fazayal

Some Udipi Restaurant Facts

2012-01-24T13:06:00.002+05:30

Friends I have been eating and enjoying South Indian food at Udipi Restaurants (or is it just Udipis) for many years. These are my critical observations. You are free to add yours.

Fact # 1 : Never trust an Udipi which charges for extra Sambhar and Chutney.

Fact # 2 : Just as its the journey and not the destination which makes the difference, similarly its not the Idli or Dosa but Sambhar and Chutney that make the difference.

Fact # 3 : People who order Idli-Meduwada are feeling confused that day.

Fact # 4 : If someone orders a complicated dish like Palak Butter Rava Mysore Masala Dosa, one thing is sure. This person is not the one paying the bill.

Fact # 5 : Mysore Masala Dosa on roadside stall is totally different from the one served in restaurants.

Fact # 6 : Udipi Law of reversibility, "As the cleanliness of the hotel increases the taste of food decreases."

Fact # 7 : Restaurants serve two Idlis or Wadas in one plate. Roadside stall serve three.

Fact # 8 : Price of Medu Wada & Idli is same no matter how much difference in the price of rice and urad dal.

Fact # 9 : There are two types of people in this world. Ones who prefer Idli or Wada totally dipped in Sambhar while the others who ask for Sambhar seperately.

Fact # 10 : If a restaurant charges extra for extra Sambhar and Chutney, the tip to the waiter gets forfeited.

Going to Andheri Station will not be same anymore.

2011-11-15T23:36:00.006+05:30

There are few things in life that I had taken for granted. They were present since my childhood. So I assumed they always will be. Like Sachin Tendulkar playing for India, tastiest Wada Pav next to Apna Bazar in Andheri (W), passenger refusing auto rickshaws, Super Mario and Ideal Railway Irani Restaurant just outside Andheri (W) station.

This restaurant was my favourite. You could get the best Kheema Pav, Irani Chai and Bun Maska over here. I could never get the same taste anywhere else. Even the prices were quite low. Where on earth would you get a Chicken Tandoori Leg piece for less than forty bucks? Whenever I went to Andheri station (which is getting less now) I made a point to enjoy food over there.

You had self service over here. The waiters and the owner were rude. Once I remember a customer asking the owner what meat you have. He replied rudely, "Murgi ka hai, bakre ka hai aur baell ka hai. Tumko kya chahiye."

Once a family came there and sat on a table. They probably had come there for the first time so were expecting a waiter to come and take orders. They waited for a long time. All this while the owner and his men were watching them but none of them even had the courtesy to tell them that this is a self service restaurant. Atlast I told them that.

In many restaurants people complete a whole business meeting over a cup of tea. Youngsters spend hours in coffee shops over a few cups of ridiculously over priced coffee & tea products. They are more than welcome to do so. But not in this restaurant. If they saw someone spending even a minute more after finishing their food, one of the workers would keep a small sign on the table, "No sitting long" and walk away with a straight face. That person would definitely leave immediately.

I train salespeople of many corporates on the importance of customer service in today's era. Customer is the king. He has many options. Respect the customer. Go the extra mile for him. And many more customer centric philosophy.

This restaurant was throwing these well researched practices out of the window and still had nearly all the chairs occupied most of the time. One reason was that the food over here was tasty, less priced and unique. A few months back me and a colleague of mine spent nearly an hour to find a parking space only to have that magical taste on our tongues.

The unpainted walls, old furniture and dirty clothes wearing waiters were in fact a good change against well maintained restaurants. Most of the patrons were from middle or lower middle class. I had seen many lower middle class families sharing a chicken piece amongst four of them with relish. Where else would they get such a tasty chicken for such a low price. They would not even dare enter KFC after looking at the shining glass walls.

One of the most touching moments I went through was when I went there for the last time, I saw a group of ten deaf boys and girls. Watching them enjoy food and talk with their sign language brought a smile to my face.

The world was so good inside that Irani Restaurant.

I was in Delhi for an office project for a month. After coming back I headed to my favourite eating place, but it was closed. There were boards of McDonalds and I saw renovation work going on inside. This can't happen. Probably McDonalds just wants to put their hoardings for advertisement because they have one franchisee just twenty metres from there. This restaurant had just started Mutton Kheema for non beef eaters so it must have long term plans.

I asked a shopkeeper and he confirmed my fears. There will be a Mcdonalds coming up in place of the Irani restaurant. I still don't understand why McD wants to start a restaurant just bang opposite to an existing one. Probably they can't handle the rush and need some more space. But why my favourite restaurant, why not somewhere else. Will those poor people come and eat in McDonalds. The owner must have made good money but would McDonalds employ those rude waiters. They were working there for decades.

Another heritage of our city ends and no one is bothered.

Will I hear college dropouts telling customer, "One McKheema Pao, One McBun Maska and one McIrani Chai. Would you like to have some fries with it."

RIP Ideal Railway Restaurant

Why Greg Chappell is bad!

2011-07-14T23:06:00.000+05:30

A few days back I read that Zaheer Khan has blamed Greg Chappell for his slack period. Today Harbhajan Singh has put the blame on him too. Bhajji said he would have taken 400 wickets long back if Greg was not the coach of Indian team few years ago.

I totally agree with them. Its not just Zak and Bhajji who have suffered due to Greg Chappell. There have been many more people. Lets see what they have to say:

"If not for Greg Chappel petrol would have been less than Rs.50/litre." -- Jaipal Reddy, Petroleum Minister, India.

"Greg Chappell gave us all those injections." -- Banned Indian athletes (Name witheld on request or the writer was too bored to google for them)

"Greg Chappell ordered for that Rs.36,000 per roll toilet paper." -- Suresh Kalmadi

"Greg Chappell told me that cricket balls taste like Mutton Kofta." -- Shahid Afridi

"Greg Chappell forced me to take those Rs.176,000 crore." -- A Raja

"Greg Chappell asked me to bowl full toss to Miandad on that day in Sharjah." -- Chetan Sharma

"Greg Chappell forced me to elect to field after winning the toss in 1996 World Cup Semi Final." -- Mohammad Azharuddin

"It was Greg Chappell who convinced me to call that press conference on April Fool's day." -- Vivek Oberoi

"It was Greg Chappell who asked me to call Vivek Oberoi 41 times." -- Salman Khan

"Greg Chappell taught all the batsmen in the world how to read my variations." -- Ajantha Mendis

"I paid heed to Greg Chappell's advice just twice. Once in 2007 T20 World Cup Final and next in 2011 World Cup Semi Final." -- Misbah Ul Haq

"Greg Chappell gave me the idea for ICL." -- Subhash Chandra

"Greg Chappell asked me to act in Ram Gopal Varma ki Aag" -- Amitabh Bachchan

"Greg Chappell is my best friend." -- Ijaz Butt

"If not for Greg Chappell, I would not have lost my contract." -- Simon Katich

"Greg Chappell showed us middle finger." -- Kolkatta Crowd

"It was some Chappell who asked me to bowl underarm." -- Trevor Chappell

(Thanks to a very good online friend with whom I got this idea)

PEEPLI LIVE 2?

2011-06-25T22:25:00.000+05:30

I watched PEEPLI LIVE movie a few months back. It gave a chilling account of how our media does all kinds of antics just for TRPs and advertisement revenue. Making a mountain off a mole hill is probably mentioned in their KRAs. Ethics have been thrown in the sea to find Osama Bin Laden. In this movie a great tamasha is made when a poor farmer threatens to commit suicide. You must be knowing about the movie, if you are living under a rock google it or read about it on wikipedia.

The farmer who threatens suicide is given attention from all over including central ministers. The reporters dont even shy from detailing about the colour of his shit. However there is a poor landless farmer who now digs soil the whole day and sell it to a brick kiln for 15-20 rupees. One day his dead body is found in the same pit from where he dug soil. No one cares for this man because he couldnt generate the same publicity that the protagonist somehow could. Even the local reporter who has a moment of truth realisation on his death is snubbed by the big news channel journos.

You must be wondering why am I harping on a film which was released nearly a year ago.

Something happened in real life a few days back. Baba Ramdev was on a SATYAGRAHA & FAST in Delhi. He had taken permission from authorities for a yoga camp. However he was talking more politics and less yoga. The government first made a fool of him by releasing his assurance letter that he will withdraw the fast in two days. Next they ordered lathi charge on his supporters in the night, which was as inhuman as it can get.

Gandhiji was on Satyagraha many times against the British rule. I never read about him running away. He was a frail man but faced every thing head on. However, the great Yogi ran away in a women's clothes. He wasn't a Mahatma neither he claimed to be one so we cannot expect the same kind of bravery like the person whom we proudly call father of our nation. I am also sure that even Anna Hazare would have faced the police and gladly had himself arrested instead of jumping off the stage & disappearing in the crowd.

Now Baba Ramdev started his fast from his base location Haridwar. News channels were covering every movement of his. What he was doing, what he was saying, what he was wearing. Like Peepli Live they would have analysed even his shit if given a chance! The government practically showed him the middle finger and said do whatever you want, we dont give a damn. The opposition parties made merry and baked as many political breads as they could in this oven. Enough breads for months.

After nine days of drama and 24/7 reporting on only this issue which was briefly halted to cover the death of M.F.Hussain, Baba Ramdev finally broke his fast in a hospital. Every news channel in India showed him drinking the juice in company of many politico-religious leaders. He really looked in a bad shape health wise. I wondered how come a Yoga expert fails in his fast after just nine days while many lesser people have done it for much longer. Either those people ate and drank secretly or Baba isnt as big yoga expert he claims to be.

In the same hospital an unheard man named Swami Nigmanand died the very same day. He was fasting for protecting river Ganga apparently for 114 days. No one I know had ever heard of him or his cause before his death. In Peepli Live the news reporters were covering and sensationalising Natha and his suicide threats , completely ignoring the poor old farmer who died while digging soil in the hot sun. In real life; news channels were covering each and every activity of Baba Ramdev and similarly if not more sensationalising the issue like the above mentioned film, with not even a mention of another activist who was fasting for 114 days for a very genuine cause. We came to know about him only after his death.

What kind of world are we living in. When will media & politicians show some responsibility instead of only thinking about TRPs or votes. I will not be surprised if Peeple Live producers file a plagiarism case against Baba Ramdev & Swami Nigmanand very soon.

World Cup & ME!

2011-04-13T08:12:00.000+05:30

It’s been nearly ten days now that India has won the world cup. There must have been thousands of articles written on it and millions of blogs too with trillions of comments on them, mostly illogical. I would like to give a drop in that over crowded ocean.

1975-1979 World Cups : I was born in the year 1983 so obviously don’t have a clue as to what happened in 1975-79. Looking back at the statistics I see that India played horribly in them. Winning just one match that too against a non test playing side. Even Sri Lanka defeated India, even though they were not a Test side yet. Gavaskar 34 runs of infinite balls is the only talked about thing of these two World Cups. I assume that highlights of these two WCs are shown in West Indian countries still, at least just before every World Cup.

1983 World Cup: India won the cup on 25 June 1983; I was born exactly three days later. I was born premature by a month so it won’t be wrong to assume that my mom got so excited after India won the cup that I was born on 28th June.

Like every Indian with a television set even I must have seen the highlights of this World Cup infinite times. During every World Cup season it was our daily dose. I had an autobiography of Kapil Dev in my house. It probably was bought by my uncle. I got hold of it when I was around 12 years old and read the 1983 World Cup chapters’ innumerable times. It was fun. I can only imagine how much happiness the nation would have achieved in the monsoon of 1983.

Right from 1996 to 2011 edition I saw innumerable times India’s matches of 1983 Cup. Sandeep Patil fearlessly hitting an England bowler for four after four in Semi Finals, India falling like pack of cards for 183, Sandhu bowling an amazing off cutter to get Greenidge bowled, Kapil making a very tough catch look ridiculously simple, Amarnath with his dibbly dobblies, India winning the match, Srikanth running like mad, pitch invasion by fans and Kapil lifting the trophy with his trademark smile. He was just 24. Wow, a nation with poor sporting history must have rejoiced. One thing that me along with millions of cricket fans regret is that Kapils 175* against Zimbabwe was never recorded on film due to some issues with BBC.

The world cup victory also coincided with the modernization of India. Asian Games held in India (Was there a similar scam as CWC 2010?) , India getting coloured television, Maruti & Hero Honda setting up, Rakesh Sharma going in space, among a few I can recollect happened around same time. Only sad thing I recollect from this period is that India won its last Olympic medal in Hockey in 1980. Probably it was a sign of change; focus was shifted from hockey to cricket.

1987 World Cup: I was too small to remember anything about the 1987 Reliance World Cup. The only thing which connects me to it was a sticker which was put up on an Almirah in our home by one of my uncles. It had a big cricket ball and flags of all participating countries with “Reliance World Cup” boldly written on it. That sticker was there atleast till 1996 World Cup. Either the quality of that sticker was amazing or utmost care was taken not to harm it!

I still don’t know why this particular World Cup is always ignored by media. I hardly see any highlights of 1987 tournament even during World Cup seasons considering India played quite well in it. Few things I know about it after following cricket for so long is Chetan Sharma’s hat-trick, Sidhu’s explosive batting, India losing to Australia by 1 run, India and Pakistan both losing their semi-finals creating an anti climax and Gatting’s reverse sweep. I have never seen footage of Allan Border lifting the World Cup ever in my life! Infact I was under the assumption that coloured clothing were first used in this edition considering World Series took place two years earlier with coloured clothing. I still don’t understand why such a step motherly treatment I given to 1987!

1992 World Cup: This is the first World Cup that I remember watching on TV. This was the first with coloured clothing, with nine teams and a single group, addition of South Africa and amazing stadiums in Australia and New Zealand. My cricketing knowledge was quite limited at that time, but I remember few incidents like daylight. Greatbatch going wild, Dipak Patel opening the bowling (I wondered why an Indian was playing for NZ, bloody traitor), South Africa showing what fielding is supposed to be (Jonty flying like Superman!), Miandad and More kangaroo episode, India losing to Australia again by 1 run, Zimbabwe defeating England among a few and the best jerseys at World Cups ever. I also remember Ravi Shastri’s photos were garlanded back home by shoes after his slow batting in a match. Yep, Indian fans were crazy even then! But I saw many people wearing replica jerseys of other countries back then. I doubt it will happen again!

India didn’t qualify for the Semis due to average performance and bad luck. They lost a couple of close matches and their match against Sri Lanka was washed out. Nesfit was an energy drink launched with Vinod Kambli endorsing it I remember hazily.

Then I saw the heartbreak. I saw the shock on the face of Brian McMillan when the revised target was shown 21 of 7 balls. After a few seconds when the giant screen showed 21 runs off 1 ball, the look on McMillan’s face was priceless. It can be a serious contender for Mastercard ads. After India was out I was supporting South Africa. I screamed loudly in disbelief “IT’S CHEATING”. I asked my Mom for explanation of the mess it was. She tried to explain me but I was repeating again and again “IT’S CHEATING”. I also told her that if I was a South African player I would have broken the stadium down or punched the Umpire (Typical Indian fan attitude!).

After the match was over the South African players shook hands with the English players and assembled in the ground. My Mom told me, “See, even though they are wrongly defeated they are still smiling and shaking hands with their opposition players and umpires. This is called Sportsmanship.” Her words still ring in my head whenever I try to cheat in any game. One more thing, I saw a South African player wearing a skirt when they assembled on the ground, I swear. I don’t know who he was, but I clearly remember it. Can anyone confirm this?

In the finals I was sure Pakistan will win and so were everyone in my locality. I saw many Indians celebrating Pakistan’s victory and if someone is now getting funny ideas, let me put it this way, “People of all religions in my area were bursting crackers like it was Diwali”. I am sure something like this would not have happened atleast in 2011 World Cup. Pakistani players dancing with the crystal trophy is crystal clear in my memory.

1996 World Cup: World Cup was coming back to India. I was 12 and now had enough skills to give better commentary than Doordarshan’s Hindi commentators. There was lots of hype during this cup. Times of India gave a free magazine with the profiles and statistics of each and every player in the tournament. I and my brother had read that book atleast hundred times. Don’t believe me huh. Ok, Sachin had 101 matches and Azhar 199. Kambli had a forty plus batting average. Nolan Clarke was the oldest player, Bevan had an average of 82+ with highest score of 78, and Mark Taylor had yet not scored a century. I had that book for a long time. Wish such a book was published for each World Cup.

Before the World Cup I saw a program in which many ex cricketers were asked who they think has the brightest chance to win the cup. Duleep Mendis said, “Sri Lanka”. I and my brother rolled on the floor laughing. Alas, how wrong we were!

Jayasuriya & Kaluwitharna took everyone by surprise. South Africa won every league match easily. India again lost to Australia in a close match, Sri Lanka defeated India badly, Prabhakar’s career was over in four overs. Against Zimbabwe India was in trouble but Kambli & Sidhu saved the blushes. West Indies losing to Kenya was funny. How on earth did Tariq Iqbal catch that ball when Lara nicked?

West Indies and Australia refused to play in Sri Lanka and forfeited their points. A combined Indo-Pak team played friendly matches against Sri Lanka instead for the crowd. In those days Asian cricketing countries cared for each other.

Then I saw the second South African heartbreak. Lara showed his class. Sri Lanka beat England easily. India-Pak match at Bangalore was fantastic. Aamir Sohail – Venkatesh Prasad episode is well known. Australia also beat a spirited New Zealand.

West Indies who were cruising at a time panicked worse than they did in 1983.That day I became a Shane Warne fan.

India picked two wickets in first over, but Aravinda had other plans. He took the team to a respectable total. India fell like pack of cards by Jayasuriya’s spin. Calcutta crowd went crazy as usual. I cried for first and last time after watching a cricket match. Vinod Kambli wasn’t the only one that night.

I bet five rupees with a school mate on Australia’s winning the cup. I lost the bet but never gave the money to that guy.

Sri Lanka chased easily and was crowned the champion. One more cricketing giant had emerged from Asia. Jayasurya was role model to everyone. I heard a boy bragging once, “I have been coached by Jayasurya’s coach.” Bullshit I thought.

1999 World Cup : “Britannia Khao, World Cup Jao.” Britannia created an amazing marketing campaign. Every Britannia product had some “Runs”. Collect 100 runs and you get a booklet. Every booklet had a scratch area. Everything we bought during that time from butter to bread was from Britannia. After collecting 100 runs we ran to the store to scratch, but getting “Try Again” always. The booklet however was an amazing knowledge source. There was one for every World cup plus one for batting and bowling of World Cups. There wasn’t internet, so these booklets satiated the statistics and trivia hunger of mine.

The campaign started. India played disastrously. When we lost to Zimbabwe in that close match one should have seen the atmosphere the next day. It seriously looked as if the whole nation was mourning. No one was smiling. Everyone was on just one topic. Sachin’s father had expired so he missed that match. He came back and rocked Kenya with a century. In Taunton Ganguly and Dravid smashed all over. India defeated England in a match that was continued the next day due to rains. India somehow managed to reach the Super Six stage.

Klusener took the world cup by storm. He was blasting away & never looked like getting out. Pakistan defeated Australia easily which was the last time Australia was on losing side for more than a decade in World Cups.

India defeated Pakistan but lost to Australia. Me and my brother tried all the permutations and combinations and with a heavy heart concluded that no matter what happens, India cannot qualify for semis. What nonsense was this Super Six!

Then happened the mother of all encounters. Klusener single handedly keeping South Africa ahead. Nine of six balls. Whack. Another whack. One of four balls. A near run out. A suicidal run out. What on earth were Donald and Klusener smoking near the stumps? What a sad end for South Africa in World Cup again!

Pakistan beat New Zealand easily. Then Australia beat Pakistan more easily. Boring World Cup final. I am in twelfth standard now. Have to score good marks in Physics, Chemistry and Mathematics to get admission in an engineering college in Mumbai or will have to go to a remote location. Engineering is very difficult says my friend Kishan who is in first year. He leaves home by seven in morning and comes back by eleven at night. He was one of the most intelligent guys in our building but still got admission only in a college in Vasai. What will happen to me? Being a cricketer is no longer an option now. I hit even the balls pitched on off to leg side (Robin Singh spoiled my technique) and no matter how much I tell myself, I am not going to be the next Saqlain Mushtaq.

2003 World Cup: So I am in third year of Mechanical Engineering. I have got an admission in a college which is just 10 kms from my home. World cup will start again. Britannia has again launched “Britannia Khao, World Cup Jao”. I am not interested, I don’t even have time to copy assignments and trace drawing sheets who will spend time collecting “Runs”, I can’t believe I actually did something so stupid four years ago. And I don’t even have a passport. Even if I win it, I can’t go. Pepsi has launched a blue colour cola. I tried to drink it once. My mind couldn’t accept that it’s not kerosene. It even smelt like kerosene to one of my friends.

So as is the norm, India lost to Australia. They even struggled while playing Holland. India will struggle to reach Super Six we thought. But hey we were proven wrong. India went on to win each and every match after that. Ganguly’s leadership and the team huddle were working. When Ashish Nehra took six wickets against England, I was making a stupid robot for inter college festival at a friend’s place. My friend Chaitanya had recently come from England and he got a booklet similar to one Times of India gave in 1996. It was really nice with good humor at many places.

India-Pak match in 2003 World Cup had lots of hype. Pakistan had all their stars but they were getting old. Saeed Anwar scored another century and Inzamam was run out again. Pakistan scored a good total. Sachin was hitting Shoaib Akhtar all over. We were cruising. I was a serious Judo player that time. I went for my Judo class leaving Indo-Pak world cup match because my coach will not take this as excuse. He hates cricket. The road was deserted, looked like a curfew. When I returned Yuvi and Dravid eased to the total. Pakistan was out of 2003 World Cup.

Also in 2003 South Africa found out yet another way to lose a world cup trophy without doing much wrong.

India reached finals. I heard funny reasons why India will win the Cup. Here are the two gems:

1. West Indies won their next World Cup after four years, Australia won the cup by twelve years and so following the sequence India must win after twenty years.
2. World Cup has always moved from a left hand captain to right hand one and again to left hand. Eg. Llyod (LHB) to Kapil (RHB) to Border (LHB) to Imran (RHB) to Ranatunga (LHB) to S Waugh (RHB) to Ganguly (LHB)

So nearly 99% of India’s population was convinced that India will win due to above two scientific reasons.

If Pakistan showed in 1999 how not to bat in a world cup final, in 2003 India showed how not to bowl in a world cup final.

Ponting scored an amazing century and there was no chance for India to win the match. I went to play cricket during the break. I was so angry that I bowled nearly everyone with yorkers. Yeah, I had stopped bowling off spin and had started bowling fast for the past three years. Saqlain’s career has been spoilt by PCB.

So close yet so far. There was no way India could have beaten that Aussie team, so the disappointment frankly wasn’t too much.

I heard a numerologist saying a few days after the world cup, “I told Ganguly to wear this number jersey and see he scored three centuries in World Cup”. Well I checked and came to know that indeed Ganguly scored three centuries in 2003 World Cup. One against Namibia and two against Kenya. God bless the numerologists!

2007 World Cup: Hey the World Cup is in West Indies. This is going to be the most colourful world cup of all times. So much hype as usual. Pepsi this time has come up with a golden cola.

Wow this format is also fun. This will be a very competitive world cup, super six was stupid. This format is ideal. From super eight onwards there will be all tough matches no mismatches at all, yipeee!

India loses to Bangladesh. Pakistan loses to Ireland. Both also lose to Sri Lanka and West Indies respectively. Both are out in first round. Pakistan coach dies under mysterious circumstances. I am also struggling in my career. I am working in a service industry where I handle customers. Next day after India is out of World Cup, customers remove all their frustrations of Men in Blue on me.

The Super Eight stage goes on forever. No one is interested. I believe that 2007 world cup is still going on in West Indies. They are at half way stage.

Who won? Australia, who else? What a farce was the 2007 final match? Stupid umpires and referee. Also Gilchrist played that blinder due to his skills not due to that squash ball. If squash ball makes such a big impact, give a squash ball to every child who wants to play cricket instead of telling him to practice.

2011 World Cup: So everyone wants to win the cup for Sachin. Everyone other than Sachin himself is saying that it’s his last World Cup. Every member of 1983 World Cup Squad except Sunil Valson is seen in news channels giving expert opinions. India TV takes one step ahead in stupidity and launches a program BIGG TOSS with Rakhi Sawant and Veena Malik as experts

India is the favorite to win the title. They hammer Bangladesh. I have a projector now so we plan to watch all major India matches on “Big Screen” at home. I watch the India-England match on projector, it’s tied. I watch India-South Africa match on projector, India loses. I watch India’s batting against West Indies on projector, they play like nuts. I shut the projector and watch the match on TV. India wins. I swear never to watch a match on projector no matter how much I get tempted.

In this Cup I expected that 300 runs would be normal and quite chase able. How wrong was I? In this world cup I expected India to steam roll all opponents. How wrong was I? This time I thought Pakistan will struggle to make Quarter Finals. How wrong was I? South Africa will screw atleast once. I wasn’t too much wrong here, they just screwed themselves twice.

So there were hundreds of matches and after that it was decided which teams will be top eight. The same top eight teams since 1992! At least a repeat of 2007 was avoided.

So India beat Australia with some tension. Pakistan beat themselves against India (well this is what most of my Pakistani friends would like to hear). And India defeated Sri Lanka with Dhoni hitting a huge six.

Wow! At last World Cup has come to India. Saw big men crying. Kapils devils of 1983 never cried, they were infact shocked with happiness. This just shows how much more hard work it was for the batch of 2011 to get the cup home. I had never seen so much happiness around me, not even when we won the 20-20 World Cup. Crackers were bursting all over. Fans purchase crackers before the start of the match. What do they do with it if the team loses? Forget it dude. We are the world champs.

Also the child who was born three days after India won the cup in 1983 is now nearly twenty eight. He had only seen disappointments after every four years. Now he knows how it feels when your nation wins the world cup. He should consider himself lucky that he wasn’t born in England, New Zealand or South Africa. He should also consider himself lucky that he is not representing Ireland in cricket.

Peril of travelling in train alone

2010-07-06T14:45:00.000+05:30

I managed to reach the station one hour before the departure of the train. I was going to Aurangabad for the first time. I had to further go to Ahmednagar by bus. Then come back in the evening to Aurangabad. It was going to be a hectic schedule. I was mentally preparing myself for it. I checked my name printed on the confirmed list. It feels so good to see your name in confirmed list. I remember the times when I had travelled without confirmed tickets or without proper tickets. Another thing which makes me feel happy is to see the correct spelling of my name and also my correct age. Whenever I see my age written somewhere I get a little sad. 24,25,26...now 27. I am not getting any younger!

My berth number was 7. I put my bag under it and was thinking about the hectic schedule of the next three days when a beautiful female came up to me.

She asked, "Excuse me".

Suddenly I forgot all the problems of my life. Females are amazing creatures. They can make your mind stop anytime they want.

I replied, "Yes please." No matter how hard I tried to keep a straight face, I still managed to give a big smile.

She asked, "Are you single?"

Was I dreaming or what. I always knew I was decent looking but not as much as a hunk that an unknown girl would ask me in a train whether I was single. Wow I can brag this to my friends for my whole life.

I replied excitedly, "Yea definitely I am. Single and you see ready to..."

She didnt let me complete my sentence, "Thats great.", she said.

Wow, she feels that me being single is great for her. Dont wake me up anyone. If its a dream I want to be in it for some more time. It would be okay if I get late for office even today. No one anyway cares what time I come to office.

Then she said, "Since you are single, would you mind shifting to berth number 2 so that my husband can be with me?"

Wish this was actually a dream and I could get out of it.

"Yea sure. Why not. My pleasure." , saying this I shifted myself and my luggage to seat number 2. Her husband was kind enough to help me shift the luggage. He was a decent guy and deserved that chick.

So now I was feeling like a fool. I sat on berth number 2 where I had two old men for company. They were bragging with each other about themselves. One of them asked me after some time, "Excuse me. Are you travelling alone?"

I felt like telling him, "No. I am travelling with you. Ha. Ha. Ha."

But I was too bored and frustated now. I replied, "Yes unfortunately."

"So would you mind shifting to berth number 13. One of our seats are there."

What the hell? Again. Don't I have anything else to do or what. Well its not their fault. Its mine. I am the one travelling in train without company. I guess every lone traveller in train faces this.

"Sure. Why not?" I said and then took my baggage and myself to berth number 13. Since the guy was old I didn't expect him to help me shift. While going to my new berth I saw the couple, one of whom were technically sitting on my berth. He looked concerned when he saw me moving with my baggage. I told him the story and again he helped me shift to berth number 13.

The train was supposed to depart at 11.30 pm. It left the station on time. I had a lower berth and was planning to sleep. I heard another voice,

"Excuse me."

Now who is there?, "Yes" I replied.

There was an old lady as my co-passenger. She said, "Beta, would you mind sleeping on the upper berth. I cant climb it up."

"Sure, why not." I told her and shifted myself to the upper berth. If I can change my berth twice, I can also change it thrice.

After some time I went to the loo. While coming back I saw a beautiful chick. After looking at me she gave a smile and said, "Hi."

I said boringly, "Hello."

"Whats your name?", she asked

"Fazayal." (Wow a girl taking intro from me. When was the last time it happened.)

"I'm Namrata. Nice to meet you."

"Same here." (I am elated.)

"Are you from Mumbai?"

"Yes. I am" (Should I ask her number. I guess the pace at which she is going, she is the one who will ask)

"Me too."

"Great!" (Awesome! Fantastic!)

Suddenly she asked, "Are you single?"

I heard this sentence and lost my cool.

"Yes I am single and I am sleeping at berth number 14. And in no condition am I going to exchange it with your husband, brother or father. I am fed up of this exercise. Is it a crime for a guy to travel alone."

She got scared and ran away. Was she asking me about whether I was travelling alone or about my relationship status? Who cares now?

Aurangabad-Ahmednagar here I come!

Three Sentence Story

2010-04-01T14:05:00.000+05:30

I was in no mood to go to office, so SMSed my boss that I wont come to office as I am not feeling well.

Next day he met me and asked, "How are you feeling now?"

I replied, "What happened to me?"

Journey to Vadodara

2009-11-12T11:47:00.001+05:30

First time I was going out of the state for official work. First time I was travelling by AC 2-tier. First time I was carrying a laptop with me in train.

The train was supposed to leave by 11.40 PM. I left home by 8 for office as I had to collect the laptop and workbooks from there.

"How many workbooks are there?", I asked the program co-ordinator on my way to office.

"Only seventy five.", she replied.

"Seventy five! Yesterday you said sixty."

"We are providing some extra books, just in case."

"I hope the books aren’t very heavy."

"Not at all and one more thing I won’t be able to pick up your calls now, I have some work."

I should have taken the hint but I didn't.

I reached office building by 9 pm. Asked the auto driver if he is interested in taking me to Bandra Terminus. He replied in affirmative. I paid the fare and told that I will be back in ten minutes. I saw a man sitting in the office. He jumped with joy after seeing me. He gave me the laptop and a bundle weighing as much as him.

"These are the books." he said.

"Great, don’t look very heavy.", I said sarcastically.

He made me sign some papers and I went down to see the same auto waiting for me.He took me to Bandra Terminus. His meter was running as fast as Usain Bolt. When the auto reached Bandra the meter showed Rs.104/-. I wanted to argue with him. If I had time I would have threatened to take him to RTO to check his meter like I usually do. But I didn't want to pick up fight with some bearded auto driver while carrying someone else's laptop and more than half my weight of books in a dark alley.

I paid him and told, "Masha Allah, your meter runs very fast, what do you feed him?"

While going to the platform I wondered if my voucher of Rs. 104/- would be cleared or will my manager feel that I am one of the lakhs of people who overinflate their travel claims.

There was an hour for the train to come. I took out Chetan Bhagat's latest novel and started reading it. It was a pirated copy. I always believe I am a better writer than him. He doesn't deserve to be here. He just writes novels about losers who always manage to find a hot girl. That doesn’t happen, I am still single. What better way of revenge than reading his pirated book? The bugger won’t get any royalty on a pirated novel for sure. On second thought I felt that every writer chuckles when he sees his pirated books selling. As some one said, "Imitation is the best form of flattery." Chuckle and get flattered Mr. Bhagat, I have read all your books in pirated form.

I thought of buying a bottle of bottled water (Is that grammatically correct!) for my trip. I clutched the laptop close to my heart and paid for a bottle. In the next stall I saw "Cremica" biscuits. I had read an article a few days back mentioning that Cremica guys produce some one lakh buns every day for McDonalds. (http://businesstoday.intoday.in/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&issueid=67&id=12717§ionid=22&Itemid=1). I had never tried their biscuits so thought of giving them a chance.Excitedly I went to the other stall and bought a packet of Cremica strawberry cream biscuits. I kept it in my bag and resumed reading the novel. I felt thirsty. That was when I realised that even though I had paid for the bottle I didn't pick it up!

I went to the stall and told the vendor about it. He said, "Someone would have flicked. You want another, pay for it." I grumbled and paid for the new bottle. Twelve rupees wasted, I could have eaten two wada-pavs.

Whenever I travel by train I always fantasize about two things. One that my compartment would be very close to where I am waiting and two that I would have a beautiful girl for company. The former has never happened and the latter happens only when I am travelling with my family. This time too I saw my compartment going past me and it kept going away and away. I carried my bag, laptop and seventy five books to compartment A1 of Avadh Express. The compartment was on one end of the train, frankly speaking I had not seen the compartment number very clearly. What if when I reach the compartment I am told that it’s on the other end of the train! Luckily the compartment was on the same side. I saw my name written on the reservation chart pasted outside and marched in.

I had travelled by A/C 3 Tier many times but never by A/C 2 Tier. I found my berth, tucked my bag and books below the seats and kept the laptop with me. I saw three people from the same family as my co-passengers. Just then a policeman came inside. He stared at me and asked, “Are you with this family?”. Looks like from my face he judged that I dont look like a person who can travel in 2-Tier. I thought of having some fun. I felt like saying "Yes." and then cover it with "All Indians are my brothers and sisters, so every Indian is a part of my family."

But for some reason I didnt do it.I said, "No I am alone."

"What work do you do?"

I got pissed off. Do I look like a terrorist?I thought of saying, "I make bombs, you have a problem with it?"

But I said, "I am an engineer."

He gave me a look and went away.

The man sitting next to me asked, "So you are an engineering student?" He had a very strong Gujarati accent.

"No I am working in XYZ company.", I replied.

"How much salary you are paid?"

The more I want to stay away from generalising people, the more it comes to me. Do Gujaratis only think of money. I mumbled my humble salary to him.

After that he told me his Bio-data. In which college he had studied, which year he passed out, which companies he worked for and how much was the salary in every company. He followed it up with the Bio-data of his sons which were as comprehensive as his. One was in Australia while other was in USA. I started feeling that now I know more about his family than mine. I dont really know when my father completed his graduation but I know this guy got his diploma in Electrical Engineering in the year 1969. Then all of a sudden he asked, "Are you married?"

His detailed introduction mentioned that he had only two sons and no daughters, so I thought this question would be safe to answer.

"No, I am still a bachelor", I replied

"Why dont you get married? How old are you? Twenty eight?"

"I will get married soon. And I am twenty six."

"Very good haan, very good. You see I am travelling with my family and there are four of us. Three seats are here and the fourth one is the side berth over there. Would you mind swapping your berth with our side berth so that our family can stay together."

"What the hell!", a voice inside me screamed, "Whats the point in travelling in 2-tier if you have to sleep on a side berth?"

"C'mon, you are getting a chance to get rid of this man and his irritating conversations", another voice said, "Plus its always better to help other people."

"Yea sure, why not?" I told that man. "I will be getting down at Vadodara, what time is it expected and where are you getting down at?"

"We will also get down at Vadodara. It should come by 4.30 am."

"Sir, I have a bad habit of oversleeping. Please wake me up by 4.00 am, incase I dont get up by myself."

"Arre Beta dont worry.We travel on this route frequently. Not only will we wake you up but will also push you out of Vadodara station if you want." He said and started laughing as if he had just cracked the joke of the century.

I smiled and said, "So I will leave now, feeling a bit sleepy."

"Arre, lets talk for some time, I am enjoying your company."

"Uncle, I am feeling very sleepy. Lets chat in the morning." I lied on both sentences. Neither I was feeling sleepy nor wanted to talk with him in morning. Luckily he didnt notice that I changed my statement from "bit sleepy" to "very sleepy" in just a second.

I went to my exhanged berth clutching the laptop, put an alarm of 4 am and tried to sleep. The train was vibrating and all those vibrations were coming in my stomach. Good, I will not need to exercise my abs for some time. Thinking about some relevant and irrelevant things I went to sleep.

I got up with the alarm of 4 O'Clock snoozed it and went to sleep again. Can anyone tell me how to get rid of this habit. Is there an organisation called as "Snoozers Anonymous."

Luckily I woke up when the phone buzzed at 4.10 am. Hurriedly I went to the washroom and brushed my teeth. After a few minutes the train halted at Vadodara station. I was about to board off, then suddenly remembered that Gujarati family. I went to their compartment and saw that all four of them were sleeping as one sleeps after giving his last exam paper.

"Dont wake them up." , a voice in me said, "Let the big mouth get his lesson. What fun it will be when they will get down somewhere in Rajasthan!"

"C'mon dude!" another voice said, "This is an old guy with his family. Would you really make him suffer? I know you wont."

I woke the old chap, "Uncle! Vadodara aavi gayo."

He woke up and with him the other three and all of them were repeating, "Vadodara aavi gayo." as if it was some spiritual chant.

I got off the train and before I had walked ten steps one policeman came to me and asked me to show him my bag.

"Do I look like a smuggler?" I thought and let him check my innocent belongings.

When I crossed the bridge and was about to move out of the station another policeman checked my luggage. This time I was a bit furious. I asked him, "Why the hell is every policeman on the station checking me?"

He said calmly, "Sir, Gujarat is a dry state and young boys like you are notorious for bringing alcoholic drinks. Its our duty please dont mind."

So not a terrorist, not a smuggler but I look like an alcoholic from face.

I went to the Auto Rickshaw stand and told one guy my destination.

He said, "Forty Rupees."

I abused him loud enough for everyone to hear and asked the next Rickshaw driver.

"Twenty Rupees," he said.

"Should I abuse him too so that the next rickshaw driver will take me there for Ten Rupees", I thought.

I went against that thought and boarded his rickshaw. What else will I get to see and experience in this new job now?"

The Child at Footpath Near Metro Site

2009-09-28T23:28:00.000+05:30

We Mumbaikars will get our own Metro Rail very soon. Versova to Ghatkoper which takes nearly two hours will be achievable in 22 minutes. So the distance between them would be reduced. You might think I am talking nonsense but its a fact that in Mumbai we measure distance in minutes and hours not in kilometres and metres. Still if you dont believe me ask any guy from Mumbai how far is Dadar from Andheri? He will say in all probability, "Twenty five minutes by train." You ask again, "No, tell me how many kilometres it is.?" He will scratch his head and realise that he doesnt have an answer forsuch a simple question.

Myself being a true Mumbaikar face lots of problems when I go to some other city. "How far is Qutub Minar from Malviya nagar?" I ask someone in Delhi. The pedestrian replies, "Seven kilometers." and walks away. Now I scratch my head. It would have been better if Mumbai would have used distance as a unit of distance and not time as a unit of distance.

Coming back to Mumbai Metro. The construction of Metro has shortened the width of already narrow roads of Mumbai by half. Everywhere we see signboards saying, "Please bear with us for a better tomorrow". I have been reading such signs since childhood. That tomorrow has never come. I feel myself lucky that Bandra-Worli sealink got completed before i turned seventy.

The traffic was already bad on the roads on which Metro is planned. Now you cut the width to less than half and you have a nightmare. This is what roads in hell would be like I feel.

I was on my bike with my brother passing through such a road. It was a Sunday afternoon, still there was bumper to bumper traffic. After waiting on a red light for some time I saw a few people on the footpath. Beggars, hawkers, flower sellers and a few street children. I have seen one thing about street children. They all have brown hair. Staying in such strong sunlight for so long has changed their hair colour. The Metro will provide them some shade atleast.

I also saw a small child sitting on the footpath. He was no more than a year old. Even he had brown hair. He was eating a fruit, probably a guava. He was relishing it. There was so much innocence on his face. I have seen many one year old kids. No one would have eaten a guava on their own. Probably it was the first and only meal of his day. The fruit fell off his hands and got mixed with mud. The child picked that up and was eating the mud mixed fruit with same relish. He probably doesnt know what taste is. The option he has is not of whether there is tasty food or bland food, but whether there is food or not.

I was thinking what will he become when he grows up? This innocent child didnt know what life has in store for him. He will be forced to beg. If he is lucky he will sell balloons or flowers. People will abuse him, big street children will beat him and take his hard earned money.

Who knows he is already earning. Maybe his mother starves him and begs when he cries to get more alms.

The signal turned green, I kickstarted my bike and moved towards home . I was not able to stop my eyes from looking at that child. I realised that if I wont look in front, I might meet an accident. I focussed my vision on the road and drove away.

How shameless and helpless I felt at the same time!

TATA NANO : FIRST LOOK!

2009-04-04T00:13:00.000+05:30

One of my colleagues told me today that NANO is on display in the mall opposite to the office building. He couldn't even finish his sentence and already five of us were on our way to the mall. Everyone wanted to see what exactly is TATA NANO.

I have seen the reaction of people when they see a new born baby of a freind or a relative. That reaction cannot be explained in words. The reaction of people around NANO was starkingly similiar to that. Yes, it is true NANO is India's baby. Just like relatives of a new born baby try to match its feature within the kin, people were doing the same with our baby NANO. "It looks like Zen Estilo from a distance", "The back is just like Indica", "The centre console is like Spark"

An autorickshaw comes for a price of around one and a half lakh. Pulling out a real car in that amount is really a miracle that TATAs have performed.

You will fall instantly in love with this machine the moment you will see it. It is definitely the most cutest car available in the market. The cute headlights. The baby bonnet. The aerodynamic wedges in the rear doors. The tall height. The space ship style front seats. Oh my God! I have fallen in love it seems! This car would have sold for 3 lakhs only for its looks, but giving it away for half that price is charity it seems.

This is a rear-engined car. So the bonnet doesnt have the engine. Something we are used to seeing since we remember cars. The bonnet holds the stepny tyre which is another innovation. One more difference from conventional cars is that there is no petrol filler caps on either side. The petrol is filled in a pipe inside the bonnet. It will be quite a nice scene to see petrol being filled in the bonnet of a car in our petrol pumps.

The car is surprisingy spacious. Two adults can comfortably sit in the rear seats. Even three people were able to sit quite comfortably inside. Autorickshaws are supposed to seat three people and NANO definitely has more space than them. Not only there is ample space inside the car considering its size, but its amazingly comfortable.

The front seats have a very futuristic shape even though they are very thin compared to other cars. But they looked sturdy and definitely helped in saving space in the car. The view of the road looked very clear from the driver side. The large pockets provided on the dashboard on the driver and passenger side to keep everyday luggage like grocery bags, school back-packs etc. were really admirable. The cluster meter is in the centre so that every one seated in the car can see the speed on which car is going. This will be a pain to husbands, as their wives will keep on nagging them "Oh God! Why are you racing so much? Slow down. You are driving a NANO not a Ferrari."

I had seen the bonnet, so wanted to check the boot of the car too. I kept on looking for the boot lever but couldnt find it anywhere. I thought that the boot must be opening with a key, so got down off the car confirm it. But there was no keyhole in the boot. I checked the front seats thoroughly again. I saw that the battery was fitted below the driver seat. (Jumpstarting NANO in case of battery discharge would be a pain). The tool kit was fixed below the front passenger seat. These space saving innovations deserve a salute to the TATA engineers. But still I couldnt locate the boot lever.

I sat on the rear seats for some inspiration. I saw a small plastic loop on the far top right side of the seats. I saw a similiar loop on the left side. I told one of the observer to pull the loop on the left side while I pulled the right side. VOILA, the seats folded and we saw a small boot below the parcel tray. I dont think there are many cars in the world with such a procedure to open the boot.

This kind of boot is definitely cost saving but has some serious disadvantages. In case of an accident, the denting of the dicky panel will be very difficult as there are no dicky lifters which open it an enable working on it. The dicky panel would be needed to cut out and then repaired. For fitting it back welding would be required. This will make the finishing pathetic and every NANO with even a slight rear damage will have to lose the original company seals which is a big let down.

Now for some more negatives:

1. The quality of plastic used is very cheap. "Made in China" toys use better plastic. The head light lever and wiper lever looked as if they will break with slightest of forces.

2. There is no glovebox. Where will the owners keep their car papers?

3. Tyres are too small. Slighty bigger tyres were desired.

4. The speakers looked odd and seriously out of place on the dashboard.

5. My left knee touched the dashboard while pressing the clutch. This problem will be faced by tall people who have the habit of reclining the seat ahead.

I have still not driven this car so cannot comment on the pickup, clutching, braking, suspension, A/C etc. Will try to test drive it soon.

All said and done. Nano is definitely the most amazing car to be launched in our times. Making something like this at such a cheap price is a big achievement for the TATA Motors and for our nation as well. This car will revolutionalise the Indian automobile market (Two wheeler and Used Car included) and to some extent the International market as well.

Thanks, Mr. Ratan Tata for keeping your promise. Shame on you Ms. Mamta Bannerjee for depriving people from experiencing this engineering marvel for so long!

Before finishing, two Nano jokes.

1. A Sardar's Nano was not starting. He opened the bonnet to check the engine. Definitely he couldnt see any engine in the bonnet. He remarked, "Oye teri. Now I know why Nano is so cheap. The bloody car doesn't have an engine!"

2. Two high maintainence Gujrati girls discussing:

"Why did you dump your boyfreind?"

"Oh Him! Uske pass Nano chhe." (Take help of a Gujrati friend if you havent understood the joke!)

Three Sentence Stories!!

2009-03-11T18:08:00.000+05:30

Here I am going to post some short stories of mine. Some really very short stories! All the stories will have only three sentences. Watch this space for more!

**********************************************************************************
1.

I boarded a local train after watching the night show of horror movie at CINEMAX.

I went to the only man sitting in the compartment and asked him, "Sir, do you believe in ghosts?"

He looked at me, smiled, said, "No I don't, do you?" and disappeared!

***********************************************************************************

2.

I prepared the lecture on "Punctuality and Professionalism" till late night.

I was really pleased with my rehearsals and could imagine the applause I would get after finishing the presentation the next morning

When I woke up it was already afternoon and my mobile phone on silent mode showed "26 Missed Calls".

*************************************************************************************

3.

Even though I was quite friendly with my party freak neighbours, I didn't like their habit of playing music loudly in the night.

It was my birthday today and I wanted to sleep peacefully, so thought of requesting them to co-operate.

As soon as I entered their house I heard my whole housing society singing , "Happy birthday to you.!"

WINNERS

2008-12-15T12:17:00.000+05:30

WINNERS!

We have been bombarded with TV shows recently which make winners out of ordinary people. You have an audition, sing well, dance well and keep on surviving the eliminations through SMSes and become a winner. The whole nation takes notice of you and you become a household name.

In my opinion these are not the real winners.

The real winners are around us, but we fail to see them because of our social blindness. This is not strange considering the fact that even though we keep in touch with people living on the other side of the earth through internet, we do not know who stays in our neighbourhood.

To see the winners we must look beyond the smoke of glamourous world created by television and other medias.

Everyone travelling in Mumbai's local train in rush hour is a winner. The autorickshaw driver who works twelve hours a day is a winner. The traffic constable who does his duty on a hot afternoon even though his hands pain is a winner. The youth who stays away from alcohol and drugs is a winner. The parents who sacrifice their whole life for the sake of their children are winners. The student who burns the midnight oil studying instead of visiting rave parties is a winner. The mother who delivers a baby is a winner. The man who works out harder in a gym instead of taking steroids is a winner. The office boy who cleans my office every hour is a winner. The doctors and nurses who tend patients day and night continously are winners. The child who prefers losing a cricket match on ground than winning a Worldcup on his computer game is a winner. The vegetable seller who pushes his cart in 40*C is a winner. The newspaper boys, dabawaalas, milkmen etc. who keep on pedalling their bicycles whether its snow, rain or sun are winners. The list can go on and on....

For me these are the real winners and I rate them higher than the contestants who win huge amounts of prize money in realty shows. Those guys must be fighting with fellow contestants but my winners are fighting with fate!

CIRCULARITY

2008-12-15T12:13:00.000+05:30

(just wrote this piece for the sake of writing something)

Circularity

The world was in dark ages before "circularity" was discovered. Wheel was created and it made a revolution (pun intended). I tried to imagine how the world would look like minus circularity. Every morning we will welcome a square sun. People will go to work on their pogo sticks. Kids won’t play any ball games. There would be no cars, no watches, no elevators (it runs on circular pulleys if you don’t know), and no circles in geometry.

I would really love if we could get away from circles in geometry. All the shapes have such simple formulae for areas and perimeter; but circle brings pain. One has to consider a vague constant called “pi”. It always made my calculations troublesome. While I was in school I was made to understand that the value of “pi” is 22/7 or 3.14 as a good approximation. As I got older I realized this was a lie and no one knows the exact value of “pi”. In my engineering days I used a ten decimal value of “pi” which came as a standard function in my scientific calculator. Our life would have been so simple if the value of “pi” was a whole number. Not only circle but formulae of spheres, cones, cylinders, ellipses etc. would have been so simple. I won’t be surprised to know that many people hated geometry only because of “pi”.

I don’t know how our national flag would look like with a square Ashoka Chakra. How different would the flags of Japan and Bangladesh look minus the circularity?

Charity begins at home. So let me test this “un-circularity” in my room. How neat would my room look without the circles? All the square bottles could be arranged close to each other without wastage of space (remember Japan recently made square watermelons to save space). Then again my imagination stops when I think about square bottle caps! How will they operate, definitely not by rotating? I will never strain my back because things will never roll and hide themselves in the deepest corners of my bed. I see a round pizza in a square box lying on my table. I see wastage of space in the corners. If there were square pizzas these spaces would have been filled. I just calculated that a six inch square pizza will have more to eat than a six inch round pizza!

One more question I wonder at times is whether wheel was “invented” or “discovered”. Some say it was invented because it was not present and some highly motivated stone man made a wheel out of stone. I tend to disagree. Wheel was always present. Sun and moon were always round. Eye-balls were always eyeballs and never eye-cubes. Later some middle age scientists also told much against the wishes of the church that earth was round. All planets orbit in circular. If they had no problem in accepting a round sun and moon why did they object to a round earth!

It is hard to live without circularity. I can’t imagine going to office on a pogo stick. The wheels of my bike are good enough even though they puncture every month on Mumbai roads. Looking in square eyes of a girl would be unimaginable. Life without cricket, football, golf etc. would not be worth living! We should be thankful that we live in a circular universe instead of a square one!

Looks like God gave his angels a circular to make this world on a round table conference (another intended pun)! Why didn’t he give us two wheels instead of legs then?

WHY ALL INDIAN CRICKET FANS IN THEIR TWENTIES WILL FEEL SAD!

2008-11-07T21:23:00.000+05:30

I was born two days after India had won the World Cup in 1983. My very first memory of watching cricket was 1992 World Cup which is quite faint. Infact the only match I remember was the one against Australia which we lost by just one run. No one explained to me what cricket was, how it was played, what were the rules etc. I don’t know how but I learnt them instantly. Looks like cricket is in the blood of every Indian.

I never saw Sunil Gavaskar frustrate West Indian bowlers. Kapil Dev was struggling to break Richard Hadlee’s record and I didn’t see the best of his bowling. Spin quartet of India was also one of the legends I had only heard, never seen.

One player that everyone talked about was Sachin Tendulkar. He was just nineteen years old while playing 1992 World Cup. I don’t remember his debut. He made kids like me to dream that one can reach high even at a young age. Everyone wanted to be a Tendulkar.

We also saw the emergence of another player called Anil Kumble. This man was bespectacled, mustached spinner who didn’t turn the ball much and had a very amusing bowling action. The Hindi commentators of Doordarshan reminded us atleast twice a day that he was an engineer.

I can proudly say that I witnessed India whitewashing the hapless England 3-0. Vinod Kambli suddenly caught the imagination of the whole nation.

A few months later happened the Hero Cup. The semi final between India and South Africa was the first one day thriller that I had seen. Sachin bowled the last over of the match when South Africa just needed six runs to win. Sachin just gave away three runs. Yeah, I was there to witness the first time South Africans choked!

Then came the final against West Indies. Mind you they were still considered the best team then. Kumble tooK 6-12 and we won the Hero Cup.

Sachin and Kumble became permanent heroes for us. People stopped making fun of short heighted boys while we played cricket. Spectacles became cool for spin bowlers and funny bowling actions were feared not laughed on.

Later came the 1996 World Cup and Sachin went on hitting good scores in almost every match. Jaysuriya started playing his own style attacking cricket and Sri Lanka took the cricket world by surprise (Mind you, they were respected as we respect give Bangladesh nowadays). I saw the great West Indies being bowled out for 92 by first timers Kenya. This was the beginning of end of West Indies cricket. South Africans choked once again and after winning all their league matches, lost the quaterfinals.

The India-Pakistan Quarterfinal match is still there in my memory. No one can forget the way Jadeja thrashed Waqar Younis. Amir Sohail hit Venkatesh Prasad for back to back boundaries and showed him the direction of the boundary line. Prasad clean bowled him the next ball and showed him the direction of Pakistani dressing room.

India reached the Semi-Finals. We were playing quite well, but Jaysuriya spun a web with his spin bowling and India was in a hopeless situation. The crowd started misbehaving with players and burning the stands. The match was awarded to Sri Lanka. The first time I cried after watching a cricket match. (Vinod Kambli was not the only person to cry after that match)

Indian cricket was going to the dogs and we looked to help from Lord. And help came at Lord’s. Here we saw the emergence of two players who became the pillars of Indian cricket for more than a decade. Ganguly showed that off side belonged to him. Dravid showed us what technicality was.

Immediately the boys were divided into either Ganguly camp or Dravid camp. Lefties were being called as Ganguly and every left handed batsmen (including myself) felt a sense of flattery when anyone referred to us as Ganguly. Any person who wasted balls but stood on the crease was being termed as Dravid.

I remember the time when Australians were also mortals. South Africa and India defeated them in all the league matches of Titan Cup. I can never forget the 50+ run ninth wicket partnership between Kumble and Srinath which lead to India winning a very close match against Australia. I had my geometry paper the next day. I saw the match till late in night and screwed my paper the next day. Still I didn’t have any regrets!

I am the one to witness the start of Harbhajan-Ponting rivalry. Harbhajan got Ponting stumped and told him to F**k off. The rivalry still continues. In the same series Tendulkar hit back to back hundreds and we won the Sharjah Cup. It prompted Steve Waugh to say, “We lost to a good player.”

Yes Indian batting at that time was only Sachin Tendulkar. If he played well we won. If he didn’t our batsmen collapsed like a pack of cards. Thankfully at a later stage India got a player like Robin Singh who despite being in mid thirties taught us to give our hundred percent.

I also remember the debut of a player named VVS Laxman. He was forced to open innings for India as there was no place for him in middle order filled with names like Azhar, Tendulkar, Dravid and Ganguly. He struggled. He looked as confused as a child in a topless bar.

We had heroes like Tendulkar, Dravid, Ganguly, Jadeja, Azhar and Kumble. Our parents were happy that we had such gentlemen as role models. This generation sadly tries to emulate Shreesanth and Harbhajan. No doubt they are good players. But I would rather have a Dravid as my son-in-law than a Shreesanth!

Then came 1999 World Cup. India lost a very close match to Zimbabwe. This time I didn’t cry. I just couldn’t believe it for three days. It was the only topic of discussion for the whole country. I think we were more shocked than we were in 2007 World Cup. India however played well in next matches and ended its campaign with some respect. Ganguly and Dravid hitting Sri Lankan bowlers in Taunton fascinated me for more than a week!

In 2000 happened the match fixing controversy. I think was big enough at that time. I was in my graduation. My childhood was over. We all felt cheated. Some players were banned. We swore that we will never watch cricket again. But I guess we loved cricket too much to do that. We continued watching cricket.

We saw Dravid struggling as a One-Day player. We saw Dravid keeping wickets to keep his place in team. We remember India thrashing Australia 2-1 at home and later getting thrashed 3-0 in Australia. We saw a spinner like Shane Warne treated like a school level bowler by Indian batsmen. We remember Anil Kumble taking 10 wickets in an inning. We remember India losing a Test to Pakistan by mere 17 runs and Tendulkar’s painful century went in vain. We saw the emergence of Laxman from a struggling opener to a solid middle order batsman.

We saw Ganguly taking the reign of Indian cricket and it started a new chapter. Tendulkar, Dravid, Kumble and Srinath were still very much a part of Saurav’s team. These were our childhood heroes, but they continued to play even when we went to college. They played even when we started working. It felt as if our childhood was stretched.

I saw them all. But now it looks like my childhood will end. We took for granted that Tendulkar, Kumble, Ganguly, Dravid and Laxman will stay forever. They never felt like leaving us anytime. The Indian Board was also kind enough to retain such players for such a long time, quite opposite to what Pakistani Board did to some of its best players.

Sachin taught us class, Kumble taught us accuracy, Dravid taught us endurance, Ganguly taught us aggression and Laxman taught us elegance. This didn’t happen just for a couple of years. They taught us for a decade and a half.

The reality however seems to have come. Kumble is retired, Ganguly is playing his last match and very soon Tendulkar, Dravid and Laxman will also go and I will have no memories of my childhood left.

The day I will not see any of the above five names in the Indian team, probably I will stop watching cricket. I won’t be able to!

A MOVIE FROM HEAVEN!

2008-10-02T12:24:00.001+05:30

FILM NAME: CHILDREN OF HEAVEN (BACHEHA-YA ASEMAN)
STARRING: AMIR FARROKH,BAHARE SEDDIQI
DIRECTOR: MAJID MAJIDI
RATINGS: *****

Most of the movies that we watch are out of our mind as soon as we read the closing credits. There are however a few movies about whom we keep on thinking for hours, days or sometimes months. "Children of Heaven" is one of these rare movies. Ali and Zehra are siblings living in a poor Iranian family. Ali goes to repair Zehra's shoes but lose them on the way. Now if their parents will come to know about it they will thrash Ali and also they are too poor to buy new pair of shoes for their daughter. To get out of this situation they have a long discussion and hold your breath by writing messages on a note book right under the nose of their parents.

Zehra has a morning school while Ali has an afternoon school. It is decided Zehra will wear Ali's shoes to school and will return them to him during afternoon at a common place. This is when the trouble begins. No matter how fast Zehra run back from school she is never in time to give the shoes to his brother. Ali gets late to school everyday and his principal even tells him to go back home once. He is a good student so he is saved by one of the teachers.

There is a scene in which one shoe fall off Zehra's feet as they are too big for her (remember its her elder brother's shoes) and they fall in a gutter. The water current makes the shoe drift away. The desperation with which she runs after the shoe makes will make your whole body shiver.

The brother-sister relationship is shown very beautifully in this movie. Even though they go through such suffering, they are always there to support each other's cause every moment.

Each and every scene of the movie is full of simplicity. I cant seem to think of any other movie which can match the simplicity of this movie. Ali and Zehra are ideal children which every parent would love to have.

The kids find out who is having the possession of Zehra's shoes and they go out to investigate. They see that the girl who is now wearing those shoes is a poor child with a blind father. They dont take any action against her and continue with their adventures with just a pair of shoes between them.

Later in Ali's school an inter school long distance running competition is announced. Ali takes no interest in it. After a few days on the notice board he sees that the boy to come third in the race will win a pair of new sneakers. His eyes light up and he requests his sports teacher to allow him to participate in the race. Since the boys for race are already shorlisted, his teacher doesnt listen to him. Ali knows that this is an opportunity he cannot miss. He pleads and weeps in front of him and melts the teacher who cosiders giving him a trial.

During his trial run Ali runs with all his strength and impresses his teacher so that he is allowed to represent his school in the race.

Ali tells this good news to his sister and promises her that he will definitely come third in the race and will win the shoes for her.

Now begins a competition in which probably for the first time one individual is running not to come first but to come third. While running this boy remembers the pain of his little sister who came running for him everyday so that he can wear the shoes and be on time for school.

The result of the race should not be told by me or else it will be against the spirit for those who havent watched this movie yet.

The ending of the movie could not be understood by many dumb people. So if you dont understand it, take an appointment in a mental hospital :)

I saw the English dubbed version of the movie which was done by un-emotional dubbing artistes. A more professional dubbing was expected for such a great movie.

I have heard that Darsheel Safari is going to play the role of Ali in the Indian version of this movie. Only time will tell whether he will repeat the splendid performance of "Taare Zameen Par."

This movie is much much better than the so called children's movies churned out by Hollywood based on expensive animations and senseless plots. It just shows that to make a good film, you dont need a big budget, just a big heart!

NOTE MAT KARO.........FEEL KARO

2008-08-26T20:29:00.000+05:30

FILM NAME: KABHI HAAN...KABHI NAA
STARRING: SHAHRUKH KHAN, SUCHITRA KRISHAMURTHY, NASEERUDDIN SHAH, DEEPAK TIJORI.
DIRECTOR: KUNDAN SHAH
RATINGS:*****

If you watch Shahrukh Khan's films, he has acted similarly in almost all of them. He has played the monotonous character of "Raj/Rahul" innumerable times. But this film is different, Shahrukh Khan goes skin deep in a character called "Sunil" and plays it to perfection. The only other recent film where he broke the steorotype was "Chak De..India."

Sunil is your average "nalayak" neighbour whom you see everyday. He has failed three times in his board exams, he is a pain to his parents, doesnt have any goal in life and one who shamelessly lies and cheats for short term gains.

He is also a member of a struggling local music band. He is madly in love with the only female member of the band, Anna (Sucitra Krishnamurty). He has stiff competition from another member of the band Chris (Deepak Tijori). Chris is a succesful man in life, rich, responsible, never cheats anyone, plays good music and loves Anna too.

Sunil tries all the tricks to get Anna away from Chris. While there is a race to receive Anna at the railway station, he punctures the tyres of Chris's car and reaches before him. Then he shamelessly tells Chris later, "Railway station pe recieve karne ki baat hi kuch aur hoti hai, nahi!" :)

His white lies are not limited to getting Anna only. He nearly bluffs his way in getting his band a chance to play in the local bar. "We played music in Enter the Dragon Club" he says after seeing a photo of Bruce Lee. You will love him for his stupidities.

No matter how much Sunil tries, but Anna gets close to Chris. In one of the parties he sees Anna and Chris getting too intimate for Sunil's comfort. The expression on Sunil's face takes the prize.

Sunil still doesnt give up. He tells Chris that Anna is not a girl of good character. She is a big flirt who has played games with many boys including himself.

Sunil's lies are exposed in front of Anna and he is thrown away from the band.

He tries his level best to get back with his freinds but to no avail. The insults he takes from his friends and Anna makes you feel for the poor guy. The suggestions given to him by Naseeruddin Shah, the priest at local church is heartening. He says "Sunil tum hamesha khidki se kyun jaata hai, darwaza kyun nahi try karta!"

He eventually makes up back to the band by saving his friends from an assault by the rowdy patrons of the pub. He also wins the heart of the local don (Goga Kapoor), who also had a very bad love life. So Sunil is back in touch with Anna, but he could see her slipping away from him.

The scene in which he is playing mouth organ on a very sad tone and crying is one of the best in the film. The don hears him and says to his assistant "Aaj koi saala bahut sad hai re, isiliye itna achcha music nikal raha hai." His assistant makes a note of it. Then comes the dialogue of the film. Don says, "Note mat karo, feel karo." :-))

On personal front Sunil fails again in his board exams. To save himself from his father's ire, he makes a fake marksheet with the help of the don. But don was his fan so he gives Sunil the marks of a topper! His parents get happy and throw a party to the whole town for their son's success. Sunil couldnt bear it anymore and confesses. This is also one of the best scenes of the film.

Life starts getting better for Sunil. His parents are happy with him. Anna breaks off with Chris and their parents are talking about marriage of Anna and Sunil.

Now I cannot tell you the end of the film. It is for you to see for yourself and enjoy.

The music of the movie is good. One of the very few movies in which you feel that songs dont break but heighten the rhythm of the movie. The music looked original, other than the song "Kaise don" which starts with the tone of "Rasputin" by Boney M. (When will Indians stop copying!)

The lyrics by Majrooh Sultanpuri are refreshing. All songs have meaningful lyrics. "Ho bas agar tum hamare sanam, hum toh sitaro pe rakh de kadam."

The dialogues are witty and funny. The dialogue by the priest, "Idhar se jao, udhar se jao, sabhi rasta God ki taraf jaata hai." is just one of them!

Kundan Shah shows that "Jaane Bhi Do Yaaron" was not a fluke.

The support cast of Satish Shah, Goga Kapoor, Anjan Shrivastav, Ahutosh Gowarikar (Yea, the director of Lagan, Swades and Jodha Akbar) etc. are perfect!

And lastly any person who has ever been on the wrong side of a one sided love will seriously feel the pain of Sunil. Well done Shahrukh, I bet even you cant repeat your performance in KHKN again!

BACHNA AE LOGON!

2008-08-23T19:40:00.000+05:30

FILM NAME: BACHNA AE HASINO
CAST: RANBIR, KAPOOR, BIPASHA BASU, DEEPIKA PADUKONE, MINISSHA LAMBA
DIRECTOR: SIDDHARTH ANAND

RATINGS: *

I had very high expectations from this film when I entered the movie hall, but all of them were dashed badly within the after the first ten minutes. The film started with a bang with the title song but fizzled out soon.

The film shows three time periods viz. 1996, 2002 ad 2007. Sadly all three periods look similiar. The director didnt do anything to make the look of the film original than saying mobile phone being recetly launched in 1996. The fashion, the hairstyle, everything looked of 2008! I never saw any girl wearing genie style pyjamas in 1996 like Minisha Lamba wore!

Hiten Paintal playing Ranbir's friend gets away with the best lines in the film. Minisha Lamba needs to seriously do something about here skin (or was it bad make-up). It makes her look terrible. The chemistry between Ranbir and all three ladies looked good and thats what gives this film its single star rating.

Like many hindi films Minisha misses her train in a foreign city and she falls in love with Ranbir on the way. Now when Minisha is reunited with her parents they look so cool as if nothing had happened . But they still say, "We were very worried."

Now Ranbir ditches her and the story moves to 2002.

Bipasha Basu becomes his live in girlfriend. Thankfuly Hiten Paintal is still there to make the film a bit watchable. Bipasha wears her childhood clothes and Ranbir is seen topless in many scenes. One advice for him :Dude you dont go topless with such kind of tweeny body. First make your body like Salman, John, Hrithik etc. and then try removing your shirt!

So now Ranbir wants to ditch Bipasha and fly to Australia. He tries all the tried and tested methods given by Hiten, but still Bipasha doesnt give up. Lastly he shamelessly leaves her waiting for him at the steps of marriage court with full bridal get up!

Now we come in 2007. Ranbir is a play boy in Australia. Having fun with girls. While doing his "Rajgiri" (thats what he calls his playboyism as) he meets a lady taxi driver, Deepika, who is an MBA student who drives taxi in night to meet ends.

While Ranbir is shopping in supermarket, 90% of his buys are condoms. Here he meets Deepika again who is a cashier at supermarket! Now if she drives taxi in night and works in supermarket during day, when the hell does she go to college and study?

Now they start dating each other and fall in love. Ranbir all of a sudden proposes to Deepika and she refuses. Ranbir's heart is broken and he feels for the heart of two girls he broke in his lifetime and thinks of apologising them.

Then follows the drama. I felt like watching a poor version of DDLJ when Ranbir is on a mission to get forgiveness of Minisha. Kunal Kapoor plays his 2 bit role to perfection.

Then Ranbir tries to get forgiveness from Bipasha, who is now a super model. She has loads of attitude and shows it well. He tries hard but she ignores him. Lastly she agrees to forgive him on a condition that he will be her assistant.

Then she abuses him, uses him, makes fun of him, makes his life hell, but he still serves her like a slave.

He is polishing her nails (Arrgh) when there starts another melodrama. This was the time when I thought it was enough torture on my brain and I left the theatre. So I dont know what happens in the end. I was happy that I was saved of 30 minutes of torture that was in store for me.

After I came out of the cinema hall I was searching for the refund form so that i could get my money back!