Feeding the Muse

The Hard Way

2011-12-31T06:43:00.000-08:00

Some things you have to learn the hard way. How to squeeze a dollar from a dime. How to stick up for yourself. How to say you are sorry. So here are things I have learned so far.

1. Don't let anyone make you doubt yourself. Take a closer look at what you've been doing, and if it stands up to scrutiny, ignore those who would just say stuff for spite.

2. Some time you aren't just wrong, you're wrong at the top of your voice.

3. One person is a complainer. Two, three, four or more and maybe you should re-visit your decisions.

4. They don't pay enough to stress me out.

This year I'm starting a new quest to find a better position in my company. I'm going to apply to anything they will let me. Because I've been hanging on by my fingernails for long enough. It's time to let go.

Had to learn that the hard way too.

The Sum of All Things

2011-11-03T15:27:00.000-07:00

There is a limit past which one cannot be pushed. There is a line in the sand. Hitherto shalt thou come, but no further. There is nothing more to learn, no mountain unclimbed, where you simply hold the line and wait for rescue that, most often, never comes.

They will tell you many things. Things you take on faith, things you want to believe. That you would be rewarded, that you had earned your place. Only to have those rewards evaporate and the place go to someone else. Sometimes you feel like you live on a chessboard, and people move you around, but because you cannot see the board, you don't where or why.

I'm tired. I'm tired of alot of things. I'm grateful to have a job at all mostly, but I'm tired.

In the Paint

2011-10-11T13:45:00.000-07:00

It means that you are in the crucial moments. That all your planning and such can only bring you so far and after that, you have to perform. It can be a wedding that you cater, where you walk into an unknown kitchen, blind, and learn to work without a large pot or enough sheet pans. When you are up to elbows in hot soapy water, trying to scrub the upc code stickers off the shot glasses you bought, because some maladjust thought that it would be cool to put stickers on every.damn.glass.

Or it could be a day like any other, you've got kids to feed, paper to chase, yadda yadda. But then you get a monkey wrench in the form of one of your staff calling in sick. And while you may think to yourself, the next time, they had better be calling in dead, you know you don't mean that. And there is no second string. You are the only string on this violin, so you better tune up and play.

You are in the paint, you have to make your presence felt.

Requiem

2011-09-11T06:30:00.001-07:00

We learned not to trust blue skies that day...

There are no words to make the people who were not there understand the fear and confusion of that day. No way to show them the absolute horror of 102 minutes that made you forget your fear of Hell, because you were almost sure Hell was here on Earth. The agony of watching people jump from 80+ floors, wondering how awful it must have been in that building that made them think that quick death was the best choice.

I watch the coverage. I see it every year. It has been a decade since I saw it for the first time. But I can tell you, every year it is just as hard to watch. Every year I cry for those who never went home that night. We have a memorial now...two lovely waterfalls that help us remember the people, the heroes, the courage and the generosity of people who helped people. Even when it cost them their lives.

As if we could ever forget.

Me and My Shadow

2011-09-06T15:40:00.001-07:00

My shadow would be the month of August financials for my unit which will not go away. I try to close the month and get numbers that look like I'm breaking the laws of physics, never mind accounting. So this past month has been dogging me, with start-up issues, useless vendors, and a kitchen that, despite all my best efforts, refuses to get below 90 degrees. I just keep telling myself to focus on the food, breathe and relax, but every time I do that, something else happens. So I'm cooking with one eye open for now, until the pressure gets down to a bearable psi. And if I should happen to drop my guard I know that my shadow has got my six.

Just breathe.

Struck Out- In Which I Have a Birthday

2011-08-28T09:07:00.000-07:00

Well I recently celebrated a birthday, which is always a blast. My husband came home and my parents came to visit for a weekend and then school started back up all at the same time! Craziness ensued. In an effort to have a good ti
me, we decided to go bowling. Now I have a Wii and I b

owl a crazy game on that thing, but I soon discovered that real bowling is a completely different skill set. Apparently a skill set that I do not have. Guess I won't be putting it on my resume.

Also, there was cake. Made by my friend the Divine Mrs. M. It was gorgeous. Also very tasty. And then my friends at school, who are way too sweet to me, got me a lovely ice cream cake, which was also delicious.

So birthday fun was had by all.

Did Elvis Leave the Building?

2011-07-24T10:13:00.000-07:00

Because that must be the reason that I've had nothing to say for 3 months. Not because I haven't done anything, just that I've lacked the inspiration to put it into written words. I've been to New York for a company meeting, learned more about blueberries than I care to know and figured out that is, in fact, impossible to navigate in Manhattan using only an iPhone. It cannot keep up and you will only get yourselves lost again and again. Also, folks in the Bronx do not actually know how to get to LaGuardia. I don't know why.

I've been to Gainesville, GA. If you ever get the chance to go, skip it. And yet I feel like I've only been slogging thru, never really gaining ground. Been spinning my wheels, never doing anything more than get more mud in my tires. The school year is starting soon, and, quel surprise, I'm back where I was. But life is full of these nasty little surprises, you just have to find ways around them. So I know my mojo will come back to me, it always does. Maybe I don't have much enthusiasm but I do have determination. If I'm going to be here another year, I'm going to be successful, regardless of who I have to maim to do it.

Working

2011-04-19T15:16:00.000-07:00

It's 27 work days until the school year is done and over. It hasn't yet been decided by folks who know better than me, where I will be next year. If I'll be in a different place or the same one. Presumably, all signs are pointing toward the change that's gonna come. As for me, I'm ready. I think I've hit the law of diminishing returns where I am, where all that will serve is to maintain the status quo. So I'm slogging through my days, washing dishes and cooking food that I really don't even care for anymore and that the kids are tired of, and we while away the hours.

"it's just me and my machine, for the rest of the morning, and the rest of the afternoon, for the rest of my life..."

Lazy Blogger

2011-03-23T03:14:00.000-07:00

I've neglected you dreadfully, my friends. I apologize and promise to do much better very soon. More tales of courage and temper tantrums, coming soon...

Funny Valentine

2011-02-12T10:27:00.001-08:00

"When you open it to speak, are you smart?" Usually when it comes to meetings, I keep my mouth shut. I am very articulate, but that doesn't always translate to diplomatic. So anything I may say will very likely be used against me later, even if they have to take it out of context to do it. So I stay mute.
It's a strategy that I have adopted after many years in corporate environments. Some good, some that make the Borgias look like a swell family to work for. But occaisonally, I have something to ask. Sometimes, I may even suggest something. Technological savvy is, while not exactly my specialty, is part of my dogma. So when I ask if something is on a Java platform, I'm not expecting the confused looks I get, or when I ask if we're going to put the blog on a feed, I don't expect folks to look at me like I've suddenly turned funny colors. These are smart people I'm in a room with, so I assumed they would be conversant in the details of their presentations. I didn't ask my questions to try to make anyone look dumb, or to confuse anyone. I'm sure, though, that later on down the road, this will come up in some review or whatever, that I'm mouthy and ask complicated questions.

Next time, I'm playing dumb.

Slouching Towards Bethlehem

2011-01-27T16:10:00.000-08:00

Or more aptly, shuffling towards Spring Break. It's that time of year. We're tired of the cold, rainy weather. Holidays are over and there isn't much to look forward to, except March and Spring Break. I'm trying desperately to keep my menus interesting, but it's hard to wait for the spring veggies to arrive. I'm getting tired of doing dishes and I think my hands just might fall off. I dream about a kitchen that isn't held together with duct tape and glue, a budget that actually has something to do with reality and kids that do something other than whine. But it's the midwinter doldrums for us, as we schlep ourselves toward spring.

Brand New Year

2011-01-08T08:32:00.000-08:00

But largely, the same old thing. Cooking for the kiddos, trying to convince them that veggies are not the enemy. Trying to get back into the gym after the evil martian death flu I'm still recovering from. For some reason, I don't think it would be kosher to try to walk on the treadmill and hack up my lungs. Probably wouldn't be very hygenic either. So I'm staying away from group settings until I can breathe and talk semi-normally. Also, need to kick my NyQuil habit. But that's a battle for another time.

I'm not an addict. I can quit anytime I want.

Meanwhile Back on the Ranch

2010-12-20T06:40:00.001-08:00

Yeah sorry about the unscheduled stop in my blogging adventures...Everything kind of went bonkers at the same time and I could barely find time to tie my shoes, much less compose sentences. Work has been chugging right along, with the modification that I am being trained now to do all my own bookkeeping and spreadsheets etc. Its more work, but the good news is that they are going to pay me for it. So that's a plus.
The holiday time is upon us now, and once again, I have failed to make Christmas cookies. But since we know I am not a baker, that really isn't all that surprising. The good news almost all of my shopping is done, all that is left are things that I am doing for others. I am home with my family now and surrounded my all the lovely decorations and music and that is very good.
Some rest is welcome and I plan to enjoy it to the highest. So, in my annual message, get out there, do some good somewhere, help somebody.

Noel.

Fool's Games

2010-10-30T07:53:00.000-07:00

I go to the library for books and internet access. On any given Saturday morning, you can find me here as the doors open, hoping to snag my usual spot, far from the madding crowds. I work on my blog, pay my bills, email, yadda yadda. Of course this morning I forgot is the last day for early voting in my county. Libraries are polling places here, which means that the parking lot, which is already tight, is ridiculous. And I'm being accosted by wackos with fliers wanting me to vote for their candidate or their cause or whatever. Now, political activism is all very well, until you get in my way when I'm trying to do my thing, then, I will run you over in my car and not even flinch. I realize that seems crass, but it's true. Never in my life have I been so disgusted with my own government. Never have I known so much and so little at the same time. My Dad always says I should vote, because otherwise I can't complain, and I always say I will not lend my vote or my strength to that which I wish to be free from. So when the chipper little county commissioner candidate comes bearing down on me, with her big hair and bigger smile, rather than ignoring her like I do most of them, I looked her dead in the eye and said, "No I won't be voting. I have no government. I am at the mercy of thieves and tyrants."

I think she understood me.

The Heat

2010-10-13T12:25:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the delay in posting, but everything decided to happen all at the very same time. You've seen that bumper sticker, "They say to take one day at a time, but lately several have attacked me at once?" That's been me. My one great hope is to get to the gym this week. If I could get 2 days, I would consider myself accomplished.

So, here's what's been going on...I got a little catering job, a brunch for about 15 people, on a Saturday. I thought, hey that's swell, I could use the extra money. Then a day or so later, the owner of where I work says, "Hey, I'm having dinner for about 20, can you cater it?" and it is...wait for it...Saturday night. So I have to get everything together, keep my receipts all seperate, make list after list after list, make an emergency run to Target for ramekins and work a straight 16 hour day. But all was not in vain, everything went well. People came, they ate, they seemed to enjoy it. I washed so many dishes that I thought my hands would fall straight off, but they didn't. I crawled into a hot bath at 1130PM.

This is why I don't do two shows a night, babe, I just won't do it.

Doesn't Fall Far From the Tree

2010-09-20T12:48:00.000-07:00

Maybe you don't realize, but not all apples hail from Washington. North Carolina is big apple country. So last weekend, the Divine Mrs. M (yep, she's back!) and I rode up to Hendersonville to Stepp Orchard to pick some apples. It was warmer than we might have liked, and we probably picked way more apples than we needed, but hey, if we get tired of canning and pies, there's always cake, bread and cookies. :-)

My computer is now deciding it won't load my pictures, won't save them as jpegs and is openly mocking me. I will post pictures soon.

Stay tuned...

Not Fade Away

2010-09-11T07:35:00.000-07:00

I always post something for 9/11. It's such a huge part of my life, not in the sense that I know anyone who died, or survived, but that it is the marker between child and adult for me. One minute I was 21 years old, finishing up my less-than-stellar college career and my biggest worries were where we were going to hang out that weekend and would I find a job once I graduated. At 10:00 AM that morning, those worries ceased to be important. Meg and I came down the stairs just in time to see the first tower fall and we just stared. Our lives altered in that one morning and they've never been the same since.

The History Channel has been running their documentaries all week. I watch some of them, avoid others. There is one thing that sticks out in my mind every year this day comes around. The thing I notice most is this: I have lost faith in my government. My security has been shown to be as spurious as starlight. But I have never lost faith in the people of my country. Every year, I see the evidence, as I watch those towers come down over and over again. Because while everything else was crumbling, these people did not fail. We did not go gently into the night. We ran up the stairs, into the flames, fought for our planes and brought them down. Our government failed us, but we did not fail ourselves. We did not fade away. We were Americans.

And I'm proud of that.

Alpha

2010-09-04T09:48:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile since I've posted but I've been busy. Getting ready for a new school year, turning 30, trying to lose weight, you know, the usual suspects. So while I technically have a great many stories to share, I can tell you that I doubt I will get to them all.
I can tell you that in honor of my 30th birthday, my beloved sister attempted to kill me by dragging me up a cargo net ladder and down a zip line. She did it too, but she waited till I went off the platform first, and when I didn't die, she went. However, in a weird genetic similarity, we both have a lack of coordination that refuses to let us do something like that and land on our feet. So we both landed on our, ahem, posteriors.
In retrospect, though I went over and tried to help her up off the ground, considering she tried to kill me...

I should've kicked her.

Measure for Measure

2010-07-12T13:09:00.000-07:00

Recently, a question was presented to me. Why do we use different measures for liquid and for dry product? Well, the short answer is because they are different things that measure differently. Here's the ugly truth though. Neither one is entirely accurate. In a kitchen, weight is a more accurate measure. Especially with dry goods. But who in the world keeps a scale in their kitchen? Very few.
So here's the skinny: Liquids and dry goods measure differently because they have different masses. So 8 oz is a cup in liquid, but pour it into a dry measure cup and you will come up short; because the dry measure cup has to account for things with more mass than a liquid. Cups vs ounces, but a pint is a pound the world around.
I encourage everyone to try this experiment in their home. Pour a cup of water into a liquid measure, then pour it to a dry measure of the same amount and see what you get. Then do the reverse, with flour or sugar, keep in mind if you use flour you have to level and tap it down. Sugar doesn't have that issue, since it is granulated.

Well that is my kitchen physics lesson of the day.

"Some rise by sin, some by virtue fall" ---Measure for Measure, Shakespeare

The Quiet

2010-06-13T13:32:00.001-07:00

Aaahhhhh...and that's the game, folks.

Farenheit 101

2010-05-13T03:45:00.000-07:00

13 days left in this year. Not that I'm counting. I got another health inspection, and rocked the house with 101 points. Finally beat McDonald's. 2 more weeks of kids getting crazier and crazier until they implode, or I do. Managing my recalcitrant kitchen equipment, threatening and cajoling by turns. Propping everything up for just 2 more weeks.

And this morning, flying ants in my dining hall.

Must be Thursday.

Cuz I'm Awesome

2010-04-30T16:49:00.000-07:00

It's May now and the school year is coming into the home stretch. The kids are squirelly, the teachers are tired, I'm cranky and sore. But since the kids have been mostly good ones most of the year, I gave them a bit of a treat. Since we had curly fries, I went ahead and deep-fried them. I was a god.
One of the teachers asked why I don't deep fry them all the time. I explained that if I didn't care about their health, I would. Frying is easy, fast and doesn't dirty up all my sheet pans. But I do care about what they eat. I can't do anything about their diet at home or anywhere else, so maybe I'm not helping, but the least I can do is not hurt them.
It's like the Hippocratic Oath, "First, do no harm."
So I was revered and celebrated today. Which should make it funny on Monday when they realize there's Super Salads for lunch.

Chef giveth and Chef taketh away.

Charlie Brown

2010-04-26T11:31:00.000-07:00

1. I walked in the door this morning and my freezer was 35 degrees.

2. The ice machine had no ice.

3. The salisbury steak was no good. Had to change the menu.

I have informed my kitchen that if anything else wants to break, do it now while I still have momentum.

Why is everybody always picking on me?

Can You Even Do It?

2010-04-10T08:38:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder if I should have become a chef at all. Sure I like it, but I also like to dance and believe me when I say I can't dance. At all. Just because I like something doesn't mean I should attempt to do it for a living. But I've made my bed, and this week, someone short-sheeted it. Every dumb mistake I could make, I've made.

I tried to roast veggies for sandwiches, didn't set the oven timer and walked off. Needless to say, when I remembered them, they were carbonized shadows of their former selves.

I ordered chicken legs for lunch and they brought me drumsticks. Not the same thing at all. So I sent them back and I had to scramble to find something to feed the first group of kids. Granted this one was not entirely my fault, but a smart chef would have ordered the chicken for the day before. Sometimes I do that, but had no room in the cooler to store it.

You know, I bet I could become a plumber...

First To Go

2010-03-27T11:11:00.001-07:00

They say your memory goes as you get older and I think they may be right. Because last week, I went into work to put a turkey in the oven for the next day. I took the turkey out of the fridge, placed it on the table. Turned on the hood and the oven. Went and did a few things while waiting for the oven to heat. Then I locked the doors and turned out the lights and went home. When I got to work the next morning, what do you think I saw on the table...

The *#^#&* turkey.