FatMatrix

The Enhanced Human, SkyMall Style [Gadgets]

Wilson Rothman — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 03:00:00 +0000

I am ashamed of two things. 1) That in our quest for the cyborg life, we were beaten to the punch by SkyMall, and 2) that none of the following products are fake.

Let's just get this first one out of the way: Not only does the Head Spa Massager look like someone in the 1970s designed it in a future-Sparta fashion, but it's a massage helmet. You look ridiculous, and it can't even secretly double as a sexual aid.

This handsome silver fox has it going on. I mean, he's talking to a sexy lady, and a power call could easily come through his Bluetooth earpiece at any moment, right? Nope, he fooled you! He's hard of hearing, and that's just his Stealth Secret Sound Amplifier. (I laughed when I first saw this, but now it just makes me sad.)

Every cyborg I know of has a head-mounted camera, and since this 5-megapixel Digital Camera Swim Mask is only good for 15' depth (that is, snorkeling or swimming pools), you might as well make the most of it and wear it on dry land too! Even has a cyborg-friendly LED that shines inside the mask, to ~~let your friends know who's part robot~~ tell you when you're shooting.

If sci-fi tells us anything, it's that the bionic man (or woman) has great posture. Thankfully, the Posturetek Biofeedback System—it's a shirt, but they call it a system—"senses incorrect posture and gently encourages posture correction." My assumption is that it doesn't use sharp spikes or electric shocks, but it's still a tad sinister.

Snore correction makes up approximately 94% of SkyMall revenue, but only one, the SnorePro Snore Relief Device, attaches to your wrist and sends a "biofeedback digital pulse" when the log sawing kicks in. (Can you imagine having a business card with the word SnorePro emblazoned on it? Would that be awful or awesome?)

When you embark on the man-machine merger, it makes sense to complement some of that silicon with silicone, if you catch my drift. Hell, you got so much going on, nobody's going to notice that you've shoved some Body Figure Enhancing Pads down your pants. Well, they'll notice, but not in a bad way.

What good is the cyborg life if it doesn't permit you to jump higher, run faster, have more energy, appear 2" taller and "look like a million dollars"? The Gravity Defyers (spelling lessons sold separately) have been tempting travelers for ages with those very promises. Besides, its patented spring-loaded sole is found on no other shoe in the world pretty much ever, for some reason.

Locutus of Borg wasn't much of a jumper—his footwear of choice skewed toward the comfort-illumination lines. That's why he swore by the Brightfeet Lighted Slippers. They're just the thing to slip on when you're making the midnight trek from the regeneration chamber to the cube pissoir.

This week, Gizmodo is exploring the enhanced human future in a segment we call This Cyborg Life. It's about what happens when we treat our body less as a sacred object and more as what it is: Nature's ultimate machine.

The Best Windows 7 Song You’ll Hear Today [Windows 7]

Chris Jacob — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 02:00:00 +0000

It's official: Windows 7 mania has reached a fever pitch. First a burger dedicated to the OS, now fifth-grader Will Smith gives us this adorable performance of "Windows Rising," set to the tune of CCR's "Bad Moon Rising."

According to the source, Will wants to program for Microsoft when he gets older. Let me tell you something, kid: If you show this video to anyone at Microsoft, there's no way they won't give you a job on the spot.

And one other thing, Will: You do far more justice to your source material than the majority of CCR cover bands out there. Keep up the good work. [TechFlash]

How Cellphones Are Changing Our Brains [This Cyborg Life]

Chris Jacob — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 01:00:00 +0000

We've spent a lot of time this week discussing how we can use technology to change our bodies. But according to new research, one of the gadgets we rely on daily is already having a measurable effect on our brains.

Researchers at Örebro University in Sweden found that cellphone usage increases the brain's production of transthyretin, a protein found in cerebrospinal fluid that cushions and protects the brain. The researchers don't know if the increased presence of the protein is good or bad for the brain, or what kind of effects it might have in the long run.

Regardless of the effects, this observation is pretty wild. We've talked a lot about how gadgets will change our bodies, but how will our bodies change to accommodate those gadgets?

Maybe increased transthyretin production is brain's last-ditch effort to fight off cancer. Or maybe it's the first of many adaptations we'll see as we let technology become a part of ourselves. [Wired]

Do Lego Constructions Have a Soul? [Lego]

Jesus Diaz — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 00:11:28 +0000

"When you take apart a Lego house and mix the pieces into the bin, where does the house go?" Thank you for another sleepless night. [XKCD]

Why U.S. Wireless Pricing Sucks [Cell Phones]

Chris Jacob — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 00:00:00 +0000

The New York Times ran a story today that helps explain why the American cellular industry is so screwy. In short: It's our fault.

There are two main problems: We like bills to be consistent, and we're risk-averse consumers.

To the first point, Sprint tried to offer a plan in 2004 where 300 minutes cost $35, and $2.50 for each additional 50 minutes. Seems great to me, no outrageous overage charges. But customers didn't like it because their bills would vary so much from month-to-month, so Sprint switched back to age-old tiered minutes plans.

Because we like consistent billing, the carriers institute ridiculous overage charges to convince us to spend up. That way we don't have to worry about any unforeseen costs, even if the fixed price plan ends up costing more than a variable pricing structure would.

The article also goes into how stupid expensive text message rates are subsidizing falling voice revenues, how wireless carriers would love to stop subsidizing phones, and more.

I know the average Gizmodo reader would like nothing more than to pay as little per minute as possible, but the average consumer thinks differently.

What's interesting is that this wholesale mentality does work, at least in terms of raw pricing. One minute of talk time costs 5 cents, and the average text message costs 1 cent. According to the article, that's the lowest average pricing in the developed world. The minutes do come at a bulk discount, it's just a matter of whether or not you use all of them.

I'll leave it to you commenters to discuss, but it's a good read into how wireless pricing in America got so complicated. [New York Times]

Windows 7 Hacked (Again) for Keyless Activation [Windows 7]

Chris Jacob — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 23:00:00 +0000

Lo! Yet another Windows 7 activation hack appears. This one's a little more creative in that it doesn't require an OEM key at all, and instead bypasses the verification DLL completely.

The new hack nullifies sppcompai.dll, and even deactivates all the reminder popups that would otherwise ask you to activate indefinitely. But don't expect the party to last long. This crack closely mirrors an old Vista key workaround, and if Microsoft patched it easily then, they'll patch it easily now.

There's one point to this story I find particularly annoying. According to My Digital Life,

The crack is possible probably due to leniency allowed on the part of Microsoft on [the] activation mechanism to avoid getting too many false-positive or complaint on activation error [sic].

It just sucks that this game will continue. Microsoft obviously wants to make activation as painless as possible, but will probably beef up the security next time to fix these sort of exploits. Like most of you, I'm sick of DRM causing headaches for the ones who legally purchased the software, and developments like this certainly won't help.

And please, let me say this: I love you guys, and I really do love getting emails from readers. But I don't know how to do this hack. I have no idea how the hack specifically works. I don't even have a copy of Windows 7. So please, send me emails about anything else, but not about how to unlock your new copy of Windows 7. Gracias. [My Digital Life via The Register via Ubergizmo]

Spirit Rover Ready to Take…Those Sunken Wheels… [Mars]

Chris Jacob — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 22:00:00 +0000

...And learn to roll again, roll again so free. Sure, Spirit is stuck in sand and senile, but that doesn't mean he's down and out. NASA is ready to free Spirit from the sand and put him back to work.

At least, that's the plan. Really they're not expecting much from their efforts. Even though NASA has spent half a year planning how to get the rover out of the loose sand it's stuck in, every step will be dependent on what happens during the previous one. Right now NASA only has six forward rotations of Spirit's wheels planned. They anticipate extreme slippage, and will have to reevaluate the next steps once that first miniscule motion is completed.

If work continues at that pace, it's easy to see why escape efforts are planned to last until 2010. Even if Spirit can't get out of the sand trap that swallowed it, there's still plenty of good the rover can do while stationary. Just know that, whatever happens, we're all pulling for you little buddy. [Network World via Slashdot]

Psystar Is Royally Screwed [Psystar]

Chris Jacob — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 20:55:00 +0000

Yet another bad day for Psystar. After both Apple and the shady hackintosh company filed for summary judgements, the rulings are out, and Psystar is looking pretty screwed.

All of Psystar's motions for summary judgment were denied, while all of Apple's were granted. That means that Apple got exactly what they wanted, while Psystar got exactly what they didn't want.

Don't worry, there will be a trial. According to Groklaw, the court still needs to determine (*deep breath*):

Apple's allegations of breach of contract; induced breach of contract, trademark infringement; trademark dilution; trade dress infringement; and state unfair competition under California Business and Professions Code § 17200; and common law unfair competition.

Phew! So yeah, at this point it's looking less like a trial to determine Psystar's legitimacy, more like a trial to decide how much they owe Apple.

Now, I'm no lawyer, but from where I'm standing this case is looking pretty grim for Psystar. I'll leave it to you legal eagles to explain exactly what all this means in the comments, because all I know is that it can't be good. [Groklaw via 9 to 5 Mac, image via walknboston]