Family Tree, Planning, Birth Control

How to Create a Calmer Household

noreply@blogger.com (beautygl) — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 12:31:00 +0000

Kids running everywhere? TV blaring at its loudest and the ping, ping of video games driving you insane? Meanwhile, neighbors and friends keep dropping by and your spouse is hiding in the downstairs bathroom waiting for peace to descend... Does this sound awfully familiar? If so, then it might be time to start instituting some peace across the household and to try and lead a slightly calmer life together.

Steps

1. Be willing to set limits and ensure that your way is followed. This is the first and most important thing that you can possibly do. This means limits as to the times, levels of noise and activity and yes, bedtimes.

2. Visualize a calmer home. What do you see? Write down the things that you visualize and turn them into goals to achieve in creating your calmer household. In your subconscious mind, you will unearth a true picture of the house that you'd like to be in - always keep this focus in your mind and work towards it gradually.

3. Sit down and write a list of the things that seem to be creating the most noise and sense of rushing in your home. These are the first things that you will target with your limits. Consider such things as when you are prepared to receive visitors, limiting the noise level of the TV and limiting to computer usage. And put a ban on running indoors for the little ones.

4. Write a task chart. This task chart must apply to every single member of the household and it must contain days and deadlines. The larger the job that needs tackling, the longer the timeframe you must give it in order to maintain a calm approach to it - bit by bit will get it done rather than rushing around juggling too many things at once.

5. Tidy the clutter away. Clutter enhances the feeling of stress, rushing and inability to think straight. The fewer bits and pieces in your pathway, the calmer you are going to feel. Not to mention the less cleaning up involved. If the kids must keep so many toys, books, and video games, make a deal with them. They can be kept in storage spaces but if they are found strewn across the floor more than 3 times in a row, they will be donated to the nearest charity store. You must mean this and you must be prepared to do it for this ultimatum to have real effect.

6. Clean as you create. Cooking creates less mess if you can wash items as you use them in between cooking moments. Same for anything that gets used - retrain everyone to put it back where it came from the moment it has been used. Buy storage bins or baskets with labels if this helps to encourage everyone to do the right thing.

7. Plan meals. If you are always wondering what to make for dinner, spend half an hour a week (Sunday evening is often a good time) to write out a plan of meals. It doesn't have to be incredibly specific or you will dull down the cooking process and spontaneity, but at least write "pasta - Mon", "steak - Tues", "pizza - Wed", "sushi - Thurs", "take-out - Fri". That way you have an idea of the main meal and can decide on the flavors and style on the night, with the main ingredients at hand.

8. Ask visitors to respect your limits. Inform visiting family, friends, kids, dogs, and any other guests who regularly traipse in and out of your home that closing time is whatever you set it as. In addition, feel free to set out of bounds hours, such as family lunch times on Sundays. This will enable you and your family to connect together over a special meal or activity without outside interruptions. This also includes taking the phone off the hook and closing the e-mail programs.

9. File it or lose it! As soon as it arrives in the post, the schoolbag or the briefcase, deal with it. Open envelopes and toss them into the recycling immediately. Read the letter, bill, or note and file it. Make bill-paying time once a week and sit down with the file and deal with it in a matter-of-fact way, one by one. If you get school notes, decide when to sit down with your child to discuss these matters, then sign them away and put back in the schoolbag, and if money is asked for, write the check there and then and put it into the schoolbag. These actions will take several minutes, but spending more time on school and child matters is more important.

10. Set aside calm time. At least once a week, and preferably once a day, set aside calm time for yourself in which you do nothing more than relax and shut out all that is around you. Eventually encourage other family members to join you in this. Select a special corner or room in the house and set it up just for this purpose, with soft pillows and drapes and call it something neat like "Mom's Relaxation Corner" or "Family Downtime Zone". Familiarize everyone in the house with this space as only ever being for relaxation by any member of the family at any time of the day or night. It must be away from TVs, music or other sources of noise and disruption.

Tips

- Banning TV one day a week and filling the day with outdoor activities, board games or other non-electronic based and family-focused activities is a really marvelous way to create instant calm and it also creates instant family bonding.

- Depending on the ages of your children, vary their chores so that they do not seem so much like chores - one week washing clothes, another week putting out the garbage, another week cleaning the bathroom, and so on. It varies the routine and also introduces them to a variety of chores that they will need to understand later in life.

- If the kitchen is central gathering place, invest in a large table and some good storage cupboards for the gear that arrives with each person. Name a door for each person and ask them to always leave their loose bits and pieces and gear in the cupboard and not all over the kitchen table for instant tidiness and calm.

- Read to your kids. It costs nothing to check books out of the library. Let them take turns reading a paragraph or page out loud. Get more books they can read on their own. The librarian can recommend books appropriate for their reading levels. Children too old to nap still need a little down time. Establish a daily reading time for the family, even if it's only 20 minutes. During that time, turn off the TV, computer, phones, etc.

- When figuring out your meals try to make a little extra. Either include it as a side dish, entree or ingredient in another dish later in the week. If you make enough extra you can feed everyone with leftovers for a day or two and not have to really cook.

- Instead of arguing with everyone about what they want to eat you should prepare healthy fare and not enter into a debate about meals. Go ahead and get it together. You'll be shocked how much time you've spend debating this, spending extra time preparing extra dishes, spending extra money on processed foods and being a short order cook for weird requests. Eventually everyone will appreciate and eat the meal but it may take time standing your ground to retrain minds.

- Sugar, caffeine, high fructose corn syrup, etc. are all stimulants. Try avoiding these ingredients and you'll avoid the sugar highs as well as the sugar crashes that bring about insanity about the home.

Warnings

- Don't expect immediate change. Instituting any new way of approaching things is hard for both kids and adults. Be gentle on yourself and on other family members.
You are trying to change a way of life that all of you have become so used to, it has become a habit. Take it slowly and treat each new calm change as an enormous milestone.

How to Solve Family Problems

noreply@blogger.com (beautygl) — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 12:23:00 +0000

Another day, and your family is still fighting. Another day of sadness and anger. There's always a way to deal with the problems.

Steps

1. Realize what the problem is and think of possible solutions to it.

2. Talk to your family about what is occurring and how it could be fixed of eased.

3. Even if no one listens to you don't do anything you may regret later. This includes self-harming and threatening to commit suicide

4. Even though it is hard, talk to ANYONE that will listen to you vent.Try talking to someone you trust in school, like a teacher or a counselor

5. Remember no matter what happens, if the problems can't be solved it is never your fault.

6. Don't beat yourself up over something that's your fault. You are a good person, no matter what anybody says or thinks.

Tips

- It may be hard but talking to people will help you get some of your emotions out so that your not bottling them up inside.

- You really are a great person, even if you don't think so, find a quiet and safe place that you can go to and think or read or do whatever relaxes you, like a place nobody but you knows your at.

- There are other people out there with the same problems (me, as an example) and the ones who have overcome it want to help you.

- Never give up.

Warnings

- Don't be afraid to talk from your heart.

How to Plan a Family Vacation

noreply@blogger.com (beautygl) — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 12:17:00 +0000

Planning a family vacation does not have to be planning for a disaster waiting to happen. Planning ahead is the key to a successful family vacation. Read on for tips that will make your next family vacation the best ever!

Steps

1. If you are traveling with children make sure your vacation is "kid friendly."

2. Most vacation destinations fill up early. Make hotel, car rental and activity reservations as soon as you know what your vacation schedule is.

3. Have a family counsel before the trip and together plan activities that will be fun for everyone. Using a guide with local activities listed is helpful.
Alternatively give every family member a "day" that is theirs to choose the activity.

4. A well planned trip is essential for a fun trip for everyone. Knowing in advance where you will be and what other sights and activities are close by will keep you schedule fluid and flexible to change.

5. Keep a slot open for you or you and your partner to do something relaxing without the kids, whether it is soaking in a hot tub, hiking or dinner or walking along the beach (if there is a beach).

Tips

- Bring along a kit with heavy paper, scissors, and stickers. At the end of each day have the kids make themselves a page with memories collected from that day to put into a scrapbook at the end of the trip.

- A vacation does not have to be to distant locales. My family spent great summers never leaving the state by taking mini-trips around the state throughout the vacation months. Take advantage of historical sites, national parks and other places of interest close to home.

- If you find that the kids are getting restless don't hesitate to stop early and save whatever activity you missed for another time. Sometimes just getting to the hotel room and maybe taking a dip in the pool is all that is needed to get everyone in the mood for continued site-seeing the next day.

- When brainstorming and planning activities, each family member has to be honest in their opinions but also open-minded to the opinions of the rest of the group.

- If you are traveling with two or more families with children, you can "tag team" some activities so someone is not stuck with all of the children under age five. Usually, half of each couple stayed behind to help in the babysitting effort while the other half went off. Other times you can split the groups up differently so couples could go together.

- If you are staying in a condo with a kitchen, you can plan alternate eating meals out and in. After four or five days often people become tired of eating out all the time. Pre-planning when to eat out and what meals to prepare when eating in (and who will prepare them) will help you figure out before the trip which meals you can prepare quickly and what everyone wants to eat.

- If you are flying, it's important to know before you leave the total number of pieces of luggage you have. That includes check through, carry-on and unique sized (like carseats or strollers). You should also know the breakdown of numbers for pieces checking through, carry-on and extras like car seats. Luggage check-in can be crazy. Knowing how many and which pieces ahead of time keeps the chaos to a minimum.

How to Get Pregnant

noreply@blogger.com (beautygl) — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 13:45:00 +0000

For some people, avoiding pregnancy is difficult; but for others, conceiving a child can be elusive and frustrating. There are only six days per monthly cycle during which a woman can conceive and there are many factors which can affect fertility and conception. Here's how to increase the likelihood of pregnancy.

Steps

1. Discontinue any form of birth control. Some birth control methods have a longer "readjustment" period after stopping than others, so the time it takes for a woman's body to be again ready to become pregnant varies. For example, women using Depo-Provera, an injectable contraceptive, usually do not get pregnant until 9-10 months after their last injection. On the other hand, ceasing to use barrier methods has an immediate effect.

2. Make healthy lifestyle choices. Maintain a healthy weight, exercise regularly, eat healthy foods, and keep stress under control. Illness and stress can both affect the timing of ovulation, making it difficult to predict.

- Both partners should eat a well-balanced diet, including foods high in anti-oxidants (e.g. fruits and vegetables) and vitamins, and consider eating less seafood, as it is associated with increasing blood levels of mercury, which has been linked to fertility problems. Consumption of pesticides may also be linked to pregnancy difficulties so now may be a good time for couples to choose organic foods. For women, taking folic acid (vitamin B9) supplements before trying to conceive to reduce the risk of spina bifida and other neural tube defects.

- Visit a doctor for pre-conception planning to identify any necessary lifestyle changes, as well as to check if any of the medications either partner is taking can decrease chances of pregnancy or damage a developing fetus. There may also be vaccines needed to prevent illness or defects in an unborn child.

- Stop smoking. Tobacco affects cervical mucous in ways that may obstruct fertilization. Smoking also reduces sperm count and sperm health. Exposure to second-hand smoke can be just as counterproductive.

- Sleep better. Sleep deprivation results in lower levels of the hormone leptin, without which ovulation may be affected.

- Quit caffeine (or at least cut back). A recent study has shown that consuming more than 200 mg of caffeine (approximately two cups of coffee, but it can come from other sources like tea and soda as well) on a daily basis during the first trimester of pregnancy may increase the likelihood of miscarriage. Since you don't know instantly when you're pregnant, you may want to consider quitting caffeine or reducing your intake to, say, a single cup of coffee per day.

3. Record the first day and the length of menstruation every month.

- If menstruation consistently starts every 28 days, you can reasonably assume that ovulation occurs 14 days after the first day of menstruation.

- If menstrual cycles are more than 28 days long but are consistent, subtract 18 from the average number of days in your cycles. For example, if menstruation begins reliably every 35 days, the difference is 17. On that day in the cycle is when ovulation can be expected to take place.

- If cycles are short, irregular or unpredictable, this method won't work. Move on to the next steps.

4. Record your basal body temperature (BBT) daily. BBT is your body's temperature when you're fully at rest and can be measured with a thermometer specifically labeled for basal temperature.

- Make a graph on graph paper or on the computer, with dates on the bottom and basal temperature on the side. You can find and print fertility charts online, as well as sign up for a fertility charting service.

- Look for a gradual or sudden rise in temperature (between 0.5 and 1.6 degrees F). Fertility is highest during the two to three days before your basal temperature rises so if you can observe any month-to-month patterns in when your temperature rises, you can predict the best time to conceive.

5. Observe changes in cervical mucus daily. At the beginning of a menstrual cycle, it's sparse, tacky, and dense; when ovulation is near, it starts becoming more slippery and plentiful, resembling raw egg white. It gets like this in order to help the sperm reach the egg. To check your cervical mucous, wash your hands, rub some toilet paper or your fingers over the opening of the vagina, examine the color and consistency of the mucous, and write it down.

- Checking cervical mucous can reinforce observations about ovulation gathered in other steps. 22 out of 100 women practicing only this method for one year will get pregnant. It'll be less effective for women who naturally do produce very little mucous, or who use feminine hygiene products and douches. Checking right after showering, bathing, swimming, or intercourse can also make this method less accurate.

- If you're comfortable with it, you can also observe the position of your cervix to determine whether you are ovulating. Wash your hands, insert two fingers, and feel the end of the cervix. If it's hard and dry, like the tip of a nose, you haven't ovulated yet. During ovulation, the cervix will shift higher and feel softer and wetter.

6. Test your urine with an ovulation monitoring kit. These can be purchased over the counter and work by detecting the surge in hormones that takes place right before ovulation. Follow the instructions that come with the kit carefully. This method can be expensive, and is best used after the previous steps have been followed (see Warnings below) but have the benefit of giving you advance notice.

7. Try to conceive based on predicted ovulation. Have intercourse at least once a day in the days leading up to and during ovulation. Have intercourse at least 2-3 times per week when ovulation is not predicted, just in case. Don't refrain from intercourse because of concerns over sperm counts being depleted. While sperm count may be lowered by increased frequency of intercourse, there is still statistically a better chance of pregnancy if the couple tries to conceive more often.

- Get in position. While it hasn't been scientifically proven, it's generally thought that positions which place the sperm close to the cervix are more conducive to pregnancy, specifically the "missionary position" with a pillow under the woman's hips. Remaining in bed for at least a half hour after intercourse may also increase the chances of sperm reaching the egg.

- Enjoy your time together. Trying too hard to get pregnant, especially by strictly following a schedule, can cause stress and reduce physical and emotional intimacy between you and your partner. Many couples recommend being creative with intercourse and keeping it lighthearted and fun.

8. Take a pregnancy test if you miss a period. Wait at least 28 days from the day you were supposed to get your period before using a home pregnancy test, or else you may get a false negative result. A blood test administered by a doctor, however, can be taken as soon as a period is missed without any sacrifices in accuracy. Consult a doctor if both partners are in their early 30s or younger and in good health have not conceived after a year plus the expected recovery time from a birth control method. Those who are older, experience menstruation cycles that are longer than 35 days, or have reason to suspect fertility issues may wish to visit a doctor sooner.

9. Use assisted reproductive technology (ART), if not successful any other way. Sometimes, nature needs a helping hand. Fortunately, there are many alternatives how to increase pregnancy-chances with ART. Many ART procedures involve surgically removing eggs from a woman’s ovaries, combining them with sperm in the laboratory, and returning them to the woman’s body or donating them to another woman.
Video

Tips

1. Just because a previous child was conceived quickly doesn't mean any following pregnancies will be just as easy to come by. As a woman gets older, the likelihood of conception decreases.

2. Avoid the following:

- vaginal sprays and scented tampons can result in a pH imbalance in the vagina

- artificial lubricants, vegetable oils, and glycerin can kill off sperm

- douching alters the normal acidity of the vagina and may wash away the cervical mucus that is required to transport the sperm

3. Beware pregnancy myths:

- Drinking coffee is not proven to decrease rates of conception. However, a recent study indicates that drinking too much caffeine during pregnancy may increase the risk of a miscarriage.

- Cough medicine will not increase your chances of getting pregnant.

- A man can wear briefs without decreasing his sperm count. However, hot baths or whirlpools will cause a man's sperm to slow down and may reduce sperm count.

Warnings

- Ovulation monitoring kits can be so specific about timing that you may miss the mark by concentrating your conception efforts into a very narrow time defined by the kit. The pressure associated with using these kits can also result in stress, which will not help the chances of pregnancy.

- Make sure that you and your partner are disease and infection free before stopping any barrier methods of birth control.

Little Instructions on How to Stay Happily Married

noreply@blogger.com (beautygl) — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 13:21:00 +0000

1. Spend quality time together. Having kids is not an excuse. Kids will be happier to see their parents happy together.

2. Don't let your worries affect your relationship with your spouse. But if something is bothering you, talk it over.

3. Hugs and kisses are essential in a relationship.

4. If you feel inadequate, check first what is wrong with you. It might not be your husband/wife or your relationship, it might be you. You might need to enhance your skills, hone your talents, read more, spend time with your friends, pamper yourself etc. etc. The list just goes on and on.

5. Temptations are inevitable, but you can avoid places and situations that will lead you to it. Should it come, always tell yourself as Bro. Bo says, it "Home Boy! Or Home Girl!

6. List down all the good traits of your spouse and you will feel really blessed marrying him/her.

7. Share jokes, stories, be goofy with each other. Truly bond with each other.

8. Rekindle the fire in your relationship. It is normal to have emotional dryness. Remember, Love is not a feeling. It is a commitment, a decision to love your spouse no matter what the circumstances.

9. Plan holidays together with your kids. Planning together brings excitement.

10. Surprise your spouse. You'll never know the happiness it would bring to your partner.

11. Ask questions about each other. Childhood memories, phobia, most embarrassing moments, happiest moment, etc. etc. You'll be surprised that there's a lot more to discover and it's one good way to really connect with each other.

12. Trust your spouse and trust that you can surpass all trials and challenges.

13. Remind yourself of your marriage vows especially during tough times.

14. Trust God and lift all your cares, worries, plans--everything to God!

15. Pray together. Go to church together. Attend spiritual seminars, Kerygma feast, community services together. Remember, a family that prays together, stays together.

How to Tell Your Family You're Pregnant

noreply@blogger.com (beautygl) — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 13:35:00 +0000

There are many creative ways to announce your big news. Your family will never forget the day you told them.

Steps

1. Call Mom and Dad on the phone. Remember: You were their "good news" once, too, so your parents know exactly how you're feeling. They can rejoice with you, help with planning, and offer advice like no one else. They'll be thrilled with the news! Ask your parents if you can borrow the old family cradle. Give your mom a pink balloon and blue balloon. Ask her to guess which it will be Give your parents little bibs that read: "I Love Grandma" and "I Love Grandpa" (especially appropriate at Christmas time)

2. Present your mother with a cake that reads: "Happy Mothers' Day, Grandma" (especially appropriate at Mother's Day)

3. Address your parents Christmas gifts: "To Grandma and Grandpa" (especially appropriate if this baby will be their first grandchild).

4. Send your brothers and sisters an e-mail message. When your sister offers you a glass of wine, explain casually: "No thanks, it's not good for the baby."

5. Send your grandma and grandpa a card, sign the babies name

6. Invite the aunts and uncles over for dinner and present them each with wrapped party favors. Instruct them to open them all at the same time. When they find things like baby food jars, bibs and rattles; break the news.

7. Pack a lunch with DADs root beer, Sugardaddy suckers, popcorn, popsicles, lollipops, etc

8. Make a t shirt for your son that reads: "I'm going to be a big brother."

Tips

- Try rephrasing "I'm pregnant" to "I'm going to have a baby."

- There are pros and cons for telling family early in the pregnancy and waiting until later: Tell people when you feel comfortable sharing your news.

Warnings

- Some families will not be excited about your pregnancy and may possibly be upset with you.

- Most people feel compelled to give unsolicited advice to new parents. Take notes. It will make good reading next year.

How to Avoid a Teenage Pregnancy

noreply@blogger.com (beautygl) — Sat, 09 Aug 2008 12:44:00 +0000

Teenage pregnancy is a rather frightening reality that can tear all of your hopes and dreams to shreds. As unfortunate as it is, the way we are designed, we are capable of reproducing as teenagers. Here is how you can avoid an unwanted teenage pregnancy.

Steps

1. Abstain from sex (don't do it all) to be 100% sure you will not get pregnant. Even the smallest pre-ejaculate fluid or semen coming into contact with the vagina can result in a pregnancy, so having any sex, even with protection, presents risks.

2. Do not use the withdrawal method (where the man must be relied upon to stop before he ejaculates) if you do plan on having sexual relationships. It does not protect you/your partner from pregnancy or STDs and is remarkably ineffective.

3. Do not rely on the rhythm method of birth control - this relies on knowing when in your cycle you are most likely to conceive and avoiding those times. It is notoriously unreliable, especially for teenage girls whose cycles can be erratic in the extreme.

4. Learn about the different birth-control methods you can use (condoms, birth control pills, spermicide, etc.). Many can be used in conjunction with others, while some cannot. Speak to your doctor and don't be afraid to ask questions - it's your body and your health.

5. Use Plan B contraceptive (sometimes called the "morning after pill") within 3 days of sexual intercourse if you are ever afraid of a possible pregnancy. It should not be used as a birth-control method, but as an emergency aid. Some religions frown upon this, but it is up to you to decide what you think about this. Do your own research and don't just listen to your friends/church/parents. Make up your own mind, after all it is you who will have to live with the consequences of your actions - not them.

Tips

- Include your partner in your decisions.
- Don't be embarrassed to buy or use birth control - it's for your own protection.
- Understand that by having sex you are making a commitment, and that you are opening yourself to the possibility of a child.

Warnings

- While some of the contraceptives listed are generally very effective, none of them are 100% effective in preventing pregnancy. The only way to 100% effectively avoid pregnancy is to avoid having sexual intercourse at all.

Things You'll Need

- Birth Control Method or Plan
- Condoms

How to Deal With Family Members That Do Not Like the Wife/Husband

noreply@blogger.com (beautygl) — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 12:56:00 +0000

Resolving this kind of conflict is all about standing up to your family members.

Steps

1. Observe how they treat your spouse. If there's something that you don't like about the way they treat him/her, confront them about the issue.

2. When you confront your family, speak your mind and don't be afraid about offending them. You are standing up for what you think is right, and there's nothing wrong with that.

3. If an argument breaks out between your spouse and a family member, stand up and defend your spouse. This will make them go easier on him/her and it will make them think higher of him/her.

4. At the dinner table, discuss small things that you all have in common. This will keep conversations calm and jovial.

5. If your family continues to shun him/her, limit contact with your family. Discuss with your spouse how much family time will be acceptable to both of you so you have a plan ready when the next invitation comes.

6. ALWAYS address your family when your spouse feels disrespected or unaccepted. The biggest mistake is to not say anything as this tells them that they are right and it's OK to treat him/her this way. Let them know that you will not stand for it. Like training dogs, it's easier to break a bad habit sooner rather than later.

7. If your spouse feels disrespected or unaccepted, stand up for him/her even if you don't see it as a "big deal."

8. Don't be afraid to leave in the middle of a family gathering if your family is treating your spouse poorly. This sends a clear message that such behavior is unacceptable. An added advantage is that your spouse will be grateful for being removed from the situation and will make the ride home much more pleasant.

9. Always maintain a united front.

Tips

Let your family know that you are an adult, and capable of making your own decisions. Tell them to have faith in you, that you know who is best for you and tell them about all the traits and qualities that brought you two together.
If you don't put an end to disrespect at the start it will have a snowball effect. Your family will continue to think it's OK and your spouse will be more likely to withdraw from you and your marriage due to feeling alone and unworthy.
Standing up for your spouse is never the wrong thing to do, not standing up for them is.

Warnings

Don't be afraid to express how you feel. If there's something you think is wrong in your social family atmosphere, fix it before the problem becomes too large.

How to Start a New Family Tradition

noreply@blogger.com (beautygl) — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 12:38:00 +0000

Generations of families connect through their traditions - the events that grandpa and little Susie can both count on. Yet many families lack a bond that lasts from year to year. Here's how to fill your gatherings with treasured memories...

Steps

Begin by making a list of the things that are important to your family. This list can include people, places or events. For example, several family members may already participate in the local town's parade. Grandma may be a fantastic cook, or Uncle John may be an ice fishing fanatic. Once you have your list move on to step two.
Review your list and look at ways that you can start small. If three of the grandkids happen to play in the marching band, consider making it a tradition to attend the parade together. If your choice is more of a "thing," than an event, it's up to you to make it one. For things that are not scheduled by third party (like the town parade), make a date that is set from year to year. For example, everyone can gather at Grandma's house on the first Saturday of every December to make her famous gingerbread cookies and pecan pies. Knowing when the next gathering is, 365 days in advance, leaves little excuse for missing the next big day.
Build upon your traditions to make them magical. Traditions are by definition, a meaningful custom, passed down through a culture or family. To make your's go from an obligatory get-together to a fulfilling gathering, enhance them by adding a pre-event meal or a post-event charitable service. In other words, once a small affair starts to snowball, consider turning it into an all-day or even all-weekend thing. This will ensure that there is something for everyone - from the foodies to the shoppers to the philanthropists in the family.
Remember them from year to year by designating a record keeper. The family record keeper could create a log or picture book. He or she could be in charge of taking photos or delegating the duty. To make the years even more reminiscent, consider chronicling attendees emotions and experiences of the day.

Tips

Ensure that your tradition is passed on, long after the initiating family members are gone. Get the youngest in the bunch to embrace specific elements. For example, an accidental holiday tradition in one family started when the grandpa let the child stuff the sweet potatoes with marshmallows when the child was young enough to love getting messy. Now, there isn't a Thanksgiving that's complete without Papa's famous "sweet potato crouquets." And, it might become the duty of the oldest grandchild to make sure that all the other grandchildren after me were expert marshmallow inserters.
Consider looking for help in finding a tradition. Go to websites that offer help in matching folks with volunteering organizations. Look up your local area event calendar and choose events to attend - or better yet, select which things you can help with.

Warnings

Get ready to go a few rounds. Your pick for a tradition may not be a perfect match for your family. Through trial and error though, you will find something workable.
Naysayers will abound. There will be those that will fight your desires to knit a closer family. Eventually though, these cries will subside as your clan learns who they are and grows snug.

How to Deal With Step Parents and Step Siblings

noreply@blogger.com (beautygl) — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 14:30:00 +0000

Maybe your parent(s) have been divorced and are now planning on marrying different people, this can add a lot of stress to your life, here are some simple ways to make this transition easier on everyone.

Steps

1. Be understanding of the new members of your family. Realize that they are probably going through just as much stress as you are.

2. Be respectful to everyone. If you want others to treat you well, then you'll need to treat them well.

3. Respect others' space and property.

4. Be willing to share.

5. Understand that they are now part of your family and not an appendix to it.

Tips

- If there is something that is really bothering you about a step parent then don't be afraid to talk to a councilor or psychologist, most schools have one as a member of the staff so you parents will never have to know if you don't want them to.

- If you do not feel comfortable calling your step parent "mom" or "dad", use his or her first name or establish a nickname but do not use "hey you" or anything else like that when you want their attention.

Warnings

- Talk with your parent and step parents, establish guidelines and rules, then make sure everyone sticks to them.

- Don't bottle up things they do that bother you and let them all out at once confront the problems as they arise.

- Make sure your parent knows how you feel about your step parent, in a serious situation it maybe important.

How to Have a Good Family Life

noreply@blogger.com (beautygl) — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 14:10:00 +0000

Are you someone who cares about his or her family but you're finding the family emotions a little overwhelming and you're not yet living a happy family life? Then here are some suggestions that may just help you.

Steps

1. Respect your parents. Do this not just by giving them respect, but by listening to what they say and trying your best to make them happy. Realize that you may be able to choose your friends, but you're born to your family. If there's nothing you can do to please your parents, you'll be happier if you just accept it for now and focus on pleasing yourself. Making others happy is secondary to being happy yourself. And things do change over time.

2. Realize that life is not always going to go smoothly. Try to face the "ups and downs" in your family life with positive thinking and a cool mind. But your family doesn't have the right to make you miserable just because they're family. Try to get along, but if it doesn't work, let it go.

3. Try to compromise whenever and wherever it's possible. When you see that the people who you love most are happy, you will have a feeling of great happiness. You will have to compromise a lot in life; family is the first environment to begin learning this important skill, amongst people who know you best and can guide you with their reactions, thoughts and suggestions. Even the things they don't tell you become a learning experience.

4. Give occasional gifts to your family members. Surprise gifts can be great because most people love them. The best gifts tend to be the ones you make yourself, or put a lot of thought into. Also appreciated are gifts of your time; doing tasks around the house that haven't been done for a while such as painting touch-ups, restoring missing door handles etc. and clearing away clutter.

5. Be honest with your parents, but bear in mind that they don't always need to know everything. If you get along well, you can open up, but if you don't, avoiding tender subjects can keep the peace. Sometimes saying nothing can be better for a family relationship than saying everything. Family is forever. Why fight about the little things?

6. Feel free to communicate with each and every person in your family. Listen to them when they want to say something; try to be with them when they need you. Bear in mind that the needs of your family don't outweigh your own. Give them your time and love, not your life.

7. Dedicate a slot, it may be once a week or once a month in which you have a 'Family Time'. This could be anything,watching a movie together, playing a game, going out on a trip, but make sure it is something everyone will enjoy.

8. Eat together. Modern-day life makes this virually impossible to do, however, it really does change your family life dramatically -- for the better.

9. Make time for siblings. They know you best, and they will tell you the whole truth, even when you don't want to hear it.

10. Accept that your relationship with your family depends on both you and them. If they can't meet you halfway, you will be happier if you don't spend all of your energy making all the effort.

11. Good values help us choose between right and wrong, good and evil. They also affect how we will spend our time, energy, and money. If children are taught good values when they are young, they are more likely to make wise decisions when they are older.

12. Home is the best place for children to learn values. Here are some basic values you may want to teach: Love, Honesty, Morality, Civility, Lifelong learning, Forgiveness and mercy, Thrift and industry, Gratitude, Optimism and Faith. Remember, the most effective method of teaching values is through example.

Tips

- Be patient.

- Compromise is the most valuable tool you have.

- Sometimes families are just dysfunctional. It happens. You come first.

- Don't put everything down to hormones. If your teenager feels reluctant to talk to you, he or she may be upset about somethin or being bullied. Ask if everything is okay.

Warnings

- Family members are never entitled to be abusive. If they are, don't waste your time. They can't always be won over with patience and kindness. Stay out of toxic situations when you can.

How to Deal With a Drug Addicted Family Member or Loved One

noreply@blogger.com (beautygl) — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 13:57:00 +0000

So your mother, father or sibling uses drugs heavily and it is messing up your home life. Here are some tools to help you deal with the crisis that your loved one is bringing into the home.

Steps

1. Love the person no matter what course of action you decide to ultimately take. They are still important to you.

2. Look into a program like Al-anon or Alateen. Consider seeking help from a school teacher, pastor or other family member.

3. Understand the disease that your loved one has and try to encourage them to get help.

4. Do not give up-you may be the key to helping them beat this.

5. Take your loved one to AA or NA meetings, if they want to go. Sometimes, talking to an alcoholic or addict that is in recovery can help you find a good course of action.

6. Educate yourself on the disease of alcoholism and drug addiction.

7. Consider doing an intervention with help from a professional interventionist.

8. Stay the course and pray.

Tips

Sometimes the person you are trying to help will refuse help. Stay diligent.

Warnings

- If the behavior has gotten out of control, you need to leave the person alone or tell them to leave. This is called tough love. The drugs and alcohol can destroy all involved.

- And don't forget to abstain from drugs yourself or else you are no better than your family member. and you know they won't want you to do drugs, either.

How to Understand and Maintain Family Cohesion

noreply@blogger.com (beautygl) — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 13:27:00 +0000

We can choose our mates, our friends, sometimes even our co-workers, but we’re given no choice with the closest people in our lives, our family members. We are simply stuck with them for better or for worse and we are bound to them and they are bound to us, for ever. As human beings, we are gifted with unique and differing personalities, characteristics, traits, flaws and values, too many aspects of differences to list. Interaction, therefore, is not always harmonious. Family members don’t always get along with one another and disagreements are simply part of an inevitable outcome. Kinship does not necessarily have to be a recurrent nightmare, nevertheless. There are ways to survive the family discord, an aggressive cacophony that so predictably ensues as immeasurable differences are thrown together randomly, to mix so fiercely like boiling water and oil.

Steps

1. Step back and reflect on the situations that cause conflict. You might actually begin to appreciate the differences in others around you, the variations that play upon the family dynamics as a whole. Take a closer look and you may even find hidden similarities you appreciate as well. If you're not careful, you could actually end up liking your family members even though they seem impossible to comprehend and drive you absolutely crazy. Coexistence with your family unit can actually become bearable, perhaps even enjoyable, despite the seething madness, the exasperation, the mayhem and inane antagonism. It just takes a good deal of consideration and understanding, kindness and courage and tact as well as patience, patience, patience and more patience.

2. Understand that it's simply impossible to get along with everybody all of the time. Because we are human, each one of us is absolutely unique unto ourselves and completely different from everyone else. We all have the right to exist as we are and we all have the right to our own feelings, habits, and personalities as we diversify naturally. Each member of a family has a special role to play for the purpose of the whole. Recognizing and respecting each person’s right to their unique place in the family dynamic is the first big step to a peaceful co-existence. This also means accepting that some family members will not understand this concept, nor will they respect other family members’ unique roles or their rights to exist in the home as individuals. Therefore, we also must accept that they have the right to not understand, or perhaps are lacking the capacity or merely the desire to understand and that they cannot or will not accept other individuals rights to deviate from their own understanding or lack thereof. Conflicts arise as humans diversify. Understanding and tolerance of others is only achieved from the acceptance of their right to exist as individuals. Respect for anybody is still a long way off, so we are just going to have to make due with being polite for right now.

3. Be patient, even if others aren't. Unfortunately, not everyone will hold such a virtue as patience. Impatience is unavoidable, because as human beings, we are all often rash, cruel, rude, disgusting, etc., to varying degrees. We are sensitive, callous, considerate, tolerant, inconsiderate, petty, profound at different times and in different situations. The best thing we can do is to try to be aware of this, be prepared for it, and learn to avoid such moments when personalities will surely clash. We must learn how to adapt to and overcome the conflicts of our obvious differences in order to remain functional in a family group. Only with patience and understanding can we achieve successful cooperation.

4. Work on being friendly. If you’re nice to everyone first thing in the morning, they’ll be nice to you all day long. Taking a moment to say or do something pleasant and kind is greatly rewarding both for you and for the recipient. Instead of just going through routine motions, try to greet your family members amiably with sincere warmth and affection. No matter how small or insignificant a gesture may seem, it still goes a long way to create a relaxed and cheerful atmosphere for all. Furthermore, you can combine a good-natured smile with a thoughtful compliment to instantly achieve a total sense of civil unity within the group. A family greatly at ease is far less predisposed to inner controversy and battles. To continue the comfortable alliance all around everyone will be wholly content to keep the peace.

5. Realize that sometimes, conflict will be unavoidable. Buttons will be pressed, tempers will flare, and arguments will undoubtedly happen. One good thing about family however, is that it is family. No matter what they do to you or you do to them, you're still all in it together. There’s no possible breaking up or permanent severance.

6. Know that squabbling is a natural, normal, even healthy aspect of interacting families. Bickering keeps each role in a unit clearly defined. Our occasional quarrels are reminders of a basic primordial human need for a role in a small family unit on which we still depend. Today, our conflicts arise from a lack of dependency on the cooperation of our family group for immediate gain. Without a dire need of one another, we must recognize our developmental strengths and remember how to use them constructively for the good of everyone.

7. Be tactful. Sometimes, there is no escape from dealing with family members. Maybe there is a shared chore to accomplish, or a coveted possession to be shared. Perhaps the holidays are coming and there is just nowhere to hide from one another. Sometimes, a little diplomacy can go a long way to defuse annoying issues before they come up. If you know where possible conflict could develop, you can approach the family member and propose a solution that will make both your lives easier from the start. Discussing, bargaining, even subtle bribing could settle issues before there’s even a problem. Also, the relationship with that particular family member may possibly be greatly improved with the exercise of such successful cooperation. You might even find that you are both smiling congenially as you collaborate for a common goal. This kind of resolution puts you both back on the same team. Cooperation is the exact reason we evolved to exist in small family groups, so it naturally leads to inner contentment, fulfilling a primal directive.

8. If you can’t beat ‘em, ignore ‘em. Sometimes, you finally just reach your wit’s end, and after blowing up at a person, bending over backward, or beating your head (or someone else’s) against a wall, you decide that you simply cannot endure the behavior or personality, peeve, or whatever of a family member any more. You accept that even though you may have pleaded with them, or discussed, screamed or muttered under your breath, bargained, debated or even threatened over a conflict, there is simply nothing that can be done to resolve the problem effectively. In a case like this, the best thing you can do is just concentrate on your own life and pay as little attention as possible to the annoyance factor. By effectively tuning out the cause of such colossal irritation, you can go about your own day with minimal disruption. Simply ignoring the family member can also save a great deal of energy and aggravation. If you are able to resist such provocation completely you’ll remain free of that sense of futility and frustration and maintain a sense of peace.

Warnings

- The information found on this document is compiled from extensive study of the sciences of physical and cultural anthropology along with the author's personal understanding and experience in various families of diverse individuals and the dynamics of conflict therein with the goal of finding solutions to maintaining a functional and peaceful coexistence within a single family unit.

Steps on how to Research Your Family Tree With Online Census Records

noreply@blogger.com (beautygl) — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 10:46:00 +0000

There are so many people in the world that have an itching to climb their family tree! You can do just that by using the U.S. Federal and State Census Records. This is a simple way to start researching your roots and get you on the path of studying your ancestry.

Steps

1. Ask living relatives about your ancestral heritage. Ask now before elder relatives are gone. Make sure that you try to record as much information as possible. Key things to ask are for first, middle, and last names; birth and death dates; and most importantly, birth and death locations.

2. Get access to online Indexed Census Records. Census Records are a good resource to locate general information about names, approximate birth years, and locations. Keep in mind that not all information may be accurate. An excellent resource for researching census records online is Ancestry.com. Some states also supply their state records. Go to your County or State Recorder website to see if they have online records.

3. Locate the person by typing their information in the search box. You will find that not all names were recorded correctly by the census taker. If a person cannot be found on the index, try different spellings or try typing in only the last name. If a person has a unique first name and you have a general location during the census year, try using just the search boxes for that information.

4. Determine whether the person is your ancestor. You must do this by clicking on the "View Image" of the actual census record. When you recognize a name, take note of all the family members' names, approximate ages, birthplaces, and birthplaces of their parents. This information will help you gain more names to further extend your search and analyze if the person on the page is in your family.

Tips

- To help keep record of your findings, family tree making software is available at most computer software stores.

- If you do decide to use a supplemental genealogy website, you may be able to find other people that are researching your family tree. The genealogy community is very helpful and will be interested in sharing and comparing information.

- Location is key to your research. Families usually stayed and thrived in one community for several generations. Do your best to find out the counties, townships, or parishes where your ancestors lived.

- If you have sparked an interest in genealogy, locate your state genealogical society. There will be more resources for you to look at and more people to help you.

Warnings

- Do not jump to wrong conclusions out of premature excitement at finding a long lost relative. Make sure that you pay close attention to dates and who the person is living with. It is easy to think someone is an ancestor when they are actually not.

- Census records for different years differ in the amount of information. If you get interested enough in genealogy, you will need to seek other sources of information that confirm names, ages, and locations found on the censuses. Certain websites like familysearch.org, ancestry.com, and genealogy.com are very helpful, but may require payment for their services.

- For credibility, remember to document your sources of information.

- Researching your family tree is a long process. However, genealogists will tell you that it is a fantastic and thrilling hobby!