Your perspectives on sex are likely built on a foundation of beliefs you inherited from your parents.
Many partners who complain that their spouse stopped wanting sex after having children or no longer believe they should have sex after menopause are suffering from a lack of physical intimacy that comes from their modeling her mother’s or older sisters’ outdated behavior. Social mores like these are handed down like bloodlines in genealogy.
Humans are born sexual and we die sexual.
There are many men and women in their 80s who are still having satisfying, even thrilling sexual experiences together. Sex keeps your hormones coursing through your body actively, gives your body a chance to relax and recharge and keeps you intimately connected with another human being, giving you a sense of self-worth and confidence that’s hard to match. If you cease being sexual, your genitals begin to atrophy, you begin disconnecting from others physically, which can drive an emotional wedge between you and others and increase your feelings of loneliness. Sexual pleasure falls into the category of “use it or lose it,” just like any physical skill. The good news is that it’s never too late turn turn your sex life around. Even if, as a couple, you have been moving further and further apart, you can reclaim your sexual passion and it can get better over time.
To maximize your sexual potential and take proper care of your body throughout your life, reconsider the benefits that consistent and gratifying sexual pleasure can provide. Your sex life can get better as you age if you aren’t holding a limiting belief that artificially stunts your desire.
Limiting Beliefs Can Stunt Your Desire
Beliefs are a structure for how we see the world, how we see ourselves, how we experience the world and how we experience ourselves and other people. Many beliefs are installed before we can even talk and live in our subconscious. To find out what your limiting beliefs are, you ask yourself, “Where am I being held back?” “Where am I feeling a deficiency?”
If you are not having the kind of deeply connected, passionate physical intimacy you want in your life, ask yourself what you believe about sex. What do you believe about your spouse? What does she believe about herself with regard to her sexuality? What are your beliefs and what are they causing to happne? Your experiences come from your beliefs, not the other way around. Our beliefs are indoctrinated. They come from family history, from our culture, from our friends…
If you are feeling disconnected in your relationship, and you want more intimacy and the passion, but you feel real change is outside your control because when you’re talking about wanting intimate connection, it takes two to tango. How do you change yourself and work within the constraints of your partner’s limiting beliefs?
How Can You Change Your Partner’s Limiting Beliefs?
Lion Goodman, creator of The Belief Closet says you start with yourself first. “When you change your own belief, your own experience of the world, your own feelings, you’re also changing sort of the vibe you put out. That will have an impact on everyone who interacts with you because suddenly you’re no longer a blockhead who’s cut off from life; you’re actually open energetically, your approach is different, your feel is different. That may in fact change your partner and it may not. You can’t predict that. But it often has a very big impact on relationships just by changing yourself. You’re not changing the other person. You can’t change another person inside yourself; you can only change yourself. If the other person is still them, even if you’ve changed, you have to find a way to help them recognize that you’ve changed, that you want to change and that you want to find out if they’re as motivated as you are to shift the relationship.
The best way is to communicate it. To say, “Hey, I’ve been working on myself, changing myself because my goal is to have us have a fantastic sexy passionate relationship that feels secure and where you can really relax and grow. Is that of interest to you?” Now I don’t know too many women who would say no to that. Women tend to need more security than men, and so the secure part is really key because women need to feel secure in order to open fully – open emotionally, open sexually. Men often wait around to see whether their woman is going to open to them, but they miss the point that they have to make their woman feel secure in order for her to open.”
LION GOODMAN IS THE EXPERT FEATURED IN MONTH #10 OF REVIVE HER DRIVE WHERE WE DISCUSS HIS PROCESS FOR CHANGING LIMITING BELIEFS IN A MODULE CALLED, “TRANSFORM YOUR BELIEFS TO TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE.”
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With love,
Susan Bratton
6 Responses
This article is clearly written by a man who has never experienced menopause, the hormone changing event that changes the sex drive of a woman. I personally loved sex, a lot. With my husband, up until the hot flashes and the drop in hormones which were associated with child bearing. Why do you think that women are very sexual during childbearing age? Hormones. Why are they not sexual before childbearing age? Lack of hormones. Same with after. I am very saddened by my own lack of sex drive now. The feeling of ‘horniness’ is becoming a distant memory, sadly. This article is bunk. It really is. A man may have a sex drive until he dies. He is capable of fathering children until that time as well. When a woman is no longer able to conceive children, there is a substantial drop off of libido, and it is not the same. The G spots don’t even have the same sensitivity. So, really Mr. Male Writer, I think you should rethink your perspective here.
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One thing that I have almost never seen discussed outside of rebirthing circles is the fact that when a couple has a child, it takes BOTH of them right back to their own childhoods. The parents will then start to act out their own childhoods while at the same time trying to take care of a new born baby. Unless both parents are aware of this and working on their own stuff, then it’s no wonder that “bad things” happen after the birth of a child.
People normally copy their parents marriage when they are looking for a spouse. It’s rare that someone in their 20’s is conscious enough to avoid doing this. However, if someone is engaged in this kind of relationship and they start to change their beliefs, then unless the partner is equally interested in changing theirs, then you can expect the marriage to fail. Once one partner stops playing “the game” that led to their marriage, then it’s more often than not all over. Codependency runs very deep in our culture and it’s almost impossible to avoid unless they have worked on themselves extensively.
So… Get it Up{as individuals} Grow Up{as individuals} and Keep it up together?