It was Sunday the 15th of April 2012.  I was in a hotel in Gloucester Road, in London, attending Day 3 of an advanced masterclass, as part of Wilson Luna’s Millionaire Apprenticeship Program.

I remember it very distinctly. It was a very very special day. It was the day that I made a decision.

For the second time in my life, I made a decision. Only this time, I knew this was a decision that would affect all the decisions that came before it, and all the decisions that would come after.

The first decision that I had ever made, was many years earlier, when I’d made the conscious choice that I was going to become fit and healthy. I had been sick and tired of being overweight. Of being tired and exhausted all the time, and was just fed up with plodding through life, with no ability to feel lively and jovial. I made a commitment to losing weight, and getting fit and healthy, and since then I’ve lost a significant amount of weight, increased my weight lifting capacity as well as my stamina and physical abilities. I’ve not yet arrived at perfect health, nor have I completely lost all the excess weight. But it was never meant to be an overnight transformation, it was always meant to be a matter of slow and steady wins the race. I’ve had my moments where I’ve lapsed in my focus, and my commitment to myself. But if I didn’t have those moments, how would I learn what it means to pick yourself back up, and keep on persisting?

I may not have the result I’m after yet – but I know that I will get there, eventually, as long as I keep spending at least 80% of my time, developing my habits, and practices, and 20% of my time reviewing what I do, questioning my results, and my measure for success. I’ve adapted my diet, and my exercise patterns, to support me in my ability to deliver work. Once I’d made the commitment to get healthy, the only question was how soon can I get there? (With physical conditions that could flare up, every time I exert myself too much physically, I had to gradually ease myself back into physical activity, and rely on diet, and acupuncture treatments to allow me to work 15/16hr days, for 5 or 6 months, whilst attacking the weight/health dimension of life.)

So that fated Sunday, the 15th of April, 2012, I became aware of a decision that I had made, a long long time ago. It was a decision that I wasn’t even aware of ever making. Whilst on the surface of it, I thought that I didn’t have such programming, in my mind, or in my beliefs, it was only after the ‘shift’ occurred, that I realised it was one of the most deeply held personal beliefs that I’d ever had in my life. It was the belief that it wasn’t my fault. That life was not MY responsibility, but that it just turned out the way it did. I had long before ‘known’ at an intellectual level, that it was much more empowering to come from a perspective of owning, and being responsible for ones actions, and results. However, that had only ever been an intellectual, abstract concept in the past. (I only know that now, as I know what it feels like to truly ‘know’ something by it’s contrast). It’s an entirely different perspective when you finally ‘OWN’ the responsibility for your life.

Wilson Luna, one of my business mentors, talks about how Billionaires take a much greater level of responsibility in their lives.

For example, Oprah Winfrey, a female billionaire in the US, was once reported to have claimed it was her responsibility that her bags had gone missing when she got off her plane. Donald Trump held himself responsible for getting significantly into debt, whilst Warren Buffet never blames anyone but himself for his failed investments.

These are people at the very top of the ‘success’ pole, and they have taken accountability and responsibility for the success of their businesses to another level, compared to most regular people.

Personally, until hearing and understanding this distinction, I had only assumed that I was the one that just didn’t get lucky. I was the one that was going to make it, but I was never sure if I would get there eventually or not.

That all changed that day.

I realised there was a decision I had made, to not take responsibility. In making that decision, it was so much easier to excuse myself, to not be at fault. To not be responsible or accountable for my outcomes in life.

That day, that all stopped.

That morning, I woke up, and even though I had only had 2-4hrs of sleep, all night, I decided today was the day that I was going to hold myself fully accountable, and fully responsible for everything that I say or do.

It suddenly gave me new meaning to the word accountability. It suddenly meant I had no-one to blame, but myself. It also meant that I wasn’t flawed. I wasn’t incapable of success, and my past failures weren’t indicative of my skill or competence level, they were just experiences that I learnt from.

By making that decision, I was suddenly completely in control of my success, and the results I accomplished in life. Nothing would stop me from being successful, unless I decided to let it. In the past, I had considered that there was a ‘limit’ to what I could do. Suddenly that was no longer the case. The only limit, is what I imagine it to be. If I choose to stop trying, then I fail. Until that time, I’m only ever on the path to success. Each hurdle, or obstacle that presents itself in my path, is but a challenge to overcome, or a set of skills that I need to develop.

I know that now.

It’s only the most present, thought/awareness/perspective on a situation that matters. And in everything I look at, I have to ask myself, is this a learning I can use? If not, what’s the learning that has presented itself?

One of the most profound yet simplest words of wisdom I recently received was to:
Stop complaining, and start being grateful.
It’s funny how life starts changing, once you make that shift.

I know that this is just one of the many many lessons I’ve learnt, when it comes to being successful in business. Though I have a sneaky suspicion that the character I have to have, to be able to succeed in business is going to be the more profound change, in my personal circumstances, than necessarily everything that wealth, or financial success might offer me.

I invite you to consider joining me, at one of Wilson Luna’s events, if you’re interested in shifting anything significant in your life. From where I stand now, I can see the road clearly ahead of me. I can see where I will become a millionaire, and just how much hard work I’m going to have to put in to get there.

But more importantly, I know that I’ve made the decision to succeed. I made a choice. I’m now responsible for all my results.

I invite you to step upto the plate, and play the game of life, full on, with all the bases loaded. Find yourself a mentor that inspires you, and helps you move to the next level in your life. (Make sure your mentor is successful outside of their speaking/training events!) If you’re stuck in finding the right people to learn from, I suggest you start going to as many free/introductory events you can find, and finding the right people for you to learn from.

Life is all about the decisions you make, and if you make the decision to find the right person to learn from, then you will. If you make the decision to succeed, no matter what, then you will. And if you make the decision to keep going, regardless of what life throws in your way, then you most definitely will keep going.

Don’t ask for it to be EASY, but ask for it to be WORTH IT. For the worthwhile things in life are always going to be tougher, more challenging, and require a lot more patience, determination, commitment, and perseverance. But if those barriers to entry weren’t there, then we would never value those things for what they truly are.

On that note, I hope you can start to see for yourself, how decisions may have shaped your results in life.

I certainly don’t know what I need to DO – but I know that I’ll keep trying, testing my responses, and measuring my results, until I find the perfect fit between me and wealth. Until next time, stay uniquely you, and I look forward to going onwards and upwards with you on this journey of discovery, and adventure.

Who do you turn to when you need help or advice?

I hadn’t given it much thought, until the end of last year, and the beginning of this year, when I started to realise how important it is to be mentored by someone more experienced or more proficient than you, if you wish to succeed.

The realisation came after reading Bounce, The Talent Code, Talent is Overrated and Drive. All great books that talk about the necessary steps involved in going from learner to expert, and how a part of that journey involves being taught by someone more experienced than you, the basics, and then being able to use feedback, and experience to improve your performance, and use each iteration of experience, as a way to become more ‘expert’ in your required skillset/competence.

Most of the examples I read about related to practical skills like playing the violin, or table tennis, or some other sport, or musical instrument. However, it’s a maxim that’s as applicable in the fields of work and business as it is in sports and music.

As I started to digest these facts, and started to appreciate how much more effort it takes to learn without a mentor, and without appropriate guidance, I set about to find the right mentors for where I am in life. As an entrepreneur, who’s yet to break through the £1million annual turnover mark, for any of the businesses I’ve been directly involved in, or run, I’ve always figured that there’s a bunch of reasons for not having broken through such a revenue target.

Having studied human psychology, through my own experiments, and experiences, as well as reading about others life experiences, I soon realised that one of the biggest distinctions between financially successful people and me aspiring to reach such a financial target, was the mindset.

If it was possible for people to go from negative millions, to billions in wealth (like Donald Trump who leveraged his -$900 million debt, and was almost on the verge of bankruptcy, and turned it around to go over $1billion in wealth http://www.pbs.org/wsw/opinion/geoffontrump.html), then it’s less about the actual wealth position of an individual, as it is their thinking in any given situation. Their mindset. How they deal with their circumstances, and most importantly, how they think about money, and manage their finances.

When it comes to money, finance, and business, I’m far from the best person that I would turn to for advice. I have plenty of ideas, and opinions, but without the experience of many failures and successes behind me, I consider them only opinions, of a student of wealth. Ask me about marketing, and social media related activities, and I can speak with some experience, having worked with global brands, on international and local campaigns.

So this year, in an attempt to be much more effective with my time, energy, and attention, I’ve decided to consciously seek out and solicit the mentorship of successful business mentors, and financially independent individuals. After all, a few of them, providing me precise feedback on what I should or shouldn’t focus on, will mean that I’ll have some more structured support, and feedback in everything that I do business and finance related.

Of course, you wouldn’t go to a plumber for advice on baking cakes, and likewise, I suggest that if you’re looking to succeed in business, enterprise, or wealth creation, of any scale, then find someone who represents that level of success that you aspire to, and then find a way to learn from them. If you can study their words, from books, do that. If you can get them in real life, and work with them that way, then do that.

For me, I’ve found a number of business and wealth mentors at the start of this year, and as fate would have it, I met them, at just the right time for me to be able to benefit from their skills and experience in building successful businesses, and creating wealth. Some of them, I won’t name, as they’re not actively looking for the publicity or exposure, and they’re not interested in mentoring more people.

Two who’s details I will share, are Wilson Luna, and Simon Zutshi. Both are financially independent in their own right, and are teaching people about how to be successful, and financially independent, because they can, not because they have to.

I share their names, only, in case you decide that you’re also interested in learning about how to be financially independent. But I must warn you, that whilst the individuals have a wealth of knowledge, the real value comes not in them, per se, but the structures, support and community that gets created around them, of individuals looking to also be successful, and also of the support that you get when having access to other people on a similar journey to you.

It’s about being schooled with others that are going through the same journey as you, and for all our faults and shortcomings, being human, we all tend to have much more in common with each other, when we’re struggling to learn the same things, than when we’re all successful and accomplished individuals, or work alone in isolation.

Of course, there are barriers to entry for all successful communities. Some require time, others require effort. Some look at your accomplishments (think university). And some require for you to make decisions, and investments in yourself (think business/members clubs). Personally my time was far more important than my money, when I made the decisions to invest in learning with these particular mentors (I figure the cost of becoming a millionaire in a year, is worth what they charge, if I take the action, and achieve the results). But then again, that’s not the only way to succeed.

I end this post, by bringing your attention back to the initial question:
Who are your mentors?
Do you have any? If not – why not? Where can you find them? Where have you looked? Who have you asked? What kind of mentoring do you need? Where do you want to excel?

I invite you to take a look at the areas in your life that you’re looking to become more successful in and start keeping an eye out for potential mentors. Once you start looking, you’ll be surprised at what you might find.. Trust me I was.. and a year from now, I’ll be sure to share just how much my life journey has turned out differently as a consequence of the mentorship I received upon my journey.

Will your life be significantly different a year from now? If so – expect your life to turn out like the people you turn to for advice. Are they accomplished and successful to the degree you would like to be?
If not, perhaps you need to find new advisors?

I’ll be interested to hear your thoughts on the matter below – be sure to weigh in with your opinions and experiences in the comments below.  Also, if you do have mentors, that you’d be willing to share, I’d love to hear about who they are, and what you turn to them to.. I’m always looking for new and inspiring individuals to learn from!!

Making mistakes, is relatively easy. Unfortunately, learning from them, can take a bit of time.
Today, I’ve been pondering just how long it’s taken me to realise how many mistakes I’ve been making over the last few months. It’s actually shocking to think that it’s possible to make as many mistakes and blunders, as I have, and not even be aware of them.

But it’s true. Just as it’s possible to make mistakes, it’s also possible, to be mistaken, in thinking just making them is enough to learn from them.

Usually, for a mistake to provide you with learning/feedback, you need for something dramatic to occur.

An event, an upset, a breakdown, a crisis, it’s usually of a negative nature, as you’re producing results that aren’t of the desired outocme on an increasing frequency through trying harder.

Whilst in the short term, trying harder might seem like the wisest thing to do, it’s true value is uncovered in accelerating the speed with which your mistakes will accumuiate, and your failures will really start to add up.

As I want to make as many mistakes as possible this year, I’m almost encouraged to try even harder next time. To try to do more, and to make more of an effort, so that I might be able to accumulate a lot more learning in a shorter space of time.

That said, if the lessons you have to learn are unpleasant truths about yourself, then be prepared to get critical of yourself, and not assume that it’ll be easy coasting. It could be traumatic, it will definitely stretch you without a doubt, and it will also be potentially some of the most maturing influences that can happen to you. But I never promised that learning through mistakes was going to be a walk in the park.. It’s a hard graft, that through time, will toughen your disposition, help you sharpen your focus, and become both as tough as nails, and kinder in your dealings with others. But make no mistake, when mistakes are made, it really does test the mettle of your character. If you’re not sure that you’re being stressed enough then you’re not trying hard enough.

Points of failure can only emerge, when the entire system is stress tested, and having gone past the points a system were designed for, it’s when something attempts to grow/adapt past that point, that the real challenge begins to occur. It’s at this point, that you make sure, everyone on your team is still with you, because if you lose them, I guarantee you you definitely won’t succeed.

Teams are crucial to success, and failing to understand, respect and acknowledge their importance, value, and contribution, it’s easy to fail. But with those skills developed, it makes the whole process that much smoother.

But first you have to start with yourself. Make sure you set up some sort of recurrent review/feedback process that you can use on yourself, to check that your internal compass is properly aligned, and that you’re at least reviewing your interactions with others.

Then, over time, you’ll start to find yourself spotting how you could have done better in your dealings with others.

At least that’s a start. Of course, if you think there’s a smarter way to learn from your mistakes, it would be an honour to hear from you your opinion.

So keep making those mistakes, and remember to solicit as many sources of feedback as possible, since without it, you won’t really be able to orient yourself, in the landscape of your failure. But just remember, out of all failure and adversity, are planted the seeds of greatness, if we but realise how to water, and care for them.

So I wrote about this a little bit yesterday, but I just wanted to re-iterate the point.

My greatest fear around succeeding has always been something of a stumbling block for me. In the past, I always put it down to being afraid of succeeding, but for whatever reason, I just hadn’t been able to get past it. There would be moments when I would just hit a wall, and not be able to break through it. I would just shut down, and just stop in my tracks. In time, I’ve come to accept those moments as the natural limits of my abilities (as I always imagined abilities could only stretch to a certain point). Now, the more I’m learning about the malleable nature of our talents, and abilites, it seems I might have been very wrong.
Far from being afraid of succeeding, it looks like I could have been more afraid of losing face. Of failing. Of trying, and looking stupid, or dumb. Of just make a right royal mess, and looking like the fool.

Well, it turns out that being afraid of failing, isn’t that uncommon. In fact any child, or adult that has been regularly praised for being smart, or intelligent, and taken that on board, and ‘owned’ that feedback, is afraid of losing that public persona/image. Enron being an example of a corporate entity where ‘talent’, accomplishment and success were celebrated above effort, and constructive feedback. That vicious cycle of being told you’re smart, or intelligent, or brilliant, coupled with a very public desire to not be seen to fail in public, and lose that front, leads us as a species to lie, cheat, steal, beg, borrow, in fact do anything and everything to avoid losing face. (I read about this research in a book recently, at some point, I’ll pull out the reference and pop that in here as well).

Having been on a journey of weight loss, and health challenges, for more than 10 years now, I’ve come to realise just how important failure is a crucial part of the learning process. Typically, when looking at the process of losing weight, and becoming healthy, it’s not uncommon to have a ‘good’ spell, then to have a single moment of failure, and from that point on to relapse into old habits and behaviours that led to the same old patterns. (It doesn’t help that certain foods are generally more addictive, or desirable when your body’s biochemistry is off whack, but that’s a topic for a whole other discussion

The single biggest constant in my journey of weightloss, and health re-discovery has been the constant learning, failing, and trying again. It’s not been uncommon for me to do really well for a stretch, hit a barrier, and fail to continue. The hardest part though, is accepting the failure, taking stock of the situation, understanding why the failure occurred, and then getting back into the good routines again. With the succesful stretch of a good solid 8 months of eating a Paleo Based Diet, this year, and benefitting from the associated weightloss that comes with being in a healthy state of ketosis, I’m determined to make it a full year of Paleo eating/living – purely to see what effect that might have on my body. Weighing myself, on the 1st of Jan 2012, it appears that I’ve risen in weight to 140kg, from the last time I weighed myself a few months ago. Not entirely a surprise on my part to be honest, as I had started to feel my clothes start to get tighter again. But a situation that can be remedied pretty quickly and easily.

However, without the knowledge of what caused that failure to occur, and without taking stock of the experience, and learning something from it, that failure wouldn’t account for much at all. It’s only when I review my life circumstances, around the time that the change in my eating habits occurred, that I start to get a really clear picture of why the failure occurred, and what steps I can take to ensure that it doesn’t happen again, once I go through the same life circumstance again. I’m confident that having learnt this time round, I’ll be smarter the next time the same things happen, if any of those contributing life factors happen again.

Ultimately, I’ve come to realise, that my biggest fear is not about success, but about making a mistake. I’ve been afraid of pursuing my dreams, living my life to the fullest, or pushing myself to work harder, smarter or faster, believing that I have natural limits, and that when I reach those, there’s nothing more that I can or should do.

Now I know that’s entirely false.

We as humans have no limits. We can limit our potential, the moment we stop trying to make an effort, or stop trying to progress. Lady Gaga and Mark Zuckerberg, both have strong work ethics. They take feedback, and use it to steer their course. They don’t ever use it to be the result, or consequence of anything more than a set of actions, with a set of results. If they want different outcomes, they’ll take different actions.

Likewise, I’m going to stop being afraid of trying. Of getting all the work done. Of making the effort. Fortunately, the clearest feedback I can get, when I try, is that I either get the result that I’m after, or I get a different result. Either way, the result is just a result. One result means I need to try something different, the other means I need to keep doing the same thing.

I don’t know what will happen. But I do know that if I’m not afraid of trying, and making mistakes, I should start to see many more mistakes happen. The fastest way to learn, is to make the greatest number of mistakes.

Starting from January the 1st 2012, I made the firm commitment to myself, that this year I’m going to try more often, try harder, try more frequently, and try many many different things. If from all those attempts, I find 100 ways that don’t work, I will consider myself successful. For to have properly tried, and put my heart and soul into 100 different approaches, efforts, and attempts, I’m sure I’ll start to get a much much clearer understanding of what works, and what doesn’t. Perhaps if I hadn’t been so afraid of failing sooner, I would have started earlier, and learnt quicker. But clearly that didn’t happen. Oh well, guess that means I can’t be as smart as I thought I was, and I must be pretty dumb! Well good thing I caught that now. Guess now that I caught that failure, I can start to just focus on ‘effort’ and time spent trying, and let the results, and outputs, and consequences evolve into whatever they end up being.

I encourage you to embrace failure, and to start being more confident, and keen to fail. For the surprising thing with failure is that the harder you try to fail, the more often you try, and the more frequently you keep trying to fail, the sooner you’re going to realise just how little effort it really takes to succeed. Often, the mindset is the only thing standing in our way. The rest of the solution, being readily available, once we’ve gotten over our own sense of self-importance and feeling of entitlement.

So buckle up, batton down the hatches, roll up your sleeves, pull out the stops, and get to work. Whether you succeed or fail, it’s almost irrelevant. What matters, is that you honestly and sincerely made the effort, and continue to do so. For the only failure that is irreversible is the failure to try. Only then are you guaranteed to fail. Otherwise, all failure is nothing more than the navigational correction needed to steer the ship towards it’s correct destination, which is a result, or outcome which has yet to be revealed, as a consequence of focussed effort, and unwavering resolve to keep working.

As 2012 chimes in, and my Father prepares for his retirement, I’m going into 2012 with a very different attitude that I went into 2011 with.

On the morn of January 1st 2012, at about 4am, local time (GMT, in London), I’ve been spending a bit of ‘quiet’ time with myself, after seeing in the New Year, and everyone retired to bed.
At first, I wanted to stay up, to watch a movie, as was my tradition of entering into the New Year, and yet, there was no decent movie showing at 1am, in the UK, on any of the Sky or Terrestrial channels that I could see. I then thought that now might be a good time to watch some of the recorded movies I had saved up on Sky+. Scrolling through what was saved, I happened across a show I had saved, that followed Mark Zuckerberg, and told the story of Facebook. It had aired on BBC2, on the 14th Dec 2011 (at 22:00), and is called Mark Zuckerberg: Inside Facebook (http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b017ywty). Watching the show, suddenly put me into a very ‘different’ frame of mind, to the one that I was in, when I was about to watch a movie, before slipping off to bed. Watching Zuckerberg talk, understanding a little bit more about what allowed him to accomplish the success that he has (in the context of talent, mastery of skills, and development of myelin – there’s a whole bunch of book reviews that I’ll share soon, that explain this context) led me to start to understand just how passionate, focussed, and singled minded Zuckerberg was over his project, and made me really start to appreciate just where the gaps were in my own focus, and attention.

Then, I went and watched Lady Gaga, in the episode of ‘A Very Lady Gaga Thanksgiving’, which aired on PBS, in the US, and then here in the UK, on Sky. Ever since I saw an interview of Lady Gage, by Indian Celebrity Simi Agarwal, I’ve had a tremendous amount of respect for Lady Gaga, both as an artist, but also as a passionate individual, who’s been lit aflame by her work, and her  passion, and has the requisite skill and mastery to be able to have a meaningful impact with her music.

Watching her interview, when she starts to talk about her song, “Marry the Night”, she says the song was about:

“committing yourself wholeheartedly to the thing you are most passionate about.”
Lady Gaga goes onto say:
“It is about that moment when I decided I was going to tear it up, that I was going to get married to my work, and that my work would be my husband forever. That was the moment when I knew that there was no fire and no rain that could get in my way.”
Lady Gaga
Source: Growing Up Gaga http://abcn.ws/s6KJiL via @ABC (scroll to 5mins 08 seconds)
You can also watch the part directly: http://youtu.be/EDDkt8CjF-Q?t=4m58s

In 2011, both Mark Zuckerberg, and Lady Gaga, whilst in completely different industries, and sectors, represented a pinnacle of success, that is unparalelled in terms of how succesful they have respectively become in each of their fields, at such young ages. The one common thread, between the two is their dedication, and devotion to their work. In Talent Code language, it is the myelin that the two of them laid down internally at an early enough age, and continue to do so, that allowed them to break through the 10,000 hours of practice, make countless mistakes, and then ultimately succeed where others before them hadn’t.

It’s as much about the external success they appear to have, as it is about the internal motivation that stokes their fire, and their unwavering commitment to their own excellence that drives them forward in a way that continues to allow them to learn, to make mistakes, and to grow, and develop further.

The more I’m learning, and studying about how people became excellent in their respective fields, the more I’m starting to appreciate how important it is to make mistakes. In one of the books I read recently (I can’t remember which one, but when I find it, I’ll re-write this to reference it properly), I read about a world class ice skater, who in her trainings, regularly fell on the ice. She was trying to do a difficult jump, with a triple twist, and only had mastery of a jump with a double twist. As the author observed her practicing, she would fall down countless times, in her training sessions. But she would just pick herself up, brush herself off, and then try exactly the same thing again, and again, and again, repeatedly, getting a little bit closer each time, until eventually she had perfected her practice in such a way that she was able to spin 3 times, and land back facing the correct direction, after falling down many many times.

It’s the combination of seeing the commitment, that each of the above celebrities had to their work, coupled with the latest knowledge I’ve gleaned, from reading a few books, about how the brain and people in general stop trying when we’re being told we’re smart. We generally stop making an effort, when we’re congratulated on our skill or talent. It’s a safety mechanism, whereby instead of pursuing ever greater challenges, to try to get even better and develop more skills, we don’t want to lose face, and so try to stick with the easier, simpler route or options that lie ahead of us. Today, it’s finally clicked. Having read ‘The Richest Man in Babylon’ many times, I started to appreciate the importance of ‘work’ in the story, but now, I’m starting to really see how fundamental it is, to getting to the bottom of the Talent/Success Myth.

You see, I firmly believe that success is not innate, or reserved for a priviledged few. It is actually available to everyone that works hard, and makes consistent effort, to continuously develop and improve themselves. The only people that really don’t succceed are the ones that stop trying. The one’s that stop making an effort. The one’s that stop growing, developing, pushing their boundaries, and who no longer wish to make the effort, or put in the hard work, those are the success stories that never make it, those are the entrepreneurs, and artists who never make it big.

Unfortunately, with ‘Social Media’ and ‘Reality TV’ doing such a great job of reducing the barrier to celebrity status, more and more children and adults alike, wish they could just step in, and become successful, rarely being able to see all the struggle, effort, or mistakes that were made on the often times 10 or 15 year journey that got them there.

I’m going to go out on a limb now, and say that Marianne Williamson went and got it all wrong. Her famous passage, quoted often as being part of a speech that Nelson Mandela gave, that says:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?”

had a most undesired detrimental effect. It made people open up to the possibility that they were so powerful, and so brilliant, that they deserved to succeed, and that they were entitled to success, wealth, happiness, the posh cars, the dream lifestyle etc. etc.. When in truth we are all equal, and that sense of ‘entitlement’ or ‘deservedness’ that comes from thinking your better, smarter, more talented, or more capable is actually the biggest weakness that anyone can have. I should know. I’ve spent the better part of my adult life acting, thinking, and behaving as if the world owed me something, and that I was entitled to a better life, or to more success, or better results.

Well, frankly, that sense of entitlement, and deservedness came directly from being repeatedly told that I was smart, and brilliant. You see, off the back of research that’s been happening to understand what makes some children excell and others to stop trying, it became evidently clear, that praising and congratulating a child on their effort, leads to the child making more of an effort next time. Praising a child on their intelligence and how smart they are had the completely opposite effect in all the countless cases of research, with the child then less willing to take on any interesting or difficult challenge always favouring the simplest, easiest solution, in an effort to ‘not’ be seen as being dumb, or as talented.

I think the quote should actually be updated to read now as the following:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we will fail, repeatedly, have to own that failure, and then pick ourselves up and do it all again, for it is not in our brilliance that we create true success, but in the infinite failings, and falling down from which we must pick ourselves up each time and try again, that is the true test of our character, and forges the necessary competence that we require to be able to succeed.”

As you can tell, I’m starting to have a very high opinion of failure. In a way that I never had before. You see, I’m finally starting to get how important it is to fail at stuff. The most spectacular Entrepreneurs have generally had to get good at dealing with all the problems, failures, and challenges that come their way, as well as equally being able to get back in the driving street, and to continue to push forward.

With that in mind, I’m making a commitment to being the absolute best that I can be in my field, and in turn, to make a lot more mistakes this coming year. Expect to see me regularly fail this year

Happy 2012 to you all!

“Plan to succeed or plan to fail.”

Words I’ve heard so often in my life, I’ve lost track of who I originally heard them from.

Yet, I believe truer words have never been spoken.

Either you make the plans, and lay out a course of action, that leads you towards the success in reaching your goal, or you end up not planning, and by default, end up planning on failing any endeavour you start out on.

Whilst it’s impossible to plan for every eventuality, and there’s always going to be some unplanned, unexpected circumstance that trips you up, thwarts you, or causes you to change direction, without some semblance of a plan, you automatically end up defaulting to where the wind blows you, and trust me, most of the time it’s definitely not where you want to be.

I’ve tried various different ways of planning, and have run the full spectrum from micro-planning, where I literally plan out each hour of my day, through to complete spontaneity, where I end up deciding what to do in each moment, and whilst both have their merits, and benefits as life experiences that I recommend going through (at least the spontaneity one), neither, on their own is hugely predictive, or accurate. Overplanning leads to missing too many immediate short term objectives/goals (because things being out by a few minutes, can throw your entire day off schedule, if you plan too little ‘buffer’ time for those unexpected eventualities), and complete spontaneity leads to a complete lack of predictability for lifestyle/cashflow, and sustenance purposes. (Not that it matters when you’re being completely spontaneous, but it does mean you can’t realise any long term visions, by just living day to day, surviving, rather than thriving, at least in my experience of it.)

I’ve found there’s a healthy balance to be had, between planning and spontaneity, and the easiest way to plan sensibly is to do 1 thing each day. No more, no less. Have one clear objective for each day, and then work towards accomplishing that one objective. And make sure your objective is realistic, and practical (for example, if you’re a coder, don’t plan on writing a working prototype of an entire program in a day, unless you’ve got experience in creating prototypes in a day, and know that you can reliably churn that out.) Often, I find myself overly optimistic as to how much work I can complete in a day. In fact, most days I never get anywhere near as much off my to-do list as I’d like. Which is why, you have to always start with your most important action for the day.

That one thing, that if it was all you did, the day was worth it.

Simplifying the day down into a single task, or a single action makes it manageable, and more realistically achievable. (That said, if you’re finding each day you set yourself the same task/goal, and you always end up having to move it to the next days activities, perhaps it’s time to re-think that plan of action!)

Sometimes, the most sensible plan is to spend a fixed amount of time, on a particular activity or project (for example 1 hour per day, on project X, or activity Y), and whilst it won’t guarantee that the activity or project will be completed, it does mean that each day your making a dent, no matter how small, in the grander challenge/problem.

For me, my goal each day is to slowly increase the amount of ‘personal’ time I create each day. I know that I want to have 3-4 hours each day, that I can spend, as ‘me’ time, doing things that aren’t necessarily work related, but are projects that inspire me, or keep me hopeful that there may yet be a change for the better in society at large. That said, every action, or decision I make is based on a ‘Vision’, or goal I had set myself when I was 13/14 (I forget exactly how old I was, but I remember the ‘moment’ of that decision really clearly!). It’s a serious BHAG (Big Hairy Audacious Goal), one that I will only share in public when it’s time. For now, it’s something I work towards each day, each month, each year, and whilst it’s been at least 15+ years since I started working on it, it’s informed, and been a part of my decision making process every step of the way these last 10/15 years. That’s not to say I’m anywhere closer to realising that goal, and the longer I spend immersed in the challenge, the more I realise how it will possibly take me a lifetime, to realise my goal, or even get close to making it a reality. But then if it were that simple/easy, I’d have done it by now

I still plan on getting there one day, but the mechanism by which I get there will continue to change/evolve over time, the route I take to get there is uncharted, and unknown, so that shall be it’s own challenge, and the likelihood of me getting to my goal, seems ever more distant/unlikely, the longer it takes. And yet, in spite of it all, I persevere with that vision that inspires me so.. I keep taking small baby pigeon, ant like steps, towards a goal, that I don’t even know if I will ever reach. And yet that deliberate planning, and step by step process of chunking down the goal, into manageable pieces means that each year, I make a plan, and each year I review that plan, and see if I’m still going in the right direction, or if I need to make changes, and if so, what are they?

I encourage you to plan on doing something amazing with your life, and then taking small baby steps each year towards your long term goal. Plan it backwards, into something that can be done, and then keep on chipping away at it, until you finally reach your destination.

So what are you planning now? Care to share? Leave me some details in your comments below!

I also realised, after writing this, that I have a podcast that relates to planning for success, that might also be of interest to folks..
So have a listen to it here:

As 2010 comes to a close, I’m strangely not drawn to celebrate the end of the year, or to find a party to join in with..

Instead, I want nothing to do with the world outside, and want only to curl up into my own interior. I want to spend time alone, by choice, not through a need to be lonely, but through a desire to be in quiet. I don’t want to be surrounded by noise, or people, or festivities, but instead am drawn to reflect on the many changes that I need to make, in my life, my health, and my lifestyle, to reach some of my goals in life. And not for the sake of accomplishing them, but so that I can then be of use to others, be able to benefit those who are nearest and dearest to me, and ultimately, to get to a point, where I can realise my dreams, ambitions, and vision, of having an impact on the world for the better. (Perhaps only a small impact, on a few people, or perhaps a large impact, on the level of a community, or city, or country, or even continent.)

However, right now, I don’t want to say too much about it at all. In fact, there’s very little about my life, or my personal world that I want to share at all. Having experienced a number of deaths in our extended family, I’ve come to realise the fragility of life, and how important it is that we make use of each last moment we have here. At the same time, it’s made me extremely conscious, of how little I really want to share publicly, and openly with everyone, for everyone to see. It just feels wrong, and out of place. When you’re attending a funeral, it’s not something you want to ‘tweet’ about, or ‘check-in’ for. Through these experiences, I’m starting to realise, that there is a very fine line between what I’m comfortable sharing openly, and publicly, and what I reserve for my more personal immediate circle. In fact, it’s a distinction, that is drawing me ever further away from wanting to share as openly, or as honestly, as I have been doing, online, as well as offline.

As early as 2004, I experienced this ‘problem’, or ‘dilemma’ of wanting to share something, with a specific group of individuals, in a very personalised way, for very specific thoughts, and experiences I had in life, and those groups were very fluid, and dynamic, based on how I was feeling at the time that I decided I had experienced something that I wanted to voice, or share. As of yet, I haven’t yet found the right platform/tool/service that lets me be so selective, or granular with regards to what I share with who.

So in the absence of any such technology, I’m going to go from one extreme to another.

This coming year, I’m going to be much more silent, reflective, and introspective. Occasionally, I’ll share some of my thoughts, thinking, and insights. Other times, I won’t share them publicly, but I will find some way of sending them to a select few people that I want to share more personal details with. For now, I’ve decided that my default setting in everything is slowly going to switch to ‘private’. Twitter, maybe not, but gradually, I’m going to find a level of ‘publicness’, and visibility that I’m comfortable with, and that doesn’t challenge me to rethink, or question what it is that I’m sharing, as often as has been the case in the last few months.

For me, 2011 is going to be a year when I start unfriending people online, and start drawing boundaries between myself, and the world of people that I actually know in person, as opposed to the people that I know virtually. I’m going to start being more attentive to smaller groups, and smaller crowds. I’m going to start thinking much more long termist than I have been so far (about my online persona, and identity). I think in the past, I’ve been quick to default to wanting to opt-in, be public, and share as much as possible. I’m going to change to always questioning if I want to join in, or participate, being much more private, and sharing as little ‘personally’ as possible. That may change the nature of how I appear online, and at the same time, that may start to free up signficantly more of my time and energy to work on some of the pet projects I’ve pencilled in for 2011. Let’s see at the end of next year where I stand. For now, I’ve said enough. Have a good New Year, hope that 2011 brings you what you’re in need of, and now I’m going to go find a movie to watch, or book to read, as I end my 2010, and start to be more of a recluse than before.

Was inspired to write this after a wonderful evening out, catching up with friends in London’s Tech Startup Scene. I don’t feel like I fit any one mould or stereotype, and sometimes those things that make us all unique sometimes make me feel like I stick out like a sore thumb, at a loose end. At other times (usually when I’m being the most comfortable in my skin), I end up relishing the fact that I am unique and different and have views of the world that very few others may arrive at.

It all just poured out of me, just like this:

I don't belong with the cool kids
	Cos I'm just not cool enough
I don't wear designer outfits
	I'm not fit, and hot and good looking
No I don't belong with the cool kids
	That's definitely not where I belong

I don't belong with the hip kids
	Cos I'm just not wise enough to be so fly
I don't possess the street smarts,
	Or the ingeniousness to succeed like them
My achievements fade into insignificance,
	When compared with the lofty successes of those street wise hip kids
	No I definitely don't belong with them

I don't belong with the geeky kids,
	I'm just not geeky enough
I don't get the funky sci-fi comics,
	Heck, I don't hack as good as them either
No I'm definitely not a geek, I don't fit in with all of them

I don't belong with the rich kids,
	No I'm definitely not one of them
I don't have the piles of dough
	I just don't have the cash,  I won't lie about it,
I'm bootstrapped, and then strapped for cash some
	No I definitely don't fit in
I'm definitely not a rich kid, no I don't belong with them

I don't belong in the mainstream
	No I don't belong there
I got too deep, and philosophical,
	Getting all spiritual and metaphysical
No I'm definitely not 'normal' enough to be mainstream
	No I don't belong there

I don't belong with the spiritual folk
	No I don't belong there
I used to be all hippy, and peace and love man,
	But I got too business savvy, and a word to the wise
Being all spiritual, and financially broke, might do wonders for your karma
	But when your stomachs a rumbling, and your bank balance a crumbling,
It just doesn't do to be all peace, love, and divine man
	No I definitely don't belong there

I guess that leaves only one place where I can belong then
	The place that's left after it all
It's that place you have after the party
	The one after everyone's gone
When all the facades have come down
	And the shenanigans done
When the truth is revealed, and the layers undone
	Bare, and true, naked of all pretense,
Free of posing, and positioning
	When all else is stripped away, and the raw vulnerable you is left

That is where I belong

Yes that is where I belong

So where do you belong?

Love is something which gets used a lot in so many different contexts.  It’s something that I’ve been mulling over a lot lately and I just wanted to get some thoughts down, and share some perspectives of mine on the matter.

There’s the context of food, as in ‘I love my mom’s cooking’, or ‘I love chocolate’, then there’s relational love between two people, as in ‘I love you’.  It’s this second emotional relational context that I’m keen to explore further.

To start out, I just want to note how clumsy the English language is in relation to the word for love.  Compared to Urdu/Hindi which has a number of different terms to denote the degrees to and the levels of love one might feel towards another.  There are the terms Pyar, Ishq, Mohabbat, amongst others that all relate to love, but some more intensely than others.  Knowledge of these subtly different words might be partly to do with why I’m able to articulate some of these distinctions below.

Briefly reviewing some of the different types of love, there is the ‘infatuation’ type of love, that generally translates into an obsessed, I must be with them type of feeling.

There is also the cutesy high school crush, sort of romantic comedy style love.  Especially common between a young couple that’s freshly dating, and are at the stage where they like each other but don’t necessarily know how much nor do they have deep feelings for each other. Perhaps you might even think of it in terms of the phrase ‘puppy love’.

Then there’s the love that’s very caring, concerned for the wellbeing of another, in a real sibling/spouse/parent child kind of way, where you care about the wellbeing and safety of the other. In such situations you will always ultimately care about the health and wellbeing of the other, but at times you may prefer to not spend all your time with these people, or you may prefer to keep them at a distance, especially when familial relationships are involved, but ultimately if any tragedy were to befall them, or any mishap, you would want to be the first one to come to their aid in their time of need.

There’s also that very platonic kind of all embracing, love everyone and everything kind of love, that a lot of hippies, new age spiritualists, and perhaps spiritually inclined people would engage with, trying to be loving and caring towards everyone and everything.  It’s the kind of love that has you aspire for world peace, the end of poverty, protecting the environment (though many of those behaviours can also derive from a sense of guilt, a desire to escape a certain life, or to just receive kudos, and recognition, as a form of status, as well as the more noble reason of a desire to genuinely want to make a difference for others).

With each of these different forms of love (and I’m sure there are more that I haven’t included), whilst the word love is used, it seems to relate to some very different things.  Even though for the most part it seems that it relates to the relationship between two people or a person (or conceivably any living species that appears to express emotion), there are two more perceptions of love that I have yet to mention, that are remote or different from these.  One is considered truth, or divine love, a state of being, or a state of grace received or entered into through a divine blessing or continuous devotion, prayer and worship.  (There are some commonalities between mystics of different faiths when bringing them together and having them share their divine experiences, especially when relating to or describing a state of ‘pure love’).

Another perspective that is starting to surface is of love as being a force of the universe. Some people describe love as the force that literally holds everything together.  It’s referred to as a subtle force that underpins the whole of reality.  For those of a more scientific bent, this usage of ‘love’ is akin to the scientific theories of everything that describe a sub-atomic component to physical matter which permeates all form in the physical dimension. An energy which exhibits intelligence, forms a non-physical blueprint to the physical universe and informs the creation and evolutionary direction of all that is alive.  A bit incredulous perhaps for some of you readers out there to believe, but a perspective that’s out there in the world nonetheless.

What interests me most, in connection with love, is this idea that there exists an ideal soul mate or a perfect life partner for each of us. Having personally only been in a single romantic relationship in my entire life, and that with a woman that I married, and came to love, over the few months prior to the wedding, knowing that I was to marry her, perhaps my personal perspective on the matter might be a little biased.  Especially as the marriage and relationship didn’t last very long.

But having said that, there are some patterns that I’ve noticed that I believe to be true irrespective of personal experience surrounding the nature of love, and how it affects us.

One observation is that love can be cultivated over time.  Especially through repetition.  The best example I can think of is from my high school days, when we would have the radio on in certain classrooms, in the background.  Certain songs which I found really annoying or irritating when I first heard them, after prolonged exposure to them on the radio my opinion of the song would change and I would start to like, and even enjoy the songs that previously I had considered terrible.  It’s happened quite a few times since as well, that upon repeatedly hearing the same songs over and over again, whether I liked them or not, I would eventually learn to like them if I were exposed to them over time.

This does make me wonder if a direct connection exists between the frequency and length of exposure between two people and how that affects just how much attraction exists between them.

Indeed having seen successful couples spend a lifetime together, through compromising with each other and making an effort at making their relationship work, and ultimately seeing their spouse as a life partner that they choose to spend the rest of their life with, I really do have to question that idealistic notion of a ‘romantic’ love being capable of amounting to anything more than a short term romantic infatuation of sorts.

Even the fact that the majority of marriages in the UK and even the USA as far as I can tell, end up in divorce or separations (I shan’t make any guesses as to the rest of Europe, or other parts of the world, as I don’t know much about those cultures/countries comparatively speaking). However the one country that stands out as the one with the highest percentage of successful marriages is India, and having a Father who was born and raised in India, and having been bought up in Indian Culture, I do know a little something about that too, even if I was born and raised in the UK.

Some people attribute the greater rate of success in Indian marriages down to the societal pressures, and influence of the extended family.  Personally, I’m of the opinion that those factors support and increase the chances of success, as divorce does exist as an exit from marriage, but is just a route less used when experiencing marital challenges in most cases.  Having lived for 6 months in South Korea during my youth, I did learn that there are many Asian family values, that are common across Asia, and so perhaps the notion of successful marriage and the understanding behind what makes a couple stay together in Asian families can help us breakdown further this notion of love.

From my limited understanding of it, love between two people, at least the kind that gets protrayed in films, appears to generally only be a temporary passionate kind of intense short lived infatuation type of love and generally only lasts up until the point that one party has obtained the ‘unobtainable’ object of their desire.  Once that threshold has been crossed, be it marriage, intimacy, or just acceptance from the other and the commitment to be together, then the dynamics of the relationship change and the real ‘relationship’ challenges begin.

It’s at this point that the breakdowns and the cracks in the relationships start to appear, and depending on how they’re dealt with they will either fortify the relationship or begin to rot the foundations of it.  Part of it does boil down to how committed each partner is to the other, and also to how accommodating one partner is of the other.  It’s at this point that I believe love stops making a difference in terms of how things progress.  However it is only because of the original love, that a couple would work through their challenges and find a place of mutual compromise.  In these situations, love has stopped to be a factor, however it continues to be there between the couple.  What I find a little ironic is that the couples that work through their challenges and make the commitment to make their relationship work have a much stronger bond, through their challenges, and whilst their love may not exhibit the same fiery intenseness and spontaneity that occurs in the early stages of an infatuated romance, it tends to be much more enduring, and longer lasting.

When I think of a married couple growing old together, I imagine them to care for each other, to rise above their differences, and to know each other intimately in such a way that they can read each others mind almost, and be able to predict what the other needs.

Ultimately, no matter how much love exists between two people it really doesn’t matter.  For whilst you can always cultivate, or develop your love for another person, it is only a mutual determination or desire to make a relationship work that ultimately leads to there being enough love between two people to sustain a long term relationship, that endures over a lifetime.

With that in mind, I think love is a force, or an energy that bonds people together, or flows between people that care about each other.  Taking a slightly wider perspective, love doesn’t just flow between people, but between all things that are animate and alive, and contain a spirit and contains a form of consciousness. It permeates between all things and beings that are aware.  Hence why people can feel love for pets, and plants, and feel loved by them as well.

It feels like the love we experience from different people is unique to each person, which suggests that love is generated by each person and is a different energy unique to each individual.  But then at the same time, the love that we feel for siblings or parents or our children is different to the love we might feel for a lover, or partner.  This suggests that either we generate different frequencies of love towards different people or that we receive the love and interpret it differently from different people.

Most significantly, in my observation, there are different strengths of love, for example the intensity of a new romance, the platonic almost docile love that comes of a sibling, parent or good friend, but that has a tremendous amount of strength attached to it.  I believe that love is an energy that flows between us, and the more often and the more frequently it flows between two people, be it through caring, and sharing, or through concern, or compassion, the more strongly an individual becomes both a conduit for love for the other person, but also the other person has the potential to more strongly be bonded to that love, if they receive and acknowledge the love they receive.

It’s analogous to molecules in the body, which according to Candace Pert, are capable of experiencing emotions, and over time, the receptors on the cells in the body adapt, to be able to receive and interpret the dominant emotion that exists within the psyche of the individual.  In a similar manner, I’m going to suggest that we are all capable of receiving love from different people, and sending love to different people, and that as we attune ourselves to sending and recieving love to certain people, over time, our sensitivity towards individuals changes, and we become more receptive to, and amorous of people that we have chosen to love, if we so choose to send and receive love to and from those people.

There’s definitely some ‘hard wiring’ of the love receptors and transmitters when we’re born (for example, we receive by default the love of our parents and siblings and even extended family more strongly than anyone else), hence our need to receive a certain amount of love and attention when we’re born, and also the negative consequences that occur when a child is deprived of love and attention.  But that would also account for why ‘families’ mean so much to us, as a way of helping us survive, and be sustained, through their love for us, and our love for them.

The only question that remains, is if we are hard wired to ‘love’ certain other people in our lives.  That whole question of ‘soul mate’ springs to mind, of how different people feel like they are destined to be with another.  Some folks only experience it one way (i.e. they are in love with someone, but the other person isn’t necessarily in love with them), whilst others just have an ‘instant’ connection.. But ultimately, isn’t all of this just opportunities to connect, or make a connection with another person?  It doesn’t always mean we always do, nor does it always mean that we should.  But what of those stray sparks of love, or romance, or passion, that do come onto our radar?

For now, I think I’m going to stay open to the possibility and the mystery that life presents when it comes to soul mates, and life partners, but being single, and alone, it probably biases my perspective a little.  I’d be interested to hear what other people out there think.. Especially those folks that are in loving relationships, or who have made lifetime commitments to an individual, and are living that through.

Look forward to hearing your thoughts in the comments, and in your responses.  I’m of the opinion that if you spend the time and attention with pretty much anyone, in time you can come to love everyone, since love develops directly in proportion to the effort, and energy you put into creating it between you and another.

What do you think?

Knowing when to quit is perhaps one of the hardest things to figure out. Often our sense of pride, our self esteem, and our reputation are all interwoven into what could be a challenge that we’ve been struggling with for ages. In fact, sometimes, we’re so determined to succeed that we won’t let ourselves quit, no matter what.

As strange as it sounds, there is a distinct difference between quitting and failing.

Most people are so caught up in the fear of failing, that they end up spending their lives, pursuing something that wasn’t right for them, and ultimately losing so much more in the process.

Personally, I’ve long been guilty of the above. Though paradoxically, to most people looking in, I was in that enviable position, travelling the world, not tied to a job, and living a life that was fairly carefree having no real responsibilities, and choosing not to let any fiscal obligations hold me back.

I always had money when I needed it, I was always able to find funds to travel, when the wind blew me in a certain direction, and I appeared, from the outside to be leading a charmed life, being able to do pretty much anything I fancied. With that life, however, I was very deliberately staying away from working in a 9 to 5, and I was able to be fairly flexible with my calendar, and with the people I would meet.

However, after many years of living out of a suitcase, and constantly being on the road, I decided I was ready to ‘settle’ and wanted to find a nice stable income, a regular job, and quit the life of travelling and being an adventurer. One of the main reasons for making that decision, was the realisation that I could do so much more with a greater financial storehouse of wealth, and that the simplest and easiest way to build up a solid reserve of cash for me, at that point, was through working in a job consistently, and being paid for my time and commitment on a regular basis. (I’m not going to start debating the merits of working for yourself, and working for someone else, suffice it to say I’m a firm believer in choosing consciously what’s right for you at any given moment of your life, having been both an entrepreneur and an employee in life).

The decision to quit one lifestyle, and way of living, and enter another was a tough one..

Because, from the outside, looking in, I was living the ‘ideal’ life, that everyone else aspired to. Not being tied to a desk, travelling the world, meeting amazing people, and just regularly living through phenomenol experiences. But on the other hand, I wasn’t living my life, in order to be a role model to others. (At least not consciously). I was living my life in that way, because I deemed that was the smartest way to reach some of my longer term goals. As it happens, after living in the spontaneous, in the moment kind of life, I certainly had a richer experience of life for it, however, I wasn’t any closer to the goals that I had for myself. It was a tough decision, in some respects completely giving up on a particular way of life, in order to try something that according to most people is what you want to avoid, or stay away from. But in all honesty, the freedom that comes with living on a regular monthly income, and the security that you get from it, was something that I was ready to embrace, and welcome into my life.

By deciding for myself, what my priorities were, and by deliberately making the choice to stop using entpreneurship and freelancing as my primary sources of income, and moving into the traditional employee driven model of life, I deliberately quit one lifestyle for the other. It might go against convention for most people. In fact, most people probably spend most of their days, daydreaming about having the kind of adventures that I regularly took for granted. However, as crazy as it sounds, I just knew I had to get myself into a 9-5. It went against all convention and wisdom, but until I quit one lifestyle, I wasn’t able to fully embrace another, different lifestyle. The decision wasn’t hard for me, nor is it something I regret in the least. I only regret perhaps not making that choice sooner.

Often in life, we may feel like we just ‘have’ to keep going down a certain road, or a certain path in life. I’d strongly disagree with that.

The only life you should be pursuing is one in which you make conscious and deliberate decisions to live your life a certain way. Make your decisions based on the reasons and the circumstances that matter the most to you right now.

Not 3 years ago. And definitely not because other people want you to make certain decisions, or lead a certain life.

Most importantly, don’t be afraid to learn from your choices, and make a new choice accordingly. Whilst from the outside it may look like you’re not sticking with any one thing, if internally you know exactly what you’re aiming for, then be sure to exercise the self discipline to review what you do, and take new decisions if your current choices aren’t working out for you. Ultimately, you’ll only wish that you’d made that decision sooner, when you’ve learnt all you can from a certain choice.

And please remember,

failure only occurs when you stop trying.

If you change tactics, quit one line of action, in favour for another, or try something completely off the wall, or different, it just means you’re both wise and smart enough to succeed eventually. It’s the one’s who don’t even realise they made a choice, and continue to live their lives, devoid of meaning, and enjoyment that are the real failures. For they failed to take action, to live consciously, and to actively quit what didn’t work for them, in order that they might find something that did.

If you’re struggling to know if you should still be pursuing your current course of action, then chances are either you need to change your approach, skill up, or you need to change goals. For me, I’ve found changing one of those three has helped both keep me sane, and also bring me closer to my desired goals.

If you really can’t figure it out for yourself, then I can only recommend you read ‘The Dip‘ by Seth Godin.

It really helped me get clear on the distinctions between quitting something that just isn’t going to work no matter how hard you keep trying, and knowing when you’re just that final mile from the end, and shouldn’t quit no matter what the circumstance. Of course, I’d advise you to listen liberally to your own gut instinct and intuition. But if they’re not sounding loud and clear enough for you, the book by Seth should do a better job of helping you decide whether it’s time to quit, or to stick.

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