I didn’t believe it until I experienced it myself, but everything they say about shopping for a wedding gown is true: First, try on everything, because you just don’t know what you’re going to like until you see it on. Second, it really is fun, even if you don’t have a perfect figure. (I was particularly skeptical about this claim!) And above all… when you know, you know!

I had spent weeks looking at (literally) thousands of dresses online. Studying designers, fabrics and cuts. Researching price ranges so I wouldn’t accidentally fall in love with a $5,000 dress. And I had lots of preconceived notions about what would and wouldn’t look good on me. I was convinced I wanted an informal “destination” gown made of softly flowing chiffon, unstructured and comfortable for my beach wedding, and probably a v-neck (because a strapless isn’t as flattering on my full figure). I was going to try on dresses at a fancy salon, but then I was going to find a great deal on the same or similar dress elsewhere to a save a few bucks.

I was wrong. So, so wrong. On every count.

My experience started – and ended – at a very nice bridal salon across town. I originally scheduled the appointment there because I thought they carried the Eden Bridals line, and I had my sights set on this flowy chiffon, v-necked destination dress:

Turns out they don’t carry that line anymore, but I kept the appointment anyway. The salon has a great reputation, and I wanted to enjoy the full experience of trying on lots of styles. Plus, they carry the Pronovias line, which I had fallen in love with while browsing online. I didn’t expect I would end up with a Pronovias gown (and I didn’t), but I salivated at the thought of trying on two or three!

So in I went, carrying all of my preconceived notions with me. I was accompanied by my 15-year-old maid of honor (and future step-daughter), who was visiting from another state and also needed to choose a dress for herself. My mom, who had planned to come also, had unfortunately been hospitalized a few days earlier (she’s fine now), so it was just Madison and me.

Kate, the dress consultant, was sweet and attentive and happy to help me try on any dress I wished. As I browsed, she pointed out what she thought was special about each dress. We went into the dressing room with five or six gowns, and Kate brought me a few more after that.

I tried them all on, squeezing into some that were a bit small, and letting Kate clamp me into the larger sizes. Every one was beautiful in its own way, but only one made me say “wow!” as soon as Kate began to pull the corset strings. (Can I tell you how much I love a corset?? Oh. My. God. I watched in the mirror as 3, 5, 8, 10 pounds instantly melted away before my very eyes! I want a corset in every dress I own!)

But back to the “wow” dress… Turns out, it’s strapless! And structured! And made of silk dupioni! NOT what I expected, but absolutely what I wanted. Who knew?

And best of all, they offered me the floor sample, which fit me snugly but well, at 30% off. Which is great, because I had pushed the dress shopping to just four and a half months before the wedding, so ordering a gown was going to be a challenge. And while I can wear the dress as is (with a little nip-tuck around the top), the bottom half will look even better if I lose 5 or 10 pounds, which is all the incentive I need to curb my appetite for the next few weeks.

And so, without further ado, here is my dress:

It’s the Vernice model from Maggie Sottero (Queen of Corsets!). Mine is in diamond white (this looks like the champagne), and it’s in a slightly larger size (LOL), but you get the idea. Definitely NOT flowy chiffon!!

And here’s the back (this time, on me!)…

You wouldn’t know this, but my butt usually looks twice this big! Have I mentioned how much I LOVE a good corset??!!

I’ll save the front view for later, but I was too excited not to share the news right away… and to encourage every bride out there to be adventurous in your dress shopping, and most importantly, to HOLD OUT for the “WOW!”

By Proud father

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Mood: romantic, storybook
Palette: faded powder blue, pale garden green, white

{click image to enlarge}

Top row from left: secret garden door via Dress Design Decor, chandelier from Brides, faded blue door via Dress Design Decor, ring bearer ensemble by Marie-Chantal via Brides UK
Row 2: photo of weather vane candelabra by Elizabeth Messina, springerle cookie cake from Martha Stewart, botanical RSVP card by Austin Press
Row 3: white wine and vintage wine glasses via Style Me Pretty, vintage key via Dress Design Decor, vine save-the-date by Austin Press, The Secret Garden and vintage key via Dress Design Decor
Row 4: blue display box-frame from Cox & Cox, garden bridal hat from Martha Stewart Weddings, white garden chair with roses from Wedding Style Guide, blue paisley linen by Peter Dunham Textiles via Style Court

PS – I am so excited about being able to hang out at the Film Is Not Dead workshop while I’m here in San Diego. Thank you to Jonathan Canlas for inviting me to speak!

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For some reason, Christa’s wedding graduate post this week made me think of one-of-my-best-ladies Cara’s wedding graduate post. Cara was one of the original wedding graduates, back almost two years ago (Ah! That long?!) when I asked a few of my new blog friends to write about what they’d learned getting married, to help steer me, still on the other side. I’ve never re-run Cara’s post, and I’m not sure how that is. She summed up everything you need to know when figuring out your wedding and the details, in a world that tells you it’s all about the details. Because it’s a delicate balance for those of us that care about style… what will matter? What won’t? How will it matter?

So today, one of the *most* classic APW posts. Since it ran, I’ve drunk whisky in an bar in an old church with Cara and Nye in Scotland, toasted my 30th birthday with them in New York, and cried over their soon-to-be twins. It’s been a long and wonderful road, but Cara’s words are just as wise now as they were then. So with that, the lady herself:

What did I learn from getting married? Many things – if you’re Doing It Yourself ask for help, loads of it. You don’t need as many boxes of biscuits as you have guests. Spending your monthly food budget on fancy cheese is unnecessary and if you take medication that alters your mood taking it upon yourself to lower the dose a fortnight before your wedding is a bad idea. But which of these things to expand on, which that might offer some insight to other brides to be? I’ll go for the one that I wish I’d realised earlier….

It’s not about the details.

Hardly a novel idea, I know. Wise women like Meg and East Side have been telling us this since the very beginning but lovestruck fools like me (I’m assuming that I’m not the only one) have been ignoring them. Let me share what I have learnt, although I feel like an idiot for not listening in the first place…

I love the details, the details were my sustenance during the bitter moments of wedding planning, the he wants to elope so he doesn’t have to wear a suit moments, the my mother has told me 16 times in the last 12 months that she hates weddings moments. Making handmade prettinesses made me smile (and occasionally want to throw things out the window, but that’s par for the course right?) and I firmly believed that they would make our wedding…*better* somehow.

Well, they didn’t. It wasn’t the details that we managed to pull off that made me realise this, it was the huge number of projects that didn’t quite make it to the wedding day either because we just didn’t have time to finish them or because on the morning of the wedding we were too busy making sure our guests would have tables to eat at to worry about fripperies like decor. The aisle decorations never made it, but even better than admiring our beautiful silk ribbons our guests admired the love and joy that shone out of our ceremony… Escort cards? Well I spent days making them but again and I know not how or why, we ended up with a list of names written on a piece of card and no lives were lost as people found their seats without the help of handwritten notes hung on a washing line with bird shaped pegs. Finally, the one thing that really brought it home to me that the details matter less than the thought behind them – the photo line.

We fantasised about a string of photos hung outside and fluttering in the breeze. Photos of us at every stage in our lives, with our family members and friends hung where all could admire them. We spent hours choosing just the right photos and a fortune having them printed. We bought ribbon that coordinated with the rest, two bamboo sticks to string them between and a hundred wooden clothes pegs to hang them up with. On the morning of the wedding we got as far as putting the sticks in the ground before we were confronted with a worrying lack of dinner tables and ceremony chairs and the photos were abandoned in a sorry pile at the bottom of a cardboard box and swiftly forgotten about. Until much later in the day that is, when they were found by a bridesmaid slightly squashed and in a terribly unattractive yellow cardboard packet. She took them out, divvied them up into three piles and handed them round. People held a half eaten cupcake in one hand and a handful of photos in the other as they congregated in groups to laugh, reminisce, cringe and get tearful. The photos were a huge hit, with everyone.

People who had never met before shared giggles at my mum dressed (very convincingly) as a Mexican man; friends saw pictures of parties they had hosted and remembered what it was like back in the old days and girlfriends saw their boyfriends as little, fat naked babies and cooed delightedly. Nobody would have enjoyed them more if they had been hanging beautifully in a line, nobody cared that the yellow packet didn’t match the invitations or that the photos weren’t in chronological order. What they did care about was that they were given a chance to come together, to tell new friends old tales, to remember other occasions we had all been together. The details can be pretty, they can give your guests something to admire, remember and talk about. Spend time on them if you want to, spend time on them if you enjoy it. But know this one thing, your guests care about the thought not the execution. The things your guests really want to admire, talk about and remember? The love they share for you and each other. Think about the memories you will make, not the photos that your details will make. I won’t deny that the compliments I got on the little things made me smile – ‘Oh, you like the matchboxes? Why thank you, they took me hours to make’, but the self-satisfied glow that I get from remembering those moments is as insignificant as a sparkler to the sun when I think about the sight of our friends and families coming together and talking and laughing, really laughing, about the history and the future we were building and celebrating.

That is what matters, those are the memories that will fill you with love once it is over. Not the escort cards, not the aisle decorations and not the cursed invitations.

Photos by Elemental Weddings, with editing by Cara herself

By Proud father

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Being a bride is no easy task!  You’ve got about a million tasks to check off your “to-do” list, plus there’s that other thing that existed pre-wedding planning, your life!  To make things a little easier on you, Get Married is proud to introduce our mobile edition of Blogger Brides.  Compatible with your iPhone/iPad/iPod Touch, Android Phone, BlackBerry9500, BlackBerry9530 or webOS device,  Blogger Brides’ mobile edition is here to provide brides with the wedding inspiration you need-no matter where you are.

Tell us all about where you’re going with Blogger Brides by your side!

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Says Lilly, “We pretended that we were throwing a party at our apartment which was super helpful with focusing our attention on what we really wanted, instead of the many wedding things that everyone says you must have. We decided there would be no walking down the aisle, no first dance and no sit-down dinner. And that we definitely wanted black tie, amazing food and definitely Russian vodka!”

How amazing is this Persian-inspired billiards room?

Framed photos of Lilly, John and their families were placed around the penthouse to give it a lived-in feel. Pink peonies were arranged in vases throughout.

To honor her Russian heritage, Lilly and her family made flavored vodka which was served from an ice bar, which featured iced shot glasses and a selection of caviar. Pink cocktail napkins which were personalized with celebratory Russian sayings.

Photography: Kate Harrison

Planning: Lauren Geissler at Downey Street Events

Venue: Penthouse at The Fairmont San Francisco

Bride’s dress / shoes: La Sposa / Valentino

Bridesmaid dress / clutch: J.Crew / Eclu

Hair / makeup: Julie Morgan

Flowers: Not Just Flowers

Officiant: Rabbi Gershon from A Sacred Event

Catering: Adriana McKee-Abbe for Barbara Llewellyn

Congratulations Lilly and John! And thanks so much to Lauren Geissler and Kate Harrison who shared details and photos from this gorgeous wedding.

(Photos submitted via Two Bright Lights.)

Eclu is a sponsor of Snippet & Ink.

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As we near our one year anniversary, I wanted to write a little bit about nesting. When I first started writing about marriage, I made it clear that I wasn’t going to equate marriage with nesting – because what it with those blogs that turn into records of pillow buying one second after the wedding? I don’t need minute by minute updates of your pillow purchases, thanks. We were, more or less, already nested, and were not planning to buy a house any time soon (down-payments in the Bay Area are regularly in the low tsix figures), so I was going to talk about other things.

But. It’s never that simple, is it?

In the weeks after we returned from our honeymoon, we began to settle back in. The changes were not huge – we had new dishes and pots, we had a few honeymoon souvenirs on the wall, we had a wedding picture or two in little frames, and we had a huge Ketubah on the wall of our bedroom. They were small changes, but it felt like a subtle shift. Our home felt a little more permanent than it had before. It was nice to be reminded of people that loved us, and wanted to help us build a home, each time that we pulled down a plate or a cup. It was nice to walk by our Ketubah and remember the commitment we’d made to each other.

But, the economy, she is a b*tch, and we didn’t get a hoped for sense of the future we’d expected. Normally, when you do really well in law school, you have a bright future mapped out before you well before you even graduate. (Whether your future turns out to be anything like you think it will is another question all together, of course). But that’s not the case these days. So we waited, and we waited, and we waited… and we waited some more. I kept thinking that soon we’d know where the road was going to lead, and we could buy a new couch, or paint the living room, or know we were going to move and make plans. But the future never presented itself. (And it’s not just us… huge swaths of the incredibly talented graduating lawyers we know have no job prospects, and their families are spinning).

So we had two options: keep waiting, or start learning to live with the present. And, um, I’m no saint. So I chose the waiting and whining option for quite awhile. I spent endless emails b*tching to Jamie* about how I wanted to nest, but I couldn’t. I had all these ideas, but we had no idea what was happening next, so how could I do anything? (Poor patient Jamie).

And then this spring something snapped. I can’t put my finger on the moment that it happened, but I was just done. I was done waiting for some magical event to occur in the future that would spell out what our lives would be. I wanted to live now. I wanted to do the best with what we had, to do more with less.

So we re-painted our bathroom, we re-arranged pictures on our walls, we planned to find an affordable dining room table (for our living room, we have no dining room, natch), we bought a new rug, we bought a 1930’s bar cart from an estate sale (Yes. It is awesome), we made plans to bite the bullet and buy a new couch.

And through this process, I realized that this is what marriage is. It’s making a home, where you are, no matter what the circumstances. It’s being home, whenever you’re with your partner. It’s not waiting for the one-days, and the might-bes, and mourning the could-have-beens. It’s being home. Now.

So that’s where I am, a year in. We’re nesting. Finally. We have no idea where the road is going to lead us, or heck, what the next few months will hold. But f*ck it. We have 900 square feet, and hardwood floors, and a phone shelf, and door chimes, and a beautiful 1930’s arch way. We have family furniture, and style, and the ability to re-finish tables. We have each other. So to h*ll with the future, and welcome home.

Picture: Me & the iPhone. This is one of our huppah poles, which now lives on our living room wall. We couldn’t part with it.

*Poor Jamie. Jamie and I like to talk about home design-y things… possibly because she is both an architect and a designer, so she really got the brunt of my complaining.

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{Kate Spade}

Hope you enjoy these links from around the web this week!

Frenchwomen’s secrets to aging well (thank you to Mariam).

I write like ________.

Quite a fancy business card.

Custom fingerprint paper cutting? Brilliant save-the-date idea!

My bed wants to wear Leontine Linens, via i suwannee.

Mi madre in 1967, via Nibs.

Raspberry brown sugar gratin? How did I not know about this until now?

Delightful illustrations, via Mint.

One of these days I’ll make it to this fabulous party.

Have a happy, happy weekend!

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