself immortalised in the stars, pack a flask because its chilly up here.

Who Is Dictating The Ceasefire?

2026-04-08T17:43:00.005+01:00

Donald Trump described the ceasefire deal as 'total and complete victory' while Iran called it 'an enduring defeat for Washington' and they had 'Forced the US to accept its 10-point plan' but whoever claims the spoils, there is a two week ceasefire although the details are a movable feast.
We do know that America handed Iran a 15 point plan to end the war last week and Iran replied with a 10 point plan of their own and it is that 10 point plan which Trump said was 'a workable basis on which to negotiate'.
The list of 10 points, published by Iranian state media, include a number of conditions the US has rejected in the past and include the lifting of all primary and secondary sanctions on Iran, continued Iranian control over the strait of Hormuz, US military withdrawal from the Middle East, an end to attacks on Iran and its allies, full compensation for damages suffered by Iran during the war, the release of frozen Iranian assets and a UN security council resolution making any deal binding.
Benjamin Netanyahu’s office said Israel supports the US decision to suspend strikes against Iran for two weeks, but that the ceasefire does not include Lebanon but Pakistan’s prime minister, who brokered the ceasefire, said that the agreed ceasefire covered everywhere 'including Lebanon' and has accused Israel of violating it already but that is what Israel does, as shown in Gaza.
For decades Israel will agree a ceasefire and then go out of it's way to move the goalposts and violate it, since the ceasefire with Gaza in October 2025, Israeli planes have bombed and killed over 800 Palestinians and daily violations by the Israeli army as part of the ongoing ethnic cleansing and genocide in the region.
US Secretary of Defense and complete bell-end, Pete Hegseth, has warned that the US stands ready in the background to ensure that Iran upholds the terms of the ceasefire agreement but although Iran may need to be watched closely, it was America who has now twice attacked it while in negotiations and Israel who will be keen to see it fail and return to the slaughter.

Special Guest Blogger: Clodagh Rodgers

2026-04-08T00:30:00.008+01:00

So, there I was, peacefully minding my own business in my sitting room, doing what I do best which was watching re-runs of Come Dancing from the 1970s and wondering why no one wears hats like that anymore, when i just suddenly stopped being alive.
Rather boringly, my life didn't flash before my eyes but if it did, the highlight would have been 1971 when sideburns were wide and trouser bottoms were even wider, and when i sang for the United Kingdom at the Eurovision song contest.
I sang Jack in the Box, which, for those of you who missed it, or were born after 1975, was a proper pop triumph about a clown. I came fourth but not that the Irish Republican Army were celebrating because as a Roman Catholic female from Northern Ireland, they issued death threats towards me and called me a traitor.
It’s not like they erected me a statue or developed me a perfume afterwards but for three minutes I had an entire continent watching me perform in a costume with more polyester than is medically safe, and then forgetting my name by breakfast.
Over the years, I had the pleasure of being semi-forgotten in the most charming ways. I did some acting and cabaret but i never became the household name like a Karen Carpenter or a Cher but I do have the knowledge that at least once, in 1971, I wore more sequins than a drag queen at a disco convention and nobody said a word.

Could Trump Be The Latest War Criminal?

2026-04-07T15:06:00.007+01:00

Article 52 of the Geneva Convention: Civilian objects shall not be the object of attack or of reprisals. Civilian objects are all objects which are not military objectives.
Attacks shall be limited strictly to military objectives. In so far as objects are concerned, military objectives are limited to those objects which by their nature, location, purpose or use make an effective contribution to military action and whose total or partial destruction, capture or neutralization, in the circumstances ruling at the time, offers a definite military advantage.
In case of doubt whether an object which is normally dedicated to civilian purposes, such as a place of worship, a house or other dwelling or a school, is being used to make an effective contribution to military action, it shall be presumed not to be so used.

There are many names for Donald Trump such as Sex Pest, Pedophile, Fascist and Simpleton but we may be hours away from adding War Criminal to the long list as Lawyers queue up to tell him that if he he goes through with the threat to bomb power plants, Bridges and desalinisation plants, then he will be committing War Crimes.
Just today a spokesman for the UN Secretary General warned that attacking such infrastructure is banned under international law and several United Nations officials and scholars in military law have said the same.
More than 100 US experts in international law from universities including Harvard, Yale, Stanford and the University of California said the conduct of US forces and statements ⁠by senior US officials 'raise serious concerns about violations of international human rights law and international humanitarian law, including potential ‌war crimes' and the European Council pointed out that the International Criminal Court issued arrest warrants for Russian Generals for attacks on Ukraine’s power infrastructure and said pointedly that: 'This applies to Russia’s war in Ukraine and it applies everywhere'.
It seems that all legal minds are of the idea that US attacks on the life-supporting infrastructure for 93 million Iranians would constitute a war crime and the Democrats published a video message recently telling US service members that: 'You can refuse illegal orders, you must refuse illegal orders'.
Erika Guevara Rosas, Amnesty International’s senior director of research, advocacy, policy and campaigns, said: 'Intentionally attacking civilian infrastructure such as power plants is generally prohibited. Even in the limited cases that they qualify as military targets, a party still cannot attack power plants if this may cause disproportionate harm to civilians' and the President of the International Committee of the Red Cross, Mirjana Spoljaric, said: 'War on essential infrastructure is war on civilians. Deliberate attacks on essential services and civilian infrastructure can amount to war crimes.'
Even Michael Schmitt, a professor at the US Naval War College and an international law professor at the University of Reading stated clearly that: 'This strikes me as clearly a threat of unlawful action' so Trump could soon be joining his buddy Benjamin Netanyahu on the list of people the ICC would like to have a word with.

Special Guest Blogger: Michelle Trachtenberg

2026-04-06T00:30:00.009+01:00

Hey there, folks! It's me, Michelle Trachtenberg, aka Dawn Summers, Buffy's little sister from the hit TV show Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
No, I didn’t have a dramatic run-in with a newly vampirised former child star. I wasn’t accidentally turned into a demon by a botched spell from a sketchy online witch. And, much to the dismay of every Buffy fan who ever wanted to throw me off a tower, I was not, in fact, consumed in a swirly green portal of mystical energy.
As they say, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Or, in my case, when life gives you a fatal case of complications from diabetes, make a humorous blog post about it.
So, let’s raise a goblet of O-negative to the life and times of Buffy’s little sister. It’s about to get real.
I had some amazing experiences as an actress. My acting career began when i was just three, filming a commercial for Wisk detergent and then some bits parts in Nickelodeon projects until the big part in Sunnydale.
From playing the role of Buffy's sister to starring in films like Harriet the Spy and EuroTrip, I've had a blast. I mean, who wouldn't want to spend their days pretending to fight vampires and traveling the world? It had been a wild ride, folks, and I'm grateful for every moment of it.
The Dawn of… Dawn. You remember me, right? Barging into Season Five like a toddler who just discovered sugar. Suddenly, Buffy, the Slayer, the Chosen One, the woman who literally died to save the world, had a brand-new, highly-annoying, super-powered little sister.
I remember the fan reaction. And by remember, I mean my debut was not met with universal acclaim. It was more like, "Who is this whiny ball of angst interrupting our show? but I've had the privilege of working with some incredibly talented people. Like, have you met Sarah Michelle Gellar? She's hilarious, folks but Joss Whedon not so much, so toxic was he that he was not allowed to be alone with me in a room.
My last roles were in Gossip Girl and as the host of a true-crime docuseries Meet, Marry, Murder and in early 2024, there were rumours of my bad health after some people commented on my apparent weight loss and signs of jaundice so I reassured them that I was happy and healthy and I was, mainly because i was just about to undergo a liver transplant.
The next time my name was seen was when it has the words 'found unconscious and unresponsive' beside them.

A Post About Global Economics

2026-04-05T21:00:00.003+01:00

I don't pretend to understand Economics and especially the Reserve Currency but when people that do start saying the same thing, then i take it they know what they are talking about.
The US-Israel war on Iran is expensive in terms of human lives but at $12bn a week, it is costing the US which is manageable for a nation with a GDP of $36 trillion but some big players such as The Deutsche Bank and Europe's most high profile Economist, Yanis Varoufakis, are saying that America could be facing a much larger problem, de-dollarisation.
With oil ships backed up in the Strait of Hormuz, Iran is requiring some ships to pay a toll of ¥2m in Chinese yuan and that is where the Economists step in to say that this poses real problems with a country with a national debt of $39tn.
As the owner of the World’s reserve currency, America can force the Swift communications network (the infrastructure used to connect banks around the world with one another) to cut off and isolate countries and the cost of doing business rises dramatically putting America in a strong position.
Russia and China and a handful of other countries have been making efforts to replace Swift and the US dollar as the reference currency and Brazil, India and South Africa are said to be working to integrate with this system.
Now, Iran’s effort to shift trade through Hormuz from the dollar will succeed if Asia, which is where most of the oil and gas is bound for, chooses to pay in Chinese currency which then can also be used to buy Chinese goods and weaken global demand for dollars.
The Deutsche Bank assessment indicates that the conflict could trigger the decline of petrodollar supremacy while increasing the the petroyuan system, mainly due to the alternative mechanism already existing, CIPS, which provides a payment channel that allows banks to settle transactions without routing the money through the U.S. banking system and nations already agreeing to pay in Yaun to get their ships past the Iranian blockade.
As i said at the beginning, i don't know what all this means or if this is the start of the American Economy falling over but with Trump throwing around Tariffs, insults and starting wars, you can see why it might appeal to some nations who may want to move away from America and to be honest, everything Trump touches turns to crap so might be worth keeping an eye on.

My Easter Post

2026-04-05T18:34:00.003+01:00

I wasn't going to write an Easter post this year out of respect for the dog collar wearing partner of this blog because I know he posts my religio bashing posts with a wince and because Easter is pretty much the only Religious Holiday they have left.
Although it wasn't theirs to start with, Christmas and the Baby Jesus is gone, lost to the big fat man in the North Pole and his reindeer but they have successfully fended off the Easter Bunny to keep Easter as a Christian Festival.
Interestingly, that wasn't theirs to start with either, they copied and pasted their beardy guy over the Germanic Godess Eostre who was very popular with the Anglo-Saxon pagan brigade who worshiped her as the Goddess of the dawn but the Christians lazily kept her eggs which was her symbol of fertile purity and the bunny which was her sacred animal.
I say i wasn't going to write a post and to leave the Religio's alone but then today in Town I was hassled by some many Churchy people trying to engage me in discussions about God and hand me leaflets that if i could have reverse engineered all the paper thrust at me i could have made a tree but i politely shook my head said: 'No Thank You' and continued on my way.
If this was just this weekend i could accept it but the Religious do seem keen to stop strangers and force their beliefs on shoppers going about their own business which it quite rude, i wouldn't dream of stopping anyone and pushing my Atheism down their throat but they don't seem to have any qualms about it and I do sometimes question them on their beliefs and why they hold them if they are particularly badgering which usually ends with them ignoring me and waffling on about something or other they have prepared ready and then walking off when i refuse to accept it and delve into why they believe what they do.
Anyway, Happy/Merry Easter if that is your bent and hope you didn't eat too much Chocolate.

The Dark Side Of The Moon

2026-04-05T17:35:00.001+01:00

Interesting that NASA are referring to the 'Dark' side of the moon and not the 'Far' Side because it does give the impression that the side we don't see is completely dark, which it isn't and receives as much light as the side facing us.
I was listening to a phone in show on the Radio and a discussion of how they will illuminate the surface to take the pictures which made me smile but it is understandable because they keep hearing is it Dark.
The word 'Dark' is used in the same way that we refer to the Dark Ages as in not much is know about it and the first time we saw the Far Side of the Moon was when the Soviet's Luna 3 sent back sketchy pictures in 1959 although we have had many photographs of it since including the 1972 one from Apollo 16 above.
Interestingly, the Chinese have been sending probes to that side because the far side of the Moon provides a good environment for radio astronomy and listening to the sounds of the Cosmos as interferences from the Earth are blocked by the Moon, which makes sense.
No mention yet of the Artemis 3 and 4 mission which, on the successful completion of Artemis 2, is pencilled in for 2027 and 2028 and will land astronauts on the surface of the Moon with the Lunar South Pole the likeliest destination but as i own a piece of the Moon, I am keeping a keen eye on it just in case they land in my patch and then i can claim Owner Rights and take NASA for trillions (or a free t-shirt at least).

Reigning Or Raining?

2026-04-05T17:07:00.003+01:00

Donald Trump threatened to 'reign down hell' on Iran within 48 hours unless Strait of Hormuz is opened and peace deal is made and the use of 'Reign' can mean one of two things.
Either he means he will bring Hell to Iran once he is reigning in Hell and to be fair, that is exactly where Pedophiles, sex pests and liars go so that is very much a possibility but unless he dies within the next 48 hours, which again is possible as he is morbidly obese and has an unhealthy diet and god knows what all those weird bruises on him are, so those so if those two things come together then he very much could be reigning in Hell and bringing it to Iran.
The other thing is that he is a blithering idiot who used the wrong 'Reign/Rain' and as he has never been the sharpest knife in the drawer, this is far more likely what his teeny tiny little fingers typed out and the sycophants around him were too afraid to point it out to him.
Either way, i assume he means he will follow through with his threat to bomb the Iranian Power Plants and other civilian infrastructure which is of course a war crime but as America and Israel have been bombing schools, health centers and civilian homes, they are well into the War Crime territory anyway and Israel is already waiting to be hauled before a Court for their abhorrent murders in Gaza so we could see Trump beside him i the next cell.
That is unless he is dead by then and reigning down Hell of course, sending down Hell from Dante's Seventh Circle (Circle 7, Ring 3) which is reserved specifically for rapists and sex pests.

USA Leaving NATO

2026-04-04T17:36:00.009+01:00

After almost every nation in the World answered the American Administrations request for help in the War they started against Iran with a big fat raspberry, Secretary of State Marco Rubio has been pouting and said that: 'Washington may need to reconsider its relationship with NATO once the war against Iran is over' which echos the Mango Morons comments about leaving NATO.
Unfortunately for the sex pest President and his hapless goons, going out through the exit door from NATO was made more difficult when in 2023 the Senate passed a Bill that meant any US President wanting to withdraw from NATO would require two thirds Congressional approval which would be unlikely to achieve.
The Sponsor of the Bill wrote that: 'No U.S. President should be able to withdraw from NATO without Senate approval' and 'We must ensure we are protecting our national interests and protecting the security of our democratic allies'.
So who was the sponsor of the Bill who wrote such wise words? Have a guess, go on, see if you can work it out.
Yep, rather brilliantly, the man who made it almost impossible for Trump to withdraw from NATO was the then Florida senator himself, Marco Rubio. Bit Awkward!

Special Guest Blogger: Stede Bonnet

2026-04-04T00:30:00.006+01:00

Ahoy, ye curious scallywags! Gather ‘round the fire, pass the grog, and let me spin ye a yarn that’ll make ye chuckle, wince, and ponder whether you’ve got what it takes to be a pirate. Or a lunatic. The line’s thinner than a cutlass blade, I swear.
I’m Stede Bonnet, once known as the Gentleman Pirate. You see, me life was a comedy of errors and beginning in the posh drawing rooms of Barbados, ending with a noose and a last meal of bread pudding. And somewhere in between, I tried to be a pirate. It didn’t end well but by the sea gods, it was a doozy.
I was the son of a wealthy planter, a man made for gardens, not gunpowder. I had silks, servants and a parrot named George yet there I was, a pirate captain. How did it happen? Simple. I read a book.
See, in my youth, I devoured tales of derring-do by privateers, tales of pirate legends and the very romantic notion that piracy was freedom so I sold half my estate, bought a ship called the Revenge and declared, 'Avast! I seek fortune!'
My crew? A mix of disgruntled sailors, one guy named Black Dick who may or may not have been a spy, and George my parrot. My first raid? A merchant vessel, its captain so bewildered by my powdered wig and floral coat that he surrendered before I could wave a sword. I took the ship and renamed it The Flower of the Sea.
Now, I’ll admit I was no Blackbeard. The man had a beard like a tumbleweed hurricane and a crew that could pillage a village before the mayor could remember to panic while i meanwhile, once mistook cannon fire for a thunderstorm and ordered the crew to fetch the smelling salts.
But Blackbeard took pity on me. Or pity on himself for being stuck with me. One day, we crossed paths in the Carolina sounds, and the brute asked, “What’s yer business?” I replied, To steal treasures and terrify the masses. He roared with laughter and gave me the advice that I should go home.
I didn’t. Obviously. Because what pirate listens when told to go back to the life of leisure, tea, and polite conversation? But Blackbeard’s disdain stuck with me. If I couldn’t be a real pirate, I’d at least become a memorable one.
Alas, my crowning glory came in a most undignified form. In 1718, I commandeered the Sloop Industry, a snazzy little craft with the idea of raiding Spanish ships in the West Indies but the actual result was to get captured by the British and hanged along with me crew.
While I failed to amass gold, I succeeded in becoming a footnote in history books and a meme among sailors. Why? Because I was me. A man who wore silk shirts under armor, quoted Shakespeare before battles and once tried to ransom a captured ship by demanding a bottle of port and a decent dessert.
So, what’s the takeaway, ye landlubbers? Piracy isn’t for the faint of heart so Yarrr keep yer compass handy, yer spirits high, and aye, aye, matey.

Soooo Funny

2026-04-03T15:20:00.003+01:00

I saw something on Social Media this morning which had me laughing so much that if i was drinking milk at the time it would have been coming out of my nose.
Unfortunately, despite looking, i have been unable to find it again so i could post it here but it was a pretend negotiation between the Iranian Ayatollahs and the American President and went something like:

Trump: Do You Surrender?
Ayatollah: Not to you fat boy
Trump: DO NOT CALL ME THAT!!!
Ayatollah: Sorry Fatty Fat Fat
Trump: Surrender to me or I will bomb you back to the Stone Age!!!
Ayatollah: You won't Chubbs, you got bone spurs remember.
Trump: THE AMERICAN MILITARY IS THE GREATEST THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN!!!!
Ayatollah: So you keep saying Chubbster.
Trump: DO NOT CALL ME THAT, I WILL DECIMATE YOU EVEN MORE!!!!!
Ayatollah: You want our oil lardo?
Trump: Yes, give me all your oil.
Ayatollah: You want to rub it all over your obese body? Even we don't have that much oil Fatso.
Trump: WE WILL OBLITERATE YOU AGAIN IF YOU KEEP CALLING ME FAT!!!
Ayatollah: You prefer we made this about you wanting to hide you being a pedophile?
Trump: On second thoughts, you know, i probably could lose a few pounds....
Ayatolla: Ha Ha, Fatty Fat Chubby Blobby.

It was much longer than that and this was only the jist of it but wow it made me laugh and i don't know if it was a proper Iranian Government trolling or who it was but well done, brilliant.

Will Ai End Capitalism?

2026-04-03T00:30:00.000+01:00

A fellow blogger asked me if I use Ai to write my posts and when i said no i type out every word myself they were surprised, turns out that over the past few months they have been using it themselves (only sanity checking what the AI produced) to write their blog posts which while applauding their honesty, not only disappointed me but also got me wondering just how much we read is not by the hand and mind of the blogger.
My blog writing is thick with sarcasm and humour (aka piss taking) so i'm not even sure Ai could duplicate 'my style' but it is a scary thought that i didn't even notice and assumed it was their own work.
This does lead me to the point of this post which is the implications for Capitalism itself which is based on the premise that we work and then get paid for that work.
Ai is still in it's infancy and yet we are hearing of jobs being lost and replaced by Ai because a machine is doing it faster, cheaper and without complaint or the need for breaks or annual leave.
Back to the 19th Century Luddites, we have been warned that new inventions will replace us but each time the doomsayers have been proven wrong but the fast improving artificial intelligence is the first real technology that can do what we do, only better and faster and for the the price of a few kilowatts of electricity which looks so much better on profit spreadsheets for the business.
We have heard the warnings that that AI could eliminate half of all jobs within the next decade by writing newspaper pieces, diagnosing illness, bookkeeping, generating art and videos, teach, writing code, driving and performing most administration jobs and this isn't far-fetched, it is already beginning to replace real work while the technology is still in its infancy.
This presents Capitalism with the paradox of delivering what Capitalism has always pursued in efficiency, lower costs and higher productivity while removing human wages which Capitalism depends on to keep itself going.
If enough jobs disappear and the income for those jobs go with them, who, then, buys the products to keep the wheels of the system turning?
Ai will pretty much replace everything including any new jobs that Ai create which will free humans to follow other things freed from 'working' but also freed from wages as billions find themselves economically redundant and that could spark a new Luddite movement against the machines or worse, the collapse of society itself.
At some point in the future we will have to debate how the gains from Ai productivity will be distributed which leads us directly to the idea of a Universal Basic Income but maybe someone has thought all this through and there are plans to be put in place but at some point in the not so far future, all of those people like me who has been urging an end to Capitalism, may well get it although we may not like what it is replaced with.

Absolute Best And Worst Of Us

2026-04-02T20:15:00.005+01:00

Within a couple of hours last night we saw the absolute best and the absolute worst of us.
The best was the Artemis II Mission which saw a rocket lift off to spend the next 10 days in space circling the Moon and NASA and the Astronauts telling us that they were doing it for humanity and that is a concept which i wholeheartedly agree with because when it comes to the various Global Space Agencies, whether it is America's NASA, the European ESA, Chinese CNSA, Russian Roscosmos, India's ISRO or the Japanese JAXA, they are progressing human kind with every launch and every lesson learnt.
Then, hours later the absolute worst when Donald Trump, the man who chose to start a war while in the midst of negotiating to prevent it, said that he wanted to bomb a country: 'Back to the Stone Ages, where they belong'.
The War, conducted alongside a nation already complicit in War Crimes and a genocide against its neighbour, has so far seen 1,900 people killed in Iran, 1,320 in Lebanon, 30 in various Gulf States, 19 in Israel and 13 U.S. service members as well as the economic turmoil it has unleashed, rather than seek to try and end the war he started, spoke of causing further harm to 90 million people and is speaking of destroying the very infrastructure they need to live.
Those few hours summed up for me that us Human's are capable of creating things of immense beauty and making brilliant innovations and discovery's which drive us forward while at the same time also being capable of horrific, depraved and unbelievable cruelty to each other.

Special Guest Blogger: Jean-Marie Le Pen

2026-04-02T00:30:00.010+01:00

Buckle up, mes amis because this is going to be as spicy as a Marie-Antoinette profiterole.
If you ever find yourself scrolling through the labyrinth of French politics looking for a souvenir of the far right and perhaps, for those who love a good scandal, a dash of racist notoriety, then welcome!
Picture it, a young Jean-Marie, all fire and perm, storming the political arena like a French Bridget Jones who’s had one too many espressos and decided the EU is the real villain.
I was born in 1928 in a small town that smelled of coal and ambition. Even as a child I was fascinated by the idea of order, the kind you get when you line up your toys in perfect, militaristic rows.
When the French army called, I answered, more out of a sense of duty than any desire to become famous. My time in the army gave me a taste of hierarchy and the smell of freshly polished boots, which later proved useful in politics.
In 1972, after a series of jobs that included a brief stint as a civil servant (which I left because bureaucracy is for the weak), I co-founded the National Front. The moment I saw our first poster I felt the rush of a rock star’s debut. This was my first genuine far-right brand-building exercise, and I was proud of the fact that my name was now on every billboard from Marseille to Lille.
My early years in politics were marked by a series of très memorable gaffes. Did I compare Nazis to French resistance heroes? Oui. Did I blame immigrants for everything from unemployment to bad croissants? Yep. I first earned the racist label in the 1980s after a televised interview in which I, perhaps too candidly, referred to people of non-European origin as a “danger to French identity.
Perhaps my most entertaining highlight was the avalanche of lawsuits that followed my incendiary remarks, in 1992, I was convicted for saying that the Nazi occupation of France was not particularly inhumane and i got a three-month suspended prison sentence and €10,000 (£8,283) fine.
In 2004, I took my show on the road to the European Parliament. My highlight here was an impromptu, flamboyant speech in which I compared the EU to a giant bureaucratic nightmare that eats French cheese and culture. I was subsequently banned from certain parliamentary sessions, a move I consider a badge of honor.
I made five attempts to become president of France and failed five times also but sacre bleu, I am the ghost of French politics past.
My daughter Marine inherited the family business, and let me tell you, she’s so much prettier, and it was fun watching her try to re-brand the National Front into a more respectable party although that did include expelling me from my own party for anti-Semitic remarks and denying the Holocaust whilst praising Nazi war collaborators.
I pioneering the art of saying whatever’s most offensive in the room, Controversy sells and a good scandal keeps you in the news. I made political incorrectness a brand, a lifestyle, a fashion statement. And let’s not forget the trials! Getting hauled before judges for defending the indefensible? It was like The Mask of Zorro, but with more lawyers and less ziplining. Moi, j’adooore a good courtroom drama. Especially when the prosecution’s arguments are as flimsy as a Frenchman’s excuse for not doing the dishes.
A quiet Sunday in Provence, the kind where the sun lingers and I’m sipping a glass of Château Whatever, surrounded by my family (well, the ones who still speak to me), when my brain and my heart ganged up on me but neither the stroke or the heart attack killed me outright, they played a much longer game and i died from them a year later.

A Problem For Future Space Travellers

2026-04-01T04:00:00.003+01:00

I am away this week for my Birthday so I am pre-posting this a few days before the proposed plan to send Artemis 2 on its 4 day trip to the Moon where it will circle it for 2 days and then make the 4 day trip back today.
The delayed mission which will send four astronauts on a 10-day journey around the moon and back is pencilled in for countdown between April 1 and April 6 but NASA have yet to confirm the date as the weather on the day could scupper any plans but NASA have said that today is the preferred date with liftoff scheduled between 22:24 and 00:24
Artemis 2 is a test run for Artemis 3 which will see humans return to the moon and establish a long-term presence there and further afield but that's where it gets messy, and i mean literally messy because at some point building a sustainable human presence in space or other Planets such as Mars will require not just solving engineering problems, but also understanding how reduced gravity will affect sex and reproduction.
As yet, no one has had sex in space (as far as I am aware) but it will have to be considered the actual logistics of performing this docking maneuver in microgravity where weightless objects that come into contact repel one another so i can forsee weights or very strong Velcro but that's for the future scientists and astronauts to worry about.
Hopefully today we will see the first steps to rekindling our Space Exploration story, weather and me being able to find a TV and being sober enough to turn it on at 22:24 tonight permitting.

Special Guest Blogger: Dred Scott

2026-03-31T00:30:00.005+01:00

Bit of an odd one, this, writing a blog post. One moment you’re succumbing to a nasty bout of tuberculosis in 1858, and the next, you’re in a sort of celestial waiting room with surprisingly good Wi-Fi and an eternity to catch up on things. They tell me my name is rather a big deal down there. Dred Scott. Apparently, I’m in the history books.
But since i'm here I thought I’d clear a few things up. Mostly, that my life wasn’t the grand, sombre march of martyrdom they make it out to be. It was, for the most part, a long, frustrating, and occasionally farcical inconvenience with racism and whips.
I was born into this whole being a slave business. No one asked my opinion on the matter, which I thought was rather poor form from the outset. My first 'owner,' the Peter Blow family, were, by all accounts, decent enough chaps. For people who thought they owned me, of course.
Then came Dr. John Emerson. A blighter in the army. He was my assigned ‘manager,’ if you will. And he was promoted. A lot. This is where the whole kerfuffle kicked off. He dragged me from the slave-holding state of Missouri to Illinois. Now, Illinois, as I’m sure you know, had rather progressive views on the whole ‘people owning people’ front. Namely, they were against it. I thought, Splendid! Fresh start!
But no. Dr. Emerson simply ignored the local laws. Then he hauled me up to the Wisconsin Territory, where the same rules applied. Legally, I should have been free. Instead, I was just a very confused and very illegal slave in a free territory. It was all a bit of a muddle.
After a decade of this continental goose-chase, Dr. Emerson popped his clogs, and his widow inherited me. And here, I had a thought. A rather bold one, I’ll admit. I thought, You know what, I’ve had quite enough of this. I’d served my time. I’d lived in free states. It felt like I’d served my sentence. So, I did what any reasonable person would do. I offered to buy my freedom. A perfectly reasonable transaction, no?
She refused.
So, I did what any slightly-less-reasonable, now-rather-annoyed person would do. I sued her but i wasn’t what you’d call a legal eagle. My grand contribution to my case was mostly just standing there, looking a bit miffed, while my lawyers did the heavy lifting.
The case bounced around the courts for years. It was the ultimate bureaucratic nightmare and then, the big one. The Supreme Court. The head honchos. The final boss level. I imagined them as wise, thoughtful chaps who’d see the glaringly obvious injustice of it all. Silly me. Chief Justice Roger Taney, a man whose face looks permanently sour as if he’d just discovered his tea was cold, wrote the majority opinion.
He declared that no person of African ancestry, whether slave or free, could be a citizen of the United States. And if you’re not a citizen, you can’t sue in federal court. Case dismissed. My entire case, my entire life, was wiped away with a single, condescending sentence. The whole thing, he declared, was an issue for the states to decide, which was a bit like telling the chickens to have a quiet word with the fox.
The verdict, as you might imagine, caused a bit of a stir. It did not, it’s fair to say, calm things down. In fact, it rather poured petrol on the fire. And here I am, a footnote in my own disaster. The man who lost the most consequential court case in American history. I wasn’t trying to start a civil war, you know. I was just trying to stop being someone else’s property.
So what happened in the end? After all that, after nine judges in Washington told me I was so much chattel, the original Blow family, the very people who owned me as a boy, they bought me and my wife. And then they set us free. So, after a decade of legal battling, it all came down to a spot of old-fashioned charity. You couldn't write it. It's all a bit of a shambles, really.
As for my death? I’m afraid it was terribly pedestrian. Tuberculosis. Not a dramatic last stand. Just a slow, fading cough, and then, pop. It turns out that the only way for a black man to fully escape the American legal system in the 1850s was, well, to die. A bit drastic, but effective.

God Speaks On US, Israel And Iran Holy War

2026-03-29T17:54:00.006+01:00

America’s secretary of defense, Pete Hegseth, sports an array of tattoos with Christian messaging, including one which reads 'Deus Vult', which is associated with the medieval crusades and has been reaching for biblical language to describe the war against Iran. He called on God to 'break the teeth and kill the wicked enemies who deserve no mercy' and should be 'delivered to the eternal damnation prepared for them'. In other words, for Hegseth this is a holy war in which he calls on god to 'grant this task force clear and righteous targets for violence'.
We recently saw Trump being anointed by Fundamentalist Christians and praying for 'continued blessing' and asked God: 'For your grace and protection over him…and over our troops'.
Troops are also complaining that they are being told that this war was all part of God’s divine plan referring to Armageddon and the imminent return of Jesus Christ.
The Israeli prime minister, whilst announcing the start of the war, invoked the Jewish holiday of Purim by comparing present day Iran to ancient Persian who 'rose against us with the
exact same goal of completely destroying our people and today the end of the evil regime will also come' while Netanyahu has also compared Iran to the biblical Amalekites and who the Old Testament God ordered to be completely destroyed including there: 'Men and women, children and infants, cattle and sheep, camels and donkeys'.
Meanwhile in Iran, senior Shia clerics declared the dead Ayatollah as a martyr and as the 'Hidden 12th Imam, who is meant to return on the day of judgement and declared the defence of the homeland as a sacred duty and that it is their duty of all Muslims to support Iran.
God only knows what he thinks of yet another war in his name, so i asked him and he is not a happy chappie as he explained to me.
'I was sitting in my kitchen, scrolling through the War Tracker App' he said 'when I realized the world’s latest scoreboard looked suspiciously like a scoreboard from a medieval tournament. The contenders? America, Israel, and Iran. Their rallying cry? 'God is on our side!'
'Do you any back of the participants?' i asked and he sighed and replied that 'My plan was create galaxies, invent love and get in the decaffeinated Coffee for the Angels' he explained, 'Holy wars, on the other hand, are a bit… extra and I have been on to the celestial HR department to add the clause: 'God will not participate in wars against humans' but they say it's covered under the 'God Moves in Mysterious ways' sub clause.
I even contacted the USA’s, Israels and Irans representative direct and said that i didn't want them killing each other to show how peaceful they were but all three said that they were just trying to keep the world safe, so how can you argue with mad logic like that?'
'Israel even claimed they had an ancient right of being the chosen people and assumed it was practically a celestial permission slip because: 'We have the holy land so God must be on our side, right?' and i replied that I gave them the land to live in, not a license to launch missiles at anyone who refuses to accept them launching missiles at them and anyway the 'chosen people’ thing was metaphorical. I meant 'chosen one to love' and not the chosen one to fight their neighbours.
I suggested that maybe he didn't make that clear enough in the Do Not Kill Commandment but by now he was in full rant mode.
'As for Iran' he continued, 'They have taken the phrase 'Allahu Akbar' (God is great) to mean 'Allahu obeys whatever is our leaders foreign policy is and their rep even bought a Powerpoint presentation which shows 'Divine Approval Rating: 100%' and the America guy was trying to persuade me that they were 'Just doing God’s job' and 'The Scriptures say…blah, blah, blah' and dismissed my argument that I didn’t create a War‑Instruction‑Manual.
I made love and let there be light and all that so don't not use my name as a shield for violence because i still have the Cosmic pause button and the Angels are demanding i use it else they are threatening to go on strike and stop checking on humans and guarding or protecting them.
So i asked him if he had a message for the warring side and he replied: 'Guys, stop fighting over who gets the right to claim me. I’m busy creating sunsets and rainbows, and I could use a break from all this crap'
There you go then, when it comes to Holy Wars, God thinks you are all dicks.

Correct Move By IOC

2026-03-29T02:00:00.001+01:00

I have long said that Transgender women athletes should be banned from female events due to the unfair advantage they have and finally the International Olympoic Committee and caught up and said that they face exclusion from future Olympics to protect 'fairness and safety'.
Kirsty Coventry, the president of the IOC, said the decision had been taken because: 'It would not be fair for biological males to compete in the female category' and then made the pointed assertion that the decision was made by the the first female Head of the IOC.
Coventry, a seven-time Olympic swimming medalist, explained that now all athletes wanting to compete in the female category at the Olympics will have to undergo a one-off SRY (sex determining region Y gene) screening to detect their biological sex
As the IOC have longed tried toi halt illegal use of drugs wto gain even a small advantage, it is shameful that it has taken this long when the science shows that there is a 12% male performance advantage in most running and swimming events, a 20+ per cent male performance advantage in most throwing and jumping events and 100% in events that involve explosive power such as lifting and punching sports.
There have been some who are disappointed with the charity Dsdfamilies saying that while they understand fairness in competition is important, they are concerned that: 'Proposed processes do not always demonstrate the level of understanding, dignity and respect that this issue requires' which i am not certain what their point is but it is a victory for women who now can be assured that they competing on a level playing field.
The best argument i have heard against athletes transitioning and competing in the sport of their new gender is that this is only a problem with males to females, you don't hear of females transitioning to males and competing and that speaks volumes.