Fear the Woot

Bwuh? What the hell's a 'blog?!'

2009-05-09T21:12:00.000-07:00

Oh, right. It's this thing that I've neglected for like FOREVER. Whatever.

So what the HELL is wrong with my professors this semester?! I swear, they have to be borderline fucktarded. (Yes, that's a word. No, I won't fight you about it. Yes, I have a penguin in canada.)

Let's talk about Dr. Slatto first, yeah? He's a real winner. (It's like winning the lottery, and your prize is a stutter and awkwardness.) I only have to attend his class on Monday and Wednesday of each week, thank GOD. The man looks like he doesn't really know how to shave, and he always wears the same purple shirt. (I dunno if he washes it.) He comes into class and rambles on for an hour about shit I taught myself in the five minutes before class. It's really boring. But then he asks a question, and the fun starts! (Fun is a relative term here.) He'll ask retardedly simple questions about some stupid piece of music, and then there's DEAD SILENCE. Everyone just stares at him. Most of the time I legitimately have no idea what's going on, so I really can't answer. But I know some of the other people in my class knew what was going on. BUT THEY JUST SIT THERE. And he'll just wait. One time, he decided to lay down to take a nap, and for us to wake him up when someone had an answer. (He was on the floor for about two minutes. Nobody said anything.) And he stutters. It's hilarious. Think Sylvester the cat trying to say the letter 's.' Now multiply that by forty. Now put them all together. He's like a retarded snake. (SHshsh- shs- shhshshh- shshsh-SHITBALLS) Stupid class. And he's kinda an asshole. But whatever.

Who next...oh yeah. Fucking Reiner. I hate Kramer with all my being. I want him to fall off a cliff and land on a porcupine made of explosives and semen. (That is an ODD mental picture, lemme tell ya.) Let's begin by talking about who he is. Kramer Reiner is an aural skill teacher here. That means he's a teacher for the hardest music subject ever known to man. Can you sight-sing atonal melodies and then transpose them up a tritone? WELL NEITHER CAN I. Or anyone else, for that matter. ("Do fi si ra te fuck fuck sooooo." "Did you make up some of those syllables?" "No, that's in my music, I swear.") He's got an outrageous german accent, and he thinks it's bloody adorable. It's not even CLOSE to attractive. He's just annoying when he speaks. (And everything is 'supa-awesome,' apparently.) Ignoring the physical attributes, what's left is a condensed ball of ass and dick. (As in he likes it in the rear.) He's an asshole, a dick, and all-around douchebag. I walked out of nearly every class feeling like I would never accomplish anything for the rest of my life. He was good at making you feel like that. It got to the point were I refused to practice because I thought I'd never pass no matter what I did. He also tried to teach at a level WAY above the norm. (Think Mt. Everest compared to a termite. A very very small termite.) Basically, we all fail and shit and he's an asshole and I hate him.

As for the rest, my calculus teacher missed more class than I did before the midterm, my computer science prof teaches so slowly I fall asleep every time I go, my english teacher is so forgetful I just NOW got a grade for our second paper. Did I mention my lesson teacher is so vague that if you asked him how vague he was he'd say "Probably between a little a lot." Seriously. I got the Retarded Rambling Bastard Brigade all up in my schedule this semester. (The what?) I don't know how I didn't end up killing anyone or breaking anything.

Good news? It's almost OVER. One more forsaken week of hell and bullshit and I get to go home! Know what I'm going to do at home? I'm going to learn what I want, make some money at a job I like, and hang out with people that appreciate me. (No, all of you up here are awesome, I'm talking about my profs again.) So screw this semester, I'm almost free. Peace out.

Blindness

2009-03-23T21:24:00.000-07:00

So, I have a great story. My friend Steven has great stories. This one is stolen from him, cause I'm a heartless genius. Moving on.

There's a blind girl that meanders around campus, going to classes and the like. At least I assume she is. For all I know, she's a blind rapist or serial killer. (Hey, blind people can do ANYTHING. Don't be a jerk.) Anyway, Steven must have been in one of his "I just woke up" zombie trances, cause he ran right into the poor girl. He tried to apologize, but said "Oh sorry, I didn't see you." I appreciate the irony. She apparently thought it to be no big deal, and they parted ways.

Later on in the week or something Steven was headed to his friend's room in one of the large dorms. Being a large dorm, it has an elevator. So, Steven pushes the button and waits for the doors to open. He must have been in another one of those trances, cause he didn't even look up when the doors opened. He walks at the elevator, and *BAM* runs right into the blind chick again. Being the genius he is, Steven realized that if he apologized, she might recognize him as the asshat that ran into her the first time! Thinking quickly, he quietly dives into the corner away from the door and stands motionless, making as little sound as possible. I think he was hoping she'd assume she ran into the door. Anyway, she leaves and all is well. Good story.

DISCUSSION TIME!

I think all blind people have latent ninja powers they hide from the public. Seriously. I haven't tried it, but I bet if you threw a punch at a blind dude, he'd totally do some crazy backflip over you and snap your neck. Really. Or maybe they conceal katanas in their walking canes, and with a flick of their wrist, they unsheathe the blade and slice you into ribbons. Better yet, they probably command the forces of nature, and can summon their flocks of eagles to tear you to pieces. Or something.

Maybe they're really aliens! The power of our sun is such that it renders them sightless, but bestows upon them extrasensory awareness, like telekineses and echolocation rolled into one. Kinda like superman, but without the faggish tights. They're waiting for the perfect moment to destroy our planet's infrastructure from within. Those sneaky bastards. I'd fight them myself were it not for the whole pyschic powers thing.

Maybe they're bashees in training. They're blinded at a young age so they hate everything and scream a lot. And since they're constantly running into stuff, they bitch and scream some more. It's the perfect conditioning. They're taught to hate everything and to want to kill people. Genius.

It's possible they're banding together with the deafies to create pairs of people with super-senses. There's no way you'd be able to take them down. They'd either hear or see you coming from a mile off. If you fused them together in a suit or something, you could make an unstoppable engine of war! Think of the possibilities! We could send them to the future to destroy the terminators. They'd totally win.

I was going to write an apology here to all the blind people that were offended by this, but then I remembered. Peace.

I fail again

2009-02-15T21:53:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry, I have to apologize about my lack of regular updates. I wanted to keep to my schedule but this essay takes precedence. I'm also done with the pre-writing nonsense, if that's any consolation. I'm even writing about the most embarrassing experience of my life! LOTS OF FUN, LEMME TELL YA. Oh well, juicy content = juicy grade, mirite? I hope I'm right! Oh well.

Next couple posts should be interesting. I'll discuss my role in the zombpocalypse, I'll beat the pants of megaman 1, and some pokemon LP action. Should be fun. Maybe you'll get to watch me slowly delve into the realm of insanity as school eats my soul. Ciao, folks.

-Woot

The NES hates me.

2009-02-13T22:01:00.001-08:00

I swear it does. :(

MEGAMAN, SUCK MY BALLS.

2009-02-11T22:53:00.000-08:00

YOUR GAME IS TOO HARD.

I'm too busy trying to beat the damn game without exploiting the bosses' weaknesses. I SUCK at megaman. Like hardcore. I'll post an LP as soon as I can beat it. Fucking jumping robot things.

Idea Void

2009-02-08T20:43:00.001-08:00

So, I think there's a place for every college kid where you just CAN'T get awesome ideas. Y'know, that one place that you're at EVERY day and it sucks? Yeah. That place happens to be my room. I can't think worth shit in here. It literally took me a total of 9 hours to do my calculus homework. I think I've worked out why I can't work in here. Lemme show ya!

So that's my room. Basically. I live in the left half. The half with the shiny new table and the nice speakers. And the large carpet. The NICE half. The fridge in the middle, the TV and the 360 are also mine. I'll stop braggin about my slovenly living space now. You might be thinking, "that's not so bad! I could totally live there!" You're right...you could LIVE there, but you sure as hell can't work there. Lemme elaborate. I'll throw some colored areas in there. Red is attractants, blue is deterrants, k? K.

YEAH. That green X? That's where I work. If it was just one side I had to put up with, I'd be fine. But the red stuff is pulling me while the blue stuff is pushing me out, so I pretty much just do other things. Like leave. Or play video games. Or get on the computer. It's impossible to work in my room. The left half has the AC that always drops my room to -12kajillion degrees or knocks it up to 85+ degrees. It also has my roomies computer, which is just....I hate that thing. His desktop is full of icons, which would be forgivable if he didn't have icons off the side of the screen. It's like desktop blasphemy or something. And I'm afraid of his closet, cause I dunno what's in there. Then we have my half. I have a sweet computer setup, and my bed is right there too. I'm next to the hallway, and I'm friends with nearly the entire hallway, so I hear everything that goes on out there, and it's usually fun. Then my xbox is always screaming "PLAAAAY MEEEE" and I can see it from where I work. It's basically AWFUL. Here's my plan to fix it all.

Hey, it's that or let the zombies into the hallway. And nobody likes to get munched on by zombies. Hmm...I wonder if zombies can do calculus for me.....

It's like a new NGAGE...

2009-02-04T17:13:00.000-08:00

Yeah, we all remember the NGAGE. It was stupid. Only stupid people got them. The internet made fun of these stupid people that wanted to play video games and talk on the phone at the same time. Why? 'CAUSE YOU CAN'T. You'll have to STOP playing the game if you want to talk. It's fairly simple. So...instead of keeping these things separate...you put them together...and made life harder. Good job? Maybe you can give it away as a prize at the special olympics. Now to the point at hand. iPhones.

Yes, this wonderful piece of touch-screen technology is fun to play with, and it has some nice functions. For a phone. Which is what it is. A phone. Used to make phone calls. If you wanna stretch it, we'll call it a type of PDA. It has some organizational functions, and the internet. Cool. Nothing new. But wait...what's that? You want to play games on your phone as well? Well, go right ahead, I don't mind. Play some tetris or some blockbreaker. Those have been made into little time-wasting phone games. What? You want to play a full-fledged game that required countless hours of work on a tiny screen with limited capability? So...you're saying that you don't want to experience anything the game would actually have to offer, right? And you want to be repeatedly interrupted when someone calls you? You also want terrible sound and picture quality? WELL, GOOD. Cause that's what you'll get. Don't be a dumbass. The iPhone isn't a game system. There's no point in developing for it, cause it doesn't have the RAM to handle anything cool. So the only games you'll get will be little crappy side projects from huge companies that don't really care anyway! Awesome! You get to play with the leavings of EA!

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize it had a TOUCH SCREEN. That must make it the optimal platform for games. How could I be so blind? Maybe that's because I own a Nintendo DS. Which is a GAMING system developed around a TOUCH SCREEN. Not a phone with a touch screen developed as a PHONE. Know why the DS is better? It has buttons. Yeah. Like ten of 'em. Along with a stylus and decent sound. Maybe you should just play games on this instead. The best part? When people call you, you can answer your phone, and keep playing your handheld game system, cause they AREN'T THE SAME EFFING THING.

I think I may have made my point. I have both a phone and a DS. I'm perfectly happy. My phone works great as a phone, it doesn't even have a touch screen. I don't need one to call people. I'm not stupid, I can push buttons. I also have a DS. It has a touch screen. It's fun. Some games don't use it, cause it's not necessary. And the best part is I can use both of those things at the same time. And I don't have to worry about getting face on my phone touch screen. Don't be an idiot. Don't play games on your iPhone. Don't be a neo-ngage fag.

It is delicious boxset.

2009-02-03T22:02:00.001-08:00

Yaharr, it arrived last week, and I plan to watch them all this week! I'm so excited! Favorite show EVER. Behold the glory that is my complete Ghost in the Shell Boxset!

And because I'm such a geek, here's me holding the boxset. See? I'm not lying, I really have it!

If you're hankering to watch ghost in the shell for some reason, and don't want to download it, it's possible you could convince me to mail it to you. Possibly. ANYWAY, thanks so much for sending it to me Mako! You're teh best.
-Woot

Lazy Monday Doodling

2009-02-01T00:01:00.000-08:00

Sorry folks, we had some ice days and I got really lazy. Didn't get much done at all this weekend, hence my scramble to finish the essay I'm working on. You can have this doodling I did today when I was bored in class. There will be a normal Wednesday post. Did I mention ESSAYS ARE GHEY? I'm sure I did.

Random Items Galore!

2009-01-28T00:01:00.000-08:00

I've always been a fan of games with random item drops. Usually these are RPGs, but I've seen a few from other genres that implement a random item drop system. Not many games manage to do this well, but there have been some over the years that keep calling me back to play them. And since I'm sure you're all so bored (I mean, you must be...you're reading my blog) I'll give you some recommendations, mkay?

--Diablo II--
You all knew this was going to be on the list. It's the best, it always has been and always will be. The sheer amount of items that drop every time you play is staggering. Hundreds upon hundreds of randomly generated drops. Most of the items are terrible, of course, but frequently you find rare gems and rare equipment that keep you killing monsters for hours on end. The chance that a green might drop off the next boss will make you play the same act over and over again. And when an unidentified item drops, you can't wait to dash back to Deckard Cain to find out what it is. ("Mwehh, I'm old! Show me your items!")

Nearly everything in D2 is randomly generated every time you play, making each play session exciting and new. You'll start playing just to explore a new world and find new enemies and new weapons for countless hours. It's one of the most enjoyable games I've ever played. Except when you get destroyed by fire-breathing assholes in Hell. That kinda sucks. I believe the entire Diablo II battle chest sells for $20-$30 nowadays. That comes with the original game, the expansion, and the game is free online play. If you haven't played Diablo II, you can't call yourself a gamer.

{For more information on Diablo II, check out these links!}
-Diablo II @ gamespot.com
-Diablo II @ IGN.com
-Diablo II @ Wikipedia.org

--Phantasy Star Online--
By far my favorite game of all time, I've been playing PSO for nearly seven years. It was first released for Sega Dreamcast, but I've never played that version. I first got my hands on it once it was released for Gamecube as Phantasy Star Online Episode 1 & 2. The Phantasy Star series currently encompasses at least five consoles, from the NES to the PS2. The Phantasy Start universe has a rich history with well-developed races and enemies. Personally, I think PSO has one of the best game soundtracks as well. But I'm a techno nut, so you shouldn't take my word on that.

Phantasy Star Online has a LARGE item database, and the drops are similar to Diablo II. The main difference is that you have to identify fewer items, and they can last you a lot longer. PSO also has item drops that scale for the four difficulty settings. Once you get to Ultimate, you get some REALLY awesome items. The graphics are not the greatest, and the camera leaves a lot to be desired, but I can say with all certainty that I've sunk more hours into PSO than I have into WoW. And I've put at least 500 hours into WoW. The online servers are no longer supported, but some people have private servers up if you're really persistent about playing online. This is a great game, and totally worth checking out.

{For more info on PSO, check out these links!}
-PSO @ Wikipedia .org
-PSO World

--Monster's Den--
If you aren't one to buy games because some silly blog told you to (hey, I wouldn't.) then I've got a solution. Try out Monster's Den, one of my favorite flash games on the web. The game is a grind-fest that's all about making sure your characters have the best equipment at all times. You'll find yourself going out of the way to clear a floor just in case some sweet loot drops. You replace equipment after nearly every battle, so it's always interesting. The item database is HUGE, with tons of attribute modifiers that any weapon could randomly have. It's a good way to kill some time if you're bored, and if you play on Kongregate, you can even earn achievements! (Add me as a friend if you do!) Give this game a shot!

There are actually two versions of the game, an original and an expanded version. Both are awesome.
-Original @ Kongregate
-Expanded version @ Kongregate

Well, those are the three I can think of right now. I'm kinda sleepy, and fairly lazy since our classes have been cancelled for the past two days due to ice. (Whoo for Texas and its lack of snow tires!) I'll probably update this post with more games later in the week if I remember them. Until then, go play some video games.

HAPPY WINTER-EEN-MAS!
-Woot.

Walkway Blockers

2009-01-25T00:01:00.000-08:00

If you've ever had the misfortune to walk across a college campus on any sort of time restraint, chances are some people got in your way. We call those people walkway blockers. We hate them. Have no idea what I'm talking about? Lemme help you out with that. I've even drawn diagrams!

--GROUP BLOCKADE--
That's right. Those annoying groups of BFFs that can't stand to walk behind each other. They have to walk in a horizontal line, taking up the entire walkway, running innocent bystanders off the path left and right. They are a deadly force, and nearly impossible to navigate around. I've given a foolproof strategy for dealing with such a situation.

-Strategy: Ninja-
If you wish to directly confront the fiends, perform a flying backflip over the enemy line. This will fluster them and cause one or more to die of shock. The group will immediately collapse inward toward the fallen member, allowing freedom of movement along the path for all! SUCCESS!

--The Behemoth--
Known and feared throughout the land...the behemoth is by far the worst of the blockers. Weighing in excess of twelve billion pounds, they block the entire walkway. While it seems that there may be a space to the side, approaching the behemoth may get you eaten. As daunting as this creature is, it's fairly easy to dispose of one.

-Strategy: Munchkin Munching-
That's right. The behemoth will deviate from his path for nothing other than a tasty morsel, and if you're on a crowded campus, ammunition is everywhere. Quickly locate and procure a nearby small rock or child. Fling said object directly into the behemoth, gaining his attention. It may take several attempts to alert the creature, but once its focus is solely on you, grab the smallest pedestrian you can find, and toss them into a nearby tar pit. The behemoth, following its feeding instinct, will waddle off into the tar pit and sink to a gooey demise, freeing the path from its tyranny. SUCCESS!

--The Wanderer--
The most annoying of the blockers is the wanderer. They don't seem to follow a set path or have a goal, but always end up right in front of you. They zigzag around the path, making sure they take up the majority of the walking space at all times. They seem to anticipate your attempts to pass and wander back in front of you just as you're about to go for it. Crafty yet ignorant, it may seem an impossible task to escape these fiends, but I've come up with a simple solution.

--Long Range Bludgeoning--
Yeah, it's fairly simple. You chunk hard things at their head and knock them out. They can't really move while they're unconscious. Success! (And criminal charges!)

I hope that the time you spent here was entertaining and enlightening. And please, stab some walkway blockers for me. Or pelt them with small people. Whatever works.

-Woot.

Mirror's Edge & Xbox Live

2009-01-21T00:01:00.000-08:00

UH OH, I'm covering multiple topics today! You better watch out, I might go off on tangents and we'll end up in Bangladesh carrying Siberian Huskies in backpacks...or something. Whatever. Let's move on!

--Review: Mirror's Edge--
Mirror's Edge is by far one of my favorite games of the last few months. It's captured more of my time than Halo 3, Fable II and Puzzle Quest, which is impressive, to say the least. It's short, fun and fluid, something most games can't list as their attributes. The actual campaign only manages about 8 to 12 hours of gameplay if you're terrible, and a scant 5 to 6 if you're good at it. The speed runs only add up to about three hours, if I'm not mistaken. So yes, it's one of the shortest full games you'll ever play. But those 8 hours are packed with intense tests of button-combination skills and reflexes.

The game doesn't include any puzzles like we're used to, but it does prod you to try interesting ways to reach your destination. In essence, it's an efficiency builder. How can you get to your destination the fastest without dying? (Little hint, it's generally NOT through fighting all the blues. I tried that. While fun, I died a lot.) The game forces you to think faster than the majority of other games I've been playing, which is refreshing. Games nowadays are more geared toward the casual/lazy gamer, and hardcore folks like myself have it WAY too easy. This game gives me the option to make the levels harder if I want, and I have to be quick on the buttons to survive.

Now let's talk about the downsides. Yes, this game has a great number of flaws. Any game that tries something new is bound to have them, and you have to take them with a grain of salt. First up is some of the collision detection. For the most part, it's very impressive, but later in the game it begins to rear its ugly head. You can punch enemies when they're more than two or three feet away from you sometimes, and occasionally an attempted wallrun turns into a *crunch* stories below. Occasionally you'll find yourself mashing the left bumper screaming "Oh god, climb climb climb" because Faith doesn't seem to understand sloped surfaces.

I really would have liked the game to be more open for exploration as well. Many people have been griping about this, and they're right. Each level shows glimpses of this huge wondrous landscape with rooftops that are just out of reach. It's always right when you get a good run going that the game shoves an enclosed space or a cutscene at you, and you can't help but feel let down. For a game about jumping around rooftops and walls and the open city, it's very stifled. They are giving us some new time trial maps later this year, but I don't think that really makes up for it. Ah well, maybe we'll see a sequel called "Runner" where you get to see the day-to-day jobs of a runner that encompasses the whole city. (HINT HINT, EA.)

I highly recommend this game to anyone that doesn't get motion sickness, with a 9/10. Happy running, folks.

--Discussion: XBOX LIVE--
I still believe that purchasing a 360 was one of the best decisions of my gaming career. The system runs beautifully, with hardly any lag or system failures. The new OS is very impressive, and the game library is huge. And to top it all off, they give us Xbox Live, which I rank right above even Steam as an online gaming community. (*gasp* Blasphemy!)

I've downloaded a fair bit of content from Xbox Live since I got my 360, with my purchases totaling around $120. That content includes Live Arcade games and addons for some of my favorite games. You can also use netflix through Live to download movies, but I haven't tried that yet. And Microsoft frequently gives bonuses and sales to members with paid accounts, which is nearly everyone. It's remarkably easy to purchase content and it downloads fairly quickly if you have a decent connection.

I think my favorite part of Live is the online notifications. When one of my friends logs in, I know about it right away, and I have a few immediate options available right from the quick launch menu. When I want to send them a message, it's a matter of a few seconds to type it out or even less time to record a voice clip and send it. The near-instantaneous delivery of these messages is almost more impressive. And the quick one-button invites to a chat party or game is super convenient as well. One of the newest features even lets you know if a friend is playing the same game you are when you start it up. Xbox Live lets you connect with other gamers faster than any other system I've seen, and it's so easy! It's pretty much the best thing since the toaster for sliced bread. I mean really...sliced bread isn't that great. But the toaster...now that's cool.

--News: Halo 3 Recon and Halo Wars--
This is just to let you all know that Halo Wars and Halo 3: Recon are set to launch third quarter of 2009! We all know that Halo marines are badass, but Recon looks to be taking that to a whole new level. You get to play as one of the ODST grunts, no more shields, no super strength, just you and your human spirit. I can't wait to legitimately beat down some Brutes. And Halo Wars will of course be amazing, possibly one of the few RTS games I'll play on a console. Remember to go pre-order, cause these are gonna sell out real quick. I'll see you online, folks.

-Woot.

New site, new content, new schedule!

2009-01-16T21:43:00.001-08:00

So, I'll be updating this here blog now on Sunday and Wednesday of every week! It'll be more focused, and one post will be on video games, with reviews and previews and opinions and such. The other post will cover random stuff I find, discover, hate, or like! I won't blabber about my personal life, cause the internet doesn't care about that stuff. However, the internet LOVES an opinion, especially a negative one, and boy howdy do I have a lot of those! Stay tuned folks, I'll start up on Wednesday of next week! Sayonara!