When my youngest son was about 3 years old, we had spent the evening at the ball park watching my oldest playing baseball. We were walking back to the car when my youngest son said,

“Mom, I’m tired, can you carry me?”

“No, I am tired too and God gave you leg’s, so you could walk.”

“But, Mom, God gave you arms, so you could carry me.”

I carried him — I knew that my arms would only be able to carry him for so long.

As a parent of an adult child, do I have the “right” to tell my child, how to raise theirs?  No!

A grandparent’s role should be one of support – support their child in raising their own child.  I do not have the responsibility of making sure my child does it right and I am so thankful for that!

Do grandparents at times have to help raise or completely raise their grandchildren due to unfortunate situations with their children?  Yes, but this becomes a parent role and sad to say, not one of a grandparent any longer.

My role as a “Grams:”

To give LOTS of Love!

To just enjoy “being” with my grandchildren

To play games, spoil, and allow them to do “special” things at my house that do not break beliefs and values their parents have for raising them.

I will not disregard my children’s wants or desires for their child, just because they are with me and I am Grams.  I want my children to trust me with their children and that I will follow what they have requested of me.

This last one is important to me because when I was a young mom, I knew how I was going to raise my children and I didn’t need anyone telling me how I was doing it wrong!  If I did not want my child to have any sugar until they were 2 (doesn’t matter if they agree with me or not) then it was not their right to give MY child sugar just because they thought it was ok!

I knew instinctively that what was right for one child or one family wasn’t necessarily right for another — including my family and what worked for me!

I know that I sometimes overstep my bounds as a grandparent, but am honest about doing that and letting them know “I know this is none of my business, but…”  Such a passive/aggressive way of getting my .02 cents in I know, but it is something I use sparingly!

I usually offer guidance only when asked and preface it by saying “you might want to try this, or this worked for me.”

I have been around grandparents that constantly tell their children, how to parent their children and it is exhausting, stressful, and I think it damages not only the parent’s relationship with their own child, but trickles down into the relationship with their grandchildren as well, not to mention the damage it does to their children’s marriage.

So, I choose to stick with my Grams role – I want my family to be happy to see me, know I am there when they need me, and not be considered a pain in the “you know where.”

I LOVE BEING A GRAMS!

May all your Dreams come true this year!

I hope that 2009 is your best year yet!

Live BIG, Laugh LOTS!
Debbie

My initial response was, I take responsibility for my life, but then realized that this is deeper than that.  I asked myself, how responsible am I for EVERYTHING in my life?

I am late, due to a slow vehicle or traffic.  If I was 100% responsible, then I am late because I did not allow time for this type of situation.  It is not the vehicle or traffic’s fault.

If I miss a payment on a bill because I didn’t receive the statement, 100% responsibility would mean that I should have either a system in place or should know when each bill is due, so that I could have known it didn’t arrive.  It isn’t the US Post Office’s or the company’s fault that I did not receive the statement.

How much was I blaming others or situations as an excuse not to take responsibility for my life?  Tough question!  Even tougher was the answer.

I realized that every time I did not speak up for what I wanted, thought, or felt that I was not being responsible for my life.

If I didn’t accomplish something, I could make excuses on why, who or what circumstances prevented it from happening – instead of recognizing that it was my responsibility to do whatever was necessary to ensure it did happen.

How much do we as individuals and society NOT take responsibility for our own lives?  How much do we blame the government, companies we work for, our bosses, family members, friends, and co-workers etc. for things in our life, circumstances, etc. that we are exclusively responsible for?

Just something to ponder!

Live BIG, Laugh LOTS!
Debbie

I spend some time reviewing what I didn’t accomplish — why?  Was it because it was not well defined?  Did my path change?  I need to know what happened so I can correct and get back on track or decide if it was not a true goal.

I also spend some time celebrating all that I did accomplish!

Three questions need to be asked and answered:

1.  What is working?

2.  What isn’t working?

3.  What can I change or what do I need to let go of that is not working?

I have spent 2008 doing a lot of learning about me!  What it is I truly want and really defining and getting clear on what that is.  2009 is going to be my year for implementing all that I have learned.  I intend moving fast and putting a lot of things into action.  I am very excited about 2009 — I hope you are too!

I have begun my New Year’s Day ritual a little early this year — shows you how excited I am!  I can’t wait to get started.

In 2008 I attended:

David Neagle’s — Experience the Reality of Success (ERS) www.experiencethereality.com and Ali Brown’s – Online Success Blueprint Workshop.

These both were very insightful and valuable to me.  At ERS, I learned what is holding me back on achieving my goals.  What I need to do differently — it is about being afraid and doing it anyway –getting out of your comfort zone, so that you can grow!  At Ali Brown’s I learned a step by step process (blueprint) for taking any business idea and researching and launching it.

2009 — I have joined a Mastermind Group — http://www.stefaniehartman.com/circle/ with Stefanie Hartman.  I have been looking for a group that is the right fit for me and I believe I have finally found it!

I am really looking forward to meeting the people she has put together, to help them accomplish their goals, get some fresh ideas on accomplishing mine, and working together to hold each other accountable for implementing our plans!

Are you ready for 2009 to be your best year ever?

Live BIG and Laugh LOTS!
Debbie

I put the roast on the barbecue and set the timer for 30 minutes to check it — in the midst of having champagne and visting I didn’t want to forget about it.  Good thing!

The timer went off and I got up to go check our prime rib — hubby, saying “let me know if you need any help.” 

As I opened the back door onto our porch, I immediately noticed smoke and then saw the flames shooting out of the barbecue!  I ran back into the house and yelled “I need help.”  I heard my family chuckle remembering my husband’s last comment.  “NO, I REALLY NEED HELP!”

I didn’t realize as I ran back out on the porch that my house was also on fire!  The flames were so big coming out of the back of the grill that they were hitting the house…my log house!

As the men came running — they started emptying their beer onto the flames, as my husband got the hose! 

Me — I was yelliing — MY PRIME RIB!!!  PLEASE SAVE MY PRIME RIB!  My house is on fire, the flames are so big they are having a hard time getting to the grill and all I can think is “what am I going to serve all these people for dinner!”

The flames were put out and there lay my once beautiful prime rib covered in about an inch of charcoal.  The men in my family are awesome — they cut off the black stuff — we rinse off the meat with beer, put it in a roasting pan, poured in some beer, and finished cooking it!

It was fabulous!  My grandson said it was the best “Log Cabin” meat he had ever eated!

Moral of the story — Yell FIRE, when there is fire, not help — people tend to come to the rescue faster!

Lessons Learned — beer has many uses: puts out fire, marinates, rinses, and can be consumed as a social beverage!

Oh, and my house — just needs about a 3 x 4 foot area replaced — could have been worse, so this really is no big deal!

I hope your Christmas was as enjoyable and as eventful as ours!

“The Passion Test” helped me to really look at all the things I wanted out of my life and helped me to prioritize which ones were the most important to me.  It is a simple and easy method to identifying your passions and creating the life you want.

“The Four Agreements” is about achieving personal freedom and discovering your authentic self.

1.     Be Impeccable With Your Word
Speak with integrity.  Say only what you mean.  Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or  to    gossip about others.  Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
 
2.     Don’t Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you.  What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream.  When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

3.     Don’t Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want.  Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama.  With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4.     Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick.  Under any circumstance, simple do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

Using both of these books helped me to begin the process of figuring out what I wanted and set the criteria for my making decisions.   Were my actions, plans, opportunities taking me towards my passions and what I wanted to create in my life or away from it? 

Was my perception of what I thought others would think holding me back?  Was I trusting my inner voice or worrying about how others were going to accept my choices?  Releasing myself from the judgment of others, as well as myself helped me to move forward with achieving my dreams.

I hope you will read both of these books and give me your insights on what you thought and how they helped you in creating the lifestyle you deserve.

Laugh LOTS and Live BIG!
Debbie

But, then again, I heard of people going back to college in their 40’s, 50’s and even 60’s to pursue their dreams, so maybe time wasn’t a pressure factor after all. 

So, I stopped and wondered how many of us make decisions based on how old we are?  What other people may think of us? Or maybe we what we feel others expectations are of us? 

How many times do we make excuses instead of decisions?

Excuses:
I can’t because I am too old?
I can’t because I do not have the time?
I can’t because I do not have the money?
I can’t because……

What I discovered is these are all excuses! In order to break away from the excuses in my life, I needed to release myself from needing the acceptance of others when what I wanted to do was different, the approval of others that my decisions were right, and the fear of things that were holding me back from accomplishing my dreams. I also needed to learn to trust my inner voice.

What excuses are you holding on to? What dreams do you truly want? What fears and beliefs are holding you back from taking action on them?

More thoughts in Part II of How Do You Make Decisions?

Laugh Lots and Live Big!
Debbie