Fat Girl Posing

Body Love

2013-05-17T09:46:00.000-04:00

The last set from my photoshoot with Travis McKeithan. (NSFW y'all)

Goggles and Gas Masks

2013-05-14T13:25:00.000-04:00

For those of you who like a little bit of an industrial feel, Travis McKeithan brings you some awesome images. Again, the bottom ones are NSFW. I love these so much!

Happy Balloons

2013-05-10T10:02:00.000-04:00

Photos by Travis McKeithan. We had a blast doing some light and airy shots. His usual work tends more towards the darker stuff, but I guess I inspire him to go a little outside he box. ;)

Photos towards the bottom NSFW

Black Lingerie

2013-05-08T13:28:00.000-04:00

Another set from my shoot with photographer Travis McKeithan . Black bra and undies and a whole lot of fun in he studio. And this isn't even the last set! Travis always has so many ideas and themes. I truly appreciate his work and creativity.

Happy International No Diet Day

2013-05-06T11:40:00.000-04:00

Most of you know by now that I struggled with an eating disorder (EDNOS) for over ten years. The thing that put me in recovery was fat acceptance. Before fat acceptance I suffered through diet after diet. Calorie counting was my thing. All in the name of thinness- a goal I never reached. I've also struggled with hypothyroidism for over a decade and bipolar for about two decades- both of which cause weight gain. I blamed myself for the longest time for being fat. Nevermind that it was clear that my genetics were working against me as every woman in my family is fat. Nevermind that these diseases were working against me. Nevermind that I ate less than anyone I knew, my willpower obviously not being a question. No, it was still all my fault. Because of this self blaming and internalized guilt and hatred I often felt depressed and suicidal.

After I read Lessons From the Fat O Sphere by Kate Harding and Marianne Kirby that all fell away. The depression, the suicidal thoughts, the self blame and hatred and guilt. I threw away my scale and stopped counting calories. I followed intuitive eating habits and my diet balanced out. I never gained weight, or lost it either. So I stayed the same size regardless of whether I was dieting or following HAES, but with fat acceptance I was healthier and happier. Nothing can compare to that. All the fat haters out there can't argue against health or happiness. They can't say that being suicidal was better than being mentally stable. Or, if they do, they'll show themselves for the bigots they are. If it's all about health then I'm much healthier now than I ever was before while hating myself.

"International No Diet Day is an annual celebration of body acceptance, including fat acceptance and body shape diversity. This day is also dedicated to promoting a healthy life style with a focus on health at every size and in raising awareness of the potential dangers of dieting and the unlikelihood of success; the Institute of Medicine summarises: "those who complete weight loss programs lose approximately 10 percent of their body weight only to regain two-thirds within a year and almost all of it within five years." The first International No Diet Day was celebrated in the UK in 1992. Feminist groups in other countries around the globe have started to celebrate International No Diet Day" -Wikipedia

In other words, it's a day to celebrate the diversity and uniqueness of every body. A day for people like me to speak up and say that living a healthy happy life is far better than any hateful, harmful diet out there. Since 95% of diets fail and often leave dieters heavier than when they started, it seems like a no brainer to love your body, to feed it and nourish it, to move it, and to respect it. And none of those things mean losing weight. And let's not forget that health is multi dimensional and it's not a moral obligation.

So happy international no diet day everyone! It's a good day to make a resolution of self love and acceptance.

Little Black Dress

2013-05-04T20:33:00.000-04:00

Photos by Travis McKeithan.

Spring is Here

2013-05-02T12:05:00.000-04:00

I don't know about you, but May seems to finally be marking some Spring weather. Even though the first day of Spring was back in March we've had plenty of cold and dreary days. The first of May is an ancient spring holiday that's celebrated with much partying. In Pagan terms it's a fertility holiday. I'm just going to show off the Spring part though. ;) With my pretty spring dress and wonderful photographer Travis McKeithan. This is just the first set of several so watch for more!

No Makeup Mondays- April

2013-04-29T09:33:00.000-04:00

I want to thank Functional Girl on facebook one more time for turning me on to the no makeup mondays idea. The idea is that everyone is beautiful despite what the beauty industry would have you believe. A multi billion dollar industry trying to sell you false beauty? Who'd have thought it? Anyway, if you friend me on facebookk (FatGirl Posing) you get to see these updated every week. So here's your April photos with no makeup. Feel free to friend me and post your own photos on my page for me to see. :) I'd love to see all of you and your natural beauty.

Fat and Naked

2013-04-26T08:58:00.000-04:00

Happy birthday to me! Happy birthday to me! Yes, it's my birthday and a perfect day to post these gorgeous photos from Bryan Regan Photography from yesterday's shoot. They're so perfect they look like oil paintings and I'm in love with each and every one of them. Even though they show off a lot of parts of me that I don't like, when I was taking them I didn't feel self conscious in the least. I felt like a work of art.

Every time I do a nude shoot I still struggle. The process has gotten easier over time though and I'm starting to feel proud of my naked body and view it as something beautiful and unique. I have small boobs, big thighs, a kinda flat butt, but I don't care. At least not right this moment. This morning I tried on my new fatkini and felt very badly about my breasts and their size. Another good reason to post these photos! To show everyone and myself that it doesn't matter. All bodies are beautiful no matter what.

American Gothic; The Bad Part of Town

2013-04-25T16:39:00.000-04:00

I had a wonderful and exciting shoot with Bryan Regan Photography today. We visited a neighborhood in Raleigh with lots of rundown and abandoned, boarded up buildings. We didn't visit all of them, but we found some colorful spots for photos. He wanted to shoot in an American Gothic type style. Bryan enjoys capturing real people in real locations. Not that fashion models are fake or the locations are fake (okay, sometimes they are), but what I think he meant was something more raw. Anyway, I love the locations we found and I hope you enjoy our handiwork.

And one more- A kind of behind the scenes photo in which I'm scrunching my face because the sun was in my eyes.

Take a Moment

2013-04-22T19:19:00.000-04:00

To roll in the clover and smell the flowers! Happy Earth Day everyone!

Bonus Image- beautiful weeds :)

Happy Earth Day

2013-04-22T14:02:00.000-04:00

Just a little re post to say happy Earth Day. Photo by Dan Smith

Fat Sex, Slut Shaming, and Desexualization

2013-04-18T13:12:00.001-04:00

I wanna talk about a few things. First is fat sex and how awesome it is. Or rather how not unawesome it is. Did that make sense? See, a lot of people assume that fat sex is difficult or unsatisfying, or maybe just not that awesome. I've had sex with thin men and fat men and with fat women. And hi.. I'm fat too.. in case you forgot. Which means that everyone I've slept with.. *gasp*.. had sex with a fat person... and liked it! At least that's what their O face seems to have implied. And most of them had sex with me multiple times even! I know I know, its' a lot to take in. I'll give you a moment.....okay, moment taken? Good. I've never had problem with any position, but if you do, there are blogs for that. There's more to fat sex than just awesomeness though.

Ever been slut shamed as a fat sexual person? Or assumed to be promiscuous? There's the people who just assume that you're compensating for something with lots of sex (which is weird because these same people would swear that people don't wanna have sex with fatties. hum. ). Personally I've heard a lot of slut shaming going on from these crowds. Because you can't just be a sex positive empowered fat person. No! You have to be doing it because of your low self esteem. Usually this also means that you're reckless and unsafe and uninformed about sex with all those people who don't wanna sleep with you to begin with. (are you getting a headache from this?). Because the assumption, wrong or right, that you're promiscuous comes with the assumption that that's a bad thing to be. Look here. These people are idiots okay? You know and I know that not all fatties sleep with everyone they see. And you know and I know that even if they did that would be just fine because sex is good. Remember? Fat sex is awesome.

This doesn't mean that low self esteem sex or compensation sex doesn't happen. I'm sure it does. The problem comes when you start to generalize and assume. You know what they say about the word assume. Each fat person is an individual person with their own reasons for sex. We have this great thing called autonomy, meaning independence or freedom. Bodily autonomy means our bodies, our choice, none of your freaking business.

But what about the opposite? Desexualization of fat people? It goes a little bit back to all those people who aren't supposed to want to fuck us to begin with. Sometimes hypersexualization and desexualization happen at the same time (try getting your head around that one!). I've even been told, trigger warning here, that fat people don't get raped or sexually assaulted because no one would want a fatty. I'm dead serious. Imagine how fucked up it would be to be told that and think about how that ties into the desexualization of fat people. I'm suddenly reminded of that clip from The Lorax when the lorax is arguing with a fat woman and the main character chimes in with "you wouldn't hit a woman would you?" and the lorax responds in disbelief with, "that's a woman?!".

Yep, be prepared to be stripped of your entire identity as a fat person and especially as a fat woman. Not only are you not a sexual being, but you don't even register as anything other than a genderless blob. This is because fat people are so gross that people don't want to think of them as sexual beings. Much like old people or disabled people, or, god, you can think about the conservative's ick reaction to gay sex (you can think about the ageism, ableism, and homophobia that go along with those as well). People just think, ick! and so reduce you to a thing. It's the ultimate in dehumanization. To have your sexuality taken from you just because someone else can't stand the thought of it.

Whatever the issues surrounding it, it's clear that we have a lot of work to do regarding sex and fat sex specifically. We live in an incredibly sex negative culture where sex is not talked about except in hushed whispers and harsh accusations. When are we going to understand that sex is a natural and beautiful thing for those who are sexual beings regardless of weight, height, age, ability, skin color, sexual orientation, or anything else. We need to deeply explore our feelings about sex to uncover some hard truths about ourselves and our culture. We use sex as a weapon, as an insult, as a means of objectification, as a means of control, as a way to police people and bodies. It has to end. Sex is good. Fat sex is awesome.

Day at the Park

2013-04-02T13:55:00.000-04:00

Had a fabulous time with my friend Katherine at her birthday shoot. I was mostly there taking photos of all the beautiful women who showed up (that's right, I take photos too!), but I had a couple snapped of me as well that I thought I'd share.

photo by Kristen Wamplar

photo by Kristin Wamplar

photo by Bill Welch

Makeup Free Monday- Feb and March

2013-04-02T13:23:00.000-04:00

February I missed a couple of weeks, but March's are all there, I swear! I'll mention again that I first got started doing these makeup free Mondays as a result of Functional Girl on facebook. They call for photos of followers, every monday, of women without makeup on. Because you're beautiful just the way you are and because you don't have to buy into a multi billion dollar industry that tells you there's something wrong with you.

International Women's Day

2013-03-08T16:10:00.000-05:00

Happy International Women's Day to everyone. Today I want everyone to take an extra moment to appreciate their bodies, especially women. Women are the primary victims of constant body stigma and policing. We're told what to wear, what to do with our bodies, how much to weigh and what to eat (or don't eat). It's cute to see a woman eat "like a man" as long as she stays skinny. We're told to constantly make ourselves prettier, skinnier, smarter (but not too smart now!), to be perfect homemakers while also bringing home an income. Every part of our lives is policed from getting dressed in the morning to how to have sex with your lover (thanks Cosmo!).

Women are objectified and over sexualized. Our bodies are always wrong no matter what they look like. All women are under immense pressure to conform to sexist and outdated expectations while also being a modern woman. It's impossible to achieve. Fat women have an extra dose of discrimination and oppression heaped on them. From making less money compared to thin people and men, being passed over for jobs, having medical problems ignored, and extra body policing (should you really be eating that?). Fat women are both overly sexualized and fetishized by some groups while being desexed entirely by others.

In a man's world and a thin person's world (and let's not forget a straight, white, cis, wealthy, able bodied person's world) it's difficult to stand up for oneself. It's difficult to stand up and say "I am here. I take up space and that's okay". Doing so it's an act of rebellion. It's a giant middle finger to the patriarchy. To the society that would pathologicalize your body, to dehumanize your body. To stand up and say "I am a beautiful, sexual being, with my own autonomy and responsibility for myself" is a full scale attack on a culture of hate. To exist, is to take part in taking down a system of oppression. Your voice is important, it's necessary, it's essential! And that voice is the voice of body acceptance and love. It's a difficult voice to raise over the roar of advertisements for perfection and obedience, but together we can do it.

So on this important day look around you, see the women around you, in your life, and appreciate them and their uniqueness. They deserve it. We deserve it. You deserve it.

All You Need Is Love

2013-02-12T09:48:00.000-05:00

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! Whether you're celebrating with someone or someones special or by yourself, remember that you're perfect and wonderful the way you are. The post is titled "All you need is love" but that love can absolutely be the love for yourself.

Photos by Travis McKeithan.

Makeup Free Mondays- January

2013-02-03T16:53:00.005-05:00

Because you don't have to buy into the multi billion dollar beauty industry to be beautiful.

Working on it

2013-02-03T15:34:00.000-05:00

As a fat acceptance activist, I am not immune to body woes. Especially as I struggle with bipolar, including paranoia and anxiety, I'm constantly aware of not only what the world around me may be thinking, but I'm pretty darn convinced that they're thinking those things at me most of the time. It's rare that I can go out in public and feel smokin hot when I understand that most of the people around me view me as gross and ugly. I worry what my lover thinks and I worry what my family thinks, especially as they all constantly go on diet after diet to lose weight, I worry what my friends think, and I worry what society thinks.

I worry. A lot.

It's nice to think those that we look up to have no issues of their own. That they're strong and powerful and perfect. I know that's how I feel about my heroes. I'd like to think that I am that to other people, to some of you. But the truth is that we're all human and we all have those days. You know the ones.

And maybe that's why I've hit a bit of a writer's block about fat acceptance. I know I haven't posted a text post in a while and I apologize for that. If it makes you feel better I'm still making regular posts at fiercefatties.com, but I've neglected my own blog. I just want you to know that I'm working on some things, personally, and knowing that I have so many wonderful fans gives me strength and the motivation to continue improving my self image.

Shadows

2013-01-21T10:01:00.001-05:00

Photos by Travis McKeithan. I really love this set, I hope you do too! and check out the video at the bottom for a little behind the scenes footage from Travis.

Warm Winter Days

2013-01-18T10:04:00.000-05:00

So this past weekend it got up to 75 degrees here in North Carolina. Thanks to the beautiful, but odd, weather, EVE (edgy vivacious entertainment) decided to do a shoot outside at the beautiful Hagen Stone Park in Greensboro. Special thanks to Kristin Shadrick who set the whole thing up and who's always been a welcoming friend. Photographers are David Powers and Gary Loy.

photo by David Powers

Photo by Gary Loy

As it got darker we moved to downtown Greensboro and Gary got some great selective lighting shots.

Photo by Gary Loy

Happy Belated New Year!

2013-01-04T16:39:00.000-05:00

So everyone's doing a new year post and I figured I'd jump on the bandwagon. I don't have a lot to say about new year's resolutions because, well, I resolved to quit doing resolutions. So far I've stuck to that. Besides the fact that the vast majority of resolutions are fat hating with losing weight being the number one resolution for 2012 (also notice that only 8% of people achieve their resolution goal. How many do you want to bet achieve weight loss?). Heck, a third of goals don't make it past January.

But after decades of vowing to lose weight every year and trying to hate myself thin, and after watching everyone around me fail at the same goal, new year's resolutions have left a bad taste in my mouth. That may have been the diet food though. So if losing weight is at the top of you list, please, for the love of all that's good in the world, throw it the fuck out. Seriously, write it down on a piece of paper, throw it away, burn it, tear it to pieces, scratch it out and feed it to your pet goat. Do anything but make that resolution. You know the science says that 95% of weight loss attempts fail anyway.

My secret? Don't make any resolution at all. If you want to get healthier, do it, and do it in a fun creative way. If you want to stop smoking, do it and do it with an arsenal of support around you because you're gonna need it. If you wan to get out of debt, get better organized, get out walking more, spend more time with your family... just do it. You don't need a resolution. All that does is puts pressure on yourself and makes you feel guilty when you take too long, don't do it, mess up, or otherwise fail in attaining that goal. There's almost no way not to fail.

Instead take it every day at a time. Go on a walk on days you feel like it. Organize one room at a time or, hell, one desk or corner at a time. Make it into a success, a positive, something you accomplished. But whatever you do, don't make it a resolution.

Happy Holidays!

2012-12-21T09:11:00.000-05:00

The holidays are upon us. Today is he winter solstice, the longest night of he year and the shortest day and everyone's getting ready to celebrate some holiday or another (or already celebrating). As we go into the holidays I'd like to remind everyone to have that second helping of dessert if you damn well please! Stand your ground with friends and family and let them know that food snarking or body snarking is inappropriate. This is a time to enjoy yourself, good food, good friends and loving family. Don't let anyone take that away from you.

And now, onto the photos. I had an absolutely delightful photoshoot with EVE entertainment and photographers Katherine Culver, Neil Talley, and David Powers. As always, working in groups is stressful, but these three people made me feel welcome and were a joy to work with. So thank you to them!

Photo by Katherine Culver

Photo by David Powers

Photo by Neil Talley

November No Makeup Mondays

2012-12-04T09:13:00.000-05:00

No makeup Mondays for the month of November- because you don't need makeup or cosmetic trappings to make you beautiful. Because the beauty industry is a multi billion dollar industry that sells us the idea that we're not beautiful unless we're buying their products. Because just you is a wonderful thing to be.

Calories and Individuality

2012-12-03T10:24:00.000-05:00

**Trigger warning for talk of counting calories and ED**

One week ago today I started counting calories again. No, not because I decided to drop all the body acceptance stuff and hate myself again, but because I get tired of the same 'ole "fatties eat a lot" bullshit over and over. What put me over the edge was a comment which flat out called me a liar for saying that I averaged between 1200-1700 calories when I used to count them. They said "I've seen a photo of you and there's no way you eat that much" or something to that effect. Yep, well here's a photo of me, fat rolls and all:

You can totally tell how much and what I eat from that photo right?? This project sort of started as a defensive "I totally defy the stereotype!", but it sort of progressed into "wait a minute, I'm a freaking individual". Because we are, aren't we? No matter how much they want to stereotype and stuff us into these tiny (or not so tiny) boxes and label us as all the same, we're all different. About a year ago I read about another fat activist blogger who did the same as me- counted calories (she did it for a day) to see how many she ate which was around 3,000. My average is closer to 1,500. Some fatties eat less than me, some eat more than me. Because here's the thing that fatphobes can't seem to wrap their tiny minds around- we're all different. Sorry, but it's true.

My experience counting calories again was one full of ED triggers for me. If I ate 1000 calories I would think, just for a second, t hat's not low enough. Because at the worst of my eating disorder 1000 calories was way above what I would eat. The least I ate was nothing and the most I ate was 500 calories. Maybe I should disclose that at this point I always did start losing weight. The fatphobes are quick to point out that if you starve someone they'll eventually lose weight. They really really love the second law of thermodynamics. And they're right that eventually starvation produces results, but there, you see? You see what their goal is? To literally starve people- something we know for a fact is a human rights violation as well as ridiculously unhealthy, just to have thin people. You have your proof that it has nothing to do with health (if you needed any more proof anyway). The problem fatphobes have is failing to understand that the body can 'decide' how many calories in and calories out it wants to have. If it doesn't want to lose those calories, it's going to hold onto them as tightly as possible. It's not that calories in/calories out is altogether false or that we somehow defy the laws of physics, it's that they have a basic lack of understanding of how the body uses and stores calories to begin with.

Anyway, back to my experience with counting. I found myself eyeing some of my old ED foods such as a single veggie burger with no bun and no sides or tofu noodles which , with only 20 calories per serving, were invaluable to me for keeping my calories at starvation levels. I had to constantly remind myself to eat what I wanted, when I wanted, and how much I wanted. Sometimes I even ate extra just to defy my brain and it's ED instincts. Not to mention that counting calories is a huge pain in the ass. I can't believe I used to do it every day! So, here it is, calories every day for a week. Please don't read if you think you will find it at all triggering. And to see a diary of the actual foods I ate please visit my food blog: WTF Do You Eat? (Diary of a Fat Vegan). In the course of the week I ate normally and even enjoyed sweets and fast food.

Monday- 1903
Tuesday- 1137
Wednesday- 1099
Thursday- 1605
Friday- 1425
Saturday- 1656
Sunday- 1130

Which averages out to 1,422 calories a day. I think it's fair to say that, on average, I eat between 1000-1700 calories. Again, I can't stress enough that this is what I, as a fat individual eats. Not all fatties eat like me. I'm a gluten free vegan. We are from every walk of life including dietary lifestyles. Some of us binge, some of us don't, some of us eat healthfully, some of us don't, some of us eat a lot, some of us don't. What I want people to take away from this post isn't that I'm a "good fatty" for eating a healthy low calorie diet. I want them to take away that you can't tell what someone eats just by looking at them, regardless of size.