Family Adventures

Are Girls Sillier Than Boys?

noreply@blogger.com (Marshamlow) — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 12:29:00 +0000

We woke up yesterday morning and before I even saw Lily I could hear her in her room celebrating the fact that it was finally JULY. Before we even said good morning to one another Lily asked me, do you know what today is? I answered, only the first day of the best month ever. And then I put my hands above my head and threw my head back and made a sound like that of an audience roaring their applause in the background. Imitating a rock star after their final set. Lily liked that image and continued to ask me do I know what today is for the rest of the day. No matter what I was doing I would, answer my answer and do my rock star initiation.

Having a July birthday meant that Lily was the very last one in her class to turn 6. She has been waiting all year as the other kids got to have parties and turn six. Now it is finally here, the month she will turn six. We are also going on vacation this month and she is really excited about that. But, it is all about the turning six - that is two hands baby!

As we were being really silly all day about the fact that it is July, I remember the comment my friend made just the day before. We were at the pool with a friend and her son is SEVEN - wow he is OLD - and she told him at one point that girls are just silly. I heard this comment and I hadn't actually seen what Lily did to illicit such a remark. I was shocked to think that boys are not silly. I asked her and her son about this. I tried to think of all the silly things we do. And there is a lot. And they continuously shook their heads. No, they do not partake in that type of fun.

No, make believe noises. No, pretending to be on the moon and trying to walk in bounding type ways. No, talking in silly voices. No, turning up Van Halen really loud and trying to jump like a rock star. No, bouts of giggles. I have never been the mom of a boy but is it really true? Are boys not silly? Is being silly not something that boys do? How weird. Maybe it is just my friend and her boy. I am trying to wrap my mind around this. It does seem like Jeff just shakes his head at our silliness. But, I married him because he is a nut. He used to do Austin Powers imitations and being a total goofball. Isn't being a goofball the same as being silly?

Maybe some people like to be cool and some people like to be silly. I think it is good when silly people are friends with cool people because they offset each other. But, I never thought of silly and cool being based on gender. Like boys are cool. Girls are silly. What do you guys think are boys silly? Do your little boys like to be silly? Do you think girls are sillier than boys?

goodbye to Daisy

noreply@blogger.com (Marshamlow) — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 14:28:00 +0000

They have decided to send Jeff away to the Senior NCO Academy for six weeks from the beginning of October until the end of November. I have no idea who they is. Meaning, he will be gone for most of Oct and Nov, come home for most of December and then leave again for six months. What is up with all these sixes? Six weeks, six months, ...

I am actually not yet disturbed by the news. I am choosing not to think about it. I am not going to think about it at all until he is home next summer. Next year this time it will be nearly over. Jeff keeps watching me and waiting for me to fall apart, not going to happen.

Speaking of falling apart, we had to put the cat to sleep. It was very hard to know when the time was. We chose sooner rather than later. She wasn't on death's door quite yet. The thought of waiting for her to be miserable broke my heart. It seemed to us that she was not herself. We went to several vets and even saw the tumor in her mouth ourselves. It was also growing in her head and who knows how much that hurt. We tried some kitty chemo type pills and that had no effect. So we decided to let her go before she got even more miserable. She was spending all her time hiding and not really eating very much anymore.

It was quite an ordeal too. We picked a day. Jeff decided to be the one to take her there. We told the girls a few days before so they had a chance to say goodbye. There was a lot of cat holding and crying. Then when the morning came, we could not find the cat. She had chosen a different closet to hide in the back of. I had gotten a hat out of the entry way closet and I guess she snuck in there while I was looking for the hat. We looked and looked, the appointment time came and went. Later we heard her crying and found her in the closet.

The vet said we could call and make another appt when we found her so Jeff called and got a new time in the afternoon. Stupid me, as Mandy was about to leave the house for work I told her we got a new appt and she needed to say goodbye before she left for work. Even though she had been saying goodbye for days, and even got up to say goodbye that morning, she broke down. She was just inconsolable and was even late to work. It was awful, I felt so bad. I shouldn't have done that. Sometimes my brain doesn't work.

Jeff took the cat to the doctor and had to wait alone with Daisy in the room, waiting for the doctor for 5 or 10 minutes, that was hard. So the deed was done and we all had a hard time. Lily and I sometimes think we hear Daisy scratching at the door. Or we see her out of the corner of our eye. Lily talks about it a lot which drives Jeff crazy.

We miss our big fat cat.

I Am 40 Now

noreply@blogger.com (Marshamlow) — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 18:30:00 +0000

My 40th birthday has come and gone. I was so busy with Mandy's graduation and company that I hardly had a moment to give that milestone a second thought. I didn't have the opportunity to ponder my life; am I happy, am I old, am I where I want to be, how can I improve? Probably better not to dwell.

I do know that I have never been happier. Every decade life seems to improve by leaps and bounds. Hope that continues.

This summer I am very busy with work. I work from home on the computer. When my job starts to take more than say 6 hours per day I have trouble spending time doing other things on the computer. I think 6 hours is my limit. I have also become addicted to facebook games and my poor dear blog has suffered. I miss all of you though. So hello, again.

For a while I was considering going back to college this fall and finally getting a degree. I decided to change my degree path yet again and go back to my original goal of becoming a high school math teacher. I was very excited, I applied and was excepted. However, these past few months I have been incredibly busy with work and life and I got to thinking. How in the world am I going to be able to fit school into my schedule. I was also thinking about Jeff's deployment and how that taxes me. I decided to cut back on as much as possible while he is gone in order that I might be half way civil to my kids. I have the worst habit of being horrible to the girls when I am overly stressed. My dear sweet girls are very stubborn and are ALWAYS fighting me and testing me on every thing every day. I strive for a balance of disciple, consistency, and my love of spoiling those dear sweet girls. I tend to fly off the handle at their ungratefulness when I am over my limits. They are ungrateful at times but I want to steer them toward being sweeter by example rather than by screaming criticisms. Strive is the best I can seem to accomplish at times.

I am rather proud to say that my girls are very kind, to people other than their mother. Ha. Both have been showing some good manners on occasion, enough to make me want to weep. I am near to giving up my dream of a degree entirely. Still there is just a glimmer of the dream left in me. Don't feel bad for me. I am the happiest person on earth. I have a lot, just at times I miss a sense of accomplishment. Not that raising two beautiful girls is not an accomplishment. But, the little girl in me still wants to rule the world. Weird but true.

So how are y'all doing? Enjoying the summer?

We are keeping busy with swim lessons and a lot of lazy afternoons in front of the tv while I do my work. I try to throw in some educational stuff for Lily to keep busy. But, honestly it is mostly tv. Trying to find a new path, a rhythm or schedule that is fun and keeps the tv to a minimum. Lucky for me Lily doesn't like tv very much and usually turns it off and goes off in the backyard to play. Yesterday, she cried for hours because she was on a trip to a hotel. She moved all her stuff to the garage. She said goodbye, that she would be away for three weeks. We kissed goodbye. Then when she found out she couldn't actually eat her dinner, take her bath, and sleep in our garage she was very upset. Upset doesn't actually cover how mad she was. She cried so much she fell asleep and then woke up two hours later, after a moment she remembered how upset she was with me, and started the crying again. I was ready to move into the garage myself. Poor Lily, no one understands her.

I think you are all caught up. Except about the family visit and graduation and Mandy. That will all have to wait for another day.

Hello Again Blogging Friends

noreply@blogger.com (Marshamlow) — Sat, 23 May 2009 11:32:00 +0000

Several people have told me this week that I need to learn how to say no. I don't think I have a problem saying no. I just have a lot of stuff that I really want to do, and then a bunch of crap I don't really want to do but cannot get out of - like work, cleaning house, cooking...

This week has been something else. Jeff has been in San Antonio and no help at all. Our phone conversations have not been fun. I think mostly because I found out he is going to be deployed in December, this time for sure, for six months. Not sure if I am allowed to say where on a blog.

This was also the last week of Kindergarten for Lily. There were so many fun things to do, I couldn't' resist. One of my friends heard me offering to bring something to the Friday last day of school party while we were at the Thursday picnic in the playground party and knowing how much I had to get done she scolded me about volunteering too much. However, in comparison to cleaning the house for my parents and mother in laws imminent arrival going to a kindergarten party with donuts sounded way more fun. I am almost done cleaning, they are arriving in less than twelve hours. Jeff is coming home in less than four hours. I don't know how much time I will have for cleaning once I start driving. Picking up him and then them...

One of my friends is moving away. I tried to spend as much time as possible with her this week also. At her going away breakfast after our walk, this is my friend who walks with me twice a week and is in better shape so she pushes me to the limit. I will miss that, but mostly I will miss her. She is an amazing person. Her husband deployed she takes on girl scouts, and all kinds of school volunteering, church volunteering, etc. However, she doesn't ever complain. She is a solutions oriented person who always has a kind word and sympathetic ear. I love her. We spent the early part of the week looking for the perfect going away gift. Another friend and I had so much fun shopping in all the quaint little shops around town. We found a fabulous charm bracelet that we fell in love with that was the perfect price. We found all kinds of charms that reminded us of the local charm and Mary. However, when we went to pay they didn't have Mary's size in stock, only one that was twice as expensive. We checked back everyday until they finally got it in stock. That was last week, this week we were getting scared that the bracelet would never arrive. Mandy was out of school, her last day was last Friday, and she still doesn't have her license. I had planned to spend the week making her drive around town. So Monday I had Mandy drive me here there and everywhere while we searched for an affordable not made of plastic bracelet that was the correct size. However, we never found it. Then the original shop finally got the bracelet in stock and I stopped by there on the way home from chaperoning a water fun day for Kindergarten, that was Tuesday. Score.

I better wrap this up without an end. Lily is screaming at me for not paying attention to her for more than 30 seconds and I have a house to clean and a job to do. Just wanted to say hello.

All Over The Place

noreply@blogger.com (Marshamlow) — Wed, 06 May 2009 12:43:00 +0000

My parents and Jeff's mom are all coming to Mississppi to see Mandy graduate from high school and to spend some time with us at the end of May. I am trying to come up with a plan so that their vacation here is fantastic. Of course no one has opinions they all want me to come up with the plans, and when I do no one likes my ideas.

When Jeff picks up his mom from the airport he wants to pull into the driveway of the biggest mansion in our area and tell her, we are here mom. Then tell her to get back in the car before she gets arrested. Jeff tells it better. He is so excited.

I have a friend coming over to go walking with me, then I am stuffing envelopes for the PTO, doing my job, making reservations... The end of the school year is wild and crazy. I was putting everything on the calendar last night and it was all a bit much. Glad we decided not to do any extra activities this year. However, next year we are hoping to get into Girl Scouts.

So this post has meandered all over the place. This is my mind. All over the place.

Funny, ha, ha

noreply@blogger.com (Marshamlow) — Tue, 05 May 2009 01:54:00 +0000

Right before I met Jeff he saw a stand up performance by Chris Rock where Chris Rock says something to the effect that he would never hit a woman but he would shake the hell out of her. When we first me Jeff told me about that Chris Rock routine and Jeff could quote it verbatem and it was hilarious. I laughed and laughed. He told that a lot, it was his bit.

Now years later I guess he is still doing that bit, but he doesn't really remember all of it. I think he just says I would never hit my wife but I would shake the hell out of her. He told his co-workers, who all happen to be well educated women, about the Chris Rock bit. Later he said it about me, he was trying to be funny but they all just stared at him.

Jeff was telling me about this awkward moment. It made me laugh so hard. I mean I couldn't stop laughing and we were in a restaurant, people were looking at me but I couldn't stop. It was so funny. As I was laughing and Jeff was beaming from having his bit work, I think I understand why people say we are perfect for each other.

I mean when people say that I always think to myself, what does that mean? Does that mean we are both retarded and lucky we found each other or what? But, we do sort of fit.

Jeff is a really nice person. I mean he tries very hard to be very conscientious of other people's feelings. He doesn't even complain or criticise, he gets quiet and you have to pull it out of him, but the thought of him getting all riled up and shaking the shit out of me cracks me up. Then the thought of a room full of women upset with him for being mean or a bully is even funnier!

Receptive and Expressive Language Delay

noreply@blogger.com (Marshamlow) — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 22:18:00 +0000

I wrote here back in the fall that Lily's kindergarten teacher believed that she had something called a receptive and expressive language delay. I agreed with that assessment and was happy to have a name for what I had noticed about Lily. I feel that I have a similar way of perceiving the world and that I completely understand. My perception is that for Lily and sometimes for me the world of language is difficult. For example depending on your skills I would ask, Have you ever listened to a poem and known every word spoken individually but had no idea what was said? But, listened a few more times took some time to concentrate and finally started to understand what the poem was saying. Or the same can be asked about an algebra problem or geometry. Right we have all been in situations where we had to really focus to understand the concepts being told. Where any noise in the room or stray thought could distract us and make the comprehension diminish. This is how Lily feels all the time. While she is capable of hearing and understanding every word spoken to her is difficult to get into her brain, it takes a lot of effort on her part.

The plan was for Lily's teacher to have the speech therapist evaluate Lily. Which happened and the speech therapist said she completely agreed with the teacher because Lily was asked questions and her answers did not match what was being asked. Like she would be asked what she was doing and she would answer about the weather. The teacher said that this would be passed on to the lead teacher who would schedule an appointment for the teacher, parent, speech therapist, and lead teacher to get together and map out a plan.

I never heard back. Finally when I got the first report card after half the year was over I scheduled a conference with the teacher. Meanwhile, Lily was doing great in school and on the standardized tests. I talked to the teacher and she said that Lily is not eligible to meet with the speech therapist or head teacher or to get a plan because her receptive language delay is not interfering with her academically. She then went on to tell me all kinds of things that have happened that indicate to her that Lily is still having the same difficulties in class.

I was upset to say the least. I feel like my kid is being punished because I am an involved parent who works with her at home. I feel that she should be allowed to have the highly paid, highly educated experts take a look at her situation and give us some guidance. I am doing my best but some expertise might make a huge difference in Lily's development. I am not asking for her to be pulled out of class on a daily basis and privately tutored, I am asking for a meeting, for some input. But, no at Lily's school you have to be failing to be eligible for help. Even if you have a learning disability and there are people in the building specially trained in this stuff they wont even speak to me unless she is failing. Am I the only one who thinks this is a bunch of crap?

Lily's teacher is great, most of the time. She tells me when Lily is struggling with something and I work with her at home. She often times doesn't understand the instructions and I have to explain it at home. I guess I am finding a way to get into her head because so far I have been able to help her understand things that she fails to understand at school. One time her teacher pulled her ear and told her to use her ears and listen. Which upsets me because that seems unfair when it is so much harder for Lily to listen than it is for the other children. I called her and spoke to her about the ear thing, Lily says her ear was pulled the teacher said it was touched, either way I didn't like it. I didn't say that but having made the phone call meant it didn't happen again.

Lily's school work often comes home with the words, follow directions or listen to your directions written on the paper. Lily asked me one time if it was ok if she tears up those papers and throws them away. I said yes. We go over the directions and recreate the page and she does it the way the teacher wanted but the paper with the mean words Lily tears it up. She then wads it up and then we take turns stomping on the paper and throw it away. Lily likes that. She hates being corrected. She gets corrected all the time because she mostly doesn't hear the instructions. So, I let her take out her frustrations at home.

So, why is Lily doing so well academically and on the standardized tests if she has a receptive and expressive language delay? Because she is brilliant? Just kidding. She really has a strong desire to do well. She is very motivated. I am not really sure that I instilled that motivation in her. I encourage that motivation and reward that motivation with a lot of praise but she has that in her. IF a child doesn't have the internal motivation to want to do well in school I don't know how you would put it there.

Working with her I try to be there for her, to encourage and to explain things in non-verbal ways as much as possible. I let her explain it back to me. I take the time to listen to her. I think that hearing how her mind is working helps me to be able to fit the missing pieces into her head in a way that she can understand. I have her draw me pictures of the classroom or playground when she is trying to explain things to me.

The number one most important piece of advice I can give is to focus on the strengths. If a child loves something and is interested in something focus almost all the attention on that and just do enough to get by on the areas where they are struggling. I know that sounds exactly the opposite but it facilitates the love of learning and their interests change. It also helps to not build up a hate or frustration.

Any receptive and expressive language advice out there?

Relay for Life

noreply@blogger.com (Marshamlow) — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 17:18:00 +0000

We all had a great time at the relay.

I baked, and baked for the bake sale, so did all my friends. There wasn't the turn out we expected and we ended up with a lot of left over goodies. Which was a disappointment.

The relay was supposed to go from 5pm until 5am on Friday. Jeff arrived at the venue around 8am. He called me around 10:30am to join him for lunch. I ended up getting a lot of phone calls, I tried to get the last sheet of cookies baked from the batch I was working on, I took a shower and I didn't end up getting to the field until after 11am. Not bad I thought. By then Jeff was busy with other things and instead of going to grab a quick lunch he put me to work. I was kneeling in the field putting up the cancer eduction signs and ended up getting a stinging rash on my legs from something I knelt in, I also got a sunburn. Then we got lunch. I didn't get home until almost two and therefore didn't end up baking any more cookies. Which is good since I didn't sell half of what I had already baked.

I then drove around delivering t-shirts to my team. Got home just in time to get Lily from the bus. She had spent the day outside for field day. She was covered in bug spray, sun tan lotion, sweat and a sunburn. I decided what she needed was a bath. I felt it would be more comfortable for her to spend the night outside if she wasn't all itchy and gross the whole time. She was not amused. This was not a part of the plan. We had discussed the plan for weeks and she was furious with me that I was giving her an unscheduled bath and we were leaving an hour late. I also made her eat a good meal. We made it to the relay by 4pm. Lily was clean, re-sprayed with bug spray and had a belly full of nutritious food. She spent the rest of the night eating pizza, hot dogs, cookies, brownies, cupcakes and I don't even know what else.

My friends came out and stayed for hours and hours. Everyone put an enormous amount of effort into the event. We had so much fun together. It was a swirl of activity and it was 5am before I had a chance to blink.

Lily slept from around 9:30 until 11 or so, and then she was up for the rest of the night. She must have ran 10 miles. She just kept running and having a blast. She won a whistle at one of the game booths and blew that thing all night. Drove loads of people mad, they complained about the whistle a lot. She would get upset when I asked her to stop. Mostly I thought that with the loud music and general loudness of the event that a whistle added to the overall party atmosphere and mostly I let her blow it to her hearts content. There were other types of noise makers as well.

At the end the three of us, Jeff, Lily and I carried our baton and our sign around the track together. It was fun.

I saw girls there who were not much bigger than our Lily and they were wearing the purple t-shirt indicating that they were cancer survivors. Lily was walking and talking with the girls, I was behind them a bit. I just tear up at the moment to see Lily so full of health and life running around a track until 5am. I cannot imagine how it would be to endure having a child sick with cancer. So glad to see those two girls full of health and vigor at the event. This is why I relay - I love to see so many survivors and I want to contribute to more people having a good outcome.

During this journey to the relay, the months of meetings and emails that brought us to the night, I met so many wonderful people. Cancer survivors and others like me who have been touched by cancer via family members. So many of these folks work so hard and with such grace. There are the frustrations and the complainers but overall I witnessed the most amazing bits of human spirit during this journey. I hope to learn to be less of a complainer and more of a -I don't know what to call it - a person who works hard toward a goal and lets it all just roll off their back with a great attitude and never sweats the small stuff.

If you ever are lonely I recommend volunteering, you meet the best people and your outlook on the world is forever changed.

Relay for Life

noreply@blogger.com (Marshamlow) — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 14:52:00 +0000

It is finally here tonight is the relay. Thanks to everyone who sponsored me. I hope I will be able to entertain you with great stories when it is all done. I am currently baking oatmeal chocolate chip cookies for our team's bake sale. Baking all day, walking all night.

If you are interested in sponsoring me you can go here: http://main.acsevents.org/goto/marshamlow

Please help me raise more money than Jeff!

Busy, Busy Me

noreply@blogger.com (Marshamlow) — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 12:37:00 +0000

Mandy had her prom last Saturday. What a day. She had taken the day off from work but was asked to come in from 8am until noon to help in the flower department. So many people were getting bouteniers and corsages and they needed Mandy. So she got up early, her least favorite thing in the world and went in to work. I often worry that she is not helping around the house and therefore has entitlement issues and I have raised one of those people. It turns out she puts others first, except at home. I can live with that.

I put her hair up in rollers. I love fixing hair. I am not great at it but she was happy with the results. I did her make up once a few years ago and she hated it. Mandy almost never wears makeup so she had her friend come over to help.

I tried to get my work done, which is up to about six hours a day now, in the morning. Lily had some sort of virus and was throwing up. I spent the entire morning cleaning up puke and tending to Lily. I then planned on doing my work after Mandy left for the prom. However, Mandy's friend's mom came to the house along with her daughter and decided she couldn't figure out how to drive home and back again and invited herself to stay at our house until the girls came home from the Prom. I ended up not being able to do my work until Sunday. Which I usually have off. I emailed my boss and asked permission but she ended up not getting the email and gave me hell about it.

Mandy's date decided to come and pick up the girls first and then the other boy. Mandy's friend's mom was not going to be able to get a picture of her daughter's date. So I offered to drive behind the kids to the next house, where we took even more pictures. After the kids left we got the other mom and the three of us went to Wal-Mart where we printed out and shared all the pictures we had just taken. We got frames for our favorites and the girls came home to an album and framed pictures of thier night.

We moms then went out to have some coffee and visit. When they closed down the coffee house we went back to my house and watched what turned out to be everyone's favorite movie - Ever After! A very fun night, worth getting trouble for blowing off work. I really tried to get it done.

This entire week is going to be so busy too. Saturday is the Relay for Life. I am a team captain for the first time this year. It turns out that Mandy's senior trip is also this week so she will not be able to help out. My team is having a bake sale. This week I am baking and getting the sign ready etc. Wish me luck!

Thanks to everyone who has sponsored me. I will take lots of pictures and tell lots of stories. If you would like to help me raise money for the American Cancer Society by sponsoring me to walk all night long click here!

Jeff's Daughter

noreply@blogger.com (Marshamlow) — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 21:20:00 +0000

Lily is out in the backyard. She is wearing her nightgown and rubber boots. She is watering her flowers with the hose. Her flowers are leaves she has picked off of various trees and planted in the sand patches in your yard. She is also watering the dog occasionally. Did I mention that she brushed her own hair today?

The two of them, Jeff and Lily - today is my day off, went to the movies today. She was dress, bright turquois outfit with her turquis rubber boots - decorated with large white polka dots. But, she changed back into a spongebob nightgown as soon as she walked back through the door. That girl has always had a great love of boots.

Crazy Daisy has Cancer

noreply@blogger.com (Marshamlow) — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 22:55:00 +0000

I have just come home from the vet and it is a big ass cancer tumor growing in her head. There is a finger like piece in the back of her mouth growing out of her tongue. You can feel it on the outside along her neck. It is pushing against the back of her eye. Her head isn't that big but this mass is big enough that it is already made her lose her vision and is causing her to have discomfort when she eats.

I just don't know what to do.

I feel bad saying this but, we spent $200 now in trial and error to figure out what was wrong. Turns out no one kicked her. Which is good in a way, because now I don't have to go buy a shot gun or anything. But, this is worst case scenerio.

They tell me for $300 I can have a biopsy and find out what type of cancer and how long she has to live. This thing is in a place that there is no way they can remove it.

They tell me I can spend $500 and have the finger like thing sticking out of her throat/tongue cut out and a biopsy to know what it is. Still wont save her forever but could make her more comfortable until it grows back. Then she could have some steriods to slow down the growth.

Is it just me or does that sound a little like torture the poor thing while prolonging the inevitable. A part of me doesn't even want to put those damn drops in her eye anymore because she hates it so much.

I did let her go back outside. She has been so sad not to be able to go out and sit in the sun. I was afaid of some evil person kicking her, but I guess that is not a fear anymore.

How long do you wait to put them out of their misery. I mean do you do it while they are still feeling alright so they never have to suffer too much or wait until they can barely move?

I feel so bad for being mad at her for peeing all over the house. I can't help but wonder if this was caused by all those damn flea drops.

I put some baking soda in her water because I read on the internet one time that baking soda is the cure for cancer.

The Cat

noreply@blogger.com (Marshamlow) — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 12:24:00 +0000

A couple of weeks ago I noticed my cat was not eating. My cat never misses a meal. She follows us around crying until we feed her. But, on this day she had spent the entire day in the closet and then didn't ask for dinner or breakfast the next morning. I then went into the closet to investigate.

I noticed that her eye was swollen and weepy so I called the vet and scheduled and appointment. I thought perhaps she had an allergy or a cold. I really wasn't all that concerned. I packed Daisy up in her cage and we were off to the vet.

When the vet pried her eye open we noticed that the eye was full of blood. The inside of the eyeball was swollen and completely filled with blood, you couldn't even see the color of her eye. The vet told me it was an injury. Like a kick to the head. The impact was one of great force, but it couldn't be from a car because there wasn't any other injuries. She checked Daisy for broken teeth, broken bones in her face, shoulder etc. The whole time I was feeling sick to my stomach. It was such a shock I wasn't prepared to hear this.

When the vet took Daisy to the operating room so that the other vet could take a look I called Jeff on the phone and explained what was happening. Saying the words out loud made me start to cry. I couldn't stop either, I was crying for the rest of the appointment and while scheduling the follow up appointment. The thought of one of my neighbors kicking my cat in the head feels like such a violation. The thought of Daisy enduring such trauma is also incomprehensible to me.

The second vet had to see Daisy because the first vet would not be in the office on the day of the follow up appointment. The second vet said she thought the eye looked like a tumor and not trauma to her. Which would mean Daisy didn't get kicked but was going to die. Which is worse?

On the second visit her eye had improved quite a bit and it was then determined by the second vet that she indeed was kicked in the head. Today we are going for another follow up.

I have had to put drops in her eyes. I think they burn too because Daisy freaks out. She has lost vision in the eye. She might have to have her eye removed. Last week there was still so much blood that we couldn't tell what was going on.

Our cat has another problem. She pees all over the house. She always has. The vet from about 9 years ago when we first rescued her from the mean streets of Italy told us, that is the way she is and she was at that time too old to be retrained. Either live with it or put her to sleep. We have lived with it for 9 years now. She only pees on tile floors and bathtubs. I think if it was carpet it might be harder to clean. Our dog pees on our bed every once in awhile which is worse. But, waking up and stepping in cat pee while your eyes have not yet opened all the way is a pain. She never does it in the same spot either so I am always having to search for where she peed.

A day or two before she got kicked in the head she had peed right in front of the closet in the entry way of our house. I was in bare feet and trying to find an umbrella for Mandy. It was before six in the morning and I was not all together awake. Stepped in cat pee, in bare feet and slipped and fell and hit my head and hip. I was not happy. When I told Jeff how upset I was, he said maybe it is time we put her to sleep. We were so smug in our condemnation of the kitty. A few days later I am sobbing at the vet. Perhaps this was karma? For saying such mean things. There has always been a part of me that does not like Jeff's cat. He is the one who rescued her before we were even married. I guess now we have bonded because I am the one taking her to the vet, crying, giving her drops four times per day etc.

I am scared to let her go outside. She is scoping out the doors. Hiding behind things and trying to make a break for freedom every time we open a door. The other day Lily's teacher called on the phone and while I was talking to her Lily opened the door and let the cat outside. I have no idea why. I was still listening to the teacher and I went outside to try and catch the cat who promptly found a loose fence board and scurried to the empty lot (forest) next to our house. I walked back to the house and Lily had locked the door. I have no idea what was going through her head, she did finally let me in. I am afraid her teacher must think I am retarded after that conversation, I don't think I was really all there. Later I went outside and called Daisy and she came back through the fence and ran in the back door. What a relief I was really worried.

I don't understand why she would want to go outside if that was where she was assaulted. Is she dumb? The peeing all over the house instead of her litter box seems to suggest that she is dumb. She does pee in her litter box sometimes, we keep in clean, scooping immediately if it is dirty. There doesn't seem to be any reason that I can think of why sometimes she just uses the floor instead. I wonder how long the vet is going to milk this trauma. Making me come back for check ups etc? So far we are up to about $150.

A New Quilt

noreply@blogger.com (Marshamlow) — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 16:38:00 +0000

For Mandy's 18th birthday present I thought long and hard about what to get for her. I wanted it to be something she could keep forever and mean something to her but not cost a lot of money. She told Jeff that she wanted a new bread spread for her birthday present. I thought that was boring. Jeff is the type of person who gives me a list of what he wants for a present for birthdays and Christmas, I would rather be surprised. I would rather buy from the heart and get you the most wonderful and perfect present you didn't even know you wanted. More often than not people don't like my crazy gifts, but every once in a lifetime I will find the perfect gift for someone.

I happened to be on the website Brad's Deals while I was thinking about Mandy's gift and came across a special at Overstock.com on Egyptian Cotton Sheets. I asked Mandy if that was something she would like and she was overjoyed. She picked the black ones and they arrived and weeks later are still in the package unwrapped. Mandy loves Egypt more than any other place she has ever been and she loves to sleep. That may have been a miss. I am thinking of going in her room (something that is forbidden) and putting those damn sheets on her bed!

Mandy also wanted a new bedspread, too. We took her out shopping to all the stores and she found nothing she liked. Nothing. We talked and I offered to make her a quilt like I made for her sister. She wanted me to make a dragon in the middle of her quilt. I have trouble sewing a straight line if someone else threads the machine. I did some research and discovered that at Art.com they sell something called a fabric poster. We found the most perfect one, it is of two dragons around a yin/yang symbol. When it arrived in the mail we discovered that a fabric poster is a very fine delicate material like a silk handkerchief. We then went to the fabric store and picked out some fabric for the rest of the quilt. We discussed and I drew several designs until we found a design that Mandy liked. Then I put it on the computer to show her what the final quilt would look like and she was not happy so we re-made the design again. Now all we have to do is buy the fabric and make the quilt. I have to do the measuring again with the new design first and figure out how much fabric and how big to cut the pieces.

I have only ever made on quilt before and I had all that stuff figured out for me. It is very difficult to design a quilt from scratch with absolutely no experience. I miss my Grandma who passed away from Cancer last year. She was the one who quilted and got me to do my first quilt. She taught quilting classes. I would visit her sometimes as a little girl and she would teach me to crochet, knit, sew and we even made homemade pasta one time. We had it strung all over the house to dry, enormous 6 foot or longer strings of pasta hanging everywhere, such a vivid memory. I hope that this all works out and the quilt is lovely. I think it will be memorable something to last a lifetime? I it doesn't end up at the bottom of her closet like the one I made for Lily. I keep telling myself that someday that quilt will mean something to her. So far not so much.

I promise to someday take pictures and show you all the stuff, for now you will have to use your imagination.

Good Luck

noreply@blogger.com (Marshamlow) — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 12:09:00 +0000

I have been feeling a bit sorry for myself this year. I have never been this sick in my life. I am getting better now. Just building up my strength. On top of that I have felt like I have been having a string of bad luck a mile long. Nothing major just a frustrating couple of months. Poor Marsha.

Last night I called my parents to check in and say hello. They told me that my brother's house burned down, and on the way to the hospital to visit his father in law who was hurt in the fire their van was totaled by someone who ran a red light.

My understanding is that they are all battered and bruised but will be OK. I am no longer feeling sorry for myself.

I hope everyone can send your good thoughts and/or prayers to my brother and his family.

Questions

noreply@blogger.com (Marshamlow) — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 14:37:00 +0000

Lily is going through another one of her asking questions phases. I have been trying to keep track of some of the best questions to share. I always try to answer her questions using language she can understand. Every single questions, Jeff usually says, "I don't know".

I can remember when we first got married, Jeff was often bothered by all the questions I asked him. I guess Lily comes by it naturally. I have to say that I enjoy our philisophical discussions, perhaps that says something about me - my favorite person to philosophy with is a five year old. Perhaps because she almost always takes my word for everything.

On to the questions...

What is the last number?

Where does the sky stop?

Where does outerspace stop?

What happens if I don't stop growing, will my head bonk the sky when I am 1000 years old?

How old will you be when I am 100?

What is 19 thousand plus 19 thousand?

Where was I when you were a baby?

Why do people die?

How old will I be when I die?

What would happen if the earth turned upside down, would we walk on the sky?

Will I be taller than you?

When will I be taller than you?

When will I no longer be your daughter?

What happens if I don't get married?

Why are there so many cities and states?

Is Japan in the world?

Isn't she fun?

Credit Crunch: Credit score is over 800 still I was denied $300 credit

noreply@blogger.com (Marshamlow) — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 17:16:00 +0000

What? Here is the story.

My 18 year old daughter and I spent the day at the community college she plans to attend in the fall, because we are good with money and know we cannot afford a four year college. This is why my FICO score and my husband's FICO score are both above 800. Our only debt is our house and our new car. Nothing else, no student loans, no medical bills, no credit cards, etc. We do have several credit cards in our wallets with nice limits, but we pay them off every month. We like to use them as much as possible and collect points for free stuff. We are currently saving points for airline tickets to Lake Tahoe in 2011.

Mandy and I stopped by the bank on our way home from the college day. Her bank where she has several thousand dollars saved and where I also have an account and have several thousand dollars saved, they do not allow kids under the age of 18 to have a debit card or checking account. Now that she has turned 18 I wanted her to get a checking account, a debit card and a credit card. I want her to start to build credit and learn to pay bills. It is hard to figure out money and no matter how many things people tell you, the skills come from handling money.

I was planning to co-sign for Mandy's credit card. We asked what was the smallest limit they offered and it was $300. We filled out all of Mandy's information, she earns more than a thousand dollars per month at her job and has a savings account with several thousand dollars, a history with this bank but no credit. We filled out my information, I make a little under a thousand dollars per month at my part time job. They looked us up and said that I cannot co-sign a loan for Mandy because my house payment plus my car payment each month add up to more than what I earn each month. Even though both of those items the house and car are in both my husband and my name, they will not let me co-sign for a $300 credit card for my daughter because I don't personally earn enough money, my husband has to sign for the credit card. So if he were deployed right now we would not be able to borrow any money. They cannot look and see how much my husband makes even though we are both liable for the payments.

Does that make sense?

I just wanted to point out to the universe how the credit crisis is effecting women. All women who have chosen to be the primary care giver of the family, if you chose to put your family first and career second, you are no longer able to borrow money based on yours and your husband's finances you have to have his permission to borrow money. No matter if you have been with a bank for year and paid every bill on time for years, no matter if you have a credit card in your purse from that bank allowing you to borrow thousands of dollars. Two of my friends with older kids who do not work said that they were able to co-sign for their kids credit cards w/o their husband's signature last year or in years previously. Another one of my friends who does not work told me that last year she borrowed money and bought her husband a car as a birthday present w/o his signature. Now, I was not allowed to co-sign for $300.

It feels so scary. What if I wanted to divorce my husband? What if he didn't want to help me? Would I be able to get an apartment? Would I be able to get utilities in my name? It is very scary. I was so proud of my credit score too.

I am trying to raise money for the American Cancer Society by walking in the Relay for Life on April 24th. Our team will walk for 12 hours in a relay, if you would like to sponsor me Click Here. They money goes to fund research, pays for cancer prevention education, and helps people who have been diagnosed with cancer in programs that help with things like reimbursing gas money or buying wigs etc. Hope you can help!

Mandy's 18th Birthday

noreply@blogger.com (Marshamlow) — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 12:58:00 +0000

My sweet little baby turned 18 last week. We had a week long celebration. As luck would have it the Mardi Gras celebrations coincided perfectly with her birthday. The kids were on holiday from school Monday thru Wednesday. The universe was telling us to PARTY.

Mandy had some friends over on Tuesday. They brought all their video game stuff. We rented a volleyball net for the yard. I bought all the decoration that Mandy requested. I cooked all the food (sushi) Mandy requested. Other than that I took a backseat. Mandy decorated and greeted guests. As soon as all the food was done and out, Lily and I disappeared into the bedroom.

Lily was completely beside herself that Mandy's friends were not at all interested in Lily or anything she said or did. Poor girl. She spent the entire party trying to win over Mandy's friends, when I let her out of my room that is. She even invited many of Mandy's guests to her birthday party on July 14th as they were leaving. It cracked me up.

Lily and I were hiding in the bedroom. Watching cartoons and spilling chocolate milk all over the carpet. The party was scheduled to last from 12 until 5. At 5 we came out of the room and I started to clean up some of the empty food trays and empty glasses. The kids were outside playing volleyball. They hit the ball over the fence for the second time and they all went around the block to ask for the ball back. The behind us neighbor was not at home and as they all came back to the house many of them started to go home. We still had about 5 kids and they were playing video games. They had the rock star one, with drums, guitars, microphones. It was a game that a large group of people could play together.

The kids, Mandy included invited me to play with them. I said no a few times but they kept asking and finally I gave it a try. I had always wanted to play those games and I had so much fun. I never won at all not even close but I had a blast. It got to be 5:30 and none of the kids looked like they were leaving, I called Jeff and asked him to pick up some pizza on his way home. We fed them again. They all stayed until after 9. Jeff refused to play any of the games. What a poor sport. Can you imagine coming home from 12 hours of work, having to stop to get pizza and then having 6 teenage kids loudly playing video games in the living room. Poor Jeff. He and Lily hung out in the bedroom, me I was addicted to the games.

The kids were so nice. I have never in my life been included in one of Mandy's birthday parties. She not only invited me but she interacted with me as did all the kids. They made me feel really welcome and we all had a really fun time. They are really nice kids. They thanked me for the food, talked about their future plans, even asked for advice.

That day or maybe later something inside of me shifted. Mandy is an adult. I was able to keep her alive from birth to adulthood. Really nothing is changing at our house having arrived at this milestone. But, in a weird way it feels as if it has all changed. I am proud of myself, raising Mandy has been the single biggest accomplishment of my life. I feel that I did a good job, a great job. All that work, all that sacrifice and worry and the insurmountable vastness of it all - in the end we made it through with flying colors. Mandy is an amazing woman. She is the kindest person I have ever met, with more empathy than seems humanly possible, yet she manages to balance that with self esteem. She is able to feel compassion while putting herself first, giving without being depleted. She is one tough cookie that sweat heart. I thoroughly enjoy the role of parent of an adult, where I advise but ultimately I am no longer in control, I like the feeling of handing over the reins. I am a total control freak and I usually get frustrated when things are not just so, but less than a week into 18 I am liking being support staff and not the CEO of Mandy's life.

Of course she still doesn't know what she will do with her life, nursing is starting to seem like it will not be for her because of the blood and dying. Marine biology is seeming maybe not for her because of all the science. Even changing jobs this summer from the grocery store cashier job she hates to something full time that is less back breaking labor being spit on by customers and more sit at a desk and gossip type work - is feeling like too much for her to think about right now. I suggest she ignores. I think, well if she wants to cashier all summer, then that is what she will do. Last week her ambivalence was grating on my nerves something fierce, this week I am empathising with the whole she feels overwhelmed thing. Her dad is still completely frustrated with her, so at least she will be nagged by someone.

Life continues on even if it is always changing.

By the way friends, I am trying to raise some money for the American Cancer Society, I sent out emails to everyone in my address book, but if I somehow missed you... I am the team captain for a Relay for Life team called Pac Man (Parents Against Cancer -Man) the theme of our relay is the 80's. If you are interested in making a donation Click Here.

Over Thinking is My Asset

noreply@blogger.com (Marshamlow) — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 13:25:00 +0000

Long time readers will remember all my stories about how my five year old Lily has been obsessed with various things over the years. Starting with blocks, puzzles, letters, time, streets, running, dancing, etc. Recently she was loving reading. When she would barely read at all we would spend hours reading together. I would read to her or she would read to me. Her reading to me involved asking me various words and going over the story until she had the book memorized word for word. I don't know about you but sitting with her and reading a children's book for two hours is not really my idea of a good time. Maybe the first dozen or so times is fun and a bonding experience but after awhile my brain starts to ooze out my ear.

School has taught Lily phonics and now she sounds out words. She comes home with books to read for school and she has no interest in reading those books. She actually has no interest in reading her Junie B books anymore either. We used to spend hours reading and now she would rather do almost anything else, I have to force her to do her homework. The funny thing is that she read well now, we could sit down and read a book in maybe five minutes. The same is true for all the other obsessions Lily has had over the years, we used to spend all day doing puzzles and now she almost never wants to take the time to sort the pieces and find the edges etc. Her current obsession is telling me stories and planning parties for her babies. She also wants to know everything there is to know about outer space and how she can get a rocket ship, a space suit and go there. She also needs to know the exact age and year she will be old enough to venture into space, you have to plan ahead you know.

I was pointing out to Jeff the other day how fickle our Lily's passions seem to be. I told him my theory of why this is true. Based on my experience of taking a few child development classes, reading a few child development books, and being a day care provider and a mother I have drawn the following conclusion. I believe that whatever developmental stage Lily is going through determines her passions. For instance: if she is going through a cognitive developmental stage she is hungry for knowledge and wants to figure out how things works. If she is going through a gross motor developmental stage she is obsessed with running, jumping, climbing, kicking, being the fastest etc. I feel that her obsessions are just a result of her developmental process and not a reflection of her personality or the things that will be her true interests and passions when she is done cooking, fully developed, or grown.

Jeff thinks that everyone goes through stages. We like something for awhile and then move on to something else. He often tells me I over think things. Ya think?

Tonight Lily has her kindergarten play, we are so excited.

Life Sucks

noreply@blogger.com (Marshamlow) — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 13:49:00 +0000

I have tried to write this post a bunch of times but I always end up deleting it. Basically I am sick and can't seem to get well. I have had a bad cough for more than six weeks now. Doctor said it would eventually go away on its own. But, the coughing kept me up all night every night. Imagine not being able to sleep for six weeks. I also cough so bad I throw up in public etc. It is humiliating and extremely exhausting. Yesterday, I noticed white stuff growing in the back of my throat. I arranged for a neighbor to get Lily from the bus stop and went back to the doctor. I spent two hours waiting for them to tell me that my throat culture came back negative. I asked politely if I could please see the doctor. I tried to explain it all to him, finally I said, can you just look at my throat please. After one look he wrote me a prescription. By then I was really feeling bad, strep throat bad if you know what I mean. I still had to wait an hour for the pharmacy to fill my prescription and drive home, drive Mandy to work, drive back home, fix dinner, help Lily with homework, give Lily a bath...

During this time of sickness, Lily has had four ear infections since Thanksgiving. Her doctor is the antithesis of mine and gives her really strong antibiotics every time we go there. It gives her really bad diarrhea it is horrible. This time I asked if we could just wait and see. The doctor said that would be a great idea. So Lily will go back again next week to see if it has cleared up. The very next day Lily seemed to be better. Hope she doesn't get my step.

While I was dealing with all this sickness my biological father passed away. I don't really know him but it was still difficult for me. I have a lot of unresolved anger at my biological family. I feel a lot of guilt for not reaching out to my biological mother who is alone in the world and going through a difficult time. Have you ever had a really bad crying jag mixed with really bad cough? Lot of puking. Not fun.

My computer broke and I wasn't even able to buy a new one. I had Jeff do it even though he doesn't know the difference between a ram and a rom. He did a great job. My brain doesn't seem to be functioning. I have so much anger right now I hate pretty much everyone and everything. I am also trying very hard to manage all my volunteering but I am hating the others involved a lot. Not sure if this is deserved or do to my altered state of reality from lack of sleep and emotional overload. I am trying to just lay low until I feel myself again. This isn't sitting well with people who "depend" on me and all the volunteer work I do.

Life goes on.

Jeff told me the other day that I am really loved. He is right. I may have been a throw a way child but I've come a long way. I sat back and took stock and noticed how much my family loves me. I really am the center of my family and they all go out of their way to seek me out and be with me. I also have some really great friends here even in the short time I have been in Mississippi. And of course my dear blogging friends who I love and adore. And my far away friends who keep up with me even though I move away.

Basically I am big baby. I am feeling sorry for myself and not really fit for conversation lately. I am afraid I will accidentally let some of my hateful thoughts out and alienate the entire planet. I am pretty sure Jeff can barely stand me anymore. Lily and Mandy gave me about one day of being not myself and then they teamed up and took me down. Don't mess with the girls in this house is all I have to say. Hopefully the antibiotics will kick in soon and I will return to my normal lovely self. Hope you are all well.

Hiker or Bum

noreply@blogger.com (Marshamlow) — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 13:30:00 +0000

What is more important truth or kindness? Jeff is reading a book about a man who hiked from the tip of Florida to the top of Maine. Jeff and I dream of through hiking the Appalachian trail when Lily graduates from high school. This through hiking thing is when you carry all you need and hike all day and live out of your pack. I imagine that through hikers look a little scruffy.

In the book Jeff is reading while hiking on surface streets the man is offered money by a couple of different people. These people are assuming he is homeless I imagine. The man politely accepts the money with many thanks. This gentleman is not by any means needing any financial assistance.

Jeff feels that accepting the money is less than honest. He feels that the hiker should gently explain that he is a hiker and not homeless. Otherwise he is accepting money under false pretenses and in essence lying.

I can't help but feel bad for those people giving out money to a person they think is in need. Imagine you were trying to be kind and wouldn't it be embarrassing to find out you were making assumptions? I wonder if these kind hearted folks would ever reach out again after being rebuked, however kindly it is done? I think of them going away from the encounter feeling great after having helped someone or going away from the encounter embarrassed and dejected. I would hate to hurt the feelings of someone who was trying to be nice, to ruin their day.

I guess this is the difference between me and Jeff, he says I over-think things. I say I lead with my heart. He is compulsively honest. I am compulsively kind. What about you, who do you agree with here?

NaBloPoMo - Fail

noreply@blogger.com (Marshamlow) — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 18:28:00 +0000

What can I say? I wish that failing to post everyday in the month of January was the worst thing that happened last week.

So how are you all doing?

Road Rage

noreply@blogger.com (Marshamlow) — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 01:23:00 +0000

Is it just me or is everyone on the road today a meth addict? I had to spent 2 1/2 hours driving today.

According to Lynanne today is delurking day. If you are reading this post you must reveal yourself by leaving a comment. Inquiring minds want to know who you are.

2008: Year in Review

noreply@blogger.com (Marshamlow) — Sun, 11 Jan 2009 16:26:00 +0000

The structure of this meme is the first sentence of the first post of each month for the year. I stole this meme without permission from Liza Was Here

January: Last night I was very tired and wanted to go to bed as early as possible.

February: Jeff and I decided to go ahead and buy a new mini-van.

March: During our last move the boxes carrying all our loose pictures was destroyed.

April: My husband is driving home as we speak.

May: Lily is nearly five and we finally moved her into a twin bed.

June: Jeff just found out that he passed his final comprehensive examination with distinction and now he has earned his Master's Degree in Military History of World War II.

July: I am beginning to recover from my cold.

August: Lily got me up at 5:45 A.M. this morning.

September: We made it home safe and sound.

October: Last week I got a letter from the library telling me that we had two overdue books.

November: Every time I vote it reminds me of my grandma.

December: Lily is having some belly issues as a result of her current antibiotic.

What I learned from this exercise is that I such at the opening sentence. Seems I use it more to set the scene than to be exciting and draw people in. I thought the titles of my posts were a lot more exciting than the first sentences. Something to work on I suppose. What about you anyone care to play?

A New Tooth Brush

noreply@blogger.com (Marshamlow) — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 22:31:00 +0000

At the store the other day I remembered that I wanted to buy a new toothbrush. Mine didn't seem to have soft bristles. I thought as long as I was there I would get one for Jeff too. His is the same as mine so it must not be soft bristles either. I must have forgotten to check the bristle type when I bought them last.

I was looking for the cheapest ones that specifically said soft. I found a package that sold two tooth brushes for the price of one and specifically labeled the brushes as soft. Sold. When I got them home and was taking the two new tooth brushes out of their packages I noticed that one was yellow and one was green.

I decided to put the green one on Jeff's side and the yellow one on my side. I just thought green was more boyish or manly and Jeff might not enjoy a yellow toothbrush. I didn't think anything else about the tooth brushes. We share a toothbrush holder mine is always the toothbrush on the left, Jeff's is always the one on the right. My drawer is also on the left and I keep some of my things on the counter on the left. Jeff's drawer, counter space and cupboard are on the right. I thought the placement of the toothbrush and the color would be a clear indication to Jeff which one was his. I didn't really think about making a point of telling him which one was his.

A week went by and then one day Jeff was about to brush his teeth and he asked me which one of the tooth brushes was his. I told him the green one. He told me oops he had been using my toothbrush all week. He thought since green is my favorite color the green one would naturally be mine. The funny thing is that each and every time he brushed his teeth the entire week with my toothbrush he was standing about six feet away from me and could have easily asked me. He said I was sleeping. I would have been happy to have been woken up to avoid having shared a toothbrush for a week. EWWWW.

Now he thinks it is ok for me to continue to use the yellow soiled toothbrush while he moves on to the never used green one.