FeeFiFoto Blog

Wow - Is It International Polar Bear Day Already? Peculiar February Holidays

2010-02-04T09:00:22-06:00

Making personalized calendars even more personal with the addition of peculiar dates; here are some for February.

FeeFiFoto has been producing personalized photo calendars as a core part of our business since we were established about five years ago. For a long time our designs and features were relatively unchanged, but last year we added a bunch of new templates, a thousand or so pieces of clip art, and the capacity to arrange photos in collages instead of being limited to a single photo per page. We've always had a feature that lets you enter your own family birthdays, anniversaries or special events.

Last year the kids and I designed calendars for our family, and in addition to the usual birthdays and anniversaries, we chose one day each month for a fictitious holiday just to see if anyone was paying attention. January 16 was Talk Like Pirates Day, February 24 was Walk Backwards Day, March 1 was Talk Really Fast Day, August 17 was Snowball Fight Day, and November 2 was Kiss Your Mom Day. We also acknowledged some legitimate holidays and anniversaries, like the Ides of March (March 15), Beethoven's Birthday (December 16) and the anniversary of Paul Revere's Ride (April 18). It was fun and silly.

I can't imagine that the majority of customers who buy personalized photo calendars from FeeFiFoto have my family's ~~twisted~~ ~~warped~~ ~~exotic~~ highly developed sense of humor, but on the outside chance that at least someone out there appreciates a good absurdist* joke, I've compiled a list of some really weird, but apparently true, national and international holidays.

February

Serpent Day
Clark Gable, b. 1901

Purification Day
James Joyce, b. 1882

Carrot Cake Day
Cordova Ice Worm Day

I don't even want to know about this one

Rosa Parks, b. 1913
Thank A Mailman Day
Create A Vacuum Day

I've heard Dysons are really good

National Weatherman's Day
Disaster Day

Could these two be related?

Lame Duck Day
Aaron Burr, b. 1756
Babe Ruth, b. 1895

Charles Dickens Day

Kite Flying Day

Shouldn't this be in April?

Toothache Day

Think I'll pass on this one

Umbrella Day

White Tee-Shirt Day
Don't Cry Over Spilled Milk Day
Thomas Edison, b. 1847

National Plum Pudding Day

Get A Different Name Day
Dream Your Sweet Day
Read To Your Child Day

Ferris Wheel Day
National Heart to Heart Day

National Gum Drop Day

But please, don't drop your gum on the sidewalk

Do A Grouch A Favor Day

But only if he asks nicely

Champion Crab Races Day

Pluto Day
National Battery Day

Umm -- is there a National Assault Day?

National Chocolate Mint Day

You got my attention with this one

Hoodie Hoo Day

Woo hoo -- it's Hoodie Hoo Day!

Card Reading Day

Be Humble Day

The rest of the year, be as conceited as you like

W.E.B. Dubois, b. 1868
Banana Bread Day
International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day

Miss Puppy likes this one

National Tortilla Chip Day

Pistol Patent Day (Samuel Colt)

William Frawley, b. 1887
Buffalo Bill Cody, b. 1846
National Pistachio Day

I like pistachios better than pistols

27
Marian Anderson, b. 1897
International Polar Bear Day

I like polar bears

Public Sleeping Day

I like sleeping

National Surf and Turf Day

Do you commemorate Beethoven's Birthday? And what is an "Ides" anyway?

Visit FeeFiFoto to design really personalized calendars with your own photos and dates.

*SpellCheck tried for Kurdistan

Courage – Do one brave thing today, then run like hell!

2010-02-02T13:35:11-06:00

Courage – Do one brave thing today, then run like hell!

I'm sending this to Robespierre to remind him that, the next time he feels compelled to trash talk a wrestling practice partner, he'd better make darn sure he's stronger and/or faster than his opponent, so he doesn't come home again with a swollen jaw and an ice pack.

The Five Stages Of Valentine Candy

2010-02-02T11:54:15-06:00

When did giving out Valentines in school become such a big deal?

Denial: No, you don't need to attach candy to all your classmates' Valentines. The card is more than enough.
Anger: When I was a kid we just gave out those dinky foldover Valentines and that was enough for us. We didn't need to make a whole federal case out of Valentine's Day.

Bargaining: What if I just get you a big lollipop and we'll forget about candy for everyone else? (see original image here)

Depression: We're going to be in a Depression if we don't stop spending all our money indulging the entire fourth grade

Acceptance: Fine. Go ahead and buy whatever candy you want. I'm tired of arguing. (image here)

How long does it take you to give in?

I've Never

2010-02-01T06:39:00-06:00

Intentionally watched Oprah or reality programming of any kind
Read Catcher in the Rye or anything else by JD Salinger
Broken a bone (chips, yes, but no clean breaks. Did you know you can chip the tip of your finger if you slam it in a door? And that, even years later, your fingertip will twinge when you type? ow)
Smoked anything, snorted anything, popped anything
Seen The Godfather, Titanic, A Christmas Story, Lord of the Rings anything, or The Sixth Sense (although I know someone will shoot his eye out, someone else sees dead people, and another guy should leave the gun but take the cannoli)
Cooked or served ham
Read USA Today, or anything by Stephen King (not that Stephen King writes for USA Today. Does he? I wouldn't know, since I've never read either, see above)
Held a loaded handgun (although I held the very old, unloaded pistol that my aunt found in my grandfather's desk after my grandfather died. It was frozen. We figured that he intended to throw it at burglars)
Worn Birkenstocks* or Crocs (but Uggs keep my feet toasty oasty oasty these days)
Seen Stonehenge in the flesh stone
Eaten an Egg McMuffin*
Prepared my own taxes, or anybody else's (for that matter, I'd feel great pity for anyone who had to depend on me to prepare their taxes)

What have you never?

*Spell Check wanted laughingstocks or bluestockings, crocus, scruggs, scruffiness

In This Economy, Retailers Are Smart To Bargain

2010-01-29T09:38:04-06:00

The dress was adorable -- the last of its kind and on sale for 50% off.

The ladies who work in this store must be screened for the excessive pushiness friendliness and hovering genes, not to mention Ethel Merman loudness and Fran Drescher shrillness. Although it's a challenge, I visit this place occasionally because:

They have nice clothes
Sometimes their nice clothes are on sale
They have a store dog

On this particular day (unfortunately, the dog's day off) I tried on the pink and black tweed Dress That Harked Back to the Days When My Father Forbade Me To Wear Miniskirts, ignored Ethel Drescher's stentorian declaration that my legs were perfect for such a short dress, and contemplated spending 50% off the original price of $XXX,XXX,XXX⁰⁰ (more or less), when

BANG!

I discovered a second price tag showing that the manufacturer believed this dress should cost $100 less than the Little Shop of Shrillness was asking.

This led me to the following questions:

How much charm will it take to persuade Fran Merman to honor the 50% off sale on the lower price?
How in G-d's name did this dress hang on a rack for months with nobody noticing its dueling price tags?
Wouldn't it be easier for Nancy Pelosi to remain standing rather than bouncing up and down as if fire ants were in her lap?
If Ethel-Fran offered to sell me the dress at 50% off the lower original price, should I take it just for the thrill of bargaining?

Here's the answer:

Fran-Ethel's momma didn't raise no fool. And neither did mine.

Have you ever bargained in a retail store?

No Bullies Allowed

2010-01-25T19:24:08-06:00

Ever been the victim of bullying? Ever been a bully-enabler?

Chapter Eight. That's all you need to know: CHAPTER. EIGHT. The rest is prelude and epilogue, and while it might occupy you if you need something to read, you don't need it like you need Chapter 8.

I'm reading Jodee Blanco's Please Stop Laughing At Us... One Survivor's Extraordinary Quest to Prevent School Bullying. Ms. Blanco offers a stirring (although frequently wordy and sometimes garbled) memoir of relentless persecution by classmates beginning in elementary school and enduring all through high school. Her story is gruesome and at times so extreme as to be barely believable, except that we've all seen it, inflicted it or lived it.

Visit Blanco's excellent and attractive web site for information on her program, It's NOT Just Joking Around!, and by all means pick up her new book (I am NOT being compensated in any way for this review. Jodee Blanco doesn't know me from Adam. I feel very strongly about this issue), but if you don't have the inclination, merely bookmark this post because I'm going to give you the quick and dirty intro to her program right now.

Here we go.

"How often are you hanging out by the lockers with your friends when someone who you don't think is cool passes you in the hall? You and your friends look at each other and roll your eyes, perhaps even snicker. I know that you're not trying to be mean,' I explain. "You're just joking around, right?" Heads begin to nod. "Wrong!" I shout. "To that person, it's not just joking around. When you ridicule, bully, exclude, or ignore someone on purpose, treat that person as if you wish they didn't exist, you're damaging them for life," I exclaim."

...

"I thought things would be different [in high school]. There was this girl who let me sit at her table every day as long as I promised not to talk, to her or her friends. Can you imagine how hard that was? ...Then, one afternoon, one of them gets up and tells me that I can't sit there anymore. 'It's not like we hate you or anything,' she says. 'It's just that everybody else does, and we don't need them to start giving us a hard time too.' I begged them to reconsider, explaining that no one else would let me sit at their table. 'Look, Jodee, it's nothing personal.' I then began what would become the most humiliating journey of my life, going from table to table begging people to let me sit with them."

"Eventually I ran out of the cafeteria and into the bathroom and cried," I say. "But if a teacher had gone up to any of those kids and said, 'Hey, you guys, I just saw Jodee weeping in the lavatory, what did you do to her?' they would all have responded, 'We didn't do anything.' And they would have been telling the truth! Bullying isn't just the mean things you do," I say. "It's all the nice things you never do! Letting someone sit alone at lunch pretending not to see how badly that person wishes to be included? Bullying! Letting someone walk to class by themselves afraid to talk to anyone for fear of being rejected? Bullying! Always choosing the same person last whenever dividing into teams for gym or class? Bullying! It's all bullying!"

Recognize yourself in any aspect of this story? I'd be surprised if you didn't unless you were home schooled and even so -- who knows? maybe your mother was a bully.

Bullying is like psychological kudzu: we might never eliminate it, but we can fight like the dickens to control it. Whatever protection we can offer our children and each other will be better than what our parents and teachers offered us (not assigning blame here -- they did what they thought was right), which amounted to: "Ignore them. They're just jealous because you're so smart/talented/pretty/bipedal/straight haired/curly haired/bucktoothed..."

Blanco's most surprising, yet sensible, piece of advice is not to ignore bullies at all:

"Never ignore the bully and walk away. You must look the bully in the eye without any emotion or fear, command him to stop, and then stare him down just long enough to let him know you mean business. Next, begin walking away, and then turn briefly back toward him and say "See you later."... [S]tanding up for yourself nonviolently in the moment abuse occurs is your human right."

Thoughts anyone? If you had to choose a side, which would it be?

NOTE: According to Strollerderby, today marks the beginning of No Name-Calling Week.

Just One More Piece Of Technology For Me To Learn How To Turn On and Off

2010-01-19T14:07:38-06:00

I finally joined the 21^st century.

Hold on.

Okay, I finally joined the 20^th century.

I bought a flat screen TV.

My kids watch TV. I don't. Not that I wouldn't like to. I used to. But there used to be stuff to watch and I used to not have kids in front of whom I'd be embarrassed to watch some of the stuff I watched when I used to watch. Now, although I relish a touch of Schadenfreude (spelling bee word!) as much as the next guy, I feel as if I might burn in hell if I watch parents of sextuplets, or Guidos, or LA tarts, or low ranking celebrities make fools of themselves. Therefore, to set a good example, and because everything on television stinks, and because I fear burning in hell, I don't watch TV.

Except for the occasional rerun of Monty Python and the Holy Grail or Saturday Night Live.

So why did I buy a flat screen TV?

Because it will make me cool. Because it will make my kids cool. Because we just finished a renovation and the 22" tv-in-a-box that's been hanging on the wall for the past 12 years looks dorky. Because the Super Bowl is imminent, and apparently the best time to buy televisions is right before the Super Bowl because the Super Bowl's a guy thing and TVs are a guy thing so there you go.

Do you know how hard it is to buy a television? You used to go to a furniture store and pick up a TV, plug it in at home, set up the TV trays and then spend the rest of the television's lifespan twisting vertical hold knobs and horizontal hold knobs and rabbit ears.

If all else failed you might resort to putting your foot through the picture tube:

You know what it's like to buy a TV now? Here are some of the specifications for the one I just ordered; I've highlighted the specs I understand:

Display Area: 42" (big)
Display Type: LCD
Contrast Ratio: 1000000:1
Dynamic Resolution: 1920 x 1080
Signal Compatibility: 1080p
Input Video Signal: ATSC QAM
NTSC Compatibility: VESA (200 mm X 400 mm)
Screen Refresh Rate: 240Hz
Condition: New (free of fingerprints or bad karma from previous owners)
Features: PC Input
Speakers: 2 (I have 2 ears so this makes sense to me)
Inputs: USB S-Video PC Composite HDMI In Component SD Memory Card Slot IR
Outputs: Analog Audio Digital Audio Out
HDMI Ports: 4
Height (inches): 26.2 (this tall)
Height with Stand (inches): 28.5 (a little bit taller)
Width (inches): 41.7 (this wide)
Depth (inches): 3.7 (this deep)
Depth with Stand (inches): 13 (a little deeper)
Unit Weight: 59.4 lbs. (too heavy for me to lift)

Now, before any of the men in the audience start micromanaging my choice to prove that I made the exact wrong decision, save your ire and allow me to describe my scientific, analytical method for choosing this television:

Consult Consumer Reports to learn the four highest rated brands in the exact size the contractor told me I'd be able to see from anywhere in the house
Consult Upromise to determine which registered retailers carry the selected brands and offer the largest rebate
Narrow down choice to the single brand that's highly rated and sold by more than one Upromise retailer
Choose the retailer with the lowest price and free shipping (yay Super Bowl season!)
Buy
Anticipate delivery and hope that Robespierre can install and connect the television with minimal assistance from me

What would have been your advice for choosing a new television? Not that I'll listen, but feel free to tell me anyway.

Okay, Okay -- I Promise I'll Write Something

2010-01-18T22:12:00-06:00

In the meantime, cuddle up with the Shiba Inu Puppy Cam: Streaming Video by Ustream.TV Our next door neighbor had an escape artist Shiba Inu. That dog was like a cockroach -- she could squeeze through any space large enough to accommodate her head. She'd dart through the fence, over the fence, under the fence, around the fence -- every preposition related to a fence that you could imagine. They spent more time chasing her than anything else. Her luck finally ran out though when she ran out one time too many and into traffic.

These Shiba Inus are too tiny to run away, so enjoy.

Have you been having a tough time writing too?

Wow - My Blog Is Relatively Self Sustaining

2010-01-12T09:22:48-06:00

Apparently some goofballs check in here even if I have nothing to say.

Some of you might have missed me, while others are probably like "Fee who?" I can't blame you since I've been incommunicado so long it's a wonder I remembered how to gain access to my own blog. I promise I'll have something of substance to contribute to the information overload very soon; for now I'll just burden you with my list of excuses for not writing.

I thought my kids would NEVER go back to school, what with a snow day two days after winter break ended, and Robey's school's incomprehensible compulsion to give students EVERY. MONDAY. IN. JANUARY. OFF. It's hard to write or concentrate with kids at home; if you don't believe me, you try it. I'll send you some.
I've been having some work done on our house since mid-December, which has kept me busy inventing games like Endust-and-Pledge Skating to try to stay ahead of the dust.
Robey's Bar Mitzvah is less than six months away so my feet are getting closer to the fire.
I always start a new year by selling old stuff on eBay, starting this year with a vintage, mint condition Hermes silk scarf my mother gave me years ago (shhh -- don't tell her I'm selling it).
I've been helping Cupcake prepare for the spelling bee, studying something like 1800 words from 14 language sources (lederhosen?* gnathonic?* perestroika?)

*Spellcheck wanted leaseholder, spinsterhood, prognathous or pathogenic. Funny -- these are (supposedly) actual dictionary words.

I'm back. I think.

Are you back? Are you sure? How do you know?

My Own Top 12 List: Some Of My Best Posts (In My Opinion) From 2009

2010-01-02T21:23:34-06:00

Recapping some of my favorite posts of 2009, because I'm not Dooce and no one else will do it for me

Because I'm all about laziness stealing ideas recycling, I'm copying Melissa's idea (Rock and Drool) which she copied from Scary Mommy, which she probably copied from me since I possibly had this idea first many years ago before there was even such thing as blogging so I'm calling my lawyer:

A List Of My Favorite Posts From 2009
Which Should Carry Exactly As Much Weight As
When The Waitress Confides Her Favorite Menu Items
But It's My Blog So If You Don't Like It Get Your Own Blog

January: My Trip to the Super Bowl, in which I see a halftime show consisting of the finals of the Punt, Pass and Kick competition, and discover that idiots with no sense of humor can be found anywhere

February: What is it about stories that originally starred Julie Andrews that confuses my daughter?, in which Cupcake thinks she recognizes Aretha Franklin

March: Strangers On a Train, in which a disgustingly hirsute stranger ruins my breakfast

April: Bobama, in which I jump on the bandwagon and admire the First Dog

May: Klutziness and Mud Pies, in which I land in the mud

June: First Day of Summer Vacation, in which we sleep late and spend the day relaxing. Or not.

July: Travel Crises, in which I contemplate the advisability of stuffing corks up my kid's nose

August: Bike Riding Without Tears, in which I teach my kid to ride a bike without my having to break a sweat

September: Cell Phones for Kids, in which my kid gets a cell phone that's cooler than mine

October: Halloween Field Trip to the Pumpkin Farm, in which the mud lands on me

November: Bar Mitzvah Planning and Save the Date Notices, in which I believe myself very clever

December: Book Exchange, in which I again believe myself quite clever