Family Maven

U.S. State Department: New Travel Alert for Mexico

2008-04-16T23:41:00.002-07:00

The State Department has issued a new travel alert regarding travel to the US-Mexico border region in northern Mexico, including Tijuana, Chihuahua City, and Cuidad Juarez. The alert warns of an increase in public shootouts, murders, and kidnapping-for-ransom and warns Americans traveling to the border region to only visit in "legitimate business and tourist areas," during daylight hours and to be especially alert to safety and security concerns. The report further warns of public shootouts during daylight hours near shopping areas, use of full or partial police or military uniforms and vehicles resembling police vehicles, and violence occurring in the course of public demonstrations (which, the alert states, foreigners are prohibited from participating in by the Mexican Constitution). The full report is available here.

In all, this alert basically warns of an uptick in violence in Mexican border towns, but otherwise simply confirms what anyone who's ever traveled to these border cities knows: it's a rough place to be. I've traveled to other places in Mexico on business, such as Guadalajara in the state of Jalisco, Mexico, and had a wonderful time and we never feared for our safety. While the fact that we were nearly always in the company of local businesspersons may have contributed to the overall feeling of safety that we had during these trips, we certainly never witnessed a shootout or even heard gunshots. Having seen the culture and amenities offered by these interior cities, I now generally skip the border cities.

In addition to the increased safety of interior cities, these cities are often a mere one-hour flight away from most western U.S. cities - much less hassle than driving!

The Joy of Disequilibrium

2008-04-16T14:19:00.003-07:00

We all have heard the advice given to working mothers for decades: seek a balance between work and family. We have tried working tirelessly at the office only to return home and work tirelessly until the wee hours of the morning. We make breakfast and dash the kids to school only to be stuck applying our makeup in morning traffic after dropping them off. We are on the run from dawn to dusk, making sure Suzie has clean socks, Johnny's lunchbox is filled with nutritious, safe foods, and the hubby gets a good square meal at the of the day. Some days we succeed at at least a few of these things, other days we crash and feel like a miserable failure - sometimes we're even told as much by our bosses and spouses. All the while, the mantra of "finding balance" plays on our subconscious minds and we wonder why we can't seem to achieve the goal of balance in addition to the other hundreds of things on our to-do lists.

Enter Martha Beck, who recently wrote this article that finally provides us with an honest answer that we have all basically understood deep-down, even if we didn't allow ourselves to believe it: a "balanced life" that meets all of the demands placed on women in our society is simply unattainable. In reality, we probably cannot truly have it all, do it all, and be happy with the results - and that's okay because everyone has to discover for herself what she can and cannot do in a given day and simply be satisfied with what she can do. Says Beck:

"Being forced to seek balance within ourselves, we can make our
unsteady, stumbling days feel less and less like disaster and more and
more like a joyful dance -- the dance of a wildly, wonderfully,
perfectly unbalanced life."

I know I've basically come to this conclusion after nearly two years of dancing to have it all at a frantic, crazy pace. After nearly driving myself into the ground, I decided to temporarily cut back on career demands to take care of my family... now, ready to face the daily grind again, I simply cannot get a single employer to look at me. I feel like an underperforming professional now, and my husband tells me as much nearly every week as do potential employers with their stark lack of interest in my resume and experience, but at least I can go to sleep at night knowing that I saw my little ones today and spent quality time with them - at least for now they seem to appreciate it.

Sur La Table- Italian Glass Carafe, Now $7.96, exp 4/30/08

Baffling Kid Behavior Explained

2008-04-03T11:28:00.000-07:00

This is such a great article on kid behavior - it reminds me that my little ones may not always say what they mean or mean what they say, and that's good advice for a mother of two under 5 year olds.

Read to discover helpful hints to deal with wired-up tired kids, non-eating hungry kids, reluctant joiners, and those moments when your kid decides to be mean to their good friend.

Soapbox re: Online Bullying

2008-04-02T08:34:00.001-07:00

I was frequently bullied in junior high school by a neighbor who decided she simply didn't like me. She'd run after me after we got of the bus, get in my face, slap me and yell at me. As an adult, I can see that she really had self-esteem problems and was jealous of me. That doesn't excuse her actions, though, and to this day I am glad that whenever she crossed the line from annoying yelling to actual, physical contact, my mother promptly called the police and filed a police report.

Yes, I begged my mom not to call the police because I knew it would lead to more teasing. And yes, I did endure even more taunting on the bus because my mom called the police, but this girl never dared lay a hand on me after that (nor did anyone else for that matter). Two truisms always seem to hold true in this situation: "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" and "nobody can make you feel bad without your permission."

While kids today have it much easier than we did in may ways because of the Internet, they also have the potential to endure brutal, public humiliation on a worldwide scale. This can be devastating to a young person, as evidenced by the recent string of online bullying related suicides.

I support this boy's mother's decision to sue the kids responsible for the Facebook web page. I also hope that Facebook promptly removed this page from their website, servers, and search engine indexes upon learning of it. In my opinion, social networking sites such as MySpace and Facebook should have zero tolerance toward the unauthorized use of the names, photographs, likenesses, and personal information of minors, and should immediately remove such content upon receipt of notification of such content (no questions asked). They should also remove the accounts of anyone who repeatedly posts and misuses such information on their websites.

Congress should also reconsider the Communications Decency Act, which has effectively given website owners a free pass to allow this kind of nonsense and harmful Internet use to occur. At a minimum, this law should be amended or provisions should be added requiring the removal of photographs, private and personal information, and other materials related to private individuals (as opposed to public figures) that are used to harrass, threaten, or tarnish the reputation of that individual.

Finally, I urge any parent whose child is physically assaulted during or as a result of bullying to immediately file a police report against the offending party. Urging the school to file one is simply not enough. Don't take "no" for an answer here - call the police yourself and demand that a report be filed and keep calling until they do. Your child needs you to be strong and show your support through this difficult time.

Punch Up Your Next Party

2008-04-01T08:04:00.002-07:00

People often don't go to the trouble to make a special drink for their parties anymore. It seems like the only place punch is ever served is at a daytime wedding in the south. Otherwise, soft drinks, wine, beer, and liquor usually take the place of punch. I know it can be easier to simply plop down these beverage bottles on the countertop and place ice and glasses beside them, but I think this lacks pizzazz – especially in spring and summer.

Punches range from the traditional to the exotic, and can be served with or without alcohol. Your guests will enjoy the unique flavors your punch has to offer, and you’ll be left with less left-over soda bottles and cans.

In the South, the traditional favorite is a sweet punch made with pineapple juice, 7up, and sherbet (recipe below). The Fine Living network has a number of not-so traditional recipes listed here. So go ahead and make something special for your guests to enjoy at your next spring or summer get-together!

Traditional Southern Sweet Punch
This is an old standby for weddings and other festive occasions in the South. It also works great for little kids’ parties.

1 large can pineapple juice
1 2 liter bottle of 7up
1 container sherbet (any flavor), slightly defrosted

Combine in a large punch bowl, and stir. The melting sherbet will keep the punch cool.

Board Shorts for Infants and Toddlers

2008-03-26T08:24:00.001-07:00

I recently enrolled the littlest one in swim lessons. Even though the babies have to wear swim diapers, I thought I'd put swim trunks on over the diaper just for fun. Out of the other 8 kids there, ALL of the other boys had on Hawaiian-inspired board shorts. Seriously, all of them! I must have missed the memo on that one.

I'm not one to follow the crowd, but these trunks were seriously cute. Last night, I saw these board shorts offered at Boden for $24 a pair, and I'm considering getting them. Check them out by clicking on the picture below.

Baby Boarders from Boden

Get 10% off plus FREE shipping and FREE returns at Boden

Are People Really This Stupid?

2008-03-25T10:38:00.002-07:00

This is just ridiculous! Someone posted ads on Craigslist Saturday claiming a man had to move out of the country immediately and was giving away all of his belongings -- including his horse -- for free. But the ads were a hoax, and the man returned to his home to find dozens of people taking his things. Some even refused to return the items when he demanded that they do so.

The Jackson County Sheriff's office is inviting people to return the goods no questions asked. Those who don't, it says, will be "part of the theft case."

I just have to ask: are people really stupid enough to believe that this was for real? Even if nobody was home at the time to authorize them to take the things? Or did they simply not care because it wasn't their things that were being taken?

On second thought, enough Americans were stupid enough to vote for George W. Bush, so who knows? Maybe the same were involved here?

Why Babies Make Us Smile

2008-03-20T12:54:00.003-07:00

As any parent knows, a baby can really make you smile. From their funny faces, to the unexpected sounds and thoughts they express, to their sheer cuteness with those chubby cheeks and big round eyes, babies are designed to warm your heart and light up your life - literally.

A recent study confirms that an adult's reward center in the brain lights up upon seeing a baby's face. This effect did not occur when the same adult looked at another adult's face - big surprise there :)

In the study, pictures of babies and adults unknown to the subjects were used. The scientists are planing a follow-up study to determine what reaction occurs when the subject is shown images of their own child.

Read more about the study here.

Turning Into a Terrible 2

2008-02-27T23:31:00.002-07:00

The first time around, it hit and we weren't expecting it... we just weathered the storm until it finally subsided. Now, with the little one, I see it coming. We're about to be hit by a major case of the terrible 2's.

The little guy's been pretty good all along, but suddenly it's a fit over this, and a lay down in the floor and cry over that. The faces he makes when he decides to get upset over something I did or didn't do for him are just so darned cute, though, (basically, a look of utter despair and broken heartedness usually reserved for moments of discovery of serious bodily harm to a loved one) so I often don't mind the fits so long as I can bring them to an end quickly. I usually just try to hide my smile and distract him with something else.

Now, if I could just get my DH and #1 son to stop trying to hold conversations with me during little one's tantrums... that just amplifies the problem since I can't distract little one if I'm tied up in conversation with someone else. I think I'll just implement a time-out privilege for myself and go from there. Any other ideas?

Et tu, Mommy?

2008-01-29T13:39:00.000-07:00

Our little guys have become TV addicts. When the little one wakes up, the first thing he says is "Watch Nemo." We know we are enablers in this, and not without blame. Between work, business, home, business, and friends, it's just so easy to give in and turn on the tube to buy a few minutes without the kids.

After enduring a harrowing, hysterical fit yesterday brought on by turning off the tube in a last-ditch effort to get the littlest one to go to sleep, we both decided NO MORE TV. Seriously, no more, nada, zippo - unless it's educational (read: BBC's Planet Earth series). Since the adults in the house really never watch ANY TV while the kids are awake, this might actually work.

The AAP provides a great set of TV viewing guidelines for parents at http://www.aap.org/family/smarttv.htm. According to the AAP, up to two hours a day of "high quality" programming is okay (e.g., Baby Einstein, etc.). The goal should be to minimize violence, sexual content, and commercials (not to mention bratty kids saying things to their parents that you would never tolerate your little one saying).

For my part, I returned the Thomas the Tank Engine DVD to library yesterday. As I walked to the drop box, I was surprised to find myself feeling like a traitor. I got over it, of course, and handed over the contraband. After all, I'm the adult here, right?

Is Nothing Sacred Anymore?

2008-01-23T16:01:00.000-07:00

Okay, I was okay with grapefruit interfering with certain prescription medications. That wasn't enough for me to give up one of my favorite fruits... but now the British Journal of Cancer reports that grapefruit potentially raises breast cancer risk in post-menopausal women. (more info here: http://www.thatsfit.com/2008/01/23/grapefruit-consumption-risking-business-for-some/) What's next? Apples elevating colon-cancer risk?

Since critics of the study say the risk could actually be related to pesticides present in the grapefruit, I'm not sure where this leaves me - risk cancer for one of my favorite fruits or not?

Unsolicited Gratitude

2008-01-19T19:28:00.001-07:00

Today I took my youngest (under 2 yrs old) to the park. We did the usual park stuff - slides, swings, jungle gyms. As I bought a ticket for one of the rides, I noticed that they were also selling balloons. Since it was only 75 cents, I bought a balloon, too.

As I handed him the balloon, his face lit up and he said "Thank you Mommy balloon!" Usually, I am the one prompting him to thank other adults for things that they have given him, so it was such a pleasant surprise to be thanked immediately and without prompting.

Altogether, we had a nice time and I basked in the glow of the experience as we headed back to the car. As I buckled him into the car seat, he said "big hug, Mommy." Again, I was pleasantly surprised by his expression of affection and gratitude and I leaned in and gave him a big bear hug. As I pulled away, he had his lips puckered up for a kiss and I happily obliged.

Memories like these are so precious, and I am so glad that I took a little time out today to help create a wonderful experience for us both.

Moving - oh yay!

2008-01-16T12:15:00.000-07:00

I used to think that moving was what you were forced to do in hell, if you were unlucky enough to go there. You basically spend all of eternity packing your things into boxes, moving those boxes by yourself to a new location, and then unpacking those things - again and again, without a hiatus in between.

We've moved numerous times in the last decade. Each time, it was a total debacle. We blew deadlines, and often had to frantically donate a beloved piece of furniture or pull an all-nighter or two to get ourselves out in time. Admittedly, these moves were usually mid-semester, during exams, or even done in our absence with a trusted family member subbing in for us at the last minute. During one, the old mildewed mop that I had been meaning to throw out for months even got packed up!

This time, with much notice and planning, we've begun parting with our clutter well before it is time to pack our things. I've also created a mental schedule to follow to get each room decluttered and organized prior to packing time so that the house shows better and we don't have to try to do all of this as we're packing up or unpacking boxes into the new house. Hopefully, we'll have a few less boxes to pack and unpack, and a few more hours of sleep each night during the move thanks to this advance preparation.

I've become a knitaholic!

2008-01-16T11:44:00.000-07:00

I really love to make things by hand. With two kids, however, I rarely get time to sit down and work on a project. I also like to have something to keep me busy during long car rides, movies, etc. As a result, knitting has become my new favorite pastime.

I tried knitting a long time ago. I learned how to cast on, knit, and purl. That was it... I didn't know how to do anything else, and making long rows of stitches without a design in sight didn't seem that appealing, so I shelved my lone pair of needles and my skein of yarn for about 5 years. In an effort to cut costs this Christmas, I started knitting again, starting with a simple scarf for a friend. I realized that everything in knitting is basically a variation on a knit or a purl, so I made up my own pattern, with ribbing and stripes. It took longer than I expected, but it turned out well.

My mother gave me a knitting and crochet ideas magazine at Christmas, and it had a cute baby romper in it. The pattern calls for some more advanced stitches, but for the most part consists of (you guessed it) knits and purls. I've made the leg pieces, and am starting the back body piece now. It's going well, and I know that I'll be so proud of my work once I've finished it.

If you want to learn how to knit, a good place to start is the Lion Brand Yarn website at http://learntoknit.lionbrand.com/. The directions are quite good, and they even have videos and an 800 number to call if you need additional help.

New Year's Resolutions

2007-12-19T09:17:00.000-07:00

It's that time of year again - the time when we all take stock of our lives and decide what we want to fix in the coming year (at least, that's what we all should be doing if we weren't all so busy running around looking for Christmas gifts for people when we have no clue what to get them).

Resolution #1: Lose More Weight
Last year, I resolved to lose weight and lost over 25 pounds. I did this by sticking to an exercise program (1 hour per day at least five days a week), and reducing my portion sizes at meals (meaning, put what you'd normally put on your plate at mealtime and then put half of it back).

I'd like to lose another 10 this year. To do this, I'm going to have to tame my sweet tooth. Nothing drastic... just cutting out empty-calorie drinks and run-of-the-mill sweets and snack foods. So, this year I resolve to cut out the sweets and snack foods, and save my calories this year for the occasional ice cream or cheesecake.

Resolution #2: Get Organized
All my life, I have lacked organization. Last year, I finally had my fill and made serious inroads towards getting organized. I cleaned out my closet a couple of times, and got rid of massive amounts of useless papers that I had never taken the time to sort out. But we still aren't organized yet. So, resolution numero dos this year is to get organized with a capital "O." Since we're planning a move early in the year, I hope to accomplish this one first.

Resolution #3: Get Involved
My final resolution is to get involved. Over the past years, I consistently let my day-to-day concerns get in the way of connecting with friends and family. I know this has hurt some of my most loved family members, and has alienated most of the rest. Everyone says "that's okay - we know you're busy," but I know they're just being kind. So, this year I resolve to actively communicate and connect with my friends and family, to let them know that they are important to me, and to remember to send them my best wishes on birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays.

A recent survey showed that around 63% of women make New Year's resolutions, and at least 10% keep their New Year's resolutions faithfully. What resolutions will you make this year?

I wub you, daddy

2007-12-19T09:14:00.001-07:00

My youngest started saying "I wub you, daddy" a couple of weeks ago. Suddenly, the man who never says "I love you" wants to hear it all the time from him. It seems he really is a softie at heart. :)

Have no fear, the Family Maven is here!

2007-12-19T09:00:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Family Maven - your guide to all things family. Since this is the first post, I think an introduction is in order. You can call me FM - I'm everybody and nobody in general, all in one. I am a busy, full-time mom and part-time career woman. I have two children (both boys) and a wonderful spouse. We live in a lovely city, and enjoy getting together with friends and going on outings with the kids.

I am shy, but opinionated. I like to try new things out - anything that may save a minute here or there is definitely worth trying. If I like something, I'll definitely tell you about it. The same is true if I don't like something.

Overall, I've started this blog to connect with other family-minded women and young women who are getting married. Others may also be interested, and all are welcome to read and comment.