Fat Grrl Rides

#365Yoga Week 2

2012-01-16T19:03:00.003-05:00

Week 2!!! I've done Yoga now for 15 days. In a row. Some days, I've done "more" than others. Other days, I've done quickie 20-25 minute things. Mainly though, for the past week, it's been 1 hour practices, at home. Last week, I was working during the gentle classes I wanted to go to. But I did make it to my Sunday morning class. This week, I might try a gentle class at Shakti Yoga at Historic Rchmond Town. Lots of stuff is not ideal about it- like the 8pm class time, and the not-super relaxing space, but at the same time, I'll be able to make it home from Queens by 8pm and it's not *that* far away from my house. But I'll see still.

Tonight, I feel like my yoga practice is going to be very simple. I might do some seated and standing poses and then just spend about ten minutes chilling in Savasana.

Yoga #365 Week 1

2012-01-07T19:05:00.002-05:00

So I think I mentioned that I'm doing #365yoga this year. It's kinda awesmoe and inspired by The Flying Yogini's project last year and this upcoming year.

So, I started with a Sunday, New Year's Day Yoga class at The You Can Do It Yoga Cente r.
Followed by a Tuesday class there.
Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday I practiced at home- mostly using stuff from Anna Guest-Jelley's Curvy Yoga. It's the first time in years and years that I've practiced yoga not in a class, and not to lose weight. It was actually kinda an awesome week. Between forcing myself to find the time for a physical daily yoga practice and also having a mental exercise to do daily from A Year of Living Your Yoga, it's been a pretty enjoyable experience.

I'm hoping I can keep this momentum up in the next week- when I've actually got to be in the office most of the week. I know I can make my in-studio class tomorrow, but I've got a meetings on Tuesday and Thursday when the other gentle classes are offered.

But even if I can only make the Sunday morning class, I'll practice at home and see where I wind up!

Teachers: Think Before You Speak

2012-01-03T20:34:00.000-05:00

I’ve finally gotten back to yoga. It’s been a long time- Since late September or early October. Between the sprained ankle and the thrown out back I was having some serious movement issues.

I knew that I wouldn’t be able to keep up with the classes that my favorite teacher offers. They are basic yoga classes but they are challenging for me. She doesn’t do lots of modifications and her sun salutation sequences are speedy on a slow day. So, I decided to try out a new teacher and showed up to the January 1 Gentle/Basic yoga class. The owner was there and queried if I was new, so I explained that I’d actually been going twice a week but couldn’t keep up with the former teacher just yet.

Sunday’s class was terrific. Just challenging enough in tempo but with plenty of modifications. The teacher was also hands on, which is very different for me, but it was tremendously helpful- especially since I was really worried about reinjuring my lower back. He came over during cobra and helped me ease my lower back out of whatever jacked-up position it was in (I was using it too much in the pose) etc.

So, I decided that class would be a new good one for me. As per my past practice, I want to go to class two days a week. I went back to yoga today for the Gentle Yoga class given by one of the owners. It was a complete personality shift from Sunday’s class. And a bit discouraging.

We were all sitting on our mats and the teacher was asking what we wanted. I asked for hip openers, others asked for shoulders, and one woman asked for core work. The teacher began to explain that you can work on Core in any move in yoga by lifting your pelvic floor, and pulling your belly button back. And as she sat at the front of the room she said “I don’t look like this unless I’m holding my stomach in,” she let her stomach out, grabbed the ¼ inch of belly fat she has and said “I look like a big fat LONG PAUSE teacher” Switch to my head. What do I , who is clearly and obviously the fattest person in the class start to wonder… What word was going to go there? What was the word going to be after Big and Fat before the teacher realized that there was actually someone big and fat in her class? It was… unsettling, and frankly, my first thought was to just get off the mat and leave the class. But I didn’t because I needed to be there and be on that mat this afternoon. So I stayed through the class. Which turned out to be an excellent class—I never thought about doing sun salutations to Katy Perry’s Firework and overall the class was full of joy. Still, I’m not sure that I’ll go back to this specific class with this specific teacher. Luckily there are plenty of other classes to go to. That said, if you are a yoga teacher, really think about what you say before you say it. It might make the difference in someone returning to your class or never coming back.

And months later...

2011-12-12T12:17:00.003-05:00

I'm trying.

So, to make a long story short---Hawaii, wedding, Puerto Rico= sprained ankle, fell down stairs, work work work work work, thrown out back, travel, sick, work, sick.

OK so life interfered. There is a lot going on for me right now. My partner and I are trying to get pregnant- which involves a lot of doctors appointments, and I've had an ankle and a back injury which had me down hard. Then, I caught the respiratory crud.

So, I set a goal. I was doing a lot of Leslie Sansone Walk At Home DVD's. And I was getting really bored with them- because no matter how enthusiastic she is, in her shorter ones, I don't break a sweat and the longer ones ---well, there is only so much walking you can do in your own living room.

Thus, my goal was to be back in the gym by 12/2. And I did it- On Friday, Dec. 2, I went back to the Y, I jumped on an expresso bike and I did, what for me, was an easy workout. The "campus loop" route, which was about 4 miles and then another 2 miles. So, a quick 6 mile workout. I was out of shape. My mile was about 5 minutes---super slow for me, and I was dripping sweat when I was done.

I was all set to head back on the following Monday, after my dear friend and trainer gave me some structure to follow. However, in the midst of tree-decorating on Saturday, I felt like hell and succombed to some creeping respiratory crud that everyone has (literally, everyone--entire Urgent Care Waiting room + doctor), a few days later, I headed to my real doctor as well. Of course, my respiratory infection had triggered my asthma UGH. In any case, I finally felt well enough on Saturday and did an at home walk with my mom for about 30 minutes, and then today, finally, again, was able to get back to the gym, where I did a 30 minute ride on a recumbent bike (I didn't want to trigger my coughing badly). So, today's mile was 6.5 miles and down to 4:50mile and felt pretty good.

In any case, I'm trying to get back to this fat and fit thing. I really really fell off the fitness wagon and that makes me miserable. So, here's to trying again!

Getting to Move

2011-07-26T10:35:00.003-04:00

Since being back from Hawaii (two weeks?) I've managed to do at least 20 minutes of walking each day thanks to Exercise TV and Leslie Sansone. What I really appreciate about the Sansone videos (especially the ones in a group) are that there is a definite non-traditional body represented and she keeps the weight loss talk very minimal. I think this is also a bit funny, considering she has a whole video series called Walk Away the Pounds. Which I'm sure has the typical weight loss work out rhetoric attached to it (though perhaps not). In any case, I've managed to log about 20 miles of walking my living room which makes me very happy.

Also, thanks to the miserably hot weather we are having in NYC, the backyard pool is super warm, which has let me do lap swimming at home rather than trekking over to the Y.

I've also started to do Anna Guest-Jelley's "30 Days of Curvy Yoga". I'm not as excited about this as I'd hoped to be. While the modifications are often helpful, there are a lot of them I don't need and I'm unsure of how to unmodify the post- like there are things that look like forward bends etc, but are they really? And then why aren't they connected to sun salutations? I have missed two weeks of Yoga classes (1 because I was in Hawaii, and 1 because I was jet lagged) and I'm going tomorrow come hell or high water.

So, I'm feeling about ready to start in on "regular" workouts. I'm going to hit the Y this morning for about 30 minutes and see how that feels.

In any case, I'm super glad that I'm moving more.

Hawai'i Redux

2011-07-18T16:36:00.039-04:00

So I was in Hawai'i for the last week, thanks

to Molly Bennett and I used it to kick start my workout

s- since they have been lagging and I've been feeling lazy.

Monday:

We went to

Waimea Falls, and took a short walk/hike up a hill that was winding through a garden. Once at the top of the hike, there was a lovely waterfall to swim in.

And swim I did! I learned not to approach the waterfall from the front and instead to attempt it from the side. And that was successful.

On Tuesday morning, I hiked Diamond Head. It was hard and amazing. It's a

short hike- about .7 miles

and then back, and of course it's uphill. I had wanted to hike it first thing

in the

morning, but because of scheduling that didn't happen and I hit the trail around noon. That's right,

noon- blazing hot sun, very very dry. So, the hike, in pictures:

It starts out not so bad, a slight uphill...with a warning sign. And then more uphill...winding around the crater until you get to the first set of stairs- there are 78 of them.

Then, you move into a narrow, dark, upward sloping tunnel.

This image is looking into

the tunnel from the other

side--- because if you look forward on the trail you e

ncounter these steps.

There are 98 or 99 of them. And yes, they go straight up.

You'd think that meant you were at the top, but

no. There is another short tunnel, and then 42 more steps up a spiral staircase. And then you

are at the top.

At this point, I realized

that I had essentially two sips of water left in my bottles. So I took a sip at the top of Diamondhead while I enjoyed the view:

Mitch and Molly picked me up once I walked back down, and then I had a shave ice while we drove to the beach at Kailua. If you've not been there, Kailua is a superb swimming beach.

And so after sweating up the hill, I swam happily for a while in the gorgeous water.

On Wednesday, we all headed to Hanauma Bay. After looking around the educational center, and then watching the video, we headed down the long hill to the water and rented snorkeling gear.

This was my first time snorkeling since I was around 8. And when I did it then, it just meant I swam in the pool with a mask and snorkel.

I was a little hesitant at first, not really trusting that I wouldn't drown, and convinced that my fat belly was going to scrap against the reef if I swam on top of it. As the tide came in, that fear lessened and I got to see all kinds of neat fish (don't even try to ask me what they were, I have no idea). I only scraped my knee on coral once, and that was because someone swam into me, and knocked me off balance. The most exciting thing for me was seeing a spiky little sea urchin!

Thursday was the day I was really looking forward to. Mitch and I booked a tour

with Dolphin Excursions. This was a four hour boat trip to snorkel w

ith Spinner Dolphins, Hawaiian Green Sea Turtles, and fish. We met Jenna

and Kat, our captain and first mate at the Waianae Boat Harbor and got onto a little tiny raft like boat. That's me sitting next to a guy from Cleveland getting ready to jump into the water.

This was my second time snorkling! The dolphins were pretty cool, but they didn't want to stick around to play with us.

The sea turtles though were very very neat, and they were interested in us. We saw three of them in the water, and they were s

o graceful. We didn't take a lot of underwater pictures because we wanted to watch the sea life, but we did order the on-board photographer's disk, so hopefully it will have some good pictures on it.

So, some of the fat fears for me with snorkeling were:

1. There wouldn't be a vest to fit me

2. I wouldn't be able to get up the ladder back into the boat.

Both were unfounded. There was a vest that fit just fine and once I figured out how deep in the water the ladder was, it was easy to slide my flippers off and climb back onto the boat.

Friday, we went to the tourist trap known as the Dole Plantation. It was pretty awful. Everyone was trying to sell you something: "Aloha, would you like to buy your Hawaiian name on a bracelet?" We rode the train through the plantation, learned something about pineapple production (of course nothing about labor or wages etc.) ate a pineapple whip (skip it, it's awful) and left to go to the beach.

We had planned to swim in Waikiki; however, parking issues and other things tossed us further along the sand down past the two natural swimming pools and into a high surf area. We tried to swim, but I got wiped out by Mitch who got wiped out by a wave. So I took my bloodied legs and decided to just lay out in the sun. After it got chillier, we walked around hoping to catch the Fireworks at the Hilton Hawaiian Village, but we couldn't see them either. We did however, see Surfboards!

I might try surfing sometime. It looks like fun. And scary. I like scary fun.

Saturday was our last day together in O'ahu. Mitch was kind enough to drive me to Moanalua Gardens for the Prince Lot Hula Festival. This was awesome! I got to watch 4 halau perform. My favorite two groups were Halau Hula O Maiki and the Joan S. Lindsey Hula Studio. I also really liked the kuma hula of the Na Pualei o Likeolehula. She was very funny when talking about her youngest students (4-7 year olds).

After the hula festival, I met up with Mitch and Molly and we headed to the Hale'iwa Arts Festival, of course, Mitch and Molly wanted to stop for shave ice at Matsumoto's. Afterwards,we headed across the island and back to Kailua for more swimming. We headed home, ate a yummy dinner and prepared the house to depart the next morning.

On Sunday, Mitch and Molly headed to the airport dropping me off in Waikiki. I checked into a hotel with a day pass, swam and went shopping before heading home myself.

Yay Hawai'i!

I cannot wait to go back.

Back on the Saddle

2011-06-21T09:55:00.003-04:00

the bike saddle that is.
Ok. So I'm a bad blogger. I failed to post my 40 days of body love---although I did make it until April 3rd. Then, life got busy. And when life gets busy, I fail to honor my body and exercise as needed. First, was a trip to 4C's where I was giving a presentation. Then I was off to Pittsburgh, to visit with family, and then I went off to San Francisco for some much needed fun. However, very very little exercise happened in these trips.

And when I fall off that horse, I fall hard. So that was 3 weeks without working out. Then, work got busy and I was unable to make time for anything but twice a week yoga. I finally got back into swimming and then left my gym bag (read, swimsuit, googles, swim cap, flip flops, towel) in a cab, and if you've ever been in NYC you know that means I was never gonna see it again.

So, before my last trip of the year, which was to Austin, TX for NISOD I managed to buy a new swim cap and googles, and grabbed an old non-performance swim suit in an attempt to swim in the purported lap pool that my hotel had. The Hilton Austin, while spectacular in many regards, had a not-really-lap pool, and a fitness center that cost $10.00 a day to use. Not exactly business or budget friendly, imo. Sooooo... I came home, swam at my local YMCA in a not-useful swimsuit (tankini and swim skirt---kinda hard to do laps) a few times.

Now, the school year is over, which supposedly means I have more free time (even though I'm in the office and working on a book and an article and about 20 other things). So I decided to try and get my workout rhythm going again. I repurchased my workout swimsuit (in nautical navy because it's 30 dollars less expensive than black!---really? black costs 30$ more?! ), and yesterday, decided to get back on my bicycle.

For those of you who don't know, since I haven't been road riding for about a year, I love my bike more than is normal for loving an inanimate object. I adore road riding. My bike, however, who I refer to as bicicletta is in bad shape. She seems to need a new chain at the very least, and at most needs new gears. But, I got on her yesterday and road around town to do errands.

Now, on Staten Island people look at you as if you have sixteen heads if you are doing errands on a bicycle, but errands I did. I stopped to get a coffee, went and got a mani/pedi, grabbed some greens for dinner, and stopped at CVS. All in one shopping plaza without anything to lock my bike to. (I've since contacted the local community board about getting a bike rack in this plaza). Then, I rode home. In total, it was only a 3 mile ride, which for my usual "I'm going for a bike ride" self is NOTHING. But, it felt good to ride again. So here's hoping to many more rides.

And, hopefully in the next few weeks I'll get back to running and swimming again. In the meantime though----Anna Guest Jelley of Curvy Yoga is co-leading 30 Days of Curvy Yoga. DO IT!!!!! I'm going to!

Running Again!

2011-04-03T20:39:00.002-04:00

I went for a run today. Total distance was 2.02 miles. My gastrocnemius still hates me in a serious way but today I ran for a full mile of the 2 miles. The other mile was a comb of running and walking. It was all good and I built up a nice sweat by the time I got back to the car.

I'm a little stressed because I'm about to embark on a heavy travel load- 3 back to back weeks of very little travelling breaks. Hotel gyms are not my friend and I don't love eating on the road either. I'm feeling really stressed about not having a yoga studio for three weeks. Though I have a class potentially in SF to go to, and I'm sure I'll find one in Atlanta. I don't like when things I'm doing get disrupted.

That said, body stuff feels ok-ish lately. I'm more frustrated at my body not doing what I want it to do rather than hating it.

It's progress. I think in the next few weeks, before Lent ends, I might actually do some body-picture blogging.

Bad Blogger + Fat scare tactics

2011-04-01T21:54:00.006-04:00

Ack. I always forget to write. Especially when I get busy and it's been busy.
But let's talk about bodies. It's been a less than ideal training week for me... I did yoga twice and got to the gym for an ARC trainer workout once. A combination of a headache and exhaustion kept me not-active on Tuesday and Thursday.

Today I went to yoga. Which was delightful. It was me, the teacher, and one other student. However, I also got a junk email from "Women's Health (really, it just uses the image of the Women's Health magazine and is from who knows what) , Subject: Yoga Moves that Blast Belly Fat.

I was curious. So I opened it. Prepare to be appalled. First, since you probably can't read the tiny print, it says "Lucky You! Because while other-women are overweight, uncertain and stressed out you are slim, calm, and sexy"

Ok...so...first of all, this plays on all of those fears--- I'm fat, therefore, I'm not attractive. I'm fat, therefore I must be insecure (that's what I think they meant by uncertain) and, I'm fat therefore I'm not sexy. Yeah. Untrue. Completely untrue. Sometimes, I might not love my body, but I know I'm sexy, and I know I'm certain, and I'm sure as hell not slim.

And then, my favorite part of this fear mongering advertisement:

It's the part that says "Ever see a fat yogi? Of course not."

Well, guess what? There are lots! Here are just a few:

Anna Guest-Jelley, Curvy Yoga (@CurvyYoga on Twitter)
Megan Garcia, Mega Yoga
and Michael Hayes, BuddhaBody Yoga

So really, what a ridiculous and shameful marketing ploy. Gah.

Some body else with some fierce body love

2011-03-27T21:50:00.002-04:00

So I was just about to blow off today's post. I spent my day largely sitting on the couch, working, writing, and eating jelly beans and carbs. Not a very fathletic way to spend a Sunday. It was too cold to run outside today, and often when my planned workout gets derailed, I lose all motivation...hence I couldn't get it moving to go to the gym today (and my body excuse there is my lower back is KILLING me today an I didn't want to ride).

So as I was sitting here, I just got a tweet from @RevTristy. Asking me to watch her new film:

And now, I'm telling you, my readers, that you have to watch this.
Way to show some body love!

Oh and way to remind me to go to some crunches.

Off I go.

Unexpected Workout

2011-03-26T20:31:00.001-04:00

So today I had planned to do a bunch of stuff almost all of which fell through. So as I was taking the dog out, I noticed that my mother was doing her walking workout-so, I joined in.

I hadn't planned on working out today, but it was probably one of the better things I did.

All in all, today has been a crappy day. But I've managed to still love my body.

Moving the fat

2011-03-25T19:28:00.000-04:00

Today in yoga class I realized that if shove my tummy around I can fold and bend and twist in a lot better ways.

For a really really long time, my panniculus has been the part of my body I hate the most. I don't mind the flabby bit of untoned muscle under my arm. I don't mind the rounded curves of my breasts or ass or the extra softness of my face. But for as long as I can consciously remember I've hated the flap of belly fat that hangs off me.

Today, in yoga, I figured out how to work with it. How to move it around and how to claim it as a part of my body that is actually part of the body I'm living in and working with.

It's a body part that no one ever touches. Ever. I try not to touch it if I can avoid it. But it's there, and even if I got tiny-which isn't likely to happen without surgery (which I'm not happening) it's always going to be there. So I may as well work on having it be part of me.

Day 12, 13, 14

2011-03-24T21:41:00.000-04:00

Yes I'm bad at this writing every day thing. So, I'm still working on the body love. Somedays are harder than others. Tuesday this week was particularly challenging- it's my off day from working out so I often feel lazy and then I ate badly because we haven't grocery shopped in a while. Ack. So the eating was bad. And it was a long long day.

Wednesday was a yoga day. Much needed. But I was getting frustrated at myself because I couldn't seem to balance on my left side at all. I was klutzy and falling over. But overall, I was also proud of myself 'cause stuff does seem to be getting easier in class.

This morning was swimming. 25 laps. I tried to use yoga techniques while in the pool---lengthening my body and stuff. It worked sometimes, and other times I felt like I was stretching my neck in weird ways. Mostly, today, my shoulders and my neck feel a bit sore.

So. That said, I'm going to bed.

Day 11 and 12: Fat Marathoners

2011-03-21T21:13:00.000-04:00

Day 11 of body love wasn't so successful. I did bad eating. Lots and lots of it.

Today was better though. I went to the gym this morning which always makes me happy. I rode 10.5 miles on the eSpinner in the 30 minutes. That felt very fast but also very good.

Yoga has helped me tons so far in this- as I was riding I kept taking nice and full breaths which kept me from huffing and puffing. It was pretty cool.

Felt terrific.

Then today, there was the article about the 400lb man who finished the LA Marathon. Former Sumo Wrestler Kelly Gneiting finished the LA Marathon in just under ten hours on Sunday. Of course, what people are remarking over is that he was 400lbs and did this.Back in November, Carmen Pelaez ran the NYC Marathon and finished, and her picture caption tells us she was/is 80lbs overweight.

Wouldn't it be amazing if people would not focus on the size of people and instead be amazed at the feat they are completing? Most people cannot run marathons. Really. It's not like most people wake up and say "huh, today's a good day to run 26.2 miles." So, these people who do it are all amazing: skinny, fat, or in between.

However, the fact that fat people can and do finish marathons makes me want to point to this doctor: Dr. Rani Whitfield, the Hip-Hop Doc.

This guy appears in Mutual of Omaha's 2011 TV Campaign "The Aha Moments." And, of course- he's anti-obesity. His "rap" starts out with "Obesity. People lying round the house all day..." well---hate to tell ya Dr. Whitfield---if you can finish a marathon, my guess is that these obese people weren't just sitting around the house.

So seriously. Let's quit assuming that fat=unhealthy and skinny = healthy.

Day 9 and 10: Body Love and movement

2011-03-19T18:29:00.000-04:00

Oops I forgot to write yesterday- I was crazy busy.

But here goes. Yoga class was very challenging yesterday- we were doing Moon Salutations and damn were they hard! It was 5 rounds of constant movement with one breath in between each round. I left a pool of sweat. An actual pool of sweat on the floor of the studio. Eww.

Today, I went for a run/walk again. I downloaded MapMyWalk for my iPhone, and it turns out that not only did I go further than I thought- 2 miles total, but that my speed running (which I was convinced was slower than my walk) isn't. And in fact, while slow, isn't as awful as I thought it would be.

So I'm been moving a lot. Things are feeling good, if a little shaken up. But it's good. And I'm not having as many negative body thoughts as I usually do.

I have to say though, I'm still timid when I'm out running and see other people- either roving gangs of teens or just individual people. I had when folks comment when I'm outside and working out, and they sadly do. Even the grown-ups. I wish that Michelle Obama would think a bit about how fat kids are bullied as she embarks both on the Obama Adminstration anti-bullying campaign and her campaign against childhood obesity. Let's Move is a great idea---but to mark it clearly against obesity? Give me a break. I'm willing to put money on the fact that I move a lot more than many of my non-obese friends.

Day 8: A quickie

2011-03-17T21:10:00.000-04:00

I'm tired. It's been a long day. I'll simply say that today I'm grateful for my brain and my ability to multitask.

Day 7: Exploring Fear and Feeding the Body

2011-03-16T19:41:00.000-04:00

It's Wednesday which means it's a yoga day. I am seriously thinking I need to find a class that is either Sunday or Monday- because the time from Friday yoga to Wednesday yoga seems...very very very long and I know I could do stuff at home, but it's not the same for me outside of the class.

Today in yoga I wound up exploring fear. This wasn't intentional. I can't remember exactly what we were doing- I think it started first with a simple child's pose.~~~~~~~~>

Now, typically, in this class we do Child's Pose with the arms extended in front of the body. I can handle this one. For some reason, the idea of bending my arms along the sides of my body was totally freaking me out. I'm not sure if it was the idea of weight resting on my forehead the fear that it was going to be uncomfortable. Rather than thinking "I can't do this," I had the realization that I was actually literally afraid to do it. So during one of the moves in and out of this pose I just surpassed the fear and I got my body into the full Child's Pose. I decided to play with this for the rest of class, and I acknowledged the fear of different movements in my body and I was able to achieve some deeper moves than I have before. I also got to spend some nice deep breathing time in Pigeon Pose- and I'm fairly sure I only got there by acknowledging the fear within my body.

Now, don't get me wrong, I like a little fear. I think it's a good thing in certain circumstances, but I certainly don't want to fear my body. And I want it to be able to do lots of things.

Now, onto food. Another practice I'm seeking to improve in this Lenten season is nourishment of both body and soul. So let me talk about food for a moment. I've always had an eating disorder. And saying that out loud is really scary. I was bulimic in high school and college and in general now I feel like I just have an unnamed eating disorder. I know at times my eating is out of control and at other times my eating is freakishly obsessively ordered. I'm striving for balance.

One of the ways I always seek to achieve balance is to feed myself rather than rely on other people to cook and prepare my food. So I've been cooking this week since my schedule has allowed it. My yummy dinner the other night was a Salmon Vegetable Ragout. (The beer is not mine).
So. I'm working, and I'm working on loving my body.

Day 6: Taking on the Biggest Loser

2011-03-15T20:06:00.000-04:00

Today I didn't have a car so I couldn't get to the gym, and I didn't want to run again because my gastrocnemius is really painful today, so as I'm wont to do when I'm stuck at home, I turned to Exercise TV. I had been planning to walk,with the Leslie Sansone workout, but wanted to do something a bit different so I made the choice to opt for "The Biggest Loser: Last Chance Workout" This was 6 or 7 intervals of cardio and weights, and actually would have been a decent workout if it hadn't been for Jillian Michaels.

I haven't ever been able to figure out what draws people so deeply to "The Biggest Loser" and infact, after reading this interview Golda's interview with Kai Hibberd from Season 3, I understood the fascination even less.

So, perhaps the fascination is watching people fatter than you lose weight, perhaps it's some sort of self-comparison of "oh thank god I'm not that fat", perhaps it's some sort of "wow their so strong" in any case--- it's weird. A friend of mine once loved this show, and I'd watch it with her. What she saw as courageous, I saw a self-loathing in the contestants. But all of this aside, I decided to do the Last Chance workout today.

And as I've already said, it would have been good without Jillian Michaels. What I loved about it is the fact that it actually shows fat bodies exercising! How cool is that?! I love seeing fat bodies in movement and doing some challenging movements; however, at the same time, I hated Michaels' rhetoric. As she "encouraged" the former contestants to work out and push themselves she'd say things like "ah, always trying to get out of it," or "come on, move faster," or "oh, they always are trying to cheat."

It sounded an awful lot like blanket statements about the fat bodies she was working with- and all I could think of was #1. Why would anyone pay money (i.e. purchase the DVD) to be insulted and #2. How does any of this actually support the goals of someone trying to move their body, and/or lose weight?

Frustrating. How cool would it be to have fat bodies in motion in workouts that were as challenging as the ones she did? How cool would it be to have a personal trainer who wasn't a thin, short, muscular woman?
Hmmmmmm.....

So, today's body love? Check out personal training certification programs....

Day 5: Running...kinda

2011-03-15T09:51:00.000-04:00

Ok I forgot to write yesterday, so you'll get two from me today.

One of my grand plans in loving my body has been to get my self out on the trails and running.... I ran track for Curtis HS years ago. I wasn't any good at it. In fact, I bordered on horrible. But the track coach was always encouraging and always encouraged me to strive for "personal bests." And slowly, I achieved those for myself.

Since coming back to wanting to be competitive (even if it's only with myself) running has been woefully painful for me. Every time I've tried my gastrocnemius has gotten thrown out of whack in a really a painful way. But I really wanted to run again. I kept trying on the treadmill to no avail. I would last a few seconds and then want to pass out.

I kept promising myself that once the weather was better I'd try to go for a run down at the Conference House. So, yesterday, I decided to give this a shot. I drove over to the park and hopped out, iPhone in hand. I decided that the best way to do this successfully would be to listen to music and to run for 1 song and walk for 1 song. And I managed to do this for about 10 songs, which equaled about 40 minutes of movement. I added it up when I got back to the car and realized that I'd managed 20 minutes of actual jogging time.

Now I'm sure that most people (myself included) can walk faster than I was jogging, but at the same time it felt really good to get my body moving in that way. Of course, I'm now paying for it with my gastrocnemius. But I'll focus on stretching and icing today as a way to work that out. All in all I was proud of myself for jogging- even though that sort of movement felt a lot more challenging than it used to. Of course, the last time I felt it was about 18 years ago.

It gave me more appreciation for my body and my ability to move. Also, while surfing for body love inspirations yesterday I came across this video about Women's Body "types" renamed after artists. Problematic in that even the woman who is supposed to be plus-sized is ...smallish. But still... makes you think a little bit.

Body Love Day 5: Early Spring Walking and Core Strength

2011-03-13T20:05:00.000-04:00

I'm not sure when I first heard that Core Strength was important but I know it is. Today, I was on the elliptical machine at the gym and then headed over to the mats to do some ab work. Yoga has really made me away of my core and I've been "playing" Crunch Fu which has also made me focus on my Core.

So today, on the mats, I start to do ab crunches and I realize how totally out of shape I am after not doing them for 10 days. Gah. Just at the point of the workout where I'm about to either tell myself how horrible I am or completely swear off crunches forever, I pulled it together. I reset my "game" and moved to an earlier workout stage and completed it successfully. And then I thanked my core for being strong enough to do that. And I vowed to not go ten days without crunches.

After running errands today I went for a nice walk at the Conference House. I'm hoping that a little later this spring it'll be the place where I will run for the first outside since high school--- maybe.

Today, Jayne Williams, The Slow Fat Triathlete,
posted about how she isn't going to obsess about food and weight in her latest adjustments to her diet. I think that's a really good way to practice body love. She's also not going to keep a scale in the house this go round. I think that's brave and wish I were going to do the same....but I'm not.

Body Love Day 4: Acupuncture

2011-03-12T23:23:00.000-05:00

Today was a day of little movement. Except for housework and errands.
It did include great acupuncture though with Geleni Fontaine, which totally zonked me out in the best possible way.

I think that acupuncture is one of my favorite ways to express body love. It's one of those things where you get to be fully present and then check out and at the same time it's doing good things to support all the weird things that go on inside your body.

So, folks, give yourselves some love, have acupuncture and if you're in NYC, I highly recommend Geleni!

Day 3 Body Love

2011-03-11T22:40:00.000-05:00

This is hard! I keep trying to slip into "I'm fat" mode and it's good practice to consciously correct myself. I almost want to charge myself a quarter every time I do it and then buy something fabulous or donate it or something.

Today, I went to yoga. It was relaxing and challenging. I untweaked whatever I tweaked in my back on Wednesday.

I don't have lots to say today---mostly because I'm a little bit more focused on the earthquake and tsunami in Japan then I am on having body love today.

That said, I feel like I loved my body today when I dressed up (read: got out of workout clothes/yoga clothes) and went out with Mitch for errands and pizza.

Overall, a good day.

Body Love Day 2

2011-03-10T22:25:00.000-05:00

So I've promised every day writing- but not sure how long some of these will be.
It's late tonight. I swam a mile this morning, but I've had two rough eating days in a row. I also had some body hate thoughts creeping in this evening.
But lemme tell you what really worked for me today?
My lungs.

Today when I was swimming- or maybe because of yesterday's yoga practice where we were breathing into the back of our lungs, I was very aware of my lungs.

They do a helluva a lotta work during a swimming mile---- Sometimes, today I even was able to get enough air into them for 6 strokes without a breath. Swimming is as close to quiet as my brain gets sometimes. I really don't have to think-my body seems to set on autopilot. When I first started training, I thought I'd despise swimming. Now, almost a year later, I actually adore it. Some of my favorite workouts are the ones where I can get into the pool and just go. I'm not fast by any stretch of the imagination--though occasionally I get tossed into the fast lane when the lifeguard is trying to make more room for the folks who aren't lap swimming. But I'm not fast. But the water makes me feel strong. Sometimes, as I swim, I catch water glistening on the arc of my left arm as I try to propel myself forward, I think- wow, that's actually kind sexy.

I love the pool. I love the wave-less surface of it and I'm always in awe of the swimmers who manage to barely break the water as they speed down the lane. I'm not one of them. I make choppy breaks with my hands and kick to hard with my feet. But I'm pretty sure my lungs are just as strong as theirs.

So---some body lovin' resources as Lent begins:

Oberyn Kunning has a "Fierce Fat [F]ilosophy, in first person" that was posted today that is pretty awesome. So if we're talking body love check it out.

Another good reminder about body love comes from Golda at Body Love Wellness. She writes "If you want to empower women to feel sane and gorgeous, we need to drop the worries over slimness. Slimness, fatness and everything in between should be recognized as part of the community of women, should be allowed to feel empowered, should have the right to feel gorgeous no matter what their size."

I think we should all agree to that.

40 days of Body Love

2011-03-09T19:47:00.000-05:00

Well...maybe not body love, but we'll try body tolerance. For those of you who are or once were Christian, today marks the beginning of Lent. A season that is usually comprised of "giving up" something that one likes, or alternatively, these days, by challenging oneself to do something differently.

In the past I've used Lent as a way to put certain things in my life in check- often, this is around food. In my life I have "given up" (for Lent): candy, chocolate, diet pepsi or coke, meat, caffeine, snarkiness, and I'm sure lots of other stuff. One year, I embarked upon forgiveness and extended that to a number of people (including the kid who rear-ended my car without having car insurance).

This year, I'm going to try something radically different. I'm going to try challenging myself to not hate my body for the next 40 days.

Because believe it or not (and depending on how well you know me, you may or may not believe this) I HATE my body.

In my mind I am strong and lean with endless legs and sturdy arms, a great rack and awesome ass. However, when I look in the mirror- I try to reconcile myself to the fact that none of this is true.

When my sister was in college, the literary magazine from The College of Staten Island, "Ceasura," I believe, ran a short-story. The gist of the story was something like this: Fat girl stands in front of mirror and hates herself so much that she takes a knife and cuts the fat away. I'm sure there must have been more to that story- I know there was- but that is the image that always haunts me. A girl, my size, standing at a full length mirror and sawing away at the fat to try and make herself thin. There have certainly been times in my life when I've said to myself "hey, that's not a bad idea." Even though I logically know that it's a terrible option. Clearly.

So, I'm going to spend the next 40 days actively working on loving myself a little more. I'm of course largely going to try and do this by getting myself focused on my training- which, in case you're wondering is going ok. But also by trying to think a little critically about bodies and society. Specifically, my body, in the society I move in.

So, some body positivity for the day. I've been doing yoga for about month. Wow. I actually love it. This is my first yoga studio experience- meaning yoga that isn't at the YMCA. I'm showing up twice a week for Basic Yoga with Drema. This class challenges me in a lot of ways. But namely, and most consistently, it challenges me by being a fat girl in a room full of waif-like women. Oh and I'm also struggling with the non-competitive aspects of yoga. In any case, today got me thinking about the importance of feet. In yoga. And just in general. Now, unless you're Rex Ryan
you probably have as little interest in feet as I usually do.

But today's yoga practice had an awful lot to do with grounding through the feet and pushing up toward the ceiling through the balls of the feet etc. And I was really really feeling my feet! So I was just thinking about how grateful I am to have good solid feet that carry me where I need to go. That's my body positivity for the day.ff
And so, I give you my foot- last February, on a beach in Australia.

I'm a bad blogger and some honesty

2011-01-23T22:08:00.000-05:00

I got busy. Which meant that I didn't have time to blog. So lets give a quick run down:

1. For the most part, since I last posted (October!) training had gone really well. I was tweeting it regularly- and I know there is some sort of way to make Twitter go directly to my blog---but I don't.
So- training- was lots of riding, and walking. I had to jettison any work on hills because I was actively in PT for my gastrocnemius, but that's pretty much resolved- just not supposed to spend lots of cold outside time with it. My partner, the owner of Eatventure, gave me all kinds of awesome sporty toys for Xmas- including the Aquabeat MP3 player, and a new spritzing water bottle, some badly needed running shoe de-stinkers, and new headphones/arm band for running/cycling. This all brings me to my second thing.

2. I caved folks. A few weeks before Christmas, I actively decided to change my eating habits. Now, to some of you this might scream diet, to others, it may not- to me it's someplace in between. My body wasn't feeling great, and I want my body to feel great always, so I knew something had to change. When I work as hard as I do I often fall into a trap about being lazy with my food, eating too much processed stuff, too much sugary stuff and generally not paying good attention to what goes into my body. So, I'm making some conscious efforts to change that.

3. One of these efforts involves a bodybugg. Now, while I'm not a fan of the fact that 24 hour fitness runs the apex program etc, I love this gadget. It's a hell of a lot of fun to see how many calories I actually burn during a regular day and also how many I burn when I'm training hard.

4 Training hard hasn't happened for a few weeks. After the holidays, we got nailed with snow- like 3 times, then, I traveled for work to run a conference which meant I didn't get to excercise at all and upon coming back from that I contracted some sort of respiratory crud that knocked me out of training for about 3 weeks. Hopefully, this week, I'll get back into a light training routine and within the next few weeks I'll slowly ramp back up to wear I was.

In the meantime, I've been doing some at-home cardio via a recumbent bike, truly awful dance workouts on exercise on demand, and some body ball workouts from Spark People. Not the greatest exercise-but some movement is better than none in my universe. So. It's been a blip, and it'll get better again.