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Perfect Frank Feldman

noreply@blogger.com (Famous Martini) — Sat, 30 Aug 2008 05:44:00 +0000

A man walks out to the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the Cabbie says, 'Perfect timing. You're just like Frank.'
Passenger: 'Who?'
Cabbie: ' Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.'
Passenger: 'There are always a few clouds over everybody.'
Cabbie: 'Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.'
Passenger: 'Sounds like he was something really special.
Cabbie: 'There's more... He had a memory like a computer. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right.'
Passenger: 'Wow, some guy then.'
Cabbie: 'He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid Traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too - He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman'
Passenger: 'An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?'
Cabbie: 'Well, I never actually met Frank. He died. I married his f*@%in widow!'

Impossible To Please

noreply@blogger.com (Famous Martini) — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 06:40:00 +0000

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

Bungee Jumping

noreply@blogger.com (Famous Martini) — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 02:31:00 +0000

Alice and Frank were Bungee jumping one day. Alice says to Frank, "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own Bungee-jumping business in Mexico."

Frank thinks this is a great idea, so they pool their money and buy everything they need: a tower, an elastic cord, insurance - the whole nine yards.

They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work.

When they finished, there was such a crowd, they thought it would be a good idea to give a demonstration, so Alice gears up & jumps.

She bounces at the end of the cord, but when she comes back up, Frank notices that she has a few cuts and scratches.

Unfortunately, Frank isn't able to catch her, and she falls again, bounces, and comes back up. This time, she is bruised and bleeding. Again, Frank misses her. Alice falls again and bounces back up. This time, she comes back pretty messed up - she's got a couple of broken bones, and is almost unconscious.

Luckily, Frank finally catches her this time, and says, "What happened??? Was the cord too long????"

Barely able to speak, Alice gasps, "No, the Bungee cord was fine...it was the crowd!....What in the HELL is a Piñata??!!"

Famous Martini's Bartending Ebook - Chapter 2

noreply@blogger.com (Famous Martini) — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 05:02:00 +0000

So, obviously you want to be a bartender, but do you know where? Do you have experience at all? The easiest and most effective way to getting what you want is by getting your foot in the door. Start out as a barback/cocktail waitress/server/hostess, etc.
Start making it known to everyone – especially the management – how badly you want to be a bartender, how it has been your lifelong dream, etc. (But don't harass people to the point of annoyance, this will only get you avoided!)
Most establishments will offer opportunities to their current staff before hiring someone new. In my background, a fresh person with no experience was much easier to train and deal with than an experienced bartender. The experienced ones wanted to debate every drink recipe and start every sentence off with, “ That's how you do it? Well at my old job,.....” Blah Blah Blah.
You may just be pleasantly surprised at how fast you are able to move up the food chain.

TIPS

1.Always go for what you want. Even if you feel insecure, like you are not good enough, they will never hire you, etc. Do not listen to the negatives. You are valuable, and have a lot to offer. Show the world that.
2.When you do get in the door, always do your best. Show that you are an asset to the company and deserve to move up. Always be on time, maintain customer satisfaction, uphold integrity, and do your job to the best of your ability, every time. Put your success stamp on it, as if to say, “ I was here. Look at my excellent work ethic.”
3.When at first you do not succeed, try and try again. Remember this: There are thousands of restaurants/bars/clubs/hotels/casinos in every city. The service industry has the highest employee turnover rate than any other industry. That means that bartending jobs are everywhere, and always available.

Signs Across America

noreply@blogger.com (Famous Martini) — Sat, 29 Mar 2008 06:48:00 +0000

The following pictures are funny signs from various places across the U.S.A.
The creators of these masterpieces are definitely not the smartest tools in the shed.

**This is to let you know that even when you are dead, the fine is still owed**

*You can just never see those parachutes coming.....

*At least they were being creative!
* Nice. This must be a real classy town.

AND MY FAVORITE....

* Megafucks........what kind of video store are they trying to be!

HAVE AN AMAZING WEEKEND!!

How To Bartend - Chapter One - Writing A Resume

noreply@blogger.com (Famous Martini) — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 08:16:00 +0000

Here it is.....the much anticipated FREE Famous Martini's Bartending Ebook!
Every Week a new chapter will be posted - and when the final ebook is assembled, it will be available as a download. If you would like a copy emailed to you, send me a message at famousmartini@yahoo.com.

This part is very easy, and is not as scary as it may seem, especially if you have never created a resume. A resume is simply a piece of paper that details a personal summary of your professional history and qualifications. It includes information about your career goals, education, work experience, skills, contact information, and objectives.

The easiest and fastest way to build a resume is by going to:

http://www.howtowritearesume.net

Register for a FREE account, and use the FREE Resume Builder. It is very simple, and will take you through each category – step by step. You can even choose your own layout. A child can do it! Save a copy to your computer, print one out, and save a copy to disk. Done!

TIPS:

1.Don't Lie. Just be honest. Even if you have no experience, we all have to start somewhere. Add a section that briefly explains what your strengths are, what you have to offer, and what future goals you have planned.
2.Make sure you have spelled correctly. Use a spell checker to be sure.
3.Whatever special talents or skills you may have, always include them on your resume.
4.To broaden your vocabulary, and make your resume stand out with intelligent word choices by using a Thesaurus. A Thesaurus is a dictionary of similar/alike words. To access the free online reference, go to: http://thesaurus.reference.com/
5.Another impressive tactic: Research the company/place you want to work at. Include a cover letter addressed directly to the Owner/General Manager. Tell him/her why you would be so honored to work there, what you have to offer, and throw in the background you know/have learned about the place. This shows that you are already willing to go above and beyond what it takes before the job has even been offered.
6.Even if you are not hired right away, go back every month and check back. Persistence pays off.

Easter Bunny Cocktail

noreply@blogger.com (Famous Martini) — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 07:52:00 +0000

Have an Amazing Easter Holiday!

1 1/2 oz. Dark Creme de Cacao
1/2 oz. Vodka
1 tsp. Chocolate Syrup
1 tsp. Cherry Brandy

Shake Creme De Cacao and Vodka with ice. Strain over ice in a rocks glass, or serve in a chilled martini glass. Top with a float of chocolate syrup & cherry brandy.

How To Rate A Hangover

noreply@blogger.com (Famous Martini) — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 03:46:00 +0000

How to Rate a Hangover
Only those who have been there can identify with this.........

No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.

No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only
increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM, Waffle House excursion. There is some definite
havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.

Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the
flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke --- yet you haven't peed once.

Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice
clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. (For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars.) Your eyes look like one big red vein,
and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five shits you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.

You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to
defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your butt. Death sounds pretty good about right now....

Visit the Humor Archives for more humor like this

How To Tell You Need To Pray At Work

noreply@blogger.com (Famous Martini) — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 08:30:00 +0000

When A co-worker comes in singing "Good Morning" a little too happily, and you think, "somebody needs to slap the s#@! out of her,

You Need To Pray At Work.

When someone comes in and announces, "Office meeting in 5 minutes", and you think, "what the f*!% do they want now??"

You Need To Pray At Work.

When your computer is mysteriously turned off and you want to say, "Which one of you sons of b!*#@%$ turned off my computer?"

You Need To Pray At Work.

When you and a co-worker are discussing something, and a third person comes in and says, "Well, at my last office...." and you want to say, "Who the f#!* cares?"

You Need To Pray At Work.

When you are in the elevator, and it stops to pick up someone who stood for 5 minutes waiting for the darn thing only to go down one floor, and you think, "That lazy B!#@% !"

You Need To Pray At Work.

When you hear a co-worker call your name, and the first thought that crosses your mind is, "What the f*!@ does she want now?", and try to hide underneath your desk,

You Need To Pray At Work.

When you go on vacation, and you come back to a mountain of paperwork on your desk because no one else would do it, and you think, "Those sorry a@# M@!$#%*& Fu$@#%! "

You Need To Pray At Work.

If you have ever thought about poisoning, choking, punching, or slapping someone you work with,

You Need To Pray At Work.

If you avoid saying more than hello or how are you to someone because you know that it is going to lead to their whole F%$#&@! Life story...

You Need To Pray At Work.

If You Replaced all the words that have been bleeped out.......

You DEFINITELY Need To Pray At Work!!

* Author Unknown. I received this in an email. If You wrote this, send me an email for proper credit!*

The Last Barman Poet

noreply@blogger.com (Famous Martini) — Sun, 09 Mar 2008 11:12:00 +0000

Dirty Dancing is on, which has brought me to the conclusion that I miss the 80's. The music, the movies, Madonna, legwarmers.....

Since we have the absolutely GIGANTIC getting trashed day upon us(For those of you who are already slammed and don't know what I am talking about - I am referring to St. Patricks Day......Here on Monday, March 17 ), and in remembrance to the wonderful 80's, here is my favorite clip from the 80's classic Cocktail, when Tom Cruise was the Prime Hottie in Hollywood & everyone wanted to be a bartender because of Cocktail.

Doesn't it make you want to tease you hair to the ceiling and get down to the club?

St. Patrick's Day Holiday Cocktail Recipe

noreply@blogger.com (Famous Martini) — Sat, 08 Mar 2008 03:56:00 +0000

What good is a Holiday without a new and fun cocktail to try? Are you going to follow the sheep, be like everyone else, and drink plain old beer? I hope not. This St. Patty's Day, Famous Martini has chosen 'Bushmill's O'Thentic Irish Kiss'
for this year's official Holiday Cocktail, courtesy of Cocktail.com

1 1/2oz Bushmill's Irish Whiskey
1 oz Peach Schnapps
2 oz Orange Juice
5 oz Ginger Ale

Build in rocks glass with ice and garnish with a wedge of lime.
From the Spirits Of Ireland, a book written by Ray Foley, Foley Publishing.

Please Throw Away Your Ass Eating Pants

noreply@blogger.com (Famous Martini) — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 05:38:00 +0000

Before I even get into what I am about to say, let me first mention that I am not a fashion statement 24/7. I know that I have clothes that are ugly as all hell and should be burned, however if I am leaving the house, Usually I try to look at least presentable. Not for me, but for the other people around that have to look at me.
It is obvious everywhere I go, not everyone has these same rules while getting dressed.
Every person should (and must) have a full length mirror, an honest friend, or some way to look at their own caboose. There are asses out there being eaten alive by the very clothing that is supposed to be accentuating them.
I was so embarrassed for the woman in the photo! What made it worse, is that it was in Las Vegas! Not in the sticks of Mississippi, but in VEGAS!! And on top of that, her husband didn't help her out by mentioning what was happening behind her back. Good going, dork.

To my absolute horror, on the same day, in a different state, was the sight in the photo that was in front of me while waiting to purchase movie tickets. I didn't know whether to laugh, look away, or help out.
Now again.....this girl had 'friends' with her. Ya, well friends don't let friends hang their buttcrack out in crowds, if you ask me. If this girl had been my friend, I would have handed her a belt!

Scandalous Shenanigans that make people look Stupid

noreply@blogger.com (Famous Martini) — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 03:56:00 +0000

It is equally funny and frustrating to me when people think they are being slick, trying to pull a fast one, when in reality their behavior is completely transparent and they are left looking like an idiotic moron. Let me elaborate. I was working in a restaurant as a bartender. Customers would continually come up to the bar and order drinks while waiting to be seated. Every night there would always be at least one jackass that would peace out without paying their bill and go off into the restaurant. And they always would have the same excuse....."Uh....I thought the bill would be transferred to the table...." Ya, right. The hell you did. There are tons of people in the bar waiting on service, and hundreds of customers in the restaurant, but I have plenty of time to walk around and try to find the table you are hiding at with your stolen drinks in an insanely crowded restaurant.
Insider tip: We servers & bartenders are very familiar with this type of shady scam. So if you want to earn the 'Jackass Of The Night' Award, feel free to pull this type of shadyness next time you are out!

Pissfaced Paddy

noreply@blogger.com (Famous Martini) — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 08:12:00 +0000

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most
of the night. Mica, the bartender, tells him, "You'll not be drinking
any more tonight, Paddy." Paddy replies, "OK, Mick. I'll be on my
way then." Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off.
He falls flat on his face. "What the...." he pulls himself
up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards
the door and falls flat on his face again. "Damn!" he says. He
looks to the doorway and thinks that if he can just get to the
door and get some fresh air, he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the
door and shimmies up the door frame. He sticks his head outside
and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes
a step out onto the pavement and falls flat on his face.
"BiJesus... I'm soused," he says. He can see his house just a
few doors down, and decides to try for it. He crawls down the
street and shimmies up the door frame, opens the door and looks
inside He takes a look up the stairs and says, "No flippin
way." But he somehow crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door
and thinks, "I think I can make it to the bed." He takes a step
into the room and falls flat on his face again. He says, "This is
hell! I gotta stop drinking!" He manages to crawl to the bed and
fall in.
The next morning, his wife comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, "Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night?" Paddy says, "I did Jess. I was totally pissfaced! But how'd you know?"
"Mick called....
You left your wheelchair at the pub!

Stumble It!

OPRAH'S Favorite: Pomegranate Martini

noreply@blogger.com (Famous Martini) — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 10:06:00 +0000

OPRAH'S Favorite: Pomegranate Martini

INGREDIENTS:

* 1 1/2 cups pomegranate juice
* 2 oz. Absolute Citron vodka OR white tequila
* 1 oz. Cointreau liquor
* Cup of ice
* Optional: Splash of sparkling water
* Optional: Squeeze of lemon

Shake ingredients in a shaker and put in chilled martini glasses. Put pomegranate fruit into glass as garnish.

Stumble It!

Famous Martini's Bartending School: GET THE PRERELEASE FOR FREE!

noreply@blogger.com (Famous Martini) — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 05:15:00 +0000

I am launching a Famous Martini Bartending School for all of those who are broke and interested in Bartending but do not know how to get started. In my opinion, bartending is the easiest and quickest way to make $100-$400 per day. Bartending is the highest paying gig in the food industry, it easily works around busy school or multiple job schedules, as well anyone can do it, no matter what your education background (Unless you are an alcoholic, in that case I do not suggest bartending for a living.

This is the top ten topics that will be covered in the Famous Martini Bartending EBook:

1. You do NOT have to go to some expensive bartending school. I never paid a dime to go to a bartending school, and every person I work with will verify that my skills, sales & Tips are well above any other bartender I work with. I will teach you everything I know in this EBook.

2. Listed are all of the cocktail recipes that are ordered 90% of the time, and how to make them. What the proper tools are for Bartenders and where to get the best.

3. Which is the best Cocktail recipe book and which ones suck.

4. My secret tips & tricks: How to make sure to keep your customers happy, coming back for more, and building up a good group of regular customers. Herbs that enhance the flavors of drinks, and garnishes that make them say WOW!And more.

5. How to make huge tips! I average between 30% - 70% in tips (from my total sales)
consistently - and I will show you how.

6. Why to always be honest, maintain good values, and NEVER give away alcohol for free.

7. The basics of wine - how to recommend wine, even if you don't like it or have no clue about types of wine. The basics of alcohol & beer as well is included.

8. How to be instantly liked by everyone, coworkers and customers.

9. How to land the job you want.

10. How to start a bartender for hire business of your own.

If you are interested in the FAMOUS MARTINI'S BARTENDING SCHOOL, Leave me a comment with your name and email, and I will send you the EBOOK for FREE. All I ask is for you to write a testimonial for promotion of the book. When It is officially released later this year, I will be charging $20 to download the Ebook. So let me know if you are interested ASAP!

Stumble It!

October Cocktail ~ The O Hurricane

noreply@blogger.com (Famous Martini) — Sun, 30 Sep 2007 06:24:00 +0000

This classic New Orleans party drink is traditionally made with rum and passion fruit syrup and served in glasses shaped like hurricane lamps. The bar manager at West Hollywood’s O-Bar, (designed by Thomas Schoos), offers his interpretation: A sweet blend of fruit juices amped up with two kinds of rum.

Ingredients:

* Ice
* 3 oz Rum
* 1/2 oz DeKuyper Pucker Berry Fusion Schnapps
* 1 oz Grenadine
* 1 1/2 oz Lemon-Lime Soda
* 1/2 oz Pineapple Juice
* 1/2 oz Orange Juice
* 1/2 oz Rose’s Lime Juice
* 1/2 oz Bacardi 151 rum
* 1 Orange Wedge
* 1 Lime Wedge
*

How To Make:

1. Fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Add the rum, schnapps, grenadine, soda, fruit juices, and shake well. Strain into a hurricane glass or large wine glass over ice and top with the Bacardi 151. Garnish with the orange and lime wedges.

Stumble It!

Labels Created For The Stupid

noreply@blogger.com (Famous Martini) — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 09:27:00 +0000

There can only be two reasons these consumer labels were created. 1. For a stupid person, or 2. By a stupid person. Here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

- A Sears Hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping. (Doesn't everyone dry their hair this way? That's the only time consuming way to do it!)

-On A Bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special?)

- On A Bar Of Dial Soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be... how???...)

- On Some Swanson Frozen Dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

- On Tesco's Tiramisu Dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

- On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????..)

- On Packaging For A Rowenta Iron: "Do Not Iron Clothes On Body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

- On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car, or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with colds off the forklifts.)

- On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???.....)

- On A Japanese Food Processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (Now, somebody out there has to know. Help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

- On Sunsbury's Peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash!)

- On An American Airlines Packet Of Nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one:
- On A Child's Superman Costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

- On A Swedish Chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (WTF??..was there a lot of this happening???)

Stumble It!

Life As A Bartender #1 : Getting Started

noreply@blogger.com (Famous Martini) — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 23:29:00 +0000

If you want to be a bartender, have been thinking about it, or are already bartending but want to become better, the upcoming articles titled Life As A Bartender may be very valuable to you.
You may have not grown up dreaming about becoming a bartender one day, but consider this: I work 3 days a week, and bring home between $800 and $1200 per week. That gives me 4 days off every week to work on my future/dreams/education/family, and enough money to survive at this moment in my life. Not to mention the people that I meet. The memories and experiences I have shared are priceless, and for that reason alone, if I could do it all over again, I would not change a thing.
I'll be honest-I never planned on being a Bartender. It happened out of desperation. I was a certified home inspector for the government for going on 9 years, making around $70k per year....not too bad for a single female in her 20's. The Real Estate market changed, and along with everyone else in the company, I was suddenly laid off. For the next year, I struggled trying to find a career that came somewhere close to the same money I was making.
Needless to say, I still have yet to find that career. I started serving at a restaurant as a last resort. While barely scraping by, I noticed that the bar in the place was usually busy, and started begging the Manager to make me a bartender. Finally, a spot opened up, and I was in.
I used to think that I would always suck at it. I mean, I don't even drink! Customers would ask for a shot of Wild Turkey, and I would ask them what type of alcohol it was, so that I could find the bottle. Once after breaking the cork off into a bottle of wine, the customer helped out, and gave me instructions about the importance of proper wine opening. I knew that I was a fraud, and it was only a matter of time before I was exposed.
So I did what any normal person would do under the circumstances: I faked it till I made it. I stopped asking my customers the questions they should be asking me, and went on a mission to become better.

Here we are, two years later, and if you(or someone you know)have been thinking about bartending, let me save you from hundreds of frustrating hours by giving some valuable advice.

Don't waste your money on one of those lengthy, expensive bartending schools. Not necessary. The Famous Martini Bartending Ebook is almost here - and is all you need - at a laughable price of under $20. In reality, it is worth 100X more! Highly recommended.
Second, no matter how good you think you are, remember that there are thousands of recipes, and having a great cocktail recipe book is a MUST. I personally own 8 different drink recipe books, and I only use 2 of them. Honestly, the other 6 suck! I was sold on the fancy name of the book or the catchy cover, but the content of each one is a complete waste of the paper they were written on. I will examples of each- my favorite book and my least favorite, and what to look for when buying your own recipe book.
My favorite recipe book overall is theBartender's Black Book, 7th Edition: 2,700 New and Classic RecipesBartender's Black Book,by Stephen Kittredge Cunningham. It has 2,800 recipes, more than any other book I have found, and they are accurate. It is user friendly, and it is easy to find a recipe quickly. What I did to make it easier for me, is I went through the book and highlighted all of the recipes I can make at my bar. If there are any ingredients that I do not have, but I have a similar substitute, I crossed out the unavailable ingredient and wrote the substitute down in its place. So, when asked to make a crazy drink, like a long, slow, comfortable screw up against a cold hard wall with a kiss, I can quickly look up the recipe, and if it is not highlighted, I automatically know that I cannot make it. And if it is highlighted, jackpot! (Trust me, this small extra step will pay off endlessly later.)
Another great book for a beginner bartender, or as a home bar book isThe Bartender's Bible: 1001 Mixed Drinks and Everything You Need to Know to Set Up Your Bar by Gary Regan. One I personally do not care for, but was sold on the name, is The Bartender's Best Friend: A Complete Guide to Cocktails, Martinis, and Mixed Drinks
by Mardee Regan. The reasons this one ranks low on my list is because 3 out 4 times I look for a recipe, it is not in that book, and if it is, it is a completely different version of the recipe I am looking for. Like, the recipe for a red headed slut in this book is nowhere close to what the actual recipe is. There are many other books that I believe are so much more useful, that this one is a waste of money. On a tight budget? You can look up free drink recipes all day long here at Famous Martini.
Okay, so now you know the best(and cheapest) program to get the knowledge, you know which recipe books are necessary, now getting a job?
The Famous Martini Bartending Ebook covers writing a resume and landing a job, however I will add in my opinions:
1. You have to be 21. this is important to know. :)
2. Start out at a restaurant/club, and wait for the chance to move to Bartender. This will be a good chance to show that you are worthy. Go above and beyond the call of duty. If you go to work just to collect a paycheck, and judge people by giving them service based on what you think they will tip, You will never prosper in the service industry and need to consider a different career path.
3. When out applying for a job, dress appropriately, business attire, and always ask to speak with a manager. I cannot tell you how many rif-rafs I have seen that do not have a clue, floating in looking for a job. Women with more cleavage showing than a stripper, or men dressed in jeans and a wifebeater - show up more often then not. One guy applied for bartending on his application, and then sat up at the bar and had a beer. My advice is do not ever do this. I was hired at the second place I applied, with no prior restaurant experience, and I believe it was my attitude of professionalism that landed me the job.

EXAMPLE: Not an appropriate look for job hunting.
4. Do not give up. Be persistent. The accomodation & food service industry has the highest employee turnover rate, and these establishments are constantly looking for employees. Be at the right place at the right time, and you're in the door.

Stumble It!

Things You Should Never Say During Sex

noreply@blogger.com (Famous Martini) — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 12:31:00 +0000

Let's start the week off with a joke......

THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY DURING SEX:
1. I have to poop.
2. Smile for the camera!
3. Get off of me, I'll do it myself.
4. You are almost as good as my ex!
5. When will it start to feel good?
6. I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs!
7. I was so horny, I would of taken a sheep home.
8. Keep it down, my mother will hear us
9. Hey! My Friends were right! You are good!
10. On second thought, let's turn the lights off.
11. Don't worry, everyone looks funny naked.
12. Do I have to pay for this?
13. No, you're too fat to be on top!
14. Actually, your sister likes it this way.
15. What is your name again??
16. Hold up, let me change the channel.
17. It's nice being next to someone I don't have to inflate.

Stumble It!

Coffee Dream Martini

noreply@blogger.com (Famous Martini) — Sat, 18 Aug 2007 11:55:00 +0000

I have an AMAZING Coffee Martini recipe that will make you look like an absolute pro. This drink would be most appropriate as an after dinner cocktail among close friends. It is a high maintenance martini, so I do not suggest it for a large party, unless you have a bartender on duty that is prepared for the job. This recipe is more than just a martini - it is a decadent masterpiece.

COFFEE DREAM MARTINI

Ingredients:
Starbuck's Coffee Liqueur
Contreau
White Creme De Cocoa
Cold Coffee
Bacardi 151 Rum
Heavy Cream
Kahlua
Sugar
Cinnamon
Nutmeg
Chocolate Powder
Lime Juice

Equipment:
10 oz Martini Glasses
Shaker/Strainer
Long Lighter
Jigger

Instructions:
1. Coat Martini Rim with Sugar (Dip Rim in lime juice to get the sugar to stick to the glass)

2. pour 1oz Bacardi 151 Rum into martini glass. Using a long lighter, light the rum on fire*. Swirl the fire around the glass until all the sugar is carmelized. Blow the fire out.

3. In a shaker filled with ice, add 3/4 oz Starbuck's Coffee Liqueur, 3/4 oz Contreau, 3/4 oz Light Creme De Cocoa, and 2 oz Cold Coffee. Shake for 30 seconds; Strain into Martini glass.

4. Have also prepared on the side: 2 oz Heavy Cream, 1 Teaspoon Sugar, 3/4 oz Kahlua, and 3/4 oz Light Creme De Cocoa.

5. Pour cream mixture into the center of the drink.

6. Sprinkle Cinnamon & Nutmeg into center of drink. Using a Toothpick, make a small circle, and then pull the toothpick down through the middle of the circle, to form a heart. Sprinkle drink with Cocoa Powder. Ta Da! A Dessert Cocktail Masterpiece!

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World's Greatest Bartender

noreply@blogger.com (Famous Martini) — Tue, 31 Jul 2007 10:37:00 +0000

This is an article from Forbes.com about the Greatest Bartender In The World:

The World's Greatest Bartender
Charles Dubow

"In every profession there is a pinnacle beyond which it is impossible to climb higher. These positions include such noble offices as President of the United States, Chief Executive Officer of General Electric, Chief Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court and, in a slightly more modest way, head barman at the Hemingway Bar in the Hotel Ritz in Paris.

There is no more famous bar in the world than the Ritz. It has been celebrated by many of the 20th century's greatest authors, including Ernest Hemingway, of course, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, and is patronized today by an international smattering of diplomats, bankers, fashion models, playboys and tycoons. One will always be welcomed there with cordiality and respect by head barman Colin Field, who will then proceed to make the best cocktail (and probably the most expensive one) you ever had in your life.

What Colin particularly likes is a challenge. If you tell him what sort of a mood you're in, he will then match a drink to suit it. He takes particular pride in his more elaborate concoctions and makes many of his own ingredients. One of his most treasured possessions is the massive, battered, leather-bound book of recipes that has been passed down by generations of Ritz barmen, and Colin can make every single one of them.

While he would be happy to serve one up, ordering a drink as prosaic as a scotch and soda from Colin is like going to the Tour d'Argent for a cheeseburger. "One night," he says, "there was a group of young people in here for a birthday party. The father of the young man whose birthday it was is a very good customer, and he came in the day before and said, 'Colin, the party is on me. Take care of them.' Well, naturally, I'd take care of them anyway, but it was getting quite late and they all wanted a drink made with a coconut liqueur that isn't sold in France. So, what I did was go down to the Ritz's kitchens and find some coconuts, a saucepan and one or two other ingredients and made my own coconut liqueur. Then I came back upstairs and made the drinks, and they said it was the best they'd ever had. I rather enjoyed that."

Colin doing what he does best at the Hemingway Bar in the Ritz.

The Hemingway Bar, located on the Rue Cambon side of the hotel, is a beautiful room, but surprisingly small; one would think that with all its famous ghosts it would be larger, but its size gives it the intimacy of a first-class saloon on a transatlantic liner. Colin is particularly skilled at introducing his guests to one another, and by the end of most nights the entire bar will be sharing jokes and stories well past closing time.

When Colin took over the bar, he had already earned a reputation as one of the best bartenders in Paris, but he knew the Ritz was something special. "Being bartender at the Ritz is the greatest honor there is in my profession," says Colin, an expatriate Englishman.

"No other bar has the same reputation or history. It is something I take very, very seriously. Every morning when I wake up, I read newspapers from France, England, Germany and the United States so that if one of my customers wants to discuss current events or the stock market, I know what I'm talking about." For the same reason, he also reads books about such diverse subjects as antique cars, furniture, art, yachting and history.

And it shows. Among his other talents, Colin is one of the best raconteurs in Paris--in several languages. During the slower dinner hours, Colin keeps up a running commentary that can range from bullfighting to junk bonds. He has a natural charisma that fuels his passion for his job, but he can quickly blend into the background when he feels it's appropriate.

"Some people like to talk with a bartender," he says. "Some don't. My job here is to be the host, the showman, the life of the party."

Hemingway Bar, Hotel Ritz, 15 Place Vendôme, Paris. Tel. (33-1) 43 16 30 30. Hours: Tuesday to Saturday, 6 P.M. to 2 A.M. Or later, if Colin likes you."

Stumble It!

Hollywood Martini

noreply@blogger.com (Famous Martini) — Tue, 31 Jul 2007 10:25:00 +0000

In celebration of my weekend visit to Hollywood Boulevard, This week's recipe is the Hollywood Martini. Experience it before summer is whisked out from under our feet.

INGREDIENTS:

1. 2 oz vodka
2. 1 1/2 oz black raspberry liqueur
3. 1/2 oz pineapple juice

PREPARATION:

Pour the ingredients into a cocktail shaker filled with ice.
Shake well.
Strain into a chilled cocktail glass.

Stumble It!

Choosing A Bride

noreply@blogger.com (Famous Martini) — Tue, 31 Jul 2007 09:24:00 +0000

A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.

Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.

Men are like that, you know.

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on
Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there will be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections, and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

Stumble It!

noreply@blogger.com (Famous Martini) — Wed, 11 Jul 2007 09:46:00 +0000