"Notes from the Fatosphere" via Fat O'Sphere in Google Reader

Friday Feel Good Tunes!

2008-08-08T18:48:19Z

I listen to Pandora at work, which is a great music site where you pick a band or singer you like and then they provide other bands and singers with similar characteristics that you might also like. Highly recommend! So, my Pandora station for Katy Perry (I know I know… but her song is so catchy) introduced me to this song by Lily Allen:

I can’t find the official Video so I picked the Ugly Betty Video, because Ugly Betty is yay.

The key lyrics from this song that made me fall in lurve:

Why can’t I sleep at night,
Don’t say it’s gonna be alright,
I wanna be able to eat spaghetti bolognaise,
and not feel bad about it for days and days and days.
In the magazines they talk about weight loss,
If I buy those jeans I can look like Kate Moss,
Oh no it’s not the life I chose,
But I guess that’s the way that things go.

Don’t you want spaghetti bolognaise now? I totally do. Anyway, In addition to this great song she also did an interesting interview where she talked about the unrealistic beauty standards and how they’ve changed.

Not a stellar recommendation for FA or anything, but still a positive note.

“No one looks like models except models, that’s the whole point, so that you’re trying to buy more and more to work towards it!”

There are a few things she says I disagree with obviously, but I have decided to overlook them in favor of being in a good mood. Woo for people in the entertainment industry who are willing to speak up about the ridiculous beauty standards in western society!

Friday fluff: Like a fine wine

2008-08-08T16:42:58Z

It’s my birthday next week. I’ll be turning 29, and though I have a tiny bit of angst at how “late” in the “late 20s” I am now, I must admit I’m seriously looking forward to being in my 30s. I know I’m supposed to fear losing my youthful beauty (*snort*) and all that, but [...]

Douchemail of the Day

2008-08-08T16:34:31Z

From an “internet marketing specialist”: I was looking at websites under the keyword bra stores and came across your website http://kateharding.net. I see that you’re not ranked on the first page of Google for a bra stores search. I’m not sure if you’re aware of why you’re ranked this low but more importantly how easily correctable this is. Actually, [...]

Quick Hit: Poor Menz!

2008-08-08T15:49:25Z

Please check out this Alternet article that I just posted about over at Broadsheet. It tells the tragic tale of men who, after being bombarded by images of beautiful women, cannot find it within themselves to love ordinary ones. This is, of course, because of evolution. It’s scienterrific! Money quote: Our minds have not caught up. They haven’t [...]

Dara Torres: The New Beauty Myth

2008-08-08T15:11:59Z

As if scarily-thin teenage supermodels and aging celebrities who drink regularly from the Fountain of (Botox) Youth aren’t enough to impose unrealistic expectations for women, now we have a new “physical ideal” to strive for.

Meet Dara Torres.

The 41-year-old Olympic swimmer and mother of a 2-year-old toddler was recently featured on the cover of the New York Times Magazine. That is, her and all six of her phenomenally-ripped and sharply cut abs showing absolutely no hint of stretch marks or a post-pregnancy pooch. In addition to being the oldest female swimmer in the history of the Olympic games, the New York Times’ Rings blog reports that Torres is now also being “held up as a physical ideal for mothers, women at or approaching middle age, and just women in general.”

Are you kidding me?

The magazine’s coverage of Torres notes that to achieve her world class performance, Torres employs three coaches (head, sprint and strength), two stretchers, two massage therapists, a chiropractor, and a nanny — at the cost of at least $100,000 a year. The daughter of a doctor, Torres led a privileged childhood life — her childhood home had 10 bathrooms. Her current husband is an Israeli surgeon and she receives considerable funding and financial advantages from her sponsorships from Toyota and Speedo; money she has earned from modeling, TV work and motivational speaking; and a private sponsor for training expenses. For Torres, working out is literally a full-time job and she has the battle scars to prove it. She’s had surgery on her knees, elbows, shoulders, hands and fingers. She is, as her own father describes, not a type-A personality, but rather a “type A + +,” which helps to explain why, while attending the University of Florida in the mid-1980s, Torres earned 28 N.C.A.A. all-American swimming awards — the maximum number during a college career — but she was also bulimic.

And yet this is what American women should aspire to become? Don’t get me wrong: Dara Torres is a mind-blowingly incredible athlete and she’s even more amazing considering her age and motherhood. I am both awed and inspired by her accomplishments and wish her the gold. But there’s a reason why the Olympic Games are the most prestigious event in the world for most of the sports involved: The Olympics, like the beauty myth, is achievable by only a select few. While it’s one thing to admire Torres’ athletic feats and use her as inspiration to achieve great things in your own life, Dara Torres should not be held up as the “physical ideal” for mothers, middle-aged women or any woman. The average woman does not have the financial advantages as Torres; the luxury of being able to dedicate the bulk of her waking hours to working out and training; and only a few share in Torres’ unique personality trait and genetic body type that make the sport a good fit for her. Plus, while Torres might appear to be the epitome of good health, numerous sports injuries and a (past) eating disorder suggest otherwise.

New York Times blogger Tara Parker Pope presents an alternative “physical ideal” for women: 80-year-old Estelle Parsons, who regularly lifts weights, swims and bikes. A better and more realistic example, perhaps, but I say, why must we have a physical ideal at all? As Naomi Wolf writes,

“We do not need to change our bodies, we need to change the rules… You do not win by struggling to the top of a caste system, you win by refusing to be trapped within one at all. The woman wins who calls herself beautiful and challenges the world to truly see her.”

Setting a woman like Dara Torres and the kind of physique only Michelangelo could sculpt as the new “physical ideal” for women only sets an impossibly high bar to reach even higher. The tragedy is that women never stop trying to grasp what they can never reach.

Cheeseburger of the Month: Build-a-Burger

2008-08-08T14:52:38Z

Our burger of the month comes from a spot in Santa Monica, California called The Counter where you can build your own burger. This cheeseburger lover built hers with the following ingredients:

1/3 pound beef patty
gruyere cheese
avocado
grilled onion and tomato
all on a wheat bun!

The reader who submitted this burger said it was one of the best burger she ever had, calling the burger, and I quote “The bomb!” EAC thanks you for sharing your bomb burger with us!

Keep eating those cheeseburgers people and don’t forget to submit your favorite burgers to tiffabees@yahoo.com

Have a great weekend,
Tiffabee

Marked by Life

2008-08-08T10:32:17Z

So, lately (as in the last 35+ years), I've been feeling the familiar insecurity about my appearance.
This morning, while walking, it occurred to me that what I've generally been uncomfortable with is the feeling that I can't hide in what I look like. Sure, some people do. But I often feel entirely transparent, as though what I look like tells the story of my life, my genes, my struggles, my defeats.
Body modification is one way that people decide to take an active role in changing the story that people see, and to some extent, so is weight loss, so is body building, so is dressing in a particular style.
But me, short, fat, curly haired, babyfaced with wrinkles me -- I just feel like I'm so easy to read.

Which is only partly true. There's a whole lot about me that people couldn't guess just by looking.

What feels true for me is that what I look like is a reflection of the ways in which I've been dumb lucky and the ways I've not dodged certain bullets.

One example of my luck: I don't have any cavities. Not because I'm some dental perfectionist. It's genes, access to good nutrition as a kid, and probably the fluoride in the water when I was growing up.
One example of my not-as-luckiness: My body seems really comfortable at this size -- just over 5 feet, and right around 220 pounds -- that's with regular exercise and intuitive eating, within a context, more or less, that means I control my diabetes well while on oral medication. This isn't inherently bad, just makes life somewhat more challenging, and means that I'm seen as fat, for all the negative and positive stereotypes that go along with it.

So, my genes, my classification as white, my life, my age, my style of dress, my income, education, religion, I think these are all things that people can probably read from a mile away. But how they interpret these things, and the doors that are open or closed (or slightly ajar) to me on that basis, are what I worry about.

Insight

2008-08-08T11:48:32Z

Over a few weeks, I got into a rhythm with this round of revision of my novel. I had already gone through the manuscript, moved big chunks around, marked passages with ideas or just the desire for more depth, and made a table listing all of the chapters with their dates (refining an effective grasp on when actual events happened and how that relates to the narrative needs of the novel has definitely been one of the ongoing challenges; for instance, how to keep continuity and a sense of urgency when I'm making leaps of years...), bullet lists of each chapter's content, and ideas for editing. I'd never done anything like that before, and it really helped me to have a way to see the structure of the book at a glance.

The book had twenty five chapters at the start of this revision, and twenty three at the end of it. The first four chapters went more slowly, but I got into a rhythm of revising a chapter a day. Since my lap top crashed, and I work much better out of the apartment, I was going to the public library every morning with with folders full of paper. Every morning, working in 45 minute chunks with 15 minute breaks (I love that!) I'd read and edit what I'd done the day before, then start to work on the next chapter. When I finished, I'd usually swim or go somewhere on the trike, then at night at home, I'd type up the changes I'd made and print them out to read the next morning.

I was pretty immersed, and making big changes (I've cut more than seventy pages over the course of two revisions), and it became pleasurable in a kind of light, stringent way. I kept getting clear ideas that seemed simple and right to me about things that I'd been struggling with, in the pool or on the trike or in bed. A lot of the work was about pushing the emotional and dramatic tension that I feel pulsing so strongly in the story closer to the surface so that it helps pull the reader with human urgency through a story about religion in the eighteenth century. No one else has read the whole manuscript yet, but I've got some really strong, good response to the beginning of the book. (I knocked on the side of the wooden drawer of my desk when I said that. No jinx.)

Last week I read an article in the The New Yorker about scientists trying to trace how insight works in the brain. Here's an abstract of the article. I was interested because a lot of what the journalist, Jonah Lehrer, was describing was consistent with the experience I was having of solving difficult problems in the book. This is one thing I found interesting:

[Psychologist Jonathan] Scholler had demonstrated that it was possible to interfere with insight by making people explain their thought process while trying to solve a puzzle -- a phenomenon he called "verbal overshadowing." This made sense to Jung-Beeman, since the act of verbal explanation would naturally shift activity to the left hemisphere, causing people to ignore the more subtle associations coming from the right side of the brain.

For me, something about that feels true, even if everything is happening in words.

Lessons for the youngest school children — what can make you weak, diseased, fat, and deviant

2008-08-08T05:06:00Z

Between February and May, 2001, an experiment was conducted on nineteen underprivileged minority teen boys incarcerated in a residential school by the Florida court system. They were made to participate in a psychological experiment and without the fully informed consent of their parents. The experiment was not conducted by a medical doctor, nor a licensed practitioner in child development or

Water ~ Natural Resource or Natural Diet-Aid?

2008-08-08T02:30:34Z

Okay. I’ll admit it. I’m addicted to water. I don’t drink coffee or soda (maybe once a month; if I’m ready to face the gut-churning consequences of the caffeine). I rarely drink milk and can’t really stand most fruit juices (I’d rather eat fruit than drink it!). But I LOVE the feel of cool water [...]

This is why I VOTE and why we all MUST!

2008-08-08T13:25:00Z

This is the story of our Grandmothers, and Great-grandmothers, as they lived only 90 years ago. It was not until 1920 that women were granted the right to go to the polls and vote. Thus unfolde...

The Myth of Childhood Obesity and Other Fat Facts

2008-08-07T23:30:25Z

Debbie says:

Laurie is out of town at a jewelry show, so I’m blogging alone for a while. Fortunately, I have experts in my corner to help me out. Paul Campos, fat activist extraordinaire and author of the superb The Obesity Myth, blogging at Lawyers, Gun$, and Money, has been looking into the “childhood obesity epidemic.” I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised by just how trumped-up this so-called epidemic is, but apparently I’m still capable of being naive.

Campos uses another scare article about childhood obesity, this article focusing on the issue of prescribing statins (anti-cholesterol drugs) to eight-year-olds as a jumping-off point.

Newsflash! The epidemic is a social construct with no basis in fact, let alone health data. As he says, “As per usual the piece includes no explanation of the current definitions of overweight and obesity in children, let alone any hint of where those definitions come from, or why they might be controversial.”

Some history: Until about a decade ago, there was no medical definition of overweight or obesity in children. The Body Mass Index definitions for adults (BMI 25 = overweight, BMI 30 = obese) were considered inappropriate for kids, in part because BMI correlates positively with height in children (taller children have marginally higher BMI than shorter kids). Another reason was that there was very little data on correlations between weight and health risk in children.

As UCLA sociologist Abigail Saguy has suggested, the current concern over body weight displays many of the features of a moral panic — and moral panics often end up focusing on children.

So definitions were created. A complex bureacratic process at the Centers for Disease Control, which was beginning to get into obesity panic in a big way, ended up spitting out the following labels: kids in the 95th percentile of body mass for their age would be declared “overweight,” while those in the 85th and up would be labeled “at risk for overweight.”

Now a question that might occur to you is, if these are the definitions, why do I keep reading stories in the New York Times about how 30% of America’s children are “overweight?” How is that statistically possible? The answer is that, for those who are profiting from the panic over an “epidemic of childhood obesity,” the great disadvantage of these definitions is that they don’t allow for epidemics, which are by definition increases over some statistical baseline.

This problem was solved by using data from the National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey . This is the best data pool available on the health of the American population: NHANES has followed a statistically representative sample of Americans for several decades now. By examining the early versions of NHANES, it was possible to compare the weight of children today to those from the 1960s and 1970s. This data shows that in the late 1990s around 30% of children had a body mass that would have been in the 85th percentile or higher in the early NHANES surveys. Bingo: Epidemic!

There’s more, including some familiar but underpublicized concerns about statins for adults, let alone children. I’m resisting the temptation to simply reprint the whole article. Read the comments, too; some are very intelligent and others show just how hard it is to rebut convictions with facts.

In other news, One Fat Momma writes about how fat people can’t emigrate to New Zealand. She doesn’t give much in the way of details, but here’s one corroborating story.

Finally, the irrepressible Marilyn Wann, author of Fat!So? has found a characteristically Wann-ian response to fat people being declared illegal in Japan.

Hi. My name is Marilyn Wann. I invite you to help me send 1,000 fat cranes to Japan, to promote Health At Every Size and celebrate weight diversity.

Today, August 6, I officially announce the 1,000 Fat Cranes project.

All of the instructions for folding a fat origami crane should be available in the photos and videos area of this site.

I would like to thank and honor Sandy Schaffer, who invented the fat origami fold, with 3 key alterations to the traditional flying crane. Sandy is a fat activist and fitness trainer in New York City. Thank you, Sandy!

I intend to fold a fat crane or two for Marilyn, and I hope you do as well.

Thanks to Lizzy L. for the Paul Campos pointer, and to Tracee Sioux of Empowering Girls: So Sioux Me for the New Zealand link.

As Seen On TV: Fad Exercise Equipment

2008-08-07T20:34:05Z

I work in a giant, brightly decorated cubicle with two other people, and we often pass the days sending each other links to amusing things or dorky things or talking about the latest episode of Project Runway. Actually that all happened today.

But the other thing that happened today was one of us, and I’m not naming any names, saying she really wanted to buy this thing, an electric ab workout called the Contour Core Sculpting System.

Other fitness products that are apparently a source of entertainment in this cube are the Torso Tiger and the Gazelle (the key seems to be to name your product after an animal).

I always assume these are scams and colossal wastes of money, that they make their money by offering you a “30-day free trial” and then gouging you for shipping (which is often nonrefundable), or counting on a large percentage of people letting the 30 days slip away, even once they realize they’ve been had. I guess I see stuff like this as a part of the giant monolithic industry of irresponsible “too good to be true” quick-fix products, and I wish people would stop buying them.

I don’t have anything against exercise equipment per se; in fact, I’m still waiting for Precor to send me that free elliptical machine for my house. It’s just that these things seem flimsy, cheap, ineffective and—especially the ones with gimmicks like electricity—just a sucker’s bet, a 2008 version of the vibrating fat belt. But what do you think? Have you ever bought anything like this? Would you ever be tempted to?

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Much Ado About Faye

2008-07-22T20:23:00Z

So, my old post about Faye on Questionable Content was posted in the Questionable Content forum, in this thread (Warning: lots of anti-fat comments). This is the biggest publicity my blog has ever had outside of the fatosphere. There have been lots of comments for the Faye post, and I've decided to write a new post on all this to sort of clarify my views.

I know many people won't read the entire post, so I'm going to make one point right now. If I wrote the post again today, I'd probably write differently, but I can't say I disagree with anything I wrote. Some FA bloggers have disagreed on my point of view and told me they find Faye a positive role model, while others have found her more offensive than I have. There are different possible readings of Faye, and this one is mine. I sincerely doubt that I'd change my mind on Faye overnight if I were to lose weight. To some extent, we all read everything through our own life experience and identity. But your life experience and identity don't change if you diet. You still know what it's like to be a fat person - or more precisely, you still remember how you experienced being a fat person.

There's a cultural stereotype at work here: if you complain about the depiction of anyone in any work of fiction, you're "taking it too seriously", and that means you have a problem with the issue and/or no sense of humor. It's never a valid criticism, or a calm analysis; it's hysterical overreacting to something that's supposed to be funny. Those who laugh at the joke have a high self esteem, a good sense of humor and are overall more balanced, intelligent people. I don't agree with this idea; I find it an easy excuse to escape cultural criticism and avoid any real thinking and analysis. I also find it more than a little ironic that people keep telling me that I'm overreacting or even obsessing over a comic - based on a post I wrote 1,5 years ago and haven't revisited much.

As for my motto - "Because I want to feel relaxed in my body" - if you read that as saying, "I feel 100 % relaxed and confident in my body", read again. I haven't tried to belittle my own issues on the subject; I'm not completely OK with my figure, even after giving it a lot of thought, and I don't have a very high self esteem. But if I felt completely anxious, I wouldn't be able to write this blog. Being able to work through these issues and respond to the media's portrayal of fat people helps me to find my place in the world and appreciate what I've got. Most people - including most slim people - have issues with their body, andI think everyone would benefit from thinking of body image issues a bit further.

For my convenience and yours, I ask that any possible future comments be added here, not at the old thread. Before you comment, please read my comments policy. I'm no longer publishing attacking comments. If you're personally offended by fat acceptance, you can always start your own blog or complain in a forum; this is not the place to vent your hatred against us. I have responded to some of the criticisms against FA in this post. I have not published, and will not publish, any comments that simply amount to "who the hell cares". If you don't fucking care, don't fucking post.

So, on to the responses. There have been some very contradicting views of how Faye has been depicted. I'd like to point out that I have nothing against Jeph Jacques as a person and don't believe he's trying to be mean or hurtful about fat people. I do, however, consider his portrayal of Faye to be somewhat misguided. I don't think it comes off as positively as he had meant it, and I think there are some double standards at work here. It's just a loaded issue and you can't really write about it without taking some kind of stand.

stacia said:

The overall problem is that a woman's body type is used as an indicator of her character, morals, and worth. Combined with the current cultural idea that fat in and of itself is a negative thing which also allegedly indicates the worth of a person, a woman who is not fat -- but isn't skinny, either -- means you get a lot of people with messed-up ideas of what's acceptable.

This is a very good point. I've definitely noticed that everyone - including Jeph Jacques - has a different idea of whether the fat jokes on Faye are acceptable and why/why not. I was particularly surprised by Brooke's reading :

It's always seemed pretty clear to me that the cast of qc is exaggerating faye's weight "problem" because they know it's not really a problem.

It's not something I had thought of, and it's certainly possible that this is what Jacques was trying to convey. However, I think there's a flaw to this logic. Pointing out someone's relative chubbiness compared to others does single them out and make them the "other", while skinny is the "norm". There have been instances where I wouldn't have paid attention to, say, an actor's weight if it hadn't been pointed out by other viewers, but after it's been pointed out, I always pay attention. I think statements like "this girl is chubby" have a lot of power. We might start seeing them that way even if that wasn't our original impression of them. This has definitely been my experience with Faye. james mentions something to similar effect:

The jokes/comments then become more than just expressions of the catty back-and-forth of dialog: they're reminders to the audience of how the characters should be interpreted by the mind's eye.

Or not. I just remember never realizing there WAS a difference in the gals' sizes until the dialog forced me to actually check.

It could well be, but isn't it a weakness with the art of the comic if you need to state their size difference verbally? stacia thinks so:

As far as I can see, QC's content is entirely made up of played-out tropes about women, written by a young white guy who hasn't seen as much of the world as he thinks he has, by someone who isn't able to accurately draw a certain body type and who has to rely on stale dialogue instead.

These are strong words, but I've definitely thought that myself. I don't think Jacques means to be offensive, I just think his view of the world is limited. marisa, on the other hand, argues that Faye's shape is a sign of Jacques' artistic improvement:

Faye's weight didn't change until his drawing ability improved, at which time he did make the choice of having a central character be a normal weight.

So he may fall short of the mark as far as truly making weight a non-issue, but he did at least try, which is more than can be said for the long history of comic artists.

I agree that Jeph's drawing style has drastically improved. However, as for the body types, I'm concerned that we're settling for too little in this department. As a culture, we're expected to be happy with one normalweight character and see that as a sign of body acceptance. I took this comment to mean that many other comic artists draw skinny figures only, and that it's somehow unusual that a webcomic features a normalweight girl. If that is so, I think at the very least, this one normalweight girl should be treated as normal, not as someone whose weight is a constant joke in the comic. I wouldn't mind occasional references, but QC takes it a bit far for my taste.

tom quoted Jeph Jacques himself, whose response to my criticism was:

"The thing that gets overlooked literally EVERY TIME some girl gets upset about Faye's body-image issues or the way I portray her is that SHE IS THE BIGGEST LOVE INTEREST IN THE COMIC. Marten spent what, FIVE HUNDRED STRIPS lusting after her? She had absolutely no trouble hooking up with Sven, whom I have clearly written to have unrealistic, ridiculous standards for ladies? Angus is possibly OBSESSED with her? Hell even Dora has made it clear that, were Faye to swing that way, she would happily make out.

Faye may be uncomfortable with her body but the one thing I definitely do not portray her as is unattractive or undesirable."

This sounds more than a bit angry, and I'm not sure how to read that. Either Jacques really meant well and is irritated that someone sees his work as offensive, or he really meant to make fun of chubby girls and doth protest too much. Either way, I don't think the "but Faye is a major love interest" defense really validates the fat jokes. Mind you, I think it's great that she is a love interest, as opposed to a lonely "spinster" who eats instead of having a relationship. But my point wasn't that she's unattractive and undesirable - in fact, I stated that guys do find her hot, with a link to prove it, so I don't think Jaqcues even read what I had written. The point of fat acceptance is not that we'll make all the fat girls desirable or something. It doesn't matter if men find fat women desirable or not. It matters that fat people get the same opportunities, rights and treatment as slim people.

Balisarius, Brooke, Pete D and marisa all commented on how the reality of the strip simply reflects our own reality. My take is that there is no objective reality; we all see life differently. Nor do I think a comic artist is simply trying to convey reality as best he can. There's always exaggeration and parody in a comic, and the humor always shows the writer's personal biases. I can understand that someone sees QC as completely realistic in this respect. This isn't my experience of life as a chubby/average/fat (meaning I've been all those types, not that I see them as one and the same) girl, but then maybe my experience is atypical. I wouldn't know.

Since we're talking about a comic, there's also a visual side to the creation. A comic artist decides what the average person looks like. The women on QC are predominantly tall and skinny, which also happens to be the beauty ideal these days. I don't think this is a coincidence. We all live in a world full of verbal and visual cues that state "thin=beautiful". I think we can agree that thin is not the most common body type in our reality. Faye's body - or a body bigger than hers - would be the norm, while Doras and Hannelores would be in the minority, if we were to strictly use the diversity seen in the "real world". I definitely don't take issue with thin women - I would, for example, find it offensive if ALL thin women in a comic were either anorexics or obnoxious bitches. But I do take issue with their depiction as the ideal or the norm. Bodies are individual and no one's body type should be made into "ideal" or, on the other hand, "unacceptable".

kayla felt I was focusing too much on Faye's body issues and not seeing that it goes on with Dora as well:

I think there's a bit of a double standard here. Faye takes just as many shots at Dora for her body size as well. Both of them deal with catty remarks for being "too fat" or "too skinny" and I don't think there really is a deep malicious tone in it. It's just pointing out their traits. I hear ginger jokes day in and out for my red hair but I'm not crying foul.

I do think there are more fat jokes than skinny jokes on QC. Dora, Hannelore, Penelope and Raven - who, as alia rightly pointed out, is sometimes drawn as just as chubby as Faye - have all commented on Faye's body, but she's alone against them, and I don't remember there being as much commentary on theirs. Faye's body has also received less positive commentary. Think about it - sure, Sven has the hots for her, but he did sing that song to her about "big bottomed girls". A lot of the comic's humor is derived from that very thing - commentary not only on bodies in general, or the female characters' bodies, but Faye's body in particular, most of the time, with few stray remarks at Dora, Penelope, etc. But I challenge you to find me enough links to thin jokes that would prove me wrong.

On a more general level: yes, thin girls are commented on too, but it's not the exact same thing. "Thin" is not seen as a negative personality trait in the same way "fat" is; fat people are generally thought to be lazy, greedy, lacking in self control, etc. Such qualities are not attached to thin people. Often, when a thin woman's body is criticized, it's done to show preference for "natural" or "real" women, which I don't endorse. Some women are naturally thin and look good that way, and there is nothing wrong with that. However, our culture does prefer thin to fat or average, and therefore it inspires a lot of envy. That's where I think most of the comments against thin women stem from. Hair color is a completely different issue that doesn't really compare with weight remarks. No one's going to expect you to change hair colors through sheer willpower, and people don't generally consider people with a certain hair color to be lazy, etc.

alia didn't agree with my reading that Faye's weight is an issue:

you ask "Why can't she be a little bigger than the other girls without it being an issue?" but what i don't understand is how you can ask that when you answered it before with a quote by m. jacques: "Ain't nothin' wrong with being a curvy gal." There is no issue.

Jacques also wrote, in that same quote, that she eats more [junk food] than the other girls. So he sees her body type as a result of her eating habits, not as her natural shape, at least based on that quote (unless it was sarcasm, but in that case he might have made it more clear). I also tend to think that if there really were no issue, her weight wouldn't be mentioned that much. I'm not even sure how to read Jacques' quote - is it sarcasm? Is it a fat joke (he does mention she just likes to eat more [junk food]? To read it as simply "there is no issue" is a bit of a stretch.

alia continues:

Lastly, I resent that because Faye is a bit self-concious, she is not "truly sassy." The word "sassy" refers to the manner and tone in which a person talks and acts. I feel as a girl just as curvy as Faye with issues about MY body that this is insulting. Faye IS truly sassy, she is never "depressed by her growing pants size" and comments of her size and she has never even tried "to be like Dora." Everybody's entitled to their own insecurities, it's what makes us human.

I agree that we all have our insecurities, even the sassiest of people. However. When a female character is sassy, she's usually secretly insecure and troubled. This, to me, is anti-feminist and shows an attitude that women who are sassy are just covering up for their problems. It's not a problem with Jeph Jacques, exactly; it's a problem with clichés about sassy women, and with the way we see women in general. Let's take another example, a character who's not chubby - Starbuck on Battlestar Galactica. Starbuck (played by Katee Sackhoff) does a man's job - fighter pilot -, she's sassy and a "one of the guys" type girl. Like Faye, she's a major love interest on the show. But but. She has a troubled relationship with her mother. Her dead mother. Who demanded way too much of her and probably beat her and whatnot. Did I mention she has something of an alcohol problem? (To those who don't read QC: Faye drinks a lot and her father killed himself when she was a teenager. She goes to therapy for depression.)

So "truly sassy" - I've always taken it to mean someone with real self confidence that shows through their behavior. I don't think that's Faye. I do think the comics I linked to show her feeling bad - maybe depressed is an exaggeration - about her pants splitting, and saying how Dora and Raven are hotter than her. I don't think it's implied that Dora feels similarly about Faye's body.

Paul discussed owning up to your problems and fixing them:

If people really want to go off on how bad their problems are - they should read up on Martin Luther King Jr. a little. His problems were what many attitudes today would deem "insurmountable" - but he ignored the naysayers, stepped up, and did what had to be done to fix the problems he saw. There was no secret pill to fix the problems he had, no "quick fix" like many today are waiting for.

I read this a few times and I'm still not quite sure what part of my post you're referring to. I wasn't saying that Faye is a misrepresentation of my problems. I don't see Faye as a representation of a fat woman - she's an average sized woman with an hourglass figure, nowhere near my size or body type (I have an apple body). The problems she faces are problems of being seen as fat when she isn't really, which isn't my problem, as I am fat. My friends don't make jokes about my weight either, so this doesn't have anything to do with my situation. The allusion to problems I made was in relation to "Faye's weight is made into a problem, which it shouldn't be".

Martin Luther King, Jr. was a civil rights activist. It's interesting that you should bring him up here, since this is a civil rights blog, yet you seem to be saying I should just put up, shut up, and lose that weight instead of complaining. How would that make me like him? What if MLK had just shut up and dealt with his problems quietly without asking society to change? Who do you think is more like him: a fat person who loses the weight like s/he is told to do, or a fat person who fights against discrimination and talks about the issues in public?

I hope that addressed most of the concerns in the comments. Comment if you have more questions or criticisms.

Truth in online personals advertising

2008-08-07T17:11:17Z

I’ve never much been attracted to tall, really slender guys. Most of the men I’ve dated tended to be broader and huskier in build. And out of some no doubt deep-seated psychological compulsion to piss off my conservative mother, half the guys I’ve dated have also been of non-Caucasian ethnicity and one was just two years younger than she. So, it came as somewhat of a surprise when the man I fell in love with and later married was not only the whitest white boy I’ve ever met (he doesn’t tan, he burns… bad), he was also so tall and skinny I could count his pronounced ribs at eye-level.

Love works in mysterious ways, as they say, but only if you give it a chance.

Savage Love advice columnist Dan Savage sent a lot of troll traffic my way last year, but I harbor no hard feelings and in fact, I still read his column. Outside of our views on weight, I find myself nodding my head in agreement with most else of what Dan writes, and I appreciate and admire the fact that he uses his bully pulpit to spread awareness of social justice issues. Shinobi recently expressed concerns about some of Dan’s weight-related comments, but I think his reply today to Fretting About Traumatic Situation Obsessively was fair and even considerate, given his dismal track record on issues of women and weight. Letter-writer FATSO met a woman online who was upfront with him that she is overweight, but sent FATSO older photos of her that did not accurately depict her current body weight. The two met in person and upon seeing that she was “huge,” FATSO “told her as politely as possible that [he] felt her pictures were misleading, that she was bigger than [he]expected, and that [he[ didn’t think it would work.” FATSO still felt like “total shit” for his actions and wrote in to Dan for validation that he isn’t a “bad person.” Dan agreed, and wrote “Misleading photos are unfair to the person misled—it places the person in an awkward position—and sets the sender up for emotionally devastating rejections.”

I don’t think there is ever a “polite” way of telling someone that you don’t find them attractive because they’re fat or look a certain way, and I don’t have to imagine the horror of that kind of situation because I’ve experienced it personally – you can read it here. The entire experience was very hurtful and almost turned me off to online dating completely, but it was also partly avoidable. In my case, the man I met never asked about my weight or intimated that it was remotely important, but I still sent a classic ‘fat girl head shot’ photo that had been taken about four years earlier when I was a good 60 pounds thinner. In my defense, I was very young and inexperienced with dating both online and off, and very insecure about my weight. Had I sent a more honest photo of myself initially, he most likely would have still rejected me, but it would have been through email and not in person and before I had invested so much of myself into a relationship that was never to be.

When I decided to give online dating a go many years later, my goal was to be so completely honest and transparent that I would turn guys off, not on (not that this stopped every lonely single man in Cincinnati from writing me). I was much thinner than when I first attempted online dating, but at 170-pounds, I was still fat by current cultural standards. So, in addition to making myself sound as geek-like and unattractive as possible, I specifically emphasized that I was looking for someone who would accept me as I am. I included a current photo and I screened respondents by the criteria they selected for their “perfect match.” If they specifically excluded any body type other than thin, athletic or average, I usually dismissed them. Although I recommend this kind of filter generally, it’s not always accurate. Brandon had included average-sized women in his search criteria, but specifically excluded fat women. When I called him out on this, he explained that it was because his first girlfriend was fat and very insecure about her body and her insecurities, in turn, affected their relationship. I gave him a free pass and as it turns out, he’s since become a big supporter of fat rights and body size acceptance.

I find it sad that FATSO didn’t give the woman in question a chance based on nothing more than her body weight. Whom and what FATSO finds sexually attractive is his own prerogative, of course, but had I met Brandon and told him, as politely as possible, that I felt his pictures were misleading, that he was taller and skinnier than I expected, and that I didn’t think it would work out based on nothing other than superficial and aesthetic qualities, I would have missed out on the love of my life.

If you were Dan or wrote a similar column, what advice would you have given to FATSO? Or, have you had a similar experience in online dating and/or advice to give to others looking for love online?

Cheeseburger Rule #17: Eat And Enjoy Food!

2008-08-07T15:15:42Z

Image Found Here

As of late, my friends and I have had a thing for red velvet cupcakes from one of our favorite local spots. Last night we were hanging out and got one of our red velvet cravings so we drove on over there and treated ourselves! No feelings of guilt or shame, just pure enjoyment of the yummy treats that life has to offer.

I don’t know about you, but shame and guilt are two things I have associated with food for many years. Whether it be a cupcake, chocolate or any other of my favorite treats, the fear of getting “fat” was usually quite gripping. If I did eat the treat, I usually felt pretty bad either because I “blew” my calorie count for that day or because what I ate was “unhealthy”. So the fact that I ate each scrumptious bite of cupcake last night and felt absolutely no shame or guilt was a huge step for me. (I haven’t felt shame or guilt with food for a while, but last night was when I realized that those feelings were completely gone).

Imagine living a life where food is not the enemy but instead is meant to be enjoyed. What would that look like for you? No more counting calories, no more feeling bad for having a bite of chocolate, no more constant restriction with every single thing you ate.

So here it is, Rule #17: Eat and enjoy food! I realize that this concept might be basic for you veterans, but for those of you who are still associating food with guilt, you really don’t have to do that anymore. Stop associating food with guilt and instead learn to enjoy what life has to offer. Your eyes will be opened to a whole new world if you just let yourself live.

The Y

2008-08-06T19:57:00Z

We joined the Y a few months ago. First I was just going with the kids to swim but then I discovered something wonderful. If you're a member of this Y, there are a whole slew of classes you can take for free. Ok, technically not free, because I'm paying for a family membership, but they're available at no additional charge.

My husband is off his night time teaching job for the summer (so no need for a babysitter) so I admit I went a little nuts. Tai Chi Tuesday and Thursday, meditative Yoga Wednesday, regular meditation Wednesday (before Yoga) and a more intense, work-out Yoga on Friday. I dropped meditation after a few weeks because it was just too much time out of the house on Wednesdays, so right now it's two Yoga sessions and two Tai Chi sessions a week in addition to whatever swimming we get in (I should note that not only is summer my good season, but I'm finally on thyroid meds so I am no longer the miserable lump I was last winter).

It is soooooooooo fun. Seriously. But it's had me thinking a few things on fat acceptance. And me.

Like, you know that body dysmorphia thing where people think they are fatter than they are? Is it possible to have the reverse? In yoga class (the work out one) the first night I was a little nervous to see all these thin women. It was just the little self conscious voice in my head that pops up at odd times. So I was relieved when this woman walked in who was fatter than I am. We yoga'd, I totally killed my abs (though I didn't know that til the next day!) and I had a blast.

(as an aside, It was interesting to find that the very slim and much younger woman next to me was about at the same level of flexibility that I was. And you know, my dh, who has a tummy three times the size of mine, can reach over and touch his toes. Something I've never been able to do, no matter what size I was. Just something to think on)

But to get back to yoga. It turned out the other fat woman was in the meditative yoga class too. That one is held in the dance studio complete with mirror. At one point the instructor had us all facing the mirror. So there I am, staring in the mirror and I find that the woman - the one who was fatter than I was - was not fatter than me. With her standing right next to me it was obvious she was actually a lot smaller than me. Yup, I was the fattest person in the class. Huh.

It didn't bother me at least. Actually, I think I looked pretty damn good in that mirror with fat, voluptuous me balancing on one foot with good form and looking cool. It was just . . . . odd that I don't seem to have an accurate mental image of what size my body is.

Is that bad? Good? Just weird? Maybe just weird.

But on to Tai Chi.

I accidentally signed up for Tai Chi for Arthritis. I don't have arthritis but it's still a lot of fun.

Except the intructor, a really great guy, keeps talking about fat. And how to lose it. And get in shape. Blah blah blah.

Mostly I ignore it because I really just want to get back on track with the exercises but the last class we actually talked awhile and I gave my opinions. He does often say that genetics play a huge part and I was happily surprised to hear that. But he still talks about dieting. He just didn't call it that. The other night I specifically said I don't believe in dieting and he said oh no, he doesn't either. He just tries to "be aware" of what he's eating. Huh. Aware. Sounds like diet talk to me.

But we chatted. Only 2 people showed up that night so it was just the three of us (including the instructor). I said that I felt I ate well. If I want a coke, I get a coke, if I want ice cream, I eat ice cream, but in general, I feel I eat a lot of fruits and veggies and I just feel good about what I eat. Really, cutting out gluten has had more of a change in my health than any amount of junk food or leafy greens ever did. For that reason alone, yeah, I'm pretty "aware" of what I eat nowadays.

On the way to the car my classmate told me how she journals what she eats. She said she used to think she was eating so healthy until she did this. And you know what I said to her? Nothing. She wasn't asking for advice and it's her business what she does with her food. Now if she had told me I should try it I would have explained why it wasn't for me, but she didn't, so I didn't.

All in all, it's been a very supportive experience. Other than the very mild diet talk in Tai Chi, I've been having a great time. No negative experiences with anyone and the staff is great. And next month they are offering Zumba which I'm thinking of trying (does that look like fun or what?).

My only complaint about the Y so far? My bathing suit. I don't know if it's the fact that I'm an H cup or what, but the stupid straps keep rolling over. I need to get a racer back or something but then, those tend to not have bra cups in them and I need those babies held up. Oh well.

Too safe.

2008-08-07T14:00:48Z

You know what I miss about preparing to depart for Burning Man?

The overwhelming sense of danger. The sense that I’m about to partake the single most idiotic plan ever. And the knowledge that afterward I WILL NOT BE THE SAME.

There are, of course, an infinite number of reasons why I’m smitten with my experiences in Black Rock City but among the most important is the feeling of embracing change - putting my arms out for a hug and allowing change to punch me in the face and throw sand in my eyes, and then patting it on the bum as it shuffles away. The kind of change that leaves you smirking and muttering, “That. Was. AWESOME!”

This year, I’m not attending Burning Man. Instead, I’m spending my days attempting to rearrange the foundation of my life while frantically preventing the house from collapsing.

When I am preparing for Burning Man, I have the overwhelming sense that while I’m pursuing change, it’s purusing me. It’s a Spy vs. Spy kind of thing. I dig that. It’s exciting. This year, I feel as though I’ve spent months futilely coaxing change to climb in my window. And the waiting sucks. It makes me want to seek out the den of change and shoot it in the head while it sleeps.

And yet, I know that this quiet, slow, frustrating change is paving the path to future trips home to beautiful Black Rock. And I know, too, that the changes I’m making this year will be just as bold and stunning as the ones I make a pilgrimage to the desert to birth in the dust and wind.

I gotta remember that.

Lift fat people with a crane.

2008-08-07T12:01:14Z

Not the kind of crane you’re thinking. (Puns. Who needs them? I do. ME.)

Marilyn Wann is doing a new project to help out the fat people of Japan (you will have read about them here, here, and here, as well as a few other places.)

The new guidelines in Japan — for which Sandy points out there is no scientific support — will require people whose waistlines exceed the narrow limits, ha-ha, to face “re-education,” and their employers to face stiff financial penalties.

Please warm up your thumbs, sign in to Myspace and go to 1,000 Fat Cranes. Then follow Marilyn’s wonderfully easy photographic and videographic instructions to fold a lovely, chubby paper crane. (Or eight.)

I made mine with a leaf from Fat? So!. My smallest cat then attacked, and ran around the room with, the finished crane. She don’t take no guff from uppity fat birds. (Puns!)

Mail your cranes to Box 423464, San Francisco, CA 94142. Marilyn will send them to Japan when the time is right.

Sometimes, I’m Like a Bull in a China Shop

2008-08-07T11:16:24Z

I looked for an image of an open mouth inserting a foot for this post but I didn’t find one. Recently, I said something that wasn’t nice and I am very sorry that I did that. I am thankful that some of my friends pointed it out to me. Thank you for being willing to hold up a mirror and show me what I look like to others. It isn’t always pretty but I want to hear the truth. This isn’t the first time in my life that I said something that offended someone and I feel quite certain that it won’t be the last. I am too loud in quiet places, I bully gentle people, I am frequently politically incorrect, culturally insensitive and here are some examples which I find particularly embarassing.

When I was a 14 year old Freshman, I announced at the day-after video review of my high school talent show “man that band sucked!” during a particularly non-rhythmic, but really not all that bad, performance by a guitar playing duo. And the two guys were sitting right in front of me.
When I was 20 and I had just moved to New York City, I got invited to a very cool party at a very cool loft. A really cute guy came up to me and asked me if I wanted to dance. I was shaking so hard I could barely breathe. Oh my god he was soooo cute! And if I dance with him he’s gonna touch me! I was completely terrified. “No thank you,” might have been a good choice but instead, I told him about my grandparents immigrating from Europe, my parents messy divorce and just as I finished telling him about the time that I wet my pants sitting at my desk in first grade, he finally just walked away. I think he should have been impressed that I said it all in one breath.
When I was about 25 I whispered to the lady standing next to me at a pot-luck garden party that the potato salad was awful. She let me know that it was her mother’s recipe and that she thought it was perfect. Also, it was her house. And also, her mother had recently died.
Also in high school, at the Miss I will not tell you the name of my high school Beauty Pageant, I was asked by a parent if I thought a particular student would win. I told him that she didn’t have a hope in hell because she stomped across the stage like a bull with hemorrhoids. He was her father.
Just a couple of years ago I told a woman at the memorial service for a dear friend who’d had cancer that I loved her hair. She told me it was a wig and that she met our mutual friend while getting the same treatments.
Another friend with cancer told me that she really wanted support from her friends to keep laughing about the experience and through all of her treatments for the lump in her breast because she believed that laughter would be incredibly healing. I immediately raised my glass of wine and said, “Here’s to you and thanks for the mammaries!” She burst into tears and told everyone that I had made fun of her cancer. I found out that she meant that she wanted to watch funny movies.
I was in a Chinese restaurant and I mimicked the accent of our waitress while she was standing behind me, not that my friends let me know. Later, she “accidentally” spilled an entire glass of water on my lap. To this day I am grateful that she didn’t spill a bowl of egg drop soup. Although she would have been completely justified.
If I come to visit you I will take over your kitchen and cook many meals for you. The upside of this is that you will eat well. The downside of this is that you won’t be allowed back into your kitchen until I leave. This has made me a favorite house guest among some friends, and others won’t ever invite me back. I certainly understand both responses and I honestly doubt my behavior will ever change. By the way, I think butter really isn’t your best choice for that dish. You should try an herb infused oil instead for a more delicate flavor. And don’t slice the garlic too thin or it will taste bitter. And never add oil to pasta water - it’s really just a waste of oil. And don’t get me started on recipes for polenta or we’ll be here for hours.
I tell people how to cook, how to landscape, how to drive and how to raise their children although I have none of my own - but there is nothing that I bully people about more than curly hair. Lord lord lord I sing the praises of Curly Girl with religious intensity. I’ve approached strangers on the street, in restaurants, on public transportation, and in super markets to discuss alcohol free leave-in conditioners, tell them that curly hair should be a “brush free” zone (conditioner and fingers only!) and the benefits of drying your hair with paper towels to avoid frizz.
I also bully women about their bras. Come on girls, point ‘em up and out to God! Lift those titties up off your belly, tighten your straps, shoulders back and march to your own drummer.
When I was 3 years old and dressed as a “fairy godmother” for Halloween I waved my wand and offered to make “dweams come twu.” My mother had been taking driving lessons and she asked for a new car. I said, “NO! You have to get your license first!” So you see, my lack of empathy goes way back.

I’d like to believe that I have learned important life lessons with each of these experiences. I never mock the way a person speaks or walks anymore. Especially not after having worked with and been inspired by “differently abled” children and adults for many years. I absolutely believe that beauty comes in many shapes and sizes. I pretty much keep my mouth shut when it comes to medical conditions and someone’s physical appearance, unless your hair is frizzy and then I need to be held back or possibly beaten with sticks. I praise people for the dedication required to learn a musical instrument no matter how well they play and save the performance reviews for my private diary, or margarita night, whichever comes first.

For the most part people who know me will agree that I am a very loving and funny friend, and I am sometimes also rude, sarcastic and vulgar. There are different aspects of my personality and you can expect that I will continue to be myself.

Adipositivity186

2008-08-07T00:00:00Z

Adipose: Of or relating to fat. Positivity: Characterized by or displaying acceptance or affirmation. MISSION: The Adipositivity Project aims to promote size acceptance, not by listing the merits of big people, or detailing examples of excellence (these things are easily seen all around us), but rather, through a visual display of fat physicality. The sort that's normally unseen. The hope is to widen definitions of physical beauty. Literally. The photographs here are close details of the fat female form, without the inclusion of faces. One reason for this is to coax observers into imagining they're looking at the fat women in their own lives, ideally then accepting them as having aesthetic appeal which, for better or worse, often translates into more complete forms of acceptance. The women you see in these images are educators, executives, mothers, musicians, professionals, performers, artists, activists, clerks, and writers. They are perhaps even the women you've clucked at on the subway, rolled your eyes at in the market, or joked about with your friends. This is what they look like with their clothes off. Some are showing you their bodies proudly. Others timidly. And some quite reluctantly. But they all share a determination in altering commonly accepted notions of a narrow and specific beauty ideal. Bookmark adipositivity.com and check back often, as new photographs are added regularly(ish). And please help spread the message. The Adipositivity Project: Changing attitudes about the aesthetic validity of big women, one fat fanny at a time. ABOUT THE PHOTOGRAPHER: Substantia Jones’ photography has been exhibited in galleries and museums throughout the US East Coast, and has appeared in The New York Times, Time Out New York, and some other publications she can’t recall at this time, but you probably haven’t heard of them anyway. She is biographied in the 2006 Who’s Who in America (though under the name her momma gave her), and back in the day, she won some photography awards which would sound somewhat Mayberry if listed here, but at the time, they damn near made her cry. Still kinda do. She lives in Manhattan, where she also sometimes steps out (more like lays around) in front of the camera, and on some of those occasions, the snapping is done by her trusty sidekick, Dr. H, who also fetches her banana popsicles and maintains her muse, a certain pancake colored dog who’s asked that his name not be mentioned on the Internet. Ms. Jones likes crispy calamari, Squidbillies, and the ika okonomiyaki from Otafuku in the East Village, if only the lines weren’t so long. ANNOUNCING: TAP Shop is now open! To mark the first 100 Adipositivity Project images and to answer those who've asked for T-shirts, calendars, and posters, a CafePress shop has been set up with the requested items, as well as mugs, bumper stickers, mousepads and greeting cards. Yeah. Went a little crazy there. So go get your merch on! Visit TAP Shop Current TAP Shop Special CafePress Coupons Thou shalt not reproduce without permission. Except for babies. Make all o' them you want. © The Adipositivity Project 2008

Japanese researchers find no support for healthy weight guidelines

2008-08-07T00:33:00Z

The BMIs that have been deemed by the World Health Organization as ‘healthy’ among Asians actually put people at higher risks for premature death, found Japanese researchers. WHO recommends that Asians maintain lower BMIs than Western populations, less than 23 kg/m2. But national health statistics, from the NIPPON DATA80 Study of Japanese men and women followed for 19 years, found "no support

Fat Cranes

2008-08-07T01:45:00Z

No, this isn't about construction equipment. Think Oragmi cranes. 1,000 of them to be specific.

Fat activist Marilyn Wann is organizing a protest of the Japanese government's recent efforts to monitor fat people in Japan. The project is to send 1,000 fat cranes to leaders in Japan to promote "Health at Every Size" and weight diversity. Its a very unique action project and I encourage you all to check out their MySpace page to learn more.

An Open Letter.

2008-08-06T16:22:00Z

I don't know if it's because there are fucktons of tourists in Seattle right now, or because I am somehow more visible than usual but people who are probably nice and smart folks have said some really fucking stupid things to me lately. So an open letter to middle aged white people, black people, and all the rest of humanity who feels the need to pipe up and talk to yours truly.

Dear Humanity,
Hi, how are you? I'm all right but I think we need to have a little discussion. I'll try to be gentle.

I realize humans, that I am probably not the black lady you're used to seeing wherever you come from. I get that. I have a facial piercing, I wear bright make up, I dress in black 99% of the time, I have a tendency to look pissed off as I'm hustling down the street. And of course I live in Seattle. I get you might be mystified or intrigued or whatever. I get it.

However. Don't be butthurt if I am not immediately impressed and awed by your Vote Obama button. I honestly don't give a tin shit that you're voting for Obama. Voting decisions aren't popularity contests, and they aren't ways to make me think that you must love us black folks. Also, I don't want to hear strangers wax poetic about the majesty and wonder of the good ole US of A because there is a black man in a major election. Don't blow rainbows up my ass about it and I won't want to stomp on your instep. Yes, it's exciting however, there are things to be worried about and this does not herald the end of racism by a long stretch.

Also, please stop with the sidelong staring. Yes I can see you. And when I catch you don't give me a wide eyed OMG look, know you're being rude.

Next thing since we're talking about staring. Black folks, my people, my brethren and sistren I don't want to hear your shit. I don't want to hear you are somehow offended by my reading habits, mode of dress, public presentation, frantic scribbling in a notebook, etc. Is all that necessary? Is there really some point to telling all your friends all about how much you don't approve? Fuck off. No seriously fuck off. You my friends are just as guilty of stereotyping and whole heartedly embracing the bullshit fed to you by the American culture. Being a black woman does not add up to a single experience and like I will tell every other person on the planet, difference does not equal some type of abandonment, denial, or selling out of my color and heritage.

If you want to know no, I am not "too good" or think I'm "above" you by me not speaking to you. My commute time is spent decompressing and enjoying my books. I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to talk to anybody at that point. And quite frankly it's none of your goddamn business who I do speak to, where I sit etc.

And not to leave anyone out, it's a tad insulting to sit by someone on the bus, read over their shoulder then move away in a huff. Yes what I'm reading may not be your cup of tea but that is fucking rude.

Also rude, sitting and throwing elbows and ass all over the place. Riding the bus can be enough of a pain in the ass as it is, understand how to not step on, elbow, jam your ass crack in peoples face. And gentleman oh yes you, I am glad you really love your balls, if you are going commando rock on with your bad self however, if you are going to stand on the bus shoving your crotch eye level with your fellow passengers is just unpleasant.

Nobody wants to get to know you that well for forty five minutes. And if you're going to go sans drawers, please keep your bike shorts to yourself, and wear a fucking belt I don't want to see strange balls on my way home.

When you encounter a human like myself, if you want to hit on me please don't say or do any of the following:

1.)Ask me if my lip ring means I'm freaky.
2.)Comment in any way shape or form my supposed sexual prowess based on what I'm wearing or what I'm reading.
3.)Annoy me with stupid questions like (if I've got a book in my hand and headphones on) "Do you like to read?", "Where do you live?" etc.
4.)Tell me that you don't like white women. WTF I don't fucking care.
5.)Ask me if I'm a witch, a voodoo princess, a Baptist or something. It's none of your business.

You want to get my non pissed off attention, say hello. If I don't respond positively walk away. If I do engage in conversation say none of the things mentioned above.

Also, if I never ever have someone call me "exotic" ever again I'll be one thankful little fatass. No really I will.

Other things.

If you want to talk about my hair don't pretend white people that it is just like yours because it's clearly not. And you wanting to say it is, or think it is, doesn't make you some anti racist super hero it makes you irritating. That said, don't automatically discount anything I say when it comes to hair because mine is different than yours.

Additionally, I am not (despite rum ours to the contrary) Divine Empress of all Black People. My experience of being a fat black woman is not just like any one else's and that's just how it is. Frightening I know, but that's reality.

On the face of it humanity, we have an ok relationship. However, a lot of you are on my shitlist. It's a little personal, a little political and a little just plain I don't fucking like you.

I know it's shocking. And someone out there in the big wide world might have hurt feelings but that's not my issue and I just don't care.

My point here is that regardless of what outer trappings you may be displaying, how you're flagging, the color of your skin I am not obligated to like you, talk to you or otherwise let you into the little bubble that makes up my world.

Are we good?

Love Shannon.

Now that's out of the way I've got some work safe and not so work safe links for you. I'll do the work safe ones first and then warn you when there are boobies.

First up, via Needled there is now a tattoo magazine for people of color. I have been reading tattoo magazines for just about 15 years and have always ALWAYS had that sad feeling that there were rarely people of color, and issues for people with color and tattooing were hardly ever covered or discussed. I do take issue that it's "Urban" tattoo, but whatever. That's a whole other story and everything has to start somewhere.

Also, I made a list of top 500 political women bloggers. See part of the list (I'm on there) here. That is pretty awesome I don't think I've ever been on a list like that. At least that I know of.

BFB turned 8 yesterday. That is pretty fucking awesome too. That is pretty cool. Congrats Paul.

Rachel posted a link to a really um, yeah video featuring the asshole behaviour of Ted Nugent and (shit this makes me a sad beasty) Anthony Bourdain. Ted Nugent, I'm not surprised really. But Mr. Bourdain, seriously? For fuck sake. So yeah. No more crotch tinglies and fantasizing about being fed delicious treats from far flung places by Mr. Bourdain.

If you skip any of these links don't skip this one. Julia wrote a really wonderful piece at Fatshionista about being fat and black. I have some thoughts but not today.

Tara announced that there will be a caucas for people of color at NOLOSE this year read all about it here.

Via Men At Large there's a link to a really fantastic photospread of different athletes and their varying body types at the New York Times Magazine. Absolutely worth a looksy.

Curvaceous Dee(okay not so work safe from here on out) wrote a tasty tasty entry about her husband kissing another man. Hotness right there.

My homie Distorria has some really lovely pictures up at her new photoblog. I have been working up to doing something like that myself but I've yet to get my space/set up right to do it.

Audacia Ray featured sexy blogger Wanton Maleness over at Naked City. I've been reading him for awhile and yes, he is hawt.

Monk does some Navel Gazing. And honestly he was a cutie bigger, and is still pretty hot. And yes, I still totally have a thing for him.

There is an awesome interview with fetish diva of hotness Midori up over at Circlet Press. Tasty. That's all I'm gonna say.

Um.

I think that's it actually. Tomorrow beauty, with some pics of my look today because I love it. I'm wearing a very simple Mac Viz a Violet look. I used Viz a Violet all over my lid and a little over my crease, then I used my Aromaleigh mixing medium stuff and made a custom liquid liner out of Mac's Bright fuschia pigment, finished with a buttload of black mascara and some black pencil liner on my lower lashes. Soft pink shiny lips. Which reminds me I need a new better clear glitter lipgloss. I might go with a Wet N wild gel gloss thingy if they still make it.

And I will make Uniballer take a picture of my outfit. I feel very sexy, elegant summertime goth. I'm wearing a pair of very nice Torrid slacks, a pixie hemmed stretchy slinky top with a tie at the cleavage so you can go from a little to a lot, and my trusty Mary Janes. And I'm still rocking my awesome ballerina style bun.

So tomorrow, hair make up and pictures. No post Friday probably because I'm going to a wedding. So sexy times advice soon I promise. I feel a lot better thanks to my aforementioned old school (think P.E) style stretches before bed and prior to heading out the door on my walk to start my workday commute.

Um. Yeah I'm done. Although tonight. I am totally painting my nails silver. And a picture of their current Chanel Vamp knock off hotness.

Homo Out.

Hear COFRA's Carrie on Oregon Public Radio!

2008-08-07T00:01:09Z

Tomorrow, COFRA's Carrie Padian will be featured on Oregon Public Broadcasting's Think Out Loud program from 9-10am Pacific time. The show is streamed live on the website, or you can grab the podcast.

More information on the subject is right here.

One year down!

2008-08-06T23:38:39Z

HAPPY BIRTHDAY 1ST BIRTHDAY DEAR BLOG,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

Raining again

2008-08-06T20:25:19Z

My doctrine shall drop as the rain, my speech shall distill as the dew, as the small rain upon the tender herb, and as the showers upon the grass. Deuteronomy 32:2

Clothes!

2008-08-06T21:20:53Z

Today Feministe linked to a simply HILARIOUS rant by some guy claiming that jeans are a feminsit vehicle causing gender confusion. Or something. I wasn’t totally clear. But it was funny.

Anyway, this reminded me of my current dilemma, plus I am tired of reading about politics. So lets talk about Clothing!!!!

I don’t really feel confident in pants. In large part because I am INCREDIBLY pear shaped. I have great big thighs and muscular calves (because I don’t walk properly, I walk on my toes.) And tiny delicate ankles. So yeah… my whole body makes no sense. I guess in theory since I don’t want to show off my legs I should want to wear pants, right? But pants seem to just draw ridiculous amounts of attention to my gigantic ass belly and thighs.

I used to like the flare legged jeans that Lane Bryant sold, feeling that they tended to balance out my ample middle. But now they only have bootlegged jeans in the new style, and the waist always feels tight on me no matter how big the rest of them get.

In an ideal world I would wear mostly casual skirts. A few years ago I bought a great jersey knit skirt with a hankerchief hem. It’s casual, but can be dressy, and I wear it ALL THE FREAKING TIME. Also it fits. It isn’t trying to make my hips less curvy than they are, it doesn’t cling to my belly, and the waistline (elastic) fits.

Unfortunately it is beginning the end of its lifecycle.

I would really like a few more skirts like this, skirts that I could wear instead of shorts, (In Disney World!) and maybe to work, or whatever. But so far I have come up with Zilch. I have seen some broomsticky style skirts, but that’s very BoHo and BoHo is very not me. And everything that isn’t BoHo is Pencil. And Pencil is NO with a capital NO.

So yeah, any fellow pear shaped (or other shaped) ladies have any skirts they recommend? I am really looking for a replacement for Shorts or Jeans that would be comfy in warm weather. If not, anyone have any similar fashion issues?