FanFic Through Hazeleyes

Pick Your Pic Contest

2011-08-10T14:11:00.000-07:00

I am hosting a contest called "Pick your Pic" Contest! Check it all out at the Fanfiction account, and the Twitter account!
You have all heard the expression "A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words" right? Well how about a contest that gives you the opportunity to pick a photo that inspires you to write a story. Give the photo life by writing a story about it. With over 40 photos we hope that one of them will inspire you. Photos can express what you are feeling, so write what you feel! All characters, ratings, forms of writing (Poems, one shots, songs...etc), genres and pairings are welcome!

Check out the photos below! (There are more after the jump! 44 total).

We All Fall Down

2011-07-23T16:21:00.000-07:00

Recap:

Alice led us out into her front yard and stopped briefly. It killed me to see her so hurt, so upset and I watched as I saw tears streaming down her cheeks, now pink from the cold. "How could you do this to me? Out of anyone, I trusted and loved you the most!" She said. Her words obviously directed towards me.
She turned towards the street and then she ran.
At that point, everything happened so fast, it was but a blur. I stood there as I watched Jasper run after her. It felt as though in that moment he had made his decision. It was Alice, not me. I would have to deal with the aftermath. Sickened by the realization that I just lost my best friend, my sister and my confident and now as Jasper ran after her, I had lost my love.
My life was unraveling before my eyes and I did not have the power to stop it.
I turned back towards the house to see Emmett coming through the front door. His lips mouthed, "What is going on?" But I heard nothing except the sound of tires screeching behind me.
I spun around to see where the sound was coming from but as soon as I saw what had happened, I wished I had never have looked. I dropped to my knees unable to breath, in disbelief, wanting desperately to believe I was in caught in a nightmare that I couldn't wake from.
The road that Alice and Edward lived on wasn't a very busy road. They had just the normal neighbors passing through, but nothing more than that. On this night, a UPS truck had turned the corner a little too sharp, and skidded violently on the black ice.
Even if the driver had seen them in time, he never would have been able to control his truck before it hit Jasper dead on.

X.X.X

It had been six hours, twenty-two minutes and approximately fifty seconds…no, wait fifty-two since Jasper had been taken to the hospital.
During that time period of time I had lost my best friend, respect from others along with the respect that I ever managed to have for myself. Although, the respect for myself was something I think I lost a long time ago.

No matter how much time would pass in-between the accident and the present, I would never be able to forget what happened that night:
The cold air froze my tears as I ran towards the road and I could feel Emmett's hands on my arms as I ran towards Jasper. But it wasn't just Jasper I was running to…Alice was there as well.
My feet couldn't carry me as fast as I needed to go to get to Jasper and Alice. It was as if there was no one but me outside around me; I had drowned out everyone around me, all of the sounds were deafened, but I knew the contents of the house were now outside with me.
Finally, I reached them; the scene in front of me horrific. Jasper was lying on the ground with pool of blood surrounding his head; his arm at an angle that made my stomach churn. Alice was kneeling next to him; both of her hands covered in his blood while one of them held Jasper's hand. I fell to my knees across from Alice, unsure as to how she would react to me sitting near her. She looked at me with wide, wet eyes and shook her head and went back to Jasper.
His eyes were closed, as if he was sleeping. Not even knowing what I was doing, my fingers flew to the side of his neck checking his pulse, letting out a sigh of relief that I felt something beneath my fingers.
I looked around and saw that the driver of the UPS truck on his cell phone, likely calling the ambulance.
It was entirely my fault I thought to myself. If I hadn't been alone with him, none of this would have happened.
What if he didn't come out of his? And where was the fucking ambulance? Shouldn't they be here by now? What if they came too late and his heart stopped before they came? My eyes scanned his seemingly lifeless body looking to see if I could stop the bleeding anywhere. He had a gash on the side of his head and without thinking I ripped off my cardigan and balled it up, pushing lightly on his cut, now getting his blood on my own hands.
Alice looked at me and put a hand on my arm, "Bella, I'm scared." She said, shocking me with the contact.
Before I had a chance to answer her, I heard the sirens coming in the distance. And soon they were next to us, rushing around Alice and pushing me out of the way; where I belonged. I turned around and saw Emmett holding Rosalie lovingly as she cried. My eyes scanned the crowd for someone I could go to, but there was no one.
I heard someone from behind me and I turned back around to see the paramedics putting Jasper into the back of the ambulance and Alice jumping in behind them. My eyes then fell to the woman standing next to me with a clipboard in her hands. "Ma'am, are you alright? You have blood all over you; do you need me to check you out?" She asked.
I looked down at my hands, covered in Jasper's blood. I rubbed them on my dress wanting it off of me. I shook my head at her and turned back towards Emmett who had started to walk towards me. He wrapped me into a hug and I sobbed into his chest. He rubbed my back, "Shhh, Bella, it's ok; they are going to take care of him okay? How about we go home?" He asked trying to soothe me.
I nodded and he walked me to his car with his arm around me. He helped me into the passenger side of his beat up truck and as though time had moved at super speed, we were home in seconds.
We made our way inside and into the living room. I sat down while he went upstairs to get me a change of clothes and a bottle of water from the kitchen.
I was frozen, unable to move, unable to breathe properly…if anything happened…
"Here you go Bells."Emmett said handing me a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie. I took them into our hallway bathroom and changed in a daze…walking back out to Emmett like a zombie.
"You want to tell me what happened? I can leave you alone if you want, but knowing Alice she is going to need you at the hospital soon and you're going to need me to drive you. You are in no condition to drive." He said looking at me.
My eyes met his and I felt ashamed of everything. "Emmett, I did something really bad." I muttered. "You're going to hate me…I know you will because I hate myself."
His eyes furrowed together in a confused manner. "Well, whatever it is Bells, we'll get through it okay? You have family and friends that love…"He said, but I interrupted him before he could continue.
"I've been fooling around with Jasper for the last month and a half." The words cut me deeply as they came out of my mouth.
I heard a sharp intake of breath and I buried my head in my hands. "And now Jasper might die because of me. Alice found us as he kissed me. That's when she ran out and Jasper followed her. We ran out into the front yard and then Alice ran off, Jasper not hesitating to follow. He didn't even look to see if anyone was coming around the corner."
He nodded, taking in everything I was saying. And to my surprise, he took me into a hug telling me it would all work out. Sometimes I forgot how much I appreciated having him as a brother. He was usually so much into fucking Rose that I thought he forgot about me.
"Thanks." I muttered into his arm.
"How about you go upstairs and take a nap. I am going to call the hospital and see how things are going…we can go there in an hour or something if you want. But I think if we went now it would only make things worse."
I nodded walking up to my room, falling into my bed and sobbing into my pillow.
An hour later I felt a hand on my shoulder waking me up.
Then we were in the car.
Then finally at the hospital.
Emmett had found out that Jasper was in the ICU but stable. He had a very bad concussion, broken ribs, a broken arm and leg and very many gashes covering his body. His beautiful body.
We ran into the waiting area of the ICU and were met with Edward, Rose and some of Jasper's friends whom I had met nonchalantly over the years.
Edward's gaze immediately fell to me and I could feel the resentment pouring out of his eyes. I shuddered, knowing that he now knew our secret. I hadn't expected anything less than that, Alice had every right to tell whom she wanted but I didn't expect it to be now.
Emmett seemed to notice Edward and he placed a brotherly hand on top of my shoulder.
Rosalie ran over to us, kissing Emmett and then looking at me, unsure what to do with me standing there.
No one said anything as we stood there either staring at our feet or at me with loathe across their faces.
Finally, Emmett broke the silence. "So what's the news? How is he doing? Where's Alice?" He asked.
Rosalie answered going back over to her chair, sitting down. "Same as he was when I talked to you an hour ago and Alice is in there with him and his parents. She's pretty torn up. Jasper still hasn't woken up from it all, I think they are keeping him in a coma until the pain goes down. Alice said she was going to go home and rest for the night soon, so just be ready for when she comes out." Rose said glaring at me.
"Rose…" Emmett said with warning in his voice.
"No, she's right. I don't see how the hell you can show your face here. After everything you have done, you still feel like you have the right to be here? You hurt my sister more than you ever will know, and you might have caused a death. How does that make you feel? Huh? Was it worth all of the fucking around you have done?" Edward said, chiming in and raising his voice, getting angrier with every word he said.
"Edward…" Now Rosalie was the one warning someone.
"No, this is bull shit. She comes in here looking all innocent like she did nothing. She has been screwing around with her best friend, my sister's boyfriend! Fucking whore."
I winced at the words and felt the tears form in my eyes. I felt Emmett lurch forward and I grabbed his arm in protest.
"Edward, I can handle this." A voice said coming from behind us, where the doors to the hospital rooms were.
We all turned around to see Alice standing in the hallway's entrance. She was still wearing her dress which was stained with red all over.
"She's just as concerned as everyone here is. Although, I do find it pretty disgusting to be wearing my boyfriend's hoodie right in front of my fucking face."
I looked down, not even realizing what shirt I had put on. Sure enough, it was his hoodie of his favorite band, 100 Monkey's.
I wrapped my arms across my chest to hide the words of the band's name.
"I'm going home. He is stable, and they aren't bringing him out of his coma until tomorrow morning. He hasn't moved his hands or anything to let us know he is ok and responsive. It's a waiting game at this point. So I'm leaving to wash all of this blood off of me and get some sleep." Alice said walking away from all of us.
"Alice…" I said walking after her.
She turned around, tears staining her face. "NO! You do not get to talk to me right now. Not tonight. Don't even try…I can't even look at you right now." She said walking onto the elevator.
I stood there pathetically watching the doors close in front of her.
The rest of us stayed in the waiting room, waiting for news. But slowly, everyone started to leave for home. The doctors came out, letting us know that there wasn't anything for us to do right now and staying here would be a waste of time. Jasper's parents came out letting us know they were going to go home to get a change of clothes for the night. By that time, everyone but Emmett and I remained.
"Bella, you want to get going soon?" Emmett asked.
I turned towards him in my chair, "Uhm, yeah, is that ok if I go and see him before we leave? I have a feeling that after today I won't see him much."
Emmett nodded and left to go get something to drink from the vending machine. I looked down the hallway to where his door was.
I took a deep breath and mustered enough strength to get up and walk to him.
When I entered his room, the beeping and the tubes were overwhelming and intimidating. I could barely see him; he was covered in so many tubes.
There was a chair next to his bed and I walked over to it slowly and sat down in it. He looked so lifeless. It couldn't be Jasper lying in that bed; it had to be someone else.
Taking his hand in mine carefully as to not disturb his IV, I looked around the room to see if anyone was watching me. No one was in there, and the door was closed with the shades brought down from the window. It was just Jasper and I.
I brought his hand to the side of my face pressed my cheek into it, feeling the warmth against my skin. The warmth I loved.
Knowing that I only had one option in this matter, I made up my mind. I needed to remove myself from his life. Alice and my friends at least deserved that. Jasper wasn't mine to fight for, he had never been. So this was it; goodbye.
"Jasper, I know you probably can't hear me but I need to say something." I said looking up at him, brushing a piece of curly blonde hair out of his eyes. "I love you, but we can't do this anymore. I have hurt so many people in a matter of hours, including you. If it weren't for me you wouldn't be lying here right now." I said feeling the tears come to my eyes slowly. "I will never forget what we had, but for the sake of everyone I need to end this tonight. I love you Jasper…goodbye." I said taking one last look at him.
I wanted to badly to kiss him but knew that was somewhat morbid and unnecessary. I took my other hand that wasn't holding onto his and rubbed my finger alongside his cheek. I pulled away and started to get up. Taking one last look at him, I whispered, "Goodbye." And as I started to walk away, I felt his hand grip mine tightly.
Shocked, I looked down at his hand which was clamped around my own. I looked up at his face which was still somber and his eyes were closed. But his hand was definitely holding onto mine.
Reaching down, I released my hand from his, knowing that walking out of those doors was going to be even harder than I thought it was going to be.
I told the nurse what had happened as I was leaving, knowing that it was probably something the doctors should know. Emmett was coming back from the cafeteria when I found him and we left immediately.

X.X.X

So here I was, four in the morning and I was sitting on my bed, my knees pulled up to my chest and tears I didn't know I had, pouring down my face.
I hated myself.
Somehow I had rocked myself to sleep, and I woke to the ringing of our phone. Hearing my dad's voice made me realize I had slept quite a bit. I looked at the clock beside my bed and my eyes widened. It was 1 am the next morning. I had slept through an entire day.
My eyes scanned the scene around me looking for my purse which held my cell phone. I found it on the floor and dug my phone out frantically already knowing what messages it held.
The most recent ones were from our friends, asking me if what they had heard was true. I deleted them at once, not really wanting to get into the details right now. I knew that they most likely just wanted to hear me say the words: I slept with Jasper. But Jasper and I knew that was not what happened. It wasn't a fucking pity relationship…I knew what we had was real.
When I got to the night of the accident in my phone, the text messages started making me feel sick.
"You look amazing Bella." Was one of the messages, and I realized it must have been when I walked in Alice's house.
"You have no idea how much that killed me; you seeing her kiss me like that. I'm so sorry. Let me know where you are around 10…I'll come find you darlin' After their kiss…
"Where are you? I really need you right now honey bee." And that was the last one.
I sighed, deleting all of the text messages except for his. It was the only proof I had that him and I happened.
Because being on the outside looking in, you wouldn't have ever known we existed.

X.X.X

The last months of my senior year flew by but not with ease by a long shot. My life at school had been horrible ever since my first day back after the accident. By the time my feet had entered the doorway, everyone knew my secret.
Jasper was in the intensive care unit for a few days after they brought him out of his coma. He came out fine with a not so minor concussion. Thankfully, everything was going to be ok. With casts, and rest, Jasper would be back to normal in no time.
All of this information was from Rosalie who had passed it on to Emmett who had passed it onto me. It pissed me off that this was reality…but hey…it was my fault.
Jasper had texted me, surprisingly, a few times after he had gotten out of the hospital. Every time I refused to reply back to him.
As far as I knew, Jasper and Alice were still together. I hadn't heard from anyone they had split, and it sucked that I had to rely on other people to know how my friends were.
Graduation was here and as I prepared to walk out on stage, all I could think was "Please God don't let me fall on my face in front of everyone." If I fell I knew it would be the end of the world for me.
However, as soon as I got on stage and looked out into the audience, my fear was no longer falling on my face. My new fear was that of not knowing if I was going to be able to hold back the tears forming in my eyes as they set on Jasper.
He wasn't hard to miss, with his crutches leaning up against his seat, in the fourth row almost directly in the middle.
I looked away from him long enough to shake hands with my principal and take my diploma and walk off the stage.
My face burned as I took my seat next to Christina Sterling and watched the end of the ceremony.
When it was over, I jumped from my seat, trying my hardest to avoid everyone and found my dad who was standing in the back of the room.
"Congratulations Bella!" My dad said as he enveloped me into an embarrassing hug.
My cheeks burned at the contact; my dad and I never really hugged and it came at somewhat of a shock to me.
"Thanks, how about we go home." I said as I started to walk out…I didn't want to have any chance of running into Jasper here, or Alice.
"Well we need to find your brother first. Do you know where he went off to?" My dad asked as he scanned the auditorium for Emmett.
I stood up on my tip-toes to search for him. I finally spotted him at the other end of the room surrounded by Rosalie's family. I was confused when I didn't see Jasper in the group and shrugged it off as I felt my phone buzz in my purse.
Reading it quickly, I told my dad what Emmett had sent me.
Emmett had decided that he wanted to spend the day with Rosalie, and my dad didn't have the courage to say no to him on graduation day. Everyone always got Emmett and I confused. They didn't realize that I wasn't supposed to be a senior in High School. When I was In kindergarten, they let me move ahead a year which put me in the same class as Emmett who is a year older than I am.
"Alright, well it looks like it will just be you and me today kiddo. Where do you want to go eat?"
I shrugged, "Ehh, I don't know dad, I don't really feel like celebrating much, can we just go home?" I asked, hoping I wasn't hurting his feelings.
His face slightly lit up letting me know that he really didn't want to go out to dinner and much more preferred sitting in his favorite chair watching his favorite sports team on the big screen. "Sure, Bells, whatever you want to do. I'm going to go and say hi to your principal and thank him for not flunking your brother…I'll be right back, than we will leave." My dad said as he walked away.
I laughed at his comment, agreeing that a huge thanks was in order. Emmett had never really been the brighter of the two of us.
Deciding that I looked pretty stupid just standing around by myself, I decided to go make sure my locker was completely empty before going home.
As I walked down the hallway I was relieved that I was never going to have to roam these hallways again. High School had been fun, but this last four months had been hell. I never told my dad the whole story, and when he asked why Alice wasn't coming over anymore, I shrugged it off as an argument we had had. He seemed sad when I told him and felt bad knowing that he had always like Alice the most of my friends.
When I got to my locker, my fingers did the work automatically knowing the combination by heart and my door sprung open. I looked in making sure I hadn't left anything, although I wasn't sure what I would possibly want from here. Sure enough, it was empty.
I closed my locker door for the last time and gasped. Jasper was leaning up against the other lockers beside mine; crutches in hand.
"Oh my God Jasper, you fucking scared me." I said looking around nervously hoping Alice or Rosalie wouldn't come around the corner.
"Sorry about that, and don't worry, Alice and her friends left awhile ago to go shopping, I guess they need more than one outfit to wear to the graduation parties tonight. I told them I wasn't feeling good. Although in all actuality, I didn't want to go shopping, you know how much I hate that. And so does Alice, I don't know why she is always insisting on me going with her when all I do is bitch." He laughed and looked at the floor. "Sorry, I'm talking too much. I honestly was hoping that I would find you. Bella, why haven't you been returning my messages?"
My hand flew to my hair out of nervous habit, "I've been busy Jasper. Listen, I don't think this is a good idea." I said, knowing that the longer I stayed here with him, the more I would want him.
"Bull shit Bella; you know damn well that's not why you haven't been replying."
I looked at him, feeling something rise in myself I didn't really expect: anger.
"Fine, you want to know the real reason Jay? I can't stand to know that while I am with you, you are really with her. And that makes me a shitty person to feel that way. I had no right taking someone from my best friend. My best friend who had been there for me through everything. My best friend who I would do anything for. And my best friend who I fucked over and almost got her boyfriend killed all because I couldn't keep my hands to myself. I couldn't respond Jay, it would have ended up killing someone this time." And with those words, I knew what I was talking about. If I had continued with Jasper behind Alice's back, I knew that something could very well happen to Alice. She wasn't stable enough to handle a breakup and who knew what lengths she would go to in order to harm herself.
He shook his head, "Bella, I loved you, I still do, this isn't working; not having you in my life." Jasper said.
I shook my head hoping the tears wouldn't start. I wanted nothing more than to be with him, and it killed me to know that I would never have him again. "I don't know what you want from me, I can't do that to her, and as much as I want to be with you, I can't hurt anyone else. I loved you too Jasper, but there is a reason why you are with her, and why you are not with me. We just need to accept that."
And as I finished my sentence, I started to turn around and leave but I felt a hand wrap around my wrist pulling me forcefully back around.
My back slammed into the locker as I felt his lips crush against mine and I heard his crutches fall to the ground. My hands, which were firmly at my sides moments ago, were now tangled up in his blonde curls. A moan escaped my mouth as I pushed myself further into him feeling the heat between us.
We were on fire as his tongue slipped into my mouth, exploring for the first time in months. His hands roamed the sides of my body as though he hadn't touched anything in months. The trail of his fingers leaving bumps along my skin. It was like fire on ice. His hand cupped my ass and pulled my body closer to him, if that were even possible, and I could feel how bad he wanted this pushing against my sex.
We somehow made it into the janitor's closet that was situated next to where we had started and soon his shirt was off, showing off every perfect muscle he had. My arms were raised above my head as he slid my jeans down slowly and soon his tongue was inside of me.
I gasped at his contact and my hands gripped the bar I was holding tighter as his tongue worked into a rhythm on my clit and then back inside of me.
One of my hands released the bar and went for his hair as I pulled it in sync with the orgasm he gave me. I crashed down hard, unable to see straight.
My hand snaked down to the waist band of his pants as I bit my lip in anticipation. His mouth found mine as my hand tightened around his hard dick. I could taste myself on his lips as I tightened my grasp, and using my other hand I unzipped his pants allowing my hands to pump him.
Months of no contact was suddenly making me do things I had never thought I would do.
"If you keep doing that darlin-I'm going to cum." He said as he bit down on my bottom lip sending a shock throughout my entire body. I think I came at the sensation.
"That's the point." I said as I increased my speed suddenly feeling his hot liquid against my exposed stomach.
He collapsed against me as our breathing labored and finally kissing me softly against my lips.
"Bella, I want you." He said against my lips.
I knew what he was talking about as it was something I had wanted from him for months. But I knew the reality of it was that I couldn't do it with him while he was still with Alice. There was no way that I would be able to forgive myself.
Kissing him back, I pushed him away slightly, pulling my jeans back up and fastening them. He mirrored my actions as he pulled his jeans back up as well, facing me with a confused look on his face.
"I already hurt her, Jasper. I can't do it again." I said crossing my arms, knowing he would know I was talking of Alice.
He shook his head and leaned up against the wall beside me. I anxiously awaited his response to my comment. I was hoping he would tell me what I wanted and needed to hear. That he felt the same way and he knew we needed to be together; not him and Alice.
But that didn't happen.
"You're right, we can't keep doing this."
He was silent for awhile and finally he turned to face me, standing in front of me. "I can't leave Alice, Bella. It would destroy her; you of all people know that."
This wasn't happening. Not even ten minutes ago he had been on the floor, his hands all over me. He had muttered the words "I love you" to me before that as well. This wasn't supposed to be how this ended.
His words pained me, but I knew the truth behind them.
I took his hands which were at his sides and held them together between my own.
"This will be the last time you ever see me then." I said, almost in a whisper as the pain tore through me. I knew this was right…but it felt so wrong.
Not wanting to make it any harder, I walked to the door, opening it quickly and closing it behind me.
I went to my locker where my purse lay and picked it up and walked back the way I had came, knowing my dad was waiting for me in the auditorium.

X.X.X

Summer flew by like a piece of paper on a windy day. It was full of me working my ass off to try and save up enough money for college. I had been accepted to NYU and was anxious on getting started on my major in journalism.
That day with Jasper was the last time I had seen him or heard from him for that matter.
For all I knew he was still with Alice.
Alice and I hadn't spoken since the hospital after the accident and I had no hopes in ever speaking to her again. But I couldn't blame her. I would probably have done the same thing.
It was the day I was to leave for New York and my stomach was full of butterflies, but not for starting over and beginning a new life. But for the fact that I had a very long flight ahead of me and airplanes were never my friend.
Emmett had announced soon after graduation that he was taking a year off to go to L.A with Rosalie while she attended fashion school. My father was far less than pleased at the fact that he wasn't going into college right away, but I think what pissed him off worse was that he was, in his eyes, following in his footsteps. Charlie had always told us that we had to go to college right after high school, or what happened to him would happen to us. While he was the best at his job, my dad didn't have a college education and it seemed to hang over his head every day.
"I'm going to miss you Bells." Emmett said as he picked me up into a bear hug, spinning me slightly at the airport. He set me down and put his hands in his pockets. "Promise me that if anyone gives you shit you will call me up. I will be there as soon as I can…no one messes with my little sister."
I smiled giving him another hug. "You better visit me." I said.
Emmett smiled and nodded in response.
Turning to my dad, I wasn't sure what to do. Sure I felt bad for leaving him here…but was assured almost every day he wouldn't be alone.
While most of the money I had saved was going for the part of college my scholarships didn't cover, a lot of it was going to plane trips home…which I intended to make happen often.
"You be careful out there Bella." My dad said picking up my suitcase as we moved up in line. "You have your pepper spray?" He asked me.
My dad had made me promise I would take pepper spray with me, but knowing the security I knew it probably wouldn't make it through. So I didn't pack it, but made a note to get some as soon as I got to NYC. "Yes, it's in my bag." I said patting my purse in a fake manner.
He sighed in relief. "Alright, looks like you are all ready to go. Im going to miss you Bells. I love you." He said awkwardly.
I smiled, "Love you too dad."
And that was it.
By the next day, I had been determined to make it dedicated to unpacking day. Somehow I had gotten lucky and had been assigned a single room. Not because I was a loner, but I was excited to have my own space. Something I thought I would need my first year.
By lunch time, I had unpacked everything except my school supplies, my clothes and the groceries I had gotten from the market across the street.
I sat on my bed, satisfied at my accomplishments. I grabbed my phone and checked it for messages. One from my dad, two from Emmett and one from Mike, saying he would miss me. I laughed at the comment and heard a knock at the door.
Surprised at the knock, I jumped at the noise. I racked my brain trying to figure out why there would be someone at the door.
"They better not have messed up my room assignment. There is NO way someone else is going to fit in here." I said walking to the door.
I un did the five dead bolts and opened the door and suddenly falling into astonishment as I came face to face with Jasper.
"What are you doing here?" I asked him, not sure what to do.
He smiled his crooked smile and my heart fluttered at the sight of him. He was wearing a plaid shirt, denim jeans, cowboy boots and a cowboy hat.
"Well darlin, I heard you left Forks and was shocked I didn't receive a goodbye." He said leaning against the door frame, his green eyes sparkling.
"Jasper, of course I didn't say goodbye…you kno-…" I started to say but was cut off.
"I broke it off with Alice, a week ago." He said standing up straighter.
"You broke it off…with…Alice?" I said, feeling dizzy. "Is she ok?" I asked, hoping he wasn't here to tell me something awful.
He smiled, "Yeah, she's fine. She said she knew it was coming and that it was probably for the best. Last I heard she was hanging out with someone new."
I let out a breath, happy that she was doing ok.
"So Alice is…"
"Fine." He answered.
"And you are…"
"Single." He said smiling, reaching for my hand.
"And you are standing here…" I said as I relished the spark of electricity as his hand touched mine.
He grinned his half smile and cupped my face with his other hand. "I'm standing here in front of you, wanting with every part of me to be with you, for real this time. I am also desperately hoping you and I can start off where we left off months ago. Do you remember darlin'?"
I smiled as I came closer to him, feeling his breath on my face. "I remember." I said as I kissed his lips lightly.
He kissed me back and then pulled away, moving the hair away from my face. "So what do you say?"
I smiled before kissing him hard on the lips. Pulling away I said, "I say, there is plenty more where that came from." And I pulled a wide smiling Jasper into my room, shutting the door behind us, with no intentions of coming out anytime soon.

Paint Me The Way That I Am Chapter 4

2011-07-23T15:56:00.000-07:00

I instantly regretted opening my eyes as I was overcome with an all too familiar throbbing sensation taking over my head. I groaned wanting to pull the blinds down to shield the sun. It was the reason for me waking up in the first place. As I was lying on my stomach, all I had to do was reach over and pull on the string and darkness would soon consume my room once again.
Easier said than done. My body felt like it was being weighed down by some invisible force. Too eager to go back to sleep, I tried with all of my might to turn around so I could grasp that fucking string.
With my eyes still closed, I wiggled around and finally as I felt my arm free of the invisible weight and reaching for the string, I heard a loud thud.
"What the fuck!" I said aloud sitting straight up, fully awake now. I gathered my sheets around me as I quickly realized I was only wearing a sports bra and shorts. That thud was definitely not just a pillow hitting the floor.
A groaning sound came from my floor and I wracked my brain trying to remember who had stayed over last night. Not that guy I had fucked. Shit…I needed to get that Plan C or whatever that shit was called before it was too late. The only other person I saw outside of the party I was at, that I could remember was…
"Jasper?" I asked leaning over my bed only to see Jasper laying there, fully clothed and rubbing his head.
"Well that's always a great way to wake up. I highly recommend it for the next time you wake up," he said as he stood up.

Wide eyed, I asked the only question that came to mind, "Did we sleep together or something?"
Laughing and running a hand through his messy, dirty blonde hair he said, "No, Alice, we didn't and the only reason why you don't have your original clothes on is because you kept throwing up on them last night. After the second pair of pants and the fourth shirt, I didn't bother trying to get you to wear something else. You were very persistent about not getting dressed last night."
"I'm sorry," I said, grabbing a shirt from my dresser and slipping it on. "That must have been disgusting. Why did you even stay? I could have handled it all myself I am sure."
"You have no idea how gone you were last night do you? Do you remember anything from last night?" he asked calmly.
Shrugging I said, "Well I remember bits and pieces of it. I remember coming home and then being up here and telling you everything that happened. But after that, I don't. Listen, I can totally take things from here. You really don't have to stay here and babysit me. I should probably get going to the drugstore. I need to get something."
He walked over to my desk and held up a bag. "I picked this up last night after you told me what that asshole did to you. You just have to take the one pill and you're good to go."
How the fuck did he know what to do? "Uhh, thanks but how did you get that without me being there?"
"Well, I can be very charming when it comes to convincing someone to give me what I want." He looked at me and smiled. "My best friend's dad is a doctor. I told him I had a friend who was in an emergency situation and he gave this to me."
I looked down at the box he handed to me, recognizing the label on the box. It was exactly what I would have picked up for myself. Now knowing what he had done for me, I felt bad that only moments ago I was ready to kick him out of my house.
"Uh, well I am going to go to the bathroom and change and take care of this," I said as I motioned to the box. "You can help yourself to whatever here. My parent's housekeeper keeps the refrigerator stocked; help yourself."
Jasper smiled, and I turned my back to him, walking towards my bathroom.
I shut the bathroom door behind me and leaned my back against it. Walking over to the sink I grabbed my water glass from the counter and filled it up with water. Avoiding the mirror, I took the pill and swallowed it. I wanted to erase the whole night as soon as possible.
I looked around my bathroom for any type of shirt I could find. Slipping on an old t-shirt I found on the floor over my head, I finally looked up into the mirror. What I saw scared me. I was unrecognizable. I had dried and smeared mascara covering my eyes and the tops of my cheeks. My lips were puffy as were my eyes. And my hair was knotted in various places. I shook my head not knowing whether I gave a shit or not.
Apparently I did. I turned the water on and splashed my face to wash away my makeup.
Five minutes later, and I was finally feeling back to normal...whatever that was.
My stomach grumbled as welcoming scents filled my nose. I turned the corner from the staircase to the kitchen and was shocked at the sight. Jasper was standing with his back towards me making what smelled like eggs and bacon. My mood shifted quickly from being super hungry, too annoyed and pissed off. He was throwing me a pity party. No, a pity breakfast.
"Jasper, this is nice of you but seriously you don't have to do this."
He turned around and looked at me. "It really isn't a problem. I am almost done."
I folded my arms against my chest. "Well I can finish from here. I really don't need a pity party from anyone!" Please don't argue... I thought to myself, just leave.
He switched the stove off and took the pan off the burner. "See, done."
He walked over to me and his face changed from welcoming and kind, to serious. "I was not throwing you a pity party or whatever you want to call it. I was trying to be nice."
"Well I don't need you to be nice to me, okay?" I shook my head as he still hadn't left. "You know what, just forget it okay? I'll be just fine."
He scoffed and started to walk away, grabbing his keys off of the counter.
"You know, Alice, you aren't the only one here who has problems. Did that thought ever cross your mind?"
I looked down at the ground.
"I'll see you at school."
Something inside of me pained as he started to walk away. And before I could shut my big fat mouth, the words came out like word vomit, "Wait, don't go."
All I could think in that moment was how much I wanted him to stay. I didn't want him to leave and a part of me was scared what would happen if he did.
He turned around and walked back over to me. "Why should I stay, Alice?"
I looked into his blue eyes and knew I couldn't lie to him. "Because I need you. For some fucked up reason you are the one person I know who I need around me. And I am scared what will happen if you walk out that door."
The tears were coming back and I silently cursed myself for them, but my thoughts were silenced as I felt Jasper's arms wrap around my shoulders. They tightened and before I knew it, my own were around his waist.
I pulled back slightly, wiping the tears away that had betrayed me moments ago.
He pushed away a piece of hair. "I'm here Alice. I know I told you that weeks ago on the railroad tracks, but I wasn't lying to you then, and I'm not lying to you now."
I nodded, and the words he had spoken before walking out re-entered my mind. "What did you mean when you said I am not the only one?"
"How about you and I grab a plate of food and I will tell you my story."
He served us both heaping plates of eggs and bacon and as I sat on the counter with my food, I was ready to listen.
"I know it is completely different from what you are going through, so don't think I am trying to make my own experience equal to yours.
"You have shitty parents, Alice. While I am sure you wish you didn't, you at least you know who they are. I am 18 years old and I have never met my own parents. For as long as I can remember I have been shifted from home to home in hopes of finding a foster family that would fit me. The family I am living with, they are my 6th family in just ten years. I have been hurt, maybe not in the same way you are, but I know pain."
My eyes widened as I digested his words. Did that mean he had been physically abused?
"I know what it is like to feel as though you can finally feel that someone actually gives a shit about you and then not even a minute later turn their backs on you. Welcome to my life."
Shocked by this revelation I wasn't sure what to say next.
"So when you ask me to not throw you a pity party, I hope you know that isn't what I am trying to do. I know what it feels like, I can relate. If I can take that pain away from just one person…I guess I'd be happy. Maybe it would make up for the shit I have done in the past."
I smiled, and then the word vomit returned. . "Did they ever hurt you, physically?"
He set his fork down and ran a hand through his hair; something that seemed to be a nervous habit.
"Fuck, Jasper, I'm sorry shouldn't have asked you that. If anyone would ever ask me that, I would have fucking flipped out."
Something in his eyes changed after I asked that; a change that sent chills down my spine. It was all the answer I needed and suddenly I felt the need to be near him.
I hopped down from the counter and walked over to where he was sitting. I sat down next to him and I slowly reached my hand out, taking his in my own.
"You're not alone, Alice," he whispered.
I leaned my head on his shoulder, shocked at my willingness to touch. "I know." And for the first time in God knows how long, I believed it.

A/N Thanks so much for reading and sticking with me on this! And as always to my beta. I want to give a shout out to EmergencyBetaServices they are AMAZING. They sit with you and go over what you are stuck on and try and help. It was great!
Also, I am hosting, with UrNotFukinKStew, a contest called "Hot Summer Nights" please check it out! www (dot) fanfiction (.) net/~HotSummerNights Email is summernightscontest (at) gmail (dot) com .

Oh la la

2011-06-28T13:28:00.000-07:00

Well, so it seems I lied about being back in March...because right now is the first time I have written in a long time!

I have a couple of new projects. One is called Bittersweet Symphony and the other is called Jasper Hale Must Die :)

Yes, it is somewhat off of John Tucker must die...and if you havent seen the movie, you need to! It's hilarious and I thought it would be fun to write about! Keep posted...and I will post when I have put it on FF :)

~Hazeleyes71790
And my new twitter is Freebird1790 :)

I'm Back!!!

2011-03-24T10:00:00.000-07:00

Oh my God it has been WAY too long since I have updated this blog with either news or with stories. I am so sorry for that! The past two months have been insane! From family issues to new internships to my car breaking down, it has been nothing but a rollercoaster.

I am on break right now and hope to shoot out some new chapters and one shots. Please bear with me!!

Among me coming back, I want you all to know that along with Monica, Maria and Krystal, I have started a fundraiser for the victims of the tsunami's. We have almost raised $10,000 in two weeks. Please check out our blog at http://www.fandomfightstsunami.blogspot.com/ and our twitter is @Fandom4tsunami also, if you have any questions, please email us at fandom4tsunami@gmail.com Thank you SO much!!!

Here is what I hope to get written this week:
~ Chapter Four of Paint Me The Way I Am
~ A one shot for the Fandom4Tsunami benefit
~ A one shot for the hell of it :)

Thanks for bearing with me, and please get caught up on PMTWIA! Thank you!

Alex (RawrrEdward90) -- it has changed a few times!!!

Poems-Non Twilight

2011-02-07T16:18:00.000-08:00

So I am in a Creative Writing class, and part of our overall grade is we have to write at least two poems for the semester...Well as you have probably noticed, I kind of like the story writing better ;) I like having the ability to be able to start a story, tell the plot and then end it. With a poem I feel like I am only getting to tell PART of my story. I hated writing poems in high school because there was ALWAYS so many "rules" and "structure" well I expressed this worry to my professor, who is BRILLIANT to say the least. He told me "Stop worrying about the rules...just write what you need to write. If you feel like you need to go back in and fix it then do it. But beautiful writing starts out with just writing what you know."

So that is what I did... I am going through a lot these days...with my dad...my grandma. It is just been a whirlwind two weeks. I havent had a relationship with my dad in three years and my Grandma just underwent a 7 hour surgery to take out her her spleen AND pancreas which had a cancerous tumor attached to it. VERY scary. So I used my emotions to write these two poems... Be nice...I havent writen a poem since middle school. (Im about to graduate college next year lol)

Miss you

I miss our fun car rides
I miss the excitement in your voice
asking me to do something with you
I miss knowing you are proud of me
and who I have become.
I miss your calmness
Now I fear your temper
did I do something?

I miss you
Your real laugh
Now there are only frown lines and fakeness
I miss your eyes, so full of life
They are empty to us
There’s no will to be here with us as a family
I miss you and our family ties
It was so full of life
Now it’s full of questions, doubt and hurt.
All because of you

I miss you dad
you haven’t been here in years
missing from this family I love.
Yet you are sitting here in front of me.
Do you know how many times I’ve cried myself to sleep?
Wishing you would come back to us?
Where are you dad?
We need you.

Poison

How dare you try to come into my family’s life
as if you belong here.
Who do you think you are;
trying to take over the body of a friend, a mother, a wife?
You are poison.

She is stronger than you
and no doubt will win.
She is like a saint
and you are a sin.

I hope you know we all hate you
as you add more people to your horribly long list
something you have no right in doing.

One day you will be gone
scientists and research will defeat you.
You will just be a horrible memory,
something that will not be missed

So goodbye,
and don’t come back.

We All Fall Down Banner

2011-02-06T11:39:00.000-08:00

I am SO grateful that @_midnightTrain, one of my FAVORITE authors of one of my favorite stories, I Run To You...if you haven't read it click the link next to this post under my favorite fanfiction and accept that you won't get any sleep as you won't be able to put it down.

I wrote We All Fall Down as a sequel to my story Sizzle and Burn, which can be found on my blog :) I hope you all donated to the cause and if you haven't this story will be posted on my blog and FanFiction site on February 28th (SQUEEEE). Anyways, I hope this banner gives you want to read the story. Fandom Against Domestic Violence is still accepting donations, and with your donation you will receive a compilation of stories written by amazing authors!

So enjoy and again thank you to @_MidnightTrain :)

Paint Me The Way That I Am Chapter 3

2011-01-18T17:47:00.001-08:00

His warm, sticky hand covered my mouth and my body squirmed underneath his as I went to scream, but nothing came out, as if my vocal cords had been severed. Seemingly like a metaphor for my life; all I wanted to do was scream but as hard as I tried…nothing came out and no one could hear me.
"Do as I say, honey," James said and he lowered his mouth to mine.
That's when I woke up.
"Fuck that," I said as I got out of bed not even glancing at the clock; the darkness outside giving away the time. I opened my window and stuck my head out feeling the coolness of the air wrap around my face. I breathed in and grabbed my sweatshirt before jumping out onto the roof that was just below the window. Once reached the ground, I ran, my feet knowing exactly where I was going.
I hadn't been to my spot since the morning Jasper had found me. I shook my head, not wanting to think about it again.
When I finally got to the ladder leading up to the railroad tracks, I stopped when I heard footsteps above me.
Oh yeah, I shared this place with Jasper I thought to myself.
I turned around swiftly knowing that I needed to go somewhere else. I needed to be alone; go somewhere where I could rock myself to the silence that surrounded me.
"Alice?" I heard behind me.
Damnit.

I had to turn around…if I didn't I would look pretty ridiculous and knowing how he seemed to be, Jasper would only come running after me.
As he lightly jogged towards me, it was clear he had also just crawled out of bed and came here. He wore thick black rimmed glasses and had on black sweatpants and a blue hoodie; his hair was in a tiny ponytail.
"Everything okay?" he asked me as he approached.
I shrugged and stuffed my hands into the pockets of my gray sweatshirt. "Why do you care?" I asked him. It wasn't that I was trying to be a bitch about it, but he was dating Maria, at least I think that was her name. I couldn't see any reason for him to give a damn.
"You don't have to tell me, I just figured I would be nice…you know…that thing that friends do?" he responded.
"Why, because we are friends now or something?" I snapped back, instantly regretting my words. He lifted his eyebrow at me and smirked.
I shook my head. "I'm sorry, it has been a really bad morning and I shouldn't have snapped at you like that." Why did I care?
He shuffled his feet. "Why didn't you call me then?"
It wasn't his words that made me feel like he cared; it was the honesty that struck me.
He walked me home, only after I insisted I did not need his accompaniment but it was Jasper so of course he followed me home.
"You know, Alice, Maria and I aren't really dating," Jasper said as we turned onto my neighborhood's street.
Oh? I thought. "Oh, uh okay," I said unsure as to why he was telling me that.
We said our quick goodbyes, and that was it. I snuck back in the house and tiptoed into my room only wanting to return to sleep. I hadn't even been able to think but it didn't matter anymore.

x.x.x

It was Friday and it was finally the fucking weekend. Christine had been bugging the shit out of me to come to one of her parties, and I was finally going. My parents were finally going to be gone for the weekend, and as far as I was concerned, so was I.
"Where the mother-fuck have you been, Alice Brandon?" I heard as soon as I stepped into the doorway of the dirty, musty and cluttered apartment belonging to Catherine's boyfriend. As I crossed the threshold it was as though there was a cloud, and as I passed through it, I was hit with the all too familiar smell of weed and cigarette smoke; I was home.
My eyes quickly followed the voice that had greeted me and they landed on Gary, the man who supplied almost every drug known to man.
I shrugged at him and watched as he took a slow drag from the blunt in his hand. I suddenly wanted it so badly; I could taste it in my mouth and feel the smoke inching down my throat. He must have seen my staring and he held it out. "Hit it, babe," he said to me.
Without any hesitation, I walked over to him and stuck it in between my lips, taking a pull on it. I held it in without a second thought. Exhaling, I took another hit, and then another. I didn't want to waste anytime getting high.
I felt myself smile as I handed the blunt back to him and I walked through the house searching for Christine. Knowing exactly where to find her, I went to the kitchen where sure enough there she was, a bottle of vodka in one hand and a cigarette in the other.
I could feel the music pulsate from my toes to my lips and as they vibrated, the room felt like a body of water and I was the rock falling into it making a ripple effect. I closed my eyes for a moment and I started to feel the familiar weed induced haze that took over my mind.
When I opened my eyes, Christine's boyfriend, Marcus, had his hands wrapped around her waist, and they were moving to the music in a drunken manner.
I watched them silently, amazed in the way they moved. I wasn't sure how long I had been standing there, minutes, or hours but she finally looked over at me and smiled, handing me her bottle of vodka. I wasted no time and began to drink straight from the bottle.
Soon I was drunk, high and swaying by myself to the music. But I wasn't alone for long.
I jumped at his contact, but taking another swig of the alcohol made me not give a damn. I wasn't myself anymore. I was an empty body with an even emptier soul. As I swung to the music and felt his hands snake up my body, I surrendered myself to the alcohol and felt nothing.
It was as though I blacked out temporarily because when I came to, I found myself alone with him. I was in a room, on a bed with him on top of me; his lips hot on my neck and his hand between my legs.
I nodded, not really knowing what I was giving permission to but suddenly his dick replaced his hand and he was grunting into my ear. I couldn't lie and say that it felt bad, because it felt fucking good…but it was all wrong at the same time.
My eyes scanned around the dark room hunting for the bottle of vodka to take away my thoughts, but as I began to regain my senses, I abruptly realized where I was.
Suddenly I felt my arms move, pushing him away. However, he pushed harder into me. "I'm almost there honey," he said, in a disgruntled voice. With one last thrust, he was thrown over the edge. The full weight of his body pressed down on me. He was spent, breathing hard; the scent of alcohol and sex heavy in the room.
Honey.
"No!" I said forcefully and he got off me with a confused look on his face. I looked at him apologetically. "Sorry," I said to him, wondering why I was making excuses and making myself more confused.
He got up putting his boxers and jeans back on. "I don't know what the fuck is wrong with you girls," he said walking to the door shaking his head in obvious confusion and frustration. He turned back to me as I pulled my shirt back on. "Oh and by the way, I forgot to use a condom." And then he walked out.
Unable to register what he just said, I stood up, trying to keep my balance as I put my clothes back on.
I needed to get out of there. I didn't even bother buttoning my jeans before running outside, grabbing a jacket I found on the floor.
After I was far from the house, I stuck my finger down my throat, gagging myself in an effort to rid my body of the alcohol I had consumed. Disgusted, I wiped my mouth and went to the main road to travel my fifteen-minute walk home.
When I got home, I busted through the door, collapsing onto the floor heavily. I felt the blood as soon as my teeth bit down on my lip during my fall.
"Fuck!" I said, to empty space as I brought my sweater to my lips hoping to stop the bleeding.
I scooted to the wall and leaned against it willing myself to come to. My high pretty much gone, and most of the alcohol out of my system, I tried to remember what happened. The night was a blur, and as I glanced at the hallway clock, I realized I was at Marcus' house for over five hours.
Everything was a haze but one thing was vivid, I had sex with someone. The thought of it made me vomit into my mother's favorite vase. He had been the first person I had let touch me anywhere since James.
I hated myself as I realized I couldn't even remember what his face looked like. It had been a quick and hard fuck.
Then the words came to me.
"I forgot to use a condom."
No matter how desperate James and I had been when our relationship was willing, we had always remembered to use protection.
I shuddered knowing I was more than likely filled with diseases and probably now a baby.
Looking around at the dark lonely hallway, I started to cry, no…sob.
Not sure what I was looking for, I ran into the kitchen, knocking things over as I went. I looked to my right and saw our collection of cutlery. My mind scattered with ideas, but right next to it was my cell phone, which I had placed there earlier.
"Jasper," I said aloud, in astonishment.
My fingers flew as they found his name in the address book and I clicked send. My hand was shaking so violently that I needed both hands to hold the phone to my ear.
The phone rang four times before I heard his voice on the other end.
"Alice?" he said in a groggy voice. I forgot that most people would be asleep at 4 am, but it didn't matter.
"I need you, I can't be alone tonight," I said quickly, wincing at my words.
I heard something shuffling, and then he spoke. "Are you ok?"
I so desperately wanted to give him the answer I had been giving everyone the past few months but I couldn't. It was as though my lips could no longer form the words together. I felt more tears reach my eyes as I spoke into the phone. "No."
I heard him say something about coming over but the phone slipped from my hand as though it was slick with oil. I crashed to the floor along with the phone and curled up into a ball.
He found me on the kitchen floor beneath the counter, rocking back and forth, crying. He asked me if he could pick me up, somehow seeming to sense as to why I didn't let anyone touch me. I allowed myself to lean into him as he walked up the stairs to my room.
"How did you get inside?" I asked speaking into his shirt.
"The door was wide open. Don't worry, I locked it behind me when I came inside," he said as he reached my door, kicking it open with his foot.
He set me down on my bed and he wrapped a blanket around my shoulders. Being careful, he sat down next to me and put his hands in his lap.
We sat there in silence for a while and then he spoke. "Did anyone hurt you?" he asked.
I contemplated my answer. "Tonight?" I asked, because really there were different answers for different days.
He nodded and I answered, "No, not tonight."
Nodding, he lightly put his hand on top of mine and I let out an uncontrollable whimper.
"Jasper, I am so broken," I said with a sob. He turned towards me and went to put his hand to my cheek, hesitating but when I didn't pull away, he continued.
Cupping my face he said, "Let me help you put yourself back together then, darlin."
I nodded and put my head on his shoulder and he wrapped his arm around me.
"Tell me what happened," he whispered, even though were alone in this big empty house.
And for the first time in years I allowed myself to share a piece of me with someone. With the feeling of his arms wrapped around me, and the scent of his skin, I felt something so foreign to me, hope.
A/N Okay, so it has been way too long since I have updated! And I am so sorry! School was crazy this semester and now I am on break…thankfully. Anyways, hope you enjoyed this…a million thanks to my beta Monica!

The Christmas Card

2010-12-23T10:20:00.000-08:00

This was a "For the hell of it" one shot :) Merry Christmas! OH and I changed my twitter name...it is now @RawrrJackson90

The Christmas Card

It was something that I felt I had to do, an obligation if you will. There were millions of men and women in the world who were sacrificing their lives every day so that someone like me could have freedom. My friend Alice Cullen told me about Operation Christmas Card that her father's church holds every year around Christmas time. The whole congregation collaborates to write letters to troops overseas.
Now, I am far away from someone who attends church regularly, but I felt like I needed to do this.
Alice's father, Carlisle was the pastor at the local church here in Forks, but he wasn't your typical pastor. He was carefree, lighthearted and the one time I had attended church with Ali (because she wouldn't stop insisting) he had made at least five jokes during mass.
I had grown up with my freehearted mother, Renee, who never really made me do anything I didn't want to do in my life. This included Church. My dad had been MIA since the day after I was born. As far as I was concerned, he was dead.
So here I was sitting at my desk in my room looking out the window watching the snow fall, with an empty piece of paper and a pen sitting in front of me. I had no idea what to say. I mean how do you express your gratitude to someone you didn't now?
It must have been another hour of sitting here staring at the blank paper when I decided I should call Alice to see what she had to say about it.
"Hello Miss Bella, what's up?" She said before I had the chance to say it was me.
I laughed, "Nothing, just sitting here with a piece of paper in front of me. Alice what am I supposed to say to someone who I don't know?"
She sighed through the phone, "Just say whatever you want to say. You are putting too much pressure on yourself. The people overseas are going to be thankful and happy for your letter no matter what you say in it. Just speak from your heart."
Alice told me about the rest of her day, which included Jasper, as always. Her brother Emmett and his girlfriend Rose were coming over later tonight. "Bella, you should totally come over, it'll be fun."
"Ali, that is what you said last time, I just don't want to feel like the third wheel again."
Alice groaned, "Bella, you will find someone, I promise. But you won't have any luck if you just sit at home every night."
"I am a senior in college, I have not dated someone since my freshman year, and I think all hope is lost. And I do to get out!" I argued. But, I knew the truth. I was a homebody. I stayed in for fear of going out and getting hurt. And because of that, my grades were perfect and I would probably end up with a dream job. On the other hand, why would I want to have all of this when I couldn't come home to share it with anyone? I hated the thought that I would come back to my future apartment to only empty space. That I would crawl in bed and look at the other side, only seeing nothingness. I hated it and it scared me to death to think this was how my life was going to be.

"Bella?" I heard Alice say. I was brought back from my thoughts. "Did you hear what I said?" She asked.
She talked more about her Thanksgiving and then we hung up, leaving me with my thoughts and a piece of paper.
Dear Soldier,
I want to start this card off by thanking you for what you are doing for us. I know you probably get many of these cards every year, and hear the same thing repeatedly, so I will try to make it unique. I do have to say something cliché, but it is also something that is very true in my heart. It means so much to me what you and your fellow soldiers are doing. I know we here back in the United States have no idea what it is you are going through and for someone to be so brave and willing to sacrifice everything for us; it is amazing. What is it like where you are? Are you warm? Or are you cold? I am from a small town in Washington and currently freezing!
I am currently on holiday from school. I am a senior at The University of Seattle and I am finishing my last semester. I am excited and anxious to start my life and I have people like you to thank for that opportunity. I hope you find joy in what you are doing and that when Christmas day comes around, you know that there are millions of people here wishing you a "Merry Christmas." Thank you again and I hope you have a wonderful Christmas.
B.
The next thing I did I felt silly doing, but Alice swore that by spraying it with anything that smells good will make it more personal. She made me promise I would do it and so I did with my favorite perfume that I only wore for special occasions. I sat back and re-read what I had just written and when I was satisfied, I folded it up and stuck it into a pre-addressed envelope. I would have to wait until tomorrow to send it, but I couldn't wait. I got into my bed pulling my covers up over my head and I smiled. I had never been so thankful to be in my bed than I was at that moment.

x.x.x

EPOV
I was on a fucking high. And anyone who was out here fighting with me knows how rare that is. We weren't allowed to be happy out here in Iraq. It wasn't like there was anything to be happy about anyways, but we knew better than to get our hopes up. Nevertheless, here I was walking back to camp with a huge fucking smile on my face.
I just got news that my sergeant had granted permission for me to go on leave for four days during Christmas. I hadn't been home or seen any of my family for five months, and it was killing me. The best part? They had no idea.
I got back to my bunk and noticed that most of the other guys had already hit the rack. I pulled on my U.S Army sweatshirt over my uniform shirt and climbed up to my bunk. My eyes immediately fell to an envelope that was situated on my pillow. I racked my brain trying to think whom it would be from. I had already heard from my mom and brother, Jasper and other than them, I didn't really ever get a letter from anyone. I got under my blanket and ripped the letter open, being careful not to mess up the envelope. I took the folded piece of paper out and unfolded it getting a small whiff of a perfume that had obviously been sprayed on the paper. I brought it to my nose and breathed in slowly; it smelled of flowers but not too strongly. It had to be from a girl I thought to myself beginning her letter. I smiled at her questions and immediately felt like answering her. When I finished I had goosebumps adorning my skin. Her letter was so personal yet it was simple enough not overwhelm me. I had received letters from people before, and not that I didn't appreciate the gesture but they mostly said the same generic things. I reread it a few more times and then carefully tucked it in its envelope and stuck it under my pillow. I closed my eyes wishing that the next week would come so that I could get on the plane on December 24th and see my family.

x.x.x

It felt weird not telling my family, especially my mom that I was coming home. I wanted to call her the minute I had found out, but I knew the surprise would be worth it. I had called Jasper to tell him knowing he was the only one in our family that could hold a secret. He even swore he would not tell his girlfriend whom I would be meeting on Christmas Eve. Every year my family holds a huge Christmas party at their house and for the past three years I had been in Iraq, it had included the Cullen's. I was close to Emmett, the oldest son, who was my age, but had never met the daughter, who Jasper was dating.
As my plan landed, I started to get butterflies in my stomach. The man who was sitting next to me had been looking over at me the entire time, and I knew why. But, as soon as we stood up to get our duffel bags from the luggage case above us; he shook my hand thanking me for what I was doing.
"Are you going home to visit with your family son?" He asked me as he helped me pull my luggage down.
I smirked, "Yeah, I got permission a week ago to come home to visit my family. They have no idea that I am coming."
He smiled at my words wishing me a Merry Christmas and another thank you. I got off the plane, followed the signs to where there would be extra cabs, and luckily found one that was empty. I got into the car and looked out the window at my surroundings. It was pitch black out and was almost the same temperature that it was in Iraq, but it was gorgeous here. I always enjoyed my winters in Forks; there was something soothing about it.
I gave the cab driver my address and was thankful that he didn't ask my any questions. I knew that if I started talking I wouldn't be able to stop because of my nervousness.
We pulled into my allotment and my nerves went on overload. I spotted my house from all the way down the street, the lights being so bright. My dad had outdone himself again. There were dozens of cars lined up the street leading to my home.
The cab driver pulled up to my driveway and put the car in park, getting out helping me with my bag.
"Thanks." I said taking the bag from his hands.
"No, thank you. Have a great holiday." He said shutting the trunk door and shaking my hand.
I nodded and watched him pull away.
This was it.
Slinging my bag onto my shoulders, I walked up the long driveway full of cars and got to the front step. I set my bag down and took a deep breath, running my hand through my hair nervously as I heard many voices from behind the piece of wood in front of me.
I reached my hand up and pushed the doorbell. Almost immediately, I heard my mother's familiar footsteps approaching and I sucked in a deep breath as the door slowly opened.
I smiled as my mother's face lit up when she saw me. "Oh, Edward!" She said throwing her arms around my neck bringing me into a tight hug. I couldn't help it as a tear escaped my eyes. It was so good to be home and felt amazing to be hugging my mom. She pulled away, put her hands on either side of my face, and smiled. "This is by far the best Christmas present you could have ever given me." She said hugging me once more.
"Elizabeth, who was at the door?" I heard my father said as he approached the foyer. "Edward!" He said walking over to me smiling and pulling me into a hug. After my dad had came in, everyone started to hear the news that I was home and came into greet me.
"How did this happen?" My mom said wiping at her eyes with her apron.
I told them how I had requested leave and when I found out I had told Jasper. All eyes turned to Jasper at this and he shrugged, "I had to keep it a secret!" He said defending himself.
Everyone laughed and soon they started going back into the kitchen and living room, my mom anxious to get me some food. Jasper introduced me to his girlfriend Alice. Even though she didn't know me, she pulled me into a hug.
The doorbell rang and Alice excused herself to go answer it since it was a friend of hers. She came back shortly after with a girl who was simply gorgeous. She had long brown wavy hair and her eyes were just breathtaking.
She walked over to us next to Alice.
"Edward, this is Bella my friend from college. Bella this is Edward, Jasper's brother. He just surprised everyone by coming home from Iraq. His plane just got in an hour ago." She said in what seemed like one breath.
Bella stuck her hand out and I was welcomed with a scent I recognized; fruity, but not too overpowering.
Chills ran through my body as I remembered the letter I had gotten last week. I took her hand trying to ignore the electricity. "Nice to meet you." I said to her.
After I changed into something more comfortable, ate, and visited more with my family, I seated myself next to Jasper and joined in on the conversation. I kept looking at Bella who was sitting directly in front of me.
Alice interrupted me during my conversation with Jasper about what I had been doing the past five months.
"Edward, what did you say your ranking was?" She asked me with her chin resting in her hand.
I replied to her not needing to think, "Why?" I asked after.
She smiled and her eyes got big. "Well my church always sends letters to military every Christmas, and this year we were told they got sent to that exact rank. Did you get a letter by any chance?"
I looked over at Bella, who had no idea what was about to happen.
Nodding, I replied, "Yeah actually, and just so you know it is the best thing you can do. I got a letter and it made my whole night and kept me going for the next week leading up to my departure home."
"Oh really? Well you would know if you had gotten mine, I signed it with my name." She said sitting back into Jaspers arm. "Whose was yours from?" She asked after a minute of silence.
"I don't know, it just smelled really good and was signed 'B". I said looking at Bella as I said it.
Her eyes got wide and then she smiled, "I signed mine with a B and because Alice made me promise, I sprayed it with my perfume." She got up and walked over to me. "It is actually the one I am wearing now." She said putting her wrist out for me to smell. I breathed it in, already knowing it was her.
I nodded, "Yeah that is what it smelled like." I said looking back up at her.
Keeping her gaze, I droned out the other's voices and stood up. "Want to go take a walk or something?" I asked her.
She nodded and we walked over to the foyer where the coats and shoes were. I slipped mine on quickly and grabbed my coat.
"This is pretty crazy that this is how it worked out to be." She said to me slipping her small hands into her pockets.
I nodded, "Yeah it is."
We walked around my whole neighborhood sharing stories about each other. I was reminded that she was someone that could easily be talked to. Her letter was just like she was in reality and it was a comfort knowing that.
We ended up walking around the neighborhood twice and by the end of our walk, I had taken her hand and she had let me. I felt like I was a teenager again and the feeling in the pit of my stomach reassured me that I would never forget this girl. No matter what happened after this walk or this night.
We got back to my door and I stopped, laughing inside at the feeling of a first date stood before us. I wanted to kiss her but I had just met her hours before
My thoughts were interrupted when she said, "Edward, do you believe in fate?" She asked looking up at me with rosy cheeks.
I smiled, knowing what she was saying. And as stupid as I felt knowing that all of this began because of a letter; I knew that the answer was yes.
Instead of answering her with words, I took her chin in my hands and brought her mouth gently to mine.
She kissed me back and I knew that this was not going to be the end of us. The letter she had written to me had meant more than she will ever know. But it was also the first page in our book.
I broke the kiss and took her in a hug, "Thank you Bella." I said saying the words that had been spoken to me all night.
"Hmm, no thank you Edward."
I took her hand and we went back inside to where our families were waiting.
A/N Ok, yeah it is super sappy, and there is no lemony goodness…but I wanted something cute and Christmas-y! This does have reason behind it and I hope you read this. My cousin served in the Army for two tours in Iraq immediately after 9/11. Anyways, I always liked sending him cards that my whole class would sign and say something on there. His wife says he still has them.

Hush

2010-12-23T10:18:00.000-08:00

This was my entry for the Fandom4Preemies fundraiser. Hope you enjoy it, it was my first Jasper and Alice fic :)

The walk to my place of work was one of my favorite parts of the day. Most of my co-workers at the newspaper I work for, hated going into work. They loathed the subway just as much as they dreaded the demanding deadlines imposed upon them, albeit part of their job.
I, unlike almost everyone in New York City, chose to walk to work every day. Sure, on occasion when the weather was not cooperating, I would descend the stairs leading to the dark underbelly of the city and board the subway. I swear I am going to end up with a disease from sitting in those plastic orange chairs. The New York subways are vile at best.
Fall in New York City is unlike anything else. The colors of the leaves falling and scattering randomly covering the narrow sidewalks; the aroma that fall brings and the clothing for the fall season always makes me happy inside.
So here I was, three blocks away from work, my hands in my coat pockets and my mind a million miles away. It was just another Thursday, right?
Wrong.
Ten years ago, I was just a junior in college whose life had been changed forever. The pain was still very real and recalling that fateful day in the hospital felt like yet another knife slicing me open. I was damaged. And even though my life was perfect to people on the outside, I was broken into pieces on the inside.
I shook my head trying to clear my mind attempting to allow myself to think of something else, when I heard my name being called from across the street.
"Alice!" She shouted.
I looked over and saw Bella Swan getting ready to cross the road to reach me. She looked to her right once more before running over to me. She was dressed up today and it reminded me she had her interview today for the promotion she had been aiming for ever since I met her on our first day at the New York Gazette.
As Bella approached my sidewalk she tried to smooth out her shirt which was tied all wrong. I reached over to help her fix it and she sighed. "What would I do without you?" She exhaled and nervously ran a hand through her long dark brown hair.
I smiled, "I don't think we should think about it, the answer might scare you."
We walked the few blocks left and sat down on the first step of many leading up to the front doors of our building. "You're going to do great Bella, I know it! Being an editor is something that you were born for." I said wanting to keep the conversation positive and light so as not to make her anymore nervous that she already was.
Bella smiled, "Yes, that's what Edward said to me this morning. He stayed home from work just so he could tell me that, at least that was his excuse. I think he just wanted to look good so he would get some tonight." She said in a laugh.
Bella and Edward were high school sweethearts. According to her, when she moved to her hometown in Forks fifteen years ago they had this immediate magnetic connection she still was unable to describe. Even at age 16 and 17, they just knew. Bella and Edward married young, way before I knew her, and were still nauseatingly in love today. Edward was a nice guy; very handsome too, but you didn't hear that from me. And even though Bella claimed they didn't, they looked amazing together; in fact perfect.
Bella shuffled her feet next to me, and my attention was brought back to the present. She looked up at me and groaned. "Please say something that will distract me from wanting to throw up! I have two hours until my interview and I don't think I am going to make it with you being silent."
I grinned and tried to rack my brain for something we could discuss to distract Bella. Then I remembered the conversation I had been putting off for days with her. This would definitely take her mind off of things.
"Well about that blind date you set me up with. That was a disaster!" I said, not particularly wanting to relive the awkwardness of that awful night.
Too late.
"What? I thought you and James would have hit it off right away! Did you even give him a chance Alice?" She asked, knowing me all too well. I was notorious for getting out of set ups and I hated to admit it, but I always found something wrong with the new guy.
I enlightened Bella, sparing none of the unpleasant details, knowing if I left anything out, I would never hear the end of it.
The date itself would have been nice, if James weren't such a fucking creeper. The opening line he used when we first met was "I picked this place out just in case the conversation sucks with you; we will at least still have fun." After he said that I knew the entire night was going to be a complete disaster.
His staring wasn't unwelcome at first. I actually took it as a compliment when I found him looking at me as I ordered my food for the night. However when I went to put a bite of food in my mouth for the fourth time that night and caught him staring at me with his mouth slightly open, that's when I got freaked out.
Let's just say I was out of there not too long afterwards and had to go over the top to convince him I was ok to walk home…alone.
Bella just shook her head, "Okay, so I agree with you he is definitely creepy." She said stretching her legs out in front of her. "Now on to the next guy for you…" she said, trailing off her sentence because she knew I wouldn't want to comply.
"No, I am done being set up Bella!" I argued.
"Alice you know as well as I do it has been, I'm sorry to say, but way too long since you have been with a guy. You need to get out there and meet someone!"
I hated to admit it but I knew in my heart she was right. I was sick of the endless nights I spent "turning in early" because I had nothing better to do. If I were truly honest with myself it was that I didn't want to set myself up for disappointment. The last time I was in a long term relationship, it had not ended so well.
Don't think about him Alice…I said to myself.
"Bella I don't know what you want me to do. I've dated, and look where it has gotten me. The only thing I haven't done is sign up for one of those stupid online dating websites." And as soon as I the words passed over my lips, I wished desperately I could take them back.
"Oh my God Alice you SO should sign up on one of those dating sites. I have a friend whose sister joined one and she and her husband have been married for almost four years and are pregnant with their second child. Seriously, you have to do it!" She said, her voice getting way too excited for my own good.
"Whoa, Bella I am nowhere near being ready to even entertain a discussion regarding kids. No way!"
"Oh shut up Alice, you knew exactly what I meant. Come on, at least make a profile. There are plenty of sites that have 'view your matches before you continue your search' She said in an all too familiar commercial voice.
I rolled my eyes and sighed, "Please drop it Bella. I am not going to sign up for some stupid website to tell me what guys I should date just based off of ten questions about my favorite color and my extracurricular activities." She folded her arms and pouted like a five year old. I sighed as I exhaled and looked at my watch. If Bella wanted to be on time, we needed to get inside.
"Bella, I hate to interrupt this little intervention thing you are doing, but if you want to be on time for your interview, you better get in there!" I said standing up and honestly thankful for the diversion from this painful conversation.
Bella had me give her one more quick 'once over' to ensure she looked put together for her interview, and when I gave her the go-ahead, we walked inside.
The interview supposedly had gone really well, and tomorrow she would be notified one way or another. She seemed very encouraged and was hopeful they would extend her an offer. I wanted to take Bella out for a drink but she declined saying she was too tired.
Two hours later, I found myself in my bedroom, sitting at my desk, glass of wine in my hand and my eyes glued to the blank computer screen.
I scoffed at myself. Why was I about to do this? It wasn't for Bella; I knew she would get over the idea and just move on to her next strategy to find me someone. But I was alone, and I hated it. I loathed coming home to an empty space and slipping my shoes off to only see my own shoes next to them. I hated when I had a good day, or a bad day, and the only people I had to talk to were Bella and a few other friends. Even though they said I was never bothering them, I always would hesitate before calling. Knowing all too well I was intruding upon a part of their lives I didn't have; marriage and happiness.
I clicked the power button and took a very large sip of my merlot and impatiently waited for the computer to turn on. What seemed like years later, my computer finally booted up and I went to my home screen's search engine and typed in 'dating websites'. Note to self; I would have to make sure I deleted all of my browsing history after this.
I was suddenly overwhelmed with all of the different websites there were to choose from. What the hell was I supposed to do? Close my eyes and just pick one? Well that is exactly what I did.
I was greeted by an exaggeratedly happy looking couple on the website's home page with a picture and "their story" underneath. All of a sudden I felt so ridiculous…what was I thinking? Really how was this even going to work? I moved my cursor and hovered over the red X to exit out of the screen when I paused. I was reminded of the dreadful feeling of being alone. Instantaneously a sickening sensation fiercely ripped through my stomach. Acting on my fear, and quite frankly against my better judgment, I clicked the sign up button and started filling out my application.
A half an hour later, and fifteen minutes more then they promised it would take, I was finished. I sat back and looked at my profile. I hadn't chosen a picture of me for my profile, instead a picture of my favorite street in New York City adorned with snow, filled the picture space. I may have been comfortable enough answering questions honestly, but I wasn't ready for people to be able to recognize me.
Polishing off the last of my glass wine, I thought, what the hell, and left my room to go fill my glass with more wine. By the time I returned there was a little red box situated at the top right hand corner, alerting me I had a new message contact.
My stomach turned over and my nerves kicked into high gear. Setting my wine down, I clicked open the red box. "WingsOnFire1843 would like to add you to his friends list" And it asked me to accept or decline. "Well that was fast" I said to empty space.
I opened his profile, and like mine he didn't have any personal pictures posted of himself just a few non-descript pictures. There were a few scenic pictures of where he said lived and I quickly assumed he was also from New York City.
"Hmm" Interesting, I thought. I clicked accept and then sat back, wondering what was going to happen next.
The next morning I woke up feeling stupid. I didn't sleep much last night, mostly because I couldn't believe I had actually succumbed to signing up on a dating website. I was determined to get out of bed and immediately delete my profile.
However, all of my thoughts of deleting my account were quickly eliminated when I saw WingsOnFire1843 has sent me a personal message.
I quickly opened the message and read intently.
Hi Citygirl79
Thanks for the add last night. My friends finally pressured me into getting one of these things, and you were on the recently added section and thought I would say hi. I have never done this before, are you new to this world too?
Simple but nice… I smiled and typed a quick response; glancing at the time he had sent it, making sure I didn't look too desperate.
WingsOnFire1843
It looks like you and I are in the same boat. My friend has been trying to get me to join one of these sites for a few months now and last night I finally gave in…this is kind of weird, isn't it?
I hit send and decided to get in the shower to start my day. There is no way I could ever be late because I was stuck chatting on a dating website; I would never hear the end of it. Fifteen minutes later, I walked back into my bedroom and slipped into my robe. I looked at my computer and saw he had replied.
You never know.
That was his entire response. He was right and with that I finished getting ready and thankfully on time, I walked out the door and started my walk to work.
The next couple of weeks were interesting. Bella had gotten the promotion she had wanted and we celebrated by going out to dinner. I waited a week or so to tell her about the dating site, and when I did she pretty much squealed in her seat.
WingsOnFire and I had been talking pretty frequently. And I found myself staying up until the late hours of the evening talking to him. His conversation was simple yet intriguing. We didn't know too much personal information, besides the fact we lived in the same city. I figured that was something I could share; NYC was big enough that if he knew I lived there it wouldn't make a difference. I found myself looking forward to coming home and checking my computer. It was all the incentive I needed to rush home and now I was no longer alone. But I knew it was a far cry from being in a relationship. Seriously, I didn't even know the guys name!
We had exchanged emails after about two weeks of talking and had stopped using the dating site, which I was happy about!
I learned that he grew up in Texas and had moved to NYC about six years ago after a hard breakup, wanting a new start. He was six foot two with blue eyes and dirty blonde hair. After that description, I was dying for a picture.
Bella constantly reminded me that she was the one who had introduced me to the online world and blah blah blah.
After a few months of talking and "getting to know each other" we decided we should officially meet on New Years Eve. There was something about his words that were comforting and trustworthy. Regardless, I knew caution was a necessity when meeting someone you had been talking to online. So when I had told Bella about it, she asked Edward to be at the restaurant on New Years Eve. Of course he agreed so Bella would be there as well so she could "assess" the situation.
I was embarrassed I was going to have someone secretly looking out after me when I met WingsOnFire but I knew it was a necessity.
That morning, I woke up way too early for my own good. I tossed and turned for about another hour and finally I gave up. I decided to head to the gym that was a few blocks over. Thank God it was a 24 hour gym because I seriously needed to work out and get my mind off of things.
It was only 5:30 in the morning, and the streets were peaceful, only a few people setting up their stores. I smiled; this is what I loved about the city. It could be crazy busy during the day and the night, but when you caught it at this time of morning, it was calm and serene.
My workout calmed my nerves enough to allow me to function throughout my day and before I knew it, Bella was calling to remind me about the details for the night.

"Ok, so Edward and I have reservations for the same time that you and your boy do. So we will be around and just keep an eye out for where you go. Hopefully we won't be too close, but close enough to know if you need us. Remember if you feel uncomfortable just use the signal we talked about. Pretend like you are getting your cell phone out of your coat pocket and Edward will be at your side in a second ok?" She said in the phone, and I wondered how she remembered it all. Usually I was the one in our friendship who was so hung up on the small details.
"Yes, I remember, and Bella?" I asked into the phone.
"Yes Alice?" She responded.
"I really appreciate you doing this tonight. I know it's probably not how you envisioned your New Years Eve dinner going but thank you." I said walking into my closet to figure out what to wear for tonight.
"Alice, you're my best friend. Of course I would do this for you. And hey, if all goes well maybe he will join us for our New Years Eve party later tonight. And if not, I have someone in mind for you to meet." She said already thinking of someone else for me to meet up with.
I sighed and let her talk it out while I picked out my outfit for the night. I had told him I would be wearing dark purple since I knew I would have plenty of a selection of shirts to choose from.
We hung up twenty minutes later and I took a shower for the second time that day and started getting ready.
The restaurant he had picked was nice but also causal. I had heard of it before and had seen it a few times wanting to go inside, but had never had a reason to.
Finally I was dressed and was in a cab on the way to the restaurant. It was so fucking cold outside and I figured it would be better if my limbs weren't purple when I finally met him. He had been talking about this ever since I brought it up. He was so excited and my excitement matched his own. Like he had said that first day, you never know where life will take you. I was anxious to see what would happen.
When I got the restaurant I spotted Bella and Edward standing at the gate waiting to get in and I waved and Bella gave me a reassuring smile. I made my way up to the hostess and told her I was here for a reservation under the name Wings. We thought it would be appropriate to wait to give each other our names until we officially met. That way it would be more official.
She led me to a table that was in the middle of the floor. There was no way he would miss me while sitting here. I slipped my jacket off and ordered an iced tea. Not too long after I saw Bella and Edward being led to a booth that was just three over from me.
My nerves gave my stomach butterflies and I put my hand to it to try and calm it down. No such luck.
I looked at my phone to check for any messages from him when I noticed the time. It was the official time we had planned to meet and I looked around, searching for a guy who appeared to be looking for someone.
I didn't see anyone and returned to my tea, which was almost gone. I was just about to signal for the waitress when I felt a hand on my shoulder and a voice that instantly calmed my nerves.
"Are you citygirl?" He asked and I smiled turning my head to meet his eyes.
"Yes and you must be…Jasper?" I said as I looked into the eyes of my ex boyfriend.
"Alice? This must be a mistake, I am meeting someone here. I'm sorry I bothered you." He said starting to walk away.
"I'm citygirl, Jasper. Are you WingsOnFire?" I asked unable to mask the look of shock on my face.
He nodded and then sat down, realizing what I was still trying to process.
"It's been you this entire time?" I asked him still waiting for someone to walk in and say he was the real WingsOnFire. But no one did.
He nodded and I put my napkin on the table. How could I have missed all of the signs? From Texas, almost 10 years ago he had a bad breakup and was the exact physical description of my ex.
"Listen Alice, you know if I had any idea it was you I would never have done this. I know things weren't left very well when we last saw each other…"
"Very well? Are you kidding me? You basically threw me out after you found out about…" I said but I couldn't stand to continue. The past was too painful and I didn't want to relive it here. I wanted to go home, climb in bed and disappear for a couple of years.
"Alice, you never even gave me the chance to explain!" He started.
"Why would I ever give you a chance to explain Jasper? I will never forgive you for what you did to me." I said. I started to gather my things when I noticed Edward walking over with a look of confusion on his face. I motioned to him that I was ok and I stood up grabbing my purse and jacket. "I can't do this, have a nice life Jasper."
And I walked out, Bella and Edward were right behind me.
I got to the curb and signaled for a cab hoping I would have some sort of luck on New Year's Eve.
"Alice, wait!" I heard Bella shout. "What's going on? Are you alright?" She asked putting a hand on my arm.
I turned and let her wrap her small arms around me, bringing me into a much needed hug. "Why don't we get you home?" She asked as a cab pulled up.
I shook my head and pulled myself together. "No, you two go and have fun. I think I should just go home and take a bath or something." I said opening the cab door.
"Alice, regardless of our party, which isn't for another three hours and everything is already set up, I am here for you. So get in and scoot over I'm coming home with you." She said turning to Edward and kissing him lightly. "I'll meet you at home soon, okay?" She asked as he smiled in response.
The drive home was silent and I was grateful for that. It gave me a chance to think. I hadn't seen Jasper since the day of our break up. I shuddered at the thought and was so angry I was forced to relive the moments.
I was finally home and we walked into my apartment. I got myself and Bella a cup of tea and went to change into some more comfortable clothes. Bella and I sat down on the couch and I spilled my past to her.
Jasper and I had met our senior year of High School when he had moved from Texas to Seattle after his parents had gotten divorced. He had a twin sister, Rosalie, who was so gorgeous on the outside, but if you crossed her the wrong way, she would tear you apart. His parents owned their own oil company and were partnered up with one of the most powerful cartels in the oil industry. Needless to say they were obscenely wealthy; even after the divorce they would never have to work again. When we met I was immediately drawn to his southern kindness. He was always so courteous and gentleman like; pulling my seat out for me, opening doors for me…even before we were dating. It didn't take long, and a few months into our senior year, we were dating. Our relationship was easy and in a way that only we understood, we saved each other. It was like we were magnets and we were just pulled together. I fell in love with him instantly and by the end of high school, I had a promise ring on my finger and he had my heart.
We decided to go to the same college because being apart was just not an option. I would go wherever he needed me to and I knew he would do the same.
The sex was amazing and at the risk of sounding cliché, it was beautiful. He was so gentle, loving and compassionate. Though so very gentle, our passion was never less then on fire. By age 19 I knew I had found the man for me.
Everything was great; we moved into an apartment together and quickly got over the small bumps in our relationship. He would whisper in my ear late at night, often while we were tangled up in each other's arms. Forever reminding me he would always be here for me and nothing could ever break us apart. I would nod and kiss his soft lips and snuggle in closer to him, content with our love.
But his promises were so easily broken our junior year. I'll never forget that morning I sat in our bathroom, my head in my hands and the little white stick with the pink lines laying next to my leg.
I knew I had been late, but I had been so busy attending classes and the pressure of school deadlines I didn't realize how late I really was. Sure I had been moody, but I blamed it on PMS. I had a nagging feeling in the back of my mind but not wanting to face it, I ignored all the signs. It was when I started throwing up that I started to panic. I never got sick, and suddenly every morning at the same time, I would run to the bathroom and empty my stomach of all its contents.
I knew realistically it would be hard to keep the baby. We were college students and the baby would be here before our four years were up. Sure we had talked about marriage and someday having kids, but we planned on waiting to get married until we were out of college. The promise ring was no engagement but it was close.
Because I knew I was going to be unable to concentrate if I went to classes, I ended up skipping and spent the whole day trying to think of ways to tell Jasper.
He texted me a few times and I did my best to make sure my responses weren't cryptic; I had a tendency to do that.
Nothing could have prepared me for when he walked through our front door. He was in a fantastic mood and wanted to go out to eat, something we didn't do too often since we were so busy with school and each other.
"Jasper, I have to talk to you about something ok?" I said sitting down on our L shaped couch.
"What's up babe?" he asked, sitting down and taking my hand.
I looked away from our hands and willed myself to not start crying. I knew I was about to change our lives, but we would be ok, just like he said. I felt his hand on my chin and he moved my face so I was looking at him. His blue eyes pierced into mine and he wiped a tear that escaped my eye. "Sweetheart, what is going on…you are starting to scare me."
I took a deep breath, "Jasper, I'm pregnant." I said. Totally not how I wanted to say it but my secret was finally out.
He took in a sharp breath and I dared myself to look at him straight on to see his reaction. I expected shock, fear or even a little bit of excitement. But I was not expecting anger.
"You're what?" He asked dropping my hand, which shocked me.
"I have been feeling sick, and I was late but didn't think anything of it. You and I are always so careful. But I needed to know for sure, so I bought a test this morning after you left and it says I am pregnant." I said, telling him the whole story and slowly feeling as if there was a brick lifted off of my chest. However, with the look on his face, that brick was replaced with another, and then another.
He stood up and rubbed his face with his hands, something he only did when he was frustrated, annoyed and angry. Not something you would expect after hearing you were going to be a father. Seriously, we were only a few years early with our life plan…it couldn't be that bad!
"Alice, I have to get out of here." He said slipping his shoes back on. He turned to me. "I love you but I can't do this. I don't think this is going to work out."
"And then he left. He didn't give me a chance to respond to him, or to go run after him. He was gone and I was left in our house, his house, alone." I said to Bella, ending my story.
"What happened after that, to you and to the baby?" She asked.
And that's when it got hard to talk about. "I lost the baby two and a half months into the pregnancy. The doctor said miscarriage is far more common than most women realize and in all likelihood I would be able to carry a baby to full term in the future. While it was a comfort to hear this I still was overcome with emotion. The loss was devastating and rocked me to the core. I hadn't even told my parents at that point, and now I had to call them to drive me home from the hospital. After I had miscarried, I sent Jasper an email explaining what happened. I knew he wouldn't answer a phone call; he had never really been a phone kind of guy. After he responded that he had received the email, I didn't hear from him again. Tonight was the first time I had seen him since the day he left. I had no idea I had been talking to him for the past two months." I said blowing my nose in a tissue that Bella had handed me. "My life is a mess, I'm sorry you and Edward got dragged into this."
She rubbed my back, "Alice, I am so sorry; I wish I would have known."
I shrugged, "Thanks for listening Bella, it means a lot."
She nodded, and we were silent for a few more minutes and then she spoke up. "I know you are sad Alice and you probably want to stay in tonight. However I think you should clean up and come back with me to my house. It's going to be a lot of fun, and I can't leave you here alone."
I laughed and I knew if I tried to protest going home with her, I would only lose. "Ok, I'll come." I agreed and I went into my bedroom to change into something for her party.
While in my room, I looked over at my computer which had an orange bar flashing on the bottom of my tabs. I rolled my eyes. It was probably from him.
I pulled my sweater over my head and grudgingly went over to open the message. Sure enough, it was from him. I opened it and took a few deep breaths before starting to read the email he had sent not too long ago.
Alice,
I am so sorry about today. I swear I had no idea it was you. I understand you are mad at me and you have good reason to be, but I would really like to sit down and talk to you. We have a lot that needs to be discussed and I know I don't deserve that from you. Especially after how badly I treated you that day when you told me your news. You didn't deserve that and I know it is no excuse but I walked away because I was scared. I didn't know anything about being a dad. I have yet to forgive myself for what I did to you. Again, I am sorry and I understand you not wanting to talk to me. But if you change your mind, you know where to contact me. I'm going to a party tonight, but I get emails directly to my phone. I hope you are ok, I'm sorry.
Jasper.
I couldn't deal with this now. I shut my laptop and walked out of my room, meeting Bella at the door. We caught a cab and got to her house shortly before people were supposed to arrive.
Their home filled up quickly with people, some of them I recognized but most I didn't. After a very boring conversation with a girl named Angela about some one hundred year old book they found fascinating, I decided I deserved a very stiff drink.
I went into the kitchen to pick my poison and settled on something I hadn't seen since my college years. I smiled and made myself a very small Jaeger-Bomb and downed it in seconds. Then I decided why not indulge a little, it was New Years Eve and I was at a party. So I made myself another more generous sized Jaeger-Bomb and went to walk out. I scanned the crowd and then saw someone that made my heart stop. Jasper fucking Hale was standing in the corner with a bunch of guys. The guys were laughing but he was standing there with a reflective look on his face. He had something on his mind, and I had a feeling I knew what it was.
I turned around, hoping he hadn't seen me. But when I felt someone walk up behind me, I knew he had spotted me as well.
"What are you doing here?" He asked setting his drink down on top of a bookshelf.
I looked at him and tried to push the overwhelming thoughts of his striking appearance out of my mind. He looked very handsome tonight in his jeans and blue sweater that he had put over a long button down striped shirt, rolled up to his elbows.
"I do have friends Jasper." I said harshly.
He looked away. "I know you do. Did you get my email?" He asked.
He wasn't going to waste any time was he? I nodded "Sorry I was too busy to come up with something to say." He ran a hand through his hair; he was nervous. "Jasper, I don't want to have this whole sob fest. It was ten years ago, and it's over with. I just want to forget this happened and move on and live like we have been for the past ten years."
"I can't" He said, slightly shaking his head.
"Why not? You were on a dating website, seems like you were doing alright to me."
He grinned, "Alice, I did something ten years ago that I hate myself for. I hurt the only person I loved. You were my entire life and I ruined everything because I was what? Scared? I am so sorry Alice."
I nodded, letting him know that I had heard him. "I know Jasper. But don't you think I was scared? I had just found out that I was pregnant. I was nervous and scared shitless but I was also kind of excited. I loved you with everything I had. I would have done anything for you and at that time I knew I was going to be with you forever. I never in a million years would have thought something like that would tear us apart." I looked at his face and his eyes were red. I suddenly had the urge to reach out and hug him, tell him things were going to be ok. "Jasper, it's over with. I know you are sorry, and even though it took you fucking long enough…I accept your apology."
His eyes lit up. "You do?"
"I do."
"I should have come back to you sooner after that Alice. I had so much I wanted and needed to say. I didn't want to let you go but after how I had treated you, I figured my words would have been useless."
"Yes, you're right" I said with a small laugh. "I would have wanted to fucking kill you or something."
"Ali?" He said, using the nickname he had given me many years ago. "Can I give you a hug?"
I laughed and knew the answer before he had asked the question. "Sure, come here."
He wrapped his big arms around me and I breathed him in. He was so familiar and I hated myself for loving the feeling of him being wrapped around me again.
We stood there for awhile and then he broke the silence. "See, I told you so."
I pulled back a bit, but not breaking the embrace.
10…9…8
"Told me what?" I asked slightly confused.
"That you never know what can happen."
4…3…2…1 HAPPY NEW YEAR! I heard everyone shout.
"You were right."
We smiled at each other, and I innocently put my lips to his, bringing in the New Year. Things weren't going to be easy and I sure as hell wasn't letting him off the hook, but hey you never know what the New Year will bring.
A/N Thank you a million times to my beta Monica (UNF4Rob) you are amazing and I couldn't have done this without you!

Times Infinity

2010-12-23T10:16:00.000-08:00

Hey, so I wrote this originally for the one shot soundtrack contest. It is actually a Somewhat true story of a past relationship. Some things are real...most aren't (like the one night stand ;) ) Check it out, let me know what you think!

It's a burn that never goes away, a cut that never heals and a break that is never really put back together.
The butter knife is dull but it still cuts through.
Breakups weren't supposed to be this way. The aftermath of the end should be filled with going out, meeting new people and talking to your friends about how much you hated that person…right?
I couldn't do any of that because the truth was, I loved Jasper so much even after he said goodbye to me. It probably didn't help that the day of the breakup, he kissed me saying he hoped that someday, we would find each other again.
"It is bad timing", he whispered. "This past year has been amazing Alice, but I don't think I am ready for us yet."
Three weeks before, if you would have told me I would have broken up with Jasper, I would have given you a look and walked away. Two weeks before, we were talking promise rings, moving in together and our future. All of these things we had talked about throughout the past year; including how we knew we would be together forever. But we know that's not how our story goes.

It had been his idea to get the promise rings. He said he wanted everyone to know that I was his and he was mine. He liked the idea of it and we agreed it would be our Christmas presents. I smiled at the idea and was ecstatic sitting at the jewelers getting our fingers measured.
I had picked his out with ease, I mean he was a guy, he didn't have too much criteria. He however, studied the rings with care and patience. When he had finally picked it out, I smiled at him; the ring was gorgeous. Three small diamonds surrounded by a silver band. It was perfect and so was he.
We went home that night and lying in each others arms he whispered lovingly into my ear, "Alice I love you."
I smiled, we had been saying that for months now, and still it drew a smile to my lips. "Forever."
His hand tangled into my hair, "Times infinity." He said, his voice so delicately soft.
"Plus two." I responded.
It was our tradition and honestly we couldn't have gotten much dorkier. But the look on his face when he said it melted my heart and no one mattered anymore. Jasper was the one and I was sure of it and watching him walk out of my house, killed me.
So here I was, three weeks later and sitting in my dark, unlit basement watching reruns of Sex and the City. It was November so it was kind of chilly and I was surrounded with a million or so blankets, trying to find some sort of comfort in my life.
We had to go to the jewelers two weeks ago to cancel our ring orders together. Of course I made sure that I looked decent when I saw him. My hair was done, and my makeup was flawless.
He had picked our meeting point as the front of the jewelers and when I got there, I found him leaning against the wall, hands in his pockets, and his head slumped.
"Hey." I said as I approached him.
He lifted his head and I noticed that his circles under his eyes matched my own. I was glad.
"Alice. How are you?" He asked me slowly coming towards me. He stopped with a great deal of space in between us.
I shrugged, "I'm doing alright."
He nodded, this was awkward and all I wanted to do was to get this over with.
"You don't have to worry about saying anything, I will uh, take care of this." He said.
Jasper's eyes were wild. They would meet mine and then look away quickly. As if he didn't dare look at me.
I nodded and followed him in, grimacing at the all too friendly woman who approached us as we walked in.
I watched as her face slightly fell when Jasper explained why we were here.
Shaking my head for the millionth time that day trying to erase that memory, I picked up my phone. I hated thinking back to that day and I knew sitting here alone wouldn't help at all. So I called Rosalie, knowing she was the only person in my life that could move me from this spot.
"Rose, it's Alice, let's do something." I said into the phone not giving her time to even say hello.
She laughed, "Say no more, I am on my way."
I knew I had just enough time to get into the shower and get ready. Knowing Rosalie, we would be going out somewhere crazy and I had to practically make myself put something nice on.
Standing there in front of the mirror, I was looking at someone that I barely even recognized. She was broken, sad and her eyes were red and puffy. I sighed; I didn't want to be this girl anymore. I picked up my makeup brush, something that I hadn't done since before the breakup and applied my favorite shadow on my eye lids. With every stroke I started to feel myself molding back to who I wanted to be. But it wasn't really me anymore. Jasper had so much of me and I knew that, almost accepting it. Tonight was all about becoming the new Alice.
Not a minute after I had dressed, I heard a knock at the door. Grabbing my purse and getting another glimpse in the mirror, I sprinted to the front door, bursting out into the cold air.
I sent a text to my mom letting her know I was going to be out for the night knowing she wouldn't really care much, and followed Rose to her car.
When we reached the car, Rose unlocked her shiny red jeep and I got in, saying hi to Bella who was seated in the back.
"Well I am glad to know that you are still alive, I was getting worried!" Rose said pulling out of my driveway.
I groaned, "I know, I have been a shitty friend. But that is all over with, I swear. I want to have fun tonight!" I said feeling something close to excitement enter my stomach.
"We are going to get fucked up tonight, I hope you know." She said turning her heard towards me, raising her eyebrow.
No more 'good girl' Alice. I was not that girl who had been dating Jasper for the past year. I was Alice, the girl who didn't give a damn.
Pulling into the bar Rose had picked I stepped out running a hand through my newly cut short hair. I pulled my cell phone out of my purse and checked it, mostly out of habit for any messages. Before I could turn it off, Rosalie snatched it out of my hand.
"Believe me babe; you will not need that tonight. No Jasper talk and certainly no breakup talk."
I looked over at Bella and she shrugged, giving me a reassuring smile. Bella was that girl at school that every guy wanted to have. She was plain but gorgeous. She also happened to be taken by the guy who even made me swoon; Edward Cullen.
"Ok, let's go!" I said leading us to the man standing at the door checking our id's. I pulled mine out and grimaced as he grabbed my hand, marking a giant "X" across my hand.
When we go inside I looked around, my ears screaming at the adjustment to the noises I was hearing. The music was at a beat so intense I could feel it pulsating through my skin. Rosalie grabbed my hand and Bella disappeared. I looked over my shoulder noticing that Edward was standing at the bar with his friends.
She led me into the bathroom and set her purse down on the edge of the sink. "Ok, we are going to scrub this "X" off of your hand. If we want to have any fun tonight, we are going to need to get these off of us. "
Before I knew it, we were out of the bathroom and on the dance floor. Rosalie had her back turned to me and I was shocked at myself that I was dancing without any alcohol in me.
That didn't last long.
We met Bella and Edward at the bar and Rosalie ordered our first round of shots. I was shocked at how easily shots were handed to us. Hell, we were only a year away from being able to do this but still.
One shot turned into two and two shots turned into six. And before I knew it, I was slurring my words and basically dry humping a guy named Emmett on the dance floor.
I could feel his hands snake down from my hair straight to my ass. Jasper's face flashed before my eyes, but I shook my head, pressing myself deeper into Emmett trying to erase the image. I lifted my head so that my lips were inches away from his. I had to admit, he was pretty sexy, his blue eyes piercing mine.
He pulled me closer, if that were even possible and he leaned down, kissing me.
My head was spinning from the alcohol, or the kiss…I couldn't tell. The lips that moved against mine were different. They weren't soft and comforting. They were rough, expectant and wanting. It was nothing like Jasper.
Not knowing what I was doing, I let my hands roam his body, feeling his abs through his shirt. Jasper had been fit, but it wasn't to the point where his muscles were bulging through his shirt. I know that this was wrong but it felt so right and I continued for God knows how long touching, kissing and feeling. He felt so foreign, compared to what I was used to.
Finally he brought his lips to my ear and whispered, "Want to get out of here? I live with Edward we can just crash there."
This wasn't me; I would never in a million years go home with someone I had just met. But he knew Edward which meant he probably knew Bella. "Okay." I said, dragging the word out longer than it needed.
As we passed the bar, I saw a full shot on the side of the table and without thinking; I picked it up and downed it in seconds.
I remembered getting into a car, and I remembered getting out of a car but after that my mind went blank.

x.x.x

My head was throbbing and my mouth was dry. I felt like a truck had hit me dead on and as I started to open my eyes the light burned them. Shutting them quickly I groaned.
"What the fuck?" I asked out loud.
Not expecting a voice to answer me I jumped when I heard someone reply. "Well good morning beautiful."
My eyes sure as hell opened then. I looked around frantically, pulling the bed sheet closer around me, the images around me not making sense. The room was not mine, the walls here were too blue and the floor was covered in messes. And worst of all, I was naked.
I looked over at the person who was in the bed with me and my hand slapped my forehead. He was definitely not wearing anything.
"What happened last night?" I asked shoving a pillow over his very large dick, already not wanting to know the answer.
He told me that we had indeed had sex, and my heart sank at those words. I felt like I had betrayed Jasper and sitting here with my head spinning I realized I had probably the worst hangover ever; I couldn't help but start to cry.
"Hey now, it's going to be ok." Emmett said pulling me into him. It wasn't about getting any, but it was about him actually giving a damn about me. I let myself sink into him and just let go. What did I have to lose?
He let me cry in his arms for awhile and finally, I felt like I could stop. "I am so sorry." I said to him sitting up, sheets still wrapped tightly around me.
He wiped my eyes, "It's alright Alice, and you don't have to apologize about crying."
I smiled, if I wasn't sitting here feeling so fucking guilty about having sex with the guy, I might have actually had fun this morning.
After awhile of sitting there awkwardly, he left to take a shower. I decided that I should get out of there before things got even weirder. I searched the room frantically and to my dismay, I found everything except my shirt.
"Fuck!" I said out loud, all I wanted was to get out of there and try and forget this ever happened. What if Jasper found out about this? What would he think of me? I shook my head not wanting to feel the inevitable pain it would bring him.
I settled on a shirt from his dresser and slipped it on practically running from his room.
I entered what seemed like the kitchen and welcomed the scent of coffee. Noticing a cup on the counter, I took it filling it up and not hesitating to take a sip. I was about to write Emmett a note explaining I was leaving when I heard someone come up behind me.
"Alice?"
I turned around abruptly and my eyes met Bella's.
My hand went nervously to my hair wondering how horrible I must look. Bella was standing in front of a room whose door was shut.
"Bella, uh, I was just leaving." I said sitting down the coffee cup when I realized I hadn't driven here and all of my things were in Rose's car. "Damnit!" I said cursing at my drunken stupidity of not remembering to grab it leaving the bar last night.
Bella smiled, "Hey its ok. I was just getting ready to leave myself, want me to drive you home?" She asked slipping her purse across her body.
I nodded and followed her out of the house. We got to the car and she turned on the radio, drowning out the silence. I slipped my sunglasses to block the sun from giving me an even worse headache. Bella saw me do so and started searching her purse.
"Here, take these, they will help you feel better." She said handing me two small red pills. "They're just ibuprofen."
I took them swallowing them quickly. "Thanks." I muttered. "Bella, what the hell happened last night?"
She laughed, "Well, you and Emmett left the bar pretty early, probably around midnight. Rose and I stayed for a little while longer." She said, unable to finish her sentence when I cut her off.
"Wait, a second, so where the hell was Rosalie in all of this?" I asked suddenly nervous.
She laughed, "She went home with a guy she met last night, and I think his name was Jacob something."
I sighed, of course Rose had found someone last night.
Bella continued, "She texted me this morning asking me to let you know that she has all of your stuff and that she will drop it off later."
She continued to tell me that her and Edward had gotten home around four in the morning and had found Emmett and me still very drunk on the living room, wearing nothing but blankets.
"Oh Bella, I am so sorry you had to see that!" I said extremely embarrassed.
She giggled, "No worries plus like I said you were pretty well covered up…Emmett on the other hand."
I smiled. "Thanks Bella. And hey, I know this is probably a lot to ask, but do you think we can keep last night between just you and I?"
She pulled into what I realized was my driveway and put the car into park. She reached out and put her hand atop of mine. "No problem."
She left and soon after Rose showed up at my door step. I had to admit, I was kind of pissed off at Rose. Yes I am 20 years old and should be able to handle myself, but still, I had just gotten out of a relationship with my serious boyfriend and my best friend let me go home with some guy I had just met.
After Rose had left to go back to hanging out with Jacob, I wasted no time searching my phone for any hint of Jasper.
No calls, but there were four texts, one from Rose and three from Maria, his sister, whom I still kept in touch with. I was about to delete it thinking I would just get rid of all of my connections, but I had a feeling I should read it…
Alice, call me.
Weird, so I opened the next one from her.
Alice, I'm not fucking around, its Jasper, call me back.
My stomach sank…what was going on? I found out in the next text.
Jasper was in a car accident, he is in the hospital. I'm on my way there now, just call me as soon as you get this.
Jasper. In a car accident. In the Hospital.
I didn't hesitate as I got into my car and drove to the hospital. I tried calling Maria but she wasn't answering her phone.
Finally I sped into the hospitals parking lot and found the nearest spot possible and it felt like I hadn't even parked my car before I got out.
What had happened? My mind went wild with possibilities and I practically sprinted to the front desk.
"Uhm, I got a message that my boy-I mean friend is here, Jasper Whitlock?"
The nurse shuffled some papers around and then directed me to the fourth floor, the intensive care unit.
When I got to the intensive care unit and into the waiting room, I was greeted by Maria, who was pacing the floor.
"Oh my God, thank God you are here Alice. I am going crazy here!" She said coming up to me pulling me into an embrace. "I didn't know whether or not I could call you and if you would even come. I mean I know that you guys haven't talked much or have you? Oh my I am talking a mile a minute I'm sorry." She said putting her face into her hands and taking a deep breath.
"Maria, what happened?" I asked putting my hands on her shoulders trying to calm her down.
She looked up at me and I got my first glimpse at her. Her eyes were red and puffy and her nose was red and wet. "He was out late last night, some bar I don't know. He had something to drink and then he left around eleven thirty, and got into his car. My fucking dumbass brother got into his car and drove off drunk. We don't know all of the details but he somehow swerved and his car flipped a few times. Some guy saw the whole thing called the cops and then us. They have him in an induced coma because of all of the pain. He has one broken arm, with four broken fingers on that hand. Along with four broken ribs. He has cuts and bruises all over his arms and face and oh Alice, he looks so bad!" She said all in two breaths.
An image of Jackson ran through my mind. It had been the night after we had first had sex and I was laying on my back, and he was beside me on his stomach. His fingers had been trailing up and down my arm while I was blissfully laying there so content and so in love. I looked over and lay on my side, our faces close. He propped his head up into his hand and smirked at me. That grin sent me to heaven and back. I didn't think it could get any better and then he whispered. "I love you so much darlin."
My daydream was interrupted by Maria asking me if I was alright. I looked at her and wiped my wet eyes, "No I'm not. I miss him so much and I made a mistake last night and now he is hurt and broken and I don't know what to do with myself." I said collapsing into a chair.
She sat down next to me and rubbed my shoulder.
"So any news on when he will be ok?" I asked, realizing that was probably a stupid question.
She shrugged, "Right before you came here my parents were called into the room so I am stuck out here waiting to hear what they have to say."
So that is what we did, we sat here and waited. It seemed like forever before I could hear the familiar sounds of Mr. Whitlock's voice coming down the hallway.
I stood up abruptly when they came into view. I hadn't seen them since the breakup and wasn't sure how to handle this situation.
"Alice?" Mrs. Whitlock asked coming towards me quickly and wrapping me up into a hug. "Sweetie, it is so good to see you!" She said breaking away from the hug.
Jasper's parents had always been so nice to me. I felt like I was at home when I sat down in their kitchen for dinner. They treated me like a second daughter, and one of the things I hated about this breakup was realizing I probably wouldn't see them again.
"As soon as I got Maria's texts I came here. I don't want to intrude though." I said realizing how weird this was that I was here.
"Alice, you could never intrude. We love you very much and you deserve to be here. I know Jasper would want you here." She said.
Maria shifted her feet and spoke up, "So what is going on? When are they bringing Jasper out of a coma?"
They explained that they had gotten all of Jasper's vitals to where they needed to be and they would start to bring him out of his coma soon. I sighed in relief.
The next few hours were excruciating and I started to think about why I was here…what would happen when he woke up? I didn't know if I could handle seeing him, especially in a state like this.
Even though I knew she wouldn't care, I let my mom know where I was.
Finally after seven hours of waiting in silence, the doctors came out to let us know that Jasper was indeed waking up. The doctor didn't want anyone in there besides family when Jasper woke up and that meant I would have to wait to see him. Which was fine, but she brought tears to my eyes when Mrs. Whitlock said, "Alice is family."
I let them go in first and waited patiently in the waiting room, texting Rose to let her know what was going on. She said that Emmett had been asking about me, and I breathed a sigh of relief when she said she hadn't given him my number. Regardless of what happened tonight with Jasper, I was not going to go down that road. It was full of reminders of the bad things that had led up to this point. I didn't even know if I should tell him…
"Bella, you want to come in?" Maria said coming to get me about twenty minutes later.
I stood up now self conscious of my appearance. I didn't think that the next time I would see my ex would be when I looked like shit. I hadn't even gotten a chance to take a shower after last night.
Grabbing my purse, I followed her and when we got to the door, my breath hitched. This was it. I was about to see the love of my life.
She opened the door and I was greeted by the sounds of beeping that surrounded the room. His mom was sitting in a chair that had been scooted up to the bed and her hand was covering a very beat up hand lying on top of the covers. His dad was in a chair more towards the corner, and his sister left my side to sit on the edge of his bed. And Jasper was laying on the bed, wires and tubes everywhere. His face was covered in scratches and his eye was bruised. My breath caught in my throat, he looked so broken and there was nothing I could do.
His mom patted a seat next to hers and said, "Here Alice, why don't you have a seat here."
Slowly I walked over to the bed and sat down, taking in his appearance. His dirty blonde hair was pushed back off of his face and his eyes were shut blocking his gorgeous green eyes. I felt a tear escape my eyes and I quickly wiped it away.
I was too lost in the sight of him to notice that suddenly, I was alone in the room. I raised my hand to place it on his and hesitated. What if he woke up? Would he be mad at me for the contact?
Fuck it.
I placed my hand on his cold hand and squeezed it gently. He stirred slightly and I watched his face as his eyes slowly opened.
"Oh thank God, Jasper." I said in a quick breath.
"Alice." He breathed.
"Shhh." I said, not wanting him to waste his strength.
"I'm fine; you have no idea how amazing it is to see you. I am so sorry." He said squeezing my hand.
"I didn't know if you would have wanted me to come but when I got to check my phone this afternoon and I saw Maria's texts, I was here in a heartbeat. I am sorry it took me so long to get here." I said hating myself suddenly. I had selfishly slept with someone and here the love of my life was in a hospital bed.
"Hey, no need to say you're sorry Alice. I shouldn't have been at that bar last night, and then when I saw you with him, I just flipped. It was as though my whole world was crashing down."
Wait, what? "You were at the bar last night?" I asked sitting straight up.
He nodded, "I was out with my friends last night, and I saw you dancing with him. I don't want to know the details, but I lost it. So I drank more and I left. I shouldn't have done that."
It was all my fault for him being in the hospital. If I had just stayed home and wallowed, he wouldn't be here.
"Darlin, don't blame yourself, ok? It was my own fault. But I have to be honest about something." He said.
I nodded, bracing myself. He continued, "I can't stop thinking about you. These last few weeks have been hell, and seeing you at the jewelry store broke me. I love you Alice, and I know it is so selfish of me to say these things to you, but I should have never let you go. I need you, and I can't be without you."
I leaned down fully understanding what he was saying to me. And so I answered, "I love you too." And I brought my lips to his gently.

x.x.x

Jasper was monitored for a few more days in the hospital, mostly to make sure that his brain hadn't suffered any while being in a coma. Luckily, he was fine and went home only with a few bottles of pain medication. His arm was put into a cast and then he had to wear a sling for the first week.
I had seen the pictures from the accident and I thanked whoever it was up in heaven that he had escaped with the injuries that he suffered.
The few days in the hospital with him had been oddly amazing. It was as though time hadn't even passed. The time we had spent apart felt like it had been a really long vacation and we were only catching up.
When we arrived at his house after bringing him home from the hospital he asked me to come up to his room with him. Agreeing, I grabbed his suitcase and followed him upstairs.
He shut the door behind him with his good hand, and walked slowly over to his dresser.
"I know this is super forward of me, and I have no idea what you are going to say to this but I think you should see what I have." He said walking over to me, his hand behind his back obviously holding something.
"Alice, as soon as you walked out of that jewelry store I knew I couldn't be without you. So I did something crazy and thankfully not wasteful. I went back in and bought this back." He said producing his hand that held a small black box.
I gasped and suddenly knew what it was. He continued. "I knew this wasn't the end of us. It couldn't be and I knew that someday after the hurt was gone I would fight for you. I love you Alice, and I hope you will accept this promise ring as a promise that I will never leave you again. Darlin, you are mine, and I know we were meant for each other. Will you accept this promise ring?"
He grinned my favorite lopsided grin and I smiled widely back. "Of course. I love you Jasper." I said wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him. He smiled against my lips and pulled away, opening the box and slipping the ring on my right hand ring finger.
"I love you too." He said in almost a whisper.
I smiled, "Times infinity." I giggled.
He took my face in his hands and looked at me seriously, sending chills throughout my body. "Plus two." He said.
And I replied in a way I thought I would never be able to again. "Forever." And I buried myself into him, knowing I would never let him go again.
"And ever."
Well I had originally written this for the one shot soundtrack contest (My song was Our Song by The Spill Canvas)…but I wanted to just post it! This story is kind of sentimental for me. It is in some ways my story…not everything in there actually happened, but the basis did. My story in real life didn't have a happy ending with my ex, but I am on the right track in my life. So here you go…know that this was hard for me to write! Thank you so much Monica for helping me, and beta'ing, I wouldn't have been able to do it without her. She had to endure very long emails from me ;) Anyways, enjoy! Oh and feel free to make fun of the times infinity thing…I do HA!

FoxyFics Fundraiser II

2010-12-23T10:14:00.000-08:00

Hello!
Wow it has been a long time since I have posted. Anyways, I am sure you have heard of FoxyFics, it is an amazing organization through the Michael J. Fox Parkinson's research. KatBug86 is hosting it and basicall you donate $5 and you get a whole entire compilation of stories from some amazing authors. I am doing it and I have a preview of my one shot I will be writing for it. Hope it intrigues you :)

It Ended With a Bang.

It all started with a gun.

I hadn't meant for it to go off.

I knew I couldn't lose her; I loved her to no end.

All I wanted was to be able to stop this; put an end to it if that were at all possible.

I knew that something was wrong. I also knew, deep down that I could save her…whatever that meant.

When she called me this afternoon to meet at the park, I knew it would come down to something like this.

There was only one bullet in the gun; this I was sure of. And as I wrapped my hand around the pistol, my breath quickened; this was going to happen.

It may have all started with a gun.

But it ended with a bang.

Sizzle and Burn

2010-10-29T19:11:00.000-07:00

Don't hate me for the ending.

Disclaimer :Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight, she is the one who gave us these characters to play with ;)

I was an ordinary girl. I had ordinary friends and I led an ordinary life. I was happy, content with my life. My parents separated when I was just a little kid and I had moved to Forks, Washington to live with my dad. My mom had remarried, unlike my father, and lived in Los Angeles with her husband Phil who was a radio DJ for their local radio station.
My life in Forks was simple. I got up every morning at 6 am to get ready for school and on the weekends, I worked at the local grocery store owned by the parents of my friend Mike Newton.
The group of people I hung out with was my life. When I wasn't in school studying, or working at Newton's Grocery, I was with them.
Rosalie Hale, or the ice queen to some people, was one of those people whom you didn't want to fuck with so you became friends with her instantly. Although, once you gave her a chance she really wasn't as bad as she seemed. Rosalie, or Rose as we called her, has been dating my brother Emmett for three years. When we were sophomores, our dad made us switch over to public school and that is where he met Rose.
Then there were the Cullen's, Alice and Edward.
Edward was the guy at our school that every single girl wanted to touch. He was tall and well built. He had deep green eyes that seemed to sparkle, yes fucking sparkle, in the sun. His bronze "just been fucked" hair was something that even I, at one point in my life, had wanted to run my hands through. He and I were the only people in our "group" that was not dating anyone. Of course, with this I sometimes imagined myself being intimate with him. He was gorgeous yes, but he had quite the reputation. While I was content with my average status, I wasn't ok with being just another ordinary girl and definitely not interested in adding my name to Edward Cullen's list of conquests. Everyone expected him and I to date because let's face it; I was single, he was single and because of that we were the outcasts of our group.
That is where Alice comes in.
Alice was my best friend in the entire world. With her small frame and pixie like appearance, you couldn't help but fall in love with her. She has been there for me through everything. If I needed to talk to her about anything, she would be over in a heartbeat. It was almost as if she had some sort of super power and could use speed to her advantage.
Alice had secrets, and I held them close to me. You see, Alice, although on the outside seemed extremely happy, was broken on the inside. She wasn't biologically a Cullen. She was placed in foster care when she was twelve and Carlisle and Esme adopted her about four years later. Albeit a relatively short time in foster care, the damage to her soul was severe. I don't know the details of all the disturbing things that happened to Alice while in foster care. However, I knew one thing, whatever it was it was devastating. I knew this because whenever she was having an extremely bad day, I would get a text to come over and help her. When the pain got too bad, she couldn't deal. She was a cutter and self-mutilation was her coping mechanism. Jasper and I were the only ones who were aware, and I knew it was important for it to stay that way because we could not lose her. She was scared if her parents found out they would put her into a psychiatric facility. She had my word I wouldn't say anything, but I knew that if it escalated I would have to intervene. As far as I knew, she hadn't cut herself or harmed herself in any way for months now; that gave me reassurance but I still worried about her every day.
Alice meant a lot to me, I loved her like a sister, and that is why what I have been doing for the past two weeks has been killing me. I loved Alice, and she was more than just my best friend. However, I was also falling in love with her boyfriend Jasper.

Jasper was Rosalie's brother and he was a year older than we were. While we were seniors in high school, he was taking a year off college to work on his music. The moment I met him a year ago there was something about him that drew me in. He had a southern accent that made me swoon whenever I talked to him, and he was such the gentleman. Jasper was the complete opposite of Edward in so many good ways. He had blue eyes and a darker brown shade of hair. He and I shared many similar interests. We loved the same music and found solace in the lyrics of our favorite artists.
Now as I sat here with him sitting inches from me, I was overwhelmed with a mixture of emotions. It was just an ordinary Friday at Alice's house. After school that day, we were all supposed to meet her at her and Edward's house at six.
Of course, she had decided to go shopping before hanging out and was running late. I glanced up at the clock making sure I didn't make eye contact with Jasper. Ironically, I had a feeling that he and I would be the ones who were here early. I played with my hands trying to avoid his eyes.
The uncomfortable silence enveloped us. We both were well aware that all of the hand touches, and bumps into each other were much more than just accidental. Then there had been the kiss that had happened just weeks before.
It had been a Friday night and everyone wanted something to do. Emmett and I decided to have everyone over at our house for a movie night. Charlie was out for the evening on duty, which meant Emmett and I had the house to ourselves. It had been the end of the night and everyone was leaving. We all bid our goodbyes, I hugged Alice, and she gave me a kiss. Then I expertly dodged Edward as he tried to swoop me up and hug me an extra time. Emmett was going to stay the night with Rose and so I listened to him as he gave me his speech on being careful since I would be home alone until four the next morning. He could be so overprotective at times.
I was finishing the cleaning from our evening festivities when I heard a knock at my door. I threw the pizza box into the trashcan and walked to the front door, peeking out of the window next to it to see who it was. Jasper Hale was standing on my front doorstep.
Unlocking the door, I opened it welcoming him in.
He came in fast as if he was in a rush, running a hand through his somewhat damp hair. It looked like it had begun to rain. "Sorry to bug you Bella, but I forgot my cell phone here."
I laughed, "That's ok, I haven't gotten to that part of the cleaning yet but let's go see if we can find it; I'll even help you look." I said leading him back into the living room. I grabbed the piles of blankets that were around the floor and shook them out, hoping to find the cell phone.
When I had no luck, I folded the blankets and put them back in the basket next to Charlie's chair where they belonged.
"Here you forgot one." He said handing me a blanket he had just folded up. I went to take it from his hands and when our fingers touched, it was electric. I pulled away quickly and averted my eyes. Touching your best friend's boyfriend was not supposed to be like this. However, I tried to shake it off as I had before. "Sorry". He said with a grin that made my stomach feel like it had butterflies in it. I shook my head, waved off his apology, and continued to search.
Finally, after almost a half an hour of searching, we found his cell phone. I didn't mind spending the time looking for the phone; we had used it to talk about things. I learned more about where he came from. I knew from overhearing him telling Emmett that he and Rosalie were from Texas, but now I knew he was from Austin. He told me a little bit more about his lifestyle there, and it fascinated me for some reason. We then talked a little bit about music and his ideas of where he wanted to go with his music career.
"Thanks for helping me look for that Bella, hope I wasn't intruding darlin." He said as we walked back towards the door.
I smiled, "No I didn't mind at all…it was great talking to you." I said shoving my hands into my back pocket. Trying to gracefully recover from hearing Jasper call me darlin'.
He smiled and ran his hand through his hair. "Well I guess I had better get going." He said.
I nodded and rocked back on my feet. He leaned in to hug me, "Goodnight Bella." He said putting his arms around me pulling me into a hug as we have done so many times before. But this time the hug wasn't the end of his goodbye. He pulled away slightly and kissed my cheek.
Startled, I pulled away; my arms still wrapped around his waist, and looked at him. His eyes were a piercing blue and his full lips were in a line, not smiling, but not frowning. My eyes moved frantically from his lips to his eyes and I searched them, trying to figure out what was happening.
It didn't occur to me that he would kiss me. Regardless of our now, seemingly obvious attraction, I never imagined either one of us would ever act on our feelings. I knew it was wrong as he brought his hand up to cup the right side of my face. I knew it was wrong as I watched him come in closer, to the point where I could feel him breathing on my face. I knew it was wrong as I allowed myself to bring my own face closer to his, breaking the distance between his lips and mine. But as soon as my lips touched his, I was thoughtless. I couldn't think about anything except how his lips felt as they moved against mine. I was lost in the moment and overwhelmed by the passion.
For a moment, his hand pulled me closer and then instantly he pulled away bringing me back into reality.
My eyes shot open as I realized what I had just done. I just kissed my best friend's boyfriend.
"I think you should go." I said stepping back until I hit the stairs that sat in front of the door. My fingers touched my lips where his had just been; they were still tingling.
Without a word, he nodded and left, shutting the door softly behind him. I went to the door, locked it swiftly, and then turned so that my back was resting against the cold metal of the door. I slumped down and lowered myself until I was sitting on the ground. I put my head in my hands and I cried.
I didn't sleep at all that night.
Jasper and I had blown it off as if nothing had happened but sitting here next to him now almost a week later, in the silence, I knew deep down that it was far from nothing. I could not stop thinking of Jasper. Replaying all of the laughs and extra tight hugs in my mind; it was obvious they were more than just a friendly way of saying hello. In retrospect, all of the signs were there; we were just too blind and unwilling to see them.
After the kiss, I couldn't bare to look at Alice for days. I avoided her at all costs and it killed me that on the fourth day of avoiding her, she came to me with tears in her eyes asking me what she had done. It broke my heart to see her upset. Even more so, for her to think it was something she did to bring on this sudden distance between us. I brought her into a hug, making up some sort of story about PMS, hoping she wouldn't figure out later that I had been lying.
I hated this. I hated not knowing what was going through his head. Why was he allowing this to happen? On the other hand, had I made this to be something much more than it really was? Was it all in my head? But what was I going to say? "Jasper we need to talk about all of the different ways you make me think about you?" "Do you know what you do to me when your hand brushes up against mine?" "Do you know that every time I look at you, I want to continue our kiss from last week?" None of those questions were appropriate. None of this was supposed to happen. I needed to, for the sake of Alice and our friendship, forget about all of this and just move on.
I stood up, straightening my black cardigan. "Okay, well if Alice shows up in the next hour have her text me or something but I think I am going to go home for now. I'll see you later." I said gathering my things.
"Wait, Bella, don't go."Jasper said standing up.
He walked the few feet in between us, took my book bag from my arm, and set it back on the ground. "Darlin' you and I need to talk." His eyes searching mine as if he was looking for a sign.
I nodded, swallowing hard. His face was getting closer to mine, and soon I could feel the heat radiating off his face. "Yes we do." I said, not sure where the courage to speak came from.
"Bella, I…" He started to say, but he was cut off as we heard the front door open swiftly. He shot away from me and I turned around hoping my face wouldn't give myself away.
I turned back around and saw Jasper walking over to the foyer where Alice was standing. She set her last bag down and wrapped her arms around his neck. I turned my back to them, hating myself for having to look away.
Thinking I would just call it a night, I grabbed my purse and book bag and headed to the foyer. Alice greeted me with a smile. "Bella! I am so sorry I am late, there was a huge sale! Long story short, I bought some killer outfits for the Halloween party I am throwing next weekend!" She said enthusiastically. She glanced at my bags and looked back up at me. "Are you leaving?" She asked with a pout in her voice.
I shrugged and glanced at Jasper quickly who was standing against the wall with his hands in his pockets. "Yeah, I think I am going to head in tonight. I have to be up early for work tomorrow and I really don't want to do homework after work. Have fun tonight though!" I said giving her a quick hug and headed out the door.
I made it home in my old beat up truck in minutes and settled in for the night, cuddled up in sweats with a bowl of ice cream in front of the television.
What was I going to do? I couldn't hurt Alice, and I sure as hell couldn't get Jasper out of my head. Our senior year had just begun and I knew that if I pulled away from Alice, the group would fall apart and that was the last thing I wanted.
My thoughts were interrupted an hour later when my phone beeped, letting me know I had a new message. I had talked to Alice a few times that night, reassuring her that everything was ok. And I had assumed it was her that was messaging me, but I was wrong and my breath hitched when I saw that it was Jasper.
B, we really need to talk. Alice is going to bed early tonight, can I stop over? I just want to talk.
I sighed. I knew eventually that we needed to talk about the kiss. But I wasn't ready for it. I had experienced enough awkward for one night.
Not tonight, I don't think I can .~B
Hoping that would be the end of the conversation, I hit send and closed my phone shutting off the television and heading into the living room to set my dishes into the sink. They would have to wait until tomorrow I thought as I shut the light off in the kitchen. I walked down the hallway and started to head up the stairs when I heard an all too familiar sound, the doorbell.
I knew who it was before I even got to the window situated beside the door. I sighed pushing away the feeling of excitement at the site of Jasper and opened the door.
He walked in and looked at me. His gaze met mine and instantly I could see the conflict in his eyes. He was just as torn and tortured as I was. I had no words; I shrugged, feeling the tears gathering in my eyes. There was no denying the charged air between us. Here he was, standing in my hallway looking as gorgeous as ever. He slowly walked towards me and I was surprised I didn't move away. My feet would not budge and my heart was pounding with anticipation. He came closer and I watched as he slowly brought his hands to my face. "Bella, don't move ok? I want to see something."
I nodded and I let him kiss me. His lips were gentle and I imagined it had to do with where he was from. Everything about Jasper was gentle. Even his kisses were gentleman like. His lips kissed mine, bringing back that tingling sensation I had experienced with him before. He kissed my bottom lip, then my top and then pulled away to look at me.
This was happening, and even though my head was screaming how wrong this was, my body was yearning for something much different.
I wrapped my arms around his waist, pulling him closer. He kissed my cheek, my nose and then my lips briefly before moving to my neck. A small groan escaped my lips and I felt him press himself harder against me as he moaned against my mouth. I pulled away, taking his hand and leading him upstairs to my bedroom.
With every step I took leading to my room, there was another reason not to do this that was pushed away. When we got to my door, I turned as he grinned mischievously and pulled me towards him.
Where was this coming from?
He pushed me backwards and we entered my room and soon found the bed.
Hands were flying everywhere until his soft hands came to a stop at my zip up hoodie I had put on after coming home from Alice's.
He watched my eyes as he slowly brought the zipper down, the anticipation of what was going to happen pulling at me in all of the right places.
"We can talk later" He whispered into my ear, bringing his lips to my neck again after he spoke his words. I pushed up into him as my answer. Jasper had been so unreachable for so many months now and finally I was able to come undone around him. I wanted all of him.
My sweatshirt was now off revealing that I had on a burgundy wife beater. The cold air encompassed my chest and made my nipples hard and reminded me that I hadn't put a bra on underneath.
My hands went under his shirt and I quickly found out that Jasper was muscular. It had never occurred to me, or maybe it was just that I hadn't allowed myself to look before now. I kissed him as my hands ran up and down his chest softly and slowly tickling his hot skin. I finally pulled his shirt off him and admired his physique. He leaned down into me more and my hands found his lean back. With my fingertips ran down the length of his back, stopping at his shoulder blades and then the top of his jeans.
He groaned and kissed me harder as I ran my finger underneath the very top of the band of his boxers, touching the softest part of his skin.
Not wanting to push him further, I brought my hand back up and used it to run my fingers through his messy hair.
"Isabella." He moaned as my fingers scraped against his skin underneath his hair. A bolt of excitement ran through me in all of the right places at the sound of my name coming from his lips.
His hands moved from the grip they had on my hips and went to the bottom of my shirt. I bucked my hips up urging his hands underneath my shirt. His warm fingers touched my skin yet they sent chills throughout my body.
I waited and kissed him as his fingers danced across my belly, then slowly up towards my breasts. He halted his lips and looked at me as his fingers encountered my naked breasts. "You're not wearing anything underneath?" He asked almost disbelievingly.
I grinned and my cheeks flushed, "Nope." I answered.
"You are going to kill me darlin." He said as his lips crashed back down to mine, and his fingers played gently. He sat up with his legs straddling my sides. His hands went to the bottom of my wife beater and he barely whispered, "May I?"
I knew what he wanted and so I gave it to him. I sat up so that we were kneeling in front of each other and I scanned his eyes. Finding the courage, I brought my hands to the hem of my shirt and lifted it off me. His eyes looked down at me and then he gazed into my eyes greeting me with his famous half smile. "You are gorgeous sweetheart." He said kissing my chest and then trailing his kisses upwards as his hands grabbed my breasts frantically.
He lowered me down, our chests bare against each other and he rubbed against my sex. I followed his lead and rubbed into him as he did me. Not much longer after, I felt the familiar build up over come me. I bit into his shoulder. "Let go Bella." He said, panting. And so that is what I did. I came hard, feeling as if I were crashing down.
We continued exploring and kissing for what seemed like hours after that.
"So much for talking." I said after he and I had calmed down enough. My back was now to his bare chest and my head was resting on his arm.
He kissed my hair, "I know you may not believe me, but this was not my intention when I sent you that text. I really did want to talk." He said into my hair.
I rolled over so that I was facing him, and he brushed my hair out of my face. "We really do need to talk though Jasper. As much as I loved what just happened, I can't hurt Alice. I love her too much."
He sighed and closed his eyes. "I know me too.' He said simply. "But it is impossible to not want to be with you. Whenever I see you that is all I want to do and all I can think about. Ever since that first kiss, I cannot get you out of my head. Before that functioning around you was do-able, but after kissing you it has become unbearable."
I brought my hand up and rubbed my eyes, "But for Alice, we need to stop this. This cannot happen again." I said motioning to our bodies that were still tightly intertwined.
"So what do we do? Ignore each other in the normal way that we would, given our situation?" He asked.
I thought about that, and knowing it would be hard, I nodded bringing my head closer to the crook of his neck. "We can't move forward with this, nor can we go behind her back. It would kill her." I said, knowing my words may be all too real.
I felt his head above mine nod in agreement and I knew he knew what I was implying.
We didn't speak for a while and then he broke the silence by lifting my chin with his finger, "What a way to end this then huh?" He said as he brought my lips to his.
He kissed me for a little while longer after that and then he got up, gathering his shirt and handing me my hoodie.
I zipped it on suddenly very self-conscience because I had been wearing a very thin shirt without anything underneath it.
We walked downstairs and he slipped his shoes on. He opened the door, turned to me, and leaned in to kiss me one last time.
The kiss ended too soon, and he started to leave only to turn back around and look at me. "By the way Bella, you are anything but ordinary. You are beyond beautiful." He said and then he got into his Ford pick up and left.
My cheeks burned at his comment and I closed my door, and slumped down against it and found myself in a similar situation from the first time he kissed me.
The month following that night was like my own personal hell. Facing Alice was even harder this time then it had been before. I had to remind myself constantly to try to make sure I wasn't looking at Jasper a certain way, or acting out of the ordinary. So far, Alice hadn't seemed to catch on.
We spent almost every night texting each other back and forth. He had formed a nickname for me; honeybee. And I knew it was stupid and childish but every time he started his texts off with honeybee, or whispered it into my ear when no one was looking, my cheeks turned a bright shade of red. We talked about little things and could spend hours on one subject. But when it came to the harder stuff, like what we were going to do about our situation, neither of us had anything to say.

XXX

I woke up to the sound of my phone alarm going off. I had made sure to set it with plenty of time to get ready for Alice's Christmas party. It had been a very long Saturday. I had woken up at five am that morning and then went straight into work. When I got home around three, I knew if I didn't get some sleep, I would be no fun at the party tonight.
Alice was notorious for her parties and the last one, the Halloween costume party, was still being talked about. Her parents were pretty cool about things, and promised to stay out in the guesthouse for the remainder of the night.
Stepping into the shower, I turned the water the hottest it would go and sighed as I felt the steam and the heat of the water fall around me.
Feeling the cold water starting to come through, I decided I would end the shower before the hot water ran out. I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my waist. I walked into my room and stood in front of the plastic bag that held my outfit for the night.
Against my will, Alice had picked something out for me to wear tonight for her party. It was a black laced dress. The fabric under the lace was a soft dusty rose and the lace was black. It was fitted nicely and I had paired it with my flats and a three quarter length black cardigan.
She swore that with this dress on, every single guy there wouldn't be able to keep his eyes off me. Let's hope she was wrong for Jasper's sake and mine.
My makeup didn't take long and before I could change my mind about going, it was time to go to Alice's. I checked my phone once more and saw that Jasper had sent me a text.
Honeybee, we need to do something about us soon. I can't take it much longer not being able to touch you. And I hate keeping this from Alice. My heart belongs do you darlin; let's make this right if that's even possible…
I replied, Ok, babe and shoved my phone into my purse ready for whatever the night might bring.
I got to the party not too long after it had officially started and was amazed at how many people had already arrived. I swore my whole high school was there as I looked around trying to find a familiar face.
That's when I saw Alice, gliding towards me with a huge smile on her face. "You're here!" she exclaimed throwing her arms around me. She pulled away shortly after "I knew you would rock that dress!" She said, approving of my look.
I laughed, "Thanks Alice. What did you do invite the whole school?" I asked jokingly.
She rolled her eyes and smiled, "That is exactly what Jasper said earlier. And no I didn't, I couldn't invite the underclassmen; that would be weird!"
"Alice, I could use a little help here!" I heard Edward shout from the kitchen.
Alice gave me a quick kiss and said, "Be right back, make yourself at home…you know the drill by now!" And with that she was gone.
I grabbed a drink of some sort and downed it, not even allowing myself to enjoy the taste of it. I looked around the room and soon found Alice standing in the corner laughing with Jasper about something. I cringed at the site of it and downed more of my drink, wishing it had contained some sort of alcohol content.
"Awe!" I heard someone exclaim from the side of the room that Alice and Jasper were on. My eyes shot immediately to them to see what was going on, when I suddenly wished I hadn't. Alice had grabbed Jasper and was kissing him underneath the mistletoe.
Not being able to take it anymore, I walked quickly out of the room and into a secluded room that was down the hall. I stood by the window and watched the snow fall silently to the ground.
There was something so calming and soothing about snow. You could get lost in your thoughts while looking at the magic of white coming from the sky. The snow made me want to go outside and jump in piles of it, and lay there making snow angels. I wanted to have a snowball fight with Jasper and lie in the snow while he kissed my nose.
But I knew none of that was going to happen. At least not now, I coudn't do that to him or his relationship. If I did, it would screw everything up and I didn't think I was ready to be the reason for our friendships to end.
Too deep in my thoughts, I didn't hear the door open or Jasper as he walked in.
Once I realized I was not alone, I turned towards him; he reached out, and wiped away a tear that I had not even realized was there.
"Honeybee, I hate to see you like this. I am so sorry you saw that." He said putting his hand over mine softly.
I looked towards the door as a warning to him; letting him know that at any moment, she could walk through that door.
He came closer to me slowly and then with his finger, brought my face up so that my eyes were level with his own. "Bella, I am in love with you." He whispered.
With his words, I completely melted and suddenly came to the realization the feelings I had been having for him could no longer be ignored. I touched my forehead to his and nodded, and through the tears I said, "I love you too." And he kissed me.
"I fucking knew it!" I heard an all too familiar voice coming from the doorway.
I pushed Jasper away and my eyes shot to a very upset and hurt looking Alice.
Before either of us could say anything, she was off. Jasper was next following after her, and I was behind him.
We ran through the house and I ignored the looks that everyone was giving us. I knew they didn't know but somehow I felt as if though every single pair of eyes was judging me.
She led us out into her front yard and stopped briefly. It killed me to see her so hurt, so upset and I watched as I saw tears streaming down her cheeks, now pink from the cold. "How could you do this to me? Out of anyone, I trusted and loved you the most!" She said. Her words obviously directed towards me.
She turned towards the street and then she ran.
At that point, everything happened so fast, it was but a blur. I stood there as I watched Jasper run after her. It felt as though in that moment he had made his decision. It was Alice, not me. I would have to deal with the aftermath. Sickened by the realization that I just lost my best friend, my sister and my confident and now as Jasper ran after her, I had lost my love.
My life was unraveling before my eyes and I did not have the power to stop it.
I turned back towards the house to see Emmett coming through the front door. His lips mouthed, "What is going on?" But I heard nothing except the sound of tires screeching behind me.
I spun around to see where the sound was coming from but as soon as I saw what had happened, I wished I had never have looked. I dropped to my knees unable to breath, in disbelief, wanting desperately to believe I was in caught in a nightmare that I couldn't wake from.
The road that Alice and Edward lived on wasn't a very busy road. They had just the normal neighbors passing through, but nothing more than that. On this night, a UPS truck had turned the corner a little too sharp, and skidded violently on the black ice.
Even if the driver had seen them in time, he never would have been able to control his truck before it hit Jasper dead on.
A/N I have never written a Bella and Jasper story before, but after learning about the Bellspar contest and hearing a song on the radio that inspired me, I ended up writing this in one night. It was a challenge and I hope that you all enjoyed it. Thank you SO much to Monica, you are one hell of a beta and I love ya!

Paint Me The Way That I Am Chapter Two

2010-10-24T16:52:00.001-07:00

"Your precious heart, broken and scarred, somehow you made it through"

My father never hit me. Looking back over the years with my parents, there really was never physical abuse but the verbal and mental abuse was abundant. The emotional shit cut me the deepest. I had given up hope long ago on having any meaningful relationship with my mom; there were too many years of her neglect and hatred towards me. I knew I would never have a true mother. However, when it came to my dad, I used to have a glimmer of hope, once upon a time.
My dad was a psychologist, and he was good at his job or so I assumed since he was always busy with his patients. He owned his private practice with my uncle, his brother. My dad treated the bulk of the patients. He saw patients during the week and my uncle treated patients on the weekends. So that meant that my dad was ours on the weekend right?
Wrong.
He immersed himself in his work constantly. I had to plan ahead of time in order to have any semblance of quality time with him. This took me years to figure out, and by the time I did, our relationship was beyond repair.
It had been about seven years ago and I had landed the supporting role in the play we were doing at school. I didn't have a big part at all, but those three lines I did have meant the world to me. When I went home to tell my parents, my mother simply said in a hurry out the door, "Honey, I think you should look into cheerleading, theater is just so ordinary." I hated when she called me honey, there was no meaning behind the word, and whenever my teacher or anyone would say that word to me, it would make my cringe.
When my father had gotten home that night, I ran to him, giving him his welcome home hug, it was our ritual. "Dad! I got a role in the play, and the director gave me lines!" I said enthusiastically, deeply hoping someone would give me a reaction.
He smiled briefly and congratulated me.
"Will you be there?" I asked, hoping he wouldn't give me the answer I didn't want to hear.
But, without even thinking, he answered, "Wouldn't miss it for the world munchkin."
I was thrilled! I remember telling myself to not get my hopes up. My father had never really come to anything of mine and had used the same excuses every time. "I got tied up at the office." But this time, I had a feeling he would be there. He had assured me and he would never break a promise.

The month leading up to the debut of the play, I cherished those lines and carried them around carefully. I made sure that I knew how to say them, and what the lines were before my own so I would be prepared. The day of the performance, my stomach was full of butterflies. I couldn't do anything but think about that night. When it came time for lunch all I could muster to eat was an apple. At recess I sat on one of the swings, willing myself to not throw up.
Later on that night, a half an hour before the show started, I was all dressed in my outfit and my makeup and hair had been done. I held the piece of paper that contained my lines, close to my chest being careful to not lose them just in case I needed a last minute look through.
One of my friends and cast mates, Cassie, came running up to me, a bouquet of colorful flowers in her hand. "Alice, look at what my parents brought me!" she said enthusiastically.
I smiled and looked at them, seeing almost every bright color I knew in the arrangement. "Those are so pretty! I bet my daddy brought me some!"
"Want to go see the audience? I heard a lot of people talking behind the curtain!" She said excitedly already taking off towards the back of the curtain.
I ran after her, not sure if I could stomach the site of the people before going out on stage. "Girls, come back really quick, you have five minutes!" Our teacher, who was also the director, said to us as we ran by.
We hurried to the curtain and when we got to it, the murmur of voices made me nervous yet curious. She made a small gap through the curtain and we looked out. "There are so many people!" She said turning back to me.
"Let me see!" I heard myself say. I peeked out looking around the audience. Almost every seat was full with family and friends of my cast mates. I let my eyes search to the seat I had gotten my dad. I expected to see him sitting there with flowers and a smile on his face. But when I got to his chair, it was completely empty.
I turned back to Cassie and said, "My dad's not here." I said to her.
She looked up at me from her flowers, "I bet he is just running late Alice, he still has a few minutes. Come on, we better get going or Mr. Frank is going to kill us for being late!"
I nodded my head, believing her words and went to the other room where the cast was gathering.
My part wasn't supposed to happen until the second half of the play, and I spent my time reading my lines, over and over. I knew them backwards and forwards and was excited to show off all of my hard work to my dad.
Finally, my time came and I entered the stage. There were a few lines before mine and I did something that I shouldn't have; I looked out into the audience. I had to see my dad and once I did, I knew that I could go on.
It didn't take long to spot his seat since it was the only empty one in the house.
My heart froze; he wasn't here. It was well into the second half of the play and I knew he had had plenty of time to get here and into his seat. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't.
"Alice!" I heard someone whisper next to me. My eyes darted to the person in front of me.
"And where have you been Becca?" He said.
I knew this was my cue and by the look on his face, it wasn't the first time he had said it.
My thoughts scrambled together as I tried to remember what I needed to say and finally, with much delay, I replied.
As soon as I was finished with my lines, I walked far too fast off the stage. When I got through the curtain, I ran to the bathroom in the school and cried for the next half an hour.
That night after my mom had picked me up from the school play, I came to the stark realization there were three things I needed to cease immediately in order to survive; I needed not to feel, not to care, and not to hope.

XXX

It was, unfortunately Monday, and for me that meant my first day of school. I didn't want to go, not one bit, and I even contemplated skipping all together; no one would notice. Laying in bed, I stared at my ceiling counting the circles in the ceilings design.
Not that I gave a shit, but no one would know me. Well that wasn't entirely true. Jasper would be there and I wasn't quite sure how I felt seeing him after what he witnessed me almost doing. I was suddenly embarrassed all over again. What the fuck was I going to do when I saw him at school today? I didn't think I could look at him straight on without it being awkward. I took a deep breath and without exhaling, I held it just to see how long I could. The seconds passed on quickly and as I approached the minute mark I could feel a burning sensation in my chest. I needed air, but I didn't want it.
I started to feel light headed when I was interrupted by the sound of pounding coming from behind my door. "Alice Brandon, you will not be late for your first day, you don't need more people thinking you are a mess-up; you have enough already!" My mother said.
I let my breath out and quickly gasped for more air as I heard her heels clicking down the hallway. I stuck my middle finger out, wishing she could see me.
After I caught my breath, I threw my covers off and grabbed my towel I kept hanging on the back of my door and headed into the bathroom.
After my shower I threw on a pair of jeans and a tee shirt. My hair was messy with crazy waves that I left in without brushing it. Quickly I ran downstairs to grab water before heading out when I saw my mom sitting at our breakfast table, her smoothie in hand. Her disapproving eyes traveled all the way up from my chuck taylor's to my ragged hair.
"Alice, it is your first day of school, don't you want to make a better first impression?" She asked taking off of her glasses.
I rolled my eyes "See ya." I said and I was out the door.
As soon as I walked out my front door I put my hood up and looked around. It was, of course, raining and the last thing I needed was to walk into class soaking wet.
I got my keys out for my Saturn and got in, starting the engine within seconds. I used to be able to just walk to school but since we moved, I didn't live a few blocks away anymore and I had to drive my car. When I turned seventeen my parents didn't want to drive me around anymore so I had to my get my license. I didn't mind; it gave me the opportunity to get out more.
I pulled out of my driveway and immediately reached into the glove compartment. Without having to look, I found my pack of cigarettes and pulled one out, sliding it in-between my lips. I lit it swiftly and inhaled the smoke that brought a sense of calm to my nerves. Not that I was anxious about what people thought of me, because honestly I would never see these people after this school year so what did I care.
By the time I had arrived at school, I had already smoked three cigarettes. My mind was at ease and I felt calm stepping out the car. I stuffed my pack of cigarettes into the pocket of my hoodie and walked to the office.
The office was small and stuffy, smelling of burnt coffee. My eyes searched for a clue to where I was supposed to go, and when I saw the little table plaque saying "secretary" I walked over wanting to get this over with.
"Hi, I'm Alice Brandon; today's my first day here." I said to a very plump woman sitting behind a desk who was wearing an awful shade of pink. I averted my eyes from her shirt and looked at her face.
"Ah, Miss Brandon, we were expecting you. Here, you are going to have to fill out these forms. When you are done with those dear, I can go over your schedule with you."
I smiled at her in response and grabbed the small stack of papers and sat down in the seat across from her desk. The questions were simple, mostly asking about my performance in past schools. Twenty minutes later, I was finally finished. By then I felt like I could recite all of the questions in my head; they were mostly repeats. I walked over to her and handed her the papers.
"Ok, honey." She started
Ugh, don't call me that! I thought to myself.
She continued, "Here is your schedule, so why don't you look over it quickly and let me know if you have any questions. I am going to grab our office assistant so that they can show you were everything is. I'll be right back!"
Looking at my schedule, there wasn't anything that was a surprise. I had math, which I had already missed the majority of, historical studies, French, English and gym.
"Wonder how many different excuses I could use to get out of Gym?" I said out loud to myself.
"Alright, Alice, this is Bella Swan" She said as she came out from the back of the room. I looked up to see whom she was talking about; Bella was a small petite girl. She had huge brown eyes and brown hair that fell in waves. She was so plain looking yet there was something about her that was pretty.
"Hi Alice! I'm Bella." She said sticking out her hand. I took it hesitantly.
"Ok ladies, there are only about ten minutes left in this class so make sure you don't slack around." She said sitting back down behind her desk.
Bella nodded and led me out of the office and into the empty hallway.
"Ok, what do you want to see first Alice? Gym, cafeteria…there are so many exciting things here in this hell hole!" She said sarcastically.
I laughed, appreciating her sense of humor, totally not expecting it from her."Yeah, listen you don't need to walk me to my classes. I can find my way around here I am sure and I feel bad bothering you." I didn't mean to sound like I was blowing her off, but I felt weird having someone show me around.
She smiled, "Alice I really don't think you could ever bug me, besides, being an office assistant is a duty that needs to be fulfilled and I will not slack on that duty!" She said in a funny impression of a serious person.
"If you say so." I said pulling my sweatshirts sleeves down around my wrists.
She showed me the basics; the bathroom, the gym, the cafeteria and I was surprised that we had gotten through all of that before the bell rang. That just told you how small this school was.
'What classes do you have?" She asked as she started leading me to my locker.
I pulled out my schedule which was stuffed in my pants pocket and handed it to her.
"Hey, we have English together!" she said suddenly.
I nodded my head, "Well at least I will know someone!"
"And you have history with my boyfriend, Edward. He is a history genius so if you need any help let him know!"
Who names their kid 'Edward'? I thought to myself.
She went on quickly about the other classes I had with people I knew, and honestly I didn't think I would be able to remember all of the names.
"Well here you go, the bell is about to ring so I guess I will see you later in English! And hey, at lunch today, feel free to sit with us; I can introduce you to everyone!"
"Ok, uh, thanks Bella." I said turning my back and opening my locker.
The bell rang seconds later and soon I was off to History. It was of course boring but luckily I snagged a seat in the back of the room. I hated all of the looks I got. Everyone wanted to look at the new girl and suddenly, my mom's words ran through my head. Thankfully the class passed by quickly and it was lunch time. I headed into lunch with only my bottle of water…I didn't feel like eating today.
I instantly spotted Bella and recognized her boyfriend from my history class. I smiled slightly, feeling almost happy; something I wasn't aware I could feel on the first day of school. I started walked over to her when I noticed a very familiar person come and sit down next to Bella. He had on jeans and a black long sleeved shirt, his blond hair slightly shorter than it had been the first day I had seen him. I got that feeling again he had given to me that day on the bridge; hope. But then, as I was walking over, a girl with jet black hair came over and sat down next to him, pulling him into a kiss.
He had a girlfriend.
I should have known.
I stopped and Bella looked at me funny, and Jasper's eyes followed her gaze. I turned around quickly, hoping he hadn't just seen me and walked out of the cafeteria in hopes of somewhere to escape.
I walked around aimlessly until I found a sign that said "Exit to terrace". I pushed the door open and was welcomed by the cool fresh air.
Breathing it in deeply, I fished my cigarettes out of my pocket and put one in my mouth. I didn't even bother looking around when I lit it.
How could I allow myself to feel hopeful? Of course he had a girlfriend, and I felt foolish standing there thinking he might not. I should never have allowed myself to feel happy; it was only going to be a disappointment.
I was too lost in my thoughts to hear the door open and the voice behind me startled me, making me jump. I turned around, cigarette still in-between my fingers and came face to face with Jasper.
He shook his head, "You could get in a lot of trouble, you know." He said walking over to me with a smirk on his face.
I took a deep drag and exhaled, "It's what I do best."
A/N Please let me know what you think of this! I thrive on your reviews and opinions, and would love to know what you are all thinking about! Hopefully the next chapter will be up soon! Thanks for reading! And as always, thank you Monica for your amazing beta abilities and ideas!

When Tears Turn Into Rain

2010-10-16T13:12:00.000-07:00

When Tears Turn into Rain

There is a big cardboard box sitting on one of the shelves in my closet, and it was practically staring at me. It is a box that is similar to others that many other women have kept after a difficult breakup.

As women, for some fucked up reason, we enjoy holding onto things that make us remember the good times we had with the one who broke our heart.

Some put pictures in their boxes, some keep jewelry or other gifts they had been given inside those four tiny walls. While others might keep a t-shirt or sweatshirt that had belonged to their lover because it still smelled like them.

Sure, mine held most of those things but what occupied the majority of its space was a huge picture frame I put in there over three years ago.

It wasn't just an ordinary picture frame, although you could buy one similar to it at any of the local discount stores. It held a special place in my heart as it was a handmade wooden frame he made for me six years ago. You see, we had known each other for almost two decades. My dad lived only a block from his family in Forks, Washington. So really we had always been a part of each other's lives from the very start.

Over the years you accumulate things; pictures, memories, gifts etc. But he and I were different. It was as if from the first moment we met, we were destined to be together. He was my first kiss, at age four thank you very much, and also my first real love.

We had many things in common, one being what this picture frame contained. It was a gift he had put together for me the last Christmas we spent together. However, we would have never dreamed it would be our last…

It had been a very stormy, winter day and I was practically jumping through the snow to get back to my house. Emmett and Jasper were out doing some last minute Christmas shopping and I had, for some reason, volunteered to help Charlie shovel some of the snow to make room for his car. Even after two hours of shoveling, there was at least another five inches that had fallen. In Forks, you had to continuously shovel just to keep up with the snowfall. Anything short of that was basically a lost cause.

After I finally got inside, I got in the shower quickly and found whatever I could to wear to his house tonight. It was Christmas Eve and he wanted to exchange our presents tonight instead of tomorrow as it had become a tradition of sorts with us.

I grabbed his present I had wrapped the night before from atop my desk and ran out the door to start the ten minute walk to his house.

When we first started dating we timed the distance between his house and mine so we knew the maximum time on the clock we could stay wrapped up in each other's arms.
I knew he had been waiting for me when I got there because the door opened before my finger could reach the doorbell.
When I saw his face I couldn't help but get chills throughout my entire body. His smile was breathtaking and his eyes were so deep it felt as though you were looking into his soul. He rushed me in from the cold and took my coat.

I breathed in the aroma that his house held and smiled; I was forever enveloped with a feeling of belonging and home when I stepped through the doors of his home.

His Mother, Esme, rushed over to me and gave me a hug. She was the most adorable person I had ever met. Here she was on Christmas Eve in her apron that was adorned with gingerbread men. Her fingers had cookie dough wrapped around them and she had flour on her cheeks.
She had become like my mother over the years. With my mom living far away and out on her own life adventures with her husband Phil, I was left without a mother and had a father who didn't know what the hell to do with me.
Ushering me into the kitchen, I was greeted by Edward's older sister Rosalie and his younger sister Alice. It shocked me how close everyone was in age. Alice was a year younger than us and Rosalie was two years older.
Rosalie and my brother Emmett had started dating in junior high and at age 21 they had gotten married.
It was weird to not have Emmett living in the house anymore, but with my twin brother Jasper, life was never dull.
I looked over at Edward and he looked anxious. I took his hand in reassurance and he squeezed my hand, nodding towards the stairs.
We excused ourselves from the kitchen and went upstairs to his room. He shut the door and placed his hands over my eyes whispering in my ear to not speak. I giggled in agreement and let him guide me through his room. We stopped at what I soon learned to be his bed and he sat me down.
Taking his hands off of my eyes he told me to keep them shut as he got up to go get the gift he had waiting for me.
In what seemed like forever he finally returned and asked me to open my eyes. I did and they settled on a picture frame. He had taken all of the ticket stubs we had collected over the years and put them in order underneath the glass of the frame. Aside from the ones we got from going to concerts and movies, we had started collecting ones from famous events in history.
I smiled at his thoughtfulness and wrapped my arms around his neck bringing him in close for a kiss. I handed him his present and when he saw the first edition book I had bought him, he returned the smile. But that's when his voice got serious. He needed to tell me something, and he assured me it wasn't something that I was going to like.
As he spoke, the words "I have to do this"….."After 9/11"….. "The army"…. "I'm leaving in two months"… "Boot camp" …These words filled the room and took my breath away.
This wasn't happening.
I reminded him we were going into our second semester of college in five weeks. He couldn't leave me now.
He shook his head at me and told me he wouldn't be going back to school. He explained he had wanted to do something for our country ever since he helplessly watched the planes hit the towers five years ago.
I shook my head with tears streaming down my face. How could he do this to me? To his family? What was going to happen? I couldn't picture him out there fighting for us.
He wiped away my tears with his thumb and told me I was the first person he had told he would and would be telling his family later. I couldn't breathe after that. I hated the war, and at the moment I hated the thought of my boyfriend leaving me because of it. We were supposed to grow old together and it killed me to think that he could be injured and not return home to me.
He asked me to stand by him as he told his family. It took some time but about an hour later I had regained myself enough to walk down the stairs to face them.
I will never forget the look on Esme's face when he told her. Her hand flew to her mouth as his Father, Carlisle, took her in his arms holding back tears of his own. They hugged each other and then all of a sudden I felt really out of place.
I left not long after that to let them discuss the situation as a family. Charlie was surprised I was home so early. I shrugged him off and climbed my way up the stairs to my room. I heard when Emmett and Jasper came home and not too long after I must have fallen asleep.
I was woken up by the sound of my window being opened. There was a ladder hidden behind the bushes that Edward had used for years to climb up and visit me at night.
I sat up rubbing my eyes as he stepped inside my window, taking his shoes and jacket off and then climbed in bed with me. His hands instantly found mine and I grabbed them holding on to them tightly. But it didn't help, because even though I had his hands in mine, it felt like they were slipping away from me.
The next two months we spent as much time with each other as we could. Almost every night entailed sneaking in and out of our houses and each other's bedrooms. We made love as often as we could. Except for the last night we were together.
That last night we spent our time lying in his bed, arms in a tight embrace and our eyes locked on one another.
We whispered as many I love you's as we could in between stolen kisses. We tried to stay awake all night because we knew as soon as our eyes opened the next day our lives were going to be forever changed.
I drove with him and his family to the bus station, Jasper and Emmett following us separately.
As we got out of the car, his hand found mine. He looked so handsome in his "going away" outfit of jeans and a white button down shirt. At that moment I couldn't help but to feel so extremely proud of him.
He kissed our hands that were entwined together as we walked over to where other families were saying goodbye to their soldiers.
I couldn't be here.
This wasn't happening; this was some sick nightmare that was taking place inside of my head. I tried pinching myself in hopes of waking up and when I didn't the tears started to well up in my eyes.
There was ten minutes before the bus was to depart and I let go of him so he could to say goodbye to his family. Hugging his sisters and kissing his mother saying how much he loved all of them. He shook hands and hugged Emmett and Jasper, and when he got to Carlisle; his Father pulled him in to a hug and told him to be safe.
His family walked away and he turned to me and ran a hand through his hair. I kept thinking how I would miss the feeling of it.
"I can't say goodbye." I said, choking on my tears.
He took me in his arms and said into my hair. "Then don't. Say 'see you later'.
I nodded and my hands flew to his hair, his arms, and his face, trying to hold on to everything and anything I could for as long as possible. He kissed my eyes, my tears, my nose and then my lips and I let myself mold into him. I pushed against him harder and closer, trying to create a permanent memory of the feeling of him against me.
He kissed me one more time and whispered "see you later" and then he was called away and I was left standing there, empty. I watched him get on his bus as Jasper came over to me and put his arms around me. He let me cry into his shoulder.
The first week without him was the first week I went back to school for my second semester. I wrote to him almost every day, needing to have some sort of connection with him. Days passed, and then weeks and when I got home from school three weeks later, there was a letter in the mail.
I dropped everything I was carrying and sat down on the road, ripping the envelope open. His words were like a breath of fresh air. He was there, he was ok and he said he loved me. That's all I really needed to know.
We continued writing to each other, almost every day for months and he even got to come home for a few days at Thanksgiving. He was home, safe and sound. But there was something different about him, and I couldn't put my finger on it.
He wasn't mine anymore. He belonged to the United States Army.
That first night he was home, I left my window open like I did every night and I waited up all night, but he never came.
His leave was only for a week, and before I knew it I had to say goodbye to him again. It was still hard as hell, but it wasn't as bad as the first time.
But this time, things were very different.
Two months went by and I had not heard from him. None of my letters answered. Every night I lay in bed crying for him. Needing him and craving contact from him.
His family hadn't heard from him either except for a quick telephone call to assure he was safe wherever he was.
Then on one spring-like day, I walked to my mailbox not really expecting anything when my heart stopped. There it was. A small little envelope was sitting inside surrounded by our other mail.
My brain screamed at me to open it and to read his words, but my heart told me otherwise. It wasn't a happy letter.
He started off by saying the entire cliché of break up lines, "I love you so much"… "It's not your fault or anything you did"… "The last thing that I want to do is hurt you." …And he continued to say he was doing this for me. He didn't think that I deserved this life; A life of waiting around for him to come home.
Emmett, Jasper and even Alice tried to make me feel better, but I knew nothing they said could fill the void that was left in my heart.
In time it got easier and I made up my mind that I had to move on with my life. After my second year in college I decided to transfer to NYU to pursue a major in Journalism. I was hoping that after I graduated from there, I would have a better chance at getting a good job and having a better future.
So here I was.
I was 22, a graduate from NYU and I landed a job at one of the biggest newspapers in New York. It was everything that I had ever wanted and my life couldn't be better.
Emmett and Rosalie had decided to move out here with me so that I wouldn't be alone. I tried to tell them that I didn't need them, but when I went apartment hunting, I realized pretty quickly I wasn't going to be able to do this on my own at first. They eventually rented a house that had an apartment over the garage for me that was located just outside of the city.
I know it was pathetic but I hadn't dated anyone since Edward. I hated the feeling I got when talking to another guy whom I knew wanted to date me. It was as though he was at home waiting for me, and I was cheating on him.
I couldn't explain it.
Since I had received that last letter from him,I hadn't really talked to him. I sent him a letter back with only one word on it; Ok. I didn't feel the need to argue with him, neither of us needed to deal with that.
And the reality was this: I still loved him. I was never going to be able to get past that.
Now I find myself standing in my closet, looking at this box that essentially held my heart. I hadn't looked at it since I had put in on the shelf in here after I had moved in. I had to face it someday right?
I sighed and wrapped my sweater closer to my body, breathing slowly in and out. Get it over with Bella! I said to myself. So I took a deep breath and I opened the box avoiding the other contents of it and reached in to get just the picture frame.
It was just as I remembered it and I couldn't help but smile. Every single square of paper had a special memory attached to it and in the middle of all of the ticket stubs; there was a picture of us taken on a snow day many years ago.
"Bella watch out!" I heard someone yell and I turned around just as a snowball flew past my face.
"Damnit Edward, I was so close!" Emmett said frustrated as he started to gather more snow in his hands.
I laughed; I could always count on Edward to look out for me. However, that didn't stop me from throwing one of the biggest snowballs I could put together at him.
"What the-"he said as he turned around to see who had thrown that. I couldn't hide the fact it was me and he smirked, surprised, "That was from you?" He asked.
I laughed and nodded and then I ran as he darted towards me. He was much quicker than I was or ever would be and he caught up with me quickly, tackling me to the ground. He was hovering over me, lying in the snow as it was falling all around us. The look on his face made me stop breathing for a moment; I was so happy to be with him.
Snow gathered in his thick hair and eyebrows and I was sure it was in my hair as well. I heard a click and we both looked over at Alice as she snapped our picture.
We laughed and looked back at each other and I smiled. "I love you" I said leaning up and kissing his nose.
He smiled, "I'm going to marry you someday Isabella" He said. And I knew he was right. There was no way that wouldn't be our future together.
I nodded and wrapped my arms around his neck, bringing his lips to mine.
And that was the picture that he chose to put in the middle of this collage of memories, the picture of our kiss after he had said he was going to marry me.
"Damnit!" I said as I felt the tears forming. I hadn't cried over him in a long time and I really had no intentions of starting today. I wiped them away feverishly and set the frame down.
I heard the phone ring and I dismissed it, not wanting to get on the phone with tears in my voice.
Twenty minutes or so later, there was a knock at the door and I thought it was going to be Rosalie to bitch about how I was being stupid about this whole thing but I was wrong.
At my door was Emmett and his eyes were red.
My mind raced with thoughts, and they all were of Edward. In seconds several scenarios raced through my head, pure torture, "What is it Emmett?" I asked not being able to stand it for much longer.
It was Alice. She was in an accident. He explained to me when she was driving home she had turned a corner too sharply and the car coming from the opposite direction hadn't been paying attention. The driver of the other car was killed instantly. Alice was in critical condition and they didn't think she was going to make it.
"Oh no, Jasper." I thought aloud, thinking about my brother who must be going out of his mind. He had stayed in Forks and moved in with Alice and I couldn't imagine the pain he must be going through. "Emmett, we have to go home." I said now crying.
Alice had always been as close to a sister as I was ever going to have and to think she might not make it was killing me.
Rosalie was in shock, out of her mind with worry for her baby sister. I helped get us packed, while Emmett was on the phone with the airlines trying to get us on the first flight out.
But by the time we arrived, it was too late.
When we got to the hospital, Jasper was sitting in a chair in the waiting room, with his head planted in his hands.
I went over to him silently and sat down next to him; putting my arm around his shoulder and pulling him close to me. He had always been there for me and now it was my turn to be there for him. "It's going to be ok Jazz." I said, not even knowing what to say. "I'm here for you Jasper, I love you."
He looked up at me with swollen eyes and put his head on my shoulder.
Facing Esme and Carlisle was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. They were in shock mostly, but now they had to deal with planning the funeral of their youngest daughter.
I stayed at home that night and slept in my old room, trying to give Jasper his space. Emmett stayed at the Cullen's with Rosalie.
I found out later that night they were trying to reach Edward to let him know what had happened. It was horrible to imagine him finding out about his sister while he was overseas.
At that moment I realized he had only a couple more months until his tour was over. His four years would be up soon and he would be home. Wouldn't he? I felt horrible when I allowed myself to get excited that he may be returning home.
I wasn't sure why I was getting excited, he had dumped me and I sure as hell wasn't going to let him off easy and pretend none of it happened.
The funeral arrangements were being made and the family was trying to postpone it as long as they could but unfortunately Edward would not be able to make it home right away so they went ahead with the decision to have the service as soon as possible.
My heart ached for his family, but what was worse was that Edward wasn't going to be able to come home to say goodbye to his sister.
The funeral was beautiful and it was so touching to see how many people had loved Alice and had wanted to pay their respects to her and her family.
Two weeks later, we had convinced Jasper to come home with us too. Charlie was never home and Jasper shouldn't be alone now. He needed to be with his family. Rosalie was suffering just as he was so we thought it would be good for them to help each other thru this. Thankfully, he agreed and we arranged to have his things shipped to him in New York.
It was going to be days until the moving truck got there, but when it finally did; we all welcomed the chaos of unpacking as a distraction.
Rosalie was handling the grief of losing her sister by throwing herself into her work. But Jasper was a mess, and who could blame him? Every night he drowned himself in alcohol and it was horrible to watch him self destruct.
Emmett said he hoped it would stop soon as this was Jasper's way of getting over her death.
About a week after we had returned home, we were having dinner and Esme called to tell Rosalie that Edward had made it home safe and he wasn't planning on reenlisting. I couldn't help but feel thankful he would be safe at home. I told Rosalie this was for the best as her parents really needed him there after what they had gone through.
After diner I went up to my apartment over the garage and stupidly checked my phone to see if there were any messages.
There wasn't and my heart sank; I hated that I allowed myself to hope for something. I threw my phone across the room, it hit the wall and although it wasn't damaged on the outside, it wouldn't even power on. That probably wasn't the best thing to do. I would have to go in tomorrow to get a new one but in order to have it covered under the insurance, when they ask me what happened, I think I'll lie and say that it just 'stopped working'.
They fucking bought it.
As I was leaving the store, I saw it was pouring rain outside. I groaned. New York was not on my side today. April Showers bring May Flowers? Yeah it fucking better with this rain.
I put my hood up and ran to my car which I of course parked three streets over. I got in and turned on the heat and the wind shield wipers as fast as they could go. I usually took the subway into the city for work but sometimes I had so many errands to do I'd drive in especially on the weekends. It's not easy carrying groceries on the train.
It took me an hour to get home on what was normally a twenty minute trip. When it rained in NYC I think people thought it gave them a right to go as slow as they wanted to without having to piss people off. They were wrong; it pissed us off even more.
When I got home Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper had left a note explaining they were going to get some things for the house and for Jaspers room and wouldn't be home until around 8:30 that evening.
I was going to have the house to myself for once.
I went upstairs to my apartment and put some leggings and an oversized sweatshirt on and pulled up my long brown hair, which was a mess from the humidity, into a casual bun.
I looked at the clock and saw I had a couple of hours until they got home. I went to the television and looked through the selection of movies to try and find something to watch on this rainy day.
The ringer on my phone startled me because of my new phone and glancing at the caller ID I saw it was Edward. My heart felt like it skipped a few beats and I hesitantly hit accept and placed the phone to my ear.
"Hello?" I said sounding like I was out of breath.
"Bella, it's so good to hear your voice." He replied; his voice was reminiscent of a song I hadn't heard in awhile.
"Same here, how have you been? It's been…awhile." I said, not wanting to sound bitchy after not talking to him for two year especially after just losing his sister
There was a long pause on the phone, "Yeah, I know and you have no idea how much that hurts me. Listen, Bella. I'm not calling you to say hey let's try and start talking again or whatever. But I want you to know, I miss you, and I hope if you want to ever call me that you will. You have my number and you know where I will be."
I wiped my eyes and took a deep steady breath, "Okay, Edward, I will." I promised, not knowing if it were really true or not.
"Ok, well I will talk to you later then. Goodnight Bella." He said, and I was about to end the call when I stopped.
"Hold on, Edward." I said waiting for him to let me know he was still there. But the line was dead. "I miss you too." I said to open space.
I didn't try and call him for an exceedingly long time. And it wasn't because I was afraid of what I wouldn't say it was because I was afraid at what I since I opened that last letter from him, I had missed him every single passing day since then.
There was not a day that went by I didn't think of him and long for what we used to be. I had dream after dream of him; it was as though he had never actually left.
When I woke up the next day and looked at the calendar I noticed Edwards's birthday was less than a week away. I had never been good with dates, and I anticipated he wouldn't think anything of me not sending him a card. I stopped myself, why would I be obligated to send him a card? I shrugged and realized I was obsessing over whether or not an ex boyfriend would care if I contacted him for his birthday.
When April 14th arrived, I knew what I had to do. I needed to call him and wish him a happy birthday. This was definitely a sign I needed to contact him. Yes, that's what this was. I picked up my phone and scrolled through my contacts. Taking a deep breath I clicked send and put the phone to my ear.
It rang twice before he picked up, and I let out a sigh of relief.
"Bella…" He breathed.
I smiled at how he sounded relieved. "Hey, so Happy Birthday. You know I am not good with dates or anything but hey it's better than nothing right?" I said and I was mad at myself for stammering.
"Thanks Bella, it means a lot that you called. What are you up to these days?"
Although I live with his older sister, I wasn't sure how much Rosalie had been telling him about my life over the last few years. So I told him about my work and that it really was the dream job I'd hoped to land after graduating college. I told him I was happy and we had a great life here.
He asked about Jasper, and I told him he was having a rough time but I was glad he moved out here. I asked how he was doing, he said it will just take time but he was glad to be home now, for his parent's sake.
"I mean, I'm doing the best I can, considering. It was horrible to not be able to come home, but my tour was almost over so they couldn't just let me go home for two weeks and then come back for one."
"She knows you did the best you could Edward, she was very proud of you." We all are.
We talked a little while longer about his plans, he was thinking about going back to college and pursuing a degree in medicine. I told him how great I thought it was no matter what he chooses to study. This phone call which started out as a simple "Happy Birthday" evolved into us reminiscing about the good times in our lives.
"Bella do you remember that one birthday when you came to my door with a bunch of wood and said we were going to build a tree house for my birthday? You said you knew it was what I really wanted and that only you would do it for me?"
I laughed, of course I remembered. "Yes, and then we worked on it all day and only got a few pieces of wood together. We never did get around to finishing it." I said now feeling nostalgic.
"I miss that Bella."
"I miss it too Edward." I said as I stood up, running a hand through my hair.
We talked for a little while longer but Jazz, Emmett and Rosalie would be home soon, and I didn't need the looks they were sure to give me.
What surprised me was what happened next; following that call, every day after I woke up to a text message from him. It was either 'Good Morning' or a 'how are you today?' No matter what it was I always found myself smiling.
One morning before heading off to work, I was grabbing a bite to eat in the kitchen with Jasper when my cell phone went off again.
"Hope you have a good day B."
~E
I couldn't help but smile. I sent a quick response back and went back to buttering my toast. I caught a glimpse of Jasper who was looking at me with a raised eyebrow.
"What?" I asked him.
He folded his arms across his chest and sighed, "You know what, Bella. Who are you talking to?" He asked with a grin on his lips.
"No one." I replied simply. I looked at him and he didn't seem convinced. "Ok, ok, it's Edward. We have been texting back and forth a bit lately, but don't worry, we are just friends."
"Bella, you need to be careful." He started to say. "Even if you are just friends, he really hurt you; do you know what you're getting yourself into?"
I did, and I didn't all at the same time. I knew nothing was going to come of it. We were just two friends reminiscing about old times, catching each other up on what we've missed…. right? I've known him most of my life, so that was normal, wasn't it?
On the way to work, it started to storm pretty heavily and I sighed. People were always so moody when it rained it seemed and I didn't want them to ruin my mood. At least I was on the train and didn't have to drive in this.
Fortunately it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be and the day flew by, and before I knew it I realized it was time to go home.
When I got home, the house was empty. I had kind of been avoiding this night. Carlisle and Esme had decided to take a trip out here and were in town for a few days to see Rosalie. They had planned to take us all out for dinner tonight but honestly; I didn't really feel comfortable going. I loved them but with loosing Alice, and the awkwardness with how things turned out with Edward, I just didn't want to face them, not yet. I know it was selfish and even though he and I had been messaging each other recently, I really just wanted to avoid dealing with all of it.
I grabbed a bowl of cereal for dinner, nutritious right? Then I went upstairs to my apartment and settled in on the couch in front of the television. I chose a movie to watch, my favorite romantic comedy. It was true the story was reminiscent of Edward and me; but I was going to watch it anyway. I didn't care, it was one of my favorites and nothing would ever change that fact.
I was just getting lost in the story when my phone rang.
Smiling after I peeked at the caller ID, "Hello Edward. What's up?" I asked, not giving him the chance to even say it was him on the line.
"Bella, what are you doing right now?" He asked as I heard a clap of thunder outside. I pulled the blanket on the back of the couch closer to me for comfort.
"Right this very second? Well I am watching one of my favorite 'chic-flicks', and trying not to freak out because of the storm right now. It's getting really bad out!"
"Yeah it is." He answered simply.
They must be experiencing a storm now too. Springtime in Forks usually brought a lot of rain but I was surprised they would be having storms like we get here. "Oh, it's storming there too?"
He laughed, "Where I am, yes Bella, I need you to go outside right now." He said.
Was he crazy? Had he not just heard me tell him it was fucking storming outside? I wasn't stupid enough to do that.
"Um, Edward, unless you want me to die right now, I don't think that is a good idea."
"You're not going to die, trust me, and just go outside."
What was going on?
"Ok, but I am keeping you on the line, if I stop talking, call 911." I said, as I got up from the couch to walk to my front door.
I unlocked it, and looked outside. "Ok, I opened my door, now what am I supposed to do?" I asked looking at the sheets of rain coming down in front of me.
"Keep looking." He said calmly.
What the fuck? Where was I supposed to look? The sky? I looked around and all I saw was black and rain. There was nothing on my porch, no mystery packages with a big red bow. I then looked out towards the street. At first there was nothing, but then I saw something moving next to a car parked in front of the house
"Oh my God." I said into the phone.
"Surprise!" A voice said from the street.
It was Edward.
I dropped my phone along with all of the sadness and doubt I had inside me because of him. I took off, down the stairs and into the rain, not caring about getting wet or the thunder or lightning around us. I ran to him and threw myself at him with such force that I almost knocked us both down. He wrapped his arms around me, hugging me close.
It was Edward. He was here in front of me. It wasn't a figment of my imagination and it wasn't a picture that I was looking at. He was really here and he was in my arms.
"I can't believe you are here." I said pulling away and looking at him. He didn't look that different from the last time I saw him. Sure he had changed a little, but he was still Edward. "God I missed you." I said touching his face, just wanting to feel him.
"Bella I am so sorry. I was so stupid. I should never have done that to you. I hope you can forgive me." He said. He started to say something else but I put my finger to his lips.
"Shhh. You don't have to say anything Edward. I love you."
"I love you too Bella." He picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist. I looked into his eyes, and he wiped my wet hair away from my face.
I smiled, and then I leaned in and kissed him. It was the kind of kiss that will completely take your breath away. When you feel as though the air is stuck in your lungs and your heart is pounding so hard it feels as though it's going to jump right out of your chest. I pulled away trying to catch my breath, we were both breathing so heavily but I didn't care. I kissed his cheek and his eyes and his mouth and he deepened the kiss and ran one of his hands down my back.
"Why don't we go inside?" I suggested. He picked me up and carried me inside; straight into my bedroom.

*A month later*

Edward was moving in today and he was planning on applying to medical school here. Jasper had decided he was going to move home to Forks. Sure I would miss my brother; I loved him so much but I was glad to see he was moving on with his life. And the apartment we shared above the garage would be a little crowded with the three of us.
Emmett and Rosalie announced they were pregnant and the baby was due in January. They were naming it Jonathon if it was a boy and Alice if it was a girl.
We spent our first day living together unpacking his things, putting them next to mine, making this our home.
I was putting new sheets on our bed when Edward came in and wrapped his arms around me. "I love you." He said into my ear and I shivered.
After not hearing him say that to me for so many years, I cherished every "I love you" like it was my last. "I love you too."
"What else do we need to do? Is there anything I can help you with?" He asked walking around our room.
"Yeah, actually there is." And I took his hand and led him to what was now our closet. I had longed to do this every day since the morning we woke up together after he showed up here in the rain. I had decided today would be the perfect time to do it. Plus, I wanted his help.
I opened the closet door and went to the shelf where it was sitting. I grabbed the frame and as I walked back out into the bedroom, his eyes caught what I had in my hand. He was standing there with his mouth open. "You still have that!" He asked sounding surprised. "I thought you would have gotten rid of it years ago, after what happened with us."
"Of course I still have it. It has always meant the world to me, no matter what. And now that you are moving in I thought we could hang it up together, now that this is our room. You know, to sort of christen our bedroom."
He laughed as we hung it up right over our bed and I smiled as I stepped back to look at it.
"It's perfect." He said, putting his arm around me.
"Yeah it is."
He wrapped me in his arms and kissed my head. "Even though this is a great way to christen our room, I actually have a better way in mind." He said with a look in his eyes that I knew all too well.
"Show me." I said smiling as he pulled me closer into his arms, kissing me deeply as we fell onto our bed.
A/N This was so different for me to write. I didn't have that much dialogue in it, but I felt like it didn't need it for the majority of it. Hopefully, it all flowed well and you could picture these things happening. Thank you to everyone who helped with this! I love you all!

Paint Me The Way That I Am

2010-10-16T13:09:00.000-07:00

“I find no peace, and all my war is done, I fear and hope, I burn and freeze like ice. I fly above the wind, yet can I not arise, and naught I have, and all the world I seize on.”

-Sir Thomas Wyatt the Elder.

They were easy to hide; the bruises on my arms. I could simply wear a sweatshirt or a long sleeved shirt to cover them up and no one would ever really notice.

However, the bruise on my eye and the cut on my lip could not be covered up no matter how hard I tried, regardless of how much make up I put on my face. The black and purple shades were unforgiving and would undoubtedly divulge my dirty little secret.

My stories of falling down the stairs or running into a door were useless excuses at this point; justifications I’ve used too many times in the past. My co workers at the music store I worked at were starting to take notice. The abuse was not only physical but there was a deep emotional assault on my soul. I was broken, and they could do nothing but stand silently by only taking note that with each passing day I came into work with one less piece of me.

All because I said no.

His hands gripped my arms and then my face as I tried to escape. It was not the first time and frankly I was now almost deadened to it. However after this last time I had finally had enough, I couldn’t stand it any longer.

That night after he had fucked me, as he was sleeping, I quietly snuck out. I only had time to grab my sweatshirt. I zipped it up all the way, pulling down at the sleeves and then quickly putting my hood up over my long black hair like a shroud.

I walked in my front door and was greeted by my father. I allowed him see my beaten face and I let him wake my mother up. She hugged me as she cried into my shoulder.

He was arrested that night; but not for raping me.

My parents thought it would destroy me to go into court and to testify against him. Sadly it wasn’t my mental wellbeing they were trying to protect; rather it was keeping my social status intact that was their main concern. My precious fucking reputation.

He had apparently woken up after I left and had another girl take my place in his bed. Someone complained about a disturbance, most likely with the girl.

The cops grabbed him and of course he tried resisting; he was James fucking Newton. No one fucked with him. But his time was up and he was now behind those rusty bars. I was assured by my parents that he wouldn’t be bothering me anymore…I had no choice but to believe them.

What they didn’t tell me, and what I later learned, was he would be out before I knew it. And who knew what he would be capable of after this. He was volatile under the best of circumstances and this would just add fuel to the fire.

The night I came home from being hit was the first time I felt like my parents actually acknowledged me. That quickly passed though and they were back to there old selves. My mother came home from work the very next day with several different brands of makeup, handed it all to me and said “Fix your face up before people see.”

I was literally shattered at that point into a million pieces, broken; and all my mother could worry about was how I was perceived by others. Fuck her.

My parents, especially my mother were both social climbers. They cared entirely too much about other people’s opinion. They believed what other people said and thought about you was the ultimate power. Their perception made you either a pile of shit or a pile of gold. And of course they expected me to be the same. For the first ten years of my life I was thrown out into the world wearing perfect clothes, always with perfect hair and perfect everything. Our house was extravagant and that’s the way my parents like it. They felt complete; all I felt when I looked at it was suffocated.

Of course I wasn’t going to put up with that kind of shit. So I started dressing how I wanted to and doing my hair and makeup as I pleased. It was fantastic because it totally pissed them off.

By the time I was sixteen I had perfected my look; long layered black hair, dark skinny jeans and a t-shirt of my choice. If I had a nickel for every time my mother gave me a nasty disapproving look, I would be fucking rich.

At age seventeen I met James. He was the guy that everyone seemed to know in high school but no one could have. He was perceived as unattainable so when he asked me out one night, I couldn’t say no and suddenly my life was transformed into something I didn’t recognize.

Our nights were filled with sex and drugs. I very rarely slept at my house, my parents too naïve and absent to even notice.

My dad was always at work. He was a well known Psychologist in the town of Seattle and my mom owned a small boutique right down the road from my dad.

My friends at school were limited because I completely immersed myself in him. Consequently they didn’t matter much because at the end of the day, those people didn’t exist. It was just us. I would, and I did, do anything for him. I found myself doing things I never envisioned myself doing. But he said it was all for us and that it would be ok; I had to believe him right?

The next day, after my mom had put on an “I care for my daughter” show for anyone who would listen, she felt the need to blatantly tell me it was my fault for being raped. That I shouldn’t have been in his apartment and I shouldn’t have associated myself with those people. Rather I should dress prettier and wear nicer makeup because how I currently looked every day gave boys the wrong impression.

I wanted to die.

Everything that had mattered to me in some way or another had been taken away from me.

I never had my parents, not really.

My boyfriend, whom I was ridiculously addicted to, was gone even though it was for good reason.

The only friend I even had was Christine, who was sadly in the same situation as I was. Although my parents did at least make an attempt at pleasantries, her parents didn’t even talk to her at all.

Come to find out, it didn’t matter whom I did or didn’t associate with in my messy past because a week after James was convicted, they informed me I would be switching schools. You see, we lived in Forks, Washington but I didn’t attend school there.

Up until now my parents dropped me off every day at a school that was just inside of Seattle and let me tell you that place was fucking hell.

The girls were prissy and I didn’t get along with my teachers so I was mildly relieved when they said I would be attending Forks High School.

However, it would be in the middle of the school year.

I would be the new girl.

Just fucking great….

I didn’t want to do this…

It was a week before I was going to start at FHS and here it was, 4:39 a.m. and I’m unable to go back to sleep. Tossing and turning, the images of James were haunting me in my dreams and I knew then it was a fruitless exercise. I thought about calling someone to talk, because that’s what I needed, someone to listen and just tell me what to do. But I knew deep down that was meaningless. I didn’t think anyone could help me at this point. When I took a breath, it felt as if there was a ten pound weight on my chest.

In and out I breathed, but the pain never ceased. One time someone, anonymous to me, suggested to the school counselor I needed someone to confide in. What monumental waste of their time and mine that was. The counselor kept droning on about some bullshit; being the better person and proving to my parents their views of me are skewed. Fuck him and fuck my parents. I knew them and understood regardless of what I did, I would never be good enough. I would never truly measure up. Nothing I did was enough for them and their friend’s expectations.

He finally gave up, like everyone else had with me, and told me if I ever needed to talk his door was always open; I slammed it on the way out of my last session. Fuck him and all his psychobabble bullshit.

xxxxxxxxx

I looked over at my nightstand and stuck my hand beneath the drawer to feel around my secret compartment. I couldn’t remember if I had enough coke under there to get me through most of my day or not and sure enough I came up empty handed.

With James gone my connection to drugs was also not available anymore. I made a mental note to myself to call Christine to see if she had anything extra.

I wasn’t addicted to drugs. I knew this because I could fully function without them, but they took the pain away. When I was on coke or even after smoking just a little bit of weed, my world wasn’t full of hate and I didn’t feel pain. I was numb and that was good.

Fuck I needed a fix right now, and I needed to think. So I decided I would go to my spot. It was this old set of abandoned railroad tracks that sat over top one of the many rivers in Forks, Washington. No one bothered me here. This was probably because I hadn’t told anyone about it. It was the only thing I could still call my own.

So before anyone woke up, I crawled out of bed, slipping a sweatshirt on over my tank top and I grabbed my converse as I walked out the door.

The walk to my spot was only fifteen or so minutes, and I got there just as the sun was beginning to rise.

I climbed the old ladder that was used to get to the top of the railroad tracks. When I got up there, I had to remind myself to watch out for the piece of wood that I always seemed to trip over.

I went to the ledge that looked out on the water and sat down, dangling my feet over the edge.

I took a deep breath in of the fresh air and slowly exhaled. There was something so peaceful and surreal about the view and the clean air here. I felt as though I was outside of my body almost as if I wasn’t really there at all, rather I was having an out of body experience. It was exhilarating.

This sudden euphoria allowed me to open my mind and finally stop pushing back what had been on my mind for months. At last I let my mind take its course. I knew with me gone, my parents would be able to live the life they had wanted to from the beginning.

No one would miss me. I wouldn’t have to start a new school and be surrounded by more people who wouldn’t understand me. They would make their own assumptions about me regardless. I would be known as the depressed rich girl whose parents forced her to go to a public school.

I couldn’t just run away. My parents would make sure to find me because good parents wouldn’t have lost their only daughter to the streets. They sure as hell would make certain no one thought it was their fault. My parents would exhaust every resource to find me and then I would be back to square one.

So why not just end it here? I would no longer be their fuck up of a daughter, and they could go on with living their lives never having to fake giving a damn about me again.

I could do it here. It was so peaceful, my last image would be of the sun rising and reflecting off of the water. It was the only place that made me truly happy. Dying wouldn’t be a sad thing. I would surrender willingly to the water and hopefully feel no pain.

I stood up putting my hair into a pony tail. I laughed at myself, did that even matter?

It was then, as I stood there motionless when a new sensation washed over me….I couldn’t help but feel as though I had been transformed. I was no longer Alice. I was simply someone who was trying to find her place somewhere else. Because here and now was not for me, not anymore.

Did I need to take my clothes off? No, that didn’t make sense either.

I looked around once more making certain I was alone. I wrapped my arms around my small frame and took another deep and weighty breath. My ribs still hurt from James, I cringed at the memory. It fueled my resolve to commit. My ultimate incentive; finally finding the inner peace I had been searching for.

I stepped back and walked towards the middle section of the tracks where the water was deeper. I crawled behind the bar that was placed there as a barrier and worked my way to the other side. My back was facing the water, and then I turned around so I was flush against the barrier, my arms behind me.

I looked at the water, and was intimidated at first. So much water below me; but it was ok. It was going to help me finally be free. I took a deep breath, intentionally to make my ribs hurt, to remind myself why I was here. I was here for myself, at last taking control, making a conscience decision to finally let go. Unlike so many other things in my life, it was my choice, on my terms…my way in the end. Fuck them…

My heart was racing, my hands shook, and my breathing quickened….a single tear stained my cheek.

This is it Alice, I thought to myself. I closed my eyes and let my mind go blank. I let go with one of my arms and felt the sensation of having my weight hanging over the edge. Ready to finally be at peace….prepared to enjoy the silence

My fingers started to slip on the bar and I was about to surrender to it when I felt a hand wrap around my wrist, preventing me from falling.

“You really don’t want to do that ma’am.” I heard a composed voice say behind me.

My instinct was to scream but I turned around suddenly being pulled away from my dreamlike state. I grabbed a hold of the bar behind me, gripping it tightly.

“Here, give me your hand and I’ll help you back through, ok?” He said calmly extending his hand.

I looked at his hand and then at his face, just now taking him in. He had curly blond hair and his eyes were a beautiful shade of piercing blue. There was something so calming about his features and I couldn’t help but to reach out to his hand and let him help me.

Immediately I was alarmed because I feared he would want to know what I was about to do. He would insist on walking me home and who knows what he would say to my parents. Unbridled fear ripped through me.

Oh God, I had just almost killed myself. The realization of this was paralyzing. My parents would want to put me into some insane asylum. They would do it too, in a heart beat, rather than have anyone find out their precious little girl tried to end her life. My plan had been severely flawed. I hadn’t made room for contingencies: at least not for anything or anyone like this.

I slipped my body underneath the bar and then stood up to face him. His hand was still clasped around my wrist and I looked down at it. “Listen, you can let go I’m not going to do anything to myself, I promise.” I said, not even sure why I was giving him an explanation.

He released my hand slowly and then he looked at my arm, which was exposed slightly from my sleeves riding up on my sweatshirt. I quickly pulled my sleeve down hoping he hadn’t just seen the telling bruises.

“Ok, well uh, I am going to go home now. Thanks again for uh, that.” I said not knowing what to say but positive if I said the wrong thing, the worst would happen and my parents would know.

“Actually, miss, why don’t you let me walk you home?” He said politely.

“I’m fine, honestly. You don’t need to worry about me.” I’m not worth it, I thought.

He looked at me with his head cocked to the side, “Are you sure because really, I can walk you home. I think I would feel better knowing you got home safely. Although I don’t even know your name, I do believe you when you say you won’t do anything. However, where I come from, men walk the ladies home.”

He wasn’t going to quit was he? His thick accent sent chills through me and immediately gave away he was from the south. I didn’t know much about southerners but from what I could tell they were always very courteous. I knew if I said no we would be here for hours with him trying to convince me otherwise.

I was about to answer him when he interrupted. “I have an idea, how about we start over? I’m Jasper.” He said extending his hand out to mine.

I unfolded my arms, which had instinctively become like a protective barrier around myself, and stuck my hand out to meet his. “Alice.” I said simply.

His smile was kind and I felt as though an enormous weight fell off of my shoulders. Why was this stranger being so nice to me? He knew nothing about me, beside the fact just moments before I had almost killed myself.

And with that we started walking.

The silence between us was awkward and I wanted to break it but I had no idea where to start. Should I thank him for saving me from doing something that was so monumentally life altering? Who am I kidding, ultimately life ending. What had he been doing there anyways? Over all the years that I had been sneaking out of my room to go think I had never once seen anyone there. Let alone hear of anyone talking about my spot.

“So why were you at the railroad tracks anyways?” I asked, suddenly realizing I was speaking.

He grinned and put his hands in his back pockets of his blue jeans. “I needed a place to think. So I followed a path off the side of the road and I ended up where you were.” He looked at me. “Do you go there a lot?”

I shrugged “Yeah I mean until you showed up I didn’t think anyone knew about it. It was somewhere I could go to think and not be interrupted.” I said, almost immediately regretting my choice of words.

“Well I will try and remember that so I don’t bug you again.” He said with a slight grin.

Well fuck, now I felt bad. “No, I didn’t mean it that way. It’s a free country, it’s not like I own it or anything.” Changing the subject quickly, trying to show him that I wasn’t a complete cold hearted bitch, “So how old are you Jasper?” Smooth, Alice.

Jasper told me he was 18 and a senior in High School. When I asked him where he went to school, his answer made me nervous. “I go to Forks High School, and you?” He asked, and I didn’t really know what I was expecting. It wasn’t like our town was big and you had your selection of schools to attend. I knew I hadn’t seen him before at my old school, but to think I was about to enter a new school and the only person I would “know”, had already gleaned way too much personal information about my life.

“Actually, I am starting school at Forks High on Monday.” I said instantly angry that I revealed my secret.

He looked at me suddenly, “Oh really?” He stated.

I really didn’t want the pity party that would undoubtedly come with me being the new girl. I didn’t want him to feel sorry for me and force all of his friends to act like they care about me on the first day of school. I didn’t need them or that.

Thankfully, we reached my house and I turned to him. “Here’s my house, I’m going to go so thank you again for walking me home and talking I guess.” I said, feeling weird.

“No problem Alice.” He said, and I started up the walkway to my front door when I heard him call out.

“Listen, Alice I know you don’t know me very well and I may not have any room to say this. But I want you to know I can be here for you, and if you want to talk about anything, all you have to do is call. Forks is a small town, and there is only one Whitlock family in the phonebook. I also happen to only live two blocks over. So give me a call ok?” He asked sincerely with a serious expression on his face.

I nodded and awkwardly slipped out a ‘thanks’ and snuck back inside.

The walk up to my room was bizarre. I was half surprised I had let someone, a total stranger to me; take control of my life for what was a small yet significant fraction of time. He had prevented me from hurting myself. This stranger ultimately changed the course of my life.

I reached my room and entered it, shutting the door carefully so as not to make any noise. I looked around at my messy room and sighed. Jasper, whoever he was, had saved my life today. I walked over to my bed, exhausted, kicking the clothes out of my way and settled into my bed.

I pulled the covers over my head and curled up into a tight ball and was shocked at the wave of emotions that seemed to hit me all at once. My adrenaline had long worn off and I felt anger, sadness, grief and an emotion that I hadn’t experienced in a very long time: hope.

It was a fleeing sensation as my hope vanished when I looked down at my arms and saw the familiar shades of purples and yellows from the night before. That’s when I came to the realization there was something that had wounded me much deeper than any of the scars ever could. Worse than anything I would physically ever endure; no one could help me. I was utterly and completely alone…

A/N Well SURPRISE! This is my new WIP. Breathing Again is over and I love writing too much to not keep it up. This idea came to my head awhile ago. I am head over heels in love with Jasper, and I feel like there aren’t too many stories with him in it! So I thought I would try this out. So many thanks to people. Especially to Monica, you seriously make writing so much better! You have such great ideas and your beta’ing is just amazing!

Chapter two is almost written and will be up sometime soon. Thank you for reading, and please leave your thoughts and comments!

A Christmas To Remember One Shot Contest!

2010-10-11T18:03:00.000-07:00

A Christmas to Remember Contest

This contest is hosted by UNF4Rob and Hazeleyes71790

Monica and I have decided we would give this a try. We love the idea of contests, and we also love Christmas. So we thought why not combine the two, and see what happens. So whether you want to have Christmas be the main focus in the one shot, or you want it to be something that caused your theme that you pick, we want to read it :)

Rules:

This is an anonymous contest. Please do not post your story anywhere online until after the contest is over or tell people which is yours. That would just not be cool and will take the fun out of it. We want everyone to have an equal opportunity in winning, so stick to it ;)

Send your submission(s) to twicontestcontact@gmail.com with the following in your header. Also include this header at the top of your word document.

PenName:
Title:
Rating:
Summary:
Pairing:

The dates to remember are November 1st which is when you can start sending in your submissions. December 11th is the deadline of this contest. Voting will start December 13th and end on December 20th. Winners will be announced December 22nd.

"Hush" Teaser. Story for Fandom4Preemies!

2010-10-01T10:31:00.000-07:00

Hush

Fall in New York City is unlike anything else. The colors of the leaves falling and scattering randomly covering the narrow sidewalks; the aroma that fall brings and the clothing for the fall season always makes me happy inside.

So here I was, three blocks away from work, my hands in my coat pockets and my mind a million miles away. It was just another Thursday, right?

Wrong.

Ten years ago, I was just a junior in college whose life had been changed forever. The pain was still very real and recalling that fateful day in the hospital felt like yet another knife slicing me open. I was damaged. And even though my life was perfect to people on the outside, I was broken into pieces on the inside.

Hope you are somewhat intrigued! The pairing for this fic is Alice and Jasper. Different from what I have done before!

Fandom4Preemies is an amazing organization that is trying to raise money for the March Of Dimes Organization. I am very excited to be writing for something like this! Please check out their website for more information! This particular fundraiser runs from November 1st- November 30th !

Alex.

Updates!

2010-09-27T21:05:00.000-07:00

Hey guys, I am not sure who is all reading this so please drop by and say hi :) Anyways, I wanted to update you on what is going on with Breathing Again, orther projects, etc!

Breathing Again is so bittersweet to me. It is almost over and knowing that the next chapter is the second to least chapter, is prolonging the writing process! I do not want it to end! I am almost halfway finished with it actually, and when I am done I will be sending it to Lucy and then it will go up ASAP. I will be using this blog so I can post news, teasers, outtakes and all of that stuff. So keep checking it out! Breathing Again, I am thinking, will be one more full chapter and then an epilogue (Ch 15).

Also, after Breathing Again is over, I will be posting a NEW story with NEW characters! I cannot tell you anything about it, because it is in an anonymous contest. I actually submitted two. So you will be getting a one shot and the first chapter of a new story as soon as the contest is over and I can post! I will post teasers beforehand too! :) Also, Monica has made me AMAZING banners for the new stories so I cannot wait to show you all them!

I can tell you about Hush! Hush (the title) is a Jasper and Alice one shot. It is for the fundraiser Fandom For Preemies and I am very excited about it! The characters are older than I usually write but I think everyone will like it :)

Just to let anyone who doesnt know aware, I am in school. I am taking 17 credit hours this semester. Four classes on campus and two online courses. So school owns my ass right now. This week is crazy, thats why things have been slow!

Alex
Freebird1790 -Twitter

Banners By UNF4Rob :)

2010-09-26T20:07:00.001-07:00

The amazingly talented UNF4Rob (Monica) offered to make these and I cannot stop looking at them! They hold the story in the pictures and i just love them! Check them out!!

Forget Me Not's

2010-09-26T19:28:00.000-07:00

Bright lights coming at me, the sound of tires screeching and screaming... These are the only three things that I can pull out of my memory before I blacked out from my accident.
I don't know too much more about the accident itself. My type of amnesia prevented me from remembering anything about the accident; and essentially anything associated with that night.
My parents didn't go into too much detail, which I was thankful for, but I didn't know too much. It's hard to "know" something when you can't remember going through it.
However, they did tell me that my accident happened the night of my graduation, and the other two people in the car walked away with just a few cuts and bruises.
My dad was police chief of Forks Washington, which is where I grew up for most of my teenage years. After my accident, my mom came to Forks from Phoenix to stay with us for a few months.
The worst part of this whole situation is not something you would think. It wasn't the "whole" me not being able to remember the accident or the people who were in the car with me, it was the fact that after it happened, the people in the car seemed to be out of my life for forever.
I am now 22 and living in a house in Phoenix, Arizona. About two years after my accident, I got sick and tired of hearing comments people would make about me not being able to remember things. I hated not being able to remember, and I didn't need their bull shit. I already had to relearn the most juvenile tasks. So my friend Alice, who I have known forever and I picked up and moved back to Phoenix with my mom. We rented a house together which was conveniently near my mother in case I ever needed her. Her father, who was a doctor, insisted on helping us out with the payment.
We kept in contact with people from Forks, but when we moved, we tried to leave the past behind us. Alice's brother Emmett visited us a lot. He had just gotten married to our friend Rosalie and we were trying to talk them into moving to Phoenix to live closer by to us.
Alice was recently engaged to Jasper, who had been dating since the first day of high school. It wasn't too long after we moved that he ended up in Phoenix with us.
Today, I had to work one of the shittiest shifts at the bookstore, and when the clock struck 4:00 I basically ran to my car as quick as I could to avoid them having me stay longer. Alice, the lucky bitch, had the day off and she and Jasper were going to spend the day doing God knows what.
"Alice! Jasper? I'm home!" I said as I walked into the house and set my keys in the bowl we kept on the kitchen counter.
I looked around at our apartment and smiled. It looked as though Alice had cleaned up after I left for work this morning.
A door slammed at the end of the hallway to my right, and I heard footsteps walking towards me; Jasper must still be here.
"Well don't you two look cute?" I said sarcastically as they came into view. Alice and Jasper had similar colored shirts on both with a pair of jeans.
Jasper ran a hand through his hair and Alice put a hand on her hip. "Didn't I tell you we were going to get our engagement pictures taken tonight? We wanted night shots. We're leaving in about ten minutes."
"Yea, you did, I was just giving you guys a hard time." I said taking my shoes off.
She waved a hand in the air, "So how was your day?"
I went on about how two boys had come into the store today and basically tore apart the movie section. "I swear Alice; you would have shot them or something." Alice was the one you went to when someone needed to be yelled at. She was one of the cutest and nicest girls you would ever meet, but she had a way of making you feel like you better do what she said.

"Oh God, I can see Sherry's face now at the site of the disaster." Sherry was our boss who didn't have a high tolerance for bull shit.
Alice walked over to the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of water for herself, handing one to Jasper. "Oh by the way, I hope you don't mind but Rosalie and Emmett are in town for the weekend and are going to come over around 9:00 tonight.
"Want me to make something before they get here?" I asked already getting ideas of what I could make.
"Seriously, you are the best roommate ever." She said grabbing her designer purse and throwing her makeup bag in it.
"I think that since I have to dress up for pictures tonight, I should get a say in what you make." Jasper said mischievously.
I grinned, "Let me guess Jazz, you want me to make my famous apple pie with whipped cream on top?" About a year ago I decided to find something that I could do to keep me busy since I wasn't able to go to college. I was at work when I came across a cool looking cook book, and ever since, I have been baking away.
He nodded "You know me too well, Bella. Emmett will be happy, too."
Our conversation ended shortly after, and I waved bye, as they grabbed their keys and left. While they were gone, I changed into a pair of yoga capri pants and a hoodie, and started on the pie. Luckily, I had some pie crust that was already to go and fifteen minutes later, I had the ingredients cooking and the pie would be ready to bake in about forty five minutes.
I looked at the clock and noticed I had about three hours before Emmett and Rose got here so I cleaned up a bit and then called my mom to check in on some things. It was the same old stuff; she ended the conversation in the same way she always did, "Let me know if you need any help baby, Phil and I are just down the street."
I appreciated the concern. It had been three years since my accident and two years since my recovery. I was basically the same person I was when we had crashed our car minus the parts of my memory pertaining to the accident.
Alice and Jasper came home and immediately Jasper changed out of his clothes and came back with more comfortable clothes. Alice rolled her eyes and went to the kitchen to get things ready for our guests tonight.
Rosalie and Emmett arrived at exactly 9:00 and had brought liquor; they were my new favorite people.
Emmett swept me up in a huge bear hug as he greeted me. I looked around and smiled, these people were basically my family. Renee and Charlie had separated before I had even the slightest chance at having a sibling, so it was nice to have such close friends.
"Yo, little sis, when can we dig into that bad ass smelling apple pie you made?" Emmett asked as he went to the oven and started to open the door.
I ran over to him and slapped his hand away, "You have to wait another half an hour, think you can handle that?" I smiled letting him know I was kidding.
"Fine, then bring on the alcohol!" Emmett said opening the bottle they had brought. Jasper came in to join him so I left, hoping my pie would be safe without me to guard it.
Rosalie had brought her wedding photos with her, and since they had eloped and none of us had seen them that day, the pictures were very exciting.
"I really wish you wouldn't have eloped so that I could have helped out with the wedding, or the reception part! You know how much I love planning parties." Alice said with a saddened look on her face.
"I know, but honestly, both of our families are so big, it would have been a fucking disaster." She said turning the page of her photo album. "When are you two getting hitched?" Rosalie asked Alice.
She looked at me and then looked at Rosalie. "Well, I want to get married soon, but we don't know when or even where. Half of our families are from Forks. So we don't know if we would bring them here or go there."
I played with the bracelet on my wrist nervously. The day that Alice and Jasper had gotten engaged, she had asked me to be her maid of honor. I would do anything for her, but going back to Forks would be one of the hardest things for me to do.
A year after my accident, I went back to my old pictures that my mom had kept for me and looked through them. Some of the people I recognized, but most I didn't. I seemed to have a lot with Alice and Rosalie and also a bunch with a guy, who my mom said was one of my best friends. But other than people visiting me occasionally, these people had become strangers to me. Going back to Forks was a sure fire way of being reintroduced to faces from my past, but it killed me to not remember every little detail about them I used to have.
Rose and Emmett ended up staying the night, and I must have passed out on the couch in the middle of the night, because I woke up to Emmett carrying me to my bed with Alice trailing behind us.
The next morning I woke up to Alice and her big eyes wide in my face. "Alice what the fuck are you doing? You can't just wake people up like that!" I said shielding my face with my arm.
"I really need to talk to you! I have something exciting to tell you but I can't get excited about it until I know you are ok with it." She said scooting down to the end of my bed.
I sat up propping the pillows up behind me. "Ok, let's hear it."
"Don't freak out right away ok?" She asked waiting for me to answer. When I nodded, she continued. "Last night after you fell asleep, the rest of us started talking. The more we talked the more Jazz and I got excited. Bella, Jasper and I are going to get married next month!"
"Alice! That's fantastic! I mean are you sure you can get everything ready in a month?" I asked knowing how much she enjoyed all of the small details of planning. How could she get everything ready in time?
"Oh I am sure, I promise. My mom is going to help us out with the planning. This leads me to another thing. I know it is a lot to ask of you, but Bella, we are thinking we are going to have it back in Forks and I am hoping that you will still be my maid of honor and stand up next to me at the wedding."
Fuck.
Hoping my face didn't look too shocked; I knew what I had to do. I had to go. "Alice, of course I will! You know how much I love you guys and would do anything for you."
She hugged me and wiped her eyes, "This is all going to be so perfect, Bella, thank you."
So that was that. Three weeks later I was loading up the car with my suitcase for the next week and a half and was headed to Forks.
Everyone was thrilled that I was going to go. When I told Charlie, the line on the phone was dead for awhile as he tried to comprehend what I was saying. He offered for me to stay with him at his house. The house that I grew up in; and I agreed, knowing that it would be a familiar place for me to be.
My mom didn't want me to go at all. She thought that I would get there and everyone would want to talk to me and try to get me to remember everything, but I didn't care. I wanted to be there for Alice and hey, maybe I will get pieces of me back.
The next day I found myself pulling into my father's gravel driveway. He came out of the front door as I put my car into park and helped me drag my things inside. I hadn't seen him since last Christmas, but he and I weren't exactly the hugging types. A simple, "It's good to have you back for a little while Bells" was all we needed.
He left me in my room to unload my bags and I was grateful to have a couple of moments to lie down and relax after the long drive here.
After regrouping, I went downstairs and found that my dad had ordered pizza for us. We sat around his little kitchen table and talked about what we had been up to. I told him about my job, while he went on and on about some fish he had caught that had broke all kinds of records in the town of Forks.
I went to bed early as I was supposed to get up at eight to go with Alice to finish some wedding details. Jasper and his wedding party had an appointment in Seattle to get fitted for tuxes. The wedding was going to be small but amazing as Alice put it. Knowing her, it would be more than amazing.
After our dress appointment was over, we went out to lunch to a place that I had remembered going to with Charlie when I was little. Looking around it looked like nothing, but I was excited to go inside.
The hostess greeted us with a smile and told us we could sit wherever we wanted to. So we chose a booth that was more towards the back. The menu was simple and I ended up ordering a veggie burger that I was suddenly hungry for.
I was about to take another bite out of my burger when I heard what sounded like my name being whispered behind me. I looked around, towards where the voice came from.
I found my eyes locked with a pair of huge brown eyes who I recognized instantly. I couldn't remember her name, but I recognized her from pictures and foggy memories from high school.
"Is it ok if I come over?" She asked quietly.
I nodded, not knowing what was going to happen. She obviously knew me and I was excited to hear what she had to say.
"I don't know if you remember me or what you remember at all, but I'm Angela. You and I used to go to school together."
I finally had a name to put with the face, "No, I remember you actually; I just had a hard time remembering your name! It's good to see you again!" I said giving her a reassuring smile.
A huge smile spread across her face and she pulled me into an all too familiar hug. Pulling away, she wiped a tear from her eye. "So what are you in town for? I haven't seen you since you and Alice moved a year ago! How have you been?"
Alice spoke up, "I'm getting married in a few days and with Bella being my maid of honor, she had no choice but to come!"
I smiled, "Yea, I guess I had to come back. No, I am glad to be able to come visit Forks again. And I am doing well! Just trying to get by I guess."
We chatted lightly about what we had been up to and she introduced me to her husband, Eric, who she got married to not long after high school graduation. She told me a little bit about what people were up to that I used to hang out with. Rosalie and Alice both chimed in about what they remembered. Jessica, who was meeting Angela and Eric for lunch, had joined in on the conversation and it was amazing how easy this was. Not that I remembered much, but it felt good here; like home.
I heard the bell on the door ding and I glanced nonchalantly to see who had walked in, as if I would know them and looked away quickly to go back to the conversation. However, after I turned back to the conversation, I was shocked that almost the entire room had quieted down and Angela's face had gone a lighter shade then it had been moments ago.
"Fuck, he is good looking." I heard Jessica say, and my gaze went back to get a better look at the man who had just walked in.
He was looking directly at me.
"Bella?" Alice said as she noticed who I was looking at. I blinked, and he was suddenly gone. I scanned the room to see if I could see him, but I came up with nothing.
When I didn't find him I turned towards her, "Sorry. Do you know who that was? I remember bits and pieces of him. I remembered the part of us jumping off of a cliff and then that's about it." I said as I recalled my memory.
"I swear to God, put me down right now!" I screamed at him as he put me on top of his shoulders. It was a rare warm summer day, and he had decided it would be a good day to surprise me by taking me hostage and jumping from the cliff into the lake.
"Oh, quit being such a baby. Besides if I put you down you would only run away and then I would have to prove to you, yet again, that I am faster than you. The whole 'you were trying to get away thing' would be a waste of your time."
"UGH! I really hate you right now!"
He laughed a comforting laugh, "No you don't, besides, I know you better than anyone and by the time I throw you in, you will be having the time of your life."
Whatever, maybe if I just went in the water and got out, his point would be made and we could go home where my warm dry clothes would be.
We got to the cliff and he swung me around in his arms so that he was cradling me. I stifled a smile and wrapped my arms around his neck. "Trust me?" He asked raising his eyebrows at me and flashing his perfect smile.
He already knew the answer, "With my life." He put me down gently and I moved my head towards his and kissed him softly forgetting about how mad I was only seconds ago. I looked over the edge and quickly grabbed his hand. And then we jumped.
"Who is that guy?" I asked needing to know.
Alice put her hand on top of mine, "That was Jacob Black. You and he dated for about a year. I guess your dad was best friends with his, and you had basically grown up together. They forced you guys together every chance they got and you two just decided to go for it.
"Then a certain family moved into town and a lot of things changed for you after that. You and Jacob weren't together for much longer."
I blinked, taking in everything I had just heard. "What were their names? The ones who moved in?
"Bella, you must not remember. Jasper and his family moved into that house." Alice said.
I drew in a sharp intake of breath and leaned back in my seat. "Wait a second, oh my God, I feel so stupid! You did tell me about that."
Rosalie slowly nodded. "I guess we figured that you would put the pieces together yourself. Bella he was the one who was driving that night."
I'm not sure what I was looking for but suddenly my body was acting before my mind had a chance to tell it to not move. I was out the door in seconds, and I had made it just in time as Jacob was getting on to a bright red motorcycle.
"Jacob!" I said as loud as I could.
His head shot up and looked at me through his helmet. He got off slowly and put his helmet on his seat. Getting a better look at him, I agreed with Jessica. He was very good looking. He was tall, handsome and he had a look to him that I couldn't describe. He just looked warm.
I wasn't sure what to do next. I was not mad at him and I knew that I didn't want to yell at him or anything like that. So what the hell was I doing walking towards him?
When I got about four feet in front of him, I stopped and looked at him. He looked down at his feet and shoved his hands in his back pockets. "Look, I am not here to yell at you or anything crazy like that. I just, I don't know wanted to say hi." I said extending my hand, "I'm Bella."
He looked shocked and then he stuck his hand out towards me, "I'm Jacob or Jake whichever you want to call me."
We shook hands and I heard my friends come out of the diner. I mouthed it's ok to them and they walked over to the side of the restaurant where there was a bench against the building.
"Bells, I am so sorry about what I did. I will never be able to forgive myself for that night."
Bells, that is was what Charlie called me. "Please don't, there really is no need. It is over and done with. I just wanted to meet you or try and remember you I guess. My parents won't tell me anything about that night."
He nodded, "Yea, after that night, they just wanted to…"
"Start over, I know" I said finishing his sentence.
He looked up at the same time I did, and we stared at each other for a minute, not saying anything or even moving.
I was the one to break the silence, "Well, I guess I had better get going. I'm here for a wedding, and tomorrow is the big day. I'm not looking forward to it at all."
He laughed, "Yea you never did like attention directed at you."
I shrugged, "True."
"It was good seeing you and knowing you are doing ok. Charlie calls every once and awhile to let us know how you are doing. Hope you have fun tomorrow."
I nodded and stepped forward, "Bye Jake." I said and I surprised myself and him by giving him a hug. I breathed in his scent, and I recognized it.
"Bye Bells."
When I went back into the restaurant, the waitress was leaving our bills and we took them and paid at the front checkout counter.
As we said our goodbyes to Angela, Jessica and Eric Alice invited them to the wedding. We got into our cars and agreed to meet up later on that night to have one last girl's night before the chaos of the wedding. I needed to get away.
Luckily, Charlie wasn't home when I got back and so I had the whole house to myself. I made myself a cup of tea and sat down in the living room looking around. He had old photographs everywhere and I could remember most of them. There was even one of me and Alice with ridiculous looking makeup on in my room. I smiled as I let the picture take me back.
"But you promised!" A voice sang that came from a girl who was propped up on my bed, makeup spread out over a purple bedspread.
"Alice, I don't want you to do my makeup though. I am only going to forget everything you teach me, besides you know I won't wear any of it."
I groaned with annoyance but that didn't seem to stop her. "Plus, when Jasper's brother sees you he is going to fall all the more head over heels in love with you.
I wonder if I had ever met Jaspers brother and I shrugged, I would be meeting him tomorrow so it didn't really matter.
"Ok, so you have everything ready for the rehearsal dinner tomorrow night?" I asked at Alice's childhood house later that night.
She pulled out a piece of paper that resembled a checklist and looked it over, "It seems like I do, but I am sure I will forget something." She said.
I shook my head, "Even if you did, I think you over planned well enough that you will be okay."
Alice groaned, "This is so stressful!"
Rose, who was sitting on the floor painting her toenails spoke up, "Well then you should have eloped like my smart ass did!"
We painted our nails, and frustratingly I let Alice do my makeup. "Just like old times."
I smiled, knowing what she was talking about.
Alice decided we needed to go to bed early so we would all be well rested for tomorrow's wedding rehearsal. I all too willingly agree, as I was anxious and excited to get some peaceful sleep. However, as soon as my eyes shut, I was faced with the reality that an undisturbed slumber wasn't going to happen.
The nightmare started out as a normal dream; although too quickly, the dream turned horrible.
Jake was sitting in the front seat and I was sitting in the back with someone next to me.
"I love you." The man said as he cupped my face gently and kissed me.
"Always." I said as I heard Jacob clear his throat.
"You guys are disgusting, seriously if it weren't for your drunken boyfriend, I would so not be here." Jacob said.
I rolled my eyes, "He isn't even really drunk Jake. If my dad hadn't seen him drink that beer…
Jacob turned around to look at me.
"Believe me, this won't happen again. If you want, we can drop you off at your house and then I can just drive the rest of the way home." said the voice of the man sitting next to me. It was soft. That's when the lights got bright. "Jacob watch out!" I screamed and he turned his head back to the front of the road and swerved his car as his tires squealed.
I felt a protective arm go around me and then I woke up from my own screaming.
I sat straight up in my bed and wiped the sweat from my forehead and looked around searching for a clock. Damn, it's only three in the morning. I grabbed my hair and put it up in a messy pony tail to try and help with the heat wave I was feeling. My sheets were a tangled mess and I struggled to break free from them.
It seemed that I didn't wake Alice or Rosalie up, who had set up their beds on the floor around me. Standing up from my bed, I went to the bathroom and splashed some water on my face.
When I finally cooled down, I went back to my room and by some miracle I fell back to sleep.
When I woke up again six hours later, I found Rosalie still sleeping in the bed next to me and Alice downstairs making eggs and bacon for breakfast. "Well good morning sunshine."
That made me laugh, I was sure I looked just fantastic. "Want some breakfast?" She asked setting down two plates at the table in the kitchen.
"Sure, thanks for making it."
"No problem! I was so excited, I couldn't sleep anymore. I have been up for the past four hours planning, and thinking."
"So are you excited for tonight?" I teased. "I mean you have to be so overwhelmed right now."
She laughed, "Overwhelmed is the statement of the year. I mean, there feels like there is still so much to do. I know it is tomorrow but damn. I cannot believe that I am going to be Mrs. Jasper Whitlock."
She went on for the next twenty minutes about her honeymoon which was going to be in Venice, Italy. She was extremely happy, but on a level from one to ten, I was at a ten with my anxiety. I had no idea what everyone was going to expect of me.
We visited with Alice's family for the remainder of the day, and around two o'clock, we started to get ready since we had to be at the church by 4:00.
After we had our hair and makeup done, we went downstairs to meet up with Jasper and Emmett.
I had settled on a white sundress and a jean cropped jacket to put over it. I found my converse and slipped them on feeling more in my element with them on.
We got to the church, and I listened as the priest described what I was going to do and when I would have to do it. I watched as they did a mock version of the wedding that would take place tomorrow, and I couldn't help but get all teary eyed. I looked at Jasper and Alice and they just fit.
I learned that Jasper's brother wouldn't be at the rehearsal at the church because his flight was late getting in. He was supposedly coming home from visiting his godfather who lived in Ohio. Emmett filled in for him and promised Alice on his life that he would make sure Edward knew what to do.
We took a limo from the church to the hall where the rehearsal dinner was at and when I got in, the place just screamed Alice. It was a cool looking Italian place with vines spread across the ceiling. I smiled; tonight was going to be fun.
We got to our tables, and Alice explained where the bar was. I was in need of something cold and something hard.
"I'll have a rum and coke please." I said sliding the money towards the bartender and taking a sip once he had prepared my drink.
EPOV
Twenty minutes late. Fuck.
Jasper wouldn't really give a shit but I knew I would hear it from Alice. I parked my car and sprinted out into the rain, making sure I heard the beep that signified my Volvo was safe and secure for the night.
When Jasper had asked me to be his best man, I can't say that I was surprised. Aside from being my brother, I considered him to be my best friend. He had been there for me through everything. He was only a year younger than me, but he had always acted like the older one.
He had been there through one of the most difficult parts of my life. He was there when we were in the hospital waiting for answers. He was there when I found out she didn't remember anything about me. He was there when I decided to pack up all of my things and move to Ohio for schooling. And he was there while I tried to put myself back together after doing everything I possibly could to make her remember me.
I reached the door to the hall where the rehearsal dinner would be and straightened my vest that I had put on over my black buttoned down shirt and decided to just get this over with. I knew she would be here, and that is why I almost didn't come here in the first place.
Jasper and I had talked about this almost every night, and after much convincing we both thought it would be a good idea that acting like I didn't know Bella was the best thing for everyone involved. If she was going to remember me, she would have already.
I felt a pull in my stomach, another reminder that she wouldn't know who I was. My hands went to my hair and pulled fistfuls out of anger. This was ridiculous and I am sure I looked like a fucking weirdo standing out here by myself.
So I opened the door and walked in. My eyes scanned for Jasper but I was immediately greeted by Alice who pulled me into a tight hug. "I am so glad you came!" she said into my neck as she hugged me tighter.
I smiled as I saw Jasper walking up towards us. I released Alice and took my brother into a hug. "Hey man, congrats again." I said.
"Thanks, Edward. So how was your flight in?" He asked wrapping his arm around Alice's tiny shoulders.
I told them about the flight and how I almost didn't make it. Then I told them about the traffic, explaining why I was late. Thankfully, Alice seemed to have more on her mind than to contemplate yelling at me.
I was about to ask them what was covered at the rehearsal that I would need to know for tomorrow when I saw her. Alice and Jasper's eyes followed mine as they settled on Bella walking towards the bar. I started towards her when Jasper grabbed my arm to stop me.
"Be careful Edward. Think about what you are going to do before you say anything." He said releasing my arm.
I ran my hand through my hair. "Yea I know Jazz, I'm not stupid."
Not waiting for him to say anything else, I walked over to her. I was close enough to hear what she asked for from the bartender.
"I'll have a rum and coke please." she said sliding the money towards the bartender and taking a sip once he had prepared the drink.
"You know, you have to be careful with those. They will put you on your ass." I said sliding into a seat next to hers.
She looked at me as if she was going to say something to me, and I was amazed at how much she looked the same as she did when we were 19. I watched as her eyes took me in, and then she replied. "Uh, I'll remember that, thanks."
I smiled; her voice was like music to me. I hadn't heard from her at all since I had left and to hear her speak, brought back memories.
"I'm Edward by the way." I said sticking my hand out to shake hers.
Her eyes widened and I felt a glimpse of hope run through my heart, but it was gone when she answered. "Oh! You must be Jasper's brother." She said taking my hand. When she touched me, a feeling of electricity shot through me and she quickly pulled away, obviously feeling it too.
"Yea, that's me. So are you the same Bella that is Alice's bridesmaid?" I asked trying to come up with some sort of conversation to fill the sound of my heart beating a million miles a minute.
She took a sip of her drink and nodded, "Yep, that's me. Do you know any other Bella?" she asked in a sarcastic, yet funny tone. It was so her.
I laughed, signaling the bartender for a beer. "Actually, I did. You remind me a lot about her actually." I said taking a hard pull from my beer.
She looked at me and cocked her head. "Oh my God!" She exclaimed suddenly. "You're the guy from the pictures!" She said setting her drink down and turning full on towards me.
I felt my heart stop but reminded myself to stay calm. There was no way… "You still have pictures of me?"
"Well I mean, my mom said that you and I used to be really close friends awhile ago, before my accident. I hope you don't mind." She said nervously.
Friends I thought. There was nothing much about mine and Bella's relationship that was just purely friendly. We were much more than that. I guess I can see why her mom would tell her that.
Taking a much needed gulp from my beer I replied. "No, I mean I don't mind at all. I'm just surprised that you still have those pictures."
She smiled, "They are all I have left of some people." She set her drink down. "You know, I tried looking for you. I had this feeling like I had to know who you were."
I stopped breathing for a second after that sentence. "You did?" I somehow got out.
"Yea, but I didn't find anything. I figured if it was meant to be, we would have known each other after or something." She said playing with her fingers; a trait that she hadn't lost in her memories.
It killed me she said that. If she had known I had spent every day with her in the hospital…I endured countless hours of her confusion, and the way she would look at me like a stranger. I couldn't handle it anymore and that is when I moved to Ohio.
"Yea, I needed to get out of Forks." I simply said. I looked at her, searching in her eyes for any glimpse of hope of her remembering who I was. I was about to say something when we heard the clinking of a glass coming from across the room.
Alice and Jasper were standing at the front of the room. "We just wanted to thank everyone for coming. It means a lot that you all could be here." Jasper said.
"We would like to especially thank Bella and Edward for being here, we know it was hard to get here and we want to say we love you and appreciate it more than you can imagine." Alice choked out.
I glanced at Bella who wiped a tear from her eye. She mouthed "love you" to Alice and everyone took a sip of their drink after the toast.
That's when I couldn't take it anymore. I hadn't seen Bella say I love you to me in years. I so desperately wanted it to be me. It hurt so deep that I couldn't breathe.
Not bothering to finish my own drink, I excused myself quickly and ran out the door, not even noticing the looks I was getting from mine and Alice's family. I hadn't even noticed it was my own father who had tried to reach out to me to keep me from leaving the room.
Thankfully it had stopped raining and as I ran outside I kicked the stone pillars in the entrance of the place, cursing as the pain shot through my foot and leg. "Fuck!" I said out loud.
"You ok?" I heard her say, and I turned around to see Bella walking towards me with her arms wrapped around her small frame.
I shook my head walking towards her. I stopped a few feet from her. "You don't remember anything about me do you?"
She looked taken aback. "No, I don't and I am sorry about that. Believe me I spent hours looking at your pictures trying to remember, but there is nothing."
"God Damnit Bella! Why am I the only person from your life that you can't remember?" I said shoving my hands in my hair like I always did in frustration.
She shuffled her feet and shook her head and whispered, "I don't know."
"You know, I waited for you." I said, half regretting that I was about to do this, but knew I had to. "I waited for you for four months after our accident."
Her eyes widened, "What do you mean our accident?" She said looking at me with questioning eyes.
"Our accident Bella, it's the reason why you can't remember me." She still looked puzzled. Then it clicked. "No one ever told you did they? No one ever told you that it was me who was in the car with you. It was my fault that Jacob was driving. I was sitting right next to you. We were laughing and talking about our future we were going to have together. I kissed you." I felt the tears starting to form in my eyes and didn't give a damn that I was about to let out three years of frustration.
"Bella, I kissed you and two seconds later we got hit. You were in my arms, and then you weren't. I remember kneeling next to you, oh Bella you were bleeding so badly. When we got to the hospital they weren't sure if you were going to remember anything. When you woke up your mom said you knew some things and when I got the news I drove like a maniac to the hospital. There you were, but it wasn't you. You had no idea who I was, and you never regained any memory of me."
She was crying now, and I hated that it was because of me that she was. She sat down on the ground and put her head in her hands.
I walked over to her and knelt down so we were eye level. "Bella, look at me." I said clearing my own eyes.
She looked up at me and I wiped away a tear, thankful for her not pulling away. "It's you." She said so quietly I could barely hear her.
"What?" I asked her.
"You have been in my dreams for as long as I can remember. I just couldn't place your face. Oh my God." She said as she obviously started to remember something. She looked back up at me. "I don't remember much but oh my God Edward, it's always been you." She said putting her hands down away from her face, as if she was pulling down a wall.
I didn't think as I pulled her slowly to me, nor as I brought her face up to mine and brushed my lips to hers. She relaxed and then pulled away. Smiling, she leaned forward again and kissed me. I was suddenly lost and it felt as though we were back in high school again.
We talked for a little longer then we decided we should get back into the dinner hall. When we did, we faced Jasper and Alice, who had a look of worry written all over their faces. We explained to them what had happened and we went back to the rehearsal dinner.
The rest of the night we all danced and hung out. I couldn't help but notice how much Bella hadn't really changed from her old self which I was thankful for.
By eleven that night, we all decided we would get to bed as it would be an early morning for everyone. I walked Bella to her car and we hugged goodbye... I was excited yet disappointed. I knew things wouldn't go back to normal in one night, but it seemed strange to let her go after everything that had just happened.
I drove home with Jasper since he would be staying with me. Alice was all about the traditional not seeing the bride the morning of the wedding rule.
That night I fell asleep quickly, unlike all of the other nights. I felt like I had just found a piece of me that had been missing for far too long.
BPOV
I woke up the next morning earlier then I needed. With last night's event swimming around in my head, I had gotten next to no sleep. I got a cup of coffee and went to the balcony of the suite Alice had gotten for the bridal party that night and gazed outside as the sun rose.
I sipped my coffee as I tried to figure out what all of this now meant. I sure as hell couldn't just go back to where we left off. I was hoping he was thinking the same thing. Talking to Alice and Rosalie last night on the way home had helped and they agreed.
They shared stories about him and I from high school and I couldn't help but smile at the relationship we once had. I couldn't help but hope we could still be. Maybe not now, but hopefully we could someday.
Alice and Rosalie got up about an hour after I did, and the craziness started.
Alice's mom came in and we helped her get into her dress after our hair and makeup was finished. Before we knew it, we were lining up at the back of the church for the ceremony.
I had butterflies in my stomach as I saw Edward coming into view. He looked so handsome it was hard to contain myself. That man had been mine once and we had shared what was an unquestionably amazing kiss the other night. I blushed at the thought.
"Hey you." He said as he gave me a hug. "You look beautiful Bella."
I blushed even more, "Thanks, you don't look so bad yourself." He smiled and soon it was our turn to walk down the aisle.
The ceremony was beautiful, traditional and very romantic. Alice had planned it perfectly and the way Alice and Jasper looked at each other gave me Goosebumps.
We took pictures after the ceremony and soon it was time for the reception which was at the hotel we had stayed at last night.
Rosalie, Alice and I danced to a few of "our" songs and then a slow one came on. I started to walk off the dance floor when Edward stopped me. "Would you care to dance with me?"
I smiled and nodded, taking his hand. He led me to the middle and I put my hand on his shoulder, and the other in his hand. His hand was on my waist and I shivered at his touch.
"You do know that I may never be able to remember you completely right? The doctors told me that potentially I wouldn't be able to remember anything associated with the accident. I wish that wasn't the case. You have no idea how many nights I have awoken wanting so desperately to know you." I said.
"I know, Bella. But if that's ok with you, I was hoping we could start from the beginning and go slow. I want to get to know you again." Edward said.
This is what I was hoping to hear. "I think that would be amazing but what about Ohio? I thought you lived there now. We would be almost on opposite ends of the country." I said just now realizing the gravity of my words.
"Jasper didn't tell you?" He asked. I shook my head and he continued. "I'm taking his old place when he and Alice move into together after their honeymoon." He said it matter-of-factly, as if this wasn't big news at all.
I beamed….it felt like the biggest smile to ever adorn my face. "That's fantastic Edward!"
"This way you and I can get to know each other and catch up." He said kissing my forehead.
I giggled and got an idea, "You're right, we do have a lot to catch up on." I said stopping my movement. He looked at me funny and I continued. "And I know a good place where we can start." I winked at him as I pulled him off the dance floor with me.

Bullet To The Heart

2010-09-26T19:25:00.000-07:00

Sunny with a chance of rain. The weather man was droning on in my ear as I grabbed a quick breakfast. Charlie always watched the news in the morning. I never really paid much attention to it myself. If anything newsworthy happened in Forks, I would hear about it by lunch, and there wasn't really a point to watching the weather, because no matter how many predictions of sun we had, it was probably going to end up raining anyway.

I told Charlie bye, and shoved my toast in my mouth, before grabbing my bag for school and hopping down my front steps. I fumbled with my radio dial while I drove and ate my breakfast. I nearly hit a mail box twice, and almost rear-ended a car at the only stoplight we had in Forks.

The little slivers of sun poking through the clouds were throwing me off. At least that is what I would blame it on. I rolled down my window, and took a deep breath of Forks air. It smelled of rain and trees. The static on the radio was irritating me, and I stuck my hand in my bag, which was splayed out on the seat next to me, and dug around to find my ipod.

When I finally pulled it out of my bag, I accidentally dropped my headphones on the floorboard and cursed, trying to blindly reach my hand under the seat while still driving. With no luck, I finally just gave up and sat in silence for the rest of the ride to school.

The parking lot was nearly empty when I pulled in, which meant I probably was either late to class, or only had a few minutes to get there. I pulled into the first spot I could find and parked, leaning over the seat to grab my headphones.

I made it to class with ten seconds to spare, and scanned the room for Alice. Thankfully she was in the back, next to an empty seat that I would soon be taking residence in for the remainder of the class. Our idiot teacher didn't believe in assigned seats, and it was always a bitch to get a good spot. Especially for someone like me, who was almost always late to class.

She mouthed my name with an exasperated look on her face. I shook my head and plopped down in my seat. Alice and I had been friends for a couple of years now. We met in gym class, neither of us even remotely interested in volleyball, which was the sport we were learning at the time. She didn't want to get hot and sweaty in the middle of a school day, and I didn't want to kill half of my classmates with a flying object. I was the clumsy awkward one, she was the poised and graceful one.

Alice kicked my leg to get my attention. "We are supposed to be on page 65."

The teacher was shuffling some papers around, and I rolled my eyes as I dug the book out of my bag and dropped it on my desk with a loud thud, causing a few people in the class to turn around and look at me. I shrugged innocently, and flipped the pages until I was at the right one.

As soon as our teacher started to talk, the door slammed open, interrupting the start of our lesson. I groaned as I realized that the only seat left in the class was directly in front of me.

Mr. Banner looked irritated. "Edward, you're late again."

"Sorry Mr. B." He said as he took his seat, dropping his bag on my foot in the process. I kicked it off of me, and went back to doodling on the corner of my book page. He turned around in his seat and I slowly looked up at him, with a smirk in return. He was giving me some serious bitchface. I obviously didn't care what reactions I got out of Edward, simply because I could care less about Edward.

You see, we despised each other, even though we had never spoken. We just didn't mix. I was oil, and Edward was water.

Alice nudged me in the arm and I looked at her. "What's his problem?" I shrugged at her, looking back at him. He had turned around to face the front, but had moved his bag in between his feet so I couldn't reach it.

"Bella, Edward? Can you go to the library and check out a tv/vcr please?"

We both stopped what we were doing and stared at Mr. Banner. I looked over at Alice, before I slowly got up from my desk, forcing myself to walk towards the front of the room. I could hear Edward shuffling his feet behind me, as I grabbed the pass that Mr. Banner held out to me.

We walked in silence down the hall, and I pulled my headphones out and stuck one in my ear, while pressing play on the screen.

Mrs. Cope, our librarian was sitting at the front desk when we walked in, popping her gum, and flipping through a gossip magazine. She was only in her late 20's, but looked so much older. I handed her the pass, and waited for her to get one of the TV carts from the back room.

Edward was leaning against the wall playing on his cell phone when I looked over my shoulder. He wasn't going to go out of his way to be nice to me so I just decided to keep ignoring him in return.

I could hear the creaking of the metal stand, as Mrs. Cope pushed it towards us. As soon as I was in reach of the TV she let it go and walked back to her desk, to her magazine.

Apparently everyone woke up on the wrong side of the bed today.

I stared at my feet as we walked down the hall, trying not to hit my toes on the wheels of the metal cart. I was tempted to put my ipod back in, but I didn't want to stop to pull it out again, and look all awkward.

Edward, as if he could read my thoughts, abruptly stopped, and I nearly tripped over my own feet slamming into the cart instead.

"What the hell Edward!"

"Sorry, I just wanted to step outside for a minute." He replied, sticking his hands in his pockets.

I raised my eyebrows and stood there, waiting for some explanation. He pulled his right hand out of his jeans and produced a pack of Camels.

"Oh, yeah…sure. Go ahead." I said motioning for the door. As much as I hated being around him, I would do anything to stay out of class for just a little while longer. I pushed the cart up against the wall by a classroom and we snuck out of one of the janitor entrances and around the side of the school. It had started to drizzle a little bit, and I laughed, remembering the weather report this morning. The grass back here was nearly as tall as me, but I guess it didn't matter…no one was ever back here anyway.

"What's so funny?" He asked as he stuck a cigarette in his mouth and flicked his Zippo lighter. I watched him inhale, the cherry burning bright orange, before he pulled it away and released his breath. The grey smoke swirled in the air between us, and I pulled up my hood and leaned against the wall.

"Nothing."

I picked at a thread that was hanging from the rip in my jeans. He continued to smoke in silence.

I watched his long fingers flick the butt up into the air, but couldn't see where it landed.

We walked into the school, grabbing the cart on our way back down the hallway. When we got to our classroom the door was shut and locked. I tried knocking a couple of times.

"This is weird." I said, noticing that the window above the door was dark. I turned to asked Edward what was going on, when he backed into me, shoving me against the wall.

"What the-"

"Shhh, Bella, Shut up."

I could see the little hairs on the back of his neck. "Bella. I need you to reach into my back pocket and grab my phone."

"Edward, if you wanted me to feel you up, you could have just asked." I said jokingly.

"Bella, now!"

"Okay, geez." I snaked my hand in between us and fished the phone out, and handed it to him over his shoulder.

"Bella stay here." Edward asked as he walked a few steps down the hallway.

I watched in confusion as Edward looked around the corner slowly.

What was he looking at? I wanted to see, but didn't want to piss him off anymore, so I stayed put.

He turned around quickly, and the look on his face made my heart stop; something was wrong. He grabbed my arm roughly, and I went to ask what the hell he was thinking, but he put a finger to his lips to silence me, and I followed his directions.

We had walked to the end of the hallway quickly and he suddenly pulled me into a janitors closet, shutting the door behind him and locking it.

Putting my hands on my hips I said, "Would you mind telling me what the hell is going on?"

He ran his fingers through his hair. "Bella, you have to promise me that you wont freak out ok?" I nodded in response. "I thought I saw something around the corner, and when I looked, I saw Jessica Stanley laying on the floor with a pool of blood around her. It looks like she was shot. I think there is a shooter in the school right now."

I backed away from him, my hands covering my mouth. I could feel hot tears stinging my eyes. I hadn't told Charlie I loved him today. I hadn't called my mom since last weekend. I had never been in love. I was only 17.

I felt arms surround me, and I looked up in confusion. Edward Cullen doesn't hug anyone. He doesn't care.

But he did. And he was.

I quickly wiped away my tears, and pushed him away. "You don't have to hug me because I'm crying. I'm a big girl you know." I sat down on a bucket that I had turned over, as he sat down against the wall across from me.

"I was just trying to help."

"I know that, but it's hard for me to let you. I didn't know you could function in any other mode but asshole."

"Did Bella Swan just curse?" He said smirking.

"Yes asshole." I said flipping him off.

He put his head in his hands and started to laugh. How could this be happening? Ten minutes ago we were glaring at each other in English, and now we were stuck together in a closet. Alone.

"We aren't going to get out of here alive are we?" I asked, watching him twiddle his fingers in his lap.

He stopped and looked at me, "We're going to get out of here, okay? Stop thinking so fucking negatively.".

"Listen, Edward…" I started to say before we heard screams from down the hallway echoing outside the door.

I slid backwards off the bucket against the wall and Edward scrambled across the floor, sliding his body protectively around me for the second time today.

After a couple of minutes, it was quiet again and he let go of me. We went back to our regular positions.

"I'm scared." I looked up at him, waiting for him to laugh at me. If we ever got out of here, he wouldn't ever let me live this down.

"Me too, Bella."

I sat staring at him in shock. I had never seen him vulnerable. He was always big man on campus, with his group of stereotypical high school friends.

"Are you okay?" I asked timidly.

"Why the fuck do you care?"

"I don't know." I replied honestly. Why did I care?

He looked at the ground, and I had time to come up with something better. "We might not ever see anyone else but each other. We could die, Edward. I at least want to be civil with you."

My words caught him off guard, and he sat straight up, looking me in the eyes.

"I can be civil. I don't understand why we are treating each other this way. I guess you just don't get me. I'm not an awful person…I think we just rub each other the wrong way."

I nodded, "Well yeah, can't you see how people would be nervous around you?" I asked.

He looked down at the floor and then back at me, "Kind of. I try to be myself, but I still end up being judged. I don't want problems with anyone. I'm very laid back and quiet, and so many people take that differently."

"I know the feeling Edward. I'm Bella Swan, miss perfect. I get good grades, I don't fool around, drink or do drugs. And you know what kind of effect it has on me? It means that no one wants to date me because I don't put out, which I don't, but no one will give me the chance. No one asks me to come to parties because they are afraid that I will be the only sober one there, and will end up calling Charlie to come break it up. It sucks, and I hate being stuck in this little bubble that I basically had no choice of being put in."

I let out a much needed breath, "So you see, everyone puts us in these different categories, and yet we are probably the most alike out of everyone."

He nodded, "Yea, I guess."

We stayed in the closet for what had to have been another twenty minutes.

"Ok, I have a plan." Edward said suddenly. My heart started pacing as I prepped myself for what we were about to do. "I am going to go out there and figure out what is going on."

I nodded freaking out, Edward was going to go out there by himself and I would have to stay here and wait to see if he would even come back. He went to the door and peeked out and I watched as he started to leave. And in that moment, I knew I might never see him again.

"Edward!" I whispered. He turned around to look at me, eyes wide, and a finger to his mouth to signal me to be quiet.

I walked over to him and put my hand on the back of his neck. My tears had come back and I was getting worried. "What if we die?"

He didn't answer me.

I rushed to him, pulling his face to mine. Our lips met desperately, over and over and I fell into him, letting him be strong for the both of us. I could feel his tears dripping onto my cheeks, as he wound his fingers through my hair, holding us together.

He eventually pulled away and we kept our faces only inches apart, breathing heavily. "I won't let anything happen to you."

I nodded, closing my eyes. I felt him brush his lips against my forehead before hearing the door open and shut. I looked around, feeling my heart beat quickly. The adrenaline rush I was experiencing, a mixture of the kiss and the thought of dying, was something I had never felt before.

I played with my hair and bit my fingernails, desperately trying to pass the time with my thoughts. I heard frantic footsteps coming and I backed myself up against the wall.

The door handle turned and I curled into a ball closing my eyes.

"Bella."

I only then realized I had been holding my breath. "Oh thank God." I scrambled to my feet and ran across the small space into his arms. "I was so scared. Are you ok?"

He breathed heavily and quickly, and sat back down on the bucket facing me.

"Yeah, I'm okay." He sighed, grabbing my hand.

"So what do you think we should do now?" I asked.

Shaking his head at me, he simply said, "We have two options. We can stay here and wait, or we can try to run."

My breath caught in my throat as I tried to picture the schools layout in my mind. "Where is the closest exit?" I asked.

"We are at the end of a hallway. If we can make it around the corner and through another hall, we will run straight into the lobby, and main doors. I don't know where the shooter is, so it would be risky."

"Yeah but sitting here could also be risky. What if he finds us? We would be cornered." I added.

He pulled something small out of his pocket. He played around with the object at first, and when he held it up, I saw that it was a very large pocket knife. "If need be, we can use this"

I nodded and we looked at each other, silently agreeing we would give it all we had and get the hell out of here.

He took my hand, "Listen Bella, if I tell you to run, you have to promise me that you won't try and argue with me. I need you to get out, even If I'm not with you. Please do what I tell you okay?"

As scared as I was, and as much as I had hated Edward Cullen only hours ago, I didn't know if it was possible for me to leave him alone to deal with this. I know he was concerned for my safety, but it didn't seem fair for him to face it all alone. I looked at him, with his pleading eyes, and knew he was serious. There was no arguing.

I nodded hesitantly, and he pulled me into another frenzied kiss.

I knew there was no turning back.

We inched our way out into the hallway, slowly closing the door behind us. I could feel the hair on my arms standing up, the eerie silence deafening my ears. I stayed flat against the wall, with Edward in front of me. He glanced around the first corner, and then proceeded to guide me to the end of the next hallway. We could see the double doors, just across the open room. I breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that once we made it to those doors, we would be okay.

He looked at me one last time, and nodded, letting me know that as far as he could tell, the path we were on, was clear.

We walked quickly, and before I knew it, we were almost across the room. I could see the doors that I had entered this morning and smiled, knowing that we had made it. Everything was going to be ok.

I let out an exasperated breath and felt my heart stop, as Edward collapsed on the floor next to me. The gunshot was loud, my ears were ringing, and I fell to my knees next to Edward.

"You shouldn't be here. I never intended on hurting you." Mike said calmly. I shivered at his words as I turned to stare into his cold eyes. I saw his arm lowering, the gun coming to rest against the side of his thigh. Edward was gasping next to me, and it hurt to see him in so much pain.

"Please. Let us go." I begged, hoping my words would get to him somehow. I felt Edward stirring next to me, and he slowly stood back up on his feet. I could see the blood seeping through the shoulder of his t-shirt as he held the top of his arm.

"You may go," Mike nodded, and I breathed a sigh of relief. "but he stays." He said pointing to Edward.

I shook my head frantically, "Why? Mike, please, just let us go."

"That would defeat the purpose of being here." He said as he paced back and forth in front of us. "You know, Edward…Jessica was the first person I killed today."

Edward's eyes widened. "Mike please…you know it wasn't like that."

"Cullen, this was all your fault. That stupid party…"

"Man it didn't mean anything! I know she's your girl. We were drunk, it was just a kiss."

"Shut up!" Mike yelled, as he pointed the gun back in our direction.

"I'm sorry, Bella." Edward whispered through winces.

"Bella, get out, now!" Mike said a little more angrily while stepping towards us. I shook my head again, not wanting to leave Edward.

"Bella, you need to get out of here. I will be okay." He said so reassuringly, I almost believed him. "You promised, remember?"

I had to trust him and in this final moment, I felt myself putting all of my trust into this one person. The last thing I wanted to do was walk away, but I had indeed promised him I would listen. I turned my back and started to walk towards the double doors. I could see cop cars, blue flashing lights, and groups of hysterical parents.

I hesitantly put my hand on the door knob and gave one last look at the two guys and walked out, not knowing what would happen next.

As soon as I stepped out into the rainy weather, I ran. I ran until I met my father who was in the front of the crowd, and he put his arms around me and I finally let go of all of the feelings I had been experiencing since the moment I entered the storage room with Edward.

"Dad, you have to get someone to go in there. We have to save Edward."

"Sweetie, we are going to do the best we can." Said an officer who was standing over a map showing the layout of the school.

"I'm just glad you are okay. Who was in there with the gun?" Charlie asked.

"Mike Newton. He was upset with Edward, and wouldn't let him leave." I said, surprised I could get that much out.

"So he wa-" Charlie tried to get out before we heard another gunshot from inside of the school.

"NO!" I screamed as my worst fears were realized. I watched in slow motion as a couple of the armed officers, snuck in through a side window. Tears ran down my face as I realized that Edward had been shot. I felt guilty, that he had stayed behind, to save me.

I listened to Charlie's radio as the officers inside kept in contact with him.

"We have one man down, another dead. We are scanning the remainder of the perimeter. We need an ambulance ready, there is a significant amount of blood loss."

I couldn't listen anymore. I sat down on the curb with my head in my hands. I was numb.

I went to school today and hated Edward Cullen. And now I never even knew why I hated him in the first place.

Moments passed and I watched as the police officers emerged, letting the paramedics bring in a stretcher. I waited for what felt like hours.

The stretcher came out, and they were running it towards the ambulance, and at a quick glance I saw the messy bronze hair.

It was Edward.

Edward wasn't dead.

I watched as they pulled him up into the back, and slammed the doors.

*Two Weeks Later*

Two weeks after the shooting, school was still not in session. The school board had decided that it was a good idea to give the students more time to come to terms with what had happened and they also needed time to work on the new security advances in the school.

Edward had suffered from one gunshot in his upper arm.

I hadn't really seen him much, not wanting to step over my boundaries, and when I heard a knock on my door I was shocked to see that It was Edward.

I opened it eagerly, and welcomed him in.

"It is so good to see you." I said as we walked into the living room and sat down on the couch.

He nodded, "I'm sorry that I didn't come sooner. I had to have surgery, and when I came home, I just wanted some time to myself.

I nodded, signaling him to keep going, "I entered into counseling when I was in the hospital, and really, I am ok. If anything, I was worried about you." He said looking up at me.

I got up from my chair and went over to sit next to him. "You were worried about me? Why me? You were the one who had basically sacrificed yourself for someone you barely knew."

He smiled, "I know, but there had always been something about you, and I needed you to be ok."

I looked down at my hands as I played with my fingers. "It was because of you, that I am alive. I owe you everything." I said, feeling my emotions resurfacing.

Slowly, he reached over and grabbed my hand, "You don't owe me anything, it was my pleasure to save you."

I smiled. "I'm glad you are ok Edward. If you need anything, please let me know."

Smiling, he looked at me and said, "Well there is one thing." He said scooting closer to me.

"And what would that be?"

Not wasting any time, he said "Bella Swan, will you go on a date with me?"

I smiled and nodded. We had saved each other, in more ways than one, and as he pulled me into a soft kiss, I knew that it was the start of something fantastic.