last August i shared a secret part of my struggle when i wrote a post called “there are days“. it has been read over 250,000 times, pinned on Pinterest more than 360,000 times and each week i receive a comment or a sweet, gentle note confirming that i wrote my post to give words to their hurt & struggle…

… it is a process.

a long, exhausting, excruciating and annoying process to let go of the days. the words below are hard to share because of my undying devotion to my two children that have been caught in the middle of a man made storm that doesn’t seem to expire… but as i process and share, i hope that those reading will also find words & healing to their story; the one that God authors.

i wrote the following in that post:

some days are harsh. they are reminders of days past that strike a chord. they are dark, deep pits of unfriendly brokenness. difficult, choking reminders of decisions, actions, abusive words and changes that altered the life course.

my head pounds, my belly seeks no sustenance, my mind closes in on the date and i overlook the moment.

these days are fleeting. being replaced by joy, wholeness, contentment, miracles, stories of truth & memories that smile.

i look ahead.

—

with social media still heavily littered with mom’s and children thanking their dads for being “THE BEST DAD EVER”… i grieve… for my children. because they can’t proclaim this.

it was not their choice. it was not their fault. it was not their doing… and yet they are the ones that will suffer the most.

after promising my two sweet children that he would move to NY to be close to them upon retirement, he changed his mind. he elected a premature retirement in August. he has chosen the “love of his life” and his “dream college” and 3,000 miles and too many excuses to count. he broke a promise. certainly not his first. he abandoned his responsibility. he chose a life without his children while helping his “love” to raise her daughter.

& yet my children are suffering. they affirm their opinions regularly and with great emphasis that even IF he changed his mind, he lied. that if he moved near us, they would require we move to be far away. he offered no explanation. no opportunity for them to ask their questions and find peace in his decision.

my grieving stops at the point where he ends and our life begins. nearly 3 years ago.

it is best.

during the barely present few years of their lives his impact was light. his time spent building a relationship with them was merely nonexistent. his desire to participate in parenting and raising children together and doing life together… never began.

& as thankful as i am that he had such little impact on their delicate lives… i grieve at the loss of a daddy to raise them daily alongside me. for a daddy to die to self for his wife & his children. to choose us over everything. to do anything necessary to warm up with a soccer ball before a game, watch with pride at their great education achievements, milestone graduation ceremonies, attend field trips, protect them from the monsters under their beds, fly them like spiraling helicopters through the house, nerf gun wars instead of folding laundry, celebrate a lost tooth or take the dogs for a countryside walk with earth science lessons along the way.

i have a daddy that received all of their “happy papa’s day” gifts for the third year in a row. he is monumental. he is serious about the role he plays to fill in the severe empty gaps left behind in their small chests. he loves endlessly. tirelessly. with eagerness & joy & light. he’s the best daddy there is.

i think my daddy deserves the title “BEST DAD EVER”.

hope is not lost. i have faith that God will continue to provide us with all our needs… and if God is grooming that man right now to be what i need and the children need, we will embrace him and love him all our days… or maybe he’s preparing us to be a family of 3 that spend our days honoring Jesus with thanksgivings and the community steps up and fills in those gaps alongside my daddy.

for now, i will go read that old post and remind myself that these days shall pass too.

© 2019, Aimee. All rights reserved. Love it? Please share, pin, tweet or email but do not use my work without permission.

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until i turned 30 i never hated a day of the year.

no dates were avoided, overlooked or dismissed. i enjoyed them all. in addition, my empathy was on permanent hiatus. i lived in a perfect little bubble that allowed everyone, including myself to believe that my life was ideal. a healthy marriage of more than 10 years. heightened levels of self confidence & independence. powerful goals and expectations. happy, happy, happy.

i masked my troubled life to you and to myself by dumping my energy & emotion into other things…

my children. they are truly amazing, well-behaved, intelligent gifts of joy. my small little design shop did grow into a successful business. the friendships that sought me and knew me when i could barely recognize myself… & they continue to reach in deep to pull me out of the darkness.

i still cannot fully explain how it felt when i ran into the brick wall that one night last winter. the reverberations unraveled me. that for my entire life i had stood up for, fought for, packed up and moved for, given up my identity for, reduced my desires to non-existence for, accepted mediocre for… was for nothing. pointless. absurd. my life was a big failure.

that was a hard day.

it took months & months & months, but…….  it was a good day. it meant that i could be free. it meant that i too was broken. i could understand & give empathy. it meant that my path was changing and i would be at the mercy of God’s control; since i had lost all control. it meant that i would be free of being used for someone’s gain. it meant that i could learn how to live away from co-dependency.

i stayed quiet. i smiled through it. i could not accept the failures, flaws, the explanation, the story that truly is behind the story.

i pretended to be strong while my insides turned black and sticky with tar. my heart sunk. i blamed myself. i hated God. i yelled & cried & demanded an answer. why me, God? did i deserve this? did my children deserve this? what did i do wrong?

i continued to smile.

then someone spoke. an unthoughtful, mouth-gaping, full-of-shock comment that spun me inside out and upside down. it was the very realness that literally snapped me out of the world i was in and launched me gasping for air into my true reality.

Do you think you are as perfect as your parents taught you to act?

with stunned silence, i felt the large gulp forming in my throat preventing me from speaking or breathing or responding. i wasn’t sure if i should defend myself & my childhood with vengeance or cry and fall to my knees admitting my defeat.

my parents taught me to be strong. to succeed at whatever my heart desired. to be honest & just & loyal & loving & caring. to represent our family name with pride & dignity. they encouraged me to look ahead and learn from my past. they encouraged me to seek the rock solid Christian faith that i had developed over the years; my walk with Jesus and the testimony that was forming amidst the battle.

i dug in. i dug in deep.

a paradigm shift began in my heavy and hurting life… and i slowly crawled out.

i am strong. i am courageous. i can & i will.

some days are harsh. they are reminders of days past that strike a chord. they are dark, deep pits of unfriendly brokenness. difficult, choking reminders of decisions, actions, abusive words and changes that altered the life course.

my head pounds, my belly seeks no sustenance, my mind closes in on the date and i overlook the moment.

these days are fleeting. being replaced by joy, wholeness, contentment, miracles, stories of truth & memories that smile.

i look ahead.

i am better right where i am than i was 1 year ago. far better than where i was 2 years ago. i see progress, hope, potential. i feel happiness & joy.

choosing to appreciate the small things. choosing to uncover the darkness to let in the light. choosing to remove the toxic to make room for the healthy.

— there are days… part 2.

© 2019, Aimee. All rights reserved. Love it? Please share, pin, tweet or email but do not use my work without permission.

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For those of you that have followed along, you know my history… which means you also know how incredible this man is if I allowed him into my life and into my children’s lives.

We met in Spring 2018 by way of a mutual friend. Ben was adamant that I meet Lenny, even though I was adamant that I didn’t date Marines.

I agreed to meet him for the first time at a park… with homemade gluten free brownies, little jars of milk and paper straws. Lenny offered to bring my favorite ice cream.

We clicked immediately.

We sat for hours on wooden benches while taking in the breathtaking view of the North Carolina marshes as the sun began to set. Our conversation started out light and comfortable sharing about our children, our work, our immediate lives. Lenny told me about his upcoming summer off from work and a move to attend a school in Virginia by September.

As the afternoon past by, we opened up more and found a lot of commonality as we shared our hopes and dreams that had been lost with divorce and the heartbreak of abandonment. The difficulty in navigating the legal battle that waged against us. The frustration of being a part of a story that was not ours… but one that affected every aspect of our lives.

A few months ago I asked Lenny when he knew he was going to marry me… and his response was “within a few hours of sitting in the park with me…”.

I remember the moment that I submitted to God that I would be a single mom and find joy in the decision. It was month’s before meeting Lenny. I was determined to live alone and focus solely on raising children and not allow anyone to hurt me or my children again.

I didn’t know what God had in store for me. I didn’t know that Lenny was going to be so incredible… that he was going to choose to be a dad to my children, Jack and Abigail… and that his daughter, Allie would be the most amazing little girl to add to our family.

By submitting to God’s will for my life, I walked the path that put me right in front of the man that He chose for me. By choosing to deny myself and finding peace in my heart, I was ready for Lenny. There were many days that I second guessed how great and easy our life was together… how could it be this good? I didn’t deserve a man like this.

But Lenny continued to show me his love, how much he cared for me and the honor and commitment he vowed to me.

With the approval from my parents to marry me, Lenny and I got engaged in October 2018 and began planning our wedding weekend. We purposefully planned in downtime between events to allow me adequate rest as my body is still recovering from a recent illness. The weather was beautiful, the trees still flowering… each moment was truly blessed by God.

I am still in awe that all of this life has happened. A dramatic change from where I was just a few years ago. Lenny is amazing… in every possible way. We were designed and created to live this life together – truly a balance to each other in every single way.

We celebrated with good food, drinks and cupcakes as we enjoyed quality time with our small invite list full of dear family and close friends. The air was full of joy and every single moment was perfect. There is not a single thing that either one of us would change.

Thank you for praying over me, for loving me, for reaching out to me on all of those days that I could not find myself buried under the hurt I carried. Thank you for asking God to bless me with a man that would commit his whole life to me and to raising these children with me.

This is our happily ever after…

Aimee

© 2019 – 2020, Aimee. All rights reserved. Love it? Please share, pin, tweet or email but do not use my work without permission.

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love hard. with passion and fire.

so much that your heart beats wildly out of your chest as though it may explode. your breath quickens, your mind sharpens, your drive determined.

forget the reason and logic. avoid opinions… we all have one.

pursue. drive madly towards your purpose.

so much that you would lose every piece of yourself for it.

look crazy + smile wild.

the kind of smile where your cheeks hurt and your eyes are squinty and your mind is racing, but ever focused. intentional. methodical.

avoid the cluster. let them all think what they will as the fire ignites your soul.

let it drive your heart, your mind, your days, your nights.

own it. live it. breath as you choose reckless.

be reckless in the pursuit of what sets the soul on fire.

© 2018 – 2020, Aimee. All rights reserved. Love it? Please share, pin, tweet or email but do not use my work without permission.

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the fact is, the children will talk about wanting a new brother or sister or a new dad every single week. it’s just how we roll around here.

oh to be a fly on the wall at some of our dinner conversations…  mouths would drop to the floor, ears would be in shock, minds would be reeling.

yes, it’s that entertaining.

they are curious & questioning & sometimes desperate for answers all while i can provide very little enlightenment.

they have an insatiable drive.

in case you’re curious: Jack wants a brother so he can show him how to be a big boy, teach him to be a soccer goalkeeper & how to play uncle andrew in chess and win. he wants another guy in the house because he’s stuck with Abigail & i (although, some days he’ll count Boden & Henry, our labrador retrievers… but, i would imagine that he still feels out-numbered). of course on the other hand, Abigail wants a little baby sister IN-THE-WORST-WAY!!!!! and yes, she says it just like that and typically with one hand on her hip and the other moving around in the air. blunt delivery. every time. i wonder if deep down she feels as though i can magically perform said duties as a single mama and promptly comply with her request to provide her with a baby sister. after all, she does believe that i can do anything!

if nothing, it’s been a great opportunity to discuss the best way to add to our family…

either A:

i must quickly begin dating, consider getting married within the next few years, get pregnant, have a baby, wait a year… have another baby (after all, i am not raising an “only” child… i know far too much about birth order!  {sorry, not sorry: to the “only child” or “younger than several years than the rest of the siblings” children reading this post… it wasn’t your fault. blame it on your parents!!})… by then Jack will be nearly 11 and Abigail will be 9. will they even have interest in babies by then or hate me eternally for ruining their lives?! who can really know?!

or B:

of course, we could adopt. however, i am 100% certain that i am currently a wonder-mama that can manage 2 growing kiddos on my own that have been my full responsibility nearly since the day they were born… but >>> if we’re adding kids, we need a co-parent of some kind. because THIS IS ALREADY NUTS! haha.

or C:

encourage my brother to have more children and move closer  —>> not sure he’ll want to comply to this one!

this baby topic naturally flows into the “when is God going to get us a new dad?” to which i chuckle… only to try and hide the tears that can quickly begin streaming down my face. i work hard to provide a truthful response while not knowing at all what God has in store for us. we talk about how God could be fine-grooming the man that He is calling into our lives… or that God looks at us 3 and feels we are complete and may not provide a man to participate as a husband or father in our lives… or maybe the many men, my brothers and dad that are already involved in helping me raise these kids and teach them to fish, show Jack to hold doors for women, compliment Abigail so she feels as beautiful as she is; maybe this is enough.

a few days ago this all changed when Jack looked at me from across the kitchen bar with a quizzical look on his face while i was preparing dinner and he and his sister were finishing their homework.

“what’s up bub?” i say in response to the look.

with his emotions in check and a glaze over his eyes he pummels us with his heart, “i want a new dad. i don’t think it’s fair that i don’t have a dad that lives with us. he could take me camping. he could go to those dance’s with abigail. he could give you a break sometimes. mom, it would be okay if he gave you a break. you deserve one. you know, just a good man that wants to be around us. we’re really cool kids.”

without a single hesitation abigail blurts out, “but Jack… WE HAVE A DAD!”

“no we don’t abigail. he is NOT our dad.” as he cuts his eyes to her and then back to me.

i’m silent.

abigail continues.

“God is our dad. it even says so in the Bible. He says to call him Abba. Father. He is our daddy. He doesn’t lie or sin or forget about us. The Bible says that God is always with us. always and always… right mom?”

oh, my trembling hands and weary heart rejoice. the joy, the servanthood, the hard and long winding path of being a single mom in such a self-destructive and self-satisfying world. the heaviness, the burden that seems unbearable. that i must choose daily to walk with Jesus so He can make my path straight and my burden light. in these moments, i can see the pure holiness, the work of the Holy Spirit wrecking their sin nature and transforming them, molding them, remaking them into children of the King. i pour out an overwhelming thankfulness to God for choosing them, selecting them… they were born with a purpose to do greatness and i am humbled and honored that God chose me to be their mama.

© 2016 – 2020, Aimee. All rights reserved. Love it? Please share, pin, tweet or email but do not use my work without permission.

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nice to meet you.

i’m going on 3.5 years of checking the locks and turning out lights and sleeping alone at night. of raising kids every single day. of attempting a “man” voice so that my children will listen the first time… of trying to be enough when it’s impossible to share myself between 2 amazing kids… and a house that needs to be cleaned, dishes that need to be washed, work to be completed, homework needing to be monitored, errands to run, a shower would be nice, beds to make, laundry to do, a yard to mow, floors to vacuum and sweep and mop every single day… soccer ball passing to play, books to read, hands to hold, kisses to share, love to give… the on-going list can become overwhelming quickly when we notate how full our lives are when caring for children alone.

in comparison to homes with two dedicated parents, our days seem twice as long and four times as hard. i don’t know why the kids soccer games must be scheduled at the same exact time on two different fields on opposite ends of the county, or why we forget to pack lunches on field trip days when our sweet kids remind us every single day for days leading up to the event… or why our car breaks down when we’re already running late to our doctor’s appointment that we’ve had to reschedule 3 times.

what i do know:

• our children need good daddy’s…

• he might have made a mistake with us or walked away from our hurting marriage or didn’t try hard enough to stay but they are still really good daddy’s

• good daddy’s are involved

• he shows up when he says he will, he calls when he says he will…

• they go to baseball and soccer and football practices…

• their smile makes our little one’s faces light up

• they offer to take the day off from work to stay home while your little one is sick

• they stop by for a quick ice cream run before dinner or lay on the front yard under the stars to teach them about the constellations

• they tell your daughter how beautiful she is on the inside & out

• they tell your son how handsome and smart and brave he is

• they have tears in their eyes when they have to say goodbye

• they are good men

• they would do ANYTHING, yes…  ANYTHING for those children

• they are selfless. they are Godly. they are human and have err.

• if you were to summon up enough courage to ask, they would hand you the world on a silver platter because you are their children’s mom

• they may not have always been there, but they are there now

• they love without ceasing…

• our children need a good daddy

• we need a good daddy to help raise these kids

• raising kids without their good daddy involved is both dangerous and foolish

• they are trying really hard… to measure up, to be enough

       • raising kids alone… really alone, is hard work

mama’s… i don’t know how it’s been for you. i don’t know if you find yourself sobbing for days crying out to God, hoping He hears you begging for help to end the bitterness creeping in your soul. or if you ask God for vengeance on this man that has hurt you and abandoned you. i don’t know how deep the wound is that doesn’t seem to heal or how tired you are trying to keep him away from you… thereby keeping him pushed away from the children.

but if he is a good daddy… and you mama’s, you know the truth! then you know that you must choose to quiet the hurt in order to see the truth. i urge you to let him in. don’t fight anymore… he loves them. he would do anything for them. for you.

i can assure you… good daddy’s are not showing up to hurt you or cause you pain. it is not out of vengeance or spite. it is not to win you back or check on you or be disrespectful.

trust me.

you must try to understand that men compartmentalize all of their life into small little boxes with lids and he has likely already let go of all the pain and hurt caused by the seperation or divorce. good daddy’s that want to be near their children, just want to be near their children. they humbly are there for the kids.

they show up because they love the kids you share together.

they show up because they want to.

you do not know the envy that i have for good daddy’s that want to be involved, that have let go of the fight and instead, made it about the children. you do not know the hurt that sits heavy in our home some days. the sadness we endure. what “father/daughter” dances are like when there is no one to take her. or “father/son” camping trips are like when there is no one to take him. to be constantly badgered and attacked by him, dragged back into court to spend thousands of dollars, lose more work time, lose more time with sweet children, where the emotional stress caused by the infliction impacts your parenting and ultimately impacts your kids. and he doesn’t care because it was never about the children.

& if you do know this hurt… i am sorry sweet friend, i am on this journey with you. i know the pain and abandonment. i know the questions we ask ourselves over & over. i know. i can feel it too.

please mama’s, those of you with good daddy’s… let down your pride. drop your hurt. beg God to soften your broken heart to leave room for this man, this good daddy that your children deserve to know without boundaries.

for you, sweet mama, are raising the next generation! when you choose to not only accept, but rather wholly embracing their good daddy… you are creating an unshakeable foundation for your children to be world-changers as they grow up that will not accept the status quo.

© 2016 – 2020, Aimee. All rights reserved. Love it? Please share, pin, tweet or email but do not use my work without permission.

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i reached out and begged God for a son.

a healthy son that would love and know grace and mercy. that would have a heart filled with Jesus. that his words would speak truth. that his mind would be filled with curious wonder as the earth unfolded in front of his eyes. that he would be strong and courageous. mighty and soft spoken. with gentleness he would do great things. as a mighty leader he would be revered.

i bartered. “God if you give me a son, i will raise him to know you. & then i will return him to Your Kingdom for Your will.”

his name is Jack. he’s 8.

God is faithful.

when Jack was 3 he attended the most wonderful pre-school i could ever dream of. the class was taught by betsy… if you know this woman, you know exactly why it was so dreamy. during late fall that year we learned a verse that has stuck by our little family as a reminder to give thanks in all things.

every morning we head to school, every afternoon we go to soccer practice, every sunday when we’re driving to church… i ask the question, “what are 3 things you are thankful for today?”. we verbalize our thanksgivings. by putting words to those things we give thanks with our hearts and minds. we recognize that we are thankful to God in all things.

jack & abigail take turns.

then one of them prays.

& we begin.

—

last friday we were on our way to school and asked our question… “what are you thankful for today?”

abigail went first.

“i am thankful for mommy and jack… i am thankful for nana and papa… i am sooo thankful for the trees and the birds and the flowers and this big huge gigantic earth that God created. mommy, it is so beautiful here. and i am thankful for my teacher and for our new real cousin. he is just so cute. i love him so much…..”

then, i asked jack if he wanted to take a turn.

while abigail had been sharing, jack was looking down at the closed book in his hands, fumbling mildly with the cover as though deep in thought; as he often is.

“bub, your turn… what are you thankful for?”

he replied in a soft, steady voice, “i am thankful that you married our dad………….”

… LONG QUIET PAUSE…

“if you didn’t marry him, you wouldn’t have abigail or me.”

… ANOTHER LONG PAUSE…

grasping for words while my mind was racing i blurted out, “but we are divorced now. how does that make you feel?”

he looked up for the first time since we began our ride and boldly proclaims, “that’s my #2.”

“oh!” i exclaim.

jack continues, “… we are lucky that you married him or we wouldn’t be here. my second thing is that i am thankful you are divorced. i am glad we don’t have to live with him anymore.”

wait. hold up. what?! he doesn’t hate me. he’s not sad. he’s not angry. i don’t understand. my mind is numb. racing. tired. my brain is not registering.

he’s thankful for our divorce?… oh… he’s thankful i  married their dad?… oh…

i sat in stunned silence for a few minutes when the heaviness in the air was broken by jack’s offer to pray. he didn’t have a #3.

as he prays, i listen intently with his heart sharing. he prays boldly – thankful that there is a heaven where no one has a sick body – thankful for dreams at night so he can imagine heaven and see himself there someday with God – thankful for extra money that we can give to help other children eat a good breakfast – thankful for his sister – thankful for his mom – thankful for the blue skies and living here and for friends at school and good teachers and a hot breakfast…

he is thankful in everything.

we pull into the school drop off line and as the kids prepare their bags to get out of the car.

jack looks up with his eager eyes and his big amazing dimply smile and says, “oh mom. my #3… you are the best mom ever.”  and then a mild pause. as i begin to thank him.. he says, “thank you for marrying dad so you could have us.”

© 2016 – 2020, Aimee. All rights reserved. Love it? Please share, pin, tweet or email but do not use my work without permission.

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for today, we’ll keep it light & delicious as the warmer weather has finally made it’s way to western NY…

homemade limeade.

one of my all-time favorite drinks in the world… occasionally with a little patron tequila.

i love my family and the things that surround my darling little cottage with their entrepreneur, creative and lovely gifts. i use a handmade wooden juicer that my little bro (well, he’s younger but more than a foot taller – at 5’10”, i’m the shortest in my tall family) and one of many cutting boards that my dad spends his time in his wood shop, just a mile away from us to prepare slice by slice to create beauty. pure luck i tell you.

so grab a mason jar, some crushed ice, squeeze some limes, add some suga’ and throw in a striped paper straw (patron, if needed) & drink up!

© 2015 – 2020, Aimee. All rights reserved. Love it? Please share, pin, tweet or email but do not use my work without permission.

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(Don’t know what the 72 Hour Club is?  Start here.)

She began listing some reasons before she took a breath and I had a chance to shoot back, “I don’t think most people find it appalling.  In fact, I don’t think you understand the concept at all.”

We have always thought different on so many things for our entire friendship, and loved each other right through it.  Different views on faith, marriage, family, education, uhm, pretty much the world.  I am the white, middle class, married with five kids, homeschooling, Christian, New York friend.  She is the African American, rising from poverty, public school teacher, unmarried, might never marry, San Diego one.

But, we both like shopping clearance racks, eating enormous plates of barbecue, and napping so that makes us lifelong friends.

Our conversation prompted me to want to clear up some misconceptions about what the 72 Hour Club is, and what it is not.

Misconception #1: That every married women, in every type of marriage, should be giving out sex to her husband at least every three days.

Do I think the wife with a past of sexual abuse or attack should disregard all the complexities to her finding a healthy sex life and just put out?  No.  Do I think a marriage that is filled with abusive talk or behavior can be turned around by just having regular sex?  No.

The truth here is the 72 Hour Club isn’t meant for everyone.  There is a very specific audience with whom I believe this challenge is beneficial.  I picture my audience to be women very similar to me, or to my Mom friends who I see on playdates and at MOPS meetings.

Want to know if you are part of the intended audience?  If you answer yes to most of these, then you are:

• Are you married?  This is not for unmarried couples.  God’s blessings for sexual intimacy will not flow into a sinful relationship.
• Do you believe in Jesus?  That He came to show us the ultimate example of sacrificial love and intends for us to strive towards that type of love in our marriages?
• Is your spouse a good-willed person?  This is not about enabling, excusing or rewarding evil-willed, abusive spouses.
• Do you have, or are you working towards, a healthy view of sex?  If you are still struggling through past sexual abuse or sin, then this might not be the right time.
• Do you find that your major sexual obstacles with your spouse is exhaustion, busyness or lack of interest?

This questions would outline who it is I am trying to encourage with the 72 Hour Club and who has the potential to see their marriage transformed by this commitment.

Misconception #2: Giving sex to our husbands every three days will demotivate them to meet our needs.

Our human nature wants to look out for ourselves first.  That is why the 72 Hour Club is really for those who believe the fundamental teachings of the Bible which speak of selfless love and looking out for the interest of others above our own.  Marriage truly is the relationship God created to work this out in our hearts.  I think a major indicator of how good of a spouse you are can be measured by how selfless you are becoming.

Plus, what I have found, through my own experience and the testimonies of many others, is that this works in the exact opposite way.  In fact, when our husbands are feeling satisfied in their need for sexual intimacy with us, they will feel more bonded to us and more likely to want to meet our needs.

77% of 150 Christian men polled agreed with this statement: “If my wife was an interested & motivated sex partner, it would give me a greater sense of well-being and satisfaction in life.”

I don’t know about you, but having a man who is feeling good about himself and about life…..they tend to make very good, loving, considerate husbands.

Misconception #3: Anyone who is not having sex with their spouse every 72 hours is a bad spouse or in a bad marriage.

The 72 Hour Club is not really a club.  You are not accepted or denied admission.  We don’t have some sort of exclusive list of members.  This is not a “I’m in – You’re out” thing.

It is a commitment.  It is a challenge.  It is meant to inspire, encourage and uplift us all to pay more attention to our spouses, to our marriages, and to our sex lives.

But, we are all different.  We have different rhythms, different relationships.  We travel in and out of different seasons in life.

Am I always 100% perfect on my 72 Hour Club commitment?  No.

Do I guilt or shame or pout when it has been more than 72 hours?  No.

And neither should you.

Instead I think, “Gosh, life is a bit crazy this week.  I feel distant from my husband.  We need to slow down/make some time for each other/get to bed earlier.  I need to make myself available to him and soon.”

This isn’t about being a good or bad spouse.  This is about wanting to work to find God’s best in our marriages, and I believe that a regular, healthy sex life is part of that equation.

What other misconceptions or questions do you have about the 72 Hour Club?  Email me at danielle@fancylittlethings.com.

© 2015 – 2020, Aimee. All rights reserved. Love it? Please share, pin, tweet or email but do not use my work without permission.

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Maybe you’ve got small kids at home that demand all of your time. Or work is busy right now and you’ve got to have a job so there’s no way around it. Or maybe your extended family is in an upheaval right now and you’re being pulled a million different ways.

It seems there is always something that requires our attention, our time, and our limited resources.

So how do we find rest and rejuvinate in the midst of a busy season? How do we still take care of ourselves when we’re so busy taking care of others?

That’s a really good question. A really good question I don’t know how to answer completely because it’s different for everyone. So while all these might not work for you, I pray that a couple of them can be incorporated into your life so that you can rest–even momentarily–and be re-energized enough to tackle your day (or just the next part…). Because we all know that we can’t take care of others well if we’re not taking care of ourselves well first.

Sacred drive time
You know the only silence I get in my day? The fifteen minutes I drive from home to work and then from work to home. I refuse to talk on the phone during these times, I don’t try to multitask or catch up with friends. This is my time to prepare for the day, or to unwind from a stressful day of work so I don’t take it out on my family when I get home. Find your non-negotiable sacred quiet time and then guard it with your life. I look forward to those few minutes where no one needs anything from me and it helps me be more attentive when it’s time to serve others again.

Know when to say ‘no’
You can’t do it all. You know that and so does everyone else. So stop saying ‘yes’ to every offer or plea. Make your ‘yes’ mean more by being selective. And don’t apologize for your ‘no’. Let it be enough because you are enough.

Get up earlier
This one is hard. No one wants to give up twenty to thirty minutes of precious sleep when it feels like we never get enough anyway. But getting up just a few minutes earlier than normal to read your Bible, get your calendar or to-do list ready, or just sit in your quiet kitchen with some hot coffee, giving yourself a few minutes before you face the day can set the tone in a positive way for everything else heading your way.

Find your guilty pleasure
It doesn’t actually have to be guilt-inducing either. Find a good book to read before bed, even if it’s just the five minutes you have before you doze off. Find a juicy TV series to wait anxiously for each week (Scandal, anyone??), find a podcast you can’t wait to finish, or even listen to an audiobook. Find something that you can love, obsess over in a healthy way (hello, Fitz on Scandal…), and share your love with friends or neighbors. Talking about a great book you just read, a show’s jaw-dropping season finale, or why your favorite character made a crazy decision is a great break from reality and sometimes a distraction.

Once a month dinner plans
Can you spare one evening a month to have dinner with a friend? Get it on the schedule and then stick to it. It doesn’t have to be costly, pack a picnic and go sit in the park with a friend. Or ask a few friends to have dinner at a set time every month, you won’t all be able to make it every month, but getting into the rhythm of meeting with friends will give you something to look forward to.

What are ways you make sure to include self-care in your day? Locking yourself in the bathroom is a totally acceptable answer. Do you fit in exercise that makes you feel alive? Make sure you step away from your desk for lunch every day so you have to stop working? What gets you a little rest in the midst of a busy life or season?

© 2015, Mary Graham. All rights reserved. Love it? Please share, pin, tweet or email but do not use my work without permission.

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