Farah's Blog

So Long...

2011-02-18T21:02:00.000-08:00

After 2 and 1/2 years, I don't have anything new to share. It's the same old, same old complaining and sadness and broken promises. There's no inspirational talk, or picture to show. There is just emptiness... And I don't want to go on anymore.

I am not strong. I can't pretend everything is cheery and perky, when it is NOT. Don't tell me, it's going to be OK, cause I know, it won't be.

So, I'm taking off.... for good. Thanks for being with me in this journey and the blog. Take care, people!

Recipe for Love

2011-02-07T21:07:00.000-08:00

For the last couple of days, I’ve been having these intense debates with family, friends and coworkers about love and relationships. My concern was the age-old question: What is love? Who is your soul mate? Do relationships have to be hard work? Apparently these open ended questions pushed most of the people to deep thinking; some of them probably don’t want to hear from me in life! Whatever, my point is no matter how this subject bothers you, or irritates you, or makes you all mushy, this is worth knowing. You gotta know what love is. It’s a huge part of life. At least mine.

To start off I’ll quote my mom:

Relationships are hard work. And what makes you try harder for the other person is ‘Love’. And there’s nothing called ‘soul-mate’.

No offense, Mom, but I don’t agree with you. I mean, I get the part where you have to work hard for sustaining a relationship, but no soul-mate? Hmm… that’s cruel! I love the idea that there is someone out there, in this 6.5 billion people, who can resonate my thoughts and feelings. I know, the idea is far-fetched to figure out that single person, but what’s the harm in trying, right? But then comes the other hard question, how do you know he’s (or she’s) the one?

Someone at the office told me:

You want to live with someone who makes you happy. Someone with whom you can have kids someday…

OK! Say, I marry someone; have a bunch of kids and live an average life. Then one fine morning, I realize my spouse is not the love of my life; it’s the guy who works down the hall. Who thinks and acts on the same frequency as I do. And what if that guy is also tangled into his own marriage/kids/family web, then what? You give up on love and soulmate because it's the right thing to do? You see where I’m going? So there’s love, marriage, and then soul mate. It’s getting way too complicated. At this point, someone is probably thinking, what is love anyway? I don’t know, probably the bible got it right. Or this kid:

Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.

Terri – age 4

Isn’t she right? It IS that something that makes you hold on to the other person no matter what happened. It’s the glue to all of our struggles, bad days and endless piles of laundries. And no matter how much I hate to admit this, but love makes you blind. The most imperfect person in the world will appear absolutely perfect if you are in love with him. (Isn’t that horrible?) But what makes a soul mate A SOULMATE? Happiness and love, combined? Hmm… that’s IT. That might be the perfect recipe for a soul mate. To end all this madness, here’s another quote by Thomas Moore:

A soulmate is someone to whom we feel profoundly connected, as though the communicating and communing that take place between us were not the product of intentional efforts, but rather a divine grace.

Now, who wouldn’t want that?

pic link

Tea Love

2011-02-06T03:21:00.000-08:00

For the last couple of months, I've given up on coffee and moved on to tea. Well... I didn't give up completely. The smell of freshly brewed coffee...is just .... wow!!! Now I only drink it, when I know I have a place to lie down in a fetal position and moan like an wounded animal. Yeah, the heart burn is THAT bad! Since I can't live without caffeine, I switched to tea. And fell in love all over again.

And also with these lovely tea pics. Enjoy!

Pic Links

On not being a baby-hater

2011-02-04T14:09:00.000-08:00

There's a funny thing that happens to me all the time.

Whenever I talk about babies, on pregnancy or any related subject, people always assume I don't like babies. I don't know why do they get that vibe anyway. It's probably, I've been married for 4 years and hadn't had a baby in that time. Probably there's some rule I don't know about. Like get married and soon pop out as many offsprings you can.

Anyway, so recently, I get asked so you don't like babies? Me too... You don't have to have babies to feel happy and fulfilled, right? Mmmmm... NO. I just don't want babies, right now. I'd love to have babies some day... 2 or 3 even. Who knows?

Need to know

2011-02-04T02:32:00.000-08:00

The other day, someone left me a very sweet comment on my blog. Anonymously.

And I got spooked. I am a scaredy cat like that. Well... sometimes. And I disabled commenting anonymously for a while.

Probably some of you (including the commentator) are rolling their eyes in pure dismay to convey how unhappy you are with this. I mean, this is not a cool blog in the first place, right? And I don't get much comments to begin with. So how uncool (and stupid) I'd be to narrow it down even further! Very, I suppose.

Hear me out, will ya? I am scared. Sometimes so much that I have to hold my breath and see if I'm screwing anything up or not. I need to know where I'm going before I start my journey. Or see, where I jump. So, here's me being stupid, wanting to know who you are when you say something.

Blog Design: Updated

2011-02-02T03:08:00.000-08:00

After contemplating for so long, I've decided to take down my previous blog template and do a new one. This isn't very fancy or complicated. I used Blogger's new template designer and a few of my original images. Also, POLKA DOTS!!! This might be a stepping stone for my super-secret-hidden- blog as we were talking about. If you are on the feed reader, here's a sneak peek.

So go ahead, take a looksey and share what you think.

Broken

2011-01-31T02:55:00.000-08:00

I think I've reached my all time low. You know, how there are days you mope all day, stay under sheets and cry??? This doesn't even stop there.

I cried all day. Then I cried some more. Because I'm tired of crying all my life and depending on the wrong person. And then I cried some more while asking the oblivion, why me?

I'm so tired. I can't do this anymore. I can't just pretend everything will be OK. Because it won't.

Definition: Pure Bliss

2011-01-23T23:30:00.000-08:00

Original links here

Hello, my name is ...

2011-01-19T15:19:00.001-08:00

When I first started blogging all I could think about was do people read this blog? Do they know I exist? It was such a dilemma. I mean the pressure I put on myself to crank great posts, was brutal. I wanted to make it big. Be a unique blogger. Be famous.

Fast forward 3 years. Go to Google search engine. Type in 'Farah Abedin' and press Enter. Bam! There you have it. Staring back at you is ME. And I can't believe it!!! First you have me on Flickr. Then on Twitter. Then my old blog. And then you have this blog. I'm THAT famous. In fact, the school lab link is on page 2. How ironic!!!

Then it hit me. This is probably not a good idea. You know, to be SO obvious on web radar. Anyone can read WTF I'm trying to say here and probably judge me based on this. That probably won't be a wise judgement, but who's stopping who, right?

So I'm planning to hide. Probably under different location under different name. I plan to continue blogging, I'm not gonna stop just because someone read this and decided I'm weird. I'm gonna blog in a less obvious way.

Also, if you are from LAR-WSU, don't you have better things to do?

Tea Tumblers and Babies

2011-01-17T17:05:00.000-08:00

My class started on the 10th according to schedule. In the mean time I've successfully smashed my first ever tea tumbler I got from Starbucks. On the first day. After using it only one day. Great! It was really cute though, with its strainer and glass body. See?

Then after agonizing for 3-4 days, I went ahead and bought another one. This time a plastic one. Glass tumblers are not for babies. Plastic, I can handle. They just don't die on you after getting bumped on the ground. So I got this. And it has this interesting feature. The text (RED)ISCOVER changes its color according to the temperature of your drink. How cool is that?

On a similar note, this semester, I've decided to get addicted to caffeine, give up sleep and work minimum 14 hrs a day. (You got that already, right?) My research progress is really slow and I'm not getting any younger, am I?

On a not-so-similar note, every night I dream about being pregnant and having a baby. I wonder what's that all about?

Day 6

2011-01-06T03:35:00.001-08:00

It's day 6. And I haven't wrote anything yet.

My new semester starts in 4 days. And all I can think about is - what should I buy for myself? An iPhone 4 or an iPad? I mean isn't that the greatest mystery of life- which gadget will make your life easier? Huh?

Have I ever told you I'm addicted to Grey's Anatomy? I should do a whole post about it. For the time being, I'm watching old episodes like crazy cause it feels like this is going to solve my life's problem. Yes, I am THAT brilliant!

For the past 2 and 1/2 week I was on break from work/school. Although I DID work couple of days but apparently it's not enough. I mean I specifically asked for a break, right? Hmm, according to some people, c'est la vie*.

So here I am on a new year have nothing to say to you. No resolutions. No inspirations. No amazing realizations. Nada. I just hope I'll still be alive after this year. And that's about it. Also totally NOT looking forward to turn 30. Please don't remind me. Ever. Again.

So it's day 6. And my life is still boring.**

N.B.
* French phrase- meaning 'such is life'. Had no idea about it. Had to google.

** Post inspiration based on Meredith's prologue and epilogue for each episode.

Review: 2010

2010-12-31T23:21:00.000-08:00

Oh 2010! You've been a handful year. Really!

I thought I'd make an inventory of my achievements, losses and struggles of this year.

Achievements
  Started Grad School
  Finished 2 semesters with favorable grades to continue my assistantship
  Got over my stage fright (partially)
  lost 10 lbs
  Cleaned up my eating habit
  Fell in love all over again

Losses and struggle
  Had an horrible car accident
  Had recurring panic attacks induced by the car accident
  Had some trouble with my studies since it's a totally new field for me.
  Allergy-wise it was a really bad year.
  Got into social awkwardness more than you think

wow! It seems it's been a good year apart from the accident. I hope 2011 doesn't come with much surprises for me. And for you!

Crochet Hats

2010-12-27T05:02:00.000-08:00

Lately I've been crocheting a lot. You know, I really love any sort of craft. My problem is I can't seem to finish any project I start. So this time I started slow. I picked small projects -like crochet hats. So far I've finished four - 3 for me, 1 for Z. These are mine.

So what do you think guys? I'm already planning about my first crochet cardigan!! Yea...!

Happy Holidays!

2010-12-25T18:29:00.001-08:00

Aftermath: 2nd Semester

2010-12-23T23:46:00.000-08:00

I'm so glad, finally my second semester is over. It's been real tough.

Yeah, my work load was pretty huge with my TA-ship and everything. But this is the semester where I had to struggle through some huge personal issues other than studies. It was scary. I'm not even sure if I'm gonna talk about those issues here or not. The problem is, I don't have anyone to bounce back ideas right now. No one to ask for advice or support. Bummer!

On the note on blogging, this blog needs a huge makeover. And I don't see myself doing it any time soon. I've become so lazy these past few days. Then again, I'm not a regular blogger anymore. If I were you, I wouldn't follow myself either. Good for you! The thing is, every time I open my mouth here (or write/type, I suppose), it seems like, I'm whining. It's become this giant pile of never ending whining crap. And I don't know what to do about it. Really. It's just a part of me. Contrary to the popular belief, I'm not one of those 'look there's a rainbow, pony and cotton candy' spewing blogger. I'm just NOT. So welcome to the dark, twisted corner of the blogosphere.

I know, I know I'm going way out of line. Another thing about me, when things get messy I tend to start from scratch. Which apparently is not feasible in real life. A blog is a blog. You can just throw it out, delete it, archive it or whatever. But a part of life- not so much. Apparently we have so much to talk about.

So back to the topic of second semester. For a change I got an A. Yippy! I ended up doing presentations for all the three courses. Did I ever tell you how much I hate doing presentations?? No?? OK, I HATE DOING PRESENTATIONS!! But, after all the BS I went through, here's another view, BRING IT ON!! Seriously, when you are talking about three different topics in three different courses instead of the watered down version of your thesis, you get pretty confident about how to talk about stuff you have absolutely no idea of. (It's a confusing sentence, you might wanna read it again; Also it might have one or more grammatical errors.) Anyway, I'm really thankful, that everything went pretty smooth with my work and studies. And unlike some other people I know in real life and comics, I do have a great research advisor. He's just awesome!!

So that's just an aftermath of my second semester. Yet, we have so much to talk about. I missed you...

On not being here

2010-11-25T04:39:00.001-08:00

I know, you know that I'm not here.

It's been a long time. The last couple of weeks have been a complete blur. I hated myself and the world most of the days. I had a nervous breakdown. Yes, I did. In the midst of all these I doubted for the umpteenth time about me being in grad school.

The other day I was talking to someone about what people thinks. Yes that's one of my weaknesses. I think about what people might think. A lot. Anyhoo, so I was saying to this person, I know, some people might think I'm just this privileged spoilt girl who doesn't give a damn about how lucky she is. I mean some people don't even live in a nice place like this...right? she told me the obvious - why bother about people's thoughts? Let them think whatever they want. But why do YOU think this anyway? I had no answers. I've always been a thinker. I think a lot. About tons of stuffs. About future. About people. About school. About love.

Hmmm I'm getting way out of line. My point is I'm in this confused state with all this thinking about school and people. I know I have to control myself. Then again, another thought is, I might not be a people person at all. Who knows?

Sometimes I think I don't even know myself. I'm changing into this new person. Heck, I even dress differently. Problem is I'm liking this new Farah. She's more confident than I ever was. She speaks her mind ( well, most of the time). She's fun. She's sweet and sexy. But she comes with her own set of problems. She's very very impulsive. And other stuff like that.

So I'm in the middle of this self discovery and grad school inferno. I'm not sure what's really going on. All I know, I need a break. A long break.

Things on my mind (during class)

2010-11-12T03:59:00.001-08:00

Gah! Slides!

What's for dinner?

That girl has cute shoes; I wonder where can I find them?

This is so boring...

Does my iPod show while I'm tweeting under the desk?

Hmmm, what's for lunch?

Do I need to grade any HWs today?

Meh... more slides...

My face feels rough, need to exfoliate...

My nails are all dingy...

Steak and mashed potatoes.... drool.....

When is IT due? (HW)

10 more minutes???? Aaaaaaah!!!

What's today's advisor-avoidance plan?

Hmmm... I need a travel mug. So I can bring something to drink.

Yay! Times up!!!

On Loneliness

2010-11-09T11:30:00.000-08:00

Today I somehow stumbled upon this blog; which is a great blog by itself. But this particular post on lonely people blew my mind. Specially, this pic.

Doesn't this just breaks your heart? I know, mine is all torn and in a dark dark place. But then again, sometimes, this is how I feel. Sometimes.

My dearest Z...

2010-11-08T15:25:00.000-08:00

It's our 4th Anniversary.

Self Portrait

2010-10-11T00:10:00.000-07:00

The other day I got a haircut. It's been a really long time, since I got a real haircut. You know, when professional people cut your hair, instead of you? (Here, you can see the crappy before-hair)So I thought, let's do a self portrait session! Also I could throw in my favorite tee - a WSU logo T-shirt, from VS. Go Cougs!

Oh no! the fishies!!! *more here*

Cakes

2010-10-10T03:16:00.000-07:00

Hi People! Apparently I don't have much interesting things to share with you guys. Except these cakes...

Of course one of them is my Birthday cake. It's an ice cream cake from Baskin-Robbins in Gold Medal Ribbon flavor. It was really awesome!! It was in the perfect size. I didn't want tons on cakes lying around in the house, while there's only 2 people to eat.

My Birthday Cake

Here's another cake. It was for a friend's baby shower. She's having a boy in 1 and 1/2 months. So I decided to bring the cake and make it a little special. Now, as I see it, I feel like, I might have overdone it. Anyways, the trick here was to buy a comparatively plain cake from the grocery store to save time (and money) and decorate by yourself. You know, how much I love cake decorating!! As I was doing it, I told Z-- You know, I could quit Grad school, and do this all day long. That'd be fun. His response? Blink, blink. :D Anyhoo, what do you think?

Baby Shower Cake

Last Year of the Decade

2010-09-30T14:03:00.001-07:00

Someone turned 29 today. Seriously. It's time to freak out. Before the big 3 0.

Whining Blog Post #84

2010-09-29T04:20:00.001-07:00

I'm alive.
That might be most untrue expression right now. Cause I don't feel alive.

I just finished one of my home works. It took me... oh...just 17 freaking hours!!! Yet, I think I've missed something. Screw grad school!!! I'm hating every minute of it!!!

Seriously. The other night I was thinking... May be it's high time I drop out of grad school. Then I paused. But look at me!!!! I don't have any social life. My house is a mess all the time. I eat crappy food. I get stressed and get terrible headaches. And it seems there's a deadline every single day. I don't know how millions of people do it (grad school). But it seems to me, you have to sell your soul to the devil to live.

And seriously, (insert parents/overly enthusiastic relative's name)?!? What were you thinking- when you said grad school is the next gateway to your future???? I don't see any shining future while my present is filled with every kind of crap available. Also, this life comes with it's own promise- empty pocket. Oh how I hate my life right now!!!

I think this has been one of the lowest point in my life. Right next to taking anti-depressant. In fact, if this continues, I might follow that lead. Again. If any of you kindred soul have any advice or inspiration to share, please... please... leave me a comment. I totally need it.

Last Week's bento

2010-09-13T01:00:00.000-07:00

Here are some of the Bentos from last week.

Bento 15: Make shift teriyaki

The chicken teriyaki was made from already baked chicken breast meat and some home made teriyaki sauce. It is also topped with some sesame seed. The steamed rice with vegetables were exceptionally yummy. I love, how bento-ing makes me eat tons of colorful vegetables and fruits.

Bento 16: Curried Garbanzo

This Bento is a tribute to the month of Ramadan. Bangladeshis, usually, breaks their fast with some juice and dates, and devours traditional chhola or curried garbanzo/chickpeas. It's my most favorite ramadan food. It always reminds me of home. Also more veges and fruits.

Eid Recap

2010-09-12T18:38:00.000-07:00

It was Eid on Friday in US (At least, where I live). In general, it's the occasion when you eat tons of food until you are stuffed to your nose. After all, people have been fasting for the past month, so they deserve some treats, no?

Well... not for us though. At least, not on this occasion. Z and I, both had school. I didn't have any time to cook anything special. We even had the usual spaghetti with sauce for lunch. Meh. I know, it was disappointing, boring, depressing and plain, sad. I DID take some time off in the afternoon, to pick up a new dress to wear to the communal Eid party. I picked up a pretty tops and a cardigan that Z chose. Yes, I wore a skirt and blouse to a Bengali Eid party. As usual, people bothered me to death about not wearing a Saree. Meh. Typical Bengali Women... what more can I say? (Well, some of them actually liked my dress and complimented. Hmmm.. only one of them... actually..)

The day after Eid, it was the first college football game day, here in WSU, Pullman. (BTW, WSU won! Go Cougs!!) We were out to pick up stuffs from school and later grocery shopping. Since, I didn't cook anything nice for Z on Eid, I took him out for lunch and went to a new place. (More on that later.) Later that day, we went to this friends' house for more fun and food! The biriyani was amazing!!! After that, I came home and cooked till 2am. For the week. Yes, my life is THAT fun! :(

The Food
The only decent thing I cooked for Eid was some Sandesh for the Bengali potluck party. It was the same thing I've made tons of times. Just shaped differently. I used a chocolate mold for this purpose. It has a small square indent on top, where I placed a pistachio to make it more attractive.

Shaped Sandesh

Shaped Sandesh: Close up

Actually, Z made most of them, as I was super tired that day, and fell asleep on the couch. He is such a doll! These were made a week before and frozen in freezer. On the day, I defrosted them and took them with me. They tasted as good as new.

P.S.: I bought the chocolate mold from Amazon. You can find it here.

P.P.S: I just realized I don't have the Sandesh recipe on this blog. So redirecting you to my old blog, with the recipe.