Fast Forward Coaching Ltd

Get back yourself back into the driver's seat.

2012-05-07T19:33:00.000-07:00

Have you ever noticed how sometimes it can be so easy to slip into the warm comfortable cloak of self righteousness, blame and judgment when things do not go according to your expectations? You feel disappointed and disillusioned, and often look around for someone or something to blame.

It is often easier to blame someone or something than to look any deeper into what we could do differently ourselves. Our minds tend to judge, it helps us to make sense of our experience, however it is important to understand that the experience itself is not what causes you the pain or frustration in certain circumstances,or conversely the joy and happiness in others.
It is how we choose to view the experience, the thoughts we think when faced with the experience that does that.
Becoming aware that you have a choice in how you respond to your experience can be extremely liberating. It allows you to take back the power that you gave away to the other person or the actual experience. It puts you firmly back into the driver's seat, and allows you to live in a more conscious way with out getting stuck in 'victim mode.'
Victor Frankl was man who knew all about choosing how to respond. He was imprisoned in a Nazi death camp, during the second world war. He saw the people he loved killed and he suffered terribly during his imprisonment. He realised through his ordeal that his oppressors could do shocking things to him to try and control him, but the one thing the could not do was control his mind. He said "The one thing you can’t take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me. The last of one’s freedoms is to choose ones attitude in any given circumstance.”
Stepping out of the role of the victim (someone who has no power) and stepping into more of a 'creator' role (creating what you actually want) means you get to take responsibility for your results, for your experience and ultimately for how your life is.

Action questions.
Think of a situation you are currently facing which may be causing you some distress.

How could you think differently in this situation?
How would the outcome be different, if you did change your thinking about this experience?
How would your feelings change if you were to change your perception of the experience?
If you assumed a 'creator' role in this experience how would you behave differently?

Ultimately, once you strip away all the excuses, blaming and judgments, it is up to you how you respond to your experience, and how you view your life. How will you choose?

Julie Rowlands is a certified coach, mentor and writer, who works with women who are facing change. Working with Julie will help you to have maximum sustainable energy and minimum stress.

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'Fear-busting' for Beginners.

2012-04-19T00:39:00.000-07:00

Here's a simple question for you : 'What would you be doing in your life if you had no fear?'

I have asked that question of various people and the variety of answers is astonishing! All of a sudden the floodgates open and there is no stopping the flow of ideas, and choices that are available.

So what is it about 'fear' that stops people in their tracks and stifles any movement toward what they really want?

I think the reasons can be complex and varied,however there are often common threads which you can identify, which will help overcome the fear for you.

My favourite acronym for fear:

False

Evidence

Appearing

Real

I think this really simplifies what fear can be about. It is easy to be caught up in an emotion which can be overwhelming and yet, have no real substance.

What can you do to lessen the effects of fear?

Here are some ideas:

Identify and name your fear.

Fear frequently loses some of its power when you identify it.
What scares you about the situation you’re facing?
What is the feeling behind your fear? For example, fear of being ridiculed, making a mistake, failing, public speaking
Describe your fear out loud. Write it down. This way you will know exactly what you’re dealing with.

Challenge your gremlin (the weedy little creep on your shoulder!)

Everyone has a gremlin that is never backward in telling us in great detail what we are doing wrong, and reminding us of the negative consequences of our actions . This negative self talk can make you utterly miserable and cause huge stress. This is where you get to challenge your gremlin and kick him/her out the back door!

List 3 of your gremlin’s favourite sayings? For example ‘you're stupid… you don’t deserve this…You're such an idiot!... How can you change those sayings to something more supportive?

Stop worrying and do something

Translating your fear into worrying is a habit and a waste of energy, 90% of what we worry about does not even happen, and so all that energy is wasted! Never mind about the physical effects of the worry and stress.

Ask yourself 4 questions to help you analyse worry.

1. Is this real? ie False Evidence….

2. Get all the facts

3. Weigh the facts and make a clear decision.

4 Take action

Take responsibility for your results

Fear stops you from taking action to get what you want in your life; it can make you stay home when you could to be out networking, It can stop you from voicing your opinions when you do agree with someone. It can damage your relationships, when you end up resentful and angry when you can’t say what you want to say.

The results you are experiencing in your life now are the results of your choices.

If you want to change that, it is important that you stop blaming others, stop making excuses, give up expecting others to change so your life can improve.

Change your Language

The words you routinely use and what you actually say to yourself are very powerful. Some words actually create fear and anxiety when you use them, for example disaster, crisis indecision, tragedy, catastrophe.

Below are some simple examples of how changing the words you use can change the whole perspective and the feeling of the words.

Examples

I can’t…………………………………………I won’t

Problem…………………………………opportunity

Life is a constant struggle………………life is an adventure

It is not my fault………………………….I take responsibility

Claim back your power

Pushing through your fear and claiming back your power is scary however it is like a muscle, the more you do it the stronger it becomes. Small steps forward over time makes a big difference!

What would be different in your life, if you decided from today that you will no longer allow fear to stop you?

Try it today!

Julie Rowlands is a professional coach who works with women who 'do' too much!

Julie's solutions will help them create maximum sustainable energy and minimum stress.

Fast Forward Tips for Success

Top Tips to Tame Toxic People

2012-02-16T18:02:00.000-08:00

Picture this- you arrive at work feeling focused and motivated and ready for the new day. You love your job, and you are excited to go to work each day.
You have your plans for the day organised and you are looking forward getting under way.
Jan, one of your colleagues comes to you and starts to talk about some changes she has heard will be happening in the office.These 'changes' could mean job losses and huge insecurity for staff. She is very persistent and overbearing, and you start to feel very uncomfortable.
Jan is always complaining, often gossips about other people in the office, and you have found in the past that her attitude is very negative. You find it exhausting talking to her, and you don't quite know how to deal with her. You try to avoid talking to her but you work in a small office and the negativity can be very pervasive.

This scenario is very common, people like Jan, drain your energy, undermine good working relationships, damage team dynamics and leave a veil of negativity which can infect the whole office.

What can you do when there is someone like Jan in your workplace?

Change how you respond
Realise that although you cannot change another person's behaviour, you can change how you respond to it. Try responding in a different way, for example: What would happen if you ask the question "how do you know that?' or 'what specifically do you mean?' This challenges the person to provide more evidence for their assumptions or views.
Instead of buying into the negativity, or agreeing with the person, try shifting the focus to something more positive, ask questions like, 'How would you like it to be?', or 'What can we do to improve things.'

Look for the 'pay off'?
Try to work out what is the benefit for the person in continuing this behaviour? ie what do they gain from it? sympathy, a feeling of power, increase in self esteem, a feeling of being in control?
What else could be behind this person' behaviour?
Is the person feeling vulnerable and out of control, do they feel out of their depth, are they having difficulty with the workload or perhaps having issues at home?

Be a fly on the wall
Give yourself a different perspective and gain valuable insights, here's how:
Imagine you are a 'fly' on the wall, observing a recent incident which you found upsetting.
Look down from your spot on the wall and notice things like: body language, are they sitting or standing, is one person overly aggressive, or submissive? verbal language, tone of voice.
Reflecting on these sorts observations will allow you to understand the incident without the emotion involved.
Ask yourself what you could do differently next time.

Communicate your feelings calmly and clearly
What ever the reason for the behaviour it is important to communicate to the person the effect their behaviour is having on you. This can be specially challenging if you don't like conflict ( who does?) however it is important to take responsibility for your situation and take actions that will create change.
Communicating your feelings in a non judgmental and assertive way will help create awareness in the other person, sometimes they may not realise the effect their behaviour has had on the people around them.
By creating awareness of the problem with the person you may be helping them to see other options, and to learn better ways to communicate.
Take ownership your feelings by using 'I' statements when talking to the person. for example 'I feel uncomfortable when you speak about our manager in that way.'

Negativity can spread very easily in a team, especially when it is constant. It can undermine the strength and commitment and so affect the overall effectiveness of the team.

Never mind the overall energy sapping nature of working with a person who is always complaining, and never happy.

Julie Rowlands is a certified coach, mentor and writer,

who works with professional women to inspire them to have

Maximum Energy and Minimum Stress

Visit Julie's website to check out lots of great tips and tools to help you

to have

Maximum Energy and Minimum Stress

Why you should NOT make New Year's Resolutions!

2012-01-04T20:03:00.000-08:00

At the beginning of the New Year is traditionally a time when most people create 'New Year's' resolutions, and decide to change lots of things in their lives that seem to need changing.

I don't do New Year's resolutions! I believe that they are not really worth the time it takes to make them. Lots of people tend to make rash statements like: 'I will go the the gym 5 days a week, I will lose 10 kilos' I'm sure you have heard plenty of them, and by the time the first few weeks of the year have passed the reality of keeping the resolution becomes way too hard,and they get conveniently forgotten.
For me it is much more useful to review the last year in a calm clinical sort of way, and use the information to come up with a plan for the next year.

Here's where you get the opportunity to create your year, your way, rather than have it created for you by circumstances or people around you.

The Fast Forward Coach, Reflections and Review (R and R)

List 10 of the best things that have happened for you in the last year.
What are top 3 accomplishments you are most proud of ?
List 3 of the greatest lessons you have learnt in the last year?
3 ways you have grown personally and or professionally in the last year.
What would you change or do differently if you could?
List 3 activities you need to do more of in 2012
What 3 things do you need to stop doing in 2012
What is your overall 'theme' for the year.
List your top 3 'intentions' for the next year.

Use the information to help you create a plan to achieve more of what you want for 2012.
Make sure you note the specific actions you have created in your diary, or maybe as a screen saver on your computer, where you will see it regularly.
Using this simple strategy has lots of benefits.It will help to keep you accountable and it also gives you a tangible record of your progress and will become a reminder to keep you focused, particularly if you start to feel a little less motivated.

This reminds me of one of my favourite equations: focus + consistent actions = results.

Julie Rowlands is a certified professional coach, mentor and writer.
Julie works with professional women to help create Maximum Sustainable Energy, and Minimum Stress.
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Nab those sneaky energy drainers.

2011-11-13T14:31:00.000-08:00

Energy drainers are all around! It is really interesting when you stop and think about what is draining your energy each day. Often it can be the little things that you have to take time to do which, that if you handled them would free up so much time and energy.

Great example recently for me was my dishwasher! For months the dishes were not being cleaned properly! I tried lots of different things to fix it, it was a very old dishwasher and in reality was well past it's use-by date! I was getting more and more frustrated, rewashing the dishes was not sposed to be part of my evening! so finally I made a decision to upgrade and buy an ultra efficient brand new model.
What a difference it has made! Obviously the dishes are clean but it is more than that! My energy and motivation levels increased markedly, just by simply taking action!
I was inspired to look for other areas where I could get rid of some of these sneaky energy drainers, and come up with a number of other actions I could take. What a difference!

What some areas in your life, where you could take a small action to make a big difference?
some examples might be:

clear any clutter from benches, or work areas
make sure appliances are working properly (think of my dishwasher!)
file all bills and papers away
have a clear out of clothes you no longer wear.
clear out the temp files and empty the deleted folder in your computer, then do a system clean.

Once you have done several of these actions notice how you feel! You will be surprised how much more energy you will have!

Julie Rowlands is a certified coach, mentor and writer who works with women who have their own businesses, to help them to have maximum sustainable energy and minimum stress.

What a clever hairdresser can teach you about change.

2011-10-03T20:43:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I went to the hairdressers, I was pretty unsure of what I wanted, (not such a good thing when you are in someone else’s hands!) And so when my hairdresser suggested a different style, I readily agreed, after all, I’m ok with change… or so I thought! No, he did not colour my hair bright pink or anything like it, what he did do, in his usual clever way was subtly add a different colour and cut my hair in a different way.

I loved the look, however what really surprised me for ages afterward was how I could not get used to having my hair parted on the opposite side! I automatically felt compelled to comb it the other way, the way it had been for years. Small but significant change causes discomfort.

It is like trying to fold your arms a different way, It just FEELS funny and awkward!

It is the similar kind of feeling when you have to do something different at work or in your career. It is much easier to do things the same old way. It is comfortable and often you do the task unconsciously. You don’t have to use lots of energy thinking about it, you just do it! It has become a habit.
Change means doing something that is unfamiliar. It is sometimes much harder, you have to consciously learn the steps that must be done, rather than just doing it habitually.

The advantage of consciously choosing change is that you free yourself from limits, and open up all sorts of possibilities that you probably did not even realise were available to you.

This concept can be even more interesting when you apply it to your thinking.

We tend to think in patterned ways. This is often unconscious, it uses less energy, and therefore easier.
Ask yourself: ‘what are some different ways to think about this situation ', or 'how can I change the way I think about this', Asking these sorts of questions will give you more options?
The key is to consciously choose to think about something in a different way, to get a different (hopefully better) result.
Embracing the lessons that change brings can lead you to more flexibility in your thinking and help you to live your life with fewer limits.
Going back to my new hairstyle, I have got used to it, and as a bonus, I have had so many comments about looking years younger!I like that!

Julie Rowlands is a certified coach who works with professional women to help create maximum sustainable energy and minimum stress.

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'How to get a head start n the confidence stakes.'

Lets celebrate!

2011-09-20T17:17:00.000-07:00

How do you celebrate yourself? Who you are? Your own unique gifts and talents?

If you have kids, my guess is that you celebrate their successes at sport or at school, however, I wonder how often you celebrate your kids for just being themselves? Who they are and what makes them special? Similarly for yourself?

Our society tends to focus on the successes of great sportsmen and women, on the huge achievements and fame of our heroes, however I want to us as a society to learn to acknowledge and celebrate the average person in the street, the home based Mum who is bringing up her kids, working part time and running the home. What about the parents of the special needs kids at the local school? Or the kids themselves?

I think these groups of people and countless others, need to be celebrated in ways that are meaningful to them, so we move toward valuing 'ordinary'.
I believe this helps us to feel accepted for ourselves, and that we are 'good enough'. This is fundamental to self confidence and continued success.
How many of us never quite feel 'good enough', 'clever enough', and are somehow always trying to get to that place of acceptance of it being 'ok' to be ourselves?

Top ways to celebrate YOU.

Define success for you
Create a victory log, list your past successes
Acknowledge yourself as you are-perfect!
Believe in yourself
Create 10 daily habits that energise you and support you to be your best.
Reward yourself often for your successes big and small.
Display the evidence of your success

Celebrating the 'essence' of you will create momentum and inspire you to further success.

Julie Rowlands is a certified coach who inspires women in professional careers to have

maximum sustainable energy and minimum stress.

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Go the All Blacks! Go New Zealand!

2011-09-08T21:45:00.000-07:00

Now you can ask anyone, and they will tell you I am not a big fan of rugby, BUT today and for the next 6 weeks, I am!

When it seems that the whole country is getting caught up in Rugby World Cup 2011 fever, who am I to not to join in! I even bought an All Blacks flag! I will be watching the opening ceremony and the 1st game tonight, where the All Blacks play Tonga, on my own TV of course, but I will be at Eden park in spirit!
What a wonderful way to showcase our country and put us on the world stage. It is very easy to get caught up in the excitement of the whole event.
This afternoon, thousands of people have converged on the Auckland waterfront to see the opening ceremony!
I just love the passion, the enthusiasm and excitement you can see on the faces of the fans, it is absolutely contagious.!
I just watched an impromptu haka in the middle of one of the main streets in Auckland. It was blood stirring stuff, reminds me of why I am so proud to be a Kiwi!
Can't wait to see the spectacle!
Go the All Blacks! Go New Zealand!

Design your very own google map.

2011-08-22T19:50:00.000-07:00

Recently I attended a business planning workshop! Ugh!! Some people might think that could be one of the most boring/difficult/watching paint dry type things to do on a nice sunny Hawkes Bay day!

They could be so wrong!

I learnt a lot, met some really interesting people, learnt some great skills and I know it will be very helpful going forward.

For me, though, the process reminded me of how things can be in 'real life'.

Do you have a will? If you have your own home, a business or have children, chances are your answer will be yes. This always surprises me because a lot of people plan very carefully for what happens when they die, however when it comes to life, they let things just float along without a plan or vision of what their life is about.

What about you? Have you got a plan for your life? Do you have a crystal clear vision for what you want in your life?

When was the last time, if ever, that you sat down, pen and paper in hand and wrote down all the things you to achieve, in your life, career, your business, for your family?

Research has shown that if you write your goals and vision down, you are much more likely to achieve them, even if you have no idea how you will do it.

Would you start out on a journey to some exotic place you have never been without some sort of map? I don’t think so, especially if you had no idea of which direction you needed to go!

You would certainly get somewhere, but is it where you want to be?

Now is always a great time to start!

Here are 4 key strategies to begin the process.

1. Know exactly what you want.

This can be the tricky bit, we often know and can talk freely about what we don’t want, so once you know what it is that you don’t want, turn it around to a positive statement and write that down, for example: I don’t want to be stuck in a dead end job for the rest of my life… turned around could be - I want to have a career where I use all my skills and get paid handsomely for what I am worth.
Look at all areas of your life, ie home, family, relationships, finances, recreation, health and well-being, career etc

2. Take action to get what you want

Now that you know what you truly want, work backwards in steps to get what action steps you need to take to get you toward that goal.
You are more likely to get the outcome you are after, if you have the steps written down, so you know which way to go!

3. Be flexible

Once you are underway on your journey using your map, you may find things don’t always go according to plan, That’s ok, being flexible allows you to change direction slightly and try something different, if what you were doing doesn’t seem to be working.

4. Be aware

Learn to notice and grab opportunities when they appear. Keep your mind open and be aware that the universe always gives you what you ask for, although sometimes not quite in the way you may have had in mind.

Creating your ideal life can be just like having your very own google map for your life, so
what is stopping you?
Grab that pen and paper and a cuppa and go for it!

Julie Rowlands is a certified coach, who is passionate about inspiring professional women to have maximum sustainable energy, and minimum stress.

How to get a Head Start in the Confidence Stakes.

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3 Top Tips for an Overflowing Bucket.

2011-08-11T19:38:00.000-07:00

Whats the difference between sharing some of your water if your bucket is overflowing, and sharing some of your water if there is just a trickle in the bottom of your bucket? It is pretty obvious that trying to give someone a drink from a nearly dry bucket is pretty much impossible, and if it is accomplished there is nothing left for you.
In your work and home life, your bucket is where you keep your reserves, your energy.

What I notice when my bucket is nearly empty, is my energy levels are low, I am tired, less patient, and I seem to feel stretched in lots of ways. Everything seems so much harder, and takes much more effort. I bet you can relate to this at sometime in your life? The trouble is, that sometimes it seems like it is way too hard to take time out of work or arrange someone to care for your kids, that just adds to the stress. It all seems too hard.

Simple is what is the order of the day, and so here are 3 simple steps to
help you have an overflowing abundant bucket!

get grateful,
change your focus
get moving

Lets have a look at each one in turn.

Get grateful - Once you start looking at what you actually do have in your life, and allow yourself to become grateful for these gifts, you come from a place of abundance rather than scarcity, which in itself is very powerful. The Law of Attraction tells us that you are always attracting, whether you want to or not, so it is important to focus on what you have got rather than what you haven't.

Next step is change your focus. Whatever you focus on in your life, you will attract, so if you are constantly thinking about all that is wrong in your life, what you don't have, that is exactly what you will attract - more of the same. A great example of this is when something happens that starts you off first thing in the morning... You break a cup or you are late for work, and then it seems like everything goes downhill from there. I bet you think something like "I knew that would happen, now I am going to have a lousy day," and guess what? that is what usually happens.
Try changing what you focus on, I know you will feel differently and you notice a a change in how you feel.

The next important step is to get moving!
Yes- research has repeatedly shown that by making sure you have regular physical exercise at least 3 times a week, you increase the release of the 'feel good' endorphins which boost energy levels and also are great for that wonderful sense of wellbeing. I know it can be hard to get the habit of exercise, however it has been proved that once you get into the habit of regular exercise, chances are you will not be loose it!
I know this for myself, I have found that now that I go to the gym regularly, I actually find my muscles ache if I don't go!

Filling your bucket can be easy if you learn to make time to nuture yourself with these simple strategies.

I challenge you to try them consistently at least a month, I know you will start to build those reserves immediately.
I love to hear feedback so email me and let me know how you have implemented these ideas!

Julie Rowlands is a professional coach, who loves to inspire women who work in professional careers, to have maximum sustainable energy and minimum stress.
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How to Make Every Day 'Flexible Wednesday!'

2011-07-28T14:19:00.000-07:00

In our house Wednesday is 'Flexible Wednesday', a day where anything can happen, and we are learning to lean into it and cope with changes in the schedule and activities that may happen that may not be part of what we usually do each day.
My daughter as some readers will know, has autism, and part of her 'diffability' (not a spelling mistake, she has different abilities) is that she finds even small changes very challenging.As part of her overall learning to cope better in the world, her wonderful support worker introduced the idea of 'Flexible Wednesday.' Each week they do something different in a safe environment. My daughter gets used being more flexible and so learns how to cope better, with less anxiety.

Learning to be more flexible in your thinking and your actions can be a very useful skill to learn. It will help reduce stress, allow you to relax more and be more tolerant of change and difference.

What tends to happen is you act and think in patterned ways, and this is often unconscious, you do things the same way because that is how it has always been done, or it is the 'best way' to do it.
It takes lots more energy and conscious thought to do something in a different way, eg, try crossing your arms differently from how you would normally. How does that feel? Strange and uncomfortable I bet! Have you ever driven to work, and then thought about how you actually got there and can't actually remember the drive? (commonly called auto pilot!)

It is much easier to do it the way you always have.... You are using your unconscious mind when you do things automatically, and when you choose to change it you have to use your conscious mind, which in the beginning can be much harder.

Once you learn to be more flexible in your actions and your thinking you increase your options considerably and this gives you more choices and less stress.

How can you become more flexible in your behaviour and your thinking?
Try asking yourself some simple questions:

What would happen if I did this differently?
What is the worst that could happen?
What other reasons could there be for someone to behave in this way ?
What would someone have to think or feel in order to behave like this?
What are all the options here,
What is the potential solutions to this challenge.

By understanding that flexibility in your thinking and accepting of difference, will allow you the option of choice, you reduce stress, because your rules are not broken, and you retain your power rather than giving it away.

Learning to be flexible and challenging yourself is part of growing as a person,
Julie Rowlands is a professional coach, mentor and speaker, who works with professional women to inspire them to have MAXIMUM sustainable energy, and MINIMAL stress.

Find out how by emailing Julie for a

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Birthdays - A time to celebrate!

2011-07-11T19:09:00.000-07:00

July is my favourite month! Why you might well ask? Considering it is often cold, wet and windy, with shorter days, longer nights because here in New Zealand we are in the middle of winter. For me though, it remains my favourite because it is birthday month! In our house 3 out of 4 have birthdays in the same week! how is that for great planning!
I love birthdays! The excitement of the buildup, the anticipation of the big day, and the chance to celebrate with the birthday girl or boy, It could be said that I am like a big kid myself, however I believe it is so important to have one day a year of your very own where you can be the star of the show!
I remember times in my childhood when the birthday seemed to stretch out for the whole week!I loved the feeling of being special and being fussed over!

Even if you don't like the full on approach, your birthday is an ideal time to reflect on the past year, acknowledge yourself and who really you are. I think that the time around your birthday each year is also a great time to start to think about what you would want to be doing in the next year before your next birthday!

How often do you actually take some time to celebrate you? I suggest it is not very often at all.
So this year, when it's your birthday, make sure you mark the occasion.Give yourself a special treat, whether it means a special dinner out, either with your partner or close friends, or a new outfit, or something extra special, jewellery etc, ( bring it on!) The main thing is - do it!
I intend to....

Julie Rowlands is a professional coach who specialises in working with women to help them to have maximum confidence and minimum stress.

If you would like to learn better ways of coping with stress and learn to be more confident, so you can get what you want in your life, email Julie for a FREE 30 minute coaching call.

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Fast forward Tips for Success

Put your oxygen mask on first.

2011-06-26T21:45:00.000-07:00

How often do you hear the phrase 'put on your oxygen mask first'. It can be a rather glib phrase, and I thought it may be useful to understand what it really means. In my experience this means that in order to look after others, be strong and healthy in body and mind and able to live your life at optimum levels, you need to take time to look after yourself first. Get your needs met first, develop yourself first.

There is huge expectation in our culture, that as a woman, you care for and nurture others, often without having your own needs met. You try to be everything to everybody, ie the career or business woman, the mother, the homemaker and various other occupations.You can sometime continue to do this for years. Often what then happens is that some health issue makes you stop and take stock.
Taking time out, and planning ways of nurturing ourselves seems too hard, overwhelming.
I have had women say to me that they could not possibly put themselves first because that would mean they are being 'selfish', and they would feel guilty!
I suggest it is absolutely vital to understand that if you are not putting your needs first, and looking after yourself, you are setting a poor example for those around you, and ultimately giving them permission to treat you poorly. I remember a very wise friend once said to me that we teach people around us how to treat us! so true...

What are the consequences if you don't 'put on your oxygen mask first'? In the plane scenario it means you loose consciousness very quickly and so you cannot support the vulnerable child beside you. ( Not that helpful!)
In the life situation, it means you become tired, stressed, low in energy, and have the corresponding increase in your risk of stress related illnesses, strained or broken relationships and communication issues.

Lets look at some ways to 'put your oxygen mask on first.'

Commit to making time for yourself from today.
Sit down with pen and paper and ask yourself what areas you will commit to change from today.
Use your diary as a planner and schedule space in ahead of time ie massage
Get outside every single day for at least 20mins, more if you can.
Identify 'fun' activities you can do to re-energise yourself regularly.
Use different colour codes in your diary to remind yourself of your activities
Exercise regularly
Healthy eating and plenty of sleep

These are just a few ideas which will enable you to achieve more balance and less stress in your life.
For lots more great ways to put yourself first, visit my website and sign up for my free newsletter

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Julie Rowlands is a ICF (International Coach Federation)

certified coach.

Julie specialises in working with professional women who want maximum confidence and minimal stress

Where in your life are you not being responsible?

2011-06-13T17:53:00.000-07:00

I read a very powerful book a while back, and the very first chapter talks about taking 100% responsibility for everything in your life. Absolutely everything. That means giving up excuses, blaming others for the results you are currently getting, blaming the government, your upbringing or what ever else fits in, expecting others to change or fix things for you. If your life is a shambles it is because you have made choices that have resulted in the way it is.
If you want to be successful ( what ever that means to you,) a fundamental mindset change you must make, is that you are totally responsible for all the results in your life.

This can be very challenging when you first think about it, because so often we are conditioned in our society to blame something or someone else when life does not go how we want it to go, that somehow we are entitled to happiness and to have everything how we want it...

Some typical examples: feeling sad and depressed when the weather is wet and cold. Blaming the government because you just can't get ahead. Making excuses when you don't get promoted in your job,or one of the best examples I heard recently- someone saying that she just could not help eating junk food, so it was the company's fault that she put on weight!!

Coaching questions:

What would be different for you if you did take complete responsibility for your life?
What would change right now?
Where in you life are you currently placing the responsibility?
What steps could you take today that would start you toward more responsibility?

Look at all areas of your life, ie, career, finances health, relaxation, relationships with family and friends , really tease it apart. Using the questions above, work out what needs to change for you to become more responsible for your results in all parts of your life.

Julie Rowlands is a coach who works with professional women to help them create maximum confidence and minimum stress.

Imagine how your life will be different! You'll gain clarity, you'll know exactly what you want and how to get it!

Email Julie today for a Free no obligation Coaching session.

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Who are you hanging out with??

2011-06-02T00:38:00.000-07:00

There is a saying around which says that you are the sum total of the 5 people you spend most of your time with.
Who are the top 5 people in your life? Are they the sort of people who inspire you, who support and encourage you? those ones who believe in your dream and are right there with you? Or are they the ones who drain you, who are constantly negative, always finding fault? Sometimes called dreams stealers?
How could this affect your life, your business, or your career?
If you are choosing to spend your time with the first group, you are more likely to achieve what you are want in your life, you will be inspired to take bigger leaps forward. You will have play at a higher level to stay in synch with your peers and you will be inspired to keep moving forward.
Constant negativity on the other hand, is extremely draining, it will stop you in your tracks, and prevent you from achieving in all areas of your life.
Here's a simple way to make sure you surround yourself with people who will help you to be at your best:

Make a list of all the people in your life who you have regular contact with.
Beside each name put a + or - sign. depending on whether they are positive or a negative influence.
Choose to spend more time with the + people and less time with the - people, and notice the difference.
You deserve to be the best you can be, and by deciding who you want to spend your precious time with, you give yourself the gift of choice!

Julie Rowlands is a certified coach with ICF.
She is passionate about helping professional women to minimise stress and maximise confidence.

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Get back to basics, create some 'Me time'

2011-05-20T16:56:00.000-07:00

Every now and then it is helpful to go back to basics.It is so easy to get caught up in the cycle of rush rush rush with no time for yourself, no time to plan, no time to relax, no time for anything except the hurly burly rush that is life in our busy world. Meeting everyone else's needs at the expense of your own, is often part of the psyche for women in our society.
It is only when 'something' happens to snap you out of your 'time poor' trance, that you realise that you have been caught up in this cycle. You feel like you are on a treadmill and the stop button is stuck in the ''on position...
If you are lucky, the 'something' might be a minor health scare, perhaps slightly raised blood pressure, or it could be something much more serious, like a heart attack, which is rather more dire. ( heart disease is one of the leading causes of death in women over 40)

Often, what happens is that it all seems overwhelming and too big to try and change, so you don't know where to even start.

No 'me time' is a common challenge with my clients. I teach them to create an action plan around how they can achieve more time for themselves, and then come up with ways to make it happen.

So what can you do starting today to create a better balance for yourself?

Action questions:

How much time do you have in your life that is just for you?
How can you create more time for yourself.

Before you say 'I just haven't got any time, I am so busy at work and I just can't change that,' think about the consequences of not making time for yourself.
Over these consequences show up as increased stress, tiredness, poor concentration, and increased risk of ongoing health problems.

Here is your challenge: Over the next few days, take some time out for yourself and grab a pen and paper, or better still, use your journal:

Make a list of your top ten activities, that you are currently not able to enjoy due to lack of time. (you know those things you used to do that you just can't seem to find time to do now...)

Commit to making time to include some of these in your schedule for the next 90 days.

Change does not happen spontaneously. You need to commit to the change and take action.
How committed are you?
What action will you take today to make this happen?
Your overall sense of well being will improve significantly and this will have ongoing benefits for your health as well.
Send me an email or comment in the box below to let me know what you are willing to commit to and how you will do it.

Julie Rowlands is a certified ACC coach with the International Coach Federation

Julie is passionate about helping women in professional careers have maximum confidence and minimum stress.

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Easy steps to climb a Mountain.

2011-05-10T21:33:00.000-07:00

What do you do when you get stuck in a big hole? (metaphorically of course!) There just doesn't seem to be an easy way to get past it. Nothing seems to go right. You cannot seem to make any headway, or feel like you are making any progress at all. You feel overwhelmed, stressed, tired and burnt out! Some days it feels like it would be much easier to go and work in the local supermarket rather than pushing forward in the professional career you have worked so long and hard in. When this scenario occurs that is a signal to step back and reflect on what is really going on.
So often what happens when you are stuck, is you just cannot see the wood from the trees.

Picture for a moment, a valley, with a stream running along the floor of the valley. There is dense bush all around, lots of very tall trees, whose canopy reaches high into the sky, and obscures the view to the sky. Beside the valley on either side are huge mountains, stretching high into the sky. When you are down in the valley though, it is really hard to imagine what the those mountains look like, because you cannot see it from the place, where you are. You are down below in it. You can't see the expanse of the sky, or even imagine what it must be like to be up in the clouds which surround the mountain.

What you need to do is walk out of the valley and climb up the mountain. Here you will get a different perspective, you will still see the trees, the bush, and all the parts of the valley you really love, and you will also get a different view a view from above, which will give you different insights and allow you to see what is next for you.

How can you climb out of the valley and up the mountain?

Here are a few suggestions:

Block out some time in your diary and give yourself some time to reflect on what is going on for you.
Where are you stuck? Have you got 'tangled in the undergrowth' rather than seeing the sky through the trees? Look for recurring patterns of behaviour or thinking.
What needs to change to get you to move forward?
Brainstorm some ideas for change.What needs to happen to help create change?
Step out of yourself and see the situation from an outsiders perspective, what do you notice? What could you change? write down your thoughts.
Create a action plan to start to make changes that will move you ahead again.

Julie Rowlands is a ICF certified coach who helps women in professional careers to have Maximum Confidence and Minimum Stress.

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6 of the Best to help you uncover your stress.

2011-04-28T14:24:00.000-07:00

Can you relate? You have trouble sleeping, you feel tired, your energy levels are really low, you're on alert all the time, unable to concentrate, overwhelmed, you burst into tears frequently, and the list goes on...
Over all you feel stressed to the max, you just can't seem to get over the day to day hurdles like you usually do.
Lets look at what is actually happening here.
My guess is that have been a series of incidences that have happened in your life, that are causing you to feel this way. Each incident or occurrence builds the stress and over time unless you have ways to deal with it, you will find that that overwhelmed feelings will persist and eventually, something has to give.
The result? This is when you start to experience strained relationships ,unhappy workplaces, physical symptoms associated with stress such as stomach upsets, insomnia, ulcers, the list goes on.....and worse.
What is the solution?

I believe the key to this is by identifying not only the actual stressor, ie too much work, not enough money, lack of communication, but more importantly you need to identify 3 main parts to the puzzle.

Your perceived expectations in the situation
Your perceived ability to meet those expectations
And more importantly the 'gap' between these two areas.

The greater the gap, the greater your stress.

Lets look at an example: if you are asked to present a workshop tomorrow to a group of 40 people,on your specialist topic, my guess would be that this would cause major stress, primarily because, even though you know your topic, you have very little time to prepare and the expectation on you to perform, is very high.
However if you were asked to present a similar workshop in 3 months time, this would present much less stress because of the longer time frame and the lower expectation and your ability to meet the expectation is much improved.

Questions to ask yourself when you become aware you are feeling stressed and overwhelmed:

What are my perceived expectations?
What is my perceived ability to meet the expectations?
Are the expectations realistic for me?
What resources ( time, money, support, knowledge etc) do I have available to me to help me meet these expectations?
What do I need to learn, or gain or ask for in order to meet the expectations?
What could I do differently?

Becoming aware of the expectations, real or imaginary, that you or others around you, place on yourself can greatly assist you to lower your stress and allow you to be much more relaxed in your home or work environment. Much better or your overall health too.

Julie Rowlands is a ICF certified coach who helps women in professional careers to have Maximum Confidence and Minimum Stress.

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Have you been Bitten by the Procrastination Bug?

2011-04-19T17:10:00.000-07:00

I'm sure you know how it is, sometimes you feel absolutely fired up motivated, inspired, ready to tackle anything. You achieve everything you set your mind to, you are on fire.... then it bites you. All of a sudden you can't seem to get started with anything, or finish anything for that matter.You fiff and faf about what needs to be done, and absolutely nothing happens!
This is what I call the 'procrastination bug'. It can strike at any time, stealing away your power and determination to achieve.
This notorious thief of time and energy seems to attack some people more than others. It tends to 'like' people who have perfectionist tendencies and very high standards.

What are the symptoms of this bug?
Typically you spend lots of valuable time doing the 'other activities' instead of focusing on the important one which you are avoiding.
Internet surfing is a classic procrastination tool, it can masquerade as learning tool, but really is a way of avoiding the job at hand. Watching TV is another notorious one. Hours slip by, without any productive work being done.

How can you minimise the pain of the procrastination bug?

Do the biggest job first, just getting started will create momentum and keep you moving forward.
Have a clear focus on what you want to achieve.
Realise you are procrastinating, awareness is the key, by being aware you can then take steps to change it.
Make a plan to get the activity done, include a time frame for completion
Take action. Even a small step done consistently will stop the bug in it's tracks.
Acknowledge yourself for getting started.
Be accountable to someone, ie friend, coach or mentor, this will ensure you continue to progress and kick the procrastination bug out of your life.
Reward yourself once the activity is complete.

Working with a trained coach is a great way to keep yourself accountable and to achieve much more in your life.

Julie Rowlands is a certified coach, who works with professional women to maximise confidence and minimise stress.

visit Julie's website for lots of useful tips and tools to help you get maximum confidence and minimal stress.

Who controls You?

2011-04-12T20:49:00.000-07:00

'I can't help how I feel', 'Everything seems to be working against me', 'It's the way I am,' 'I can't change it!'
All these statements have one thing is common, they are all stated with the assumption that life 'happens' to you, and you cannot do anything to change it in any way.
You are at the mercy of fate, and you really have no choice but to accept what happens and get on with it!

When you believe that you are not in control of your world, your feelings, your circumstances, it puts you in a very uncomfortable place. A place where other people or circumstances have power over you.
In this uncomfortable place, you feel powerless, you feel hopeless and you tend to feel out of control.
This place is often called 'victim' mode, or in NLP (Neurolinguistic Programming) terms 'at Effect.'

What would happen if you believed something different? That you do have control over your feelings, you do have the power to change your circumstances?
Have you ever felt really upset and sad, and then all of a sudden something really hilarious happened and you started laughing?
Your 'state' or how you felt, changed in an absolute instant, because your 'focus' changed. You focused on the hilarious thing instead of the sad thing.
By changing the focus of what you are thinking about you can change the feelings associated with it.
How amazing is that!
Imagine what this means? By consciously shifting your focus away from the negative thoughts and feelings that drag you down and make you feel awful, you can take back control over your 'state' and allow yourself to feel so much better!
This in turn, puts you in a more receptive state to be open to opportunities around you that you may not have seen when you are focused on how bad you were feeling and how everything was wrong in your world!

This place is the opposite of victim mode and is what I call 'success mode' or in NLP terms 'at Cause'

Here is your challenge: Over the next week observe how often you 'slip' into victim mode, (we all do it at times...) ask yourself some helpful questions to get yourself back into 'success mode.'

What can I do differently here?
How can I make the best of this?
What is there to learn in this?
What is it about this situation, that makes makes me choose to feel this way?

By learning to step back without judgment or criticism of yourself, and really noticing what is happening, and your reactions to it, will give you new ways to respond to the situations you are faced with, and you will be more likely to come up with a solution to solve your problems.

Julie Rowlands is a professional Coach who loves to work with women in professional careers to inspire and motivate them to have maximum confidence and minimum stress.
If you are looking for someone to help you find solutions and get rid of your stress, email Julie today.

Your kids have flown the nest!

Now is a great time for you to 'rediscover' YOU !

Who is that woman who has been Mum for so long?
Have you lost confidence in yourself? and your skills?

If you miss this great opportunity you risk missing a chance to learn some great new strategies
that will help you grab exciting opportunities with both hands.

Check out this brand new online coaching programme,

From Survive to Thrive with an Empty Nest

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Julie Rowlands is a professional Coach who loves to work with women in professional careers to inspire and motivate them to have maximum confidence and minimum stress.

8 Top Tips for Personal Leadership

2011-04-07T15:54:00.000-07:00

We all face challenges in our lives which, when we look back later we realise with the benefit of hindsight, that they were defining moments. Moments which shape us into who we become, and where we learn important lessons about ourselves and how we respond to circumstances.

One of the biggest challenges I have ever faced in my life was both a huge opportunity and a huge challenge.

In 2008 my husband accepted a job as part of an expat team building an Egyptian goldmine! It was a huge opportunity for him, to develop his skills, learn lots of new ones, and to experience the life of an expat! We have always loved travelling and so the idea of this was very exciting.

The challenging part was that I was to remain at home and keep the home fires burning!

His work rotation meant he was away for 7 weeks at a time, and home for less than 2 weeks, add to that the fact that we had not been apart for more than a few days at a time for the 25 years of our marriage, not to mention the not so small detail of managing our 23 year old daughter who has autism. This was big! Needless to say there were times when I wondered what on earth we were doing this for, was it really worthwhile?

I learnt so many things about myself in that time, and I know now that it was a defining time in my life. I learnt to rely on myself and to trust myself and my intuition.

My tips for personal leadership have been developed from this experience:

Have a strong clear focus, this will enable you do what is required.
Being strong willed and determined helps.
Know that you will have skills in areas you don’t realise.
Learn to view any situation in a positive way, as this will determine your feelings about it.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
Learn to develop your inner strength, by stepping outside your comfort zone regularly.
Develop a strong belief in yourself. This is all important, especially when the doubters are around.
Surround yourself with supportive people, who love you. This makes all the difference in the world.

I believe that personal leadership is about learning to rely on your own resources to get you through difficult and challenging times.

It is also about knowing intrinsically, that whatever happens, you will find the strength and courage to do whatever it takes to ‘get the job done.’

Julie Rowlands is a certified coach with ICF, and she specialises in working with professional women to develop maximum confidence and create a success mindset.

Are you facing an empty nest, now that your kids have left home for the big wide world?

How will you make the most of this exciting yet sometimes scary time?

Now is a great time for you to 'rediscover' YOU !

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Uncover the Hidden Treasure and Free Yourself from Stress

2011-03-30T14:29:00.000-07:00

You feel overwhelmed, tired, stressed, unhappy, can't see what to do for the best?
You try to keep your head above water, but there always seems to be another thing that gets added to the pile!
What is really going on here? Sometimes it feels like the real you is hidden underneath a huge mountain of 'things you have to do!' It is really hard to see any way out. You get more and more stressed which leads onto all sorts of problems including relationship breakdown, lack of communication, overwhelm, and feelings of isolation.

I suggest this could be a ideal opportunity to do a little 'digging around' to uncover some 'hidden treasure'.

Here are some tips to get you out of overwhelm and into a better space to look for solutions.

Take yourself out of judgment, in other words stop the self criticism. Judgment stifles curiosity. I like to think of this as stepping out of yourself, and imagining yourself watching like a fly on the wall!
Start to notice any patterns, be curious about what is really happening, how you are thinking and what you are doing. What patterns do you see? What are the results of repeating these patterns? What could you do differently to get a better result?
What are your expectations in this situation? So often our expectations and other people's expectations of us are huge. Write a list of the expectations you, or those others have of you. Be very clear and very specific.
Are these expectations realistic? Can you meet these expectations with the resources you currently have? If not, what are some resources (time, money, help, energy, etc) you could acquire that would help you to meet these expectations?
If you plainly see that these expectations are way to high to be met easily, what can you do to lower them, how can you think differently or creatively to get a better result?

Stress is created when you have a gap between perceived expectations and your perceived ability to meet those expectations.(Thanks Deb!)
The bigger the gap, the greater the stress.
Next time you feel overwhelmed and stressed, try a bit of digging to uncover the hidden treasure that can help free you from your stress forever!

Julie Rowlands is a professional coach,motivational speaker and creator of a the brand new online coaching programme:

From Survive to Thrive with an Empty Nest.

Are you facing one of the most challenging yet exciting times of your life?
You are unsure of what the future holds now that your kids have flown the nest?
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Stuck in a boring job with no prospects and poor pay?
Feel you are capable of much more, yet not really knowing what to do about it?

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This is one of the most exciting (and terrifying) times of your life!

2011-03-28T15:21:00.000-07:00

Have Your Children Flown the Nest?
Take Action & Create Direction in This Exciting New Chapter

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and still get the same outstanding results.

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At last you will have some time to focus on you!

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Coincidence or your amazing brain?

2011-03-04T21:09:00.000-08:00

Have you ever noticed that once you buy a new car, you seem to notice the same model and colour everywhere? Why is that? when you were looking for this special new car you didn't see them around anywhere!and yet now it seems that every second car is just like your new one!
I have recently been working very hard on developing my online coaching programme, due for launch on 14 March. I have been using a new platform to develop this programme, and have had to learn all sorts of new skills including how to insert video and audio into the website and how to create sales pages, all very techy things which I have not done much of before. What I have been noticing though, is what has been in my email inbox since I started this..... you guessed it titles like: How to create sales pages that sell! How to create online videos with ease! etc etc...

I have been amazed, so what is happening here? Am I noticing more because I am interested or is there something more? Would these emails have come anyway? Or am I attracting what I have clearly stated?

Your brain is like a very powerful computer, and your unconscious mind is the part which deletes information that you don't need. Imagine if you had to process all the information coming at you in your environment, from all your senses. You would be in complete overload in seconds flat! Sights, sounds, smells, tastes, all completely overwhelming.

This is where the unconscious mind is so amazing. Once you tell it what you actually want, it will stop deleting the information that it previously did automatically, which is why you start to notice those cars! and I have noticed all the emails!

How is this important I hear you ask?
The point is that once you are very clear on 'what you want' your brain will start to search for that very thing.
You will start to see opportunities that you previously missed, you will be more open to the ideas which lead you toward what you want.
So if you want to increase your chances of achieving your goal, getting that dream house, or that fantastic new job, give your brain a headstart by being very specific about what you want and then start noticing! You will be really surprised!

Julie Rowlands is a professional coach who works with women in professional careers, who want more confidence and less stress!
Sign up for Julie's free email newsletter, packed with tips and snippets to help you gain more confidence.
As a special bonus you will receive my article 'How to get ahead in the confidence stakes'

"If you wait until all the lights are "green" before you leave home,

you'll never get started on your trip to the top." -Zig Ziglar.

Top 10 Best Qualities of Great Communicators

2011-02-11T03:27:00.000-08:00

One of the easiest ways to create resentment and negativity in a work situation is by not communicating well.
Poor communication amongst co workers destroys friendships, encourages jealousy and assumptions, and creates barriers to harmony. People feel very unhappy in their work, and this creates huge stress which pervades the workplace.

So here they are: The Top 10 Best Qualities of Great Communicators:

Give the other person all your attention. I believe this can be the single most important quality of a great communicator. So often you get distracted by what you want to say next in a conversation or you are thinking of what else you need to be doing, that you don't actually give the person your full attention.
Make time for the other person. Time is such a scarce resource these days, everyone is rushing around and busy, one of the best things you can do for someone is give them a little time.
Listen attentively. Give your full focus to the person you are speaking to, and really listen. It can be a wonderful experience, and you will hear all sorts of information you previously missed. Let yourself relax into the conversation without trying to think of what to say next.
Make good eye contact. This is an excellent way to build a warmth and relationship in an instant. Nothing more disconcerting than having a conversation with someone who looks out the window frequently, or is not being able to maintain eye contact. In western cultures it can be seen as being untrustworthy, or disinterested.
Create rapport. Rapport is the basis of trust and it can be created easily once you know how. When rapport is good and strong it feels like you are 'on the same page' or that you understand each other. Definitely a skill to learn.
'Step into' the other person's shoes.Empathy, this also helps to maintain rapport, by being able to understand where the other person is 'coming from', how the situation makes them feel. Allow yourself to imagine and this will certainly help the communication.
Suspend all judgment. Judgment stifles curiosity, and so learn to stop making judgments about what the other person is saying. This allow you to be curious and see patterns and possibilities. It also encourages creativity.
Acknowledge the other person. Everyone likes to be accepted and acknowledged for who they are or what they have achieved, even if it is a small seemingly insignificant thing.
Talk about the other person's interests. Most people love to talk about themselves and what is important to them. Great communicators know this and have a wonderful knack of engaging people to talk in a relaxed and friendly way.
Make the other person feel important. Most of us crave approval. It can be a basic need and so making someone feel important in a conversational way can be hugely rewarding. It is crucial however to do this in a sincere way. Artificial praise or insincere comments can be destructive.

Practice using some of these techniques next time you feel like your communication skills need a boost. I know you will find them extremely effective.

Julie Rowlands is a professional coach who works with women in professional careers, who struggle with confidence and self belief.

If you want to get on better with your colleagues, now is your chance to learn some great communication skills. Email Julie today for a Free 30 minute coaching conversation.

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