Wow, oh wow.

I’ve heard about this video making the rounds of Facebook over the last few weeks, but didn’t get around to actually watching it until now. Basically an American dad posts a YouTube video addressing his daughter’s rant about her parents on Facebook. He was visibly upset especially after he just spent hours maintaining her computer on which she later slammed him. He decided to teach her a lesson by shooting her laptop and then posting it on her Facebook page. Here it is in case you missed it.

Holy crap, did I ever experience a gamut of emotions over it.

Things like:

• Skepticism that someone would go to that length to punish his kid. Until I realized that there was no way he was that good an actor.
• Trepidation that my kid may be like that when she’s a teenager, coupled with the sinking realization that many teenagers are at least a little like that, so yes, in fact, she may go through that phase too. Heck she already tells me that I make her do too much as she complains about setting the table…
• Approval. I think it’s great that he keeps an eye on his kid’s online activities and tries to keep her accountable.
• Disapproval that he would actually shoot the damn thing, thereby wasting the money he spent when he initially purchased it.
• Total sympathy with the dad who was just visibly shaking with (what to me seemed like) righteous anger and disappointment. I’m amazed he kept it together because when I’m that mad and disappointed I can’t speak without bawling.
• Total sympathy with the kid because I remember what it’s like to be a self-involved, snotty teenage girl who thinks everyone else does nothing while she does everything.

My final reaction on this is that he is probably a decent person who was just pushed too far by his kid. Should he have shot the laptop? That’s a bit extreme for me. Should he have publicly shamed his kid? Well, he’s proved that actions have consequences. And if she doesn’t hate him forever she’s going to have one hell of a story to tell to her teenagers…

What did you feel watching this? Did the dad completely overreact or was this poetic justice?

When life consists of being a mom to two little boys, the majority of my day revolves around poop!

I refer to my 1-year old, as “Sammy my little sh**ting machine”. Seriously, that child poops up to 6 times a day! And, to make matters worse, he does NOT like having his diaper changed. I know there are kids that hate lying still or even squirm during the changing process but I challenge them in a dual with Sam. As soon as I even make the motion to lay him down for a diaper change, his entire body becomes possessed with an evil, crazed spirit from the dark side. He thrashes and screams and kicks his legs wildly. He fights me every step of the way.

He may look innocent...

The second his diaper is off, his hands immediately head for his private parts. He grabs and flails about until there is poop on his fingers, poop on the floor and poop everywhere. I am not exaggerating when I say, at times, it takes 3 people to hold him down and (try to) entertain him. The silver lining side of things? After I’ve tackled a Sammy changing, I feel as though I’ve had a thorough work-out combining cardio with strength training.

And more often than not, as most parents know, as soon as the clean diaper is securely fastened, another poop finds its way out. Repeat cycle above. Then crack some baileys for the coffee. Breath deeply (while holding your nose). Remember this too shall pass…

If Sam is clean and happy or better yet, napping, I’ll get going on some chores, work, whatever is required. The minute I am occupied, I inevitably hear “Mom! MOM! I poo’d. Did you hear me? MOM!”

Sam, my little pooper

While my 4-year old is learning the delicate art of wiping, there are still (most) times I am required. And while those times are less yucky, his fascination with the subject matter is abundantly obvious. We need to inspect it, discuss it and on occasion, he’ll want to take a picture of it (that requires a different post). It’s almost ceremonial like when we flush it. We watch is descend and he always has questions about it. It’s amazing really, the depth of his fascination.

I love being a mom and more-so, I love being mom to Ben and Sam. They are funny and smart and entertaining… they are enjoyable little people to be around. But despite the love and laughter and everyday antics, the conclusion is still the same. My life is full of crap. And I wouldn’t want it any other way.

Spanking is making the headlines once again in Canada.

The last time the issue came up in the news, the Supreme Court of Canada passed a law in 2004 which gave teachers, parents and caregivers the right to spank children between the ages of 2 -12 with reasonable force. Last Monday the Canadian Medical Association Journal published an article showing the negative impact of spanking children. They are recommending the government pass a law to make it illegal to spank. Source: CBC News 

The “to spank or not to spank” issue is a conversation I avoid discussing around my mom friends. It is the breastfeeding wars all over again. Now that everyone has older children and is no longer breastfeeding we have to have a passionate (and occasionally self righteous) opinion about something, right?

When I have had discussions with other moms the opinions usually go one way or the other:

Spanking parents tend to view the non-spankers as lazy, hippie, pushover parents with rude and undisciplined children.

Anti-spankers tend to view spankers as lazy, old fashioned, disengaged disciplinarians who hit first and ask questions later.

Maybe you are wondering what I think?

I have many friends who do not spank and their children are well behaved and well mannered. They are definitely not pushovers.

I also have friends who spank their kids and they are amazing parents who love their kids and want the very best for their kids. They are not disengaged parents.

Regarding my own children, my husband and I made a decision not to spank our kids, because we both experienced sessions of ‘hide tanning’ in our own childhoods with mixed results. Most of our discipline now includes time-outs for our 2 year old and has graduated to a loss of privileges for our 6 year old.

Our son is in kindergarten and is learning to write. Last week he had a particularly bad day at school and ended up in a brawl with another boy and then lied about it. We knew he needed something fairly severe so he would remember to walk away when someone is challenging him, not retaliate and certainly not lie about it.

We decided to have him write out lines. He was not allowed to play with any electronics (which he loves) until the lines were written out. That meant no television, Wii, computer, etc. After writing “I will not kick other children and I will not lie” 40 times on a legal pad he was allowed to resume his favorite pastime.

It took the poor kid 5 days to get those lines written. He was still allowed to play with his toys and take breaks from the writing but if wanted any electronic diversion in his day, he sat back down to get to work.

I’m hoping after writing those lines out 40 times, “I will not lie” has settled in his subconscious somewhere. His writing improved and he got a 5 day break from electronics to find more creative ways to kill boredom which is not a bad thing. And trust me, being denied access to his favorite gadgets carried a sting far worse than a smack.

Do you have other alternatives to disciplining your children? Regardless if you spank or not, do you think the government should be involved in a parent’s method of discipline? Leave a comment below and if you blog, feel free to add your blog to the list below. You can also join the conversation on Twitter at #TheSpankDebate

Have you read any of those lists for dads of daughters here and here lately that are sweet and humorous and kinda make you feel weepy?

Yea, me too. So now for something completely different I present my (admittedly short) list of great pop songs for daughters (and sons). And there’s nary a Mini-Pop among the bunch!

The kind of music I like is what a co worker used to call “Happy White Girl Music”. You know what I’m talking about: those dancy songs that come on in a club and as soon as they hear a few beats you see all the girls squeal and go drag their boyfriend to the dance floor. HWGM is upbeat pop or dance music that gets you shaking your butt even when you’re sitting down; chair dancing!

But a lot of this music, with its sexually suggestive and increasingly risque lyrics, is absolutely positively no good for kids to listen to. S & M by Rhianna for example (What does sex actually smell like, mommy?) or Love Game by Lady Gaga (Hey Momma what exactly is disco stick and can I have one?). Fun songs for gown ups but no way in hell do I let my kids hear them.

But there are some fluffy songs out there that I have no problem putting on repeat because they have positive and empowering messages:

Almost anything by Kelly Clarkson. Great voice, real body, hasn’t gone totally skanky in the name of selling records. Songs are titled Mr. Know it All, Miss Independence, and I Do Not Hook Up. I could go on, but you get the point.

Single Ladies (Put a Ring on it) by Beyonce

Up in the club, we just broke up
I’m doing my own little thing
you Decided to dip but now you wanna trip
Cuz another brother noticed me

I couldn’t care less what you think
I need no permission, did I mention
don’t pay him any attention
Cuz you had your turn
But now you gonna learn
what it really feels like to miss me

And chorus really says it all:
Cuz if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Don’t be mad once you see that he want it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it

Lessons:
Overall theme of female empowerment
If a guy is stupid enough not to see how fab you are, move on and find someone who respects you.
Have fun on your terms and don’t let a no good dude drag you down

Firework by Katy Perry

Granted there are some songs by Katy Perry that I do NOT want my daughter to emulate (Ahem, Last Friday Night…) this one has powerful messages about self worth and optimism.

You don’t have to feel like a waste of space
you’re original, cannot be replaced

If you only knew what the future holds
after a hurricane comes a rainbow

And of course the chorus:
‘Cause baby you’re a firework
Come on, show ‘em what you’re worth

Lessons:
You are unique and valuable
Good things will come your way
You are as beautiful as the fireworks
Be proud of yourself and never feel like you need to hide

Raise your Glass by Pink

At first it’s obviously a party song, but I think its about those kids in high shcool that get made fun of for being different (those dirty little freaks) and why they should be happy with who they are. Look at the lyrics:

So raise your glass if you are wrong
in all the right ways, all my underdogs
we will never be, never be anything but loud
and nitty gritty, dirty little freaks

Even the bridge has deeper meaning:
So if you’re too school for cool
and you’re treated like a fool
you can choose to let it go

Lessons:
Be strong even if you’re not ‘mainstream’
Being different is not wrong; be comfortable in your own skin
You can choose how to react to peer pressure

There’s also Rolling in the Deep by Adele which I would actually call Bitter White Girl Music, but let’s face it great voice, great song, great message.

Finally I can see you crystal clear
go ahead and sell me out and I’ll lay your sh$% bare
see how I’ll leave with every piece of you

don’t underestimate the things that I will do
Turn my sorrow into treasured gold
you pay me back in kind and reap just what you sow

Lessons:
Watch out for a woman scorned!
You really do reap what you sow; be kind, and thoughtful of people’s emotions. Treat others as you would like to be treated.

I’m feeling pumped up now! Where’s my iPod? I have some tunes to blast!

Do you have any favourite songs that your kids should listen to?

Once again, www.howtobeadad.com has scored a home run in the race for our hearts and funny bone and posted this:

I saw it and thought F#$% Ya! Share it with the other tigers in your life so the can purr too.

See the full post at: http://www.howtobeadad.com/2012/8410/you-are-mama-we-hear-you-roar and see why we love these guys.

I saw the best baby announcement ever the other day. It’s not the best because it is beautiful – it’s an email. And it’s not the best because it was a lovely, heartfelt, emotional announcement of love for one’s offspring. No. It’s the best because it’s funny and funny wins a lot of points with me.

My husband is an engineer and if you have an engineer in your life that says it all. They have certain tendencies. They like details, bullet points, technical terms and frequently have a twisted sense of humour. One of his colleagues recently sent this out and I just had to share. The names and some details have been changed to protect their identity since the family so kindly agreed to let me share this with you.

Some of you will have already heard. Wife managed to pop out the latest edition to the “FAMILY in a “Foreign Country”" early Tuesday morning.

The kid comes with the following specifications:
Name: Elliott ***** ******
Mass: 3732grams (8lbs 4oz)
Length: 53cm
Head Circumference: 37cm (ouch!)
Labour: 4.5 hrs
Birthday: 02:02, 24 January 2012

I’ve attached a few photos. You’ll want to pick the appropriate photo for your gender. I’ve assumed most women are like Wife and get excited about how ‘cute’ a wrinkly, mini-monkey looks and need to know every detail. This also assumes most men are like me and would be happy with adopting a 5 year-old when they can actually pick a wrench and hold a work light.

Oldest Daughter is beside herself with excitement and Oldest Son is a bit indifferent (corroborating my statements above).

Dad’s Name et al.

P.S. Too bad, but Elliott is not automatically a “Foreign Country” citizen. Without registration in Canada, he would be a “boy without a country”! Foreign Country immigration policy requires Wife or I to be a permanent resident or a citizen for him to be a citizen at birth.

And attached to the email were 5 pictures.  4 of them were titled “For the Women” and the 5th was titled “For the Men”

The 4 for the women included sweet pictures of the new baby, his siblings and mom.  This is the one for the men and includes some more comments from this funny dad:

For the Men

Cheers FAMILY on the new addition!!

Family.ca putting together the ultimate March Break activity guide for cities across Canada. They need your help so that have invited you to share with them your favorite things to do in your hometown. Between now and February 10th, each time you post your favorite spring break activity your name will be entered into a draw to win some great prizes. The more activities you tell them about, the more chances you have to win so enter a new activity every day until February 10th.They will list the best ones in their online guide which will be posted live starting February 20th. Good luck!

Do you have a budding artist in your family? Each year the government of Canada hosts a Canada Day poster challenge. They invite children ages 5 -18 to share their thoughts of what it means to be a Canadian, artistically.

This year’s theme is 1812: The Fight For Canada.

There are some pretty cool prizes broken down by province, including a trip to see the historic sites of the war of 1812 in Montreal and the Niagara region, laptops and other prizes. Regardless, everyone who participates will receive a special Celebrate Canada souvenir.

The complete list of entry rules, eligibility criteria and prizes offered are available on the Canada Day Poster Challenge website.

It seems that the men of my generation are mostly circumcised.

Don’t ask how I know. Let’s just call it anecdotal evidence.

By the time I had children it appeared that the tide had turned and little boys are no longer routinely circumcised. Part of it has to do with the fact that provincial health care stopped covering it (in Alberta at least) and also because it became seen, depending on the group, as a non-necessary intervention, genital mutilation or simply an esthetic procedure.

There are arguments for doing it: it’s cleaner, so he can look like daddy, reduced the risk of STD’s when he’s older (not that I want to think about that one).

There are arguments for not doing it: it’s not necessary for cleanliness, it hurts the baby, and it’s unethical.

Here is what dear old Wikipedia says:

“Global estimates by the World Health Organization (WHO) suggest that 30 percent of males are circumcised, of whom 68 percent are Muslim.^[9] The prevalence of circumcision varies mostly with religious affiliation, and sometimes culture. Most circumcisions are performed during adolescence for cultural or religious reasons;^[10] in some countries they are more commonly performed during infancy.^[9] Circumcision is also used therapeutically, as one of the treatment options for balanitis xerotica obliterans, phimosis, balanitis, posthitis, balanoposthitis and urinary tract infections.^[11]”

So I was in a conundrum about the penis, especially once I found out I was having a boy!

I googled.  I wiki’ed. I asked my friends, my mother, my in-laws, (which taught me a lot more about the men in my family then I ever really wanted to know…) acquaintances, and my mommy group. I phoned a doctor that performed circumcisions and grilled his assistant. Most people fell into two camps and most were very vocal and outspoken about their opinion. One person looked at me incredulously and said “I don’t know why you wouldn’t do it?” Another flat out told me it was child abuse to do it.

I wasn’t sure how I felt about it either way.

So, not having a penis, I asked the man attached to the one I know best. I fully expected my husband to be pro-circumcision but he surprised me.

We talked about pros and cons. He asked about logistics; when, where, how much, pain, aftercare, etc. Then he asked what the trend was. He suggested that while a boy may be concerned about why his penis doesn’t look like daddy’s when he’s 3, by the time he’s 13 he’s going to feel awkward if he doesn’t look like his peers.

He told me that he was comfortable either way. Then the wimp left it up to me.

I hemmed and hawed. I thought about one of my nephews who had to have it done anyway when he was 3 because of repeated infections. Poor baby would walk around the house clutching it saying, and I quote “my dinglehoffer hurts”. I thought about a guy I knew in high school who claimed a botched circumcision left him with part of the foreskin intact. He claimed he could stick a pencil through it.  I never investigated that claim… And everyone I went to high school with will know exactly to whom I am referring…

Then I remembered one thing another dad told me; if you leave him uncircumcised, he can always get it performed when he’s old enough to decide; in other words, the kid will have options.

And really, the cost, $250 seemed ridiculous for a little piece of skin and a whole lot of pain. That was another corker for me; I couldn’t deal with taking my baby boy to get hurt. I was a wimp too.

So in the end my boy is uncut and uncensored. And I’m alright with that. Teaching him how to pull the skin back to clean it was dicey, but I think we’re good now because he does it a little too enthusiastically. If only he could learn to control it and not pee all over the wall before finally hitting the water I’d be ecstatic…

What are your thoughts on circumcision?

I just read this great article about dads by Vicki Larson on The Huffington Post and I had to share it here.

It really made me think about the double standard we place on the men in our lives. We modern women want our children’s fathers to do it all; be there for us at every prenatal appointment, be with us for every single night feeding, do an equal share of diaper changes, make enough money so we can stay home, or willingly and cheerfully stay home while we go back to work (whatever we decide), make dinner, take the kids to school, activities, and of course support us emotionally because darn it this mothering business is tough. But we don’t necessarily want to give them credit for doing any of this or doing it as well as they can. Why? Partly because they don’t always do it the way we want it done, and partly because we can’t wear the supermom cape as proudly if people knew we don’t actually do it all by ourselves. And divorced dads do have it worse because, as Vicki says, people automatically assume he did something wrong to end the relationship (which is crap because women can be a$$holes too…)

It always amazes me when ladies tell me they made their husbands get up for night feedings. I never asked my husband to get up with me in the middle of the night when I was breastfeeding the babies. While it sucked to be awake in the middle of the night, I knew that I could take a nap when the kids napped; he still had to get up early, drive to work, deal with people who don’t care that his baby doesn’t sleep and be productive during the day so that he could keep the job that was supporting us all. To his credit, he somehow knew when I was at the end of my rope and would get up, take the baby (usually Helen) and send me back to bed, because as he said, “I can only handle one crying woman at a time”.

And really, would it kill us to be a little more accepting that their standards are different than ours? Do you have a partner that “daddysits” on a Saturday while you get to go grocery shopping and run errands by yourself? Nice! And what happens when you come home to find lunch remnants on the counter, a mess on the floor but contented little people sprawled over the the other half of their genetic code on the sofa? You probably get angry at him. Is a little mess really the end of the world? No. Why? Because it means he’s fed them and played with them and done his job, just as you do yours, but his standards of tidiness are different.

I usually love the time after dinner when Lee plays with the kids while I load the dishwasher. It’s peaceful for me, and its quality time for them. But sometimes I just want to throw the dishes in the garbage and scream at the mess, because I am tired of being the one who cleans it up. This is normal too, and those are the nights he makes me a martini, sends me to the couch and does it himself even though he would rather sit down and drink it.

We women want our men to do what we want, when and how we want it and not complain. Well, if the tables were turned and men got what they wanted, we would all be wearing mini skirts, low cut tops, stockings, garters and stilettos to make dinner and do the shopping. That’s not ideal either.

I guess what I am getting at, in a not too elegant way, is we need to be nice to dads, give them credit where it is due, know when you are being a crazy shrew and let it go.