Feigned Sincerity

Defined

2012-01-27T06:36:00.005-06:00

One of the assignments for the composition class I am teaching this semester is a paragraph of definition. One of the topics on the list from which the students could choose was Trust. Here is one paragraph that stood out:

"Trust is not something well-understood, but it is the hinge upon which the Christian life swings, the cable tied to the Anchor that grips the Rock. Trust is not understanding, yet neither is it blind obedience. Trust is knowing Who God is and believing Him. It is forsaking your own attempts to remedy the bleakness and blackness of your own heart and accepting the righteousness of Christ. It is grappling with the wisdom of an Almighty God and at last surrendering to His unknowable omniscience. Trust is a complete relinquishment of your own control and a humble offering of that control to a mighty Savior. It is crushing the ugly, venomous head of worry through the surety of God's promises. It is turning over an aching, shattered heart to he Great Physician and allowing Him to heal. Trust is giving up all human reason, all rationalization, all fleshly intellect, and believing the love of God. Trust is bold defiance to the deceitful wiles of Satan because the Spirit of God dwells within you. Trust is taking the hand of the One whose loving-kindness is better than life and obediently following without reserve because He promises to work all things together for good. In its simplest essence, trust is resting in the Truth."

The Significance of Groundhog Day

2012-01-19T06:38:00.001-06:00

( I wish I could say I first made this observation but alas, I did not... can't seem to be able to track down the original source either. Whoever you are, hearty handshake to you. )

In 2012, both Groundhog Day and the State of the Union address will occur on the same day.

This is an ironic juxtaposition of events.

One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to an insignificantcreature of little intelligence for prognostication.

The other involves a groundhog.

Wordless Wednesday ~ Who Rides the Short Bus Now?

2012-01-18T06:56:00.000-06:00

Wordless Wednesday ~ Daddy Time

2012-01-11T05:26:00.003-06:00

Wordless Wednesday ~ My Guy

2012-01-04T06:23:00.002-06:00

Planning for the New Year: This Year, I Will Remember...

2011-12-30T02:47:00.002-06:00

...that it's not always worth it to stay up late reading or pinning.

...that those I love may not be there when I rethink this list next year.

...that my Munchies don't always think like me, so instead of getting frustrated, I need to simply communicate.

...that Sweetie Hubbie definitely doesn't think like me, so I need to ~~let him know when he's got it wrong~~ simply communicate.

...that ten more minutes in morning prayer will serve far better than ten more minutes of sleep.

...that while I love my Munchies so much it makes me ache, God loves them more and can protect them more surely than I ever could, so just let Him.

...that good friendships are worth fighting for.

...that I can't succeed in anything unless I prepare to succeed ahead of time.

...that I can't control the moments that Cowboy and Juju Bean will remember, so I need to make each moment count.

...that 2012 will seem to fly by even more quickly than 2011.

Planning for the New Year: Things I WILL ( Finally ) Get Done Around my House in 2012

2011-12-29T02:39:00.001-06:00

Scrub the tile grout on my kitchen floor until it looks new, then seal it.

Scrub the green stuff off the porch where the ginormous bush shades it too much.

Get rid of the ginormous bush on the side of the porch.

Organize the mess that is our storage corner in the basement.

Find out why the windows in Juju's room make that scarry, bpppbbbfffttt sound when the wind blows and FIX IT!

Put in a garden.

Switch Cowboy's and Juju's rooms... painting, decorations, new beds and all.

Paint the living room a less angry shade of brown.

Dust... regularly... and not with a sock on my hand.

Fill in the awkward gappy space on my living room walls.

Fix the screens, well, all of them.

Organize the laundry ~~closet~~ room once and for all.

Stop stressing about the condition of the house I live in and just enjoy living in it.

Wordless Wednesdays ~ What's Cookin' Good Lookin'?

2011-12-28T08:21:00.001-06:00

Planning for the New Year: Things to Do With my Kids in 2012

2011-12-27T02:23:00.001-06:00

go sledding

find animals in the clouds

make mud pies

walk at the lakeshore

write letters/draw pictures and send them to a soldier serving overseas

hear specific answers to specific prayers

create a family time capsule

just go for a long, long ride, and see where we end up

watch the sunset

sing until we're hoarse

let THEM pick supper, let THEM help cook it

go to the zoo

pick flowers and give them to someone who needs them

plant a garden

wash our car (by hand) every week (spring through fall), weather permitting

pick apples... or berries

create memory boxes for them to keep things special to them

have a picnic on a blanket, in a field of tall grass

go on dates (frequently and on purpose) with Cowboy

teach Juju Bean all about Girl Nights

Planning for the New Year: What I'll Be Reading

2011-12-26T01:49:00.006-06:00

Here's a list of books I plan on reading this coming year. I'm just putting it out there to put myself on the spot.

A few of these are books I've read before and know I need to read again, but a few are first-timers. Many of them are books I'll be reading in preparation for the classes I'll be teaching next year.

A lot of them are foreign to me... meaning, the book's existence on this list doesn't mean I recommend anyone else read it. Some of them I know are unrecommendable, but I want to know why. Some of them are on the list because they are books that every librarian or literature teacher should have probably already read at this point in her career, but THIS librarian and literature teacher has not.

And of course, just because a book is NOT on this list doesn't mean I won't read it... I always make room for the occasional... okay, frequent... spontaneous read or recommended read.

And, no, these aren't in any order.

If and when I come across a good one... or one that makes me really mad... I'll letcha know.

The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, Mark Twain

A Child's History of England, Charles Dickens

The Disciplined Life, Richard Taylor

Operation Mincemeat, Ben Macintyre

The Hiding Place, Corrie Ten Boom

The Literature of the Old Testament, Bextor

Devil At My Heels, Louis Zamperini

An Old Fashioned Girl, Louisa May Alcott

Evidence Not Seen, Darlene Deibler Rose

The Catcher in the Rye, J.D. Salinger

Animal Farm, George Orwell

The Seven Laws of Teaching, John Milton Gregory

Teaching to Change Lives, Howard Hendricks

Envoy, Alex Kershaw

The Bell Jar, Sylvia Plath

How to Experience Revival, Charles Finney

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, Betty Smith

Thunderstruck, Erik Larson

What Jane Austen Ate and Charles Dickens Knew, Daniel Poole

Until We Meet Again, Michael Korenblit

Persuasion, Jane Austen

Wordless Wednesday ~ She's Ripe

2011-12-21T06:14:00.001-06:00

Hi, Jesus

2011-12-15T08:40:00.002-06:00

This is what I saw on my drive to work this morning.

Juju and I had already dropped Cowboy off at school and were on our way to get refueled at Dunkin Donuts.

The sunlight falling through the clouds like this always reminds me of my Gramma, my dad's mom, who has been in heaven since I was not too, too much older than Cowboy.

Gramma didn't drive, herself, so she and I spent a lot of my early years sharing the front bench of one passenger van or another. She would ask me what that sign over there said or who that was standing there, or she'd point things out to me that my fuzzy-brained kidness would have missed. Things like hawks perched on light posts or groundhogs chortling along the side of the road or sunlight bursting through clouds.

This she pointed out to me whenever she saw it. And every time, she'd tell me that the sunlight peeking through the clouds like that meant that Jesus and all His angels and all the saints in heaven were looking through the clouds at us.

This profound observation never failed to make me sit up a little straighter, say Yes, Ma'am and No, Sir a little louder, fold my hands in church a little more tightly, because Jesus was watching me today!

It never occurred to me to wonder if maybe He was watching the people in the car in front of us... sometimes, childhood narcissism is a good thing, but that rarely.

So there I was this morning, sitting at the stoplight, wishing there was someone around who would appreciate my sentimental moment.

I figured my dad would be up on a roof somewhere making little chalk circles... not usually the best time to call. I bother my mom way too much for two-minute observations and questions. Sweetie Hubbie would be sleeping by then and would probably just roll his eyes at me anyway. Cowboy was already at school. Sigh.

I glanced in my rearview mirror and saw Juju Bean in her carseat, kicking her feet and singing an indistinguishable tune.

Juju, I said. Look at the sunshine up in the sky! See how it's peeking at us?

Gasp! said Juju. Nunshie!

( Even at this young age of not-quite-two she's realized that sunshine in December in Inbetweenieweenie, IN is something to gasp at. )

When Momma was little, I continued, my Gramma used to say that when the sun peeked at us like that, it meant that Jesus and all the angels and all the Christians in heaven were lookin at us!

Ooohhh, said Juju, sufficiently awed.

She was quiet for few heartbeats, looking up at the clouds.

Then she waved her arm a little at the window, and she whispered, Hi, Jeshush!

I grinned, sickeningly, sentimentally tearing up.

( I know, I know! I think my hard, nutty shell cracked a bit after I had Juju! )

I smiled and added, Hi, Gramma!

Wordless Wednesday ~ Dancing to the Music in Her Head

2011-12-14T06:21:00.001-06:00

Wordless Wednesday ~ My Desk With a View

2011-12-07T10:24:00.000-06:00

Melancholia

2011-12-05T20:52:00.006-06:00

Sweetie Hubbie and I were passing through Ohio on our way to spend Thanksgiving weekend with his family. We stopped for the night at a motel near the interstate that would take us to the two-lane road, that would lead us to the one-lane road, which would leave us at the gravel road, off which his lovely family lives.

Since we arrived at our swanky Super 8 just after dark with one cranky five-year-old and one super-sleepy not-quite-two-year-old, I really didn't pay much attention to my surroundings. I gave a nod and a sigh to that Old Building that I lived and breathed so much of that it's still in me, in pieces. I did wow a bit at how much things had changed. And I smiled at how if I squinted just a little in the dark, nothing had really changed at all.

But the next morning, as we hustled the still cranky five-year-old and the still super-sleepy not-quite-two-year-old out to Nana and Papa's truck for the seven hour drive south, I almost stumbled in the morning gloom when I saw this...

At one time, this was the thing of my childhood dreams. A day playing puttputt on these greens would fulfill my almost every wish. Throw in a strawberry sundae, and I was in bliss.

But now look...

I stood there in the early morning fog and closed my eyes. Doors in my memory opened on each other, and I could see it as it was. Open my eyes, and time had closed the doors once again.

Sweetie Hubbie hollered for me from the truck, and I tore myself away.

We drove away from those memories, the kids sleepy, Sweetie Hubbie craving coffee, and me, lost in thought.

Hours later, driving through southern Ohio and into West Virginia, I still felt that damp cloak of melancholy hanging on my mind. Irritated with myself, I tried to shake it off.

All this over puttputt? What's the matter with you? I chided myself. But later, I realized as I turned over those memories in my mind, it wasn't the place that weighed on me, but the people. The people who were there with me, who created those memories.

I'm thankful for those people and for those memories, good and bad, happy and sad. They made me who I am, good and bad, happy and sad. Melancholy.

Wordless Wednesday ~ Hey, Girlies

2011-11-30T06:38:00.001-06:00

Thankful Thursdays ~ My Minna

2011-11-24T07:14:00.003-06:00

This Thanksgiving, most of all, I'm thankful for the thirty years my Minna loved me, taught me, prayed for me, cared for me.

My relationship with my grandma evolved over those thirty years. Just like her name.

When I was little, I was taught ~ and dutifully obeyed ~ to call Minna "Grandma S_____." Very formal, very proper, very as it should be.

When my sister's oldest came along, she decided Gram's name was too complicated and began calling her by the one thing she associated with Gram... M&M's. Only in her not quite two garble, the new name came out as Minnaminnamin.

Before long, most of us were calling Gram some form of Minnaminna, at least some of the time. When my munchies came along, I introduced them to my Gramma as Minna.

Over these last five or so years, I haven't been able to spend much time with Minna. I wasn't around to get her mail or clean out her cubbards every six or so months like I used to.

But Minna and I talked as much as possible. She'd ask me how the cutie-patooties (Cowboy and Juju Bean) and the horse's-patootie (Sweetie Hubbie) were doing, and I'd listen as she talked about her walks with friends, talks with her other grandkids, and daily activities.

But I missed her...

This past September, Minna had a stroke. Since that day, she was less and less herself.

I couldn't be there to hold her hand and remind her that her family loved her. And I'm so, so thankful for my Mom and Dad, my Uncle, and my Sis, especially, who were there as often as possible, to be there with her.

It killed me to think of her alone, with strangers, without her chair, her owls, her wig, her dignity.

So a little more than two weeks ago, when Sweetie Hubbie called me to tell me the news my Mom had already told him, I was relieved. Just relieved.

And now, on Thanksgiving Day, on what would have the day after her 90th birthday, I'm just thankful that I had thirty years to know her, to love her, to learn from her, and to laugh with her.

Thank you, Minna.

Wordless Wednesday ~ Cupcakes... nomnomnom

2011-11-23T08:36:00.001-06:00

Wordless Wednesday ~ Give or Take 25 Years

2011-11-16T07:14:00.005-06:00

Thankful Thursdays ~ Inappropriate Timing

2011-11-10T07:14:00.002-06:00

What I'm thankful for this Thankful Thursday is Modern Dentistry.

Last week, a dear friend took me and my wild, dynamic duo out to breakfast. We had a blast. We talked and laughed and sipped coffee and ate and laughed again. Apparently, my mind and mouth got a bit confused as to which one was in charge, and I bit down hard on my fork and took a teeny chunk out of two of my front teeth.

Okay, it wasn't THAT bad, but it FELT that bad.

Needless to say, it totally ruined my day. From that moment on, I was an accident in constant progress. And angry about it, too! I mean, my smile was the ONE THING I had going for me, and now I looked like Maebel in pink converse sneakers at Goodwill.

SO there I was, the first Thursday of November, sitting in my dentist's office, waiting for him to finish drilling an oil well in somebody's mouth, but being totally okay with the wait because he was squeezing my appointment in between the REALLY important ones.

Then the doctor came in. Of course, his swivelly chair is JJUUSSTT behind me so I have to swish my legs on the granny recliner to see him as he says, "So let's see what happened here!"

We go through the rigamarole of looking at my poor, mutilated teeth, then he and his assistant get to work.

The assistant lady gave me the creepy-70's-guy shades to put on so that the super light didn't blind me. They motored the chair back until my head was just slightly below the level of the feet. Nice.

Then for twenty minutes or so, I sat there alternately trying to figure out where I'm supposed to look without making either the dentist or his assistant think I'm trying to bore into their soul with my eyes, where the best place to rest my hands would be, and whether it's better to breathe through my nose and make snarly snot sounds or breath through my mouth and make the dentist's shiny silvery tools all steamy.

I lay there, staring up, and pictured this scene. How would I write this?

'Two heads hover over the patient, concentration creasing the faces of the physicians. The blurpidy-blur, demands the physician to his assistant, holding out his gloved hand. He takes the instrument and taps tentatively on the patient's mangled incisor. He quickly hands it back, saying, More druminnumminum. The smell of burning rubber warms the room as the doctor applies the drumminnumminum to the gaping crack in the patient's tooth. Ehm... er, eh-hem. The doctor surveys the situation, gloved hands poised above the trusting patient. My, she does have some gigantic nostrils, doesn't she, Assistant?'

At this point in my mental narration, I completely lost track of where reality ended and my thoughts began. I burst out laughing. No joke. My longsuffering dentist and his new assistant sprang back as quickly as if I had snapped and snarled at them like a pitbull.

The little roll of cotton that had been keeping my upper lip out of the way slipped out as poor Dr. J muttered, Are we okay? Everything okay?

My turn to sputter. Oh, I'm so sorry. ( snorkle, hahehahohahe, gurgle ) I just had this picture in my head... I mean... well, I kinda tend to think in narration, you know, like 'read' what's going on around me and I um, guess I just thought it was funny, you know, that you all sit here all day working so hard ( gulp ) and just stare down people's noses. ( Swallow hard )

Doctor wheels his chair back to my side, saying good-naturedly that since he's so focused one tooth, he hardly notices anything else.

Next spit break, I tried to dig myself out of the hole again... There was this THING playing in my head and I just kept THINKING of how HILARIOUS I must look sitting there with my feet in the air and my mouth open like a hippo and um, it just made me, er, laugh?

Dr. J took the gersmudgeoner-thingy from the assistant and said to me, Ooo-pen.

I squeezed my eyes shut until he was done.

Now here I am with an even front bite, in need of a new dentist, and indebted to the miracle that is modern dentistry.

Wordless Wednesday ~ Let Us Pray

2011-11-09T04:19:00.004-06:00

Wordless Wednesday ~ Boo!

2011-11-02T04:17:00.001-05:00

Ooollllllddddd

2011-11-01T09:47:00.000-05:00

Cowboy and Sweetie Daddy, a Phone Conversation

Sweetie Daddy: Hello?

Cowboy: Hi, Daddy!

SD: Hi, Cowboy! How are you?

C: Dood. Happy Birfday!

SD: Thank you, Cowboy!

C: How ode are you?

SD: I'm 36 today.

( pppaaauuussseee )

C: Are yoo ode?

SD: Yep, I'm old.

C, aside, to me: Momma, how ode are yoo?

Momma: I'm 30.

C, still to me: Are yoo ode?

M: NO.

C, to SD: Momma's thuddee but she's na ode.

SD: Is that what she said? ( chuckle ) No, she's not old. But I am.

C: Oh. Okay. Are yoo bwingin me donuts?

HAPPY BIRFDAY, SWEETIE DADDY!

You're not that old.

Smell My Feet

2011-10-31T21:07:00.000-05:00

Pre-Treating: I had to force the smiles for this picture.

The overall attitude was, "Tan we PEEZ juss go get my TANDY now?"

And yes, even Sweetie Daddy said it that way.

Post-Treating Grins

Cowboy helped me pass out the rest of the tandy.

Juju was juss vewy, vewy told.

( I know she's mine and I'm not supposed to say stuff like this out loud, but don't you just LOVE those EARS??? )

Pre-Sugar High

Patiently enduring Mommom's picture-taking so that she'll let me have more TANDY.

Or, not so patiently.

Happy Tandy Day, Peoples.

Pumpkin Patch 2011

2011-10-28T04:13:00.005-05:00

We've made a tradition of going to the Pumpkin Patch on the first weekend in October...

I love looking back at each year's pictures...

2007

2008

2009

2010

2011

...give me a minute to wipe my eyes.

Ahem... No, I'm good. 'Sokay...

It's so much fun to see Juju get excited about the same "new" experiences that Cowboy did years before!

They're so much alike, it's scary!

This year Nana and Papa came along to help keep the kids in line....

...all three of them.

I was trying to get them to look at me at the same time but it didn't happen...

...even when Cowboy so helpfully held Juju's head in place.

Juju Bean was tuckered out by the time we got her in the car... thankfully, Cowboy was in Papa's car, so she could enjoy the peace and quiet.

Then we followed up with another tradition we started last year...

...carving our annual Mortimer.

Since Cowboy's a veteran punkin carver, he instructed Sweetie Daddy and Juju on where to begin.

Cowboy wasn't so sure about taking out Mortimer's guts...

...neither was Juju.

But in the end, Mortimer made it back to the front porch where he belongs.

What a happy ending!